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1
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[To tune of "Danny Boy"]
Oh,
Super Bowl
2
00:00:03,097 --> 00:00:06,866
The plays, the plays,
they're calling
3
00:00:06,900 --> 00:00:10,007
From end to end
4
00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:10,999
And...
5
00:00:11,031 --> 00:00:13,148
- Oh!
- Gloria: What happened?
6
00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:15,958
Do I call the nine and
the one and the other one?
7
00:00:15,990 --> 00:00:19,098
Why is my fridge filled with
non-football-related foods
8
00:00:19,131 --> 00:00:20,189
on Super Bowl Sunday?
9
00:00:20,222 --> 00:00:22,007
There's no room for
my Jerry Rice pudding.
10
00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:23,494
Haley's baby shower is today.
11
00:00:23,527 --> 00:00:25,312
I cleared it with you,
like, a month ago.
12
00:00:25,346 --> 00:00:26,933
Can't you just record the game?
13
00:00:26,966 --> 00:00:28,354
And what? Watch it tomorrow morning?
14
00:00:28,387 --> 00:00:31,263
Look. There's no reason a
football game and a baby shower
15
00:00:31,297 --> 00:00:32,719
can't co-exist under the same roof.
16
00:00:32,751 --> 00:00:33,710
[Sighs] Maybe you won't get in my way.
17
00:00:33,743 --> 00:00:35,061
Baby showers are pretty tame.
18
00:00:35,127 --> 00:00:39,363
Who's ready for a baby show-ahhh?!
19
00:00:39,396 --> 00:00:40,421
Ha!
20
00:00:53,579 --> 00:00:54,674
Mmm.
21
00:00:56,554 --> 00:00:59,926
I'm making White Russians
for the baby show-ahhh.
22
00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:02,802
A little liquid courage makes
all the naughty games better.
23
00:01:02,836 --> 00:01:05,184
I think you're mixing up baby
shower with bridal shower.
24
00:01:05,209 --> 00:01:08,191
Well, my bridal shower did
take place when I was pregnant.
25
00:01:08,223 --> 00:01:09,513
The cops even showed up.
26
00:01:09,546 --> 00:01:11,166
Of course, they weren't real cops.
27
00:01:11,199 --> 00:01:13,481
[Laughing] One of them rubbed
his butt against my belly.
28
00:01:13,513 --> 00:01:14,670
Don't tell Haley.
29
00:01:14,703 --> 00:01:16,456
- Or how about, "Don't tell Alex"?
- Mm.
30
00:01:16,489 --> 00:01:18,935
- [Door opens]
- Super Bowl squares here!
31
00:01:18,968 --> 00:01:20,621
Get your Super Bowl squares!
32
00:01:20,654 --> 00:01:22,076
No. Not this again.
33
00:01:22,108 --> 00:01:23,663
Uh, actually,
we've made some refinements.
34
00:01:23,696 --> 00:01:25,382
Last year, the price was a little high.
35
00:01:25,415 --> 00:01:26,604
The year before, too low.
36
00:01:26,638 --> 00:01:29,217
So this year,
we've landed on the perfect number.
37
00:01:29,250 --> 00:01:31,167
$3.75 per square.
38
00:01:31,201 --> 00:01:32,654
I'll do what I did last year.
39
00:01:32,688 --> 00:01:35,069
- Give me 11 squares.
- Okay. Easy enough.
40
00:01:35,101 --> 00:01:37,944
- Um...
- Uh...
41
00:01:37,977 --> 00:01:41,184
No. No Super Bowl math
on the baby shower side.
42
00:01:41,218 --> 00:01:42,770
Go over there.
43
00:01:42,804 --> 00:01:44,886
I'm telling you, you look cute.
44
00:01:44,919 --> 00:01:47,300
You know what's not cute? Lying to me.
45
00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:49,415
This gets better once
they come out, right?
46
00:01:49,449 --> 00:01:51,862
- What happened?
- Well, my last pair of jeans exploded,
47
00:01:51,895 --> 00:01:54,210
I can't wear skirts because
my thighs are growing hair
48
00:01:54,242 --> 00:01:55,499
faster than I can shave it,
49
00:01:55,531 --> 00:01:57,780
so I'm wearing ski pants
to my own baby shower.
50
00:01:58,381 --> 00:02:00,523
- I'm telling you, no one's even gonna notice.
- Oh...
51
00:02:00,557 --> 00:02:02,839
[Swishing]
52
00:02:02,871 --> 00:02:05,814
What's that sound? It's like when the
doors on the starship Enterprise open.
53
00:02:05,847 --> 00:02:07,896
Hey, you guys want to buy
a Super Bowl square?
54
00:02:07,929 --> 00:02:09,185
Only $3.75.
55
00:02:09,218 --> 00:02:10,739
Dylan: Cool. Can I take three squares?
56
00:02:10,773 --> 00:02:12,325
Yeah, I need something good today, too.
57
00:02:12,359 --> 00:02:14,144
We'll split five squares.
58
00:02:14,177 --> 00:02:16,128
Uh... do you have quarters?
59
00:02:16,161 --> 00:02:17,318
Dylan: Oh, I don't carry change
60
00:02:17,351 --> 00:02:19,433
since the last time
I got struck by lightning.
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00:02:19,466 --> 00:02:21,053
[Door opens]
62
00:02:22,938 --> 00:02:24,425
Hello, Phillip.
63
00:02:24,958 --> 00:02:26,546
Hello, Manuel.
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00:02:26,578 --> 00:02:28,033
Against my better judgment,
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00:02:28,066 --> 00:02:30,281
I wrote a part for Phil in my new movie.
66
00:02:30,315 --> 00:02:32,992
Things got heated, words were exchanged,
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00:02:33,024 --> 00:02:35,868
which is surprising, considering
he had a mouthful of scenery.
68
00:02:35,901 --> 00:02:37,158
[Scoffs] Actors.
69
00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:39,471
Writers. They think they're so great.
70
00:02:39,504 --> 00:02:41,257
"Oh, my words are so precious."
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00:02:41,290 --> 00:02:42,777
Try listening for once.
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00:02:42,810 --> 00:02:45,489
Maybe you'll learn how
humans actually talk.
73
00:02:45,521 --> 00:02:47,703
Wait, is it... is it "talk" or "speak"?
74
00:02:47,736 --> 00:02:49,191
Oh, that's right.
75
00:02:49,224 --> 00:02:50,944
No one cares!
76
00:02:51,650 --> 00:02:53,984
Hello, hello.
I'm here for the Super Bowl.
77
00:02:54,018 --> 00:02:55,637
- And I am here for the baby shower.
- Okay, yep.
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00:02:55,670 --> 00:02:57,687
- [Door closes]
- I'm here for some sort of punishment, I think.
79
00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:00,331
Hmm. Lily and her friend,
Christina, got into a huge fight.
80
00:03:00,365 --> 00:03:03,472
And I was hoping we could have the
girls sit down and talk it out.
81
00:03:03,505 --> 00:03:05,389
But Mitchell said "no,"
Christina's in the wrong.
82
00:03:05,423 --> 00:03:07,770
And apparently, Mitchell's the law.
83
00:03:07,804 --> 00:03:11,176
He is. Lily, you're very lucky
to have such a wise papa.
84
00:03:11,208 --> 00:03:14,580
- Mm-hmm.
- Assistant District Attorney Pritchett is a hero.
85
00:03:14,613 --> 00:03:17,294
Huh. So this one thinks you're cool now?
86
00:03:17,358 --> 00:03:19,540
Okay, Gloria loves crime stories,
87
00:03:19,573 --> 00:03:21,127
especially women who
kill their husbands.
88
00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:24,564
And I recently prosecuted
the Bel Air Black Widow.
89
00:03:24,598 --> 00:03:26,416
She came to court every single day.
90
00:03:26,449 --> 00:03:29,226
We find the defendant guilty.
91
00:03:29,259 --> 00:03:31,276
Yes! Whoop, whoop!
92
00:03:31,308 --> 00:03:33,986
Hey, Counselor. This isn't over.
93
00:03:34,020 --> 00:03:35,904
Lady, you're like me in high school,
94
00:03:35,936 --> 00:03:38,218
cause you ain't gonna be
coming out for 17 years!
95
00:03:38,251 --> 00:03:40,598
Gloria: Boom goes the dynamite!
96
00:03:42,218 --> 00:03:45,193
Cam, have a bowl of my famous chili.
97
00:03:45,227 --> 00:03:47,375
I didn't know you made chili.
98
00:03:47,409 --> 00:03:49,293
I know all about Jay's damn chili.
99
00:03:49,326 --> 00:03:51,772
We talked about it last
year on this very day.
100
00:03:51,805 --> 00:03:53,491
[Voice breaking] Promises were made.
101
00:03:53,524 --> 00:03:55,640
- [Crowd cheering]
- Next year, I'm getting you your own football chair
102
00:03:55,673 --> 00:03:57,723
and you're gonna help
me make my famous chili.
103
00:03:57,755 --> 00:03:59,244
5:00 a.m.
104
00:03:59,276 --> 00:04:02,120
Be there or be square.
105
00:04:02,383 --> 00:04:04,564
You know,
I never entirely felt Jay's approval,
106
00:04:04,598 --> 00:04:06,218
so this was a big step for us.
107
00:04:06,251 --> 00:04:07,408
I counted the days.
108
00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:08,697
Then Super Bowl Eve,
109
00:04:08,730 --> 00:04:11,045
I went and I bought the
finest chili thickeners...
110
00:04:11,078 --> 00:04:13,193
corn flour and potato flour.
111
00:04:13,227 --> 00:04:15,639
And I showed up an hour before dawn.
112
00:04:16,293 --> 00:04:19,276
I called Jay's cell as
to not startle Gloria.
113
00:04:19,309 --> 00:04:20,697
Jay: [Yawning] Hey, what's up?
114
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He had no idea why I was calling.
115
00:04:23,375 --> 00:04:26,120
Clearly promises made
didn't mean as much to him.
116
00:04:26,152 --> 00:04:27,573
But I couldn't let him know that.
117
00:04:27,607 --> 00:04:29,722
Oh, uh, Jay, is th... is that you?
118
00:04:29,756 --> 00:04:32,334
I-I must... I must've butt-dialed you.
119
00:04:32,368 --> 00:04:33,822
Why else would I be
calling you so early...
120
00:04:33,856 --> 00:04:35,707
[Voice breaking] ...on a
regular Sunday morning?
121
00:04:35,740 --> 00:04:36,963
- Sorry.
- [Cellphone beeps]
122
00:04:36,996 --> 00:04:38,450
I felt like a jilted lover
123
00:04:38,483 --> 00:04:43,144
standing on his porch,
holding those beautiful flours.
124
00:04:43,178 --> 00:04:46,451
- Oh.
- You can't hide in here all day.
125
00:04:46,483 --> 00:04:47,773
To me, you've never been hotter,
126
00:04:47,806 --> 00:04:49,591
and I've seen you hitchhike in a bikini.
127
00:04:49,625 --> 00:04:50,781
There you are.
128
00:04:50,815 --> 00:04:52,666
I'm sorry you're having a bad day, uh...
129
00:04:52,700 --> 00:04:56,236
but I thought you should know,
I invited Danielle.
130
00:04:56,269 --> 00:04:58,683
Danielle? Ugh, she's so annoying.
131
00:04:58,716 --> 00:05:01,459
Everything she says [as
Danielle] sounds like a question?
132
00:05:01,493 --> 00:05:02,749
But it's not?
133
00:05:02,782 --> 00:05:04,434
Yeah, but she's in her, like,
134
00:05:04,468 --> 00:05:06,716
thousandth month of pregnancy.
135
00:05:06,749 --> 00:05:07,873
Oh, my God.
136
00:05:07,906 --> 00:05:09,262
That means I won't be
the grossest preggo here.
137
00:05:09,294 --> 00:05:12,005
Bless you. Oh.
138
00:05:12,039 --> 00:05:13,527
Thanks.
139
00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,311
And thanks for inviting me today.
140
00:05:15,344 --> 00:05:17,328
Of course. You're the baby's father.
141
00:05:17,361 --> 00:05:18,848
Yeah, but it's a family thing,
142
00:05:18,882 --> 00:05:20,667
and I don't always feel like I belong.
143
00:05:20,700 --> 00:05:23,906
Sometimes they look at me like the
proverbial bird in the punch bowl.
144
00:05:23,940 --> 00:05:24,898
[Chuckles]
145
00:05:24,932 --> 00:05:26,882
Almost.
146
00:05:26,915 --> 00:05:28,434
Luke: Uh, three times...
147
00:05:28,467 --> 00:05:31,061
I'm sorry, but every way you look at it,
Dylan comes up short.
148
00:05:31,075 --> 00:05:33,988
And Haley's totally getting rooked.
149
00:05:34,021 --> 00:05:35,761
Oh! Okay, well, that's interesting.
150
00:05:35,805 --> 00:05:37,948
Um, they lost track of the
Black Widow at the county jail.
151
00:05:38,041 --> 00:05:40,058
- She escaped?
- Mm-hmm.
152
00:05:40,091 --> 00:05:42,141
- Are you scared?
- What?!
153
00:05:42,174 --> 00:05:43,728
Exactly!
154
00:05:43,761 --> 00:05:45,447
- She should be scared of you.
- Mm.
155
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:49,017
If she's smart, that young
lady will run and keep running.
156
00:05:49,050 --> 00:05:51,398
Mm-hmm.
157
00:05:51,431 --> 00:05:53,976
[Smacking lips] What spice is in here?
158
00:05:54,009 --> 00:05:55,596
Is it... Is that dill?
159
00:05:55,630 --> 00:05:56,885
Why the hell is dill in here?
160
00:05:56,919 --> 00:05:58,638
It's a... It's a catastrophe.
161
00:06:04,324 --> 00:06:06,605
So, I'm just gonna
repurpose some of this hair
162
00:06:06,638 --> 00:06:08,588
to cover the bald spot and zits...
163
00:06:08,622 --> 00:06:12,225
- Zits?!
- And "zits" gonna look amazing.
164
00:06:12,258 --> 00:06:13,712
Ta da!
165
00:06:13,745 --> 00:06:15,201
- Ta da?!
- Yeah.
166
00:06:15,233 --> 00:06:16,884
I have a huge gut and a comb-over.
167
00:06:16,957 --> 00:06:19,139
I look like a divorced dentist.
168
00:06:19,172 --> 00:06:20,759
[Doorbell rings]
169
00:06:20,792 --> 00:06:22,247
Oh, Danielle!
170
00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:24,527
You look so good. Why?
171
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It's the magic of pregnancy? #Blessed?
172
00:06:27,404 --> 00:06:28,829
What the hell?!
173
00:06:28,885 --> 00:06:31,139
Alex said it was okay if I came early?
174
00:06:31,173 --> 00:06:33,515
Haley, I'm so happy for you?
175
00:06:33,613 --> 00:06:35,470
I need Dylan. Where is Dylan?
176
00:06:35,503 --> 00:06:36,891
Where's Dylan?
177
00:06:38,097 --> 00:06:40,230
Haley's not gonna find Dylan.
178
00:06:40,263 --> 00:06:41,289
He's gone,
179
00:06:41,321 --> 00:06:43,337
and it's everybody's fault!
180
00:06:45,123 --> 00:06:47,173
What is up with all the funeral faces?
181
00:06:47,206 --> 00:06:48,562
Come on, people, this is supposed to be
182
00:06:48,595 --> 00:06:50,346
- a baby show-ahhh.
- Don't say "show-ahhh".
183
00:06:50,380 --> 00:06:52,271
Nobody wants it.
184
00:06:53,629 --> 00:06:55,932
Okay. So, Dylan misunderstood
185
00:06:55,965 --> 00:06:58,434
a bunch of the things he heard us say,
got upset, and ran off.
186
00:06:58,467 --> 00:07:00,536
Let's not pretend this was some mistake
187
00:07:00,569 --> 00:07:02,638
or Dylan being oversensitive.
188
00:07:02,671 --> 00:07:05,708
We've all given him plenty of reasons
to feel unwelcome in this family.
189
00:07:05,741 --> 00:07:08,211
And some of us do have a meanness.
190
00:07:08,244 --> 00:07:10,914
I'll leave it at that.
A monstrous cruelty.
191
00:07:10,947 --> 00:07:12,268
Enough said. Sadistic.
192
00:07:12,282 --> 00:07:14,083
My family is really chill?
193
00:07:14,117 --> 00:07:15,419
[Scoffs] You were a mistake.
194
00:07:15,502 --> 00:07:17,486
Okay, Haley's being occupied by Luke,
195
00:07:17,519 --> 00:07:18,690
so we have some time.
196
00:07:18,722 --> 00:07:19,925
We just have to find Dylan
197
00:07:19,958 --> 00:07:22,202
without letting Haley
know he's run away.
198
00:07:22,234 --> 00:07:24,088
That kind of sounds like
a shower problem, though.
199
00:07:24,121 --> 00:07:25,326
I don't know how fair it is to bring in
200
00:07:25,358 --> 00:07:27,081
- the Super Bowl folk into this.
- Hey!
201
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:30,985
My big sister gave me the
honor of hosting her shower,
202
00:07:31,017 --> 00:07:33,099
and it's gonna be great.
203
00:07:33,132 --> 00:07:34,725
So, the one person
204
00:07:34,757 --> 00:07:36,384
who might know where Dylan went, Haley,
205
00:07:36,416 --> 00:07:38,628
is the one person who
can't know he's missing.
206
00:07:38,660 --> 00:07:40,255
That's what I call a dramatic situation.
207
00:07:40,287 --> 00:07:41,093
[Chuckles]
208
00:07:41,106 --> 00:07:43,030
Shouldn't you be directing
the life out of it?
209
00:07:43,073 --> 00:07:45,627
Joe, where does Dylan like
to go when he's depressed?
210
00:07:45,660 --> 00:07:47,892
Alex, he likes him, but it's not like...
211
00:07:47,925 --> 00:07:49,823
Park, pet store, guitar shop.
212
00:07:51,026 --> 00:07:52,848
What? I follow his Instagram.
213
00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:54,500
He finds beauty in the mundane.
214
00:07:54,518 --> 00:07:57,012
Okay. We'll search for Dylan in teams.
215
00:07:57,044 --> 00:07:59,029
- Mitch, Gloria... park.
- Score.
216
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:01,143
- Guitar store... Cam, Jay.
- Um...
217
00:08:01,175 --> 00:08:03,192
And the pet store... Phil, Manny, go.
218
00:08:03,224 --> 00:08:04,850
- Actually, could I trade?
- Your pretty face
219
00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:06,998
for one that's been freshly whooped?
Try me!
220
00:08:07,030 --> 00:08:08,332
Would it be possible if I could...
221
00:08:08,364 --> 00:08:10,381
- Move!
- Ah, they'll have a bathroom at the store.
222
00:08:13,937 --> 00:08:15,878
He's not stuck in the tube slide.
223
00:08:15,910 --> 00:08:17,212
Ah, it was too much to hope he'd be
224
00:08:17,244 --> 00:08:19,163
where we found him when
Mister Rogers died.
225
00:08:19,195 --> 00:08:21,439
- [Cellphone chimes]
- Oh.
226
00:08:21,473 --> 00:08:23,099
[Chuckles]
"You messed with the wrong girl.
227
00:08:23,131 --> 00:08:24,172
I'm coming for you."
228
00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:25,213
Who is this?
229
00:08:25,245 --> 00:08:26,449
310.
230
00:08:26,482 --> 00:08:27,876
That's Bel Air.
231
00:08:28,355 --> 00:08:32,076
The Black Widow is out and
already threatening you?
232
00:08:32,108 --> 00:08:33,117
This is good.
233
00:08:33,149 --> 00:08:35,621
You get to catch her
and be a hero again.
234
00:08:35,655 --> 00:08:37,996
You know, maybe I should...
I should send the Black Widow
235
00:08:38,028 --> 00:08:39,948
a... a "no hard feelings" text.
236
00:08:39,980 --> 00:08:41,086
- No.
- No?
237
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,550
What you said in court was right.
238
00:08:42,583 --> 00:08:44,827
That animal deserved no mercy.
239
00:08:44,859 --> 00:08:46,078
She deserves a cage.
240
00:08:46,121 --> 00:08:48,893
Well, you know, I said some things,
she said some things.
241
00:08:48,926 --> 00:08:49,966
It's... Wait, um...
242
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,821
"I am not afraid.
243
00:08:51,854 --> 00:08:54,130
- Bring it on."
- I... Oh, okay.
244
00:08:54,162 --> 00:08:56,211
All bullies are the same.
245
00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:57,578
They act like they're tough,
246
00:08:57,611 --> 00:08:59,822
but when you punch 'em in the nose,
they back down.
247
00:08:59,855 --> 00:09:01,221
- Yeah. [Chuckles]
- [Cellphone chimes]
248
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:06,067
"I know where you live. You're dead."
249
00:09:06,100 --> 00:09:08,019
That response is rare.
250
00:09:11,695 --> 00:09:12,800
There he is.
251
00:09:12,833 --> 00:09:13,939
Dylan.
252
00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:15,376
Hey, Dylan!
253
00:09:15,802 --> 00:09:17,615
Oh, sorry.
254
00:09:17,647 --> 00:09:20,607
That's the third time I've
made that exact same mistake.
255
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,558
Makes me wonder about
some of my dates in 'Nam.
256
00:09:23,245 --> 00:09:25,064
Well, he ain't here. Let's go.
257
00:09:25,096 --> 00:09:28,446
My famous chili has been
simmering since 5:00 a.m.
258
00:09:28,479 --> 00:09:30,106
Y-You know, it is funny
259
00:09:30,138 --> 00:09:31,895
that you keep calling your chili
"famous"
260
00:09:31,927 --> 00:09:34,106
when I find it a little...
261
00:09:34,139 --> 00:09:34,985
forgettable.
262
00:09:34,993 --> 00:09:37,684
Cam, I'm a successful man.
263
00:09:37,717 --> 00:09:39,342
Captain of industry,
264
00:09:39,376 --> 00:09:40,807
made out with a Gabor sister,
265
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:43,539
and if I can swing a
few more board votes,
266
00:09:43,572 --> 00:09:44,873
we break ground on
267
00:09:44,905 --> 00:09:48,451
the Pritchett School of
Closet Science at Ohio State.
268
00:09:48,483 --> 00:09:50,955
Not really sweating
your take on my chili.
269
00:09:50,988 --> 00:09:53,200
He'd hurt me deeply.
270
00:09:53,233 --> 00:09:54,851
I kept mentioning chili 'cause,
you know,
271
00:09:54,945 --> 00:09:56,343
I was trying to jog his memory,
272
00:09:56,375 --> 00:09:58,457
'cause we were supposed
to make it together.
273
00:09:58,489 --> 00:10:01,905
I've waited my whole life for
a special Super Bowl buddy,
274
00:10:01,937 --> 00:10:04,474
someone who understands
it isn't just a game.
275
00:10:04,507 --> 00:10:08,508
It's a 15-hour, 4-meal,
2-shirt, 1-nap experience,
276
00:10:08,540 --> 00:10:10,682
and I thought Cam could be that buddy.
277
00:10:11,472 --> 00:10:12,699
Then I started worrying
278
00:10:12,731 --> 00:10:15,301
Cam might forget a
date we set a year ago.
279
00:10:15,334 --> 00:10:17,578
[Cellphone ringing]
280
00:10:17,611 --> 00:10:19,204
[Whispering] He remembered.
281
00:10:19,238 --> 00:10:21,806
He remembered, Stella!
282
00:10:21,839 --> 00:10:24,279
- Be cool.
- [Cellphone beeps]
283
00:10:24,312 --> 00:10:25,644
Hey, what's up?
284
00:10:27,564 --> 00:10:28,735
Oh, butt-dial.
285
00:10:28,767 --> 00:10:30,459
No, I see.
286
00:10:30,491 --> 00:10:32,606
- Yeah, take it easy.
- [Cellphone beeps]
287
00:10:32,638 --> 00:10:33,810
[Cellphone slams]
288
00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,576
Nose print, man's... face high,
289
00:10:44,609 --> 00:10:46,365
direct eye-line to baby bunnies.
290
00:10:46,397 --> 00:10:48,056
Dylan was here.
291
00:10:48,088 --> 00:10:49,292
This guy's about to have a kid.
292
00:10:49,324 --> 00:10:51,407
- What kind of adult male...
- They're waking up.
293
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:52,611
[Laughing] They're waking up.
294
00:10:52,643 --> 00:10:55,016
- [Laughs]
- Hey, look, he's not here.
295
00:10:55,050 --> 00:10:56,643
Let's just get back to the parties.
296
00:10:56,676 --> 00:10:59,208
Ooh, I got to stop at that
laundromat across the street.
297
00:10:59,557 --> 00:11:01,815
It'll take a second.
I just need change for my squares.
298
00:11:01,847 --> 00:11:04,092
Funny. You're so focused when
it's your passion project.
299
00:11:04,125 --> 00:11:06,044
Y-You know what, Manny?
300
00:11:06,077 --> 00:11:07,053
You're right.
301
00:11:07,085 --> 00:11:09,719
That whole thing was my bad.
302
00:11:09,751 --> 00:11:12,159
Thanks, Phil.
303
00:11:12,191 --> 00:11:15,411
Let me get both these doors so
you and your ego can fit inside.
304
00:11:17,299 --> 00:11:20,551
I don't know how you can get mad at me
after posting that humiliating video.
305
00:11:20,584 --> 00:11:22,796
- What video?
- Don't play dumb.
306
00:11:22,828 --> 00:11:24,259
[Cellphone beeps]
307
00:11:24,291 --> 00:11:26,829
- Me cold.
- Cut!
308
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:29,887
"I'm so cold."
309
00:11:29,919 --> 00:11:32,814
Not "Me cold." Not "I'm not not cold."
310
00:11:32,846 --> 00:11:34,278
Not "Ice, ice baby."
311
00:11:34,311 --> 00:11:36,034
No humans say those things!
312
00:11:36,066 --> 00:11:38,928
It is so difficult to
build a performance
313
00:11:38,962 --> 00:11:41,239
with a constant barrage of notes!
314
00:11:41,271 --> 00:11:43,385
Note! Say the line!
315
00:11:43,418 --> 00:11:44,751
Three words!
316
00:11:44,783 --> 00:11:46,313
You know what three
words I'd like to hear?
317
00:11:46,345 --> 00:11:48,330
"Nice death, Phil!"
318
00:11:48,362 --> 00:11:50,606
I'm just trying to [bleep] help you,
319
00:11:50,638 --> 00:11:52,786
you [bleep] diva [bleep]!
320
00:11:52,819 --> 00:11:55,225
And you keep [bleep] yourself.
321
00:11:55,258 --> 00:11:58,608
Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!
322
00:11:58,641 --> 00:12:00,072
Unbelievable!
323
00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:07,416
Stupid, stupid, stupid,
stupid, stupid, stupid!
324
00:12:07,429 --> 00:12:09,965
Fortunately, it cut off
right before I really lost it.
325
00:12:09,998 --> 00:12:14,226
Manny, why would I post a video
calling myself a "terrible actor"?
326
00:12:14,260 --> 00:12:16,471
Huh.
327
00:12:16,504 --> 00:12:18,032
Could've been my editor.
328
00:12:18,065 --> 00:12:20,309
During a particularly
intense creative discussion,
329
00:12:20,342 --> 00:12:22,977
I may have slapped him in
front of his girlfriend.
330
00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:24,342
Phil, I'm sorry.
331
00:12:24,375 --> 00:12:26,392
I think the reason I got frustrated
332
00:12:26,424 --> 00:12:28,994
is only partly due to your
infuriating incompetence.
333
00:12:29,027 --> 00:12:30,323
[Laughing] Was that so hard?
334
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,735
Between us, I've applied to transfer
335
00:12:32,767 --> 00:12:34,849
to somewhere I can major
in accounting or law.
336
00:12:34,881 --> 00:12:36,508
Something safe.
337
00:12:36,541 --> 00:12:40,704
I've started to question if I
have any talent as a filmmaker.
338
00:12:40,736 --> 00:12:42,266
Let's find out.
339
00:12:42,298 --> 00:12:43,306
You got your film with you?
340
00:12:43,339 --> 00:12:44,347
On my phone.
341
00:12:44,379 --> 00:12:46,429
We have a perfect test audience.
342
00:12:46,462 --> 00:12:48,055
Take a chance. Let's, uh...
343
00:12:48,088 --> 00:12:49,584
Let's see what you got.
344
00:12:49,616 --> 00:12:51,190
Okay. I mean, I got my projector.
345
00:12:51,224 --> 00:12:53,130
And a screen.
346
00:12:53,162 --> 00:12:54,756
- All right. I'll set it up.
- Great.
347
00:12:54,788 --> 00:12:56,968
Meanwhile, I'll warm up the
crowd with a magic trick.
348
00:12:57,540 --> 00:12:59,017
Excuse me.
349
00:12:59,050 --> 00:13:01,521
I need everyone to put their
wallets in this pillow case
350
00:13:01,553 --> 00:13:03,375
and turn and face the wall.
351
00:13:05,132 --> 00:13:07,376
Well, that's it.
No one knows where Dylan is.
352
00:13:07,408 --> 00:13:08,677
They better.
353
00:13:08,711 --> 00:13:10,466
Her friends are gonna
be here in 20 minutes...
354
00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:12,418
the same ones who at a graduation party
355
00:13:12,450 --> 00:13:14,630
voted her most likely to
be pregnant and alone.
356
00:13:14,663 --> 00:13:16,224
- Hmm.
- Like I always say...
357
00:13:16,256 --> 00:13:18,598
it's better to have no
friends than mean friends.
358
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,420
Well...
359
00:13:20,453 --> 00:13:22,665
Dylan's always been a runner.
360
00:13:22,697 --> 00:13:25,038
[Gasps] God,
you remember when he was a blond?
361
00:13:25,070 --> 00:13:27,446
Ugh, I called him "Lady Dye-Job"
362
00:13:27,478 --> 00:13:30,179
and he ran off,
and I had to track him down...
363
00:13:30,211 --> 00:13:32,228
I know where Dylan is.
I know where he is!
364
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:36,299
Dylan.
365
00:13:36,385 --> 00:13:38,375
Hey, Dylan, open up. It's Claire.
366
00:13:38,407 --> 00:13:40,164
Dylan: I...
I don't want to talk, Mrs. D.
367
00:13:40,196 --> 00:13:41,725
Look, I realize you're upset.
368
00:13:41,758 --> 00:13:45,270
But those things that Cam and Mitch
and Luke and Phil and Gloria said,
369
00:13:45,303 --> 00:13:48,036
they're... they were just,
uh, silly misunderstandings.
370
00:13:48,068 --> 00:13:49,662
Okay.
371
00:13:49,695 --> 00:13:51,842
But what about what you said?
372
00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:53,631
You realize we're gonna
have to baby-proof
373
00:13:53,663 --> 00:13:55,386
all the cabinets at home, right?
374
00:13:55,419 --> 00:13:58,151
Think of how cute it'll be watching
Dylan try to get into them.
375
00:13:58,184 --> 00:14:01,535
[Both laugh]
376
00:14:01,567 --> 00:14:03,584
I shouldn't have said that,
377
00:14:03,616 --> 00:14:05,340
and I obviously didn't realize...
378
00:14:05,373 --> 00:14:07,292
What? That I would get that joke?
379
00:14:07,324 --> 00:14:08,853
The insult set it up, Mrs. D.
380
00:14:08,885 --> 00:14:11,520
- "Lady Dye-Job" has feelings.
- Oh, Dylan.
381
00:14:11,553 --> 00:14:14,545
Dylan, come on.
Honey, the party is starting...
382
00:14:14,578 --> 00:14:18,319
[Sighs] Please. I... I'm sorry.
383
00:14:18,351 --> 00:14:19,489
I'm leaving.
384
00:14:19,522 --> 00:14:22,612
[Stomping]
385
00:14:22,644 --> 00:14:23,718
[Knocking on van]
386
00:14:23,751 --> 00:14:25,181
[Deeper voice] Open up.
It's Mr. Gonzales,
387
00:14:25,215 --> 00:14:26,776
the parking attendant.
388
00:14:26,809 --> 00:14:28,369
I'm not an idiot, Mrs. D.
389
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:30,353
I know you just went to get Mr. Gonzales
390
00:14:30,386 --> 00:14:33,119
so you could run in here
when I open the door for him.
391
00:14:46,444 --> 00:14:48,396
[Quietly] Hey.
392
00:14:48,428 --> 00:14:50,022
Hey. Hey, Dylan?
393
00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:51,193
Dylan? Dyl...
394
00:14:51,626 --> 00:14:52,891
Ohh, damn it!
395
00:14:54,052 --> 00:14:57,025
Can we hurry? I want to get back
so I can apologize to Christina.
396
00:14:57,058 --> 00:14:59,060
Oh, no. Lily, why risk your heart?
397
00:14:59,094 --> 00:15:00,528
Christina will just hurt you.
398
00:15:00,561 --> 00:15:01,770
I couldn't agree more, Lily.
399
00:15:01,803 --> 00:15:04,316
If Christina doesn't appreciate
your warmth, your humor,
400
00:15:04,348 --> 00:15:05,687
your great stories,
401
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:06,993
she's just not worth it.
402
00:15:07,025 --> 00:15:08,886
Oh, maybe she'll regret
taking you for granted
403
00:15:08,919 --> 00:15:11,236
when she's old and
alone in that big house
404
00:15:11,269 --> 00:15:14,827
and realizes all that
money can't keep her warm.
405
00:15:14,859 --> 00:15:16,688
What is happening?
406
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:18,679
Movies in a laundromat now?
407
00:15:18,712 --> 00:15:21,748
Can't hipsters just
let a thing be a thing?
408
00:15:21,780 --> 00:15:25,012
[Russian accent] There is much
I wish to say to you, Alexei,
409
00:15:25,044 --> 00:15:27,688
not just now, but for long time.
410
00:15:27,722 --> 00:15:31,541
How could one slight
cost 20 years friendship?
411
00:15:31,573 --> 00:15:35,295
Silly 19th century Russian pride?
412
00:15:35,327 --> 00:15:38,461
Why we not have courage
to take chance on love?
413
00:15:38,494 --> 00:15:40,192
Fools, us humans.
414
00:15:40,224 --> 00:15:41,099
Alexei: It's not too late.
415
00:15:41,172 --> 00:15:42,314
It is for me,
416
00:15:42,347 --> 00:15:44,110
my great, great friend.
417
00:15:44,142 --> 00:15:46,526
I go now to grand Kremlin in the sky.
418
00:15:46,559 --> 00:15:49,235
[Breathing heavily]
419
00:15:49,267 --> 00:15:50,606
It's chilly.
420
00:15:51,911 --> 00:15:52,988
Chili.
421
00:15:53,022 --> 00:15:55,110
Why did he have to mention that?
422
00:15:55,143 --> 00:15:57,592
We were supposed to cook
together this morning, Cam.
423
00:15:57,625 --> 00:15:58,561
I waited for you.
424
00:15:58,598 --> 00:16:00,721
But I was there on your
front porch with flours.
425
00:16:00,754 --> 00:16:01,929
You remembered the thickeners?
426
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,757
Of course I did. I thought you forgot.
427
00:16:05,128 --> 00:16:07,022
I have an identical one for you!
428
00:16:07,055 --> 00:16:08,686
[Voice breaking] Oh, Jay, you don't know
how much this means to me!
429
00:16:08,719 --> 00:16:11,004
Lily, you...
you have to apologize to Christina.
430
00:16:11,037 --> 00:16:12,081
That's right.
431
00:16:12,115 --> 00:16:14,236
Don't be like me and Cam
and Sergei and Alexei.
432
00:16:14,269 --> 00:16:16,130
- Pride is poison!
- Yes, open your heart!
433
00:16:16,162 --> 00:16:17,925
Let yourself love!
434
00:16:17,957 --> 00:16:19,557
Jay...
435
00:16:19,589 --> 00:16:21,254
So, nobody's wondering why Uncle Phil
436
00:16:21,286 --> 00:16:23,343
is starring in a laundromat movie?
437
00:16:24,812 --> 00:16:26,085
[Exhales deeply]
438
00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:28,534
N-No-o-o-o!
439
00:16:28,567 --> 00:16:30,362
[Russian music plays]
440
00:16:30,395 --> 00:16:38,164
441
00:16:38,196 --> 00:16:43,126
[Scattered applause]
442
00:16:43,159 --> 00:16:44,136
[Sighs]
443
00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:45,441
So?
444
00:16:45,474 --> 00:16:46,649
It's...
445
00:16:46,682 --> 00:16:48,054
not very good.
446
00:16:48,086 --> 00:16:49,877
[Exhales sharply] I knew it.
I wasted my time.
447
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:51,983
But it's much better than the last one,
448
00:16:52,017 --> 00:16:53,812
and there was one moment
when Count Ivanovich was...
449
00:16:53,844 --> 00:16:55,705
was playing chess with the
bear that really moved me.
450
00:16:55,738 --> 00:16:58,316
Well, that was supposed to be the
emotional gestalt of the piece.
451
00:16:58,348 --> 00:16:59,883
You can hear me stifle a sob in the cut
452
00:16:59,916 --> 00:17:01,776
because my boom operator
was undermining me.
453
00:17:01,810 --> 00:17:04,682
You had an astonishingly toxic set.
454
00:17:04,714 --> 00:17:06,216
Listen, Manny, if I was your dad,
455
00:17:06,248 --> 00:17:07,881
I might tell you to play
it safe with your career.
456
00:17:07,914 --> 00:17:09,252
But as a fan,
457
00:17:09,284 --> 00:17:11,113
I'm dying to see what
you come up with next.
458
00:17:11,145 --> 00:17:12,712
- Really?
- Yeah.
459
00:17:12,745 --> 00:17:14,867
I've been watching you make up
stories since you were this big.
460
00:17:14,899 --> 00:17:16,107
I want to see how it ends.
461
00:17:16,139 --> 00:17:17,185
Not that.
462
00:17:17,218 --> 00:17:20,351
I-I want to see how this ends.
463
00:17:20,384 --> 00:17:21,820
Thanks, Phil.
464
00:17:21,852 --> 00:17:23,453
I would like to keep trying,
465
00:17:23,485 --> 00:17:24,921
maybe something not so commercial.
466
00:17:24,953 --> 00:17:26,782
That's great.
467
00:17:26,814 --> 00:17:29,491
I do think it's the end of the
road for me as a thespian, though.
468
00:17:29,524 --> 00:17:30,960
- Probably best.
- [Chuckles]
469
00:17:30,994 --> 00:17:33,604
Well, I did have a part in my
next film for a guy your age,
470
00:17:33,637 --> 00:17:36,184
but you'd have to grow
a Fu Manchu moustache
471
00:17:36,216 --> 00:17:37,751
and gain 40 pounds in two weeks.
472
00:17:37,783 --> 00:17:39,611
I'll be ready Tuesday.
473
00:17:39,643 --> 00:17:41,341
- Cilantro.
- Yes.
474
00:17:41,374 --> 00:17:43,725
- Diced red onion?
- You are good.
475
00:17:43,757 --> 00:17:45,160
Hey, don't run away
with the rest of that.
476
00:17:45,193 --> 00:17:47,609
- Ugh, what am I looking at?
- Mmm.
477
00:17:47,642 --> 00:17:50,689
Mitch, come here.
Show them how to be a real man.
478
00:17:50,790 --> 00:17:54,627
He has been getting
threatening texts all day
479
00:17:54,660 --> 00:17:58,121
from a fugitive,
and he hasn't even flinched.
480
00:17:58,201 --> 00:18:00,569
Well, they're lucky
they're pretty, right?
481
00:18:00,601 --> 00:18:01,478
[Chuckles]
482
00:18:01,510 --> 00:18:03,665
Daddy, can I borrow your phone?
483
00:18:03,698 --> 00:18:05,951
I want to apologize to Christina.
484
00:18:05,983 --> 00:18:08,333
Lily, no. His phone might be evidence
485
00:18:08,366 --> 00:18:11,076
- in a murder trial.
- Whose?
486
00:18:11,108 --> 00:18:14,014
Sweetie, have you been using
Daddy's phone to text your friend?
487
00:18:14,046 --> 00:18:15,482
Yeah, and I said some mean stuff.
488
00:18:15,514 --> 00:18:18,094
She's probably been texting me back.
489
00:18:18,127 --> 00:18:20,739
- [Cellphone dings]
- My God. Okay, okay.
490
00:18:20,771 --> 00:18:22,566
"I'm... I'm right outside your house.
491
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:23,709
This ends now."
492
00:18:23,741 --> 00:18:25,373
- [Cellphone dings]
- Oh!
493
00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:26,647
"P.S., your hair's ugly."
494
00:18:26,679 --> 00:18:28,965
It's a bluff. She's not out there.
495
00:18:28,997 --> 00:18:30,923
I mean, if you want to go check, check.
496
00:18:30,956 --> 00:18:33,437
You know, us weaklings
would feel so much better
497
00:18:33,470 --> 00:18:35,884
- if you would just take a quick look.
- Please.
498
00:18:35,918 --> 00:18:37,843
Well, as... as lawman and protector,
499
00:18:37,876 --> 00:18:40,912
that is something that I... I can do.
500
00:18:46,690 --> 00:18:47,636
- Hey.
- Ohh!
501
00:18:47,669 --> 00:18:49,269
[Both screaming]
502
00:18:49,301 --> 00:18:51,554
[Breathing rapidly, squeaking]
503
00:18:52,322 --> 00:18:53,773
Thank you for this, Dylan,
504
00:18:53,806 --> 00:18:56,026
and I appreciate you forgiving me
505
00:18:56,059 --> 00:18:58,181
for the dumb thing I said earlier.
506
00:18:58,213 --> 00:18:59,226
Who said I forgave you?
507
00:18:59,258 --> 00:19:00,531
I'm only treating your injury
508
00:19:00,563 --> 00:19:03,632
because you're a guest in my home.
509
00:19:03,664 --> 00:19:06,831
I know it may seem that
I haven't always accepted you,
510
00:19:06,865 --> 00:19:08,529
but when I met you,
511
00:19:08,561 --> 00:19:10,520
you were an 18-year-old
in a leather jacket
512
00:19:10,553 --> 00:19:12,773
dating my 15-year-old daughter.
513
00:19:12,805 --> 00:19:13,818
I get it.
514
00:19:13,850 --> 00:19:15,220
You were trying to protect your daughter
515
00:19:15,253 --> 00:19:16,200
from a guy like me,
516
00:19:16,232 --> 00:19:17,343
but I haven't been a guy like me
517
00:19:17,375 --> 00:19:18,746
- for a long time.
- [Sighs]
518
00:19:18,779 --> 00:19:19,791
Bend for me.
519
00:19:19,824 --> 00:19:20,835
It's hard, Dylan.
520
00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:22,729
I have been a mama bear for so long...
521
00:19:22,785 --> 00:19:25,504
- No, your elbow.
- Oh.
522
00:19:25,536 --> 00:19:26,728
[Quietly] Okay.
523
00:19:26,854 --> 00:19:29,943
It's j... It's all happening so fast.
524
00:19:29,976 --> 00:19:31,412
But it is happening.
525
00:19:31,445 --> 00:19:34,643
I'm about to be the father
to your grandbabies.
526
00:19:34,677 --> 00:19:36,374
Reach out a little.
527
00:19:36,406 --> 00:19:37,745
I meant emotionally.
528
00:19:37,777 --> 00:19:38,887
Oh.
529
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:40,259
I can look myself in the mirror
530
00:19:40,291 --> 00:19:41,694
and know that I've tried my hardest
531
00:19:41,728 --> 00:19:43,621
to make our relationship work.
532
00:19:43,653 --> 00:19:45,449
Can you do the same?
533
00:19:46,821 --> 00:19:49,171
Go ahead.
534
00:19:49,203 --> 00:19:50,998
Here, let me give you some light.
535
00:19:51,032 --> 00:19:52,141
[Clicks]
536
00:19:52,173 --> 00:19:53,414
- Oops, uh, not that one.
- [Clicks]
537
00:19:53,446 --> 00:19:55,733
No.
538
00:19:55,765 --> 00:19:57,887
Claire: There are a lot of
ways for a family to grow...
539
00:19:57,919 --> 00:20:01,739
Both: Touchdown!
540
00:20:01,771 --> 00:20:04,513
Claire: ...finding interests
you didn't know you shared...
541
00:20:04,546 --> 00:20:06,145
- Eh...
- Come on, I've got two weeks!
542
00:20:06,177 --> 00:20:07,810
Blur your eyes. Look at this.
543
00:20:07,842 --> 00:20:12,021
Claire: ...finding new challenges
to embark on together...
544
00:20:12,053 --> 00:20:13,490
But it takes a lot of work.
545
00:20:13,523 --> 00:20:14,829
[Laughter]
546
00:20:14,861 --> 00:20:19,530
The best way for families to
grow is by adding to them.
547
00:20:20,013 --> 00:20:24,716
So this is to the newest
members of our family.
548
00:20:24,751 --> 00:20:28,846
I look forward to getting
to know all of you.
549
00:20:28,881 --> 00:20:30,454
- Love you.
- Cheers.
550
00:20:30,489 --> 00:20:30,589
[Overlapping cheers]
551
00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:36,996
I'm... f-f... f-freezing.
552
00:20:37,030 --> 00:20:39,062
- Manny: Cut!
- [Beep]
553
00:20:39,099 --> 00:20:41,100
Could it be any colder?
554
00:20:41,134 --> 00:20:42,769
- No!
- [Beep]
555
00:20:42,802 --> 00:20:43,970
[Shivers]
556
00:20:44,053 --> 00:20:45,889
Fur hat weather, no?
557
00:20:45,922 --> 00:20:46,956
- No!
- [Beep]
558
00:20:46,990 --> 00:20:48,425
"I'm so cold."
559
00:20:48,558 --> 00:20:49,959
"I'm so cold."
560
00:20:49,993 --> 00:20:52,462
"I'm so cold!" And action.
561
00:20:52,496 --> 00:20:54,731
[Shivers]
562
00:20:54,764 --> 00:20:56,918
Um... brr, am I right?
563
00:20:56,919 --> 00:20:58,697
You gotta be kidding me!
564
00:20:58,698 --> 00:21:00,798
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
565
00:21:00,848 --> 00:21:05,398
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