All language subtitles for Bewitched s08e07 The Ghost Who Made a Spectre of Himself.eng

Hi. This is
Elizabeth Montgomery,

inviting you to stay tuned
for Bewitched.

[
]

Boy, will I be glad to get home.

The next time
Larry offers you a vacation

with a little business
on the side,

we'll know what he really means
is a "little" vacation.

But I do feel a little guilty
about dumping

that Regal Silverware account
in Larry's lap.

If it's in Larry's lap,
what's it doing in your mind?

And...

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

And that's probably Larry.

Oh, he doesn't have the nerve.

[
]

Or does he?

He does.

Look what just flew in.

Oh!
Surprise!

[ALL CHATTERING AND LAUGHING]

Fellow travelers, have I got
terrific news for you.

We're all going to spend
the weekend with nobility

as guests of the
Duke of Whitset at his castle.

Uh, Larry, you must be joking.

Yesterday, we agreed
that Sam and I

would fly home this afternoon

and you would stay over

to handle
the Regal Silverware account.

Well, that was yesterday.

We can't keep
living in the past.

Besides, Louise just arrived.

Oh, but Larry,
if their plans are all set...

Louise, just stay out of this.

You don't get
an invitation to a castle

every day in the week, you know.

But we're all packed
and ready to go.

Just hear me out, then
you can tell me what you think.

We'll spend a nice, quiet,
restful weekend with the Duke,

then on Monday, you and I can
meet with Regal Silverware.

But we won't be here Monday.

Of course you will,

if you spend a weekend
at the castle.

Do you get the logic?

No, but I get the idea.

Apparently, we're going to spend
the weekend at the castle.

[
]

[NARRATOR READING
ON-SCREEN TEXT]

[
]

[
]

[
]

We conclude our tour
of Whitset Castle

with a look at some
of our ancestral portraits.

Not too well lit down here,
you'll notice.

And that's no accident.

Like any other family,
we have our black sheep.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

This is Harry,
the Eighth Duke of Whitset.

Quite a ladies' man, Harry.

He was killed in mortal combat
by a jealous husband.

Aha. Heh.

[LAUGHS]

The lady in question
was the Duchess of Windermere,

whose portrait you saw
in the library.

Oh, the pretty one.

It's my theory
that Harry's our ghost.

LOUISE:
There's a ghost here?

One of the most active
in the land.

[
]

MAID:
Excuse me, Your Grace.

But Cook would like
to speak to you, if she may.

I'll be there directly.

DUKE: Can't keep Cook
waiting, you know.

She's the real
lord of the manor.

[ALL LAUGH]

Excuse me.
Certainly.

Do you really think
there's a ghost here?

Well, uh,

l-let me put it this way.

I h... I have
a feeling there is.

[GHOSTLY WAIL]

[WAILING]

[WAILING CONTINUES IN DISTANCE]

What's that?

The ghost, probably.

Don't be ridiculous.

[WAILING CONTINUES]

Larry.

Larry.

[WAILING CONTINUES]

Do you think that's
gonna go on all night?

I certainly hope not.

Well, I'm not very sleepy.

I think I'll go to the library

and try and find
something to read.

Okay.

[WAILING CONTINUES]

[WAILING]

Excuse me?

[WAILING]

Boo!

Aah!

Uh, would you mind
holding it down a bit?

You're disturbing
everybody's sleep.

That's what I'm supposed to do,

and you are supposed
to be frightened.

I usually terrify
the average mortal.

Well, I'm not your average
mortal. I'm a witch.

A witch?

Ha-ha.
You've got to be joking.

Uh, a lot of people think

there's no such thing
as a ghost.

Yes, but they're quite wrong.

So are you. Turn around.

Now watch this.

[
]

[GASPS]

You frightened me half to death.

How could I when you're already?

Yes, you're quite right.

So you are a witch.

And a very cute little witch,
I might add.

Oh, ha-ha. Thank you.

Maybe you and I could have
a little fun?

Forget it.

Oh.

I've been haunting
for such a long time, ducky.

It's awfully lonely always
to be heard and never seen,

always to see and never to...

touch.

[
]

Sorry.

Your trouble is that you're
just a little transparent.

So are your motives.

Well, now, ducky.

We ghosts have our ways,
you know.

[CHUCKLES]

I'm sure you do.

So why don't you go out
and drum up a nice lady ghost,

and let everybody
get some sleep?

I've got a much better idea
than that, ducky.

[
]

How about a little
good night kiss?

[MUFFLED GRUNTING]

Ugh!

Blah!

Is that any way to treat
a dear, beloved husband?

Yes,

especially when you're not
my dear, beloved husband.

Now, what is that
supposed to mean?

It means you're wasting
your time.

I can still see through you.

[GHOST'S VOICE] Couldn't
fool you, could I, ducky?

I will give you
to the count of three

to get out of my husband's body.

Or what?

Or I'll zap you
out of existence.

Oh, now remember this, ducky.

As long as I'm
in your husband's body,

whatever you do to me,
you do to him.

[GROANS]

And now pucker up

and give us another
little kiss, ducky.

No! You stay away from me
or I'll scream.

Oh? Uh, like this?

[WAILING]

[WAILING CONTINUES]

Well, that's certainly a ghost
with a lot of spirit.

Louise, you're not at your best
when you try humor.

It's no use, ducky.
No matter what you do,

you can't get away from me.

That's what you think.

[CHUCKLING]

[
]

Ducky? Ducky?

Ducky?

Ducky, now where did you go?

Ducky? Ducky?

What's going on?

[AS DARRIN]
Uh, I'm looking for my wife.

Is something wrong?

Oh, there you are.

Samantha,
is everything all right?

Oh, sure.

Darrin and I just had
a little misunderstanding,

but it's all right now.

I knew you couldn't
stay mad at me.

Uh, sorry if we disturbed you.

Uh, good night.

[
]

Will you do me a favor
and get lost?

Never.

Don't you get the picture?

Or does a castle
have to fall on you?

Because I can
arrange that, you know.

Go ahead. You can't
do me any harm.

I'm already a ghost.

What does he mean
he's already a ghost?

Well, I guess he means
if Samantha doesn't love him,

he might as well be a ghost.

I wish I knew
what the problem was.

The problem is they're married.

Oh. What's the use?

[SIGHS]

DARRIN:
Let me in.

Not until you decide
to behave like a human being

if you know what I mean.

It's none of our business.

Oh!

[
]

Go away.

Samantha, it's me.
Can I help?

[GROANS]

No, everything's fine.

See? Let's go back
to bed.

Are you sure?

Can't you see?
Everything is fine.

Do you mind?

Samantha, there are times
when it's foolish

to try to keep up appearances,

especially with old friends.

You're going to spend
the night with me.

Yes, but what about...

And you can spend
the night with this...

This heel.

I'm not a heel.
I'm a...

Thank you, Louise.

And when you decide
to be yourself,

just let me know.

[
]

What'd you do
to get her so upset?

I just asked her
for a little kiss.

Look, Darrin, if you
don't wanna talk about it,

just say so.

[WAILS]

You know, that stupid ghost

sounds like it's
right here in this room.

That ghost is not stupid.

Okay, if you say so.

[
]

[GHOST WAILING IN DISTANCE]

Sounds like that ghost
is never going to give up.

Please, don't say that.

[
]

[
]

Well, I didn't sleep too badly
after the ghost settled down,

but you kept tossing.

I was worried about where
the ghost had settled.

What?

[SIGHS]

Maybe I better go
check on Darrin.

Samantha, that is exactly
the wrong thing to do.

Make him come to you.

Here they come now.

Remember, play it cool.

And you make him
apologize, you hear?

Morning.
Louise.

Morning.

Morning, Larry.
Morning, Sam.

Good morning...

Darrin.

Good morning...

ducky.

I'm not speaking to you.

Now, wait a minute, Samantha.

Darrin's very upset
about what happened last night.

He wants to kiss
and make up. Don't you?

I sure do.

Well, I don't.

Samantha, Darrin is apologizing.

Darrin is not apologizing.

The acoustics in here
are very peculiar.

I could have sworn
I heard him apologize.

There's only one way
he can make up with me.

And he knows what it is.

I'm sorry, but I'm not ready
to give up the ghost.

What are you two talking about?

Oh, Larry, stop prying.

I'm sorry. I forgot.

You're in charge of that.

DUKE:
Good morning, everybody.

ALL:
Good morning, Duke.

We should be serving the hunt
breakfast at 11:00 promptly.

Well, I trust that you heard
the ghost last night?

We certainly did.

I'm delighted the ghost
was in such good form.

Terribly temperamental,
you know.

Ha-ha. Sometimes, we don't hear
from the old boy for days.

Did it ever occur to you
that the old boy might be tired?

Tired?

[LAUGHS]

Tired? A ghost?

Oh, that's very good.

I don't think a ghost ever
gets tired, my dear fellow.

[GHOST'S VOICE]
Now how would you know?

Well, I suppose you're entitled
to your own opinion.

Excuse me, Your Grace,

but Cook isn't at all happy
with the marketing you did.

Holy terror, that woman,
you know.

Excuse me.

[
]

What's the matter with you?

Why'd you get so uptight

about such a dumb thing
as a ghost?

Because that's the way I felt.

And for your information,
a ghost is not a dumb thing.

[MUMBLES]

Why do you sound funny?

Funny?

Yeah, where'd you pick up
that fake English accent?

This is not a fake accent.

Darrin, calm down.

And I'm tired of you
telling me what to do.

[
]

Uh, maybe I better go after him.

LOUISE:
Sit still, Samantha.

The worst thing you could do
is chase after him.

Now, you let me talk to him.

Now wait a minute, Louise.
I don't think...

No, Samantha, let her handle it.

Well, he's in a very ugly mood.

Well, when it comes
to handling ugly moods,

Louise is a specialist.

She's been handling mine
for years.

[
]

Darrin, may I talk to you?

Why not?

Sit down, ducky.

You not only don't act
like yourself,

you don't sound like yourself.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[AS DARRIN] Sorry about that.

I got carried away
with the atmosphere.

What on Earth
has gotten into you?

Nothing.
On Earth, that is.

Well, I feel awful.

Samantha's not only
my best friend,

but, well, she's one of the
sweetest women I've ever known.

You're pretty sweet yourself.

Oh. Darrin, I'm serious.

What makes you think I'm not?

[
]

I just hope he doesn't say
anything to offend her.

I wouldn't worry about it.

Louise has a pretty tough hide.

Uh-huh.

[
]

Well?

Samantha, you're right.
He's not himself.

Why? What did he do?

Well, I was having
a talk with him,

trying to make him realize
how unfair he was being to you.

And then, all of a sudden...

Yeah?

I can't even talk about it.

Louise, you'd better tell us,

because if you don't,

we'll start imagining
something ridiculous,

like he was making
a pass at you.

And why is that so ridiculous?

Well, because you're old enough
to be Darrin's...

Don't say it.

Why not? Sister.

Well, uh, Louise, I'm sure
you misunderstood,

but, uh, I think maybe

I better go
and talk to him anyway.

[
]

What did he actually say?

Well...

He asked me to go to
the gardener's cottage with him.

What for?

What do you think?

Oh.

It's obvious
he's having a nervous breakdown.

You can joke about it,

but I've never been
so insulted in my life.

Now, what do you intend
to do about it?

Well, what do you
expect me to do?

Punch him in the nose?

Yes.

[
]

Come on.

You might as well get out of
Darrin's body right now.

You're going to have to do it
when we leave tomorrow anyway.

[GHOST'S VOICE]
I may, and I may not.

I see.

Well, there's just one way
to get you off my back.

What's that?

What you need is a real,
live lady ghost,

if you'll excuse the expression.

You don't really
deserve this, but, uh...

Lady Windermere, right?

GHOST:
Right.

[
]

Who are you?
And you?

It's me.

Harry, you old devil.

Thank you for the promotion.

What a pleasure it is
to see you, ducky.

But darling, why are you wearing
all those silly chains?

Oh, well, they have to do
with my haunting.

Well, you won't be
needing them anymore.

Right, ducky.

What's going on?

Were you aware that the Duchess
and I are old friends?

Uh...

I knew it was her husband
who made a ghost out of you.

Sam, who are these people,

and how come
I can see through them?

What a pleasure it's going to be
to have some company,

especially on those
cold winter nights.

Come, ducky.

Sam, what is it?
W-What's this all about?

It's a long story.

[WHISPERS] And, uh, we haven't
time for long stories.

Well? Go on.

[
]

Darrin, this isn't
something I want to do,

but, uh, I'm afraid
I can't avoid it.

Uh, what?

In order to keep peace
in the family,

I'm going to have to
rap you in the mouth.

The hunt breakfast
is now being served.

But, uh,

it can wait until after we eat.

Shall we go in?

[DUCHESS GIGGLING]

HARRY:
You're a very graceful Duchess.

DUCHESS [LAUGHING]:
Oh, Harry!

GHOST: Oh.
[DUCHESS GIGGLING]

By Jove!

I think
we've got two ghosts now.

Well, I'm starving.
How about you?

Shall we go in to breakfast?

[
]

Louise?

Darrin, you really are a heel.

What?

Larry, are you just
gonna stand there?

No.

Darrin, we might as well have
this out right here and now.

DARRIN:
What did I do?

SAMANTHA:
Oh, dear.

Thank you, sir.

Uh, do you mind?

We'll be in in a minute.

[WHISPERING]
Well, what happened was,

when I came into
this library last night,

I met that ghost
and he was such a pest.

Well, now, just go along
with anything I say

because I have a plan.

We have to make Louise happy
because she thinks

that you tried to make a pass
at her in the garden,

and you know how...

[
]

Come along, everybody.
Make yourselves comfortable.

Thank you.

I'm sorry, Your Grace.

I'm afraid the souffl?'s fallen.

Fallen?

Dear, dear.

You see, the kitchen
is in another building,

and I'm afraid
that the souffl? took a chill

as it was being carried
across the drawbridge.

I'll see if Cook has prepared
a substitute one.

In the meantime,

please carry on
with the kidney pie.

Thank you.

Come along.

[
]

Well, what was all that about?

The souffl? fell,

and you're next.

When we get home,
I'm gonna dig up

a good psychiatrist for you.

Well, it looks as if
Larry got the message.

What message?

Uh, these past few weeks

were supposed to be a vacation

with a little work on the side.

Well, you turned it
into a little vacation

with a lot of work on the side.

And poor Darrin, he's been
under a terrible strain.

You may not believe this,

but he's near
the breaking point.

Oh, I believe it.
I believe it.

After his behavior, so do I.

Oh, no.
Uh, you don't understand.

Uh, Darrin just wanted to
show Larry what would happen

if he didn't take
some of the pressure off.

Well, it worked.

I told you he was cracking up,
didn't I?

Do you understand, Louise?

Oh, perfectly.

What you're all saying

is that unless
somebody's out of his mind

he couldn't possibly be
interested in me.

Oh, no.

No, you don't understand.

You see, Darrin thought that
if he paid attention to you

Larry would realize
that a nervous breakdown

would be the only thing
that would cause him

to jeopardize our friendship,

let alone their business
relationship,

because that's how we all got
together in the first place,

which should prove to you that
Darrin would never dream

of saying anything to offend
you, right, sweetheart?

Right.

What did you say?

It doesn't matter what she said.
It was a compliment.

It was?

Eat your kidneys.

I'll explain it to you later.

[
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[
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