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1
00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:08,896
both: [grunting, moaning]
2
00:00:08,965 --> 00:00:11,896
[electronic music]
3
00:00:11,965 --> 00:00:14,137
[breathing heavily]
4
00:00:14,206 --> 00:00:16,620
♪ ♪
5
00:00:16,689 --> 00:00:18,068
- I didn't know a guy
with a fanny pack
6
00:00:18,137 --> 00:00:19,620
could do things like that.
7
00:00:19,689 --> 00:00:22,965
- It's a wilderness pack,
and thank you.
8
00:00:23,034 --> 00:00:25,758
- Okay.
Bye.
9
00:00:25,827 --> 00:00:28,758
both: [grunting, moaning]
10
00:00:28,827 --> 00:00:31,413
- [breathing heavily]
11
00:00:31,482 --> 00:00:34,379
That was so much fun.
- I know. Bye.
12
00:00:34,448 --> 00:00:38,241
Yep, yeah, yeah, ah.
- Ah.
13
00:00:38,310 --> 00:00:42,241
[groans]
- [sighs]
14
00:00:42,310 --> 00:00:45,034
Thank you.
15
00:00:45,103 --> 00:00:47,103
Okay.
Bye.
16
00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:49,344
- [chuckles] Lady Francis...
17
00:00:49,413 --> 00:00:51,689
- [sighs]
We forgot to have sex.
18
00:00:51,758 --> 00:00:54,000
- Uh, that's okay.
This is kind of nice.
19
00:00:54,068 --> 00:00:56,068
- Mm.
- I think I like Pibbis.
20
00:00:56,137 --> 00:00:58,827
- You mean PBS?
- Yeah, it's my new favorite.
21
00:00:58,896 --> 00:01:01,068
[rock music]
22
00:01:01,137 --> 00:01:03,551
- ♪ Teacher ♪
23
00:01:03,620 --> 00:01:06,000
- [sighs]
24
00:01:08,310 --> 00:01:11,379
- Caroline, can you go
Kristen Stewart somewhere else?
25
00:01:11,448 --> 00:01:12,896
You're affecting
my makeup vibe.
26
00:01:12,965 --> 00:01:14,965
- Sorry.
27
00:01:15,034 --> 00:01:17,413
[breathes deeply]
28
00:01:17,482 --> 00:01:20,793
- Fine.
What's wrong?
29
00:01:20,862 --> 00:01:22,482
- Thanks for asking.
30
00:01:22,551 --> 00:01:24,310
I just feel like
I've kind of been in a funk
31
00:01:24,379 --> 00:01:25,896
ever since Toby
and I broke up.
32
00:01:25,965 --> 00:01:27,310
- You know he wears Tevas,
right?
33
00:01:27,379 --> 00:01:28,931
- Yes.
- Oh.
34
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:32,448
- I mean, I know I'm not ready
to be in another relationship,
35
00:01:32,517 --> 00:01:34,827
but I also can't keep
sitting around at home
36
00:01:34,896 --> 00:01:37,517
eating frozen pizza and crying
while watching "Hope Floats."
37
00:01:37,586 --> 00:01:40,172
- What a sad ass life.
No offense.
38
00:01:40,241 --> 00:01:43,206
- NO, it is.
I gotta get out more.
39
00:01:43,275 --> 00:01:44,896
- Oh, my God, yes!
40
00:01:44,965 --> 00:01:47,379
Now is the time to
capitalize on being single.
41
00:01:47,448 --> 00:01:49,517
You've been missing out
on a huge opportunity
42
00:01:49,586 --> 00:01:52,344
to go out, get effed up,
and let loose.
43
00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:55,068
We are partying tonight.
- Okay, I'm in.
44
00:01:55,137 --> 00:01:56,517
Oh, this works out perfectly.
45
00:01:56,586 --> 00:01:59,068
My macramé instructor got mono,
so I'm free.
46
00:01:59,137 --> 00:02:00,482
It was getting dangerous.
47
00:02:00,551 --> 00:02:03,068
She kept falling asleep
at the loom.
48
00:02:03,137 --> 00:02:04,931
- Do not bring that up tonight.
49
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,137
[rock music]
50
00:02:07,206 --> 00:02:08,551
- Listen up, everybody.
51
00:02:08,620 --> 00:02:11,517
In six months you'll be
middle schoolers.
52
00:02:11,586 --> 00:02:14,000
Who's excited?
53
00:02:14,068 --> 00:02:15,344
- Well, you shouldn't be,
54
00:02:15,413 --> 00:02:17,379
because there you'll see
an evil in others
55
00:02:17,448 --> 00:02:19,206
you never imagined existed.
56
00:02:19,275 --> 00:02:21,137
- Okay, Deb.
57
00:02:21,206 --> 00:02:24,000
This is why Mavis insisted you
have a partner
58
00:02:24,068 --> 00:02:26,827
for middle school prep.
59
00:02:26,896 --> 00:02:31,034
Guys, I know you might think
an old fogey like me
60
00:02:31,103 --> 00:02:32,620
never went to middle school,
61
00:02:32,689 --> 00:02:34,896
but I wore bell-bottoms and
disco boots
62
00:02:34,965 --> 00:02:37,655
just like the rest of you,
and let me tell you something,
63
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:40,827
middle school is far out.
It is groovy.
64
00:02:40,896 --> 00:02:43,689
- Liar.
It's the tenth circle of hell.
65
00:02:43,758 --> 00:02:46,482
Come on, Mrs. Adler,
not another bullying lecture.
66
00:02:46,551 --> 00:02:48,275
- It's not as bad
as you make it sound.
67
00:02:48,344 --> 00:02:49,931
It happens.
You'll get over it.
68
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,655
- Oh, really?
- Yeah, Mrs. Adler.
69
00:02:52,724 --> 00:02:54,482
As they said
in my middle school,
70
00:02:54,551 --> 00:02:57,379
you're being a real spaz.
71
00:02:57,448 --> 00:03:00,689
[chuckles]
72
00:03:00,758 --> 00:03:02,931
- Hey, we're gonna need two
redheaded sluts,
73
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:04,862
and two buttery nipples.
- You got it.
74
00:03:04,931 --> 00:03:07,000
- This night is
gonna be so extra.
75
00:03:07,068 --> 00:03:08,827
- Who are you texting?
76
00:03:08,896 --> 00:03:11,000
- I'm playing Scrabble with
this dude I'm hooking up with,
77
00:03:11,068 --> 00:03:13,517
Kyle.
He thinks "furthest" is a word.
78
00:03:13,586 --> 00:03:16,275
[laughs]
What an idiot.
79
00:03:16,344 --> 00:03:17,551
[hip-hop music playing]
80
00:03:17,620 --> 00:03:19,275
[gasps]
Yas, girl.
81
00:03:19,344 --> 00:03:21,965
Time to get turnt.
82
00:03:22,034 --> 00:03:25,827
Okay, yeah--
uh-oh.
83
00:03:25,896 --> 00:03:28,620
- I'ma dance.
- [chuckles]
84
00:03:28,689 --> 00:03:31,758
Get it, girl.
Ooh.
85
00:03:31,827 --> 00:03:34,758
How is "fearapy" not a word?
I use it like every day.
86
00:03:34,827 --> 00:03:36,275
[Clooney's "We Are
the Party People" playing]
87
00:03:36,344 --> 00:03:38,586
♪ We set the bar
and we take it way too far ♪
88
00:03:38,655 --> 00:03:40,310
- From the gentleman.
89
00:03:40,379 --> 00:03:42,241
- ♪ And break all the rules
and make all the fun ♪
90
00:03:42,310 --> 00:03:44,413
♪ We ditch out of school
for cola and rum ♪
91
00:03:44,482 --> 00:03:46,172
- [hisses]
Ah.
92
00:03:46,241 --> 00:03:49,413
- ♪ No chill, just thrills,
and we're happy to share ♪
93
00:03:49,482 --> 00:03:51,448
♪ We need our tribe to vibe ♪
94
00:03:51,517 --> 00:03:53,068
- No.
95
00:03:53,137 --> 00:03:55,413
- ♪ No haters here,
we don't troll ♪
96
00:03:55,482 --> 00:03:57,655
♪ 'Cause we're so into love ♪
97
00:03:57,724 --> 00:04:00,206
- We gotta go.
I'm kind of tired.
98
00:04:00,275 --> 00:04:02,965
Can you hear me?
No?
99
00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:04,896
Okay, bye.
100
00:04:04,965 --> 00:04:08,034
- Can you play "Mambo No. 5"?
101
00:04:08,103 --> 00:04:11,103
Five!
102
00:04:11,172 --> 00:04:15,724
- You all thought bullying
doesn't have long-term effects.
103
00:04:15,793 --> 00:04:18,827
Well, prepare
to be proven wrong.
104
00:04:18,896 --> 00:04:20,965
You ever hear of
the IKEA Challenge?
105
00:04:21,034 --> 00:04:23,241
- Anyone who's had to
put their furniture together
106
00:04:23,310 --> 00:04:26,137
will tell you it's more of
a battle than a challenge.
107
00:04:26,206 --> 00:04:27,379
[chuckles]
108
00:04:27,448 --> 00:04:29,103
Am I right kid--
- Stop talking.
109
00:04:29,172 --> 00:04:31,275
IKEA gave a school two plants.
110
00:04:31,344 --> 00:04:34,137
Both received the same amount
of water and sunlight,
111
00:04:34,206 --> 00:04:37,689
but one plant
was given compliments,
112
00:04:37,758 --> 00:04:39,379
and the other plant
was bullied.
113
00:04:39,448 --> 00:04:41,172
And guess what.
114
00:04:41,241 --> 00:04:45,931
The bullied plant wilted, and
the complimented plant thrived.
115
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,310
- That's impossible.
- Is it, Ava?
116
00:04:48,379 --> 00:04:49,793
We'll see.
117
00:04:49,862 --> 00:04:52,206
You are all going
to compliment this plant
118
00:04:52,275 --> 00:04:55,000
and verbally abuse this plant
until it dies.
119
00:04:55,068 --> 00:04:57,517
Everyone line up.
Ava, you first.
120
00:05:02,034 --> 00:05:05,034
- Aw, your leaves
are so beautiful [chuckles].
121
00:05:05,103 --> 00:05:08,689
You're ugly.
Kill yourself, you dumb plant.
122
00:05:08,758 --> 00:05:12,413
- Great job, Ava.
123
00:05:12,482 --> 00:05:13,482
- Mm-mm.
124
00:05:13,551 --> 00:05:15,413
[rock music]
125
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,448
- Okay.
- Whoo.
126
00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,448
- Oh, someone had
a good time last night.
127
00:05:19,517 --> 00:05:23,034
- Uh, such a good time.
- You go home with anyone?
128
00:05:23,103 --> 00:05:25,655
- Of course not. I could never
had a one-night stand.
129
00:05:25,724 --> 00:05:28,000
I'm emotionally attached to the
dog who lives across the street
130
00:05:28,068 --> 00:05:30,103
and I only see him
through a window.
131
00:05:30,172 --> 00:05:32,517
- Ugh, you're so basic.
132
00:05:32,586 --> 00:05:34,000
People think women can't have
casual sex
133
00:05:34,068 --> 00:05:36,310
because they'll get attached,
but that is bullshit.
134
00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:38,793
I've had sex with so many
people and I've felt nothing.
135
00:05:38,862 --> 00:05:41,000
In my heart,
not my puss.
136
00:05:41,068 --> 00:05:43,275
- But I've never had sex with
anyone without asking
137
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:44,655
about their five-year plan.
138
00:05:44,724 --> 00:05:46,758
- Having a one-night stand
can be empowering.
139
00:05:46,827 --> 00:05:49,241
We all got needs, girl.
It's time to get yours met.
140
00:05:49,310 --> 00:05:52,965
- Speaking of, where did you
wander off to last night?
141
00:05:53,034 --> 00:05:54,931
Did you meet someone?
- Oh, no.
142
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:56,827
I hooked up with Kyle again.
[giggles]
143
00:05:56,896 --> 00:05:58,689
He's so stupid.
[chuckles]
144
00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:01,241
If I eat in front of him,
he makes this sound effect,
145
00:06:01,310 --> 00:06:02,931
"Har, har, har."
[guffaws]
146
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,551
And then I tell him to stop,
and he's like,
147
00:06:04,620 --> 00:06:07,137
"What, I'm not doing anything."
But then if I eat something
148
00:06:07,206 --> 00:06:10,310
again he goes,
"Hah, hah, hah, hah."
149
00:06:10,379 --> 00:06:11,620
[laughs]
150
00:06:11,689 --> 00:06:14,931
- [laughs]
Hilarious. Tell us again.
151
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,241
- Please don't.
- What? It's funny.
152
00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:19,551
- I think it's just one of
those inside couple jokes.
153
00:06:19,620 --> 00:06:23,344
- Oh, no, we are not a couple.
- Yeah, they're not a couple.
154
00:06:23,413 --> 00:06:24,896
- How long have you two
been seeing each other?
155
00:06:24,965 --> 00:06:26,310
- Every night for
the past three weeks.
156
00:06:26,379 --> 00:06:27,620
- Wait, what?
157
00:06:27,689 --> 00:06:30,482
- Sounds like someone
has a boyfriend.
158
00:06:30,551 --> 00:06:32,103
- He's not my boyfriend.
159
00:06:32,172 --> 00:06:34,655
We just like having sex
with each other every night.
160
00:06:34,724 --> 00:06:37,482
People don't do that
with their boyfriends.
161
00:06:37,551 --> 00:06:38,793
[farts]
[gasps]
162
00:06:38,862 --> 00:06:41,724
Oh, my God.
You are my boyfriend.
163
00:06:41,793 --> 00:06:43,517
- Yeah, and you're
my girlfriend.
164
00:06:43,586 --> 00:06:47,896
- Each year, the pair unites,
recognizing each other...
165
00:06:47,965 --> 00:06:50,172
[mid-tempo rock music]
166
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:56,137
[rock music]
167
00:06:56,206 --> 00:06:59,034
- You lose a pearl
between your tits?
168
00:06:59,103 --> 00:07:01,655
- No, Deb,
I just got this push up bra
169
00:07:01,724 --> 00:07:03,275
and I wanted to make sure
it was delivering.
170
00:07:03,344 --> 00:07:05,517
I'm gonna have my first
one-night stand tonight.
171
00:07:05,586 --> 00:07:08,896
- Everybody, shut up.
Something horrible happened.
172
00:07:08,965 --> 00:07:11,103
- Oh, no, did Jax cheat
on Brittany again?
173
00:07:11,172 --> 00:07:14,206
- No, I have a boyfriend.
- What?
174
00:07:14,275 --> 00:07:15,551
- You guys were right.
175
00:07:15,620 --> 00:07:18,000
I accidentally got
in a relationship.
176
00:07:18,068 --> 00:07:20,965
Kyle farted in front of me.
- Oh, that's sweet.
177
00:07:21,034 --> 00:07:23,620
That just shows that his brain
releases so much oxytocin
178
00:07:23,689 --> 00:07:25,172
around you that
his anus relaxed.
179
00:07:25,241 --> 00:07:28,206
- Wow, I never thought
I'd see the day.
180
00:07:28,275 --> 00:07:30,931
Caroline's slutting it up,
and you're settling down.
181
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,620
This is more shocking
than seeing
182
00:07:32,689 --> 00:07:34,137
a good Adam Sandler movie.
183
00:07:34,206 --> 00:07:37,103
- I'm not settling down.
Relationships don't work.
184
00:07:37,172 --> 00:07:39,241
Guys only fall in love
with the illusion of you.
185
00:07:39,310 --> 00:07:41,034
Once they figure out
who you really are,
186
00:07:41,103 --> 00:07:42,241
they leave.
- What makes you think that?
187
00:07:42,310 --> 00:07:43,931
- Samuel Howard.
188
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,206
He was the love of my life
until I got a massive chin zit
189
00:07:46,275 --> 00:07:49,689
and he dumped me.
- Wait, when did this happen?
190
00:07:49,758 --> 00:07:51,896
- Sixth grade.
But how about my mom?
191
00:07:51,965 --> 00:07:53,862
She's been in hundreds
of relationships
192
00:07:53,931 --> 00:07:55,896
and literally every guy
but Bob left her.
193
00:07:55,965 --> 00:07:57,379
And there's nothing wrong
with her.
194
00:07:57,448 --> 00:07:59,241
She's never been
over a size six.
195
00:07:59,310 --> 00:08:02,137
This is never gonna work.
Once Kyle sees the real me,
196
00:08:02,206 --> 00:08:05,137
he'll leave.
And I am gonna prove it.
197
00:08:06,724 --> 00:08:08,586
- That sounds healthy.
198
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,344
♪ ♪
199
00:08:10,413 --> 00:08:12,000
- Deb, this is not a good look.
200
00:08:12,068 --> 00:08:14,931
The bullied plant is thriving.
It's thriving, Deb.
201
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,206
- I don't know
what to tell you.
202
00:08:16,275 --> 00:08:17,172
It worked for IKEA.
203
00:08:17,241 --> 00:08:18,655
- The bullied plant overcame,
204
00:08:18,724 --> 00:08:21,103
like Bill Gates.
Bullying helps.
205
00:08:21,172 --> 00:08:23,482
- More people
should get bullied.
206
00:08:23,551 --> 00:08:24,862
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
207
00:08:24,931 --> 00:08:28,448
- You better fix this.
208
00:08:28,517 --> 00:08:30,310
I'm getting scared of Diego.
209
00:08:31,862 --> 00:08:33,896
♪ ♪
210
00:08:33,965 --> 00:08:36,482
- I made us dinner.
211
00:08:36,551 --> 00:08:38,137
- [chuckles]
212
00:08:38,206 --> 00:08:40,551
Are those chicken nuggets
wrapped in American cheese?
213
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:42,724
- Yeah.
I hate salad.
214
00:08:42,793 --> 00:08:44,517
This is who I really am.
215
00:08:44,586 --> 00:08:46,931
- Cool.
How about we watch more PBS?
216
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,965
- No. I always watch
"So You Think You're an Actor?"
217
00:08:49,034 --> 00:08:50,655
It's where people
who wanna be actors,
218
00:08:50,724 --> 00:08:53,448
and America gets to vote.
It's hosted by Vivica A. Fox,
219
00:08:53,517 --> 00:08:56,172
Freddie Prinze Jr.,
and some bald guy nobody knows.
220
00:08:56,241 --> 00:08:57,517
- Great.
221
00:08:57,586 --> 00:08:58,827
- ..."So You Think
You're an Actor."
222
00:08:58,896 --> 00:09:00,862
Up next, it's Zack.
223
00:09:00,931 --> 00:09:03,827
- [laughs]
Look at that fat loser.
224
00:09:03,896 --> 00:09:05,965
Either lose 40 pounds or enjoy
playing
225
00:09:06,034 --> 00:09:07,551
the wacky best friend
the rest of your life.
226
00:09:07,620 --> 00:09:09,724
- Chelsea.
- Mm.
227
00:09:09,793 --> 00:09:11,896
- That dude needs to lose
like 60 pounds.
228
00:09:11,965 --> 00:09:14,310
[laughs]
- [chuckles] Yeah.
229
00:09:14,379 --> 00:09:17,103
He does.
- Thank you, Mr. Malkovich.
230
00:09:17,172 --> 00:09:19,413
I chose this monologue
because it reminds me
231
00:09:19,482 --> 00:09:22,000
of the guilt I felt
after my own father died.
232
00:09:22,068 --> 00:09:23,482
Our house burnt down
on Christmas morning...
233
00:09:23,551 --> 00:09:26,482
- Oh, wah, and we're supposed
to vote for you?
234
00:09:26,551 --> 00:09:28,827
Come back when you have
a rare genetic disorder.
235
00:09:28,896 --> 00:09:30,586
Your father probably
set himself on fire
236
00:09:30,655 --> 00:09:32,068
to get away from you.
237
00:09:32,137 --> 00:09:35,137
- [laughing]
238
00:09:36,275 --> 00:09:37,517
[stirring music playing
on television]
239
00:09:37,586 --> 00:09:38,724
Oh, man.
240
00:09:38,793 --> 00:09:40,103
[rock music]
241
00:09:40,172 --> 00:09:43,896
- So, this is it.
- Nice.
242
00:09:43,965 --> 00:09:45,620
It's really pink.
243
00:09:45,689 --> 00:09:47,793
- Thank you.
244
00:09:47,862 --> 00:09:50,620
Why don't you sit here
while I go get ready?
245
00:09:50,689 --> 00:09:53,172
- Sure.
246
00:09:54,206 --> 00:09:57,103
- Would you like to watch
"Hope Floats" while you wait?
247
00:09:57,172 --> 00:09:57,965
- No.
248
00:09:58,034 --> 00:10:00,103
- I'll be right back.
249
00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:13,448
- Oh, my God.
250
00:10:16,137 --> 00:10:18,517
- Okay, let's get to it, then.
251
00:10:18,586 --> 00:10:20,172
Um, please remove your clothes,
252
00:10:20,241 --> 00:10:21,862
fold them and put them
on the dresser,
253
00:10:21,931 --> 00:10:24,517
and then you and I can
have meaningless sex.
254
00:10:24,586 --> 00:10:26,103
- Sure.
255
00:10:28,241 --> 00:10:31,172
[playful music]
256
00:10:31,241 --> 00:10:38,241
♪ ♪
257
00:10:40,793 --> 00:10:42,413
- Go ahead.
258
00:10:42,482 --> 00:10:45,482
- What?
259
00:10:45,551 --> 00:10:48,000
- Proceed.
260
00:10:49,862 --> 00:10:56,310
♪ ♪
261
00:10:56,379 --> 00:10:59,379
[rock music]
262
00:11:00,965 --> 00:11:03,793
- Hi, babe.
- Hey.
263
00:11:03,862 --> 00:11:06,793
[electronic music]
264
00:11:06,862 --> 00:11:13,000
♪ ♪
265
00:11:21,379 --> 00:11:23,379
- You look beautiful.
266
00:11:25,517 --> 00:11:30,724
♪ ♪
267
00:11:30,793 --> 00:11:32,724
When you gotta go,
you gotta go.
268
00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:34,551
♪ ♪
269
00:11:34,620 --> 00:11:36,344
[music slows to a stop]
270
00:11:36,413 --> 00:11:38,413
- [farting, plop]
271
00:11:38,482 --> 00:11:40,620
- Nice.
272
00:11:40,689 --> 00:11:43,655
[rock music]
273
00:11:43,724 --> 00:11:45,655
- I did it.
I had a one-night stand.
274
00:11:45,724 --> 00:11:47,689
all: [squealing, cheering]
275
00:11:47,758 --> 00:11:50,758
- I'm so proud of you.
- I knew nothing about him,
276
00:11:50,827 --> 00:11:53,000
and he banged me.
Uh, he banged me good.
277
00:11:53,068 --> 00:11:55,172
- Oh.
- It was really amazing.
278
00:11:55,241 --> 00:11:58,103
I initiated missionary
and it was a huge hit.
279
00:11:59,068 --> 00:12:01,137
Thanks for opening my eyes,
Chelsea.
280
00:12:01,206 --> 00:12:03,862
- You know what they say,
Open eyes, open vag.
281
00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:06,620
- Nobody says that.
- Well, yeah, okay.
282
00:12:06,689 --> 00:12:09,103
- I've decided that
this is my year of yes.
283
00:12:09,172 --> 00:12:11,379
There are so many things in
my life I've said no to,
284
00:12:11,448 --> 00:12:13,482
and I think
I've missed out on so much.
285
00:12:13,551 --> 00:12:16,034
So now I'm saying yes
to everything.
286
00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:17,862
And I'm starting with Tinder.
287
00:12:17,931 --> 00:12:21,931
Yes, yes, yes, soul patch?
288
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,965
Yes, yes, yep.
289
00:12:25,034 --> 00:12:26,241
[door knocking]
290
00:12:26,310 --> 00:12:29,517
- It's open.
Come on in.
291
00:12:32,896 --> 00:12:34,172
- Hi, hello.
292
00:12:34,241 --> 00:12:35,793
[quiet storm music playing]
293
00:12:35,862 --> 00:12:38,517
- Hi?
Who are you?
294
00:12:38,586 --> 00:12:40,172
- I'm Mary Louise.
295
00:12:40,241 --> 00:12:44,586
Chelsea's letting me crash here
because I'm so lonely.
296
00:12:44,655 --> 00:12:45,586
♪ ♪
297
00:12:45,655 --> 00:12:47,655
Won't you sit with me?
298
00:12:47,724 --> 00:12:49,379
- Sure?
299
00:12:49,448 --> 00:12:52,344
♪ ♪
300
00:12:52,413 --> 00:12:54,344
[clears throat]
Nice to meet you.
301
00:12:54,413 --> 00:12:56,896
- Mm, she won't be
back for a while.
302
00:12:56,965 --> 00:13:00,758
Can I give you a massage
on your back?
303
00:13:00,827 --> 00:13:01,965
♪ ♪
304
00:13:02,034 --> 00:13:03,931
I do deep tissue.
305
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,379
- No. Thanks.
- Oh, but baby won't tell.
306
00:13:07,448 --> 00:13:10,413
- Oh, hey, hey, hey.
I'm with Chelsea.
307
00:13:10,482 --> 00:13:15,206
- Ugh, are you kidding me?
- Chelsea? What is this?
308
00:13:15,275 --> 00:13:18,206
Is this some kind of setup?
- Uh, duh.
309
00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:20,034
And how did you
not take the bait?
310
00:13:20,103 --> 00:13:21,827
You're like mentally ill.
311
00:13:21,896 --> 00:13:23,551
- I'm mentally ill?
- Yeah.
312
00:13:23,620 --> 00:13:25,482
- You're the one trying to
trick me into cheating.
313
00:13:25,551 --> 00:13:27,931
- Well, welcome to me.
I trick people,
314
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,758
I lie to people,
I set them up.
315
00:13:29,827 --> 00:13:32,068
If you don't like it,
then I guess you don't like me.
316
00:13:32,137 --> 00:13:34,103
- You don't think
I know how you work?
317
00:13:34,172 --> 00:13:35,862
- No, I don't.
- On our first date,
318
00:13:35,931 --> 00:13:38,758
you told me you had an allergy
where you could only eat
319
00:13:38,827 --> 00:13:40,931
high-end sushi.
320
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,517
I knew that wasn't true.
- [gasps]
321
00:13:42,586 --> 00:13:44,172
- I didn't take you
to SushiSamba
322
00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:46,862
because I believed you.
I took you to SushiSamba
323
00:13:46,931 --> 00:13:48,758
because I liked you.
324
00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:50,758
And I know you're not 22.
- [gasps]
325
00:13:50,827 --> 00:13:53,103
- Well, you are intentionally
trying to push me away.
326
00:13:53,172 --> 00:13:55,172
- Because you won't
stop liking me.
327
00:13:55,241 --> 00:13:57,448
If I was dating someone like
me, I would break up with them
328
00:13:57,517 --> 00:13:59,931
in a heartbeat, because I have
too much respect for myself
329
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,793
to be dating someone like me.
330
00:14:02,862 --> 00:14:04,620
You know what?
We're done.
331
00:14:04,689 --> 00:14:07,344
- Fine. Just so you know,
this has nothing to do with me
332
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:10,344
and everything to do with you.
You are so insecure.
333
00:14:10,413 --> 00:14:12,551
You don't believe that
anyone could ever love you.
334
00:14:12,620 --> 00:14:14,724
- Cha.
335
00:14:14,793 --> 00:14:16,793
- Well, I'm done trying.
336
00:14:16,862 --> 00:14:19,793
[solemn piano music]
337
00:14:19,862 --> 00:14:23,413
- See?
I knew you would do this.
338
00:14:23,482 --> 00:14:25,517
- Well, you win some,
you lose some.
339
00:14:25,586 --> 00:14:26,586
Wanna make a fort?
340
00:14:29,896 --> 00:14:32,827
[blues rock music]
341
00:14:32,896 --> 00:14:35,137
♪ ♪
342
00:14:35,206 --> 00:14:37,689
- Hey, there,
you must be Donovan.
343
00:14:37,758 --> 00:14:39,275
- Caroline, nice to meet you.
344
00:14:39,344 --> 00:14:42,137
- Oh, you're British.
Fancy.
345
00:14:42,206 --> 00:14:43,655
- You think so?
- Not really.
346
00:14:43,724 --> 00:14:45,758
Listen, I could spend
the next two hours
347
00:14:45,827 --> 00:14:48,310
laughing at your lame jokes,
which sound more clever
348
00:14:48,379 --> 00:14:50,068
because they're said
in that posh accent,
349
00:14:50,137 --> 00:14:52,689
or we could get down
to brass tax.
350
00:14:52,758 --> 00:14:54,137
We gonna bone or what?
351
00:14:54,206 --> 00:14:56,724
You can just call me
London Bridge,
352
00:14:56,793 --> 00:14:59,413
'cause I'm going down.
353
00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:03,206
Hey, partner,
how about a reverse cowgirl?
354
00:15:03,275 --> 00:15:06,275
[electronic music]
355
00:15:06,344 --> 00:15:09,448
[moaning]
356
00:15:09,517 --> 00:15:16,551
♪ ♪
357
00:15:17,551 --> 00:15:19,172
Jeremy, Jeremy.
358
00:15:19,241 --> 00:15:21,724
[overlapping chatter]
- Calm down, everyone.
359
00:15:21,793 --> 00:15:23,482
Yes, Ava?
360
00:15:23,551 --> 00:15:26,586
- If bullying's so bad, how
come the plant's doing so well?
361
00:15:26,655 --> 00:15:30,379
- Okay, bullying is bad.
- It's obviously not.
362
00:15:30,448 --> 00:15:32,034
- Ye--
- We can bully anyone we want,
363
00:15:32,103 --> 00:15:33,965
and because of it,
they'll do great.
364
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:35,862
- Oh, really?
You know, how about
365
00:15:35,931 --> 00:15:37,896
we do this experiment for real?
366
00:15:37,965 --> 00:15:40,000
What does everyone think
about Diego?
367
00:15:41,344 --> 00:15:43,275
I'm sure you have
something to say.
368
00:15:43,344 --> 00:15:45,655
I'll start you off.
He has a flat head.
369
00:15:45,724 --> 00:15:47,655
Talk about that.
- Hey.
370
00:15:47,724 --> 00:15:50,655
- Diego's head is so flat
it could be a pancake.
371
00:15:50,724 --> 00:15:51,931
[laughter]
372
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:53,862
- At least my mom
wasn't a teen mom.
373
00:15:53,931 --> 00:15:55,206
- Flat head.
374
00:15:55,275 --> 00:15:56,448
- You and your mom
look like sisters.
375
00:15:56,517 --> 00:15:58,000
- Oh, oh, okay, okay.
That's enough.
376
00:15:58,068 --> 00:15:59,793
- No.
377
00:15:59,862 --> 00:16:02,103
- So, who feels better now?
378
00:16:05,068 --> 00:16:07,758
Does anyone still think
bullying is great?
379
00:16:07,827 --> 00:16:09,310
- No.
- No.
380
00:16:09,379 --> 00:16:11,896
- Good. I think we have
time for one more.
381
00:16:11,965 --> 00:16:13,379
What do we think
of Mr. Pearson?
382
00:16:13,448 --> 00:16:16,689
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
- Specifically his shirt.
383
00:16:16,758 --> 00:16:19,689
[upbeat music playing]
384
00:16:19,758 --> 00:16:21,241
♪ ♪
385
00:16:21,310 --> 00:16:22,689
- Two more circle jerks,
please.
386
00:16:22,758 --> 00:16:24,379
- Sure.
- Oh, none for me, thanks.
387
00:16:24,448 --> 00:16:26,931
I need to be clearheaded
for my banging tonight.
388
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,241
- Mm.
- Chelsea.
389
00:16:28,310 --> 00:16:29,758
I have slept with so many guys,
390
00:16:29,827 --> 00:16:31,724
and I don't even know
half of their names.
391
00:16:31,793 --> 00:16:34,689
It feels really healthy.
- Mm, good for you, girl.
392
00:16:34,758 --> 00:16:37,068
You get yours.
393
00:16:37,137 --> 00:16:38,827
[sighs with mouth closed]
394
00:16:38,896 --> 00:16:41,275
- You okay?
- No.
395
00:16:41,344 --> 00:16:43,689
I can't stop thinking
about Kyle.
396
00:16:43,758 --> 00:16:45,000
I really miss him.
397
00:16:45,068 --> 00:16:46,551
- I thought this
was what you wanted.
398
00:16:46,620 --> 00:16:50,241
- It is.
I don't want a boyfriend.
399
00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:53,620
I don't believe in them, and I
stand behind my beliefs, so...
400
00:16:53,689 --> 00:16:56,482
- You know, a very wise woman
once told me,
401
00:16:56,551 --> 00:16:59,241
Open eyes, open vag.
402
00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:00,655
- I'm really smart.
403
00:17:00,724 --> 00:17:02,482
- You need to
get back out there.
404
00:17:02,551 --> 00:17:04,689
- You're right.
405
00:17:04,758 --> 00:17:11,689
♪ ♪
406
00:17:11,758 --> 00:17:14,896
Hey, are you a model?
407
00:17:14,965 --> 00:17:19,827
Ah, ah, oh, oh, yeah.
408
00:17:19,896 --> 00:17:22,413
Oh, yeah.
Uh-huh.
409
00:17:22,482 --> 00:17:24,586
Oh, yeah.
- God, you're hot.
410
00:17:24,655 --> 00:17:27,310
- Yeah.
411
00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:29,137
[gasps]
412
00:17:29,206 --> 00:17:32,931
Oh, my God.
413
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:36,517
I'm sorry, I can't.
414
00:17:36,586 --> 00:17:38,896
And that is shocking
for me because of your abs.
415
00:17:38,965 --> 00:17:40,482
Oh, my God, your abs.
416
00:17:40,551 --> 00:17:42,310
- Did I--did I do
something wrong?
417
00:17:42,379 --> 00:17:44,724
- Yes, you're not Kyle.
418
00:17:44,793 --> 00:17:46,517
["Snap Out of My Life" playing]
Into my life.
419
00:17:46,586 --> 00:17:48,724
♪ Snap out of my life ♪
Into my life.
420
00:17:48,793 --> 00:17:50,482
Into my life.
421
00:17:50,551 --> 00:17:53,586
♪ Snap out of my life, boy ♪
Into my life
422
00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:54,862
♪ ♪
423
00:17:54,931 --> 00:17:56,482
- Chelsea?
- Kyle?
424
00:17:56,551 --> 00:17:59,758
- What're you doing?
- Um,
425
00:17:59,827 --> 00:18:02,379
I just tried hooking up
with this insanely hot guy.
426
00:18:02,448 --> 00:18:03,965
I mean, he was gorgeous.
427
00:18:04,034 --> 00:18:06,206
We were making out and touching
each other's bodies
428
00:18:06,275 --> 00:18:08,034
and I was about to eff him,
but I didn't.
429
00:18:08,103 --> 00:18:10,931
- Okay.
- And I felt nothing.
430
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,344
I didn't even wanna blow him.
431
00:18:13,413 --> 00:18:15,000
I only wanna blow you.
432
00:18:15,068 --> 00:18:17,586
[tender acoustic guitar music]
433
00:18:17,655 --> 00:18:21,275
I'm so sorry
I sabotaged what we had.
434
00:18:21,344 --> 00:18:24,586
You're right about everything.
435
00:18:24,655 --> 00:18:25,931
I am scared.
436
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,275
And I am insecure.
437
00:18:28,344 --> 00:18:30,172
I never let anyone
get close to me.
438
00:18:30,241 --> 00:18:32,862
You know, I watched my mom have
relationship after relationship
439
00:18:32,931 --> 00:18:36,275
that never worked out,
and I just kind of thought
440
00:18:36,344 --> 00:18:38,275
it'd be the same for me.
441
00:18:38,344 --> 00:18:39,724
- I wasn't going anywhere,
Chelsea.
442
00:18:39,793 --> 00:18:42,655
I care about you.
443
00:18:42,724 --> 00:18:44,551
- I care about you too.
444
00:18:44,620 --> 00:18:46,448
But you're gonna have
to be patient with me,
445
00:18:46,517 --> 00:18:48,448
because I am still scared
this is gonna end
446
00:18:48,517 --> 00:18:51,689
in a big ball of flames,
but...
447
00:18:51,758 --> 00:18:54,103
I really wanna
try to make this work.
448
00:18:54,172 --> 00:18:55,586
- I tried making
chicken nuggets
449
00:18:55,655 --> 00:18:58,655
wrapped in American
cheese the other night.
450
00:18:58,724 --> 00:19:01,758
It didn't taste
the same without you.
451
00:19:01,827 --> 00:19:03,517
- Duh.
452
00:19:03,586 --> 00:19:06,689
[tender piano music]
453
00:19:06,758 --> 00:19:09,206
Kyle Luke Perry,
454
00:19:09,275 --> 00:19:10,827
will you be my boyfriend?
455
00:19:10,896 --> 00:19:13,931
- My middle name is Andrew,
but yes, I will.
456
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,275
- [chuckles]
457
00:19:15,344 --> 00:19:19,172
♪ ♪
458
00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:21,655
See?
Ah, that was so much better
459
00:19:21,724 --> 00:19:23,758
than kissing the insanely
hot guy I was just with.
460
00:19:23,827 --> 00:19:25,724
- Let's stop talking about him.
- Okay.
461
00:19:25,793 --> 00:19:27,724
- Mm, mm.
462
00:19:27,793 --> 00:19:30,724
- Here you go,
my little plant, drink up.
463
00:19:30,793 --> 00:19:33,379
[mid-tempo rock music]
464
00:19:33,448 --> 00:19:35,482
- Cecelia?
- [gasps]
465
00:19:35,551 --> 00:19:37,862
- What the hell
are you doing to my plant?
466
00:19:37,931 --> 00:19:39,793
- I couldn't just
let this plant die.
467
00:19:39,862 --> 00:19:41,206
I've been watering it,
and I repotted it
468
00:19:41,275 --> 00:19:42,689
in nutrient-rich soil.
469
00:19:42,758 --> 00:19:46,137
- You almost made an entire
class of Donald Trumps,
470
00:19:46,206 --> 00:19:48,793
you stupid idiot.
- [gasps] Deb.
471
00:19:48,862 --> 00:19:50,103
That's bullying.
472
00:19:50,172 --> 00:19:52,000
[rock music]
473
00:19:52,068 --> 00:19:54,551
- Jeremy is such
a great student.
474
00:19:54,620 --> 00:19:56,758
He's really emerged as
a leader in the classroom,
475
00:19:56,827 --> 00:19:59,448
and the other children
really respect him.
476
00:19:59,517 --> 00:20:01,482
- That's so great to hear.
477
00:20:01,551 --> 00:20:03,448
Can I ask you
an unrelated question?
478
00:20:03,517 --> 00:20:04,517
- Sure.
479
00:20:04,586 --> 00:20:05,827
- I don't know
if you remember me,
480
00:20:05,896 --> 00:20:08,448
but did I leave
a hardhat at your apartment?
481
00:20:11,034 --> 00:20:13,965
[rock music]
482
00:20:14,034 --> 00:20:21,241
♪ ♪
483
00:20:21,291 --> 00:20:25,841
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