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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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TED: I can't believe your mom'snot coming to the wedding?
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00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:05,687
Okay, seriously,
I-I need to stop crying
3
00:00:05,689 --> 00:00:08,040
Does anyone know how
to turn this off?
4
00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:09,591
Is there, like, a button
or something?
5
00:00:09,593 --> 00:00:11,360
Want me to feel
around for it?
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00:00:11,362 --> 00:00:12,994
It's probably
somewhere on your back.
7
00:00:12,996 --> 00:00:15,397
Stop it.
What? I'm trying to cheer you up.
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00:00:15,399 --> 00:00:17,282
I don't think that's possible
at this point.
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00:00:17,284 --> 00:00:18,950
Challenge accepted!
10
00:00:18,952 --> 00:00:20,285
No, Barney,
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00:00:20,287 --> 00:00:23,588
I just need to get myself
to stop crying, that's all.
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00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:24,790
Boogity-boo!
13
00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:26,925
Lily, what the hell?!
It's not the hiccups.
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00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:28,576
I was just going on a hunch.
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00:00:28,578 --> 00:00:31,213
(hiccups)
And now I have the hiccups.
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00:00:31,312 --> 00:00:35,312
♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x09 ♪
Platonish
Original Air Date on November 11, 2013
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00:00:35,337 --> 00:00:40,337
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
18
00:00:43,976 --> 00:00:45,977
Look, guys, just, seriously,
don't worry about me, okay?
19
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,863
Just let me deal
with this on my own.
20
00:00:47,865 --> 00:00:50,148
I'm afraid that's
not possible, Robin.
21
00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:53,568
Once I've accepted a challenge,
it cannot be unaccepted.
22
00:00:53,570 --> 00:00:57,072
I will not rest
until the job is done.
23
00:00:57,074 --> 00:00:58,373
Oh, is that so?
24
00:00:58,375 --> 00:01:01,910
Then where are our diapers
and Samosas?
25
00:01:01,912 --> 00:01:03,378
Aha!
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00:01:03,380 --> 00:01:05,881
NARRATOR: Diapers and Samosas.Oh, that's about something
27
00:01:05,883 --> 00:01:09,050
that happened six monthsearlier in the fall of 2012.
28
00:01:09,052 --> 00:01:11,553
BOTH:
Major craving for a mojito.
29
00:01:11,555 --> 00:01:12,921
Oh, God, we're back
30
00:01:12,923 --> 00:01:15,507
to your stupid little
private joke again?
31
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:18,226
Are you guys really still doing
this seven years later?
32
00:01:18,228 --> 00:01:20,679
It's so annoying. Just stop it.
33
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:22,013
Private joke again?
34
00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:24,182
Are you guys really still
doing this seven years later?
35
00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:25,734
It's so annoying.
Just stop it.
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00:01:25,736 --> 00:01:27,486
You don't salute a private!
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00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:29,471
I'll be right back.
All right.
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00:01:29,473 --> 00:01:31,973
Lily, are you playing
footsie with me?
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00:01:31,975 --> 00:01:33,191
What?
40
00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:35,777
Oh, no, no. I was just feeling
around for your shin.
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00:01:35,779 --> 00:01:37,362
My shin? Why would you...?
42
00:01:37,364 --> 00:01:38,947
Ow! Why'd you do that?
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00:01:38,949 --> 00:01:40,415
To remind you what pain is.
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00:01:40,417 --> 00:01:43,952
You keep it up with all the
cutesy-tootsy stuff with Robin,
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00:01:43,954 --> 00:01:47,322
gonna be a whole lot more
where that came from.
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00:01:47,324 --> 00:01:49,040
Lily, you have nothing
to worry about.
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00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:51,659
I better not.
You and Robin are platonic.
48
00:01:51,661 --> 00:01:54,662
Please.
Ted and Robin are not platonic.
49
00:01:54,664 --> 00:01:56,765
Just like me and Robin
are not platonic.
50
00:01:56,767 --> 00:02:00,552
Just like no two single people
in the world are ever platonic.
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00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:03,388
Symposium: two people
are only platonic if
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00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:04,740
in the next 20 minutes
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00:02:04,765 --> 00:02:06,912
there is no chance
of them hooking up.
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00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:11,613
Truth is, I only know of one
genuinely platonic relationship.
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00:02:11,615 --> 00:02:12,680
You and me.
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00:02:12,682 --> 00:02:13,782
Don't make me laugh, Lily.
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00:02:13,784 --> 00:02:15,283
You want to hit this
so hard.
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00:02:15,285 --> 00:02:19,204
Seriously, she's playing
footsies with me as I... Ow!
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00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:22,741
No, I'm talking
about Marshall and Robin.
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00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:25,744
NARRATOR: Marshall and Robin wouldn'thook up even if this happened:
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Marshall, Robin!
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00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:30,215
If you guys don't full-on
make out in the next 20 minutes,
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00:02:30,217 --> 00:02:32,751
they're gonna blow me up
and everyone in this bar!
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00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,869
My God, no!
Anyone but Robin.
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00:02:34,871 --> 00:02:36,688
I really don't want
to do this!
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00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:38,890
Guys, we have no time!
Just do it!
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00:02:46,849 --> 00:02:49,734
I'm sorry, baby,
I just, I can't do it.
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00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:50,485
Aw...
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00:02:50,487 --> 00:02:51,603
(explosion)
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00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:54,072
And the only survivor
was me
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00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:56,391
because I was upstairs
banging Ted's mom.
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00:02:56,393 --> 00:02:58,893
What? Get that blond girl's
phone number?
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00:02:58,895 --> 00:03:00,278
Challenge accepted.
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00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,831
(phone rings)
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00:03:02,833 --> 00:03:06,201
Unknown caller, stop calling me.
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00:03:06,203 --> 00:03:07,235
Are you gonna answer it?
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00:03:07,237 --> 00:03:08,370
Yeah, 'cause it's 1994
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00:03:08,372 --> 00:03:09,788
and I'm gonna pick up a phone
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00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,289
without knowing who's on
the other end.
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00:03:11,291 --> 00:03:13,458
I should get going.
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00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:14,676
Ted...
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00:03:14,678 --> 00:03:16,344
Lily, by every definition
of the word platonic,
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00:03:16,346 --> 00:03:18,246
including Barney's fake one,
I can say
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00:03:18,248 --> 00:03:19,681
with total certainty...
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00:03:19,683 --> 00:03:20,966
that Brussels sprouts
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00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,917
are the comeback vegetable
of the 21st century.
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00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:24,085
Well, see you guys later.
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00:03:24,087 --> 00:03:25,887
Bye.
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00:03:25,889 --> 00:03:29,391
Challenge completed.
90
00:03:29,393 --> 00:03:32,143
I'm sorry. I-I missed
the first half of this.
91
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:33,395
Um, why is picking up
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00:03:33,397 --> 00:03:36,481
a drunk chick sitting alone
and rubbing a tan line
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00:03:36,483 --> 00:03:39,618
on her finger where a wedding
ring used to be, a challenge?
94
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:42,504
Because I said
challenge accepted.
95
00:03:42,506 --> 00:03:44,489
See? That's your problem,
Barney.
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00:03:44,491 --> 00:03:47,492
You only accept challenges
you came up with.
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00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:50,295
Just once,
I'd like to see you accept
98
00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:51,663
someone else's challenge.
99
00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:54,182
Challenge acc...
Wait-- what's the challenge?
100
00:03:54,184 --> 00:03:58,053
Interesting. An opportunity rife
with possibilities.
101
00:03:58,055 --> 00:03:59,387
We need to find something
102
00:03:59,389 --> 00:04:01,139
with just the right amount
of poetic...
103
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:04,392
Get a girl's number
while talking like a dolphin!
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00:04:04,394 --> 00:04:06,294
That works.
105
00:04:11,484 --> 00:04:13,735
(chittering like a dolphin)
106
00:04:19,108 --> 00:04:22,143
Open your eyes, ref!
That's not a pregnant lady!
107
00:04:22,145 --> 00:04:24,162
It's a basketball
under his shirt!
108
00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:25,997
Blow the freakin'
whistle!
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00:04:26,866 --> 00:04:28,617
Anyways, Barney's right;
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00:04:28,619 --> 00:04:30,652
I would absolutely
let the bar blow up.
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00:04:30,654 --> 00:04:33,455
But you'd die, and
Lily would die, too.
112
00:04:33,457 --> 00:04:35,957
Yeah, but then we could
haunt the bar for eternity
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00:04:35,959 --> 00:04:38,009
like we always planned.
Anyways, Robin's your girl.
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00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,878
Why do we keep
coming back to this?
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00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,097
It's fun. Tickets are cheap.
Gets us out of the house.
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00:04:42,099 --> 00:04:43,598
No, me and Robin.
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00:04:45,384 --> 00:04:48,520
Because Robin told me that
she's still in love with you.
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00:04:51,698 --> 00:04:54,113
Are you serious?
Robin told you that she's
119
00:04:54,114 --> 00:04:55,446
still in love with me?
120
00:04:55,612 --> 00:04:56,979
No, I just made that up.
121
00:04:56,981 --> 00:04:59,031
But it was worth it
because I can tell
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00:04:59,033 --> 00:05:02,017
by that look on your face
that you still have feelings for Robin.
123
00:05:02,019 --> 00:05:04,620
Okay, ball is sitting
on the basket!
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00:05:04,941 --> 00:05:07,808
That's not only illegal,
it's unsafe!
125
00:05:07,810 --> 00:05:10,094
Come on, Gens, D up!
126
00:05:10,096 --> 00:05:13,247
It's this monastery
in Connecticut out in the woods,
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00:05:13,249 --> 00:05:16,367
and the nuns there,
they make this gourmet cheese.
128
00:05:16,369 --> 00:05:17,701
It's just amazing.
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00:05:17,703 --> 00:05:19,370
(chittering)
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00:05:19,372 --> 00:05:21,655
Wow, was that
three glasses of wine?
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00:05:21,657 --> 00:05:23,090
Where does the time go
132
00:05:23,092 --> 00:05:25,176
(chitters)
133
00:05:25,178 --> 00:05:27,178
(chuckles) Look, I know
that you need
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00:05:27,180 --> 00:05:28,662
to get back
to your studies.
135
00:05:28,664 --> 00:05:31,265
Maybe we could get together
some other time?
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00:05:31,267 --> 00:05:33,984
(clicking, chittering)
137
00:05:33,986 --> 00:05:35,102
No! Not possible!
138
00:05:35,104 --> 00:05:36,887
It was the performance
of a lifetime.
139
00:05:36,889 --> 00:05:38,152
Man, if I'd have hung around
for a few more minutes,
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00:05:38,153 --> 00:05:38,711
I probably could have
141
00:05:38,712 --> 00:05:40,879
gotten her to touch my blowhole.
Give me that.
142
00:05:42,695 --> 00:05:43,894
(distant phone rings)
143
00:05:43,896 --> 00:05:45,563
Hello?
144
00:05:45,565 --> 00:05:47,514
Hi, did you just give
your phone number to a guy
145
00:05:47,516 --> 00:05:48,649
who was squeaking
like a dolphin?
146
00:05:48,651 --> 00:05:50,818
(chuckles)
Yeah.
147
00:05:50,820 --> 00:05:51,902
Honey, listen to me.
148
00:05:51,904 --> 00:05:54,155
I need you to take
a year, a full year
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00:05:54,157 --> 00:05:55,623
and just be
celibate, okay?
150
00:05:55,625 --> 00:05:56,790
No boys.
151
00:05:56,792 --> 00:05:58,209
One year.
152
00:05:58,211 --> 00:06:00,127
I think you know
I'm right about this.
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00:06:00,129 --> 00:06:01,579
You're right.
154
00:06:01,581 --> 00:06:02,880
Yeah.
155
00:06:02,882 --> 00:06:04,298
That was heartbreaking
156
00:06:04,300 --> 00:06:06,867
And pants-breaking
Boing-oing-oing!
157
00:06:06,869 --> 00:06:08,419
All right, next challenge.
158
00:06:08,421 --> 00:06:10,471
Oh, this is an all-night thing?
159
00:06:10,473 --> 00:06:14,675
Okay, um, pick up a girl...
160
00:06:14,677 --> 00:06:16,227
wearing a garbage bag.
161
00:06:16,229 --> 00:06:19,730
(scoffs)
I'd be "Glad" to.
162
00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:22,650
Just hope she's not too "Hefty""
163
00:06:22,652 --> 00:06:26,937
And those are all of the brands
of trash bags I can think of.
164
00:06:26,939 --> 00:06:28,022
I'm not done.
165
00:06:28,024 --> 00:06:32,409
You also can't use
the letter "E."
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00:06:34,746 --> 00:06:39,083
Challng... accptd-d.
167
00:06:40,752 --> 00:06:42,203
You're single,
she's single,
168
00:06:42,205 --> 00:06:43,504
It's time to do this.
169
00:06:43,506 --> 00:06:45,456
You're only saying this
because you bet Lily
170
00:06:45,458 --> 00:06:47,407
that Robin and I would
end up together,
171
00:06:47,409 --> 00:06:48,909
and you want
that five bucks.
172
00:06:48,911 --> 00:06:50,511
I need that five bucks, Ted.
173
00:06:50,513 --> 00:06:53,264
But more importantly,
I need you to be happy.
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00:06:53,266 --> 00:06:55,349
Marshall, we're platonic.
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00:06:55,351 --> 00:06:56,767
But you're not platonic!
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00:06:56,769 --> 00:06:59,436
You are 20 short minutes away
from happily ever after.
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00:06:59,438 --> 00:07:02,022
I mean, if you left
right now.
178
00:07:06,094 --> 00:07:07,111
Hey.
179
00:07:07,113 --> 00:07:09,063
I have loved you from
the moment we met.
180
00:07:09,065 --> 00:07:10,430
I know we're meant
to be together.
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00:07:10,432 --> 00:07:11,899
I don't want to waste
another second without you.
182
00:07:11,901 --> 00:07:12,983
Let's give it
another shot.
183
00:07:12,985 --> 00:07:14,601
Okay!
184
00:07:14,603 --> 00:07:16,603
No!
(buzzer sounds)
185
00:07:16,605 --> 00:07:18,739
Pay up, baby.
Pay up.
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00:07:18,741 --> 00:07:20,440
TED:
Oh, yes!
187
00:07:20,442 --> 00:07:23,777
♪ Sweet, sweet five bucks,
you soon will be mine ♪
188
00:07:23,779 --> 00:07:26,247
♪ Even though Lily
and I share bank accounts ♪
189
00:07:26,249 --> 00:07:29,083
♪ You're already mine
to begin with. ♪ Sorry.
190
00:07:29,085 --> 00:07:32,903
And you and Robin get a lifetime
of happiness, so there's that.
191
00:07:32,905 --> 00:07:34,054
But you better hurry up
192
00:07:34,056 --> 00:07:35,455
before some other guy
snatches her up.
193
00:07:35,457 --> 00:07:37,474
Really? And who's
my competition?
194
00:07:37,476 --> 00:07:42,479
Okay, don't use the letter "E."
Don't use the letter "E."
195
00:07:43,932 --> 00:07:44,732
Hey.
196
00:07:44,734 --> 00:07:46,767
Damn it.
197
00:07:46,769 --> 00:07:50,321
Hi. I... am...
198
00:07:50,323 --> 00:07:52,189
Barney. Damn it!
199
00:07:52,191 --> 00:07:53,591
There's an E
in my name!
200
00:07:53,593 --> 00:07:57,578
Hi. My word for...
201
00:07:57,580 --> 00:08:01,198
this guy is Barno.
202
00:08:01,916 --> 00:08:07,371
Barno. You look...
203
00:08:07,373 --> 00:08:09,123
not ugly.
204
00:08:09,125 --> 00:08:10,040
(chuckles)
205
00:08:10,042 --> 00:08:12,376
Your... dial thing...
206
00:08:12,378 --> 00:08:13,377
is what?
207
00:08:13,379 --> 00:08:16,180
Do you want
to just go back to my place?
208
00:08:16,182 --> 00:08:18,132
Yes. Damn it!
209
00:08:19,050 --> 00:08:21,552
I want to buy you a drink.
210
00:08:21,554 --> 00:08:26,056
But first, what do I call you?
211
00:08:26,058 --> 00:08:27,691
Elaine Edelstein.
212
00:08:29,844 --> 00:08:33,564
How about I just call you...
213
00:08:33,566 --> 00:08:34,865
tomorrow?
214
00:08:34,867 --> 00:08:38,452
Your digits, m'lady?
215
00:08:39,321 --> 00:08:40,904
Seriously, guys,
216
00:08:40,906 --> 00:08:42,906
you're gonna have
to try harder than that.
217
00:08:42,908 --> 00:08:45,159
Challenge accepted.
218
00:08:46,461 --> 00:08:47,694
Excuse me, hi.
219
00:08:47,696 --> 00:08:50,130
I'm Ryan Gosling's
personal assistant.
220
00:08:50,132 --> 00:08:52,416
He saw you
as you were walking in,
221
00:08:52,418 --> 00:08:55,753
and he sent me over
to tell you to wait here.
222
00:08:55,755 --> 00:08:57,254
Be cool. This is real, okay?
223
00:08:57,256 --> 00:09:00,758
But listen, Ryan is super shy.
224
00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:02,976
Aw...
I know.
225
00:09:02,978 --> 00:09:05,879
Which means that if he comes in
here and he sees you talking
226
00:09:05,881 --> 00:09:08,849
to some other guy, he's gonna
turn right around and leave.
227
00:09:09,818 --> 00:09:11,352
Nod if you understand.
228
00:09:12,103 --> 00:09:13,270
Redhead at the bar.
229
00:09:13,272 --> 00:09:14,688
Challenge accepted.
230
00:09:15,740 --> 00:09:18,342
Hey, there.
Get away from me!
231
00:09:18,344 --> 00:09:20,727
It's like you're trying
to lose, Eddie!
232
00:09:20,729 --> 00:09:22,112
Hey, Eddie,
last time I saw
233
00:09:22,114 --> 00:09:24,114
this many turnovers
was at a bakery. - Oh!
234
00:09:25,166 --> 00:09:26,867
So are you doing this or what?
No.
235
00:09:26,869 --> 00:09:29,002
And for the record,
if I were gonna do it,
236
00:09:29,004 --> 00:09:32,089
I wouldn't just be, like,
"Hey, we should get back together".
237
00:09:32,091 --> 00:09:33,257
Amateur hour.
238
00:09:33,259 --> 00:09:35,292
Here's how you do it.
239
00:09:37,412 --> 00:09:40,097
Excuse me. Okay, sorry.
240
00:09:40,882 --> 00:09:42,466
(text alert sounds)
Sorry.
241
00:09:43,518 --> 00:09:44,535
Huh.
242
00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:50,391
Stop, thief!
243
00:09:53,611 --> 00:09:56,230
MARSHALL: The blue French horn,it's so romantic!
244
00:09:56,232 --> 00:09:58,515
Oh, my God, do you know
who you are?!
245
00:09:58,517 --> 00:10:00,367
You're Nicholas Sparks!
246
00:10:00,369 --> 00:10:03,437
Hey, everybody, we got
a, uh, celebrity
247
00:10:03,439 --> 00:10:06,457
in the crowd over here.
We got, uh, Nicholas Sparks!
248
00:10:06,459 --> 00:10:08,125
You didn't let me finish.
249
00:10:08,127 --> 00:10:10,210
Ted, listen...
250
00:10:10,212 --> 00:10:11,395
(buzzer sounds)
251
00:10:11,397 --> 00:10:13,380
I can do without reliving that.
252
00:10:13,382 --> 00:10:15,582
Are you completely blind?
253
00:10:15,584 --> 00:10:16,383
What?
254
00:10:16,385 --> 00:10:18,135
Open your eyes, ref!
255
00:10:18,137 --> 00:10:20,804
The ball hasn't touched
the ground in seven minutes!
256
00:10:20,806 --> 00:10:22,339
Hey, ref, check
your voicemail!
257
00:10:22,341 --> 00:10:24,341
I think you've missed
a few calls!
258
00:10:24,343 --> 00:10:26,343
(scoffs)
259
00:10:26,345 --> 00:10:29,796
Are you completely blind?!
260
00:10:29,798 --> 00:10:30,931
Wait-- me or...?
261
00:10:30,933 --> 00:10:32,483
You, Ted!
262
00:10:32,485 --> 00:10:33,851
Robin has changed her mind.
263
00:10:33,853 --> 00:10:35,686
No, Robin doesn't change
her mind.
264
00:10:35,688 --> 00:10:37,104
Except that she does.
265
00:10:37,106 --> 00:10:39,940
Remember how she used to claim
to hate white guy funk bands?
266
00:10:39,942 --> 00:10:42,025
And yet, at the farewell
performance of my band,
267
00:10:42,027 --> 00:10:44,778
"The Funk, the Whole Funk
and Nothing but the Funk,"
268
00:10:44,780 --> 00:10:46,747
there's Robin
rhythmically nodding her head
269
00:10:46,749 --> 00:10:49,333
and shouting out a request
for "Give Up the Funk."
270
00:10:49,335 --> 00:10:52,486
I think she was nodding her head
in response to my question,
271
00:10:52,488 --> 00:10:54,821
"Do you want
to leave soon?"
272
00:10:54,823 --> 00:10:56,457
And she was
legitimately suggesting
273
00:10:56,459 --> 00:10:58,091
that you give up the funk.
274
00:10:59,594 --> 00:11:01,661
Can we just drop this?
I have moved on.
275
00:11:01,663 --> 00:11:03,213
Well, except that you haven't.
276
00:11:03,215 --> 00:11:05,716
You didn't just come up with
this blue French horn thing.
277
00:11:05,718 --> 00:11:07,050
You've thought about this.
278
00:11:07,052 --> 00:11:08,352
EDDIE:
Mr. Sparks?
279
00:11:08,354 --> 00:11:09,887
I loved The Notebook.
280
00:11:09,889 --> 00:11:12,756
Eddie, you're down by 80.
281
00:11:12,758 --> 00:11:14,808
Will you watch the game?
282
00:11:16,611 --> 00:11:17,895
Do not come any closer!
283
00:11:17,897 --> 00:11:19,062
I swear to God I will kill you.
284
00:11:19,064 --> 00:11:21,782
It's cool.
I'm not gonna come any closer.
285
00:11:21,784 --> 00:11:24,535
You're looking at the door,
you're waiting for someone.
286
00:11:24,537 --> 00:11:26,820
Someone important,
someone who will fill
287
00:11:26,822 --> 00:11:28,555
an empty space in your life.
288
00:11:28,557 --> 00:11:30,741
A movie star?
289
00:11:30,743 --> 00:11:31,992
Ah-huh.
290
00:11:31,994 --> 00:11:34,361
But which one?
291
00:11:34,363 --> 00:11:35,963
Clooney,
292
00:11:35,965 --> 00:11:39,383
DiCaprio, Zabka...?
293
00:11:39,385 --> 00:11:41,235
No...
294
00:11:41,237 --> 00:11:43,754
I'm gonna go with Ryan...
295
00:11:43,756 --> 00:11:46,323
Reyn...
296
00:11:46,325 --> 00:11:47,591
Phil-Phillip...
297
00:11:47,593 --> 00:11:50,294
Seacr... Gosling...
298
00:11:50,296 --> 00:11:52,062
Ryan Gosling!
299
00:11:52,064 --> 00:11:53,647
Yes, I'm waiting
for Ryan Gosling, okay?
300
00:11:53,649 --> 00:11:55,816
Now, leave me alone.
301
00:12:01,239 --> 00:12:03,440
You passed my test, girl.
302
00:12:06,077 --> 00:12:08,278
Ryan?
ROBIN: No.
303
00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,614
Just... no.
304
00:12:10,616 --> 00:12:11,915
I told her I'm a method actor.
305
00:12:11,917 --> 00:12:13,567
And I had to get plastic surgery
306
00:12:13,569 --> 00:12:15,536
for an upcoming role
where I play a man
307
00:12:15,538 --> 00:12:17,404
much more handsome than myself.
308
00:12:17,406 --> 00:12:19,673
Congratulations, you win.
309
00:12:19,675 --> 00:12:21,074
Win? No, I don't want to win.
310
00:12:21,076 --> 00:12:23,460
I want to keep playing.
More challenges.
311
00:12:23,462 --> 00:12:24,711
Fine, you want
another challenge?
312
00:12:24,713 --> 00:12:26,847
More challenges,
more challenges.
313
00:12:26,849 --> 00:12:27,931
Fine, here's your challenge.
314
00:12:27,933 --> 00:12:30,584
Go down to the pharmacy
and buy some diapers.
315
00:12:30,586 --> 00:12:33,637
And, uh, get me a Samosa
from the Indian place.
316
00:12:33,639 --> 00:12:35,639
Sounds like an errand.
317
00:12:35,641 --> 00:12:37,724
While picking up a girl.
318
00:12:37,726 --> 00:12:40,310
Challenge accepted!
319
00:12:40,312 --> 00:12:41,478
Come on!
320
00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:42,496
Whatever happened to the guy
321
00:12:42,498 --> 00:12:43,530
who wasn't afraid to charge
322
00:12:43,532 --> 00:12:44,948
headlong into the unknown?
323
00:12:44,950 --> 00:12:46,617
What unknown?
324
00:12:46,619 --> 00:12:47,767
Sure, eight years ago
325
00:12:47,769 --> 00:12:49,319
when I stole
that blue French horn, yeah.
326
00:12:49,321 --> 00:12:50,770
That was the unknown.
327
00:12:50,772 --> 00:12:52,990
But now? I mean, how many times
have we been here?
328
00:12:52,992 --> 00:12:55,075
I know exactly
what's gonna happen.
329
00:12:55,077 --> 00:12:57,777
You know who else knew exactly
what was gonna happen, Ted?
330
00:12:57,779 --> 00:13:00,714
The Washington Generals
on January 5, 1971.
331
00:13:00,716 --> 00:13:03,166
They knew they were gonna lose,
but they went in there anyway,
332
00:13:03,168 --> 00:13:04,668
and then gave it
their best shot.
333
00:13:04,670 --> 00:13:06,453
And they won that game, Ted!
334
00:13:06,455 --> 00:13:08,422
For one reason
and for one reason only.
335
00:13:08,424 --> 00:13:10,957
A scoring error and the fact
that Curly Neal had the flu?
336
00:13:10,959 --> 00:13:12,976
Perseverance.
337
00:13:12,978 --> 00:13:15,062
It was the only win
in Generals history,
338
00:13:15,064 --> 00:13:16,763
but that's all you need.
339
00:13:16,765 --> 00:13:18,148
Just one win.
340
00:13:18,150 --> 00:13:19,149
(cell phone ringing)
341
00:13:19,151 --> 00:13:22,486
I'm gonna go
grab us some beers.
342
00:13:22,488 --> 00:13:24,488
(clicks tongue)
343
00:13:24,490 --> 00:13:27,307
Hi, I don't know who this is
or what you're trying to sell,
344
00:13:27,309 --> 00:13:29,976
but you are disturbing me
during the Globetrotters.
345
00:13:29,978 --> 00:13:33,947
Hello, Ted,
it's Hammond Druthers.
346
00:13:37,185 --> 00:13:39,419
Target acquired.
347
00:13:48,181 --> 00:13:50,598
I'm recruiting volunteers
348
00:13:50,599 --> 00:13:52,349
for the starving puppy orphanage
where I work.
349
00:13:52,351 --> 00:13:53,683
For free.
350
00:13:53,685 --> 00:13:57,454
So, if you wouldn't mind just
writing your number down
351
00:13:57,456 --> 00:14:00,240
on this signup sheet...?
352
00:14:00,242 --> 00:14:03,794
Listen, I appreciate
that you feel
353
00:14:03,796 --> 00:14:05,195
like you need my number.
354
00:14:05,197 --> 00:14:06,363
Um.
355
00:14:06,365 --> 00:14:08,549
Maybe it's because
you're really sad
356
00:14:08,551 --> 00:14:10,250
about something
and this is your way
357
00:14:10,252 --> 00:14:11,919
of feeling better
about yourself.
358
00:14:11,921 --> 00:14:13,203
But...
359
00:14:13,205 --> 00:14:15,823
since I have a boyfriend,
and I'm pretty sure
360
00:14:15,825 --> 00:14:18,592
I heard you call me a target
earlier over there,
361
00:14:18,594 --> 00:14:20,060
Wha...?
I'm gonna go ahead
362
00:14:20,062 --> 00:14:21,261
and not give you my number.
363
00:14:21,263 --> 00:14:23,530
I'm gonna give you
something even better.
364
00:14:23,532 --> 00:14:25,215
Wow, right to the chase.
365
00:14:25,217 --> 00:14:26,567
Meet you in aisle six.
366
00:14:26,569 --> 00:14:29,436
I'm gonna give you this.
Okay.
367
00:14:29,438 --> 00:14:31,188
It's gonna be okay.
368
00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:33,440
You're a good guy.
369
00:14:33,442 --> 00:14:35,725
You will get through this.
370
00:14:38,896 --> 00:14:40,280
Uh, okay.
371
00:14:40,282 --> 00:14:42,065
Weirdo alert.
372
00:14:42,067 --> 00:14:43,500
(chuckles)
373
00:14:43,502 --> 00:14:45,902
(scoffs)
374
00:14:45,904 --> 00:14:48,071
Have you met...?
375
00:14:48,073 --> 00:14:49,523
(groans)
376
00:14:49,525 --> 00:14:50,958
Excuse me.
377
00:14:54,212 --> 00:14:56,046
What do you mean "sad"?
378
00:14:56,048 --> 00:14:57,514
HAMMOND DRUTHERS:
Ted?
379
00:14:57,516 --> 00:14:59,383
I'm calling you
from Chicago, Illinois
380
00:14:59,385 --> 00:15:00,968
where I'm a key player
381
00:15:00,970 --> 00:15:03,470
in a very successful
architectural firm.
382
00:15:03,472 --> 00:15:04,754
Oh, yeah, I read about that.
383
00:15:04,756 --> 00:15:06,089
All right,
about what you read...
384
00:15:06,091 --> 00:15:08,058
You built
that big concave glass tower.
385
00:15:08,060 --> 00:15:10,227
And it melted a few buildings
across the street.
386
00:15:10,229 --> 00:15:12,312
Yes, fine, but come on.
387
00:15:12,314 --> 00:15:14,698
What architect hasn't made
a major design flaw
388
00:15:14,700 --> 00:15:16,784
that raised the temperature
of the city aquarium
389
00:15:16,786 --> 00:15:17,818
to 190 degrees
390
00:15:17,820 --> 00:15:20,103
and killed thousands
of very rare fish?
391
00:15:20,105 --> 00:15:23,106
That's the past, Ted.
I'm looking forward.
392
00:15:23,108 --> 00:15:25,209
I want you on my team.
393
00:15:25,211 --> 00:15:27,244
And I won't take no
for an answer.
394
00:15:27,246 --> 00:15:30,113
No.
I don't think you heard me, Ted.
395
00:15:30,115 --> 00:15:32,382
No.
Come on, Ted!
396
00:15:32,384 --> 00:15:33,667
Please?
397
00:15:33,669 --> 00:15:36,003
They're gonna give me
a parking spot if you say yes.
398
00:15:36,005 --> 00:15:38,255
Do I get a parking spot?
Well, we can go tandem.
399
00:15:38,257 --> 00:15:39,789
No.
Every other week then?
400
00:15:39,791 --> 00:15:40,341
No.
401
00:15:40,366 --> 00:15:42,366
You know, Chicago's
more of a walking town.
402
00:15:42,511 --> 00:15:44,144
No.
All right!
403
00:15:44,146 --> 00:15:46,146
You can have the parking spot.
404
00:15:46,148 --> 00:15:47,231
So, that's a yes?
405
00:15:47,233 --> 00:15:49,399
Mm, no.
Look, Ted.
406
00:15:49,401 --> 00:15:52,853
I can make your life
very difficult.
407
00:15:52,855 --> 00:15:55,606
How?
How?!
408
00:15:56,741 --> 00:15:59,776
I will call you a lot.
409
00:15:59,778 --> 00:16:01,829
I will Tweet at you like crazy.
410
00:16:01,831 --> 00:16:05,332
I will live
on your Facebook wall!
411
00:16:05,334 --> 00:16:06,366
We're not Facebook friends.
412
00:16:06,368 --> 00:16:07,751
Yeah, what's going on with that?
413
00:16:07,753 --> 00:16:10,504
It's been pending, like,
for eight months now.
414
00:16:10,506 --> 00:16:13,257
Look, Ted, you're a...
415
00:16:13,259 --> 00:16:15,959
a very hot commodity.
416
00:16:15,961 --> 00:16:19,630
Everybody loves the GNB Tower.
417
00:16:19,632 --> 00:16:21,548
And how it hasn't blinded
any pilots
418
00:16:21,550 --> 00:16:23,667
on final approach into O'Hare.
419
00:16:23,669 --> 00:16:24,551
(laughs)
420
00:16:24,553 --> 00:16:26,136
And I-I may have told
421
00:16:26,138 --> 00:16:27,804
the partners here
that you and I are
422
00:16:27,806 --> 00:16:29,022
very, very good friends.
423
00:16:29,024 --> 00:16:31,608
So, please, just say
that you'll think about it.
424
00:16:31,610 --> 00:16:32,809
Fine.
425
00:16:32,811 --> 00:16:34,695
I'll think about it.
426
00:16:34,697 --> 00:16:36,980
Druthers shoots, he scores!
427
00:16:36,982 --> 00:16:40,850
Sad? Lady, I got 14 girls'
numbers in the last hour.
428
00:16:40,852 --> 00:16:43,036
And this was an off night.
(chuckles)
429
00:16:43,038 --> 00:16:45,322
What can I possibly
be sad about?
430
00:16:45,324 --> 00:16:48,041
I think you were in love
and you messed it up.
431
00:16:49,527 --> 00:16:51,044
And every moment of your life
since then
432
00:16:51,046 --> 00:16:54,198
has been spent trying to stay
busy enough to ignore that fact.
433
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:57,167
NARRATOR: And that's how Barney metyour mother.
434
00:17:00,004 --> 00:17:02,005
Well, the Generals lost.
435
00:17:02,007 --> 00:17:03,423
What a nail biter--
the whole fourth quarter
436
00:17:03,425 --> 00:17:04,892
my heart was in my throat.
437
00:17:04,894 --> 00:17:06,059
What was the final?
438
00:17:06,061 --> 00:17:07,261
216 to 12.
439
00:17:07,263 --> 00:17:08,983
Nobody talk to me right
now, I can't even...
440
00:17:11,182 --> 00:17:12,683
The strangest thing
happened at the game.
441
00:17:12,685 --> 00:17:14,651
I got a phone call
from an unknown number.
442
00:17:14,653 --> 00:17:16,436
And when I answered I...
443
00:17:17,238 --> 00:17:18,272
You're eating olives.
444
00:17:18,274 --> 00:17:19,740
Yup.
445
00:17:19,742 --> 00:17:20,741
Do you want these?
446
00:17:20,743 --> 00:17:22,225
I hate olives.
447
00:17:22,227 --> 00:17:23,860
I... thought you hate olives.
448
00:17:23,862 --> 00:17:26,496
(laughs)
I guess I changed my mind.
449
00:17:26,498 --> 00:17:28,699
(phone ringing)
450
00:17:28,701 --> 00:17:29,833
Ah!
451
00:17:29,835 --> 00:17:31,335
Hello, partner!
452
00:17:31,337 --> 00:17:34,254
Boy, that just sounds right,
doesn't it?
453
00:17:34,256 --> 00:17:36,673
Yeah, actually, Mr. Druthers.
454
00:17:36,675 --> 00:17:38,408
My answer is no.
455
00:17:38,410 --> 00:17:41,261
What? No, Ted, come on!
456
00:17:41,263 --> 00:17:45,015
I'm sorry, I still have things
to do here in New York.
457
00:17:45,017 --> 00:17:47,083
I am going to build
a tower of glass
458
00:17:47,085 --> 00:17:49,353
and melt you with it!
459
00:17:49,355 --> 00:17:52,088
No, you won't.
No, I won't, but know this.
460
00:17:52,090 --> 00:17:53,607
After today
461
00:17:53,609 --> 00:17:55,192
this offer
462
00:17:55,194 --> 00:17:56,476
is gone forever.
463
00:17:56,478 --> 00:17:59,396
When I hang up this phone,
you and I are done.
464
00:17:59,398 --> 00:18:02,265
The door is closed!
Okay.
465
00:18:02,267 --> 00:18:03,400
The door's always open, Ted.
466
00:18:03,402 --> 00:18:04,934
If you change your mind,
just call me back, okay?
467
00:18:04,936 --> 00:18:06,987
Bye.
468
00:18:06,989 --> 00:18:10,273
I think he's coming around.
469
00:18:10,275 --> 00:18:11,875
We tried dating a while back
470
00:18:11,877 --> 00:18:13,977
and it was a disaster.
471
00:18:13,979 --> 00:18:16,413
But I-I always regret giving up.
472
00:18:16,415 --> 00:18:18,665
It just ended so quickly.
473
00:18:18,667 --> 00:18:19,750
(quiet laugh)
474
00:18:19,752 --> 00:18:22,019
What about you?
475
00:18:22,021 --> 00:18:24,388
You and your boyfriend
gonna go the distance?
476
00:18:24,390 --> 00:18:25,955
I don't know.
477
00:18:25,957 --> 00:18:29,142
I think maybe I still
haven't met the right guy.
478
00:18:29,144 --> 00:18:31,294
Hmm.
479
00:18:31,296 --> 00:18:33,764
I wonder if I know someone
to set you up with.
480
00:18:36,968 --> 00:18:39,770
Drawing a blank.
481
00:18:39,772 --> 00:18:41,471
Are you gonna
go get this girl?
482
00:18:41,473 --> 00:18:42,522
Or what?
483
00:18:42,524 --> 00:18:43,807
I don't know.
484
00:18:43,809 --> 00:18:45,776
I'm kind of
at my peak right now.
485
00:18:45,778 --> 00:18:48,645
I don't know if I can
just walk away from the game.
486
00:18:48,647 --> 00:18:52,499
Do you want to keep playing
or do you want to win?
487
00:18:54,585 --> 00:18:57,320
I want to win.
488
00:18:58,155 --> 00:19:00,323
What am I doing?
489
00:19:00,325 --> 00:19:02,459
In less than 20 minutes,
Robin and I could be...
490
00:19:02,461 --> 00:19:03,677
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
491
00:19:03,679 --> 00:19:05,212
It's gonna take a lot more
than 20 minutes.
492
00:19:05,214 --> 00:19:08,331
This is gonna take everything
you have got.
493
00:19:08,333 --> 00:19:10,884
This is gonna take all of your
time, all of your attention.
494
00:19:10,886 --> 00:19:12,502
All of your resources.
495
00:19:12,504 --> 00:19:15,355
This is the big one.
496
00:19:15,357 --> 00:19:17,841
Diaper man.
497
00:19:17,843 --> 00:19:19,509
You got to do it right.
498
00:19:19,511 --> 00:19:20,694
Can't be messing around,
499
00:19:20,696 --> 00:19:22,612
picking up girls in drug stores.
500
00:19:22,614 --> 00:19:24,197
♪ It's only time
501
00:19:24,199 --> 00:19:25,399
You got work to do.
502
00:19:25,401 --> 00:19:28,035
♪ It's only time ♪
503
00:19:28,037 --> 00:19:31,621
♪ It's only time
504
00:19:31,623 --> 00:19:36,076
♪ What could stop...
505
00:19:36,078 --> 00:19:38,378
We're not platonic.
506
00:19:38,380 --> 00:19:39,830
Platon-ish, maybe.
507
00:19:39,832 --> 00:19:40,881
If that's even a word.
508
00:19:40,883 --> 00:19:42,499
But not platonic.
509
00:19:42,501 --> 00:19:44,801
♪ It's only time...
510
00:19:44,803 --> 00:19:46,920
I mean, there'ssomething between us.
511
00:19:46,922 --> 00:19:49,840
And there always will be.
512
00:19:51,709 --> 00:19:54,227
♪ If rain won't...
513
00:19:54,229 --> 00:19:56,313
If this was eight years ago,
514
00:19:56,315 --> 00:19:57,981
I'd be jumping
into a cab right now
515
00:19:57,983 --> 00:19:59,850
to go steal
that blue French horn.
516
00:19:59,852 --> 00:20:01,184
Well, why don't you?
517
00:20:01,186 --> 00:20:02,452
I don't know.
518
00:20:02,454 --> 00:20:05,355
Just doesn't seem to workthat way anymore.
519
00:20:05,357 --> 00:20:08,608
I used to be in such a hurryall the time, you know?
520
00:20:08,610 --> 00:20:10,110
Everything was so urgent.
521
00:20:10,112 --> 00:20:13,363
Now, I just, I don't know,I figure...
522
00:20:13,365 --> 00:20:15,782
it's gonna happen, it'll happen
when it happens.
523
00:20:15,784 --> 00:20:19,286
I'm not going anywhere,she's not going anywhere.
524
00:20:19,288 --> 00:20:20,403
What's the rush, right?
525
00:20:20,405 --> 00:20:22,456
♪ And swim your sea ♪
526
00:20:22,458 --> 00:20:25,125
♪ And swim
527
00:20:25,127 --> 00:20:28,295
♪ Your sea
528
00:20:30,548 --> 00:20:33,082
♪ Marry me
529
00:20:33,084 --> 00:20:35,268
I have no idea
who that girl was.
530
00:20:35,270 --> 00:20:37,604
But she set me straight.
531
00:20:37,606 --> 00:20:41,591
After that, I had one challenge
and one challenge only.
532
00:20:41,593 --> 00:20:43,527
Get Robin Scherbatsky
533
00:20:43,529 --> 00:20:45,979
to fall in love with me.
534
00:20:47,321 --> 00:20:51,123
Challenge completed.
535
00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:54,660
♪ Why would I stop loving you
a hundred years from now? ♪
536
00:20:54,662 --> 00:20:59,662
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
38135
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