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1
00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:01,459
[sneezing]
2
00:00:04,546 --> 00:00:07,716
- Ho-ho-ho.
- Do I look like Ubalda?
3
00:00:07,799 --> 00:00:10,885
Gimme a break, kid, tell me what
you want for Christmas?
4
00:00:10,969 --> 00:00:14,347
I hate you.
Oh, you-you funky.
5
00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:17,767
You-you been hiding behind them
reindeers too long, mister.
6
00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:19,394
Tell me what you want.
Get off my lap.
7
00:00:19,477 --> 00:00:21,229
Or I'll tell
your parole officer.
8
00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:24,566
You-you are the one that's gonna
need a parole officer, yeah.
9
00:00:24,649 --> 00:00:28,737
A fat man in red pajamas
with a little kid on his lap.
10
00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:30,572
I don't care if you
like me or not.
11
00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:32,407
They pay me $4 an hour to
sit here and take this abuse.
12
00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:33,908
Now, what the hell
do you want?
13
00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:37,871
What I want to know is-is, how
fat a man like you can fly?
14
00:00:37,954 --> 00:00:39,330
'Cause most fat men I know
15
00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:42,208
can't even get their ass
out the chair.
16
00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:44,169
Get off me.
Your getting a lump of coal
17
00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:45,545
in your stalking, this year.
18
00:00:45,628 --> 00:00:47,797
Coal, you little brat.
What you think of that, huh?
19
00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:50,967
I think.. I bet I bite you.
I-I'll poison your milk.
20
00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:52,302
I'll start a fire
in your chimney
21
00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:54,137
and burn all your cellulite up.
22
00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:55,472
Get off me. Come on, get up.
23
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:57,515
Get off me!
Get-get off me, you little..
24
00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:58,516
[thudding]
25
00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:00,810
(Roscoe)
'Ow!'
26
00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:03,188
'That's why you only work
one day a year.'
27
00:01:03,271 --> 00:01:05,690
'And this is the
cause of the welfare.'
28
00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:09,569
Next.
29
00:01:09,652 --> 00:01:12,572
[theme music]
30
00:01:15,116 --> 00:01:17,035
♪ Martin ♪
31
00:01:17,118 --> 00:01:19,204
♪ Martin ♪
32
00:01:19,287 --> 00:01:21,831
♪ Martin ♪
♪ Lawrence yeah ♪
33
00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:23,124
(Martin)
What's up?!
How y'all been?
34
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:25,251
♪ Martin ♪
35
00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:27,587
♪ Martin ♪
36
00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:28,880
♪ Martin ♪
37
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:32,258
♪ Lawrence yeah ♪
♪ He's so crazy! ♪
38
00:01:39,974 --> 00:01:41,726
♪ Martin ♪
39
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:44,479
♪ Martin ♪
♪ Lawrence yeah ♪
40
00:01:44,562 --> 00:01:46,064
(Martin)
What's up?
How y'all been?
41
00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:48,191
♪ Martin ♪
42
00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:50,151
♪ Martin ♪
43
00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:52,779
♪ Martin ♪
♪ Lawrence ♪♪
44
00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:02,580
[instrumental music]
45
00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:08,586
Cole, we've got to find
a better place to hang out.
46
00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:11,798
Only thing Martin's got in that
refrigerator is milk and cheese
47
00:02:11,881 --> 00:02:15,218
and they both in the same
carton.
48
00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:17,929
Shh! Shh! Quiet, man.
Look-look, Rudolph's on.
49
00:02:18,013 --> 00:02:19,764
Look.
50
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:22,767
I'm cute! I'm cute!
51
00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:25,270
She thinks I'm cute!
52
00:02:25,353 --> 00:02:26,688
[laughing]
53
00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:31,067
Cole, what is
the matter with you?
54
00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:33,445
You too old
to be watching this.
55
00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:35,113
And you're too young
to have a bald head.
56
00:02:35,196 --> 00:02:36,406
But do I keep bringing it up?
57
00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:39,659
Ho-ho-ho!
58
00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:41,536
And a bottle of rum
up in the up in the.. Hey!
59
00:02:41,619 --> 00:02:43,872
What's up? What's up?
What's up?
60
00:02:43,955 --> 00:02:46,624
Uh-huh. Look, Pam.
61
00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:48,293
Mistletoe.
62
00:02:48,376 --> 00:02:49,878
[chuckles]
Aw.
63
00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:55,342
Look, Cole. Garbage.
64
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:57,010
So, how was Christmas shopping?
65
00:02:57,093 --> 00:02:58,636
- Fun.
- Great.
66
00:02:58,720 --> 00:02:59,804
Hated it.
67
00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:02,390
Oh, I see you're in a good mood,
Martin.
68
00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:06,811
So I guess now's good a time as
any to ask a question.
69
00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:11,107
No, Tommy, I will not drive your
mother to the clinic.
70
00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:14,986
Shut up, man. No. It's about the
Big Brothers Association.
71
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:18,656
See we're having a night with
Santa Claus on Friday night.
72
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:21,368
And I thought it'd be fun
if you played Santa.
73
00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:24,371
- Ha-ha! Think again.
- Oh, come on, Martin.
74
00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:25,580
Where's your Christmas spirit?
75
00:03:25,663 --> 00:03:27,499
Look, Tommy,
I got Christmas spirit, man.
76
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,334
I'm just not into dressing up.
77
00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:31,252
Come on, Martin,
it could be fun.
78
00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:32,545
Get Blind Willie to do it,
alright.
79
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:34,673
He'd do anything
for a doughnut.
80
00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:36,841
Blind Willie's white.
And with all do respect
81
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:40,303
I think it's important that
our kids see a black Santa.
82
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:41,763
It's not fair. Black fathers
work all year
83
00:03:41,846 --> 00:03:43,390
along to get presents
for their kids and some
84
00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:46,893
white guy from North Pole gets
all the credit.
85
00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:48,228
He's right, Martin.
86
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,355
Gina, I have spoken.
87
00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:54,484
Who needs you anyway?
88
00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:56,444
- Tommy, we'll help you.
- 'Thank you.'
89
00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:58,780
So what are you going as, Pam,
the nutcracker?
90
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:04,536
Hey, hey, hey. Look-look,
I'll-I'll do it. I'll be Santa.
91
00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:06,204
Okay. I mean,
I'm good with kids.
92
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:09,666
I-I used to have a lot of them
as friends when I was younger.
93
00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:13,670
Okay, Cole, you're on.
94
00:04:13,712 --> 00:04:15,380
We just got to get you
a costume.
95
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,048
He don't need no costume.
96
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,508
Just get that red jump suit
97
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:21,219
from when his mother
was a firefighter.
98
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,096
Hey, Tommy,
can-can I be Mrs. Claus?
99
00:04:23,179 --> 00:04:25,390
- Alright, great.
- You know, I could be a elf.
100
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:26,725
I have the cutest
little red outfit.
101
00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:30,729
Oh! Martin, look,
we're all involved, man.
102
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:32,272
Don't you want to be
a part of this?
103
00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:34,065
Oh!
104
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,942
I mean, oh, damn!
105
00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:37,569
I can't be there that night.
106
00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:40,613
That's the same night I'm
jingling Mrs. Claus' bells.
107
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:51,082
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
108
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:53,710
One for you, and one for you.
109
00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:56,963
- Oh, thank you, Stan.
- Don't open it, Martin.
110
00:04:57,047 --> 00:04:58,631
They're probably pink slips.
111
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:02,260
They're Christmas cards, Sean.
112
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:06,890
If I were firing you,
you'd get a letter at home.
113
00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:07,891
You're right. Sorry.
114
00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:10,685
You still live on Parker Street,
right?
115
00:05:10,769 --> 00:05:12,228
Yeah.
116
00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:13,772
Stan, wait, man.
117
00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:15,899
This looks just like the card
Christmas you gave me last year.
118
00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:18,777
It is the one
I gave you last year.
119
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:22,489
I found that in the garbage can.
Waste not, want not.
120
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:26,701
- Thanks, Stan.
- It's nothing.
121
00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:29,120
Just like
your Christmas bonus.
122
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:31,790
So, what're you brothers doing
to celebrate this year?
123
00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:34,459
Well, nothing.
I got to work.
124
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,544
Wait, wait, wait. Whoa.
125
00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:38,630
You're making him work
on Christmas, Stan?
126
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:41,007
He don't care, Martin.
He's an orphan.
127
00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:42,384
Who's he going to visit?
128
00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:45,136
So where you going to be, Stan?
129
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:49,265
Me? I'm going to go down to the
soup kitchen as usual.
130
00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:51,351
You know what?
You amaze me, Stan.
131
00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:52,602
I would've never guessed
you'd be helping
132
00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:53,812
people around Christmas time?
133
00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:56,564
Oh, I'm not volunteering there,
Martin.
134
00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:58,525
I go there for the free soup.
135
00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:03,154
Yes, sir, I just sit right down,
loosen my pants
136
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,031
and fill my belly.
137
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:06,533
Christmas in a soup kitchen
138
00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:09,327
free food and people who have
nothing to live for
139
00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:13,331
makes me feel like a king,
Martin.
140
00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:16,084
Ho-ho-ho!
141
00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:17,627
Merry Christmas, Stan.
142
00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:20,797
♪ Deck the halls
with boughs of holly.. ♪♪
143
00:06:24,676 --> 00:06:27,512
♪ Frosty the snowman ♪
144
00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:30,557
♪ Had to hurry on his way ♪
145
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,183
♪ But he waved goodbye ♪
146
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,435
♪ Saying don't you cry ♪
147
00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:36,521
♪ I'll be back again someday ♪♪
148
00:06:36,604 --> 00:06:39,774
- Yay! Yay!
- Oh, yay, Mrs. Claus!
149
00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:43,486
- Yay, Mrs. Claus!
- Wasn't that fun?
150
00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:45,697
(all)
No!
151
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,574
Where is Cole? She is running
out of songs.
152
00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:49,826
I don't know.
I'm go.. I'll go call him again.
153
00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:53,538
- Where's Santa, Mrs. Claus?
- He'll be here really soon.
154
00:06:53,621 --> 00:06:54,873
Yeah, boys and girls.
155
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:58,793
Santa's just feeding his
little reindeer.
156
00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:00,837
How do you know?
You're not an elf.
157
00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:03,298
You're just a lady
in a dumb suit.
158
00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:07,552
Ha-ha-ha!
How do I know?
159
00:07:07,635 --> 00:07:10,764
'Cause I'm a witch,
that's how I know. Now sit down.
160
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,561
Are we ready for another song,
everyone?
161
00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:18,063
(all)
No!
162
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:20,690
- We want Santa.
- Yeah, where is he?
163
00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:23,109
Uh, Santa's just running
a little late.
164
00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:25,945
Maybe Santa got
run over by a bus
165
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:30,158
and his guts are all splattered
on the road. Ew!
166
00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:31,910
(all)
Yeah!
167
00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:33,620
No. No.
168
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:36,039
Santa didn't get hit by any bus.
169
00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:37,457
Sit down, child.
170
00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:41,586
- Garbage truck?
- I don't think so.
171
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:44,881
D-does anybody have
a favorite song to sing?
172
00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:49,094
- Yes?
- Maybe Santa has a tumor.
173
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:50,679
(all)
Yeah.
174
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:54,766
- No. No, he doesn't. No.
- A heart attack?
175
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:57,602
My Uncle Donald wasn't
half as fat as Santa is
176
00:07:57,686 --> 00:07:59,187
and he died of a heart attack.
177
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:01,606
You know,
It could've been a tumor.
178
00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:03,274
(all)
Yeah.
179
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:05,402
[indistinct chattering]
180
00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:07,529
Okay, Mrs. Brown, if you hear
anything, you call me here.
181
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:11,282
- Okay? Right-right. Okay, bye.
- Well?
182
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:13,326
She hasn't seen him since
he left for work.
183
00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:15,286
Well, what are we going to do
with these little brats?
184
00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:16,788
I mean,
we don't have a Santa Claus.
185
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,749
We don't even have
a Santa Claus costume.
186
00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:22,335
- Yo, Tommy, Gina ready?
- Martin, I need you, man.
187
00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:23,712
I need you badly.
188
00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:25,255
Yo, man,
I ain't like that, man.
189
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:31,594
Cole didn't show up.
We need a Santa Claus.
190
00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:32,971
Well, I ain't doing it.
Tommy, you do it.
191
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:35,306
I can't do it. They know me.
I'm here every week.
192
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:36,641
Come on, Martin.
We need your help.
193
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:38,810
- Martin, please!
- 'No.'
194
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:42,188
- Now where's my baby Gina?
- In there.
195
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:43,273
♪ Jingle bells.. ♪♪
196
00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:47,736
(all)
Boo!
197
00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:49,821
There's a riot here, Tommy.
Yo, give me a costume.
198
00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:52,532
- I don't have a costume.
- Give me your sweater.
199
00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:54,701
- Okay.
- Oh, I can give you my tights.
200
00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:57,829
Yeah, you do that.
201
00:08:57,912 --> 00:09:00,999
- 'Help me! Help me!'
- I'm coming, girl!
202
00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:10,759
(all)
Boo!
203
00:09:10,842 --> 00:09:12,761
Excuse me! Excuse me!
204
00:09:12,844 --> 00:09:16,431
I know I don't see..
Hey! Hey! Hey!
205
00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:18,850
Oh, Mrs. Claus..
206
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,977
It's okay.
It's okay, Mrs. Claus.
207
00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:22,854
It's okay.
208
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,189
Hey..
209
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:25,565
You guys hear that?
210
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,692
Sound like,
I just heard Santa landing.
211
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:30,278
- I sure hope so.
- Hey, there he is!
212
00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:33,198
Ho-ho-ho! Ha-ha!
213
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:36,493
Whazzup?!
214
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:38,370
'Hi, you little cutie!'
215
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:41,539
Look at the little kids.
Look at the little kids.
216
00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:45,251
- What's wrong with him?
- Santa's got lupus.
217
00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:47,671
Alright.
218
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:54,803
How you doing there,
boys and girls?
219
00:09:54,886 --> 00:09:58,515
You're not Santa.
You're an impostor.
220
00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:00,058
I am Santa, damn it.
221
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,976
You don't think I ain't seen
what you were doing last night.
222
00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:05,563
Now shut up,
'fore I tell your mother.
223
00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:09,192
Boy with the big head, if you
don't sit down, man, keep away.
224
00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:11,986
Santa's acting like
we asked him to come here.
225
00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:15,365
Hey, I have a question.
Why is Rudolph's nose so red?
226
00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:16,908
'Cause he's on that stuff.
227
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,246
Hey, kids, let's just say no.
228
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:24,040
Santa, do you know
every boy and girl's name?
229
00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:27,085
- I sure do.
- Then what's my name?
230
00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,128
Hold on.
231
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:33,091
You are Waterhead. Now shut up.
232
00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:36,094
I asked you for a Ninja Turtle
party van last year
233
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,595
and you didn't
bring it at all.
234
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,597
- What's up with that?
- Yeah!
235
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:42,767
And last year I asked you
to bring my Sega Genesis.
236
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,060
And the year before that,
237
00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:45,979
you didn't bring me any
Transformers.
238
00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:47,856
And then, the year before that,
239
00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:50,442
you didn't bring my Lite-Brite.
240
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:53,778
Hey, I got a Lite-Brite
and I didn't even ask for.
241
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:55,613
Hey, that's mine.
Give it to me.
242
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,782
Santa, man, you messed up.
243
00:10:57,824 --> 00:11:01,494
Ahh, maybe you have Alzheimer's.
244
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:03,705
[clamoring]
245
00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:07,292
(Tommy)
'Hey! Hey! Hey!
That's enough.'
246
00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:09,461
Sit down.
247
00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:11,463
S-sit down..
248
00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:13,089
And shut up.
249
00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:15,467
Y'all don't even know
what Christmas is about.
250
00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:17,594
This holiday isn't about toys.
251
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:20,472
Does anyone here even know
what Christmas is about?
252
00:11:20,555 --> 00:11:21,806
(all)
No!
253
00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:23,391
Well, I'm going to tell you,
so be quiet.
254
00:11:23,475 --> 00:11:24,934
I'mma tell you the story of
Christmas.
255
00:11:24,976 --> 00:11:25,977
You want to hear that,
don't you?
256
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,479
(all)
No!
257
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,440
Well, you're going to hear it
anyway. Shut up!
258
00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:32,484
It began a long, long time ago.
259
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,778
- Where you there?
- Nah.
260
00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:36,863
- Was your mother there?
- What?
261
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:38,490
- Was your grandmother there?
- What?
262
00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:40,492
Whoa, Santa! Santa!
263
00:11:40,575 --> 00:11:42,827
Santa, no. No, Santa.
264
00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:44,954
- Come on. Come on.
- Okay. Santa..
265
00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:47,332
No, Santa. Santa..
266
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,501
Santa, he's just a kid.
267
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:52,337
Hey! Hey, Arthur, sit down.
He's just a kid, Santa.
268
00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:55,757
But he said, about the mother
and grandmother?
269
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,133
I'm saying ma
always been good to us.
270
00:11:57,175 --> 00:11:59,177
I know.
I know, mom's good. I know.
271
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:01,721
But Santa, Santa.
Santa, wait, wait.
272
00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:05,725
You like children, remember,
Santa? You like them. Yes.
273
00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:09,312
That's a good Santa.
Arthur, stop it.
274
00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:10,855
Arthur, I'm sorry.
275
00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:12,816
You know, a little mama thing.
276
00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:15,318
Ooh.
277
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,070
Ahh.
278
00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:21,700
Alright, Arthur, nobody was
there, man, okay?
279
00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:25,120
Ahh. Joseph and Mary
were two kids
280
00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:26,830
from a little town
called Nazareth.
281
00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:28,415
Was that near a projects?
282
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:33,712
Alright. Now..
283
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:37,882
Mary was having a baby,
God's baby.
284
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,217
And all the people
in the kingdom
285
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:41,052
were going to be counted
for a census record.
286
00:12:41,136 --> 00:12:42,470
You do know what "census" mean?
287
00:12:42,554 --> 00:12:44,431
Yeah, don't answer the door.
288
00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:46,683
[all laugh]
289
00:12:46,725 --> 00:12:50,353
I'm not telling you again,
alright?
290
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:53,898
Now, Joseph and Mary
had to go to a town
291
00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,818
where Joseph's family
was from, Bethlehem.
292
00:12:56,901 --> 00:12:58,737
Did they stop at McDonald's?
293
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:02,282
Yeah, and they filled their
faces with happy meals.
294
00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:04,868
And what do you think they found
when they got there?
295
00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:06,703
A Cadillac with keys in it.
296
00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:08,580
[all laughing]
297
00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:11,541
Boy, if I got to tell
you one more time..
298
00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:12,876
Now I'll fight a kid.
299
00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:14,294
I'm serious.
I'll fight a little boy.
300
00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:16,463
You want to do somethin'.
I ain't no punk.
301
00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:18,840
Santa, it's okay, Santa.
302
00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:20,300
It's alright.
303
00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:22,344
- I know. I know.
- Man!
304
00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:24,512
It's okay, Santa.
305
00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:26,848
What they found, Arthur..
306
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:29,267
They found that Bethlehem
307
00:13:29,351 --> 00:13:32,103
was a lot like Vegas
on fight night.
308
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,814
There wasn't
a hotel room anywhere.
309
00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:41,279
- Okay, watch your step.
- Okay.
310
00:13:41,363 --> 00:13:43,365
Alright. Okay.
311
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:44,991
Alright, baby.
312
00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:47,577
Hey, you hold that water, girl.
313
00:13:48,787 --> 00:13:50,080
Yeah.
314
00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:52,999
Alright, we're going to get you
a room, okay?
315
00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:57,295
- That's right.
- Joseph, look at that sign.
316
00:13:57,337 --> 00:14:01,257
"Shoplifters
will be crucified."
317
00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:02,801
Wait, you ain't got
nothing, do you?
318
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:06,429
Get on up here.
319
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,431
Joseph, this place sounds
kind of rough.
320
00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:11,309
What kind of neighborhood
is this?
321
00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:14,479
Babe, this must be the south
side of Bethlehem.
322
00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:21,611
[bell clangs]
323
00:14:21,653 --> 00:14:25,407
(male #1)
'Alright! Alright,
hold your camels!'
324
00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:28,702
Hah! Oh!
Welcome to the Bethlehem Inn
325
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:31,371
where we always leave
the torch on for you.
326
00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:32,831
- How may I help you?
- Alright, man.
327
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,499
I need a room for me
and my baby.
328
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:35,542
Of course.
329
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:38,503
Whoop.
330
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:42,424
- What's the name?
- Joseph.
331
00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:44,843
Ah, Joseph.
I don't see a reservation.
332
00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:47,887
- What's the last name, Joseph?
- There's no last name, man.
333
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:49,514
What do you mean?
It's just Joseph?
334
00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:52,976
- Just Joseph, man.
- Oh, I get it.
335
00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:54,394
It's sort of like Madonna.
336
00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:55,854
[giggles]
337
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:58,523
No, that would be her.
338
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:01,443
I'm very sorry. We're all booked
up for the night.
339
00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:04,279
You know, you really should've
called in advance.
340
00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:06,865
But Mary's about to give birth
any minute now.
341
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,867
Pla-dae! Plack-low!
342
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:11,703
Mother of God,
are you kidding?
343
00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:13,455
I felt some kick.
344
00:15:16,374 --> 00:15:18,710
Girl, it feel like
he's walking on water. Just..
345
00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:22,756
Sorry, no room at the inn.
346
00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:24,132
(Martin)
'You ain't right, man.'
347
00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:25,467
- 'Oh!'
- Look, let's get out of here.
348
00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:26,926
We'll stay out back
at the stable.
349
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:28,219
Okay.
350
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:32,223
Hi, Nebuchadnezzar
and Sarah Smith.
351
00:15:32,307 --> 00:15:33,850
Ah, yes.
Do you have a reservation?
352
00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:35,769
- No, we don't.
- Well, you're in luck.
353
00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:37,395
I happen to have one room left.
354
00:15:37,479 --> 00:15:39,981
- What?!
- Is there a bible in the room?
355
00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:42,067
Only the first half.
356
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,860
Sign here, please.
357
00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:48,239
- Joseph, did you see that?
- Yeah. You know what?
358
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:51,117
I got a feeling it's going to be
like this for 2,000 years.
359
00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:54,537
No room at the inn.
360
00:15:54,579 --> 00:15:56,998
No justice, no peace.
361
00:15:57,082 --> 00:15:58,333
Say it.
362
00:15:58,416 --> 00:16:02,462
- No justice, no peace.
- Ah-huh. One more time.
363
00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:06,591
So baby Jesus was born,
just as the prophets said.
364
00:16:06,675 --> 00:16:11,221
Now, above them a bright star
began shining in the sky
365
00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:13,932
to show the world
a great king had been born.
366
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,267
Now this star shined so bright
367
00:16:16,351 --> 00:16:18,520
you could even see it
during the daytime.
368
00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:21,648
Did you have to poke a hole
in a shoe box to look at it?
369
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:28,530
Waterhead, don't even bother to
wake up on Christmas, okay?
370
00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:30,949
Alright?
Just stay sleeping, okay?
371
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:33,368
Chill, okay?
372
00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:36,579
Alright? Just-just lay in your
dribble, and let it marinate.
373
00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:43,003
Now..
374
00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:45,171
This star was so bright
375
00:16:45,255 --> 00:16:47,632
that some wise brothers
from the East side
376
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,968
followed it for miles
to see the Christ child
377
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:52,804
and bring him gifts.
378
00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:57,142
You mean we got to walk all that
way and bring a gift?
379
00:16:57,183 --> 00:17:00,478
It's the son of God, man.
380
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,689
Yeah! We can't go empty-handed.
381
00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:04,399
How's that going to look?
382
00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:07,152
Hey,
I don't care where you go
383
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:09,863
long as you bring me
something back, hear me?
384
00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:12,157
Get back in the house.
385
00:17:19,748 --> 00:17:22,083
So the wise men walked..
386
00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:23,668
[instrumental music]
387
00:17:23,752 --> 00:17:26,129
And walked..
388
00:17:26,171 --> 00:17:27,339
...and walked.
389
00:17:32,177 --> 00:17:35,013
Why didn't their mothers
drive them?
390
00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:37,182
'Cause the camel had a boot
on it.
391
00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:44,856
Who's idea was this anyway?
392
00:17:44,939 --> 00:17:46,399
[groans]
393
00:17:46,483 --> 00:17:49,361
If we so wise,
how come we lost?
394
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,948
Never mind that.
Who's big dog is this
395
00:17:54,032 --> 00:17:55,533
with the hump on his back?
396
00:17:57,118 --> 00:18:00,163
Obadiah, you stupid.
397
00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:04,334
Anybody got a map?
398
00:18:04,376 --> 00:18:05,377
Hey, you know,
I thought for sure
399
00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:07,212
we'd run into a gas station.
400
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,339
It didn't look this far
from my house.
401
00:18:09,381 --> 00:18:11,341
Hey, look for moss.
402
00:18:11,383 --> 00:18:13,677
See, moss always grows
on the North side.
403
00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:17,138
That's true. I went with some
women from the North side.
404
00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:19,808
I'm blind.
Looking into that star is like
405
00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:21,559
looking into a flashcube, man.
406
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:24,145
Here.
Try on one of these here. Yeah.
407
00:18:26,064 --> 00:18:28,274
They'll think
we look large.
408
00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:31,569
[chuckles]
Ahh!
409
00:18:35,824 --> 00:18:38,910
- They were wise men.
- That's right.
410
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:40,203
I mean,
Well, two of them were.
411
00:18:40,245 --> 00:18:41,913
The third one
had a plate in his head.
412
00:18:43,206 --> 00:18:44,541
You like that, don't you?
413
00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:47,085
Alright, man.
I'm sorry about that.
414
00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:48,378
- Sorry, man.
- Where were you?
415
00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:49,838
Look, I got caught up at work,
alright.
416
00:18:49,921 --> 00:18:52,590
A 747 had a water leak,
and I had to, you know, vacuum..
417
00:18:52,674 --> 00:18:54,175
Okay. Shh! Shh! Shh!
418
00:18:56,845 --> 00:19:00,932
And at long last,
they reached baby Jesus' bed.
419
00:19:03,268 --> 00:19:07,480
Oh, it's the cutest little king
in the whole wide world.
420
00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:09,315
He looks just like
a little angel.
421
00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:12,944
- Aw!
- Ga ga! Goo goo!
422
00:19:13,028 --> 00:19:14,529
What's new?
423
00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:17,032
- Psst, Mary.
- Yeah.
424
00:19:17,115 --> 00:19:20,660
Who are those three brothers
dressed like Queen Latifah?
425
00:19:20,744 --> 00:19:23,455
I don't know, Joseph.
Jehovah witnesses?
426
00:19:23,538 --> 00:19:27,917
No, they too early.
Look here..
427
00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:30,128
I don't care what you brothers
are selling
428
00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:33,798
take your humpback dog,
and go on about your business.
429
00:19:33,882 --> 00:19:35,383
Hallelujah!
430
00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:39,304
The son of God is born
unto us.
431
00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:40,805
Okay. Right. Right.
432
00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:42,974
Um, hey, can I-can I get you
guys anything?
433
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:47,020
You know, uh-uh-uh, wine, fish,
bread, kool-aid?
434
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:48,980
Come on in. Come on in.
435
00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:52,650
Gold, 'cause he is king.
436
00:19:52,734 --> 00:19:55,195
Frankincense,
because he is God.
437
00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:59,157
And myrrh,
because he is also man.
438
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:02,452
We appreciate that.
Thank you.
439
00:20:02,494 --> 00:20:05,038
Aw. That's our boy.
440
00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:07,540
You go, girl!
441
00:20:07,624 --> 00:20:09,000
Why don't you let me hold that
gold, bro?
442
00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:15,757
And see, that's why we give
gifts at Christmas time.
443
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:18,301
Alright? To remember
that Jesus was born
444
00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:21,179
to give us all hope
and to teach us to love
445
00:20:21,262 --> 00:20:22,806
all our brothers and sisters.
446
00:20:22,847 --> 00:20:24,599
[Martin chuckles]
447
00:20:24,683 --> 00:20:28,687
Man, that was a deep story,
Santa Claus.
448
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:29,688
Give me love.
449
00:20:32,107 --> 00:20:34,693
Now, look, I'm going to get
you help, okay?
450
00:20:37,696 --> 00:20:39,364
- Ah.
- That was beautiful, honey.
451
00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:41,533
- Aw, you liked that?
- Yeah.
452
00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:42,701
- You know what?
- What?
453
00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:44,369
You still owe me a gift,
don't you?
454
00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:47,706
- Oh! Ho-ho-ho.
- Ho-ho-ho.
455
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:50,166
Hey, hey, Pam, why don't you
give me a little something?
456
00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:51,376
(Pam)
'Alright.'
457
00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:54,796
♪ Silent night ♪
458
00:20:54,838 --> 00:20:58,883
♪ Holy night ♪
459
00:20:58,967 --> 00:21:02,929
♪ All is calm ♪
460
00:21:03,013 --> 00:21:07,183
♪ All is bright ♪
461
00:21:07,225 --> 00:21:11,563
♪ Round yon virgin ♪
462
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:15,900
♪ Mother and child ♪
463
00:21:15,984 --> 00:21:19,154
♪ Holy infant ♪
464
00:21:19,237 --> 00:21:24,075
♪ So tender and mild ♪
465
00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:30,457
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪
466
00:21:30,540 --> 00:21:37,672
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪♪
467
00:21:39,341 --> 00:21:42,761
Give it up. Give it up.
468
00:21:42,844 --> 00:21:44,429
Okay.
469
00:21:44,471 --> 00:21:46,264
Ho-ho-ho! Ho-ho-ho!
470
00:21:46,348 --> 00:21:50,185
- Merry Christmas, children.
- There's the real Santa!
471
00:21:50,268 --> 00:21:51,519
Wait a minute!
472
00:21:51,603 --> 00:21:55,273
If he's the real Santa,
that means..
473
00:21:55,357 --> 00:21:57,275
...he's an impostor.
474
00:21:57,317 --> 00:21:58,943
No. No. I'm from the ghetto.
475
00:21:58,985 --> 00:22:01,738
Stone him! Burn him!
476
00:22:01,780 --> 00:22:04,157
(Arthur)
Come on, everyone,
let's bum-rush him!
477
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:07,369
[clamoring]
478
00:22:09,371 --> 00:22:12,499
[instrumental music]
479
00:22:17,295 --> 00:22:18,421
♪ Joy to the world ♪
480
00:22:18,463 --> 00:22:20,423
♪ The Lord has come ♪
481
00:22:20,465 --> 00:22:24,719
♪ Let Earth receive our king ♪
482
00:22:24,803 --> 00:22:26,763
♪ Let every heart ♪
483
00:22:26,805 --> 00:22:28,932
♪ Prepare him room ♪
484
00:22:28,973 --> 00:22:31,017
♪ And heaven
and nature sing ♪
485
00:22:31,101 --> 00:22:33,061
♪ And heaven
and nature sing ♪
486
00:22:33,144 --> 00:22:37,857
♪ And heaven
and nature sing ♪♪
35184
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