All language subtitles for Ghosts - S01E12 - Jays Sister.sd-en

[Nancy] Wow.

I can't believe
you sleep in a bed every night.

Ooh, a girl could really get
used to this pillow business.

Yep, I could've used one.

[Groans] God. Hey, would you mind
rubbing this knot in my shoulder, Nancy?

Hey, hey, hey.

You know the rules.

This is a fake relationship,
so I am not rubbing any of your man parts.

I mean, technically,
everyone has shoulders.

Ooh, now how about we head downstairs

and get that living Butler to make us
something to smell for breakfast?

You mean Sam?

She's actually a writer

and a small business owner,
she's not our Butler.

Oh, okay, okay.

Too good to be a Butler.

You know, when I was alive,
women couldn't even be a Butler.

You could be a wench,
a midwife or a whore.

Oh. Well, that's not something

I feel particularly
compelled to follow up on.

[Theme tune playing]

[Phone chimes, buzzes]

Oh, that's bela.
She'll be here in an hour.

And now you'll probably explain
to a room full of ghosts who bela is.

I mean, was curious, yes.

Bela's Jay's sister.

She lives in Boston,
she's coming to visit.

- Oh.
- Oh, must be nice.

All my sisters died before the age of two.

Damn, Isaac, we ain't even
smelled our morning coffee yet.

[Samantha] Bela's boyfriend
broke up with her last week,

so she's coming to stay to clear her head.

How is she doing now, Jay?

I talked to her a few days ago,
and she's still really down.

- Oh, that's great.
- Excuse me?

No, I mean, it's awful.

It's just, you know,

I excel in helping girlfriends
get over breakups.

I hope she really likes
the legally blonde franchise,

'cause that is gonna be
a big part of her next 48 hours.

Okay, let's just try
not to act too excited.

Sorry, sorry.

It's just, I thought this could be
a chance for she and I to finally bond.

Look, I don't have siblings,

so when you and I got married,
I thought bela and I

could become sisters,
but that hasn't happened.

[Isaac] Excuse me,

but in what room will
this bela be sleeping?

Oh, right. Well, I guess one of you guys

will have to give up
your room for the weekend.

[Ghosts dissenting]

- Sorry.
- [Thorfinn] Okay.

I have plan.

Thor, we can't kill bela.

[Laughs] It's not what I was
going to say, but, uh,

give Thor a moment to think
of what I was going to say.

[Sighs] Not kill.

[Isaac] Troops,

Samantha has informed us that
one of us will be required

to forfeit our rooms.

Can't the sister just
take the empty bedroom?

[Hetty] We offered that,

but Samantha is aware
of the mold and the draft.

You got to sell the view.
When I was pushing penny stocks,

you think I emphasized the risk?

No, you shine that turd.

I call not it.

Is unbreakable oath.

Oh, please, that is how
children make decisions.

But also, not it.

Trevor is the most recently dead,
let him take it.

Ooh, that's how we divvied
things up in the first place.

This time we do it
in reserve order of seniority.

Thor not like this.
This is bad outcome for Thor.

[Overlapping chatter]

-The sanctity of my room will not be—-
-hey! Hey! Guys!

I can't stand to watch you fight.

- I will take the room.
- Oh.

- You sure, Pete?
- Yeah.

You know,
a little mold never hurt anybody.

[Laughs] It'll be like camping.

Then it's settled. Thank you, Pete,
for your sacrifice, and for your sake,

I hope that the rain holds out

so you don't have to deal
with that pesky leak.

Uh? Oh, sorry...
The-the... there's a leak in there now?

Be even more like camping.

- —[Laughs] True.
- Nature.

Nature. Yay!

[Knock on door]

Okay, that must be her.

Let the girl bonding begin.

Ll uncool Jay.

- 'Cause that never gets old.
- —[Laughs] Hey.

- [Samantha] Hey.
- Hey, Sam.

Hi. Oh, I don't need a nickname,

but Manhattan Sam chowder
could be something

if you're looking for one.

What? You mean new england?

Manhattan is a soup, as well.

It's also where I lived, so...
It's tomato-based.

- [Thorfinn chuckles]
- This is painful.

Yeah, I can't watch this.

Oh, this place is epic. Okay. [Laughs]

- It is so good to see you guys.
- [Jay] It's good to see you, too.

I wish it could have been
under better circumstances.

Oh, but don't worry. I have
the perfect night planned

to help you get over that jerk.

- Oh, guys, it's cool. I'm so over him.
- What's that?

- I met someone new.
- [Jay] Already?

Wow.

So you don't need, like,
any cheering up at all, huh?

- —[Laughs] That's great.
- There goes that plan.

[Bela] Yeah, I set my dating profile
to the Hudson valley a couple days ago,

'cause I knew I was gonna be
up here, and then boom,

I matched with this insanely hot guy.

We've been messaging,

and we're really vibing.

[Gasps] Do you want to see him?

Yeah, sure.

Oh, dang. I got to stop
leaving my house on 17%.

Well, I'm gonna drop my bags
and grab a charge.

I'll show you the way.

Sorry Jay's sister's not devastated, Sam.

Yes, we are here for you.

Thanks, guys.

So, you just gave away our
pillow palace to some rando's sister?

It's not some rando. It's Jay.

Who the hell's Jay?

- Sam's husband?
- Huh?

The living Butler's husband?

Oh, face it, Pete. You're a pushover.

Because I gave in on one little thing
in the interest of house Harmony?

You didn't give in on one thing.
You give in on everything.

You told me yourself

you never get to pick the movie
on movie night.

Well, that's true.

And you're always the caboose
in the massage train.

- I mean, someone's got to be.
- Why can't it be a circle, huh?

That way, everyone gets
their man parts rubbed.

Again, shoulders are not specific to men.

You start standing up for yourself
and get our room back,

or I will tell everyone
our relationship is fake

and that you have a huge crush on alberta.

You know, there's a certain irony

to you strong-arming me
into being less of a pushover.

That did not escape me, Pete. [Chuckles]

[Coughs]

Housekeeping. [Samantha chuckles]

And we are charged.

- Do you want to see the guy?
- [Samantha] Oh. Yes, please.

Okay, now, he's not my normal type.

He comes off as this, like,
douchey finance bro.

And he is a little,

but he's also, like, really sensitive.

Damn, bela!

- —Get it, girl. This dude is hot.
- Right?

Oh, my god.

He's really something.

I can explain.

Look, I don't see what's wrong.
I mean, that guy seems great.

Not to mention, so dreamy.

- Wow. That's so kind.
- No.

I don't want another word out of you
unless it's explaining why

my sister-in-law was chatting
to a guy with your profile picture.

- Whose picture?
- The guy in the photo, it was Trevor.

Trevor? No pants?
The one who keeps hitting on you?

How come you never told me
about those cheekbones?

- Okay, starting to warm up to this guy.
- You.

Just out with it.
What the hell is going on?

- I may have made myself a dating profile.
- What?

- How?
- Well, it all started a few months back.

I was minding my own business,
hoping I might get lucky

and see a painter fall off his ladder.
When you've been dead 20 years,

it's the little things
that really keep you going.

- Please get to the point.
- Right.

Anyway, he took a break,

and nothing prepared me
for what I saw next.

So many women.

[Chuckles] So many varieties.

Short women. Tall women. Platinum blondes.

- Dirty blondes. Strawberry blondes.
- [Samantha] This is painful.

[Trevor] The humble craftsman
had shown me a brave new world,

and I knew right away that I wanted in.

So, for the next month, istudied.

I learned how to download apps.
I asked all the right questions.

Oh, what a cute little stinker.
How exactly did you save that?

- In detail.
- Oh, it's easy.

You just press down,
and the menu pops up, and...

Interesting.

And eventually I was ready
to put my plan into action.

[Chuckles]

[Samantha] He used the kitchen iPad.

I knew we needed
a better password than 1234.

You're right. I should have anticipated
a ghost catfishing my sister.

Wait, how did you get
a picture of yourself?

[Trevor] It took weeks of sneaking down

night after night,
working letter by letter.

Sam, I was like Andy Dufresne chiseling

through to a new life
with a little rock hammer.

Andy Dufresne? Who's that?

- Seriously? Shawshank.
- Shawshank.

Come on, babe.

[Trevor] Finally, after all that toiling...

[Panting]

It was done.

The perfect profile.

[Grunts]

And then, one fateful night,
I started getting matches.

[Grunts]

And then two days ago,
I matched with Jay's sister.

And then a couple days ago,
he matched with bela.

They feel pain when
we pass through them, right?

- Jay.
- Is he seri... [grunts]

Come here! Oh! [Grunts]

Where are you? Ooh. [Screams]

Oh! Did I get him?

Yeah, really good.

- —[Clears throat]
- [Trevor] I'm sorry.

The only thing that hurts more

than knowing that I died
before finding true love

is knowing that I died before
I could crush it on these apps.

What was your endgame, Trevor?

I just wanted the validation, I guess.

But then bela showed up at the house,
and I realized

those are real people on those apps.

Or maybe they're other
super motivated ghosts like me,

but that seems less likely.

- Do you have any idea what you've done?
- I'm sorry.

It's really lonely being a ghost.

I miss having that connection
with someone new,

that hope that she might be the one.

I'm never gonna get that again.

No! I'm still mad.

Ooh, Sam, this is really, really bad.

Bela was so upset
when Gabe broke up with her.

Her emoji use was unhinged.

If she finds out she was catfished now...

Well, you wanted a reason to cheer her up.

No. I actually wanted to help her
through a normal but difficult situation.

I didn't want her destroyed
by some dead frat bro.

[Jay] Oh,
we are going to have to play this

very delicately.

I got it.

Trevor has to "move."

Yes.

To somewhere far away and unappealing.

Because she's my sister, I love her,
but she's very thirsty,

and she could follow him.
I mean, I saw thatjawline.

It's like granite.

Love this guy.

[Pete] Howdy, folks.

- This will just take a minute.
- [Hetty] What is this?

Isaac and I were in the middle
of a riveting debate on scarves.

You got this, Pete.
Just like we practiced.

[Exhales] Listen up, ghosts.

I have spent the last 40 years

bending over backwards to compromise
for the sake of house Harmony,

but I'm here to tell you I'm done.

I've had it up to my arrow
with all of your applesauce.

It's time for Pete
to finally get what he wants.

And he wants a mold-free room,

so one of you is making way
for Pete and his girl.

If that's amenable to everyone.

Or even if it's not.

- [Nancy] Yeah.
- [Pete] Also,

I will no longer be the caboose
on the massage train.

I lead it now. I'm the engine.

[Laughs] You hear that?

- Let's go.
- All right.

Well, the moment we all feared
has arrived.

Pete's developed a spine.

This is an unfortunate turn of events.

What are y'all talking about?

Pete's finally sticking up for himself,
and you think that's a bad thing?

Need I remind you what it was like
before that Saint of a man

was felled by a little girl's arrow?

No one compromised on
anything around here.

Isaac is right.

Pete's spinelessness is

the grease that keeps the wheels
of our little world turning.

We had people like Pete in viking society.

We sacrificed them,

then gave their blood to please
our gods and prevent famine.

They were respected. Dead but respected.

Well, I like this new Pete.

He's got gumption.

And maybe the answer isn't him
going back to the way he was.

Maybe the answer is all of us
actually learning to compromise for once.

- There's got to be a better way.
- —[Laughs] That's not happening.

[Footsteps approaching]

Hey, bela. What's wrong?

Turns out Trevor's a lying piece of trash.

He told me he's moving to newfoundland,

which sounds made-up.

I told you, we should
have gone with mykonos.

- It could be real.
- Mm, yeah. He could've moved there.

Although, obviously,

it's too far and cold
to visit or follow someone to.

Mm, something's off.

I'm looking this asshat up.
See if he's even who he says he is.

You don't know his last name.
How could you even do that?

Oh, I just do a reverse image search
with his profile photo.

Oh. That's so cool that you can do that.

[Bela] This picture's from an obituary,

and the guy died 20 years ago.

It's the only picture of me
on the Internet.

Oh, my god. Do you know what this means?

I got catfished.

- No.
- What?

This is messed-up.
He is not getting away with this.

"Hey, doucher, I know you're not real.

And bt dubs,
catfishing is so ten years ago."

- [Message sends]
- [iPad chimes]

"Who are you?
Some thousand-year-old virgin?"

- [Message sends]
- [iPad chimes]

Bela, wait.

- [Message sends]
- [iPad chimes]

Why does that sound keep
coming from your iPad?

Great question.
Why don't you hand it over,

and I'll take it to the genius bar.

- —Unlock the iPad, Jay.
- I would, but I-I forgot the passcode.

Well, luckily, it's been the same
since junior high. 1-2-3-4.

[Sighs]

You're Trevor?

Okay, I am freaking out right now.

Bela, it's not what it looks like.

We just invited you up to the house
because we wanted to cheer you up.

You thought creating Trevor
would cheer me up?

- Ew. No.
- Oh, no.

You didn't think
I could find a real man again,

so you created a fake one to flirt with me
and compliment my smile.

- I really meant that.
- [Bela] And you made up a guy

that is exactly everything
I'm looking for.

Someone who loves clubbing
and the Hamptons

and jam bands from the late '90s.

We're freaking meant for each other.

That's not what happened.

- Then what did happen?
- I...

Don't have a good explanation.

You guys are sick.

I'm packing my bags and leaving.

I mean, we sexted.

Ugh!

I didn't know it had a name.

[Jay shudders]

That's Hetty, alberta, oh, and me.
Three against one.

Thor, you must give up your room
to Pete and the filthy one.

Mm-mm. Thor not moving.

But we voted.

Thor not believe in democracy.
[Isaac] Oh, how convenient.

Fine. I change my vote to Isaac.

- Me, too.
- Weasels!

All of you.

They're hurting each other's feelings.
I have to put a stop to this.

- [Overlapping arguing]
- Oh, here we go.

Spineless Pete worming his
way back to the surface.

Do you want to know
why I compromise, Nancy?

- Yeah.
- I'm modeling for these people.

Yes, it's been 40 years, and, yes,
they're not exactly picking up

what I'm laying down,
but I believe in them.

They have good in them.

[Sighs] And, eventually,
they're gonna get there.

And until that time,
I'm gonna keep setting an example.

That's bs. You're just scared
of someone not liking you.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah, you wimp.

That is enough!

Powder off your wig.

I cannot take one more
minute of your bullying!

You want me to stand up
for myself and have a spine?

Well, here we go! It is over between us.

I am done listening to you.

So if you have something
you want to say to everyone,

- you just go ahead and say it.
- Fine!

[Sighs]

I'm going back down to the basement

'cause I just broke up
with my very real boyfriend

and, also, 'cause you all suck,

and I'd rather be with the
cholera pit people. Huh.

[Whispers] Proud of you, petey.

[Sighs, sniffs] Now, you listen up good.

I'm taking the moldy room,

and I don't want to hear
another word about it.

Yeah. That's what I thought.

Does that mean she's single now, or...?

[Jay] Bela.

I have nothing to say to you two.

No, no, you have to trust
that we weren't trying to hurt you.

It doesn't matter
what you were trying to do.

You thought I was so pathetic
that the best way

to help me was to concoct some giant lie.

I don't think I'll ever be able
to forgive you.

- It was a ghost.
- What?

Babe, are you sure about this?

Look, I know that this
is gonna sound crazy,

but if it has any chance of
salvaging this relationship,

I have to come clean.

A few months ago, I fell down the stairs
and I went into a coma.

Thank you for the flowers, by the way.

And when I woke up, I could see ghosts.

Trevor died in this house 20 years ago.

And he doesn't wear pants,
which may not seem relevant,

but it's something I have to know,
and now you do too.

[Samantha] Anyhow, somehow,

he managed to create a dating profile,

and the important part of the story is,
I see ghosts.

And besides Jay,
you're the only person I've ever told.

I know this must be

difficult to believe,
but I sincerely hope you do.

Honestly, Sam,

get help.

[Jay] Bela.

Bela, hold up.

Look, I'm not crazy,
or at least I'm not lying.

And I can prove it. Thor, lights.

Sam, chair!

No, get the lights.

Oh, right, yes.

[Grunts]

What was that?

Alberta, hum us a tune.

Oh, finally.

[Humming melody]

[Humming echoing]

Okay, that's a trick.
Secret switches, speakers.

- Dsaac?
- Hmm? What? Oh, uh, you know what?

- No, I'll pass. Thank you.
- Isaac, please.

Fine.

[Isaac grunts]

Oh! That is nasty.

- Okay, it's no picnic for me either.
- Okay, what is happening?

You just met some of the ghosts.

I can tell you what's in your bag. Pete.

- [Pete] We got a pair of hiking boots...
- A pair of hiking boots.

A beanie.

- [Pete] Three unread back issues of...
- [Samantha] Three unread back issues

of the new yorker.
And... I'm just saying this

to prove a point—- a personal massager.

Oh, why you got to tell me that?

How many fingers am I holding up?

- Three.
- Holy crap.

You can see ghosts?

What is personal massager?

[Bela] So, ghosts don't eat,

but they sleep?

And they don't go to the bathroom?

Then what about... you know?

- Yeah, surprisingly, that one's a yes.
- [Bela] Wow.

And, like,
could a ghost do it with a human?

[Gasps] No. You know what?
I'm not there yet.

Please don't tell anyone about this, bela.

Your secret's safe with me.

Hey, am I really the only one
you've told besides Jay?

- Yeah.
- Wow, I can't believe that.

That really means a lot.

Kind of makes me feel really
close to you. [Chuckles softly]

- Is that stupid?
- No, I don't think that's stupid.

You know, I always
kind of wanted a sister.

Instead, all I got was this dork.

She made me wear a dress till I was five.

Did you say "sister"?

Yeah, don't be an idiot about it.

- Don't you be an idiot about it.
- [Laughs]

- —Jay, I'm doing sister banter.
- [Chuckles] Nice work, babe.

I'd like to say goodbye
to bela if I could.

I don't think anybody wants
to hear from you.

- What?
- [Jay] Oh, it's a ghost thing.

- You'll get used to it pretty fast.
- Trevor's here. He wants a word.

It's okay. I'm willing to hear him out.

[Samantha] Really?

Fine.

Okay, this is gonna be awkward for me,
so I'm gonna leave the three of you to it.

Or however many of you there are.

Okay, Trevor, this better be good.

Bela, I'm sorry I lied to you.

"Bela, I'm sorry I lied to you."

[Trevor] But the connection that we had,
that wasn't a lie.

I meant every word that I said.

"I do love your eyes and your smile."

And your boobs.

- You forgot the boobs.
- Nope. Just keep going.

I talk a big game,

but the truth is,

I really did want to find
someone to spend my life with,

and I didn't.

Life is way too short.

I used to think that was

a dumb thing that people said,
but it's really true.

Go find yourself someone
who's as incredible as you.

Because that's what you deserve.

"Because that's what you deserve."

Thank you, Trevor.

Also, please send nudes.

And we're done.