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1
00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:12,835
Oh, honey. Oh, gosh.
2
00:00:13,040 --> 00:00:17,477
That's just great.
Thank you, sweetheart.
3
00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:20,598
Now, open the champagne.
I have one more surprise.
4
00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:23,638
I don't know if I can stand
any more surprises.
5
00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:27,156
This is a special surprise.
6
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,038
Something for both of us.
7
00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:33,437
Sounds intriguing. Give me a hint.
8
00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:40,753
That's a hint?
9
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:43,713
What'd you give me,
the Eiffel Tower?
10
00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:05,956
Daddy!
11
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:11,518
- I should've known.
- Sweetheart, I had no idea.
12
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,594
What a wonderful surprise.
13
00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:16,592
To her, he's a wonderful surprise.
14
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:18,995
To me, he's a demolition ball.
15
00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:21,276
Samantha, my child,
let me look at you.
16
00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:23,630
Magnificent as always.
17
00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:26,559
And why not?
After all, I'm your daughter.
18
00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:28,193
Precisely.
19
00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:31,512
Excuse me, but I believe
your car is parked on my rug.
20
00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:34,276
Does that distress you?
21
00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:38,871
No trouble. Macbeth, later.
22
00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:43,871
As I recall, we were discussing
something rather fascinating.
23
00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:45,593
- What was it?
- You.
24
00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:47,995
Yes, of course.
25
00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:51,552
It seems there's a hole in my wall.
26
00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:53,948
Does that distress you too?
27
00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:56,715
Not aesthetically, but I'm freezing.
28
00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:01,439
Of course, how thoughtless of me.
Close, Sesame!
29
00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:08,515
If I seem to be more affable
than usual, Dolphin...
30
00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:10,790
- Darrin.
- It's only because you happen...
31
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:14,117
...to be standing in the fallout of
my love for my daughter.
32
00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:17,352
Of course. How are you, sir?
33
00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:19,915
Blooming, blooming,
in magnificent health.
34
00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:24,079
- He wouldn't have it any other way.
- Certainly not.
35
00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:29,156
- Happy birthday, my boy.
- "My boy"?
36
00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:32,631
Well, isn't that the proper way
to address one's son-in-law?
37
00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:34,637
Well, it is sort of a shock.
38
00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:39,197
I admit that I merely tolerated
this marriage right from the start.
39
00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:42,080
But when I see the glow
in my daughter's eyes...
40
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:46,592
...the warmth of her smile,
the aura of beauty that surrounds her...
41
00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:48,990
...well, you put it there.
42
00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:50,758
How, I'll never know.
43
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:54,430
- But there it is to see.
- Thank you, sir.
44
00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:56,750
- Yeah, thanks.
- Let's drink to that.
45
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,837
I'd like a very dry martini.
46
00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:01,429
Spanish gin, Italian vermouth
and a Greek olive.
47
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:03,790
I don't know if we have
those ingredients.
48
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:07,231
Don't bother. I'll fix it myself.
49
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:16,594
In appreciation for your having made
my daughter so happy, Dolphin...
50
00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:18,273
Darrin.
51
00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:22,758
I'd like you to accept a small token
of my half-hearted esteem.
52
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:25,349
A little birthday present, if you will.
53
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,592
Well, thank you, sir.
54
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:31,959
Let's not be so formal.
Call me Maurice.
55
00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:36,559
- I'll try.
- It's a lighter and a perpetual calendar.
56
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,233
Well, how about that?
57
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:42,673
Yes, I've invested that lighter
with a small portion of my own powers...
58
00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:45,872
...so that it may serve
your every command.
59
00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:47,832
You mean...
60
00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:50,395
...if I use this, I can...
61
00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:54,275
...zap this and pow that
and ring-a-ding up anything I want?
62
00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:58,276
Crudely but accurately expressed.
63
00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:04,351
Maurice, I appreciate your gesture.
I'm sorry I can't accept it.
64
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,918
You have the effrontery
to refuse my gift?
65
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:11,357
- How dare you!
- Let's not get all steamed up, Maurice.
66
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:15,309
- "Sir" to you, Dustbin.
- Darrin!
67
00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:19,232
Daddy, I think Darrin's
just trying to remind you...
68
00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:23,991
...how he feels about taking advantage
of you know what.
69
00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:27,351
Samantha, you've picked a lemon
in the garden of love.
70
00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:31,553
You're married to an obstinate fool,
a stubborn jackass.
71
00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:34,320
I am not!
72
00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:38,672
Darrin is a wonderful human being.
73
00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:41,553
Not necessarily.
74
00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:46,834
Samantha, I think there's
a jackass on your rug.
75
00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:51,753
Good grief!
76
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:55,316
And that, my dear, is final.
77
00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:58,558
But why?
78
00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:00,955
Just an honest difference of opinion.
79
00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:05,119
You say he isn't a jackass.
I say he is.
80
00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:11,550
Daddy! Daddy, how could you do
such a thing to Darrin?
81
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:15,309
You've taken away the one thing
that's made me so happy.
82
00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:18,677
Samantha, I have not taken away
the cause of your happiness.
83
00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:23,271
I've simply changed his form,
and not much at that.
84
00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:26,992
I happen to prefer the original.
85
00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:31,871
Don't you worry, sweetheart.
86
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:36,232
We'll get you out of there.
Won't we, dad...
87
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:41,076
Daddy?
88
00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:43,957
Daddy?
89
00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:42,549
Daddy, this is no time
to play hide-and-seek.
90
00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:44,830
You come back here right now!
91
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:48,237
It's way past our bedtime!
92
00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:52,353
Oh, father, if malice
could be mined like gold...
93
00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:54,949
...you'd be worth a fortune.
94
00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:56,998
Darrin.
95
00:06:57,200 --> 00:07:00,795
Sweetheart, I love you.
96
00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:05,995
Now, look. I don't blame you
for being a little bit upset.
97
00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:07,872
But... Well, look.
98
00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:11,470
I promise you.
You don't have to be a mule any...
99
00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:14,399
- any longer than
absolutely necessary.
100
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:19,435
Now, sweetheart,
when daddy gets back...
101
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:24,115
Well, I must admit he deserves it...
102
00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:26,390
...but I wouldn't press your luck.
103
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,478
In the meantime,
we'll just have to adjust.
104
00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:47,959
Sweetheart, wouldn't you be
a little more comfortable...
105
00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:50,674
...if you slept outside?
106
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:54,589
It's a lovely, warm night.
Come look.
107
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,270
And you forgot
to mow the lawn out back...
108
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,875
...so it's nice and thick.
109
00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:03,112
See?
110
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:08,073
It'll be nice under the stars.
I could get a sleeping bag and join you.
111
00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:20,873
Abner, there's a jackass
in the Stephens' living room!
112
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:23,719
Is that a nice way
to talk about your neighbours?
113
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,388
I mean, a real jackass.
114
00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:29,273
What's an eight-letter word
for murder?
115
00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:31,755
Abner, why don't you
ever listen to me?
116
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:36,357
I listen to you all the time, except
when you talk. There, I draw the line.
117
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:45,909
If you're worried about Tabitha
having a trauma over this, don't.
118
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:49,556
She took the news
like a good little sport.
119
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,669
As a matter of fact...
120
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:56,270
...she wanted to know
when you'd take her for a ride.
121
00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:03,312
Well, I'm sorry, sweetheart,
but you can hardly blame her.
122
00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:06,669
I'm fixing your favourite breakfast.
123
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,836
Eggs Benedict.
124
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,716
Good morning, Mrs. Kravitz.
125
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:22,717
What's that in your kitchen?
126
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:26,555
- What's what in my kitchen?
- The mule.
127
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,711
It's a mule.
128
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:31,076
That's what I thought it was.
129
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:34,511
I stayed up all night
trying to convince Abner...
130
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:36,318
...there was a mule in your house.
131
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:39,114
That's my daddy.
132
00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:42,117
Your what?
133
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,151
She named him Daddy.
134
00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:48,876
Well, that's what he is.
My grandpa made a no-no.
135
00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:52,909
I'll say that's a no-no.
136
00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:55,759
You're not allowed
to keep mules as pets.
137
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,394
He's not a pet. He's my daddy.
138
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,200
Tabitha, it isn't nice
to argue with grown-ups.
139
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,709
Run outside and play.
140
00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:07,799
Even if you were allowed
to keep a mule in the house...
141
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,399
...who would want to?
142
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:13,912
I mean, it's not sanitary.
143
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:19,433
I assure you he is bathed regularly
and is quite housebroken.
144
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,155
Here you are, Daddy.
145
00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:33,195
You're feeding eggs Benedict
to a mule?
146
00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:36,352
A happy pet is a healthy pet.
147
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,279
Eat up.
148
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,917
Not so fast, Daddy.
149
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:47,197
Abner will never believe it!
150
00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:52,354
I don't believe it.
151
00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:54,551
I tell you, it is a jackass...
152
00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:57,877
...and she is feeding him
eggs Benedict for breakfast.
153
00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:01,391
Lucky jackass.
All I ever get is lumpy oatmeal.
154
00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:04,518
Laugh, laugh.
155
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:09,835
I have a good mind
to call the animal shelter.
156
00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:13,797
Mother? Mother,
I know you can hear me...
157
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,389
...so put that champagne down
right this minute...
158
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:19,478
...and get over here
tout de suite.
159
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:22,273
I'm sorry.
160
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:24,675
Champagne should never
be gulped.
161
00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:26,871
Now, what is your problem?
162
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:28,911
Well...
163
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:32,112
I see you have a new pet.
164
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:33,639
Oh, how nice.
165
00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:37,310
It's not nice at all. It's Darrin.
166
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:39,918
Oh, of course.
167
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:42,116
I'd know him anywhere.
168
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:45,593
- Mother!
- Very well.
169
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,439
You and Darwood had a quarrel.
170
00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:51,598
No. Daddy and Darw...
171
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:53,472
Darrin had a quarrel.
172
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:55,950
Spare me the gory details.
173
00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,350
- What am I gonna do?
- Nothing.
174
00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:00,198
Nothing, of course.
175
00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:02,356
I've always said,
"Father knows best."
176
00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:04,757
You've never said that!
177
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:06,433
I'm saying it now.
178
00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:09,956
Oh, mother, stop kidding around.
You have to help me find him.
179
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:11,872
Well, let me see.
180
00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:15,470
If I know your father,
and I think I do...
181
00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:18,996
...he'll be flitting about
the south of France this time of year.
182
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,270
Why don't you pop over
and track him down?
183
00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:23,795
It's your problem, Samantha.
You argue with him.
184
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,479
But who'd baby-sit with Tabitha?
185
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:28,035
Darwood, of course!
186
00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:33,678
In case of an emergency,
he can always bray for help.
187
00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:36,952
Oh, such wit.
We'll only be gone a few minutes.
188
00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:38,508
Well...
189
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:41,792
Now, sweetheart, we'll be back
just as soon as we can find daddy.
190
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,275
- I hate long farewells.
- Don't worry about a thing.
191
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:46,869
Just take good care of Tabitha...
192
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:52,316
And the countess
was never quite the same.
193
00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:00,475
Hi.
194
00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:03,393
I'd ask you to join us,
but the table is so small.
195
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:08,594
Yvette, this is my daughter,
and my... her mother.
196
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:13,510
Daddy, I must talk to you
about Darrin.
197
00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:18,273
Dr. Bombay forbids me to discuss
family problems at the aperitif hour.
198
00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:20,277
It gives me heartburn.
199
00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:23,353
Daddy, you have to help Darrin.
200
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:27,434
Well, if he needs help, I suggest
you call in a qualified veterinarian.
201
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,518
You know exactly the kind of help
I'm talking about.
202
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:35,475
He cannot go to the office
in that asinine condition.
203
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:37,750
Then I suggest he try
a different line of work.
204
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:42,192
Say drawing a milk wagon, huh?
205
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:45,156
That's very good, Maurice.
206
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:48,158
Now help your child
so I can get on with my shopping.
207
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:51,995
Yes, but not right away.
I'm taking my final exams this afternoon.
208
00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:54,954
In what, may I ask?
209
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:59,273
Karate.
Yvette is my karate instructor.
210
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,877
Maurice.
211
00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:05,640
- I'm sorry to be late.
- That's quite all right, my dear.
212
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:08,673
Samantha, Endora,
this is Angelique...
213
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,440
...an associate of Yvette's
in the karate business.
214
00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:12,908
Imagine that.
215
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:15,759
At your age to take them on
two at a time.
216
00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:19,277
It's an advanced course,
and quite handy in the event...
217
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:22,313
...one is attacked both
from the front and the rear.
218
00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:27,033
That event may be
coming up right now.
219
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:30,636
Samantha, you're turning
into a nudge.
220
00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:33,237
Ladies, enjoy your drinks...
221
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:36,318
...and go on over to the studio.
I'll join you later.
222
00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:39,592
If I'm delayed,
you can start without me.
223
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:47,079
Darrin, Tabitha, we're home...
224
00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:49,840
...and grandpapa is with us.
225
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:53,157
- Mommy! Mommy!
- What is it?
226
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:56,198
It's daddy.
They took him away just now.
227
00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:58,789
They... Who took him away?
228
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,509
Two men in white coats, no doubt.
229
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,031
Green coats.
230
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,231
Mrs. Kravitz came in with them.
231
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:09,989
They put him in a truck and said
daddy couldn't live here anymore.
232
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:11,713
What man? What truck?
233
00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:15,469
I don't know. He gave me this.
234
00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:20,395
"The animal shelter"?
Good grief!
235
00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:22,917
Let's look
on the brighter side of things.
236
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:27,796
Among all those dumb animals,
Dolphin should be quite at home.
237
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:45,479
Darrin?
238
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:48,433
Darrin? Sweetheart?
239
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,717
Oh, sweetheart, I just found out.
240
00:15:56,920 --> 00:16:00,799
Well, it must've been
terrible for you.
241
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:04,158
It's din-din time, kids.
Come and get it!
242
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:07,478
Come on, sweetheart.
We're going home.
243
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,870
Did you see that?
244
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:16,877
See what?
245
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:18,911
Nothing.
246
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:21,749
All right.
247
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:25,714
Who's the wise guy
who's hiding the mule?
248
00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,719
Sure, you play chess
while I'm feeling so guilty...
249
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:36,674
...at what I did to that poor,
dumb animal, I could cut my throat!
250
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:40,674
I think I put a new blade
in the razor this morning.
251
00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:42,757
It's your move.
252
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,713
Mrs. Stephens'll probably
never speak to me again.
253
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:49,873
I'll send her a letter
of congratulations in the morning.
254
00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:58,553
Abner, the jackass is back!
255
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:03,518
Mule, sweet mule...
256
00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:06,314
...parting is such sweet sorrow.
257
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:10,433
But Dolphin must be back
at work tomorrow.
258
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,629
That's terrible!
259
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:17,636
- I thought I read it rather well.
- I mean, he's not changing.
260
00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:21,150
Yes. Well, you win some,
you lose some.
261
00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:24,830
Well, I must get cracking,
or I shall be late for my karate finals.
262
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:26,359
No, you don't!
263
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,636
You're not leaving
until you give him back...
264
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:31,070
...to me exactly
the way you found him.
265
00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:34,477
The sacrifices a father
makes for his child.
266
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:38,269
I'll try the laying on of hands.
267
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:42,309
Lowly beast of the field...
268
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,750
...be welcomed unto the fold.
269
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:48,197
Believe, and the gates
of your heart shall open wide...
270
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,356
...and you will walk through.
271
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:52,591
Hallelujah.
272
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:56,833
Nothing's happening.
273
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:58,798
What do you mean?
Plenty is happening.
274
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:02,276
I'm getting an abominable headache.
275
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:05,748
Wait half a mo.
276
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:07,752
That's the fly in the witch's ointment.
277
00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:11,835
The jackass and I
are both trying too hard.
278
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:16,197
Oh, daddy, for heaven's sakes.
This is no time for chess.
279
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:18,709
It is precisely the time for chess.
280
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:23,078
Mutual concentration on a common
problem will make us as one.
281
00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:26,238
Beauty and the beast.
282
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:31,032
Come along, Dolphin.
You're white. Your move.
283
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:35,631
All right, sweetheart.
Just point it out.
284
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:39,195
Gently, sweetheart.
285
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:47,950
You have very clumsy lips,
sweetheart.
286
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:50,116
I'll move this for you.
287
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:57,471
The Ruy Lopez opening.
A crafty little beast, aren't you?
288
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:03,475
Are you sure, Darrin?
289
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:06,035
I will not tolerate coaching
from the sidelines.
290
00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:09,158
Let the jackass play his own game.
291
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:12,789
I knocked, but no one heard me.
292
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:15,918
Let's get on with the game.
It's your move.
293
00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:19,829
He's playing chess?
294
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,193
Amazing.
295
00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:25,591
What's so amazing?
I usually beat him two out of three.
296
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:29,759
I can't wait to tell Abner about this!
297
00:19:34,120 --> 00:19:36,429
You're getting
into trouble there, Dolphin.
298
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:39,390
Move bishop out of the way,
and you can castle.
299
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:41,915
Castle? King Arthur!
300
00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:43,951
By George, I've got it!
301
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:47,709
I once had a run-in with
a cowardly knight and turned him into...
302
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,069
Well, that doesn't matter.
303
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:52,397
Last night when I wrought
that remarkable change for the better...
304
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:56,354
...in your husband's appearance,
I was standing here, Dolphin was there.
305
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:59,074
Samantha, you were here,
and... let me see.
306
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,840
Endora, you were nowhere.
307
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,197
Scat!
308
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,393
Now we must get rid of this.
309
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:14,437
Now we shall recreate
the entire event.
310
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:18,593
You have the effrontery
to refuse my gift?
311
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:19,955
How dare you!
312
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,037
Now, let's not get
all steamed up, Maurice.
313
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:26,034
- "Sir" to you, Dustbin.
- Darrin.
314
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,952
Daddy, I think Darrin's
just trying to remind you...
315
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:34,676
...how he feels about taking
advantage of you know what.
316
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:38,111
Samantha, you've picked a lemon
in the garden of love.
317
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:42,279
You're married to an obstinate fool,
a stubborn jackass.
318
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,199
I am not!
319
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:49,392
Darrin is a wonderful human being.
320
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:52,353
Not necessarily.
321
00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:59,992
Samantha, I think
there's a jackass on your rug.
322
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:04,871
Hold it!
323
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:07,071
Reverse!
324
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:25,271
Thank you from
the bottom of my withers!
325
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:27,232
Not at all, my boy.
326
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:31,513
As Bill Shakespeare once said to me,
"The quality of mercy is not strained.
327
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:34,991
It droppeth as a gentle rain
from heaven upon the place beneath.
328
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:39,637
It is twice blessed. It blesseth him
that gives and him that takes."
329
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:44,356
Daddy, let's not get carried away.
330
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:47,356
Terribly sorry.
331
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:57,796
Endora, Endora.
332
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:02,152
- It's hard to be a parent.
- Yes, darling.
333
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,712
Darrin was tired, so he went to bed.
334
00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:09,510
Daddy, I'm worried.
335
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:11,950
He was thirsty, and...
336
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:13,633
That's something to worry about?
337
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:16,151
He wants his water in a bucket.
338
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,470
That is something to worry about.
339
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:22,434
Forget it, child. It's merely
the residual of his recent hee-haw.
340
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:25,154
It'll pass in time.
341
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:34,831
Mrs. Stephens?
342
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:36,837
Oh, hi.
343
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:40,432
Mrs. Stephens, I need the name
of a good sanatorium.
344
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:43,108
Is something wrong with you,
Mr. Kravitz?
345
00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:46,318
Not me, Gladys. The poor kid.
You know what she said?
346
00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:48,590
She said you have a jackass
that plays chess...
347
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:52,236
...and that could probably beat me.
Can I live with a sickie like that?
348
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:56,998
Well, as a matter of fact,
our jackass did play chess.
349
00:22:57,400 --> 00:22:58,833
You'll have to show me.
350
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:01,469
Well, he's gone.
351
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,274
Please, Mrs. Stephens,
don't try to protect Gladys.
352
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:07,193
What my daughter meant was
that the jackass has just gone...
353
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:11,075
...into the kitchen for some milk
and cookies. I'll fetch him.
354
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:12,789
Is he kidding?
355
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,873
I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
356
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:24,235
Daddy?
357
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:28,752
I never could resist
a ripping game of chess.
358
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:42,509
You're white, Mr. Kravitz.
It's your move.
359
00:23:42,559 --> 00:23:47,109
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