All language subtitles for Bewitched s08e10 Hansel and Gretel in Samanthaland.eng

Hi, this is Elizabeth Montgomery

inviting you to stay tuned
for Bewitched.

"Deep in the forest,
the woodcutter built a fire.

"'You stay here and rest, '

"the stepmother
said to the children,

"'and when we're ready,
we'll come and fetch you.'

"So Hansel and Gretel
sat by the fire

and when lunchtime came,
they had nothing to eat."

A...

Do you know
what was going through.

Hansel and Gretel's mind?

Do you?

No.

Well, they were thinking,

"Boy, some kids sure are lucky.

"Some kids have stew
with potatoes

"and milk and chocolate cake
for dinner

and leave half of it
on their plates."

Now, where were we?

Let's see. Oh, here we are.

[GROWLS]

"'What was that growling?'
asked Gretel,

clutching Hansel in fright."

DARRIN: Honey, the Tates
should be here any minute.

And I think your cheese puffs
are burning.

Uh-oh.
Continued same time tomorrow.

What was that
growling noise, Mommy?

Sweetheart, you're old enough

to finish reading
the story to Adam.

[
]

Come on, Adam.

[TABITHA GROWLS]

"'What was that growling noise"
asked Gretel."

A bear?

Lion?

Hansel's tummy.

It was growling from hunger.
See?

Aren't they sad?

I bet I could cheer them up.

TABITHA:
Hi.

Don't be scared, it's only me.

HANSEL:
Who are you?

Tabitha.
And this is my brother Adam.

We wanna cheer you up.

I'm Hansel and this is
my sister Gretel.

Are you really hungry?

We haven't had anything to eat
since last night's supper.

That's terrible.

I'm going to get you
something to eat.

How did you do that?

Like this.

It only works for witches.

Witches are only in stories.

I'm a witch.

You couldn't be.

Witches are mean,
ugly, old hags.

I'm a good witch.
And I'll prove it to you

by getting you something to eat.

[
]

[NARRATOR READING
ON-SCREEN TEXT]

[
]

[
]

I made another batch
of cheese puffs.

Mm, they smell
good enough to eat.

I thought you might like some

before Larry and Louise
get here.

I'll be right with you.
I just wanna fix these flowers.

[SNIFFS]

Hey, something smells good.

My mommy's cheese puffs.

Do you suppose
we could have some?

That's what I promised.

Besides, Mommy
always makes extras.

[
]

At the risk
of hurting your feelings,

I thought you were on a diet.

I am. Why? Do I look, uh...?

I said have some,
not the whole platter.

I had one cheese puff.

Darrin, either they
disappeared into thin air

or into your stomach.

Don't put any money
on my stomach.

Put it on one of your
whacked-out relatives.

Serena. That's it.

She always did
like my cheese puffs.

Serena. Come out, come out,
wherever you are.

Oh, Serena, stop horsing round.

Hm. Well, maybe it was Mother.

Anyway, I'll fix some more.

I'm going to get the ice for
the drink I'm going to need.

[
]

I guess you really are a witch.

These are the best cheese puffs
we've ever tasted.

These are the only cheese puffs
we've ever tasted.

Are you still hungry?

Yeah.

Do you like leg of lamb?

I don't know,
but we'll take a chance.

Good, we're having leg
of lamb for dinner.

I'll get you some.

Wouldn't your parents be mad?

No, they always taught Adam
and me to share.

Would you like to stay over
and have breakfast too?

Papa wouldn't let us.
I'll ask him.

But you don't know Papa.

He doesn't know me.

[
]

That's some trick.

It's easy when you know how.

Now, how do I find your father?

Just wander around.

If you don't find him,
he'll find you.

Sweetheart,
I wish you'd try to relax.

The leg of lamb is on its way.

So just take it...

Sam.

I'll be right back.

I'll follow
the floating leg of lamb

and find the culprit.

[
]

What are you two doing here?

We're about to have our
breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I'm Hansel, she's Gretel.

And this is leg of lamb.
Who are you?

I happen to be the mother
of a very naughty witch.

Incidentally, where is she?

She went into the book to ask
Papa if we could sleep over.

Oh, my stars.

DARRIN: Sam, did you find
out what happened to the...?

I knew I was gonna need this.

Sam, what's going on?

Who are these kids?
And where is Tabitha?

Well...

[SIGHS]

Uh, this is Hansel

and-and this is Gretel.

And Tabitha went into
the storybook

to ask their papa
if they could spend the night.

Which means I have to go
into the book to find her.

This isn't the kind of story

you should fool around in.
There's a mean witch in it.

Which really
isn't as awful as it sounds.

It's all part of growing up.
Nothing to worry about, really.

This is Hansel
and this is Gretel.

That's a book
and Tabitha went into that book.

And you're telling me
this is part of growing up

and nothing to worry about?

Right. Well, except the witch.

Oh, yeah,
that witch is really mean.

She's always
turning children into pies

and eating them for dessert.

Bye.

I'll be right back.

Don't let Hansel and Gretel
out of your sight.

Okay.

Tabitha. Tabitha?

[
]

They'll never believe this
down at the psychiatrist's.

Tabitha?

Tabitha?

Tabitha?

[
]

WITCH:
Nibble, nibble, like a mouse,

who is nibbling at my house?

What you want, mister?

You better do something
about those glasses.

I better do something
about these glasses.

Look, whatever you are
makes no never mind to me.

Nibbling on private property
is against the law.

Ate away half my roof,
you glutton.

Well, I'm sorry,
but I was nervous.

Uh, I'm looking for my daughter.

Eh?

Daughter.

Won't find no water around here.
My well's gone dry.

[YELLS]
I'm looking for a little girl

called Tabitha.

What are you yelling about?
I don't know no Tabitha.

I know a Gretel
and that's all I know.

Look, whoever you are,

I'm a very wicked, old witch,

and I'm getting sick and tired
of you snooping around.

You don't belong here.
This is a restricted story.

Not that I'm prejudiced
or anything

but I have a fond respect
for the classics,

and you don't belong
in this classic.

Now scat. Scat.

Okay, you old bat.

I heard that.

Sorry. Tabitha.

Tabitha.

[CACKLES]

[
]

Well, now,

how do you expect
to grow up to be

a nice, plump Tabitha pie
if you don't eat?

[LAUGHS]

I don't wanna be a fat pie.

I wanna be a nice, skinny witch,
like my mommy.

Well, you're a selfish
little girl.

I was expecting
Hansel and Gretel,

but being as you've intruded,

you'll do. Heh-heh-heh.

If you don't let me out,
I'll do some magic to you.

Try it. All storybook witches
are stronger

than real little-girl witches.

[LAUGHS]

I want my mommy.

Don't worry about your mommy,
she won't be lonely.

She has a Hansel and a Gretel,

instead of a stupid little
Tabitha.

[CACKLES]

Adam, I wish your mommy
would hurry back.

It isn't
that I don't like children.

This just isn't my idea
of a fun evening.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Uh-oh. That must be
Larry and Louise.

Now, you stay right here. Oh.

Well, hi.
Hi, there.

Hope we're not early.
No, just fine.

Good.

[CHUCKLING]

Darrin, why are you carrying
that leg of lamb?

Well, in the condition it's in,

it couldn't very well
walk by itself.

[LAUGHS]

Where's Samantha?

She's upstairs doing, uh,
something for Tabitha.

I've been covering
for her in the kitchen.

Make yourselves comfortable,
while I exchange

this leg of lamb
for some cheese puffs.

Mm.
Thank you.

Hello.
Hello.

Well, well, what have we here?

I'm Hansel and this is Gretel.

Hansel and Gretel, huh?

That's right.

How do you do? Gretel?

We live in the forest
with our father the woodcarver.

And we have nothing to eat
and we're hungry.

Oh, you sound like

you're right
out of a fairy tale.

We are.
Tabitha got us out.

Actually, uh,
Tabitha got them in.

[LAUGHS]

Uh, these are friends
of Tabitha's

from down the street.

They're in a, uh...

A play that Sam
is putting on for charity.

Oh, well, isn't that nice?

I'm surprised
Samantha didn't mention it.

Well, it just came up.

Oh, well, they're certainly
cute costumes.

Yes, yes. Heh, heh.

Well, come on, kids,
time to go home.

They're neighborhood kids,
live right down the block.

Can't we have
something to eat first?

There's nothing to eat
at our house.

They're Method actors.

[BOTH LAUGH]

[LAUGHS]
They're really into their parts.

Darrin, have you been drinking?

No.

Neither have we.

Oh, well, here.
What'll you have?

Uh, do you have any bouillon?
I'd love a bullshot.

I think I'll stick
with Scotch and water.

Uh, Louise,
wouldn't you rather have

a Scotch and water?
It's closer.

Excuse me
while I get the bouillon.

[
]

We'll go out
and find something to eat.

It's nice meeting you. Bye.

Bye-bye.
Bye.

Aren't they cute?

Where are the kids?
Oh, they went home.

What?

Well, why'd you let them?

Well, you just got through
telling them to go home.

As a matter of fact,

you were a little psyched-out
on the subject.

But they...

Uh. The costumes. They took
the costumes with them.

Well, I'm sure
they'll bring them back.

How can they bring them back,
if they get lost?

How can they get lost,

when you told us they live
just down the block?

But, it's a long block.

It could be pitch black
by the time they get home.

Uh, I'll be right back.
Darrin.

Hm?

Oh, forgive me, Louise.

Uh, Larry, I'm sorry to impose

but would you mind
making the drinks?

Believe me, it's no imposition.

Hansel? Gretel?

Hansel? Gretel?

Uh, pardon me, sir.

Have you seen two little
children about so high

who answer to the name
of Hansel and Gretel?

No, but Rumpelstiltskin
was by a few minutes ago

with a spinning wheel
on his back.

That's funny.

Hansel? Gretel?

[
]

Tabitha?

Tabitha?

Pardon me, are you
Hansel and Gretel's stepmother?

It depends. Who are you?

Well, I'm here to...

To collect for the poor?

Oh, have you come
to the wrong house.

We are the poor.

Is this the home
of the woodcutter?

You call this a home?

Oh, the promises he made to me

to talk me into this story.

"Brunhilda," he said,

"I will become
a famous woodcutter."

He became famous all right.

Famous for his poverty.

Believe me, madam,

your life will have
a happy ending.

How do you know?
Are you a fortune teller?

No, not really.

I'm a witch,
and I'm looking for...

Wait a minute.

Where did you come from?

From there.

Oh, that miserable Wolfgang.

"Don't go into the forest,
Brunhilda,

"it's dangerous.

"There's a mean, old, ugly,

wicked witch that lives there."

No. No, you don't understand.

Oh, I understand, all right,

why he keeps going
into the forest every day

to, quote, "look for
some wood to cut," unquote.

What he's really looking for is,

quote, "a little hanky-panky

with the beautiful witch,"
unquote.

Will you please listen?

My name is Samantha.

I am a witch,
but not in this story.

If you're talking to me,
you're in this story.

No, no, you see, I...

I am looking
for my daughter, Tabitha.

She's about this high
and she has blonde...

I haven't seen her.

Maybe she got lost in the forest
and the witch got her.

If there is a witch.

There is. I was there.

She said she hadn't
seen her either.

And you believed her?

Sure, I believed her.

Why did I believe her?

You're not supposed to believe
fairy-tale witches.

Tabitha? Tabitha?

[
]

Do you really think
you need another drink?

Louise, I've got to have
some kind of nourishment.

Have a cheese puff.

I said, nourishment.

[
]

Are the kids back?

No.
How about Sam?

Well, she hasn't come down yet.

Do you think something's wrong?

Wrong?
What could be wrong?

I'll check.
Uh, have another drink.

Well, I think there's something
radically wrong here.

Only if they run out of Scotch.

[
]

WITCH:
Nibble, nibble like a mouse,

who is nibbling at my house?

Just knock it off
and come out here.

Yes?

It's me again.

Go away.
I'm about to bake my supper.

And who would that be?

I don't give out recipes.

Now take off, before I do
something...

[CACKLES]
...nasty.

You mean, like this?

[SCREAMS]

Give me back my cane.

Oh, gladly.

This isn't a cane, it's a wand.

Of course.

And I am going to turn you
into a fairy godmother.

For your information,
you're not messing around

with any storybook witch.

I happen to be the real thing.

I can't be a fairy godmother.

A fairy godmother is good
and sweet.

Yuck. And kind.

It'll ruin the story.

Yes, I know.

Oh, please, please.
You can't do this

to millions of little children.

Okay. Where's Tabitha?

What did you say
your daughter's name was?

Tabitha. Tabitha Stephens.

Oh, that Tabitha.
Oh, she's a lovely child.

I tell you what.

You turn me back
and I'll take you right to her.

[CACKLES]

Thank you, thank you.
Come, come.

[
]

Mommy.

Hi, sweetheart.

I can't say
I'm not glad to see you.

But when I get over my relief,

I am going to be very angry.

How can you be angry
at this poor, little darling?

Poor dear was wandering around
in the woods lost,

and Grandma put her
in the guest room.

Well, we'll have her out
in a minute,

as soon as I find the key.

Let's go.

Good riddance.

[CACKLES]

All right, young lady,
now you stay right here.

You have been
a very naughty girl,

and believe me,

there's going to be some
serious discussion later.

Okay, Mommy.

Thank you very much, officers,
for bringing the kids home.

But we don't live here.

Well, where do you live?

We live in the forest.

These are real wiseacre kids.

You can never get
a straight answer from them.

LARRY:
What's the trouble, officers?

Oh, don't worry, Larry,
I'll handle it.

Why don't you fix another drink?

I just fixed myself
another drink.

Well, then, fix me one.

All right.

Now, what's the problem,
officer?

I'll tell you
what's the problem.

What's the problem, officer?

I'll tell you
what's the problem.

It's about time.
I'll explain.

What's the problem, officer?

I'll tell you...

If you'll let me
finish the sentence,

I'll tell you
what's the problem.

The problem is
these two kids were caught

stealing ice cream
from a street vendor.

Now, two popsicles we can
overlook, but two gallons?

We were very hungry.

And we can't get
their names out of them.

We told you.

I'm Hansel and she's Gretel.

And I told you,
I'm Humpty and he's Dumpty.

And you know what they said
when we asked their last names?

OFFICER 1:
Said they didn't have one.

They were too poor to have one.

Look, officer, how much
was the ice cream?

We'll make it good.

Oh, no, no, no, ma'am.
That won't teach them a lesson.

After all, we have to maintain
law and order in the streets.

First it's ice cream,
next it's banks.

Well, you say
they're not your kids.

Now, where do they live?

We told you, in the forest.

Uh,

they are very
imaginative children.

Uh, actually, they live

at 1432 Forest Lane Drive.

Fine. We have to make
a report on it.

We'll notify their parents.
Come on, kids.

It's okay, kids.

Uh, you'll be going home
in just a second.

Tell Tabitha,

thank you very much
for the cheese puffs.

You're welcome.

All right, hurry up,
we're wasting time here.

[
]

Charley?

Yeah?

Did you see what I saw?

What did you see?

Well, I'd rather not say.

If you'd rather not say,
why should I pry?

[
]

Where'd they go?

They're upstairs.

I'll go up and see to it
they get back in the book.

You cover with Larry and Louise.

Why don't you two have
a little drink before...?

I don't think Larry
needs another drink.

Louise, I'm sorry.

Larry?

[SNORES]

[
]

[
]

This is the first time
in my life

I've had a hangover
before dinner.

Well, I'm very sorry, Larry,

but, uh, I was having
a little trouble with Tabitha.

Yes.

It's this play that Sam
is directing for charity.

Tabitha was very jealous,

because she wanted to play
the part of Gretel

instead of the part
of the wicked, old witch and...

[LAUGHS] Yes.

You know how it is with these
temperamental actresses.

Well, those kids you got
to play Hansel and Gretel

are certainly convincing.

Yes. Yes, they were,
weren't they?

When's the play going to be,
Samantha?

When?
Oh, I don't know.

Uh, sometime next month.

Oh, that's a shame.
They seem ready right now.

Oh, yes, they're ready,

but we're not scheduled
until later.

Oh, where is it going to be?

Where?

At the community center,

but it isn't available
until next month.

Say, I have an idea.

I belong to
the Women's League, you know,

and we have an auditorium
that seats 300 people

and it's available any time.

A-any time, huh?

Well, I don't know if I can get
the sets and everything ready.

Oh, don't worry,
I'll pitch in and help.

You just worry
about the creative work.

You're very good at that, Sam.

How did you, uh,

get started on this play?

It was Darrin's idea.

[
]

[
]

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