Original subtitles

The story of the true meaning of Christmas,

the story of a boy...

well, an emotionally stunted man...

who had gotten himself into quite a pickle.

Adam, you were supposed to get the place ready.

You didn't do anything.

Yes, I did.

I found our old Christmas tape.

Want to watch it? No.

Look, it's Christmas Eve.

This place has to be perfect.

It's fine.

Mom and Dad are gonna be here in a few hours.

You know how nuts they get about tradition.

I spent the last month making eggnog

even though I'm lactose intolerant.

I have to roast chestnuts over an open fire

even though it breaks like 15 fire codes.

And I have 900 yards of popcorn garland to make

because Mom always says, "Jesus weeps without popcorn."

It really means a lot to me

that they finally agreed to have

Christmas Eve at my place,

but the last thing I want is another fight

about how we're not celebrating Jesus

like in the old days.

Ooh, in the old days,

people used to fight about putting Christ

in Christmas just as much.

In fact... Oh, no, we do not have time for your show right now.

Not my show, my Christmas special.

Hi, I'm Adam Conover.

You are human figgy pudding.

And this is "Adam Ruins Everything."

"Adam Ruins Everything"

"Adam Ruins Everything"

"Adam Ruins Everything"

Closed Captions Provided by truTV

Look, I know we're not that religious,

but Mom and Dad made it a tradition.

It's the one night a year we get together

and have a nice, somber Christiany evening.

Well, that's pretty weird

because historically, Christmas was actually

a really raucous holiday,

and most of our Christmas traditions

have really un-Christian origins.

Here, I'll show you.

Ugh! Animated, really?

I don't have time for this.

But I always did relate to Peppermint Patty, Chuck.

The real story of the holiday season

starts over 2,000 years ago

during the Roman Empire.

In December, Romans celebrated a holiday

called Saturnalia

to mark the end of the harvest.

It was a wild party

involving gambling, singing,

and even cross-dressing.

Isn't there anyone

who knows what Saturnalia is all about?

And in northern Europe,

a drunken festival called Yule

celebrated the birth of the sun.

Families would burn

the biggest log they could find

and celebrate around evergreen trees

to ward off winter depression.

I hate to burst your bubble, Chuck,

but this has nothing to do with Christmas.

December 25 is still Jesus's birthday.

Actually, no one really knows for certain

when Jesus was born,

but we do know that when Christianity

took hold of Europe in the fifth century,

some common folk refused to part

with these pagan parties,

so Christian leaders gradually transformed

these popular traditions

into a celebration of Jesus's birth.

Hey, you pagan freaks,

my God was probably born today.

This party's about Jesus now, 'Kay?

Whatever, dude.

It's turnt up in this forest.

Inserting Christ into these winter festivals

was basically a civic compromise...

Make the party about Jesus

and you can keep getting jiggy with it.

Well, Chuck, sounds like that's when Christmas

became the nice, family-friendly holiday

we know today. Nope.

It stayed a debauched, violent booze fest

for a long time.

For over a thousand years,

Christmas was more like a terrifying Mardi Gras.

In England, drunken mobs would take over the streets,

and a beggar would be crowned the lord of misrule.

I declare all crime is legal.

It's purge time, baby!

The mobs would bang on rich people's doors

and demand to be served

the best food and drink they had,

and if they refused,

they were threatened with Christmas violence.

Give me booze, or I'll smash your face!

This actually looks kind of fun, Chuck.

I agree, but it certainly wasn't very Christian,

which is why, when Puritans came to America,

they decided Christmas had no place

in a Christian nation

and banned it.

What? Christmas was illegal? Yep.

In some communities,

if you exhibited Christmas spirit,

you were even forced to pay a fine.

Hmm, rosy cheeks, jolly smile.

Your fine is five shillings...

Four calling birds, three French hens

Two turtledoves

And now I have to pay the fine too

Thanks to the legacy of these rules,

Christmas ended up pretty unpopular in America,

but all that changed in the 19th century.

As immigrants flooded into America,

they brought with them a love of Christmas

and their own traditions.

These seeped into the popular culture,

and a new, American Christmas

began to take hold.

And now we treat Christmas

like it's always been a sacred Christian celebration,

but the historical truth is,

these winter festivities have pagan roots

with drunken traditions

that a lot of Christians straight up hated

for like a thousand years.

Now, look,

celebrating Christmas as the birth of Jesus

is a wonderful tradition,

but it's just as historically accurate

to get drunk in the woods

or bang on a rich person's door

and threaten them with violence.

So, instead of worrying

that Christmas isn't Christian anymore,

why don't we just let people celebrate

the way they want?

Great.

Isn't it always better to know?

Well, I know that you just wasted seven minutes of my time

and this place isn't even close to being ready,

so why don't you give me a hand

and wrap some Christmas gifts.

Christmas gifts?

Oh, I definitely can't help you with those.

Why not? Because they make no economic sense.

Let me tell you why.

Dang it.

Dang it.

Ever wonder why?

Ever wonder why "It's a Wonderful Life"

plays on TV every Christmastime?

Now it's a holiday classic, but it didn't used to be.

When "It's a Wonderful Life" came out in 1946,

it was a massive flop.

So much so that when the copyright

came up for renewal in the '70s,

no one even bothered to extend it.

Everyone has forgotten me.

Well, maybe it's better if I never existed at all.

Don't jump.

Your failure was secretly a success.

Well, gee whiz.

Now I seem awful dramatic.

When the copyright lapsed,

the movie fell into the public domain,

and it became free to air on television,

so cheapskate TV stations

started airing it nonstop during Christmas.

Well, it may be garbage,

but at least it's free garbage.

Clarence!

I... I want to be seen again.

I... I... I want to be seen again.

And thus was "It's a Wonderful Life"

cemented into the imagination of a generation.

If all our copyright be forgot

And never brought to court

So, thanks to the public domain,

we have this beloved Christmas classic.

And every time you watch it, a cable host gets his wings.

You can't ruin gifts.

It's nice to get things for people.

Like, I'm gonna get you a Christmas sweater

that's a little less... confusing.

What? It's a traditional St. Nicholas pickle barrel.

And please don't.

Gift-giving may feel nice,

but it makes no economic sense.

Fine, I won't,

but getting gifts is great for the economy.

Everybody knows that.

Yeah, everybody "knows that,"

but they're all wrong.

Gift-giving actually destroys

up to $20 billion in value every year.

Here, I'll show you.

Here's a gift... The gift of knowledge.

Aah! Aah!

Mmm, our first Christmas as a married couple.

Oh, this is so romantic.

I think you're really going to like this.

Hello, my friends.

Aah! No, I hate it!

Oh. Hi, Rhea.

Hey, guys. I am so sorry.

Adam, just get on with it.

Wait, is he teaching you something?

Oh, no.

We're the examples this time.

First, let's define economic value.

I'd rather drown.

The value of an object is the maximum amount

that its owner would be willing to pay for it,

or simply put, how much it's worth to you.

Add all these amounts together,

and that's the total value

of everything you've bought.

Ohh!

Cool.

Oh, Emily, I see that giant

cardboard cutout of The Rock

is worth a hundred bucks to you.

Oh, yeah.

But I only paid 50 for it.

Well, it it's worth a hundred to you

and you only paid 50,

then in economic terms, when you bought it,

you literally created $50 in value.

You're 50 bucks richer.

Oh, I feel wealthy.

Let's go to Vegas.

Gee, Adam, thanks for this lesson

in basic economics,

but what does this have to do with gift-giving?

A whole lot, actually.

Oh, who is that coming down the chimney?

Santa? It's Santa.

I knew he was real.

Nope, it's economist Joel Waldfogel.

Wow, way less exciting.

Hey, Adam. Hey, Joel.

Would you mind explaining to my sister Rhea

what the economic problem with gift-giving is?

Sure. When we buy gifts,

we do so with the best of intentions,

but while we're really good at knowing what we like,

we're pretty terrible at guessing

what other people would value.

Oh, this is great.

What? What's wrong?

Well, usually I wear wrestling tank tops

so I can show off my jacked triceps,

but it's the thought that counts.

Not economically.

Emily, how much would you pay for this shirt?

I'll wear it to bed, so I guess, like,

I don't know, 15 bucks. I paid 50.

Well, Murph, you just destroyed $35 worth of value.

He might as well have set it on fire.

No. No, no, no, no!

Now, sometimes we get it right

and buy the perfect gift,

but on average,

gifts are worth 18% less per dollar spent

to their recipients

than things we buy for ourselves.

And statistically, spouses are actually the best gift-givers.

You know who's worse? Parents.

Dear Daughter, we know you like The Rock,

so we got you his cousin's DVD.

It cost us 50 bucks.

Ugh!

"Roman Reigns" is trash.

I mean, I guess maybe I'd spend like $2 on it,

but only to hate-watch it.

That's $48 in value destroyed.

And according to Joel's research,

there's not much worse than the dreaded aunt.

Well, you said you liked rock, so here's a rock.

It cost $50.

This is a nothing gift.

This is worth literally nothing to me.

Poof!

$50 in value just evaporated.

Please leave. You smell like incense.

And when you add up the waste

across all the gifts in the economy,

we're destroying more than $20 billion per year.

So, what's your takeaway here?

Do we stop giving gifts?

No. No one wants that.

But we can all give a lot smarter.

We should just be extra careful in those situations

where we're giving to people

whose preferences we don't know.

And we can make more use of tools

like online wish lists and gift cards

that enable the recipient

to pick the gift that they want.

That way, we can all have

a more economically efficient holiday.

Wow.

How joyous.

Actually, gift cards have their own problems.

Nope, you only get one. Out.

Happy Christmas to all and to all a good Q4.

Ah, I'll use the door this time.

Bye, Joel. Man, that guy's cool.

Adam, again, I don't know why you felt the need

to tell me this today.

I told you, it's always better to know.

Okay, you keep saying that,

and our parents are coming,

and I don't know how to talk to you.

All I wanted was your help today,

and you just keep telling me pointless trivia.

You always do this. What is the point of it?

I was just trying to show you that if you freed yourself...

Enough!

I have been dealing with this for months!

All I asked of you was to be out of my house by Christmas.

I just wanted to show Mom and Dad

I'm a functioning adult.

You are a functioning adult.

Well, you're not!

You just get in the way.

Which way to the bus?

Oh, um...

You don't have to take the bus.

I'm sorry.

I thought your powers were only for learning.

They are.

I just learned something about myself.

They are.

Ever wonder why?

Ever wonder why no two snowflakes are alike?

Well, you shouldn't.

Because that ain't strictly true.

Back in 1988,

cloud scientist Nancy Knight

did some research high above Wisconsin.

Guys, cloud scientist doesn't mean I'm made out of clouds.

She studied a bunch of high-altitude snow crystals.

And I found two snowflakes

that looked completely identical.

Turns out snowflakes in their earliest stages

are simple six-sided prisms,

and these boring flakes can look really similar,

but as they fall,

they travel through different atmospheres.

And that's when the snowflakes really become different.

I don't care what that cloud lady says.

I'm beautiful and unique.

Depending on temperature and humidity,

a snowflake can drastically change its shape and style.

My style is Goth.

So, by the time the snowflake reaches the ground,

it looks nothing like it did in the clouds.

Wow! I feel like a whole new me.

And in this new body,

I really feel like anything is possible.

Oh, God, no!

Yuck. I was gonna see the world.

So, while you may never spot two identical snowflakes

down here on the ground,

up there in the clouds,

snowflakes aren't really that special at all.

Hey! Hey, stop!

Oh, sorry, snowflakes. I didn't mean it.

Come on, guys. Aah! Help!

In his life, Adam had often felt lonely,

but never quite as lonely as he felt now...

all by himself on Christmas Eve.

His sister had helped him when he needed it most,

but like always, he ruined that too,

and now he had no one.

Or did he?

Adam.

Hey, don't worry about it. It's okay.

No, it really isn't this time.

My sister let me crash with her all year,

and I wanted to say thank you,

but I couldn't even do that right.

I'm just not like everybody else.

Adam, when I first met you,

I thought you were some smug nerd

in a tweed jacket

who needed to be right all the time,

but when I got to know you,

I realized you were just trying to help

in the only way you know how.

So, now, the fact that you're different,

that's what I like about you.

I don't know, Rhea was just so stressed,

and I had this whole plan to fix everything,

and it didn't work.

Well, not yet.

But she's your sister, and she loves you.

It's not too late.

Look, you have a crazy ability

to change people's minds in like seven minutes.

I bet you can change Rhea's mind too.

Yeah?

Yeah!

Go say thank you

in whatever different Adam way you can.

You're right. You're right!

I know exactly what I should do.

I'm gonna tell her the true story of Santa Claus.

All right, that's not the tactic I had in mind,

but okay, sure.

How'd I do? Did it look real?

You did great, honey.

Now, let's go get nooched.

Ohh!

Rhea...

I know you don't want to hear

anything from me right now,

but this is important.

No, Mom and Dad are gonna be here in 15 minutes.

Please, I need to tell you

the true history of Santa Claus.

Just hear me out.

Whatever. Go ahead.

But I already know this one.

Santa was invented by Coca-Cola.

Nope. In the early 20th century,

Coca-Cola was going through a series of P.R. scandals,

including the fact that their cola

was made with cocaine.

Pay no attention to all that snow.

We're nice people.

To appear more lovable,

Coca-Cola advertised using a rosy-cheeked, red-suited,

family-friendly St. Nick,

but they didn't invent him.

They just used his image to make a buck.

Man, it's gross how commercial Christmas has become.

It's sad they pervert Santa's image

just for their ad campaign.

Oh, Santa's been used for weird campaigns

throughout history.

In olden days, he was often portrayed as a boozer.

Drink, drank, drunk

Drink, drank, drunk

I like getting drunk

But the temperance movement made him sober

to promote Prohibition.

No.

One version of Santa

was used in 20th century socialist campaigns.

The top 1% of the children get 99% of the gifts

while the working-class elves get virtually nothing.

The naughty and nice list is rigged.

We need a political revolution at the North Pole.

While in 1874 Mississippi,

there was actually a Santa-themed KKK rally.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.

Nope, get out of my home.

Nope, you're scum. Get out of here.

Nope, never.

Okay, Santa's been used for some weird causes,

but so what?

He's a wonderful idea.

Sure, maybe now he is,

but early Santas were way weirder.

Before 1880,

Santa didn't even live at the North Pole.

That idea was invented by Thomas Nast,

who drew Santa recording kids' behavior

from a giant telescope.

Ho ho! Someone's being very nice.

That is disturbing.

And the European precursors to Santa

were even more messed up.

Germanic nations replaced St. Nick

with baby Jesus and a demon named Krampus,

who dragged bad kids to hell.

This naughty boy has been torrenting software.

Aah! I promise to stop.

It's just really hard to find a good word processor.

The Dutch believe St. Nicholas himself

brought the presents.

That doesn't seem so bad. No, it's not.

But instead of an elf,

he was accompanied by a literal slave

named Black Peter,

often portrayed by a white person in blackface.

Oh, no. No. We're not showing that.

Yeah, the KKK St. Nick was probably enough, huh?

Yeah.

Ugh! Why do we even celebrate this dude?

Was St. Nick even real? Oh, yeah.

St. Nicholas of Myra

was the patron saint of gift-giving and children.

I am probably gonna regret this,

but why was he the patron saint of those things?

And please don't say it's racist stuff again.

Oh, no. Instead, it's creepy stuff.

Jolly old St. Nick loved giving gifts,

especially to young girls.

Excuse me?

He would sneak into their houses

in the middle of the night

and leave gold in their stocking

so they wouldn't become prostitutes.

No need for streetwalking, my dear.

I wasn't planning on it.

And the reason he's the patron saint of children

is even stranger.

Watch.

A long, long time ago

in a country far, far away...

Is that me?

St. Nick found a pickle barrel,

but it wasn't just any pickle barrel.

It was full of dead, dismembered children.

What? This is the story?

How do I not remember this?

Shh. This is the important part.

St. Nick, through the power of a holy miracle,

brought all those chunks of dead children back to life.

Arise!

I am no longer dead or dismembered,

but I'm still pickled.

Thanks, St. Nick.

So, even though Santa may not be real,

remember that the real story of St. Nick

is just as cool and more magical.

Thank you.

Santa Claus isn't real?

Of course not. It's just a story.

No!

No!

Why did everyone lie to me?

Well, sometimes the things we've been told are wrong.

It can be fun to find out the truth behind stories.

If you ask me,

it's always better to know.

It's always better to know?

Yeah.

Yeah, you're right.

Actually, what other myths are there?

I have so much research to do.

It's always better to know!

I taught you that?

Yeah.

It's always better to know, and now you know.

I'm not sure what to say.

Well, I am. Thank you.

You made me who I am.

And I know I'm not the easiest brother to have,

but I've been trying to help in the only way I know how...

by explaining that all of these traditions...

Gah! Mom and Dad are almost here!

No! No! No!

Oh, what are we gonna do?

Uh, I think I know how to fix this,

and I'll tell you about it right after this.

Uh, I think I know how to fix this,

tas!

My parents are coming.

Rhea, it's okay.

But the cookies and the garland.

Those things don't matter.

Of course they do. It's tradition.

Listen to me.

All traditions started somewhere,

and all traditions have changed.

But Mom and Dad...

Started doing things one way,

and you can do them another.

You've been putting so much pressure on yourself

to wrap the right gifts and make the right food

and remember the true meaning of Christmas,

but honestly, the true meaning of Christmas

is whatever you want it to be.

Because it's all made up.

And if it's all made up,

I can make my own traditions.

Exactly.

I think it's time we stopped trying

to repeat the Christmas Mom and Dad used to have

and make one of our own.

Yeah.

Let's do this.

Let's have a Conover Christmas.

Decorating montage!

What? No. We don't have time for that.

Oh, why not?

Oh, right.

Let's do it our way.

Ah, this is amazing!

I was worried it wasn't gonna work

'cause I thought the powers were just for learning.

Well, there are a few specific exceptions like...

Oh, we should get that.

Hi. Hi.

Merry Christmas.

Church bells ring

Snowflakes fall

Children singing "Deck the Halls"

All that we hold so dear

At this wonderful time of the year

Oh, Rhea, I love the decorations.

They're so you.

They were actually Adam's idea.

We did them together.

I got to be honest, Adam.

I never knew you had so many friends.

Me neither.

Plus, this is the third party I've attended.

The third? Very impressive.

Oh, look. There's Krampus.

Let's go dance with him.

I know what you're gonna say,

but just open it.

I got you nothing this year!

Oh, it's exactly what I wanted.

Thank you. Yeah, for sure.

Well, I got you something too.

Adam, I specifically didn't get you anything

because you said...

Oh.

Never mind. It's also an empty box.

No, it's a moving box, see?

I'm looking at some rentals this weekend.

I'm ready to be a big boy.

How about you stay through New Year's?

Then I'll help you look.

Oh, that would be great.

Ooh, then we can sing "Auld Lang Syne."

And the story of "Auld Lang Syne"

is real weird.

A lot of people think it was written

by the poet Robert Burns...

That Christmas, Rhea learned that her big brother

wasn't such a big bother after all,

and that emotionally stunted man taught us

that the true meaning of Christmas

is, eh, whatever the we want it to be.

I guess smug men named Adam

really can solve all the world's problems.

Another Christmas myth broken.

.srt Extracted, Resynced by Dan4Jem, XII.MMXVI

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0