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1
00:00:02,234 --> 00:00:03,168
[
]
2
00:00:03,169 --> 00:00:05,070
More coffee, sweetheart?
3
00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:07,238
No, thanks. I'll just
finish this and get going.
4
00:00:09,008 --> 00:00:11,810
Sam, how come you haven't
said a word about my tie?
5
00:00:11,811 --> 00:00:15,013
I was looking for just
the right word.
6
00:00:15,014 --> 00:00:17,182
You don't like it.
I didn't say that.
7
00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:18,450
You do like it?
8
00:00:18,451 --> 00:00:20,185
I didn't say that either.
9
00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:23,522
Well, I like it. You gotta keep
up with the times, you know.
10
00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:26,257
Oh, did you finish
the jingle
11
00:00:26,258 --> 00:00:28,960
for Colonel Bringham's
Succulent Spareribs?
12
00:00:28,961 --> 00:00:32,563
Yeah. I got two pretty good
ones here, if I say so myself.
13
00:00:32,564 --> 00:00:34,665
I just can't make up
my mind.
14
00:00:34,666 --> 00:00:36,567
ENDORA:
What mind?
15
00:00:38,037 --> 00:00:39,905
Well, well, well.
16
00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:41,372
If it isn't the author of:
17
00:00:41,373 --> 00:00:43,575
How to Be a ShrewishMother-In-Law.
18
00:00:43,576 --> 00:00:45,744
Darrin.
This is a perfect illustration
19
00:00:45,745 --> 00:00:48,379
of why Durwood
remains on his treadmill.
20
00:00:48,380 --> 00:00:52,818
A man who can't make up his mind
never will succeed.
21
00:00:52,819 --> 00:00:55,620
Endora, that criticism
is unfair, unworthy and--
22
00:00:55,621 --> 00:00:58,089
Uninvited.
23
00:00:58,991 --> 00:01:01,259
And to show you
how wrong you are,
24
00:01:01,260 --> 00:01:04,195
I have just made up my mind
to take my leave.
25
00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:07,632
What this house needs
is a keeper.
26
00:01:07,633 --> 00:01:09,267
[
]
27
00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:14,206
Mother. Oh, Mother.
28
00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:16,775
You are so exasperatingly
unfair to Darrin.
29
00:01:16,776 --> 00:01:19,945
And once, just once,
when you come to visit,
30
00:01:19,946 --> 00:01:22,347
I wish you'd leave
your fangs at home.
31
00:01:22,348 --> 00:01:23,915
[
]
32
00:01:28,087 --> 00:01:29,754
I'll have Adam
dressed in a minute.
33
00:01:29,755 --> 00:01:32,057
You can play with him, okay?
34
00:01:32,058 --> 00:01:34,292
I'd be delighted.
35
00:01:37,629 --> 00:01:42,667
When, oh, when will you ever
learn that mother knows best?
36
00:01:42,668 --> 00:01:45,570
And what mother knows best
37
00:01:45,571 --> 00:01:48,673
is how to prove she's right.
38
00:01:58,183 --> 00:02:01,352
Indecision nowWill be your fate
39
00:02:01,353 --> 00:02:04,789
In matters smallAnd matters great
40
00:02:04,790 --> 00:02:08,026
A plague of ifsAnd ands and buts
41
00:02:08,027 --> 00:02:10,761
Will now descendAnd drive you nuts
42
00:02:13,665 --> 00:02:15,766
Hi, dumbo.
43
00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:19,304
Are you out of your tree?
44
00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:22,640
What are you doing there?
Get off.
45
00:02:22,641 --> 00:02:24,442
Unless you'd rather stay.
46
00:02:24,443 --> 00:02:26,745
On second thought, get off.
47
00:02:26,746 --> 00:02:30,482
Personally, I think I make
a rather dashing hood ornament.
48
00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:32,917
But how would you know?
49
00:02:42,928 --> 00:02:46,063
Oh, Mr. Stephens!
Mr. Stephens!
50
00:02:46,064 --> 00:02:47,698
I have something
to discuss with you.
51
00:02:47,699 --> 00:02:48,934
Can you spare a minute?
52
00:02:48,935 --> 00:02:50,434
Of course.
53
00:02:50,435 --> 00:02:52,037
But not really.
54
00:02:52,038 --> 00:02:53,605
Well, which?
55
00:02:53,606 --> 00:02:57,242
Well, actually, I should
be getting to the office,
56
00:02:57,243 --> 00:02:59,643
but on the other hand...
57
00:02:59,644 --> 00:03:01,746
What is it you want
to tell me, Mrs. Kravitz?
58
00:03:01,747 --> 00:03:04,582
Well, it's about the trash cans
in the neighborhood.
59
00:03:04,583 --> 00:03:08,153
Have you noticed how terrible
they look on trash day?
60
00:03:08,154 --> 00:03:11,522
I'm trying to get everybody
to replace or paint them.
61
00:03:11,523 --> 00:03:14,326
Hey-- Wow, look at the time.
I've got to rush.
62
00:03:14,327 --> 00:03:16,027
Oh-oh, but--
But I still don't know
63
00:03:16,028 --> 00:03:17,495
whether you're
for or against it.
64
00:03:17,496 --> 00:03:19,230
Can't you just
spare another minute?
65
00:03:19,231 --> 00:03:21,566
Of course. Take your time.
66
00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:23,767
I'm in no hurry whatsoever.
67
00:03:24,837 --> 00:03:26,270
You know, Mr. Stephens,
68
00:03:26,271 --> 00:03:30,308
someday your sarcasm
is gonna get you in trouble.
69
00:03:30,309 --> 00:03:32,010
[
]
70
00:03:36,849 --> 00:03:40,017
[NARRATOR READS
ON-SCREEN TEXT]
71
00:03:40,018 --> 00:03:41,452
[
]
72
00:04:24,530 --> 00:04:26,397
[
]
73
00:04:26,398 --> 00:04:30,301
Mother? Mother? Hm.
74
00:04:30,302 --> 00:04:32,303
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh, dear.
75
00:04:32,304 --> 00:04:34,906
Sweetheart, will you take him
outside on the patio and play
76
00:04:34,907 --> 00:04:36,574
Okay.
while I answer this? Scoot.
77
00:04:36,575 --> 00:04:38,776
Come on, Adam. I'll show you
how to skip rope.
78
00:04:43,648 --> 00:04:46,584
Oh, hi, Mrs. Kravitz.
Well, what can I do for you?
79
00:04:46,585 --> 00:04:49,020
Ask not what you
can do for me.
80
00:04:49,021 --> 00:04:51,423
Ask what you can do
for your neighborhood.
81
00:04:51,424 --> 00:04:54,225
Okay. What can I do
for my neighborhood?
82
00:04:54,226 --> 00:04:57,562
It's about cleaning up the trash
cans in the neighborhood.
83
00:04:57,563 --> 00:04:58,930
Well, that's a good idea.
84
00:04:58,931 --> 00:05:01,766
Well, I discussed this with
your husband as he was leaving,
85
00:05:01,767 --> 00:05:04,069
but I just couldn't
get anywhere with him.
86
00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:05,303
Didn't Darrin agree?
87
00:05:05,304 --> 00:05:07,404
Well, I--
I really couldn't tell.
88
00:05:07,405 --> 00:05:09,507
He acted so strange,
89
00:05:09,508 --> 00:05:11,609
like he was--
90
00:05:11,610 --> 00:05:12,910
Uh, I don't know, in a daze,
91
00:05:12,911 --> 00:05:15,213
the way he kept
changing his mind and--
92
00:05:15,214 --> 00:05:16,915
Changing his mind?
93
00:05:16,916 --> 00:05:19,584
Maybe he ought to see
a doctor or something.
94
00:05:19,585 --> 00:05:23,755
"Or something" is probably
a better suggestion.
95
00:05:23,756 --> 00:05:26,457
Uh, Mrs. Kravitz,
will you excuse me?
96
00:05:26,458 --> 00:05:28,626
I have an urgent matter
I have to take care of.
97
00:05:28,627 --> 00:05:31,329
Well, what if we paint
the trash cans the same color?
98
00:05:31,330 --> 00:05:32,797
Well, that's fine with me.
99
00:05:32,798 --> 00:05:34,566
Well, would you prefer
yellow or--?
100
00:05:34,567 --> 00:05:36,367
[
]
101
00:05:39,538 --> 00:05:44,742
Mother, I-I'm not accusing.
I-I'm just asking.
102
00:05:44,743 --> 00:05:48,213
Did you put a hex
on Darrin this morning?
103
00:05:51,550 --> 00:05:53,218
Ooh!
104
00:05:54,853 --> 00:05:56,821
"Hex, no."
105
00:05:56,822 --> 00:05:59,357
Mother, that pun
is not only sick,
106
00:05:59,358 --> 00:06:00,658
it is beyond help.
107
00:06:00,659 --> 00:06:02,393
[ADAM CRYING]
108
00:06:02,394 --> 00:06:03,794
Tabitha, behave yourself.
109
00:06:03,795 --> 00:06:04,929
TABITHA:
Come on, Adam.
110
00:06:04,930 --> 00:06:06,664
Give me back my jump rope.
Adam, will--?
111
00:06:06,665 --> 00:06:08,799
Will you give Tabitha back
her jump rope?
112
00:06:10,302 --> 00:06:12,703
Oh, Mother, I'll--
I'll take care of you later.
113
00:06:12,704 --> 00:06:14,439
[
]
114
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,307
Darrin, I love these
jingles you did
115
00:06:16,308 --> 00:06:18,009
for Colonel Bringham's
Spareribs.
116
00:06:18,010 --> 00:06:20,077
Which one do you think
we ought to pitch?
117
00:06:20,078 --> 00:06:23,147
Well, the one I really like
is the "Pop Goes the Weasel."
118
00:06:23,148 --> 00:06:25,749
But the other is very
effective too, because--
119
00:06:27,219 --> 00:06:28,886
I-I really can't
make up my mind.
120
00:06:28,887 --> 00:06:31,089
Colonel Bringham's going
to be here in half an hour,
121
00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:32,557
so let's come to a decision.
122
00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:34,325
Of-- Of course,
till we actually meet him,
123
00:06:34,326 --> 00:06:35,827
we'll have to do
some blind flying,
124
00:06:35,828 --> 00:06:36,861
but personally, I like
125
00:06:36,862 --> 00:06:38,496
"The Little Piggy
Goes to Market."
126
00:06:38,497 --> 00:06:41,666
It's appropriate for the product
and it's nice and safe.
127
00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:43,201
Don't you agree?
Absolutely.
128
00:06:43,202 --> 00:06:45,870
Good.
But not necessarily.
129
00:06:45,871 --> 00:06:47,004
What?
130
00:06:47,005 --> 00:06:47,938
Well, I mean,
131
00:06:47,939 --> 00:06:49,206
I think
it's a good approach,
132
00:06:49,207 --> 00:06:51,576
but on the other hand, is it?
133
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:53,344
What do you mean?
134
00:06:53,345 --> 00:06:54,779
Maybe it's a bad approach.
135
00:06:54,780 --> 00:06:56,948
Darrin, don't fall apart
136
00:06:56,949 --> 00:06:59,851
just when we're about
to close in on this account.
137
00:06:59,852 --> 00:07:02,019
You know, your trouble
is you worry too much.
138
00:07:05,457 --> 00:07:06,724
New tie, huh?
139
00:07:06,725 --> 00:07:08,493
Right.
140
00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:10,428
It's a little overboard,
isn't it?
141
00:07:10,429 --> 00:07:11,629
It's okay with me.
142
00:07:11,630 --> 00:07:12,931
Yes, but is it appropriate
to wear
143
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:15,133
when you're about to meet
a conservative gentleman
144
00:07:15,134 --> 00:07:16,300
of the old South?
145
00:07:16,301 --> 00:07:18,570
A thing like this
can be very damaging.
146
00:07:18,571 --> 00:07:21,171
He might not say anything,
but he'll make a mental note:
147
00:07:21,172 --> 00:07:23,441
"This man is not to be trusted."
148
00:07:23,442 --> 00:07:26,611
Because of your tie?
That's ridiculous.
149
00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:28,846
You're right.
That's ridiculous.
150
00:07:28,847 --> 00:07:30,014
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
151
00:07:30,015 --> 00:07:31,249
Excuse me.
152
00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:32,149
Where are you going?
153
00:07:32,150 --> 00:07:33,852
Out to buy another tie.
154
00:07:33,853 --> 00:07:35,253
[
]
155
00:07:39,257 --> 00:07:42,026
Oh, hi-- Hi, Betty.
May I speak to him, please?
156
00:07:42,027 --> 00:07:44,962
Oh, hi, Miss Stephens.
He went out to buy a tie.
157
00:07:44,963 --> 00:07:47,231
He did? Well, that's funny.
158
00:07:47,232 --> 00:07:49,300
He was wearing
a brand-new tie when he left.
159
00:07:49,301 --> 00:07:52,237
Yeah, I know.
I don't know what got into him.
160
00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:54,672
I'm afraid I do.
161
00:07:54,673 --> 00:07:55,907
Pardon?
162
00:07:55,908 --> 00:07:57,375
Oh, uh, no-- Nothing.
163
00:07:57,376 --> 00:07:59,644
Uh, maybe I'll just come
upstairs and wait for him.
164
00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:00,979
Oh, are you in the building?
165
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:03,714
Uh, no.
But I'm not far away.
166
00:08:03,715 --> 00:08:05,382
Thanks, Betty. Bye-bye.
167
00:08:06,785 --> 00:08:07,985
Aunt Hagatha?
168
00:08:11,924 --> 00:08:13,825
Aunt Hagatha?
169
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:15,492
[YAWNING]
170
00:08:15,493 --> 00:08:19,664
Samantha. Oh, I wish
you wouldn't do that.
171
00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:23,600
I was getting 40 winks
and I was only up to 35.
172
00:08:23,601 --> 00:08:25,569
Oh, well, I-I'm terribly sorry,
Aunt Hagatha,
173
00:08:25,570 --> 00:08:27,639
but it's an emergency.
174
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,041
Mother's been interfering again,
so she's hiding out.
175
00:08:30,042 --> 00:08:31,776
Now, I have to pop down
to Darrin's office
176
00:08:31,777 --> 00:08:33,144
and check on something.
177
00:08:33,145 --> 00:08:35,445
Adam's taking his nap.
Tabitha's playing in her room.
178
00:08:35,446 --> 00:08:37,114
And I owe you five winks.
179
00:08:38,449 --> 00:08:39,583
Ooh...
180
00:08:41,219 --> 00:08:42,653
[
]
181
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:48,926
[MAGIC CHIMES]
182
00:08:52,064 --> 00:08:53,397
Good afternoon.
183
00:08:56,101 --> 00:08:58,302
This account man of yours
better be pretty good.
184
00:08:58,303 --> 00:09:00,704
I'm not used to waiting around
for people that work for me.
185
00:09:00,705 --> 00:09:03,140
Neither am I.
186
00:09:03,141 --> 00:09:06,177
I can't get over the fact
that you are not from the South.
187
00:09:06,178 --> 00:09:07,544
I wish you'd try
and get over it.
188
00:09:07,545 --> 00:09:09,146
Everybody makes
the same mistake.
189
00:09:09,147 --> 00:09:12,383
Frankly, it doesn't amuse me.
190
00:09:12,384 --> 00:09:16,587
I suppose it's the combination
of "colonel" and "spareribs."
191
00:09:16,588 --> 00:09:18,722
All those Kentucky colonels,
you know.
192
00:09:18,723 --> 00:09:21,425
I'm a colonel.
U.S. Army, retired.
193
00:09:21,426 --> 00:09:22,693
Oh?
194
00:09:22,694 --> 00:09:24,561
I find that fascinating.
195
00:09:24,562 --> 00:09:26,397
I find it a bore.
196
00:09:26,398 --> 00:09:29,200
So is waiting around
for this genius of yours.
197
00:09:29,201 --> 00:09:31,702
I'm sure something
must have happened to him.
198
00:09:31,703 --> 00:09:34,438
And for his sake,
I hope so.
199
00:09:34,439 --> 00:09:36,107
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
200
00:09:40,011 --> 00:09:41,779
I don't really understand it.
201
00:09:41,780 --> 00:09:44,181
It's not like Darrin
to be late for a meeting.
202
00:09:44,182 --> 00:09:45,549
Yeah, I know.
203
00:09:45,550 --> 00:09:48,485
The colonel's here
and Mr. Tate is livid.
204
00:09:48,486 --> 00:09:49,720
[DOOR OPENS]
205
00:09:51,256 --> 00:09:53,357
Sam, what are you doing here?
206
00:09:53,358 --> 00:09:56,460
Sweetheart, I have to talk
to you about something.
207
00:09:56,461 --> 00:09:58,896
Mr. Stephens,
the colonel is here
208
00:09:58,897 --> 00:10:01,232
and Mr. Tate
is pretty upset.
209
00:10:01,233 --> 00:10:03,101
Oh, has he been
asking for me?
210
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:04,968
Not asking. Yelling.
211
00:10:04,969 --> 00:10:07,372
You're to get your material
and go right in.
212
00:10:07,373 --> 00:10:09,039
Okay. Come on, Sam.
213
00:10:11,977 --> 00:10:13,644
Is something wrong?
Yes, with you.
214
00:10:13,645 --> 00:10:16,280
I think Mother might have--
215
00:10:16,281 --> 00:10:19,350
I thought you went shopping
for a new tie.
216
00:10:19,351 --> 00:10:20,584
I did.
217
00:10:20,585 --> 00:10:21,952
But the salesman confused me
218
00:10:21,953 --> 00:10:24,655
by showing me every tie he had,
so I finally gave up.
219
00:10:24,656 --> 00:10:26,957
What was wrong with the one
you were wearing?
220
00:10:26,958 --> 00:10:28,992
I thought it might
be a little too daring
221
00:10:28,993 --> 00:10:30,828
for a conservative man
like the colonel.
222
00:10:30,829 --> 00:10:32,730
That doesn't make any sense.
223
00:10:32,731 --> 00:10:34,432
Oh, yes, it does.
224
00:10:36,568 --> 00:10:39,569
But not too much.
But on the other hand,
225
00:10:39,570 --> 00:10:40,805
you can't overlook anything
226
00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:42,373
when you're dealing
with a client,
227
00:10:42,374 --> 00:10:44,408
no matter how foolish
it seems.
228
00:10:44,409 --> 00:10:47,110
And it seems this
was pretty foolish,
229
00:10:47,111 --> 00:10:48,512
so why did I do it?
230
00:10:48,513 --> 00:10:50,147
Oh...
231
00:10:50,148 --> 00:10:55,787
Oh-- Oh, Darrin, I was right.
You are not well.
232
00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:58,589
Darrin, would you please
get your--?
233
00:10:58,590 --> 00:11:03,427
Oh, hi, Sam.
Would you care to join us?
234
00:11:03,428 --> 00:11:05,429
No.
What?
235
00:11:05,430 --> 00:11:07,998
I mean, yes. And no.
236
00:11:07,999 --> 00:11:12,136
What-- What he means is we we're
in the middle of a discussion.
237
00:11:12,137 --> 00:11:14,137
So were the colonel and I,
238
00:11:14,138 --> 00:11:15,238
and it was about whether
239
00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:18,008
you're going to be working
here tomorrow.
240
00:11:18,009 --> 00:11:19,543
Excuse us.
241
00:11:19,544 --> 00:11:20,978
[
]
242
00:11:22,948 --> 00:11:24,315
[DOOR SHUTS]
243
00:11:28,386 --> 00:11:29,954
All right, Mother.
244
00:11:29,955 --> 00:11:32,223
I have had it with
your interference.
245
00:11:32,224 --> 00:11:33,624
If the New York Jets had it,
246
00:11:33,625 --> 00:11:35,793
they could probably
win the championship.
247
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,401
"Enjoyed your pun.
248
00:11:43,402 --> 00:11:46,103
"I'm trifling with
the maharajah of Janipur
249
00:11:46,104 --> 00:11:48,806
and haven't time
to trifle with you."
250
00:11:48,807 --> 00:11:50,341
Oh...
251
00:11:57,482 --> 00:11:59,884
"P.S. Notify the Jets
252
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:03,353
I won't be available
until 5:00 this afternoon."
253
00:12:03,354 --> 00:12:04,121
Ah!
254
00:12:05,757 --> 00:12:08,458
Good grief, Mother,
you're driving me crazy.
255
00:12:08,459 --> 00:12:09,894
[
]
256
00:12:14,533 --> 00:12:15,933
South Philadelphia?
257
00:12:15,934 --> 00:12:18,402
It seems everyone makes
the same mistake, Darrin,
258
00:12:18,403 --> 00:12:21,104
so let's not bore the colonel.
Just go on.
259
00:12:21,105 --> 00:12:23,007
Uh, right.
260
00:12:23,008 --> 00:12:25,877
Uh, this is the layout
for the campaign.
261
00:12:25,878 --> 00:12:30,114
And the jingle is based on
"Pop Goes the Weasel."
262
00:12:30,115 --> 00:12:31,949
Now, naturally,
I'm not a singer,
263
00:12:31,950 --> 00:12:34,218
but I'll do my best.
264
00:12:34,219 --> 00:12:38,389
Uh, not that I can't sing.
I can. But not very well.
265
00:12:38,390 --> 00:12:40,224
Darrin, get on with it.
266
00:12:40,225 --> 00:12:41,826
[CLEARS THROAT]
267
00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:43,894
For succulent ribs
That beat the best
268
00:12:43,895 --> 00:12:45,997
You've got to try
Colonel Bringham
269
00:12:45,998 --> 00:12:48,065
They're best by taste
And best by test
270
00:12:48,066 --> 00:12:49,767
Oh, how you'll dig 'em
271
00:12:49,768 --> 00:12:51,868
So stop by the colonel's
For a bucket of ribs
272
00:12:51,869 --> 00:12:54,104
Give a day off to mommy
273
00:12:54,105 --> 00:12:55,906
You'll love them
And we never tell fibs
274
00:12:55,907 --> 00:12:58,342
"Yum," goes your tummy
275
00:13:00,212 --> 00:13:02,713
"'Yum,' goes your tummy"?
276
00:13:02,714 --> 00:13:04,615
Of course,
that line can be changed.
277
00:13:04,616 --> 00:13:07,384
Or any of the lines.
Or even the melody.
278
00:13:07,385 --> 00:13:08,986
No. Why? It's catchy.
279
00:13:08,987 --> 00:13:10,788
Exactly. Darrin,
don't change a thing.
280
00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:14,358
Naturally, with an orchestra,
it'll be even more effective.
281
00:13:14,359 --> 00:13:15,960
Right, Darrin?
Right.
282
00:13:17,362 --> 00:13:18,529
At least I hope so.
283
00:13:18,530 --> 00:13:20,998
You, uh, seem to have
some reservations.
284
00:13:20,999 --> 00:13:24,601
No, no, no. I was just thinking
about the other idea I had.
285
00:13:24,602 --> 00:13:26,871
In some ways,
it was even cuter.
286
00:13:26,872 --> 00:13:28,305
It's based on, uh,
287
00:13:28,306 --> 00:13:30,307
"This Little Piggy
Went to Market."
288
00:13:30,308 --> 00:13:32,677
The game you play
with a baby's toes.
289
00:13:32,678 --> 00:13:33,911
Hm.
290
00:13:33,912 --> 00:13:36,614
Toes, spareribs?
Bad image, forget it.
291
00:13:36,615 --> 00:13:38,482
Would you let him go on?
292
00:13:38,483 --> 00:13:40,184
Do you really like this idea?
293
00:13:40,185 --> 00:13:42,887
How do I know?
I haven't heard it yet.
294
00:13:42,888 --> 00:13:45,122
Well, now, Larry's right.
295
00:13:45,123 --> 00:13:47,658
Uh, I think we should go with,
"'Yum,' goes your tummy."
296
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:50,594
I don't.
297
00:13:50,595 --> 00:13:51,896
But I thought you said
you liked it.
298
00:13:51,897 --> 00:13:53,597
I did, but if he's got
any doubts about it,
299
00:13:53,598 --> 00:13:55,032
that's enough
to kill it for me.
300
00:13:55,033 --> 00:13:56,834
Well, then let me finish
telling you about
301
00:13:56,835 --> 00:13:58,335
"This Little Piggy
Goes to Market."
302
00:13:58,336 --> 00:14:01,472
No, no, no. I'm sorry.
I can't wait around here
303
00:14:01,473 --> 00:14:03,440
When you make up your mind
what you're sold on,
304
00:14:03,441 --> 00:14:04,675
then you can sell me.
305
00:14:04,676 --> 00:14:06,610
Colonel, would you
wait just a moment, please?
306
00:14:06,611 --> 00:14:07,812
I want to make arrangements
307
00:14:07,813 --> 00:14:09,647
to pick you up
for dinner tonight.
308
00:14:09,648 --> 00:14:10,781
Be right back.
309
00:14:10,782 --> 00:14:12,350
[
]
310
00:14:14,286 --> 00:14:15,686
Congratulations.
311
00:14:15,687 --> 00:14:17,989
That was one of the most
beautiful pieces of sabotage
312
00:14:17,990 --> 00:14:19,490
I've ever witnessed.
313
00:14:19,491 --> 00:14:22,260
Oh, yeah? Well, let me
tell you something--
314
00:14:22,261 --> 00:14:24,428
I really made a mess of it,
didn't I?
315
00:14:24,429 --> 00:14:26,897
Darrin, you're not well.
316
00:14:26,898 --> 00:14:30,768
Uh, Larry, if you don't mind,
I'd better go right home.
317
00:14:30,769 --> 00:14:33,437
Mind? That's the best idea
you've had today.
318
00:14:33,438 --> 00:14:35,205
Or should I stay?
319
00:14:35,206 --> 00:14:36,340
Let me help you.
320
00:14:36,341 --> 00:14:38,909
Go home. That's an order.
321
00:14:38,910 --> 00:14:42,013
Uh, yes, sir.
On the other hand--
322
00:14:42,014 --> 00:14:43,680
Darrin, I'll try
to talk the colonel
323
00:14:43,681 --> 00:14:45,749
into coming over a little
earlier tonight.
324
00:14:45,750 --> 00:14:47,318
So you better come up
with something
325
00:14:47,319 --> 00:14:49,619
to replace the idea
you just shot down.
326
00:14:49,620 --> 00:14:51,521
I'll do my best.
327
00:14:51,522 --> 00:14:54,725
I just saw your best.
You'll have to do better.
328
00:14:58,830 --> 00:14:59,763
Sam.
329
00:15:04,602 --> 00:15:06,670
I had a feeling
you'd be home early.
330
00:15:06,671 --> 00:15:08,239
I would have been home
a lot earlier,
331
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,439
but I couldn't decide
332
00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:11,608
whether to take the tunnel
or the bridge.
333
00:15:11,609 --> 00:15:13,777
And I finally decided
on the bridge,
334
00:15:13,778 --> 00:15:15,712
then I couldn't decide
which bridge.
335
00:15:15,713 --> 00:15:17,848
I've been driving around
for hours.
336
00:15:17,849 --> 00:15:19,283
On top of everything else,
337
00:15:19,284 --> 00:15:21,285
Larry is bringing
the client over early.
338
00:15:21,286 --> 00:15:23,120
Sam, do something!
339
00:15:23,121 --> 00:15:26,290
I-I've been trying to reach
Mother all afternoon.
340
00:15:26,291 --> 00:15:28,726
Now, please, just calm down.
341
00:15:28,727 --> 00:15:30,060
I'm calm, I'm calm.
342
00:15:30,061 --> 00:15:32,729
For a man who's upset,
I am very calm.
343
00:15:32,730 --> 00:15:33,931
I'm also very upset.
344
00:15:35,934 --> 00:15:37,701
Mother.
345
00:15:37,702 --> 00:15:39,069
Mother?
346
00:15:39,070 --> 00:15:41,104
I-- I-- I'm gonna
count to three
347
00:15:41,105 --> 00:15:45,075
and I want you to show up
at once, or else.
348
00:15:45,076 --> 00:15:47,745
One, two, three.
349
00:15:50,749 --> 00:15:54,317
Four? Five.
350
00:15:54,318 --> 00:15:56,319
Or else what?
351
00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:59,122
Mother, I want you to take
that spell off Darrin
352
00:15:59,123 --> 00:16:01,392
and don't deny that
you put one on him.
353
00:16:01,393 --> 00:16:02,726
Who's denying?
354
00:16:04,095 --> 00:16:05,762
Endora, no offense,
355
00:16:05,763 --> 00:16:09,299
but the more I see you,
the more I like you less.
356
00:16:09,300 --> 00:16:13,471
But on the other hand,
you do have a warm spot for me.
357
00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:14,605
Right?
358
00:16:14,606 --> 00:16:16,173
That's true.
359
00:16:16,174 --> 00:16:17,941
And I wish you'd
go there right now.
360
00:16:17,942 --> 00:16:19,009
I'd be delighted.
361
00:16:19,010 --> 00:16:19,810
Mother,
362
00:16:19,811 --> 00:16:21,278
don've
363
00:16:21,279 --> 00:16:23,381
until you have taken
that spell off Darrin.
364
00:16:23,382 --> 00:16:26,684
Samantha,
are you ordering me?
365
00:16:26,685 --> 00:16:31,622
No. I'm just suggesting...
366
00:16:31,623 --> 00:16:33,590
very strongly.
367
00:16:33,591 --> 00:16:37,394
Very well.
I guess I've had my fun.
368
00:16:38,930 --> 00:16:42,466
Spell's off. There you are.
No harm done.
369
00:16:42,467 --> 00:16:46,236
No harm done? How would you
like a necklace of fingers?
370
00:16:46,237 --> 00:16:47,337
Oh, careful, sweetheart.
371
00:16:47,338 --> 00:16:49,206
Don't stop him,
Samantha.
372
00:16:49,207 --> 00:16:51,909
When he's angry
and his eyes flash like that,
373
00:16:51,910 --> 00:16:58,715
it transforms him from a dull
clod into an angry dull clod.
374
00:16:58,716 --> 00:17:00,918
Same to you, fella.
375
00:17:00,919 --> 00:17:02,619
What was that?
376
00:17:02,620 --> 00:17:07,057
Mother, what do you expect
him to do, lie down like a lamb?
377
00:17:07,058 --> 00:17:09,426
Especially when
you're so wrong about him.
378
00:17:09,427 --> 00:17:11,395
He is not indecisive.
379
00:17:11,396 --> 00:17:13,497
He has no trouble
making up his mind.
380
00:17:13,498 --> 00:17:16,200
And when he does,
he rarely changes it.
381
00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:18,102
You mean he's pigheaded.
382
00:17:18,103 --> 00:17:21,105
I didn't say that.
383
00:17:21,106 --> 00:17:23,306
Well, I did.
384
00:17:26,577 --> 00:17:27,745
Oh!
385
00:17:32,117 --> 00:17:35,886
Oh-- Oh, Mother,
that's-- That's--
386
00:17:35,887 --> 00:17:37,855
A definite improvement.
387
00:17:37,856 --> 00:17:39,990
[SQUEALING]
388
00:17:39,991 --> 00:17:43,126
Uh, you're right,
sweetheart.
389
00:17:43,127 --> 00:17:45,896
That is absolutely
the lowest thing
390
00:17:45,897 --> 00:17:47,531
Mother has ever done.
391
00:17:47,532 --> 00:17:51,068
No, it isn't. This is.
392
00:17:54,306 --> 00:17:55,772
Where is he?
393
00:17:55,773 --> 00:18:00,177
Outside, where the entire world
can see how pigheaded he is.
394
00:18:00,178 --> 00:18:02,212
Outside? You didn't do
anything outrageous
395
00:18:02,213 --> 00:18:04,114
like put him
on the front lawn?
396
00:18:04,115 --> 00:18:06,717
What kind of a fool
do you take me for?
397
00:18:06,718 --> 00:18:09,119
I put him on the roof.
398
00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:11,288
[CACKLES]
399
00:18:11,289 --> 00:18:12,789
Oh, my stars.
400
00:18:12,790 --> 00:18:14,558
[LAUGHING]
401
00:18:20,331 --> 00:18:21,398
[SQUEALING]
402
00:18:21,399 --> 00:18:23,467
Ooh!
403
00:18:24,802 --> 00:18:27,003
Darrin, don't you call
my mother names like that.
404
00:18:27,004 --> 00:18:28,739
It might make matters worse.
405
00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:31,208
[SQUEALING]
406
00:18:31,209 --> 00:18:33,444
That's true.
How could they be?
407
00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:35,412
I'll get you down in a moment,
sweetheart.
408
00:18:39,384 --> 00:18:41,184
Oh, my stars.
409
00:18:42,086 --> 00:18:43,554
[CHUCKLING]
410
00:18:43,555 --> 00:18:45,588
Stephens is one of those
erratic geniuses.
411
00:18:45,589 --> 00:18:48,058
They're peculiar,
but the end product is--
412
00:18:48,059 --> 00:18:49,360
What's the matter?
413
00:18:53,665 --> 00:18:55,465
Hi, Larry.
414
00:18:55,466 --> 00:18:59,536
Sam, what's--?
What's that?
415
00:18:59,537 --> 00:19:01,205
It's Darrin.
416
00:19:01,206 --> 00:19:02,840
Uh, you must
be Colonel Bringham.
417
00:19:02,841 --> 00:19:05,275
Uh, how do you do?
I-- I'm Samantha Stephens.
418
00:19:05,276 --> 00:19:08,278
You are?
I mean, how do you do?
419
00:19:08,279 --> 00:19:11,481
I-I suppose you're wondering
what that is all about.
420
00:19:11,482 --> 00:19:13,850
Wondering isn't quite
the word.
421
00:19:13,851 --> 00:19:18,021
Well, it's Darrin's idea
for a revolving sign
422
00:19:18,022 --> 00:19:20,591
to go over all your restaurants,
colonel.
423
00:19:22,027 --> 00:19:25,429
All-- All right, sweetheart.
Revolve.
424
00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:27,063
[SQUEALING]
425
00:19:39,243 --> 00:19:40,410
Well, uh, actually, that--
426
00:19:40,411 --> 00:19:42,679
That is just part
of the whole campaign
427
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:44,848
that Darrin has devised for you,
colonel.
428
00:19:44,849 --> 00:19:48,485
Uh, the pig's head will be seen
on all of your TV commercials,
429
00:19:48,486 --> 00:19:50,955
uh, your menus, et cetera.
430
00:19:50,956 --> 00:19:54,090
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
431
00:19:54,091 --> 00:19:56,627
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
432
00:19:58,329 --> 00:20:00,464
Uh, that's enough, sweetheart.
433
00:20:00,465 --> 00:20:02,666
I think they've got the idea.
You can come down now.
434
00:20:02,667 --> 00:20:04,635
Shall we go inside?
435
00:20:06,404 --> 00:20:09,272
By the way,
how'd he get up there?
436
00:20:10,475 --> 00:20:12,309
Oh, uh...
437
00:20:12,310 --> 00:20:13,544
by that ladder.
438
00:20:18,783 --> 00:20:21,618
Oh?
439
00:20:21,619 --> 00:20:24,087
That's funny. I didn't notice
the ladder until now.
440
00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:28,058
Darrin, come on down.
441
00:20:28,059 --> 00:20:30,060
We're anxious to hear
the details.
442
00:20:32,998 --> 00:20:35,565
How's that for enterprise, huh?
443
00:20:35,566 --> 00:20:37,701
McMann & Tate
is first in enterprise.
444
00:20:37,702 --> 00:20:39,969
Yeah, well,
I'll be the judge of that.
445
00:20:39,970 --> 00:20:42,006
What's your new idea, Stephens?
446
00:20:42,007 --> 00:20:46,810
Uh, well, it-it-- It's very
difficult to talk in that mask,
447
00:20:46,811 --> 00:20:49,913
So instead of talking, uh,
why don't we just go inside
448
00:20:49,914 --> 00:20:53,050
and demonstrate to, uh,
Larry and the colonel?
449
00:20:53,051 --> 00:20:54,217
Good idea. Come.
450
00:20:56,287 --> 00:20:57,954
We'll have a drink too.
451
00:21:00,791 --> 00:21:02,192
[SQUEALS]
452
00:21:09,634 --> 00:21:10,967
How did you get your wife
453
00:21:10,968 --> 00:21:12,669
to collaborate
with you like this?
454
00:21:12,670 --> 00:21:14,772
I can't get my wife
interested in spareribs.
455
00:21:14,773 --> 00:21:16,807
Oh, ha-ha,
you'd be surprised
456
00:21:16,808 --> 00:21:19,142
how many ideas have been
born in this house.
457
00:21:19,143 --> 00:21:21,578
Uh, now--
Now, sweetheart, um,
458
00:21:21,579 --> 00:21:24,848
do you remember
where you come in?
459
00:21:24,849 --> 00:21:26,283
Oh, good. Good.
460
00:21:28,453 --> 00:21:31,754
Colonel Bringham's
Ribs are best
461
00:21:31,755 --> 00:21:34,792
Ee-eye-ee-eye-oh
462
00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:38,962
They're sweet and tender
That's no jest
463
00:21:38,963 --> 00:21:42,098
Ee-eye-ee-eye-oh
With a:
464
00:21:42,099 --> 00:21:43,633
[SQUEALING]
465
00:21:43,634 --> 00:21:45,335
Here and a:
[SQUEALING]
466
00:21:45,336 --> 00:21:46,436
There. Here a:
467
00:21:46,437 --> 00:21:47,737
[SQUEALING]
There a:
468
00:21:47,738 --> 00:21:49,306
Everywhere a:
[SQUEALING]
469
00:21:49,307 --> 00:21:52,575
Buy a bucket of ribs today
470
00:21:52,576 --> 00:21:56,580
Ee-eye-ee-eye-oh
471
00:22:01,719 --> 00:22:04,054
I've just got
one word for that.
472
00:22:04,055 --> 00:22:06,123
[LAUGHS]
473
00:22:06,124 --> 00:22:08,759
Look, they were just
kidding around.
474
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,060
Weren't you?
475
00:22:10,061 --> 00:22:11,928
I hope not.
I think it's sensational.
476
00:22:11,929 --> 00:22:14,531
Oh, listen,
these two never kid around.
477
00:22:14,532 --> 00:22:18,434
Ah, you've done it again,
you sly fox.
478
00:22:19,837 --> 00:22:21,638
Or should I say, "sly pig"?
479
00:22:21,639 --> 00:22:23,272
[ALL LAUGHING]
480
00:22:24,942 --> 00:22:26,242
You're pretty good at that.
481
00:22:26,243 --> 00:22:28,378
You ought to perform
in the commercial yourself.
482
00:22:28,379 --> 00:22:29,379
What do you think?
483
00:22:29,380 --> 00:22:31,548
[SQUEALING]
484
00:22:33,718 --> 00:22:35,919
Uh, why--? Why don't you
take that thing off now?
485
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:38,021
Oh, well--
Well, uh, Larry,
486
00:22:38,022 --> 00:22:41,391
you know how Darrin loves
to investigate details.
487
00:22:41,392 --> 00:22:42,959
Well, he just wanted to see
488
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:45,195
how long an actor could
stay in that mask
489
00:22:45,196 --> 00:22:47,364
without too much discomfort.
490
00:22:47,365 --> 00:22:51,067
Oh. Tremendous head
for detail.
491
00:22:51,068 --> 00:22:52,403
Hm.
492
00:22:52,404 --> 00:22:53,937
But we're going
to be eating soon,
493
00:22:53,938 --> 00:22:55,873
so why don't you take it off?
494
00:22:55,874 --> 00:22:57,407
Yes, and how long
are you going to--?
495
00:22:57,408 --> 00:22:59,109
Oh. Uh, if--
If you'll excuse us,
496
00:22:59,110 --> 00:23:01,311
we have a special fluid
in the kitchen
497
00:23:01,312 --> 00:23:02,478
that we remove it with.
498
00:23:02,479 --> 00:23:04,047
We'll be right back.
Mm.
499
00:23:06,117 --> 00:23:08,885
I am very impressed with him,
Tate.
500
00:23:08,886 --> 00:23:10,821
He really takes
his work seriously.
501
00:23:10,822 --> 00:23:13,456
Well, that's the sort of thing
I encourage at McMann & Tate.
502
00:23:18,763 --> 00:23:22,332
Okay, Mother, this is it.
The chips are down.
503
00:23:22,333 --> 00:23:25,736
[SQUEALS]
Either you show up or--
504
00:23:25,737 --> 00:23:27,904
Either I show up or what?
505
00:23:27,905 --> 00:23:28,938
[SQUEALS]
506
00:23:28,939 --> 00:23:33,543
Either you show up
or you don't.
507
00:23:33,544 --> 00:23:36,446
Mother, we have guests.
508
00:23:36,447 --> 00:23:39,516
Why don't you tell them Durwood
made a pig of himself?
509
00:23:39,517 --> 00:23:40,817
[SQUEALS]
510
00:23:40,818 --> 00:23:43,753
M-Mother, undo your thing,
and quickly.
511
00:23:43,754 --> 00:23:46,123
I don't know.
I think I'm entitled
512
00:23:46,124 --> 00:23:47,790
to a little apology first.
513
00:23:47,791 --> 00:23:50,027
Apologize, sweetheart.
514
00:23:50,028 --> 00:23:52,328
[SQUEALS]
515
00:23:52,329 --> 00:23:55,699
He apologizes.
I didn't quite catch that.
516
00:23:55,700 --> 00:23:57,234
LARRY:
Sam?
517
00:23:57,235 --> 00:23:58,502
Mother!
518
00:24:01,172 --> 00:24:04,441
Oh, you didn't tell me
your mother was here, Samantha.
519
00:24:04,442 --> 00:24:06,543
How are you, Endora?
Very well, thank you.
520
00:24:06,544 --> 00:24:10,447
Well, uh, M-Mother
just dropped in unexpectedly.
521
00:24:10,448 --> 00:24:12,682
And now she has to drop out.
522
00:24:12,683 --> 00:24:14,551
Oh, too bad.
523
00:24:14,552 --> 00:24:17,654
Anyway, thanks to your
brilliant footwork, Darrin,
524
00:24:17,655 --> 00:24:19,556
the account is ours.
525
00:24:19,557 --> 00:24:22,058
Well, there was nothing wrong
with Sam's footwork either.
526
00:24:22,059 --> 00:24:24,527
Or her singing.
Thanks, Sam.
527
00:24:26,197 --> 00:24:30,367
I don't suppose
I get any thanks at all.
528
00:24:30,368 --> 00:24:33,236
Oh, Mother.
529
00:24:33,237 --> 00:24:36,573
You'll get yours, later.
530
00:24:38,976 --> 00:24:40,944
[LAUGHS]
531
00:24:40,945 --> 00:24:42,178
[
]
532
00:24:46,684 --> 00:24:48,117
[
]
533
00:24:48,167 --> 00:24:52,717
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