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[
]
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ARTHUR:
Ouch.
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Ouch!
4
00:00:14,079 --> 00:00:15,480
Did you say something, Sam?
5
00:00:15,481 --> 00:00:18,516
Uh, no.
No, I didn't.
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But he did.
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00:00:19,685 --> 00:00:23,255
Sammy, how can you hit a man
when he's down?
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[LAUGHS]
9
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Get it?
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00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:29,027
Pillow, feathers, down?
11
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[CACKLES]
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I guess it's true.
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Small things amuse small minds.
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[CHUCKLES]
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00:00:37,736 --> 00:00:39,304
How would you like to pick on
16
00:00:39,305 --> 00:00:42,574
somebody your own size?
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Okay, Digby.
Start picking.
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00:00:45,077 --> 00:00:46,410
Uncle Arthur, please.
19
00:00:46,411 --> 00:00:48,546
What's it gonna be, fisticuffs?
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00:00:48,547 --> 00:00:49,915
Now, just...
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[CHUCKLES]
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00:00:52,852 --> 00:00:55,286
Uncle Arthur,
will you cut that out?
23
00:00:55,287 --> 00:00:56,420
Oh, Sammy,
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I'm just jousting with him.
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[LAUGHS]
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00:01:03,662 --> 00:01:05,464
Sam, tell him
to get me out of here.
27
00:01:05,465 --> 00:01:07,465
If I were you, Digby,
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00:01:07,466 --> 00:01:10,168
before I got
in the office elevator,
29
00:01:10,169 --> 00:01:12,037
I'd, uh...
I'd check my lance.
30
00:01:12,038 --> 00:01:13,338
[CHUCKLES]
31
00:01:13,339 --> 00:01:15,039
Uncle Arthur!
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00:01:17,276 --> 00:01:19,010
There you go.
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Back to normal,
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00:01:20,613 --> 00:01:22,514
whatever that is.
35
00:01:22,515 --> 00:01:25,016
And to think some people,
before they go to work,
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00:01:25,017 --> 00:01:27,318
just have coffee.
37
00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:29,421
Uh, sweetheart,
I-it's after 2:00.
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00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:30,922
You'll be late for your meeting.
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00:01:30,923 --> 00:01:32,224
Oh, that's right.
40
00:01:32,225 --> 00:01:35,894
What with all the fun
and games, I almost forgot.
41
00:01:35,895 --> 00:01:38,830
Uh, aren't you gonna
say goodbye?
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00:01:38,831 --> 00:01:41,365
Yes, I am. Goodbye.
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00:01:41,366 --> 00:01:44,135
And the next time
you drop in, don't.
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00:01:44,136 --> 00:01:46,337
Watch it, buster.
45
00:01:46,338 --> 00:01:49,808
In a war of wit, you're unarmed.
46
00:01:55,747 --> 00:01:58,316
Sam, this dinner tonight
for Mr. and Mrs. Rockfield
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00:01:58,317 --> 00:02:00,618
is not social.
It's business.
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00:02:00,619 --> 00:02:01,986
I know.
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00:02:01,987 --> 00:02:05,056
And Larry will be coming,
so that'll make five for dinner.
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00:02:05,057 --> 00:02:06,591
[WHISPERS] Not six.
51
00:02:06,592 --> 00:02:08,226
Don't worry, sweetheart.
52
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Hmm.
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All right, Uncle Arthur.
Let's have it.
54
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Have what?
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00:02:18,104 --> 00:02:19,604
An explanation.
56
00:02:19,605 --> 00:02:20,972
Digby deserved ev...
57
00:02:20,973 --> 00:02:23,608
Ah, that is not
what I'm talking about.
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00:02:23,609 --> 00:02:25,210
How come you're all spruced up?
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00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:27,012
It's the new me.
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00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:29,847
Love it or, uh, leave it.
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00:02:29,848 --> 00:02:31,049
I'm leaving it.
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00:02:31,050 --> 00:02:33,884
Uh, Sammy, it's all
part of the new me.
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00:02:33,885 --> 00:02:35,887
The simple, carefree,
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00:02:35,888 --> 00:02:37,788
fun-loving,
practical-joking
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00:02:37,789 --> 00:02:40,024
Uncle Arthur is gone.
66
00:02:40,025 --> 00:02:42,827
Y-You mean all those stunts
you pulled on Darrin
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00:02:42,828 --> 00:02:44,296
were my imagination?
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00:02:44,297 --> 00:02:46,965
Just the last of a long line
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00:02:46,966 --> 00:02:48,600
of memorable funnies.
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00:02:48,601 --> 00:02:50,969
My glorious transformation
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00:02:50,970 --> 00:02:53,737
can be attributed to one word:
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00:02:53,738 --> 00:02:55,273
Aretha.
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00:02:55,274 --> 00:02:57,008
Aretha?
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00:02:57,009 --> 00:02:58,909
Aretha, my love,
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I worship at your feet.
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00:03:00,913 --> 00:03:03,181
Fly to my side,
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and make it tout suite.
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00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:08,686
Arthur, darling,
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00:03:08,687 --> 00:03:10,989
how thoughtful of you to call.
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00:03:10,990 --> 00:03:12,991
Oh.
81
00:03:12,992 --> 00:03:13,992
[KISS]
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00:03:13,993 --> 00:03:15,026
Mmm.
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00:03:15,027 --> 00:03:16,694
Finger-lickin' good.
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00:03:18,196 --> 00:03:19,864
Oh... Oh, Samantha,
85
00:03:19,865 --> 00:03:22,500
allow me to introduce Aretha,
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00:03:22,501 --> 00:03:24,669
the love of my life.
87
00:03:24,670 --> 00:03:26,537
The witch who will soon be.
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Mrs. Uncle Arthur.
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00:03:29,441 --> 00:03:32,944
Oh, that's marvelous.
90
00:03:32,945 --> 00:03:35,179
Aretha, I'm so pleased
to meet you.
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00:03:35,180 --> 00:03:37,682
Charmed, I'm sure.
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00:03:37,683 --> 00:03:39,683
I'm sure.
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00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:43,287
[
]
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00:03:49,195 --> 00:03:51,830
ANNOUNCER:
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00:04:01,774 --> 00:04:04,542
[
]
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[
]
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What a quaint little place.
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00:04:39,978 --> 00:04:42,947
Absolutely charming.
99
00:04:42,948 --> 00:04:44,783
Where's the main house?
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00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,350
This is it.
101
00:04:46,351 --> 00:04:48,586
Where do the servants stay?
102
00:04:48,587 --> 00:04:50,455
Well, we don't have
any servants' quarters,
103
00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:52,390
since we don't
have any servants.
104
00:04:52,391 --> 00:04:54,893
Oh, sounds like fun.
105
00:04:54,894 --> 00:04:56,827
If my hands weren't so delicate,
106
00:04:56,828 --> 00:04:59,297
I would consider
trying it myself.
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00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:02,933
Aretha, my sweetness.
108
00:05:02,934 --> 00:05:05,002
Your loveliness
is only surpassed
109
00:05:05,003 --> 00:05:07,638
by your understanding.
Oh.
110
00:05:07,639 --> 00:05:10,842
That's not quite the word
I would've used.
111
00:05:12,611 --> 00:05:14,078
Sammy, I...
[CLEARS THROAT]
112
00:05:14,079 --> 00:05:16,347
Sam, I... I think I'd like
to talk to you in the kitchen.
113
00:05:23,888 --> 00:05:26,424
Uncle Arthur,
what's the matt...?
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Sammy. For you.
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Oh, thank you.
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They're beautiful.
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Smell them.
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[WIND BLOWING]
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00:05:36,168 --> 00:05:37,902
[LAUGHING]
120
00:05:40,038 --> 00:05:41,773
I'm sorry, Sammy.
121
00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:44,074
I just couldn't control myself.
122
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I'm having a lot
of trouble myself.
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You don't understand.
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My problem is Aretha
can't stand practical jokes.
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They...
They're below her station.
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Oh.
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00:05:55,020 --> 00:05:57,288
If she knew I were
the titan of tricks,
128
00:05:57,289 --> 00:05:59,023
the highness of hijinks,
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the prince of pranks,
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00:06:00,459 --> 00:06:03,261
why, she'd drop me
like a hot potato.
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00:06:03,262 --> 00:06:06,064
How long are you gonna
carry on this masquerade?
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00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:07,899
Forever, if necessary.
133
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:10,234
One of these days,
you'll just lose control
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00:06:10,235 --> 00:06:12,937
right in front of her.
Never. I love her.
135
00:06:12,938 --> 00:06:17,074
The masquerade goes on.
136
00:06:21,513 --> 00:06:23,948
Here we are, my treasure.
137
00:06:23,949 --> 00:06:25,349
Miss me?
138
00:06:25,350 --> 00:06:27,852
Arthur, let's talk
about our honeymoon.
139
00:06:27,853 --> 00:06:31,088
I do hope we can go
to a fun place.
140
00:06:31,089 --> 00:06:34,192
I've been thinking
that maybe we could go to India
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00:06:34,193 --> 00:06:35,726
for some elephant polo.
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00:06:35,727 --> 00:06:38,029
Oh, Arthur, it's so hot in India
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00:06:38,030 --> 00:06:40,298
this time of year,
what with all those
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00:06:40,299 --> 00:06:42,467
untouchables milling
about the streets.
145
00:06:42,468 --> 00:06:44,135
Arthur, I mean...
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00:06:44,136 --> 00:06:46,537
I know a place where you can go.
147
00:06:46,538 --> 00:06:48,339
Thanks, Sammy,
but we still haven't run out
148
00:06:48,340 --> 00:06:50,341
of our own ideas.
149
00:06:50,342 --> 00:06:53,044
I've got it.
The perfect place to honeymoon.
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00:06:53,045 --> 00:06:55,246
We'll have complete privacy.
151
00:06:55,247 --> 00:06:57,749
We'll take a trip to the moon
152
00:06:57,750 --> 00:07:01,352
on gossamer wings.
153
00:07:02,721 --> 00:07:06,023
What are you doing with
those wings on your back?
154
00:07:06,024 --> 00:07:10,528
W-Wings?
What... What wings?
155
00:07:10,529 --> 00:07:12,996
Arthur, I would be much happier
156
00:07:12,997 --> 00:07:16,100
if you would quit
that clowning around.
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00:07:16,101 --> 00:07:18,135
You, uh, would?
158
00:07:18,136 --> 00:07:20,404
U-Uncle Arthur.
159
00:07:20,405 --> 00:07:22,506
I think you would be happier
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00:07:22,507 --> 00:07:24,842
if you'd clown around
a little more.
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00:07:24,843 --> 00:07:27,912
[BOTH LAUGHING]
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00:07:27,913 --> 00:07:29,247
Arthur!
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00:07:29,248 --> 00:07:32,183
Get me out of this
ridiculous costume!
164
00:07:32,184 --> 00:07:34,151
You... You clown!
165
00:07:34,152 --> 00:07:35,753
ARTHUR:
It takes one to know one.
166
00:07:35,754 --> 00:07:38,089
[LAUGHING CONTINUES]
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00:07:38,090 --> 00:07:40,925
Uncle Arthur, I think
it's time you stopped...
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00:07:40,926 --> 00:07:42,260
clowning around.
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00:07:42,261 --> 00:07:43,561
Clowning around.
170
00:07:43,562 --> 00:07:45,796
Oh, Sammy, you do
have a way with words.
171
00:07:45,797 --> 00:07:47,431
[LAUGHS]
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00:07:47,432 --> 00:07:49,200
Arthur, I'm warning you.
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00:07:49,201 --> 00:07:51,269
Cut out this nonsense.
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00:07:51,270 --> 00:07:55,205
Uh, oh, all right, killjoy.
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00:07:55,206 --> 00:07:59,243
Arthur, you are a silly,
witless fool.
176
00:07:59,244 --> 00:08:01,679
However,
there is one consolation.
177
00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:04,849
I found out in time.
178
00:08:07,553 --> 00:08:09,820
Oh, Sammy.
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00:08:09,821 --> 00:08:12,557
You're looking
at a broken warlock,
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00:08:12,558 --> 00:08:16,961
rejected and shattered
beyond repair.
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00:08:16,962 --> 00:08:19,096
I'd turn myself into a doormat,
182
00:08:19,097 --> 00:08:21,199
except the way I feel,
183
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:24,569
I couldn't stand
the word "Welcome."
184
00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:26,203
Oh.
185
00:08:26,204 --> 00:08:28,205
Well, I-in a few thousand years,
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00:08:28,206 --> 00:08:29,907
you will have forgotten
all about her.
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00:08:29,908 --> 00:08:32,076
I know.
188
00:08:32,077 --> 00:08:36,247
But what am I gonna do tonight?
189
00:08:36,248 --> 00:08:38,749
[
]
190
00:08:38,750 --> 00:08:40,784
Come on. Come on.
Give me a hand.
191
00:08:40,785 --> 00:08:42,586
Rockfield will
be here any minute.
192
00:08:42,587 --> 00:08:43,821
What's going on?
193
00:08:43,822 --> 00:08:45,556
Just a little
one-upsmanship.
194
00:08:45,557 --> 00:08:48,259
Putting Rockfield's furniture
where it will do the most good...
195
00:08:48,260 --> 00:08:49,427
right before his eyes.
196
00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:50,828
Where do you want this,
Mr. Tate?
197
00:08:50,829 --> 00:08:52,763
Oh, here. I'll take it,
Betty. Thanks.
198
00:08:52,764 --> 00:08:53,797
[SIGHS]
199
00:08:53,798 --> 00:08:57,368
The right bait
for the right catch.
200
00:08:59,704 --> 00:09:01,605
Okay, Darrin,
let's hear your ideas.
201
00:09:01,606 --> 00:09:03,274
He'll be here any minute.
202
00:09:03,275 --> 00:09:05,843
Okay. But I could have come up
with some angles I like better
203
00:09:05,844 --> 00:09:07,378
if I'd had more time.
204
00:09:07,379 --> 00:09:09,914
Let me remind you, this is
the advertising business.
205
00:09:09,915 --> 00:09:12,517
Whatever you come up with,
you love.
206
00:09:12,518 --> 00:09:14,284
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
207
00:09:14,285 --> 00:09:15,586
Yes?
208
00:09:15,587 --> 00:09:17,321
BETTY:
Mr. Rockfield's here.
209
00:09:17,322 --> 00:09:19,156
Show him in.
210
00:09:21,827 --> 00:09:23,927
Ah, ha, ha. Mr. Rockfield,
good to see you.
211
00:09:23,928 --> 00:09:25,128
Come on in.
Hello, Tate.
212
00:09:25,129 --> 00:09:27,197
Darrin, shake hands
with Lionel Rockfield,
213
00:09:27,198 --> 00:09:29,166
king of home
and office furnishings.
214
00:09:29,167 --> 00:09:30,634
This is Darrin Stephens,
215
00:09:30,635 --> 00:09:32,936
the creative mainstay
of our team.
216
00:09:32,937 --> 00:09:35,806
It's a pleasure to finally
meet you, Mr. Rockfield.
217
00:09:35,807 --> 00:09:37,174
I've heard a lot about you.
218
00:09:37,175 --> 00:09:38,542
Yes.
219
00:09:38,543 --> 00:09:39,943
Would you like to sit down?
220
00:09:39,944 --> 00:09:42,980
Uh, no. I've been
sitting all day.
221
00:09:42,981 --> 00:09:45,349
Oh, no. Here.
Here, use this.
222
00:09:45,350 --> 00:09:47,084
[CHUCKLES]
223
00:09:47,085 --> 00:09:50,287
Uh, never mind. I'll use
the one here on the desk.
224
00:09:50,288 --> 00:09:52,890
All right, Tate. I understand
you've got some campaign ideas
225
00:09:52,891 --> 00:09:53,991
you want me to hear.
226
00:09:53,992 --> 00:09:55,292
Absolutely.
Go ahead.
227
00:09:55,293 --> 00:09:56,994
Mr. Rockfield...
I'm listening.
228
00:09:56,995 --> 00:09:59,463
At McMann and Tate,
time is money,
229
00:09:59,464 --> 00:10:02,300
both for the client
and the agency.
230
00:10:02,301 --> 00:10:03,701
Go ahead, Darrin.
231
00:10:03,702 --> 00:10:06,504
Well, the first idea
is a beauty contest...
232
00:10:06,505 --> 00:10:08,806
Miss Secretary of the Year...
233
00:10:08,807 --> 00:10:10,374
and the winner would be pictured
234
00:10:10,375 --> 00:10:12,009
sitting in a Rockfield chair
235
00:10:12,010 --> 00:10:14,712
at a Rockfield desk.
236
00:10:14,713 --> 00:10:16,014
I don't like it.
237
00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:18,082
It's been done a million times.
It's old hat.
238
00:10:18,083 --> 00:10:20,951
Right. It's off with the old
and on with the new.
239
00:10:20,952 --> 00:10:23,253
Proceed, Darrin.
240
00:10:23,254 --> 00:10:25,890
We thought
of an institutional approach.
241
00:10:25,891 --> 00:10:29,293
Pick five colleges and furnish
the president's offices
242
00:10:29,294 --> 00:10:31,095
with Rockfield furniture.
243
00:10:31,096 --> 00:10:32,930
It'd be like a grant.
244
00:10:32,931 --> 00:10:34,198
I don't like it.
245
00:10:34,199 --> 00:10:36,000
It's too obvious.
And so are you, Tate.
246
00:10:36,001 --> 00:10:37,402
What?
247
00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:39,270
Just because you put
a Rockfield chair and lamp
248
00:10:39,271 --> 00:10:40,704
and ashtray in your office
249
00:10:40,705 --> 00:10:42,606
doesn't mean you're
gonna land the account.
250
00:10:42,607 --> 00:10:44,375
Well, I never dreamed...
I don't fall for
251
00:10:44,376 --> 00:10:46,543
that kind of bait, Tate.
252
00:10:46,544 --> 00:10:49,046
I take my business very
seriously, and if you don't,
253
00:10:49,047 --> 00:10:52,049
I'll take my business elsewhere.
Oh, we do. We do.
254
00:10:52,050 --> 00:10:53,617
And we have a lot more ideas.
255
00:10:53,618 --> 00:10:56,086
But why don't we present them
tonight at dinner,
256
00:10:56,087 --> 00:10:57,922
when we'll all be
a little more relaxed?
257
00:10:57,923 --> 00:10:59,456
All right.
258
00:10:59,457 --> 00:11:01,725
But you better come up with
something a more effective
259
00:11:01,726 --> 00:11:03,427
than I've heard here today.
260
00:11:03,428 --> 00:11:06,864
And, uh, don't count
on me being too relaxed.
261
00:11:06,865 --> 00:11:10,400
I take pride in never
getting too relaxed.
262
00:11:10,401 --> 00:11:13,838
[
]
263
00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:15,573
You heard what he said,
264
00:11:15,574 --> 00:11:17,641
so you better
come up with something terrific
265
00:11:17,642 --> 00:11:18,875
or it's curtains.
266
00:11:18,876 --> 00:11:21,912
And I don't mean
Rockfield curtains either.
267
00:11:24,082 --> 00:11:25,482
[DOOR SLAMS]
268
00:11:30,956 --> 00:11:32,423
Uncle Arthur,
269
00:11:32,424 --> 00:11:36,293
you have been moping
around the house all day long.
270
00:11:36,294 --> 00:11:38,829
Now, Darrin will be home
any minute.
271
00:11:38,830 --> 00:11:42,233
So, please, try and pull
yourself together.
272
00:11:42,234 --> 00:11:44,468
But my life has no meaning.
273
00:11:44,469 --> 00:11:46,837
I have loved and lost.
274
00:11:46,838 --> 00:11:49,540
Oh, my stars.
275
00:11:49,541 --> 00:11:52,610
Uncle Arthur,
you haven't lost anything.
276
00:11:52,611 --> 00:11:55,045
You force me to be honest.
277
00:11:55,046 --> 00:11:58,515
Aretha is a phony.
278
00:11:58,516 --> 00:12:00,117
And so are you
279
00:12:00,118 --> 00:12:01,985
for pretending to be
something you're not.
280
00:12:01,986 --> 00:12:03,521
What am I?
281
00:12:03,522 --> 00:12:06,657
A broken-hearted clown!
282
00:12:06,658 --> 00:12:08,626
[SOBS LOUDLY]
283
00:12:10,129 --> 00:12:11,662
Laugh, clown.
284
00:12:11,663 --> 00:12:15,132
No one knows
your heart is broken.
285
00:12:15,133 --> 00:12:16,801
Even though
286
00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:19,303
You're only
Make-believing
287
00:12:19,304 --> 00:12:22,439
Laugh, clown, laugh
288
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:23,674
Oh, brother.
289
00:12:23,675 --> 00:12:25,042
Even though
290
00:12:25,043 --> 00:12:28,045
Something inside Is grieving
291
00:12:28,046 --> 00:12:31,314
[SOBBING]
Laugh, clown, laugh
292
00:12:34,352 --> 00:12:36,353
Sammy, I've got it.
293
00:12:36,354 --> 00:12:38,022
You're gonna
forget about Aretha.
294
00:12:38,023 --> 00:12:39,590
No, I'm going to win her back.
295
00:12:39,591 --> 00:12:42,292
And the only way to do it
is to get rid of the one thing
296
00:12:42,293 --> 00:12:44,528
that's standing between us.
297
00:12:44,529 --> 00:12:45,963
My character.
298
00:12:45,964 --> 00:12:48,266
Your character?
299
00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:49,600
I'm going to say goodbye
300
00:12:49,601 --> 00:12:50,768
to my practical jokes.
301
00:12:50,769 --> 00:12:54,071
I will scatter them
to the winds.
302
00:12:54,072 --> 00:12:56,507
How are you gonna do that?
Never mind, Sammy.
303
00:12:56,508 --> 00:12:57,708
Go check your dinner.
304
00:12:57,709 --> 00:13:01,412
You needn't be concerned
about me anymore.
305
00:13:01,413 --> 00:13:03,247
[
]
306
00:13:14,159 --> 00:13:18,329
Why scatter my practical jokes
to the winds
307
00:13:18,330 --> 00:13:20,831
when they'd be
much more at home...
308
00:13:20,832 --> 00:13:23,801
right here?
309
00:13:23,802 --> 00:13:25,836
Practical jokes
310
00:13:25,837 --> 00:13:28,472
my love appalls,
311
00:13:28,473 --> 00:13:30,274
fly from my body
312
00:13:30,275 --> 00:13:34,912
and lodge in these walls.
313
00:13:34,913 --> 00:13:36,147
[RUMBLING]
314
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:41,118
Au revoir, Sammy.
315
00:13:41,119 --> 00:13:44,021
The joke's on you.
316
00:13:47,125 --> 00:13:49,059
Uncle Arthur?
317
00:13:49,060 --> 00:13:51,495
Uncle Arthur.
318
00:13:51,496 --> 00:13:53,397
[SAMANTHA'S VOICE]:
Uncle Arthur?
319
00:13:53,398 --> 00:13:55,433
Uncle Arthur.
320
00:13:55,434 --> 00:13:57,234
Oh.
321
00:14:00,005 --> 00:14:02,006
Uncle Arthur!
322
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:04,375
Uncle Arthur!
323
00:14:09,981 --> 00:14:13,050
Oh. Oh!
324
00:14:13,051 --> 00:14:15,786
Good grief.
325
00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:20,724
[UP TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
[SCREAMS]: Oh!
326
00:14:20,725 --> 00:14:22,293
Uncle Arthur!
327
00:14:22,294 --> 00:14:23,761
Knock it off!
328
00:14:23,762 --> 00:14:25,962
Sam?
329
00:14:44,415 --> 00:14:48,052
And what, may I ask, is this?
330
00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:49,587
I think it's water.
331
00:14:50,455 --> 00:14:52,823
So much for the water.
332
00:14:52,824 --> 00:14:54,792
Now where's the scotch?
333
00:14:54,793 --> 00:14:56,527
[
]
334
00:15:01,399 --> 00:15:04,101
Sam, I'm very calm now.
335
00:15:04,102 --> 00:15:07,471
If I were you, I'd take
advantage of this calm state
336
00:15:07,472 --> 00:15:09,140
by explaining
337
00:15:09,141 --> 00:15:12,476
what kind of a way is that
to greet a husband?
338
00:15:12,477 --> 00:15:14,077
Oh, dear.
339
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,748
Is that better?
340
00:15:17,749 --> 00:15:19,016
It's better,
341
00:15:19,017 --> 00:15:21,018
but it's still not
an explanation.
342
00:15:21,019 --> 00:15:23,253
It's Uncle Arthur.
343
00:15:23,254 --> 00:15:24,955
I know that.
344
00:15:24,956 --> 00:15:27,023
But what you don't know
is that Uncle Arthur
345
00:15:27,024 --> 00:15:28,359
is madly in love with a witch
346
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:30,728
who can't stand
his practical jokes.
347
00:15:30,729 --> 00:15:32,697
The ranks are swelling.
348
00:15:32,698 --> 00:15:33,998
And in order to win her,
349
00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:36,600
he divorced himself
from his practical jokes.
350
00:15:36,601 --> 00:15:38,402
Well, that's an improvement.
351
00:15:38,403 --> 00:15:41,272
And apparently
we got custody of them.
352
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:43,140
That's not.
353
00:15:43,141 --> 00:15:45,442
Sam, now, our guests
will be here any minute.
354
00:15:45,443 --> 00:15:46,744
I mean...
Well, you're a witch.
355
00:15:46,745 --> 00:15:47,845
Do something.
356
00:15:47,846 --> 00:15:49,613
Well, there's nothing I can do.
357
00:15:53,685 --> 00:15:56,219
There.
Here's to tonight.
358
00:15:56,220 --> 00:15:59,189
Let's hope it's nothing
like this afternoon.
359
00:15:59,190 --> 00:16:01,592
[DOORBELL RINGS]
360
00:16:01,593 --> 00:16:03,627
Brace yourself.
361
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:11,101
Oh, good evening.
Please come in. Good evening.
362
00:16:11,102 --> 00:16:12,335
How do you do?
363
00:16:12,336 --> 00:16:15,238
Samantha, uh, this is
Mr. and Mrs. Rockfield.
364
00:16:15,239 --> 00:16:16,239
How do you do?
365
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:17,508
Folks, this is Samantha,
366
00:16:17,509 --> 00:16:19,643
Darrin's lovely
and charming wife.
367
00:16:19,644 --> 00:16:20,911
Oh, Larry.
My goodness.
368
00:16:20,912 --> 00:16:22,045
[CHUCKLES]
369
00:16:22,046 --> 00:16:23,447
Oh, well.
How about some drinks?
370
00:16:23,448 --> 00:16:24,615
I thought you'd never ask.
371
00:16:24,616 --> 00:16:25,916
Good.
Come right in.
372
00:16:25,917 --> 00:16:27,384
We're so thrilled
you could come.
373
00:16:27,385 --> 00:16:29,553
[AIR HISSING]
[SCREAMS]
374
00:16:29,554 --> 00:16:30,755
What was that?
375
00:16:30,756 --> 00:16:32,622
Uh, uh, just a draft.
376
00:16:32,623 --> 00:16:34,558
It's a very drafty house.
377
00:16:34,559 --> 00:16:36,660
I-I'll call the draftsman
in the morning
378
00:16:36,661 --> 00:16:38,862
and get it fixed.
379
00:16:38,863 --> 00:16:41,365
W-Why don't you call
whoever you have to call
380
00:16:41,366 --> 00:16:42,899
right now, Sam,
381
00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:44,301
just so it doesn't happen again?
382
00:16:44,302 --> 00:16:45,835
G-Good idea.
383
00:16:45,836 --> 00:16:47,371
You can use the phone
in the kitchen.
384
00:16:47,372 --> 00:16:48,672
Excuse me.
385
00:16:48,673 --> 00:16:50,541
Well, what are we drinking?
386
00:16:50,542 --> 00:16:51,775
Well, uh...
[CLEARS THROAT]
387
00:16:51,776 --> 00:16:53,610
Mrs. Rockfield and I
will have ginger ale.
388
00:16:53,611 --> 00:16:55,579
You sure you don't want
something stronger?
389
00:16:55,580 --> 00:16:56,847
We're sure.
390
00:16:56,848 --> 00:16:59,283
Too bad.
391
00:16:59,284 --> 00:17:01,685
[CHUCKLES] Come on in.
392
00:17:04,889 --> 00:17:07,557
[UP TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
393
00:17:07,558 --> 00:17:11,628
Uncle Arthur, I am
going to count to three,
394
00:17:11,629 --> 00:17:13,563
and if you know
what's good for you,
395
00:17:13,564 --> 00:17:15,832
you will gather up
all your practical jokes
396
00:17:15,833 --> 00:17:18,202
and absorb them.
397
00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:21,105
One, two, three.
398
00:17:21,106 --> 00:17:24,007
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
399
00:17:24,008 --> 00:17:25,642
Four?
400
00:17:27,178 --> 00:17:28,845
Five?
401
00:17:32,483 --> 00:17:33,851
[MUSIC STOPS]
402
00:17:33,852 --> 00:17:35,886
And here we are with the drinks.
403
00:17:35,887 --> 00:17:36,953
Oh.
404
00:17:36,954 --> 00:17:39,256
The ginger ale
for the Rockfields,
405
00:17:39,257 --> 00:17:41,425
and the scotch for Larry.
406
00:17:42,627 --> 00:17:44,495
[
]
407
00:17:49,935 --> 00:17:51,802
Stephens, I... I don't
seem to be able
408
00:17:51,803 --> 00:17:53,304
to raise my glass.
409
00:17:53,305 --> 00:17:55,539
Neither can I.
Neither can I.
410
00:17:55,540 --> 00:17:57,541
You can't, huh?
411
00:17:57,542 --> 00:17:59,910
Probably the furniture polish
412
00:17:59,911 --> 00:18:01,278
hasn't dried on the table yet.
413
00:18:01,279 --> 00:18:03,581
I'll have them
pried off tomorrow.
414
00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:04,681
No problem.
415
00:18:04,682 --> 00:18:06,182
I'll make new drinks.
416
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:15,458
[NERVOUS LAUGH]
417
00:18:15,459 --> 00:18:17,419
Hmm. Certainly getting
hot in here.
418
00:18:20,832 --> 00:18:22,966
Darrin, we're waiting
for our drinks.
419
00:18:24,002 --> 00:18:26,370
Didn't you have
a drink for lunch?
420
00:18:26,371 --> 00:18:28,772
What's the matter with you?
421
00:18:28,773 --> 00:18:30,140
Me? Nothing.
422
00:18:30,141 --> 00:18:32,543
[LAUGHS]
Nothing. I'm fine.
423
00:18:32,544 --> 00:18:34,411
Uh, say, have you ever seen
424
00:18:34,412 --> 00:18:35,545
the handkerchief trick?
425
00:18:35,546 --> 00:18:37,747
It's... It's really,
uh, very amusing.
426
00:18:37,748 --> 00:18:38,816
[NERVOUS LAUGH]
427
00:18:38,817 --> 00:18:40,751
Darrin, forget the trick.
428
00:18:40,752 --> 00:18:42,753
Let's talk about the campaign.
429
00:18:42,754 --> 00:18:45,522
What have you come up with
for Mr. Rockfield?
430
00:18:45,523 --> 00:18:47,024
Uh, yeah, the campaign.
431
00:18:47,025 --> 00:18:48,492
Oh, of course.
432
00:18:48,493 --> 00:18:50,994
Uh, well. Uh...
433
00:18:50,995 --> 00:18:53,263
Well, let's hope
it has plenty of punch.
434
00:19:00,939 --> 00:19:03,573
Uh, I'll go get a cold compress.
435
00:19:03,574 --> 00:19:04,841
I'll be right back.
436
00:19:08,213 --> 00:19:10,047
Uncle Arthur,
I'm gonna start over again,
437
00:19:10,048 --> 00:19:12,348
and if you're not here by
the time I count to three,
438
00:19:12,349 --> 00:19:13,516
you've had it.
439
00:19:13,517 --> 00:19:15,819
And so have we.
Sam, what's happened?
440
00:19:15,820 --> 00:19:17,287
Well, apparently Uncle Arthur's
441
00:19:17,288 --> 00:19:18,421
made up with Aretha,
442
00:19:18,422 --> 00:19:20,891
and has given us back
his practical jokes.
443
00:19:20,892 --> 00:19:22,092
What's that for?
444
00:19:22,093 --> 00:19:24,962
For me first,
and then for Larry.
445
00:19:28,399 --> 00:19:32,102
One, two, three.
446
00:19:32,103 --> 00:19:33,237
Mr. Tate.
Here.
447
00:19:33,238 --> 00:19:34,871
This should do the trick.
448
00:19:34,872 --> 00:19:36,507
Are you all right, Tate?
449
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:38,548
He never could take a punch.
450
00:19:41,313 --> 00:19:42,613
Where am I?
451
00:19:42,614 --> 00:19:44,247
Well, if I didn't know better,
452
00:19:44,248 --> 00:19:46,983
I'd think you were
in a loony bin.
453
00:19:46,984 --> 00:19:49,386
[CHUCKLES]
Ah, yes, this certainly promises
454
00:19:49,387 --> 00:19:51,321
to be an interesting evening.
455
00:19:51,322 --> 00:19:53,603
More fun than
a barrel of monkeys.
456
00:19:54,726 --> 00:19:56,760
[CHIRPING]
457
00:20:06,137 --> 00:20:08,372
[GASPS]
458
00:20:16,348 --> 00:20:18,716
Cute little fellas, aren't they?
459
00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:20,751
Stephens, where'd
these animals come from?
460
00:20:20,752 --> 00:20:22,052
Yeah, where'd they come from?
461
00:20:22,053 --> 00:20:23,153
Well, actually...
462
00:20:23,154 --> 00:20:24,788
Never mind.
Just get rid of them.
463
00:20:24,789 --> 00:20:28,392
Oh, they're cute, Lionel.
Where's your sense of humor?
464
00:20:28,393 --> 00:20:31,261
LIONEL: I don't see anything funny
about a room full of anthropoids.
465
00:20:31,262 --> 00:20:33,263
Uncle Arthur,
you cut out the monkeyshines
466
00:20:33,264 --> 00:20:35,098
and undo your spell.
467
00:20:35,099 --> 00:20:37,834
Heigh-ho, Samantha,
my sweet.
468
00:20:37,835 --> 00:20:40,337
Don't "heigh-ho" me.
469
00:20:40,338 --> 00:20:43,006
You and your practical jokes
are destroying us.
470
00:20:45,810 --> 00:20:46,876
[LAUGHS]
471
00:20:46,877 --> 00:20:49,746
Oh, cute little fellas,
aren't they?
472
00:20:49,747 --> 00:20:51,481
Not to me, they're not.
473
00:20:51,482 --> 00:20:53,684
They are ugly little beasts,
474
00:20:53,685 --> 00:20:56,620
no cuter than your
practical jokes.
475
00:20:56,621 --> 00:20:59,023
Arthur, we are finished
for all time.
476
00:20:59,024 --> 00:21:00,991
And if I never see you again,
477
00:21:00,992 --> 00:21:03,527
it will be too soon.
478
00:21:03,528 --> 00:21:06,129
Goodbye.
479
00:21:06,130 --> 00:21:07,231
You're right.
480
00:21:07,232 --> 00:21:09,033
She's a phony.
481
00:21:09,034 --> 00:21:13,270
Stacked, but a phony.
482
00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:16,073
I demand an explanation.
483
00:21:16,074 --> 00:21:17,507
And it better be a good one.
484
00:21:17,508 --> 00:21:20,010
Good? It's gonna
have to be great.
485
00:21:20,011 --> 00:21:21,345
And you're going to get it.
486
00:21:21,346 --> 00:21:22,278
In just a minute.
487
00:21:22,279 --> 00:21:23,747
A-And get rid
of these monkeys.
488
00:21:23,748 --> 00:21:26,550
Oh, sure thing.
489
00:21:26,551 --> 00:21:28,452
Uncle Arthur, I beg of you.
490
00:21:28,453 --> 00:21:30,086
Please undo your spell.
491
00:21:30,087 --> 00:21:31,855
Why not?
492
00:21:31,856 --> 00:21:34,258
I've lost my love again.
493
00:21:34,259 --> 00:21:36,326
That's not all
you're gonna lose.
494
00:21:36,327 --> 00:21:38,061
Shh!
495
00:21:38,062 --> 00:21:40,130
Uh, Mr. Rockfield,
I'm sure Stephens
496
00:21:40,131 --> 00:21:41,498
has an explanation.
497
00:21:41,499 --> 00:21:44,468
Practical jokes,return to the roost,
498
00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:46,336
and give Uncle Arthur
499
00:21:46,337 --> 00:21:48,939
a great big boost.
500
00:21:48,940 --> 00:21:51,608
And as soon as he gets back,
he'll get rid of the...
501
00:21:57,047 --> 00:21:59,315
Where'd they go?
502
00:21:59,316 --> 00:22:02,886
Okay, Sammy? Ciao.
503
00:22:04,054 --> 00:22:06,456
It's time to face the music.
504
00:22:11,129 --> 00:22:12,963
Well, you asked me to get
rid of the monkeys,
505
00:22:12,964 --> 00:22:14,531
so I got rid of them.
506
00:22:14,532 --> 00:22:16,500
Oh.
Oh.
507
00:22:16,501 --> 00:22:18,735
You promised an explanation,
508
00:22:18,736 --> 00:22:21,338
a good one...
A very good one.
509
00:22:21,339 --> 00:22:23,039
Well, go... Go ahead,
sweetheart.
510
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:24,241
Tell 'em about your plan.
511
00:22:24,242 --> 00:22:26,476
Don't be modest.
Plan?
512
00:22:26,477 --> 00:22:27,744
Well, you know.
513
00:22:27,745 --> 00:22:30,013
The... The plan to show
that you can enjoy your home
514
00:22:30,014 --> 00:22:32,516
without making it
a Coney Island fun house.
515
00:22:32,517 --> 00:22:33,983
Oh, of course.
516
00:22:33,984 --> 00:22:35,452
That plan.
517
00:22:35,453 --> 00:22:37,488
SAMANTHA:
Darrin always says
518
00:22:37,489 --> 00:22:39,322
that a home can be fun
without air blasts
519
00:22:39,323 --> 00:22:42,692
or sticking glasses
or barrels of monkeys.
520
00:22:42,693 --> 00:22:44,494
Or even a boxing glove.
521
00:22:45,863 --> 00:22:49,266
Maybe later I'll explain
how much fun that was.
522
00:22:49,267 --> 00:22:51,067
I hope there's more.
523
00:22:51,068 --> 00:22:53,403
DARRIN:
Of course.
524
00:22:53,404 --> 00:22:55,805
We show the Coney
Island fun house,
525
00:22:55,806 --> 00:22:57,907
and next to that
a home furnished
526
00:22:57,908 --> 00:22:59,976
with Rockfield furnishings.
527
00:22:59,977 --> 00:23:01,911
And the slogan might be, uh,
528
00:23:01,912 --> 00:23:03,580
"Put some fun in your home
529
00:23:03,581 --> 00:23:05,482
with Rockfield furnishings."
530
00:23:05,483 --> 00:23:06,617
That's your explanation
531
00:23:06,618 --> 00:23:08,552
for everything
that happened tonight?
532
00:23:08,553 --> 00:23:10,153
Uh-huh.
533
00:23:10,154 --> 00:23:11,855
I like it.
I like the approach,
534
00:23:11,856 --> 00:23:13,857
and I like the slogan.
I knew you would.
535
00:23:13,858 --> 00:23:16,393
I'm crazy about it myself.
536
00:23:16,394 --> 00:23:20,464
Well, you must admit,
it does have punch.
537
00:23:20,465 --> 00:23:21,965
It's different.
538
00:23:21,966 --> 00:23:23,767
But you certainly
went to a lot of trouble
539
00:23:23,768 --> 00:23:25,903
to make your point.
540
00:23:25,904 --> 00:23:28,238
Well, would this moment
have been as meaningful
541
00:23:28,239 --> 00:23:31,341
if Darrin had
just said "fun house"?
542
00:23:32,376 --> 00:23:33,810
No, it wouldn't.
543
00:23:33,811 --> 00:23:36,713
Mrs. Stephens,
your husband's got quite a head
544
00:23:36,714 --> 00:23:37,754
on his shoulders.
545
00:23:39,683 --> 00:23:41,151
I certainly have.
546
00:23:46,223 --> 00:23:47,691
[
]
547
00:23:47,692 --> 00:23:49,959
Sam, this is one evening
I'll never forget,
548
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:51,528
even if I tried.
549
00:23:51,529 --> 00:23:53,296
And I plan to do
a lot of trying.
550
00:23:53,297 --> 00:23:54,898
Well, I'm very proud of you.
551
00:23:54,899 --> 00:23:57,133
You were in control all the way.
552
00:23:57,134 --> 00:23:59,570
Control?
I was in shock.
553
00:23:59,571 --> 00:24:02,005
Well, sweetheart,
the house is back to normal.
554
00:24:02,006 --> 00:24:03,707
Yeah? For how long?
555
00:24:03,708 --> 00:24:06,543
Your lovesick,
joke-sick Uncle Arthur
556
00:24:06,544 --> 00:24:08,545
just might...
Shh!
557
00:24:08,546 --> 00:24:10,213
He's liable to hear you.
558
00:24:10,214 --> 00:24:12,115
ARTHUR:
I heard that.
559
00:24:12,116 --> 00:24:13,917
He heard you.
560
00:24:13,918 --> 00:24:16,352
Uncle Arthur, go away.
561
00:24:16,353 --> 00:24:18,956
ARTHUR:
Ouch!
562
00:24:18,957 --> 00:24:22,726
Sammy, you know if there's
one thing I can't stand,
563
00:24:22,727 --> 00:24:24,895
it's having my ear tweaked.
564
00:24:24,896 --> 00:24:28,031
How about boxed?
565
00:24:28,032 --> 00:24:30,433
Now, there's an idea.
566
00:24:33,771 --> 00:24:35,238
[LAUGHING]
567
00:24:38,942 --> 00:24:39,942
[BOTH LAUGHING]
568
00:24:39,943 --> 00:24:41,678
Woo-hoo!
569
00:24:46,016 --> 00:24:47,950
[
]
570
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:52,550
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