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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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NARRATOR:
Kids, in April of 2013,
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00:00:04,786 --> 00:00:06,536
your mother and I werevery close
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00:00:06,538 --> 00:00:08,154
and yet very far apart.
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00:00:08,156 --> 00:00:10,757
I was living onWest 82nd Street.
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00:00:10,759 --> 00:00:12,926
She was up on West 115th.
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00:00:12,928 --> 00:00:15,494
She was gettinga degree in economics.
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I was teaching architecture.
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I was always at MacLaren's.
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00:00:18,717 --> 00:00:20,133
She was always...
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00:00:20,135 --> 00:00:22,218
not spendingall her time in a bar.
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She was dating somefinance guy named Louis.
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00:00:25,423 --> 00:00:27,440
And I...
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00:00:27,442 --> 00:00:29,893
I was alone.
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Ted, get ready
to be surrounded by
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00:00:33,315 --> 00:00:35,198
half-naked,
grease-covered bodies.
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00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,734
And by grease,
I mean motor grease.
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00:00:37,736 --> 00:00:41,154
We're going to
Robots vs. Wrestlers!
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00:00:41,156 --> 00:00:44,324
NARRATOR: Kids, you remember
Robots vs. Wrestlers.
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00:00:44,326 --> 00:00:45,241
Forget everything
you remember
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00:00:45,243 --> 00:00:46,492
about Robotsvs. Wrestlers.
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00:00:46,494 --> 00:00:50,046
This is Robots vs. Wrestlers:"Legends."
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00:00:50,048 --> 00:00:53,299
Elderly wrestlers
fighting old-timey robots
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00:00:53,301 --> 00:00:55,368
in a wheelchair-accessible
wrestling ring.
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00:00:55,370 --> 00:00:57,870
Why are we still sitting here?
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00:00:57,872 --> 00:00:59,088
I got a big lecture tomorrow.
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00:00:59,090 --> 00:01:00,539
Think I'm gonna
take it easy tonight.
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00:01:00,541 --> 00:01:02,759
Ted, trust me,
20 years from now,
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00:01:02,761 --> 00:01:06,446
you'll be glad you saw
Robots vs. Wrestlers: Legends.
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00:01:06,448 --> 00:01:08,982
I can't imagine
a world where that's possible.
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00:01:08,984 --> 00:01:09,983
I'm serious.
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00:01:09,985 --> 00:01:11,234
20 years from now,
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00:01:11,236 --> 00:01:13,603
when my 26-year-old third wife
asks me about this...
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00:01:13,605 --> 00:01:15,071
You make a lot of those jokes.
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00:01:15,073 --> 00:01:16,306
I'm gonna say,
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00:01:16,308 --> 00:01:18,424
"Yeah, it was awesome,
but you know the funny thing?
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00:01:18,426 --> 00:01:20,443
Ted almost didn't go."
Hmm.
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00:01:20,445 --> 00:01:22,895
"But thank God he did,
because it was a great night."
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00:01:22,897 --> 00:01:24,063
And then she
and I will
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00:01:24,065 --> 00:01:25,398
adjourn to the Jacuzzi,
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00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:27,400
where my fourth wife
will be waiting for us,
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00:01:27,402 --> 00:01:28,901
already warming herself
up on the jets.
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00:01:28,903 --> 00:01:30,620
Oh, Robin's here--
I'll tell you the rest later.
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Please do,
that story could go anywhere.
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00:01:32,573 --> 00:01:33,539
Mwah.
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00:01:33,541 --> 00:01:34,924
Hey, hello.
Hey.
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00:01:34,926 --> 00:01:36,042
Here we are
at the bar
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00:01:36,044 --> 00:01:37,243
once more.
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00:01:38,095 --> 00:01:39,429
"What will I have to drink?"
you ask.
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00:01:39,431 --> 00:01:40,463
Hmm.
50
00:01:40,465 --> 00:01:41,580
Minnesota Tidal Wave.
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00:01:41,582 --> 00:01:43,099
"What's that?" you ask.
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00:01:43,101 --> 00:01:44,217
Only the best cocktail ever.
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00:01:44,219 --> 00:01:45,885
"Who invented it?" you ask.
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Me.
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00:01:47,606 --> 00:01:49,272
And it's not
a girly drink.
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00:01:49,274 --> 00:01:50,690
Lily, why would
you even say that?
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00:01:50,692 --> 00:01:52,425
(scoffing):
Girly drink.
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00:01:52,427 --> 00:01:54,611
Hey, I am the least
girly girl on Earth,
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00:01:54,613 --> 00:01:56,396
and I love
the Minnesota Tidal Wave.
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00:01:56,398 --> 00:01:57,814
Thank you, Robin.
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00:01:57,816 --> 00:01:59,732
Matter of fact,
I'm going to go order one
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00:01:59,734 --> 00:02:01,600
right now
with my head held high.
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00:02:01,602 --> 00:02:02,601
Lily.
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00:02:02,603 --> 00:02:04,070
You want me to
order it for you?
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00:02:04,072 --> 00:02:05,271
Yes, please,
thank you, baby.
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00:02:08,859 --> 00:02:10,994
Ted, let me tell you
the secret to life.
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00:02:10,996 --> 00:02:12,111
Hmm.
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00:02:12,113 --> 00:02:13,913
Every time I make a decision
about what to do
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00:02:13,915 --> 00:02:16,082
on a given night, I ask myself,
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00:02:16,084 --> 00:02:19,752
"What would make the best memory
20 years from now?"
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00:02:19,754 --> 00:02:22,956
So I let 20-Years-From-Now-
Barney call the shots.
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00:02:22,958 --> 00:02:24,290
And it always works out.
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00:02:24,292 --> 00:02:26,426
And 20-Years-From-Now-Barney
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00:02:26,428 --> 00:02:28,811
thinks we should go
to Robots vs. Wrestlers?
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00:02:28,813 --> 00:02:29,829
I don't know.
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00:02:29,831 --> 00:02:30,797
Let's ask him.
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00:02:30,799 --> 00:02:31,981
Close your eyes, Ted.
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00:02:31,983 --> 00:02:33,599
(sighs)
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Okay, now open them.
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00:02:35,553 --> 00:02:36,519
Barney, I swear to God,
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00:02:36,521 --> 00:02:37,970
if I open my eyes
and your bare ass
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00:02:37,972 --> 00:02:39,522
is an inch away
from my face again...
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00:02:39,524 --> 00:02:42,008
Just open your eyes.
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00:02:42,010 --> 00:02:43,826
(whooshing)
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00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:47,897
Ted, I'd like you to meet
20-Years-From-Now-Barney.
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00:02:47,899 --> 00:02:49,582
20-Years-From-Now-Barney,
you remember Ted.
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00:02:49,584 --> 00:02:51,701
'Sup?
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00:02:51,767 --> 00:02:55,767
♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x20 ♪
The Time Travelers
Original Air Date on March 25, 2013
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00:02:55,792 --> 00:03:00,792
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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00:03:04,515 --> 00:03:05,848
Hey, Ted.
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00:03:05,850 --> 00:03:07,066
What's this
I hear-slash-remember
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00:03:07,068 --> 00:03:10,236
about you not wanting to
see Robots vs. Wrestlers?
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00:03:10,238 --> 00:03:12,021
Yeah, it's just that I
don't want to see it.
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00:03:12,023 --> 00:03:14,023
You don't...
I know.
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00:03:14,025 --> 00:03:15,108
He doesn't...
I know.
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00:03:15,110 --> 00:03:16,309
(stammering)
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00:03:16,311 --> 00:03:20,196
Ted, trust us,
it's gonna be legend--
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00:03:20,198 --> 00:03:22,398
wait 20 years for it...
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00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:23,349
...dary!
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00:03:23,351 --> 00:03:25,785
Legendary!
Legendary!
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00:03:25,787 --> 00:03:26,903
Okay, uh,
I'm gonna go home.
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00:03:26,905 --> 00:03:28,037
No, Ted, look.
Come on!
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00:03:28,039 --> 00:03:29,205
If you don't
believe that
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00:03:29,207 --> 00:03:30,356
Robots vs. Wrestlers
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00:03:30,358 --> 00:03:31,908
is gonna be
a life-changing event,
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00:03:31,910 --> 00:03:35,712
maybe you'll believe
20-Years-From-Now-Ted.
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00:03:35,714 --> 00:03:36,829
(whooshing)
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00:03:36,831 --> 00:03:37,847
Whoa.
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00:03:37,849 --> 00:03:39,215
'Sup?
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00:03:39,217 --> 00:03:40,199
Wow.
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00:03:40,201 --> 00:03:42,368
Wow, so many
things all at once.
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00:03:42,370 --> 00:03:43,869
But most
importantly...
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I don't go bald?
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Nope.
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00:03:47,042 --> 00:03:48,224
And neither do I.
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00:03:48,226 --> 00:03:49,375
Eeh...
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00:03:49,377 --> 00:03:51,877
Ted, listen to me.
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00:03:51,879 --> 00:03:54,430
You, listen to you.
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00:03:54,432 --> 00:03:56,182
Me.
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00:03:56,184 --> 00:03:58,351
You got to go to Robotsvs. Wrestlers: Legends.
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00:03:58,353 --> 00:04:00,603
Trust me,
you will regret it if you don't.
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00:04:00,605 --> 00:04:02,105
So, what,
do I go bald or something?
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00:04:02,107 --> 00:04:03,222
Is that a toupee?
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00:04:03,224 --> 00:04:04,223
Ted,
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00:04:04,225 --> 00:04:05,525
scalp check!
Can't Robin do this?
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00:04:05,527 --> 00:04:07,110
Come on, you've been
doing it for years.
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00:04:07,112 --> 00:04:08,444
You know the frame
of reference.
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00:04:08,446 --> 00:04:09,746
Scalp check!
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00:04:11,331 --> 00:04:12,749
Hmm, that's odd.
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00:04:12,751 --> 00:04:15,668
Little early in the week
for scalp check.
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00:04:15,670 --> 00:04:16,902
Five tablespoons of sugar,
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00:04:16,904 --> 00:04:19,122
a whisper
of vanilla vodka
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00:04:19,124 --> 00:04:20,173
and you're done.
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00:04:20,175 --> 00:04:21,874
(fake coughs):
Maraschino cherries.
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00:04:21,876 --> 00:04:24,544
Oh, and a handful of
maraschino cherries on top.
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00:04:24,546 --> 00:04:26,345
Wait, you're ordering
a Robin Scherbatsky.
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00:04:26,347 --> 00:04:27,513
Why didn't you just say that?
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00:04:28,382 --> 00:04:29,348
(chuckles)
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00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:31,184
One second
there, barkeep.
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00:04:31,186 --> 00:04:32,084
Unless I'm mistaken,
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00:04:32,086 --> 00:04:33,636
the drink this
lady just ordered
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00:04:33,638 --> 00:04:36,305
is called the
Minnesota Tidal Wave.
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00:04:36,307 --> 00:04:38,040
Origin unknown.
144
00:04:38,042 --> 00:04:40,393
Oh, well, you know, Robin's been
ordering them so much lately
145
00:04:40,395 --> 00:04:41,611
that we named it after her.
146
00:04:41,613 --> 00:04:43,679
You named a drink after me?
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00:04:43,681 --> 00:04:45,114
Right there in the menu.
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00:04:45,116 --> 00:04:46,432
Congrats.
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00:04:53,707 --> 00:04:55,958
I can't drink this.
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00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,210
That's better.
151
00:04:57,212 --> 00:04:59,945
I'm still seething,
but that's better.
152
00:04:59,947 --> 00:05:01,130
(mouthing)
153
00:05:01,132 --> 00:05:02,632
Okay,
20-Years-From-Now-Me,
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00:05:02,634 --> 00:05:04,217
level with me.
155
00:05:04,219 --> 00:05:06,719
You. Us.
156
00:05:06,721 --> 00:05:08,504
Is Robots vs.Wrestlers worth it?
157
00:05:08,506 --> 00:05:11,057
It was the single
greatest night of my life.
158
00:05:11,059 --> 00:05:12,725
Even greater
than your wedding?
159
00:05:12,727 --> 00:05:14,861
Well, I mean,
when I get married,
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00:05:14,863 --> 00:05:16,512
that'll be the
greatest night of my life.
161
00:05:16,514 --> 00:05:18,181
But who knows when
that's going to happen?
162
00:05:18,183 --> 00:05:20,316
Oh, my God, you
still haven't...
163
00:05:20,318 --> 00:05:21,801
Man, I hope
I meet her soon.
164
00:05:21,803 --> 00:05:23,653
Oh, God, what is
wrong with me?!
165
00:05:23,655 --> 00:05:25,021
(laughing):
I'm sorry!
166
00:05:25,023 --> 00:05:26,656
I'm just messing
with you!
167
00:05:26,658 --> 00:05:28,858
Now, come on, are
we going or what?
168
00:05:28,860 --> 00:05:30,576
Fine, let's go.
169
00:05:30,578 --> 00:05:31,777
Yeah!
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00:05:32,613 --> 00:05:34,080
Not so fast.
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00:05:34,082 --> 00:05:36,799
Barney, Ted,
20-Years-From-Now-Barney,
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00:05:36,801 --> 00:05:38,100
20-Years-From-Now-Ted.
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00:05:38,102 --> 00:05:38,935
Who are you?
174
00:05:38,937 --> 00:05:41,721
I'm 20-Hours-From-Now-Ted.
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00:05:41,723 --> 00:05:44,323
And you bastards
aren't going anywhere.
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00:05:49,579 --> 00:05:51,777
So, you're the Ted
from 20 hours from now?
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00:05:51,877 --> 00:05:52,860
Shh.
178
00:05:52,862 --> 00:05:55,446
Just... shh.
179
00:05:55,448 --> 00:05:56,530
You okay?
180
00:05:56,532 --> 00:05:58,132
No, I'm not okay.
181
00:05:58,134 --> 00:06:00,751
This dummy's about to go
to Robots vs. Wrestlers--
182
00:06:00,753 --> 00:06:02,369
and yes, it'll be awesome...
183
00:06:02,371 --> 00:06:04,488
See?
184
00:06:04,490 --> 00:06:05,572
...at first.
185
00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:07,207
But then
you're gonna drink way too much,
186
00:06:07,209 --> 00:06:09,159
hence the headache.
187
00:06:09,161 --> 00:06:10,461
Then you're gonna
jump into the ring
188
00:06:10,463 --> 00:06:12,629
and sprain your wrist,
hence the splint.
189
00:06:12,631 --> 00:06:13,680
And then afterwards,
you're gonna smoke
190
00:06:13,682 --> 00:06:14,998
half a pack of cigarettes,
hence the...
191
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,166
(coughing)
192
00:06:16,168 --> 00:06:18,302
Well, that's the sound
a good time.
193
00:06:18,304 --> 00:06:20,804
And 20 hours from now,
when you're me,
194
00:06:20,806 --> 00:06:21,805
you're gonna want
to come back here,
195
00:06:21,807 --> 00:06:24,391
right to this very spot,
right now,
196
00:06:24,393 --> 00:06:26,009
and smack yourself
upside the head.
197
00:06:26,011 --> 00:06:27,478
Yeah, but obviously
I wouldn't do that
198
00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:28,645
'cause I'd only be
smacking myself--
199
00:06:28,647 --> 00:06:30,347
Ow!
200
00:06:30,349 --> 00:06:33,600
Don't do this to me, Ted.
Don't do this to us.
201
00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:35,536
Don't listen to yourself,
Present-Day-Ted.
202
00:06:35,538 --> 00:06:38,655
It's a day of pain
for a lifetime of memories.
203
00:06:38,657 --> 00:06:40,290
20-Hours-From-Now-Me,
204
00:06:40,292 --> 00:06:43,410
just tell me one
thing: do I hurl?
205
00:06:43,412 --> 00:06:45,579
Yeah, kid.
206
00:06:45,581 --> 00:06:47,214
You hurl.
207
00:06:47,216 --> 00:06:48,365
A lot?
208
00:06:48,367 --> 00:06:50,084
Remember when Mom
209
00:06:50,086 --> 00:06:52,419
bought the beef
from the Price Club?
210
00:06:52,421 --> 00:06:54,505
Okay, how about this:
211
00:06:54,507 --> 00:06:56,723
we go to
Robots vs. Wrestlers,
212
00:06:56,725 --> 00:06:59,643
but I don't
drink too much?
213
00:06:59,645 --> 00:07:00,961
Interesting.
214
00:07:00,963 --> 00:07:01,979
I'm good with that.
215
00:07:01,981 --> 00:07:03,213
No, forget it.
216
00:07:03,215 --> 00:07:04,648
If Ted
doesn't get wasted,
217
00:07:04,650 --> 00:07:06,183
there's no way
he'll end up making out
218
00:07:06,185 --> 00:07:08,652
with that surprisingly
realistic-looking female robot.
219
00:07:08,654 --> 00:07:10,554
Wait, I kiss
a female robot?
220
00:07:10,556 --> 00:07:12,022
Oh, you do a lot
more than that.
221
00:07:12,024 --> 00:07:15,192
Now, look, nobody is
saying you need alcohol
222
00:07:15,194 --> 00:07:17,161
to have an exciting
and memorable night.
223
00:07:17,163 --> 00:07:19,246
(all agreeing) Absolutely not.
Absolutely not.
224
00:07:19,248 --> 00:07:21,999
But in this case, yeah,
you kind of have to be wasted.
225
00:07:22,001 --> 00:07:24,284
(all agreeing,
overlapping chatter)
226
00:07:24,286 --> 00:07:26,003
You drink beers
in cans still.
227
00:07:26,005 --> 00:07:27,621
It makes the robot scarier.
228
00:07:28,506 --> 00:07:30,257
They named
my drink after her.
229
00:07:30,259 --> 00:07:31,625
The Minnesota Tidal Wave.
230
00:07:31,627 --> 00:07:32,876
It's my usual.
231
00:07:32,878 --> 00:07:34,094
Immaterial!
232
00:07:34,096 --> 00:07:35,712
If it's gonna be named
after anybody,
233
00:07:35,714 --> 00:07:37,514
it should be called
The Marshall Eriksen.
234
00:07:37,516 --> 00:07:39,600
Sorry, it's
The Robin Scherbatsky.
235
00:07:39,602 --> 00:07:40,750
Read it and weep.
236
00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:42,419
Oh, so you're gonna
Zuckerberg me?
237
00:07:42,421 --> 00:07:43,353
That it?
238
00:07:43,355 --> 00:07:44,754
You're Zuckerberging me?
239
00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:45,455
That's fine.
240
00:07:45,457 --> 00:07:47,107
I'll see you in court.
241
00:07:47,109 --> 00:07:49,159
Little court known
as the dance floor.
242
00:07:49,161 --> 00:07:50,694
Dance-off. Now.
243
00:07:50,696 --> 00:07:51,761
No, no dancing.
244
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:53,597
Marshall,
we've been through this.
245
00:07:53,599 --> 00:07:55,599
The doctor said your
dancer's hip is worse than ever.
246
00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:57,618
You have to lay off dancing
for a while.
247
00:07:57,620 --> 00:07:59,453
You're killing me, Lily!
248
00:07:59,455 --> 00:08:01,488
You're killing me!
249
00:08:01,490 --> 00:08:02,606
I'm an adult.
250
00:08:02,608 --> 00:08:04,124
You have to let me dance
my own battles.
251
00:08:04,126 --> 00:08:05,876
Marshall, there's not gonna be
a dance-off
252
00:08:05,878 --> 00:08:07,110
because the name is staying.
253
00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:09,446
Period, end of story.
254
00:08:09,448 --> 00:08:12,633
I just like having
my name on something.
255
00:08:12,635 --> 00:08:14,051
Oh, you do?
256
00:08:14,053 --> 00:08:16,086
Oh, that's great, Robin.
257
00:08:16,088 --> 00:08:18,088
Then that's what you will get.
258
00:08:18,090 --> 00:08:20,174
That's...
259
00:08:20,176 --> 00:08:22,176
what you...
260
00:08:22,178 --> 00:08:24,561
will get.
261
00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:28,599
Mmm, mmm-mmm-mmm.
262
00:08:28,601 --> 00:08:30,317
Oh, hey, Robin.
263
00:08:30,319 --> 00:08:32,302
You here "for a good time"?
264
00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:34,238
(whispers):
Classic.
265
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:35,805
Did you write my number
in the men's room?
266
00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:38,108
It... (scoffs)
Well, I don't know.
267
00:08:38,110 --> 00:08:39,643
I guess you'll never know
unless you go in there,
268
00:08:39,645 --> 00:08:40,777
which I highly
doubt that...
269
00:08:40,779 --> 00:08:42,112
There she goes.
270
00:08:42,114 --> 00:08:43,647
Okay, boys.
271
00:08:43,649 --> 00:08:46,483
Close your eyes
and zip your flies.
272
00:08:52,373 --> 00:08:54,658
Hi. Don't mind me.
273
00:08:57,378 --> 00:08:59,012
I don't think
you should have done that.
274
00:08:59,014 --> 00:09:01,298
Lily, I know what I'm doing,
all right?
275
00:09:01,300 --> 00:09:02,432
I'm a lawyer.
276
00:09:02,434 --> 00:09:04,051
I've thought about
every possible scenario.
277
00:09:04,053 --> 00:09:05,552
I'm ten steps ahead of...
278
00:09:08,005 --> 00:09:09,640
Where's she going?
279
00:09:09,642 --> 00:09:11,058
Probably into the ladies' room
280
00:09:11,060 --> 00:09:12,676
to write something on the wall
about you.
281
00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:14,061
Nobody writes things
282
00:09:14,063 --> 00:09:15,362
on the walls
of the ladies' room.
283
00:09:15,364 --> 00:09:17,030
Have you been
in the ladies' room?
284
00:09:17,032 --> 00:09:18,448
Of course not.
285
00:09:18,450 --> 00:09:21,351
Lily, I know that I have the
sexual charisma of a bad boy,
286
00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:24,738
but I certainly don't have
the manners of one.
287
00:09:26,074 --> 00:09:27,023
What'd you write in there?
288
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:29,159
Why don't you
go in and look?
289
00:09:29,161 --> 00:09:31,361
You know I can't do that, Robin.
290
00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:32,546
Lily, can you go look?
291
00:09:32,548 --> 00:09:35,916
Oh, I thought you wanted
to dance your own battles.
292
00:09:37,051 --> 00:09:39,586
Ladies,
put your blouses back on!
293
00:09:39,588 --> 00:09:42,673
I'm coming in!
294
00:09:47,262 --> 00:09:48,645
ROBIN:
Dear Marshall,
295
00:09:48,647 --> 00:09:50,747
I know this is a strange wayto apologize,
296
00:09:50,749 --> 00:09:54,151
but I'm sorry I let Carlname your drink after me.
297
00:09:54,153 --> 00:09:55,819
Why didn't I say something?
298
00:09:55,821 --> 00:09:58,388
Gosh, I guess that goes backto my childhood.
299
00:09:59,741 --> 00:10:01,058
Okay, guys.
300
00:10:01,060 --> 00:10:04,077
Let's go to
Robots vs. Wrestlers.
301
00:10:04,079 --> 00:10:04,945
Huzzah!
Now you're talking!
302
00:10:04,947 --> 00:10:05,895
Here we go.
303
00:10:05,897 --> 00:10:07,164
Nope, sit down.
304
00:10:07,166 --> 00:10:08,665
Everybody sit down.
305
00:10:08,667 --> 00:10:09,750
Okay, who are you?
306
00:10:09,752 --> 00:10:12,703
Hello, Ted, Barney,
20-Hours-From-Now-Ted,
307
00:10:12,705 --> 00:10:14,921
20-Years-From-Now-Ted,
20-Years-From-Now-Barney.
308
00:10:14,923 --> 00:10:16,423
Hey, how's it going?
309
00:10:16,425 --> 00:10:18,375
Allow me to introduce myself.
310
00:10:18,377 --> 00:10:20,544
I'm 20-Minutes-From-Now-Barney,
311
00:10:20,546 --> 00:10:22,379
and I have got something
very important to...
312
00:10:22,381 --> 00:10:23,463
(Barney scoffs)
313
00:10:23,465 --> 00:10:25,549
What's the stain
on your shirt, bro?
314
00:10:25,551 --> 00:10:27,768
Please, please, I really do have
something very important to...
315
00:10:27,770 --> 00:10:28,935
(Barney laughs
mockingly)
316
00:10:28,937 --> 00:10:30,920
You look stupid.
317
00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:32,255
Here's your spaghetti.
318
00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:34,057
And be careful...
319
00:10:35,610 --> 00:10:37,311
...with the meatball.
320
00:10:39,447 --> 00:10:41,865
ROBIN: And that's the only timemy father
321
00:10:41,867 --> 00:10:43,600
ever said he was proud of me.
322
00:10:43,602 --> 00:10:46,536
Maybe that's why I stole creditfor your drink.
323
00:10:46,538 --> 00:10:47,621
Maybe that's why
324
00:10:47,623 --> 00:10:50,290
I needed to pour my heart outlike this.
325
00:10:50,292 --> 00:10:52,926
Or, maybe I wrote thisso you'd be in here long enough
326
00:10:52,928 --> 00:10:55,295
for a lady to walk in,causing you to freak out
327
00:10:55,297 --> 00:10:56,480
and hide in the stall.
328
00:10:56,482 --> 00:10:57,664
(door opens)
329
00:10:57,666 --> 00:10:59,416
So, you got a text message?
Yeah.
330
00:11:02,887 --> 00:11:03,953
Whoa.
331
00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:07,024
Try to get some
in your mouth next time.
332
00:11:07,026 --> 00:11:09,092
20-MINUTES-FROM-NOW-BARNEY:
Okay, everybody, listen up.
333
00:11:09,094 --> 00:11:10,160
When I walked in here,
334
00:11:10,162 --> 00:11:11,695
I was 20-Minutes-
From-Now-Barney.
335
00:11:11,697 --> 00:11:13,163
But that was 19 minutes
336
00:11:13,165 --> 00:11:14,698
and some serious
acid reflux--
337
00:11:14,700 --> 00:11:17,501
who orders spaghetti
at an Irish bar?-- ago.
338
00:11:17,503 --> 00:11:18,635
Now,
339
00:11:18,637 --> 00:11:20,320
I'm 20-Seconds-
From-Now-Barney,
340
00:11:20,322 --> 00:11:22,322
and I'm telling you,
watch that door.
341
00:11:22,324 --> 00:11:23,156
Why?
342
00:11:23,158 --> 00:11:26,259
That's why.
343
00:11:27,628 --> 00:11:29,396
Um, oh.
344
00:11:29,398 --> 00:11:32,315
In-in, like,
12 seconds.
345
00:11:34,335 --> 00:11:36,253
Your skin looks great.
346
00:11:36,255 --> 00:11:37,704
Thanks.
347
00:11:37,706 --> 00:11:40,006
And thank you for taking
such good care of it.
348
00:11:40,008 --> 00:11:41,157
Shh.
349
00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:42,959
That's why.
350
00:11:53,410 --> 00:11:54,410
Who is that?
351
00:11:54,412 --> 00:11:55,678
ALL:
She's the coat check girl
352
00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:57,980
from that dance club
we went to seven years ago.
353
00:11:57,982 --> 00:11:59,315
20-YEARS-FROM-NOW-TED:
You remember that night.
354
00:11:59,317 --> 00:12:00,766
When Barney grinded
with his cousin.
355
00:12:00,768 --> 00:12:03,686
Oh, man, you remember that
20 years from now?
356
00:12:03,688 --> 00:12:05,654
He won't let anyone forget.
357
00:12:05,656 --> 00:12:06,789
TED:
Coat check girl.
358
00:12:06,791 --> 00:12:09,141
I always meant to go
back to that club
359
00:12:09,143 --> 00:12:11,310
and get her number,
but I didn't.
360
00:12:11,312 --> 00:12:13,429
And now she's here?
361
00:12:13,431 --> 00:12:16,732
She's in this bar
seven years later?
362
00:12:16,734 --> 00:12:18,617
I-I can't believe this.
363
00:12:18,619 --> 00:12:20,870
So, wait, do you guys think
I should go talk to her?
364
00:12:20,872 --> 00:12:22,538
Are you kidding me?
Yes, go...
365
00:12:22,540 --> 00:12:23,605
How many different ways...
Idiot.
366
00:12:23,607 --> 00:12:26,659
(high-pitched voice):
Hello?
367
00:12:26,661 --> 00:12:29,712
Is anybody out there?
368
00:12:32,132 --> 00:12:34,917
(whispers):
Sounds like the coast is clear.
369
00:12:34,919 --> 00:12:37,086
(women screaming)
370
00:12:38,672 --> 00:12:40,622
No, no, wait!
371
00:12:40,624 --> 00:12:41,623
Please, it's not my fault!
372
00:12:41,625 --> 00:12:42,842
I was tricked!
373
00:12:42,844 --> 00:12:44,176
Not cool, Marshall.
374
00:12:44,178 --> 00:12:45,644
This is a nice bar.
375
00:12:45,646 --> 00:12:47,847
Girls come here, they just want
to relax with their friends,
376
00:12:47,849 --> 00:12:50,149
maybe have
a few Robin Scherbatskys,
377
00:12:50,151 --> 00:12:51,633
and not have to
worry out some guy
378
00:12:51,635 --> 00:12:54,687
pulling a Marshall Eriksen
in the bathroom.
379
00:12:54,689 --> 00:12:57,656
No, no, no, I know. I just...
380
00:12:57,658 --> 00:13:01,477
Wait a minute,
did you just use my name
381
00:13:01,479 --> 00:13:03,662
as shorthand
for a guy being creepy?
382
00:13:03,664 --> 00:13:04,747
Yep.
383
00:13:04,749 --> 00:13:06,148
Well, you know what, Carl?
384
00:13:06,150 --> 00:13:07,867
I think that you are making
385
00:13:07,869 --> 00:13:09,702
a broad
and prejudicial assumption.
386
00:13:09,704 --> 00:13:12,088
So next time I meet a guy
who just goes around
387
00:13:12,090 --> 00:13:13,655
rushing to judgment,
I'm gonna say,
388
00:13:13,657 --> 00:13:16,876
"Hey, that guy's being
a real Carl..."
389
00:13:18,828 --> 00:13:21,347
You don't know my last name.
390
00:13:21,349 --> 00:13:23,349
You've been drinking
here for years,
391
00:13:23,351 --> 00:13:24,633
and you don't know my last name.
392
00:13:24,635 --> 00:13:27,937
I will name every drink
in this bar after you
393
00:13:27,939 --> 00:13:30,106
if you can tell me my last name.
394
00:13:30,108 --> 00:13:31,190
Well, that just seems confusing.
395
00:13:31,192 --> 00:13:33,142
How will you know
what people are ordering?
396
00:13:34,144 --> 00:13:35,478
What's my last name, Marshall?
397
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,613
It's Carl...
398
00:13:43,036 --> 00:13:44,537
...'s Junior.
399
00:13:45,572 --> 00:13:47,456
Okay, wish me luck,
everyone.
400
00:13:47,458 --> 00:13:49,691
Break a leg...
(everyone talking at once)
401
00:13:52,078 --> 00:13:54,246
(clears throat)
402
00:13:57,968 --> 00:14:00,219
What the hell?
403
00:14:01,704 --> 00:14:03,222
Do not talk to her.
404
00:14:03,224 --> 00:14:04,557
What-what... Who are you?
405
00:14:04,559 --> 00:14:07,209
We are 20-Months-From-Now-
Coat-Check-Girl.
406
00:14:07,211 --> 00:14:08,427
But there's two of you.
407
00:14:08,429 --> 00:14:10,729
Right, because if you go
over there and you talk to her,
408
00:14:10,731 --> 00:14:12,765
20 months from now, it's gonna
end in one of two ways.
409
00:14:12,767 --> 00:14:14,600
Either you are gonna
get sick of me.
410
00:14:14,602 --> 00:14:16,018
I made you muffins
411
00:14:16,020 --> 00:14:18,554
because of your
nickname: Muffin.
412
00:14:18,556 --> 00:14:20,189
Or...
413
00:14:20,191 --> 00:14:22,575
I am gonna get sick of you
and your stupid habits.
414
00:14:22,577 --> 00:14:24,660
Stop DVR-ing the news.
You're never gonna catch up.
415
00:14:24,662 --> 00:14:25,694
(sobbing):
Oh, stop it,
416
00:14:25,696 --> 00:14:27,096
you're scaring him off.
417
00:14:27,098 --> 00:14:28,914
By the way,
I'm pregnant.
418
00:14:28,916 --> 00:14:30,115
No, she's not.
419
00:14:30,117 --> 00:14:31,200
Okay, no, I'm not,
420
00:14:31,202 --> 00:14:33,118
but that made you happy
for a second, right?
421
00:14:33,903 --> 00:14:35,387
Please shut up.
Okay, wait,
422
00:14:35,389 --> 00:14:38,207
so you're saying
it's doomed completely?
423
00:14:38,209 --> 00:14:41,093
One of us is just guaranteed
to get sick of the other
424
00:14:41,095 --> 00:14:42,678
and call it quits?
425
00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:44,580
You've been dating
for a long time, Ted.
426
00:14:44,582 --> 00:14:47,233
Has it ever gone
any other way?
427
00:15:07,404 --> 00:15:09,205
(quiet chatter)
428
00:15:09,207 --> 00:15:10,289
Look at this one.
429
00:15:10,291 --> 00:15:11,440
ROBIN:
Thank you so much.
430
00:15:11,442 --> 00:15:12,658
Hey.
431
00:15:12,660 --> 00:15:14,143
Hey, you look kind of down.
432
00:15:14,145 --> 00:15:17,663
Have a Robin Scherbatsky,
on me.
433
00:15:17,665 --> 00:15:20,449
None of this would have happened
if Lily had let me dance.
434
00:15:20,451 --> 00:15:22,134
(sighs)
435
00:15:22,136 --> 00:15:24,753
Baby, wait.
436
00:15:24,755 --> 00:15:26,088
God, you're still clinging
to that?
437
00:15:26,090 --> 00:15:27,556
Marshall, it doesn't matter,
438
00:15:27,558 --> 00:15:29,842
'cause you'd lose anyway,
and you know why?
439
00:15:29,844 --> 00:15:31,760
'Cause I'm Sparkles,
bitch.
440
00:15:31,762 --> 00:15:33,929
Oh, and you think
you can step to me?
441
00:15:33,931 --> 00:15:35,898
You think you can step
up to the streets?
442
00:15:35,900 --> 00:15:37,182
To me?
443
00:15:37,184 --> 00:15:40,603
You think you can step up
over me to the streets?
444
00:15:40,605 --> 00:15:42,488
I guess we'll never know
because you are not allowed...
445
00:15:42,490 --> 00:15:43,472
Wait, wait.
446
00:15:43,474 --> 00:15:44,806
(upbeat rap music playing)
447
00:15:44,808 --> 00:15:47,443
That's my jam.
448
00:15:47,445 --> 00:15:49,361
Who's playing my jam?
449
00:15:49,363 --> 00:15:51,196
♪ Like you carry dairy there
♪ Carry dairy there ♪
450
00:15:51,198 --> 00:15:53,315
♪ Heinie heinie heinie ho
♪ Heinie heinie heinie ho ♪
451
00:15:53,317 --> 00:15:55,584
♪ Work your derriere
♪ Work your derriere ♪
452
00:15:55,586 --> 00:15:56,985
Dance-off.
453
00:15:56,987 --> 00:15:58,537
You're on.
454
00:15:59,639 --> 00:16:00,789
♪ Work that booty
455
00:16:00,791 --> 00:16:02,007
♪ Work that booty,
work that booty ♪
456
00:16:02,009 --> 00:16:03,175
♪ Work that booty
457
00:16:03,177 --> 00:16:05,177
♪ You got that pretty
brown round ♪
458
00:16:05,179 --> 00:16:07,429
♪ Want both hands
all on them chocolate mounds ♪
459
00:16:07,431 --> 00:16:09,098
♪ Give you my Almond Joy...
460
00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:10,549
Oh.
461
00:16:10,551 --> 00:16:12,101
I think I'm gonna head home.
462
00:16:12,103 --> 00:16:13,385
I understand.
463
00:16:13,387 --> 00:16:15,104
What, you're not gonna try
and stop me?
464
00:16:15,106 --> 00:16:17,273
And how would I try
and stop you?
465
00:16:17,275 --> 00:16:20,609
I don't know, by telling me
life is short,
466
00:16:20,611 --> 00:16:22,611
and if you ever come
across a beautiful,
467
00:16:22,613 --> 00:16:24,196
exciting, crazy moment in it,
468
00:16:24,198 --> 00:16:26,282
you got to seize it
while you can
469
00:16:26,284 --> 00:16:27,683
before that moment's gone?
470
00:16:27,685 --> 00:16:31,070
Ted, this moment
already is gone.
471
00:16:32,122 --> 00:16:33,856
The whole
Minnesota Tidal Wave thing
472
00:16:33,858 --> 00:16:35,240
happened five years ago.
473
00:16:35,242 --> 00:16:36,625
It's just a memory.
474
00:16:36,627 --> 00:16:37,793
And the rest of this
475
00:16:37,795 --> 00:16:39,411
never happened.
476
00:16:39,413 --> 00:16:41,964
Right now, Marshall
and Lily are upstairs,
477
00:16:41,966 --> 00:16:43,882
trying to get Marvin
to go back to sleep.
478
00:16:43,884 --> 00:16:46,001
Robin and I are trying
to decide on a caterer.
479
00:16:46,003 --> 00:16:47,086
And you've been
sitting here
480
00:16:47,088 --> 00:16:49,121
all night,
staring at a single ticket
481
00:16:49,123 --> 00:16:50,806
to Robots vs. Wrestlers
482
00:16:50,808 --> 00:16:52,541
because the rest of us
couldn't come out.
483
00:16:52,543 --> 00:16:55,444
Look around, Ted.
484
00:16:55,446 --> 00:16:57,579
You're all alone.
485
00:17:05,221 --> 00:17:07,189
NARRATOR:
Kids, it's been almost 20 years
486
00:17:07,191 --> 00:17:10,075
since that cold April nightin 2013,
487
00:17:10,077 --> 00:17:11,893
and I can safely tell you,
488
00:17:11,895 --> 00:17:15,497
if I could go back in timeand relive that night,
489
00:17:15,499 --> 00:17:19,702
there's no way in hellI'd go to Robots vs. Wrestlers.
490
00:17:22,238 --> 00:17:25,841
No, I'd go home.
491
00:17:25,843 --> 00:17:27,710
I'd go to my old apartment,
492
00:17:27,712 --> 00:17:30,429
see all my old furniture,my old stuff.
493
00:17:30,431 --> 00:17:32,548
I'd see my old drafting table,
494
00:17:32,550 --> 00:17:35,551
where I sketched outmy first building.
495
00:17:35,553 --> 00:17:36,918
I'd sit on that old couch
496
00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:39,605
and smell the Indian foodcooking three stories below.
497
00:17:39,607 --> 00:17:42,924
I'd go to Lilyand Marshall's place,
498
00:17:42,926 --> 00:17:45,811
be back in that old living roomwhere so many things happened.
499
00:17:45,813 --> 00:17:47,262
I'd see the baby.
500
00:17:47,264 --> 00:17:49,198
I don't know if you canpicture me holding
501
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,984
your six-foot-sevencousin Marvin over my head,
502
00:17:51,986 --> 00:17:54,153
but back then I could.
503
00:17:54,155 --> 00:17:56,288
I'd go have a drinkwith Barney and Robin,
504
00:17:56,290 --> 00:17:58,157
watch them fightabout their caterer
505
00:17:58,159 --> 00:18:00,659
or whatever it was they werefighting about that night.
506
00:18:00,661 --> 00:18:03,945
But none of those thingsis the thing I'd do first.
507
00:18:03,947 --> 00:18:08,000
You know the thingI'd do first?
508
00:18:33,076 --> 00:18:35,077
Hi.
509
00:18:36,913 --> 00:18:40,148
I'm Ted Mosby.
510
00:18:40,150 --> 00:18:43,985
And exactly 45 days from now,
511
00:18:43,987 --> 00:18:46,672
you and I are gonna meet,
512
00:18:46,674 --> 00:18:49,091
and we're gonna fall in love,
513
00:18:49,093 --> 00:18:51,009
and we're gonna get married,
514
00:18:51,011 --> 00:18:54,513
and...
we're gonna have two kids.
515
00:18:54,515 --> 00:18:58,600
And we're gonna love them
and each other so much.
516
00:19:01,438 --> 00:19:04,139
All that is 45 days away.
517
00:19:07,393 --> 00:19:10,229
But I'm here now,
518
00:19:10,231 --> 00:19:13,315
I guess, because...
519
00:19:15,702 --> 00:19:19,321
I want those extra 45 days
with you.
520
00:19:19,323 --> 00:19:22,791
I want each one of them.
521
00:19:22,793 --> 00:19:24,710
Look, and if I can't have them,
522
00:19:24,712 --> 00:19:27,212
I'll take the 45 seconds
before your boyfriend shows up
523
00:19:27,214 --> 00:19:30,382
and punches me in the face,
524
00:19:30,384 --> 00:19:33,552
because...
525
00:19:33,554 --> 00:19:35,754
I love you.
526
00:19:35,756 --> 00:19:38,807
I'm always gonna love you,
527
00:19:38,809 --> 00:19:42,678
till the end of my days
and beyond.
528
00:19:44,514 --> 00:19:46,431
You'll see.
529
00:19:47,767 --> 00:19:49,601
Can I help you?
530
00:19:49,603 --> 00:19:52,354
Oh, hey, it's, uh, Louis, right?
531
00:19:52,356 --> 00:19:53,372
It's okay.
532
00:19:53,374 --> 00:19:54,656
It's fine, um...
533
00:19:54,658 --> 00:19:56,191
I'm in love
with your girlfriend,
534
00:19:56,193 --> 00:19:58,059
and, uh,
we're gonna get married.
535
00:19:58,061 --> 00:20:00,112
What?
Yeah.
536
00:20:25,172 --> 00:20:27,745
Okay, guys, I've been waiting
20 years for this.
537
00:20:27,845 --> 00:20:29,228
Just like we practiced.
538
00:20:29,230 --> 00:20:30,563
No mistakes, ready?
539
00:20:30,565 --> 00:20:33,315
One, two,
a-one, two, three, four.
540
00:20:33,539 --> 00:20:37,517
ALL:
♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh
541
00:20:37,617 --> 00:20:39,183
♪ For the longest
542
00:20:39,185 --> 00:20:41,402
♪ For the longest time
543
00:20:41,404 --> 00:20:42,837
♪ Whoa-oh-oh
544
00:20:42,839 --> 00:20:44,472
♪ For the longest
545
00:20:44,474 --> 00:20:45,740
♪ For the longest time
546
00:20:45,742 --> 00:20:50,645
♪ If you said good-bye
to me tonight ♪
547
00:20:50,647 --> 00:20:51,796
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh
548
00:20:51,798 --> 00:20:53,431
♪ There would still
549
00:20:53,433 --> 00:20:55,266
♪ Be music left to write
550
00:20:55,268 --> 00:20:56,567
♪ Doo-doo-doo
551
00:20:56,569 --> 00:21:02,651
♪ What else could I do?
I'm so inspired by you ♪
552
00:21:02,751 --> 00:21:07,086
♪ That hasn't happened
for the longest time. ♪
553
00:21:07,186 --> 00:21:12,186
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
38974
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