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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:01,851 --> 00:00:03,969 TED: I can't believe your mom's not coming to the wedding? 2 00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:05,687 Okay, seriously, I-I need to stop crying 3 00:00:05,689 --> 00:00:08,040 Does anyone know how to turn this off? 4 00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:09,591 Is there, like, a button or something? 5 00:00:09,593 --> 00:00:11,360 Want me to feel around for it? 6 00:00:11,362 --> 00:00:12,994 It's probably somewhere on your back. 7 00:00:12,996 --> 00:00:15,397 Stop it. What? I'm trying to cheer you up. 8 00:00:15,399 --> 00:00:17,282 I don't think that's possible at this point. 9 00:00:17,284 --> 00:00:18,950 Challenge accepted! 10 00:00:18,952 --> 00:00:20,285 No, Barney, 11 00:00:20,287 --> 00:00:23,588 I just need to get myself to stop crying, that's all. 12 00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:24,790 Boogity-boo! 13 00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:26,925 Lily, what the hell?! It's not the hiccups. 14 00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:28,576 I was just going on a hunch. 15 00:00:28,578 --> 00:00:31,213 (hiccups) And now I have the hiccups. 16 00:00:31,312 --> 00:00:35,312 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x09 ♪ Platonish Original Air Date on November 11, 2013 17 00:00:35,337 --> 00:00:40,337 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 18 00:00:43,976 --> 00:00:45,977 Look, guys, just, seriously, don't worry about me, okay? 19 00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,863 Just let me deal with this on my own. 20 00:00:47,865 --> 00:00:50,148 I'm afraid that's not possible, Robin. 21 00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:53,568 Once I've accepted a challenge, it cannot be unaccepted. 22 00:00:53,570 --> 00:00:57,072 I will not rest until the job is done. 23 00:00:57,074 --> 00:00:58,373 Oh, is that so? 24 00:00:58,375 --> 00:01:01,910 Then where are our diapers and Samosas? 25 00:01:01,912 --> 00:01:03,378 Aha! 26 00:01:03,380 --> 00:01:05,881 NARRATOR: Diapers and Samosas. Oh, that's about something 27 00:01:05,883 --> 00:01:09,050 that happened six months earlier in the fall of 2012. 28 00:01:09,052 --> 00:01:11,553 BOTH: Major craving for a mojito. 29 00:01:11,555 --> 00:01:12,921 Oh, God, we're back 30 00:01:12,923 --> 00:01:15,507 to your stupid little private joke again? 31 00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:18,226 Are you guys really still doing this seven years later? 32 00:01:18,228 --> 00:01:20,679 It's so annoying. Just stop it. 33 00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:22,013 Private joke again? 34 00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:24,182 Are you guys really still doing this seven years later? 35 00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:25,734 It's so annoying. Just stop it. 36 00:01:25,736 --> 00:01:27,486 You don't salute a private! 37 00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:29,471 I'll be right back. All right. 38 00:01:29,473 --> 00:01:31,973 Lily, are you playing footsie with me? 39 00:01:31,975 --> 00:01:33,191 What? 40 00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:35,777 Oh, no, no. I was just feeling around for your shin. 41 00:01:35,779 --> 00:01:37,362 My shin? Why would you...? 42 00:01:37,364 --> 00:01:38,947 Ow! Why'd you do that? 43 00:01:38,949 --> 00:01:40,415 To remind you what pain is. 44 00:01:40,417 --> 00:01:43,952 You keep it up with all the cutesy-tootsy stuff with Robin, 45 00:01:43,954 --> 00:01:47,322 gonna be a whole lot more where that came from. 46 00:01:47,324 --> 00:01:49,040 Lily, you have nothing to worry about. 47 00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:51,659 I better not. You and Robin are platonic. 48 00:01:51,661 --> 00:01:54,662 Please. Ted and Robin are not platonic. 49 00:01:54,664 --> 00:01:56,765 Just like me and Robin are not platonic. 50 00:01:56,767 --> 00:02:00,552 Just like no two single people in the world are ever platonic. 51 00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:03,388 Symposium: two people are only platonic if 52 00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:04,740 in the next 20 minutes 53 00:02:04,765 --> 00:02:06,912 there is no chance of them hooking up. 54 00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:11,613 Truth is, I only know of one genuinely platonic relationship. 55 00:02:11,615 --> 00:02:12,680 You and me. 56 00:02:12,682 --> 00:02:13,782 Don't make me laugh, Lily. 57 00:02:13,784 --> 00:02:15,283 You want to hit this so hard. 58 00:02:15,285 --> 00:02:19,204 Seriously, she's playing footsies with me as I... Ow! 59 00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:22,741 No, I'm talking about Marshall and Robin. 60 00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:25,744 NARRATOR: Marshall and Robin wouldn't hook up even if this happened: 61 00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:27,379 Marshall, Robin! 62 00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:30,215 If you guys don't full-on make out in the next 20 minutes, 63 00:02:30,217 --> 00:02:32,751 they're gonna blow me up and everyone in this bar! 64 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,869 My God, no! Anyone but Robin. 65 00:02:34,871 --> 00:02:36,688 I really don't want to do this! 66 00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:38,890 Guys, we have no time! Just do it! 67 00:02:46,849 --> 00:02:49,734 I'm sorry, baby, I just, I can't do it. 68 00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:50,485 Aw... 69 00:02:50,487 --> 00:02:51,603 (explosion) 70 00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:54,072 And the only survivor was me 71 00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:56,391 because I was upstairs banging Ted's mom. 72 00:02:56,393 --> 00:02:58,893 What? Get that blond girl's phone number? 73 00:02:58,895 --> 00:03:00,278 Challenge accepted. 74 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,831 (phone rings) 75 00:03:02,833 --> 00:03:06,201 Unknown caller, stop calling me. 76 00:03:06,203 --> 00:03:07,235 Are you gonna answer it? 77 00:03:07,237 --> 00:03:08,370 Yeah, 'cause it's 1994 78 00:03:08,372 --> 00:03:09,788 and I'm gonna pick up a phone 79 00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,289 without knowing who's on the other end. 80 00:03:11,291 --> 00:03:13,458 I should get going. 81 00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:14,676 Ted... 82 00:03:14,678 --> 00:03:16,344 Lily, by every definition of the word platonic, 83 00:03:16,346 --> 00:03:18,246 including Barney's fake one, I can say 84 00:03:18,248 --> 00:03:19,681 with total certainty... 85 00:03:19,683 --> 00:03:20,966 that Brussels sprouts 86 00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,917 are the comeback vegetable of the 21st century. 87 00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:24,085 Well, see you guys later. 88 00:03:24,087 --> 00:03:25,887 Bye. 89 00:03:25,889 --> 00:03:29,391 Challenge completed. 90 00:03:29,393 --> 00:03:32,143 I'm sorry. I-I missed the first half of this. 91 00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:33,395 Um, why is picking up 92 00:03:33,397 --> 00:03:36,481 a drunk chick sitting alone and rubbing a tan line 93 00:03:36,483 --> 00:03:39,618 on her finger where a wedding ring used to be, a challenge? 94 00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:42,504 Because I said challenge accepted. 95 00:03:42,506 --> 00:03:44,489 See? That's your problem, Barney. 96 00:03:44,491 --> 00:03:47,492 You only accept challenges you came up with. 97 00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:50,295 Just once, I'd like to see you accept 98 00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:51,663 someone else's challenge. 99 00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:54,182 Challenge acc... Wait-- what's the challenge? 100 00:03:54,184 --> 00:03:58,053 Interesting. An opportunity rife with possibilities. 101 00:03:58,055 --> 00:03:59,387 We need to find something 102 00:03:59,389 --> 00:04:01,139 with just the right amount of poetic... 103 00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:04,392 Get a girl's number while talking like a dolphin! 104 00:04:04,394 --> 00:04:06,294 That works. 105 00:04:11,484 --> 00:04:13,735 (chittering like a dolphin) 106 00:04:19,108 --> 00:04:22,143 Open your eyes, ref! That's not a pregnant lady! 107 00:04:22,145 --> 00:04:24,162 It's a basketball under his shirt! 108 00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:25,997 Blow the freakin' whistle! 109 00:04:26,866 --> 00:04:28,617 Anyways, Barney's right; 110 00:04:28,619 --> 00:04:30,652 I would absolutely let the bar blow up. 111 00:04:30,654 --> 00:04:33,455 But you'd die, and Lily would die, too. 112 00:04:33,457 --> 00:04:35,957 Yeah, but then we could haunt the bar for eternity 113 00:04:35,959 --> 00:04:38,009 like we always planned. Anyways, Robin's your girl. 114 00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,878 Why do we keep coming back to this? 115 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,097 It's fun. Tickets are cheap. Gets us out of the house. 116 00:04:42,099 --> 00:04:43,598 No, me and Robin. 117 00:04:45,384 --> 00:04:48,520 Because Robin told me that she's still in love with you. 118 00:04:51,698 --> 00:04:54,113 Are you serious? Robin told you that she's 119 00:04:54,114 --> 00:04:55,446 still in love with me? 120 00:04:55,612 --> 00:04:56,979 No, I just made that up. 121 00:04:56,981 --> 00:04:59,031 But it was worth it because I can tell 122 00:04:59,033 --> 00:05:02,017 by that look on your face that you still have feelings for Robin. 123 00:05:02,019 --> 00:05:04,620 Okay, ball is sitting on the basket! 124 00:05:04,941 --> 00:05:07,808 That's not only illegal, it's unsafe! 125 00:05:07,810 --> 00:05:10,094 Come on, Gens, D up! 126 00:05:10,096 --> 00:05:13,247 It's this monastery in Connecticut out in the woods, 127 00:05:13,249 --> 00:05:16,367 and the nuns there, they make this gourmet cheese. 128 00:05:16,369 --> 00:05:17,701 It's just amazing. 129 00:05:17,703 --> 00:05:19,370 (chittering) 130 00:05:19,372 --> 00:05:21,655 Wow, was that three glasses of wine? 131 00:05:21,657 --> 00:05:23,090 Where does the time go 132 00:05:23,092 --> 00:05:25,176 (chitters) 133 00:05:25,178 --> 00:05:27,178 (chuckles) Look, I know that you need 134 00:05:27,180 --> 00:05:28,662 to get back to your studies. 135 00:05:28,664 --> 00:05:31,265 Maybe we could get together some other time? 136 00:05:31,267 --> 00:05:33,984 (clicking, chittering) 137 00:05:33,986 --> 00:05:35,102 No! Not possible! 138 00:05:35,104 --> 00:05:36,887 It was the performance of a lifetime. 139 00:05:36,889 --> 00:05:38,152 Man, if I'd have hung around for a few more minutes, 140 00:05:38,153 --> 00:05:38,711 I probably could have 141 00:05:38,712 --> 00:05:40,879 gotten her to touch my blowhole. Give me that. 142 00:05:42,695 --> 00:05:43,894 (distant phone rings) 143 00:05:43,896 --> 00:05:45,563 Hello? 144 00:05:45,565 --> 00:05:47,514 Hi, did you just give your phone number to a guy 145 00:05:47,516 --> 00:05:48,649 who was squeaking like a dolphin? 146 00:05:48,651 --> 00:05:50,818 (chuckles) Yeah. 147 00:05:50,820 --> 00:05:51,902 Honey, listen to me. 148 00:05:51,904 --> 00:05:54,155 I need you to take a year, a full year 149 00:05:54,157 --> 00:05:55,623 and just be celibate, okay? 150 00:05:55,625 --> 00:05:56,790 No boys. 151 00:05:56,792 --> 00:05:58,209 One year. 152 00:05:58,211 --> 00:06:00,127 I think you know I'm right about this. 153 00:06:00,129 --> 00:06:01,579 You're right. 154 00:06:01,581 --> 00:06:02,880 Yeah. 155 00:06:02,882 --> 00:06:04,298 That was heartbreaking 156 00:06:04,300 --> 00:06:06,867 And pants-breaking Boing-oing-oing! 157 00:06:06,869 --> 00:06:08,419 All right, next challenge. 158 00:06:08,421 --> 00:06:10,471 Oh, this is an all-night thing? 159 00:06:10,473 --> 00:06:14,675 Okay, um, pick up a girl... 160 00:06:14,677 --> 00:06:16,227 wearing a garbage bag. 161 00:06:16,229 --> 00:06:19,730 (scoffs) I'd be "Glad" to. 162 00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:22,650 Just hope she's not too "Hefty"" 163 00:06:22,652 --> 00:06:26,937 And those are all of the brands of trash bags I can think of. 164 00:06:26,939 --> 00:06:28,022 I'm not done. 165 00:06:28,024 --> 00:06:32,409 You also can't use the letter "E." 166 00:06:34,746 --> 00:06:39,083 Challng... accptd-d. 167 00:06:40,752 --> 00:06:42,203 You're single, she's single, 168 00:06:42,205 --> 00:06:43,504 It's time to do this. 169 00:06:43,506 --> 00:06:45,456 You're only saying this because you bet Lily 170 00:06:45,458 --> 00:06:47,407 that Robin and I would end up together, 171 00:06:47,409 --> 00:06:48,909 and you want that five bucks. 172 00:06:48,911 --> 00:06:50,511 I need that five bucks, Ted. 173 00:06:50,513 --> 00:06:53,264 But more importantly, I need you to be happy. 174 00:06:53,266 --> 00:06:55,349 Marshall, we're platonic. 175 00:06:55,351 --> 00:06:56,767 But you're not platonic! 176 00:06:56,769 --> 00:06:59,436 You are 20 short minutes away from happily ever after. 177 00:06:59,438 --> 00:07:02,022 I mean, if you left right now. 178 00:07:06,094 --> 00:07:07,111 Hey. 179 00:07:07,113 --> 00:07:09,063 I have loved you from the moment we met. 180 00:07:09,065 --> 00:07:10,430 I know we're meant to be together. 181 00:07:10,432 --> 00:07:11,899 I don't want to waste another second without you. 182 00:07:11,901 --> 00:07:12,983 Let's give it another shot. 183 00:07:12,985 --> 00:07:14,601 Okay! 184 00:07:14,603 --> 00:07:16,603 No! (buzzer sounds) 185 00:07:16,605 --> 00:07:18,739 Pay up, baby. Pay up. 186 00:07:18,741 --> 00:07:20,440 TED: Oh, yes! 187 00:07:20,442 --> 00:07:23,777 ♪ Sweet, sweet five bucks, you soon will be mine ♪ 188 00:07:23,779 --> 00:07:26,247 ♪ Even though Lily and I share bank accounts ♪ 189 00:07:26,249 --> 00:07:29,083 ♪ You're already mine to begin with. ♪ Sorry. 190 00:07:29,085 --> 00:07:32,903 And you and Robin get a lifetime of happiness, so there's that. 191 00:07:32,905 --> 00:07:34,054 But you better hurry up 192 00:07:34,056 --> 00:07:35,455 before some other guy snatches her up. 193 00:07:35,457 --> 00:07:37,474 Really? And who's my competition? 194 00:07:37,476 --> 00:07:42,479 Okay, don't use the letter "E." Don't use the letter "E." 195 00:07:43,932 --> 00:07:44,732 Hey. 196 00:07:44,734 --> 00:07:46,767 Damn it. 197 00:07:46,769 --> 00:07:50,321 Hi. I... am... 198 00:07:50,323 --> 00:07:52,189 Barney. Damn it! 199 00:07:52,191 --> 00:07:53,591 There's an E in my name! 200 00:07:53,593 --> 00:07:57,578 Hi. My word for... 201 00:07:57,580 --> 00:08:01,198 this guy is Barno. 202 00:08:01,916 --> 00:08:07,371 Barno. You look... 203 00:08:07,373 --> 00:08:09,123 not ugly. 204 00:08:09,125 --> 00:08:10,040 (chuckles) 205 00:08:10,042 --> 00:08:12,376 Your... dial thing... 206 00:08:12,378 --> 00:08:13,377 is what? 207 00:08:13,379 --> 00:08:16,180 Do you want to just go back to my place? 208 00:08:16,182 --> 00:08:18,132 Yes. Damn it! 209 00:08:19,050 --> 00:08:21,552 I want to buy you a drink. 210 00:08:21,554 --> 00:08:26,056 But first, what do I call you? 211 00:08:26,058 --> 00:08:27,691 Elaine Edelstein. 212 00:08:29,844 --> 00:08:33,564 How about I just call you... 213 00:08:33,566 --> 00:08:34,865 tomorrow? 214 00:08:34,867 --> 00:08:38,452 Your digits, m'lady? 215 00:08:39,321 --> 00:08:40,904 Seriously, guys, 216 00:08:40,906 --> 00:08:42,906 you're gonna have to try harder than that. 217 00:08:42,908 --> 00:08:45,159 Challenge accepted. 218 00:08:46,461 --> 00:08:47,694 Excuse me, hi. 219 00:08:47,696 --> 00:08:50,130 I'm Ryan Gosling's personal assistant. 220 00:08:50,132 --> 00:08:52,416 He saw you as you were walking in, 221 00:08:52,418 --> 00:08:55,753 and he sent me over to tell you to wait here. 222 00:08:55,755 --> 00:08:57,254 Be cool. This is real, okay? 223 00:08:57,256 --> 00:09:00,758 But listen, Ryan is super shy. 224 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:02,976 Aw... I know. 225 00:09:02,978 --> 00:09:05,879 Which means that if he comes in here and he sees you talking 226 00:09:05,881 --> 00:09:08,849 to some other guy, he's gonna turn right around and leave. 227 00:09:09,818 --> 00:09:11,352 Nod if you understand. 228 00:09:12,103 --> 00:09:13,270 Redhead at the bar. 229 00:09:13,272 --> 00:09:14,688 Challenge accepted. 230 00:09:15,740 --> 00:09:18,342 Hey, there. Get away from me! 231 00:09:18,344 --> 00:09:20,727 It's like you're trying to lose, Eddie! 232 00:09:20,729 --> 00:09:22,112 Hey, Eddie, last time I saw 233 00:09:22,114 --> 00:09:24,114 this many turnovers was at a bakery. - Oh! 234 00:09:25,166 --> 00:09:26,867 So are you doing this or what? No. 235 00:09:26,869 --> 00:09:29,002 And for the record, if I were gonna do it, 236 00:09:29,004 --> 00:09:32,089 I wouldn't just be, like, "Hey, we should get back together". 237 00:09:32,091 --> 00:09:33,257 Amateur hour. 238 00:09:33,259 --> 00:09:35,292 Here's how you do it. 239 00:09:37,412 --> 00:09:40,097 Excuse me. Okay, sorry. 240 00:09:40,882 --> 00:09:42,466 (text alert sounds) Sorry. 241 00:09:43,518 --> 00:09:44,535 Huh. 242 00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:50,391 Stop, thief! 243 00:09:53,611 --> 00:09:56,230 MARSHALL: The blue French horn, it's so romantic! 244 00:09:56,232 --> 00:09:58,515 Oh, my God, do you know who you are?! 245 00:09:58,517 --> 00:10:00,367 You're Nicholas Sparks! 246 00:10:00,369 --> 00:10:03,437 Hey, everybody, we got a, uh, celebrity 247 00:10:03,439 --> 00:10:06,457 in the crowd over here. We got, uh, Nicholas Sparks! 248 00:10:06,459 --> 00:10:08,125 You didn't let me finish. 249 00:10:08,127 --> 00:10:10,210 Ted, listen... 250 00:10:10,212 --> 00:10:11,395 (buzzer sounds) 251 00:10:11,397 --> 00:10:13,380 I can do without reliving that. 252 00:10:13,382 --> 00:10:15,582 Are you completely blind? 253 00:10:15,584 --> 00:10:16,383 What? 254 00:10:16,385 --> 00:10:18,135 Open your eyes, ref! 255 00:10:18,137 --> 00:10:20,804 The ball hasn't touched the ground in seven minutes! 256 00:10:20,806 --> 00:10:22,339 Hey, ref, check your voicemail! 257 00:10:22,341 --> 00:10:24,341 I think you've missed a few calls! 258 00:10:24,343 --> 00:10:26,343 (scoffs) 259 00:10:26,345 --> 00:10:29,796 Are you completely blind?! 260 00:10:29,798 --> 00:10:30,931 Wait-- me or...? 261 00:10:30,933 --> 00:10:32,483 You, Ted! 262 00:10:32,485 --> 00:10:33,851 Robin has changed her mind. 263 00:10:33,853 --> 00:10:35,686 No, Robin doesn't change her mind. 264 00:10:35,688 --> 00:10:37,104 Except that she does. 265 00:10:37,106 --> 00:10:39,940 Remember how she used to claim to hate white guy funk bands? 266 00:10:39,942 --> 00:10:42,025 And yet, at the farewell performance of my band, 267 00:10:42,027 --> 00:10:44,778 "The Funk, the Whole Funk and Nothing but the Funk," 268 00:10:44,780 --> 00:10:46,747 there's Robin rhythmically nodding her head 269 00:10:46,749 --> 00:10:49,333 and shouting out a request for "Give Up the Funk." 270 00:10:49,335 --> 00:10:52,486 I think she was nodding her head in response to my question, 271 00:10:52,488 --> 00:10:54,821 "Do you want to leave soon?" 272 00:10:54,823 --> 00:10:56,457 And she was legitimately suggesting 273 00:10:56,459 --> 00:10:58,091 that you give up the funk. 274 00:10:59,594 --> 00:11:01,661 Can we just drop this? I have moved on. 275 00:11:01,663 --> 00:11:03,213 Well, except that you haven't. 276 00:11:03,215 --> 00:11:05,716 You didn't just come up with this blue French horn thing. 277 00:11:05,718 --> 00:11:07,050 You've thought about this. 278 00:11:07,052 --> 00:11:08,352 EDDIE: Mr. Sparks? 279 00:11:08,354 --> 00:11:09,887 I loved The Notebook. 280 00:11:09,889 --> 00:11:12,756 Eddie, you're down by 80. 281 00:11:12,758 --> 00:11:14,808 Will you watch the game? 282 00:11:16,611 --> 00:11:17,895 Do not come any closer! 283 00:11:17,897 --> 00:11:19,062 I swear to God I will kill you. 284 00:11:19,064 --> 00:11:21,782 It's cool. I'm not gonna come any closer. 285 00:11:21,784 --> 00:11:24,535 You're looking at the door, you're waiting for someone. 286 00:11:24,537 --> 00:11:26,820 Someone important, someone who will fill 287 00:11:26,822 --> 00:11:28,555 an empty space in your life. 288 00:11:28,557 --> 00:11:30,741 A movie star? 289 00:11:30,743 --> 00:11:31,992 Ah-huh. 290 00:11:31,994 --> 00:11:34,361 But which one? 291 00:11:34,363 --> 00:11:35,963 Clooney, 292 00:11:35,965 --> 00:11:39,383 DiCaprio, Zabka...? 293 00:11:39,385 --> 00:11:41,235 No... 294 00:11:41,237 --> 00:11:43,754 I'm gonna go with Ryan... 295 00:11:43,756 --> 00:11:46,323 Reyn... 296 00:11:46,325 --> 00:11:47,591 Phil-Phillip... 297 00:11:47,593 --> 00:11:50,294 Seacr... Gosling... 298 00:11:50,296 --> 00:11:52,062 Ryan Gosling! 299 00:11:52,064 --> 00:11:53,647 Yes, I'm waiting for Ryan Gosling, okay? 300 00:11:53,649 --> 00:11:55,816 Now, leave me alone. 301 00:12:01,239 --> 00:12:03,440 You passed my test, girl. 302 00:12:06,077 --> 00:12:08,278 Ryan? ROBIN: No. 303 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,614 Just... no. 304 00:12:10,616 --> 00:12:11,915 I told her I'm a method actor. 305 00:12:11,917 --> 00:12:13,567 And I had to get plastic surgery 306 00:12:13,569 --> 00:12:15,536 for an upcoming role where I play a man 307 00:12:15,538 --> 00:12:17,404 much more handsome than myself. 308 00:12:17,406 --> 00:12:19,673 Congratulations, you win. 309 00:12:19,675 --> 00:12:21,074 Win? No, I don't want to win. 310 00:12:21,076 --> 00:12:23,460 I want to keep playing. More challenges. 311 00:12:23,462 --> 00:12:24,711 Fine, you want another challenge? 312 00:12:24,713 --> 00:12:26,847 More challenges, more challenges. 313 00:12:26,849 --> 00:12:27,931 Fine, here's your challenge. 314 00:12:27,933 --> 00:12:30,584 Go down to the pharmacy and buy some diapers. 315 00:12:30,586 --> 00:12:33,637 And, uh, get me a Samosa from the Indian place. 316 00:12:33,639 --> 00:12:35,639 Sounds like an errand. 317 00:12:35,641 --> 00:12:37,724 While picking up a girl. 318 00:12:37,726 --> 00:12:40,310 Challenge accepted! 319 00:12:40,312 --> 00:12:41,478 Come on! 320 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:42,496 Whatever happened to the guy 321 00:12:42,498 --> 00:12:43,530 who wasn't afraid to charge 322 00:12:43,532 --> 00:12:44,948 headlong into the unknown? 323 00:12:44,950 --> 00:12:46,617 What unknown? 324 00:12:46,619 --> 00:12:47,767 Sure, eight years ago 325 00:12:47,769 --> 00:12:49,319 when I stole that blue French horn, yeah. 326 00:12:49,321 --> 00:12:50,770 That was the unknown. 327 00:12:50,772 --> 00:12:52,990 But now? I mean, how many times have we been here? 328 00:12:52,992 --> 00:12:55,075 I know exactly what's gonna happen. 329 00:12:55,077 --> 00:12:57,777 You know who else knew exactly what was gonna happen, Ted? 330 00:12:57,779 --> 00:13:00,714 The Washington Generals on January 5, 1971. 331 00:13:00,716 --> 00:13:03,166 They knew they were gonna lose, but they went in there anyway, 332 00:13:03,168 --> 00:13:04,668 and then gave it their best shot. 333 00:13:04,670 --> 00:13:06,453 And they won that game, Ted! 334 00:13:06,455 --> 00:13:08,422 For one reason and for one reason only. 335 00:13:08,424 --> 00:13:10,957 A scoring error and the fact that Curly Neal had the flu? 336 00:13:10,959 --> 00:13:12,976 Perseverance. 337 00:13:12,978 --> 00:13:15,062 It was the only win in Generals history, 338 00:13:15,064 --> 00:13:16,763 but that's all you need. 339 00:13:16,765 --> 00:13:18,148 Just one win. 340 00:13:18,150 --> 00:13:19,149 (cell phone ringing) 341 00:13:19,151 --> 00:13:22,486 I'm gonna go grab us some beers. 342 00:13:22,488 --> 00:13:24,488 (clicks tongue) 343 00:13:24,490 --> 00:13:27,307 Hi, I don't know who this is or what you're trying to sell, 344 00:13:27,309 --> 00:13:29,976 but you are disturbing me during the Globetrotters. 345 00:13:29,978 --> 00:13:33,947 Hello, Ted, it's Hammond Druthers. 346 00:13:37,185 --> 00:13:39,419 Target acquired. 347 00:13:48,181 --> 00:13:50,598 I'm recruiting volunteers 348 00:13:50,599 --> 00:13:52,349 for the starving puppy orphanage where I work. 349 00:13:52,351 --> 00:13:53,683 For free. 350 00:13:53,685 --> 00:13:57,454 So, if you wouldn't mind just writing your number down 351 00:13:57,456 --> 00:14:00,240 on this signup sheet...? 352 00:14:00,242 --> 00:14:03,794 Listen, I appreciate that you feel 353 00:14:03,796 --> 00:14:05,195 like you need my number. 354 00:14:05,197 --> 00:14:06,363 Um. 355 00:14:06,365 --> 00:14:08,549 Maybe it's because you're really sad 356 00:14:08,551 --> 00:14:10,250 about something and this is your way 357 00:14:10,252 --> 00:14:11,919 of feeling better about yourself. 358 00:14:11,921 --> 00:14:13,203 But... 359 00:14:13,205 --> 00:14:15,823 since I have a boyfriend, and I'm pretty sure 360 00:14:15,825 --> 00:14:18,592 I heard you call me a target earlier over there, 361 00:14:18,594 --> 00:14:20,060 Wha...? I'm gonna go ahead 362 00:14:20,062 --> 00:14:21,261 and not give you my number. 363 00:14:21,263 --> 00:14:23,530 I'm gonna give you something even better. 364 00:14:23,532 --> 00:14:25,215 Wow, right to the chase. 365 00:14:25,217 --> 00:14:26,567 Meet you in aisle six. 366 00:14:26,569 --> 00:14:29,436 I'm gonna give you this. Okay. 367 00:14:29,438 --> 00:14:31,188 It's gonna be okay. 368 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:33,440 You're a good guy. 369 00:14:33,442 --> 00:14:35,725 You will get through this. 370 00:14:38,896 --> 00:14:40,280 Uh, okay. 371 00:14:40,282 --> 00:14:42,065 Weirdo alert. 372 00:14:42,067 --> 00:14:43,500 (chuckles) 373 00:14:43,502 --> 00:14:45,902 (scoffs) 374 00:14:45,904 --> 00:14:48,071 Have you met...? 375 00:14:48,073 --> 00:14:49,523 (groans) 376 00:14:49,525 --> 00:14:50,958 Excuse me. 377 00:14:54,212 --> 00:14:56,046 What do you mean "sad"? 378 00:14:56,048 --> 00:14:57,514 HAMMOND DRUTHERS: Ted? 379 00:14:57,516 --> 00:14:59,383 I'm calling you from Chicago, Illinois 380 00:14:59,385 --> 00:15:00,968 where I'm a key player 381 00:15:00,970 --> 00:15:03,470 in a very successful architectural firm. 382 00:15:03,472 --> 00:15:04,754 Oh, yeah, I read about that. 383 00:15:04,756 --> 00:15:06,089 All right, about what you read... 384 00:15:06,091 --> 00:15:08,058 You built that big concave glass tower. 385 00:15:08,060 --> 00:15:10,227 And it melted a few buildings across the street. 386 00:15:10,229 --> 00:15:12,312 Yes, fine, but come on. 387 00:15:12,314 --> 00:15:14,698 What architect hasn't made a major design flaw 388 00:15:14,700 --> 00:15:16,784 that raised the temperature of the city aquarium 389 00:15:16,786 --> 00:15:17,818 to 190 degrees 390 00:15:17,820 --> 00:15:20,103 and killed thousands of very rare fish? 391 00:15:20,105 --> 00:15:23,106 That's the past, Ted. I'm looking forward. 392 00:15:23,108 --> 00:15:25,209 I want you on my team. 393 00:15:25,211 --> 00:15:27,244 And I won't take no for an answer. 394 00:15:27,246 --> 00:15:30,113 No. I don't think you heard me, Ted. 395 00:15:30,115 --> 00:15:32,382 No. Come on, Ted! 396 00:15:32,384 --> 00:15:33,667 Please? 397 00:15:33,669 --> 00:15:36,003 They're gonna give me a parking spot if you say yes. 398 00:15:36,005 --> 00:15:38,255 Do I get a parking spot? Well, we can go tandem. 399 00:15:38,257 --> 00:15:39,789 No. Every other week then? 400 00:15:39,791 --> 00:15:40,341 No. 401 00:15:40,366 --> 00:15:42,366 You know, Chicago's more of a walking town. 402 00:15:42,511 --> 00:15:44,144 No. All right! 403 00:15:44,146 --> 00:15:46,146 You can have the parking spot. 404 00:15:46,148 --> 00:15:47,231 So, that's a yes? 405 00:15:47,233 --> 00:15:49,399 Mm, no. Look, Ted. 406 00:15:49,401 --> 00:15:52,853 I can make your life very difficult. 407 00:15:52,855 --> 00:15:55,606 How? How?! 408 00:15:56,741 --> 00:15:59,776 I will call you a lot. 409 00:15:59,778 --> 00:16:01,829 I will Tweet at you like crazy. 410 00:16:01,831 --> 00:16:05,332 I will live on your Facebook wall! 411 00:16:05,334 --> 00:16:06,366 We're not Facebook friends. 412 00:16:06,368 --> 00:16:07,751 Yeah, what's going on with that? 413 00:16:07,753 --> 00:16:10,504 It's been pending, like, for eight months now. 414 00:16:10,506 --> 00:16:13,257 Look, Ted, you're a... 415 00:16:13,259 --> 00:16:15,959 a very hot commodity. 416 00:16:15,961 --> 00:16:19,630 Everybody loves the GNB Tower. 417 00:16:19,632 --> 00:16:21,548 And how it hasn't blinded any pilots 418 00:16:21,550 --> 00:16:23,667 on final approach into O'Hare. 419 00:16:23,669 --> 00:16:24,551 (laughs) 420 00:16:24,553 --> 00:16:26,136 And I-I may have told 421 00:16:26,138 --> 00:16:27,804 the partners here that you and I are 422 00:16:27,806 --> 00:16:29,022 very, very good friends. 423 00:16:29,024 --> 00:16:31,608 So, please, just say that you'll think about it. 424 00:16:31,610 --> 00:16:32,809 Fine. 425 00:16:32,811 --> 00:16:34,695 I'll think about it. 426 00:16:34,697 --> 00:16:36,980 Druthers shoots, he scores! 427 00:16:36,982 --> 00:16:40,850 Sad? Lady, I got 14 girls' numbers in the last hour. 428 00:16:40,852 --> 00:16:43,036 And this was an off night. (chuckles) 429 00:16:43,038 --> 00:16:45,322 What can I possibly be sad about? 430 00:16:45,324 --> 00:16:48,041 I think you were in love and you messed it up. 431 00:16:49,527 --> 00:16:51,044 And every moment of your life since then 432 00:16:51,046 --> 00:16:54,198 has been spent trying to stay busy enough to ignore that fact. 433 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:57,167 NARRATOR: And that's how Barney met your mother. 434 00:17:00,004 --> 00:17:02,005 Well, the Generals lost. 435 00:17:02,007 --> 00:17:03,423 What a nail biter-- the whole fourth quarter 436 00:17:03,425 --> 00:17:04,892 my heart was in my throat. 437 00:17:04,894 --> 00:17:06,059 What was the final? 438 00:17:06,061 --> 00:17:07,261 216 to 12. 439 00:17:07,263 --> 00:17:08,983 Nobody talk to me right now, I can't even... 440 00:17:11,182 --> 00:17:12,683 The strangest thing happened at the game. 441 00:17:12,685 --> 00:17:14,651 I got a phone call from an unknown number. 442 00:17:14,653 --> 00:17:16,436 And when I answered I... 443 00:17:17,238 --> 00:17:18,272 You're eating olives. 444 00:17:18,274 --> 00:17:19,740 Yup. 445 00:17:19,742 --> 00:17:20,741 Do you want these? 446 00:17:20,743 --> 00:17:22,225 I hate olives. 447 00:17:22,227 --> 00:17:23,860 I... thought you hate olives. 448 00:17:23,862 --> 00:17:26,496 (laughs) I guess I changed my mind. 449 00:17:26,498 --> 00:17:28,699 (phone ringing) 450 00:17:28,701 --> 00:17:29,833 Ah! 451 00:17:29,835 --> 00:17:31,335 Hello, partner! 452 00:17:31,337 --> 00:17:34,254 Boy, that just sounds right, doesn't it? 453 00:17:34,256 --> 00:17:36,673 Yeah, actually, Mr. Druthers. 454 00:17:36,675 --> 00:17:38,408 My answer is no. 455 00:17:38,410 --> 00:17:41,261 What? No, Ted, come on! 456 00:17:41,263 --> 00:17:45,015 I'm sorry, I still have things to do here in New York. 457 00:17:45,017 --> 00:17:47,083 I am going to build a tower of glass 458 00:17:47,085 --> 00:17:49,353 and melt you with it! 459 00:17:49,355 --> 00:17:52,088 No, you won't. No, I won't, but know this. 460 00:17:52,090 --> 00:17:53,607 After today 461 00:17:53,609 --> 00:17:55,192 this offer 462 00:17:55,194 --> 00:17:56,476 is gone forever. 463 00:17:56,478 --> 00:17:59,396 When I hang up this phone, you and I are done. 464 00:17:59,398 --> 00:18:02,265 The door is closed! Okay. 465 00:18:02,267 --> 00:18:03,400 The door's always open, Ted. 466 00:18:03,402 --> 00:18:04,934 If you change your mind, just call me back, okay? 467 00:18:04,936 --> 00:18:06,987 Bye. 468 00:18:06,989 --> 00:18:10,273 I think he's coming around. 469 00:18:10,275 --> 00:18:11,875 We tried dating a while back 470 00:18:11,877 --> 00:18:13,977 and it was a disaster. 471 00:18:13,979 --> 00:18:16,413 But I-I always regret giving up. 472 00:18:16,415 --> 00:18:18,665 It just ended so quickly. 473 00:18:18,667 --> 00:18:19,750 (quiet laugh) 474 00:18:19,752 --> 00:18:22,019 What about you? 475 00:18:22,021 --> 00:18:24,388 You and your boyfriend gonna go the distance? 476 00:18:24,390 --> 00:18:25,955 I don't know. 477 00:18:25,957 --> 00:18:29,142 I think maybe I still haven't met the right guy. 478 00:18:29,144 --> 00:18:31,294 Hmm. 479 00:18:31,296 --> 00:18:33,764 I wonder if I know someone to set you up with. 480 00:18:36,968 --> 00:18:39,770 Drawing a blank. 481 00:18:39,772 --> 00:18:41,471 Are you gonna go get this girl? 482 00:18:41,473 --> 00:18:42,522 Or what? 483 00:18:42,524 --> 00:18:43,807 I don't know. 484 00:18:43,809 --> 00:18:45,776 I'm kind of at my peak right now. 485 00:18:45,778 --> 00:18:48,645 I don't know if I can just walk away from the game. 486 00:18:48,647 --> 00:18:52,499 Do you want to keep playing or do you want to win? 487 00:18:54,585 --> 00:18:57,320 I want to win. 488 00:18:58,155 --> 00:19:00,323 What am I doing? 489 00:19:00,325 --> 00:19:02,459 In less than 20 minutes, Robin and I could be... 490 00:19:02,461 --> 00:19:03,677 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 491 00:19:03,679 --> 00:19:05,212 It's gonna take a lot more than 20 minutes. 492 00:19:05,214 --> 00:19:08,331 This is gonna take everything you have got. 493 00:19:08,333 --> 00:19:10,884 This is gonna take all of your time, all of your attention. 494 00:19:10,886 --> 00:19:12,502 All of your resources. 495 00:19:12,504 --> 00:19:15,355 This is the big one. 496 00:19:15,357 --> 00:19:17,841 Diaper man. 497 00:19:17,843 --> 00:19:19,509 You got to do it right. 498 00:19:19,511 --> 00:19:20,694 Can't be messing around, 499 00:19:20,696 --> 00:19:22,612 picking up girls in drug stores. 500 00:19:22,614 --> 00:19:24,197 ♪ It's only time 501 00:19:24,199 --> 00:19:25,399 You got work to do. 502 00:19:25,401 --> 00:19:28,035 ♪ It's only time ♪ 503 00:19:28,037 --> 00:19:31,621 ♪ It's only time 504 00:19:31,623 --> 00:19:36,076 ♪ What could stop... 505 00:19:36,078 --> 00:19:38,378 We're not platonic. 506 00:19:38,380 --> 00:19:39,830 Platon-ish, maybe. 507 00:19:39,832 --> 00:19:40,881 If that's even a word. 508 00:19:40,883 --> 00:19:42,499 But not platonic. 509 00:19:42,501 --> 00:19:44,801 ♪ It's only time... 510 00:19:44,803 --> 00:19:46,920 I mean, there's something between us. 511 00:19:46,922 --> 00:19:49,840 And there always will be. 512 00:19:51,709 --> 00:19:54,227 ♪ If rain won't... 513 00:19:54,229 --> 00:19:56,313 If this was eight years ago, 514 00:19:56,315 --> 00:19:57,981 I'd be jumping into a cab right now 515 00:19:57,983 --> 00:19:59,850 to go steal that blue French horn. 516 00:19:59,852 --> 00:20:01,184 Well, why don't you? 517 00:20:01,186 --> 00:20:02,452 I don't know. 518 00:20:02,454 --> 00:20:05,355 Just doesn't seem to work that way anymore. 519 00:20:05,357 --> 00:20:08,608 I used to be in such a hurry all the time, you know? 520 00:20:08,610 --> 00:20:10,110 Everything was so urgent. 521 00:20:10,112 --> 00:20:13,363 Now, I just, I don't know, I figure... 522 00:20:13,365 --> 00:20:15,782 it's gonna happen, it'll happen when it happens. 523 00:20:15,784 --> 00:20:19,286 I'm not going anywhere, she's not going anywhere. 524 00:20:19,288 --> 00:20:20,403 What's the rush, right? 525 00:20:20,405 --> 00:20:22,456 ♪ And swim your sea ♪ 526 00:20:22,458 --> 00:20:25,125 ♪ And swim 527 00:20:25,127 --> 00:20:28,295 ♪ Your sea 528 00:20:30,548 --> 00:20:33,082 ♪ Marry me 529 00:20:33,084 --> 00:20:35,268 I have no idea who that girl was. 530 00:20:35,270 --> 00:20:37,604 But she set me straight. 531 00:20:37,606 --> 00:20:41,591 After that, I had one challenge and one challenge only. 532 00:20:41,593 --> 00:20:43,527 Get Robin Scherbatsky 533 00:20:43,529 --> 00:20:45,979 to fall in love with me. 534 00:20:47,321 --> 00:20:51,123 Challenge completed. 535 00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:54,660 ♪ Why would I stop loving you a hundred years from now? ♪ 536 00:20:54,662 --> 00:20:59,662 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 38135

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