All language subtitles for Single Parents s01e15 A Cash-Grab Cooked Up.eng

Hands off, old man!
This is my lasagna!

I don't care
if it's the last one.

My fingers
touched it first.

[ Strained ] You want to review
the security footage?

Yo, isn't that
Graham's mom? Man: Let go!

Yeah.
It's Graham's mom.

Angie?

-[ Grunts ]
-Fine!

Hey.

-Hi!
-Hey.

What are you guys
doing here?

-Oh, we're just --
-Oh, I-I came here by mistake.

This isn't my cart.
I asked you a question.

What are you doing here?
-Uh, we're just, um,

doing some
Palentine shopping.

Yeah, Will has a, uh,
magical night planned for me.

"You make the flowers bloom.
You make the stars shine.

Will you be my Palentine?"

I have a pal!

Will, I'm so sorry
that I didn't respond before.

I have plans with Owen.

By the way, the flowers you sent
had aphids in them.

It took me, like, a week
to get them out of my kitchen.

You got invited, too?

Yeah.

So, Angie,

cooking a romantic meal
for Owen, huh?

[ Chuckles ]
I see you're making him frozen turkey,

light bulbs,
pre-sliced radishes, and...

...12 boxes of condoms.

Did I say
we had plans later

or did I say
we had plans later?!

**

Okay, fine.
You got me, okay?

I'm working.

For Beck+Call.
The delivery app.

Did you get fired
from your law firm?

Let me guess --
Drugs? Drinking?

Aged out?

All flattering guesses,
but no.

Just a side job --
make some extra cash.

Right.

Hey, are --
are you in a pinch?

I'd love to help out
any way I can.

No, dude.
Dude, I'm fine. I'm --

I'm actually
kind of good at this.

-[ Chuckles ]
-I think Britney45,

that's my screen name,

is gonna get
the "Golden Cart" tonight.

It's a money bonus
that Beck+Call gives you

when you get 10 good reviews
in a row.

I'm gonna use it to pay
for Graham's trip to El Capitan.

Especially since Jackie is
all over me for the money.

So, checks can be made out
to "Jackie Has a Business, LLC."

Still waiting
on a few deposits.

-Hi, Jackie.
-Hi, Angie.

Well, it -- it is
Palentine's Day,

so I don't know
if you'd want a couple of pals

to assist you
in any way.

Really?
You'd do that?

We got your back,
Angie.

-[ Exhales sharply ]
-Oh, wow.

Okay. Uh, thanks.

So, fill this cart
with ground beef,

and I'll meet you
at the birthday cakes.

[ Claps ]

-- Captions by VITAC --

**

So, who's coming with me
to the sauna?

MacArthur's farewell address...

Reagan's Evil Empire speech...

Jack Palance accepting
his Oscar for "City Slickers"...

[ Doorbell rings ]

**

[ Gasps ]

I was watching
"Newhart" reruns.

It got me feeling
all frisky.

Big Red.

I-Is this some type
of Valentine's surprise?

Pbbt! Valentine's
is for dopes.

It's just a cash-grab cooked up
by the crepe paper industry.

Yes.
Now, let's make some sugar.

I-I-I -- B-Bu--

L-Listen, unfortunately,
I'm occupied.

Oh. Where is she?

I'm sure the three of us
can work something out.

Uh, n-no,
it's not another woman.

I'm babysitting.
Gotcha.

I guess I can call the guy
that sold me my snowmobile.

-Toodles!
-No, no, hey!

You know what?
I'll just put them to bed!

-How long we talking?
-Not long.

**

6:08, lights out.

What about dinner?
Ah, you can have it for breakfast.

What's with D'Amato?

Louisa gave him
a personal Valentine.

Poured her heart out in a way
that I can only describe

as "raw."

And Graham gave her...

A picture of a mouse
that said "Cheese be mine!"

It's so first thought.

Graham: Oh, Louisa.

I wanted to write her
something personal...

[Inhales deeply]
...but alas, I was a coward.

[ Sighs ]

Sounds like
a tomorrow problem.

Okay,
everybody go to sleep

or just lie there
with your eyes closed.

I don't care.
-I'll get to sleep...

as soon as I craft
the perfect Valentine.

Until then,
I will not rest,

I cannot rest,
and I shall not rest!

-This ain't going away.
-Emma, Amy,

there's a visitor out there
in a trench coat.

Keep her occupied.
-Sir, yes, sir!

Just like
we trained for!

Great. Quickly.

Okay, what do you need
from me?

Your wisdom,
your honesty,

and most of all,
your heart.

It's interesting that my kids
are friends with you.

**

I feel like dipping something
in tartar sauce.

Right away.

We'll microwave
some clam strips.

**

Come on. Mark's almost here.
Time to go.

Oh. [ Chuckles ]
I'm not going anywhere.

I can't watch you suffer
through another failed romance

with a mediocre man.

That nonsense
ends tonight.

[ Knock on door ]

[ Sighs ]

Rory. Rory!

[ Chuckles ]

Uh, I'm Mark.

Uh, I'm your mom's,
Poppy's, um...

driver.

I'm here to take her...
to a, uh...

floral design competition,
of which this is my first entry.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, Mark, you think
I don't know about you?

I know.

I'm not sure
how information is shared

between you
and your 30 kids,

but my mom and I
are very open,

so please,
have a seat.

Okay.

-[ Chuckles nervously ]
-Hm.

Um, Rory, you and I talked
about me dating,

and you said
you were okay.

I am. I just don't know
if you two are compatible.

So, uh,
land your can, Poppy.

It's game time.

What do you mean
"game time"?

[ Game show music plays ]

Welcome to...

"Scenarios!"

**

All right.

Nine deliveries down,
one to go.

[ Sighs ]
Thank you, guys.

Now I can see Owen
for Valentine's Day.

[ Chuckles ] Oh.
Yeah, and now I can see Will for Palentine's Day.

[ Chuckles ]
And also every other person Will knows

who didn't have
something better to do.

Okay.

[ Vehicle door opens ]

[ Music plays ]

[ Doorbell rings ]

[ Laughs ]
That is good.

Oh, that's funny.

Yeah, just give me
one second.

Angie?

What are you doing here?

Hello!
[ Chuckles ]

I'm...here
for the party.

You don't remember me
RSVPing?

I don't remember
inviting you.

But I guess...

come in?

Huh.

A couples Valentine's party
with the parents from school?

[ Chuckles ] I'm in.

**

Make yourself at home.

You're the only
unmarried person here.

I hope
that doesn't bother you.

Oh, no, no.

It just...frees me up
to flirt with all your husbands.

[ Both laugh ]

[ Clears throat ]
Jared, honey, stay close.

[ Groans ]
Where are the groceries?

Oh, hon, I told you
to stop using Beck+Call.

They hire
gutter people.

I mean, there's a reason
why they're [Chuckling] delivering groceries.

Right?
It's just like...

[Inhales deeply]
why can't you just be rich?

So true.

I'm writing
a scathing review.

I'm gonna bury Britney45.

Will you excuse me?
I gotta --

-Spell "delinquent."
-"Delinquent" --

D-E-L-I-N...
-Mm-hmm.

[ Cellphone buzzing ]

[ Cellphone beeps ]
Angie, what's taking you so long?

Are you under duress?
If so, order a pizza.

[ Whispering ]
I'm not ordering a pizza, okay?

This is Jackie's house!

I told her that I came
to her stupid party

'cause I didn't want her to know
that I work for Beck+Call.

[ Cellphone chimes ]

[ Groans ]
She gave me a bad review.

Zero stars?!

The bitch torched me!

Just because I threw
her groceries in the bushes.

You what?
You don't get it.

I need
that Golden Cart money!

Graham's trip
depends on it.

-Aw, Ang...
-Don't "Aw, Ang" me!

Just get in here
and help me steal her phone

so I can
rewrite the review.

[ Cellphone beeps ]
[ Sighs deeply ]

I gotta go bail Angie out
of another jam. [ Seatbelt clicks ]

So, what, you just want me
to wait in the car, like a dog?

[ Sighs ]
This is supposed to be our night.

It is.

Y-You know, I guess
on Palentine's Day,

it's natural to ask
the question, Will...

what are we?

Fine.
You want to come? Come.

Do you really want me to come,
or are you just saying that?

I really
want you to come.

Fine. But we can't go
empty-handed.

[ Doorbell rings ]

Oh! I invited
you guys, too?

Can't drink and Evite
anymore.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, my God,
is that crudités?

I ordered some
that never came.

Let's party!
Mwah!

[ Game show music plays ]

Should I be concerned?

I-I knew
I should've worn a suit.

I-I second-guessed myself
at the door.

No, no, it's just
Rory being Rory.

He can be overprotective
and a little dramatic.

[ Both chuckle, music stops ]

Your "Scenarios!"
categories --

"It's All Relatives,"

"Robes & Baths,"

"Three-Day Weekends,"

"Out On The Town,"

and "State Capitals."

Contestant 2?
-Hmm...

let's do
"Robes & Baths."

"My mom draws you a bath.
Do you take the bath?"

Bath...bath...

Do I take the bath?

No, I don't think I do.

[ Whispering ] Yes.
Correct.

In this scenario,
my mom drew you a bath

as a test because...

Rory and Poppy:
"Men who take baths are weird."

-Mm.
-Okay, um,

I'll take
"State Capitals."

"What is the state capital
of Oregon?"

Okay, how is that
a scenario?

Fine.
Salem. Right? Yeah.

See? We'll be done
in no time.

I'll try "State Capitals."

Multiple choice!

"You and my mom are in
Topeka, Kansas, for a wedding.

You've just learned
that the theme is 'The Beach,'

and neither of you
have packed the proper clothes.

Do you 'A' -- pretend that
you never got the invitation,

'B' -- buy beach clothes,

'C' -- purposefully
drive your rental car

off the road?"
[ Chuckles ]

-I'll go with --
-Hold your horses, cowboy.

The answers go to "N."

"'D' -- get into a fight."

[ Music plays,
indistinct conversations ]

So, here's the plan -- Jackie
has been on her phone all night,

and she keeps
Instagramming the party

and tagging
famous people Aha!

so everyone thinks they're here.
[ Chuckles ]

Like Josh Hartnett
would really come here.

Anyway,
when she puts it down,

you distract her,
and I'll grab it.

-Well, how do we distract her?
-I don't know.

Ask her about the show
her husband writes for.

"Gotham"?
It's the last season.

I don't want any spoilers.
Mnh-mnh.

Agreed.
This is nuts, Angie.

You're an amazing mom
who's working really hard

to make sure
her son has a great life.

Yeah, just tell her
the truth.

You're proud as hell,

just like the cast and crew
of "Gotham."

Or at least
they should be.

I'm not...
proud, okay?

I'm embarrassed.

This is all
embarrassing.

I haven't even
told Owen.

Angie, I'm so sorry.

Do you want
to talk about it?

No! I'm gonna do
the only thing I can do,

and that's
steal Jackie's phone.

Oh, she just put it down!
Hot screen! Hot screen!

Hot screen! This way.
-Ow, ow, ow.

-Jackie!
-Hey.

-Hi!
-So, again, uh,

such a great party...
Aww, thanks.

...really, and to think
we almost didn't come.

That's really funny.

That's funny.
[ Laughs ]

Jackie:
Oh, I'm so sorry

you didn't find anyone
for your Palentine's Day thing.

Jared was so bummed
he couldn't make it.

-Wait, you asked Jared?
-Now is not the time, Miggy.

-Okay, cool. Mm-hmm.
-What's going on with you guys?

-Nothing.
-Nothing.

[ Chuckles ] Nothing.
It's nothing.

Okay, um...

Well, I'm gonna go mingle.
-Mm-hmm.

Maybe you guys
just stay right here.

-Right here. Word. Uh...
-Okay, great.

[ Gasps ]

Jackie! Hi! Oh!
-Why are we hugging?

'Cause it's
Valentine's Day.

**

Another Negroni,
ma'am?

Five's my limit, ladies.

What's taking your old man
so long?

We've been at this
for an hour, okay?

The boy's a mess.
New strategy.

Graham, why don't you -- why
don't you come sit down with us.

All right.

You know, when I want
to show someone that I care,

I can count on a gift

that's decorative
and healthy --

Fogerty, are you pitching me
Edible Arrangements?!

That's an easy out.

But with Louisa,
there are no easy outs.

Look at the card
she gave me.

"Love is a puzzle.
I've gathered the clues.

Now I know
the answer is Y-O-U."

-Terrific.
-And then on the inside,

there's, like,
an 80-letter palindrome.

[ Sighs ]
She's a genius of love,

a master of riddles.

I'm just a guy
who still can't read a clock.

4:00 A.M.?

I'm ruined.

-Ding dong.
-Oh!

Look, uh,
I'm gonna take a hike.

I didn't come here tonight to
kick it with the "Peanuts" gang.

I-I know, and I'm sorry.
It's just --

This kid here has it really bad
for some twist named Louisa.

But we're almost
out of the weeds.

The sooner we solve it,
the sooner we hit the road to Sheetsville?

Where you will be
the mayor.

Easy peasy!

Take it from a travel agent
who has booked

over 4,800
unforgettable couples cruises.

All I need
is like 14 bucks

and the holiday aisle
at Rite Aid.

Yes, my queen.

"Hello, Internet"?

"To whom
it may concern"?

Okay, clearly, you've never
written a review before.

Okay, just say it was hands down
the best service you ever had.

Shopping cart emoji.
-Look, if anybody can capture

the voice of
a 40-year-old woman, it's me.

Dude, I just thought
we could do this together.

You know, like pals.

Whoa.

Palentine's Day
is drama-free!

Dude, you're the one
that's bringing the drama!

I'm only here because
everyone else you asked said no.

[ Scoffs ]
Sorry for thinking you actually wanted me around.

Miggy, please don't
make this about you. This is about Angie.

And how this...

was hands down the best service
I've ever had!

What?
Oh, there's a shopping cart emoji.

That's so cute.
I literally just said that.

It's like
you don't even see me!

[ Knock on door ]
Angie: Hey. You guys.

Did you fix the...

...fix...the...toilet?

They fix--

They broke the toilet,

and now
they're fixing it.

Angie, I can't find my phone.
Let me borrow yours.

Gimme your phone.

I have to call it.

[ Line ringing ]

* Oh! *
Are you playing "Rhythm of the Night"?

Great song,
but not the time.

I'm not. It's coming
from Jackie's phone.

But I love it, too.

* Forget about the worries
on your mind *

I...
* You can leave them all behind *

* To the beat
of the rhythm of the night *

* Oh, the rhythm... *

Jackie:
What are you doing?

* ...the night *

To be completely honest, Rory,
no, I wouldn't go

to Mark's grandma's funeral
if it was on your birthday.

Even if he was
visiting Santa Fe?

I don't get it.

Well, clearly!

I mean,
Rory's birthday is sacred,

no matter
what state capital he's in.

Rory: Well, folks,
they came out swinging, but --

Wait. What's that?
Wow.

I am being told
that this is the worst score

in "Scenarios!" history.

We'll return
after this commercial.

Friends, end-of-life planning
isn't easy,

but it can be fun.

At Rory Banks Funeral Home,
the party never ends.

This is
gonna sound crazy,

but "Scenarios!"
has made me realize

that we really aren't
compatible.

Right?
Yeah.

It's weirdly
illuminating.

Yeah!

I mean,
as insane as it is,

it's made me see us
in a whole new light.

Mm-hmm.
You know, when you said your dream scenario

is to open up your own
private investigation agency --

We'd do it as a team.

Yeah, I heard you
the first time.

I'm sorry, but I just
don't see myself there.

For what it's worth,
I loved all two weeks of this.

Me too.

And I'm glad we got out
while it's good.

All right, come on.
We're back from commercials.

[ Singsong voice ]
Time for Round Three!

Rory, some good news.
We're gonna skip Round Three.

Mark and I decided to
stop seeing each other, so...

All thanks
to "Scenarios!"

Yeah.
It's a great game, Rory.

Thanks.

Okay.
That's our show.

Guests of "Scenarios!"
get to stay

at the world-famous
Century Plaza Hotel.

Is this part
of Round Three?

I don't think so.

Someone want to tell me
what the hell is going on here?

Will?

All right, Jackie, the person
who was supposed to deliver

your groceries tonight
is me.

I'm Britney45.

Wait, seriously?

No!

No, Will was just
helping a friend in need.

Me.
I am Britney45.

That's right, 44 other Britneys
joined Beck+Call

before me.

Look, I have no idea
what's happening,

but I have a party
downstairs, and I --

Look, I'm Britney45!

And I did a garbage job
with your groceries!

[ Sighs ] Thank you, guys,
but I-I gotta own this.

Jackie, I moonlight
as a grocery delivery person.

Things aren't easy.

Money is tight as is, and then
the class trip comes up,

and there's always
some new thing to pay for.

[ Sighs ] I'm at a low-level
freak out at all times.

So, you know, if you want
to give me zero stars,

go right ahead.

I deal with harder crap
every day.

Oh, Angie.

I hear you.

Yeah, it may seem like
I have the perfect life

and I have
the perfect house,

but there's a reason I started
Jackie Has a Business, LLC.

Financially, things with
Jared and me aren't great.

Oh. I --

I had no idea.

You really get it.

"Gotham" isn't syndicating well
in South America.

I might have to let go
of my Social Media Assistant.

Yeah, no, no, that's --
Your thing is different.

No, we're in
the exact same boat.

I'm giving you
five stars.

No, I don't want
your pity stars, okay?

-Psh.
-You can give me four stars.

If you could
avoid saying

that I threw your food
in the bushes, that'd be great.

You threw my food
in the bushes?

Three stars is fine.

**

Big Red: No woman can resist
a plush animal.

I got six in my car
rear window right now.

Now get out of here,
you handsome little devil.

Wai-- Wai-- Ba--
Hold on.

God,
kids are nasty.

-Pecan?
-No.

-Caramel?
-No.

-Cherry cordial?
-Come to Mama.

[ Knock on door ]

-Douglas, right?
-Yeah.

And this is...Emma --
or Amy.

That's a boy, Phil.

Would it be possible for him
to talk to Louisa, please?

Sure. Um, she's in
her rocking chair.

What if she doesn't like
my Valentine?

Well, you see,
that doesn't matter,

because she likes you.

And if you start to panic,
just tell her...

[ Whispering ]

**

Greetings.

I'll leave you to it.

**

Louisa,
you're a 10.

If you're up for it, I know
a great place for a steak.

If you're a vegetarian,
there's a salad bar.

Ranch dressing
as thick as wet concrete.

So be mine,
you gorgeous dame.

Glory be.

Whoa.

Sounds like
someone I know.

Oh, I might've given him
a line or two,

but I'm saving my best stuff
for you.

[ Door closes ]

I have a girlfriend!

[ Cheering, squealing ]

Ror?

Hello?
Who's there?

What did I tell you
last week?

[ Sighs ] No sleep mask
while Mom is talking.

Mm-hmm.

Baby, I'm confused.

Were you rooting for me and Mark
to be together?

I mean, no, I set out to destroy
your relationship, but...

[ Sighs ]

...then I started having fun
with you guys,

and I secretly was hoping
for it to work out.

You deserve
to find love, Mom.

I will.

And hey, now that
we have "Scenarios!",

I might find somebody
sooner.

But today,
will you be my Valentine?

I'd love to.

But we should play
"Scenarios!"

just to make sure
it's right.

Okay,
Rory Denzel Banks,

I'm not playing "Scenarios!"
again today.

Look, when I headed out
tonight,

I didn't care
who I made it with.

I got in my car,
and I drove to the house

of the first man
I could think of.

His wife was home,
so then I tried you.

An honor.

But when I saw you
help out that little rat,

something shifted.

And then that business
on the porch.

Doc, I was a puddle.

I wanna make love
to you.

Then it's settled.

But not tonight.
Not tonight.

I want to slow things down,
make it special.

I want a romance
with the simmering heat

of a four-day/three-night
to Ensenada.

So, are you willing
to wait?

For you? Always.

I mean,
why do it tonight?

Valentine's Day
is for dopes, huh?

[ Chuckles ]
[ Glasses clink ]

I'll call you
tomorrow.

Mnh.

I leave in the A.M.
for a six-month cruise

to the Panama Canal.

Half off.
You don't say no to that.

I would.

Douglas,
I can't sleep.

Looks like
you got your hands full.

I'm gonna go home and finish
a hoagie I got in my fridge.

W-- W--
Mwah.

Call me.

**

God, you're so little.

[ Both sigh ]

[ Door closes ]

I'm feeling something.

I think it's...

jealousy?

I...

I like Graham.

Everybody likes Graham.

[ Chuckling ]
He's a lovable sad sack.

No.

I think
I like like Graham.

How are you kids
so emotionally available?

When I was seven,
I had a job.

[ Gearshift clicks ]

Thanks for dropping me,
you guys.

I really hope
he's still awake.

Please say hello to Owen
for us.

But time it in a way
it's not weird.

Like before the sex
or way, way after!

You feel me?
[ Chuckles ]

-I got it.
-Okay.

Thanks for tonight, guys.
Really.

This was...

not normal.

[ Laughter ]

I guess
now that you've seen me

as a loser
delivery person,

you probably look at me
differently.

Yeah.

I think that
you're pretty remarkable.

Oh, my God,
you're such a dork.

-[ Chuckles ]
-You're welcome.

Happy Palentine's Day.

-Thank you! Good night!
-Bye, pal!

Have fun!

We'll make sure
you get in safe!

Palentine's Day
isn't officially over.

Yeah, it is.
It's almost midnight.

-Not in Hawaii.
-You're taking me to Hawaii?!

No, that's...not logical.
Oh...

But there's still time
to do this right.

* Oh *

* To the beat
of the rhythm of the night *

* Dance until
the morning light *

* Forget about the worries
on your mind *

* You can leave them
all behind *

* To the beat
of the rhythm of the night *

* Oh, the rhythm
of the night *

* Oh, oh *

Sorry, miss.

Mmm. Pasta.

Sorry.

**

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