Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:03,819
Previously on The Big C...
2
00:00:04,002 --> 00:00:06,835
I've decided to go to the Bahamas
to a friend's art opening.
3
00:00:07,213 --> 00:00:08,202
- I want to go.
- Really?
4
00:00:08,380 --> 00:00:10,257
For my birthday, that's what I want to do.
5
00:00:10,507 --> 00:00:12,065
- Surprise!
- Surprise!
6
00:00:14,428 --> 00:00:16,703
- Hello.
- Lenny! Hi.
7
00:00:16,931 --> 00:00:19,001
You haven't been happy for 20 years?
8
00:00:19,225 --> 00:00:20,260
Is that what I said?
9
00:00:20,435 --> 00:00:22,312
That's basically
the entire time you've known me.
10
00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:24,988
How you doing? Nice to see you.
Fuck you. Suck my dick.
11
00:00:25,231 --> 00:00:27,222
It's me. I'm coming with you.
12
00:01:18,283 --> 00:01:21,639
Slowly... Slowly back up and stop.
13
00:01:22,329 --> 00:01:24,445
Stop! Stop.
14
00:01:24,707 --> 00:01:25,742
You didn't do the one-two-three.
15
00:01:26,333 --> 00:01:28,051
Do you know how many children
are run over every year
16
00:01:28,251 --> 00:01:31,243
because people don't do
their one-two-threes?
17
00:01:31,505 --> 00:01:33,655
They're called "mirrors," Mom.
18
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:35,949
Dad's in two.
19
00:01:39,512 --> 00:01:41,343
- What are you doing?
- Mom's teaching me how to drive.
20
00:01:41,557 --> 00:01:43,752
What the hell? He's 14.
21
00:01:43,976 --> 00:01:45,614
He can't even get his permit for a year.
22
00:01:46,270 --> 00:01:50,229
I'm not allowing him to drive,
I'm teaching him how to drive.
23
00:01:50,524 --> 00:01:54,881
I just thought we'd get it over with,
and I wanted to be the one to teach him.
24
00:01:55,444 --> 00:01:59,039
- You never use your turn signals.
- I know. I'm a real mess, huh?
25
00:01:59,365 --> 00:02:03,483
Okay, you teach him how to drive,
I'll teach him how to run off to the Bahamas.
26
00:02:03,787 --> 00:02:05,664
Oh, wait!
Maybe you should teach him that, too.
27
00:02:05,872 --> 00:02:08,909
Guys, this isn't fun for me.
28
00:02:10,585 --> 00:02:12,974
Sorry, Adam. Sorry, buddy.
29
00:02:13,380 --> 00:02:15,336
Can we please be civil in front of him?
30
00:02:15,674 --> 00:02:17,790
I don't know how to talk to you any more
without blowing up.
31
00:02:19,635 --> 00:02:22,103
I just came to get a suit to wear
to a dinner celebrating my promotion.
32
00:02:22,806 --> 00:02:23,875
You got the promotion?
33
00:02:24,849 --> 00:02:28,444
Paul! Congratulations, that's huge.
34
00:02:30,272 --> 00:02:31,466
Congratulations.
35
00:02:32,273 --> 00:02:33,388
Do you want...
36
00:02:34,817 --> 00:02:35,932
Do you need me to go?
37
00:02:36,861 --> 00:02:39,295
What, so you can suck all the joy
out of that moment for me, too?
38
00:02:39,572 --> 00:02:41,847
Look, see. I can't be nice.
39
00:02:51,959 --> 00:02:52,994
This sucks.
40
00:02:55,004 --> 00:02:56,403
Sorry for the nonmedical language.
41
00:02:56,965 --> 00:02:59,195
If they're only gonna pay
for 70% of my scans,
42
00:02:59,425 --> 00:03:02,303
then I'm thinking maybe
I should only pay 70% of my premiums.
43
00:03:02,553 --> 00:03:05,431
Or we're gonna have to
save the scans for fancy occasions.
44
00:03:05,682 --> 00:03:07,195
You can't be passing those out like mints.
45
00:03:07,392 --> 00:03:09,747
Insurance industry works great
if you never actually get sick.
46
00:03:10,019 --> 00:03:12,169
Well, that ship has sailed.
47
00:03:13,230 --> 00:03:16,188
Have we heard anything
from that clinical trial?
48
00:03:16,441 --> 00:03:18,830
I mean, those babies are free, right?
49
00:03:19,070 --> 00:03:21,061
They are, yeah,
and I'll let you know as soon as I hear.
50
00:03:22,031 --> 00:03:23,749
So when are you proposing to her?
51
00:03:24,408 --> 00:03:25,807
How did you... How did you know?
52
00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:28,435
There's an engagement ring on your laptop.
53
00:03:28,788 --> 00:03:32,019
So either you've just removed it
from someone's colon,
54
00:03:32,291 --> 00:03:34,122
or you're popping the question.
55
00:03:34,335 --> 00:03:36,451
Or you're popping the question
with a ring from someone's colon,
56
00:03:36,671 --> 00:03:37,660
but let's hope not.
57
00:03:38,672 --> 00:03:40,742
I've been thinking about asking Julie.
58
00:03:41,258 --> 00:03:42,452
You know, it's time.
59
00:03:43,802 --> 00:03:46,316
- "Time"?
- We've been together five years.
60
00:03:48,474 --> 00:03:50,192
- What?
- No, I'm sorry.
61
00:03:50,392 --> 00:03:52,667
It just... No, it just sounds odd.
62
00:03:53,729 --> 00:03:55,765
You know, I just...
I picture this egg timer going off
63
00:03:55,981 --> 00:03:57,539
while the two of you are folding laundry.
64
00:03:57,733 --> 00:04:00,645
You suddenly getting on your knee going,
"Honey, it's time."
65
00:04:01,195 --> 00:04:03,504
Well, doesn't sound very romantic
when you say that.
66
00:04:03,822 --> 00:04:07,019
You know what is romantic? The Bahamas.
67
00:04:07,993 --> 00:04:09,790
- Is that where you and Paul went?
- It's where I went.
68
00:04:10,037 --> 00:04:13,188
- Little birthday treat for myself.
- He didn't want to come?
69
00:04:15,041 --> 00:04:17,350
- We're separated.
- Seriously?
70
00:04:20,297 --> 00:04:21,889
So fucking typical.
71
00:04:23,843 --> 00:04:25,276
Things get rough, the guy bails.
72
00:04:26,762 --> 00:04:27,911
How can he sleep at night
73
00:04:28,263 --> 00:04:30,174
knowing he's leaving you
when you're going through this?
74
00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:32,818
- It's complicated.
- No, it's not.
75
00:04:33,059 --> 00:04:35,527
Loving someone through sickness
and in health? Not complicated.
76
00:04:38,231 --> 00:04:40,426
Julie's so gonna say yes.
77
00:04:46,531 --> 00:04:48,999
Is there anything better
than chewable vitamins?
78
00:04:50,494 --> 00:04:56,444
It's like they took everything that's good
in sugar and fruit punch and chalk
79
00:04:56,833 --> 00:05:00,064
and turned it into these miracle little pills.
80
00:05:01,129 --> 00:05:04,087
I found these on the floor after class.
81
00:05:04,549 --> 00:05:10,021
Now, I am no drug expert,
but I know my cartoon pills
82
00:05:10,472 --> 00:05:12,827
and these babies look more like
they would ruin your complexion
83
00:05:13,058 --> 00:05:15,526
and cost your parents a fortune
in bail money.
84
00:05:17,187 --> 00:05:18,745
Anybody want to claim these?
85
00:05:20,565 --> 00:05:22,123
Anybody?
86
00:05:24,402 --> 00:05:28,111
- Andrea, do you know anything about these?
- No, but text me if you find my crack pipe.
87
00:05:28,406 --> 00:05:29,885
I'm jonesing like a motherfucker.
88
00:05:30,325 --> 00:05:31,724
I'm not accusing you of anything.
89
00:05:31,910 --> 00:05:34,299
Then what are you asking me
about drugs for?
90
00:05:34,537 --> 00:05:36,368
Don't you know that racial profiling is rude?
91
00:05:36,664 --> 00:05:38,416
I just thought
you might have heard something.
92
00:05:39,041 --> 00:05:41,350
- Actually, I did hear something.
- Really?
93
00:05:41,670 --> 00:05:44,264
I heard it's none of your damn business.
94
00:05:46,341 --> 00:05:47,296
Hey, Andrea.
95
00:05:50,261 --> 00:05:53,333
- Well, good morning, Ms Jamison.
- Good morning.
96
00:05:53,598 --> 00:05:56,237
Getting a little bold, wouldn't you say?
97
00:05:56,685 --> 00:06:00,519
Just waltzing into my class in front a student
with a brush in your hand.
98
00:06:00,855 --> 00:06:03,449
Well, perhaps the Bahamas
has made me bold.
99
00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:10,638
What are you doing
with Ecstasy on your desk?
100
00:06:10,990 --> 00:06:11,979
I wouldn't take these all at once,
101
00:06:12,158 --> 00:06:13,477
unless you want to spend the rest of your life
102
00:06:13,659 --> 00:06:15,536
feeling like
you're living in a bad Disney movie.
103
00:06:16,121 --> 00:06:18,396
- What does it do?
- You've never taken E before?
104
00:06:19,331 --> 00:06:22,289
- You have?
- How do you think I paint those murals?
105
00:06:24,003 --> 00:06:26,119
Well, what's it like?
106
00:06:26,339 --> 00:06:29,775
Well, it makes you feel euphoric, uninhibited.
107
00:06:30,134 --> 00:06:33,206
They take them at raves,
and people dance all night.
108
00:06:33,596 --> 00:06:35,587
Makes you escape reality for a while.
109
00:06:36,014 --> 00:06:39,768
I was always too afraid to do drugs.
Smoked a little pot, cigarettes.
110
00:06:40,436 --> 00:06:43,030
Yeah, but the hard stuff...
I don't know, I guess I was always too afraid
111
00:06:43,272 --> 00:06:46,025
I'd end up feeling like
I was living in a bad Disney movie.
112
00:06:49,236 --> 00:06:52,353
- Dang it, I can't get it even.
- Well, good. I don't want it to be even.
113
00:06:53,115 --> 00:06:55,868
You know what'd be sick?
If you let me shave it all off.
114
00:06:56,244 --> 00:07:00,715
And give up my just-been-fucked look?
Just trim it and cut anything...
115
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:02,473
- Adam!
...knotted or matted.
116
00:07:02,667 --> 00:07:03,622
I got a movie!
117
00:07:03,792 --> 00:07:05,862
I realised I think we need
more music in our lives,
118
00:07:06,212 --> 00:07:07,565
so I got Xanadu.
119
00:07:10,049 --> 00:07:12,199
Why does my kitchen floor
look like it's going through puberty?
120
00:07:12,468 --> 00:07:13,947
I'm teaching your son to barter,
121
00:07:14,136 --> 00:07:17,367
so he'll understand
how utterly unnatural it is to spend money.
122
00:07:17,848 --> 00:07:20,442
Uncle Sean said he'd let me have this
if I cut his hair.
123
00:07:21,644 --> 00:07:23,714
Little bling for the little man's big night out.
124
00:07:24,772 --> 00:07:26,171
What's big about tonight?
125
00:07:27,149 --> 00:07:31,108
- Just going to a party with Brent.
- What party? It's a Monday.
126
00:07:31,486 --> 00:07:34,319
- Who throws parties on a Monday?
- It's summer.
127
00:07:34,573 --> 00:07:37,371
Well, is it a rave?
People do weird things at raves.
128
00:07:37,618 --> 00:07:40,610
No, there are gonna be adults, Mom.
It's a birthday party for Brent's cousin.
129
00:07:41,038 --> 00:07:43,757
I'll crash at Brent's house. And look,
130
00:07:44,541 --> 00:07:47,931
off your list of three survival meals
I have to make before summer's out,
131
00:07:48,211 --> 00:07:53,046
and one romantic dessert,
I give you chocolate mousse.
132
00:07:55,761 --> 00:07:56,910
Madam.
133
00:08:06,729 --> 00:08:09,038
- You can go.
- Yes!
134
00:08:13,570 --> 00:08:14,559
You're done.
135
00:08:14,821 --> 00:08:18,609
Sorry to barge in on you,
but my freezer's on the blink again
136
00:08:18,908 --> 00:08:21,900
and without my cold Fresca,
I can't eat my dinner.
137
00:08:22,162 --> 00:08:24,153
Eddie always fixed these things.
138
00:08:25,165 --> 00:08:27,599
- Think I could borrow some ice cubes?
- Sure, Marlene.
139
00:08:28,126 --> 00:08:30,321
- Hey, Marlene, how old are you?
- Sean.
140
00:08:31,045 --> 00:08:33,275
Seventy-nine and counting. Why?
141
00:08:33,589 --> 00:08:36,023
I got a buddy of mine around your age
I think you might like.
142
00:08:36,468 --> 00:08:40,746
- You trying to fix me up?
- Well, I could chaperone, if you like.
143
00:08:41,055 --> 00:08:43,364
- I think you and Earl might just hit it off.
- Why?
144
00:08:43,725 --> 00:08:45,955
You think all old people are soul mates?
145
00:08:46,227 --> 00:08:48,900
Hey, if you want to sit around
making ice cubes, be my guest.
146
00:08:49,147 --> 00:08:51,866
Be 79 years old and picky.
Good luck with that.
147
00:08:52,525 --> 00:08:54,561
Fine. Set me up, Cupid.
148
00:08:57,697 --> 00:09:00,086
I got to take this. Excuse me. Hey.
149
00:09:03,620 --> 00:09:05,178
Wait one second.
150
00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:11,225
- Hi.
- Hi, it's Dr Mauer.
151
00:09:11,460 --> 00:09:14,213
No, I know. I have you under capital "C."
152
00:09:15,506 --> 00:09:16,621
That's depressing.
153
00:09:18,134 --> 00:09:19,567
Look, I'm just gonna
rip the Band-Aid off here.
154
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:23,036
The clinical trial is only accepting patients
who have had prior treatment.
155
00:09:25,016 --> 00:09:27,814
I was trying to get into this trial
to get treatment.
156
00:09:28,060 --> 00:09:31,257
So it turns out I have to have had treatment
to get treatment?
157
00:09:33,065 --> 00:09:36,853
- That's a real cancer-22.
- Well, look, every clinical trial's different.
158
00:09:37,153 --> 00:09:40,384
- We'll try for the next one.
- You do that.
159
00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:44,057
Go read an X-ray.
160
00:10:07,599 --> 00:10:09,191
I need an escape.
161
00:10:13,772 --> 00:10:16,969
- So when am I gonna feel it?
- Any minute now.
162
00:10:17,567 --> 00:10:21,526
- There's nothing to be nervous about.
- Except according to the Internet, there is.
163
00:10:21,863 --> 00:10:23,421
I mean, I'm really glad that we're doing this,
164
00:10:23,615 --> 00:10:25,924
but apparently, all that rave dancing
is life-threatening.
165
00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:28,984
No, we could get hypothermia.
166
00:10:29,204 --> 00:10:32,640
Our organs could slowly bake inside of us
till they shut down.
167
00:10:32,916 --> 00:10:35,191
- You're being paranoid.
- The Internet said that would happen, too.
168
00:10:36,295 --> 00:10:41,164
Just don't play any music I can dance to,
especially Abba.
169
00:10:42,550 --> 00:10:45,860
- No, honestly, do not... Do not play Abba.
- Okay.
170
00:10:47,722 --> 00:10:49,838
It would literally give me kidney failure.
171
00:10:50,934 --> 00:10:53,323
You'll be safe, all right?
172
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:55,707
I promise it.
173
00:10:56,982 --> 00:11:00,531
Maybe if the Internet had an English accent,
it wouldn't sound as scary as it does.
174
00:11:05,741 --> 00:11:06,935
Hey, Trevor, thanks for taking us.
175
00:11:07,117 --> 00:11:10,268
I mean, my mom would choke on her tongue
if she knew there were no parents here.
176
00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:12,129
Don't thank my dickhead brother.
177
00:11:12,330 --> 00:11:13,922
I'm washing his car for a month
for driving us.
178
00:11:14,123 --> 00:11:16,114
Yeah, including the rims. Later, ladies.
179
00:11:17,836 --> 00:11:22,307
- Who the fuck let in a couple of freshmen?
- Andrea, what's up?
180
00:11:23,716 --> 00:11:24,751
Cool party, huh?
181
00:11:24,926 --> 00:11:27,884
Yeah, if you're looking for the bouncy castle,
there isn't one.
182
00:11:28,138 --> 00:11:30,368
Shut up.
You're only two years older than me.
183
00:11:30,598 --> 00:11:32,270
Which is why I was invited.
184
00:11:32,767 --> 00:11:35,565
Come on,
I'll show you where all the drinks are.
185
00:11:35,979 --> 00:11:37,537
Maybe we can find a sippy cup.
186
00:11:38,607 --> 00:11:40,086
Where do you think we go?
187
00:11:40,942 --> 00:11:43,251
I mean, when we go, Lenny,
where do you think we go?
188
00:11:43,528 --> 00:11:47,521
I mean, I think that the energy
just stays in the earth, in the air.
189
00:11:47,865 --> 00:11:54,623
Energy, it can't be destroyed,
so I think we become a part of everything.
190
00:11:57,959 --> 00:11:59,153
I think you're absolutely right.
191
00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:03,420
We become a part of everything.
We're everywhere.
192
00:12:03,672 --> 00:12:05,151
- Right.
- I've wrestled with this question,
193
00:12:05,341 --> 00:12:08,014
but, God, now the answer's so obvious.
194
00:12:09,762 --> 00:12:10,797
You're so beautiful.
195
00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,154
- I'm not afraid any more.
- What aren't you afraid of?
196
00:12:15,519 --> 00:12:16,588
Anything.
197
00:12:18,145 --> 00:12:19,180
Death,
198
00:12:20,147 --> 00:12:21,102
sharks.
199
00:12:22,483 --> 00:12:25,953
- Anything.
- Yeah, what about big cats, like lions?
200
00:12:26,236 --> 00:12:27,555
- Nope.
- Nope.
201
00:12:31,408 --> 00:12:32,602
I'm hot.
202
00:12:34,203 --> 00:12:35,158
Are you hot?
203
00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:47,152
Cathy? It's Paul! Got my suit! Forgot my tie!
204
00:12:48,467 --> 00:12:51,504
Maybe I'll get
the one you gave me for our anniversary.
205
00:12:52,346 --> 00:12:55,543
Or maybe I'll shred that one
and get another one.
206
00:13:19,999 --> 00:13:21,990
Everything looks so good.
207
00:13:22,668 --> 00:13:25,387
I'd go for the corn on the cob,
but I didn't bring my good teeth.
208
00:13:25,963 --> 00:13:27,681
And if I'd known
they were gonna bring us all this bread,
209
00:13:27,881 --> 00:13:29,633
I would have brought my big purse.
210
00:13:30,133 --> 00:13:33,443
This is good. I had a feeling
you guys had the same sensibilities.
211
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:36,632
You know what I'd really like to eat?
212
00:13:38,266 --> 00:13:39,221
You.
213
00:13:42,645 --> 00:13:45,796
Easy there, Earl. Start slow.
214
00:13:47,150 --> 00:13:49,664
- I apologise, Marlene.
- Apologise for what?
215
00:13:50,028 --> 00:13:54,738
Hey, I may be 82 years old, but I got a tongue
that can lick the paint off an outhouse.
216
00:14:01,623 --> 00:14:05,855
Sorry, everyone. I was detained at the bar
by a lovely bartender
217
00:14:06,169 --> 00:14:09,764
who understands the definition
of the "generous pour."
218
00:14:11,758 --> 00:14:14,397
- Where's Cathy?
- She couldn't make it.
219
00:14:14,636 --> 00:14:18,072
I just found out that she had
a previous commitment. I'm so sorry.
220
00:14:19,057 --> 00:14:20,251
I'm so sorry she can't join us,
221
00:14:20,432 --> 00:14:22,707
but we'll try not to let it
dampen our celebration.
222
00:14:23,019 --> 00:14:25,738
Now, Paul, Nick,
223
00:14:26,356 --> 00:14:30,713
I am so thrilled to have you as
my new Vice Presidents of Creative Services.
224
00:14:31,069 --> 00:14:32,104
- Congratulations.
- Congratulations.
225
00:14:33,487 --> 00:14:34,920
Well done.
226
00:14:45,125 --> 00:14:47,798
Where's the dude? Dude?
227
00:14:49,337 --> 00:14:50,406
Dude?
228
00:14:51,714 --> 00:14:56,071
I'm so lucky to know you,
and I'm so lucky to have met you.
229
00:14:57,887 --> 00:14:58,876
No.
230
00:14:59,972 --> 00:15:01,963
I feel really lucky,
231
00:15:02,558 --> 00:15:06,392
and I'm beginning to feel for the first time,
finally, that everything's gonna be all right.
232
00:15:07,646 --> 00:15:09,796
- It is gonna be all right.
- Maybe I don't have to...
233
00:15:11,275 --> 00:15:14,028
I don't have to work so hard,
I don't have to worry so much,
234
00:15:14,278 --> 00:15:18,794
I don't even have to raise Adam.
He will be raised by the world.
235
00:15:19,575 --> 00:15:20,803
He'll be okay with the rest of it.
236
00:15:21,076 --> 00:15:24,352
And it's not even...
It's not even what I say, is it?
237
00:15:24,665 --> 00:15:27,133
I just...
I should quit talking to Adam altogether.
238
00:15:27,375 --> 00:15:32,244
I mean, I should exist around him,
so he knows that I'm there,
239
00:15:35,299 --> 00:15:36,698
but no words.
240
00:15:38,969 --> 00:15:39,924
No words.
241
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,556
You want to see my pool hole?
242
00:15:49,271 --> 00:15:52,786
I have an awesome pool hole.
243
00:15:57,446 --> 00:16:00,518
Earl, why don't you tell Marlene
a little bit about yourself?
244
00:16:00,866 --> 00:16:04,575
All right. Marlene, I could tell you
I moved here from Brooklyn,
245
00:16:04,870 --> 00:16:07,259
served in Korea, three brothers.
246
00:16:07,498 --> 00:16:10,376
But the only thing you really have to know
about me is in my pants.
247
00:16:10,625 --> 00:16:12,695
- Oh, my God.
- Is that so?
248
00:16:12,961 --> 00:16:16,237
I've got the biggest pair of nuts
you've ever seen.
249
00:16:16,548 --> 00:16:19,699
Jesus, Earl!
This is not polite dinner conversation.
250
00:16:19,968 --> 00:16:22,721
It's not even bachelor party conversation.
251
00:16:23,013 --> 00:16:24,366
And my dick ain't bad, either,
252
00:16:24,556 --> 00:16:28,071
though it looks smaller against my balls
than it really is.
253
00:16:28,602 --> 00:16:29,717
Optical illusion.
254
00:16:31,813 --> 00:16:34,168
Jeez, would you get that for me,
please, Marlene?
255
00:16:34,399 --> 00:16:36,071
I got it. I got it.
256
00:16:38,695 --> 00:16:41,846
- Jesus Christ, Earl!
- It wasn't meant for you.
257
00:16:42,282 --> 00:16:43,351
It was meant for her.
258
00:16:43,783 --> 00:16:46,502
- Sean, could I speak to you alone?
- What?
259
00:16:51,124 --> 00:16:52,079
Excuse me.
260
00:16:53,168 --> 00:16:55,841
It's okay, ladies, I'm transgender.
261
00:16:56,421 --> 00:16:59,857
It was a horrible doctor.
Don't ask for his number.
262
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,633
I'm so sorry, Marlene.
I've known Earl for a while,
263
00:17:03,887 --> 00:17:06,242
but I guess I've never really been
in a social situation with him.
264
00:17:06,473 --> 00:17:07,747
Stop getting in the way.
265
00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:10,431
- I'm sorry?
- You heard me.
266
00:17:10,852 --> 00:17:14,162
I'm an old woman who doesn't
get a lot of opportunities with men,
267
00:17:14,439 --> 00:17:17,476
especially one so clearly ready for relations.
268
00:17:17,817 --> 00:17:19,535
I didn't agree to come tonight
269
00:17:19,735 --> 00:17:24,047
because I'm looking for someone
to grow old with. I'm already old.
270
00:17:24,366 --> 00:17:29,724
And old people get horny, too,
so quit cock-blocking me.
271
00:17:34,083 --> 00:17:37,314
- Dude, check out this statue.
- Yeah.
272
00:17:37,878 --> 00:17:39,550
She's got some long-ass titties.
273
00:17:40,340 --> 00:17:42,217
Looks like a couple of torpedoes
flew through her back
274
00:17:42,425 --> 00:17:43,574
and got caught in her chest.
275
00:17:43,802 --> 00:17:46,157
She could use those as nunchucks.
276
00:17:48,806 --> 00:17:50,876
Dude, there's this girl upstairs,
and she's really drunk,
277
00:17:51,100 --> 00:17:52,977
and she's fucking any guy
who wants to get laid.
278
00:17:53,186 --> 00:17:54,301
That's pathetic.
279
00:17:54,896 --> 00:17:57,046
- Megan needs a virgin.
- Seriously?
280
00:17:57,273 --> 00:17:58,672
Who wants to pop their cherry?
281
00:17:59,401 --> 00:18:02,837
Who the fuck in here's a lame-ass virgin?
Oh, Adam.
282
00:18:04,989 --> 00:18:08,140
- No, thanks, dude. I'm good.
- What are you, a pussy?
283
00:18:09,869 --> 00:18:13,100
Virgin. Virgin! Virgin!
284
00:18:13,414 --> 00:18:16,292
- Virgin! Virgin! Virgin!
- Virgin! Virgin! Virgin!
285
00:18:16,584 --> 00:18:18,540
- Virgin! Virgin! Virgin...
- Virgin! Virgin! Virgin...
286
00:18:18,753 --> 00:18:19,947
He's not a virgin.
287
00:18:20,546 --> 00:18:22,537
- How would you know?
- Trust me.
288
00:18:22,756 --> 00:18:24,792
- Holy shit.
- You slept with this cow?
289
00:18:26,260 --> 00:18:28,091
What? No. No way.
290
00:18:29,597 --> 00:18:30,791
Fuck you.
291
00:18:35,645 --> 00:18:37,283
Don't mind if I do.
292
00:18:40,733 --> 00:18:43,691
So, Nick, I heard that you and Andy
got a new place in Saint Paul.
293
00:18:43,986 --> 00:18:46,181
We did.
We bought a loft in the Lowry building.
294
00:18:46,488 --> 00:18:48,956
- Nice.
- But that's not our biggest news.
295
00:18:49,533 --> 00:18:52,172
Tonight's kind of a double celebration
for Andy and me.
296
00:18:52,411 --> 00:18:53,810
Of course, there's our promotion.
297
00:18:56,165 --> 00:18:59,396
But last week, Andy and I got married.
298
00:19:00,252 --> 00:19:03,722
Yeah, we drove down to Mason City, lowa,
and we tied the old rainbow knot.
299
00:19:04,048 --> 00:19:06,243
Who would have thought
there'd be a shining example of tolerance,
300
00:19:06,465 --> 00:19:07,978
like, just 200 miles away?
301
00:19:08,176 --> 00:19:09,689
- That's great.
- That's terrific.
302
00:19:10,596 --> 00:19:12,393
- Thank you.
- Congratulations.
303
00:19:13,765 --> 00:19:16,837
You know what I don't get
about gay marriage? Two things.
304
00:19:17,103 --> 00:19:21,301
First of all, ass sex. Support it, support it.
305
00:19:22,023 --> 00:19:24,298
Don't get it.
But what I really don't understand is
306
00:19:24,526 --> 00:19:27,324
why the fuck would you want
to get married in the first place?
307
00:19:27,738 --> 00:19:30,571
Well, to enjoy the same rights
and privileges as all...
308
00:19:30,824 --> 00:19:32,018
And pain and heartache.
309
00:19:32,201 --> 00:19:34,317
Say you're just living together
and things go south.
310
00:19:34,953 --> 00:19:36,352
You wake up one day, and you go,
311
00:19:36,537 --> 00:19:38,687
"You know, this guy's had bad breath
all the time,
312
00:19:38,915 --> 00:19:41,793
"but today his breath is so bad,
I'm gonna end the relationship."
313
00:19:42,044 --> 00:19:42,999
You just walk.
314
00:19:43,295 --> 00:19:47,607
You know, but if you committed a lifetime
to each other and somebody walks,
315
00:19:47,924 --> 00:19:51,553
it's like open-fucking-heart surgery
without the anaesthesia.
316
00:19:51,845 --> 00:19:52,914
Paul, you're drunk.
317
00:19:53,429 --> 00:19:58,662
Nick, ding, ding, ding, ding, you're right.
But this I know. I know this.
318
00:19:59,434 --> 00:20:03,268
Marriage is a suffocating death trap,
and monogamy is a fucking myth.
319
00:20:03,565 --> 00:20:05,999
You know what marriage needs?
To be punched in the balls.
320
00:20:06,234 --> 00:20:07,906
That's what marriage needs,
swift kick in the nuts.
321
00:20:08,151 --> 00:20:09,425
Okay, Paul, that's enough.
322
00:20:09,612 --> 00:20:11,523
Obviously, you and Cathy
have some personal issues.
323
00:20:11,740 --> 00:20:12,934
Fuck you, Simon.
324
00:20:13,116 --> 00:20:15,994
You tell me that's enough
when you find your wife fucking a black guy.
325
00:20:22,250 --> 00:20:25,242
FYI, if you do ever decide
to do that, Danielle,
326
00:20:25,836 --> 00:20:28,304
please have the courtesy to not do it
in your own fucking backyard.
327
00:20:43,896 --> 00:20:46,774
- What the fuck do you want?
- They were just joking.
328
00:20:47,108 --> 00:20:49,064
And what's your excuse, asshole?
329
00:20:49,277 --> 00:20:50,756
Well, they thought we were together
or something.
330
00:20:51,070 --> 00:20:54,540
So what? I'm not good enough
for your scrawny virgin ass?
331
00:20:54,824 --> 00:20:55,813
That's fucked up.
332
00:20:56,075 --> 00:20:58,794
- Jesus! Chill out.
- You know what? Fuck you, Adam.
333
00:20:59,036 --> 00:21:01,789
Fuck you and your whole fucked-up family.
334
00:21:45,708 --> 00:21:49,781
Thanks for coming to get me.
It's crazy in there. Sorry.
335
00:21:51,213 --> 00:21:52,885
So, wait. So I guess I'm in trouble now?
336
00:21:53,215 --> 00:21:56,685
You did the right thing.
Those kids are plastered.
337
00:21:58,095 --> 00:21:59,892
Okay, let's get going.
338
00:22:00,430 --> 00:22:03,740
Wait, so my punishment
is driving myself home?
339
00:22:04,017 --> 00:22:08,454
Look, it's not great that I drove over here
after having a 30-year-old scotch.
340
00:22:09,147 --> 00:22:14,744
Actually, I had five of them,
so that's, like, 150 years of drinks.
341
00:22:15,112 --> 00:22:18,104
And I don't want to endanger your life,
so you drive, buddy.
342
00:22:18,699 --> 00:22:22,453
- I don't want to endanger your life.
- Just don't go over 15 miles per hour,
343
00:22:23,036 --> 00:22:25,231
don't make any left turns,
and stop at anything red.
344
00:22:25,788 --> 00:22:29,098
It's okay, buddy. I'm right here.
Come on, let's go.
345
00:22:54,526 --> 00:22:56,596
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
346
00:22:56,945 --> 00:23:00,699
- What's wrong?
- Adam called me. He never calls me.
347
00:23:00,991 --> 00:23:03,221
He certainly doesn't call me 11 times.
348
00:23:04,494 --> 00:23:07,452
- He needs a ride. Crap!
- Okay, don't panic.
349
00:23:07,705 --> 00:23:10,094
- Don't panic.
- Something's wrong.
350
00:23:10,333 --> 00:23:13,450
- I can feel it.
- Do you want me to come with you?
351
00:23:14,087 --> 00:23:17,045
What? To pick up my son? No.
352
00:23:17,507 --> 00:23:18,986
Right. No, I just want to help.
How can I help?
353
00:23:19,217 --> 00:23:20,775
You can't. You don't.
354
00:23:21,552 --> 00:23:22,507
Got you.
355
00:23:22,803 --> 00:23:24,714
Look, you're not a parent.
356
00:23:27,392 --> 00:23:30,987
Look, Lenny, I like you,
and I love how you make me feel,
357
00:23:31,271 --> 00:23:34,183
but I can't do this.
358
00:23:35,024 --> 00:23:37,743
I'm a mom, and I need to act like one.
359
00:23:39,737 --> 00:23:41,295
I can't do this.
360
00:23:54,460 --> 00:23:56,735
Cathy, it's not Adam. It's Paul.
361
00:24:05,721 --> 00:24:08,519
- Paul?
- He's gonna be fine.
362
00:24:08,766 --> 00:24:11,075
He has seven stitches,
but he's gonna be fine.
363
00:24:11,310 --> 00:24:12,948
A tree, Paul?
364
00:24:13,145 --> 00:24:16,899
- Tell me you didn't get drunk at dinner.
- I had a little bit too much at dinner, yep.
365
00:24:17,191 --> 00:24:18,146
God, Paul.
366
00:24:19,902 --> 00:24:21,654
So I let Adam drive.
367
00:24:23,864 --> 00:24:24,819
You did what?
368
00:24:26,408 --> 00:24:29,002
Are you fucking kidding me?
How could you do that?
369
00:24:30,996 --> 00:24:34,511
- You taught him to drive, didn't you?
- Not allowing him to drive!
370
00:24:36,209 --> 00:24:39,121
Where were you, honey? He tried to call you.
371
00:24:40,589 --> 00:24:43,023
- I couldn't hear the phone.
- Yeah.
372
00:24:46,470 --> 00:24:48,108
Is that because it was up your vagina?
373
00:24:49,849 --> 00:24:53,205
Sorry. That was the big black guy's penis.
374
00:24:56,521 --> 00:24:57,476
I saw you.
375
00:25:02,194 --> 00:25:03,468
In our own fucking house!
376
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:22,835
I'm sorry.
377
00:25:24,883 --> 00:25:26,555
I'm so sorry, Mom.
378
00:25:32,599 --> 00:25:33,748
Me, too.
379
00:25:36,353 --> 00:25:39,106
Jamison. Paul Jamison.
380
00:25:41,024 --> 00:25:41,979
Mr Jamison?
381
00:25:45,153 --> 00:25:48,190
Dr Mauer. Cathy's doctor.
382
00:25:49,491 --> 00:25:51,368
She called me and told me what happened.
383
00:25:51,868 --> 00:25:53,859
I just want to assure you
that the staff down here is excellent.
384
00:25:54,079 --> 00:25:55,194
They'll take good care of your son.
385
00:25:55,998 --> 00:25:57,272
Thank you. Thanks.
386
00:25:59,376 --> 00:26:00,695
Mr Jamison, as a man, I got to say
387
00:26:00,877 --> 00:26:02,913
I think it's really shitty of you
to move out of the house.
388
00:26:04,464 --> 00:26:07,661
- She told you that?
- How can you leave her when she needs you?
389
00:26:09,093 --> 00:26:10,492
Are you fucking kidding me?
390
00:26:12,054 --> 00:26:13,567
Why don't you ask her that?
391
00:26:16,643 --> 00:26:18,998
I have no idea
what the fuck is going on with her.
392
00:26:32,533 --> 00:26:34,489
You're here. You didn't have to come.
393
00:26:35,828 --> 00:26:37,181
He doesn't know you're sick.
394
00:26:39,499 --> 00:26:40,932
You said he knew.
395
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:45,831
I just want to live a little longer
396
00:26:46,047 --> 00:26:48,720
without everything
being about my being sick.
397
00:26:48,966 --> 00:26:52,754
I just want to be happy just a little longer.
398
00:26:53,847 --> 00:26:56,202
Telling Paul I have cancer
will not make me happy.
399
00:26:57,183 --> 00:26:58,582
How do you know?
400
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:25,560
- Paul.
- I want a divorce.
401
00:27:25,610 --> 00:27:30,160
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
32986
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.