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1
00:01:38,980 --> 00:01:40,640
Hello, is this emergency?
2
00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:45,600
Yeah, I was just wondering if
anyone's handed in a penis recently.
3
00:01:45,660 --> 00:01:49,680
You will burn in hell for this,
you bastard!
4
00:01:54,300 --> 00:01:57,160
Found it. Must have rolled
under the side of the bed.
5
00:01:57,220 --> 00:01:58,840
Go! Go!
6
00:01:59,780 --> 00:02:01,840
Mrs Alford.
Yes.
7
00:02:01,900 --> 00:02:04,840
I was just wondering if your
husband Alexander was at home?
8
00:02:04,900 --> 00:02:06,360
Well, what's it about?
9
00:02:07,260 --> 00:02:11,080
Hello there.
What seems to be the trouble here?
10
00:02:11,140 --> 00:02:15,440
Oh, yes. It's very bruised.
11
00:02:15,500 --> 00:02:18,760
Is that tender?
Oh! Yes.
12
00:02:18,820 --> 00:02:21,080
Yeah, I was kicked in 'em.
13
00:02:21,140 --> 00:02:23,320
Here?
Oh, yeah! Yeah.
14
00:02:23,380 --> 00:02:27,320
Does it pass when you hurt urine?
It hurts when I squeeze toothpaste.
15
00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:31,440
It hurts when I change radio
stations. It fucking hurts, alright?
16
00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:34,400
It's like I've got
a couple of bowling balls down there.
17
00:02:34,460 --> 00:02:35,880
Can you achieve an erection?
18
00:02:35,940 --> 00:02:39,080
Bernie, do you think I'm going to
pull this out in front of anybody
19
00:02:39,140 --> 00:02:42,480
who hasn't had medical training?
It looks like a blue-ringed octopus!
20
00:02:42,540 --> 00:02:45,200
Yes, well, I would avoid
show-and-tell for some time.
21
00:02:45,260 --> 00:02:47,440
In fact, I'd steer clear of sex
for awhile.
22
00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:49,600
I suspect it's only bruising,
23
00:02:49,660 --> 00:02:51,600
but I wouldn't mind
running some tests.
24
00:02:54,380 --> 00:02:57,280
You absolute bastard!
25
00:02:58,300 --> 00:03:02,960
Uh, I'm sorry.
Would you excuse us, please, ladies?
26
00:03:03,020 --> 00:03:05,560
I, uh, think someone's got
the grumps with me.
27
00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:07,840
Excuse me.
28
00:03:13,820 --> 00:03:19,960
You attacked this woman and then
you conned me into covering for you.
29
00:03:20,020 --> 00:03:22,960
I haven't been charged
and I didn't do it.
30
00:03:23,020 --> 00:03:27,080
Because of you I perjured myself
in a sworn statement to the police.
31
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:28,720
Yes. Yes, why did you do that?
32
00:03:28,780 --> 00:03:33,000
I had trouble understanding
that myself, then I got these.
33
00:03:33,060 --> 00:03:36,760
Where are they? Jesus, filing.
Oh, here we go!
34
00:03:39,380 --> 00:03:43,760
Oh, look, here's a nice one of you
getting into the lifts at the Hyatt.
35
00:03:43,820 --> 00:03:45,960
1:51pm, around the same time
36
00:03:46,020 --> 00:03:48,160
I'm supposed to be
knocking off this woman.
37
00:03:48,220 --> 00:03:50,920
Hot to go to the 21st floor.
You had me followed?
38
00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:53,000
No! No interest in you whatsoever.
39
00:03:56,060 --> 00:03:57,840
This is against the law.
40
00:03:57,900 --> 00:03:59,640
Oh, surely you must know by now
41
00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:02,440
for all practical purposes
I am the law in this state
42
00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:04,680
and he is my direct opposition.
43
00:04:04,740 --> 00:04:06,880
It's my business
to know everything about him,
44
00:04:06,940 --> 00:04:09,680
so imagine our delight
when the Pretzel gets in the lift
45
00:04:09,740 --> 00:04:13,040
two minutes after you
and then guess what floor he goes to?
46
00:04:13,100 --> 00:04:15,640
Nothing happened.
I just had a drink with him.
47
00:04:15,700 --> 00:04:18,240
Ah, well,
this one suggests otherwise.
48
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:21,120
One hour and 15 minutes later.
49
00:04:21,180 --> 00:04:23,680
Yeah, he's not a stayer, is he?
50
00:04:23,740 --> 00:04:28,080
Look, word of advice
from an old hand, hey?
51
00:04:28,140 --> 00:04:31,880
Always take two lifts
and leave ten minutes apart.
52
00:04:31,940 --> 00:04:36,280
You will never get away with what
you've done to this poor woman.
53
00:04:36,340 --> 00:04:38,440
You keep forgetting
I haven't been charged.
54
00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:41,160
I'm just a person of interest.
55
00:04:41,220 --> 00:04:42,760
I love that term.
56
00:04:42,820 --> 00:04:44,720
It's worth of a gravestone.
57
00:04:44,780 --> 00:04:49,720
Callum Dalgleish McGregor -
person of interest.
58
00:04:49,780 --> 00:04:51,880
You don't scare me.
59
00:05:06,580 --> 00:05:08,520
Oh, wow.
60
00:05:08,580 --> 00:05:11,080
Yeah, big wow, big wow.
Oh.
61
00:05:11,140 --> 00:05:14,400
OK, that's it.
That has, that has to be it.
62
00:05:14,460 --> 00:05:16,760
Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's it.
63
00:05:16,820 --> 00:05:20,000
Yeah, I can't, we can't... do this.
64
00:05:20,060 --> 00:05:22,520
I can't keep doing this.
I know, I know.
65
00:05:22,580 --> 00:05:25,720
OK.
I agree.
66
00:05:25,780 --> 00:05:28,120
I'm getting married in three weeks,
you know?
67
00:05:28,180 --> 00:05:30,920
If I keep doing this,
I'm going to go mad.
68
00:05:30,980 --> 00:05:33,120
I'm not this sort of person,
you know?
69
00:05:33,180 --> 00:05:34,920
At least, I never thought I was.
70
00:05:34,980 --> 00:05:37,120
I know. You're not. I'm not.
71
00:05:37,180 --> 00:05:38,600
You're not and I'm not.
72
00:05:38,660 --> 00:05:41,200
I'm not the kind of person
who has shabby affairs.
73
00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:44,840
Oh!
74
00:05:45,980 --> 00:05:47,560
Alright.
OK.
75
00:05:48,980 --> 00:05:50,760
Yep. Alright.
76
00:05:51,980 --> 00:05:54,720
Yep.
Oh!
77
00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:09,520
This is late even by my standards.
78
00:06:09,580 --> 00:06:12,120
Get off my case, will you?
I got caught up, alright?
79
00:06:12,180 --> 00:06:15,720
You've got Tuesday's buttons
in Wednesday's holes, mate.
80
00:06:15,780 --> 00:06:19,960
So? You once turned up
to a conference with the DPP
81
00:06:20,020 --> 00:06:21,440
in a dressing gown.
82
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:24,600
Yeah, but I'm the dissolute
brilliant one. You're Watson.
83
00:06:24,660 --> 00:06:26,240
No, you're just dissolute.
84
00:06:28,620 --> 00:06:30,240
Still sore?
85
00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:32,280
I'm tenured.
86
00:06:32,340 --> 00:06:36,520
12 years as an IT lecturer.
87
00:06:36,580 --> 00:06:43,240
I co-wrote the authoritative manual
on 120 ARM processing notes.
88
00:06:43,300 --> 00:06:45,920
So I should be
in a lecture hall right now
89
00:06:45,980 --> 00:06:48,080
teaching my Indian students
about gigaflops
90
00:06:48,140 --> 00:06:51,080
and instead I'm here listening
to this humiliating nonsense.
91
00:06:51,140 --> 00:06:52,560
Why is that?
92
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:55,960
The police felt your history with
your neighbour suggested a pattern.
93
00:06:56,020 --> 00:06:58,600
There is no logical
sequence of events here
94
00:06:58,660 --> 00:07:00,480
describing a uniform pattern.
95
00:07:00,540 --> 00:07:03,680
It's merely a few squabbles and,
what, I'm supposed to have
96
00:07:03,740 --> 00:07:05,240
cut off the man's johnson?
97
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:06,920
It's more than a few squabbles.
98
00:07:06,980 --> 00:07:09,560
The police have a list
of 23 separate incidents here
99
00:07:09,620 --> 00:07:11,200
over a nine-month period.
100
00:07:11,260 --> 00:07:15,360
I mean, even to non-computer people,
it does look like a bit of a pattern.
101
00:07:15,420 --> 00:07:18,800
Now, I understand it all kicked off
with a noise complaint
102
00:07:18,860 --> 00:07:20,840
about a neighbour's birthday party.
103
00:07:20,900 --> 00:07:22,320
Was it a 21st or something?
104
00:07:22,380 --> 00:07:24,240
Hunter was turning six.
105
00:07:24,300 --> 00:07:28,400
It was an unbelievable commotion.
Tell them, please, Alannah.
106
00:07:28,460 --> 00:07:31,520
Well, I, we don't have
children of our own,
107
00:07:31,580 --> 00:07:33,680
so we're not used to
that level of noise.
108
00:07:33,740 --> 00:07:35,320
Alex called the police.
109
00:07:35,380 --> 00:07:38,160
What time was this?
Well, three in the afternoon.
110
00:07:38,220 --> 00:07:39,640
Oh, fair enough.
111
00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:42,640
Yeah. Alex had been to a conference
and he was trying to nap.
112
00:07:42,700 --> 00:07:44,120
I was exhausted.
113
00:07:44,180 --> 00:07:46,080
And then he dumped garbage
on your lawn
114
00:07:46,140 --> 00:07:49,080
and you dumped an old tyre
on his. An old burning tyre.
115
00:07:49,140 --> 00:07:51,520
And then he cut down
our beautiful silver birch.
116
00:07:51,580 --> 00:07:55,520
Yes, after you had urinated
in his petrol tank.
117
00:07:55,580 --> 00:07:57,640
Alex, this is
a very serious charge.
118
00:07:57,700 --> 00:07:59,520
Police have found DNA evidence,
119
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:02,200
your fingerprints and traces
of his blood on the...
120
00:08:03,100 --> 00:08:05,200
..on the instrument
they believe was used.
121
00:08:05,260 --> 00:08:08,720
Yep, and I loaned him
those garden shears ages ago
122
00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:12,040
and he never returned them
and of course it's got my DNA on it.
123
00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:15,160
I told the police all this!
Does anyone listen anymore?
124
00:08:15,220 --> 00:08:18,640
I understand you were
all once friends
125
00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:22,840
in a golden age
before Archduke Ferdinand was shot.
126
00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:25,080
Alex and Bob
were in Rotary together
127
00:08:25,140 --> 00:08:27,360
and played squash.
128
00:08:27,420 --> 00:08:28,840
Squash!
Went fishing.
129
00:08:28,900 --> 00:08:31,640
Never caught a thing.
And were you friends with his wife?
130
00:08:31,700 --> 00:08:34,160
Well, we played golf
a couple of times.
131
00:08:34,220 --> 00:08:36,960
She's very good
and I'm more of a tennis girl.
132
00:08:37,020 --> 00:08:41,240
I guess we were friends,
but this is so very wrong.
133
00:08:41,300 --> 00:08:43,400
I did not cut off his business!
134
00:08:43,460 --> 00:08:44,960
I did not.
135
00:08:45,020 --> 00:08:46,640
Mmm.
136
00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:48,200
I did not!
137
00:08:49,660 --> 00:08:53,280
IT people, just,
we don't do that sort of thing!
138
00:08:53,340 --> 00:08:54,760
Jesus!
139
00:08:54,820 --> 00:08:56,560
We'll speak later.
140
00:08:59,380 --> 00:09:01,080
Darling.
141
00:09:02,140 --> 00:09:07,400
Alex and Alannah, Barbara and Bob.
142
00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:10,560
Perfect initials
on the bathroom towels
143
00:09:10,620 --> 00:09:14,600
out here in this Utopian dream.
144
00:09:14,660 --> 00:09:17,760
What the fucken blue blazes
happened in there, mate?
145
00:09:17,820 --> 00:09:20,040
Alex is a volunteer
with St John's Ambulance,
146
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:22,640
Alannah Meals On Wheels,
Barbara golfs.
147
00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:24,480
One of them collects penises.
148
00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:29,440
A fall from grace is a bloody quick
elevator ride, mate, I tell you.
149
00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:33,960
What man chops off
another man's tackle?
150
00:09:34,020 --> 00:09:36,640
And then ties a piece of string
around the stump
151
00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:38,600
so the victim
doesn't bleed to death.
152
00:09:38,660 --> 00:09:42,160
Radical circumcision's
not a Rotarian rite, is it?
153
00:09:42,220 --> 00:09:44,240
They still frown on it.
154
00:09:45,380 --> 00:09:49,600
It has to be Bob's wife.
It's what wives do to husbands.
155
00:09:49,660 --> 00:09:51,320
She's a nurse.
156
00:09:51,380 --> 00:09:55,200
Ah, but good Mrs Oakley
was at a golf tournie
157
00:09:55,260 --> 00:09:58,800
with 200 eye witnesses
admiring her short game.
158
00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:08,880
I've met someone.
159
00:10:10,660 --> 00:10:13,320
Shit.
Yeah.
160
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:15,480
Does Scarlet know?
161
00:10:15,540 --> 00:10:18,400
Sort of.
162
00:10:18,460 --> 00:10:20,960
When you say 'met'.
I mean I'm in...
163
00:10:22,260 --> 00:10:25,920
I think there might be a chance
I'm in love with the woman.
164
00:10:27,220 --> 00:10:29,720
She seems to make sense somehow.
165
00:10:29,780 --> 00:10:33,160
And the sex, what she does...
Yes, but are you sure that's not it?
166
00:10:33,220 --> 00:10:35,600
I mean, you know,
it could just be a root.
167
00:10:35,660 --> 00:10:37,400
You're not obliged to fall in love.
168
00:10:37,460 --> 00:10:39,960
I'm not a farm animal.
I don't just root people.
169
00:10:40,020 --> 00:10:41,760
I'm not built that way.
170
00:10:41,820 --> 00:10:44,240
It has to be love. It has to be.
171
00:10:44,300 --> 00:10:46,360
Do I know her?
No, no, no, no.
172
00:10:46,420 --> 00:10:49,480
No, look, it doesn't matter.
It's not going anywhere anyway.
173
00:10:49,540 --> 00:10:52,160
She's get, she's with someone.
174
00:10:52,220 --> 00:10:55,240
Jesus.
175
00:10:57,780 --> 00:11:01,680
Why do chicks always feel the need
to do the phone thing
176
00:11:01,740 --> 00:11:03,160
with their fingers?
177
00:11:03,220 --> 00:11:06,600
Do you think they think
we don't know what a phone is?
178
00:11:06,660 --> 00:11:08,600
When Alexander Bell
invented the phone,
179
00:11:08,660 --> 00:11:12,680
do you think his wife invented
the finger thing at the same time?
180
00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:14,960
Mate, the most wonderful news.
181
00:11:15,020 --> 00:11:18,360
Cal McGregor's raped someone -
direct from my contact in the force.
182
00:11:18,420 --> 00:11:20,920
Has he been charged?
Not yet, not public.
183
00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:22,400
Still building a case.
184
00:11:22,460 --> 00:11:25,000
The only thing standing between him
and eight years
185
00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:26,600
in an all-men's shower facility
186
00:11:26,660 --> 00:11:29,080
is the testimony
of that bitch working for him.
187
00:11:29,140 --> 00:11:31,080
If you're referring to
Scarlet Engels,
188
00:11:31,140 --> 00:11:33,080
she and her husband
are friends of mine.
189
00:11:33,140 --> 00:11:35,880
OK. Well, in that case,
I'm sorry to tell you
190
00:11:35,940 --> 00:11:37,920
my cop contact reckons she's lying
191
00:11:37,980 --> 00:11:39,880
and may end up
joining Cal in prison.
192
00:11:39,940 --> 00:11:44,640
David, you do realise this is
a great day for the party.
193
00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:46,680
I did mention she's a friend of mine!
194
00:11:56,380 --> 00:11:59,160
Your boss is in a sea of trouble.
195
00:11:59,220 --> 00:12:01,760
I'm told you're his only alibi.
196
00:12:01,820 --> 00:12:05,320
Did you have a meeting with him
or are you covering for him?
197
00:12:05,380 --> 00:12:07,320
Hello, David.
198
00:12:08,500 --> 00:12:11,000
Are you asking me this
out of concern for me
199
00:12:11,060 --> 00:12:12,800
or wanting to put the boot into him?
200
00:12:12,860 --> 00:12:15,120
I'm sorry, but I need to know.
201
00:12:15,180 --> 00:12:17,640
Was this meeting real? Did it happen?
202
00:12:19,140 --> 00:12:22,880
No. I lied.
203
00:12:22,940 --> 00:12:25,640
Jesus, you lied to the police?
204
00:12:27,660 --> 00:12:30,040
You signed a sworn statement.
205
00:12:30,100 --> 00:12:31,680
That's right.
206
00:12:31,740 --> 00:12:34,880
Have you any idea what you've done?
Why would you do that for him?
207
00:12:34,940 --> 00:12:38,400
The meeting that didn't happen
with Cal coincided perfectly
208
00:12:38,460 --> 00:12:41,560
with the time that you and I
were angsting on a hotel bed,
209
00:12:41,620 --> 00:12:43,680
so I just thought...
210
00:12:43,740 --> 00:12:45,200
You are kidding.
211
00:12:45,260 --> 00:12:49,960
Had I known that I was
supplying a watertight,
212
00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:53,160
diarised alibi for rape I might have
given it a second thought,
213
00:12:53,220 --> 00:12:56,360
but at the time all I could think
was, 'Yay, we got away with it.'
214
00:12:56,420 --> 00:12:58,120
You are not putting this on me.
215
00:12:58,180 --> 00:13:01,520
I thought I was helping. Bugger
that! You were protecting yourself!
216
00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:03,440
And Barney.
217
00:13:05,140 --> 00:13:08,560
I'm sorry, Scarlet, but no matter
how I feel about you,
218
00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:11,080
I cannot and will not
be a party to perjury.
219
00:13:12,660 --> 00:13:14,720
You're on your own.
220
00:13:17,260 --> 00:13:18,880
That much I do know.
221
00:13:22,420 --> 00:13:24,400
Hey.
222
00:13:24,460 --> 00:13:27,480
What are you doing?
Timing.
223
00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:28,960
Timing what?
224
00:13:29,020 --> 00:13:32,120
This claims to be
a current affairs show.
225
00:13:32,180 --> 00:13:34,720
They've spent 2 minutes 10
on border protection
226
00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:37,760
and 6 minutes 20 on one of
the lesser Kardashians.
227
00:13:37,820 --> 00:13:41,520
Up next I speak with
celebrity psychiatrist Sandra Wilson
228
00:13:41,580 --> 00:13:45,320
about what impact this
divorce might have on the family.
229
00:13:45,380 --> 00:13:48,160
I once timed a sex scene
with Salma Hayek.
230
00:13:48,220 --> 00:13:52,560
One of the happiest
1 minute and 23 seconds of my life.
231
00:13:52,620 --> 00:13:55,440
I thought we might go out for dinner.
Oh, I've eaten.
232
00:13:55,500 --> 00:13:57,080
What did you eat?
Twisties.
233
00:13:57,140 --> 00:13:59,240
Could I interest you
in another food group?
234
00:14:06,740 --> 00:14:08,280
Ya.
235
00:14:08,340 --> 00:14:11,560
Hey. I'm having a dinner
for Fuzz's birthday.
236
00:14:11,620 --> 00:14:13,720
Has he told you
he's got a new girlfriend?
237
00:14:13,780 --> 00:14:15,200
No. How old's this one?
238
00:14:15,260 --> 00:14:17,920
Do I have to pick her up
from an aged care facility?
239
00:14:17,980 --> 00:14:22,480
She's 17. I've met her once. She's a
bit serious, but she seems gorgeous
240
00:14:22,540 --> 00:14:24,800
and cute and he's super keen.
241
00:14:24,860 --> 00:14:26,360
Bring Melissa if you like.
242
00:14:26,420 --> 00:14:28,240
Oh, I've told you,
it's not like that.
243
00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:31,760
Did you? I don't remember.
I'm bringing someone.
244
00:14:31,820 --> 00:14:34,920
Who are you bringing?
This guy.
245
00:14:34,980 --> 00:14:36,520
Which guy?
246
00:14:36,580 --> 00:14:39,760
Sally's ex, Roger.
247
00:14:39,820 --> 00:14:43,760
Roger.
So to our son's birthday dinner,
248
00:14:43,820 --> 00:14:47,880
you are bringing the husband
of the woman our son was porking?
249
00:14:47,940 --> 00:14:50,200
Fuzz gets on with him
and he likes Fuzz.
250
00:14:50,260 --> 00:14:53,720
Vampire 2 has cleared off and
he's here looking after their kids
251
00:14:53,780 --> 00:14:55,200
and I like him.
252
00:14:55,260 --> 00:14:58,520
Oh, you like him?
Yeah, I like him.
253
00:14:58,580 --> 00:15:00,480
Yes, yeah, I heard you.
254
00:15:00,540 --> 00:15:06,520
What are you...? OK, well, it's nice
that you've got nice new friends.
255
00:15:06,580 --> 00:15:08,960
Hang on, have you got a problem?
256
00:15:09,020 --> 00:15:11,480
No, I don't have a problem.
Why would I? No.
257
00:15:11,540 --> 00:15:13,360
Problem!
258
00:15:13,420 --> 00:15:15,560
I'll see you there.
259
00:15:26,740 --> 00:15:28,280
Oh.
260
00:15:28,340 --> 00:15:32,040
Are you right there? Do you want
to throw a little something on?
261
00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:33,520
I'm covered.
262
00:15:33,580 --> 00:15:36,920
Yeah, you're covered in a way
that says,
263
00:15:36,980 --> 00:15:40,440
'I'm naked apart from
this little bit of covering here.'
264
00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:42,080
I'm gonna go to bed.
265
00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:45,080
Oh, well.
266
00:15:45,140 --> 00:15:48,720
Did you leave me any Twisties?
267
00:15:48,780 --> 00:15:51,360
You sent me an official invitation.
268
00:15:51,420 --> 00:15:54,680
'The honourable
August and Maria Vargas
269
00:15:54,740 --> 00:15:58,360
invite you to attend the matrimonial
of their most precious daughter
270
00:15:58,420 --> 00:16:00,800
Nicolette Maria
St Agnes Magdalene...'
271
00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:03,320
Yeah, it did not say that
and I only invited you
272
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:05,120
because I thought you'd say no.
273
00:16:05,180 --> 00:16:08,920
What, free canapes and booze and a
chance to laugh at your relatives?
274
00:16:08,980 --> 00:16:11,320
Why would I say no?
Please, just don't come, OK?
275
00:16:11,380 --> 00:16:15,040
You'll get drunk and you will argue
with my extremely right-wing family
276
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,640
and you'll ruin my special day.
277
00:16:16,700 --> 00:16:18,840
I've already RSVP-ed.
I am there, baby.
278
00:16:18,900 --> 00:16:22,440
I'll be good.
Barney will keep his eye on me.
279
00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:25,160
No, he is not coming!
He's not available.
280
00:16:25,220 --> 00:16:27,960
He won't be there. What do you mean,
he's not available?
281
00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:30,760
Barney never does anything.
Of course he's available.
282
00:16:38,980 --> 00:16:42,240
A coward.
Yes, Your Honour.
283
00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:44,200
A gutless peddler of smear.
284
00:16:44,260 --> 00:16:46,160
Yes, Your Honour.
285
00:16:46,220 --> 00:16:49,280
Unreliable.
Yes, that too, Your Honour.
286
00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:50,760
And untrustworthy.
287
00:16:50,820 --> 00:16:54,080
Indeed, Your Honour, I called
the plaintiff all of those things.
288
00:16:54,140 --> 00:16:56,520
So we're agreed on the imputations,
then.
289
00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:58,160
At least that's some progress.
290
00:16:58,220 --> 00:17:00,920
So, Mr Greene, where do you stand?
291
00:17:00,980 --> 00:17:04,280
Uh, well, Your Honour, I shall,
of course, be pleading truth.
292
00:17:04,340 --> 00:17:07,880
I see it as my duty
not only to this court,
293
00:17:07,940 --> 00:17:10,240
but to decent society at large
294
00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:14,440
to prove that Mr Potter
is all of those things.
295
00:17:19,980 --> 00:17:22,080
This stinks, you know?
296
00:17:22,140 --> 00:17:25,200
I didn't start it.
Yes, you did!
297
00:17:25,260 --> 00:17:29,360
Mr Potter,
you hold yourself up publicly
298
00:17:29,420 --> 00:17:32,040
to be an honourable
and truthful man.
299
00:17:32,100 --> 00:17:34,800
Would that be a fair comment?
300
00:17:34,860 --> 00:17:37,440
I don't know if I do that,
301
00:17:37,500 --> 00:17:40,120
but I like to think of myself
as an honest man.
302
00:17:40,180 --> 00:17:45,080
I see. Mr Potter, this is
a transcript of a TV interview
303
00:17:45,140 --> 00:17:50,920
you gave on The Today Project,
dated July 12 this year.
304
00:17:50,980 --> 00:17:52,400
Is that correct?
305
00:17:52,460 --> 00:17:54,960
I suppose so.
306
00:17:55,020 --> 00:17:58,720
Your Honour,
if you turn to the last page,
307
00:17:58,780 --> 00:18:02,120
the interviewer, Ms Polly Nesbitt,
308
00:18:02,180 --> 00:18:04,400
asks the plaintiff, and I quote,
309
00:18:04,460 --> 00:18:09,160
'Have you read the best-seller
A Thousand Lies I Have Told
310
00:18:09,220 --> 00:18:12,000
by the ex-prostitute JM Doolan.
311
00:18:12,060 --> 00:18:16,240
Word is that half her clients
were Labor Party bigwigs.'
312
00:18:16,300 --> 00:18:20,200
To which you responded,
'I haven't read it.'
313
00:18:21,340 --> 00:18:24,000
Later,
in response to another question,
314
00:18:24,060 --> 00:18:29,320
'As I say, I don't know.
I haven't read it, Polly.
315
00:18:29,380 --> 00:18:35,040
I wish I had more time to read.
I especially love fiction.'
316
00:18:37,260 --> 00:18:41,000
Let me remind you, Mr Potter,
you are under oath here.
317
00:18:41,060 --> 00:18:44,320
Have you read
A Thousand Lies I Have Told?
318
00:18:44,380 --> 00:18:47,080
Yes.
319
00:18:47,140 --> 00:18:49,080
Am I correct in assuming
you had read it
320
00:18:49,140 --> 00:18:51,240
at the time of the interview,
Mr Potter?
321
00:18:52,460 --> 00:18:54,000
Yes.
322
00:18:54,060 --> 00:18:57,880
I see. So on national television,
you openly lied
323
00:18:57,940 --> 00:19:00,600
to millions
of your fellow Australians.
324
00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:07,880
Poor man.
He was only protecting his privacy.
325
00:19:07,940 --> 00:19:09,880
Can't good people
make the odd mistake
326
00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:11,880
without the whole world
judging them?
327
00:19:11,940 --> 00:19:13,360
We're only human.
328
00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:15,360
That's been my argument
since I was 13.
329
00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:18,960
No, you used up your quota
of forgivable mistakes years ago.
330
00:19:20,340 --> 00:19:21,880
Ah!
331
00:19:21,940 --> 00:19:25,920
I've called you in today
because I thought we might settle
332
00:19:25,980 --> 00:19:30,640
on an appropriate term before
this wretched trial commences.
333
00:19:31,660 --> 00:19:33,400
Uh, an appropriate term?
334
00:19:33,460 --> 00:19:38,720
Mmm, yes. An appropriate one.
335
00:19:38,780 --> 00:19:42,480
An appropriate term for what,
exactly, Your Honour?
336
00:19:42,540 --> 00:19:44,200
We're grown men here.
337
00:19:44,260 --> 00:19:46,200
Given the nature of the case,
338
00:19:46,260 --> 00:19:49,640
references will be made
apropos the item in question
339
00:19:49,700 --> 00:19:53,080
and we need to find a workable term.
340
00:19:53,140 --> 00:19:54,560
Ah.
341
00:19:54,620 --> 00:19:57,560
One that won't provoke sniggers
in the court.
342
00:19:57,620 --> 00:20:02,200
Right, so no then to meat popsicle
or pink flute.
343
00:20:02,260 --> 00:20:06,080
I will not have this trial
reduced to a mindless sideshow
344
00:20:06,140 --> 00:20:09,080
of tawdry innuendo and filth talk,
do you hear me, Cleaver?
345
00:20:09,140 --> 00:20:11,400
Absolutely, Your Honour.
All fair seas.
346
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:13,880
No dingle-dangles, no Mr Winkies.
347
00:20:13,940 --> 00:20:16,440
Wouldn't the term penis satisfy,
Dougal?
348
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:18,880
Ugly word.
349
00:20:18,940 --> 00:20:23,320
I want something that might...
elevate
350
00:20:23,380 --> 00:20:24,960
this deeply unpleasant case.
351
00:20:25,020 --> 00:20:27,560
Well, it's a hard one to elevate,
isn't it?
352
00:20:27,620 --> 00:20:30,840
Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it
to sound quite like it did.
353
00:20:30,900 --> 00:20:34,880
I don't mean to be indelicate,
Your Honour,
354
00:20:34,940 --> 00:20:39,920
but, uh, may I ask how you
refer to it in the home context?
355
00:20:39,980 --> 00:20:41,880
We never do.
356
00:20:43,060 --> 00:20:46,640
Well, sometimes,
but in context of moments
357
00:20:46,700 --> 00:20:48,240
of deep personal interconnection.
358
00:20:48,300 --> 00:20:51,160
Of course. It's just that
I know your wife to be a woman
359
00:20:51,220 --> 00:20:55,440
of delicate sensibility who
would never use an offensive term.
360
00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:58,720
When discussing matters of hygiene
when the boys were growing up,
361
00:20:58,780 --> 00:21:00,400
she referred to it as a whatnot.
362
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:02,760
A whatnot?
Yes.
363
00:21:02,820 --> 00:21:05,400
A useful pseudonym
which causes few blushes,
364
00:21:05,460 --> 00:21:07,680
but not appropriate here.
365
00:21:07,740 --> 00:21:10,080
Well, my father referred to it
as his nonsense,
366
00:21:10,140 --> 00:21:13,360
or nonny,
although I'm not sure either term
367
00:21:13,420 --> 00:21:14,880
is legal lingua franca.
368
00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:16,680
I'm very comfortable with either.
369
00:21:16,740 --> 00:21:20,520
No, what I propose
is we should refer to it
370
00:21:20,580 --> 00:21:24,600
by its correct Latin name,
the membrum virile.
371
00:21:24,660 --> 00:21:27,200
Membrum virile.
I don't think I've heard that one.
372
00:21:27,260 --> 00:21:30,200
It's in the Greater Dictionary.
Ah. Hmm.
373
00:21:30,260 --> 00:21:32,200
I think it's wonderful!
374
00:21:32,260 --> 00:21:35,800
It's readily accessible,
it's inoffensive
375
00:21:35,860 --> 00:21:38,160
and yet in common, everyday usage.
376
00:21:38,220 --> 00:21:40,120
Good. Then we are settled.
377
00:21:40,980 --> 00:21:46,200
I remind you, gentlemen,
this is a most serious charge
378
00:21:46,260 --> 00:21:49,720
and the honour of the court
must not be traduced.
379
00:21:49,780 --> 00:21:51,520
Your Honour.
380
00:21:51,580 --> 00:21:53,760
Oh.
Are you right there?
381
00:21:53,820 --> 00:21:55,800
Yeah, I copped one in the membrum.
382
00:21:55,860 --> 00:21:59,040
The Crown will present
detailed DNA evidence
383
00:21:59,100 --> 00:22:03,040
and a tale of a once happy community
384
00:22:03,100 --> 00:22:06,600
falling into hostility and violence
385
00:22:06,660 --> 00:22:12,200
as a result of reprehensible actions
by the accused, Alexander Alford.
386
00:22:12,260 --> 00:22:20,040
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
I ask you to look at this poor man.
387
00:22:21,020 --> 00:22:24,840
Robert Oakley
is a respected public servant
388
00:22:24,900 --> 00:22:29,160
once charged with building
the education revolution
389
00:22:29,220 --> 00:22:31,960
in the primary schools
of New South Wales.
390
00:22:32,020 --> 00:22:37,480
He was a proud man,
but by virtue of the accused
391
00:22:37,540 --> 00:22:40,240
and a pair of garden shears,
392
00:22:40,300 --> 00:22:45,680
he has been separated from that
which traditionally defines
393
00:22:45,740 --> 00:22:47,600
our masculinity.
394
00:22:47,660 --> 00:22:51,120
Bob now can have no more children.
395
00:22:51,180 --> 00:22:56,640
Relations with his lovely wife
will be... forever tricky.
396
00:22:58,220 --> 00:23:00,640
This is a brutal,
brutal crime by a man
397
00:23:00,700 --> 00:23:04,320
who deserves
your absolute condemnation.
398
00:23:06,060 --> 00:23:08,760
The case against my client,
you will find,
399
00:23:08,820 --> 00:23:11,640
is entirely circum... stantial.
400
00:23:11,700 --> 00:23:17,480
In 100% of cases of the relatively
recent phenomenon of Bobbitting,
401
00:23:17,540 --> 00:23:20,080
the assailant
was found to be a woman -
402
00:23:20,140 --> 00:23:22,600
the victim's lover or wife.
403
00:23:22,660 --> 00:23:25,000
100%.
404
00:23:25,060 --> 00:23:26,880
And yet the Crown
would have you believe
405
00:23:26,940 --> 00:23:33,560
that my client - a decent,
hard-working IT lecturer -
406
00:23:33,620 --> 00:23:37,240
was reduced to an act
of animal depravity
407
00:23:37,300 --> 00:23:38,720
on the basis of what?
408
00:23:38,780 --> 00:23:42,920
The Crown will try
to present examples
409
00:23:42,980 --> 00:23:46,720
of squabbles between these families,
410
00:23:46,780 --> 00:23:49,320
where things may have gotten
a little out of hand,
411
00:23:49,380 --> 00:23:52,480
but haven't we all known times
412
00:23:52,540 --> 00:23:56,360
when our neighbours
have driven us to madness?
413
00:23:56,420 --> 00:24:00,720
When we may have wanted to drop
a bit of litter on their lawn
414
00:24:00,780 --> 00:24:05,920
or scrawl a commonly used expletive
on a child's slide
415
00:24:05,980 --> 00:24:09,480
or, or urinate in their petrol tank.
416
00:24:09,540 --> 00:24:12,360
But how many here
would seriously think
417
00:24:12,420 --> 00:24:17,120
that this could lead
to the sort of terrible crime
418
00:24:17,180 --> 00:24:19,800
that my client is accused of?
419
00:24:19,860 --> 00:24:23,880
Ladies and gentlemen,
it makes no sense.
420
00:24:23,940 --> 00:24:26,640
The surgeons
managed to sew it back on.
421
00:24:26,700 --> 00:24:30,240
I'm only grateful that I already
have two beautiful children
422
00:24:30,300 --> 00:24:32,280
and a wife who's prepared
to stand by me.
423
00:24:32,340 --> 00:24:35,120
You are a monster!
JUDGE: Please, control yourself.
424
00:24:36,940 --> 00:24:41,160
The police report tells us
that there were traces of Rohypnol
425
00:24:41,220 --> 00:24:43,560
in the bottle of cider
that you drank that night.
426
00:24:43,620 --> 00:24:46,160
That's correct. Alex knew
every night before dinner
427
00:24:46,220 --> 00:24:48,560
I like my small bottle
of imported English cider.
428
00:24:48,620 --> 00:24:50,960
Presumably he wouldn't have been
the only person
429
00:24:51,020 --> 00:24:53,560
who would have been a custodian
of that information.
430
00:24:53,620 --> 00:24:55,680
Your wife, among others,
would have known.
431
00:24:55,740 --> 00:24:58,280
My wife was away for the weekend
at a golf tournament
432
00:24:58,340 --> 00:24:59,760
when I was attacked.
433
00:24:59,820 --> 00:25:02,760
When was the last time my client
was in your home?
434
00:25:02,820 --> 00:25:05,280
Um, maybe 18 months ago.
435
00:25:05,340 --> 00:25:07,960
I see, so you figure
that 18 months ago,
436
00:25:08,020 --> 00:25:10,280
knowing he was going to
fall out with you,
437
00:25:10,340 --> 00:25:16,720
my client slipped a sleeping draft
in ye olde English cider bottle
438
00:25:16,780 --> 00:25:18,200
and bided his time.
439
00:25:18,260 --> 00:25:20,440
Obviously he broke in
when I was out.
440
00:25:20,500 --> 00:25:25,080
Oh, I see. So locks were broken,
there were signs of unlawful entry?
441
00:25:25,140 --> 00:25:26,720
No, but he is a computer expert,
442
00:25:26,780 --> 00:25:28,920
so he could have decoded
my security system.
443
00:25:28,980 --> 00:25:32,200
I see. Well, he could have been
the bassoon player
444
00:25:32,260 --> 00:25:34,720
with the Lithuanian Philharmonic,
but he wasn't.
445
00:25:34,780 --> 00:25:39,760
Tell me, have you always been
faithful to your wife, Mr Oakley?
446
00:25:40,500 --> 00:25:42,040
Yes.
447
00:25:42,100 --> 00:25:45,040
Right, may I remind you
you are under oath here.
448
00:25:45,100 --> 00:25:49,120
You've never slept with
another woman while married.
449
00:25:49,180 --> 00:25:52,760
No, never.
I mean, Barbara's my rock.
450
00:25:52,820 --> 00:25:55,240
No further questions.
Thank you, Your Honour.
451
00:25:56,540 --> 00:25:59,880
Now, to be absolutely clear,
you spend the night in question
452
00:25:59,940 --> 00:26:02,120
in the company of women
at a golf tournament.
453
00:26:02,180 --> 00:26:04,320
123 to be precise.
454
00:26:04,380 --> 00:26:06,360
That's a lot of witnesses.
455
00:26:06,420 --> 00:26:10,560
Given the number of incidents
you have recounted to this court,
456
00:26:10,620 --> 00:26:13,160
you became fearful
of your neighbour, the accused.
457
00:26:13,220 --> 00:26:15,080
I did. He changed.
458
00:26:15,140 --> 00:26:18,680
Alex was a placid, shapeless man
who used to bore us
459
00:26:18,740 --> 00:26:21,160
with the pros and cons
between PCs and Macs
460
00:26:21,220 --> 00:26:23,800
and suddenly he seemed to snap.
461
00:26:23,860 --> 00:26:28,120
It was... it was like
living in the Gaza Strip.
462
00:26:29,020 --> 00:26:31,720
You said in your testimony
that you heard Alex
463
00:26:31,780 --> 00:26:35,000
threaten to cut off
your husband's membrum virile.
464
00:26:35,060 --> 00:26:36,800
His what?
465
00:26:36,860 --> 00:26:41,480
His membrum virile. His... whatnot.
466
00:26:42,820 --> 00:26:46,000
Nonsense. Nonny.
467
00:26:46,060 --> 00:26:48,840
His penis, you mean?
468
00:26:50,660 --> 00:26:54,880
Now, what exactly are you claiming
the accused said, Mrs Oakley?
469
00:26:54,940 --> 00:26:57,560
I heard raised voices
and Alex yelling,
470
00:26:57,620 --> 00:26:59,360
'I'll bloody chop your knob off!'
471
00:26:59,420 --> 00:27:02,520
So he made no direct
anatomical reference whatsoever,
472
00:27:02,580 --> 00:27:07,000
a knob meaning anything from
a door handle to a node of butter.
473
00:27:07,060 --> 00:27:10,720
Now, tell me, as a trained nurse
of 12 years standing,
474
00:27:10,780 --> 00:27:15,120
how difficult would it be
to apply a clamp after severance?
475
00:27:15,180 --> 00:27:17,960
I think you would need to know
what you were doing.
476
00:27:18,020 --> 00:27:20,200
I thought as much.
477
00:27:20,260 --> 00:27:24,120
You do know that Alex did
several St John's Ambulance courses.
478
00:27:24,180 --> 00:27:26,560
So they teach that, do they,
at St John's?
479
00:27:26,620 --> 00:27:31,280
Snakebites, CPR,
membrum virile removal?
480
00:27:40,500 --> 00:27:43,680
'Bevan, with all my heart
I give myself to you,
481
00:27:43,740 --> 00:27:45,920
knowing our love
will last a lifetime,
482
00:27:45,980 --> 00:27:49,280
that our long journey together
will be one of discovery
483
00:27:49,340 --> 00:27:51,920
as we share each other's
dreams and hopes
484
00:27:51,980 --> 00:27:54,920
and build a future to, um... '
485
00:28:06,420 --> 00:28:09,120
Barney, can you, uh, meet me,
please?
486
00:28:12,740 --> 00:28:14,840
Dad.
487
00:28:14,900 --> 00:28:17,520
Ah.
It's really great to see you.
488
00:28:18,260 --> 00:28:21,320
How are you?
Ah, I'm good, good, mate.
489
00:28:21,380 --> 00:28:24,240
Happy birthday.
Yeah, no, well done, Cleave.
490
00:28:24,300 --> 00:28:26,640
It only took you
four reminders this year.
491
00:28:26,700 --> 00:28:30,640
Hey, come on, Mum.
Uh, Dad, this is Tara.
492
00:28:30,700 --> 00:28:32,720
Lovely to meet you, Tara.
You too.
493
00:28:32,780 --> 00:28:35,360
And this is Melissa.
Ah, I read your book.
494
00:28:35,420 --> 00:28:37,680
Oh, how'd you go with it?
I finished it.
495
00:28:37,740 --> 00:28:41,120
Well, I loved it,
although I did wonder about
496
00:28:41,180 --> 00:28:44,320
that childlike, substance-abusing,
backgammon-playing lawyer.
497
00:28:44,380 --> 00:28:46,520
I mean, could anyone
be that dysfunctional?
498
00:28:48,060 --> 00:28:50,120
Well, it's great to have
both of you here.
499
00:28:50,180 --> 00:28:54,280
Mmm. Now, listen, mate, I thought
you could probably do with the dough
500
00:28:54,340 --> 00:28:56,200
rather than a boring old present, OK?
501
00:28:56,260 --> 00:28:57,680
Thanks, Dad.
502
00:28:57,740 --> 00:29:00,200
Just don't cash it
before the 17th.
503
00:29:00,260 --> 00:29:02,840
And, actually -
oh, give me a call, OK?
504
00:29:02,900 --> 00:29:05,840
You could use that to buy those
books I was telling you about.
505
00:29:05,900 --> 00:29:08,680
Oh, well, I'm sure our author
would be thrilled to hear
506
00:29:08,740 --> 00:29:10,160
that you're buying books.
507
00:29:10,220 --> 00:29:12,840
It's a series
and they're all connected.
508
00:29:12,900 --> 00:29:14,640
With each one
you kind of learn more.
509
00:29:14,700 --> 00:29:16,240
The plot thickens.
ROGER: Hello!
510
00:29:16,300 --> 00:29:18,440
Oh, hey, Rog!
Hey, Rog.
511
00:29:18,500 --> 00:29:19,920
Hello.
This is Tara.
512
00:29:19,980 --> 00:29:22,200
Hey, Tara. How are you? Hey.
513
00:29:22,260 --> 00:29:24,480
Roger, Cleaver, you remember Roger?
514
00:29:24,540 --> 00:29:27,680
Indeedy, I do. I've been looking
forward to seeing you, Cleave.
515
00:29:27,740 --> 00:29:30,600
I've been counting the hours too,
Roger.
516
00:29:30,660 --> 00:29:33,200
Now, from memory,
you are a big Rabbitohs fan, right?
517
00:29:33,260 --> 00:29:36,280
Yeah, no, not really.
I've sort of gone off the game.
518
00:29:36,340 --> 00:29:37,760
Since when?
519
00:29:37,820 --> 00:29:39,240
Oh, I don't know.
520
00:29:39,300 --> 00:29:41,440
Just lately
it's all just sexual assault
521
00:29:41,500 --> 00:29:43,200
and groin strain these days.
522
00:29:43,260 --> 00:29:46,480
It's a shame you've gone off it.
Roger consults as an osteopath.
523
00:29:46,540 --> 00:29:48,760
He could have gotten you
free season tickets.
524
00:29:48,820 --> 00:29:50,240
Mmm.
525
00:29:50,300 --> 00:29:51,960
Now.
526
00:29:54,980 --> 00:29:58,880
For you, Fuzz. Spot's old jumper.
527
00:29:58,940 --> 00:30:01,400
Signed and possibly unwashed.
528
00:30:01,460 --> 00:30:03,280
Brilliant. Oh, thanks, Roger.
529
00:30:03,340 --> 00:30:05,480
Oh, man,
you can smell the sweat and blood.
530
00:30:07,100 --> 00:30:09,200
Not forgetting
the lady of the house.
531
00:30:09,260 --> 00:30:11,600
Now, you said you like
authentic kasundi, right?
532
00:30:11,660 --> 00:30:15,080
God knows what it's like.
Feel free to chuck it in the bin.
533
00:30:15,140 --> 00:30:18,520
I find kasundi a little bland or
something, do you know what I mean?
534
00:30:18,580 --> 00:30:22,440
It's a bit - Melissa makes her own
harissa relish, don't you, darling?
535
00:30:22,500 --> 00:30:24,800
No, I don't.
I thought you said you did.
536
00:30:24,860 --> 00:30:26,280
No, you didn't.
537
00:30:28,500 --> 00:30:30,680
Happy birthday, Fuzz, darling.
538
00:30:30,740 --> 00:30:33,560
Yes, happy birthday, mate.
Good on you. Good one.
539
00:30:33,620 --> 00:30:35,760
Thanks, Roger. Thanks, everyone.
540
00:30:38,980 --> 00:30:42,040
Well, dig in.
Would you mind, before we start?
541
00:30:43,300 --> 00:30:46,280
Mind what?
If we hold hands.
542
00:30:46,340 --> 00:30:50,320
Uh, well, not in principle,
but how am I going to eat?
543
00:30:50,380 --> 00:30:52,960
It's something I need to do
before each meal, Dad.
544
00:30:53,020 --> 00:30:55,640
To pay respect to his bounty.
545
00:30:55,700 --> 00:30:58,360
Whose bounty, sorry?
546
00:30:58,420 --> 00:31:00,040
Dad.
547
00:31:00,100 --> 00:31:01,520
Ah...
548
00:31:05,980 --> 00:31:07,440
Um...
549
00:31:10,420 --> 00:31:13,640
♪ Jesus is our friend
550
00:31:13,700 --> 00:31:16,920
♪ He's here with us tonight
551
00:31:16,980 --> 00:31:20,480
♪ Let's make him welcome
552
00:31:20,540 --> 00:31:23,720
♪ Show our delight
553
00:31:23,780 --> 00:31:26,680
♪ Jesus is our Lord
554
00:31:26,740 --> 00:31:30,160
♪ Rejoice in his blessing
555
00:31:30,220 --> 00:31:36,160
♪ Jesus is our Lord. ♪
556
00:31:36,220 --> 00:31:37,840
Amen.
Amen. Amen.
557
00:31:41,140 --> 00:31:42,720
This looks great.
558
00:31:42,780 --> 00:31:46,000
Well done, Mum.
God Almighty!
559
00:31:48,740 --> 00:31:52,160
Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck!
560
00:31:53,020 --> 00:31:54,640
Oh!
561
00:31:56,580 --> 00:31:58,960
Oh! Oh!
562
00:32:01,820 --> 00:32:04,200
Ah! Fuck!
563
00:32:05,180 --> 00:32:07,400
Your Honour, I respectfully submit
564
00:32:07,460 --> 00:32:10,280
the charges against my client
be dismissed.
565
00:32:10,340 --> 00:32:12,960
There is clearly
a serial Bobbitter on the loose.
566
00:32:13,020 --> 00:32:17,960
We now have two - I'm sorry,
what would the plural be, membri?
567
00:32:18,020 --> 00:32:21,160
That would be
second declension neuter, yes.
568
00:32:21,220 --> 00:32:23,960
And how appropriate
that it is neuter, Your Honour.
569
00:32:24,020 --> 00:32:26,160
What do you have to say about this,
Mr Crown?
570
00:32:26,220 --> 00:32:28,560
Your Honour,
the Prosecution wishes to continue.
571
00:32:28,620 --> 00:32:34,240
Are you seriously suggesting
the man de-membrumised himself?
572
00:32:34,300 --> 00:32:37,640
It's possible in order to escape
a lengthy prison term
573
00:32:37,700 --> 00:32:40,120
the accused committed
an act of self-mutilation.
574
00:32:40,180 --> 00:32:42,760
We've already established
this man is prepared to do
575
00:32:42,820 --> 00:32:44,960
absolutely anything
in this neighbourhood war.
576
00:32:45,020 --> 00:32:49,120
Your Honour,
rather than torturing my poor client,
577
00:32:49,180 --> 00:32:52,280
we should be out there
advising the good burghers of Concord
578
00:32:52,340 --> 00:32:53,880
to wear protective kit.
579
00:32:53,940 --> 00:32:56,760
No, Mr Greene, I have heard nothing
that warrants dismissal
580
00:32:56,820 --> 00:32:59,200
of this case.
We shall continue Friday.
581
00:32:59,260 --> 00:33:01,360
If your client is unable to attend,
582
00:33:01,420 --> 00:33:03,960
the court will organise
a video link.
583
00:33:04,020 --> 00:33:05,840
He'll make it here.
584
00:33:05,900 --> 00:33:09,720
A couple of ounces lighter, maybe,
but he will be here.
585
00:33:10,980 --> 00:33:14,440
So I was thinking I'd start with a
lunch with Christian at the Herald.
586
00:33:14,500 --> 00:33:16,440
'Awful about that
Cal McGregor rape shit.
587
00:33:16,500 --> 00:33:19,240
Oh, you didn't know?
Oh, please forget I said anything.
588
00:33:19,300 --> 00:33:20,720
Is your salad soggy?'
589
00:33:20,780 --> 00:33:23,560
The man hasn't been charged yet.
That's why we leak it.
590
00:33:23,620 --> 00:33:25,880
Publicly, you say you won't comment,
591
00:33:25,940 --> 00:33:28,680
everyone has the right
to the presumption of innocence,
592
00:33:28,740 --> 00:33:30,880
blah, blah, blah,
but we get it out there,
593
00:33:30,940 --> 00:33:32,440
otherwise we lose traction.
594
00:33:32,500 --> 00:33:34,040
I think cool heads.
595
00:33:34,100 --> 00:33:36,040
Jesus, David,
you're a bloody killjoy.
596
00:33:36,100 --> 00:33:38,240
This is the first glimmer of hope
we've had
597
00:33:38,300 --> 00:33:40,240
since that
last bowel-cleansing election.
598
00:33:40,300 --> 00:33:43,040
Can't we look for hope
in our policies, in our people,
599
00:33:43,100 --> 00:33:45,920
in our agenda going forward
rather than always be
600
00:33:45,980 --> 00:33:48,720
tearing down other people
on the basis of gutter talk?
601
00:33:48,780 --> 00:33:53,080
What, you are joking, right?
602
00:34:23,300 --> 00:34:25,920
Do you know who I hate most of all?
603
00:34:25,980 --> 00:34:28,120
Me?
604
00:34:28,180 --> 00:34:30,240
Never you.
605
00:34:30,300 --> 00:34:31,800
Mick Jagger.
606
00:34:31,860 --> 00:34:35,800
The man's spent a lifetime
behaving exactly as he likes -
607
00:34:35,860 --> 00:34:38,160
women, parties, drugs, more women.
608
00:34:38,220 --> 00:34:42,160
I've spent 40 years
trying to have good values,
609
00:34:42,220 --> 00:34:44,880
trying to forge the kind of life
that would lead me
610
00:34:44,940 --> 00:34:46,600
to the position I now occupy.
611
00:34:46,660 --> 00:34:50,520
But if you ask any many -
or any woman, for that matter -
612
00:34:50,580 --> 00:34:52,520
whose life they'd prefer,
his or mine...
613
00:34:52,580 --> 00:34:55,360
He does move well.
614
00:34:55,420 --> 00:34:57,800
40 years.
615
00:34:57,860 --> 00:35:00,000
If only they'd tell you
when you're little,
616
00:35:00,060 --> 00:35:03,000
'Go feral, do as you please.
Everyone will love you for it.'
617
00:35:03,060 --> 00:35:05,080
Why wasn't I told?
618
00:35:05,140 --> 00:35:09,560
How many people do you reckon
die paragons of virtue
619
00:35:09,620 --> 00:35:11,680
simply because
they didn't get found out?
620
00:35:11,740 --> 00:35:13,880
Impossible these days -
one foot out of line,
621
00:35:13,940 --> 00:35:16,080
a millisecond later,
there you are on YouTube.
622
00:35:16,140 --> 00:35:19,120
Everyone knows
everyone else's business.
623
00:35:19,180 --> 00:35:21,800
Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn.
624
00:35:22,980 --> 00:35:25,760
Do you know how many phone
accounts we have, David? Seven.
625
00:35:25,820 --> 00:35:28,960
Seven phone bills arrive every month
626
00:35:29,020 --> 00:35:31,880
and I don't want
to speak with anyone.
627
00:35:33,460 --> 00:35:35,280
Oh, fuck 'em.
628
00:35:35,340 --> 00:35:38,880
Tell them whatever you want.
I don't care.
629
00:35:40,180 --> 00:35:41,960
Time to be a rock star.
630
00:35:46,540 --> 00:35:50,840
David. I'm really sorry.
631
00:35:50,900 --> 00:35:55,520
I'm truly, really fucking sorry.
632
00:36:22,340 --> 00:36:24,960
I am so sorry.
633
00:36:25,020 --> 00:36:26,960
From the bottom of my heart,
I mean it,
634
00:36:27,020 --> 00:36:28,760
I'm really, I'm really, truly sorry.
635
00:36:28,820 --> 00:36:31,160
Things happen
and you don't have any idea why
636
00:36:31,220 --> 00:36:34,560
and you don't mean for them to
happen, but they just happen anyway.
637
00:36:34,620 --> 00:36:36,560
I'm really not a bad person,
I promise.
638
00:36:36,620 --> 00:36:40,280
I never thought you were.
Oh, God, this is such a bloody mess!
639
00:36:43,660 --> 00:36:47,680
Wedding plans going well then, I see?
640
00:36:52,540 --> 00:36:57,880
To say I'm surprised would be
selling the truth below wholesale.
641
00:36:57,940 --> 00:36:59,400
I'm in trouble.
642
00:37:00,820 --> 00:37:03,640
Last time I saw you,
you told me to get out
643
00:37:03,700 --> 00:37:06,040
and said that
you never wanted to see me again.
644
00:37:06,100 --> 00:37:09,720
I know what I said. I'm sorry.
645
00:37:10,660 --> 00:37:12,720
Are you sorry or are you in trouble?
646
00:37:12,780 --> 00:37:16,440
'Cause I'm afraid I'm knee-deep
in penises at the moment.
647
00:37:16,500 --> 00:37:19,160
I think I'm going to go to prison.
648
00:37:19,220 --> 00:37:21,480
Right.
649
00:37:21,540 --> 00:37:24,040
Scarlet loves you so much, Barney,
650
00:37:24,100 --> 00:37:26,480
and I love Bevan
and I am going to make this work
651
00:37:26,540 --> 00:37:29,120
and, and if you love me,
then you'll be happy for me
652
00:37:29,180 --> 00:37:30,600
and you won't see me again.
653
00:37:30,660 --> 00:37:33,440
Hang on, hang on.
You said you saw my wife.
654
00:37:33,500 --> 00:37:35,960
Yeah, she confronted me
in Cleaver's room.
655
00:37:37,020 --> 00:37:38,720
She confronted you?
656
00:37:38,780 --> 00:37:41,760
What the hell was she doing
in Cleaver's room?
657
00:37:41,820 --> 00:37:44,320
She came to see me and I,
and she knows
658
00:37:44,380 --> 00:37:47,640
and I, I started crying
and it's just all, it's...
659
00:37:47,700 --> 00:37:49,720
Goodbye.
660
00:37:51,620 --> 00:37:54,160
You may not have a legal problem.
661
00:37:54,220 --> 00:37:57,200
The wheels of justice
being what they are
662
00:37:57,260 --> 00:38:00,520
will gradually grind Cal's victim
into the dirt
663
00:38:00,580 --> 00:38:03,720
until she can no longer remember
her own name.
664
00:38:03,780 --> 00:38:06,120
What you do have is a moral problem.
665
00:38:06,180 --> 00:38:10,760
So do I protect this woman
and incriminate myself?
666
00:38:10,820 --> 00:38:13,400
I'm going to have to ask you
who you were with.
667
00:38:13,460 --> 00:38:16,160
That's not relevant.
Well, you know they'll ask.
668
00:38:16,220 --> 00:38:18,160
David.
669
00:38:18,220 --> 00:38:20,480
David?
Hmm.
670
00:38:20,540 --> 00:38:24,520
David Attenborough? David Beckham?
671
00:38:27,500 --> 00:38:33,040
Oh, please, no!
David, not Harry, sorry, fuck!
672
00:38:33,100 --> 00:38:35,680
Oh!
673
00:38:35,740 --> 00:38:37,960
What is it with this guy?
674
00:38:38,020 --> 00:38:40,480
I opened the cookie jar
and he shoves his hand in.
675
00:38:40,540 --> 00:38:42,400
Thanks for that analogy.
676
00:38:42,460 --> 00:38:44,800
You know this little prick
is currently suing me
677
00:38:44,860 --> 00:38:46,800
for every cent I have,
little hypocrite.
678
00:38:46,860 --> 00:38:50,680
That's not my concern.
Nothing happened between me and him.
679
00:38:50,740 --> 00:38:54,360
Please, can you just tell me
what to do?
680
00:38:54,420 --> 00:38:56,360
Well, you know what you have to do.
681
00:38:56,420 --> 00:39:01,480
Cal McGregor can't get away with
this, no matter what happens to you.
682
00:39:01,540 --> 00:39:03,560
We're going to have to
go to the police.
683
00:39:03,620 --> 00:39:05,120
And tell the truth?
684
00:39:05,180 --> 00:39:09,200
Not what I said. Give us your phone.
685
00:39:09,260 --> 00:39:12,040
You see? It's in Arabic.
686
00:39:12,100 --> 00:39:15,840
Three months ago, a stupid joke
played on me at a party.
687
00:39:15,900 --> 00:39:17,320
Guilty.
688
00:39:17,380 --> 00:39:20,720
And it keeps reverting to Arabic
and it has the Muslim calendar.
689
00:39:20,780 --> 00:39:24,160
When I try to adjust it,
the date shifts back a day,
690
00:39:24,220 --> 00:39:27,360
so the meeting that I swore I was at
with Cal McGregor
691
00:39:27,420 --> 00:39:29,160
I now realise was the day before.
692
00:39:29,220 --> 00:39:30,840
If you knew the phone was dodgy,
693
00:39:30,900 --> 00:39:34,440
why didn't you double-check the
dates before signing your statement?
694
00:39:34,500 --> 00:39:38,000
Well, she did, but her office
computer's linked to this phone
695
00:39:38,060 --> 00:39:39,600
and so the mistake was carried.
696
00:39:39,660 --> 00:39:43,480
That's what interconnectivity is -
the same fuck-up replicated globally.
697
00:39:43,540 --> 00:39:46,920
I feel terrible about this, Scarlet.
It's as much my fault, Cleave.
698
00:39:48,660 --> 00:39:51,400
You do realise
it's a very serious offence
699
00:39:51,460 --> 00:39:53,680
to lie on a sworn statement
to the police.
700
00:39:53,740 --> 00:39:57,080
Absolutely she does and that's why
as soon as she realised
701
00:39:57,140 --> 00:39:58,760
she came straight here.
702
00:39:58,820 --> 00:40:01,160
Well, you're in luck.
703
00:40:02,660 --> 00:40:05,280
It would seem the woman in question
has admitted
704
00:40:05,340 --> 00:40:07,120
she can't be certain of her facts.
705
00:40:07,180 --> 00:40:08,800
Charges have been dropped.
706
00:40:08,860 --> 00:40:11,760
But they, they, it could be true.
707
00:40:11,820 --> 00:40:14,760
That's what I'm saying.
His alibi doesn't necessarily hold.
708
00:40:14,820 --> 00:40:18,920
It's over. Consider yourself lucky.
709
00:40:24,980 --> 00:40:28,640
He got to her.
If I'd come forward at the time...
710
00:40:28,700 --> 00:40:30,640
No, no, he would have
still paid her off.
711
00:40:30,700 --> 00:40:32,760
Come on, you're in the clear.
712
00:40:32,820 --> 00:40:35,880
Mmm, so I'm respectable again.
That was easy.
713
00:40:35,940 --> 00:40:38,400
God, it's so bloody tenuous.
714
00:40:38,460 --> 00:40:41,360
Wouldn't know -
never been respectable.
715
00:40:41,420 --> 00:40:43,480
Never had all that far to fall.
716
00:40:43,540 --> 00:40:45,560
I've got to go.
717
00:40:47,060 --> 00:40:48,720
You OK?
718
00:40:50,380 --> 00:40:53,880
I have missed you, you know.
719
00:41:00,180 --> 00:41:03,880
Jesus, I'll go.
Thanks, thanks. Bye.
720
00:41:05,540 --> 00:41:08,400
Alex, you have to tell us
what happened, mate.
721
00:41:08,460 --> 00:41:12,080
Facebook, Twitter, YouTube.
722
00:41:12,140 --> 00:41:18,720
No, not me. Give me Cobalt,
give me Pascal, give me Basic,
723
00:41:18,780 --> 00:41:23,800
Visual Basic, C, any day.
724
00:41:25,700 --> 00:41:27,280
That's the kind of guy I am.
725
00:41:30,860 --> 00:41:32,480
Thought I am.
726
00:41:34,060 --> 00:41:36,400
A Trojan got into the system.
727
00:41:36,460 --> 00:41:39,640
That's what happened.
A virus corrupted my system.
728
00:41:42,140 --> 00:41:46,600
All Alannah ever wanted was kids.
729
00:41:46,660 --> 00:41:48,240
And you couldn't have them?
730
00:41:48,300 --> 00:41:51,960
She was desperate,
crying all the time.
731
00:41:52,020 --> 00:41:55,400
The doctors said that she was
an intensely fertile woman,
732
00:41:55,460 --> 00:42:00,400
so the problem had to be me, so
I, I paid that miserable bastard
733
00:42:00,460 --> 00:42:02,800
$15,000 to impregnate her.
734
00:42:02,860 --> 00:42:07,680
Right, so you paid Bob to
artificially inseminate Alannah.
735
00:42:07,740 --> 00:42:10,880
No. She wanted it all to be natural.
736
00:42:12,740 --> 00:42:15,080
She had no time for test tubes.
737
00:42:15,140 --> 00:42:21,240
OK. And how many times would you say
that she and Bob were... natural?
738
00:42:21,300 --> 00:42:23,040
43 times...
739
00:42:24,580 --> 00:42:26,480
..at critical moments in her cycle.
740
00:42:26,540 --> 00:42:28,800
That's quite a lot of natural.
741
00:42:30,220 --> 00:42:32,480
And did his wife know about this?
742
00:42:32,540 --> 00:42:36,360
No. He made it a condition
that she didn't know.
743
00:42:36,420 --> 00:42:38,240
But Alannah didn't conceive.
744
00:42:38,300 --> 00:42:41,520
And he flatly refused to give us
our money back.
745
00:42:41,580 --> 00:42:45,400
He was paid to impregnate her,
not to have sex with her.
746
00:42:45,460 --> 00:42:50,160
We were cheated,
me of my money and her of a baby.
747
00:42:50,220 --> 00:42:52,760
It's like someone turning up
to make your driveway,
748
00:42:52,820 --> 00:42:57,320
but... not bringing cement.
749
00:42:57,380 --> 00:43:01,440
You realise this has implications.
It gives the Prosecution a motive.
750
00:43:01,500 --> 00:43:03,640
I've been lying here
for the last four days
751
00:43:03,700 --> 00:43:07,040
wondering if I'd been a Mac guy,
would my life have been different?
752
00:43:08,540 --> 00:43:12,640
Using a UNIX base system
with a C++ language.
753
00:43:18,100 --> 00:43:20,840
Harder for Trojans to get in.
754
00:43:20,900 --> 00:43:23,600
43 times without scoring?
755
00:43:23,660 --> 00:43:25,360
The man should avoid poker.
756
00:43:25,420 --> 00:43:28,880
It doesn't help our boy, though -
it puts him dead in the spotlight.
757
00:43:31,020 --> 00:43:32,640
Barn.
758
00:43:32,700 --> 00:43:35,840
Yeah, they're gonna argue it was
an eye for an eye, so to speak.
759
00:43:35,900 --> 00:43:38,800
I still smell a woman's hand
in there somewhere.
760
00:43:38,860 --> 00:43:42,400
How can we get our hands
on his and Oakley's medical records?
761
00:43:42,460 --> 00:43:46,640
Listen, Nicole said
she saw Scarlet in your office.
762
00:43:46,700 --> 00:43:49,000
Yeah.
Why?
763
00:43:49,980 --> 00:43:54,160
I think she thinks
that I've been punished enough,
764
00:43:54,220 --> 00:43:56,080
so it's cool for us
to work together.
765
00:43:56,140 --> 00:43:58,320
She said that?
Yeah.
766
00:43:58,380 --> 00:43:59,800
Words to that effect.
767
00:43:59,860 --> 00:44:03,680
See if you can get your hands on Bob
Oakley's medical records, alright?
768
00:44:07,060 --> 00:44:08,600
Right.
769
00:44:10,620 --> 00:44:13,720
Cough.
Why? I don't have a cold.
770
00:44:13,780 --> 00:44:16,320
Neither does it.
Alright, don't then.
771
00:44:16,380 --> 00:44:18,480
The swelling seems to be subsiding.
772
00:44:18,540 --> 00:44:20,720
All your tests are back,
everything's OK.
773
00:44:20,780 --> 00:44:23,120
Should be back to full strength
in a week or so.
774
00:44:23,180 --> 00:44:29,880
Hmm. Hey, uh, Bern, did you look at
those files I sent you?
775
00:44:29,940 --> 00:44:31,880
I told you, Cleaver,
he's not my patient.
776
00:44:31,940 --> 00:44:39,320
But... let me ask you this -
does he had a permanent cold?
777
00:44:39,380 --> 00:44:44,440
No... Oh, well, he's always sneezing.
778
00:44:44,500 --> 00:44:48,200
Hmm. Could be silica on the balls.
Makes men infertile.
779
00:44:48,260 --> 00:44:51,240
Well, it can't be that.
He's got two kids.
780
00:44:52,260 --> 00:44:53,480
Ah.
781
00:44:55,620 --> 00:44:57,680
OK, now give me a hug.
782
00:44:57,740 --> 00:45:01,720
Aw! Aw! Daddy loves you very much.
783
00:45:01,780 --> 00:45:05,120
OK, OK.
Ricky, Daddy's not a well man.
784
00:45:05,180 --> 00:45:06,800
Come on, big cuddle.
Bye, kids!
785
00:45:06,860 --> 00:45:10,000
Come on, Bob. Quick, quick, quick.
Bye.
786
00:45:10,060 --> 00:45:14,080
This all comes down
to my cross examination.
787
00:45:14,140 --> 00:45:16,280
I need this, Barnyard.
788
00:45:16,340 --> 00:45:20,440
Watch in awe as I rediscover
the source of the Nile.
789
00:45:20,500 --> 00:45:24,080
Mr Oakley, you stated under oath
that you never cheated on your wife.
790
00:45:24,140 --> 00:45:25,560
Do you still hold to that?
791
00:45:25,620 --> 00:45:29,880
Um, in my heart I never cheated.
792
00:45:29,940 --> 00:45:33,480
That's not the organ
we're focusing on here, Mr Oakley.
793
00:45:33,540 --> 00:45:35,560
Let me put the question
to you again -
794
00:45:35,620 --> 00:45:39,640
did you place your membrum virile
795
00:45:39,700 --> 00:45:43,800
anywhere near the -
what would the Latin word be?
796
00:45:43,860 --> 00:45:49,600
Um, oh, of course -
vagina of another woman?
797
00:45:49,660 --> 00:45:54,400
Specifically, were you not paid
a sum of $15,000
798
00:45:54,460 --> 00:45:56,840
to have sex with Alannah Alford
799
00:45:56,900 --> 00:45:59,520
in order that she might conceive
a much-wanted child?
800
00:46:02,380 --> 00:46:04,360
I'm so sorry, Barbara.
801
00:46:04,420 --> 00:46:06,360
I was only doing it
to help them out.
802
00:46:06,420 --> 00:46:09,160
And, I mean, you, you and I,
we weren't communicating.
803
00:46:09,220 --> 00:46:12,160
You were always off on
a golf course somewhere. Mr Oakley.
804
00:46:12,220 --> 00:46:15,360
But you weren't really trying to
help them, were you, Mr Oakley?
805
00:46:15,420 --> 00:46:19,720
You were just trying to fleece them,
because you knew very well
806
00:46:19,780 --> 00:46:22,320
that you were
incapable of having a child.
807
00:46:22,380 --> 00:46:24,760
What are you talking about?
I've got two children.
808
00:46:24,820 --> 00:46:27,680
Barbara? Barbara?
Excuse me.
809
00:46:27,740 --> 00:46:30,680
Barbara, just tell them.
Sorry.
810
00:46:30,740 --> 00:46:32,160
Barbara!
811
00:46:35,100 --> 00:46:37,120
Uh...
812
00:46:39,220 --> 00:46:42,960
I put it to you that once you became
aware of your husband's infidelities,
813
00:46:43,020 --> 00:46:44,840
you became hell-bent on revenge.
814
00:46:44,900 --> 00:46:48,560
I suggest that you snuck out
of your golf tournament,
815
00:46:48,620 --> 00:46:50,440
you drove back to the city,
816
00:46:50,500 --> 00:46:53,440
you jumped the neighbour's fence,
you got the garden shears
817
00:46:53,500 --> 00:46:55,560
and you went about
your terrible business.
818
00:46:55,620 --> 00:46:57,160
I did nothing of the sort.
819
00:46:57,220 --> 00:46:59,560
I couldn't have cared less
if he had an affair.
820
00:46:59,620 --> 00:47:01,680
I couldn't bear to be with him!
821
00:47:01,740 --> 00:47:04,040
OK, I know that my life
is just going to be
822
00:47:04,100 --> 00:47:07,080
a giant internet joke anyway,
so here it is -
823
00:47:07,140 --> 00:47:10,080
Bob, neither child is yours.
824
00:47:10,140 --> 00:47:11,640
I've been having affairs
825
00:47:11,700 --> 00:47:14,600
to break the interminable boredom
of life with you.
826
00:47:14,660 --> 00:47:16,600
Order!
I've been having them for years.
827
00:47:16,660 --> 00:47:19,120
Bob was never a sexual man.
828
00:47:19,180 --> 00:47:21,760
He, he was never
much of a man at all.
829
00:47:21,820 --> 00:47:23,280
I won't have you say that!
830
00:47:23,340 --> 00:47:27,720
Bobby is a sexual dynamo
who made me cross boundaries
831
00:47:27,780 --> 00:47:29,520
that I never thought that I could.
832
00:47:29,580 --> 00:47:32,760
You turned to golf
because the tennis girls
833
00:47:32,820 --> 00:47:34,560
didn't trust you
with their husbands!
834
00:47:34,620 --> 00:47:36,200
Order!
What are you saying?
835
00:47:36,260 --> 00:47:39,200
Your Honour, I might need a moment
to confer with my client.
836
00:47:39,260 --> 00:47:42,920
I saw you, Alex! You were climbing
the fence and holding the shears!
837
00:47:42,980 --> 00:47:43,960
Order!
838
00:47:44,020 --> 00:47:46,760
The next minute, my darling Bobby
had been brutalised.
839
00:47:46,820 --> 00:47:49,640
Well, I finally got some justice!
840
00:47:49,700 --> 00:47:51,800
Mrs Alford!
Alannah, did you...?
841
00:47:51,860 --> 00:47:55,200
If you want it back, I would try
the wild cats' cage at the zoo.
842
00:47:55,260 --> 00:47:58,160
And for the record,
they didn't find it very satisfying!
843
00:47:58,220 --> 00:48:00,760
Your Honour, uh... Oh, forget it.
844
00:48:00,820 --> 00:48:02,280
Order!
845
00:48:02,340 --> 00:48:04,920
Less the Nile, more Shit Creek.
846
00:48:11,380 --> 00:48:17,680
So, Barnyard, uh... my secretary has,
uh,
847
00:48:17,740 --> 00:48:22,560
spent much of the past working week
sobbing into chambers' toilet paper.
848
00:48:22,620 --> 00:48:24,680
Now, normally I'd put that
down to me,
849
00:48:24,740 --> 00:48:27,480
but I do have to ask you, mate,
850
00:48:27,540 --> 00:48:32,360
this mysterious lady who's been
taking you to new horizons
851
00:48:32,420 --> 00:48:34,280
of orgasmic fulfillment,
852
00:48:34,340 --> 00:48:37,120
that wouldn't happen to be Nicole,
would it?
853
00:48:41,540 --> 00:48:43,520
Well done, mate.
854
00:48:43,580 --> 00:48:45,520
Slipped one in before the marriage.
855
00:48:45,580 --> 00:48:48,680
I didn't slip one in.
I'm not that kind of person.
856
00:48:48,740 --> 00:48:50,160
Can't you see?
857
00:48:50,220 --> 00:48:54,080
For me to do something like that,
it's totally significant.
858
00:48:54,140 --> 00:48:55,720
It has to be.
859
00:48:58,060 --> 00:49:01,360
Wow. Yeah.
860
00:49:02,300 --> 00:49:03,920
Well, it makes sense.
861
00:49:03,980 --> 00:49:06,040
I mean, you marriage is shit.
862
00:49:06,100 --> 00:49:09,280
Actually,
you guys are perfect for each other.
863
00:49:09,340 --> 00:49:11,720
You're bookends.
It's no wonder the sex was great.
864
00:49:11,780 --> 00:49:15,560
Ordinary,
normal people are great at sex.
865
00:49:15,620 --> 00:49:19,040
It's your big trump card. It's people
like me who are hit-and-miss.
866
00:49:19,100 --> 00:49:22,520
It's not about sex
and it's never going to be.
867
00:49:22,580 --> 00:49:25,280
So, oh, just stay out of it.
868
00:49:25,340 --> 00:49:28,080
Ah.
I mean it, Cleave. I mean it.
869
00:49:30,340 --> 00:49:31,880
Does she make you happy?
870
00:49:33,060 --> 00:49:34,640
Barney.
871
00:49:36,100 --> 00:49:37,800
Barney.
872
00:49:37,860 --> 00:49:40,360
She needs to know, mate.
873
00:49:51,860 --> 00:49:54,200
You paid her off, didn't you?
874
00:49:56,660 --> 00:49:58,200
Handsomely.
875
00:49:58,260 --> 00:50:02,080
But whatever you think of me...
876
00:50:03,060 --> 00:50:04,800
..I don't rape women.
877
00:50:04,860 --> 00:50:07,920
The person in question was someone
I was having a fling with.
878
00:50:07,980 --> 00:50:10,760
I broke up with her, she got angry.
879
00:50:11,700 --> 00:50:13,840
I suppose I should have been
more careful.
880
00:50:13,900 --> 00:50:16,280
Excuse me if I don't believe you.
881
00:50:16,340 --> 00:50:18,240
I've handed in my resignation.
882
00:50:18,300 --> 00:50:21,280
Ah. For the best.
883
00:50:21,340 --> 00:50:24,000
Let's put it down as an experiment
that didn't pay off.
884
00:50:28,700 --> 00:50:31,320
If you think you're going to
get away with this,
885
00:50:31,380 --> 00:50:33,480
you've got another thing coming.
886
00:50:33,540 --> 00:50:37,280
Oh, I wouldn't threaten me.
887
00:50:37,340 --> 00:50:41,760
I'm not sure you hold any of
the picture cards as we speak.
888
00:51:33,980 --> 00:51:35,520
Come on!
889
00:51:35,580 --> 00:51:38,920
The sooner we get this over with,
the sooner I can go back to bed.
890
00:51:38,980 --> 00:51:41,360
Yep, yep, yep. Nearly there.
891
00:51:41,420 --> 00:51:43,040
Cleaver.
Yeah.
892
00:51:43,100 --> 00:51:44,520
What are you thinking?
893
00:51:44,580 --> 00:51:47,560
I - look, I'm just going to have
a little chat with the bride.
894
00:51:47,620 --> 00:51:50,480
What about? I'm not convinced
this is such a good idea.
895
00:51:50,540 --> 00:51:52,280
For God's sake, she's wearing white
896
00:51:52,340 --> 00:51:54,280
and there are women
carrying her train.
897
00:51:54,340 --> 00:51:56,080
It's not the time for a little chat.
898
00:51:56,140 --> 00:51:58,880
My best mate's happiness
is hanging by a thread, alright?
899
00:51:58,940 --> 00:52:02,240
He just needs a little help.
This is the least I can do. Nicole!
900
00:52:04,780 --> 00:52:07,800
I bloody told you not to interfere!
901
00:52:07,860 --> 00:52:09,600
I'm doing this for you, mate.
902
00:52:09,660 --> 00:52:13,800
No, you're not!
You're not! You're not! OK?
903
00:52:13,860 --> 00:52:15,280
Ah! Alright.
904
00:52:15,340 --> 00:52:17,880
Alright?
Alright, OK, OK. Calm down.
905
00:52:17,940 --> 00:52:20,680
Oh! Oh, fuck!
Idiot.
906
00:52:23,180 --> 00:52:24,920
You are.
No, you are.
907
00:52:26,180 --> 00:52:27,800
Nicole!
908
00:52:27,860 --> 00:52:31,640
Oh! I fucked up your life, mate.
I know I did.
909
00:52:31,700 --> 00:52:34,880
And I feel so terrible about it,
but I can make it right.
910
00:52:34,940 --> 00:52:37,000
I can fix it, alright?
911
00:52:37,060 --> 00:52:41,160
Yeah? Oh! Fuck! Oh!
912
00:52:41,220 --> 00:52:43,800
Oh, yeah. Oh!
913
00:52:43,860 --> 00:52:45,280
Stop it!
914
00:52:45,340 --> 00:52:48,160
Gah! You said that you loved her,
mate.
915
00:52:48,220 --> 00:52:51,840
You said she was the only thing
that made sense. Nicole!
916
00:52:51,900 --> 00:52:53,440
Stop! Shut up!
917
00:52:53,500 --> 00:52:55,600
Shut up and listen to me, alright?
918
00:52:55,660 --> 00:52:59,560
I made a mistake.
It was just a root.
919
00:52:59,620 --> 00:53:05,440
I realised I am that sort of person,
OK?
920
00:53:17,340 --> 00:53:20,400
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today
921
00:53:20,460 --> 00:53:25,120
in this place to celebrate
the marriage of Nicole and Bevan.
922
00:53:46,220 --> 00:53:49,480
We're out for a quiet night here,
boys, quiet night.
923
00:53:49,540 --> 00:53:51,240
VIPs coming through.
924
00:53:53,460 --> 00:53:55,000
Do me here.
925
00:53:55,060 --> 00:53:57,440
You fucken snake in the grass!
Oh!
926
00:53:57,500 --> 00:53:59,280
Pfft. Oh.
927
00:53:59,340 --> 00:54:01,040
What happened to Wednesday?
928
00:54:01,100 --> 00:54:03,360
Mum, where are we going?
Shh!
929
00:54:03,420 --> 00:54:04,840
I fucken love you.
73181
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