subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for The.Work.2017.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

Afrikaans

Akan

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic Download

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bemba

Bengali

Bihari

Bosnian

Breton

Bulgarian

Cambodian

Catalan

Cebuano

Cherokee

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch

English Download

Esperanto

Estonian

Ewe

Faroese

Filipino

Finnish

French Download

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Guarani

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Interlingua

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Kinyarwanda

Kirundi

Kongo

Korean

Krio (Sierra Leone)

Kurdish

Kurdish (Soranî)

Kyrgyz

Laothian

Latin

Latvian

Lingala

Lithuanian

Lozi

Luganda

Luo

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mauritian Creole

Moldavian

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Montenegrin

Nepali

Nigerian Pidgin

Northern Sotho

Norwegian

Norwegian (Nynorsk)

Occitan

Oriya

Oromo

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese (Brazil)

Portuguese (Portugal)

Punjabi

Quechua

Romanian

Romansh

Runyakitara

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Serbo-Croatian

Sesotho

Setswana

Seychellois Creole

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhalese

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish

Spanish (Latin American) Download

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Tatar

Telugu

Thai

Tigrinya

Tonga

Tshiluba

Tumbuka

Turkish

Turkmen

Twi

Uighur

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Wolof

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:47,224 --> 00:00:54,064 Gentlemen, can we all gather around here, please?Okay, when we walk in we're absolutely quiet. 4 00:00:54,064 --> 00:00:57,487 No talking, no joking, whatever. 5 00:00:57,487 --> 00:01:00,073 We're going in to a maximum security prison 6 00:01:00,073 --> 00:01:03,076 and you're being watched right now. 7 00:01:05,495 --> 00:01:06,039 ♪♪ 8 00:01:51,133 --> 00:01:55,432 [Charles]I heard about the program through a friend 9 00:01:55,432 --> 00:01:57,977 and I think that this is a pathnthat I need to take. 10 00:01:58,142 --> 00:02:01,773 To better find out, you know, 11 00:02:01,773 --> 00:02:04,149 who I am as a person, you know what I'm saying, 12 00:02:04,149 --> 00:02:06,153 as far as growing up in the streets 13 00:02:06,153 --> 00:02:08,322 and possibly being one of these inmates. 14 00:02:13,913 --> 00:02:18,126 [Chris] My desire to do this is to get shaken out 15 00:02:18,126 --> 00:02:21,170 of whatever it is that's keeping me, like, stuck. 16 00:02:21,170 --> 00:02:24,591 [gate buzzes open] 17 00:02:24,591 --> 00:02:26,804 When I thought about the opportunity, it seemed just crazy enough 18 00:02:26,804 --> 00:02:30,181 to, like, wake me up a little bit. 19 00:02:30,181 --> 00:02:32,686 [man] Okay, gentlemen. 20 00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:34,145 You're doing great. 21 00:02:37,189 --> 00:02:42,030 [Chris] But I haven't yet decided how I feel about a hardened criminal who killed somebody 22 00:02:42,030 --> 00:02:43,865 and is working through how to deal with that. 23 00:02:43,865 --> 00:02:45,409 I don't know how to feel about them. 24 00:02:45,409 --> 00:02:46,994 I've never really encountered any... 25 00:02:46,994 --> 00:02:48,246 I've never met a person who killed another person. 26 00:02:52,207 --> 00:02:56,047 [Brian] I mean, it'll be scary. 27 00:02:56,047 --> 00:02:57,757 But that's kinda, I don't know,nwhat keeps me, sort of,Ninterested in it. 28 00:02:59,885 --> 00:03:02,555 Like the sensation of me being in danger. 29 00:03:03,931 --> 00:03:06,308 It has, like, a draw to it, because it's not, you know, 30 00:03:06,308 --> 00:03:09,188 like the humdrum, you know, getinto your car, drive to work... 31 00:03:09,188 --> 00:03:12,024 You know, go home, drive to the gym, 32 00:03:12,024 --> 00:03:13,776 come back, eat dinner, watch TV... 33 00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:26,248 [guard] Come off the yard. 34 00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:27,460 Clear the track. 35 00:03:50,237 --> 00:03:53,992 [James] Can we all stand for a minute? 36 00:03:57,286 --> 00:04:00,541 If you will, um, 37 00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:02,585 please close your eyes. 38 00:04:03,212 --> 00:04:05,589 And I'd like for all of us to go inside to go outside. 39 00:04:08,176 --> 00:04:10,137 I will call a chant, 40 00:04:11,471 --> 00:04:13,641 "simbawe", 41 00:04:13,641 --> 00:04:15,101 the way the lion walks, the way the lion is, 42 00:04:15,101 --> 00:04:17,853 the way the lion be. 43 00:04:17,853 --> 00:04:19,689 So that we can be that way also. 44 00:04:19,689 --> 00:04:21,733 And after I say that word 45 00:04:22,860 --> 00:04:25,948 you will answer, "shoo". 46 00:04:25,948 --> 00:04:28,242 Let me hear that sound one time. 47 00:04:29,576 --> 00:04:31,871 [all] Shoo. 48 00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:33,081 And let it come from the navel. 49 00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:40,799 [James] Simbawe. 50 00:04:42,592 --> 00:04:45,972 [all] Shoo. 51 00:04:45,972 --> 00:04:48,099 [James] Come on, now, I can't hear you. I can't feel you. 52 00:04:49,725 --> 00:04:50,769 Simbawe. 53 00:04:52,980 --> 00:04:55,440 [all] Shoo. 54 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:56,358 [James] Simbawe. 55 00:04:56,358 --> 00:04:58,486 [all] Shoo. 56 00:04:58,486 --> 00:04:59,404 [James] Simbawe. 57 00:04:59,404 --> 00:05:01,156 [all] Shoo. 58 00:05:01,156 --> 00:05:02,074 [James] Simbawe. 59 00:05:02,074 --> 00:05:03,534 [all] Shoo. 60 00:05:03,534 --> 00:05:04,451 [James] Simbawe. 61 00:05:04,451 --> 00:05:05,829 [all] Shoo. 62 00:05:05,829 --> 00:05:06,746 [James] Simbawe. 63 00:05:06,746 --> 00:05:07,956 [all] Shoo. 64 00:05:07,956 --> 00:05:08,875 -Simbawe. -[all] Shoo. 65 00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:10,293 -Simbawe. -Shoo. 66 00:05:10,293 --> 00:05:11,919 -Simbawe. -Shoo. 67 00:05:11,919 --> 00:05:13,713 -Simbawe. -Shoo. 68 00:05:13,713 --> 00:05:15,340 -Simbawe. -Shoo. 69 00:05:15,340 --> 00:05:16,967 -Simbawe. -Shoo. 70 00:05:16,967 --> 00:05:18,510 -Simbawe. -Shoo. 71 00:05:18,510 --> 00:05:20,013 -Simbawe. -Shoo. 72 00:05:20,013 --> 00:05:21,389 -Simbawe. -Shoo. 73 00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:22,599 -Simbawe. -Shoo. 74 00:05:22,599 --> 00:05:23,851 -Simbawe. -Shoo. 75 00:05:23,851 --> 00:05:25,144 -Simbawe. -Shoo. 76 00:05:25,144 --> 00:05:26,395 -Simbawe. -Shoo. 77 00:05:26,395 --> 00:05:27,563 -Simbawe. -Shoo. 78 00:05:27,563 --> 00:05:28,815 -Simbawe. -Shoo. 79 00:05:28,815 --> 00:05:30,692 -Simbawe. -Shoo. 80 00:05:32,111 --> 00:05:35,406 -Simbawe. -Shoo. 81 00:05:36,574 --> 00:05:40,120 -Simbawe. -Shoo. 82 00:05:45,835 --> 00:05:48,964 Now, just breathe in to that. 83 00:05:49,382 --> 00:05:50,758 Sounded a little bit like a train for a minute. 84 00:05:53,345 --> 00:05:55,680 The train has pulled in to the station 85 00:05:57,431 --> 00:05:59,433 and you need to get on. 86 00:06:02,272 --> 00:06:02,521 Ashaya. 87 00:06:07,528 --> 00:06:11,616 Here we are, we finally all made it into this circle. 88 00:06:13,786 --> 00:06:14,912 Look around. 89 00:06:17,165 --> 00:06:18,334 I had no idea what it's gonna look like. 90 00:06:21,003 --> 00:06:23,463 I would be lying if I said I did. 91 00:06:24,383 --> 00:06:26,593 All I know, is that there are a bunch of really intense, 92 00:06:27,302 --> 00:06:31,140 dedicated, committed men sitting in this circle 93 00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:34,686 who are willing to go anywhere with you. 94 00:06:35,354 --> 00:06:37,480 However, you need to go 95 00:06:38,691 --> 00:06:40,483 in whatever way that looks like. 96 00:06:41,653 --> 00:06:43,406 I just wanna throw this out. 97 00:06:45,366 --> 00:06:48,161 Over the years I keep hearing these distinctions 98 00:06:48,161 --> 00:06:50,455 about guys from the street and guys from prison. 99 00:06:51,540 --> 00:06:53,418 I say fuck all that. We're guys. 100 00:06:55,294 --> 00:06:58,715 And we're in here struggling the best way we know how. 101 00:07:00,508 --> 00:07:01,510 Our guys in prison, 102 00:07:03,930 --> 00:07:06,766 we're gonna come in here we're gonna be authentic. 103 00:07:06,766 --> 00:07:10,021 We're not gonna be who we are out there on the yard. 104 00:07:10,730 --> 00:07:12,983 I ask that of you guys, too. 105 00:07:14,443 --> 00:07:16,527 You know who you are out there on the streets. 106 00:07:17,528 --> 00:07:19,657 Be more than that. 107 00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:22,534 Not just us, not just the guys who have to wear fuckin' blue. 108 00:07:23,535 --> 00:07:26,957 But all of us, let's be... 109 00:07:26,957 --> 00:07:29,543 For four days, let's be what we could be. 110 00:07:30,837 --> 00:07:33,548 Let's... Let's be that. 111 00:07:34,884 --> 00:07:36,551 Amen. 112 00:07:43,978 --> 00:07:47,357 [chattering] 113 00:07:50,778 --> 00:07:54,573 All right, so, here's what I want you to listen up to 114 00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:59,579 is in a moment, you're gonna go across this space 115 00:08:00,373 --> 00:08:03,835 and pick one of these guys. 116 00:08:03,835 --> 00:08:06,548 Look carefully and choose carefully. 117 00:08:06,548 --> 00:08:09,259 'Cause this is an important choice. 118 00:08:09,259 --> 00:08:10,676 You're gonna be with this man that you choose 119 00:08:10,676 --> 00:08:13,596 for these next four days. 120 00:08:13,596 --> 00:08:15,433 Don't cheat yourself, don't just wait for it to happen in any old way. 121 00:08:15,725 --> 00:08:19,230 Get who you want. 122 00:08:19,230 --> 00:08:20,605 Move to where you need to move. 123 00:08:23,608 --> 00:08:26,863 So, here we go. 124 00:08:27,323 --> 00:08:28,614 One. 125 00:08:30,536 --> 00:08:31,453 Two. 126 00:08:31,618 --> 00:08:32,578 Three. Go. 127 00:08:40,421 --> 00:08:44,092 Okay, come back to where you were. 128 00:08:44,092 --> 00:08:45,595 Put him behind you. 129 00:08:45,595 --> 00:08:46,636 In silence, let's do it in silence. 130 00:08:46,636 --> 00:08:48,849 Hey, James, are we supposed to take him with us? 131 00:08:48,849 --> 00:08:50,851 Get him. Get him. Get him. 132 00:08:50,851 --> 00:08:52,686 Get him. Go. Go. 133 00:08:53,146 --> 00:08:54,897 Get him. Go. 134 00:08:55,357 --> 00:08:56,648 Yeah. 135 00:08:56,984 --> 00:08:57,901 Thank you. 136 00:08:58,652 --> 00:08:59,653 Okay. So... 137 00:08:59,653 --> 00:09:01,364 Take the men who are behind you, 138 00:09:01,364 --> 00:09:03,741 grab some chairs, sit down together 139 00:09:03,741 --> 00:09:07,121 and tell each other who you are. 140 00:09:07,121 --> 00:09:08,831 Start there. 141 00:09:08,831 --> 00:09:09,874 Just start right there. 142 00:09:09,874 --> 00:09:13,669 Tell each other who you are, introduce yourselves.My name is Charles Tate. 143 00:09:14,630 --> 00:09:16,549 Born and raised-- 144 00:09:16,966 --> 00:09:19,676 -Do you go by Charles? -Yes. Born and raised in LA all my life. 145 00:09:19,676 --> 00:09:22,680 South Central, pretty much all over the place in LA. 146 00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:26,144 One of the reasons why I agreed to come here was because 147 00:09:26,144 --> 00:09:28,730 my biological father was in prison while I was born, so, 148 00:09:28,730 --> 00:09:31,567 that's probably why one of my biggest, biggest fears is being locked up. 149 00:09:31,567 --> 00:09:35,322 You know what I'm saying. Aside from dying, you know what I mean. 150 00:09:35,572 --> 00:09:39,243 So tell me what, uh, what do you... 151 00:09:39,243 --> 00:09:41,621 What are you looking for here? 152 00:09:41,621 --> 00:09:43,332 Why did you come, and... and... What you really... What's your goal? 153 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:48,045 I thought... I thought I was gonna be a new, uh... 154 00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:51,007 Like, figure out... Like, maybe it would bring me some clarity. 155 00:09:52,716 --> 00:09:56,055 And I thought coming in here and talking with you guys, I'd get 156 00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:59,643 some sense of why 157 00:10:00,143 --> 00:10:02,729 I've gone through my life with a lot of opportunities 158 00:10:02,729 --> 00:10:05,483 and I've never really taken a lot of them. 159 00:10:05,483 --> 00:10:07,527 And I'm now 25 years old and... 160 00:10:08,735 --> 00:10:12,824 I am no closer to figuring out what I wanna do with my life 161 00:10:12,824 --> 00:10:15,744 than I was when I was, like, 15 or 16. 162 00:10:15,744 --> 00:10:18,790 And when you guys walk out of the yard, 163 00:10:18,790 --> 00:10:22,086 like what time, you know, you guys have been here for a while. 164 00:10:22,086 --> 00:10:24,715 Say, when you look like a... you look like a little kid, I mean, really. 165 00:10:24,715 --> 00:10:28,844 -Um... -You look young, too. All you gotta do is shave it off. 166 00:10:28,844 --> 00:10:31,515 Yeah. I know, I look younger, um... 167 00:10:31,515 --> 00:10:35,102 I'm assuming that there's guys that don't like to come out there, but maybe I'm wrong. 168 00:10:35,978 --> 00:10:38,773 I mean, what goes on? 169 00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:40,858 Exercise, uh... 170 00:10:43,070 --> 00:10:44,905 Law library. 171 00:10:44,905 --> 00:10:46,781 Sports. 172 00:10:47,158 --> 00:10:48,868 Being able to see other people in their act and mingling. 173 00:10:48,868 --> 00:10:52,456 But what's with your interest in how the situation is in prison? 174 00:10:52,456 --> 00:10:55,460 I'm just trying to grasp, like... 175 00:10:55,460 --> 00:10:57,879 What life you're going back to when you walk out the room, I guess. 176 00:10:58,673 --> 00:11:01,134 Can I ask both you guys a question? 177 00:11:02,302 --> 00:11:03,886 Yeah, that's cool. 178 00:11:03,886 --> 00:11:05,681 Number one, what got you here and how long have you been here? 179 00:11:05,681 --> 00:11:08,808 What got me here was one count of murder, three counts of robbery. 180 00:11:09,226 --> 00:11:12,813 I've been here 22 years. 181 00:11:12,813 --> 00:11:14,734 And I'm from San Diego, California. 182 00:11:14,734 --> 00:11:17,528 South East, West Coast Crip. 183 00:11:17,528 --> 00:11:20,574 I'm no longer affiliated. 184 00:11:20,574 --> 00:11:22,618 I got, like, 75 years. 185 00:11:23,118 --> 00:11:25,747 Yeah, I got a lot of time. 186 00:11:26,205 --> 00:11:28,082 [Vegas] As far as these circles are concerned, I've been in these circles four years. 187 00:11:28,916 --> 00:11:32,672 I've been locked up 19 years. 188 00:11:32,672 --> 00:11:34,924 I'm in my 19th year now. 189 00:11:34,924 --> 00:11:36,842 I'm doin' seven to life. 190 00:11:37,386 --> 00:11:39,764 Kidnapping for purposes of robbery. 191 00:11:39,764 --> 00:11:42,266 I started stealing. 192 00:11:42,266 --> 00:11:43,851 And that was... There's some sense of excitement, you know, in that 193 00:11:43,851 --> 00:11:47,230 and I was getting away with things. 194 00:11:47,230 --> 00:11:48,816 You know, and then eventually, 195 00:11:48,816 --> 00:11:50,859 I didn't get away with it. 196 00:11:50,859 --> 00:11:52,363 You know, and I was 18 197 00:11:52,363 --> 00:11:54,114 and I've been in here ever since, I'm 39 now. 198 00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:56,866 So... 199 00:11:57,034 --> 00:11:58,203 I almost chopped a guy in half. 200 00:11:58,203 --> 00:11:59,871 And... 201 00:12:00,997 --> 00:12:02,333 They found me guilty... 202 00:12:02,333 --> 00:12:03,667 They found me guilty for, uh, attempted murder. 203 00:12:03,667 --> 00:12:06,797 I... I paralyzed the guy for life. 204 00:12:06,797 --> 00:12:08,882 I literally sat on his chest with a knife, like, that big 205 00:12:08,882 --> 00:12:12,178 and cut a line, a jagged line, across the stomach. 206 00:12:12,178 --> 00:12:15,889 Trying to cut this dude in half. 207 00:12:15,889 --> 00:12:18,893 Part of me believes that that's just what the fuck life is 208 00:12:18,893 --> 00:12:21,815 and there's nothing I can do, 209 00:12:21,815 --> 00:12:24,401 think, be taught, to change it. 210 00:12:24,777 --> 00:12:27,321 Um... 211 00:12:27,904 --> 00:12:28,698 To change what, exactly? 212 00:12:28,698 --> 00:12:30,492 Life or the bullshit? 213 00:12:30,492 --> 00:12:32,870 My life and my place in life. 214 00:12:32,910 --> 00:12:35,665 Because where you're at right now... 215 00:12:36,749 --> 00:12:38,794 Like, physically right here? 216 00:12:38,794 --> 00:12:40,128 No, no, no. In your life and your place in it. 217 00:12:40,712 --> 00:12:43,215 Where you're at right now. 218 00:12:44,133 --> 00:12:45,802 I'm discontent. 219 00:12:45,802 --> 00:12:47,137 Would you be willing to go into these four days 220 00:12:49,930 --> 00:12:52,143 open 221 00:12:52,977 --> 00:12:54,186 to finding a new way to look at it. 222 00:12:55,522 --> 00:12:58,901 Not to fix it, not to make 'em go away, 223 00:12:59,277 --> 00:13:01,864 but to be able to look at 'em 224 00:13:02,946 --> 00:13:05,993 -from a different perspective. -From another perspective. 225 00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:08,036 Yeah, I'm willing to do that. 226 00:13:08,953 --> 00:13:11,207 'Cause this shit done worse. 227 00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:12,958 You know, it doesn't. It just fucking doesn't 228 00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:15,337 Okay. 229 00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:16,255 You need anything during this break? 230 00:13:17,799 --> 00:13:18,965 Can I have some water or some shit, I don't know. 231 00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,720 Get some water. 232 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:21,888 Do you guys want anything? 233 00:13:23,971 --> 00:13:25,141 I'm good. 234 00:13:25,141 --> 00:13:26,810 -You all right? -I'm good, thank you. 235 00:13:26,975 --> 00:13:28,144 We got one. 236 00:13:30,105 --> 00:13:31,483 A real live wire. 237 00:13:31,483 --> 00:13:32,982 Dude. 238 00:13:32,982 --> 00:13:33,693 [both laughing] 239 00:13:33,693 --> 00:13:34,985 We do, that's why I'm laughing at 240 00:13:34,985 --> 00:13:37,406 'cause I see myself as a man. 241 00:13:37,406 --> 00:13:39,951 This man don't even know... 242 00:13:39,951 --> 00:13:42,077 -It's just like looking in a mirror. -Exactly. 243 00:13:42,077 --> 00:13:43,997 -It's just like looking in a mirror. -Exactly. 244 00:13:55,385 --> 00:13:58,766 [chattering] 245 00:14:10,988 --> 00:14:14,743 Let's do a check in, any man can start. 246 00:14:14,743 --> 00:14:16,578 And we'll go around checkin' in. 247 00:14:18,037 --> 00:14:21,334 What I want out of this weekend 248 00:14:24,044 --> 00:14:27,091 I want to be able to get out of my way. 249 00:14:27,091 --> 00:14:30,554 I wanna stop being my own worst enemy 250 00:14:30,554 --> 00:14:33,015 and be able to connect with anybody I cross paths with. 251 00:14:33,015 --> 00:14:37,060 I want us to be able to stand together and be kissed by God together. 252 00:14:38,061 --> 00:14:41,567 That's what I want. 253 00:14:41,567 --> 00:14:43,067 I'm in. 254 00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:44,194 I'm Dark Cloud. These four days... 255 00:14:50,786 --> 00:14:54,665 I wanna... I wanna... I wanna be vulnerable. 256 00:14:54,665 --> 00:14:57,294 I wanna be vulnerable 257 00:14:58,045 --> 00:15:00,088 and I don't wanna be scared to be vulnerable. 258 00:15:00,088 --> 00:15:02,551 'Cause every time I... Every time I've made myself vulnerable I've been hurt 259 00:15:02,551 --> 00:15:06,095 and I'm in with that. 260 00:15:06,095 --> 00:15:08,097 I'm Kiks, I'm checkin' in 261 00:15:08,891 --> 00:15:10,894 wanting to touch 262 00:15:10,894 --> 00:15:12,563 certain parts of my, uh, my life. 263 00:15:15,149 --> 00:15:16,275 I want to touch on the fears that I have. 264 00:15:19,111 --> 00:15:21,616 My fear of loss of my family. 265 00:15:21,616 --> 00:15:24,160 Of not knowing how they're doing. 266 00:15:25,118 --> 00:15:27,080 Or what they're going through. 267 00:15:29,123 --> 00:15:31,544 I wanna get into it. That's why I'm just... Get into this. 268 00:15:33,421 --> 00:15:37,009 Well, let's stand up. 269 00:15:37,009 --> 00:15:38,427 And if we could just push the chair just a little bit 270 00:15:40,055 --> 00:15:42,390 without too much going... 271 00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:52,151 I need each man in this group 272 00:15:52,151 --> 00:15:54,781 to help me get to a place that, uh, I've been denying myself. 273 00:15:56,115 --> 00:15:58,534 I haven't grieved 274 00:15:59,369 --> 00:16:01,330 for my sister in a long time and I don't know how. 275 00:16:01,330 --> 00:16:04,751 I'm tired of holding this in. 276 00:16:04,751 --> 00:16:07,169 I'm tired of having that fear of 277 00:16:07,169 --> 00:16:09,799 or that concern about when I get there 278 00:16:09,799 --> 00:16:12,426 that I gotta pull back. 279 00:16:12,426 --> 00:16:14,429 I wanna be open to it. I just wanna let the floodgates open. 280 00:16:14,930 --> 00:16:18,810 But right now, as you g... brothers can tell 281 00:16:18,810 --> 00:16:20,853 -I got fear. -Yeah. 282 00:16:20,853 --> 00:16:22,648 What's the fear about? 283 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,316 That I'll lose something that I've had for so long. 284 00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:27,193 That I'll lose that protective shield, that... 285 00:16:27,193 --> 00:16:29,739 That armor that I wore, that vest... 286 00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:31,491 Could you describe that piece of armor to me? 287 00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,494 That one that keeps you, you know, keeps you from having to do that. 288 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:36,998 The armor looks like this. 289 00:16:37,582 --> 00:16:39,668 It's not okay to cry. 290 00:16:39,668 --> 00:16:41,586 It's not okay to mourn. 291 00:16:41,586 --> 00:16:43,212 It's not okay to show that 292 00:16:43,212 --> 00:16:45,591 you have tears, it's not okay. 293 00:16:45,591 --> 00:16:48,554 I wanna feel what it feels like to... to mourn. 294 00:16:48,554 --> 00:16:51,850 I wanna feel that. 295 00:16:51,850 --> 00:16:53,935 I don't wanna bottle up that little kid. 296 00:16:53,935 --> 00:16:55,938 That little kid that used to cry when his daddy used to whoop his ass. 297 00:16:55,938 --> 00:16:59,233 Excuse my language. 298 00:17:00,401 --> 00:17:03,780 I don't want to deny him 299 00:17:05,616 --> 00:17:07,326 what he's always wanted. 300 00:17:09,204 --> 00:17:10,748 I don't wanna take away what my dad took away from me. 301 00:17:11,247 --> 00:17:14,251 Stay ready. 302 00:17:14,626 --> 00:17:15,795 I don't wanna feel that pain no more, Veg. 303 00:17:15,795 --> 00:17:19,008 I don't wanna... I don't wanna feel like... 304 00:17:19,008 --> 00:17:21,258 I can't feel anymore. 305 00:17:21,258 --> 00:17:23,261 I wanna be able to cry because my sister died. 306 00:17:23,261 --> 00:17:26,266 I wanna be able to feel because I can't hug my mom. 307 00:17:26,266 --> 00:17:29,854 That's what I want to feel, Veg. 308 00:17:29,854 --> 00:17:31,898 And I don't wanna feel like no damn puppy. 309 00:17:31,898 --> 00:17:34,109 I don't wanna feel like no sucker out here that just 310 00:17:34,109 --> 00:17:36,361 don't got no emotions. I wanna feel like me. 311 00:17:36,361 --> 00:17:39,280 I don't wanna be afraid of that. 312 00:17:40,074 --> 00:17:41,409 I don't wanna have to pull back. 313 00:17:42,284 --> 00:17:44,497 -You trust me? -I trust you. 314 00:17:45,623 --> 00:17:48,126 Well, let's step into that fear. 315 00:17:49,211 --> 00:17:50,170 Open up. 316 00:17:52,296 --> 00:17:53,716 Open up to that feeling. 317 00:17:53,716 --> 00:17:55,843 Trust me. 318 00:17:55,843 --> 00:17:57,137 Take me there with you. I'll go there with you. 319 00:17:57,137 --> 00:18:00,306 I won't let anything happen. I got you. 320 00:18:01,642 --> 00:18:03,309 Veg, you know I'm fighting this. 321 00:18:05,312 --> 00:18:06,481 I know. 322 00:18:06,481 --> 00:18:07,983 Stick with it. I'm right here. 323 00:18:07,983 --> 00:18:09,360 I'm not goin' anywhere. I'm not sailin'. 324 00:18:10,611 --> 00:18:12,113 Feel it. Open up. 325 00:18:14,533 --> 00:18:16,244 Let your hands go. Open up. 326 00:18:19,413 --> 00:18:20,373 Don't put that armor back up. 327 00:18:23,168 --> 00:18:25,129 Don't put that shield back up. 328 00:18:26,256 --> 00:18:26,673 She's gone. 329 00:18:30,552 --> 00:18:34,307 And what do you feel about that? 330 00:18:34,307 --> 00:18:36,349 I'm sad. 331 00:18:36,475 --> 00:18:37,602 Feel that sadness. 332 00:18:38,395 --> 00:18:40,354 Don't stuff it. Don't run from it. 333 00:18:43,358 --> 00:18:45,112 The feeling. 334 00:18:46,655 --> 00:18:47,823 May I... May I touch your jaw? 335 00:18:49,868 --> 00:18:52,369 Just relax your mouth. May I touch it? 336 00:18:52,369 --> 00:18:54,371 -Trust me. -May I touch your jaw? 337 00:18:54,371 --> 00:18:57,001 Okay. Relax your mouth. Open it up a little bit. 338 00:18:57,001 --> 00:18:59,628 Open it up a little bit. 339 00:18:59,628 --> 00:19:00,714 Just relax and let it go. 340 00:19:00,714 --> 00:19:02,674 And just breathe. 341 00:19:02,674 --> 00:19:04,176 Breathe through here. 342 00:19:05,094 --> 00:19:05,761 Breathe in. 343 00:19:08,388 --> 00:19:09,389 -And yeah... -Don't fight it. 344 00:19:10,390 --> 00:19:12,019 Keep breathin'. Just breathe. 345 00:19:12,019 --> 00:19:14,355 It's been a long time since your body let you breathe. 346 00:19:15,397 --> 00:19:17,817 Breathe. 347 00:19:18,193 --> 00:19:18,736 Yeah. 348 00:19:21,404 --> 00:19:22,365 Relax your jaw. Relax it. 349 00:19:24,701 --> 00:19:26,494 Let it go. Let it go. 350 00:19:26,494 --> 00:19:28,331 Let it open. Let it open. 351 00:19:29,413 --> 00:19:30,292 Breathe. 352 00:19:32,501 --> 00:19:33,419 Yeah. Yeah. Breathe. 353 00:19:36,006 --> 00:19:38,384 There it is. You saw. There it is. 354 00:19:38,384 --> 00:19:40,427 -We all got your back. -Breathe. 355 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:44,224 Touch your stomach and breathe. 356 00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:45,433 -We all got your back, Kiks. -Breathe. Bring it up. 357 00:19:45,433 --> 00:19:47,603 Bring it up. 358 00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:49,105 [crying] 359 00:19:50,649 --> 00:19:53,945 Let it go. 360 00:19:53,945 --> 00:19:54,862 Let it go. 361 00:19:55,738 --> 00:19:56,656 Let it go. 362 00:19:59,034 --> 00:19:59,952 [Kiki bawls] 363 00:19:59,952 --> 00:20:00,870 Let it go. 364 00:20:00,870 --> 00:20:01,788 Don't say that. Don't say that. 365 00:20:03,455 --> 00:20:05,458 [Kiki sobbing] 366 00:20:07,460 --> 00:20:08,212 Lie down. 367 00:20:10,799 --> 00:20:12,801 It's been in there too long. Don't hold it. 368 00:20:21,476 --> 00:20:25,108 [Kiki screaming] Oh, God damn it. 369 00:20:25,108 --> 00:20:27,484 Yeah, that's it. That's it. 370 00:20:28,237 --> 00:20:29,570 -I'm right here. -Let it out. 371 00:20:30,823 --> 00:20:33,201 I'm right here with you, bruh. 372 00:20:33,201 --> 00:20:35,286 I'm not goin' anywhere. I'm not goin' anywhere. 373 00:20:35,286 --> 00:20:37,872 Kiks, I'm right here, brother. 374 00:20:38,832 --> 00:20:40,292 Stay with it. 375 00:20:40,292 --> 00:20:41,461 Stay with it. 376 00:20:41,836 --> 00:20:43,088 [man] Go ahead. Let him let it out. 377 00:20:43,088 --> 00:20:45,505 [Kiki] God damn it. 378 00:20:46,258 --> 00:20:48,552 God damn it. 379 00:20:48,552 --> 00:20:51,513 -Damn you. -[James] That's right. 380 00:20:51,513 --> 00:20:54,810 [Kiki] What the hell did you... 381 00:20:55,478 --> 00:20:56,519 God damn it. 382 00:20:58,605 --> 00:21:02,987 [Vegas] Yeah, it hurts. I know it hurts. Let it out. -Breathe. -Breathe. Breathe. 383 00:21:02,987 --> 00:21:04,529 Go ahead, bro. Go ahead. Go ahead. 384 00:21:04,529 --> 00:21:06,991 I'm still here. I'm still here. 385 00:21:06,991 --> 00:21:09,286 This is me. I'm still here. 386 00:21:11,537 --> 00:21:15,542 Where you at right now? Talk to me, where you at? 387 00:21:15,542 --> 00:21:18,255 [Kiki groaning] 388 00:21:18,255 --> 00:21:19,424 Talk to me. 389 00:21:20,883 --> 00:21:22,676 Kiks, I'm right here. I'm right here, Kiks. Talk to me. 390 00:21:22,676 --> 00:21:25,554 -We ain't over yet. -Stay with it. 391 00:21:25,554 --> 00:21:27,556 Talk to me. 392 00:21:28,017 --> 00:21:28,934 Stay with that. Stay with that. 393 00:21:30,102 --> 00:21:31,645 Don't hide it. Don't hide it. 394 00:21:33,483 --> 00:21:35,359 Come on. 395 00:21:36,567 --> 00:21:37,568 Take it in. 396 00:21:37,568 --> 00:21:40,199 -It's already done. -It's already done. 397 00:21:40,199 --> 00:21:41,742 You're just a man. All right. Come here. 398 00:21:41,742 --> 00:21:44,370 It's fucked up. I feel him. 399 00:21:44,370 --> 00:21:45,746 Yeah. It's not fucked up. 400 00:21:45,746 --> 00:21:47,499 You know what I'm sayin'. 401 00:21:47,499 --> 00:21:48,582 Charles, it's fucked up if you don't. 402 00:21:48,582 --> 00:21:50,794 Just feel it. 403 00:21:51,879 --> 00:21:52,797 Just feel it. 404 00:21:54,174 --> 00:21:55,590 -I didn't expect this shit. -No. 405 00:21:55,590 --> 00:21:58,178 Now you wouldn't have came if you did. 406 00:21:58,178 --> 00:21:59,595 Just let it be here. 407 00:22:01,432 --> 00:22:02,600 [exhales] 408 00:22:07,398 --> 00:22:10,735 [Vegas] I'm right here. 409 00:22:10,735 --> 00:22:12,278 -I'm right here. -Let's get some water. 410 00:22:19,538 --> 00:22:22,958 Where you at? Talk to me. 411 00:22:22,958 --> 00:22:24,794 I'm tired. 412 00:22:24,794 --> 00:22:25,711 You're tired, yeah. 413 00:22:25,711 --> 00:22:26,628 You're tired? Okay. 414 00:22:30,342 --> 00:22:33,636 [chuckling] 415 00:22:39,353 --> 00:22:42,690 No punches. No punches. 416 00:22:42,690 --> 00:22:44,901 All right, man. 417 00:22:45,819 --> 00:22:47,405 I know I don't know you like that, man, but... 418 00:22:48,364 --> 00:22:50,950 Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. 419 00:22:50,950 --> 00:22:53,453 That meant a lot, real, like you... 420 00:22:53,453 --> 00:22:56,374 -Keep it up. Keep it up. -You got me goin'. 421 00:22:56,748 --> 00:22:58,918 For real. 422 00:23:00,086 --> 00:23:02,548 It took a lot of fucking balls to do what you just did. 423 00:23:02,548 --> 00:23:04,842 You know what I'm saying? 424 00:23:04,842 --> 00:23:06,676 I can tell you're a very, very proud motherfucker, you know what I'm saying? 425 00:23:10,140 --> 00:23:13,562 That was some... That was some real, real shit, man, for real. 426 00:23:13,562 --> 00:23:16,481 That fucked me up. Thank you. 427 00:23:19,735 --> 00:23:23,781 When any man can start, let's check in to check out 428 00:23:23,781 --> 00:23:26,869 for the evening. 429 00:23:26,869 --> 00:23:27,786 I'm checking in and checking out. 430 00:23:32,708 --> 00:23:36,339 Yeah, that was overwhelming. 431 00:23:36,339 --> 00:23:38,508 But it was needed and that was necessary. 432 00:23:38,508 --> 00:23:41,719 And I'm very, very, very grateful from my heart. 433 00:23:41,887 --> 00:23:44,722 I'm out with that. 434 00:23:45,391 --> 00:23:46,809 Check. 435 00:23:47,726 --> 00:23:49,271 I got big love for you, Kiks, big love. 436 00:23:49,728 --> 00:23:51,731 There's no words. I ain't even gonna try to belittle it with words. 437 00:23:54,734 --> 00:23:56,863 I'm out. 438 00:23:58,865 --> 00:24:02,621 I mean, I've been... It's an impossible time not judging 439 00:24:02,621 --> 00:24:05,332 what the fuck's goin' on. 440 00:24:05,332 --> 00:24:06,959 I'm placing all sorts of fucking values on the work that I saw. 441 00:24:06,959 --> 00:24:10,505 The help of the work... 442 00:24:11,755 --> 00:24:12,840 And... 443 00:24:16,053 --> 00:24:19,975 I don't like being in that place, because... 444 00:24:21,851 --> 00:24:22,687 I'm just kind of struggling. 445 00:24:28,610 --> 00:24:32,780 I don't like judging all this shit, but that's what I fucking do. 446 00:24:32,780 --> 00:24:35,827 You did a good job. You did an all right job. 447 00:24:35,827 --> 00:24:38,788 You know. You ran a quarter mile. 448 00:24:38,788 --> 00:24:40,750 You still got three more to fucking go. 449 00:24:42,794 --> 00:24:46,132 That's it. 450 00:24:46,132 --> 00:24:47,341 -I'm out. -Thank you. 451 00:24:47,341 --> 00:24:48,800 For sure. 452 00:25:07,700 --> 00:25:11,120 I like my two guys a lot. 453 00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:13,457 I think they are... I think they want... 454 00:25:13,457 --> 00:25:15,832 They want me to crack. 455 00:25:16,585 --> 00:25:18,962 They keep, like, waiting for me to, like... 456 00:25:18,962 --> 00:25:21,966 to do something, so... 457 00:25:21,966 --> 00:25:24,678 I don't know. 458 00:25:25,220 --> 00:25:26,972 Like, I realize that we live in a society where we shy away from, you know... 459 00:25:26,972 --> 00:25:29,850 -Showing emotion. -...showing emotion and expressing ourselves 460 00:25:29,850 --> 00:25:33,439 through tears, but, I mean... 461 00:25:33,439 --> 00:25:35,776 I don't... I don't think that's a necessity either 462 00:25:36,858 --> 00:25:39,821 in a situation like this that you have to start crying. 463 00:25:39,821 --> 00:25:42,865 I think in the case of Kiki, he did. 464 00:25:42,865 --> 00:25:45,578 -That's what he was there for. -Right. 465 00:25:45,578 --> 00:25:46,871 He said, "I need to mourn for my sister," 466 00:25:46,871 --> 00:25:48,624 and they got him there and that was what he... exactly what he needed. 467 00:25:48,832 --> 00:25:52,545 But I didn't come here looking to cry 468 00:25:52,545 --> 00:25:55,048 and I don't wanna feel like I'm letting them down if I don't. 469 00:26:19,327 --> 00:26:23,416 [man] Might you find a chair and let's go into silence. 470 00:26:23,416 --> 00:26:26,127 Please sit down. Find a chair. 471 00:26:26,918 --> 00:26:29,089 And let's go into silence, gentlemen. 472 00:26:32,926 --> 00:26:35,972 This whole process of going down into the wound 473 00:26:36,265 --> 00:26:39,101 is not an end in itself. 474 00:26:39,853 --> 00:26:41,771 We're looking for something and we're bringing something back 475 00:26:43,939 --> 00:26:46,943 out of that descent. 476 00:26:47,278 --> 00:26:48,738 So, listen for it, 477 00:26:49,364 --> 00:26:50,615 in this poem, it comes right in the last line. 478 00:26:50,948 --> 00:26:53,160 "Those who will not slip beneath the still surface 479 00:26:54,952 --> 00:26:58,332 on the well of grief 480 00:26:58,332 --> 00:27:00,461 drifting downward through the black water 481 00:27:00,461 --> 00:27:02,962 to the place we cannot breathe 482 00:27:02,962 --> 00:27:05,966 can never know the source from which we drink 483 00:27:05,966 --> 00:27:08,969 the secret water, cold and clear..." 484 00:27:10,181 --> 00:27:11,973 Now listen. 485 00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:14,561 "Nor find in the darkness glimmering 486 00:27:14,561 --> 00:27:17,272 the small round coins 487 00:27:17,272 --> 00:27:19,150 thrown away 488 00:27:19,775 --> 00:27:20,984 by those who wished for something else." 489 00:27:27,034 --> 00:27:30,413 Hey, can we, 490 00:27:30,413 --> 00:27:31,832 kind of, try something here, to where we just 491 00:27:32,833 --> 00:27:35,461 Just go around and name our betrayals, where we've been betrayed. 492 00:27:38,004 --> 00:27:39,299 And just so you know, I have no agenda. 493 00:27:42,220 --> 00:27:45,013 I have no process. 494 00:27:45,724 --> 00:27:47,184 And I... I know you're gonna judge me. 495 00:27:49,018 --> 00:27:51,021 I want you to know that. 496 00:27:52,273 --> 00:27:54,067 'Cause I'm judging you judging me. 497 00:27:57,027 --> 00:28:00,324 [exhales] 498 00:28:01,243 --> 00:28:03,453 My earliest memory is when I'm, like, three years old. 499 00:28:04,036 --> 00:28:06,874 And I'm standing there in a fucking diaper. 500 00:28:08,001 --> 00:28:10,337 And my real dad just got home from the navy 501 00:28:11,965 --> 00:28:14,048 and I don't know who the fuck he is. 502 00:28:14,926 --> 00:28:16,261 And he's got this fucking battery operated robot 503 00:28:18,889 --> 00:28:21,058 that's flashing and making all kinds of weird ass fucking noises 504 00:28:22,811 --> 00:28:24,980 and he wants me to come get it. 505 00:28:27,064 --> 00:28:28,065 I don't want that motherfucking thing. 506 00:28:30,903 --> 00:28:33,071 I don't know who the dude is. 507 00:28:34,072 --> 00:28:36,075 And I want nothing to do with him. 508 00:28:38,077 --> 00:28:39,038 He tells me, "Ricky, come get this." 509 00:28:42,500 --> 00:28:44,084 And I'm scared. 510 00:28:45,922 --> 00:28:47,088 So, he walks over and he slaps the shit out of me 511 00:28:48,341 --> 00:28:52,094 and he goes back, sits on the steps, 512 00:28:52,094 --> 00:28:54,348 tells me, "Come get this." 513 00:28:56,099 --> 00:28:59,229 And we played that out for I don't know how long. 514 00:29:00,230 --> 00:29:02,066 In my mind it is hours. 515 00:29:06,446 --> 00:29:09,575 And my whole life is followed with events just like that one. 516 00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:17,710 And I don't know who my real dad is either. 517 00:29:18,252 --> 00:29:20,005 I know when I started fucking up enough when I was 15 518 00:29:22,257 --> 00:29:24,719 they sent me to live with some dude who said that was my dad. 519 00:29:25,053 --> 00:29:28,473 And he's a piece of shit. 520 00:29:28,473 --> 00:29:30,140 He's a fuckin' drunk, 521 00:29:31,141 --> 00:29:33,021 he's a liar, 522 00:29:33,354 --> 00:29:34,563 he's got a 14-year-old girlfriend 523 00:29:34,563 --> 00:29:36,566 and I had 15 years worth of rage I wanted to give to him. 524 00:29:36,566 --> 00:29:40,488 And I hurt that motherfucker everywhere I knew how to hurt him, 525 00:29:44,241 --> 00:29:47,955 and I heard the same story, 526 00:29:47,955 --> 00:29:50,375 "You're fucking crazy. 527 00:29:50,375 --> 00:29:52,044 You're crazy. 528 00:29:52,044 --> 00:29:53,628 Lock him up." 529 00:29:55,047 --> 00:29:58,175 Peoples betrayed me my whole life. 530 00:29:58,175 --> 00:30:01,097 The bike gang I was a member of. 531 00:30:01,097 --> 00:30:02,848 Once I got locked up and I was no use to them no more, they were done. 532 00:30:04,265 --> 00:30:06,394 The people I was willing to kill and die for, they were done. 533 00:30:09,271 --> 00:30:11,608 I don't know what love really looks like. 534 00:30:13,192 --> 00:30:15,822 I'm just now fuckin' learn... 535 00:30:15,822 --> 00:30:17,197 Forty seven years old and I'm just now learning. 536 00:30:23,039 --> 00:30:26,710 I don't wanna fuckin' be violent. 537 00:30:26,710 --> 00:30:29,212 And that's what I know how to do. 538 00:30:31,214 --> 00:30:34,218 Amen. 539 00:30:42,146 --> 00:30:46,232 Growing up all my homeboys and everybody had their father 540 00:30:46,609 --> 00:30:49,446 to do shit with. 541 00:30:50,030 --> 00:30:51,489 You know, what I mean... I had a man that helped raise me, but 542 00:30:52,032 --> 00:30:55,327 it wasn't my father. 543 00:30:55,327 --> 00:30:57,245 You know what I'm saying, you know, and... 544 00:30:57,245 --> 00:30:59,249 He was imprisoned in Louisiana when I was born. 545 00:31:01,085 --> 00:31:03,253 And I read a couple of letters that he wrote to my mother. 546 00:31:05,339 --> 00:31:09,220 He never referred to me as "my son", 547 00:31:09,220 --> 00:31:11,262 you know, it was, like, "How's the baby?" 548 00:31:11,262 --> 00:31:13,391 Why I didn't know. 549 00:31:14,266 --> 00:31:16,145 I was fucked up, man. 550 00:31:17,813 --> 00:31:19,107 I mean, how can you not wanna see your child? 551 00:31:19,107 --> 00:31:22,068 You know what I'm saying? I'm a good motherfucker. 552 00:31:22,068 --> 00:31:24,278 At least I think so, you know. 553 00:31:24,362 --> 00:31:27,282 That shit hurts, man, 'cause I don't know my... 554 00:31:28,326 --> 00:31:30,996 Never knew my... my place in this world, you know what I'm saying, you know... 555 00:31:30,996 --> 00:31:34,709 Nobody to teach me how to be a man. 556 00:31:34,709 --> 00:31:36,920 I had to do that shit on my own. 557 00:31:37,213 --> 00:31:39,548 You know? 558 00:31:40,298 --> 00:31:41,299 I don't mean... I don't know the story. 559 00:31:43,301 --> 00:31:44,638 I don't even know if he even walked out of prison. 560 00:31:44,638 --> 00:31:47,307 You know what I mean, but I just felt that, you know... 561 00:31:47,307 --> 00:31:50,310 If he did, 562 00:31:50,686 --> 00:31:51,771 you know, he knew where I was... 563 00:31:52,898 --> 00:31:55,526 You know what I'm saying, I felt that he should have fucking tried to find me. 564 00:31:55,526 --> 00:31:59,321 You know, I'll be 41 years old next year... 565 00:31:59,321 --> 00:32:02,076 Well, next month, and... 566 00:32:02,743 --> 00:32:04,453 I've always felt that empty spot in my life, man. 567 00:32:07,082 --> 00:32:10,086 Like I was always missing something, like a part of me. 568 00:32:12,588 --> 00:32:14,299 You know, and... 569 00:32:16,009 --> 00:32:17,468 That's some... That's some hurtful ass shit, man. 570 00:32:17,468 --> 00:32:20,639 That's some hurtful ass shit. 571 00:32:20,639 --> 00:32:22,348 But... 572 00:32:22,934 --> 00:32:24,144 -No buts. -No buts. 573 00:32:24,144 --> 00:32:25,562 And. 574 00:32:26,353 --> 00:32:30,358 -"But" takes away everything that came before, so... -Right. 575 00:32:30,358 --> 00:32:33,405 Every day, and... 576 00:32:33,405 --> 00:32:34,698 I just try to be what he wasn't to my... 577 00:32:36,742 --> 00:32:40,580 I try to be to my kids what he was not for me. 578 00:32:42,082 --> 00:32:43,625 Well, explain that. 579 00:32:45,377 --> 00:32:47,088 How are you able to fill that space? 580 00:32:48,089 --> 00:32:50,301 Number one, being there. 581 00:32:51,427 --> 00:32:53,386 Constantly letting them know 582 00:32:54,055 --> 00:32:56,433 how much I love them, not just through material things, but 583 00:32:56,433 --> 00:32:59,436 actually saying the words, giving them hugs and kisses, you know. 584 00:33:00,395 --> 00:33:03,398 Encouragement. 585 00:33:03,817 --> 00:33:05,400 Do you think they feel any of that sadness 586 00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:07,779 that you're pouring not in an attempt to feed them love? 587 00:33:09,157 --> 00:33:11,451 Yes. 588 00:33:18,168 --> 00:33:21,504 So, what's... What... 589 00:33:21,504 --> 00:33:23,049 There's some sadness that's right there on the verge right now. 590 00:33:23,049 --> 00:33:26,052 Why won't you let it out? 591 00:33:26,052 --> 00:33:27,427 I thought I did. 592 00:33:29,014 --> 00:33:30,432 It's right there. 593 00:33:31,267 --> 00:33:32,852 And then you start biting your lip. 594 00:33:32,852 --> 00:33:34,479 Almost... Almost as if to hold it in. 595 00:33:34,479 --> 00:33:36,564 Keep it from coming out. 596 00:33:36,564 --> 00:33:39,443 What do you think will happen if that comes out, man.If that... If that overwhelming sadness starts to come out of you 597 00:33:39,443 --> 00:33:42,364 what do you think will happen? 598 00:33:42,739 --> 00:33:43,446 -I couldn't tell you. -Right. 599 00:33:46,450 --> 00:33:48,453 But what do you think will happen? 600 00:33:48,453 --> 00:33:49,956 I know you could, you don't know but what do you think will happen? 601 00:33:55,254 --> 00:33:59,467 If this is... If this is the limit of where you can get to right now, 602 00:33:59,676 --> 00:34:03,431 this is where you can get to. 603 00:34:03,431 --> 00:34:04,848 We're not measuring shit. 604 00:34:06,267 --> 00:34:08,353 Well, so, if you're complete and, you know, 605 00:34:10,147 --> 00:34:11,480 and you're good with where you're at right now, 606 00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:13,483 then let's move around, keep going around the circle. 607 00:34:13,775 --> 00:34:16,485 This ain't easy, you know, and for a first timer it's really not easy. 608 00:34:19,491 --> 00:34:21,786 So... 609 00:34:22,745 --> 00:34:23,663 So... 610 00:34:24,496 --> 00:34:26,498 I mean, there's so many motherfucking betrayals, 611 00:34:26,498 --> 00:34:28,668 I've visited my betrayals over and over and over again and... 612 00:34:30,503 --> 00:34:32,505 I think the one that... 613 00:34:33,926 --> 00:34:35,803 that I absolutely feel like it was a betrayal, 614 00:34:35,803 --> 00:34:38,931 it happened when I was about 16 or 17 615 00:34:38,931 --> 00:34:41,351 and this older brother 616 00:34:41,351 --> 00:34:43,518 kinda took me under his wing. 617 00:34:43,518 --> 00:34:44,646 He treated me like his little brother, he... 618 00:34:44,646 --> 00:34:47,524 He taught me how to drink, he taught me how to 619 00:34:47,524 --> 00:34:50,029 smoke weed, he taught me how to do all that shit and he... 620 00:34:50,029 --> 00:34:52,822 And I trusted him and I started opening my heart to him. 621 00:34:54,532 --> 00:34:55,744 And... 622 00:34:57,662 --> 00:34:59,665 It was my first sexual experience with this woman and I told him about it. 623 00:34:59,665 --> 00:35:02,542 And this motherfucker... 624 00:35:04,546 --> 00:35:08,301 We were working together and I go to work the next day and this motherfucker, 625 00:35:08,549 --> 00:35:12,014 he told everybody 626 00:35:12,014 --> 00:35:13,724 about the shit that I had told him that I thought was... 627 00:35:13,974 --> 00:35:17,479 was sacred, safe. 628 00:35:17,479 --> 00:35:20,316 And then when I brought it to the motherfucker, what he tells me is, 629 00:35:21,608 --> 00:35:25,154 "Oh, you pussy, motherfucker. 630 00:35:25,154 --> 00:35:27,572 You just finally got some pussy, so what you tripping about?" 631 00:35:27,908 --> 00:35:30,453 And that shit hurt me. 632 00:35:32,872 --> 00:35:35,959 And from that point forward 633 00:35:35,959 --> 00:35:37,544 I've made a conscious decision that nobody 634 00:35:37,544 --> 00:35:41,257 would ever get me in that position again. 635 00:35:41,257 --> 00:35:43,511 Where I feel like that nobody ever... 636 00:35:43,511 --> 00:35:46,430 And what I decided to do was that 637 00:35:46,430 --> 00:35:48,224 not only was I not gonna feel hurt about that, 638 00:35:48,224 --> 00:35:49,850 I wasn't gonna feel hurt about any fucking thing. 639 00:35:49,850 --> 00:35:52,229 So, the next thing was getting high. 640 00:35:52,229 --> 00:35:54,190 The next thing at that was heroin. 641 00:35:54,190 --> 00:35:56,359 I was a heroin addict for 22 years 642 00:35:56,359 --> 00:35:58,278 because I didn't want to fucking feel. 643 00:36:02,615 --> 00:36:05,954 Can I say something? 644 00:36:05,954 --> 00:36:07,373 When you're talking about how this guy 645 00:36:07,373 --> 00:36:09,623 aired your laundry 646 00:36:10,501 --> 00:36:12,337 and... think the word you're looking for was sacred, 'cause Lani said it... 647 00:36:12,962 --> 00:36:15,590 And that you weren't gonna show anybody whatever you connect to this 648 00:36:17,301 --> 00:36:19,635 sacred thing inside you, or whatever feelings. 649 00:36:19,635 --> 00:36:21,889 But what I notice about you, and again I don't know if this accurate or not, 650 00:36:21,889 --> 00:36:24,684 is that you wear this sacred stuff 651 00:36:24,684 --> 00:36:26,854 so everybody could see it. 652 00:36:27,564 --> 00:36:28,857 But what you told, me at least, what I heard a second ago was 653 00:36:28,857 --> 00:36:32,819 that that's not what you're showing people, so that's 654 00:36:32,819 --> 00:36:34,864 something that keeps me, kind of, distant from you. 655 00:36:34,864 --> 00:36:37,409 Which may be my own head fucking trip. 656 00:36:37,409 --> 00:36:39,161 Is it? 657 00:36:39,161 --> 00:36:40,412 Yeah, I wanna know that. Is that your head trip? 658 00:36:40,412 --> 00:36:42,165 Which part? 659 00:36:42,165 --> 00:36:43,249 All what you just said. 660 00:36:43,249 --> 00:36:45,586 The capacity to judge me, motherfucker, that. 661 00:36:45,586 --> 00:36:48,547 To judge me when I'm telling you 662 00:36:48,547 --> 00:36:50,592 I'm putting my motherfuckin' heart out there, is that your motherfuckin' head trip? 663 00:36:50,592 --> 00:36:53,303 Is that what you do? Sit there and judge me? 664 00:36:53,970 --> 00:36:55,763 That's what I just did. 665 00:36:57,558 --> 00:36:58,601 -Right. -Is it what you do, Brian? 666 00:36:58,601 --> 00:36:59,684 Is that what you do in your life? 667 00:36:59,684 --> 00:37:02,105 Because that... That shit you just said wasn't un-fucking-necessary. 668 00:37:02,397 --> 00:37:05,691 Was it untrue? 669 00:37:05,691 --> 00:37:06,986 Yeah, it's untrue, bitch. 670 00:37:06,986 --> 00:37:08,695 Let's do this. 671 00:37:08,946 --> 00:37:11,283 -Hold on. Hold on. -Did I call you a bitch? Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. 672 00:37:11,283 --> 00:37:12,700 -Hold on. Hold on. -Did I? 673 00:37:12,700 --> 00:37:14,203 Hold on. 674 00:37:14,203 --> 00:37:15,703 Let's put this where it belongs. 675 00:37:15,703 --> 00:37:17,165 Not where it can go. 676 00:37:17,165 --> 00:37:18,708 Okay? 677 00:37:19,083 --> 00:37:20,586 And right now, where it belongs... Look at me, Brian. 678 00:37:21,128 --> 00:37:22,712 Look at me, Brian. 679 00:37:33,685 --> 00:37:37,272 -Look at me. -What's going on. 680 00:37:37,607 --> 00:37:38,857 What's going on, Brian? 681 00:37:46,741 --> 00:37:49,996 [screaming] 682 00:37:57,964 --> 00:38:01,218 [crying] 683 00:38:03,137 --> 00:38:06,765 It's just like the fucking devil. 684 00:38:08,143 --> 00:38:08,767 It's in there 685 00:38:11,564 --> 00:38:13,191 and as long as you keep biting this down it's not goin' anywhere. 686 00:38:13,191 --> 00:38:15,776 Don't bite it back down. 687 00:38:16,278 --> 00:38:17,778 Don't bite it back down, you're right there. 688 00:38:17,778 --> 00:38:19,741 You're right there. Look back over the edge. 689 00:38:19,741 --> 00:38:21,783 Let's go back over the edge. 690 00:38:21,783 --> 00:38:23,120 Let's go back over the edge. 691 00:38:35,050 --> 00:38:38,888 Now is the chance to see what you got in there. 692 00:38:38,888 --> 00:38:41,767 Now is the chance to measure yourself to see where you're at. 693 00:38:41,807 --> 00:38:44,730 To see where you stack up against your own standards. 694 00:38:47,149 --> 00:38:48,816 We already know you can bite it down, can you let it out? 695 00:38:51,612 --> 00:38:54,240 Can you let it loose? 696 00:38:54,949 --> 00:38:57,161 I just wanna fucking kill people when I feel disrespected. 697 00:38:57,161 --> 00:39:00,623 I just wanna fuckin' kill 'em. 698 00:39:01,166 --> 00:39:02,292 Yeah. 699 00:39:04,420 --> 00:39:05,588 My fuckin' brain starts to short circuit. 700 00:39:08,215 --> 00:39:10,719 [exhales] 701 00:39:11,553 --> 00:39:12,845 I hear you. I hear you, Brian. 702 00:39:13,846 --> 00:39:15,933 You know what... You know what came out of me, Brian, 703 00:39:15,933 --> 00:39:18,144 to have that come out of me? 704 00:39:18,144 --> 00:39:19,853 Anger and betrayal. 705 00:39:20,230 --> 00:39:21,691 Because what I... What I was talking about just then 706 00:39:21,691 --> 00:39:23,942 was how I put my feelings out there. 707 00:39:23,942 --> 00:39:26,112 And they get it turned into something else. 708 00:39:27,863 --> 00:39:29,450 And that's... For me what I experienced just then was just that. 709 00:39:29,450 --> 00:39:32,370 Betrayal. 710 00:39:32,370 --> 00:39:33,705 [crying] 711 00:39:38,836 --> 00:39:42,508 It doesn't matter what I do here, 712 00:39:42,508 --> 00:39:43,882 I'm not gonna get the respect that I want. 713 00:39:43,882 --> 00:39:46,220 Or that I think I deserve or some bullshit like that. 714 00:39:47,722 --> 00:39:49,891 I'm just not gonna fucking get it. 715 00:39:50,891 --> 00:39:52,102 I'm just not. 716 00:40:01,071 --> 00:40:05,536 -So what do we do with you? -What do you want to have happened here? 717 00:40:05,869 --> 00:40:10,124 What will you get to a place where you think that there's a possibility 718 00:40:10,124 --> 00:40:12,919 rather than you being so secure in knowing 719 00:40:12,919 --> 00:40:15,171 no matter what I do it's not gonna work, 720 00:40:15,171 --> 00:40:17,006 it's gonna be the same? 721 00:40:17,006 --> 00:40:17,925 I just don't know what to do with it. 722 00:40:19,511 --> 00:40:20,927 I hear you and that's good. 723 00:40:20,927 --> 00:40:22,806 So, are you open to a suggestion of what it could look like? 724 00:40:22,930 --> 00:40:25,267 Are you willing to trust without thinking and then drawing away? 725 00:40:27,103 --> 00:40:30,148 Yeah, I instantly want to go to is it big enough? 726 00:40:30,148 --> 00:40:31,941 Oh, I don't get... I get all the... What your mind says, 727 00:40:31,941 --> 00:40:34,779 which is in the draw away process. 728 00:40:34,779 --> 00:40:36,907 I'm asking you are you willing? 729 00:40:36,907 --> 00:40:39,493 To simply trust a process, 730 00:40:39,493 --> 00:40:41,454 to step through the motions and not worry about whether it's gonna work or not 731 00:40:41,704 --> 00:40:44,956 or what it is. 732 00:40:44,956 --> 00:40:46,001 -Are you willing to do that? -Yes. 733 00:40:46,001 --> 00:40:47,960 Okay. 734 00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:48,961 You guys, stand up. 735 00:40:49,755 --> 00:40:51,842 Anybody's got any physical body issues, 736 00:40:51,842 --> 00:40:53,967 I wanna know it, need to know it 737 00:40:53,967 --> 00:40:55,596 'cause this is gonna be physical work. 738 00:40:55,596 --> 00:40:57,055 What I want you to do 739 00:40:58,433 --> 00:40:59,974 is I want you to know that 740 00:40:59,974 --> 00:41:02,061 we are all here 741 00:41:02,061 --> 00:41:03,188 hoping for things that you say can't happen. 742 00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:24,255 [Brian screams] 743 00:41:25,005 --> 00:41:26,006 Hold him. 744 00:41:28,219 --> 00:41:29,345 God damn. Get the fuck off me. 745 00:41:29,345 --> 00:41:32,641 Get the fuck off of me, motherfucker. 746 00:41:32,641 --> 00:41:35,978 -In you. -Get the fuck-- 747 00:41:35,978 --> 00:41:37,396 In you. 748 00:41:38,356 --> 00:41:39,273 In you. 749 00:41:40,024 --> 00:41:41,024 Let it out. Let it out. 750 00:41:42,277 --> 00:41:43,570 -Let it out. -Shit. 751 00:41:43,570 --> 00:41:44,655 -Let it out, Brian. -Fuckin' shit. 752 00:41:44,655 --> 00:41:46,699 Let it out. It's coming. 753 00:41:46,699 --> 00:41:49,034 -Let it out. -Motherfucker. 754 00:41:49,034 --> 00:41:51,079 -Goddammit. -In your head. 755 00:41:51,997 --> 00:41:54,876 Scream down. Scream down. 756 00:41:59,966 --> 00:42:03,094 [screaming] 757 00:42:03,386 --> 00:42:05,053 Let it rip. 758 00:42:06,765 --> 00:42:07,934 Let it rip. 759 00:42:08,350 --> 00:42:09,811 Open your eyes. Open your eyes. 760 00:42:09,811 --> 00:42:13,063 You need to be able to see what's goin on with it. 761 00:42:13,063 --> 00:42:15,985 Look at me, Brian. 762 00:42:21,074 --> 00:42:24,495 Who am I, Brian? 763 00:42:24,495 --> 00:42:25,705 -Who am I? -My dad said I didn't have this. 764 00:42:25,705 --> 00:42:27,415 Yeah, that's right. 765 00:42:27,415 --> 00:42:28,667 -Who am I? -Look at him. 766 00:42:28,667 --> 00:42:29,585 When you look at me, who am I? 767 00:42:29,585 --> 00:42:31,086 There. There you go. 768 00:42:32,462 --> 00:42:33,923 Yeah, that's right. 769 00:42:33,923 --> 00:42:34,841 Brian, that's right. 770 00:42:34,841 --> 00:42:36,010 Open your eyes. 771 00:42:37,093 --> 00:42:38,136 Give it a noise. 772 00:42:38,136 --> 00:42:39,095 [screams] 773 00:42:39,095 --> 00:42:40,096 Yeah. 774 00:42:40,347 --> 00:42:41,390 Give it a noise. 775 00:42:41,390 --> 00:42:42,851 'Cause everybody's getting this sideways. 776 00:42:46,103 --> 00:42:47,104 Holler. 777 00:42:49,149 --> 00:42:50,318 Everybody's getting this sideways, Brian. 778 00:42:50,318 --> 00:42:52,946 Girlfriends, friends. 779 00:42:52,946 --> 00:42:55,114 Strangers. 780 00:42:55,657 --> 00:42:57,076 Let it out. 781 00:42:58,786 --> 00:43:00,163 -Keep your eyes open. -Keep your eyes open. 782 00:43:00,163 --> 00:43:02,165 I'm fucking tired, man, let me go. 783 00:43:02,165 --> 00:43:03,917 -All right. All right. -Let me go. 784 00:43:05,879 --> 00:43:08,923 This is about letting energy go. 785 00:43:08,923 --> 00:43:10,550 -That's all it's about. -Yeah. 786 00:43:10,550 --> 00:43:12,386 Giving yourself permission on that energy. 787 00:43:12,386 --> 00:43:14,472 What are you feelin' right now? 788 00:43:15,138 --> 00:43:17,351 That's I guess I need to prove to you guys. 789 00:43:17,351 --> 00:43:19,143 -Yeah. -Yeah. 790 00:43:19,143 --> 00:43:20,520 What do you still have to prove? 791 00:43:20,520 --> 00:43:21,981 -That's how... -Did he do more? 792 00:43:21,981 --> 00:43:23,149 'Cause I wanna fuckin' do more. 793 00:43:23,149 --> 00:43:25,027 Is that dad's voice you have, "This is not enough. 794 00:43:26,319 --> 00:43:28,364 You ain't never gonna have enough"? Is that dad's voice? 795 00:43:28,948 --> 00:43:31,117 Keep your head up. 796 00:43:32,202 --> 00:43:33,578 -Got-- -I don't know whose voice it is, now it's my voice. 797 00:43:33,578 --> 00:43:35,330 Now it's your voice, is it familiar? 798 00:43:35,330 --> 00:43:37,165 Is that a voice that says you're self judging, is that-- 799 00:43:37,165 --> 00:43:39,753 I was just closed, shot down. 800 00:43:39,753 --> 00:43:42,589 Sports, all that shit, shot down. 801 00:43:42,589 --> 00:43:44,216 That didn't... You didn't just make that shit up, that's a tool. 802 00:43:44,216 --> 00:43:47,303 You made that tool somewhere for a reason. 803 00:43:47,303 --> 00:43:50,181 Let's go back to being not good enough 804 00:43:50,181 --> 00:43:52,434 from your dad, not good enough. 805 00:43:52,434 --> 00:43:53,687 -Sports-- -Yeah, I'm trying to understand it now. 806 00:43:53,687 --> 00:43:55,647 -I gotta prove more to you guys. -Exactly. 807 00:43:55,647 --> 00:43:58,067 Do you wanna do one more? 808 00:43:59,191 --> 00:44:00,486 Do you wanna do one more? 809 00:44:00,486 --> 00:44:02,195 We want you to go under the well and just 810 00:44:02,195 --> 00:44:03,782 and just bring something up, that's all we're doing here. 811 00:44:03,782 --> 00:44:06,284 This is just a start. 812 00:44:07,201 --> 00:44:08,453 [exhales] 813 00:44:09,497 --> 00:44:11,290 There are not gonna be any score cards. 814 00:44:11,290 --> 00:44:13,208 I guess I can't go any harder than I did. 815 00:44:14,209 --> 00:44:16,714 I can just do it again and again. 816 00:44:16,714 --> 00:44:18,049 -That's more and more. -That's... That's true. 817 00:44:18,049 --> 00:44:21,137 Are you willing to try that? You wanna do that? 818 00:44:21,137 --> 00:44:23,220 I don't need to when I think of it that way. 819 00:44:23,220 --> 00:44:25,223 Okay. 820 00:44:25,223 --> 00:44:26,101 You said you don't need to. 821 00:44:26,101 --> 00:44:27,894 You're saying you don't need to. 822 00:44:27,894 --> 00:44:29,228 When you think about it like that, you don't need to. 823 00:44:29,228 --> 00:44:31,356 That's power. You're giving yourself power right there, dude. 824 00:44:31,356 --> 00:44:34,360 That's another way 825 00:44:34,360 --> 00:44:36,655 to look at it. 826 00:44:36,655 --> 00:44:38,991 You don't need to do it again and again. 827 00:44:38,991 --> 00:44:41,493 You don't need to prove 828 00:44:41,493 --> 00:44:43,580 anything 829 00:44:44,206 --> 00:44:45,248 to anybody. 830 00:44:46,041 --> 00:44:47,793 -That's your power. -Yeah. 831 00:44:47,793 --> 00:44:50,088 So, Brian, these are steps. You've taken one. 832 00:44:50,088 --> 00:44:52,507 It doesn't get fixed here like a light switch getting flipped. 833 00:44:52,507 --> 00:44:55,343 -I know. -Get that. 834 00:44:57,597 --> 00:45:00,976 [chattering] 835 00:45:08,110 --> 00:45:11,572 So, I want to say something. 836 00:45:11,572 --> 00:45:13,241 This doesn't mean anything, it's actually stupid. 837 00:45:14,533 --> 00:45:17,286 But I'm moved to say it. 838 00:45:18,122 --> 00:45:20,249 When you go back out in the world 839 00:45:21,250 --> 00:45:22,585 people go, "What happened to your head, jigsaw?" 840 00:45:22,585 --> 00:45:24,671 "Oh, I was in Folsom, I was fighting in prison." 841 00:45:24,671 --> 00:45:27,424 [everybody laughing] 842 00:45:27,424 --> 00:45:29,135 And that, pretty much, puts a cap on any concept 843 00:45:29,135 --> 00:45:32,097 of competing or competition. 844 00:45:32,304 --> 00:45:35,267 So... 845 00:45:35,434 --> 00:45:36,977 You may wanna keep that fresh out there. 846 00:45:38,647 --> 00:45:40,314 -Tell 'em it was a bunch of dudes... -Bunch of dudes. 847 00:45:42,777 --> 00:45:44,904 -...jumped me. -Seven of 'em. 848 00:45:44,904 --> 00:45:46,614 -Seven of 'em. -This was all they could do. This was all they could do. 849 00:45:46,614 --> 00:45:48,323 Seven... He fought seven convicts. 850 00:45:48,323 --> 00:45:50,077 I ain't never done that. 851 00:45:50,077 --> 00:45:51,537 [all laughing] 852 00:45:51,537 --> 00:45:54,040 I ain't never done that. 853 00:45:54,040 --> 00:45:56,417 -Hey, Brian, bless your heart, man. -Bless you, man. 854 00:45:56,417 --> 00:45:58,796 Bless your heart. 855 00:45:58,796 --> 00:46:00,381 Can you take that in? 856 00:46:00,381 --> 00:46:02,340 Looks like it touched or something. 857 00:46:05,679 --> 00:46:09,684 And you know what, I do... You remind me of... of... 858 00:46:09,684 --> 00:46:12,478 sometimes of me a little bit in gettin' in touch with that. 859 00:46:12,478 --> 00:46:15,524 I used to put my head down. 860 00:46:15,524 --> 00:46:19,404 And then I learned how to cry like a man, which was, like,up here. 861 00:46:19,404 --> 00:46:21,156 And with your chin up and just let it roll proud, it's beautiful. 862 00:46:21,489 --> 00:46:24,367 It's beautiful. 863 00:46:24,910 --> 00:46:26,246 I'm sayin' you're in that natural state. 864 00:46:26,579 --> 00:46:28,372 I did not like you. 865 00:46:30,126 --> 00:46:31,711 I did not like you. 866 00:46:32,378 --> 00:46:34,839 I had the same disease you did. I had gangs and gangs with judges. 867 00:46:37,092 --> 00:46:38,510 I changed my view on you. 868 00:46:40,512 --> 00:46:43,225 You are a lot like me. 869 00:46:44,351 --> 00:46:46,353 You think too much. You judge too much. 870 00:46:48,689 --> 00:46:50,859 But you're pretty courageous, too. 871 00:46:52,401 --> 00:46:55,656 You didn't quit and I seen you fight yourself so you wouldn't quit. 872 00:46:56,782 --> 00:46:59,286 And I connected to that. 873 00:47:31,448 --> 00:47:34,703 [chirping] 874 00:48:08,536 --> 00:48:11,915 [chattering] 875 00:48:12,499 --> 00:48:14,584 You know, you just started gettin' closer. 876 00:48:16,502 --> 00:48:18,298 I've been doing good, I'm trying to change my ways 877 00:48:18,298 --> 00:48:21,051 and I'm trying to quit gang-banging 878 00:48:21,051 --> 00:48:23,221 and everything to work. 879 00:48:23,221 --> 00:48:25,265 Well, he can blow up... 880 00:48:25,265 --> 00:48:26,515 Well, my dad is in prison, but he a good dude. 881 00:48:26,515 --> 00:48:28,517 -You know what I'm saying? -Right. 882 00:48:28,517 --> 00:48:30,146 Still trying to... You know what I'm saying, he been changing everything... 883 00:48:30,146 --> 00:48:33,108 The negative things about himself, you know. 884 00:48:33,483 --> 00:48:36,903 You know what I'm saying? 885 00:48:36,903 --> 00:48:37,821 And be the best I could be for him. 886 00:48:39,531 --> 00:48:41,533 So he can be half as proud of me and stuff. 887 00:48:41,533 --> 00:48:44,579 Right. 888 00:48:44,579 --> 00:48:45,581 -And she took... -She just don't come no more? 889 00:48:45,581 --> 00:48:48,334 Yeah, she won't bring him. 890 00:48:48,334 --> 00:48:49,542 Nobody should tell me she will, 891 00:48:49,542 --> 00:48:50,920 but it's just games and stuff. 892 00:48:50,920 --> 00:48:52,547 Yeah? 893 00:48:56,551 --> 00:49:00,556 [crying] I'm tired of trying to see, man, 894 00:49:00,556 --> 00:49:02,558 and it's not... nothing I can do to make it work, man. 895 00:49:02,558 --> 00:49:05,562 -I've been trying. -Yeah. 896 00:49:05,562 --> 00:49:07,564 Nothing I can do or say, man, for me to see my son. 897 00:49:07,564 --> 00:49:10,694 Yeah. 898 00:49:10,694 --> 00:49:11,612 Yeah. 899 00:49:14,450 --> 00:49:17,576 So, I want you to hear this, man, that we all have these things. 900 00:49:17,912 --> 00:49:20,748 That we have to create for ourselves. 901 00:49:21,624 --> 00:49:23,794 To keep goin' from day to day whether we in here or we out there. 902 00:49:23,794 --> 00:49:26,923 I have them, too. 903 00:49:26,923 --> 00:49:29,300 And I had to... I had to find something... 904 00:49:29,300 --> 00:49:31,345 Something to hold on to. 905 00:49:31,345 --> 00:49:32,594 You know, I gotta find something to hold on to. 906 00:49:32,594 --> 00:49:34,890 And if I gotta create it for myself, then I gotta create it for myself. 907 00:49:38,394 --> 00:49:42,525 I'm dealin' with too much pressure from the system, man. 908 00:49:42,525 --> 00:49:45,610 Just being in jail and incarcerated. 909 00:49:46,696 --> 00:49:47,989 Man, I can die, man. Any day, man. 910 00:49:50,616 --> 00:49:53,620 Wouldn't nobody even know. Wouldn't nobody even care. 911 00:49:53,620 --> 00:49:57,585 And they'd bury me somewhere on this prison grounds. 912 00:49:58,919 --> 00:50:00,628 This shit don't work, man. 913 00:50:02,591 --> 00:50:04,301 It's not working. 914 00:50:04,301 --> 00:50:06,178 Ain't got to workin', man. 915 00:50:06,178 --> 00:50:07,637 And I'm just about ready to quit this shit. 916 00:50:07,637 --> 00:50:10,100 And whatever happens, man... 917 00:50:10,100 --> 00:50:11,726 It happens. 918 00:50:14,645 --> 00:50:17,692 [crying] 919 00:50:24,033 --> 00:50:27,954 I just wanna sit next to you, man, that's all. 920 00:50:27,954 --> 00:50:30,665 That's all. I just wanna sit next to you. 921 00:50:33,669 --> 00:50:37,133 I just wanna sit next to you. 922 00:50:37,133 --> 00:50:38,759 I'm sorry, man. 923 00:50:40,470 --> 00:50:42,097 I'm sorry. 924 00:50:44,766 --> 00:50:48,188 I'm sorry, man. 925 00:50:49,688 --> 00:50:53,693 Not very often someone take me to a place I don't know where to go. 926 00:50:53,986 --> 00:50:57,697 And I'm sittin' there right now. 927 00:50:57,782 --> 00:50:59,700 And I'm sorry. 928 00:51:08,837 --> 00:51:12,258 It's sad, man. 929 00:51:12,258 --> 00:51:13,636 I mean... 930 00:51:14,718 --> 00:51:15,679 I'm facin' one of my fears 931 00:51:17,722 --> 00:51:19,601 by, you know, agreeing to do this. 932 00:51:19,601 --> 00:51:21,770 You know, and... 933 00:51:25,900 --> 00:51:29,655 I know why I fear this so much. 934 00:51:29,655 --> 00:51:31,739 It's fucked up in here. 935 00:51:31,739 --> 00:51:33,200 You know. 936 00:51:34,285 --> 00:51:35,743 It's dark. It's scary. 937 00:51:37,330 --> 00:51:39,040 It's depressing. 938 00:51:39,040 --> 00:51:40,584 You know, and... 939 00:51:41,168 --> 00:51:42,795 All you wanna do is see your son, man. 940 00:51:43,837 --> 00:51:46,592 That's it. 941 00:51:46,967 --> 00:51:48,759 All he wanna do is see his baby boy. 942 00:51:48,759 --> 00:51:51,180 That hurts me. 943 00:51:51,180 --> 00:51:53,015 That hurts me a lot. 944 00:51:57,813 --> 00:52:01,150 I've never 945 00:52:01,150 --> 00:52:02,776 felt like I couldn't go on. 946 00:52:04,154 --> 00:52:05,615 This is breaking my heart, man, like... 947 00:52:07,908 --> 00:52:10,621 For real. For real. 948 00:52:11,329 --> 00:52:13,082 And I pray to God, man, that you find some type of hope to live. 949 00:52:19,589 --> 00:52:22,800 [crying] 950 00:52:31,271 --> 00:52:34,815 Don't give up, man. 951 00:52:34,815 --> 00:52:36,277 Please. 952 00:52:36,860 --> 00:52:38,820 I don't know you like that, but I feel you. 953 00:52:38,820 --> 00:52:42,659 Don't give up, man, seriously, do not give up. 954 00:52:42,659 --> 00:52:45,663 Fight till the end of every single day, man, for real. 955 00:52:52,588 --> 00:52:55,924 Fight for your son, man. 956 00:52:55,924 --> 00:52:57,843 Nothin' else. 957 00:52:58,303 --> 00:52:59,220 He gonna need you. 958 00:53:09,983 --> 00:53:13,237 [crying] 959 00:53:24,668 --> 00:53:28,172 I got somethin' I need to do. 960 00:53:33,886 --> 00:53:37,058 Stand up. 961 00:53:40,895 --> 00:53:44,819 That shit that you're talkin' about doin' 962 00:53:44,819 --> 00:53:47,321 is bullshit. 963 00:53:48,614 --> 00:53:49,657 And you know it. 964 00:53:52,909 --> 00:53:53,370 That's bullshit. 965 00:53:56,081 --> 00:53:57,915 That's a coward's way out 966 00:53:58,917 --> 00:54:00,671 that you're trying to take. 967 00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:06,344 Ain't no cowards where I'm from. 968 00:54:06,344 --> 00:54:08,179 What I need you to do is grow the fuck up. 969 00:54:10,641 --> 00:54:14,520 And do what you got to do for little Dante. 970 00:54:17,774 --> 00:54:20,944 Do you hear me? 971 00:54:31,082 --> 00:54:34,503 Do you hear me? 972 00:54:45,224 --> 00:54:48,645 Do you feel me? 973 00:54:48,645 --> 00:54:49,979 I feel you, brother. 974 00:55:19,807 --> 00:55:23,018 Can I get that? 975 00:55:25,021 --> 00:55:28,193 Can I get that? 976 00:55:31,238 --> 00:55:34,659 Can I get that? 977 00:55:50,887 --> 00:55:54,642 I need you to do that for me, please. 978 00:55:54,642 --> 00:55:56,561 I need you to do that for me. 979 00:55:57,060 --> 00:55:58,354 Give me some time. Give me a little bit of time. 980 00:56:03,318 --> 00:56:07,740 Can you give me some time so we can figure out a way to work something out? 981 00:56:09,994 --> 00:56:11,453 Can you give me that? 982 00:56:16,209 --> 00:56:20,087 -I don't know. -Give me three months. 983 00:56:21,089 --> 00:56:22,258 Give me three months. 984 00:56:24,511 --> 00:56:26,346 If we ain't came up with a solution in three months 985 00:56:26,346 --> 00:56:29,017 for something, then you can do whatever you want to do. 986 00:56:31,227 --> 00:56:32,102 Can I get 90 days? 987 00:56:35,399 --> 00:56:36,150 Thank you. 988 00:56:38,737 --> 00:56:39,904 Thank you. 989 00:56:45,871 --> 00:56:49,122 [crying] 990 00:56:52,545 --> 00:56:56,131 Ninety days. Give me 90 days. 991 00:56:56,131 --> 00:56:58,052 We'll figure something out, all right? 992 00:56:58,052 --> 00:56:59,345 All right. 993 00:57:00,136 --> 00:57:01,472 Clean yourself up. There are people lookin'. 994 00:57:11,985 --> 00:57:15,155 [man screaming] 995 00:57:20,079 --> 00:57:23,749 I'm good, man. Let's... Let's move on. 996 00:57:23,749 --> 00:57:25,960 Let's move on. 997 00:57:29,048 --> 00:57:32,843 Let's pull together right now. Stand up. 998 00:57:32,843 --> 00:57:34,220 Get together before something fucking weird happens. 999 00:57:34,220 --> 00:57:37,057 Now, we gotta get together. 1000 00:57:37,057 --> 00:57:39,060 We gotta be so close we can't even have the space to have anything fuck up right now. 1001 00:57:40,184 --> 00:57:43,107 Just feel what happened. 1002 00:57:43,564 --> 00:57:45,190 Just feel what happened. 1003 00:57:45,776 --> 00:57:47,194 Just feel what happened. 1004 00:57:49,114 --> 00:57:50,532 [man screaming] 1005 00:57:51,449 --> 00:57:52,993 [sobbing] 1006 00:57:55,371 --> 00:57:56,455 [screaming] 1007 00:58:00,961 --> 00:58:04,213 Oh, God. 1008 00:58:04,213 --> 00:58:05,133 [sobbing] 1009 00:58:09,219 --> 00:58:13,059 Tired of motherfuckers gettin' hurt. 1010 00:58:13,727 --> 00:58:15,395 Tired of us gettin' on the fuckin' edge and givin' up. 1011 00:58:18,107 --> 00:58:20,568 [sobbing] 1012 00:58:22,235 --> 00:58:24,740 So, let's remember Don, he talked about the intent. 1013 00:58:24,740 --> 00:58:27,242 Right there next to the wound. Right there next to the pain. 1014 00:58:27,242 --> 00:58:30,245 When we go deep, when we go down to the bottom, 1015 00:58:30,245 --> 00:58:33,291 right there next to where we hurt the most, 1016 00:58:33,291 --> 00:58:36,087 is where our medicine is at. 1017 00:58:36,252 --> 00:58:38,006 Let's remember that. 1018 00:58:39,591 --> 00:58:41,258 Stretch, like you said, Rick, stretch. 1019 00:58:41,258 --> 00:58:44,472 We gotta get stretched to be able to come back 1020 00:58:44,472 --> 00:58:47,100 with them shiny coins. 1021 00:58:47,100 --> 00:58:48,727 Somebody's gotta have some shiny coins. 1022 00:58:50,270 --> 00:58:52,482 Coins of all got blood on 'em. 1023 00:58:53,273 --> 00:58:55,443 Yeah? They're still gold. 1024 00:58:58,279 --> 00:59:01,659 I'm tired of the blood. 1025 00:59:01,659 --> 00:59:03,453 So, let's wipe 'em off. 1026 00:59:05,664 --> 00:59:09,085 Tired of the blood. 1027 00:59:10,253 --> 00:59:14,050 I'm fucking tired of people I love givin' up. 1028 00:59:15,593 --> 00:59:17,094 Don't. 1029 00:59:20,305 --> 00:59:23,812 Dammit, what are we doin'? 1030 00:59:25,311 --> 00:59:26,064 When do I give up? 1031 00:59:28,776 --> 00:59:30,317 When do I give up? 1032 00:59:31,654 --> 00:59:33,073 That's right. 1033 00:59:33,073 --> 00:59:34,241 [sobbing] 1034 00:59:34,533 --> 00:59:35,450 Why can't we be enough to hang on to? 1035 01:00:03,150 --> 01:00:06,864 Okay, so here's what we're gonna do. 1036 01:00:06,864 --> 01:00:09,616 You're gonna have your-your guides help you build 1037 01:00:09,616 --> 01:00:12,996 a little fort, a little place of security. 1038 01:00:12,996 --> 01:00:15,582 We've got some mattresses, we've got blankets, 1039 01:00:15,582 --> 01:00:18,586 and your-your guides have done this so they'll, they know... 1040 01:00:18,586 --> 01:00:22,090 They know how to do it, but... 1041 01:00:22,090 --> 01:00:23,800 Find a spot where you feel safe 1042 01:00:23,800 --> 01:00:26,304 and then build yourself a little cave. 1043 01:00:27,263 --> 01:00:30,309 A little fort... 1044 01:00:30,558 --> 01:00:32,227 and have your guides guard you. 1045 01:00:34,314 --> 01:00:37,108 And remember that they're awake for you so that nobody will bother you. 1046 01:00:39,401 --> 01:00:41,280 So, we're gonna begin to lower the lights. 1047 01:00:49,373 --> 01:00:52,877 I want you to follow my voice. 1048 01:00:53,419 --> 01:00:54,629 And I want you to follow my instructions. 1049 01:00:58,424 --> 01:00:59,425 I want you to imagine 1050 01:01:01,888 --> 01:01:03,431 floating above your own body. 1051 01:01:05,351 --> 01:01:07,435 I want you to imagine 1052 01:01:08,687 --> 01:01:10,439 floating higher and higher. 1053 01:01:12,441 --> 01:01:13,736 As you float 1054 01:01:15,571 --> 01:01:16,906 right through 1055 01:01:17,991 --> 01:01:19,449 the roof of this building. 1056 01:01:20,202 --> 01:01:21,828 Nothing can harm you. 1057 01:01:23,331 --> 01:01:24,749 Nothing can touch you. 1058 01:01:26,793 --> 01:01:28,379 As you move further 1059 01:01:29,296 --> 01:01:30,756 and higher 1060 01:01:30,756 --> 01:01:31,799 and farther away from this place 1061 01:01:32,633 --> 01:01:33,802 until there is no place 1062 01:01:36,222 --> 01:01:38,307 and then off in the distance you see something. 1063 01:01:39,474 --> 01:01:41,811 It's a little dot at first, a small something. 1064 01:01:43,230 --> 01:01:45,732 But you look up and you're looking into the face of a child. 1065 01:01:50,447 --> 01:01:53,491 You're looking into the face of you 1066 01:01:53,491 --> 01:01:55,744 when you were a boy. 1067 01:01:57,622 --> 01:02:00,583 And you ask him, "What's the deepest need, what's the thing you needed? 1068 01:02:00,792 --> 01:02:04,839 What is it? The thing that would have kept you safe. 1069 01:02:05,505 --> 01:02:08,469 Made you grow up whole, balanced, healthy." 1070 01:02:09,678 --> 01:02:12,514 And he reaches up and he grabs your ear with one little hand 1071 01:02:13,891 --> 01:02:16,518 and he pulls it down and he whispers in your ear... 1072 01:02:18,856 --> 01:02:21,985 That deepest need. 1073 01:02:21,985 --> 01:02:24,321 That thing that he would have needed 1074 01:02:24,321 --> 01:02:25,948 to grow in the direction 1075 01:02:27,367 --> 01:02:28,701 that you would want to, want him to grow in. 1076 01:02:31,537 --> 01:02:34,959 And when you're ready 1077 01:02:34,959 --> 01:02:36,878 I want you to write down your little boy's deepest need. 1078 01:02:52,522 --> 01:02:55,566 Thanks. 1079 01:03:23,392 --> 01:03:26,603 [sobbing] 1080 01:03:33,905 --> 01:03:37,451 I didn't expect it. 1081 01:04:02,647 --> 01:04:05,777 [crying] 1082 01:04:17,665 --> 01:04:21,670 So, I'm putting out a invitation for the men 1083 01:04:21,670 --> 01:04:24,508 who just took this, this journey 1084 01:04:24,508 --> 01:04:27,429 to share about their experience, 1085 01:04:27,429 --> 01:04:29,431 to share what they have in their journal. 1086 01:04:29,639 --> 01:04:31,517 Laying, you know, in the fort with my boys on the side of me 1087 01:04:35,687 --> 01:04:37,482 I still felt vulnerable. 1088 01:04:39,151 --> 01:04:40,736 Not physically, but emotionally. 1089 01:04:41,694 --> 01:04:44,949 I felt vulnerable. 1090 01:04:46,034 --> 01:04:48,703 Then when the drums started going and he started talking, 1091 01:04:48,703 --> 01:04:51,208 I left. 1092 01:04:51,208 --> 01:04:52,500 I was gone. You know, I forgot I was even here. 1093 01:04:52,500 --> 01:04:55,588 And I saw, you know, 1094 01:04:55,588 --> 01:04:57,173 little seven-year-old Charles 1095 01:04:58,174 --> 01:04:59,551 with a Jackson Five Afro, you know what I mean... 1096 01:04:59,551 --> 01:05:01,718 You know. 1097 01:05:02,054 --> 01:05:02,971 Yeah. 1098 01:05:03,721 --> 01:05:04,682 You know what I'm sayin'. 1099 01:05:05,266 --> 01:05:06,434 Just like, you know. 1100 01:05:06,935 --> 01:05:07,727 I brought it back, 1101 01:05:10,397 --> 01:05:12,692 "To be able to be a kid and not move from place to place. 1102 01:05:13,901 --> 01:05:15,736 To have a real father. 1103 01:05:17,489 --> 01:05:19,074 To not have to grow up so fast 1104 01:05:19,740 --> 01:05:21,452 and take care of everything and everybody 1105 01:05:21,452 --> 01:05:23,538 and to be an actual family." 1106 01:05:24,872 --> 01:05:26,583 My... 1107 01:05:28,126 --> 01:05:29,044 -Thank you. -Thank you. 1108 01:05:29,752 --> 01:05:31,339 Thank you. 1109 01:05:31,339 --> 01:05:32,716 [man sighs] That was deep. 1110 01:05:32,716 --> 01:05:34,801 Something that I've done for a long time 1111 01:05:34,801 --> 01:05:36,762 is to, like, rub the back of my thumb 1112 01:05:37,762 --> 01:05:40,058 and... 1113 01:05:40,767 --> 01:05:42,645 I probably started it when I was seven maybe. 1114 01:05:42,645 --> 01:05:44,939 And it used to bug the shit out of my dad. 1115 01:05:44,939 --> 01:05:47,191 Uh, [clears throat] 1116 01:05:48,527 --> 01:05:50,279 But I think it just reminds me 1117 01:05:50,279 --> 01:05:51,989 of the softness... 1118 01:05:54,782 --> 01:05:57,829 [sighs] 1119 01:05:57,829 --> 01:05:58,787 Anyway. The little boy, 1120 01:05:59,623 --> 01:06:01,166 his deepest need is not to be told what to do. 1121 01:06:02,585 --> 01:06:05,130 Thank you. 1122 01:06:05,796 --> 01:06:07,798 -Thank you. -Bless you, Brian. I guess I'll go next. 1123 01:06:08,759 --> 01:06:10,094 I've been kind of emotionally detached from this whole thing. 1124 01:06:10,094 --> 01:06:13,805 And I didn't really think 1125 01:06:13,805 --> 01:06:15,685 or give it the credit that it would get me at all 1126 01:06:15,808 --> 01:06:18,730 and... 1127 01:06:18,938 --> 01:06:19,856 I'll be honest, we got in there 1128 01:06:20,733 --> 01:06:21,983 and that music started and I was like, 1129 01:06:21,983 --> 01:06:23,818 "What is this hokey shit?" 1130 01:06:23,818 --> 01:06:25,529 This is like space music. 1131 01:06:25,529 --> 01:06:27,532 And I was like... 1132 01:06:27,532 --> 01:06:28,825 I didn't... 1133 01:06:28,825 --> 01:06:29,825 And I... 1134 01:06:30,076 --> 01:06:31,620 I know that sounds harsh, but I was... 1135 01:06:31,620 --> 01:06:32,913 But that's what I do, I-I'm always framing it. 1136 01:06:32,913 --> 01:06:36,917 I frame my experiences so that I can laugh about them later. 1137 01:06:37,085 --> 01:06:40,005 And I... 1138 01:06:40,340 --> 01:06:41,839 I went with it, 1139 01:06:42,300 --> 01:06:43,761 which I don't normally do. 1140 01:06:44,428 --> 01:06:45,844 And I haven't cried in, like... 1141 01:06:46,596 --> 01:06:48,808 I don't know how long. 1142 01:06:49,933 --> 01:06:51,269 It felt... It felt good. 1143 01:06:52,520 --> 01:06:53,938 And I... Basically all I brought back was 1144 01:06:55,856 --> 01:06:58,361 an image of myself when I was happy. 1145 01:06:58,779 --> 01:07:00,697 And I got a little red hoodie on. 1146 01:07:02,407 --> 01:07:04,786 With a little metal zipper and... 1147 01:07:05,203 --> 01:07:07,288 Yeah, I think I'm in with that then. 1148 01:07:08,915 --> 01:07:11,668 'Cause I was out for the whole of the time. 1149 01:07:11,668 --> 01:07:13,588 [all laughing] 1150 01:07:13,588 --> 01:07:14,756 -So I... -Nice to see you showing up. 1151 01:07:15,841 --> 01:07:18,259 Welcome. 1152 01:07:18,259 --> 01:07:19,512 Looking to see you clockin' in. 1153 01:07:19,512 --> 01:07:21,180 Only a little tardy. 1154 01:07:22,098 --> 01:07:23,392 [all laughing] 1155 01:07:23,392 --> 01:07:24,601 Hear. Hear. 1156 01:07:24,601 --> 01:07:25,770 Yeah. 1157 01:07:26,228 --> 01:07:27,270 Said he's a little tired. 1158 01:07:27,270 --> 01:07:28,564 Yeah. 1159 01:07:28,564 --> 01:07:29,607 Thank you. 1160 01:07:29,607 --> 01:07:30,899 Thank you, guys. 1161 01:07:30,899 --> 01:07:31,900 There's a few times today 1162 01:07:34,446 --> 01:07:36,073 that 1163 01:07:36,906 --> 01:07:38,284 emotions really tugged at me and... 1164 01:07:38,284 --> 01:07:40,161 and... 1165 01:07:40,911 --> 01:07:41,912 something kept tellin' me, 1166 01:07:41,912 --> 01:07:42,956 "Man, jump in. Jump in the fire. Jump in the fire." 1167 01:07:44,916 --> 01:07:45,917 And every time I get to that place 1168 01:07:48,755 --> 01:07:50,923 I run. 1169 01:07:51,592 --> 01:07:52,718 You know, I... 1170 01:07:52,718 --> 01:07:53,887 I pack up and I leave. 1171 01:07:54,637 --> 01:07:55,929 But I'm checking out the... 1172 01:07:57,266 --> 01:07:58,933 With the little bit of a... 1173 01:07:58,933 --> 01:08:01,354 Little bit of joy, though, 'cause I feel like I've gotten a little closer to Chris. 1174 01:08:01,936 --> 01:08:04,733 And, uh, so I'm checking out with that. 1175 01:08:05,734 --> 01:08:08,320 I'm out. 1176 01:08:08,320 --> 01:08:09,488 I don't know if I should do it. 1177 01:08:52,997 --> 01:08:56,295 [chattering] 1178 01:09:19,448 --> 01:09:22,952 I hate this shit. 1179 01:09:22,952 --> 01:09:24,328 I wanna beat the shit out of somebody, man. 1180 01:09:28,834 --> 01:09:32,506 -I've done that too many times. -Yeah. 1181 01:09:32,506 --> 01:09:35,049 Yeah. 1182 01:09:35,551 --> 01:09:36,844 When my mom and dad got split up, 1183 01:09:36,844 --> 01:09:39,096 I lived with my mom 1184 01:09:39,096 --> 01:09:41,182 and because my dad was alone I felt that he needed one of his sons to be with him. 1185 01:09:41,182 --> 01:09:44,603 I told my mom 1186 01:09:44,603 --> 01:09:46,062 that I wanted to live with my dad. 1187 01:09:46,062 --> 01:09:47,440 She didn't want me to. 1188 01:09:47,440 --> 01:09:48,692 She kept telling me what kind of a scumbag he is 1189 01:09:48,692 --> 01:09:50,694 and he used to do all these bad things 1190 01:09:50,694 --> 01:09:53,991 and I didn't believe her, I said, "No, he's not all that, you're lying." 1191 01:09:55,116 --> 01:09:57,244 And every time he fell, I picked him up. 1192 01:09:59,077 --> 01:10:01,624 Every time he needed something, I was there. 1193 01:10:03,083 --> 01:10:06,922 Whenever he needed a son, I was there. 1194 01:10:06,922 --> 01:10:09,133 I feel like it was all just a fucking scam 1195 01:10:10,802 --> 01:10:12,470 because everything he's fucking taught me is what got me here. 1196 01:10:14,096 --> 01:10:15,850 I didn't even know how much my mom needed me. 1197 01:10:18,101 --> 01:10:19,980 I didn't even think about that. 1198 01:10:26,864 --> 01:10:30,117 That's all right. 1199 01:10:30,117 --> 01:10:31,117 Yo, that's all right. 1200 01:10:32,621 --> 01:10:34,163 I don't know why. 1201 01:10:34,956 --> 01:10:36,123 That's all right. That's all right. 1202 01:10:36,123 --> 01:10:37,542 I don't know why I betrayed her. 1203 01:10:39,126 --> 01:10:41,297 [sobbing] 1204 01:10:44,843 --> 01:10:48,097 Fuck. 1205 01:10:48,097 --> 01:10:49,015 We're all gonna go home. 1206 01:10:49,015 --> 01:10:50,767 We're all gonna go home. 1207 01:10:50,767 --> 01:10:52,309 I don't wanna just fucking hurt people, man, fuck. 1208 01:10:52,561 --> 01:10:55,982 I know. I know. 1209 01:10:56,147 --> 01:10:57,148 [sobbing] 1210 01:10:59,318 --> 01:11:00,738 I don't wanna hurt nobody no more. 1211 01:11:00,738 --> 01:11:02,865 No. No. No. We got it. 1212 01:11:02,865 --> 01:11:04,868 I don't wanna hurt nobody no more. 1213 01:11:04,868 --> 01:11:07,079 -You're done. -It's good to feel that. 1214 01:11:07,079 --> 01:11:08,372 Stop. 1215 01:11:09,163 --> 01:11:10,124 [Dark Cloud mumbling] 1216 01:11:10,667 --> 01:11:11,584 Easy. 1217 01:11:12,166 --> 01:11:13,920 -It's all good. -You're already here, man. 1218 01:11:16,507 --> 01:11:20,637 -Cloud. cloud, we're here already. -I'm here for you. 1219 01:11:20,637 --> 01:11:22,847 -I'm here for you. -We're already here, let's keep doing it, pal. 1220 01:11:22,847 --> 01:11:25,182 -Your fight is my fight, so come on. -We're already here. 1221 01:11:25,182 --> 01:11:27,184 We're already here. 1222 01:11:27,895 --> 01:11:29,187 I stood by you, Cloud. Come on, you stood by me. 1223 01:11:29,187 --> 01:11:31,232 We're all here level to the ground, come on. 1224 01:11:31,232 --> 01:11:33,360 Let's let the pain out. 1225 01:11:33,360 --> 01:11:35,863 We're already there, Cloud, just let it go. We're already there. 1226 01:11:38,198 --> 01:11:39,159 What am I feeling? 1227 01:11:50,506 --> 01:11:54,094 Just stand up, homes. 1228 01:11:55,512 --> 01:11:59,223 Come on. come on, no. Don't do it. 1229 01:12:11,238 --> 01:12:14,910 -We're all cool? -He's gone. 1230 01:12:14,910 --> 01:12:16,245 -Where... -He's gone. 1231 01:12:17,164 --> 01:12:18,582 He's gone out. 1232 01:12:19,541 --> 01:12:21,127 He's gone. 1233 01:12:27,467 --> 01:12:31,262 [chanting Native American prayer] 1234 01:12:56,503 --> 01:12:59,882 [screaming] 1235 01:13:04,302 --> 01:13:07,557 Oh, fuck. 1236 01:13:08,226 --> 01:13:08,475 [man speaking] 1237 01:13:46,437 --> 01:13:49,817 [chattering] 1238 01:14:00,370 --> 01:14:03,709 The betrayal that I... 1239 01:14:03,709 --> 01:14:05,627 I'm hesitant to share 1240 01:14:07,378 --> 01:14:07,797 for whatever reason 1241 01:14:11,676 --> 01:14:13,386 comes from... from my dad. 1242 01:14:15,348 --> 01:14:17,391 [man screaming] 1243 01:14:17,391 --> 01:14:19,393 And it feels... It feels to me so much smaller than a lot of things that has happened 1244 01:14:19,561 --> 01:14:23,317 to many other people, so, I... 1245 01:14:23,317 --> 01:14:24,943 [man screaming] 1246 01:14:24,943 --> 01:14:25,986 I also get frustrated 1247 01:14:25,986 --> 01:14:27,821 even that I feel it at all. 1248 01:14:27,821 --> 01:14:29,405 But I'll keep it short. 1249 01:14:30,490 --> 01:14:32,243 I have a very clean memory, a very vivid memory of... 1250 01:14:35,289 --> 01:14:38,293 My dad used to work on cars a lot 1251 01:14:38,959 --> 01:14:40,795 and he used to spend a lot of time in the garage and... 1252 01:14:40,795 --> 01:14:44,423 I know at one point I tried to help him 1253 01:14:46,177 --> 01:14:47,427 and it was probably something small 1254 01:14:49,890 --> 01:14:51,600 and I think I went out there and he needed a particular 1255 01:14:52,433 --> 01:14:55,313 tool 1256 01:14:55,605 --> 01:14:56,522 and 1257 01:14:57,065 --> 01:14:58,108 I couldn't find it. 1258 01:14:58,108 --> 01:14:59,441 Like, I couldn't see it. I didn't know what it was. 1259 01:14:59,441 --> 01:15:01,363 And he tried to describe it to me and I couldn't... 1260 01:15:01,363 --> 01:15:03,365 I couldn't find it and I... 1261 01:15:03,697 --> 01:15:04,741 And I brought it back to him 1262 01:15:07,411 --> 01:15:09,330 what I thought it was and he said, "That's not it", 1263 01:15:09,330 --> 01:15:11,123 and I kept going back and forth. 1264 01:15:11,123 --> 01:15:12,457 Finally he said, "I'll do it myself", 1265 01:15:12,457 --> 01:15:13,710 and then when he grabbed it, he said, "Just go back inside." 1266 01:15:14,459 --> 01:15:16,462 "Go back with your mom." 1267 01:15:17,882 --> 01:15:19,466 He did that a lot when I was growing up. 1268 01:15:20,468 --> 01:15:22,469 He wanted... He always wanted... 1269 01:15:22,469 --> 01:15:24,556 I always tried to make the effort and I got, kind of, shut down. 1270 01:15:24,807 --> 01:15:28,061 And I... 1271 01:15:28,061 --> 01:15:29,478 I haven't yet figured out why, but it really bothers me. 1272 01:15:35,611 --> 01:15:39,282 Well, if you did know why, 1273 01:15:39,282 --> 01:15:40,867 what would the reason be, that would bother you. 1274 01:15:42,493 --> 01:15:45,665 I don't know, I just wanted to be out there with him. 1275 01:15:47,583 --> 01:15:48,627 [crying] And he wouldn't let me. 1276 01:16:02,269 --> 01:16:05,689 He kept shouting me down. 1277 01:16:13,531 --> 01:16:17,162 That's right. You're doing good. 1278 01:16:17,162 --> 01:16:18,872 I don't wanna... 1279 01:16:18,872 --> 01:16:19,789 He didn't mean to hurt me though. 1280 01:16:21,459 --> 01:16:23,753 I'm not mad at him. 1281 01:16:23,753 --> 01:16:25,422 I feel bad telling this story. 1282 01:16:26,048 --> 01:16:28,675 Have you ever had the chance to tell your dad 1283 01:16:28,675 --> 01:16:31,553 how that... How much that hurt you? 1284 01:16:34,975 --> 01:16:38,188 No. 1285 01:16:38,188 --> 01:16:40,148 That's something... That's something you've been wanting to do? 1286 01:16:40,398 --> 01:16:42,692 -Tell him? -Yeah. 1287 01:16:44,487 --> 01:16:45,446 Yeah, I think so. 1288 01:16:47,740 --> 01:16:49,409 I planned to tell him that someday. 1289 01:16:51,036 --> 01:16:52,788 Well, I mean... 1290 01:16:53,247 --> 01:16:54,499 We could create a space for you to do it today. 1291 01:16:54,499 --> 01:16:57,627 If-if-if there were somebody in the circle here that... 1292 01:16:58,586 --> 01:17:01,589 That... that... 1293 01:17:02,008 --> 01:17:03,301 That could hold the, the energy of your father. 1294 01:17:03,301 --> 01:17:05,595 Somebody in here that you see that 1295 01:17:05,595 --> 01:17:08,390 holds qualities 1296 01:17:08,724 --> 01:17:10,017 and energy like your father does 1297 01:17:16,607 --> 01:17:19,946 -Can I tell you? -Yeah. 1298 01:17:20,822 --> 01:17:21,781 So, where do you want me? 1299 01:17:24,494 --> 01:17:26,913 That's fine right there. 1300 01:17:29,623 --> 01:17:33,045 I just wanna help you. 1301 01:17:38,050 --> 01:17:41,637 We'd work on the car together. 1302 01:17:41,637 --> 01:17:43,559 And you can teach me some things. 1303 01:17:50,900 --> 01:17:54,653 What was the message you got? 1304 01:17:54,653 --> 01:17:56,699 What's the story? 1305 01:17:56,699 --> 01:17:57,907 You said, "I'll do it by myself, go back in the house." 1306 01:17:57,907 --> 01:18:00,077 What's the message you got? 1307 01:18:00,077 --> 01:18:01,746 I couldn't... 1308 01:18:01,746 --> 01:18:02,706 I... 1309 01:18:04,125 --> 01:18:06,043 I wasn't gonna be the man he wanted me to be. 1310 01:18:06,043 --> 01:18:08,921 Right, and you say you've been carrying that for a while. All right? 1311 01:18:09,671 --> 01:18:12,635 -Right? -Yeah. 1312 01:18:12,925 --> 01:18:14,179 Yeah. 1313 01:18:14,179 --> 01:18:15,598 And how does that... How is that played out in your life? 1314 01:18:18,642 --> 01:18:22,355 I haven't known how it'd be really. 1315 01:18:22,355 --> 01:18:24,690 So what does that look like? 1316 01:18:26,693 --> 01:18:30,697 How have you carried that in your life? 1317 01:18:30,697 --> 01:18:32,699 Through your jobs. 1318 01:18:33,452 --> 01:18:34,870 -Your relationships. -Your relationships. 1319 01:18:34,870 --> 01:18:36,705 How are you playing this? 1320 01:18:38,166 --> 01:18:39,708 I can't comment on any of it. 1321 01:18:40,752 --> 01:18:42,171 -It scares me, I don't know... -Yeah. 1322 01:18:44,714 --> 01:18:46,759 I don't know what I'm doing here. 1323 01:18:46,759 --> 01:18:48,261 Then that's good. 1324 01:18:48,261 --> 01:18:49,179 I don't know why I am crying. 1325 01:18:49,179 --> 01:18:50,222 That's perfect. 1326 01:18:50,222 --> 01:18:51,140 That's perfect. 1327 01:18:51,806 --> 01:18:52,724 That's perfect. 1328 01:18:53,725 --> 01:18:54,561 You're doin' perfect. 1329 01:18:54,561 --> 01:18:56,271 And it starts here. You've already started your work. 1330 01:18:56,271 --> 01:18:58,773 Stand up. Come on. 1331 01:18:58,773 --> 01:19:00,817 Come on. Here you go. 1332 01:19:00,817 --> 01:19:01,734 That's right. We have your back, Chris. 1333 01:19:01,734 --> 01:19:03,656 Here's what happened. You cut a deal with your father. 1334 01:19:03,656 --> 01:19:05,990 You signed a contract 1335 01:19:05,990 --> 01:19:07,742 the moment you walked in that house. 1336 01:19:07,742 --> 01:19:10,745 That last time you walked in the house 1337 01:19:10,745 --> 01:19:12,332 you cut a contract with your father 1338 01:19:12,332 --> 01:19:13,833 to feel as though you were the guy 1339 01:19:13,833 --> 01:19:15,670 that cannot get the job done. 1340 01:19:15,670 --> 01:19:17,754 And that's haunted you, you've used it. 1341 01:19:17,754 --> 01:19:19,508 You've fulfilled the contract, it's haunted you throughout your life. 1342 01:19:22,637 --> 01:19:25,974 And your whole body tells me that's true right now. 1343 01:19:25,974 --> 01:19:28,768 -Yeah. -Right? 1344 01:19:29,228 --> 01:19:30,813 I know that truth hurts right there. 1345 01:19:31,605 --> 01:19:32,773 So, here's what you're gonna do. 1346 01:19:35,110 --> 01:19:36,861 Each one of these men 1347 01:19:36,861 --> 01:19:38,572 identify something, some sort of a block. 1348 01:19:38,779 --> 01:19:41,157 Your job 1349 01:19:41,867 --> 01:19:43,160 is to get through this. 1350 01:19:43,785 --> 01:19:45,789 -Are you trying towards that? -Yeah. Yeah. 1351 01:19:45,789 --> 01:19:47,790 Turn around. Turn around and face, you and I. 1352 01:19:47,790 --> 01:19:50,586 Look at me. Look at me. 1353 01:19:50,586 --> 01:19:52,631 Now, stand up. 1354 01:19:52,631 --> 01:19:54,133 Fucking stand up. 1355 01:19:54,133 --> 01:19:55,592 There, you're taller than me right now. 1356 01:19:56,800 --> 01:19:58,430 -You get that? -Yeah. 1357 01:19:58,430 --> 01:19:59,723 -You're stronger. -Do you get that? 1358 01:19:59,723 --> 01:20:01,224 -You're stronger. -Look at... 1359 01:20:01,600 --> 01:20:02,934 Stand up. 1360 01:20:04,811 --> 01:20:05,812 Stand up. 1361 01:20:07,357 --> 01:20:08,734 -And hurt. -I won't do that. 1362 01:20:09,484 --> 01:20:11,153 Know that it's okay to hurt. 1363 01:20:11,153 --> 01:20:12,820 Know that it's just fine. 1364 01:20:12,820 --> 01:20:14,449 'Cause you got some... You got some bad dudes that got your back. 1365 01:20:14,449 --> 01:20:18,037 Now to remind you, even though you got us at your back 1366 01:20:18,037 --> 01:20:19,872 you gotta turn around and face these things in your life. 1367 01:20:19,872 --> 01:20:22,459 You gotta see what it's cost you. 1368 01:20:22,459 --> 01:20:23,834 What's it cost you? Be here, down here. 1369 01:20:23,834 --> 01:20:25,836 What's it cost you, man? 1370 01:20:26,837 --> 01:20:28,717 Yeah. 1371 01:20:29,050 --> 01:20:30,092 Yeah. 1372 01:20:30,092 --> 01:20:31,010 It's just now. 1373 01:20:32,679 --> 01:20:33,972 The whole first day, I didn't... I couldn't feel anything. 1374 01:20:33,972 --> 01:20:37,018 -Yeah. -I couldn't commence anything. 1375 01:20:37,018 --> 01:20:38,853 So... 1376 01:20:38,853 --> 01:20:40,146 This man's gonna point you toward what that represents. 1377 01:20:40,146 --> 01:20:43,651 That you can't feel. 1378 01:20:43,651 --> 01:20:45,027 I guess. 1379 01:20:45,860 --> 01:20:46,861 Walk up to the arm. 1380 01:20:47,864 --> 01:20:50,866 Walk up and put your chest on the arm. Just go put your chest on the arm. 1381 01:20:50,866 --> 01:20:52,370 And look at what it's cost you. 1382 01:20:52,370 --> 01:20:54,038 "Go back in the house with your mother." 1383 01:20:54,038 --> 01:20:56,791 Straight through. 1384 01:20:56,791 --> 01:20:58,126 With some intention. 1385 01:20:58,126 --> 01:21:01,422 -Stand up straight. Stand up straight. -Open your eye. -Stand up straight. -"Go back 1386 01:21:01,422 --> 01:21:02,591 -in the house... -Stand up straight. 1387 01:21:02,591 --> 01:21:03,882 ...with your mother." 1388 01:21:03,882 --> 01:21:05,260 Stand up straight. 1389 01:21:05,260 --> 01:21:06,261 "I don't need you out here". 1390 01:21:06,261 --> 01:21:07,887 This is not using your chest, son. 1391 01:21:07,887 --> 01:21:09,889 -You know what you need now. -"Don't look at me like that." 1392 01:21:09,889 --> 01:21:11,769 You know what you need, you can take care of yourself. 1393 01:21:11,769 --> 01:21:13,396 -"Go back in the house with your mother." -Don't listen to that shit. 1394 01:21:13,396 --> 01:21:15,857 Don't listen to that. 1395 01:21:15,857 --> 01:21:17,191 "I said, 'Go back,' Chris." 1396 01:21:17,191 --> 01:21:18,900 Open your mouth and start teaching this guy. 1397 01:21:18,900 --> 01:21:20,737 "Chris, I don't need you out here." 1398 01:21:20,737 --> 01:21:21,904 Open your mouth and start teaching. 1399 01:21:21,904 --> 01:21:23,282 Chris, you're falling into this, you're not working here. 1400 01:21:23,282 --> 01:21:24,907 I can't... I don't know how to work this. 1401 01:21:24,907 --> 01:21:26,494 Yeah, that's the problem, you're gonna have to make a move. 1402 01:21:26,494 --> 01:21:28,912 What would it look like to work it? 1403 01:21:28,912 --> 01:21:30,624 -What would it look like to have intentions... -Stand up to this guy. 1404 01:21:30,624 --> 01:21:32,916 -...about getting past these arms. -Stand up to this guy. 1405 01:21:32,916 --> 01:21:35,088 -What's the risk for getting out of this confusion? -Let him just go back 1406 01:21:35,088 --> 01:21:37,842 -in the house with his mother. -Stand up to this guy. 1407 01:21:37,842 --> 01:21:39,969 Take some steps back. Take some steps back. 1408 01:21:39,969 --> 01:21:42,347 Don't step back. Don't step back. 1409 01:21:42,347 --> 01:21:44,851 Step back some more. 1410 01:21:44,851 --> 01:21:46,226 -Don't step back. That's it. -Yeah, step back some more. 1411 01:21:46,226 --> 01:21:48,146 That's it. 1412 01:21:48,146 --> 01:21:49,397 Keep it coming, Chris, I got your back. 1413 01:21:49,397 --> 01:21:51,567 Keep it coming, Chris, I got your back. 1414 01:21:51,567 --> 01:21:53,862 No. 1415 01:21:53,862 --> 01:21:54,779 -Tell him, Chris. -Keep goin', Chris. 1416 01:21:54,779 --> 01:21:56,238 -Show him. Get your life back, Chris. -"Go back in the house." 1417 01:21:56,238 --> 01:21:58,575 -"Go back." -Let him get out. 1418 01:21:58,575 --> 01:22:00,285 Get through this. Get through this. 1419 01:22:01,412 --> 01:22:02,954 Stand up, Chris. Keep goin', Chris. 1420 01:22:02,954 --> 01:22:05,834 Keep goin', Chris. 1421 01:22:05,834 --> 01:22:06,958 Keep it, yo. 1422 01:22:07,960 --> 01:22:09,212 Keep your eyes on this. 1423 01:22:09,212 --> 01:22:10,964 -Keep pushing, Chris. -That's right. You're there. 1424 01:22:10,964 --> 01:22:12,966 -Chris, you're there. -Keep your eye on-- 1425 01:22:12,966 --> 01:22:14,177 -You're there. Stand up. -Stand up. Stand up. 1426 01:22:14,177 --> 01:22:16,012 -Look at-- Look at him right there. -Tell him. 1427 01:22:16,012 --> 01:22:18,599 -Tell him. -Tell him what you wanted. 1428 01:22:18,599 --> 01:22:19,974 -Tell him what you wanted. -Tell him. 1429 01:22:19,974 --> 01:22:21,059 -Right now. -One voice. One voice. 1430 01:22:21,059 --> 01:22:23,396 -One voice. -Quiet. 1431 01:22:23,396 --> 01:22:25,106 -One voice. -Come. 1432 01:22:25,106 --> 01:22:26,983 -That's it. Speak from-- -I'm good enough. 1433 01:22:26,983 --> 01:22:29,404 Yeah. 1434 01:22:29,404 --> 01:22:30,822 -Okay. -You are good enough. 1435 01:22:30,822 --> 01:22:32,240 You better fuckin' believe you're good enough. 1436 01:22:32,240 --> 01:22:33,951 -I'm good enough. -That's it. 1437 01:22:33,951 --> 01:22:35,577 That's right. That's right, man. 1438 01:22:35,577 --> 01:22:37,538 I am good enough. 1439 01:22:37,538 --> 01:22:38,997 -Bring it some peace. -You're goddamn right. 1440 01:22:38,997 --> 01:22:40,918 I believe you now. 1441 01:22:40,918 --> 01:22:43,002 What about later? 1442 01:22:44,964 --> 01:22:45,381 It's not up to you. 1443 01:22:48,259 --> 01:22:49,386 That's right. That's right, man. 1444 01:22:49,386 --> 01:22:51,848 -Damn right. -Okay. 1445 01:22:51,848 --> 01:22:53,224 I got it, my brother. 1446 01:22:54,434 --> 01:22:56,144 -Stand on your own, Chris. Stand on your own. -Thank you. 1447 01:22:58,898 --> 01:23:02,235 Thank you. Thank you. 1448 01:23:02,235 --> 01:23:03,487 I've been waitin' on you. 1449 01:23:04,363 --> 01:23:05,949 Here, I've been waitin' on you. 1450 01:23:05,949 --> 01:23:07,659 I'm glad to see you. 1451 01:23:07,659 --> 01:23:09,032 You did good. Thank you. 1452 01:23:11,371 --> 01:23:14,541 -I mean it. -You know what I mean with that. 1453 01:23:21,048 --> 01:23:25,013 I'm proud of you, brother. I'm proud of you. 1454 01:23:25,304 --> 01:23:27,055 Thank you. 1455 01:23:33,063 --> 01:23:36,360 I'm checking out. 1456 01:23:36,360 --> 01:23:38,612 I used to have a '67 Shovelhead 1457 01:23:38,612 --> 01:23:40,072 that would get to 147 miles an hour 1458 01:23:40,072 --> 01:23:42,450 before it tried to buck me off. 1459 01:23:42,450 --> 01:23:45,077 And every time I'd push it right up to that motherfuckin' edge 1460 01:23:45,077 --> 01:23:48,000 and it starts shakin' and rattlin' 1461 01:23:48,000 --> 01:23:50,002 I'd bring it back down 1462 01:23:50,794 --> 01:23:53,338 I'd throw the kick stick down, the kick stand down, and say, 1463 01:23:53,338 --> 01:23:56,174 "Whoo!" 1464 01:23:56,550 --> 01:23:57,844 That's how I felt today. 1465 01:24:01,265 --> 01:24:04,477 I love God. 1466 01:24:04,477 --> 01:24:05,979 I love life. 1467 01:24:06,271 --> 01:24:08,105 And I love adrenalin edges. 1468 01:24:10,276 --> 01:24:13,529 And in this place it's hard to get to that fuckin' edge for me. 1469 01:24:15,113 --> 01:24:17,284 Without it bein' a bad thing. 1470 01:24:20,455 --> 01:24:24,124 So, when days like today happens 1471 01:24:24,124 --> 01:24:26,545 and I get pulled as far apart as I can be pulled 1472 01:24:30,050 --> 01:24:31,217 I'm alive. 1473 01:24:33,136 --> 01:24:34,472 I'm alive and I'm fuckin' grateful. 1474 01:24:36,390 --> 01:24:38,018 I'm out. 1475 01:24:39,645 --> 01:24:40,562 -Oh... -Wait. 1476 01:24:45,068 --> 01:24:48,154 [applause] 1477 01:24:53,577 --> 01:24:57,164 Hell of a lot better, man. 1478 01:24:57,164 --> 01:24:58,584 I feel good, man. 1479 01:25:00,168 --> 01:25:01,588 I feel blessed. 1480 01:25:01,588 --> 01:25:03,298 You know what I'm sayin', I, fuck, I done got some more strength, man. 1481 01:25:03,298 --> 01:25:06,010 I'm rollin' on. 1482 01:25:06,010 --> 01:25:07,887 That's it, man. I out, man. Thank you. 1483 01:25:12,476 --> 01:25:15,855 Dark Cloud? 1484 01:25:15,855 --> 01:25:17,357 Spirit name Black Bear sometimes flies with the White Owl. 1485 01:25:17,357 --> 01:25:21,193 I don't think I still, you know, I've really grasped 1486 01:25:21,487 --> 01:25:25,032 the entirety of it. 1487 01:25:25,909 --> 01:25:27,369 The hurts, feels good. 1488 01:25:30,039 --> 01:25:31,248 I'm ready for another round. 1489 01:25:33,501 --> 01:25:35,129 I'm out with that. 1490 01:25:39,175 --> 01:25:42,637 I'm Chris, checking out with 1491 01:25:42,637 --> 01:25:46,100 a sense of satisfaction 1492 01:25:46,600 --> 01:25:48,226 that's new to me. 1493 01:25:50,105 --> 01:25:52,231 I'm not normally comfortable with new things, 1494 01:25:52,231 --> 01:25:54,234 but this one seems to be a good fit. 1495 01:25:55,153 --> 01:25:57,405 And... 1496 01:25:58,238 --> 01:25:59,782 I think I've said all I needed to say. I'm checking out. 1497 01:26:01,119 --> 01:26:03,244 [all chuckling] 1498 01:26:06,248 --> 01:26:07,041 Brother G. 1499 01:26:09,462 --> 01:26:10,838 Signing one off. 1500 01:26:10,838 --> 01:26:12,256 Whoo. 1501 01:26:15,136 --> 01:26:18,262 You know, I've of... I've often wondered 1502 01:26:18,262 --> 01:26:20,265 why I was put here on the planet and... 1503 01:26:20,265 --> 01:26:23,937 for me, it's become real clear, it's about the fatherless sons. 1504 01:26:27,273 --> 01:26:28,151 I was a fatherless son. 1505 01:26:30,653 --> 01:26:32,279 My father was a fatherless son. 1506 01:26:32,279 --> 01:26:33,991 My grandfather was a fatherless son. 1507 01:26:33,991 --> 01:26:36,284 And my son 1508 01:26:36,284 --> 01:26:39,706 for a long time in his life was a fatherless son. 1509 01:26:39,706 --> 01:26:42,752 I don't have a right to tell another man what to do with his life, 1510 01:26:42,752 --> 01:26:45,756 but I can tell another man 1511 01:26:45,756 --> 01:26:47,758 what the consequences may be 1512 01:26:47,758 --> 01:26:49,928 for one fatherless son. 1513 01:26:51,513 --> 01:26:55,558 And so right now I have some, some sadness and some joy. 1514 01:26:55,558 --> 01:26:59,189 I'm sad because of the fatherless sons. 1515 01:26:59,189 --> 01:27:02,316 And I have some joy because things like this happen. 1516 01:27:02,316 --> 01:27:05,154 And circles like this in other places happen. 1517 01:27:05,655 --> 01:27:07,782 So that if one father 1518 01:27:09,243 --> 01:27:11,286 can go through what he needs to go through to be there for his son, 1519 01:27:13,539 --> 01:27:16,626 then all this shit is worth it. 1520 01:27:16,626 --> 01:27:18,335 All of it. 1521 01:27:20,337 --> 01:27:24,052 I've seen what this work can do. 1522 01:27:24,052 --> 01:27:26,429 I've seen it. I've felt it. I've experienced it. 1523 01:27:27,806 --> 01:27:29,600 It's the work, y'all. 1524 01:27:29,751 --> 01:27:31,004 It's the work. 1525 01:27:34,775 --> 01:27:38,029 ♪♪ 104396