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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:37,350 --> 00:00:40,378 Hello, Alexander. It's Stuart. 2 00:00:41,045 --> 00:00:42,473 Hello, Stuart. 3 00:00:42,508 --> 00:00:48,425 You know, admitting I've had lots to drink and that, but I can't help reflect... 4 00:00:48,626 --> 00:00:51,096 I'm Alexander, the bloke in the glasses driving, 5 00:00:51,386 --> 00:00:53,746 not the mumbly one on the tape. That's Stuart. 6 00:00:56,896 --> 00:01:01,547 I got to know Stuart in 2000 and decided to write his biography. 7 00:01:02,647 --> 00:01:05,346 All my friends said it was mad. I mean, after all this man was unknown, 8 00:01:05,347 --> 00:01:08,557 he wasn't famous, not a celebrity, but the book turned out okay. 9 00:01:11,682 --> 00:01:14,448 Just wish Stuart could have been here to see it. 10 00:01:23,548 --> 00:01:26,598 I think it was the first ever biography of a homeless man. 11 00:01:27,148 --> 00:01:28,539 From birth to the present day. 12 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:37,203 So, back in 2000 I was earning a bit of extra pocket money 13 00:02:37,253 --> 00:02:39,453 working as a fundraiser at Wintercomfort, 14 00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:43,976 which is a busy little day shelter in Cambridge, 15 00:02:44,061 --> 00:02:46,132 normally full of homeless people. 16 00:02:47,154 --> 00:02:51,454 Full, that is, until the morning that the police decided to raid the place. 17 00:02:51,554 --> 00:02:52,554 They've been arrested. 18 00:02:52,984 --> 00:02:54,854 All of them? 19 00:02:55,204 --> 00:02:56,355 What a good idea. 20 00:03:00,355 --> 00:03:03,455 Uh, no, no. It was, um, just my boss, Ruth, 21 00:03:03,505 --> 00:03:05,455 and um, her deputy, John. 22 00:03:06,075 --> 00:03:09,155 Some of the clients have been secretly dealing drugs on the premises 23 00:03:09,157 --> 00:03:12,031 but because Ruth and John ran the charity, they were held responsible. 24 00:03:12,756 --> 00:03:15,506 They've got evidence, on film. 25 00:03:16,956 --> 00:03:19,456 I was furious at the injustice of it. 26 00:03:21,956 --> 00:03:24,256 And, uh, then really, for the first time in my life 27 00:03:24,257 --> 00:03:27,157 I actually began to take a real and practical interest in the homeless. 28 00:03:27,357 --> 00:03:29,657 Fuck off, pisshead! 29 00:03:32,357 --> 00:03:35,057 I'd like to introduce to you Alexander Masters, 30 00:03:35,167 --> 00:03:38,677 a dedicated friend of the homeless himself, chairman of the campaign. 31 00:03:42,658 --> 00:03:44,658 Oh, we were convinced they'd never be convicted. 32 00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:49,058 I mean, if prisons can't control drugs then how could Ruth and John be expected to? 33 00:03:49,278 --> 00:03:53,157 As everyone knows, we're here this evening about Ruth Wyner and John... 34 00:03:53,158 --> 00:03:55,529 The judge, Justice Howarth, 35 00:03:55,627 --> 00:03:59,013 - sent them down... - ... for five years, and four years. 36 00:03:59,048 --> 00:04:00,533 - Shame. - Thank you. 37 00:04:00,568 --> 00:04:02,459 - Fascist. - Thank you. 38 00:04:02,959 --> 00:04:06,088 But this is the crunch, what are we going to do about it? 39 00:04:06,959 --> 00:04:09,560 How is this campaign going to get Ruth and John out? 40 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:11,960 - Yes? - We could send them books. 41 00:04:12,030 --> 00:04:14,160 Bunyan, he's good for prisons. 42 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:17,640 Hardly. Miracle of the Rose, by Genet, if you must. 43 00:04:17,665 --> 00:04:21,960 Excuse me, this isn't gonna work. 44 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:28,561 Sending them books, eh? It won't fit in the box. 45 00:04:29,661 --> 00:04:32,561 - Sorry? - The inmate's belongings. 46 00:04:35,961 --> 00:04:37,861 Everyone's got one. 47 00:04:38,152 --> 00:04:43,662 - Who is that? - No idea. They all look the same to me. 48 00:04:43,862 --> 00:04:48,112 ...you're also allowed a piece of carpet what won't fit in your box, 49 00:04:49,362 --> 00:04:53,863 and a budgie or, or a canary, 50 00:04:54,563 --> 00:04:58,148 and obviously the cage is not going to fit in the box. 51 00:04:58,513 --> 00:05:02,963 But, it is Ruth and John what will suffer. 52 00:05:09,664 --> 00:05:13,737 All of them books, the screws will just chuck them out 53 00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:16,986 because they won't fit in your box. 54 00:05:17,464 --> 00:05:19,041 I'm not being funny, 55 00:05:19,128 --> 00:05:23,446 but you should really know about boxes if you're gonna have a campaign. 56 00:05:30,265 --> 00:05:34,765 Me name's Psycho, but you can call me Stuart, if you like. 57 00:05:35,165 --> 00:05:37,641 Um, what's your address? 58 00:05:40,292 --> 00:05:42,659 2 Laurel Lane. 59 00:05:44,466 --> 00:05:46,320 Yeah, they help me: 60 00:05:46,690 --> 00:05:49,576 doctors, a couple clothes... 61 00:05:49,761 --> 00:05:53,940 ...outreach, sometimes lunch with two puddings. 62 00:05:53,975 --> 00:05:59,317 Yeah, they put it all on, those two. And the staff. 63 00:06:00,167 --> 00:06:05,568 I'm not being funny, yeah, but I am really grateful. 64 00:06:08,178 --> 00:06:11,668 - The other day I got a really nice head massage. - Oh, great. 65 00:06:15,168 --> 00:06:17,178 - Can I help? - Yeah, uh, yeah. 66 00:06:17,268 --> 00:06:19,668 That's how I first met Stuart Shorter. 67 00:06:20,169 --> 00:06:25,649 Street brawler, alcoholic, a heroin addict, sociopathic street raconteur with a fondness 68 00:06:25,650 --> 00:06:31,119 for what he called "little strips of silver". Knives, to you and me. 69 00:06:45,070 --> 00:06:49,421 - Thank you very much for agreeing to store these. - Oh, no problem. 70 00:06:57,071 --> 00:07:01,871 Mind the step. Oh, dear. Here you go, mate. 71 00:07:02,871 --> 00:07:07,022 Welcome to my humble abode. 72 00:07:07,792 --> 00:07:13,424 2 Laurel Lane. Well, they are laurels, aren't they? 73 00:07:16,172 --> 00:07:20,673 I only heard about the meeting this morning when I was picking up my breakfast. 74 00:07:24,173 --> 00:07:26,073 - Your address? - Mm-hm. 75 00:07:26,173 --> 00:07:30,946 A bad idea, number one, mate. You could get any old riff-raff showing up. 76 00:07:30,996 --> 00:07:32,755 Oh, dear, dear. 77 00:07:42,144 --> 00:07:43,474 Yes? 78 00:07:48,875 --> 00:07:51,075 I've addressed some envelopes. 79 00:07:56,625 --> 00:07:58,675 - Which, uh... - They alright? 80 00:08:00,475 --> 00:08:01,575 Horrible. 81 00:08:01,925 --> 00:08:07,726 I've had a blinding idea for the campaign. Yeah, get us on television and all. 82 00:08:08,166 --> 00:08:13,026 Not even violent, if we leave out the kidnapping. 83 00:08:19,177 --> 00:08:21,677 - Do you want to come in? - Oh, yes please. 84 00:08:21,827 --> 00:08:22,977 It's a bit wet out there. 85 00:08:24,277 --> 00:08:26,377 Ooh, that's nice. 86 00:08:43,678 --> 00:08:47,379 - How many sugars? - As many as you got, mate. 87 00:09:24,281 --> 00:09:25,781 H... hot. 88 00:09:30,982 --> 00:09:32,382 All them books. 89 00:09:35,382 --> 00:09:37,682 Have you read all of them? 90 00:09:37,932 --> 00:09:38,682 No. 91 00:09:39,082 --> 00:09:40,082 Half? 92 00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:43,182 Not exactly. 93 00:09:45,173 --> 00:09:48,683 The Hunting Wasp. 94 00:09:49,083 --> 00:09:52,383 A whole book about them little summer things. 95 00:09:57,183 --> 00:10:01,784 This one. What is this one about? 96 00:10:03,484 --> 00:10:04,684 The colour mauve. 97 00:10:10,394 --> 00:10:13,435 How do you fucking get away with this? 98 00:10:22,485 --> 00:10:26,685 Now, this blinding idea. 99 00:10:27,245 --> 00:10:28,886 Have you got a car? 100 00:10:30,186 --> 00:10:30,986 No. 101 00:10:31,186 --> 00:10:34,528 What do you like better: 102 00:10:34,633 --> 00:10:37,168 Volvo or VW? 103 00:10:41,486 --> 00:10:45,302 And then a few weeks later I had the idea about the book, 104 00:10:45,401 --> 00:10:47,997 and started doing a little research. 105 00:10:48,387 --> 00:10:52,587 That boy has suffered. He deserves a book. 106 00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:56,487 You should write a book about me. 107 00:10:57,288 --> 00:10:59,288 Always such a caring boy. 108 00:10:59,888 --> 00:11:01,288 Happy-go-lucky little thing. 109 00:11:02,488 --> 00:11:05,188 Legs all over the show, bless him. 110 00:11:05,988 --> 00:11:08,687 Three months after that we carried out Stuart's blinding idea 111 00:11:08,688 --> 00:11:12,188 which was a sleep-over protest in front of the home office 112 00:11:12,189 --> 00:11:16,389 to persuade the then Home Secretary, Jack Straw, to release Ruth and John. 113 00:11:17,029 --> 00:11:19,789 Which was better than his first idea, which was to kidnap him. 114 00:11:21,189 --> 00:11:25,489 Stuart took care of our transport. Somehow. 115 00:11:26,189 --> 00:11:30,650 And on the way to London I read him the first few pages of my book idea. 116 00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:34,289 "Stuart Clive Shorter was a happy-go-lucky little boy, 117 00:11:34,345 --> 00:11:37,230 "the most considerate of my children, marvels his mother. " 118 00:11:37,316 --> 00:11:39,690 Bollocks! Boring! 119 00:11:40,180 --> 00:11:42,391 Why do you want to write this fucking book anyway? 120 00:11:43,191 --> 00:11:45,241 To make lots and lots and lots of money. 121 00:11:45,391 --> 00:11:48,641 Seriously? You think you can make money out of it? 122 00:11:49,191 --> 00:11:50,291 Could, maybe. 123 00:11:50,391 --> 00:11:52,091 Something as boring as that? 124 00:11:52,181 --> 00:11:54,741 Don't be so rude. Anyway, it's not my fault that you started out so dull. 125 00:11:57,192 --> 00:11:59,292 You got make it more exciting. 126 00:12:01,302 --> 00:12:07,092 Do it backwards. Like a murder mystery. Like a best-seller. 127 00:12:07,192 --> 00:12:10,183 You know, like what Tom Clancy writes. 128 00:12:10,193 --> 00:12:12,993 Yeah! How'd I get to be like this? 129 00:12:13,093 --> 00:12:15,543 What murdered the little boy I was? 130 00:12:17,183 --> 00:12:19,293 Make them nine-to-five sit up. 131 00:12:27,194 --> 00:12:32,944 I mean, you put ten socks in the washing machine and only seven come out. 132 00:12:33,194 --> 00:12:34,694 Where do they go? 133 00:12:35,194 --> 00:12:36,944 - Stuart? - I'll tell you another thing and all... 134 00:12:36,994 --> 00:12:39,184 - Stuart? - ... you take the machine apart and it ain't in it neither. 135 00:12:39,194 --> 00:12:40,185 - Stuart? - What? 136 00:12:40,195 --> 00:12:41,586 - What's this? - What? 137 00:12:41,647 --> 00:12:43,334 This. 138 00:12:44,295 --> 00:12:48,295 That, Alexander, is a lice. 139 00:12:53,695 --> 00:12:57,546 The main place you get those is around your bollocks. 140 00:12:59,096 --> 00:13:02,596 That lice, that'll grow. 141 00:13:03,196 --> 00:13:08,128 Scabies are smaller and they go under the skin, 142 00:13:08,167 --> 00:13:11,938 and live there, literally nibbling. 143 00:13:15,187 --> 00:13:20,197 It took five and a half hours for our convoy to do the 50 miles from Cambridge to London. 144 00:13:20,697 --> 00:13:23,198 Stuart would never drive above 30 miles an hour. 145 00:13:25,498 --> 00:13:27,998 Hey, Buckingham Palace. 146 00:13:29,298 --> 00:13:32,998 What a load of bollocks! Huh! 147 00:13:34,438 --> 00:13:36,048 Who needs a queen? 148 00:13:45,799 --> 00:13:49,499 - Oh, no, no, no, no. No, not like that. - What? 149 00:13:49,699 --> 00:13:53,800 Use this, right? Underneath, yeah? Here you are. 150 00:13:53,950 --> 00:13:58,000 You lose more heat that way than you do that way. 151 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:02,290 Ruth and John need these: eyes on the back of their heads! 152 00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:04,100 End police state now! 153 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:08,701 People are being wrongfully imprisoned for working in a charity 154 00:14:08,702 --> 00:14:10,131 and doing nothing but trying to help the homeless. 155 00:14:12,701 --> 00:14:16,051 Charity workers in prison because of a miscarriage of... oh, fuck off. 156 00:14:30,452 --> 00:14:34,677 Charity workers in prison because of a miscarriage of justice. 157 00:14:34,684 --> 00:14:35,702 Okay, listen up, everyone! 158 00:14:36,403 --> 00:14:40,003 Okay, everyone! Listen up! Everyone, please. Quiet, please! 159 00:14:40,253 --> 00:14:42,703 Everyone, we need you to move this way, thank you. 160 00:14:42,953 --> 00:14:45,103 Wait a minute, hold on, hold on. Why? This is a peaceful protest. 161 00:14:45,303 --> 00:14:46,202 Yeah! Fucking why? 162 00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:49,202 You can't cross these brass flags if the Home Office doesn't want you to. 163 00:14:49,203 --> 00:14:50,202 That's social fucking fascism, that is! 164 00:14:50,203 --> 00:14:53,404 And then we must put a fence in behind you to ensure you're not trespassing 165 00:14:53,504 --> 00:14:57,904 - and ones on either side to protect you. - What? 166 00:14:58,104 --> 00:15:03,194 From the public, sir. They might step on you. And a fence in front just in case 167 00:15:03,195 --> 00:15:05,560 during the night you roll onto the road and get run over. 168 00:15:05,580 --> 00:15:07,805 Oh, I see. So you mean to cage us in completely. 169 00:15:08,225 --> 00:15:11,585 I didn't say cage, sir, no. That was your word. 170 00:15:17,205 --> 00:15:19,005 Do prisoners really get wages? 171 00:15:21,206 --> 00:15:22,806 Yeah. 172 00:15:23,206 --> 00:15:25,006 You mean a lot like normal people? 173 00:15:25,206 --> 00:15:27,706 Yeah, make a fucking fortune. 174 00:15:28,206 --> 00:15:31,456 Millionaires coming out of the nick every week. 175 00:15:40,007 --> 00:15:42,007 You've been in a lot of prisons then? 176 00:15:42,197 --> 00:15:45,007 Have I? Fucking hell. 177 00:15:45,607 --> 00:15:47,107 How many? 178 00:15:47,507 --> 00:15:49,908 Well, um... 179 00:15:56,908 --> 00:16:02,508 Well, start off, when I was a nipper there was Send Detention Centre, 180 00:16:05,009 --> 00:16:07,559 Baintnow House, back to Send again, 181 00:16:09,309 --> 00:16:12,209 Eriestoke, Norwich, 182 00:16:13,309 --> 00:16:17,009 then I grew up and went to big boy prison. 183 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:24,510 Whitemoor. Aw, now that's what I call a real prison. 184 00:16:24,530 --> 00:16:27,170 You got everything there, mate: 185 00:16:27,205 --> 00:16:32,418 terrorists, psychopaths, security threats, 186 00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:37,655 murderers, manslaughters, crazies... 187 00:16:37,690 --> 00:16:38,970 Which lot do you belong to? 188 00:16:42,111 --> 00:16:45,411 Crazies, really. Mm, yeah. 189 00:16:45,711 --> 00:16:49,512 Norwich, Whitemoor again. 190 00:16:51,112 --> 00:16:54,612 Grendon Underground. 191 00:16:56,212 --> 00:16:57,912 Thirty-one. 192 00:17:00,712 --> 00:17:02,913 I don't think I've missed any. 193 00:17:07,113 --> 00:17:10,413 Oh yes, I have actually! I've been to Leicester three times as well. 194 00:17:13,213 --> 00:17:15,313 Wayland was me last one. 195 00:17:21,814 --> 00:17:23,314 Good night. Sleep well. 196 00:17:23,414 --> 00:17:26,564 Thank you. Same to you. 197 00:17:26,964 --> 00:17:32,265 Oi, you. Since you got so much fucking time on your hands, yeah, 198 00:17:32,266 --> 00:17:37,965 answer this one: do you know how many people 199 00:17:37,966 --> 00:17:43,115 get killed by screws in prison every year? Murders. 200 00:17:43,215 --> 00:17:48,416 Oh, sorry, Gov. Excuse us, how was we supposed to know that bending him in half 201 00:17:48,417 --> 00:17:52,216 the wrong fucking way was bad for his health? 202 00:17:52,221 --> 00:17:57,206 It was only people like me what is really rotten, isn't it? Really bad. 203 00:17:57,216 --> 00:18:02,265 Beyond hope. You haven't got the faintest fucking clue, have you? 204 00:18:02,352 --> 00:18:04,164 - Huh? - Yeah, all he said was "Good night". 205 00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:07,841 - You can fuck off and all you fucking geeky... - Oh, shut up yourself, Stuart. 206 00:18:07,876 --> 00:18:11,664 You fucking wanking middle class 207 00:18:11,697 --> 00:18:14,800 cunt fuck, Alexander. 208 00:18:14,835 --> 00:18:17,396 You want to know how I became what I am? 209 00:18:17,434 --> 00:18:20,543 I'm giving you fucking answers! 210 00:18:22,218 --> 00:18:27,048 Why don't you write a book with no fucking answers, eh? 211 00:18:30,869 --> 00:18:35,219 Go on, you fuck off. You find your fucking answers. 212 00:18:50,870 --> 00:18:53,307 On a scale of anger, one to ten... 213 00:18:53,622 --> 00:18:57,559 I'm probably on four and Stuart's on eleven. 214 00:18:57,594 --> 00:18:59,821 You never can tell... 215 00:19:00,171 --> 00:19:03,571 how families have been down and they've been up then they've been down again. 216 00:19:03,572 --> 00:19:06,921 You just like Stuart, you know? 217 00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:10,821 Drugs, prison, being a beggar. 218 00:19:13,212 --> 00:19:13,922 Go on, go on. 219 00:19:23,572 --> 00:19:24,572 Yeah, mate. 220 00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:26,822 - Bastards! - Morning. 221 00:19:29,323 --> 00:19:30,473 Like the taste of piss, eh? 222 00:19:32,223 --> 00:19:34,023 You bastards. 223 00:19:34,233 --> 00:19:36,023 Someone smells nice. 224 00:19:37,523 --> 00:19:39,973 After three months of preparation. 225 00:19:42,073 --> 00:19:44,719 I mean, who's bloody stupid idea was it that we camp out over the weekend anyway, 226 00:19:44,724 --> 00:19:47,924 the one time Mr. Straw's not going to be there? 227 00:19:48,124 --> 00:19:49,899 - I bet it was yours. - Oh, fuck off. 228 00:19:57,975 --> 00:20:00,275 - Oh, I like this song. - This is a good song. 229 00:20:22,176 --> 00:20:24,626 Still, one blimey thing did come out of that weekend: 230 00:20:25,676 --> 00:20:28,427 Stuart's idea that his life should be written backwards. 231 00:20:39,177 --> 00:20:42,528 It was cutting me throat what done it. 232 00:20:43,228 --> 00:20:47,598 Put a beer glass into me neck. Just lost it. 233 00:20:55,179 --> 00:20:59,799 Sometimes you wouldn't believe how hard it is to fucking die. 234 00:21:01,229 --> 00:21:04,479 So, you got a council for that, because you tried to kill yourself? 235 00:21:05,229 --> 00:21:08,129 Works a trick for the old housing points, doesn't it? 236 00:21:08,179 --> 00:21:11,080 Whoosh! Straight to the top of the list. 237 00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:15,180 It's not all gone though. 238 00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:16,730 What's not all gone? 239 00:21:18,230 --> 00:21:20,230 The hatred. 240 00:21:20,930 --> 00:21:25,431 I got so many enemies. Up here, mate. 241 00:21:26,731 --> 00:21:29,481 Somebody's going to get hurt though, that's what scares me. 242 00:21:30,231 --> 00:21:31,931 When's this thing going to happen? 243 00:21:34,231 --> 00:21:36,531 I call it me "black mists". 244 00:21:37,231 --> 00:21:42,032 Next week? Next month? Next ten seconds? 245 00:22:08,634 --> 00:22:11,984 That is lovely bit of workmanship. 246 00:22:21,534 --> 00:22:24,785 That's value. That's value. 247 00:22:27,235 --> 00:22:32,435 Oh my God. This for the series. 248 00:22:47,236 --> 00:22:49,186 For my son. 249 00:22:51,536 --> 00:22:52,937 You've got a son!? 250 00:22:53,237 --> 00:22:57,737 Yeah. In Glasgow with his mum. 251 00:22:59,237 --> 00:23:01,737 Fourteen years of age to mind. 252 00:23:02,737 --> 00:23:05,437 Always out on the golf course, the little 'un. 253 00:23:12,838 --> 00:23:16,738 Not bad there, mate. Not better than Laurel Lane. 254 00:23:30,489 --> 00:23:33,759 Wine always smells like sick. 255 00:23:34,239 --> 00:23:36,390 Here, have a beer. 256 00:23:41,690 --> 00:23:43,250 Fancy something to eat? 257 00:24:15,892 --> 00:24:18,242 So why do you want to be a writer, then? 258 00:24:18,492 --> 00:24:22,793 Oh, I don't know, really. Bit like a disease, all my family's got it. 259 00:24:23,543 --> 00:24:25,343 Didn't want to be left out, did I? 260 00:24:25,643 --> 00:24:27,693 Nah. I know what you mean, mate. 261 00:24:28,343 --> 00:24:30,313 Me dad is a thief, 262 00:24:30,443 --> 00:24:32,743 and, um, me mum's a barmaid. 263 00:24:35,144 --> 00:24:37,594 What's the colour orange highlighter in your diary for? 264 00:24:38,244 --> 00:24:39,944 Family stuff. 265 00:24:43,064 --> 00:24:44,089 Yellow? 266 00:24:44,094 --> 00:24:45,394 Social. 267 00:24:52,095 --> 00:24:53,503 Now, uh... 268 00:24:54,020 --> 00:24:58,434 this book that you're writing about me... 269 00:25:00,245 --> 00:25:01,945 is it just to make your name? 270 00:25:03,045 --> 00:25:04,746 And yours. 271 00:25:08,046 --> 00:25:13,246 I've, uh, had an idea for a job, too. 272 00:25:15,246 --> 00:25:20,247 For the foreign businessman what doesn't have time to waste, 273 00:25:21,747 --> 00:25:23,247 what does he need? 274 00:25:25,247 --> 00:25:29,747 An office... in a van. 275 00:25:33,248 --> 00:25:34,768 It's lateral thinking, isn't it? 276 00:25:36,198 --> 00:25:40,228 Gets off the plane at Stansted, straight into the back of me van. 277 00:25:41,748 --> 00:25:43,398 That will have everything: 278 00:25:44,748 --> 00:25:47,699 good-looking bird what can do shorthand, 279 00:25:47,999 --> 00:25:50,508 fax, internet, 280 00:25:50,554 --> 00:25:55,128 wires all over the fucking gaff. It's brilliant. 281 00:25:56,269 --> 00:25:58,699 Red sauce or brown? 282 00:25:58,919 --> 00:26:01,399 Oh, yes please. I mean, uh, red. 283 00:26:01,450 --> 00:26:05,450 - What, what's... - Oh yeah, that fella upstairs 284 00:26:05,850 --> 00:26:10,236 is gonna make me a bed what folds up against the wall, 285 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:12,500 like what James Bond has. 286 00:26:12,670 --> 00:26:16,210 - Ooh. - Yeah. It's got to have, um, 287 00:26:16,211 --> 00:26:22,076 springs and latches on the floor otherwise it's boing, boing, whoosh! 288 00:26:22,351 --> 00:26:24,251 Boing, boing, whoosh? 289 00:26:24,801 --> 00:26:30,201 You know what I mean, bird's not going to be too happy if she gets her face 290 00:26:30,202 --> 00:26:33,602 squeezed up against the plaster, is she? 291 00:26:35,252 --> 00:26:36,652 Hey. 292 00:26:41,002 --> 00:26:41,952 Sorry. 293 00:26:43,552 --> 00:26:48,253 Good stuff, that. You can use it with anything. 294 00:26:48,753 --> 00:26:51,250 See that right by the bed? 295 00:26:51,485 --> 00:26:55,626 This should be a huge stain 296 00:26:55,721 --> 00:26:58,467 where I overdosed there last week. 297 00:26:58,502 --> 00:27:00,849 And all the spilled cans and vomit. 298 00:27:01,390 --> 00:27:05,641 That cleaned it up really, really well, actually. 299 00:27:06,654 --> 00:27:10,056 But you want to, um, you want to leave it, uh, 300 00:27:10,361 --> 00:27:15,935 for about... about a week before you vacuum. 301 00:27:43,156 --> 00:27:44,257 Here you are, mate. 302 00:27:48,257 --> 00:27:50,772 Careful, yeah? It's a bit hot. 303 00:28:03,728 --> 00:28:06,408 I never asked you why you were in prison. 304 00:28:07,258 --> 00:28:12,008 The last time... Stupid things. 305 00:28:12,859 --> 00:28:17,759 Me mate, Smithy, well bubblegum chap, 306 00:28:18,059 --> 00:28:21,359 I'm not being funny, he's in the Guinness Book of Records. 307 00:28:23,259 --> 00:28:26,409 1983 edition, as it goes. 308 00:28:27,360 --> 00:28:30,460 Like brothers fighting the world. 309 00:28:31,860 --> 00:28:35,460 Respect, trust, and honour. 310 00:28:43,161 --> 00:28:44,361 Go, go, go, go, go! 311 00:28:46,311 --> 00:28:47,430 Right. 312 00:28:54,411 --> 00:28:55,511 Ow. 313 00:29:05,262 --> 00:29:10,162 - Oh, fuck. Did you get menthols? - Menthols? Fuck off. 314 00:29:10,262 --> 00:29:14,213 - She'll fucking kill me. She asked for menthols. - Well, give her the vodka. 315 00:29:14,223 --> 00:29:16,658 She don't want vodka, she wants menthols! 316 00:29:27,414 --> 00:29:29,164 Go, go, go, go, go! 317 00:29:29,264 --> 00:29:33,164 Aw, I don't believe it! These aren't fucking menthols either! 318 00:29:33,214 --> 00:29:36,634 They're just in a green packet. I've got ten packets of green cigarettes. 319 00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:42,265 Hurry up. 320 00:29:42,765 --> 00:29:44,265 25 quid, 60!? 321 00:29:45,665 --> 00:29:49,935 Women! They think they can boss you about in everything, don't they? 322 00:29:50,095 --> 00:29:55,266 And one day, Smithy got a tip-off. 323 00:29:59,366 --> 00:30:02,516 - 20,000 quid? - Just keeps it under the counter. 324 00:30:02,586 --> 00:30:04,366 Not a cop shop in 20 miles. 325 00:30:05,266 --> 00:30:09,567 Fucking... That's fucking irresponsible. 326 00:30:10,267 --> 00:30:12,167 No pride of ownership. 327 00:30:18,117 --> 00:30:19,267 Go, go, go, go, go! 328 00:30:23,767 --> 00:30:24,768 Right. 329 00:30:34,568 --> 00:30:40,219 Let's just say it was funny because as soon as we was sent down, 330 00:30:40,224 --> 00:30:43,869 Smithy's missus moved in with the fella what told us about the job. 331 00:30:45,269 --> 00:30:46,669 Five years. 332 00:30:49,269 --> 00:30:53,270 Pretty steep sentence. Were you armed? 333 00:30:53,271 --> 00:30:54,770 No. 334 00:31:00,820 --> 00:31:02,395 Only with a crowbar. 335 00:31:14,771 --> 00:31:18,521 Hey, Alexander? You wanna stay for tea? 336 00:31:19,271 --> 00:31:22,422 Me favourite, "convict curry". 337 00:31:22,872 --> 00:31:25,222 We used to make it in jail. 338 00:31:26,272 --> 00:31:28,272 Ooh, mushrooms! 339 00:31:41,293 --> 00:31:43,823 - What about the first time, then? - First time what? 340 00:31:44,973 --> 00:31:47,273 Well, that you were sentenced as an adult. 341 00:31:58,274 --> 00:31:59,781 I can't... 342 00:32:02,774 --> 00:32:05,309 I can't really talk about that, mate. 343 00:32:09,275 --> 00:32:11,151 But, I mean... 344 00:32:11,326 --> 00:32:14,854 - robbing an empty post office is... - Burgle. 345 00:32:17,649 --> 00:32:22,113 Rob people, burgle post offices. 346 00:32:22,148 --> 00:32:25,776 Yeah, but what I mean is it's hardly a Schedule 1 offence, is it? 347 00:32:26,026 --> 00:32:27,276 Of course not. 348 00:32:30,026 --> 00:32:31,776 Well, that's serious, isn't it? 349 00:32:45,327 --> 00:32:47,577 It wasn't kiddie fiddling. 350 00:32:54,628 --> 00:32:57,328 I didn't say that it was. 351 00:33:00,128 --> 00:33:01,628 It wasn't. 352 00:33:07,329 --> 00:33:09,529 We'll talk about it Thursday, yeah? 353 00:33:12,579 --> 00:33:14,579 Thursday afternoon. 354 00:33:20,030 --> 00:33:21,980 Another time, right? 355 00:34:14,283 --> 00:34:19,284 Then you mop with the bread. Mop up your juices. 356 00:34:32,135 --> 00:34:35,835 So, smash the window, break the steering wheel lock 357 00:34:35,836 --> 00:34:38,535 by turning the wheel in opposing directions. 358 00:34:38,885 --> 00:34:43,685 Yeah. And if the street is too public to use a brick... 359 00:34:43,735 --> 00:34:48,286 Slide stick. Remove the metal band from a pallet of bricks, reduce to eighteen inches, 360 00:34:48,287 --> 00:34:51,736 remove a notch from one side, insert into door panel. 361 00:34:53,026 --> 00:34:55,536 Ba-kow! I'm in the post office! Boot in the rubble! 362 00:34:55,586 --> 00:34:58,786 No, there's no point in ram-raiding a post office. 363 00:34:58,986 --> 00:35:01,537 - Why not? - Can't you not pay attention? 364 00:35:01,587 --> 00:35:04,780 There's no point in ram-raiding a fucking post office. 365 00:35:04,868 --> 00:35:07,726 There's never no money in the till, is there? 366 00:35:10,887 --> 00:35:12,187 Gone are them days. 367 00:35:13,287 --> 00:35:15,487 I forgot money. 368 00:35:18,913 --> 00:35:20,138 Here. 369 00:35:21,888 --> 00:35:25,488 No, no, no, no. I'll get a taxi, I'll stop at a bank on the way. 370 00:35:25,608 --> 00:35:28,448 No, honestly, take it. It's me beer money. 371 00:35:28,468 --> 00:35:31,179 You'll be doing me a favour. 372 00:35:31,289 --> 00:35:33,539 You'll be doing society a favour. 373 00:35:36,089 --> 00:35:38,714 And buy a fucking car. 374 00:35:38,829 --> 00:35:41,039 Get yourself a fucking license. 375 00:35:42,489 --> 00:35:43,789 Oh, I almost forgot. 376 00:35:44,289 --> 00:35:46,540 Here. Bought you this. 377 00:35:47,590 --> 00:35:49,490 Your black mists. 378 00:35:51,090 --> 00:35:53,390 Thought you could talk into it next time you're in one. 379 00:35:54,810 --> 00:35:56,290 You'll be okay? 380 00:35:57,190 --> 00:35:58,390 Call if you need any help. 381 00:35:59,591 --> 00:36:01,741 2am, 4am, anytime. 382 00:36:01,841 --> 00:36:05,491 Yeah, so you can bring a fucking camera? 383 00:36:08,891 --> 00:36:09,591 Oi! 384 00:36:14,692 --> 00:36:16,802 You're alright, Alexander. 385 00:36:35,493 --> 00:36:40,692 Often used to say to Stuart, "I wish I could just pick you up sometimes, 386 00:36:40,693 --> 00:36:45,154 turn you upside down and shake all the bad things out of your head, 387 00:36:45,194 --> 00:36:47,694 then put you back up the right way again. " 388 00:36:49,369 --> 00:36:50,994 The change in him. 389 00:36:51,294 --> 00:36:52,994 We just couldn't understand it. 390 00:36:56,094 --> 00:36:58,605 And of course I would like to thank you all for coming here today 391 00:36:58,635 --> 00:37:02,345 to hear me talk about the campaign and the petition. 392 00:37:02,595 --> 00:37:07,245 Stuart and I gave nine or ten talks together about the campaign that spring 393 00:37:07,270 --> 00:37:11,195 in Burmingham, London, Oxford, and of course villages around Cambridge. 394 00:37:11,295 --> 00:37:12,295 Mr Stuart Clive Shorter. 395 00:37:12,446 --> 00:37:16,845 I'd speak first, and then Stuart would get up and knock the audience off its 396 00:37:16,846 --> 00:37:18,396 seats with the story of his life. 397 00:37:18,546 --> 00:37:21,883 A typical suicide attempt, 398 00:37:21,885 --> 00:37:27,360 just an unbearable sense of hatred, waste... 399 00:37:27,395 --> 00:37:30,393 "I am the nightmare you frighten your children with", he said. 400 00:37:30,428 --> 00:37:32,463 "The sort of person these two charity workers 401 00:37:32,490 --> 00:37:34,710 were trying to help to get off your streets. " 402 00:37:34,745 --> 00:37:36,749 "We should have awarded Ruth and John medals 403 00:37:36,803 --> 00:37:38,729 instead of sending them to prison. " 404 00:37:38,764 --> 00:37:42,576 ...so I just twisted around and I emptied everything 405 00:37:42,798 --> 00:37:45,493 that remained into my right buttock. 406 00:37:45,528 --> 00:37:47,648 Stuart did two things for the campaign, really. 407 00:37:47,683 --> 00:37:49,492 He folded letters... 408 00:37:49,862 --> 00:37:52,317 and he exposed his soul. 409 00:37:58,199 --> 00:37:59,299 That alright? 410 00:38:06,999 --> 00:38:09,299 - Exactly. So, if we write... - Oh, this is your name. 411 00:38:09,799 --> 00:38:11,800 If we solve the puzzle, do we solve you? 412 00:38:13,650 --> 00:38:16,800 He's just... He's just very, very interesting, you know? 413 00:38:16,801 --> 00:38:18,250 He tells me about a world I knew nothing about 414 00:38:18,265 --> 00:38:21,800 and... I... I just like him. 415 00:38:22,300 --> 00:38:24,639 It's absolutely extraordinary. 416 00:38:24,721 --> 00:38:28,365 He knows the exact day that he changed into a sociopath. 417 00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:30,301 Between 4pm and 5pm. The exact day! 418 00:38:31,101 --> 00:38:35,601 It's like knowing what was in Dr Jekyll's potion that turned him into Mr Hyde. 419 00:38:40,002 --> 00:38:43,502 This thing, Stuart's black mist, came that night. 420 00:38:44,802 --> 00:38:46,802 Apparently it started by a knife fight. 421 00:38:48,702 --> 00:38:51,352 The first I heard about it was a call a day later from his mother. 422 00:39:04,103 --> 00:39:05,303 At least there's no blood. 423 00:39:06,303 --> 00:39:07,953 Usually there is blood. 424 00:39:10,404 --> 00:39:12,104 Perhaps the cleaners have been 'round. 425 00:39:13,804 --> 00:39:14,954 Just for the blood. 426 00:39:25,305 --> 00:39:26,905 Campaign's helped him a lot, you know. 427 00:39:27,805 --> 00:39:29,055 Kept him straight. 428 00:39:29,675 --> 00:39:32,555 Ain't been this happy since he was a little boy. 429 00:39:41,706 --> 00:39:43,356 "Alexander only. " 430 00:39:49,416 --> 00:39:53,297 Hello, Alexander. It's Stuart. 431 00:39:53,751 --> 00:39:58,119 You know, admitting I've had lots to drink and that, but 432 00:39:58,167 --> 00:40:00,307 I can't help reflect about... 433 00:40:03,147 --> 00:40:05,747 Stuart had been bailed to appear at Cambridge Magistrate's Court. 434 00:40:09,008 --> 00:40:11,008 I went with him for moral support. 435 00:40:26,809 --> 00:40:29,109 They don't look too upset to be here. 436 00:40:30,209 --> 00:40:33,409 Well, wait till they get to Crown Court, that's when it gets serious. 437 00:40:33,459 --> 00:40:35,509 Godspeed the day. 438 00:40:44,820 --> 00:40:46,310 Excuse me, you're about to fall off... 439 00:40:46,311 --> 00:40:47,210 Fuck off. 440 00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:50,309 Good lad, just say that to the nasty man with the wig and 441 00:40:50,310 --> 00:40:51,621 everything will be fine. 442 00:40:53,311 --> 00:40:58,811 Sometimes it takes so long you forget what your fucking crime was. 443 00:41:00,411 --> 00:41:04,811 Here, listen to this. It's the little 'un. 444 00:41:07,212 --> 00:41:11,662 If I don't know you, fuck off! I'm not in and I don't wanna talk to you! 445 00:41:13,712 --> 00:41:16,012 I didn't think it was like that. 446 00:41:17,312 --> 00:41:20,313 I was thinking maybe he should go to business school. 447 00:41:21,213 --> 00:41:23,113 But now I don't know. 448 00:41:24,113 --> 00:41:25,213 He ain't right. 449 00:41:26,313 --> 00:41:30,613 I've had to have words with him about the importance of politeness. 450 00:41:30,863 --> 00:41:32,013 He's fourteen. 451 00:41:32,303 --> 00:41:34,613 It really shocked me, to be honest. 452 00:41:36,914 --> 00:41:38,214 Mr Shorter? 453 00:41:39,414 --> 00:41:42,308 According to police statements, they could smell, 454 00:41:42,462 --> 00:41:44,937 smoking oil when they arrived on the scene. 455 00:41:45,334 --> 00:41:46,514 Chip fat. 456 00:41:54,815 --> 00:41:57,315 It was the anniversary of my brother's death. 457 00:42:01,115 --> 00:42:03,635 I wanted to burn the devil out of myself. 458 00:42:38,618 --> 00:42:42,322 The Magistrate's Court decided they couldn't handle the complexities of Stuart's case 459 00:42:42,323 --> 00:42:44,818 so they referred it to the Crown Court. 460 00:42:46,118 --> 00:42:48,769 Disgrace. Forty policemen and you still get bailed? 461 00:42:48,819 --> 00:42:50,649 Beats me why you hate the system. 462 00:42:53,119 --> 00:42:55,629 Well, my mum says she doesn't understand it neither. 463 00:42:58,619 --> 00:43:02,970 What did the barrister mean when he was talking about "attempted manslaughter"? 464 00:43:05,320 --> 00:43:08,920 I reckon I tried to cut my neighbour's head off with a bread knife. 465 00:43:09,570 --> 00:43:11,180 You didn't. Did you? 466 00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:15,020 Yeah. 467 00:43:18,721 --> 00:43:21,071 And if he hadn't have moved, I'd have got him too. 468 00:43:28,821 --> 00:43:32,322 So you called your neighbour who made your boing-boing-whoosh bed 469 00:43:32,323 --> 00:43:35,622 a poofter and then that's why he lost it? 470 00:43:36,322 --> 00:43:38,682 No, he thought that I called him a poofter. 471 00:43:38,687 --> 00:43:41,222 - And you did nothing of the sort? - No. 472 00:43:41,422 --> 00:43:43,222 Then what did you do? 473 00:43:43,322 --> 00:43:46,523 I just asked his friend if he was a poofter. 474 00:43:49,023 --> 00:43:51,223 It's not a joke, Alexander! 475 00:43:51,323 --> 00:43:54,398 - Well, I mean... - When my bell's up, I'm looking at life! 476 00:44:05,824 --> 00:44:07,314 I've lost my keys somewhere. 477 00:44:10,224 --> 00:44:14,424 So you didn't call your neighbour who made your boing-boing-whoosh bed a poofter. 478 00:44:16,125 --> 00:44:20,925 But what... What did his mate say when you called... 479 00:44:21,275 --> 00:44:23,325 What did his mate say when you asked him if he was a poofter? 480 00:44:25,325 --> 00:44:30,096 Just... said he suffered from premature ejaculation. 481 00:44:32,826 --> 00:44:35,826 Which I thought was quite interesting at the time 482 00:44:36,326 --> 00:44:40,126 because I suffer from the same complaint myself. 483 00:44:53,317 --> 00:44:56,627 Um, I'm going to see some friends in Norfolk next week. 484 00:44:56,927 --> 00:44:58,227 Come along. 485 00:44:58,527 --> 00:45:00,228 No, can't. 486 00:45:02,028 --> 00:45:05,978 You heard the Magistrate, I'm not allowed out of Cambridge until me trial. 487 00:45:13,328 --> 00:45:16,529 And another thing about washing machines, right, 488 00:45:16,679 --> 00:45:19,444 this fella on the TV, 489 00:45:19,949 --> 00:45:24,329 he put three of them washing machine inner bits together. 490 00:45:25,329 --> 00:45:27,729 Not even a concrete one. Nothing. 491 00:45:28,330 --> 00:45:31,330 And he said it was a sculpture. 492 00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:37,530 And somebody bought it! 493 00:45:38,530 --> 00:45:40,530 I'm not being funny, yeah? 494 00:45:41,330 --> 00:45:44,531 But there is a viable business opportunity there. 495 00:45:47,631 --> 00:45:49,331 Rent a barn. 496 00:45:50,231 --> 00:45:52,331 Lay out all the bits. 497 00:45:53,331 --> 00:45:56,451 And when you've had enough of washing machines, 498 00:45:57,682 --> 00:45:59,132 do fridges. 499 00:46:00,632 --> 00:46:04,332 You know, that's what really annoys me, Alexander. 500 00:46:04,342 --> 00:46:08,782 I'm always getting these great ideas, you know, about how to make money. 501 00:46:09,782 --> 00:46:12,533 People are always telling me that they're wrong, you know? 502 00:46:12,583 --> 00:46:14,533 I never get no encouragement. 503 00:46:15,783 --> 00:46:17,933 No encouragement at all. 504 00:46:22,033 --> 00:46:23,383 Can you hold the wheel? 505 00:46:26,734 --> 00:46:28,034 You want some? 506 00:46:28,834 --> 00:46:31,234 Uh, yes. Thank you. 507 00:46:31,334 --> 00:46:32,134 Save me some. 508 00:46:32,634 --> 00:46:33,959 I will. 509 00:46:38,324 --> 00:46:40,584 I think I've got a bit of a cold coming. 510 00:46:48,035 --> 00:46:50,035 Here, listen to this! 511 00:46:51,335 --> 00:46:53,485 I apologise for not being currently available. 512 00:46:53,487 --> 00:46:56,336 Be so kind as to leave your name and message. 513 00:47:00,136 --> 00:47:03,636 So, why don't you just get an ordinary job? 514 00:47:05,336 --> 00:47:08,236 - 9 to 5? - That's the one. 515 00:47:08,936 --> 00:47:12,337 Getting up in the morning, coming home late at night. 516 00:47:12,347 --> 00:47:13,327 On the nose. 517 00:47:13,337 --> 00:47:14,637 Full time. 518 00:47:17,037 --> 00:47:18,537 What, have you ever had one of those? 519 00:47:18,937 --> 00:47:20,437 - Nope. - Ohh. 520 00:47:23,237 --> 00:47:25,938 I've done a bit of valeting work for a friend of me brother's. 521 00:47:26,738 --> 00:47:28,138 And? 522 00:47:28,738 --> 00:47:30,438 I head-butted the bloke. 523 00:47:31,238 --> 00:47:33,638 Your version of putting your head down and getting on with it, I suppose. 524 00:47:33,738 --> 00:47:36,328 He tried to fiddle with me sister. 525 00:47:38,248 --> 00:47:41,739 And then later on, you know, ah s... I don't know. 526 00:47:43,339 --> 00:47:45,239 And now you don't know what? 527 00:47:48,339 --> 00:47:50,139 Nothing. Just later on 528 00:47:50,439 --> 00:47:53,339 my brother Gavvy killed himself. 529 00:47:55,040 --> 00:47:56,595 Well, you know don't have to say anything, Stuart. 530 00:47:59,340 --> 00:48:00,990 Talk about it another time. 531 00:48:03,140 --> 00:48:04,940 Yeah. Thanks. 532 00:48:11,041 --> 00:48:13,741 When the police found Gavvy they said he'd really suffered. 533 00:48:15,141 --> 00:48:18,791 The tablets he'd taken had eaten his kidneys and his liver away before he died. 534 00:48:19,106 --> 00:48:21,641 And he had been in absolute agony dying. 535 00:48:22,191 --> 00:48:23,342 And I'm glad. 536 00:48:24,352 --> 00:48:26,642 I'm glad my brother suffered. 537 00:48:33,342 --> 00:48:37,843 - Chainsaw carved mushrooms? - Fucking hell. 538 00:48:38,243 --> 00:48:39,563 What did they do to deserve that? 539 00:48:45,343 --> 00:48:48,843 Fucking nice little number you got going here, mate. 540 00:48:49,543 --> 00:48:51,843 You get many knob heads falling for it? 541 00:48:51,845 --> 00:48:53,744 Yeah, plenty. 542 00:49:22,646 --> 00:49:23,796 Oh wow. 543 00:49:24,971 --> 00:49:26,046 I'm James. Good to see you. 544 00:49:27,346 --> 00:49:28,946 Alexander's told me all about you. 545 00:49:30,346 --> 00:49:31,645 Reuben, yes? 546 00:49:31,646 --> 00:49:33,896 - I'm Dido. - Ah, you have a lovely house. 547 00:49:33,996 --> 00:49:35,646 - Hello, darling. - Hi, hi, hi. 548 00:49:35,821 --> 00:49:37,847 - Good to see you. - This is for you. 549 00:49:37,997 --> 00:49:38,847 Ooh, thank you. Lovely, mmm. 550 00:49:38,902 --> 00:49:41,887 Now, Alexander told you that I'm an alcoholic, hasn't he? 551 00:49:41,927 --> 00:49:46,772 I'm also a Schedule 1 offender and a thief, but I won't cause no trouble. 552 00:49:47,847 --> 00:49:50,347 May I have a tour of the estate, please? 553 00:49:51,248 --> 00:49:54,948 - Is that a pear tree? - Yeah. 554 00:49:56,748 --> 00:49:57,898 You can make cider out of that. 555 00:49:59,248 --> 00:50:00,558 And them apples, eh? 556 00:50:02,338 --> 00:50:05,698 Famous actors used to come here and play tennis, like Lawrence Olivier and... 557 00:50:05,699 --> 00:50:08,199 Lawrence Olivier? Really? Right there? 558 00:50:11,274 --> 00:50:13,049 21-Love! 559 00:50:13,349 --> 00:50:15,099 Hey! 560 00:50:15,149 --> 00:50:18,824 You ought to knock all of them trees down and build a go-kart course. 561 00:50:20,930 --> 00:50:23,725 If you fix this place up it would be really lovely here. 562 00:51:15,353 --> 00:51:18,354 Ooh, 'Lapsang souchong'. Very nice. 563 00:51:23,054 --> 00:51:25,754 Ooh, it's very tasty. Yeah. 564 00:51:28,854 --> 00:51:31,454 Fucking amazing here. 565 00:51:35,855 --> 00:51:37,655 Yeah, A-fucking-One. 566 00:51:42,855 --> 00:51:45,055 They're so false. 567 00:51:45,655 --> 00:51:47,456 False tits. 568 00:51:48,556 --> 00:51:53,056 Now, I prefer a bit of natural bounce myself. 569 00:51:54,456 --> 00:51:57,656 I mean, and if they're going to sag, they're going to sag, aren't they? 570 00:52:06,357 --> 00:52:08,107 I don't get it, Alexander. 571 00:52:08,457 --> 00:52:13,507 How come you're so interested in homeless people? 572 00:52:14,432 --> 00:52:17,608 I'm not. I was only working at Wintercomfort because the money was good. 573 00:52:18,258 --> 00:52:22,758 Nine quid an hour. And the hours, shift work. 574 00:52:23,358 --> 00:52:24,608 How long are these onions meant to cook? 575 00:52:27,358 --> 00:52:28,858 Till they feel satisfied. 576 00:52:32,109 --> 00:52:33,719 And then it meant I could write in the morning. 577 00:52:35,609 --> 00:52:37,359 Yeah, but why? 578 00:52:38,349 --> 00:52:41,358 Look, Stuart, if I was interested in you as a homeless person, 579 00:52:41,359 --> 00:52:43,909 I'd have been sacked for unprofessional conduct ages ago. 580 00:52:44,309 --> 00:52:46,910 - So? - So I like you as a friend, is that so bad? 581 00:52:51,860 --> 00:52:52,835 Fenugreek? 582 00:52:56,360 --> 00:52:59,010 It's a bit weird if you ask me. 583 00:53:00,140 --> 00:53:01,351 Couldn't agree more. 584 00:53:04,361 --> 00:53:09,411 ...seven, eight. There's always somebody what won't want two. 585 00:53:16,012 --> 00:53:17,362 Yeah, but why? 586 00:53:19,062 --> 00:53:21,562 Because you're funny, intelligent, good company. 587 00:53:21,564 --> 00:53:24,462 What do you want, a fucking love letter? Now shut up and drink your freaking beer. 588 00:53:31,463 --> 00:53:32,563 Marvellous. 589 00:53:33,163 --> 00:53:35,463 - What was it again? - "Convict Curry". 590 00:53:47,264 --> 00:53:50,164 Hey Stuart, it's Thursday! You gotta tell! 591 00:53:50,364 --> 00:53:52,144 No, not now. 592 00:53:52,254 --> 00:53:53,864 Come on. A promise is a promise. 593 00:53:53,984 --> 00:53:56,734 Come on, you've talked to us about everything else. 594 00:53:57,164 --> 00:53:58,915 Give it a rest, Alexander. 595 00:54:01,024 --> 00:54:02,909 You don't wanna know. 596 00:54:02,975 --> 00:54:05,897 Stuart's first prison sentence. He'll only talk about it on a Thursday 597 00:54:05,932 --> 00:54:09,364 because he gets his dole money Wednesday afternoons, which means that 598 00:54:09,365 --> 00:54:13,266 if talking about it upsets him, he's still got enough heroin left to calm him down. 599 00:54:13,267 --> 00:54:14,366 Is that right? 600 00:54:18,436 --> 00:54:19,866 It was nothing. 601 00:54:21,366 --> 00:54:23,066 I was... 602 00:54:24,366 --> 00:54:26,366 I was in the pub one night. 603 00:54:27,566 --> 00:54:29,867 It was the little 'un's birthday. 604 00:54:33,167 --> 00:54:35,817 I was, I was in the pub celebrating. 605 00:54:36,967 --> 00:54:40,067 It was over ten years ago. 606 00:54:42,217 --> 00:54:44,368 This bloke says... 607 00:54:45,991 --> 00:54:48,471 - It was just nastiness. - Come on. 608 00:54:49,018 --> 00:54:51,368 Alexander, please. 609 00:54:51,868 --> 00:54:54,068 Look, Thursday's the day. 610 00:55:01,369 --> 00:55:03,369 So I come home. 611 00:55:11,069 --> 00:55:14,370 Marvin says, you've been fucking gran. 612 00:55:15,070 --> 00:55:16,370 You're drunk. 613 00:55:18,770 --> 00:55:20,970 If you want it, you gotta rape me. 614 00:55:27,821 --> 00:55:29,771 I'll fucking kill you, you cunt! 615 00:55:29,971 --> 00:55:31,871 Get out! 616 00:55:32,271 --> 00:55:34,361 You wanted a fucking baby! 617 00:55:38,971 --> 00:55:42,885 And I think then I realised that I 618 00:55:42,954 --> 00:55:46,914 had made a proper mess of it all, really. 619 00:55:46,949 --> 00:55:47,872 I'm fucking leaving. 620 00:55:49,172 --> 00:55:50,472 You fucking are now! 621 00:55:53,172 --> 00:55:55,873 Did you fuck around with me!? Yeah!? 622 00:55:59,373 --> 00:56:02,383 I'm a bit ashamed of that to be honest. 623 00:56:10,374 --> 00:56:15,554 Go on, fuck off! Fuck off! Oh, for fuck's sake. 624 00:56:15,774 --> 00:56:16,874 Go on, fuck off! 625 00:56:19,874 --> 00:56:21,024 Fucking hell! 626 00:56:21,324 --> 00:56:22,374 It's alright. 627 00:56:22,584 --> 00:56:23,674 Fuck off! 628 00:56:25,575 --> 00:56:28,375 So we sat around for a bit 629 00:56:30,375 --> 00:56:32,675 and decided we'd come out together. 630 00:56:37,675 --> 00:56:41,376 We're coming out now. We're together. 631 00:56:43,076 --> 00:56:44,326 I'm sorry. 632 00:56:47,276 --> 00:56:48,376 Go! Get him! 633 00:56:52,376 --> 00:56:53,877 Connie, just shoot the fucker! 634 00:56:57,877 --> 00:57:02,547 He just lost it. It's not Stuart. 635 00:57:04,727 --> 00:57:06,377 Move! Move! 636 00:58:06,381 --> 00:58:08,882 Lovely stay, Alexander. Thank you very much. 637 00:58:09,632 --> 00:58:11,332 I really enjoyed it. 638 00:58:15,862 --> 00:58:20,372 I was really surprised, Alexander, to be honest. 639 00:58:20,482 --> 00:58:24,558 I thought that middle class people had something wrong with them, you know? 640 00:58:24,708 --> 00:58:30,683 But they're just ordinary, aren't they? I was a bit shocked, to tell the truth. 641 00:58:34,983 --> 00:58:37,884 Over the next few months Stuart's trial for the attempted manslaughter 642 00:58:37,885 --> 00:58:41,684 of his not poofter, boing-boing-whoosh bed making neighbour was postponed once, 643 00:58:43,184 --> 00:58:44,384 twice, 644 00:58:46,384 --> 00:58:48,034 a third time, 645 00:58:48,934 --> 00:58:50,184 and then a fourth. 646 00:58:53,910 --> 00:58:58,375 He needed some cash so I gave him 250 quid for his car 647 00:58:58,385 --> 00:59:00,685 and I'm still waiting for the paperwork. 648 00:59:01,935 --> 00:59:04,785 Meanwhile, the campaign went from strength to strength. 649 00:59:05,336 --> 00:59:08,686 Newsletters, petitions, protests, even benefit gigs. 650 00:59:08,786 --> 00:59:12,336 And then it was Stuart's bright idea to go and see our local MP. 651 00:59:14,386 --> 00:59:15,886 Oh shit. 652 00:59:20,617 --> 00:59:23,187 I'm sorry, I'm just a bit nervous is all. 653 00:59:27,287 --> 00:59:29,087 Mr Shorter is not from Anne's constituency... 654 00:59:29,092 --> 00:59:33,377 I'm from Anne's constituency. I wish to take Stuart as my guest. 655 00:59:33,378 --> 00:59:34,488 Alexander... 656 00:59:34,489 --> 00:59:35,838 For that you'll have to make a new appointment. 657 00:59:35,839 --> 00:59:37,688 Oh, rubbish! She's got nothing else to do, has she? 658 00:59:38,438 --> 00:59:43,938 The council is not gonna have no emergency winter shelter for the homeless. 659 00:59:45,588 --> 00:59:48,188 And I'm frightened... 660 00:59:52,177 --> 00:59:56,571 In winter it's smack what keeps you fucking... 661 01:00:01,967 --> 01:00:03,235 I'm sorry. 662 01:00:04,043 --> 01:00:06,219 ...keeps you warm. 663 01:00:07,390 --> 01:00:10,442 But this year there's going to be 664 01:00:10,483 --> 01:00:13,802 one more death a month, again. 665 01:00:15,290 --> 01:00:16,190 Why? 666 01:00:17,490 --> 01:00:18,741 Puppies. 667 01:00:19,991 --> 01:00:21,991 I'm not sure I follow you. 668 01:00:23,391 --> 01:00:24,891 On the streets. 669 01:00:27,891 --> 01:00:29,391 Pup... puppies. 670 01:00:35,542 --> 01:00:38,992 'Cause the homeless love their dogs, right? 671 01:00:40,292 --> 01:00:44,792 But the hostels only allow two to three places for pets. 672 01:00:45,392 --> 01:00:50,293 So, if there has been two new litters, 673 01:00:50,543 --> 01:00:53,442 then loads more people are gonna have dogs, aren't they? 674 01:00:53,443 --> 01:00:58,255 And therefore will be forced to sleep out. 675 01:00:58,485 --> 01:01:00,590 And hence... 676 01:01:00,597 --> 01:01:02,601 therefore... 677 01:01:02,860 --> 01:01:04,774 furthermore... 678 01:01:05,985 --> 01:01:08,095 more deaths. 679 01:01:12,294 --> 01:01:18,195 You see, on the street it's the little things that kill people. 680 01:01:27,020 --> 01:01:30,695 That Justice Howarth must hate the campaign's guts. Humiliation! 681 01:01:30,746 --> 01:01:34,346 Seven months after they were sent down Ruth and John... 682 01:01:34,347 --> 01:01:38,376 ...have been released on bail after a high profile campaign by MPs 683 01:01:38,377 --> 01:01:41,404 and other homeless charities, they won the right to appeal against prison sentences 684 01:01:41,406 --> 01:01:43,396 four and five years. 685 01:01:43,406 --> 01:01:47,196 This was our first sight of Ruth Wyner and John Brock on the steps of the 686 01:01:47,197 --> 01:01:49,297 Royal Courts of Justice this morning. 687 01:01:49,397 --> 01:01:52,846 After seven months in jail, the so-called "Cambridge Two" have been released on 688 01:01:52,847 --> 01:01:56,947 unconditional bail and are now free to challenge their original convictions. 689 01:01:58,297 --> 01:01:59,998 I can't see if the light's on. 690 01:02:03,198 --> 01:02:06,397 Stuart, it's Alexander. Stop whatever illegal thing it is 691 01:02:06,398 --> 01:02:08,418 that you're doing and get down here! 692 01:02:21,999 --> 01:02:24,499 It's me muscular dystrophy. 693 01:02:26,399 --> 01:02:32,300 Humeroscapu... or something. Muscular dystrophy. 694 01:02:34,400 --> 01:02:37,550 It's a real gobstopper, I never learnt the name. 695 01:02:38,700 --> 01:02:40,600 What you don't know can't hurt you. 696 01:02:41,700 --> 01:02:43,818 I only came in 697 01:02:43,915 --> 01:02:48,745 to see the nurse because I wanted a cuddle and it spits too soon. 698 01:02:48,860 --> 01:02:50,901 Stuart! 699 01:02:51,851 --> 01:02:55,701 I thought maybe it's because of me muscular dystrophy. 700 01:02:56,401 --> 01:02:59,402 You know, 'cause your dick's a muscle, isn't it? 701 01:03:04,202 --> 01:03:06,402 It started on me ticker. 702 01:03:08,402 --> 01:03:13,503 They tried twice to put a pacemaker in me tit, 703 01:03:15,903 --> 01:03:20,503 but the veins just crumble 'cause of the amount of critic I've injected. 704 01:03:22,803 --> 01:03:25,203 Gotta laugh, haven't you? 705 01:03:39,904 --> 01:03:41,424 I can't believe he hadn't told you. 706 01:03:42,005 --> 01:03:44,395 He tells everyone. About everything. 707 01:03:44,455 --> 01:03:46,755 - Well, now, that's not true. - Mum, yes. 708 01:03:47,355 --> 01:03:50,305 That's his way of coping, isn't it? 709 01:03:50,405 --> 01:03:52,905 Twenty years. Non-stop. 710 01:03:53,805 --> 01:03:55,505 Ever since he first went on the streets. 711 01:03:56,005 --> 01:03:57,406 Twenty years? 712 01:03:57,956 --> 01:04:01,406 But I thought it was Gavvy's, um, his brother's suicide that made him homeless. 713 01:04:01,416 --> 01:04:03,206 Don't be stupid. 714 01:04:03,406 --> 01:04:06,306 Stuart had been on and off the streets since he was twelve. 715 01:04:06,406 --> 01:04:08,406 Then, all of a sudden, this little horror. 716 01:04:08,956 --> 01:04:11,257 Twelve years old, that's when it started. 717 01:04:12,407 --> 01:04:14,007 Gavvy had to run to fetch mum. 718 01:04:15,907 --> 01:04:17,607 Come, it's Stuart! 719 01:04:18,407 --> 01:04:20,957 Put me into care! You hear me!? 720 01:04:21,107 --> 01:04:23,407 Do it now otherwise I'll kill you! 721 01:04:23,507 --> 01:04:28,408 Put me into care now! I'll do the lot of you! Put me into care! 722 01:04:28,409 --> 01:04:31,508 I said, put me into care! 723 01:04:32,708 --> 01:04:34,308 In you get. Watch your head. 724 01:04:35,808 --> 01:04:37,658 He was taken into care that night. 725 01:04:38,398 --> 01:04:39,758 We didn't see him for three weeks. 726 01:04:39,958 --> 01:04:41,559 Another one for you, Mr Laverack. 727 01:04:41,709 --> 01:04:44,509 You're getting popular, he asked to come. 728 01:04:45,659 --> 01:04:48,439 Poor boy. Poor boy. 729 01:05:00,110 --> 01:05:01,910 Out of the frying pan into the fire. 730 01:05:02,110 --> 01:05:04,210 Well, we weren't the frying pan. 731 01:05:04,260 --> 01:05:05,510 You know what I mean. 732 01:05:06,410 --> 01:05:07,910 We just couldn't understand it. 733 01:05:09,210 --> 01:05:10,941 People said she ought to disown him. 734 01:05:12,211 --> 01:05:14,211 How can you wash your hands of your own child? 735 01:05:15,311 --> 01:05:16,911 He's my flesh and blood, I'd say. 736 01:05:18,111 --> 01:05:19,211 He's my son. 737 01:05:19,411 --> 01:05:21,461 I just wish I could do more. 738 01:05:24,112 --> 01:05:27,736 Working on the book after the end of the campaign, writing, rewriting, 739 01:05:27,737 --> 01:05:31,772 I realised then that I could never hope to justify or explain Stuart. 740 01:05:31,792 --> 01:05:34,742 And whatever had murdered his innocence had long ago ceased 741 01:05:34,743 --> 01:05:37,212 to be simple enough to sort out with words. 742 01:05:38,312 --> 01:05:40,763 All I could hope to do was to staple him to the page. 743 01:05:46,538 --> 01:05:48,513 - Hello? - It's in me tit. 744 01:05:48,813 --> 01:05:53,314 I'm at Papworth Heart Hospital. Come visit. 745 01:05:54,414 --> 01:05:59,204 Yeah, on your way, can you pop in to see me gran and grandpa? 746 01:05:59,214 --> 01:06:00,914 They've got a present for me. 747 01:06:01,114 --> 01:06:04,614 I told them it smells like sick but they don't listen. 748 01:06:13,415 --> 01:06:15,415 We haven't seen Stuart in years. 749 01:06:15,765 --> 01:06:17,215 Lots of years. 750 01:06:17,565 --> 01:06:21,315 Well, things haven't been very easy for him recently. 751 01:06:21,415 --> 01:06:24,016 His mother says it's the buses. 752 01:06:24,416 --> 01:06:26,166 They're not convenient. 753 01:06:32,216 --> 01:06:33,016 Stuart? 754 01:06:33,416 --> 01:06:37,817 - No. - Rory, his son. 755 01:06:44,917 --> 01:06:47,917 - Stuart. - No. 756 01:06:47,967 --> 01:06:49,817 Rex, his dad. 757 01:06:51,768 --> 01:06:54,018 A bad man, his real dad. 758 01:06:55,618 --> 01:06:57,318 Gypsies. 759 01:07:05,118 --> 01:07:06,319 Stuart? 760 01:07:06,419 --> 01:07:08,219 Gavvy, Stuey's brother. 761 01:07:08,519 --> 01:07:12,569 One day when Rex was beating our Judith real bad, 762 01:07:13,969 --> 01:07:15,819 Gavvy hit him over the head with a broom. 763 01:07:16,419 --> 01:07:17,919 He was only five. 764 01:07:20,019 --> 01:07:22,350 Rex moved out after that. 765 01:07:27,120 --> 01:07:28,970 I know why Stuart changed. 766 01:07:30,420 --> 01:07:32,920 Gavvy came 'round special to tell me. 767 01:07:34,420 --> 01:07:36,021 Promised I'd never tell. 768 01:07:39,221 --> 01:07:41,981 Three days later he committed suicide. 769 01:07:47,921 --> 01:07:49,751 To celebrate his getting better. 770 01:07:50,722 --> 01:07:52,457 Couldn't decide red or white. 771 01:07:52,592 --> 01:07:56,422 Tell him to come and see us. We've waited long enough. 772 01:07:57,422 --> 01:07:59,822 Can't wait forever. 773 01:08:19,174 --> 01:08:21,274 Oh, you fucking star. 774 01:08:36,925 --> 01:08:38,675 I almost died. 775 01:08:43,625 --> 01:08:46,225 How are Ruth and John? 776 01:08:46,580 --> 01:08:48,276 Not good. 777 01:08:50,406 --> 01:08:51,426 He can't work. 778 01:08:53,626 --> 01:08:55,026 Wife says he cries in his sleep. 779 01:09:00,126 --> 01:09:01,226 And Ruth? 780 01:09:01,526 --> 01:09:02,626 Got cancer. 781 01:09:06,327 --> 01:09:07,527 Bastards. 782 01:09:08,627 --> 01:09:11,027 Now do you see what I mean about the system? 783 01:09:11,237 --> 01:09:14,327 The system. It's the system that's going to keep her alive. 784 01:09:14,927 --> 01:09:19,328 It's the system that's just given you a �5,000 pacemaker for nothing. 785 01:09:20,428 --> 01:09:23,078 - Hello? - Excuse me guys, do either of you know where the toilet is? 786 01:09:23,328 --> 01:09:25,528 Uh, yeah, sure. I saw a sign that said down there on the left. 787 01:09:25,728 --> 01:09:26,928 Thanks, mate. 788 01:09:36,229 --> 01:09:37,579 Fucking hell. 789 01:09:38,279 --> 01:09:40,179 I need a cigarette. 790 01:09:42,229 --> 01:09:44,579 Yeah, the whole town's like it. 791 01:09:45,429 --> 01:09:47,430 All cripples. 792 01:09:48,530 --> 01:09:52,705 I spent six years in a school like this. 793 01:09:56,430 --> 01:09:59,230 Day I end up like that, eh, 794 01:09:59,530 --> 01:10:02,531 death day. 795 01:10:03,831 --> 01:10:05,231 Care was like this? 796 01:10:05,431 --> 01:10:07,931 No. Spagie school. 797 01:10:08,431 --> 01:10:11,731 They sent me because of my muscular dystrophy. 798 01:10:12,631 --> 01:10:15,731 Said I wasn't allowed to go to proper school. 799 01:10:15,782 --> 01:10:17,882 Well, it was the '70s. 800 01:10:18,232 --> 01:10:21,442 Funny thing, that. There was nothing wrong with me at that stage. 801 01:10:21,443 --> 01:10:25,732 I was just a bit uncoordinated, but you'd hardly notice. 802 01:10:27,732 --> 01:10:30,933 But they said since I was going to die a spag, 803 01:10:30,938 --> 01:10:33,783 I might as well get used to the idea. 804 01:10:36,283 --> 01:10:39,683 Before I was too spagie to understand, I suppose. 805 01:10:39,684 --> 01:10:40,433 Now all together. 806 01:10:41,733 --> 01:10:43,933 Douchebag! Douchebag! Douchebag! 807 01:10:47,034 --> 01:10:49,634 Gimpy! Oi, gimpy, come here! 808 01:10:50,334 --> 01:10:52,434 Where's your brother now? 809 01:10:54,919 --> 01:10:57,634 'Help me! Hold me! Love me!' 810 01:11:02,815 --> 01:11:04,935 We're coming to kill you. 811 01:11:18,236 --> 01:11:20,036 Did they kick the shit out of you? 812 01:11:20,436 --> 01:11:22,036 Every day, mate. 813 01:11:23,436 --> 01:11:26,036 Give 'em something to do after school. 814 01:11:28,236 --> 01:11:30,337 Then Gavvy would console me. 815 01:11:33,337 --> 01:11:37,437 Please, not Howarth. Please, not... 816 01:11:37,438 --> 01:11:40,937 Only one month out of Papworth, Stuart's day in court for 817 01:11:40,938 --> 01:11:43,237 attempting to cut off his neighbour's head finally arrived. 818 01:11:43,938 --> 01:11:46,028 We were dreading it would be Ruth and John's old judge. 819 01:11:46,038 --> 01:11:48,038 Oh fuck! 820 01:11:48,438 --> 01:11:50,638 All rise for Justice Howarth. 821 01:11:53,138 --> 01:11:55,688 At this point Stuart really was looking at being imprisoned for life. 822 01:12:00,439 --> 01:12:02,639 Court is now in session. 823 01:12:09,839 --> 01:12:13,990 This case concerns Stuart Clive Shorter. 824 01:12:16,640 --> 01:12:21,455 Affray, disorderly conduct, resisting arrest, 825 01:12:21,490 --> 01:12:24,590 an incident at the accused's flat. 826 01:12:38,941 --> 01:12:42,542 No. No, he just said the whole thing was nonsense. 827 01:12:43,442 --> 01:12:47,441 All that adding charges, taking them away, attempted murder, not... 828 01:12:47,442 --> 01:12:49,592 I don't know, I mean, what can I say? 829 01:12:49,642 --> 01:12:53,392 The lucky bastard got off on a series of technicalities. 830 01:12:53,592 --> 01:12:56,443 You know what Judge Howarth thinks about... 831 01:12:56,448 --> 01:13:00,043 Oh shit. Stuart, I'm so sorry. Are you alright? 832 01:13:00,343 --> 01:13:01,643 I'm so sorry. 833 01:13:04,743 --> 01:13:08,093 He's free! He's absolutely fucking free. 834 01:13:40,146 --> 01:13:41,746 Oh, you're disgusting. 835 01:13:45,946 --> 01:13:47,946 Wakey, wakey. 836 01:13:54,446 --> 01:13:58,747 Sun has got his hat on, mate. Sun has got his hat on, mate. 837 01:13:59,547 --> 01:14:01,297 Rise and shine! 838 01:14:01,477 --> 01:14:04,397 Now, I've got to try on a suit for me sister's wedding. 839 01:14:04,737 --> 01:14:06,747 Can you give me a lift? 840 01:14:17,248 --> 01:14:18,748 Have you listened to the tape? 841 01:14:35,749 --> 01:14:40,850 I was nine, Alexander, when it started. Nine. 842 01:14:42,850 --> 01:14:44,775 It was three years of abuse. 843 01:14:46,400 --> 01:14:48,350 My own brother. 844 01:14:53,451 --> 01:14:56,501 And then his mate joined in. 845 01:15:05,651 --> 01:15:10,772 That night, I ju... I couldn't, I couldn't take it no more, you know? 846 01:15:13,152 --> 01:15:14,572 They had done everything. 847 01:15:19,452 --> 01:15:22,253 There was nothing more they could do. 848 01:15:48,454 --> 01:15:52,305 - You got any more of these? - Yeah, backseat, I think. 849 01:15:53,455 --> 01:15:55,655 I think the reason mum still pampers him like she does 850 01:15:55,656 --> 01:15:58,605 is because she feels guilty about what Gavvy did. 851 01:15:59,155 --> 01:16:01,255 But he did the same to me. 852 01:16:03,225 --> 01:16:04,465 I'm the same as Stu. 853 01:16:04,485 --> 01:16:07,756 One minute, nice as pie; next minute, I'm a rattlesnake. 854 01:16:09,456 --> 01:16:13,456 How'd I get to be like this? What murdered the little boy I was? 855 01:16:13,457 --> 01:16:15,876 When the police found Gavvy, they said he'd really suffered. 856 01:16:19,206 --> 01:16:20,557 Legs all over the show. 857 01:16:21,807 --> 01:16:23,707 That boy has suffered. 858 01:16:24,957 --> 01:16:26,457 Happy-go-lucky little thing. 859 01:16:26,657 --> 01:16:28,657 Mr Laverack. 860 01:16:29,207 --> 01:16:31,557 - Poor boy. Poor boy. - Out of the frying pan into the fire. 861 01:16:31,558 --> 01:16:34,457 - Put me into care now! - Douchebag! Douchebag! 862 01:16:34,557 --> 01:16:38,308 - Douchebag! Douchebag! Douchebag! - We're coming to kill you. 863 01:16:38,458 --> 01:16:42,468 The tablets he'd taken had eaten his kidneys and his liver away before he died. 864 01:16:42,469 --> 01:16:44,958 Always such a caring boy. Happy-go-lucky little thing. 865 01:16:45,358 --> 01:16:47,258 And I'm glad. 866 01:16:47,458 --> 01:16:48,813 I'm glad Gavvy suffered. 867 01:16:57,484 --> 01:16:59,109 That's Gavvy. 868 01:17:03,534 --> 01:17:05,580 That's Gavvy and me. 869 01:17:11,360 --> 01:17:13,480 So he's what murdered the boy you were. 870 01:17:15,860 --> 01:17:18,700 - What made you change. - Ah, wasn't that. 871 01:17:21,461 --> 01:17:22,611 What was it then? 872 01:17:24,761 --> 01:17:30,761 So many people have had the same sort of childhood and experiences 873 01:17:30,962 --> 01:17:35,892 as what I have and they learn to accept and cope and live a very, 874 01:17:36,962 --> 01:17:40,657 in brackets, "normal and competitive life". 875 01:17:40,662 --> 01:17:43,562 I'm quite philosophical about that. 876 01:17:48,463 --> 01:17:50,963 If you had to change one thing about your life, what would it be? 877 01:17:51,463 --> 01:17:53,513 Well, how much is one thing? 878 01:17:54,463 --> 01:17:57,463 It's very easy to blame, isn't it? 879 01:17:59,063 --> 01:18:01,363 Me muscular dystrophy? 880 01:18:02,263 --> 01:18:03,864 Nonces? 881 01:18:04,464 --> 01:18:05,764 Gavvy? 882 01:18:07,464 --> 01:18:09,804 Honestly, it'd be easier to change me. 883 01:18:10,964 --> 01:18:12,264 One thing only. 884 01:18:20,065 --> 01:18:23,085 The day I discovered violence. 885 01:18:24,965 --> 01:18:26,865 Me step-father 886 01:18:27,065 --> 01:18:30,465 said if I didn't go out there and stick up for myself, 887 01:18:30,965 --> 01:18:32,966 he'd belt us once. 888 01:19:06,768 --> 01:19:09,568 Fucking fantastic. 889 01:19:13,468 --> 01:19:15,569 Weakling became strong. 890 01:19:16,969 --> 01:19:19,669 The day that I found violence 891 01:19:20,569 --> 01:19:23,519 I felt fifty times more strong. 892 01:19:25,469 --> 01:19:31,468 After you've been bullied and pushed about, called spastic, 893 01:19:31,883 --> 01:19:36,868 you learn that violence, and fear of violence, 894 01:19:36,961 --> 01:19:40,699 and madness, it scares people. 895 01:19:42,470 --> 01:19:47,471 I used to deliberately get myself in a rage. 896 01:19:47,671 --> 01:19:52,371 And after six months, I found I couldn't stop them. 897 01:19:52,671 --> 01:19:56,021 I wasn't making the madness up no more. 898 01:19:59,472 --> 01:20:01,872 You know what, Alexander? 899 01:20:04,472 --> 01:20:07,572 I don't know myself or... 900 01:20:09,272 --> 01:20:10,472 Madness. 901 01:20:11,572 --> 01:20:15,773 Sometimes I think I'm the child of the devil. 902 01:20:16,723 --> 01:20:18,973 I let the devil in. 903 01:20:21,673 --> 01:20:23,873 Now I can't get him out. 904 01:20:25,473 --> 01:20:27,173 I tried... 905 01:20:27,673 --> 01:20:31,004 burning him out, and cutting him out, and... 906 01:20:33,374 --> 01:20:35,474 he don't take no notice. 907 01:20:36,174 --> 01:20:37,374 Why should he? 908 01:20:37,674 --> 01:20:40,399 He don't wanna be homeless. 909 01:20:52,175 --> 01:20:53,565 You know, there's still one question left. 910 01:20:53,585 --> 01:20:56,475 - What's that, mate? - Guess. 911 01:20:57,536 --> 01:20:59,526 We're writing the book backwards, 912 01:21:00,776 --> 01:21:03,776 so what's the last bit of information we need? 913 01:21:07,276 --> 01:21:08,976 What's your date of birth? 914 01:21:09,376 --> 01:21:11,376 Oh, right, yeah. 915 01:21:12,977 --> 01:21:15,607 I am Stuart Clive Shorter. 916 01:21:16,477 --> 01:21:22,427 I was born on the 19th of the 9th, 1968. 917 01:21:26,377 --> 01:21:28,478 So, you're... 918 01:21:29,378 --> 01:21:34,678 - You're 33. - I am 33. I'm getting older, as they say. 919 01:21:35,478 --> 01:21:39,284 And I have led a very controversial... 920 01:21:39,566 --> 01:21:42,885 ...and unpleasant life. 921 01:21:44,859 --> 01:21:46,479 Oh, yeah. 922 01:21:48,479 --> 01:21:52,579 Eh? Best man or what, eh? 923 01:21:57,680 --> 01:21:59,980 It is gonna be grand. 924 01:22:23,381 --> 01:22:25,482 P - P - P-Peterborough, Cambridge... 925 01:22:27,809 --> 01:22:30,713 ...on 96 and 95.7 FM. 926 01:22:30,783 --> 01:22:34,833 - And 1026 AM. - BBC Radio Cambridgeshire. 927 01:22:35,482 --> 01:22:36,682 The top story this hour... 928 01:22:44,483 --> 01:22:46,533 ...near the French entrance to the channel tunnel. 929 01:22:46,583 --> 01:22:49,483 Police have now formally indentified the man who died after being hit 930 01:22:49,484 --> 01:22:52,083 by a train near Cambridge early this morning. 931 01:22:52,483 --> 01:22:55,494 He was Stuart Shorter, a 33-year-old from Waterbeach. 932 01:22:55,495 --> 01:23:00,484 The coroner has been informed and an inquest will take place at a date to be fixed. 933 01:23:12,485 --> 01:23:14,485 Judith? It's Alexander. 934 01:23:19,985 --> 01:23:23,586 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. 935 01:23:23,636 --> 01:23:25,556 Was it suicide? 936 01:23:26,386 --> 01:23:28,811 I don't know. He didn't leave a note. 937 01:23:30,086 --> 01:23:32,486 But then, suicides often don't. 938 01:23:33,686 --> 01:23:38,087 All I do know is that he stepped in front of the 11:15 Cambridge to Kings Lynn. 939 01:23:39,187 --> 01:23:43,487 ...I have overcome the world, says the Lord. 940 01:23:43,637 --> 01:23:47,587 Since the Earthly life of Stuart has come to an end, 941 01:23:48,487 --> 01:23:51,287 we commit his body to be buried. 942 01:23:51,487 --> 01:23:55,488 Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. 943 01:23:55,588 --> 01:23:59,588 In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life. 944 01:23:59,688 --> 01:24:03,488 - To our Lord Jesus Christ, Amen. - Amen. 945 01:24:57,992 --> 01:25:00,492 Hello, Alexander. It's Stuart. 946 01:25:00,502 --> 01:25:02,392 Hello, Stuart. 947 01:25:02,492 --> 01:25:06,090 You know, admitting I've had lots to drink and that, 948 01:25:06,321 --> 01:25:10,496 but I can't help reflect about my brother 949 01:25:10,802 --> 01:25:13,107 and my brother's friend. 950 01:25:13,154 --> 01:25:15,319 And they didn't believe me. 951 01:25:16,493 --> 01:25:18,393 And they didn't care. 952 01:25:18,493 --> 01:25:19,993 The abuse. 953 01:25:20,494 --> 01:25:24,874 Being asked to do things that I wouldn't have thought possible that anyone 954 01:25:24,875 --> 01:25:27,724 could ask of an 11-year-old. 955 01:25:30,494 --> 01:25:34,647 I'm just head-butting, and head-butting, 956 01:25:34,684 --> 01:25:38,733 and head-butting, and head-butting. 957 01:25:39,645 --> 01:25:44,495 The more that you speak, the more they disbelieve. 958 01:25:45,495 --> 01:25:48,795 And nobody was listening to anything I had to say. 959 01:25:49,996 --> 01:25:52,486 When I've got my drink inside me 960 01:25:52,496 --> 01:25:57,796 I sit here having mad conversations with myself. 961 01:25:58,096 --> 01:26:00,806 Talking about mutilating myself, 962 01:26:01,846 --> 01:26:04,497 killing myself, 963 01:26:05,497 --> 01:26:08,497 tracking down those who are responsible. 964 01:26:09,497 --> 01:26:13,497 I want to just lay down and die. 965 01:26:15,497 --> 01:26:19,598 I feel so dirty, and fucking horrible 966 01:26:19,628 --> 01:26:23,798 and hating and attacking anyone I get close to. 967 01:26:25,048 --> 01:26:26,498 I just wish 968 01:26:27,998 --> 01:26:29,398 once 969 01:26:29,498 --> 01:26:33,499 there could be an escape from this madness. 970 01:26:47,499 --> 01:26:51,100 The book was finally published in April 2005. 971 01:26:54,800 --> 01:26:57,000 I think Stuart would have liked it. 76682

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