All language subtitles for Get.Smart.1965.S02E20.REMASTERED.DVDRip.XviD-FQM_iris1

Help me. Help me.

I just never get
Tired of this business.

Ahh...

Think I just hurt myself.

Wake up. Wake up.

They're after me!
They tried to kidnap me!

Don't let them get me.
Please, you must help me.

There there, now. You're
Perfectly safe here.

Now why don't you just
Sit back here and relax

And tell me who you are?

I... I'm miss united states.

Miss united states? That's
An odd name for a girl.

Well, it's just my title.

My real name is tisha.

I came in town for
The beauty contest.

My daddy told me to come
To you if I needed help.

Your daddy? Who's that?

Herman heinschmidt.

Of course, herman heinschmidt,

The famous american scientist.

Well, that clears
Up a lot of questions.

Let's see, the chief
Should still be in his office.

Look, you just sit
Back and take it easy.

I'm going to call the chief.
Everything is going to be all right.

Hello, chief, this is max.

I've got a code 16 on my hands.

Code 16? Hang on
Max, we'll get you out.

All personnel, red alert.

Code 16. Code 16.

Chief...

Williams, you take this.

Larrabee...

Johnson...

Hang on, max.

Chief, will you
Stop all that yelling

So I can tell you
About my code 19?

19? I thought you said 16.

16, 19, what's the difference?

About $5,000.

All right, men.

All personnel, all personnel.

Code 16 canceled. All clear.

Repeat, all clear.

Max, I wish you'd
Study your manual.

Sorry about that, chief, but
I've never had a code 19 before.

As a matter of fact, I've
Never had a code 16 before.

All right, max,
You've got a code 19...

Woman being pursued by
An unknown assailant, right?

- right.
- who is she?

She's the daughter
Of herman heinschmidt

The famous american scientist.

Well, you better let
Her stay there tonight.

Right, chief. I'll call
You in the morning.

hold on a minute, max.

You're spending the
Night at my apartment.

Well, chief, is that
Advisable with a code 19?

That's an order, max. Herman
Heinschmidt is a personal friend of mine.

I'm not going to let his daughter
Spend the night with an unmarried agent.

Chief, do you know how long it will
Take to get a married agent over here?

Max, I don't want
Any agent over there.

Give her a gun to protect
Herself and tell her

Not to open the door for anyone.

Right, chief.

I'm going upstairs
And change my clothes.

I'll be down in a few minutes.

If you need me just call.

All right, tisha,
I have to go now,

But here's what
I want you to do:

I want you to take this gun,

And if anybody
Comes to that door,

I don't care how
Innocent he looks,

I want you to shoot first
And ask questions later.

- you understand?
- I understand.

- mr. Smart...
- you can call me max.

Max...

Thank you.

You're welcome.

One more thing...

Forget it.

Is that you, mr. Smart?

yes it's me, max. Open up.

How did you find out about that?

- how did I find out about what?
- that secret panel.

That's my own personal and
Highly secretive invention.

How exciting.

Yes, I use it so I can get
In when I forget my keys.

Tisha, what are you wearing?

Oh, I took the liberty of
Borrowing a pair of your pajamas.

- I hope you don't mind.
- no, that's all right.

- my, you are neat man, mr. Smart.
- uh, thank you, tisha.

Shirts in one drawer, and
Socks in another drawer,

Classified information
In another drawer.

I couldn't get the top
Drawer open though.

I always keep that
Drawer locked.

Why? What's in it?

Pajama bottoms.

Listen, tisha. You
Better get dressed.

We've got to go down to control
Headquarters and see the chief.

He wants you to
Look at some pictures

So maybe you can identify
Your would-be abductors.

Ooh. I'll hurry.

Wait a minute, tisha. Did anybody
Try to get in here last night?

No, your landlord came to the
Door, but I wouldn't let him in.

Good girl. What did he want?

He wanted to know if there
Was a girl in your apartment.

- I told him no.
- good. What did he say to that?

He said you better take
Something for your cold.

Yes, well why don't you
Go get dressed, tisha?

- I'll hurry.
- and...

Don't put those pajama tops in
With the classified information.

Mr. Smart, I'm in
Terrible danger, aren't I?

Yes, tisha, but don't worry
About it. You're in good hands.

You'll be protected 24
Hours around the clock

By a control agent
Who is highly intelligent,

Extremely perceptive,

And absolutely fearless.

- oh.
- what's the matter?

Well, I was hoping
It would be you.

Miss heinschmidt,
This is the chief.

Chief, this is miss heinschmidt.

- miss heinschmidt.
- hi.

Uh, miss heinschmidt, do
You think you could identify

The men who tried to
Kidnap you last night?

I'm afraid not.

It was dark. I couldn't see.

Well, I can confirm that, chief.

Last night was a
Very dark night.

Well, who'd want to
Kidnap little ol' me?

Your father is a very
Valuable scientist.

There are certain people
Who'd like to get hold of him.

Like who?

Tisha, there is an organization
Of shrewd, determined men

Who have been trying to
Get control of this country

For a number of years.
Perhaps you have heard of them.

Oh, you mean the republicans.

No, we mean kaos.

- kaos?
- max: yes.

A monstrous organization of evil

Dedicated to the
Destruction of the free world

And the systematic subjugation

Of every man, woman
And child on this planet.

Oh, my daddy wouldn't
Work for them.

He hates to see
Children subjugated.

- miss heinschmidt...
- would you call me "Miss u.S.A."?

It sounds so much nicer
Than "Miss heinschmidt."

Miss u.S.A., it's obvious
You are in great danger.

I must recommend that you
Withdraw from the contest.

Withdraw from the contest?

Well, I can't. I simply can't.

But your life may be at stake.

It doesn't matter.

I love this contest and
All that it stands for:

Beauty, cooperation,
Friendliness,

And $10,000 in prize money.

Chief, can I talk to
You for a minute?

- yes, max.
- excuse us.

Chief, she just gave me an idea.

Forget it, max.

No chief, you don't understand.

It's obvious from
What this girl tells us

That kaos has
Infiltrated this contest.

Now if we want
To ferret them out

We're going to
Need this girl's help.

It's dangerous, but
She seems willing.

Yes, so what we have to do is
Assign a control agent to her.

Someone the girl can trust.

Max, I want you to stay by her
Side 24 hours a day and guard her.

This is your case, max.

All right, chief, but
There's one problem.

I'm going to be
The only man there.

Those girls will all be
Trying to make a play for me.

Why, they'll be all over
Me like a swarm of locusts.

So what's the problem?

When am I going to find
Time to work on the case?

You know, carlson, I always wanted
To wear one of these opera hats.

It's neat the way they fold up.

- smart!
- what is it, carlson?

- that hat doesn't fold.
- well, I can see that.

Oh, don't!

Say, carlson, it's a good
Thing I got this umbrella.

Again.

Did you tell him
About the camera?

I was just about to.

Give me the umbrella, max.

Be careful, chief. It's
Not only an umbrella,

- it's a rifle.
- I know, max,

And it also has a high-speed
Camera in the handle.

This is the lens, and this
Is the shutter release.

Oh, I get it chief... If a
Kaos agent attacks me,

I can take his picture.

Max, the purpose of this umbrella is
To take pictures of the contestants.

Get the film back here. We'll process
Them and put them through the computer.

Chief, do you think it's fair

To judge the girls
On looks alone?

Max, we are not
Judging the contest.

I have a suspicion that one
Of the entrants is a kaos plant.

Now, the computer will
Make the identification.

You've got to take a picture
Of every girl in that contest.

- in bathing suits?
- any way you want.

Okay, bathing suits.

Max, if my hunch proves correct,

One of the photos will
Identify a beautiful kaos agent.

Well, what will we do with
The rest of the pictures, chief?

What do you suggest?

50-50?

Come, we go.

Did you ever see so
Many gorgeous females?

Tisha, to me this
Is just another job.

Let's go.

What happened?

You fell over the luggage.

Right.

Shh. Don't make a sound.

We have to check
Out this entire suite

And make sure it isn't bugged.

You take the bedroom;
I'll take the living room.

- did you find anything?
- nope, did you?

- no.
- well, what do we do now?

Call the desk and have
The maid make up the room.

Gosh, mr. Smart, you're
Too nice to be a secret agent.

Well, there are good secret agents
And there are bad secret agents.

There are? Well,
What's the difference?

Well, the good secret
Agents are on our side.

The bad secret agents
Are on their side.

Hello, this is room 613.

Would you send
A maid up, please?

- thank you.
- golly, mr. Smart...

You sure are taking
Good care of little ol' me.

I sure hope there
Won't be any trouble.

well, I don't think
There will be, tisha.

Although there's something
That's been bothering me.

Somehow I feel that I've seen
That face somewhere before.

- what face?
- the face on that fat stupid chaperone.

- so, I'm fat and stupid, eh?
- quiet.

You could afford to
Lose a little weight, stupid.

- you'll pay for this, mr. Maxwell smart.
- maxwell smart?

- yes.
- are you certain?

Yes, I saw his picture in post
Office at kaos headquarters.

Oh, and I assume the
Presence of mr. Maxwell smart

Will change the
Nature of our mission.

Yes. Before we get the
Girl, we must kill smart.

But how? We are
Under strict orders

To do nothing that will
Attract attention to ourselves.

Yes. Wait...

There is to be a cocktail
Party this afternoon

In suite of miss u.S.A., no?

Yes.

What better way to
Commit a quiet murder

Than in a noisy party?

Pardon me, but could you tell
Me where the hors d'ouvres are?

- I was looking for a piece of cheese.
- cheese?

Thank you.

Would you like some champagne?

No, I'm sorry, but
I'm not drinking.

I notice you're
Not drinking either.

It's humble custom
To drink only tea.

I took the privilege
Of ordering some.

Oh, here it is now.

Permit me, please.

Would you care to join me?

Good idea.

Do you like your tea strong?

Just a couple of
More dunks, please.

Here, I'll take that.

- to your health.
- to yours.

I've heard of strong
Tea, but this is ridiculous.

Pardon me.

Are you enjoying yourself?

Oh, yes. Thank you very much.

It's a delightful party.

Yes, it is.

American men. Mmm.

So exciting. So suave.

So... So debonair.

Well, thank you for saying so.

You just put the lit end of
The cigarette in your mouth.

Yes, well that way I don't get
Too many ashes on the floor.

Oh, I feel terribly warm.

Would you be kind
Enough to open a window?

Certainly.

Ladies and gentlemen,

May I have your
Attention, please?

I would like to propose a toast

to the ladies of the contest...

the most beautiful
Girls in the world.

What happened?

Well, either kaos just
Lost one of its agents

Or the people in this hotel
Just aren't tipping enough.

Here's your umbrella. Have
You taken enough pictures yet?

Are you kidding? I'm
On my third handle.

Listen, I've got to get the film
From this back to the laboratory

And have it run
Through the computer.

Then we'll know which
One of the contestants

Is the rotten, vicious,
Evil kaos killer.

Oh, I hope it's nobody nice.

Look, the party's beginning to
Break up. Now I am going to leave.

I want you to stay here
In this room. Don't budge.

Have you still got the
Gun I gave you last night?

- I sure have.
- where is it?

- on the table next to the bed.
- good.

Back at your apartment.

Have you got a headache?

Carlson, this film was smuggled
Out of kaos headquarters.

It contains pictures
Of their top staff,

Codebooks and maps
Of their global network.

We've got to be
Especially careful with it.

It cannot be duplicated. I'll
Stand by while you develop it.

I understand, chief. I'll
Use extra fine developer.

- would you close the door please?
- oh, yeah.

Careful now.

Max: carlson?

anybody here?

carlson, are you in there?

Both: don't open the door!

Whatcha got there, chief?

Nothing, max.
Absolutely nothing.

Well, I've got something here.

Pictures of every
Girl at that hotel.

Process it, carlson.

Carlson, have you noticed

That the chief is getting
A little moody lately?

Max: miss transmania?

We've identified her
As the kaos agent.

Now look at this picture.

Who's this, chief?

That's dimitri sokolov,
A deadly kaos agent.

Now look at this picture.

Why that's miss
Transmania's chaperone.

Wrong, max. That's sokolov.

That's sokolov?

What's he been taking, hormones?

Max, sokolov is not her
Chaperone. He's her husband.

These kaos agents are in
The room next to tisha's.

I've got to get back to
The hotel. She's in danger.

Max, whatever you do,
Remember rule five of code 19.

Uh, I've forgotten
Rule five, chief.

But I know rule six.

- rule six?
- yes, chief.

Rule six states that
All control agents

Must memorize rule five

Before proceeding to rule six.

- max.
- yes, chief?

Do the words "Get out"
Mean anything to you?

Bye.

Well, she started it.

All right, inside.
Come on, move.

All right, get over there.

Okay, let the girl go.

Now back up against that wall.

Come on, move.

now turn around
And put your hands up.

Come in.

Miss formosa, this
Is no time for tea.

Is always time for
Tea. Tea refreshes.

Dimitri: good work, comrade.

You will receive a hero's
Medal from our government.

You see, my country also wants

Daughter of famous
American scientist.

But we're all working
For the same cause.

Comrade, we're all
Members of kaos.

That is true, but your brand
Of kaos is weak and confused.

Only in our country
Is their pure kaos.

And now mr. Smart, you're about
To become an ex-control agent.

Wait a minute.
Couldn't I just resign?

Golly gee, that
Wasn't very nice, was it?

No, it wasn't.

But I must say that you've
Handled yourself very well, tisha,

In the midst of all this
Violence and horror and deceit.

Well, after all, it is my
Third beauty contest.

Max, you did a fine job.

Well, thank you, chief.

You know, there's one thing that
Puzzles me about all this, though.

I don't understand
How the computer

Failed to identify the
Kaos agent who was

Posing as miss formosa. I'm
Sure I sent in a picture of her.

Let me show you, max.

Here are different girls from
That same area of the world.

This one is the kaos agent.

This one is a student.

This is the real contestant.

This one's a dental technician.

The computer's
Only human after all.

I see, chief. To the computer,
They all looked alike.

Hello? Oh, yes,
Carlson. Right away.

I have to go down to
The lab to see carlson.

- wait here, max. I'll be right back.
- right, chief.

Control headquarters.

Code 16? Hang on,
27. We'll get you out.

Now here this. Now here this.

All personnel stand
By. Code 16. Code 16.

Red alert! Red alert!

Here, larrabee, take this.

Chief: max, who
Sent in the code 16?

Agent 27, chief.

I've got to contact
The white house.

Chief, what is a code 16?

Invasion from outer space.

Put me through to the president.

Hello, 27, this is the chief.
Who is it, the martians?

Code 15?!

Max, this is a code 15, not 16!

Missed it by that much.