Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:01:16,187 --> 00:01:17,971
Sha-ha, dah.
2
00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:20,336
Broosk-da-da-da-boom.
3
00:01:20,337 --> 00:01:21,504
Shadeet-hamah.
4
00:01:33,395 --> 00:01:35,478
Brooks-dask-dask-da-boom.
5
00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:46,454
Milo-tamale-shakinee.
6
00:02:12,884 --> 00:02:14,825
You are a winner.
7
00:02:14,826 --> 00:02:16,585
You soar with the eagles.
8
00:02:16,586 --> 00:02:17,419
No.
9
00:02:17,420 --> 00:02:19,559
The eagles soar with you.
10
00:02:24,946 --> 00:02:25,779
Shit.
11
00:02:31,948 --> 00:02:34,698
I'm gonna be late for work again.
12
00:02:36,009 --> 00:02:40,342
I know I shouldn't have
stayed over on a work night.
13
00:02:41,289 --> 00:02:42,122
Did you hear me, babe?
14
00:02:42,123 --> 00:02:43,854
I'm gonna be late for work again.
15
00:02:43,855 --> 00:02:45,022
Bye jellybear.
16
00:02:46,893 --> 00:02:50,039
You are destined for greatness.
17
00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:52,587
You are a caterpillar
waiting to transform
18
00:02:52,588 --> 00:02:55,530
into a magnificent butterfly.
19
00:02:59,311 --> 00:03:01,990
He's so cute when he's sleeping.
20
00:03:01,991 --> 00:03:05,074
I'm gonna go start the coffee.
Okay.
21
00:03:12,047 --> 00:03:14,359
Your life has meaning.
22
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,687
You are a king among
ordinary men.
23
00:03:16,688 --> 00:03:19,451
A king with a huge penis.
24
00:03:19,452 --> 00:03:21,338
A glorious penis.
25
00:03:21,339 --> 00:03:25,879
A penis that should be
praised and worshiped.
26
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:27,682
Suagar-booger.
27
00:03:27,683 --> 00:03:29,649
My little astronaut.
28
00:03:29,650 --> 00:03:32,359
It's time to get up sleepy head.
29
00:03:34,543 --> 00:03:38,189
You can achieve
anything you set you mind to.
30
00:03:38,190 --> 00:03:41,107
Other men cower in your greatness.
31
00:03:45,438 --> 00:03:48,233
Come on, Matty,
breakfast is almost ready.
32
00:03:48,234 --> 00:03:49,835
If you were an animal,
33
00:03:49,836 --> 00:03:52,176
you would be a dinosaur.
34
00:03:52,177 --> 00:03:55,177
Matt, Honey, it's time to wake up.
35
00:03:59,915 --> 00:04:00,848
Whoa!
36
00:04:08,585 --> 00:04:09,766
Thanks, Shaniqua.
37
00:04:09,767 --> 00:04:11,434
I'm not even hungry.
38
00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:28,247
Every fucking morning.
39
00:04:28,248 --> 00:04:29,081
Come on.
40
00:04:31,426 --> 00:04:33,843
Oh, shit, holy chode balls.
41
00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:39,908
So sorry, Alexander, he's
gonna be a few more minutes.
42
00:04:39,909 --> 00:04:42,609
It's all right, Miss Gaye.
43
00:04:42,610 --> 00:04:43,810
There he is.
44
00:04:45,166 --> 00:04:47,584
Give your mom a kiss goodbye.
45
00:04:47,585 --> 00:04:48,918
Have a good day.
46
00:04:51,808 --> 00:04:53,486
Have a great day, sugar-booger.
47
00:04:53,487 --> 00:04:55,904
It's Matt to you, Shaniqua.
48
00:05:22,939 --> 00:05:24,320
You wanna just let
me borrow your car
49
00:05:24,321 --> 00:05:26,926
so you can stay here
and bang my mom?
50
00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:30,195
Do you know if your mom is
working tonight, sugar booger?
51
00:05:30,196 --> 00:05:31,047
Fuck off.
52
00:05:34,602 --> 00:05:36,721
I was watching Terminator
the other night, right.
53
00:05:36,722 --> 00:05:37,921
And not that new garbage.
54
00:05:37,922 --> 00:05:39,644
I'm talking about that classic shit.
55
00:05:39,645 --> 00:05:40,724
It got me thinking.
56
00:05:40,725 --> 00:05:45,308
What if I time travel back in
time as my 28-year-old self,
57
00:05:45,309 --> 00:05:46,935
and I found my 10-year-old self
58
00:05:46,936 --> 00:05:49,182
and I fucking jerked him off.
59
00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:52,926
Would that be molestation
or masturbation?
60
00:05:52,927 --> 00:05:54,927
I don't got time for your nonsense.
61
00:05:54,928 --> 00:05:58,345
I'm too busy being
employee of the month.
62
00:05:59,374 --> 00:06:01,319
Hey you two. Quit
giving each other FJs
63
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,482
and get back to work.
64
00:06:03,483 --> 00:06:04,316
Idiots.
65
00:06:21,368 --> 00:06:23,959
Bro, bro, it's Jenna
66
00:06:34,874 --> 00:06:37,213
♪ One hundid every
time you go away ♪
67
00:06:37,214 --> 00:06:39,733
♪ One hundid go on
and say my name ♪
68
00:06:39,734 --> 00:06:42,535
♪ One hundid if we
gonna make it last ♪
69
00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,176
♪ All I ever ask ♪
70
00:06:44,177 --> 00:06:46,426
Here's your chance,
man, go talk to her.
71
00:06:46,427 --> 00:06:47,738
I can't just go talk to her.
72
00:06:47,739 --> 00:06:49,219
This is a workplace.
73
00:06:49,220 --> 00:06:50,276
Who cares?
74
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:51,998
I'm so tired of listening
to you cry about
75
00:06:51,999 --> 00:06:53,906
not having a girl to cuddle with.
76
00:06:53,907 --> 00:06:55,099
Who cares?
77
00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:58,143
Uh, how about title seven
of the Civil Rights Act.
78
00:06:58,144 --> 00:07:00,592
Uh, how do you know that?
79
00:07:00,593 --> 00:07:01,855
Are you fucking kidding me?
80
00:07:01,856 --> 00:07:02,975
It's in the break room.
81
00:07:02,976 --> 00:07:04,240
And you know what
happens to people
82
00:07:04,241 --> 00:07:06,115
accused of sexual harassment?
83
00:07:06,116 --> 00:07:08,959
What, they hold a parade for them?
84
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,374
Termination.
85
00:07:10,375 --> 00:07:13,062
Dude, they're not gonna
fire you for talking to her.
86
00:07:13,063 --> 00:07:14,742
Just go over there before she leaves.
87
00:07:14,743 --> 00:07:17,557
Stop being a little bitch.
88
00:07:17,558 --> 00:07:20,558
I'll buy you a beer after work.
89
00:07:20,559 --> 00:07:21,726
Make it two?
90
00:07:22,722 --> 00:07:24,055
Fine, just go.
91
00:07:27,849 --> 00:07:28,682
Dick.
92
00:07:30,464 --> 00:07:32,714
Nice files you got there.
93
00:07:33,991 --> 00:07:35,884
Do you work here?
94
00:07:35,885 --> 00:07:37,034
Seriously?
95
00:07:37,035 --> 00:07:39,042
I've worked here longer than you.
96
00:07:39,043 --> 00:07:41,770
Oh, so you're in like
shipping and receiving?
97
00:07:41,771 --> 00:07:42,604
What?
98
00:07:42,605 --> 00:07:45,406
No, I work right here in this office.
99
00:07:45,407 --> 00:07:47,848
I was sitting at my
desk when you walked in.
100
00:07:47,849 --> 00:07:49,445
You didn't see me?
Really?
101
00:07:49,446 --> 00:07:51,223
Yeah, I didn't see you.
102
00:07:51,224 --> 00:07:52,427
You didn't see me?
103
00:07:52,428 --> 00:07:54,390
I was like two inches away from you.
104
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:56,351
And how do you not know I work here?
105
00:07:56,352 --> 00:07:58,030
I see you every single day.
106
00:07:58,031 --> 00:07:59,794
Wait, so you've been watching me?
107
00:07:59,795 --> 00:08:01,722
Like some kind of perverted stalker.
108
00:08:01,723 --> 00:08:03,504
You know that's sexual harassment?
109
00:08:03,505 --> 00:08:05,268
Sexual harassment?
110
00:08:05,269 --> 00:08:06,869
For seeing you come in?
111
00:08:06,870 --> 00:08:09,189
Maybe you should take yourself
on down to the break room
112
00:08:09,190 --> 00:08:10,472
and get a refresher course
113
00:08:10,473 --> 00:08:12,755
because that's not sexual harassment.
114
00:08:12,756 --> 00:08:13,589
Hmm.
115
00:08:14,431 --> 00:08:15,314
What's up, Jenna?
116
00:08:15,315 --> 00:08:17,957
Oh, hey, Matt.
Seriously?
117
00:08:17,958 --> 00:08:19,638
We actually have to go, I'm sorry.
118
00:08:19,639 --> 00:08:22,472
Alex is having a family emergency.
119
00:08:25,106 --> 00:08:27,865
How the hell does Jenna
know who you are and not me?
120
00:08:27,866 --> 00:08:28,706
I don't know.
121
00:08:28,707 --> 00:08:32,586
Maybe because I'm not
a perverted stalker.
122
00:08:32,587 --> 00:08:35,604
Well if it isn't the two
biggest vaginas in the office.
123
00:08:35,605 --> 00:08:38,353
I knew I'd find you two in
here circle jerking each other.
124
00:08:38,354 --> 00:08:39,906
So we have vaginas,
125
00:08:39,907 --> 00:08:42,190
or we're jerking each other's dicks off?
126
00:08:42,191 --> 00:08:43,751
I'm confused.
127
00:08:43,752 --> 00:08:44,585
Both.
128
00:08:44,586 --> 00:08:46,752
You fucking gender ninjas.
129
00:08:47,638 --> 00:08:49,848
You know what, fuck
you, I got shit to do.
130
00:08:49,849 --> 00:08:51,907
What the hell, man?
131
00:08:53,731 --> 00:08:57,148
You gonna do something about it, pussy?
132
00:09:00,345 --> 00:09:01,998
That's what I thought.
133
00:09:16,370 --> 00:09:19,412
Oh, you got to be fist fucking me, man.
134
00:09:19,413 --> 00:09:20,330
What now?
135
00:09:21,173 --> 00:09:24,311
Oh nothing, I'm just having
PTSD flashbacks, you know,
136
00:09:24,312 --> 00:09:25,473
remembering that time you were
137
00:09:25,474 --> 00:09:28,353
talking to Jenna at the office.
138
00:09:28,354 --> 00:09:29,992
Made yourself look like a dumb idiot.
139
00:09:29,993 --> 00:09:32,240
Remember that?
Fuck off.
140
00:09:32,241 --> 00:09:33,643
I don't understand
how you're so horrible
141
00:09:33,644 --> 00:09:35,003
at talking to women.
142
00:09:35,004 --> 00:09:37,166
It's like watching one
of those shitty Novelas.
143
00:09:37,167 --> 00:09:38,545
All Novelas are shitty,
144
00:09:38,546 --> 00:09:40,788
and you wouldn't have done any better.
145
00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:41,732
Fucking right I would have.
146
00:09:41,733 --> 00:09:44,493
Compared to you I'm
like Zac Efron's cock.
147
00:09:44,494 --> 00:09:45,327
Yeah, whatever.
148
00:09:45,328 --> 00:09:48,189
If you're so smooth,
let's see you do better.
149
00:09:48,190 --> 00:09:50,273
Challenge accepted ese.
150
00:09:52,254 --> 00:09:54,415
Can I get you guys a refill?
151
00:09:54,416 --> 00:09:57,135
Actually, I was wondering
if you might possibly know
152
00:09:57,136 --> 00:10:00,037
the difference between me and my couch?
153
00:10:00,038 --> 00:10:02,797
One's more fun to sit on than the other.
154
00:10:02,798 --> 00:10:03,900
Sort of.
155
00:10:03,901 --> 00:10:06,155
The real difference
between me and my couch
156
00:10:06,156 --> 00:10:07,989
is my couch pulls out.
157
00:10:10,266 --> 00:10:12,508
So can I get you guys another drink?
158
00:10:12,509 --> 00:10:14,926
Six shots of vodka de nada.
159
00:10:17,047 --> 00:10:18,449
Nice.
160
00:10:18,450 --> 00:10:20,451
A dirty joke and a drink order.
161
00:10:20,452 --> 00:10:22,212
You're a real lady's man.
162
00:10:22,213 --> 00:10:23,534
I'm sorry I doubted you.
163
00:10:23,535 --> 00:10:25,880
Your moms would be so proud.
164
00:10:25,881 --> 00:10:28,548
Just wait for it, wait for it.
165
00:10:43,570 --> 00:10:44,403
Ah, snap.
166
00:10:46,032 --> 00:10:47,369
Told you.
167
00:10:47,370 --> 00:10:49,370
You probably know her.
168
00:10:50,940 --> 00:10:53,516
Ah, come on, I wasn't even ready dude.
169
00:10:53,517 --> 00:10:54,984
I don't care.
170
00:10:59,913 --> 00:11:01,317
Six more shots.
171
00:11:26,330 --> 00:11:29,950
Gross, I think you got some on me.
172
00:11:29,951 --> 00:11:33,152
You know, I can't even
wrap my brain around
173
00:11:33,153 --> 00:11:37,755
the fact that you are so
horrible at talking to chicks.
174
00:11:37,756 --> 00:11:40,799
Look at you, you're like an
Abercrombie model over here.
175
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,959
You should be banging
bitches every single day
176
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:47,043
and every single night and afternoon.
177
00:11:47,926 --> 00:11:50,685
Well it's not easy
for me to talk to women
178
00:11:50,686 --> 00:11:52,647
like it is for you.
179
00:11:52,648 --> 00:11:54,409
I'm not surrounded by a hot girlfriend
180
00:11:54,410 --> 00:11:57,219
and hot stripper moms 24/7
181
00:11:57,220 --> 00:12:01,911
who wipe the tip of my penis
every time I take a piss.
182
00:12:01,912 --> 00:12:03,748
Fuck you dude.
183
00:12:03,749 --> 00:12:06,512
I told you a million times,
my mom is not a stripper,
184
00:12:06,513 --> 00:12:09,847
she's an exotic dancer and a saint.
185
00:12:10,394 --> 00:12:12,733
And I don't even want
to hear this shit, man.
186
00:12:12,734 --> 00:12:14,375
Look at you.
187
00:12:14,376 --> 00:12:18,740
I would give both nuts and
the sack to have your life.
188
00:12:18,741 --> 00:12:20,781
You can run a billion miles,
189
00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:23,944
you get to wear all this stylish
clothes, and most of all,
190
00:12:23,945 --> 00:12:26,038
you're not smothered like I am.
191
00:12:26,039 --> 00:12:28,817
Well, I'd do the same to have your life.
192
00:12:28,818 --> 00:12:32,941
You have a girlfriend
and a mom, two moms,
193
00:12:32,942 --> 00:12:36,302
that love you, you're never lonely
194
00:12:36,303 --> 00:12:39,386
and you get to eat whatever you want.
195
00:12:45,470 --> 00:12:49,970
That there is a bum with
his hand on his hobo balls.
196
00:12:51,315 --> 00:12:54,499
Day-bu gah-boos-uhn
day-boos-uhn-go.
197
00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:55,404
Bay-tah.
198
00:12:55,405 --> 00:12:57,987
Queta-su-noba day-boos-uhn-dah.
199
00:12:59,704 --> 00:13:01,145
God damn it.
200
00:13:01,146 --> 00:13:02,504
What the fuck?
201
00:13:04,133 --> 00:13:05,515
Dude I'm gonna get AIDS!
202
00:13:31,265 --> 00:13:32,464
Whoa.
203
00:13:32,465 --> 00:13:34,882
Somebody's up early this morning.
204
00:13:34,883 --> 00:13:36,981
I slept here last night?
205
00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:39,040
I don't remember coming over.
206
00:13:39,041 --> 00:13:42,641
It sounds like you had too
much to drink last night.
207
00:13:42,642 --> 00:13:44,125
Where's, where's Matt?
208
00:13:44,983 --> 00:13:46,483
Is he down stairs?
209
00:14:05,995 --> 00:14:07,874
What the fuck.
210
00:14:07,875 --> 00:14:08,708
I'm Matt?
211
00:14:15,556 --> 00:14:18,789
Hey, Ms. Gaye, who do you think I am?
212
00:14:19,912 --> 00:14:21,657
You're so funny Matty.
213
00:14:21,658 --> 00:14:22,741
Are you okay?
214
00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:25,213
What the fuck?
215
00:14:26,709 --> 00:14:29,092
Oh, shit, I really am Matt.
216
00:14:49,954 --> 00:14:50,787
Alex.
217
00:14:54,645 --> 00:14:55,478
Alex.
218
00:14:57,934 --> 00:15:00,542
Did you see where I put my phone?
219
00:15:00,543 --> 00:15:02,624
I need to call my mom.
220
00:15:02,625 --> 00:15:05,292
She's probably worried about me.
221
00:15:07,071 --> 00:15:07,904
Alex.
222
00:15:09,273 --> 00:15:14,190
Yo, I need to let her know I
spent the night at your house.
223
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:40,530
The fuck?
224
00:15:54,129 --> 00:15:56,421
Am I high right now?
225
00:15:58,138 --> 00:16:02,030
I don't remember doing
any drugs last night.
226
00:16:06,047 --> 00:16:06,880
Ah.
227
00:16:08,208 --> 00:16:09,041
What?
228
00:16:26,951 --> 00:16:28,473
Nice bike, fat ass.
229
00:16:28,474 --> 00:16:31,568
I'm surprised your tires
haven't exploded.
230
00:16:31,569 --> 00:16:33,476
Good one, Vir-Gina.
231
00:16:33,477 --> 00:16:36,159
We have the same bike dumb-ass.
232
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:40,323
It's Virgil, asshole and I
don't have that faggy basket.
233
00:16:40,324 --> 00:16:42,325
Why don't you take
your bitch ass back home
234
00:16:42,326 --> 00:16:44,206
before I shit on Matt's porch again,
235
00:16:44,207 --> 00:16:48,790
blame you and watch your
whore of a mom whoop your ass.
236
00:16:51,347 --> 00:16:53,388
No, I won't put my hands down your pants
237
00:16:53,389 --> 00:16:55,312
and play with your tiny dick.
238
00:16:55,313 --> 00:16:57,724
Leave me alone, Jared from Subway.
239
00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:59,686
Hey man, you get away from that kid.
240
00:16:59,687 --> 00:17:01,251
Tiny dick.
241
00:17:01,252 --> 00:17:02,085
Oh shit.
242
00:17:12,347 --> 00:17:16,097
I fucking knew it,
dude, get out of my way.
243
00:17:18,709 --> 00:17:20,188
What the hell is going on, dude?
244
00:17:20,189 --> 00:17:22,559
Why am I in your Ethiopian body?
245
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:24,105
I don't know, why don't you tell me?
246
00:17:24,106 --> 00:17:26,271
I just rode here on
your mom's gay ass bike
247
00:17:26,272 --> 00:17:28,676
in this fat ass Jabba
the Hutt body you have.
248
00:17:28,677 --> 00:17:30,441
Have you ever done
a day of cardio
249
00:17:30,442 --> 00:17:32,231
in your entire fucking life?
250
00:17:32,232 --> 00:17:35,636
I find it and honor to
resemble Jabba Desilijic Tiure.
251
00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:40,484
One of the most notorious
crime lords in the galaxy.
252
00:17:40,485 --> 00:17:42,049
The hell are you talking about?
253
00:17:42,050 --> 00:17:46,058
Jabba Desilijic Tiure aka Jabba the Hutt
254
00:17:46,532 --> 00:17:48,056
or the Bloated one.
255
00:17:48,057 --> 00:17:48,890
Seriously?
256
00:17:50,019 --> 00:17:53,825
First introduced in 1983
with the third installment
257
00:17:53,826 --> 00:17:58,826
of the original Star Wars
trilogy, Return of the Jedi.
258
00:17:59,074 --> 00:17:59,954
No?
259
00:17:59,955 --> 00:18:01,120
Got the little Ewoks,
260
00:18:01,121 --> 00:18:02,766
they look like little George Lucas's.
261
00:18:02,767 --> 00:18:04,301
I swear, sometimes you're the smartest
262
00:18:04,302 --> 00:18:07,624
mentally handicap person that I know.
263
00:18:07,625 --> 00:18:10,553
Is there a god damn reason
why my AC's not on right now?
264
00:18:10,554 --> 00:18:13,356
My balls are sweaty and they're
like sticking to my ankles.
265
00:18:13,357 --> 00:18:14,648
What are you talking about?
266
00:18:14,649 --> 00:18:16,136
It's freezing in here.
267
00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:19,704
Your nipples are fucking
hard as fuck right now.
268
00:18:19,705 --> 00:18:20,679
Yeah.
269
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,320
So what are we gonna do?
270
00:18:22,321 --> 00:18:24,303
You figure out what switched us yet?
271
00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:26,065
I'm thinking.
272
00:18:26,066 --> 00:18:28,274
Well think faster you're the smart one.
273
00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:29,359
Will you shut the hell up?
274
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:30,660
I'm trying to concentrate.
275
00:18:30,661 --> 00:18:31,494
Jesus.
276
00:18:32,524 --> 00:18:33,603
Okay.
277
00:18:33,604 --> 00:18:35,563
So we went to work.
278
00:18:35,564 --> 00:18:38,173
We stopped by the bar afterward.
279
00:18:38,948 --> 00:18:41,448
You puked like a little bitch.
280
00:18:43,032 --> 00:18:44,873
Obviously the bum.
281
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:46,295
The one that slapped us.
282
00:18:46,296 --> 00:18:48,452
It had to be him.
283
00:18:48,453 --> 00:18:50,578
Oh yeah, right.
284
00:18:50,579 --> 00:18:52,162
That mother fucker.
285
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,933
Well let's go find him and
make him switch us back.
286
00:18:55,934 --> 00:18:56,767
Come on.
287
00:18:57,659 --> 00:18:58,492
Skedaddle.
288
00:19:21,001 --> 00:19:22,179
Oh, come on!
289
00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:33,501
Dude, we crashed.
290
00:19:33,502 --> 00:19:35,143
What the fuck?
291
00:19:35,144 --> 00:19:36,369
Did you hit someone?
292
00:19:36,370 --> 00:19:37,308
Dude, pay attention.
293
00:19:37,309 --> 00:19:41,625
I'm not gonna be the only one
looking for this guy, okay.
294
00:19:47,158 --> 00:19:49,143
Oh shit, Kratos.
295
00:19:49,144 --> 00:19:50,384
You know that guy?
296
00:19:50,385 --> 00:19:52,086
Ah, yeah, he's my dealer.
297
00:19:52,087 --> 00:19:53,525
I told you about him before.
298
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:54,624
No.
299
00:19:54,625 --> 00:19:55,458
Come on.
300
00:19:55,459 --> 00:19:57,999
He probably knows that
fuck that slapped us.
301
00:20:02,670 --> 00:20:05,357
What the fuck's is this guy's problem?
302
00:20:05,358 --> 00:20:06,957
Just pretend like you're me.
303
00:20:06,958 --> 00:20:09,084
Kratos, it's me Matt.
304
00:20:09,085 --> 00:20:11,652
I buy pot from you homebroski.
305
00:20:12,557 --> 00:20:13,536
Calm down.
306
00:20:13,537 --> 00:20:14,874
This is my friend Ma...
307
00:20:14,875 --> 00:20:16,600
This is my friend Alex.
308
00:20:16,601 --> 00:20:18,520
I know who you are.
309
00:20:18,521 --> 00:20:21,209
You think you could steal Matt's face
310
00:20:21,210 --> 00:20:24,270
and then come up on my
corner and deal drugs?
311
00:20:24,271 --> 00:20:25,817
What?
312
00:20:25,818 --> 00:20:27,977
I knew about your machine.
313
00:20:27,978 --> 00:20:31,496
Takes someone's face and
then puts on someone else's.
314
00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:33,856
We didn't steal anybody's face.
315
00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:35,273
We just came here to ask you a question
316
00:20:35,274 --> 00:20:36,724
about one of your friends.
317
00:20:36,725 --> 00:20:39,276
How do you know about my friends?
318
00:20:40,251 --> 00:20:42,611
I don't got any bum friends.
319
00:20:42,612 --> 00:20:44,836
Now get out of here.
320
00:20:44,837 --> 00:20:47,520
This is my empire.
321
00:20:48,287 --> 00:20:50,703
You can't have it.
322
00:20:54,190 --> 00:20:57,435
Kratos, look into my eyes, man.
323
00:20:57,436 --> 00:20:59,239
It's me Matt.
324
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:00,725
My buddy Alex and I were here last night
325
00:21:00,726 --> 00:21:04,213
when some bum who walks around
with his hands down his pants
326
00:21:04,214 --> 00:21:07,180
caressing his nuts, slapped
both of us in the face.
327
00:21:07,181 --> 00:21:10,396
And by some weird voodoo
or magic or some shit,
328
00:21:10,397 --> 00:21:11,920
we switched bodies.
329
00:21:11,921 --> 00:21:14,286
He's me and I'm him.
330
00:21:14,287 --> 00:21:17,009
And we just want to switch
and get our own bodies back.
331
00:21:17,010 --> 00:21:19,188
Now can you help us?
332
00:21:19,189 --> 00:21:21,797
Matt, my man.
333
00:21:22,191 --> 00:21:25,049
Why didn't you tell me in
the first place, my brotha?
334
00:21:28,334 --> 00:21:29,576
Not this guy again.
335
00:21:29,577 --> 00:21:31,910
I see you've met Joe Blow.
336
00:21:33,142 --> 00:21:35,559
Is he sucking his own dick?
337
00:21:37,386 --> 00:21:38,553
Lucky bastard.
338
00:21:41,109 --> 00:21:43,075
Ah, what the hell man?
339
00:21:43,076 --> 00:21:43,909
Get off of me.
340
00:21:43,910 --> 00:21:46,701
I am so sorry.
341
00:21:48,717 --> 00:21:49,984
Hey, Kratos.
342
00:21:50,494 --> 00:21:52,508
This is Steve.
343
00:21:52,509 --> 00:21:55,432
He's been diagnosed
with this rare disease
344
00:21:55,433 --> 00:21:58,250
called Alien Hand Syndrome.
345
00:21:58,914 --> 00:22:01,994
He's got no control over his right arm.
346
00:22:01,995 --> 00:22:05,951
I told him it's proof that aliens exist,
347
00:22:05,952 --> 00:22:08,285
and I offered to cut it off.
348
00:22:10,657 --> 00:22:12,424
But he won't let me.
349
00:22:19,617 --> 00:22:22,673
Do you guys know the bum
we're talking about or what?
350
00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:25,597
Yeah, I know about the
guy you're looking for.
351
00:22:25,598 --> 00:22:27,598
His name's Magic Mike.
352
00:22:27,599 --> 00:22:30,315
He comes around every Friday
353
00:22:32,246 --> 00:22:34,079
to get the recyclables
354
00:22:34,966 --> 00:22:37,049
before the garbage comes.
355
00:22:38,337 --> 00:22:41,250
Is he jerking you off right now?
356
00:22:41,251 --> 00:22:43,168
Just go with it, bro.
357
00:22:45,473 --> 00:22:48,307
I think we got the
answers we're looking for.
358
00:22:48,308 --> 00:22:49,850
Hey wait.
359
00:22:49,851 --> 00:22:51,652
Don't you guys want to buy something?
360
00:22:51,653 --> 00:22:54,220
I just got in some real goodies.
361
00:22:54,221 --> 00:22:55,971
No man, we're good.
362
00:22:58,548 --> 00:22:59,381
Oh.
363
00:23:03,539 --> 00:23:05,013
Oh, god. Oh.
364
00:23:14,422 --> 00:23:16,097
I am so sorry.
365
00:23:17,229 --> 00:23:18,507
I'm not.
366
00:23:24,791 --> 00:23:27,913
I cannot believe I'm gonna
be stuck in this body tonight.
367
00:23:27,914 --> 00:23:29,774
Bitch please.
368
00:23:29,775 --> 00:23:31,857
You get to eat snacks and play Xbox
369
00:23:31,858 --> 00:23:34,669
while my mom and girlfriend spoil you.
370
00:23:34,670 --> 00:23:36,729
And why in the hell would I do that?
371
00:23:36,730 --> 00:23:38,649
Because you're me.
372
00:23:38,650 --> 00:23:39,483
So?
373
00:23:39,484 --> 00:23:43,082
So we have to pretend
like we're each other.
374
00:23:43,083 --> 00:23:45,540
What, why?
Seriously?
375
00:23:45,541 --> 00:23:48,439
You honestly think anyone
besides my drugged out dealer
376
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,721
is gonna believe us if we
tell them we switched bodies?
377
00:23:51,722 --> 00:23:53,922
I'm gonna go with no.
378
00:23:53,923 --> 00:23:58,923
They're more likely to lock
us away in some creepy asylum.
379
00:23:59,086 --> 00:24:01,086
You know I hate asylums.
380
00:24:02,771 --> 00:24:05,080
I guess you have a point.
381
00:24:05,081 --> 00:24:06,738
You're fucking right I do.
382
00:24:06,739 --> 00:24:07,778
Fine, whatever.
383
00:24:07,779 --> 00:24:10,529
Lets just get this over with man.
384
00:24:11,819 --> 00:24:14,236
Shit, Holly's already here.
385
00:24:15,106 --> 00:24:17,348
What's the protocol on that anyway?
386
00:24:17,349 --> 00:24:19,596
If she comes on to me, do I hit that or?
387
00:24:19,597 --> 00:24:21,219
She's definitely gonna come on to you
388
00:24:21,220 --> 00:24:22,676
and you're not gonna do a damn thing.
389
00:24:22,677 --> 00:24:24,729
You're gonna shut that shit down.
390
00:24:24,730 --> 00:24:26,649
Whatever it takes.
391
00:24:26,650 --> 00:24:28,330
I understand it's been a while
392
00:24:28,331 --> 00:24:30,716
since you felt a woman's touch,
393
00:24:30,717 --> 00:24:33,043
but you better not do anything man.
394
00:24:33,044 --> 00:24:33,926
All right, all right.
395
00:24:33,927 --> 00:24:35,343
Jesus, calm down.
396
00:24:37,076 --> 00:24:38,435
What's this?
397
00:24:38,436 --> 00:24:41,236
That is your itinerary for the week.
398
00:24:41,237 --> 00:24:43,641
I don't even know what
half these exercises are.
399
00:24:43,642 --> 00:24:46,059
And raw foods?
400
00:24:47,204 --> 00:24:49,183
You know I'm not gonna
eat this shit, right?
401
00:24:49,184 --> 00:24:50,542
You are gonna eat that shit
402
00:24:50,543 --> 00:24:53,626
or Holly's gonna be eating this dick.
403
00:25:25,292 --> 00:25:27,091
This mother fucking guy.
404
00:25:27,092 --> 00:25:27,925
Fuck.
405
00:25:30,899 --> 00:25:32,149
Chubby bunny.
406
00:25:35,703 --> 00:25:36,536
No.
407
00:25:42,158 --> 00:25:43,238
What's wrong baby?
408
00:25:43,239 --> 00:25:46,082
I'm just not in the mood, okay?
409
00:25:46,083 --> 00:25:48,035
Not according to Mr. Action Jackson!
410
00:25:48,036 --> 00:25:48,939
Action Jackson?
411
00:25:54,927 --> 00:25:57,594
I need to answer the door, okay?
412
00:26:00,942 --> 00:26:02,654
What the fuck do you
think you're doing, dude?
413
00:26:02,655 --> 00:26:04,068
What?
Don't what me.
414
00:26:04,069 --> 00:26:07,215
I saw you grabbing her dick.
415
00:26:07,216 --> 00:26:08,217
Her grabbing your dick.
416
00:26:08,218 --> 00:26:09,454
You know what the fuck I meant.
417
00:26:09,455 --> 00:26:10,848
She was grabbing your dick actually,
418
00:26:10,849 --> 00:26:12,616
and she was the one all over me.
419
00:26:12,617 --> 00:26:16,200
Whatever, just give
me the damn car keys.
420
00:26:17,117 --> 00:26:18,755
You're a real asshole, you know that?
421
00:26:18,756 --> 00:26:20,755
I'm telling you the truth.
422
00:26:20,756 --> 00:26:23,756
It wasn't me, it was Action Jackson.
423
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:33,078
Yeah, I'm gonna eat
real healthy all right.
424
00:26:41,361 --> 00:26:43,361
Do you have any sixes?
425
00:26:47,371 --> 00:26:48,260
No.
426
00:26:48,261 --> 00:26:49,794
I mean go fish.
427
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:53,666
Okay.
428
00:26:53,667 --> 00:26:56,542
Do you have any jacks?
429
00:26:57,055 --> 00:26:57,888
Yep.
430
00:26:59,045 --> 00:27:03,283
You know, we should really
switch this to strip go fish.
431
00:27:03,284 --> 00:27:06,593
No, I think we should
stick to the regular go fish.
432
00:27:06,594 --> 00:27:07,427
Please.
433
00:27:16,067 --> 00:27:18,808
What the fuck, motha fucka?
434
00:27:19,133 --> 00:27:21,048
Did you just talk?
435
00:27:21,049 --> 00:27:23,929
Fuck yeah, I said what the fuck?
436
00:27:24,371 --> 00:27:26,732
Alex tries to fuck your girl
437
00:27:26,733 --> 00:27:29,940
and you're just gonna
eat a fucking pizza?
438
00:27:29,941 --> 00:27:32,641
Bitch move motha fucka.
439
00:27:32,642 --> 00:27:36,780
Yeah, well what the fuck
do you suggest then, asshole?
440
00:27:36,781 --> 00:27:39,979
You gotta fucking eat everything.
441
00:27:39,980 --> 00:27:41,019
Everything?
442
00:27:41,020 --> 00:27:45,378
Fucking every motha
fucking thing, motha fucka.
443
00:27:46,106 --> 00:27:48,425
Do you have any fives?
444
00:27:48,426 --> 00:27:49,259
Go fish.
445
00:27:50,496 --> 00:27:53,529
Uhm, do you have any eights?
446
00:27:56,340 --> 00:27:57,897
No, go fish.
447
00:28:27,088 --> 00:28:29,169
That's it, I'm gonna kill him.
448
00:28:29,170 --> 00:28:30,051
Where are you going?
449
00:28:30,051 --> 00:28:31,005
What's going on?
450
00:28:31,006 --> 00:28:33,619
I'm going to my, I'm
going to Alex's house.
451
00:28:33,620 --> 00:28:34,453
Why?
452
00:28:34,454 --> 00:28:36,304
Because I'm gonna kick
the shit out of him.
453
00:28:36,305 --> 00:28:39,938
Okay, well before you go
can I get a kiss at least?
454
00:28:39,939 --> 00:28:41,298
Uh, sure.
455
00:28:47,747 --> 00:28:49,083
I love you chubby bunny.
456
00:28:49,084 --> 00:28:52,009
I love you too my thin bunny.
457
00:29:04,243 --> 00:29:06,283
I'm gonna kick your fucking teeth in.
458
00:29:07,843 --> 00:29:08,676
What?
459
00:29:10,353 --> 00:29:13,735
I said, go ahead, they're your teeth.
460
00:29:13,736 --> 00:29:14,966
Motherfucker!
461
00:29:14,967 --> 00:29:16,467
I can't breathe.
462
00:29:17,708 --> 00:29:18,803
It wasn't me.
463
00:29:18,804 --> 00:29:21,787
It was the oven mitt's idea, tell him.
464
00:29:21,788 --> 00:29:23,705
You mother fucking rat.
465
00:29:26,163 --> 00:29:26,996
Help.
466
00:29:28,859 --> 00:29:29,692
Puke it up.
467
00:29:29,693 --> 00:29:31,405
Get off me Kevin Spacey.
468
00:29:31,406 --> 00:29:32,721
Puke it up.
Rape!
469
00:29:32,722 --> 00:29:33,972
He's raping me!
470
00:29:35,045 --> 00:29:38,964
Puke it up or I'm gonna
make you puke it up.
471
00:29:50,474 --> 00:29:52,391
Now clean yourself off.
472
00:30:15,883 --> 00:30:18,889
So you really didn't diddle my girl?
473
00:30:18,890 --> 00:30:21,561
No, like I said, she ambushed me.
474
00:30:21,562 --> 00:30:22,683
She fucking jumped on me.
475
00:30:22,684 --> 00:30:24,550
I had to fight just to get away.
476
00:30:24,551 --> 00:30:29,359
It's not my fault your body
is so irresistibly sexy.
477
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:32,688
And you haven't been
doing anything since I left?
478
00:30:32,689 --> 00:30:33,612
Hell no.
479
00:30:33,613 --> 00:30:37,524
We've just been playing go fish
like two real mature adults.
480
00:30:37,525 --> 00:30:39,826
Man, Holly always kicks
my ass at that game.
481
00:30:39,827 --> 00:30:42,585
Yeah, that's 'cause you suck.
482
00:30:43,938 --> 00:30:47,071
Oh yeah, I made you a new itinerary.
483
00:30:47,072 --> 00:30:49,060
How about you try
following it this time,
484
00:30:49,061 --> 00:30:50,882
instead of throwing it away.
485
00:30:50,883 --> 00:30:52,484
I'm not gonna throw it away.
486
00:30:52,485 --> 00:30:54,188
Yeah, like you didn't throw
away the crinkled up one
487
00:30:54,189 --> 00:30:56,575
I found in your driveway.
488
00:30:56,576 --> 00:30:57,777
Can you wash that shit off my face
489
00:30:57,778 --> 00:30:59,903
so I don't break out with pimples?
490
00:30:59,904 --> 00:31:02,778
And please, please for the love of god,
491
00:31:02,779 --> 00:31:05,248
will you stop eating junk
food while you're in my body.
492
00:31:05,249 --> 00:31:06,763
Can you do that?
493
00:31:06,764 --> 00:31:07,597
Fine.
494
00:31:16,439 --> 00:31:17,726
Bitch.
495
00:31:37,303 --> 00:31:39,479
Best night of sleep, ever.
496
00:31:41,845 --> 00:31:43,830
Good morning my little astronaut.
497
00:31:43,831 --> 00:31:46,034
You forgot to put your sleep
mask on again last night
498
00:31:46,035 --> 00:31:49,452
so I put it on you
while you were asleep.
499
00:31:52,922 --> 00:31:54,955
I wish you would've told me Ms. Gaye.
500
00:31:54,956 --> 00:31:56,549
This damn thing freaks me out.
501
00:31:56,550 --> 00:31:58,531
Ms. Gaye?
502
00:31:58,532 --> 00:32:00,032
Very funny, Matty.
503
00:32:04,844 --> 00:32:06,181
What's that?
504
00:32:06,182 --> 00:32:07,349
What's what?
505
00:32:09,066 --> 00:32:12,316
Oh, nothing, I thought I saw a ghost.
506
00:32:14,816 --> 00:32:17,201
Queeri.
Hey there cock boy.
507
00:32:17,202 --> 00:32:18,035
Make me a pizza.
508
00:32:18,036 --> 00:32:19,561
Oh fuck yeah.
509
00:32:19,562 --> 00:32:23,562
One dirty little pizza
coming right up cock boy.
510
00:32:25,956 --> 00:32:27,196
Oh fuck yeah.
511
00:32:27,197 --> 00:32:30,947
How's that pizza taste
there little cock boy?
512
00:32:35,449 --> 00:32:36,282
Hurry up and get ready.
513
00:32:36,283 --> 00:32:38,199
Alex will be here soon.
514
00:32:45,516 --> 00:32:48,369
Can you put some damn
clothes on Miss, mom.
515
00:32:48,370 --> 00:32:50,167
I'm trying to get ready for work.
516
00:32:50,168 --> 00:32:52,889
What honey?
517
00:32:52,890 --> 00:32:53,723
No.
518
00:32:53,724 --> 00:32:56,416
Hey let me in on this action.
519
00:32:56,417 --> 00:32:57,250
Shaniqua.
520
00:32:57,251 --> 00:32:58,922
Oh do you need some privacy?
521
00:32:58,923 --> 00:33:00,298
Get off-get off.
522
00:33:00,747 --> 00:33:02,873
Someone's a grumpy butt this morning.
523
00:33:02,874 --> 00:33:06,957
I think you may have
drooled last night, Matty.
524
00:33:11,996 --> 00:33:13,115
Whoa.
525
00:33:13,116 --> 00:33:15,783
Those are some funky balls, son.
526
00:33:17,759 --> 00:33:19,413
Ah, whatever.
527
00:33:21,206 --> 00:33:23,407
♪ Flashy with the ♪
528
00:33:23,408 --> 00:33:26,091
♪ Millions with the millions ♪
529
00:33:26,092 --> 00:33:29,485
♪ Donald Trump and foolish
with the billions ♪
530
00:33:29,486 --> 00:33:32,649
♪ Money stackin' right
up to the ceiling ♪
531
00:33:32,650 --> 00:33:36,174
♪ But money make you
greedy with no feelings ♪
532
00:33:36,175 --> 00:33:39,563
♪ We flashy with the
millions with the millions ♪
533
00:33:39,564 --> 00:33:42,967
♪ Donald Trump and foolish
with the billions ♪
534
00:33:42,968 --> 00:33:46,328
♪ Money stackin' right
up to the ceiling ♪
535
00:33:46,329 --> 00:33:49,753
♪ But money make you
greedy with no feelings ♪
536
00:33:49,754 --> 00:33:51,724
♪ You want designer glasses ♪
537
00:33:51,725 --> 00:33:53,145
♪ You ain't bout it ♪
538
00:33:53,146 --> 00:33:56,587
♪ You still ain't fly at
all so say your thousands ♪
539
00:33:56,588 --> 00:33:58,721
♪ Money spent on jewels ♪
540
00:34:09,727 --> 00:34:11,808
I really need to get a bigger car.
541
00:34:11,809 --> 00:34:13,265
Ah, yeah.
542
00:34:13,266 --> 00:34:15,106
Have a good day today, sugar booger.
543
00:34:15,107 --> 00:34:15,940
You too.
544
00:34:19,774 --> 00:34:21,524
Fuck you, Shaniqua.
545
00:34:29,097 --> 00:34:30,578
The hell is this?
546
00:34:30,579 --> 00:34:31,412
Nice, right?
547
00:34:31,413 --> 00:34:34,430
It's an exact replica
of Taylor Swift's mouth.
548
00:34:34,431 --> 00:34:36,206
It's to help you take the edge off.
549
00:34:36,207 --> 00:34:40,686
You know, so you don't try
and fuck my girlfriend.
550
00:34:40,687 --> 00:34:41,520
Thanks.
551
00:34:42,905 --> 00:34:45,567
Not in my body pothead.
552
00:34:45,568 --> 00:34:46,401
Asshole.
553
00:34:57,258 --> 00:35:00,298
Thank you ladies and
gentleman for showing up.
554
00:35:00,299 --> 00:35:03,005
Can't believe we have
a sold out show today.
555
00:35:03,006 --> 00:35:05,261
Although I'm not a fan
of your health care plan
556
00:35:05,262 --> 00:35:09,261
I do appreciate President
Obama for coming to see me.
557
00:35:09,262 --> 00:35:13,125
Speaking of health, I
obviously have none.
558
00:35:13,126 --> 00:35:15,306
Will you at least pretend
to work while you're me?
559
00:35:15,307 --> 00:35:16,868
I don't have time for that.
560
00:35:16,869 --> 00:35:18,362
You do realize that the comedy contest
561
00:35:18,363 --> 00:35:20,286
is in a few days, right?
562
00:35:20,287 --> 00:35:21,211
Yes.
563
00:35:21,212 --> 00:35:22,892
And do you realize there's a big chance
564
00:35:22,893 --> 00:35:26,053
we'll still be in each
other's bodies by then?
565
00:35:26,054 --> 00:35:28,617
Fuck, you're right.
566
00:35:28,618 --> 00:35:31,984
Well then, you're just gonna
have to do the contest for me.
567
00:35:31,985 --> 00:35:32,818
Nope.
568
00:35:34,562 --> 00:35:35,683
No.
569
00:35:35,684 --> 00:35:36,669
No no no no.
570
00:35:36,670 --> 00:35:38,511
I didn't sign up for that bullshit.
571
00:35:38,512 --> 00:35:40,151
You're gonna have to cancel.
572
00:35:40,152 --> 00:35:42,534
I don't do big crowds.
573
00:35:42,535 --> 00:35:45,177
Besides, you can re-enter
next year anyway.
574
00:35:45,178 --> 00:35:47,621
Get over yourself you damn drama queen.
575
00:35:47,622 --> 00:35:49,782
You do presentations
all the time at work
576
00:35:49,783 --> 00:35:51,262
and you seem to do just fine.
577
00:35:51,263 --> 00:35:52,384
There's a huge difference.
578
00:35:52,385 --> 00:35:54,253
There's only a handful of
people who actually work here,
579
00:35:54,254 --> 00:35:56,215
most of them we hate.
580
00:35:56,216 --> 00:35:58,138
When I'm doing presentations
I'm not attempting
581
00:35:58,139 --> 00:36:00,321
to make a huge crowd laugh.
582
00:36:00,322 --> 00:36:02,545
What if I freeze?
583
00:36:02,546 --> 00:36:04,465
Or they hate me?
584
00:36:04,466 --> 00:36:06,868
I'm not trying to make
a fool out of myself.
585
00:36:06,869 --> 00:36:11,058
Relax, if anything you'll
be making a fool out of me.
586
00:36:11,059 --> 00:36:14,591
I already given you my
body, my secret weapon.
587
00:36:14,592 --> 00:36:16,991
Now here are the bullets.
588
00:36:16,992 --> 00:36:17,992
My material.
589
00:36:18,832 --> 00:36:19,665
Read it,
590
00:36:20,282 --> 00:36:21,115
live it,
591
00:36:22,355 --> 00:36:23,188
be it.
592
00:36:27,634 --> 00:36:30,717
I really don't think I can do this.
593
00:36:32,850 --> 00:36:34,218
How about this,
594
00:36:34,219 --> 00:36:35,698
you stop being a smelly clit
595
00:36:35,699 --> 00:36:37,338
and do this competition for me
596
00:36:37,339 --> 00:36:38,980
and I'll get you a date with Jenna.
597
00:36:38,981 --> 00:36:40,802
I'll get her all wet and juicy for you
598
00:36:40,803 --> 00:36:43,200
so when we switch and
get our bodies back
599
00:36:43,201 --> 00:36:47,300
all you have to do is
slip the tip right in.
600
00:36:47,301 --> 00:36:48,500
Yeah.
601
00:36:48,501 --> 00:36:49,701
How does that sound?
602
00:36:49,702 --> 00:36:51,516
Give your hand a night off for once.
603
00:36:51,517 --> 00:36:54,684
It's a little graphic, but enticing.
604
00:36:55,961 --> 00:36:56,842
How about this?
605
00:36:56,843 --> 00:36:59,522
You get me the date with
Jenna while staying in shape
606
00:36:59,523 --> 00:37:01,282
until I get my body back.
607
00:37:01,283 --> 00:37:04,083
I actually have a respectable
competition coming up.
608
00:37:04,084 --> 00:37:05,615
It's called a triathlon.
609
00:37:05,616 --> 00:37:07,456
You probably have no clue what that is
610
00:37:07,457 --> 00:37:09,697
considering it involves
physical exercise
611
00:37:09,698 --> 00:37:10,898
but you're gonna need to learn,
612
00:37:10,899 --> 00:37:13,458
because you're probably
gonna have to do it for me.
613
00:37:13,459 --> 00:37:16,939
All right, and if you
help shed a few pounds,
614
00:37:16,940 --> 00:37:19,440
I think we can seal this deal.
615
00:37:26,703 --> 00:37:28,011
Come on, man.
616
00:37:31,397 --> 00:37:33,146
Hey you two retards,
617
00:37:33,147 --> 00:37:34,747
quit finger diddling
each other's urethras
618
00:37:34,748 --> 00:37:36,267
and get back to work.
619
00:37:36,268 --> 00:37:38,720
Alex, I need you to
start with this and then,
620
00:37:38,721 --> 00:37:40,240
I said Alex.
621
00:37:40,241 --> 00:37:43,408
And then get back to your other tasks.
622
00:37:44,250 --> 00:37:45,500
What is this?
623
00:37:46,936 --> 00:37:48,269
Is this cocaine?
624
00:37:56,591 --> 00:38:01,591
If anyone asks, I was with
you two fucktards last night.
625
00:38:01,936 --> 00:38:05,516
Hey boss, hanging out
with that white girl, huh?
626
00:38:05,517 --> 00:38:08,076
Classy, classy, I would partake
627
00:38:08,077 --> 00:38:11,319
but I'm currently doing
a full body cleanse.
628
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:13,884
I love those scrumptious shakes.
629
00:38:13,885 --> 00:38:16,124
If you mention white girl
630
00:38:16,125 --> 00:38:19,165
or say the word scrumptious again,
631
00:38:19,166 --> 00:38:20,768
I'll fucking kill you.
632
00:38:20,769 --> 00:38:21,769
Now get back to work.
633
00:38:21,770 --> 00:38:26,569
There's shit smeared all over
the bathroom walls again.
634
00:38:26,570 --> 00:38:28,211
It was me.
635
00:38:30,220 --> 00:38:32,387
I wasn't done with that.
636
00:38:33,949 --> 00:38:35,766
Look at these two anus clowns blowing
637
00:38:35,767 --> 00:38:38,531
each other's dicks like animal balloons.
638
00:38:38,532 --> 00:38:40,131
You do know they don't actually
639
00:38:40,132 --> 00:38:43,371
blow on your dick when
you get a blowjob, right?
640
00:38:43,372 --> 00:38:45,505
Have you ever even gotten head before?
641
00:38:45,506 --> 00:38:48,105
No shit, I've had literally millions
642
00:38:48,106 --> 00:38:49,764
of blow jays in my life.
643
00:38:49,765 --> 00:38:51,848
You mean blowgays?
644
00:38:51,849 --> 00:38:53,570
We don't have time for
your shit today Chad,
645
00:38:53,571 --> 00:38:54,988
so fuck off.
646
00:38:56,613 --> 00:39:00,491
Where did you get the balls
to step up to me, civilian?
647
00:39:00,492 --> 00:39:04,459
You have no idea the
shit I saw over there.
648
00:39:11,157 --> 00:39:14,598
You're not even close to being
on my level you little bitch.
649
00:39:14,599 --> 00:39:18,691
I used to laugh at weak ass
chumps like you in boot camp.
650
00:39:18,692 --> 00:39:19,525
Yeah?
651
00:39:19,526 --> 00:39:20,910
Did you laugh at yourself
when they booted
652
00:39:20,911 --> 00:39:23,830
your bitch ass out of boot camp?
653
00:39:23,831 --> 00:39:24,990
That's right.
654
00:39:24,991 --> 00:39:27,991
I know all about your Swiss
cheese heart full of holes.
655
00:39:27,992 --> 00:39:30,591
So why don't you and your faulty heart
656
00:39:30,592 --> 00:39:32,625
murmur the fuck out of here.
657
00:39:37,332 --> 00:39:41,211
Yeah, look at Mr. Big
shot over here, huh.
658
00:39:41,212 --> 00:39:43,045
Fuck you and fuck you.
659
00:39:44,895 --> 00:39:49,057
Jesus, you know I got you guys this job?
660
00:39:49,058 --> 00:39:50,641
I can fire you too.
661
00:39:51,899 --> 00:39:54,898
I'm actually the one
that got you this job.
662
00:39:54,899 --> 00:39:58,232
And you can't fire us, you're a janitor.
663
00:39:59,429 --> 00:40:02,908
I'm a fucking custodian level two.
664
00:40:02,909 --> 00:40:05,326
There's a difference ass hat.
665
00:40:06,845 --> 00:40:07,678
What is this?
666
00:40:07,679 --> 00:40:09,764
I'm getting it from both sides now?
667
00:40:09,765 --> 00:40:10,857
You want some?
668
00:40:10,858 --> 00:40:15,174
No, I'm just saying I got you the job.
669
00:40:17,201 --> 00:40:19,692
Whatever, I have to go.
670
00:40:19,693 --> 00:40:23,408
Apparently I'm the only one
who actually works around here.
671
00:40:24,108 --> 00:40:26,050
But I'll be over at
your house later Matt,
672
00:40:26,051 --> 00:40:30,268
to motorboat your
mom's fat tittaayyys.
673
00:40:30,969 --> 00:40:34,852
I think you mean your
aunt's tits, you sick fuck.
674
00:40:37,408 --> 00:40:39,491
Bro, it's Jenna.
675
00:40:49,569 --> 00:40:51,848
♪ One hundid every time you go away ♪
676
00:40:51,849 --> 00:40:54,288
♪ One hundid go on and say my name ♪
677
00:40:54,289 --> 00:40:56,930
♪ One hundid if we gonna make it last ♪
678
00:40:56,931 --> 00:40:58,763
Here's your chance player.
679
00:40:58,764 --> 00:41:01,547
It's pronounced play-a.
680
00:41:08,616 --> 00:41:09,449
Playa.
681
00:41:15,345 --> 00:41:18,425
Hey, prettiest lady in this office.
682
00:41:18,426 --> 00:41:20,867
I'm the only lady in this office.
683
00:41:20,868 --> 00:41:21,701
I know.
684
00:41:33,143 --> 00:41:35,182
So, what happened?
685
00:41:35,183 --> 00:41:39,266
Oh wait let me guess, you
messed it up, as usual.
686
00:41:39,856 --> 00:41:41,760
Looks like you better start working out,
687
00:41:41,761 --> 00:41:44,525
you obese son of a bitch.
688
00:41:44,526 --> 00:41:47,026
You actually got her number?
689
00:41:53,815 --> 00:41:55,935
Hey there little guy.
690
00:41:55,936 --> 00:41:57,910
Looks like you were so
excited for our date tonight
691
00:41:57,911 --> 00:42:00,161
that you woke up before me.
692
00:42:01,033 --> 00:42:02,633
Be patient buddy,
693
00:42:02,634 --> 00:42:04,317
I know Alex beats you
with his hand every night
694
00:42:04,318 --> 00:42:07,398
until you throw up but I promise,
695
00:42:07,399 --> 00:42:12,399
I'ma take you to VagTown if
it's the last thing I do.
696
00:42:13,955 --> 00:42:16,939
All right, I know there's some muscles
697
00:42:16,940 --> 00:42:20,037
deep down in this fat
somewhere to stretch out.
698
00:42:47,909 --> 00:42:48,742
Yes.
699
00:42:49,629 --> 00:42:50,462
Yes.
700
00:42:54,797 --> 00:42:58,573
How does this mother
fucker not have a girlfriend?
701
00:43:04,515 --> 00:43:05,878
Yee-haw.
702
00:43:05,879 --> 00:43:09,651
It's hotter than a goat's
ass in a pepper patch.
703
00:43:09,652 --> 00:43:11,255
Well how do Missy?
704
00:43:11,256 --> 00:43:14,217
I see you've run into
quite a predicament.
705
00:43:14,218 --> 00:43:18,144
Your pussy farm's in need of harvesting.
706
00:43:18,145 --> 00:43:20,238
Oh, my, my, my,.
707
00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:24,086
I reckon I have the
right tool for the job.
708
00:43:24,087 --> 00:43:27,487
Bonjour, I'm about to make yo' skank ass
709
00:43:27,488 --> 00:43:30,947
a dick club sandwich with double meat.
710
00:43:30,948 --> 00:43:33,365
Extra heavy on zee jizz mayo.
711
00:43:34,392 --> 00:43:35,559
Hon, hon, hon.
712
00:43:37,854 --> 00:43:39,453
What's that you say?
713
00:43:39,454 --> 00:43:40,894
Pussy caught in a tree?
714
00:43:40,895 --> 00:43:41,957
Puh.
715
00:43:41,958 --> 00:43:45,375
Well slide on down
this long dick ladder.
716
00:43:48,478 --> 00:43:49,392
Freeze!
717
00:43:49,393 --> 00:43:50,631
You're under arrest for giving me
718
00:43:50,632 --> 00:43:53,440
a veiny throbbing cop boner.
719
00:43:54,032 --> 00:43:56,596
I'm the head detective
of the pussy division
720
00:43:56,597 --> 00:43:58,764
and you're about to serve
721
00:43:59,942 --> 00:44:01,300
hard time!
722
00:44:04,559 --> 00:44:05,879
Huh, Lieutenant McDickles mam.
723
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:07,762
Call my Johnson Ryan
because your pussy's
724
00:44:07,763 --> 00:44:08,943
about to save my privates.
725
00:44:17,647 --> 00:44:20,046
There's been a nuclear cum-plosion.
726
00:44:20,047 --> 00:44:22,655
Clean up in aisle my pants.
727
00:44:24,977 --> 00:44:25,810
Okay.
728
00:44:29,795 --> 00:44:32,754
Not today Vir-Gina, god damn.
729
00:44:33,580 --> 00:44:38,058
So my mom tells me that
fat people have small dicks.
730
00:44:38,059 --> 00:44:40,832
I would be offended, but
I'm literally channeling
731
00:44:40,833 --> 00:44:44,398
all the energy I have into breathing
732
00:44:44,399 --> 00:44:46,558
and grasping onto the
fact that your mom talks
733
00:44:46,559 --> 00:44:48,778
to you about fat dicks?
734
00:44:48,779 --> 00:44:49,940
Tiny dick!
735
00:44:49,941 --> 00:44:51,382
He has a tiny dick!
736
00:44:51,383 --> 00:44:52,358
He showed me it!
737
00:44:52,359 --> 00:44:54,078
Will you shut the hell up, Virgil?
738
00:44:54,079 --> 00:44:55,720
I don't have a tiny dick, okay.
739
00:44:55,721 --> 00:44:57,360
I'll show you my dick right now bro.
740
00:44:57,361 --> 00:44:58,520
Want me to whip it out?
741
00:44:58,521 --> 00:45:00,081
I'll whip out my dick.
742
00:45:00,082 --> 00:45:01,931
Whatever micro penis.
743
00:45:01,932 --> 00:45:06,923
Waddle waddle all day
but you'll always be fat!
744
00:45:09,702 --> 00:45:10,535
Fucker.
745
00:45:16,145 --> 00:45:16,978
Bitch.
746
00:45:20,524 --> 00:45:24,561
I'm gonna tell my mom you fat asshole.
747
00:45:31,660 --> 00:45:33,019
This was definitely a good call.
748
00:45:33,020 --> 00:45:36,353
I've always wanted to take an art class.
749
00:45:38,222 --> 00:45:41,788
Once again, it feels so good
to be here with all of you,
750
00:45:41,789 --> 00:45:44,471
in a creative environment.
751
00:45:44,472 --> 00:45:46,925
Free from our smart phones and tablets
752
00:45:46,926 --> 00:45:50,001
and computers and TVs.
753
00:45:56,507 --> 00:45:59,757
Let's start with some
breathing exercises.
754
00:45:59,758 --> 00:46:02,175
Now everyone close your eyes,
755
00:46:03,243 --> 00:46:05,734
relax your bodies
756
00:46:05,735 --> 00:46:08,518
and slowly inhale.
757
00:46:13,384 --> 00:46:15,718
And exhale.
758
00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:21,172
Now, with your eyes closed,
759
00:46:21,173 --> 00:46:23,840
grab your pencils and just draw.
760
00:46:25,266 --> 00:46:28,668
Let the energy around
you flow through you
761
00:46:28,669 --> 00:46:30,226
and onto your paper.
762
00:46:37,046 --> 00:46:39,379
Now everyone open your eyes.
763
00:46:41,573 --> 00:46:43,655
Is that a dick?
764
00:46:43,656 --> 00:46:45,297
Well, we know where your head's at.
765
00:46:45,298 --> 00:46:47,873
I swear I was drawing something else.
766
00:46:47,874 --> 00:46:49,493
What did you draw?
767
00:46:49,494 --> 00:46:50,661
Same as you.
768
00:46:53,102 --> 00:46:54,356
Now that we're all warmed up
769
00:46:54,357 --> 00:46:57,598
and connected with our surroundings,
770
00:46:57,599 --> 00:47:00,099
it's time to begin our lesson.
771
00:47:03,261 --> 00:47:07,594
What kind of art class
did you say this was again?
772
00:47:09,214 --> 00:47:11,903
Bare witness and let
your naked eye connect
773
00:47:11,904 --> 00:47:13,702
with my naked human body.
774
00:47:13,703 --> 00:47:17,823
Look very closely and study every curve,
775
00:47:17,824 --> 00:47:19,399
wrinkle and pore.
776
00:47:21,834 --> 00:47:22,667
Yes?
777
00:47:23,958 --> 00:47:25,958
Is that a ding-a-ling?
778
00:47:26,872 --> 00:47:29,541
Yes, is there a problem?
779
00:47:29,542 --> 00:47:31,008
No, just,
780
00:47:32,525 --> 00:47:33,608
I'm good.
781
00:47:34,531 --> 00:47:35,967
We're good.
782
00:47:35,968 --> 00:47:37,385
Everybody's good.
783
00:47:40,413 --> 00:47:45,212
Now, let my features flow into your mind
784
00:47:45,213 --> 00:47:48,046
and spill out onto your paper.
785
00:47:49,327 --> 00:47:53,468
Well, I think I captured her
786
00:47:53,469 --> 00:47:55,469
and her penis perfectly.
787
00:47:57,206 --> 00:47:58,406
Another penis?
788
00:47:58,407 --> 00:48:00,568
Is there something you want
to come out of the closet
789
00:48:00,569 --> 00:48:02,028
for and tell me?
790
00:48:02,029 --> 00:48:04,184
I'm just really good at drawing penises.
791
00:48:04,185 --> 00:48:05,663
It's a gift.
792
00:48:05,664 --> 00:48:06,497
Sure.
793
00:48:06,498 --> 00:48:09,185
Let's see your drawing then, Picasso.
794
00:48:09,186 --> 00:48:11,045
All right, you're really good.
795
00:48:11,046 --> 00:48:12,231
Thank you.
796
00:48:12,232 --> 00:48:16,200
Do you like sausages?
I guess so.
797
00:48:16,201 --> 00:48:17,242
Why?
798
00:48:17,243 --> 00:48:18,459
All these penises reminded me
799
00:48:18,460 --> 00:48:21,689
of this fucking awesome Italian
sausage joint by my house.
800
00:48:21,690 --> 00:48:22,656
They're closed now,
801
00:48:22,657 --> 00:48:25,949
but if you're game we should
definitely go there sometime.
802
00:48:25,950 --> 00:48:27,433
It's molto bene.
803
00:48:28,116 --> 00:48:29,962
Sounds interesting, I'm game.
804
00:48:29,963 --> 00:48:32,463
All right, let's the fuck out of here.
805
00:48:32,464 --> 00:48:33,297
Bye guys.
806
00:48:33,298 --> 00:48:35,751
Don't forget to leave
me a review on Jewpon.
807
00:48:51,419 --> 00:48:52,252
Hello?
808
00:48:53,874 --> 00:48:56,822
Yeah, I know we don't have work today.
809
00:48:56,823 --> 00:48:58,745
Oh, I can sleep in?
810
00:48:58,746 --> 00:48:59,579
Oh really?
811
00:49:01,108 --> 00:49:01,941
Goodbye.
812
00:49:03,028 --> 00:49:04,286
Goodbye.
813
00:49:09,853 --> 00:49:11,809
Who's this all this for?
814
00:49:11,810 --> 00:49:13,256
For you silly goose.
815
00:49:13,257 --> 00:49:14,315
Round one.
816
00:49:14,316 --> 00:49:15,966
We're gonna see if you can
beat your seventh round record,
817
00:49:15,967 --> 00:49:17,527
my little cowboy.
818
00:49:17,528 --> 00:49:20,351
If you believe it, you can achieve it.
819
00:49:20,352 --> 00:49:22,852
Oh, I forgot your orange soda.
820
00:49:24,034 --> 00:49:26,130
I swear this bitch is
trying to give me diabetes.
821
00:49:34,358 --> 00:49:37,058
Jewpon.com.
822
00:49:39,216 --> 00:49:40,524
And print.
823
00:49:46,229 --> 00:49:48,912
How the fuck did he
make it to seven rounds?
824
00:49:48,913 --> 00:49:51,805
Don't give up, Matty.
You're almost there.
825
00:49:53,300 --> 00:49:55,787
I just, I can't do it.
826
00:49:55,788 --> 00:49:57,068
I can't eat another bite.
827
00:49:57,069 --> 00:49:58,612
Sure you can.
828
00:49:58,613 --> 00:50:00,358
Coming in for a landing.
829
00:50:16,210 --> 00:50:18,292
I understand why Matt hates you now.
830
00:50:21,245 --> 00:50:22,912
Good ball control.
831
00:50:23,992 --> 00:50:25,522
Get that ball, nobody has it!
832
00:50:25,523 --> 00:50:27,486
Come on, oh yeah, take it down.
833
00:50:30,971 --> 00:50:33,010
Hey is this the bubble soccer game?
834
00:50:33,011 --> 00:50:34,342
For the Jewpon promotion?
835
00:50:34,343 --> 00:50:36,144
Yes, are you one of the parents?
836
00:50:36,145 --> 00:50:39,277
No, here to kick some ass holes, sir.
837
00:50:39,278 --> 00:50:41,016
You didn't happen to
notice there's a slight age
838
00:50:41,017 --> 00:50:42,553
difference between yourself
839
00:50:42,554 --> 00:50:44,841
and these kids out here, did you?
840
00:50:44,842 --> 00:50:47,014
Yeah, but I read the coupon
841
00:50:47,015 --> 00:50:50,793
and it looks like there's
no age restriction, so.
842
00:50:50,794 --> 00:50:53,127
I'm in like nuts on yo chin!
843
00:51:18,377 --> 00:51:19,967
Feels like you have a few knots.
844
00:51:19,968 --> 00:51:20,817
Do I?
845
00:51:20,818 --> 00:51:22,223
Do you think you can get em out for me?
846
00:51:22,224 --> 00:51:23,103
Yeah, I can try.
847
00:51:23,104 --> 00:51:25,020
Oh, great, thank you.
848
00:51:31,010 --> 00:51:33,367
How's that feel?
Amazing.
849
00:51:33,368 --> 00:51:34,201
Good.
850
00:52:16,409 --> 00:52:17,939
Yes, go.
851
00:52:52,336 --> 00:52:53,169
Hey!
852
00:52:56,788 --> 00:52:58,621
Come on, lean into it.
853
00:53:18,622 --> 00:53:19,889
Come on, get it in there.
854
00:53:19,890 --> 00:53:20,723
Let's go!
855
00:53:23,283 --> 00:53:24,116
There!
856
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:46,737
Aren't you gonna do something?
857
00:53:46,738 --> 00:53:47,571
Well...
858
00:53:47,572 --> 00:53:50,057
He is way too old to be
out there with our kids.
859
00:53:50,058 --> 00:53:52,299
But the coupon it doesn't restrict age.
860
00:53:52,300 --> 00:53:53,458
Oh, come on.
861
00:53:53,459 --> 00:53:54,292
That's it.
862
00:53:54,293 --> 00:53:56,124
Either you do something about
it or we're out of here.
863
00:53:56,125 --> 00:53:59,224
And we're taking our money back.
864
00:53:59,225 --> 00:54:00,142
Hey, you.
865
00:54:01,119 --> 00:54:02,720
I don't wanna play anymore.
866
00:54:02,721 --> 00:54:03,602
Whoo!
867
00:54:03,603 --> 00:54:04,884
Not in my house.
868
00:54:04,885 --> 00:54:06,304
Not in my house.
869
00:54:06,305 --> 00:54:07,900
I hate you.
870
00:54:07,901 --> 00:54:09,535
Hey you, it's game over.
871
00:54:09,536 --> 00:54:14,511
Put that bubble back where you
got it and get out of here.
872
00:54:14,512 --> 00:54:16,945
Hey asshole, get back here.
873
00:54:18,754 --> 00:54:20,504
Aw, that's my bubble.
874
00:54:22,519 --> 00:54:24,019
Yeah, about to get it.
875
00:54:25,851 --> 00:54:27,034
Oh yeah.
876
00:55:08,036 --> 00:55:09,850
You okay in there honey?
877
00:55:09,851 --> 00:55:11,371
I'm fine.
878
00:55:11,372 --> 00:55:12,603
Leave me alone.
879
00:55:12,604 --> 00:55:14,903
Okay, no need to be so rude.
880
00:55:14,904 --> 00:55:16,540
Wait, mom.
881
00:55:16,541 --> 00:55:18,584
Yes, sugar booger?
882
00:55:18,585 --> 00:55:20,506
What's my best friend's name?
883
00:55:20,507 --> 00:55:21,340
Alex?
884
00:55:22,895 --> 00:55:24,272
What?
885
00:55:24,273 --> 00:55:25,106
Alex.
886
00:55:25,698 --> 00:55:26,531
What?
887
00:55:26,995 --> 00:55:28,194
Alex!
888
00:55:28,868 --> 00:55:30,361
Huh?
889
00:55:30,362 --> 00:55:31,195
Alex.
890
00:55:34,730 --> 00:55:37,366
Are you sure you're
okay in there, honey?
891
00:55:37,367 --> 00:55:39,000
I am now.
892
00:55:46,068 --> 00:55:48,593
How the fuck does he survive?
893
00:55:48,594 --> 00:55:51,891
Why have a fridge if
you have no food in it?
894
00:55:51,892 --> 00:55:54,334
Get your fucking life together, man.
895
00:56:08,145 --> 00:56:10,225
Hey, hey, hey fat ass Albert.
896
00:56:10,226 --> 00:56:11,946
What's this?
897
00:56:11,947 --> 00:56:13,390
Dude, give that back!
898
00:56:13,391 --> 00:56:14,607
Just what in the hell
are you doing with a
899
00:56:14,608 --> 00:56:16,896
pocket pussy anyway you pathetic perv?
900
00:56:16,897 --> 00:56:19,457
It's not what you think, Chad.
901
00:56:19,458 --> 00:56:21,699
You know how girls have
a bachelorette party
902
00:56:21,700 --> 00:56:24,200
and they do like a dick theme?
903
00:56:24,614 --> 00:56:26,747
Um, my friend Eric.
904
00:56:27,222 --> 00:56:29,418
He is having a bachelor party
905
00:56:29,419 --> 00:56:32,077
and he asked me to throw it for him.
906
00:56:32,078 --> 00:56:34,394
So naturally I'm going
with a pussy theme.
907
00:56:34,395 --> 00:56:38,145
And I'm using pocket
pussies as shot glasses.
908
00:56:39,100 --> 00:56:41,342
See, I was just testing it.
909
00:56:41,343 --> 00:56:43,284
Wait, Eric.
910
00:56:43,824 --> 00:56:45,784
Like Eric from work Eric?
911
00:56:45,785 --> 00:56:47,427
Yeah.
912
00:56:47,428 --> 00:56:50,200
No invite for big boy Chad, huh?
913
00:56:50,201 --> 00:56:53,656
Fuck it, we'll have our own
party right here right now!
914
00:56:53,657 --> 00:56:57,282
Shots shots shots shots shots shots!
915
00:56:58,887 --> 00:57:01,020
Dude, dude, wait, wait.
916
00:57:03,767 --> 00:57:05,846
You know what, go for it bro.
917
00:57:05,847 --> 00:57:07,055
All yours.
918
00:57:13,102 --> 00:57:16,482
Oh, god, what
did you mix this with?
919
00:57:16,483 --> 00:57:17,316
Cum?
920
00:57:17,317 --> 00:57:19,341
This is the most
disgustingly awesome thing
921
00:57:19,342 --> 00:57:20,759
I have ever seen.
922
00:57:25,815 --> 00:57:28,615
Man, this shit has me buzzed.
923
00:57:29,923 --> 00:57:31,931
Hashtag, facial.
924
00:57:34,049 --> 00:57:37,032
Hashtag, money shot.
925
00:57:39,322 --> 00:57:42,455
Hashtag, seagulled.
926
00:57:43,857 --> 00:57:47,115
And, post.
927
00:57:56,991 --> 00:57:58,603
Your video will continue after
928
00:57:58,604 --> 00:58:00,604
a word from our sponsor.
929
00:58:03,585 --> 00:58:05,348
What are you doing?
930
00:58:05,349 --> 00:58:06,613
Oh my god, what are you doing?
931
00:58:06,614 --> 00:58:07,447
Stop.
932
00:58:07,447 --> 00:58:08,280
No.
933
00:58:12,609 --> 00:58:15,684
Well, well, well, I do declare.
934
00:58:15,685 --> 00:58:17,845
It looks like we have another suicide
935
00:58:17,846 --> 00:58:20,766
by someone high off marijuana.
936
00:58:20,767 --> 00:58:23,928
I'm Winfred Wade Wallace reminding you
937
00:58:23,929 --> 00:58:27,889
that just because weed has
been legal in Washington,
938
00:58:27,890 --> 00:58:29,811
does not make it safe.
939
00:58:29,812 --> 00:58:34,013
So next time you get
wasted on that stick-icky,
940
00:58:34,014 --> 00:58:37,272
remember it could be your last.
941
00:58:37,273 --> 00:58:40,256
What the fuck did I just watch?
942
00:59:00,160 --> 00:59:02,219
Hey fellas, don't you hate it
943
00:59:02,220 --> 00:59:04,987
when you're watching
porn and jerking off.
944
00:59:04,988 --> 00:59:06,947
Everything is going perfectly.
945
00:59:06,948 --> 00:59:08,898
The woman is beautiful.
946
00:59:08,899 --> 00:59:11,779
She's moaning loud because
the guy is pounding her
947
00:59:11,780 --> 00:59:14,505
like some insane centaur.
948
00:59:16,262 --> 00:59:19,422
You're close to shooting
out your cum sprinkles
949
00:59:19,423 --> 00:59:21,664
when out of nowhere the
angle of the video
950
00:59:21,665 --> 00:59:24,266
takes a turn for the worse.
951
00:59:24,267 --> 00:59:27,550
You're suddenly in a
very non flattering angle
952
00:59:27,551 --> 00:59:28,872
for straight people.
953
00:59:28,873 --> 00:59:30,714
You know what I'm talking about.
954
00:59:30,715 --> 00:59:34,599
The angle behind the dude
where absolutely zero
955
00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:36,963
of the girl is showing.
956
00:59:36,964 --> 00:59:39,205
All you see is a hairy back
957
00:59:39,206 --> 00:59:44,206
and ass crack with sweaty
manballs bouncing up and down.
958
00:59:44,494 --> 00:59:46,293
Who directed this thing?
959
00:59:46,294 --> 00:59:48,893
This was not what I signed up for.
960
00:59:48,894 --> 00:59:50,977
Talk about a jizz killer.
961
00:59:52,301 --> 00:59:54,851
Yep, there's no way I'm
getting this down in time.
962
00:59:54,852 --> 00:59:56,501
Babe, what are you doing?
963
00:59:56,502 --> 00:59:59,902
Have you forgotten about our
annual camping trip of love?
964
00:59:59,903 --> 01:00:04,903
Uh, no, why would I forget
something that important?
965
01:00:05,186 --> 01:00:08,806
Uhm, remind me what made
it so awesome last year?
966
01:00:08,807 --> 01:00:11,167
Oh, last year was amazing.
967
01:00:19,041 --> 01:00:21,099
You were so romantic.
968
01:00:21,100 --> 01:00:22,939
I love spending time
with you by the lake
969
01:00:22,940 --> 01:00:24,715
just eating junk food.
970
01:00:24,716 --> 01:00:27,267
Making love under the stars.
971
01:00:27,268 --> 01:00:30,031
Having you to myself for three days.
972
01:00:30,032 --> 01:00:31,041
Grrrr.
973
01:00:31,042 --> 01:00:32,821
It'll be amazing.
974
01:00:33,080 --> 01:00:34,893
Uh, I'm just gonna forewarn you
975
01:00:34,894 --> 01:00:37,199
this year might be a
little bit different.
976
01:00:37,200 --> 01:00:39,533
I'm not feeling like myself.
977
01:00:42,307 --> 01:00:43,780
What up mother fuckers?
978
01:00:43,781 --> 01:00:48,033
And welcome to another segment
of E Zee Doez it on a Budget.
979
01:00:48,034 --> 01:00:49,397
I'm your host E Zee
980
01:00:49,398 --> 01:00:52,123
and if you're watching
this you're probably hungry
981
01:00:52,124 --> 01:00:54,054
or just fucking high.
982
01:00:54,055 --> 01:00:56,981
Either way, let's get this shit started.
983
01:00:56,982 --> 01:01:00,744
Today I'm gonna be teaching you
how to make Ghetto S'ghetti.
984
01:01:00,745 --> 01:01:03,369
And for all those haters out
there leaving bullshit comments
985
01:01:03,370 --> 01:01:06,851
on my feed below, you
can go fuck yourselves.
986
01:01:06,852 --> 01:01:09,993
Especially you RashelleRay24
987
01:01:10,202 --> 01:01:12,660
and GordonGramsy62.
988
01:01:12,829 --> 01:01:15,660
I will find you, and when I do,
989
01:01:15,661 --> 01:01:17,462
I'm gonna beat the shit out of you
990
01:01:17,463 --> 01:01:19,782
with your own fucking keyboards.
991
01:01:19,783 --> 01:01:21,248
So remember,
992
01:01:21,249 --> 01:01:25,257
words don't leave marks,
but keyboards do.
993
01:01:25,540 --> 01:01:29,032
Hot dog, I'm high as shit.
994
01:01:29,347 --> 01:01:32,150
What you will need for this
deliciously cheap ass meal
995
01:01:32,151 --> 01:01:34,273
is a packet of ramen noodles
996
01:01:34,274 --> 01:01:37,608
including the spices,
a package of hotdogs,
997
01:01:37,609 --> 01:01:40,933
and last but not least
a bottle of ketchup
998
01:01:40,934 --> 01:01:42,542
or Sriracha
999
01:01:43,125 --> 01:01:46,241
for you weird mexi chinks out there.
1000
01:01:47,350 --> 01:01:49,567
Ewh, gross.
1001
01:01:49,974 --> 01:01:52,184
So now what you're gonna
want to do is open up
1002
01:01:52,185 --> 01:01:56,089
your noodle packet and
set it in the bowl.
1003
01:01:56,090 --> 01:01:57,970
Now it's time to set you noodles
1004
01:01:57,971 --> 01:02:00,804
in the microwave for five minutes.
1005
01:02:04,256 --> 01:02:05,256
Seriously,
1006
01:02:07,444 --> 01:02:10,623
how did this weird bitch
open the package so fast?
1007
01:02:10,624 --> 01:02:11,624
Excuse me?
1008
01:02:12,761 --> 01:02:13,777
Excuse me?
1009
01:02:14,842 --> 01:02:15,900
Excuse me?
1010
01:02:17,001 --> 01:02:20,402
Who the fuck are you calling
weird you fugly ass nerd?
1011
01:02:20,403 --> 01:02:21,780
Are you talking to me?
1012
01:02:21,781 --> 01:02:24,144
Yeah asshole, I am.
1013
01:02:24,145 --> 01:02:26,427
Maybe if you didn't have bitch arms
1014
01:02:26,428 --> 01:02:30,230
you could open the
fucking package yourself.
1015
01:02:30,231 --> 01:02:32,686
Well my hands are kind of sweaty.
1016
01:02:32,687 --> 01:02:34,504
Here you go retard.
1017
01:02:36,001 --> 01:02:37,700
What the fuck?
1018
01:02:39,728 --> 01:02:40,728
How did you?
1019
01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:49,793
Oh yeah!
1020
01:02:50,243 --> 01:02:51,993
The noodles are done.
1021
01:02:53,416 --> 01:02:57,849
Now's the time that you're
gonna wanna strain that water.
1022
01:03:00,942 --> 01:03:02,738
Do you still need this?
1023
01:03:02,739 --> 01:03:04,072
Thanks fucker.
1024
01:03:05,510 --> 01:03:08,915
Take this and just add that shit.
1025
01:03:08,916 --> 01:03:12,317
Now's the time that you're
gonna add your ketchup.
1026
01:03:12,318 --> 01:03:13,426
Or Sriracha.
1027
01:03:14,700 --> 01:03:17,859
And just get it all up in there.
1028
01:03:17,860 --> 01:03:21,502
Mix it together and
then add your hotdogs.
1029
01:03:24,350 --> 01:03:25,508
Bon appetit.
1030
01:03:28,894 --> 01:03:30,892
And there you have it.
1031
01:03:30,893 --> 01:03:32,430
Ghetto S'ghetti.
1032
01:03:32,688 --> 01:03:35,874
Be sure to tell me how fucking
terrible this recipe is,
1033
01:03:35,875 --> 01:03:39,114
along with all my other
ones in the comments below.
1034
01:03:39,115 --> 01:03:42,448
You sacks of shit with no fucking lives.
1035
01:03:45,963 --> 01:03:49,046
Maybe I should stop smoking weed...
1036
01:03:50,685 --> 01:03:52,285
Huh, nah.
1037
01:03:52,686 --> 01:03:53,519
Stupid.
1038
01:03:59,016 --> 01:04:01,808
Awh, holy mother of god.
1039
01:04:07,506 --> 01:04:09,756
That is disturbingly gross.
1040
01:04:11,987 --> 01:04:14,154
I miss my mommy's cooking.
1041
01:04:41,341 --> 01:04:42,741
Oh, Jesus.
1042
01:04:42,742 --> 01:04:46,082
I just wanted to give you
your second bag of brownies.
1043
01:04:46,083 --> 01:04:48,041
Are you okay? You seem distracted?
1044
01:04:48,718 --> 01:04:50,176
Uh, yeah.
1045
01:04:50,177 --> 01:04:51,586
I'm fine.
1046
01:04:51,587 --> 01:04:54,591
I'm so glad we finally get
some alone time together.
1047
01:04:54,592 --> 01:04:57,357
You've been avoiding me a lot lately.
1048
01:04:57,358 --> 01:04:59,260
Tonight though you're all mine.
1049
01:04:59,261 --> 01:05:02,341
Momma wants some of that
anaconda you're packing.
1050
01:05:02,342 --> 01:05:04,624
Hey, hey, stop it with that lady!
1051
01:05:04,625 --> 01:05:06,049
Geez.
1052
01:05:06,050 --> 01:05:07,150
And let's be realistic here,
1053
01:05:07,151 --> 01:05:09,819
it's more like a baby
garden snake if anything.
1054
01:05:09,820 --> 01:05:14,151
Besides, I told you I'm just
not feeling up to it tonight.
1055
01:05:14,152 --> 01:05:15,554
What's going on?
1056
01:05:15,555 --> 01:05:17,684
Are you not attracted to me anymore?
1057
01:05:17,685 --> 01:05:19,043
Don't be sad.
1058
01:05:19,044 --> 01:05:20,645
It's not you I promise.
1059
01:05:20,646 --> 01:05:22,005
Work's stressing me out.
1060
01:05:22,006 --> 01:05:24,248
I got this comedy show coming
up I'm not prepared for,
1061
01:05:24,249 --> 01:05:25,391
like at all.
1062
01:05:27,615 --> 01:05:30,067
I'm just having stupid
man problems, okay?
1063
01:05:30,068 --> 01:05:31,758
I promise I'll have lots and lots
1064
01:05:31,759 --> 01:05:34,124
of crazy sex with you soon.
1065
01:05:34,724 --> 01:05:37,318
And you'll put it in my butt too?
1066
01:05:37,710 --> 01:05:39,433
Uh. Yeah.
1067
01:05:39,434 --> 01:05:42,312
If you get like a million enemas first.
1068
01:05:42,313 --> 01:05:44,335
Come on, let's go back to the tent.
1069
01:05:44,336 --> 01:05:47,476
Those brownies are definitely
gonna hit you soon.
1070
01:05:48,760 --> 01:05:50,440
Wait, what?
1071
01:05:50,441 --> 01:05:51,274
Hit me?
1072
01:05:52,808 --> 01:05:55,277
♪ Work, work, go to work ♪
1073
01:05:55,278 --> 01:05:57,677
♪ Baby you deserve a crown ♪
1074
01:05:57,678 --> 01:05:58,740
♪ Go to work ♪
1075
01:05:58,741 --> 01:06:01,075
♪ I like the way she drop it down ♪
1076
01:06:01,076 --> 01:06:02,135
♪ Go to work ♪
1077
01:06:02,136 --> 01:06:04,452
♪ Like there ain't no one around ♪
1078
01:06:04,453 --> 01:06:05,702
♪ Go to work ♪
1079
01:06:05,703 --> 01:06:07,867
♪ Work, work ♪
1080
01:06:07,868 --> 01:06:09,096
♪ Go to work ♪
1081
01:06:09,097 --> 01:06:11,256
♪ Work, work ♪
1082
01:06:11,257 --> 01:06:12,596
♪ Go to work ♪
1083
01:06:12,597 --> 01:06:14,760
♪ Work, work ♪
1084
01:06:14,761 --> 01:06:16,050
♪ Go to work ♪
1085
01:06:16,051 --> 01:06:17,996
♪ Work, work ♪
1086
01:06:17,997 --> 01:06:19,077
♪ Go to work ♪
1087
01:06:19,078 --> 01:06:20,559
♪ Booty going clap clap ♪
1088
01:06:20,560 --> 01:06:22,279
♪ Sit it on my lap lap ♪
1089
01:06:22,280 --> 01:06:24,001
♪ Do your thing girl ♪
1090
01:06:24,002 --> 01:06:25,682
♪ Make a nigga want that that ♪
1091
01:06:25,683 --> 01:06:27,365
♪ Booty looking fat fat ♪
1092
01:06:27,366 --> 01:06:29,125
♪ Throw it in a catch that ♪
1093
01:06:29,126 --> 01:06:30,849
♪ Do your thing girl ♪
1094
01:06:30,850 --> 01:06:32,529
♪ Do your thing girl ♪
1095
01:06:32,530 --> 01:06:34,287
♪ Back it up, back it up ♪
1096
01:06:34,288 --> 01:06:36,023
♪ Back back it up like it's freight ♪
1097
01:06:36,024 --> 01:06:36,857
♪ Now drop it low ♪
1098
01:06:36,858 --> 01:06:39,416
♪ Drop it low drop it
low that gets weight ♪
1099
01:06:39,417 --> 01:06:41,058
♪ Now pick it up pick it up ♪
1100
01:06:41,059 --> 01:06:42,779
♪ Girl you gonna hurt yo back ♪
1101
01:06:42,780 --> 01:06:44,503
♪ The way she's shaking that ass ♪
1102
01:06:44,504 --> 01:06:46,086
♪ Like a pitbull when he attack ♪
1103
01:06:46,087 --> 01:06:47,037
♪ I'm like damn ♪
1104
01:06:47,173 --> 01:06:48,006
Wait.
1105
01:06:48,007 --> 01:06:49,621
Aren't you Winfred Wade Wallace?
1106
01:06:49,622 --> 01:06:51,623
That anti-weed asshole.
1107
01:06:51,624 --> 01:06:52,846
Well now, don't always believe
1108
01:06:52,847 --> 01:06:55,514
what you see on that TV now boy.
1109
01:06:56,526 --> 01:06:57,945
♪ I'm keep throwing this money ♪
1110
01:06:57,946 --> 01:07:00,493
♪ You know how to get it from me baby ♪
1111
01:07:00,494 --> 01:07:01,759
♪ Work, work ♪
1112
01:07:05,170 --> 01:07:07,934
Hey Alex, I hear you
want a private dance?
1113
01:07:07,935 --> 01:07:08,885
What?
1114
01:07:08,886 --> 01:07:11,562
No, I was in the area getting some food.
1115
01:07:11,563 --> 01:07:13,255
Thought I'd stop by and see you.
1116
01:07:13,256 --> 01:07:15,006
Ahh, so sweet.
1117
01:07:16,524 --> 01:07:18,787
Hey Alex, I thought that was you.
1118
01:07:18,788 --> 01:07:22,096
There's more seats over there, Shaniqua.
1119
01:07:22,097 --> 01:07:23,206
What the hell mom.
1120
01:07:23,207 --> 01:07:24,956
I mean, you're my best friend's mom.
1121
01:07:24,957 --> 01:07:27,797
This is getting weird. Would
you give me some space?
1122
01:07:27,798 --> 01:07:31,105
Calm down honey, there's
nothing weird going on here.
1123
01:07:31,580 --> 01:07:32,762
Ah, gross.
1124
01:07:32,763 --> 01:07:34,084
Get out of here.
1125
01:07:34,085 --> 01:07:35,246
Ahh.
1126
01:07:35,247 --> 01:07:36,621
It's making it worse.
1127
01:07:36,622 --> 01:07:38,788
Don't freak out.
It's making it worse.
1128
01:07:38,930 --> 01:07:39,763
Ah.
1129
01:07:41,102 --> 01:07:43,851
There's nothing to be
embarrassed about sweetie.
1130
01:07:43,852 --> 01:07:46,413
It's a perfectly natural body function.
1131
01:07:46,414 --> 01:07:47,247
Yeah.
1132
01:07:47,248 --> 01:07:49,415
I'm sure you're just
feeling lonely right now.
1133
01:07:49,416 --> 01:07:50,883
Very, lonely.
1134
01:07:52,056 --> 01:07:53,594
You serve alcohol here, right?
1135
01:07:53,595 --> 01:07:56,024
Yes, yes, of course we do.
Of course.
1136
01:07:56,025 --> 01:07:56,858
What do you drink?
1137
01:07:56,859 --> 01:07:58,196
I can get you something, sweetie.
1138
01:07:58,197 --> 01:08:02,334
I'm a grown ass man, Shaniqua,
I can get my own alcohol.
1139
01:08:02,335 --> 01:08:04,311
Mom, Ms. Gay.
Yeah.
1140
01:08:04,312 --> 01:08:05,512
Can you get me something to drink?
1141
01:08:05,513 --> 01:08:07,874
Absolutely, of course
sweetie, what do you want?
1142
01:08:07,875 --> 01:08:09,753
Uh, you know that drink
you make Matt sometimes?
1143
01:08:09,754 --> 01:08:13,945
The blue one with the ring
of salt and the wedges.
1144
01:08:13,946 --> 01:08:16,119
Blue balls.
Blue balls.
1145
01:08:16,120 --> 01:08:17,261
Coming right up, sweetie.
1146
01:08:17,262 --> 01:08:18,429
Be right back.
1147
01:08:28,042 --> 01:08:31,517
Holly, can I ask you a question?
1148
01:08:31,518 --> 01:08:34,423
Anything you want babe.
1149
01:08:34,424 --> 01:08:36,947
How can someone that looks like you
1150
01:08:36,948 --> 01:08:39,865
be with someone that looks like me?
1151
01:08:41,030 --> 01:08:44,797
Matt, I've told you this over and over.
1152
01:08:46,121 --> 01:08:49,725
When will you get it through
that thick sexy skull of yours?
1153
01:08:49,726 --> 01:08:52,770
It doesn't matter what you look like,
1154
01:08:52,771 --> 01:08:56,494
even though I think you're sexy as hell.
1155
01:08:56,495 --> 01:08:59,737
I'm attracted to the
person I know you are.
1156
01:08:59,738 --> 01:09:01,829
I love you for you.
1157
01:09:03,385 --> 01:09:07,085
And I always will, with all my heart.
1158
01:09:08,717 --> 01:09:11,510
Whether you look like this
1159
01:09:11,511 --> 01:09:14,699
or you turn into a skinny
little toothpick like Alex.
1160
01:09:14,700 --> 01:09:17,450
You'll always be my chubby bunny.
1161
01:09:18,742 --> 01:09:20,334
I feel so weird.
1162
01:09:21,717 --> 01:09:25,258
I'm all dizzy in my brain head.
1163
01:09:26,235 --> 01:09:27,562
Well, I probably would too
1164
01:09:27,563 --> 01:09:31,365
if I ate an entire bag of
shroom infused pot brownies.
1165
01:09:31,366 --> 01:09:32,606
What?
1166
01:09:32,607 --> 01:09:34,861
Who the hell mixes shrooms
with weed brownies?
1167
01:09:34,862 --> 01:09:37,321
It doesn't even make any sense.
1168
01:09:37,496 --> 01:09:39,163
Oh my fucking taint.
1169
01:09:40,862 --> 01:09:43,640
I've never been high in my entire life?
1170
01:09:43,641 --> 01:09:46,398
♪ Work, work, work ♪
1171
01:09:46,399 --> 01:09:47,901
♪ Go to work ♪
1172
01:09:47,902 --> 01:09:49,842
♪ Work, work ♪
1173
01:09:49,843 --> 01:09:51,258
♪ Go to work ♪
1174
01:09:51,259 --> 01:09:53,325
♪ Work, work ♪
1175
01:09:53,326 --> 01:09:54,289
♪ Go to work ♪
1176
01:09:54,290 --> 01:09:55,870
♪ Booty going clap clap ♪
1177
01:09:55,871 --> 01:09:57,550
♪ Sit it on my lap lap ♪
1178
01:09:57,551 --> 01:09:59,039
♪ Do your thing girl ♪
1179
01:09:59,040 --> 01:10:00,998
♪ Make a nigga wanna tap that ♪
1180
01:10:00,999 --> 01:10:02,742
♪ Booty looking fat fat ♪
1181
01:10:02,743 --> 01:10:04,450
♪ Throw it in a catch that ♪
1182
01:10:13,812 --> 01:10:15,545
Mom.
Yeah babe.
1183
01:10:16,727 --> 01:10:19,278
There's not enough drugs or alcohol
1184
01:10:19,279 --> 01:10:22,370
in the whole wide world
1185
01:10:22,371 --> 01:10:25,373
to erase the memories from tonight.
1186
01:10:27,204 --> 01:10:29,025
All right.
1187
01:10:29,026 --> 01:10:30,226
Are you okay?
1188
01:10:30,227 --> 01:10:31,587
Keep em coming, Shaniqua.
1189
01:10:31,588 --> 01:10:34,124
Oh honey, I think you've had enough.
1190
01:10:34,125 --> 01:10:35,866
Shhhh.
1191
01:10:36,730 --> 01:10:38,541
What'd I say?
1192
01:10:38,542 --> 01:10:40,382
What'd I say, Shaniqua?
1193
01:10:40,383 --> 01:10:41,458
I said
1194
01:10:42,226 --> 01:10:44,567
I'm a grown ass boy.
1195
01:10:45,811 --> 01:10:48,411
You are.
Keep 'em coming.
1196
01:10:50,610 --> 01:10:52,466
For the bus ride home.
1197
01:11:02,254 --> 01:11:03,087
Holly?
1198
01:11:04,575 --> 01:11:05,408
Holly?
1199
01:11:11,472 --> 01:11:12,513
Calm down, sweetie.
1200
01:11:12,514 --> 01:11:14,231
You're starting to have a bad trip.
1201
01:11:14,232 --> 01:11:15,065
It's okay.
1202
01:11:15,065 --> 01:11:15,950
Calm down sweetie.
1203
01:11:15,951 --> 01:11:17,871
You're starting to have a bad trip.
1204
01:11:17,872 --> 01:11:18,705
It's okay.
1205
01:11:18,705 --> 01:11:19,538
Calm down sweetie.
1206
01:11:19,539 --> 01:11:21,365
You're starting to have a bad trip.
1207
01:11:21,366 --> 01:11:22,437
It's okay.
1208
01:11:22,438 --> 01:11:23,296
Calm down sweetie.
1209
01:11:23,297 --> 01:11:25,294
Calm down sweetie.
Calm down sweetie.
1210
01:11:25,295 --> 01:11:27,337
You're starting to have a bad trip.
1211
01:11:27,338 --> 01:11:28,580
It's okay.
1212
01:11:32,416 --> 01:11:33,634
What's wrong, Alex?
1213
01:11:33,635 --> 01:11:35,852
Are you feeling okay, Alex?
1214
01:11:35,853 --> 01:11:37,718
Are you all right, Alex?
1215
01:11:37,719 --> 01:11:39,881
Haven't you ever been high before, Alex?
1216
01:11:39,882 --> 01:11:42,043
Alex, Alex, Alex.
1217
01:12:00,008 --> 01:12:00,841
Gotcha.
1218
01:12:03,546 --> 01:12:04,379
Tag.
1219
01:12:05,310 --> 01:12:06,143
Gotcha.
1220
01:12:08,577 --> 01:12:10,820
Hey, you little bastards.
1221
01:12:10,821 --> 01:12:12,704
Keep it down.
1222
01:12:12,705 --> 01:12:16,335
Wake me up again and
nobody's getting any dinner.
1223
01:12:16,336 --> 01:12:18,003
You little shits.
1224
01:12:24,068 --> 01:12:27,450
You're supposed to be
watching us, you stupid bitch.
1225
01:12:27,451 --> 01:12:28,402
Tag.
1226
01:12:28,403 --> 01:12:30,037
Tag.
1227
01:13:00,436 --> 01:13:03,221
I made you more pot brownies.
1228
01:13:03,222 --> 01:13:04,722
They're delicious.
1229
01:13:06,820 --> 01:13:07,653
Holly?
1230
01:13:14,800 --> 01:13:15,633
Holly?
1231
01:13:18,370 --> 01:13:19,203
Holly?
1232
01:13:21,946 --> 01:13:24,946
Hey, Alex, do you want to join us?
1233
01:13:27,131 --> 01:13:28,748
Come join us, Alex.
Come join us Alex.
1234
01:13:28,749 --> 01:13:29,870
Come join us.
1235
01:13:29,871 --> 01:13:31,286
Join us, Alex.
1236
01:13:31,287 --> 01:13:33,370
Come on, Alex, join us.
1237
01:13:34,789 --> 01:13:36,510
What are you waiting for?
1238
01:13:36,511 --> 01:13:38,152
The milk's nice and warm.
1239
01:13:38,153 --> 01:13:41,069
Yeah, Alex, join us.
Join us.
1240
01:13:41,070 --> 01:13:43,455
Join us.
Join us.
1241
01:13:43,456 --> 01:13:45,747
The milk's nice and warm.
1242
01:13:46,832 --> 01:13:48,624
♪ Baby I got that ♪
1243
01:13:48,625 --> 01:13:51,461
♪ I got that good ♪
1244
01:13:51,462 --> 01:13:56,297
♪ And I don't no girl without attitude ♪
1245
01:13:56,298 --> 01:13:58,189
♪ No no no ♪
1246
01:13:58,190 --> 01:14:03,145
♪ I got that good ♪
1247
01:14:03,146 --> 01:14:06,048
♪ I got that good ♪
1248
01:14:06,049 --> 01:14:07,923
♪ No no no ♪
1249
01:14:07,924 --> 01:14:10,560
♪ I got that good ♪
1250
01:14:10,561 --> 01:14:12,936
How's it-how's it hanging?
1251
01:15:04,106 --> 01:15:05,218
Matt?
1252
01:15:05,468 --> 01:15:06,610
Is that you?
1253
01:15:07,679 --> 01:15:09,179
You're an old man.
1254
01:15:12,096 --> 01:15:13,417
You're old.
1255
01:15:13,418 --> 01:15:15,768
Yeah, so are you.
1256
01:15:15,903 --> 01:15:17,428
Who gives a fuck?
1257
01:15:22,463 --> 01:15:24,565
The hell is going on?
1258
01:15:24,566 --> 01:15:26,447
Matt? Matt?
1259
01:15:26,448 --> 01:15:29,174
Why do you keep calling me Matt?
1260
01:15:29,175 --> 01:15:30,908
I'm not Matt
1261
01:15:30,909 --> 01:15:31,792
Huh?
1262
01:15:31,793 --> 01:15:33,116
I'm Alex.
1263
01:15:33,117 --> 01:15:33,950
What?
1264
01:15:40,386 --> 01:15:42,786
What we never changed?
1265
01:16:00,188 --> 01:16:01,428
Oh, it's okay.
1266
01:16:01,429 --> 01:16:02,262
It's okay.
1267
01:16:03,349 --> 01:16:05,682
Rise and shine chubby bunny.
1268
01:16:09,949 --> 01:16:11,782
Okay, okay, I'm awake.
1269
01:16:11,783 --> 01:16:12,782
Jesus.
1270
01:16:12,783 --> 01:16:15,862
Ah, where are your clothes?
1271
01:16:15,863 --> 01:16:18,704
Uhm, don't you remember
anything about last night?
1272
01:16:18,705 --> 01:16:23,273
I know you were on a crazy
trip but you were an animal.
1273
01:16:23,274 --> 01:16:24,107
No.
1274
01:16:24,107 --> 01:16:24,940
No way.
1275
01:16:26,198 --> 01:16:29,320
My clothes are still
on and the arm floats.
1276
01:16:29,321 --> 01:16:32,240
Come on, we didn't really do anything.
1277
01:16:32,241 --> 01:16:33,281
Did we?
1278
01:16:33,282 --> 01:16:36,303
Well you just whipped out
Action Jackson and went at it.
1279
01:16:36,304 --> 01:16:37,385
I went at it?
1280
01:16:37,386 --> 01:16:38,587
Bullshit.
1281
01:16:38,588 --> 01:16:40,735
You drugged and raped me.
1282
01:16:40,736 --> 01:16:42,096
I should've known you were lying.
1283
01:16:42,097 --> 01:16:42,930
Nobody mixes shrooms with weed,
1284
01:16:42,931 --> 01:16:46,182
that doesn't even make any sense.
1285
01:16:46,183 --> 01:16:47,903
You roofied me didn't you?
1286
01:16:47,904 --> 01:16:50,743
I wasn't giving it up, you
decided to roofie rape me.
1287
01:16:50,744 --> 01:16:53,019
That's what happened.
1288
01:16:53,020 --> 01:16:54,437
The fuck is that?
1289
01:16:55,417 --> 01:16:58,360
See, I was fucking right.
1290
01:16:58,361 --> 01:16:59,374
The fuck!
1291
01:17:15,921 --> 01:17:17,588
Good morning, mom.
1292
01:17:22,207 --> 01:17:24,540
The fuck are you doing here?
1293
01:17:28,689 --> 01:17:29,522
Wait...
1294
01:17:31,654 --> 01:17:32,487
Did we...
1295
01:17:35,903 --> 01:17:36,753
No.
1296
01:17:37,153 --> 01:17:38,030
No.
1297
01:17:38,305 --> 01:17:39,138
No.
1298
01:17:40,429 --> 01:17:41,329
No.
1299
01:17:41,820 --> 01:17:44,322
We need to talk about last night.
1300
01:17:44,747 --> 01:17:47,791
Figure out what we're gonna tell Matt.
1301
01:17:48,366 --> 01:17:52,687
We are not going to talk
to Matt about anything,
1302
01:17:52,688 --> 01:17:55,371
especially what happened last night.
1303
01:17:55,372 --> 01:17:56,963
I'm outta here.
1304
01:17:56,964 --> 01:17:59,357
Put some damn clothes on.
1305
01:18:19,993 --> 01:18:21,429
Fucking voice mail.
1306
01:18:21,430 --> 01:18:23,467
Answer your phone dick.
1307
01:18:23,468 --> 01:18:25,635
Fuck.
1308
01:18:28,190 --> 01:18:30,374
Come on, Holly, answer.
1309
01:18:31,072 --> 01:18:34,499
I need to hear your voice right now.
1310
01:18:34,500 --> 01:18:36,214
Hey, you've reached, Holly.
1311
01:18:36,215 --> 01:18:38,578
I'm on a camping trip with
the sexiest man alive.
1312
01:18:38,579 --> 01:18:40,200
No cell service, so leave a message
1313
01:18:40,201 --> 01:18:42,161
and I'll get back to you
when I have a signal.
1314
01:18:42,162 --> 01:18:43,884
You know, unless we're eaten by bears.
1315
01:18:43,885 --> 01:18:44,718
Roar.
1316
01:18:45,561 --> 01:18:47,300
Bye.
The trip was today?
1317
01:18:47,301 --> 01:18:48,862
Hey, Alex.
1318
01:18:48,863 --> 01:18:50,314
Everything all right this morning?
1319
01:18:50,315 --> 01:18:51,148
Yeah.
1320
01:18:51,149 --> 01:18:53,065
Now fuck off, Shaniqua.
1321
01:19:14,743 --> 01:19:17,010
Are those fucking JNCOs?
1322
01:19:19,520 --> 01:19:20,422
Fuck yeah.
1323
01:19:20,423 --> 01:19:22,041
Dope, right?
1324
01:19:22,042 --> 01:19:24,850
Wait, what the hell are you doing?
1325
01:19:24,851 --> 01:19:26,253
Don't worry about me,
1326
01:19:26,254 --> 01:19:27,855
just getting rid of
evidence from something
1327
01:19:27,856 --> 01:19:31,006
I'll never speak of ever again.
1328
01:19:34,285 --> 01:19:36,665
So did you and my girlfriend have fun
1329
01:19:36,666 --> 01:19:40,099
on our very, very romantic
1330
01:19:40,732 --> 01:19:41,847
anniversary trip?
1331
01:19:41,848 --> 01:19:46,504
Yeah, we just, it was
really boring actually.
1332
01:19:46,505 --> 01:19:47,572
We just stayed up all night
1333
01:19:47,573 --> 01:19:49,258
and she talked about
how awesome you are.
1334
01:19:49,259 --> 01:19:51,092
I disagreed of course.
1335
01:19:51,905 --> 01:19:53,386
And then we fell asleep,
1336
01:19:53,387 --> 01:19:56,829
very, very far away from each other.
1337
01:19:57,830 --> 01:20:00,247
Wow, after last night...
1338
01:20:03,077 --> 01:20:05,966
This situation is
obviously pretty crazy.
1339
01:20:05,967 --> 01:20:09,202
That, mixed with the fact
that Holly is so fucking sexy.
1340
01:20:09,203 --> 01:20:11,722
She can't resist my handsome mug.
1341
01:20:11,723 --> 01:20:14,241
I know fighting her off must be hard.
1342
01:20:14,242 --> 01:20:15,726
So thank you.
1343
01:20:15,727 --> 01:20:17,727
Uhm, you're welcome...
1344
01:20:19,693 --> 01:20:22,340
I guess it kinda has been pretty hard.
1345
01:20:22,341 --> 01:20:24,999
Like I said, thanks.
1346
01:20:25,383 --> 01:20:26,216
I really apprec...
1347
01:20:26,217 --> 01:20:27,925
Hey babe, why'd you storm out?
1348
01:20:27,926 --> 01:20:28,926
Oh hey Alex.
1349
01:20:29,810 --> 01:20:32,538
Did you fuck my girlfriend?
1350
01:20:32,539 --> 01:20:33,372
Did you?
1351
01:20:34,616 --> 01:20:36,449
Did you mother fucker?
1352
01:20:37,638 --> 01:20:40,520
Did you fuck my future wife
1353
01:20:40,521 --> 01:20:42,523
and mother of my unborn children?
1354
01:20:42,524 --> 01:20:43,566
Will you stop it.
1355
01:20:43,567 --> 01:20:44,882
Oh, you want me to stop?
1356
01:20:44,883 --> 01:20:47,259
Like how you stopped yourself
from fucking my girlfriend?
1357
01:20:47,260 --> 01:20:50,129
You're going to burn your
own body over an accident?
1358
01:20:50,130 --> 01:20:51,051
Why not?
1359
01:20:51,052 --> 01:20:53,173
I'll go kamikaze to take you out.
1360
01:20:53,174 --> 01:20:55,457
And please, elaborate,
1361
01:20:55,458 --> 01:20:57,962
how does one go about
accidentally fucking someone?
1362
01:20:57,963 --> 01:20:59,388
Huh?
Will you-
1363
01:20:59,695 --> 01:21:01,299
Will you knock it off?
1364
01:21:01,300 --> 01:21:03,869
Last night was the worst
night of my life.
1365
01:21:03,870 --> 01:21:05,476
You don't even understand, dude.
1366
01:21:05,477 --> 01:21:08,473
I'm not getting into any details ever,
1367
01:21:08,474 --> 01:21:12,761
but I guarantee my night
was way worse than yours.
1368
01:21:12,762 --> 01:21:14,801
No, my night was worse.
1369
01:21:14,802 --> 01:21:16,084
I promise you.
1370
01:21:16,085 --> 01:21:18,727
And I swear I didn't
plan or even remember
1371
01:21:18,728 --> 01:21:20,332
what happened last night.
1372
01:21:20,333 --> 01:21:21,861
I put that on my mother.
1373
01:21:21,862 --> 01:21:23,585
You don't have a real mom to swear on.
1374
01:21:23,586 --> 01:21:25,826
We both know your real
mom dropped you off
1375
01:21:25,827 --> 01:21:27,589
at some ghetto ass foster home
1376
01:21:27,590 --> 01:21:31,310
because she couldn't possibly
love a piece of shit like you.
1377
01:21:31,311 --> 01:21:33,190
You're a real funny guy, Matt.
1378
01:21:33,191 --> 01:21:34,042
Thank you.
1379
01:21:34,043 --> 01:21:37,156
No, you're all fun and
games, that's your problem.
1380
01:21:37,157 --> 01:21:38,929
You sit on your fat fucking ass all day
1381
01:21:38,930 --> 01:21:41,829
while your moms and your
girlfriend do everything for you.
1382
01:21:41,830 --> 01:21:43,150
You have no motivation at all,
1383
01:21:43,151 --> 01:21:44,532
you haven't even made
one grown up decision
1384
01:21:44,533 --> 01:21:46,119
in your entire life.
1385
01:21:46,120 --> 01:21:47,639
You've only been in my
body for a few days
1386
01:21:47,640 --> 01:21:49,083
and you've already gained weight,
1387
01:21:49,084 --> 01:21:50,446
god only knows what
you've done to my lungs
1388
01:21:50,447 --> 01:21:52,127
with all that shit that you smoke.
1389
01:21:52,128 --> 01:21:54,532
Oh, you're one to talk about motivation.
1390
01:21:54,533 --> 01:21:56,164
You've barely even practiced my stand up
1391
01:21:56,165 --> 01:21:58,066
and the contest is in two days.
1392
01:21:58,067 --> 01:22:00,025
You're going to either not show up
1393
01:22:00,026 --> 01:22:02,163
or choke like you always do
1394
01:22:02,164 --> 01:22:05,891
when you talk to anyone else besides me.
1395
01:22:05,892 --> 01:22:08,294
There's a reason you have
no real family or friends.
1396
01:22:08,295 --> 01:22:12,181
It's because you have
a shitty personality.
1397
01:22:12,182 --> 01:22:14,181
And the only reason I've tolerated you
1398
01:22:14,182 --> 01:22:17,676
all this time is because
I felt sorry for you.
1399
01:22:17,677 --> 01:22:18,718
I don't need you.
1400
01:22:18,719 --> 01:22:20,643
You're literally the most annoying
1401
01:22:20,644 --> 01:22:22,445
fucking person in the entire world.
1402
01:22:22,446 --> 01:22:25,333
And now that I'm stuck in this
fat fucking disgusting body
1403
01:22:25,334 --> 01:22:26,776
I can't comprehend why you haven't
1404
01:22:26,777 --> 01:22:28,619
fucking killed yourself yet.
1405
01:22:28,620 --> 01:22:30,905
And the reason why I haven't
practice your stand up
1406
01:22:30,906 --> 01:22:33,796
is because your material fucking blows.
1407
01:22:33,797 --> 01:22:35,973
You are not funny!
1408
01:22:35,974 --> 01:22:39,030
You take that
back you son of a bitch.
1409
01:22:39,031 --> 01:22:41,281
Nope, I put it out there.
1410
01:22:42,461 --> 01:22:43,654
I set it free.
1411
01:22:43,655 --> 01:22:47,105
And besides, it's not like it
news to anyone anyway, bitch.
1412
01:23:08,046 --> 01:23:11,063
Yeah, walk away pussy.
1413
01:23:52,599 --> 01:23:53,432
Hah hah.
1414
01:23:57,516 --> 01:23:59,166
You okay?
1415
01:23:59,167 --> 01:24:02,084
I realize that a bottle to the face
1416
01:24:03,489 --> 01:24:06,489
may not have been the best idea but,
1417
01:24:07,553 --> 01:24:09,652
you did say I wasn't funny.
1418
01:24:34,222 --> 01:24:35,759
Get off him, you're hurting him.
1419
01:24:35,760 --> 01:24:37,051
Oh, fuck.
1420
01:24:38,080 --> 01:24:39,961
I'm sorry babe, are you okay?
1421
01:24:39,962 --> 01:24:41,459
I didn't mean to.
Get off me, Alex.
1422
01:24:41,460 --> 01:24:43,135
Babe, are you okay?
1423
01:24:44,677 --> 01:24:46,210
Did he hurt you?
1424
01:24:50,724 --> 01:24:54,048
You know, you only had one friend.
1425
01:24:54,049 --> 01:24:57,754
You slept with my girlfriend
so now you have zero friends.
1426
01:24:57,755 --> 01:25:00,615
Unless you have information
on how to switch us back
1427
01:25:00,616 --> 01:25:02,261
I don't want to hear shit from you.
1428
01:25:02,262 --> 01:25:04,863
And once we do figure
this whole thing out,
1429
01:25:04,864 --> 01:25:08,398
I'll really be done with you for good.
1430
01:25:08,399 --> 01:25:10,280
What's going on?
1431
01:25:10,281 --> 01:25:11,114
Nothing.
1432
01:25:12,122 --> 01:25:13,467
It's complicated.
1433
01:25:13,468 --> 01:25:14,887
Is there someone else?
1434
01:25:14,888 --> 01:25:18,055
No, it's just you, Holly, I promise.
1435
01:25:20,530 --> 01:25:21,771
You're lazy.
1436
01:25:21,772 --> 01:25:23,619
You can't make any grown up decisions.
1437
01:25:23,620 --> 01:25:24,834
Yeah, okay.
1438
01:25:24,835 --> 01:25:26,101
You won't be saying that
when I kick the shit
1439
01:25:26,102 --> 01:25:28,760
out of this bitch ass triathlon.
1440
01:25:28,761 --> 01:25:32,051
Bonjour, you are a
disgusting fat American.
1441
01:25:33,142 --> 01:25:33,975
You are weak.
1442
01:25:33,976 --> 01:25:35,015
You are fat.
1443
01:25:45,766 --> 01:25:48,807
You remind me of my
wife, ugly and stiff.
1444
01:25:49,642 --> 01:25:53,960
I bet if there was a cheeseburger
you'd make it to the end.
1445
01:26:01,286 --> 01:26:02,119
What is this?
1446
01:26:02,120 --> 01:26:03,326
You think you are pretty?
1447
01:26:03,327 --> 01:26:04,732
You are a hippopotamus.
1448
01:26:04,733 --> 01:26:06,096
Look at your fat ass.
1449
01:26:06,097 --> 01:26:07,178
Get out of here.
1450
01:26:15,621 --> 01:26:16,897
Get out of my sight.
1451
01:26:17,105 --> 01:26:18,087
Get out of here.
1452
01:26:18,487 --> 01:26:19,712
Get out of here.
1453
01:26:25,223 --> 01:26:27,263
Don't be a fat American.
1454
01:26:27,264 --> 01:26:29,767
Call me, I will make you skinny.
1455
01:26:29,768 --> 01:26:32,518
About to step up my game today.
1456
01:26:40,496 --> 01:26:42,508
Talk about a jizz killer.
1457
01:26:42,509 --> 01:26:43,342
What.
1458
01:26:45,519 --> 01:26:47,415
Honey bunny, I made your
1459
01:26:47,416 --> 01:26:50,154
third round of breakfast,
come and get it.
1460
01:26:50,155 --> 01:26:54,155
Not right now, mom,
I'm working on something.
1461
01:26:56,345 --> 01:26:58,069
I'm a real man.
1462
01:26:58,070 --> 01:26:58,987
I got this.
1463
01:27:00,113 --> 01:27:01,722
I won't choke.
1464
01:27:08,187 --> 01:27:11,566
Seriously, I thought
he had a smart fridge.
1465
01:27:11,567 --> 01:27:15,150
Isn't this shit supposed
to refill itself?
1466
01:27:16,326 --> 01:27:18,687
Where the hell is this trainer guy?
1467
01:27:18,688 --> 01:27:20,728
I've been waiting for minutes.
1468
01:27:20,729 --> 01:27:25,479
Man, maybe paying over the
phone wasn't such a good idea.
1469
01:27:26,977 --> 01:27:27,977
You know what?
1470
01:27:27,978 --> 01:27:29,298
Fuck this.
1471
01:27:29,299 --> 01:27:31,504
I don't need anyone's help.
1472
01:27:31,505 --> 01:27:33,255
I can do this myself.
1473
01:27:56,951 --> 01:27:58,518
What the fuck?
1474
01:28:01,583 --> 01:28:05,174
It's called a tomato, fat American.
1475
01:28:05,175 --> 01:28:07,911
Get the fuck away
from me you crazy fuck.
1476
01:28:07,912 --> 01:28:10,280
And this is called a banana.
1477
01:28:19,561 --> 01:28:22,236
I think jizzing for me
1478
01:28:22,722 --> 01:28:26,755
is a lot like when I sneeze.
1479
01:28:27,754 --> 01:28:28,587
Uhm,
1480
01:28:29,712 --> 01:28:32,828
once I start I can't stop
1481
01:28:33,264 --> 01:28:36,239
and it usually happens out of nowhere
1482
01:28:37,680 --> 01:28:39,496
and very quickly.
1483
01:28:39,744 --> 01:28:42,008
And I also look funny as hell
1484
01:28:42,009 --> 01:28:45,593
because I'm making
weird faces like, awh.
1485
01:28:46,035 --> 01:28:47,173
How was that?
1486
01:28:47,174 --> 01:28:49,242
Well it's great babe
if you could just maybe
1487
01:28:49,243 --> 01:28:50,669
loosen up a little bit.
1488
01:28:50,670 --> 01:28:53,839
Yeah, I mean, like it's good.
1489
01:28:53,840 --> 01:28:57,118
But you're really tense right now.
1490
01:28:57,119 --> 01:28:58,622
Thank you.
1491
01:29:09,318 --> 01:29:12,570
Hey ladies and ladies,
here's a fun fact about me.
1492
01:29:12,571 --> 01:29:14,956
If you're not man or a family member
1493
01:29:14,957 --> 01:29:18,511
there's a small tiny part of
me that wants to fuck you.
1494
01:29:19,631 --> 01:29:24,381
And that small and tiny part
of me, it's called my penis.
1495
01:29:27,722 --> 01:29:31,202
I don't know why you're
laughing, you're my girlfriend.
1496
01:29:37,669 --> 01:29:39,129
Hey little piggie.
1497
01:29:39,130 --> 01:29:41,297
Swim fat American piggie.
1498
01:29:43,478 --> 01:29:45,401
I'm not even fat anymore asshole.
1499
01:29:49,069 --> 01:29:52,194
Just want to say that it
is fantastic to be here.
1500
01:29:52,195 --> 01:29:54,957
I actually just flew into town
1501
01:29:54,958 --> 01:29:57,125
and boy are my arms tired.
1502
01:29:58,802 --> 01:30:01,123
From masturbating on the plane.
1503
01:30:01,985 --> 01:30:03,958
It's exhausting.
1504
01:30:10,867 --> 01:30:15,792
Hey, I'm Alex.
1505
01:30:17,291 --> 01:30:18,124
I mean.
1506
01:30:18,124 --> 01:30:18,957
Fuck.
1507
01:30:20,312 --> 01:30:24,287
Hey everybody, I'm Matt and a-
1508
01:30:25,997 --> 01:30:27,497
Fuck is, fuck you.
1509
01:30:28,436 --> 01:30:30,733
Piece of shit. Ah damn it.
1510
01:30:31,679 --> 01:30:32,760
All right you got this.
1511
01:30:32,761 --> 01:30:34,134
You got this.
1512
01:30:34,135 --> 01:30:36,468
All right everyone, line up.
1513
01:30:39,426 --> 01:30:40,672
Who's ready to run?
1514
01:30:41,923 --> 01:30:44,336
All right, that's what I like to see.
1515
01:30:44,337 --> 01:30:47,105
Remember, if you believe
in it you can achieve it.
1516
01:30:47,106 --> 01:30:49,216
I wanna see some hustle today.
1517
01:30:49,217 --> 01:30:50,893
On your marks.
1518
01:30:50,894 --> 01:30:52,409
Get set.
1519
01:30:52,410 --> 01:30:53,243
Go.
1520
01:30:57,426 --> 01:30:59,009
What are you doing?
1521
01:31:02,451 --> 01:31:04,457
Basically what I'm
trying to say is, you know
1522
01:31:04,458 --> 01:31:05,859
I'm still horny from last night.
1523
01:31:05,860 --> 01:31:08,661
So after the show if you want
to have some horrible sex,
1524
01:31:08,662 --> 01:31:09,562
come find me.
1525
01:31:11,846 --> 01:31:12,949
Thank you.
1526
01:31:16,546 --> 01:31:17,881
Good job man, good job.
1527
01:31:17,882 --> 01:31:18,715
Good job.
1528
01:31:18,716 --> 01:31:21,088
Give it up one more time guys for Kyle.
1529
01:31:23,073 --> 01:31:28,073
Your next person coming
to the stage is Matt Gaye.
1530
01:31:28,909 --> 01:31:30,874
Don't be a pussy.
1531
01:31:30,875 --> 01:31:32,625
You fucking got this.
1532
01:31:34,741 --> 01:31:36,688
Matt Gaye, to the stage.
Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.
1533
01:31:36,689 --> 01:31:37,522
Okay.
1534
01:31:39,629 --> 01:31:42,332
Matt Gaye, you out there buddy?
1535
01:31:42,333 --> 01:31:44,500
Oh, are you, are you Matt?
1536
01:31:45,970 --> 01:31:47,170
You can come up this way.
1537
01:31:47,171 --> 01:31:48,004
Okay.
1538
01:31:52,788 --> 01:31:53,771
Hello every...
1539
01:31:53,772 --> 01:31:55,559
Hello everybody.
1540
01:31:55,560 --> 01:31:56,643
Hello.
Hi.
1541
01:31:58,612 --> 01:31:59,445
Okay.
1542
01:32:02,204 --> 01:32:03,745
Uh, so...
1543
01:32:04,854 --> 01:32:07,708
One tiny fact you might know about me.
1544
01:32:07,709 --> 01:32:09,393
That you probably don't know about me.
1545
01:32:09,394 --> 01:32:10,869
I mean, I mean why would you know,
1546
01:32:10,870 --> 01:32:12,563
we haven't had sex, or fucked it up,
1547
01:32:12,564 --> 01:32:14,311
or fucked and sex, so.
1548
01:32:16,482 --> 01:32:20,499
I don't have an above
average size penis.
1549
01:32:20,982 --> 01:32:21,815
Uh.
1550
01:32:22,269 --> 01:32:26,185
I also don't own an average sized penis.
1551
01:32:26,662 --> 01:32:28,477
Okay, what I'm trying
to say is that, I just,
1552
01:32:28,478 --> 01:32:30,478
I have a tiny dick, so.
1553
01:32:35,604 --> 01:32:38,271
I
1554
01:32:47,491 --> 01:32:50,134
Another fun fact about me
1555
01:32:50,135 --> 01:32:54,704
is I thoroughly enjoy
masturbating, like a lot.
1556
01:32:54,705 --> 01:32:58,085
And I've noticed that
I jerk off really fast.
1557
01:32:58,086 --> 01:32:59,419
I'm much like the flash.
1558
01:32:59,420 --> 01:33:00,858
You can't even see my hand.
1559
01:33:00,859 --> 01:33:04,520
It's faster than that, I'm
just not horny right now, so.
1560
01:33:04,521 --> 01:33:06,780
This inspired me for a brilliant script
1561
01:33:06,781 --> 01:33:07,933
that I'm writing right now,
1562
01:33:07,934 --> 01:33:10,579
it's actually called
Whack to the Future.
1563
01:33:10,580 --> 01:33:11,463
It's action packed.
1564
01:33:11,464 --> 01:33:14,159
It's starring Tom Hardy
and Palmela Handerson.
1565
01:33:14,994 --> 01:33:16,463
Every time Mr. Hardy finds himself
1566
01:33:16,464 --> 01:33:18,813
in a sticky situation he
runs out to the streets,
1567
01:33:18,814 --> 01:33:21,033
just jerking off.
1568
01:33:21,034 --> 01:33:23,373
That's how he looks.
1569
01:33:23,374 --> 01:33:25,656
And right when he
reaches 88 miles per hour
1570
01:33:25,657 --> 01:33:28,464
he ejaculates and
disappears in the distance.
1571
01:33:28,465 --> 01:33:30,464
But instead of two flames in the road,
1572
01:33:30,465 --> 01:33:32,909
there's two steamy, gooey piles of cum.
1573
01:33:34,357 --> 01:33:36,235
Whack to the future.
1574
01:33:36,236 --> 01:33:38,528
Cumming, eh, this summer.
1575
01:33:41,373 --> 01:33:43,566
Masturbation doesn't turn you blind,
1576
01:33:43,567 --> 01:33:46,295
it takes you back in time.
1577
01:34:07,928 --> 01:34:10,152
So fucking tired.
1578
01:34:10,153 --> 01:34:12,075
I can't do this.
1579
01:34:12,076 --> 01:34:13,409
I want my mommy.
1580
01:34:15,577 --> 01:34:19,160
Ahh, thanks for showing
me your dick asshole.
1581
01:34:20,366 --> 01:34:23,533
At least I don't have to piss anymore.
1582
01:34:26,441 --> 01:34:28,218
Ladies and gentleman give it up
1583
01:34:28,219 --> 01:34:31,633
for your winner of
tonight's competition.
1584
01:34:31,634 --> 01:34:32,992
Carlos.
1585
01:34:35,279 --> 01:34:37,700
Congratulations Carlos.
1586
01:34:37,701 --> 01:34:39,240
Thank you, thank you.
You just won $5,000
1587
01:34:39,241 --> 01:34:42,057
and you're gonna headline at
our club for the next month.
1588
01:34:42,058 --> 01:34:43,889
Give it up for our runner-ups.
1589
01:34:43,890 --> 01:34:45,970
They're gonna be getting
some comedy classes,
1590
01:34:45,971 --> 01:34:48,863
hey, they need 'em obviously.
1591
01:34:48,864 --> 01:34:50,183
Once again give it up for Carlos.
1592
01:34:50,184 --> 01:34:52,513
Every one make it home
safe, thanks for coming out.
1593
01:35:02,227 --> 01:35:03,671
Sand in my ass.
1594
01:35:03,672 --> 01:35:05,422
Sand in my ass crack.
1595
01:35:06,677 --> 01:35:09,401
Why didn't I change before
jumping in the water?
1596
01:35:09,402 --> 01:35:10,735
So many regrets.
1597
01:35:12,727 --> 01:35:15,871
Who am I kidding, I can't do this.
1598
01:35:15,872 --> 01:35:17,650
So fucking tired.
1599
01:35:17,651 --> 01:35:19,856
Where the hell is everyone?
1600
01:35:19,857 --> 01:35:22,253
I can't be the only one out here still.
1601
01:35:22,254 --> 01:35:23,254
Hey there.
1602
01:35:25,860 --> 01:35:28,277
Whoa, are you like a ninja?
1603
01:35:29,848 --> 01:35:31,090
How am I supposed to finish this thing
1604
01:35:31,091 --> 01:35:32,998
with all this shit running down my leg?
1605
01:35:32,999 --> 01:35:34,275
Ewh.
1606
01:35:34,276 --> 01:35:37,891
Whatever, I'm just glad I'm
not the only one still here.
1607
01:35:37,892 --> 01:35:39,069
Oh, sorry.
1608
01:35:39,070 --> 01:35:39,903
Here.
1609
01:35:41,269 --> 01:35:42,487
What's this?
1610
01:35:42,488 --> 01:35:44,334
That's your medal.
1611
01:35:44,335 --> 01:35:46,933
You actually ran out of
time for the triathlon.
1612
01:35:46,934 --> 01:35:48,815
Everyone else left.
1613
01:35:48,816 --> 01:35:51,697
Thanks for trying and have a great day.
1614
01:35:51,698 --> 01:35:52,531
Bye.
1615
01:36:11,100 --> 01:36:13,358
Are you fucking serious?
1616
01:36:19,339 --> 01:36:20,172
Hey.
1617
01:36:21,702 --> 01:36:24,542
Stop crying you girly American.
1618
01:36:24,543 --> 01:36:26,453
Would you leave me alone?
1619
01:36:26,454 --> 01:36:28,450
The race is over. I lost, okay?
1620
01:36:28,451 --> 01:36:30,368
Go bother someone else.
1621
01:36:35,057 --> 01:36:38,102
I don't know what the
fuck you're saying.
1622
01:36:38,103 --> 01:36:41,828
I said, you are no
longer a fat American.
1623
01:36:43,127 --> 01:36:46,544
Maybe a chubby American,
but that's okay.
1624
01:36:47,849 --> 01:36:48,682
Stand up.
1625
01:36:50,742 --> 01:36:53,158
Finish the pointless race.
1626
01:36:53,159 --> 01:36:57,242
Do something for once in
your insignificant life.
1627
01:38:03,656 --> 01:38:04,489
Yes.
1628
01:38:06,296 --> 01:38:07,129
Yes.
1629
01:38:08,902 --> 01:38:09,735
Whoo.
1630
01:38:11,151 --> 01:38:12,559
Whoo.
1631
01:38:12,560 --> 01:38:14,166
I finished the race.
1632
01:38:14,167 --> 01:38:15,693
You hear that Alex?
1633
01:38:15,694 --> 01:38:16,527
Fuck you.
1634
01:38:17,660 --> 01:38:19,543
Fuck you.
1635
01:38:49,947 --> 01:38:52,026
Didn't we just have sex the other night?
1636
01:38:52,027 --> 01:38:53,281
No, we haven't.
1637
01:38:53,282 --> 01:38:56,106
We haven't had sex in days
and it feels like an eternity.
1638
01:38:56,107 --> 01:38:57,786
Lately I feel like Action Jackson's
1639
01:38:57,787 --> 01:39:01,189
turning into like old retired Jackson.
1640
01:39:01,190 --> 01:39:03,476
Wait, are you saying we did not sleep
1641
01:39:03,477 --> 01:39:05,962
with each other on the camping trip?
1642
01:39:05,963 --> 01:39:07,806
Don't sound so excited about it.
1643
01:39:07,807 --> 01:39:09,529
No we didn't.
1644
01:39:09,530 --> 01:39:12,616
I tried but you just pulled it out
1645
01:39:12,617 --> 01:39:14,420
and started touching yourself.
1646
01:39:14,421 --> 01:39:17,185
So naturally, I did the
same thing to Misses Jackson
1647
01:39:17,186 --> 01:39:19,402
and we fell asleep.
1648
01:39:20,233 --> 01:39:24,678
As disturbing as that
sounds I'm actually relieved.
1649
01:39:24,679 --> 01:39:26,398
Relieved?
1650
01:39:26,399 --> 01:39:28,838
You're relieved we didn't have sex?
1651
01:39:28,839 --> 01:39:29,882
What's going on with you?
1652
01:39:29,883 --> 01:39:31,124
Are you cheating on me?
1653
01:39:31,125 --> 01:39:33,525
Do you think I'm ugly?
1654
01:39:33,526 --> 01:39:36,934
No, no, it's not any of that.
1655
01:39:39,293 --> 01:39:42,660
Lately I've been working
on fixing myself.
1656
01:39:42,661 --> 01:39:45,312
I know it sounds dumb,
1657
01:39:45,313 --> 01:39:48,630
but I swear it's not you it's me, okay?
1658
01:39:50,465 --> 01:39:53,145
One of the many lessons I've
learned these last few days
1659
01:39:53,146 --> 01:39:55,269
is that you are one of the most kindest
1660
01:39:55,270 --> 01:39:58,451
and caring women I've
met in my entire life.
1661
01:39:58,452 --> 01:40:00,875
You are so beautiful inside and out
1662
01:40:00,876 --> 01:40:02,894
and the fact that you
feel the same about me
1663
01:40:02,895 --> 01:40:04,978
will always blow my mind.
1664
01:40:06,378 --> 01:40:10,899
And for your information, Mr.
Action Jackson is not retired.
1665
01:40:10,900 --> 01:40:13,651
He's more like on a hiatus
gaining his strength
1666
01:40:13,652 --> 01:40:16,405
and I have a feeling he's
gonna be back very soon
1667
01:40:16,406 --> 01:40:18,156
and better than ever.
1668
01:40:19,943 --> 01:40:21,943
I love you jelly bear.
1669
01:40:23,273 --> 01:40:28,273
Well, it's been fun, but
it's time to say goodbye.
1670
01:40:28,650 --> 01:40:29,724
I know.
1671
01:40:29,725 --> 01:40:31,403
I'm going to miss you too,
1672
01:40:31,404 --> 01:40:35,513
but we'll see each other all the time.
1673
01:40:35,514 --> 01:40:36,465
I promise,
1674
01:40:36,466 --> 01:40:39,614
I promise we're gonna see
each other again, all right?
1675
01:40:39,615 --> 01:40:42,482
No, don't you, don't you dare.
1676
01:40:43,909 --> 01:40:45,831
We said we weren't gonna cry.
1677
01:40:46,206 --> 01:40:47,803
Might as well eat shitty one last time
1678
01:40:47,804 --> 01:40:49,926
before I get my body back.
1679
01:40:49,927 --> 01:40:51,367
Aww, that's so cute.
1680
01:40:51,368 --> 01:40:53,761
Is my baby trying to lose some weight?
1681
01:40:53,762 --> 01:40:55,682
I guess you can say that.
1682
01:40:55,683 --> 01:40:58,032
I only have time for four rounds
of breakfast this morning.
1683
01:40:58,033 --> 01:40:59,371
I gotta meet up with Alex.
1684
01:40:59,372 --> 01:41:01,593
Hey how's he doing anyway
after the other night?
1685
01:41:01,594 --> 01:41:05,176
He seemed really upset and
pretty sure he's avoiding us.
1686
01:41:05,177 --> 01:41:07,767
He's been a little weird lately.
1687
01:41:07,768 --> 01:41:11,759
Since the whole thingy between you.
1688
01:41:11,760 --> 01:41:12,924
What do you mean?
1689
01:41:12,925 --> 01:41:14,010
I don't know.
1690
01:41:14,011 --> 01:41:17,549
What'd you guys get it on or something?
1691
01:41:17,557 --> 01:41:19,230
Don't be a silly willy.
1692
01:41:19,231 --> 01:41:20,765
He came to the bar last night.
1693
01:41:20,766 --> 01:41:24,083
He drank way too much, so
we put him on the couch
1694
01:41:24,084 --> 01:41:25,335
and I think about midnight
1695
01:41:25,336 --> 01:41:28,700
he came into our room
crying, asking for his mommy.
1696
01:41:28,701 --> 01:41:30,739
It's really sad he's
never had a mother figure.
1697
01:41:30,740 --> 01:41:32,082
You know, we've really
enjoyed raising him
1698
01:41:32,083 --> 01:41:33,842
over the last few years.
1699
01:41:33,843 --> 01:41:35,676
He's like a son to us.
1700
01:41:37,445 --> 01:41:40,326
I'm gonna miss having you
guys around all the time.
1701
01:41:40,327 --> 01:41:41,160
Miss us?
1702
01:41:41,161 --> 01:41:42,528
What are you talking about?
1703
01:41:42,529 --> 01:41:43,821
You're not planning on moving?
1704
01:41:43,822 --> 01:41:45,267
Who'm I going to cook for?
1705
01:41:45,268 --> 01:41:46,101
No, no, no, no, no.
1706
01:41:46,102 --> 01:41:48,196
I'm just saying that you
guys are really awesome
1707
01:41:48,197 --> 01:41:50,456
and I love you so much.
1708
01:41:50,457 --> 01:41:51,606
Aw, babe.
1709
01:41:51,607 --> 01:41:54,690
We love you too.
We love you too.
1710
01:42:02,678 --> 01:42:04,346
You see him?
1711
01:42:04,347 --> 01:42:06,847
No, he's not here obviously.
1712
01:42:10,034 --> 01:42:14,276
So I did that triathlon
you were training for.
1713
01:42:14,885 --> 01:42:15,768
Yeah?
1714
01:42:15,768 --> 01:42:16,601
Yeah.
1715
01:42:16,602 --> 01:42:20,969
I actually hired this crazy
foreign dude off of Craigslist.
1716
01:42:20,970 --> 01:42:23,491
He kept talking shit to
me in another language
1717
01:42:23,492 --> 01:42:26,311
and was like throwing
fruits and vegetable at me
1718
01:42:26,312 --> 01:42:28,145
when we were training.
1719
01:42:30,027 --> 01:42:33,218
I actually lost the race.
1720
01:42:34,189 --> 01:42:35,439
But I finished.
1721
01:42:36,266 --> 01:42:38,699
They even gave me this cool medal.
1722
01:42:38,700 --> 01:42:39,914
You finished the race?
1723
01:42:39,915 --> 01:42:42,450
Like from start to finish?
1724
01:42:42,451 --> 01:42:45,551
Yeah, but like I said I lost.
1725
01:42:45,874 --> 01:42:47,007
Who cares man?
1726
01:42:47,008 --> 01:42:48,929
You finished a triathlon.
1727
01:42:48,930 --> 01:42:50,451
Like how many people can
say they've done that?
1728
01:42:50,452 --> 01:42:52,093
That's pretty fucking awesome.
1729
01:42:52,094 --> 01:42:53,594
I'm proud of you, man.
1730
01:42:53,595 --> 01:42:54,428
Thanks.
1731
01:42:55,351 --> 01:42:56,752
And I know when you came
by the tent the other day
1732
01:42:56,753 --> 01:42:58,633
it looked like something went
down between me and Holly,
1733
01:42:58,634 --> 01:43:00,700
but nothing happened I swear.
1734
01:43:00,701 --> 01:43:03,220
I mean besides me being
overdosed on the weed brownies
1735
01:43:03,221 --> 01:43:04,614
that she poisoned me with,
1736
01:43:04,615 --> 01:43:07,214
I couldn't even get a
hard on if I tried.
1737
01:43:07,215 --> 01:43:09,557
Wait, you got high?
1738
01:43:09,938 --> 01:43:11,849
Yeah, I don't want to talk about it man.
1739
01:43:11,850 --> 01:43:14,005
Oh, I bet Holly gave
you those weed brownies
1740
01:43:14,006 --> 01:43:15,539
I was cooking up.
1741
01:43:15,540 --> 01:43:17,012
They had shrooms in them.
1742
01:43:17,013 --> 01:43:19,014
You were probably tripping balls.
1743
01:43:19,015 --> 01:43:20,138
Yeah.
1744
01:43:20,139 --> 01:43:23,901
So let's talk about what happened
between you and your mom?
1745
01:43:23,902 --> 01:43:26,223
You know, your mother?
1746
01:43:26,224 --> 01:43:28,463
The woman who gave birth to you?
1747
01:43:28,464 --> 01:43:30,962
You didn't have sex with
her by any chance, did you?
1748
01:43:30,963 --> 01:43:33,643
I don't know what the
fuck you're talking about.
1749
01:43:33,644 --> 01:43:35,188
Yeah, you do.
1750
01:43:35,189 --> 01:43:36,270
You're mom told me.
1751
01:43:36,271 --> 01:43:39,341
You did her and Shaniqua dirty.
1752
01:43:39,342 --> 01:43:42,897
Even if there were true, which it's not,
1753
01:43:42,898 --> 01:43:45,017
how could I even have sex with my mom?
1754
01:43:45,018 --> 01:43:45,851
I'm not even me.
1755
01:43:45,852 --> 01:43:46,967
I'm not even Matt.
1756
01:43:46,968 --> 01:43:49,344
I'm not...
Hey, hey, hey.
1757
01:43:49,345 --> 01:43:50,306
Relax bro.
1758
01:43:50,307 --> 01:43:51,427
I'm just messing with you.
1759
01:43:51,428 --> 01:43:52,590
I wanted to see your face.
1760
01:43:52,591 --> 01:43:54,967
See my face, whatever.
1761
01:43:54,968 --> 01:43:56,701
Nothing happened, all right?
1762
01:43:56,702 --> 01:43:57,944
Nothing happened?
1763
01:43:57,945 --> 01:43:59,704
Yeah, nothing.
1764
01:43:59,705 --> 01:44:00,706
Are you sure?
1765
01:44:00,707 --> 01:44:02,174
Yes.
1766
01:44:02,175 --> 01:44:05,620
Thank god.
1767
01:44:05,621 --> 01:44:07,826
You know that comedy show
you were practicing for?
1768
01:44:07,827 --> 01:44:09,801
I did that, I didn't get first place
1769
01:44:09,802 --> 01:44:11,045
but you are now the proud owner
1770
01:44:11,046 --> 01:44:13,407
of three free comedy workshop classes,
1771
01:44:13,408 --> 01:44:14,848
so, you're welcome.
1772
01:44:14,849 --> 01:44:16,129
Fucking, fuck yeah.
1773
01:44:16,130 --> 01:44:17,171
Awesome.
1774
01:44:17,172 --> 01:44:18,673
I'm gonna give you those for Christmas.
1775
01:44:18,674 --> 01:44:19,713
Wow, thank you.
1776
01:44:19,714 --> 01:44:21,478
That's amazing.
1777
01:44:21,479 --> 01:44:22,571
Can't wait.
1778
01:44:22,572 --> 01:44:23,851
And I'm proud of you.
1779
01:44:23,852 --> 01:44:25,119
You must've done a lot of work
1780
01:44:25,120 --> 01:44:27,830
because you were fucking terrible.
1781
01:44:27,831 --> 01:44:30,243
Yeah, I worked pretty hard on it.
1782
01:44:30,244 --> 01:44:32,353
No, I mean you were the worst.
1783
01:44:32,354 --> 01:44:36,525
Like watching you tell a
joke was like getting fisted
1784
01:44:36,526 --> 01:44:39,745
by someone wearing Hulk hands.
1785
01:44:39,746 --> 01:44:41,961
I get it, I was bad, all right?
1786
01:44:41,962 --> 01:44:44,212
Yeah, fucking unbearable.
1787
01:44:49,405 --> 01:44:53,198
I'm sorry I thought you
slept with my girlfriend.
1788
01:44:53,199 --> 01:44:54,673
Should've trusted you.
1789
01:44:54,674 --> 01:44:57,682
Yeah, I'm sorry that...
1790
01:44:59,442 --> 01:45:00,609
I'm sorry too.
1791
01:45:02,553 --> 01:45:04,008
I shouldn't have said the things I said.
1792
01:45:04,009 --> 01:45:07,084
I was just angry, being a dumb ass.
1793
01:45:07,085 --> 01:45:08,010
We cool?
1794
01:45:08,943 --> 01:45:10,246
Yeah, we cool.
1795
01:45:19,171 --> 01:45:21,254
Oh shit, it's Magic Mike.
1796
01:45:30,190 --> 01:45:31,107
What the?
1797
01:45:32,163 --> 01:45:32,996
Crap.
1798
01:45:41,489 --> 01:45:43,489
It said it's right here.
1799
01:45:45,738 --> 01:45:46,571
Come on.
1800
01:45:47,926 --> 01:45:49,118
Come on.
1801
01:45:49,119 --> 01:45:49,952
Gotcha.
1802
01:45:49,956 --> 01:45:51,506
Ha, yes.
1803
01:46:04,817 --> 01:46:06,392
Holy shit.
1804
01:46:06,393 --> 01:46:09,498
I hope your hobo legs are
broken, you fucking asshole.
1805
01:46:11,859 --> 01:46:13,542
Come on, wake up.
1806
01:46:13,543 --> 01:46:15,214
Quit fucking around.
1807
01:46:15,215 --> 01:46:16,531
You gotta change us back, dude.
1808
01:46:16,532 --> 01:46:17,365
Come on.
1809
01:46:17,366 --> 01:46:19,031
Come here. Come here.
1810
01:46:21,325 --> 01:46:22,788
You feel anything?
1811
01:46:22,789 --> 01:46:24,232
No, do you?
1812
01:46:24,233 --> 01:46:25,248
No.
1813
01:46:25,249 --> 01:46:26,082
Come on.
1814
01:46:29,213 --> 01:46:31,296
Do you feel anything now?
1815
01:46:52,000 --> 01:46:53,326
Are you, you?
1816
01:46:53,327 --> 01:46:54,927
Yeah, you?
1817
01:46:55,502 --> 01:46:56,783
Yeah.
1818
01:46:56,784 --> 01:46:58,546
You know what this means, right?
1819
01:46:58,547 --> 01:47:00,562
We're gonna fucking party tonight.
1820
01:47:00,995 --> 01:47:02,535
♪ Watch me break it down ♪
1821
01:47:02,536 --> 01:47:03,988
♪ You know I'm on the grind ♪
1822
01:47:03,989 --> 01:47:04,868
How you guys doing tonight?
1823
01:47:04,869 --> 01:47:06,492
Enjoy yourselves.
1824
01:47:06,493 --> 01:47:08,985
I'm on there, right?
What's up, brother?
1825
01:47:08,986 --> 01:47:09,819
Hey.
1826
01:47:10,622 --> 01:47:13,654
Civilians. Get that damn
bouncy house of my lawn,
1827
01:47:13,655 --> 01:47:15,686
you're killing my grass.
1828
01:47:15,687 --> 01:47:20,295
Your grass is already
dead, asshole.
1829
01:47:21,151 --> 01:47:23,354
Hold on, let me deal with this dude.
1830
01:47:23,355 --> 01:47:24,817
Can I go in?
1831
01:47:24,818 --> 01:47:25,779
Excuse me.
1832
01:47:25,780 --> 01:47:27,970
Sorry, no one gets in
unless you're on the list.
1833
01:47:27,971 --> 01:47:30,875
Ah, this is my house, bro.
1834
01:47:30,876 --> 01:47:31,996
I don't care if it is your house.
1835
01:47:31,997 --> 01:47:34,981
Unless your name's on this
list you're not getting in.
1836
01:47:34,982 --> 01:47:37,342
Whatever, it's Chad.
1837
01:47:37,343 --> 01:47:39,426
And I better be on there.
1838
01:47:43,434 --> 01:47:45,310
I don't see a Chad.
1839
01:47:45,311 --> 01:47:47,536
What? Give me that fucking clipboard.
1840
01:47:57,135 --> 01:47:59,718
I'm so going to kick their ass.
1841
01:48:00,972 --> 01:48:02,898
Hey, it's my house.
1842
01:48:02,899 --> 01:48:05,282
It's my fucking house.
1843
01:48:05,283 --> 01:48:09,200
All right, who's ready
for some Bigfoot dick?
1844
01:48:13,249 --> 01:48:14,522
♪ Watch me break it down ♪
1845
01:48:14,523 --> 01:48:16,123
♪ You know I'm on the grind ♪
1846
01:48:16,124 --> 01:48:17,366
♪ Never taking L's ♪
1847
01:48:17,367 --> 01:48:19,256
♪ Ain't nobody taking mine ♪
1848
01:48:19,257 --> 01:48:24,130
Hey, when you see Holly,
tell her the hiatus is over.
1849
01:48:24,131 --> 01:48:24,964
What?
1850
01:48:24,964 --> 01:48:25,856
Why?
1851
01:48:25,857 --> 01:48:27,297
Just do it.
1852
01:48:27,298 --> 01:48:28,461
Trust me.
1853
01:48:28,462 --> 01:48:29,357
♪ My cologne ♪
1854
01:48:29,358 --> 01:48:31,038
♪ She say she like the Jean Paul ♪
1855
01:48:31,039 --> 01:48:33,895
♪ Fire in the pocket just
for letting up the stand ♪
1856
01:48:33,896 --> 01:48:35,257
♪ Bitches all like to ball ♪
1857
01:48:35,258 --> 01:48:36,619
♪ I think I'm better than Kareem ♪
1858
01:48:36,620 --> 01:48:38,771
Boo
♪ Chicks like 'em built ♪
1859
01:48:38,772 --> 01:48:40,146
♪ Money on stilt ♪
Boo
1860
01:48:40,147 --> 01:48:41,387
♪ Flow so cold ♪
1861
01:48:41,388 --> 01:48:43,122
♪ Better hand his ass a quilt ♪
1862
01:48:43,123 --> 01:48:44,524
♪ Now I call it shivering ♪
1863
01:48:44,525 --> 01:48:46,504
♪ Asking what's next,
I'll snag yo chick ♪
1864
01:48:46,505 --> 01:48:47,859
♪ Now that's yo ex
better watch you back ♪
1865
01:48:47,860 --> 01:48:49,461
♪ 'Cause I'm coming that next damn ♪
1866
01:48:49,462 --> 01:48:52,132
♪ Look I'm so New Orleans ♪
1867
01:48:52,133 --> 01:48:55,065
♪ Chain around my neck it
look like Mardi Gras beads ♪
1868
01:48:55,066 --> 01:48:56,586
♪ Bourbon in the cream ♪
1869
01:48:56,587 --> 01:48:57,908
♪ Red and the blue ♪
1870
01:48:57,909 --> 01:49:00,887
♪ Everybody fresh to death
it's just like funeral suits ♪
1871
01:49:00,888 --> 01:49:02,471
♪ Super Sunday second line ♪
1872
01:49:02,472 --> 01:49:04,166
♪ We get it it all the time ♪
1873
01:49:04,167 --> 01:49:06,980
♪ Dancing in the zone just
like Deion in his prime ♪
1874
01:49:06,981 --> 01:49:08,608
♪ Turn a nickle to a dime ♪
1875
01:49:08,609 --> 01:49:09,779
♪ Everybody hustle ♪
1876
01:49:09,780 --> 01:49:11,351
♪ Talk that shit you might get ♪
1877
01:49:11,352 --> 01:49:12,396
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1878
01:49:12,397 --> 01:49:13,230
Little man, little man.
1879
01:49:13,231 --> 01:49:14,525
Where you going?
1880
01:49:14,526 --> 01:49:16,380
Get out of my way Green Mile.
1881
01:49:16,381 --> 01:49:18,043
I'm going to the party.
1882
01:49:18,044 --> 01:49:19,699
Oh, okay.
1883
01:49:19,700 --> 01:49:20,600
Well I'll tell you what.
1884
01:49:20,601 --> 01:49:21,778
You might wanna go to the party,
1885
01:49:21,779 --> 01:49:24,624
but you ain't getting in
unless your name's on the list.
1886
01:49:24,625 --> 01:49:26,063
My name's Virgil.
1887
01:49:26,064 --> 01:49:26,897
Virgil.
1888
01:49:30,609 --> 01:49:32,976
Well I don't see a Virgil,
1889
01:49:32,977 --> 01:49:36,077
but I do see a Vir-Gina.
1890
01:49:37,088 --> 01:49:40,130
I said my name's Virgil, ass clown.
1891
01:49:40,131 --> 01:49:41,371
Ooh.
1892
01:49:41,372 --> 01:49:43,256
Well I'll tell you what.
1893
01:49:43,257 --> 01:49:47,674
Unless your name's on this
list you ain't getting in.
1894
01:49:53,385 --> 01:49:54,218
Whoa.
1895
01:49:55,907 --> 01:49:57,147
You heard what I said?
1896
01:49:57,148 --> 01:50:00,792
Unless your name is on this
list, you ain't getting in.
1897
01:50:00,793 --> 01:50:02,196
Fine.
1898
01:50:02,197 --> 01:50:03,513
My name's
1899
01:50:04,638 --> 01:50:05,921
Virgina.
1900
01:50:06,576 --> 01:50:09,725
I'm sorry, a little bit louder.
1901
01:50:09,726 --> 01:50:11,517
I said my name's
1902
01:50:13,392 --> 01:50:14,225
Virgina.
1903
01:50:15,343 --> 01:50:16,615
Yeah it is.
Yeah it is.
1904
01:50:16,616 --> 01:50:18,271
Told you we could get him to say it.
1905
01:50:18,272 --> 01:50:20,011
This is an adult party only.
1906
01:50:20,012 --> 01:50:21,429
Fuck off Virgina.
1907
01:50:30,636 --> 01:50:31,507
Hey you.
1908
01:50:31,508 --> 01:50:32,872
Wanna make out?
1909
01:50:32,873 --> 01:50:34,911
My breath smells like tuna shit.
1910
01:50:34,912 --> 01:50:36,262
Motha fucka.
1911
01:50:36,856 --> 01:50:39,789
On your marks, get set.
1912
01:50:40,552 --> 01:50:41,385
Go.
1913
01:50:45,583 --> 01:50:47,300
I was never here.
1914
01:50:55,887 --> 01:50:59,662
I just love being in
a social environment.
1915
01:51:01,523 --> 01:51:04,940
Free from the distractions
of technology.
1916
01:51:10,819 --> 01:51:11,743
You lose.
1917
01:51:11,744 --> 01:51:13,258
Take it off.
1918
01:51:18,921 --> 01:51:20,147
Dude.
1919
01:51:20,148 --> 01:51:21,608
Is that a dick?
1920
01:51:21,609 --> 01:51:24,376
Well, it's not a belly button.
1921
01:51:34,013 --> 01:51:35,228
♪ Everybody hustle ♪
1922
01:51:35,229 --> 01:51:36,709
♪ That shit you might get muscled ♪
1923
01:51:36,710 --> 01:51:38,270
♪ We the general ♪
1924
01:51:38,271 --> 01:51:39,993
Oh my god.
1925
01:51:39,994 --> 01:51:41,878
I've missed you so much baby.
1926
01:51:41,879 --> 01:51:43,800
Babe, I just saw you this morning.
1927
01:51:43,801 --> 01:51:47,328
I know, but it feels
like it's been an eternity.
1928
01:51:47,329 --> 01:51:49,706
Oh, I'm supposed to tell
you, the hiatus is over.
1929
01:51:49,707 --> 01:51:50,866
Really?
1930
01:51:50,867 --> 01:51:52,535
Come with me papa bear.
1931
01:52:12,822 --> 01:52:14,302
There you are.
1932
01:52:14,303 --> 01:52:16,436
Yeah, here I am.
1933
01:52:16,730 --> 01:52:18,205
So when are you going to take me
1934
01:52:18,206 --> 01:52:20,211
to this Italian restaurant of yours?
1935
01:52:20,212 --> 01:52:23,294
Or were you just teasing
me with sausage?
1936
01:52:23,295 --> 01:52:24,856
Sausage?
1937
01:52:24,857 --> 01:52:25,690
Oh right.
1938
01:52:25,691 --> 01:52:28,660
The Italian restaurant because
they have sausage there.
1939
01:52:28,661 --> 01:52:29,494
Yeah.
1940
01:52:29,495 --> 01:52:31,153
Makes sense.
Makes sense.
1941
01:52:31,154 --> 01:52:33,388
Ah, your Birthday?
1942
01:52:35,076 --> 01:52:36,037
My Birthday?
1943
01:52:36,038 --> 01:52:37,514
No.
1944
01:52:37,515 --> 01:52:38,515
Next week.
1945
01:52:40,882 --> 01:52:41,965
This weekend?
1946
01:52:44,325 --> 01:52:45,970
Tomorrow?
1947
01:52:45,971 --> 01:52:47,804
How about right now?
1948
01:52:50,540 --> 01:52:52,748
♪ Watch me break it down you know ♪
1949
01:52:54,434 --> 01:52:57,976
This is the best I've ever had.
1950
01:52:57,978 --> 01:52:59,560
Oh, Jelly Bear.
1951
01:53:00,396 --> 01:53:01,229
Oh, Holly.
1952
01:53:41,556 --> 01:53:42,728
Alex.
Jenna.
1953
01:53:44,036 --> 01:53:46,131
Holly.
1954
01:53:46,132 --> 01:53:47,898
Who the fuck is Holly?
1955
01:53:47,899 --> 01:53:48,779
Jenna?
1956
01:53:48,780 --> 01:53:50,058
Who's Holly?
1957
01:53:50,059 --> 01:53:50,892
How did I?
1958
01:53:50,893 --> 01:53:53,070
Tell me who she is.
Oh, shit.
1959
01:53:53,071 --> 01:53:54,238
Get off of me.
1960
01:54:19,338 --> 01:54:20,796
Oh, Jenna...
1961
01:54:20,797 --> 01:54:21,630
Jenna?
1962
01:54:22,319 --> 01:54:23,569
From your work?
1963
01:54:31,733 --> 01:54:33,066
Mother fucker.
1964
01:54:37,211 --> 01:54:39,113
♪ Cover the gossip of the war,
be with the clown, nigga ♪
1965
01:54:39,114 --> 01:54:40,954
♪ Ordered the shot and
reportedly plotted the hound ♪
1966
01:54:40,955 --> 01:54:42,734
♪ Ask your rabbi why they
turned me the bad guy ♪
1967
01:54:42,735 --> 01:54:44,595
♪ Blast they ass, fly to
your noodle like pad Thai ♪
1968
01:54:44,596 --> 01:54:46,475
♪ Baskin' as I wickedly stab thy ♪
1969
01:54:46,476 --> 01:54:48,463
♪ Crab that had my name
and is met the last sight ♪
1970
01:54:48,464 --> 01:54:50,053
♪ If you're trippin' with
Nina then I'mma shoot ya ♪
1971
01:54:50,054 --> 01:54:51,926
♪ Nigga, fuck a rifle, I
do it with the bazooka ♪
1972
01:54:51,927 --> 01:54:53,769
♪ A lot of motherfuckers
they be softer than a luffa ♪
1973
01:54:53,770 --> 01:54:56,745
I love, love, love this song.
1974
01:54:56,746 --> 01:54:57,929
Yes.
1975
01:54:58,931 --> 01:55:01,136
What are you drinking?
1976
01:55:01,137 --> 01:55:02,982
Oh, this?
Can I have some?
1977
01:55:02,983 --> 01:55:04,632
Yeah.
1978
01:55:04,633 --> 01:55:07,633
Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, yeah.
1979
01:55:11,723 --> 01:55:13,140
You're so soft.
1980
01:55:14,119 --> 01:55:15,622
I love it.
1981
01:55:15,623 --> 01:55:16,898
And I love you.
1982
01:55:17,977 --> 01:55:19,479
♪ After me, I'm a catastrophe ♪
1983
01:55:19,480 --> 01:55:21,438
♪ When I'm finished you
nigga look like a pasta C ♪
1984
01:55:21,439 --> 01:55:23,175
♪ What'll happen if a
nigga wanna clash with me ♪
1985
01:55:23,176 --> 01:55:25,637
♪ I be killin' 'em and
that's the way it has to be ♪
1986
01:55:25,638 --> 01:55:29,141
♪ It's on on sight, run to the light ♪
1987
01:55:29,142 --> 01:55:32,519
♪ Touch mics and fight for your life ♪
1988
01:55:32,520 --> 01:55:36,925
♪ Ooh yeah this is verbal warfare ♪
1989
01:55:36,926 --> 01:55:39,777
♪ Maybe you're crazy
enough to go there ♪
1990
01:55:39,778 --> 01:55:41,541
♪ I'm on the war path you
motherfuckin' shakin' ♪
1991
01:55:41,542 --> 01:55:43,342
♪ I'm a gladiator you don't
know who you're facing ♪
1992
01:55:43,343 --> 01:55:45,224
♪ I'm gonna go till death I
can hear your heart racin' ♪
1993
01:55:45,225 --> 01:55:47,330
♪ I ain't scared for you
lames, I ain't playin' ♪
1994
01:55:47,331 --> 01:55:49,033
♪ Hit you subliminal with
defendable syllable ♪
1995
01:55:49,034 --> 01:55:50,770
♪ The original general
was literal criminal ♪
1996
01:55:50,771 --> 01:55:52,678
♪ Now I'm killin' 'em digital,
I'm fillin' the minimal ♪
1997
01:55:52,679 --> 01:55:54,525
♪ Can't be winnin' because
I'm leavin' 'em critical ♪
1998
01:55:54,526 --> 01:55:55,407
♪ Yeah ♪
1999
01:55:55,407 --> 01:55:56,303
♪ You want it with me ♪
2000
01:55:56,304 --> 01:55:57,964
♪ You better man the fuck
up, be prepared to bleed ♪
2001
01:55:57,965 --> 01:55:59,973
♪ I come through a battle
starrin', yes, indeed ♪
2002
01:55:59,974 --> 01:56:02,724
♪ I go in like I ain't ate in weeks ♪
2003
01:56:02,725 --> 01:56:04,850
♪ You're never the same
I'm choppin' them things ♪
2004
01:56:04,851 --> 01:56:06,399
♪ I'm poppin' at rage
you think I'm deranged ♪
2005
01:56:06,400 --> 01:56:07,233
♪ I'm thinkin' I'm sane ♪
2006
01:56:07,234 --> 01:56:09,434
♪ You think it's a game,
although had an break ♪
2007
01:56:09,435 --> 01:56:10,898
♪ I don't think the same, I
don't run against the grain ♪
2008
01:56:10,899 --> 01:56:12,982
♪ Knock 'em out the frame while
I'm spittin' these flames ♪
2009
01:56:12,983 --> 01:56:13,851
♪ Get this verbal machine gun ♪
2010
01:56:13,851 --> 01:56:14,684
Phew.
2011
01:56:16,412 --> 01:56:18,096
Well, well, well.
2012
01:56:18,924 --> 01:56:23,599
What we have there folks is
some mighty fine marijuana.
2013
01:56:24,870 --> 01:56:29,484
Why don't you let me hold
that think just a second here?
2014
01:56:29,485 --> 01:56:31,808
See what's in here now?
2015
01:56:31,809 --> 01:56:33,127
♪ I got it all to gain
and nothin' to lose ♪
2016
01:56:33,128 --> 01:56:34,933
♪ You got me to blame, I
don't have to explain ♪
2017
01:56:34,934 --> 01:56:36,780
♪ You can see the gauge
and it's pumpin' shells ♪
2018
01:56:36,781 --> 01:56:39,543
♪ I'm here to maim, are
you not entertained ♪
2019
01:56:39,544 --> 01:56:42,869
Well, what's your name?
2020
01:56:42,870 --> 01:56:46,467
♪ Touch mics and fight for your life ♪
2021
01:56:46,468 --> 01:56:50,916
♪ Ooh yeah, this is verbal warfare ♪
2022
01:56:50,917 --> 01:56:53,464
♪ Maybe you're crazy
enough to go there ♪
2023
01:56:53,465 --> 01:56:54,429
♪ Twista ♪
2024
01:56:54,430 --> 01:56:55,550
♪ Like entertainment for the emperor ♪
2025
01:56:55,551 --> 01:56:57,954
♪ Get served a subpoena for
enterin' into the arena ♪
2026
01:56:57,955 --> 01:56:59,239
♪ Comin' like I'm a marine,
a machine, I'm a demon ♪
2027
01:56:59,240 --> 01:57:00,430
♪ And Nina, we neither are conscious ♪
2028
01:57:00,431 --> 01:57:01,267
♪ Or fittin' my demeanor ♪
2029
01:57:01,268 --> 01:57:03,045
♪ King Leonidas, if he invite
us, then he'll fight us ♪
2030
01:57:03,046 --> 01:57:04,890
♪ Up in the auditorium of the emporium ♪
2031
01:57:04,891 --> 01:57:06,251
♪ Or we will murder and
massacre enemies ♪
2032
01:57:06,252 --> 01:57:08,556
♪ Whenever they up for challengin'
a battle valedictorian ♪
2033
01:57:08,557 --> 01:57:10,397
♪ Verbal split 'em in
critical like it's political ♪
2034
01:57:10,398 --> 01:57:12,237
♪ Your artillery killin'
me, it's kinda pitiful ♪
2035
01:57:12,238 --> 01:57:14,127
♪ Who let you enter the
octagon with the lyrical ♪
2036
01:57:14,128 --> 01:57:15,201
♪ 'Cause I'm takin' in
it to proportions ♪
2037
01:57:15,202 --> 01:57:16,086
♪ That'll be biblical ♪
2038
01:57:16,087 --> 01:57:17,586
♪ Catastrophic, any move
I'm makin' is pivotal ♪
2039
01:57:17,587 --> 01:57:19,549
♪ Spiritual, ain't no subliminal,
my cloak ain't invisible ♪
2040
01:57:19,550 --> 01:57:21,667
♪ Violent individual, triumphant
whenever I'm challengin' ♪
2041
01:57:21,668 --> 01:57:23,469
♪ I'm throwin' a javelin
and I'mma get at you ♪
2042
01:57:23,470 --> 01:57:25,013
♪ General and a sergeant
when I'm marchin' ♪
2043
01:57:25,014 --> 01:57:26,937
♪ I'm carvin' through the
competition like I was heartless ♪
2044
01:57:26,938 --> 01:57:29,147
♪ H2's in the garages,
goin' to war regardless ♪
2045
01:57:29,148 --> 01:57:30,833
♪ And we gon' be comin'
through with barrages ♪
2046
01:57:30,834 --> 01:57:32,596
♪ And I'mma get Tech and
speed it up if I have to ♪
2047
01:57:32,597 --> 01:57:34,405
♪ Arizona when I heat
it up with The Raskal ♪
2048
01:57:34,406 --> 01:57:35,760
♪ A .50 Caliber for any challenger ♪
2049
01:57:35,761 --> 01:57:38,210
♪ With the style of a soldier ♪
2050
01:57:38,211 --> 01:57:40,890
And that's why you don't pass
out at a mothafucking party.
2051
01:57:40,891 --> 01:57:42,066
Motha fucka.
2052
01:57:42,067 --> 01:57:43,631
♪ Man on a mission with
ammunition in a position ♪
2053
01:57:43,632 --> 01:57:45,562
♪ To get commission if I
kill 'em and blow 'em away ♪
2054
01:57:45,563 --> 01:57:47,370
♪ Try to come in here actin'
like a fool, I'mma do ya ♪
2055
01:57:47,371 --> 01:57:49,226
♪ Show my gratitude with
the attitude of a Ruger ♪
2056
01:57:49,227 --> 01:57:50,614
♪ If you die, who the hell care ♪
2057
01:57:50,615 --> 01:57:51,726
♪ It's verbal warfare ♪
2058
01:57:51,727 --> 01:57:53,313
♪ I pop one into your medulla ♪
2059
01:57:53,314 --> 01:57:56,562
♪ It's on on sight, run to the light ♪
2060
01:57:56,563 --> 01:58:00,289
♪ Touch mics and fight for your life ♪
2061
01:58:00,290 --> 01:58:04,812
♪ Ooh yeah, this is verbal warfare ♪
2062
01:58:04,813 --> 01:58:08,008
♪ Maybe you're crazy
enough to go there ♪
2063
01:58:08,009 --> 01:58:11,335
♪ It's on on sight, run to the light ♪
2064
01:58:11,336 --> 01:58:14,906
♪ Touch mics and fight for your life ♪
2065
01:58:14,907 --> 01:58:19,413
♪ Ooh yeah, this is verbal warfare ♪
2066
01:58:19,414 --> 01:58:24,081
♪ Maybe you're crazy
enough to go there ♪
2067
01:59:05,378 --> 01:59:06,711
Hey civilians.
2068
01:59:10,687 --> 01:59:13,446
I said, hey civilians.
2069
01:59:21,591 --> 01:59:26,325
Get your shit, and get
the fuck out of my house.
144937
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
