All language subtitles for Ghosts - S01E09 - Albertas Fan.sd-en

Let's go, Sam! We don't have all day!

- Okay, you literally have eternity.
- Oh, that's right.

Thank you for reminding me
of my endless purgatory.

- [Door closes]
- [Mark] Morning, Sam.

Oh. Hey! Who's this cute little guy?

This is my son David. Uh, hope it's okay.
My wife's out of town for a few days.

Ugh. Why are the good ones always married?

- And alive?
- Hurtful.

Well, we're very happy to have you, David.
Welcome to the team.

Should I put him on my crew?

- Think he's too young to hold a hammer?
- Are you mad?

Children under seven
aren't suitable for hard labor.

- Pirate!
- [Gasps] Pirate?

I was a delegate of
the second continental congress.

- Pirate!
- Damn my ruffled colonial garb.

Uh, there's nothing there, buddy,
but I love your imagination.

- And he's off.
- [David squeals]

Hang on, that kid can see you?

Yeah. It's rare, but occasionally,
young children can see ghosts.

Sometimes, when child
has imaginary friend,

is actual ghost.

- Other times, kid just crazy.
- [Chuckles]

Once, a sweet little girl saw my arrow
and called me a monster. [Chuckles]

- Oh.
- But it's okay. What am I gonna do?

[Chuckles] Cry myself to sleep? For weeks?

- Got him.
- Oh, great.

Well, we'll be back soon.
We're just gonna take a quick walk.

As in the royal we.

Here we go, and we are going outside.

[Scoffs]

[Theme music playing]

How many of those steps
did we get today, Sam?

Only 3,000.

Not pointing any fingers,
but Hetty was really dragging.

Well, excuse me for dying in heels.

Plus, I did not sleep.
You know I suffer from nerves.

At least when I was alive,
I could take laudanum.

What's laudanum?

It's a simple mixture
of alcohol and morphine.

You should try it, Samantha.

Oh, sure, I'll pick some up
next time I'm at the alchemist.

Well, I didn't always require
such elixirs.

When I was a little girl,

an angel-voiced servant
would sing me to sleep.

Some footman or Butler.

His name was Gordon.
I was there, as ghost.

I think you're right.
It may have been Gordon.

I don't know. We paid them
so we didn't have to remember their names.

Hey!

There's a strange jalopy in the driveway.

- Who's that?
- Landship!

All right.

- We know, baby.
- [Sighs]

We know.

- [Door closes]
- Hey, Sam.

This is Todd Pearlman,

and he's, uh... he's
some kind of historian.

Historian?

Well, I think we know where this is going.

Welcome, Todd.
What brings you to our house?

Uh, have you ever heard of alberta haynes?

-What? —step aside, Isaac.

The name rings a bell.

Alberta haynes was a singer,
a wonderful singer.

[Chuckles] Tell us
something we don't know.

Believe it or not,
she died right here in this house.

Someone died in this house? I'm shocked.

[Todd] I'm actually writing a book

on alberta's life and career.

What? A book about me?

Did you hear that, Isaac?

Well, come on in and sit down.

Oh, sorry for the mess.

We're in the middle of turning the house
into a bed-and-breakfast.

Sam, stay on topic. Me.

So, uh, you study singers?

Jazz musicians, yes.

But alberta is my specialty.

I'm actually the head curator
of the alberta haynes museum

in altoona, Pennsylvania.

Wow, there's a whole museum
about you, alberta.

- Oh! Died. I just died again.
- Who's the nerd?

He is historian who's
not here to study Isaac.

Thank you, Thor!

Her life story is an inspiration.

I mean, born in Tulsa
to Jamaican parents...

- Mm, tell it.
- As a young woman,

she came to Harlem
during the great migration

with nothing but a dream in her heart
and a boatload of talent.

Can we record this? Whip out
that damn iPhone, Sam.

Oh, she sounds like an incredible person.

Sam, ask him about my murder.

Oh, no, not this again.

How exactly did alberta die?

Oh, her death is hotly debated
amongst academics.

I mean, the official cause
was a cardiac event,

but, between you and me,

I've always suspected foul play.

[Alberta laughs]

I told you all I was too important
to die of a heart attack.

Well, if you're excited
about being murdered,

I am excited for you.

Who would want to kill her?

Mm, it's hard to say.

I mean, someone as...

- Beautiful and as talented as alberta...
- Oh.

Would attract many rivals.

Genius. Mwah! This man is a genius.

Oh, Sam, tell Todd my old trunk's
upstairs if he wants to look at it.

You know, I-I just remembered something.

Upstairs,

there's this trunk. It's full of stuff
that seems like it's from the '203.

So maybe that could belong
to this alberta person.

[Alberta cackles] "This alberta person"?

Girl, like we ain't besties. [Chuckles]

Ooh, you so good.

[Birds chirping]

[Todd] Wow.

Sheet music, letters,
moonshine, a mink scarf.

- —That is a handsome trunk.
- [Chuckles]

Handsome and heavy.

I remember lugging that thing over
from the motel the night I performed.

You didn't stay here?

Oh, no, wasn't allowed,
'cause, you know, racism.

- Ah.
- Well, if it helps, I don't see color.

Literally. It cost me
several games of risk.

[Chuckles softly]

This is a treasure trove.

I'm gonna need a good amount of time
to get through these materials.

Well, uh,
take all the time you need, Todd.

I don't want to impose, but...

Would you consider
allowing me to stay the night?

You said this place was a b and b,
correct?

Well, yeah, but it's—it's not
exactly open yet. [Chuckles]

Well, I could be your first guest.

You know what, Todd, uh,
the rooms, they're not really ready.

Uh, we haven't even started
picking out those tiny little soaps.

I don't need any of that fancy stuff.

- I mean, this room is fine.
- Wait, hold up. This is my room.

I can give you $500.

[Both] Welcome to
the woodstone bed-and-breakfast.

Time for afternoon walk! [Chuckles]

Oh, hadn't you heard?
Afternoon walk's been canceled.

- Why?
- Well, apparently,

this bearded historian fellow
is spending the night.

Samantha and alberta
are busy tending to him.

Okay, so we go together.
Just the two of us.

You and me? Alone?

- Yes!
- Yes, but th...

That wouldn't be the walking crew,
now would it?

Give us a chance to catch up.
We never talk.

Right. We never do.
That is a true thing you're saying.

I am free, you are free.
We both love walking.

Also true statements.

So really no reason not to proceed.

- Yes, I'm having trouble thinking of one.
- Will be fun.

- Okay!
- Yes!

Let's go!

- Together!
- Oh, god.

[Laughs] Friendship!

We have a stranger in our house,
and-and I think it feels weird.

Jay, that's sort of what
running a b and b is.

I mean, I understand it, theoretically,
but now that it's happening,

it just... it feels weird.

Well, I think it's gonna be fun.

It's a dry run.

This is a chance for us to prove
to ourselves we can do this.

You guys are gonna be great.
The main thing is

you want to get in good
with the travel agents.

Little secret. We basically run
the whole hospitality game.

Pete, travel agents
don't really exist anymore.

- What?
- Yeah, people just kind of book

their own travel now.

But they don't have the contacts,
the personal relationships.

They don't know who to fax.

- Hey.
- [Exclaims, groaning]

I didn't pack for an overnight, obviously.

So, would I be able
to borrow some pajamas?

Sure. Yeah. Jay can lend you
a t-shirt and some pajama bottoms.

- W hat?
- Cool.

Oh, and also, if I don't eat soon...

[Exhales] We're gonna have a problem.

I'm hypoglycemic, so it's kind of urgent.

We will definitely fix
something up for you.

Thanks.

He wants to put his junk in myjam-jams?

Jay, this is running a b and b.

This is what separates us
from the hotels of the world.

People expect a personal touch.

Something personal's
getting touched all right.

Can you focus? What do we
have that we can cook Todd?

There's nothing in the fridge.
We got to go to the market.

We don't have time for that. Uh, just...

Here. Cook him this.

This chicken expires today.

[Groans] Those dates are just
to make you throw stuff away

and buy more.
I wrote a whole article on this.

It's a scam by big chicken.

- Big chicken?
- Yeah.

So stop acting like one and just cook it.

Damn, girl. I love that wordplay.

Okay, there's weather in Chicago
and you need a same-day change

to a plane ticket. What do you do?

It's a button on your phone.
I'm sorry, Pete.

Jiminy.

[Exhales sharply]

You know, it sort of feel

like Thor doing
all the work in conversation.

I tell seal story. I tell salmon story.

- I tell other salmon story...
- I'm gonna level with you, thorfinn.

You and I, we get along fine,
but we are not

"hang out alone together
outside the group" type friends.

And that's okay.

But we used to be closer.

What are you talking about?

Nothing. [Chuckles]

Nothing at all. Just...

Return home in silence.

That is a good idea. [Sighs]

Sort of like salmon returning home
to spawning ground in springtime.

- Which reminds me of third salmon story.
- Maybe we can walk a little faster.

There was a bear and a badger...

[Sniffs]

[Sighs]

Okay, that's, like, the fifth time
he's sniffed your coat.

Clearly, there's something off
about this fellow.

The man is an academic.

He's just looking for clues.

See, this is how you connect with history.

Hey, Todd. Uh, we brought you
a fresh towel.

And some regular-sized soap.
I'm so sorry about that.

- Thank you for that delicious chicken.
- Hmm.

Did you know that alberta's father
was actually a chef, too?

Yeah, her family lived
above the restaurant he worked in.

Ah, daddy could slay the stove. [Chuckles]

He should've had his own restaurant,
but, again, racism.

Thank you for letting me stay.
It's... [sighs]

It's, like,
a six-hour drive back to altoona.

What made you choose altoona
as the location for the museum?

Must be a new music city.
A 21st century New Orleans, no doubt.

- [Chuckles]
- [Todd] Well, actually,

the museum is in my garage.

Ah, as all the best museums are.

Technically, it's... my mom's garage.

Oh, you live with your mom.

That makes sense.

Well, academics are often underpaid.

[Chuckles] Just wait
till his book comes out.

So when does your book come out?

Oh, it's planned for a summer release.

But, really, whenever. [Chuckles]

That's the beauty of self-publishing.

- Bro, that's not even a real book.
- Come on, Todd.

Hey, do you want to see
something from my, uh...

Personal alberta collection?

- Yes.
- I carry it with me everywhere.

It's my most prized possession.

Oh, god, what is this gonna be?

Voila.

Sorry, what am I looking at here, Todd?

It's alberta's toenail.

Oh, hell no! Uh-uh!

Out of my room. I want him out of my room.

- Why do you have that?
- What is wrong with you, Todd?

I got it online.

Really nothing you can't get
on there. [Chuckles softly]

Still, why?

You know, in Jurassic park,
when they clone all those dinosaurs

from just a little bit of blood?

Well, maybe I could, one day,

make an alberta
from just a little bit of nail.

Dare to dream, Todd.

Who knows? Maybe we'd end up together.

No, we would not!
Oh, god. The hell we would.

- Well... [grunts]
- Oh.

[Grunts]

Time to hit the shower.

[Grunts, exhales]

[Alberta] Oh!

My... god!

[Cries] Oh. No!

No. Oh, god.

No. Oh, don't make me hate my own face.

Todd, you creepy nut.

[Samantha] Well, look at it this way,
from here on out,

all our other guests are
gonna seem normal in comparison.

I don't think I can handle
any other guests after Todd.

I mean, do you really think
we're cut out for this?

- Not with that attitude.
- Are you serious?

We turned our entire lives upside down,

and you want to bail
after one difficult guest?

One difficult guest?

That's like saying Charles manson
was one difficult neighbor.

Look, he's not dangerous. He's just weird.

And he's only gonna be here
for another couple hours.

We need to find a better way
to vet our guests.

Oh, like some sort of licensed
go-between, perhaps?

Oh, if he could hear me,
that would have been a powerful rejoinder.

[Groans]

Sam, I couldn't sleep a wink last night.

Just haunted by my own face.

Oh, alberta, I'm sorry. It's awful.
Nobody is happy about it.

Good morning, everyone!

Greetings and salutations. [Chuckles]

Almost nobody.

Alberta, you're down here.
I could've sworn I just saw you upstairs.

Ha-ha. I get it, Isaac.

No, I'm sorry. That was merely your visage
on a 35-year-old man's back.

My mistake! [Laughs]

I said I get it!

You happy now?

- [Grunting softly]
- [Thorfinn] Shh, shh.

- Nap time, little one.
- [David sighs]

- Shh.
- [Yawns]

Is okay.

J“ sweet little baby j“

j“ drift off to sleep j“

j“ dream of stabbing Danish men j“

j“ laughing while they weep j“

j“ when you are a warrior j“

j“ you'll be strong and tall j“

j“ you'll pillage j“

j“ villages, slit men's throats j“

j“ and bash their heads j“

j“ against the wall j“

there you go, Hetty.

There you go.

Yes.

There you go, David.

Drift off into the Netherlands,

into the dream realms, burning ships,

sieging villages.

Listen, uh, I was just having fun.

I apologize.

- I'm sorry.
- Yeah, well, I probably had it coming.

[Chuckles softly] Look, I know
I wasn't famous in my day,

but when Todd showed up,
for a second, I thought,

"wow, the world remembers alberta haynes."

But the truth is,
the only one who remembers me

is some creepy weirdo
with a jar full of toenails.

Child, that's my legacy.

To be fair, it was just the one toenail.

[Chuckles] It's not just about Todd.

You know, my daddy
couldn't achieve his dreams

because the world held him back.

But he always told me I could.

That's why I wanted to be a star,

so that his struggle
would have been worth it.

I guess I failed him.

Hi. Uh, have you guys seen Sam?

It's Todd. I think he's dying.

[Groaning]

- —[Samantha gasps]
- [Jay] Oh, my god.

What is happening?
Did anybody see anything?

That-that's e. Coli face.
That's the chicken.

Can you not? Call 911.

- What is he talking about? The chicken?
- Look, we fed him some chicken that was

at its expiration date.

Sam, those dates
are on there for a reason.

Guys, he looks really sick.

If he dies, he could become a ghost,

and I'm not spending eternity
with my stalker.

Yeah, and I'm not sharing a room with him.
We're doing a rotation thing.

W-Wait. Okay, wait.

What percentage of people
who die become ghosts?

It's actually fairly low. I would say...
Mm, like, maybe five percent?

- —That's not that high.
- Are you willing to take that risk, Sam?

'Cause, remember, he's gonna
become your problem, too.

- What do we do?
- We need to get him off the property.

Okay! I called an ambulance.
They're on their way.

Jay, you're not gonna like this,
but we have to drag him off the property.

- —[Jay] What?
- Mm-hmm.

We cannot let him die here.
He could become a ghost

and we'd be stuck with him forever.

You mean invisible Todd,
roaming the hallways,

collecting everyone's toenails?
I do not like that.

- None of us do.
- Okay, okay,

but how are the two of us gonna carry him?

- [Todd groans]
- [Clinking, clank]

[Strained grunt]

- I did not sign up for this.
- —[Samantha grunts]

I-I need a break. This is too hard.

Uh-uh! Come on! No breaks!

You'll sleep when you're dead.

- Why do we sleep?
- [Alberta and Isaac] We just do!

- Let's go! Let's move this body.
- [Vehicle approaching]

- Well, he's not technically a body yet.
- [Siren whoops]

You're gonna be okay, Todd.
The paramedics are here.

- Hey.
- Why is he out here?

You're not supposed to move him.

Sorry. We were just trying to help.

- [Groaning]
- [Jay] You're gonna be fine, Todd.

Ooh!

I really hope we didn't kill him.

- W hat?
- Nothing.

[Door shuts]

It was you.

You sang to me.

Yes. Uh, tried to teach you
to say "thorfinn,"

but eventually decide
"Gordon" pretty cute.

All these years,

why didn't you say something?

Well, I always assume,
after you die, you remember me.

Excited to say hi, catch up, old times.

But instead it seem you more have terror

of Thor and a lot of saying
my pelts smell bad.

You were so sweet to me,

and I have just been awful.

Thor get it. Pelts do smell.

Used to soak them in wolf urine
to ward off bear.

You were there for me
when no one else was.

Thank you.

Gordon miss Hetty.

Welcome back.

Mmm.

Oh. Yeah, that is quite pungent.

[Sniffles]

I just got off the phone
with the hospital.

He's gonna be okay.

Oh, we didn't kill our first guest.

How 'bout those livings,

trying to carry that creepy Todd
out on that blanket?

- [Laughing]
- Hey, hey, who am I?

"Oh, no, this is too heavy.
I need to take a nap."

I didn't say that!

- —[Laughs] Yes.
- Yes, you did.

- "Expiration dates are a hoax."
- Oh, very funny.

Y'all, stop trying to make
me laugh. I'm still upset.

Sam, be honest.

Would it help my chances if I got
your face tattooed on my back? [Laughs]

- Please don't do that. [Chuckles]
- [Pete] Ah. See?

This right here,
this is what it's all about.

These little moments.

These are the things
we're all gonna remember.

- [Other groaning]
- [Isaac] No, shut up, Pete.

- You ruined it.
- Whomp!

[Giggles]

What is going on?

Oh, the ghosts are throwing down
some newfound wisdom.

Oh, boy. Last time that happened,
our gazebo burned down.

They're saying the moments
you really remember

are the ones you spend
with the people you love.

Look, running the b and b will be hard,

but at least we get to do it together.

Remember, when we were back in the city,

we worked so many hours,
we barely saw each other.

I know. We're really
lucky to get to do this.

And I'm sorry. I just...

I kind of freaked out a little.

- —Was it the toenail?
- It wasn't not the toenail.

- Right.
- [Phone chimes, buzzgs]

My buddy Neal just sent me a link.

"Woodstone mansion is blowing up."

- Currently?
- [Alberta] Oh! Run for your lives!

To the cholera pit! It's the safest place!

Just relax, everybody.

- —That's an Internet term.
- [Alberta pants, whimpers]

- It sometimes is a good thing.
- Oh. Never mind.

Oh, please be a good thing.
Please be a good thing. [Sighs]

Oh, my god. It's Todd.

An exciting morning here
at Hudson valley memorial,

where a visiting jazz historian
nearly died after being poisoned.

Can you tell us what happened?

Well, I was staying at
the woodstone bed-and-breakfast...

- Oh, no.
- We're finished.

When I discovered
a very old bottle of moonshine.

So I drank from it.

[Reporter] Why would you do that?

I'm a curator and collector of all things
relating to jazz legend alberta haynes,

and I have reason to believe

that she was the very last person
to drink from it.

And I wanted to put my lips
where hers had been.

Okay.

So it turns out the
bottle had poison in it?

Yes, I spoke to the doctors,
and they informed me

they believe it was strychnine.

I've often assumed that alberta
was murdered by a jealous rival.

- [Gasps]
- And now I know I was probably right.

- [Reporter] Back to you, Jerry.
- [Gasps] You know what this means?

- This means we didn't almost kill Todd.
- Todd almost killed Todd.

You know what this also means?

I was murdered.

Oh, yeah, look at you.

Hey, babe? Babe, look at this.
This has, like, 50,000 views already.

W-Wait, 50,000?

What do you mean, "views"?

What is views? Is that people?

- Yeah.
- Check out these comments.

A lot of "this guy's a creep," but, also,
there's a ton of people

just saying really nice things
about alberta.

"Just listened to her album.
She's incredible.

How did I never hear of her before?"

Daddy would be proud.

J“ because I'm famous! J“

[laughs] Ooh!
Look at them numbers going up!

55,000.

Ooh! 56,000!

Oh, child, I could watch this all day!

Ooh, ooh, ooh. Sam, Sam, Sam.

What's the record? Is it me?

[Laughs]

Oh, god, Todd. I love you,
you freaky bastard!

You did it! [Laughs]

- And she's back.
- [Alberta] Alberta haynes, honey!

Ma rainey who? Billie Holiday where?

- —[Laughter]
- Buster Smith what?

It's about alber—ta haynes!

[Alberta laughs, whoops]

J“ sweet little baby, drift off to sleep j“

j“ dream of stabbing Danish men j“

j“ laughing while they weep j“

[Hetty] No, it's creepy at this age.

[Thorfinn] Thor feel it, too.
Very weird, yeah.