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Previously on The Big C...
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You're just like your dad.
3
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Does that mean, you're going to
kick me out of the house then, too?
4
00:00:07,162 --> 00:00:08,368
Call me when you give a shit again.
5
00:00:08,539 --> 00:00:11,349
To tell you the truth,
I haven't told anyone about being sick.
6
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What kind of cancer do you have?
7
00:01:05,936 --> 00:01:07,461
I'm sorry. I don't understand.
8
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The money that I've been depositing
every week for the last 20 years
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into my 401(k)?
10
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I would like to have it.
11
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By cashing out your account
before retirement,
12
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you'll be forfeiting nearly half your money.
It's just not recommended.
13
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- And what is retirement age?
- Sixty-five.
14
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Yeah, I'm gonna need that money.
15
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I was watching Suze Orman this morning.
16
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She was preaching that same old tired
mantra, "Save for a rainy day."
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And I realised it could rain any day,
so I decided to come down here,
18
00:01:38,556 --> 00:01:40,797
get my money, and just spend it.
19
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Just spend it? On what?
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I don't know.
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Also, a little none of your business.
22
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You're sure this is what you want?
23
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Oh, no,
there's very little I'm sure of any more.
24
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So what do you say, shall we do this?
25
00:02:11,719 --> 00:02:14,199
Okay, we'll start the paperwork.
26
00:02:14,430 --> 00:02:16,478
You'll have the money in your account
within the hour.
27
00:02:16,682 --> 00:02:17,808
That's great, Alan, thank you.
28
00:02:22,439 --> 00:02:23,406
There's something wrong with you.
29
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Yes, I know.
30
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That's why I'm doing this.
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- Hey, sweetie, you ready to go?
- One sec.
32
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- How was the job interview?
- I decided not to go today.
33
00:02:44,088 --> 00:02:46,409
Adam, it's called a summer job
because it's summer.
34
00:02:46,758 --> 00:02:49,682
I don't wanna hand out yogurt samples
in the mall for minimum wage.
35
00:02:49,928 --> 00:02:53,819
Oh, you're right. You really should be
focusing on middle management.
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00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:55,639
Where'd you get that?
37
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Dad got it for me.
38
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Ball! Ball! Ball!
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Duck, duck, duck!
40
00:03:02,192 --> 00:03:03,842
What is your dad doing?
41
00:03:04,486 --> 00:03:07,569
Playing rugby. And, no,
he does not know he looks ridiculous.
42
00:03:07,823 --> 00:03:10,224
All right, you are not gonna sit around
and play video games all summer.
43
00:03:10,451 --> 00:03:12,374
Just go wait in the car.
44
00:03:14,789 --> 00:03:17,793
Paul, what are you doing?
You're gonna kill yourself.
45
00:03:18,335 --> 00:03:20,861
Point seven seconds.
It's a new unsupportive record!
46
00:03:21,088 --> 00:03:22,931
Rugby? Why are you doing this?
47
00:03:23,132 --> 00:03:25,055
Because it's fun, and I want to.
48
00:03:25,301 --> 00:03:27,986
You're a 45-year-old man
who bruises like a peach.
49
00:03:28,304 --> 00:03:30,033
You wear a knee brace under your Dockers.
50
00:03:30,223 --> 00:03:32,908
Can't kick me out of the house
and tell me what to do,
51
00:03:33,143 --> 00:03:34,224
so figure it out, Cath.
52
00:03:34,395 --> 00:03:35,760
All right, and this?
53
00:03:35,938 --> 00:03:39,909
If Adam wants a video game,
he can get a job and buy it himself.
54
00:03:40,193 --> 00:03:42,924
Or he could wait until he's 65
and do whatever he wants with his money.
55
00:03:43,154 --> 00:03:44,883
But you are not allowed to be
the popular parent.
56
00:03:45,073 --> 00:03:48,873
Look, I got my son, who I miss, a present.
57
00:03:49,161 --> 00:03:52,324
Okay, I'm sorry if I missed the acceptable
gift chapter in the banned parent handbook.
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00:03:54,667 --> 00:03:57,477
Oh, my God. Is that Rugby Slut?
59
00:03:58,088 --> 00:04:00,375
I think she prefers "Tina" now.
60
00:04:00,591 --> 00:04:04,198
She dated, and I use that term loosely,
the entire rugby team,
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00:04:04,470 --> 00:04:06,040
like, 20 years ago.
62
00:04:06,222 --> 00:04:08,429
And here she is, still at it,
63
00:04:08,641 --> 00:04:10,211
camel toe and all?
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00:04:10,393 --> 00:04:13,442
She's a fan, Cath.
It's not a crime to like something.
65
00:04:13,689 --> 00:04:14,656
You should try it sometime.
66
00:04:18,110 --> 00:04:21,319
Cathy Jamison. Oh, I knew that was you.
67
00:04:21,990 --> 00:04:23,071
It's good to see you.
68
00:04:23,491 --> 00:04:24,936
Wow, you haven't changed a bit.
69
00:04:26,244 --> 00:04:30,568
I wish I could just find that one look
that worked for me and just stick with it.
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00:04:31,959 --> 00:04:34,485
I see you're still supporting the rugby team.
71
00:04:34,963 --> 00:04:37,773
Oh, yeah, what can I say? I love it!
72
00:04:38,633 --> 00:04:41,239
And it's great to see Paulie back at it.
73
00:04:41,595 --> 00:04:42,721
Paulie?
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00:04:43,764 --> 00:04:47,849
Oh, right. Paul. Paulie.
75
00:04:52,107 --> 00:04:54,235
Mom, come on, let's go! Come on!
76
00:04:54,443 --> 00:04:56,172
Hey, how do you like your car?
77
00:04:56,362 --> 00:05:00,606
'Cause I was looking at one of those,
but then my sister said it's a mom car.
78
00:05:02,619 --> 00:05:04,860
But, of course, you're a mom, so...
79
00:05:07,082 --> 00:05:08,686
It's really good to see you, Tina.
80
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:10,123
Hey, you, too.
81
00:05:16,634 --> 00:05:17,715
You're crazy.
82
00:05:18,011 --> 00:05:19,172
Am I?
83
00:05:19,638 --> 00:05:21,447
I'm dying, Marlene.
84
00:05:22,349 --> 00:05:26,240
401(k)'s are for people who get to spend
their retirement money on Alaskan cruises
85
00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:28,204
and taking RV's across the country.
86
00:05:28,397 --> 00:05:30,559
Well, what about me? What do I get?
87
00:05:31,067 --> 00:05:33,718
A hangover from this foo-foo bubbly drink.
88
00:05:34,196 --> 00:05:39,600
Hey, this is a $450 bottle of champagne.
It's the best there is.
89
00:05:40,119 --> 00:05:42,565
I always wanted to know
what expensive champagne tasted like.
90
00:05:43,206 --> 00:05:44,731
Now I do.
91
00:05:44,916 --> 00:05:47,487
I never saw the point in spending money
on stuff that didn't last.
92
00:05:47,878 --> 00:05:50,688
My husband, Eddie,
had a hard-on for tropical fish.
93
00:05:51,048 --> 00:05:53,813
Had a big old tank
and spent damn good money
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00:05:54,051 --> 00:05:56,941
filling it with goofy-looking fish
with fancy names.
95
00:05:57,180 --> 00:05:59,945
Stupid things died about as fast
as he could get them in there.
96
00:06:00,183 --> 00:06:02,185
Well, good for him, I say.
97
00:06:02,394 --> 00:06:06,604
He'd sit in front of that tank
and just smile like some retarded kid.
98
00:06:07,108 --> 00:06:08,075
Don't say "retarded."
99
00:06:09,068 --> 00:06:10,672
Come on, Marlene.
100
00:06:10,945 --> 00:06:14,347
Isn't there anything you've ever wanted
to buy for yourself just because?
101
00:06:14,616 --> 00:06:17,347
- Never much thought about it, I guess.
- Well, you should.
102
00:06:17,703 --> 00:06:18,989
You know what's ironic?
103
00:06:19,163 --> 00:06:21,530
Here I've been this coupon-cutting saver,
104
00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:25,390
and yet I've raised a lazy son
who's never even had a summer job.
105
00:06:25,670 --> 00:06:29,197
Sometimes kids just need
a swift kick in the pants.
106
00:06:29,466 --> 00:06:31,833
Well, I'm running out of time
for kicks in the pants.
107
00:06:32,052 --> 00:06:33,019
And what time we do have,
108
00:06:33,178 --> 00:06:36,944
I'd rather not spend screaming
and slamming doors in each other's faces.
109
00:06:39,018 --> 00:06:40,429
What the hell is that?
110
00:06:42,898 --> 00:06:44,388
It's my RV!
111
00:06:54,661 --> 00:06:55,628
Sean!
112
00:06:56,413 --> 00:06:58,461
Sean, what are you doing here?
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00:06:58,665 --> 00:07:00,508
Recycling your recycling.
114
00:07:01,418 --> 00:07:06,140
By the way, this kind of plastic
doesn't break down, sorry.
115
00:07:06,633 --> 00:07:11,082
Things don't get recycled 'cause
you feel guilty throwing them in the trash.
116
00:07:12,014 --> 00:07:15,097
Oh, my sweet Satan, is this weapon yours?
117
00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:17,592
Yep, I just bought it.
118
00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:20,816
Just walked onto a lot and bought it.
119
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:22,734
I wanted to do something...
120
00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:24,062
How you doing, gas whore?
121
00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:26,159
...Impulsive. Do you understand?
122
00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:28,445
You feeling good about yourself, gas whore?
123
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:31,228
This is the first major purchase
that I have made
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00:07:31,452 --> 00:07:35,059
without consulting Consumer Reports
for three months beforehand
125
00:07:35,332 --> 00:07:38,700
and then agonising that I'd made a mistake
for three months afterwards.
126
00:07:40,963 --> 00:07:42,328
Wait a minute.
127
00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:45,684
Why are you here in my neighbourhood?
128
00:07:45,927 --> 00:07:48,328
You've never recycled my recyclables.
129
00:07:48,763 --> 00:07:52,529
Did you come here to see me?
Are you in need of a sis fix?
130
00:07:52,809 --> 00:07:55,415
Oh, so I came to visit my sister,
so fucking sue me.
131
00:07:55,646 --> 00:07:57,728
Oh, relax. You know I always love to see...
132
00:07:58,482 --> 00:07:59,688
- Oh, God!
- What? What's wrong?
133
00:07:59,859 --> 00:08:01,463
Oh, my tooth's screwed up.
134
00:08:01,861 --> 00:08:03,147
That's not good.
135
00:08:03,572 --> 00:08:04,812
Go to my dentist. I'll pay for it.
136
00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:06,446
No, thank you.
137
00:08:06,742 --> 00:08:08,028
Seriously, Sean, it could be infected.
138
00:08:08,202 --> 00:08:10,045
Oh, it's definitely infected.
139
00:08:10,454 --> 00:08:12,900
- You should smell what I taste.
- Sexy.
140
00:08:13,458 --> 00:08:15,222
I'm sure Daphne wants you to see a dentist.
141
00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:16,985
She doesn't care. We broke up.
142
00:08:17,295 --> 00:08:19,582
She got all weepy on me
and wanted to be exclusive.
143
00:08:19,798 --> 00:08:21,243
But it's cool. It's cool.
144
00:08:21,425 --> 00:08:24,349
Got a couple other fish on the line,
I'm just not ready to throw back.
145
00:08:26,431 --> 00:08:28,672
- Just go to the dentist, Sean.
- No!
146
00:08:28,892 --> 00:08:30,576
I'm not gonna suddenly buy into the system
147
00:08:30,769 --> 00:08:32,897
because I'm experiencing
some minor discomfort.
148
00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:35,331
When the illegal immigrant
who has to choose between
149
00:08:35,524 --> 00:08:38,528
a trip to the doctor and feeding her kids
can go, I'll think about it.
150
00:08:38,778 --> 00:08:40,064
Still scared of the dentist, huh?
151
00:08:40,238 --> 00:08:41,888
I'm not scared, Cathy.
152
00:08:42,448 --> 00:08:44,530
- I'm righteous and indignant.
- Fine,
153
00:08:44,743 --> 00:08:46,507
whatever you need to tell yourself.
154
00:08:48,163 --> 00:08:52,964
Now just step away from the car.
You let me enjoy my frivolous purchase.
155
00:08:53,836 --> 00:08:55,167
I didn't know you knew how to drive a stick.
156
00:08:56,214 --> 00:08:58,615
Stick? Shit.
157
00:09:05,808 --> 00:09:07,094
Learn to drive!
158
00:09:21,826 --> 00:09:25,308
So, what, we're taking our appointments
at Cap'n Red's Lobster Grill now, huh?
159
00:09:25,580 --> 00:09:27,787
I'm sorry. I have a new car,
160
00:09:28,041 --> 00:09:30,487
and this parking lot
is a lot easier to park in than your structure.
161
00:09:30,711 --> 00:09:32,839
And cheaper, I might add.
162
00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:36,748
Let's get you a drink.
163
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:40,386
The house Chardonnay,
it's a little stale but fruity,
164
00:09:40,639 --> 00:09:41,686
if you're into fruity.
165
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:44,859
I can't. I have appointments this afternoon.
166
00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:49,183
How are you feeling? Any pain?
Normal appetite?
167
00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:50,646
Starving!
168
00:09:51,109 --> 00:09:54,318
I brought your latest blood results.
Everything looks stable, so...
169
00:09:54,571 --> 00:09:57,381
You are putting me off my lunch.
170
00:09:57,908 --> 00:10:00,957
You gonna whip out your stethoscope
and listen to my heart, too?
171
00:10:01,871 --> 00:10:03,157
I was gonna, but we can skip it.
172
00:10:03,331 --> 00:10:06,733
Can't we be a little less doctor-patient
173
00:10:07,043 --> 00:10:10,411
and a little more,
"Did you see our server's bangs?"
174
00:10:10,714 --> 00:10:13,001
I mean, come on, give me something juicy.
175
00:10:13,426 --> 00:10:14,837
Did you tell anyone they were dying today?
176
00:10:15,428 --> 00:10:16,395
Did they cry?
177
00:10:17,221 --> 00:10:18,302
That's a little dark, don't you think?
178
00:10:18,473 --> 00:10:19,599
I'm sorry.
179
00:10:20,308 --> 00:10:22,390
It's just that other people's bad news
makes me feel better.
180
00:10:22,602 --> 00:10:24,764
It's called...
181
00:10:26,774 --> 00:10:28,219
Schadenfreude.
182
00:10:30,027 --> 00:10:31,153
Yeah, I would never know that word
183
00:10:31,321 --> 00:10:34,325
if it didn't totally fuck me
on the crosswords last week.
184
00:10:35,784 --> 00:10:37,070
Oh, that's so sad.
185
00:10:37,828 --> 00:10:40,638
That poor lobster
can hardly turn around in that tank.
186
00:10:40,873 --> 00:10:43,353
Given that his next destination
is a boiling pot of water,
187
00:10:43,584 --> 00:10:45,507
- I'd say he's got it pretty good.
- No, but seriously.
188
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:49,486
One day, you're crawling around the
bottom of the ocean, taking life for granted.
189
00:10:49,758 --> 00:10:51,123
The next day you walk into a trap,
190
00:10:51,301 --> 00:10:55,192
and you find yourself in a tiny glass prison
waiting to die.
191
00:10:55,806 --> 00:10:58,047
What kind of crappy luck is that?
192
00:10:58,476 --> 00:10:59,887
- Excuse me!
- Yeah?
193
00:11:00,061 --> 00:11:02,302
How much is the big lobster in the tank?
194
00:11:02,522 --> 00:11:04,286
And before you say anything,
195
00:11:04,608 --> 00:11:08,408
I will give you $200 for him,
but I need him live.
196
00:11:09,238 --> 00:11:11,605
I'm sorry,
but I'm not allowed to sell the lobsters live.
197
00:11:12,158 --> 00:11:13,125
$300.
198
00:11:14,327 --> 00:11:16,136
- I'm sorry, but I can't...
- She's joking.
199
00:11:16,580 --> 00:11:17,627
You're joking, right?
200
00:11:17,873 --> 00:11:18,920
Not so much.
201
00:11:20,125 --> 00:11:23,095
If I can't have my lobster,
then I will drink to forget him.
202
00:11:23,588 --> 00:11:27,957
If you keep this glass full, I will give you $50.
203
00:11:28,635 --> 00:11:29,602
Yes, ma'am.
204
00:11:30,470 --> 00:11:32,154
This is to get your bangs fixed.
205
00:11:35,518 --> 00:11:37,441
Jesus, Cathy,
what are you doing with all that cash?
206
00:11:38,646 --> 00:11:39,613
I don't know.
207
00:11:41,274 --> 00:11:42,560
But the day is young.
208
00:11:54,539 --> 00:11:55,984
Damn it!
209
00:12:06,427 --> 00:12:08,953
Everything the salesman offered, I bought.
210
00:12:09,180 --> 00:12:11,387
You know, heated seats, sure.
211
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:14,171
Navigation system, you bet.
212
00:12:14,395 --> 00:12:18,719
Turbo compressor, I don't even know
what the hell that is, but why not?
213
00:12:21,486 --> 00:12:22,453
What's the "hmm"?
214
00:12:23,655 --> 00:12:25,464
I was just thinking.
215
00:12:26,575 --> 00:12:29,784
It's common for people with terminal illness
to do impulsive things.
216
00:12:30,037 --> 00:12:32,961
Like, I've heard of patients going
gorilla trekking in Africa,
217
00:12:33,249 --> 00:12:36,856
or flying on a suborbital space flight,
or running with the bulls in Pamplona.
218
00:12:37,128 --> 00:12:38,095
Jesus.
219
00:12:38,255 --> 00:12:39,939
Dying people have great ideas.
220
00:12:40,382 --> 00:12:43,192
Please don't go running with the bulls.
221
00:12:43,427 --> 00:12:44,917
All right, you know,
start with something smaller,
222
00:12:45,096 --> 00:12:46,507
like chickens.
223
00:12:48,892 --> 00:12:50,337
You're funny.
224
00:12:51,269 --> 00:12:52,316
So why a convertible?
225
00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:55,107
Amanda Montgomery.
226
00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:57,800
- Who?
- This girl in high school,
227
00:12:57,985 --> 00:13:00,465
she was one of those perfect girls.
228
00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:03,506
She drove a cherry red convertible.
229
00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:05,551
Every morning
when she'd pull into the parking lot,
230
00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:09,112
wearing these
impossibly-hard-to-walk-in clogs,
231
00:13:09,415 --> 00:13:11,895
everything about her seemed effortless.
232
00:13:12,293 --> 00:13:13,533
She had life by the balls, you know?
233
00:13:13,711 --> 00:13:15,315
She knew she was gonna get
whatever she wanted.
234
00:13:16,381 --> 00:13:17,462
And I bought that car
235
00:13:17,674 --> 00:13:21,679
'cause I wanted to know
what it would feel like to be her.
236
00:13:22,721 --> 00:13:24,450
To know that anything was possible.
237
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:25,641
I want more pie.
238
00:13:25,975 --> 00:13:27,181
Where's Bangy?
239
00:13:28,644 --> 00:13:30,533
Oh, shit, I'm late for an appointment.
240
00:13:30,730 --> 00:13:33,381
Well, you're a doctor.
Aren't you always late for appointments?
241
00:13:33,608 --> 00:13:34,734
No, I'm meeting a realtor.
242
00:13:35,611 --> 00:13:37,261
- You're going house hunting?
- Yeah.
243
00:13:38,489 --> 00:13:40,014
I love house hunting.
244
00:13:40,199 --> 00:13:42,725
I mean, it's so... It's so voyeuristic.
Take me with you.
245
00:13:42,952 --> 00:13:44,920
- I don't...
- Look, I will pay you $800.
246
00:13:45,121 --> 00:13:46,611
All right, stop doing that.
247
00:13:46,790 --> 00:13:48,599
So you'll take me for free?
248
00:13:51,295 --> 00:13:52,342
- Yes.
- Yeah!
249
00:13:52,505 --> 00:13:53,631
But just mostly so I can keep an eye on you.
250
00:13:53,798 --> 00:13:56,005
Well, then, here, you drive my new car.
251
00:13:56,217 --> 00:13:57,787
Just pull it around while I pee.
252
00:13:59,137 --> 00:14:01,219
Last chance for a urine sample.
253
00:14:08,397 --> 00:14:09,398
What? Are you...
254
00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:11,094
- Cathy, did you just...
- Go!
255
00:14:11,860 --> 00:14:13,783
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
256
00:14:14,905 --> 00:14:17,112
Hey! Get back here!
257
00:14:23,539 --> 00:14:24,700
Dude, this is so cool.
258
00:14:24,874 --> 00:14:27,559
I read online about this lady who had
an infected tooth and a handgun,
259
00:14:27,794 --> 00:14:29,239
and she shot it out.
260
00:14:29,421 --> 00:14:33,107
You want cool? I once saw a guy amping
on meth cut off his toes
261
00:14:33,384 --> 00:14:34,954
'cause he thought they were eating his feet.
262
00:14:35,303 --> 00:14:36,589
- Dude.
- Yeah.
263
00:14:36,804 --> 00:14:38,408
P.S., buddy, don't do drugs.
264
00:14:39,140 --> 00:14:41,791
Go easy with those pliers, though.
I don't want you fucking up my enamel.
265
00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:43,346
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
266
00:14:43,729 --> 00:14:45,891
This smile gets me a lot of tail.
267
00:14:46,649 --> 00:14:49,255
Since my mom took away my video game,
this is the most fun I've had all day.
268
00:14:49,485 --> 00:14:50,452
All right.
269
00:14:50,611 --> 00:14:51,976
Focus.
270
00:14:52,655 --> 00:14:53,781
Sorry.
271
00:14:57,536 --> 00:14:59,743
- Motherfucking cocksucker!
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
272
00:15:00,456 --> 00:15:02,026
Calm down, please, please, it's okay.
273
00:15:02,208 --> 00:15:05,929
Son of a cunt fucking asslicker!
You just made it fucking worse!
274
00:15:06,546 --> 00:15:09,197
I begged your parents
not to have you circumcised.
275
00:15:09,841 --> 00:15:11,889
Now I wish I'd done it myself!
276
00:15:13,512 --> 00:15:14,957
God damn!
277
00:15:18,977 --> 00:15:22,584
Jesus, can Scarlett O'Hara
come out and play?
278
00:15:22,981 --> 00:15:25,029
All right, it's a little big,
279
00:15:25,609 --> 00:15:26,940
but I'm not gonna be single forever.
280
00:15:27,111 --> 00:15:31,514
And by my projections, I'm hoping to double
the size of my practice in the next 10 years.
281
00:15:32,909 --> 00:15:35,230
The house that cancer built.
282
00:15:35,579 --> 00:15:37,263
Your own little "melahoma."
283
00:15:37,748 --> 00:15:39,750
- That's terrible.
- Thank you.
284
00:15:41,377 --> 00:15:43,106
Dr Mauer, it's good to see you.
285
00:15:43,754 --> 00:15:46,200
- What a beautiful car.
- That's mine.
286
00:15:46,424 --> 00:15:48,028
It's new.
287
00:15:51,054 --> 00:15:52,977
It's a convertible, obviously.
288
00:15:54,391 --> 00:15:55,995
- Vivian, this is...
- Amanda.
289
00:15:56,727 --> 00:15:59,173
- Amanda Montgomery.
- Nice to meet you, Amanda.
290
00:15:59,397 --> 00:16:02,321
This is great. It's always better when
a couple can tour a house together.
291
00:16:02,567 --> 00:16:04,217
- No, we're not...
- Crazy about the lawn.
292
00:16:04,403 --> 00:16:07,452
But we have a landscaper
who can work miracles.
293
00:16:08,699 --> 00:16:09,780
Shall we?
294
00:16:12,495 --> 00:16:14,384
I'm a young doctor's girlfriend.
295
00:16:15,915 --> 00:16:17,883
The house dates back
to the turn of the century.
296
00:16:18,460 --> 00:16:21,145
It was completely remodeled in 2009.
297
00:16:21,422 --> 00:16:23,151
4, 200 square feet.
298
00:16:23,507 --> 00:16:25,032
Five bedrooms.
299
00:16:25,259 --> 00:16:29,344
And not that it's any of my business,
but I hope you two are planning on children.
300
00:16:32,184 --> 00:16:34,312
I think we could have some kids.
301
00:16:34,686 --> 00:16:37,166
There's a game room in the basement,
a wine cellar.
302
00:16:37,398 --> 00:16:39,924
And, Amanda, there is closet space galore.
303
00:16:40,193 --> 00:16:41,479
Lord knows I need it.
304
00:16:41,945 --> 00:16:45,666
Todd is always saying to me
my closets need closets.
305
00:16:46,241 --> 00:16:47,766
She loves her clothes.
306
00:16:48,494 --> 00:16:49,620
Wait till you see the backyard.
307
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:53,442
There is the most gorgeous salt water pool.
Simply stunning.
308
00:16:54,208 --> 00:16:55,778
The dining room.
309
00:16:56,836 --> 00:16:59,203
What sort of medicine
do you practice, Dr Mauer?
310
00:16:59,423 --> 00:17:02,825
He's an oncologist, summa cum laude
University of Michigan.
311
00:17:05,471 --> 00:17:07,678
I saw your diploma in your office.
312
00:17:07,890 --> 00:17:10,257
I also saw that picture of you
and your fraternity brothers.
313
00:17:10,477 --> 00:17:12,718
It's a little gay men's chorus.
314
00:17:13,021 --> 00:17:14,261
Do you work, Amanda?
315
00:17:14,439 --> 00:17:17,886
I used to, but Todd's income allows me
the opportunity
316
00:17:18,152 --> 00:17:20,473
to really focus on my charity work.
317
00:17:20,696 --> 00:17:21,982
What kind of charity do you do?
318
00:17:23,658 --> 00:17:25,228
I have a foundation
319
00:17:25,452 --> 00:17:30,014
that raises money to build schools in Africa
for young women.
320
00:17:30,499 --> 00:17:32,263
- How wonderful.
- It is.
321
00:17:32,877 --> 00:17:34,038
You're gonna love the kitchen.
322
00:17:34,212 --> 00:17:36,579
- Do you like to cook, Amanda?
- She loves it.
323
00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:39,688
You know, Amanda actually spent some time
at Le Cordon Bleu.
324
00:17:44,098 --> 00:17:45,224
Nice.
325
00:17:45,933 --> 00:17:48,823
Viking appliances, granite countertops,
326
00:17:49,437 --> 00:17:52,566
hardwood cherry cabinets
with mahogany finish.
327
00:17:53,692 --> 00:17:55,694
It's beautiful.
328
00:17:56,737 --> 00:18:00,344
Imagine the meals that I could cook
for you in here, Todd.
329
00:18:01,033 --> 00:18:05,755
- Okay.
- Baking, boiling, steaming, poaching.
330
00:18:06,081 --> 00:18:08,288
Everything hot I know you like.
331
00:18:12,254 --> 00:18:15,463
There's a walk-in pantry in here
I think you'd like to see.
332
00:18:16,050 --> 00:18:17,256
Just...
333
00:18:18,845 --> 00:18:20,051
Really?
334
00:18:20,597 --> 00:18:22,201
Yeah. Thank you.
335
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:25,580
Look at that.
336
00:18:26,145 --> 00:18:28,546
Isn't that the most beautiful thing
you've ever seen?
337
00:18:28,773 --> 00:18:30,696
That's a pool you can float in.
338
00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:35,508
When I was a kid, I would lie on my back
for hours in our pool just floating,
339
00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:39,137
just feeling nothing and everything.
340
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:41,469
It's like you were weightless,
341
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:43,653
and time stands still.
342
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,467
That would be nice, wouldn't it?
343
00:18:46,668 --> 00:18:48,591
For time to stand still?
344
00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:55,632
Come on. Let's go.
345
00:18:58,431 --> 00:19:00,195
What's going on here?
346
00:19:00,850 --> 00:19:02,500
I'm looking for this boy's parents.
347
00:19:02,686 --> 00:19:04,768
- They're out. What did he do?
- He got caught trying to shoplift
348
00:19:04,980 --> 00:19:06,266
a video game system from Walmart.
349
00:19:06,690 --> 00:19:08,852
It's his first of fence,
so the store's not pressing charges.
350
00:19:09,068 --> 00:19:10,513
Next time he won't be so lucky.
351
00:19:11,070 --> 00:19:13,391
Thank you, Officer. I'll deal with him.
352
00:19:13,615 --> 00:19:14,980
And you are?
353
00:19:15,492 --> 00:19:16,903
- I'm his grandma.
- Wait, what?
354
00:19:17,077 --> 00:19:18,681
- No, she lives...
- Hey, I'm as embarrassed to say it
355
00:19:18,871 --> 00:19:20,555
as you are to hear it.
356
00:19:21,123 --> 00:19:23,205
Well, it seems like you got this.
357
00:19:25,003 --> 00:19:26,528
WhY'd you say you were my grandma?
358
00:19:26,713 --> 00:19:30,513
I'm saving your mom from having to put up
with her pain-in-the-ass son again.
359
00:19:30,801 --> 00:19:32,007
Wait, wait, so you're not gonna tell her?
360
00:19:32,177 --> 00:19:33,303
- That depends.
- On what?
361
00:19:33,470 --> 00:19:36,201
- On how well you clean my yard.
- Wait. What? Are you blackmailing me?
362
00:19:36,641 --> 00:19:39,963
Call it what you want,
but I expect you at my house every day,
363
00:19:40,228 --> 00:19:41,957
mowing, trimming, painting.
364
00:19:42,188 --> 00:19:44,589
I'll pay you a fair wage,
you'll stay out of trouble.
365
00:19:44,816 --> 00:19:48,502
And maybe you can buy that video game
you thought was important enough to steal.
366
00:19:50,197 --> 00:19:51,244
What if I say no?
367
00:19:51,407 --> 00:19:55,890
Don't make me call the cops back here
and tell them you pushed an old lady.
368
00:19:56,580 --> 00:19:58,309
I'm on to your crap.
369
00:20:24,277 --> 00:20:27,281
And this, of course,
is the fabulous master bedroom,
370
00:20:29,074 --> 00:20:31,759
with another amazing view of the...
371
00:20:35,790 --> 00:20:38,714
Your girlfriend is in the pool
with her clothes on.
372
00:20:45,259 --> 00:20:46,465
Yeah.
373
00:20:46,636 --> 00:20:50,083
Amanda's going through
a bit of a rough time right now.
374
00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:00,580
Way to go, Paulie!
375
00:21:01,194 --> 00:21:03,720
Yeah, nice one, Paulie!
376
00:21:03,947 --> 00:21:05,949
You're a fucking douche bag.
377
00:21:06,742 --> 00:21:08,028
What the hell are you doing here?
378
00:21:08,202 --> 00:21:10,682
What, are we playing on an ancient
Indian burial ground?
379
00:21:10,955 --> 00:21:14,084
Is my jersey made by toddlers in Botswana?
380
00:21:14,792 --> 00:21:17,636
Are there endangered tree frogs
in the AstroTurf, you dick?
381
00:21:17,879 --> 00:21:20,723
Look, I've been repressing
a lot of anger towards you,
382
00:21:20,966 --> 00:21:23,572
and it's giving me haemorrhoids,
so I kind of need to purge.
383
00:21:23,802 --> 00:21:26,453
Now, if at any point you want to hit me,
384
00:21:26,722 --> 00:21:28,850
I get it. We both need catharsis.
385
00:21:29,058 --> 00:21:30,548
Go back to your dumpster, Seanie.
386
00:21:30,727 --> 00:21:34,049
Hey, fuck you, you nine-to-five,
corporate piece of shit.
387
00:21:34,565 --> 00:21:36,693
You fucking waste of oxygen!
388
00:21:37,610 --> 00:21:40,341
Yeah, well, you know,
now you're getting a little out of line.
389
00:21:40,571 --> 00:21:43,620
You want me to shut up? Then hit me, Paulie.
But you won't, will you?
390
00:21:43,867 --> 00:21:45,869
Because you're a fucking coward.
391
00:21:46,161 --> 00:21:49,483
You're more than a coward, really.
You're a complete failure.
392
00:21:49,748 --> 00:21:51,352
You fucked up your marriage, your life.
393
00:21:51,542 --> 00:21:56,184
You turned my vibrant, quirky sister
into a miserably dull, lifeless zombie.
394
00:21:56,714 --> 00:22:01,038
You're a half-ass husband,
a poor excuse for a father, a shitty...
395
00:22:04,098 --> 00:22:07,261
Jeez. It's out. It's out!
396
00:22:08,811 --> 00:22:11,382
It's out! Jesus, sweet relief!
397
00:22:11,815 --> 00:22:13,624
- What are you talking about?
- I've had this infected tooth.
398
00:22:13,817 --> 00:22:15,148
I've been trying like a motherfucker
to get it out,
399
00:22:15,319 --> 00:22:17,526
but the universe was fighting me on it.
400
00:22:17,738 --> 00:22:19,706
But you just got it for me, buddy. Thanks!
401
00:22:20,282 --> 00:22:21,693
You're an asshole.
402
00:22:22,285 --> 00:22:25,653
And no hard feelings.
You should know I didn't mean
403
00:22:25,914 --> 00:22:27,564
68% of the stuff I just said.
404
00:22:28,750 --> 00:22:30,559
You know, I think I swallowed it.
405
00:22:30,753 --> 00:22:34,235
When it passes,
I am making you an awesome tooth necklace.
406
00:22:35,132 --> 00:22:36,258
Paulie!
407
00:22:36,426 --> 00:22:37,393
Paulie!
408
00:22:37,552 --> 00:22:38,599
- Paulie!
- Paulie!
409
00:22:38,762 --> 00:22:41,686
- Paulie!
- Paulie! Paulie! Paulie!
410
00:22:41,932 --> 00:22:43,582
- Paulie! Paulie!
- Freak!
411
00:22:50,233 --> 00:22:52,713
I'm sorry if I screwed anything up for you
back there.
412
00:22:52,944 --> 00:22:56,994
I don't think Vivian was very pleased
that I was floating in her pool.
413
00:22:57,282 --> 00:23:00,047
- I'm sure she's seen stranger things.
- You think?
414
00:23:00,745 --> 00:23:01,746
No.
415
00:23:03,206 --> 00:23:04,935
You're lucky, you know?
416
00:23:05,542 --> 00:23:08,910
I wish I was looking for houses
and starting a new life.
417
00:23:09,921 --> 00:23:11,810
I'm sorry. That was maudlin.
418
00:23:12,549 --> 00:23:15,314
I always get maudlin
when I'm coming off a drunk.
419
00:23:19,265 --> 00:23:20,994
I'm sorry, Cathy.
420
00:23:21,184 --> 00:23:22,424
For what?
421
00:23:23,687 --> 00:23:24,973
I just...
422
00:23:26,357 --> 00:23:28,166
- I feel bad.
- For me?
423
00:23:28,567 --> 00:23:30,376
Don't feel bad for me.
424
00:23:30,570 --> 00:23:31,981
I had a great day.
425
00:23:33,072 --> 00:23:34,403
I don't know. I just...
426
00:23:36,868 --> 00:23:39,155
I shouldn't have more of a future than you.
427
00:23:39,371 --> 00:23:40,861
But I do have a future.
428
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:42,724
His name's Adam.
429
00:23:42,917 --> 00:23:45,682
Unfortunately, he's an asshole right now.
430
00:23:46,087 --> 00:23:47,771
I'm banking on it being a phase.
431
00:23:48,298 --> 00:23:49,538
I think it's a phase.
432
00:23:49,716 --> 00:23:52,799
Don't people change when big things happen
in their lives?
433
00:23:53,512 --> 00:23:54,957
Maybe he'll decide to become a doctor.
434
00:23:56,933 --> 00:23:58,173
That'd be good.
435
00:23:59,477 --> 00:24:00,842
I hope I get to meet him some day.
436
00:24:01,438 --> 00:24:02,849
I'll invite you both to the funeral.
437
00:24:08,070 --> 00:24:09,754
- Here.
- Thank you.
438
00:24:12,241 --> 00:24:13,447
You should buy that house, you know?
439
00:24:13,618 --> 00:24:14,983
- You think?
- Yeah.
440
00:24:15,161 --> 00:24:16,367
Fill it with kids and stuff.
441
00:24:17,205 --> 00:24:18,331
Well,
442
00:24:18,749 --> 00:24:20,035
we'll see what Julie thinks about that.
443
00:24:21,293 --> 00:24:22,704
Who's Julie?
444
00:24:24,005 --> 00:24:25,336
My girlfriend.
445
00:24:27,216 --> 00:24:29,822
How come you didn't tell me you had
a girlfriend when I was your girlfriend?
446
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:01,088
Careful, you damn monkey.
447
00:25:01,296 --> 00:25:02,786
That's fragile.
448
00:25:07,136 --> 00:25:09,867
It is great to see you back
on the field, Paulie.
449
00:25:10,098 --> 00:25:11,862
Thanks. It's great to be back.
450
00:25:12,642 --> 00:25:15,122
It's nice to know that I can still clot.
451
00:25:15,813 --> 00:25:17,577
Way to go, platelets.
452
00:25:19,233 --> 00:25:22,476
I can't believe you got into it
with that crazy guy.
453
00:25:22,779 --> 00:25:27,945
There's always something so primal and sexy
about two men fighting. I don't know.
454
00:25:28,285 --> 00:25:30,492
Well, violence is never the answer
to anything,
455
00:25:30,704 --> 00:25:32,149
unless you win.
456
00:25:34,667 --> 00:25:38,308
So, you gonna join us for beers at O'Reilly's?
457
00:25:40,716 --> 00:25:42,718
Sure. Why not?
458
00:25:43,052 --> 00:25:45,259
Great. I'll save you a seat.
459
00:25:45,763 --> 00:25:47,686
And I will sit there.
460
00:25:49,100 --> 00:25:50,465
.Okay-
.Okay-
461
00:25:50,515 --> 00:25:55,065
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