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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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NARRATOR:
In the fall of 2012,
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00:00:02,793 --> 00:00:04,576
Nick and Robinwere going strong.
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00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:07,104
Sometimes it's hard to saywhat it is exactly
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00:00:07,123 --> 00:00:08,372
that makes a couple click.
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(sighs)
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Wow.
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(sighs)
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Bravissimo!
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Whatever it was, kids,Nick and Robin
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00:00:17,049 --> 00:00:18,882
really connected at first.
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00:00:18,884 --> 00:00:21,051
Hey, you know,
I think I'm really starting
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00:00:21,053 --> 00:00:22,269
to feel something here...
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00:00:22,271 --> 00:00:23,920
(snoring)
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But then, as often happens,they started to drift apart.
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Why?
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Who can say?
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Nick and I haven't
had sex in three days.
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And it's your fault.
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Nick won't have sex
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because he pulled
his groin muscle,
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all 'cause you made him join
your stupid basketball team.
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Did you say
"stupid basketball team"?
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Yeah.
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Oh, my gosh, guys,
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00:00:42,992 --> 00:00:45,042
we have to rush Robin
to the hospital.
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Because somehow, she swallowed
her vocal cords
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00:00:47,546 --> 00:00:49,463
and they got lodged
in her rectum,
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(whispers): because she's
talking out of her ass.
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00:00:51,133 --> 00:00:53,750
Over the summer,Marshall had joined
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00:00:53,752 --> 00:00:55,719
a midtown professionalsbasketball league.
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His team of lawyers was calledThe Force Majeurs.
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Ever since they lostto a group of accountants,
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he'd started gettinga little intense about it.
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You sure you didn't have
a ringer or two out there, Joel?
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Don't know
what you're talking about.
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00:01:07,766 --> 00:01:10,100
Good hustle out there,
Aboubakar!
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00:01:13,238 --> 00:01:15,989
If Joel can use ringers,
then so can we.
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And Nick is our best player.
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So as far as I'm concerned,
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you can both
keep your groins on ice.
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TED:
Groins on Ice.
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Least popular
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Madison Square Garden
holiday show ever.
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Why are you so into
this basketball league?
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Robin, it's the Little Ivies
Professionals Over 30
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Who Work In Midtown League.
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It's The Show!
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(laughs)
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00:01:33,825 --> 00:01:35,509
You know, it's kind of funny,
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00:01:35,511 --> 00:01:38,495
imagining people
icing their groins.
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00:01:38,497 --> 00:01:40,380
I mean, first they'd be
all cold,
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00:01:40,382 --> 00:01:43,050
and then the ice
would start to melt,
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00:01:43,052 --> 00:01:47,788
and things would get
all wet and... steamy.
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00:01:50,308 --> 00:01:52,192
Okay, Lily.
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Look, buddy,
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I'm also the captain of a team
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in the Little Ivies
Professionals Over 30
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Who Work In Midtown League.
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00:01:58,367 --> 00:02:00,234
I'm addicted
to the adrenaline, too.
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00:02:00,236 --> 00:02:01,201
Still, don't you
think you're getting
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00:02:01,203 --> 00:02:02,569
a little obsessive about...
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ROBIN:
Uh, hold up, hold up.
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00:02:04,022 --> 00:02:06,156
Are you suggesting
that you are
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00:02:06,158 --> 00:02:10,494
a member of a sports team
and you're the captain?
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00:02:10,496 --> 00:02:11,795
So says the "C"
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I personally sewed
onto my jersey.
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00:02:14,383 --> 00:02:16,366
After Victoria
and I broke up,
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00:02:16,368 --> 00:02:18,302
I had some free time.
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So, called up
a few architect friends
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and put together
a little team
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called the T-Squares.
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See that?
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00:02:28,230 --> 00:02:29,646
The floor's uneven.
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00:02:29,648 --> 00:02:32,482
And that window placement
is rubbish.
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00:02:32,484 --> 00:02:34,651
You know, if a genie
gave me one wish,
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00:02:34,653 --> 00:02:37,387
I would knock down that wall
and create a nice flow.
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Great wish.
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00:02:39,191 --> 00:02:41,909
I mean, there's too
much hardwood, right?
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Did you nerds actually
play any basketball?
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Um, us nerds focused on
something far more important:
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bonding.
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You guys are
going to get pounded.
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And I am not.
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00:02:54,540 --> 00:02:57,090
Oh, come on. You can't go
a couple weeks without sex?
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Our point guard's a 52-year-old
virgin, happy as a clam.
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00:03:00,262 --> 00:03:02,212
I'm sure he's quite
a ball handler.
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00:03:02,214 --> 00:03:04,715
The problem is,
now that we're not having sex,
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00:03:04,717 --> 00:03:05,933
we're talking more,
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00:03:05,935 --> 00:03:10,587
and I'm realizing
that Nick is kind of...
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dumb.
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00:03:11,923 --> 00:03:13,557
Really?
News to me.
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I hadn't noticed that.
No.
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Oh, my God.
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00:03:15,694 --> 00:03:17,527
You guys think
that he's dumb, too?
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So dumb.
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00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:19,479
Air bags are sharper.
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Hot as lava
but just as thick.
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♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x06 ♪
Splitsville
Original Air Date on November 12, 2012
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== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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Wow. When did you guys start to
notice that he was kind of dumb?
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00:03:39,168 --> 00:03:43,286
Well, there was that time
Nick was doing the crossword.
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00:03:43,288 --> 00:03:45,806
Hey, what's a four-
letter word for cut?
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"Nick."
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00:03:46,925 --> 00:03:48,592
Yeah?
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00:03:48,594 --> 00:03:50,010
Is a four-letter
word for cut.
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00:03:50,012 --> 00:03:50,894
What is?
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00:03:50,896 --> 00:03:52,596
"Nick."
What?
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00:03:52,598 --> 00:03:54,898
Oh. I got it.
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00:03:54,900 --> 00:03:57,734
"Shave."
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00:03:57,736 --> 00:04:01,238
And there was the comment
about Gypsies.
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00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,272
No, no.
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00:04:02,274 --> 00:04:03,807
I think Gypsies prefer
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00:04:03,809 --> 00:04:05,475
to be called Romani now.
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(laughs)
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Do they? Really?
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And what do unicorns
and, uh, elves
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00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:12,783
and leprechauns
prefer to be called?
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(laughs)
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00:04:14,902 --> 00:04:17,037
You do know, uh,
Gypsies are
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00:04:17,039 --> 00:04:19,673
a real ethnic group
that actually exists?
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00:04:21,075 --> 00:04:23,210
Oh, you guys, I
feel terrible now.
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00:04:23,212 --> 00:04:25,045
I always thought they
were just made up,
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00:04:25,047 --> 00:04:27,464
like goblins or
trolls or dolphins.
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00:04:29,017 --> 00:04:31,635
And then there's that story
you told about how you and Nick
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00:04:31,637 --> 00:04:33,437
picked up
that Danish exchange student
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00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:35,472
and you all
took a shower together.
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00:04:35,474 --> 00:04:38,141
I never told a story like that.
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00:04:38,143 --> 00:04:39,693
Well, no time like the present.
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00:04:39,695 --> 00:04:40,677
Let's give this
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Danish ho a name.
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00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:43,313
I'm thinking Nadia.
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00:04:43,315 --> 00:04:46,983
Yeah, she sounds slutty
and bi-curious.
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00:04:46,985 --> 00:04:48,869
What is wrong with you?
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00:04:49,404 --> 00:04:50,320
Your kid is right there.
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00:04:50,322 --> 00:04:51,805
Maybe want to
clean it up a lit...
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00:04:51,807 --> 00:04:53,490
(grunting)
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00:04:53,492 --> 00:04:55,292
You're wearing a baby
and you're doing pull-ups?
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00:04:55,294 --> 00:04:58,378
No, Ted, I'm sitting around
getting soft,
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00:04:58,380 --> 00:05:00,497
'cause that's what champions do.
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00:05:00,499 --> 00:05:04,551
The problem is, now that
I know how dumb Nick is,
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00:05:04,553 --> 00:05:06,870
it's kind of making me
reconsider the relationship.
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00:05:06,872 --> 00:05:07,971
Why?
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00:05:07,973 --> 00:05:10,223
Eventually,
Nick's groin will heal
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00:05:10,225 --> 00:05:11,708
and you'll be back in Sexville,
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00:05:11,710 --> 00:05:14,878
where all the crossword puzzles
only have one box to fill.
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00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:16,713
Talk about
a double standard.
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00:05:16,715 --> 00:05:20,400
Every time I go after a busty
dullard who can't tell time
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00:05:20,402 --> 00:05:23,820
or thinks I'm the ghost of
Leonardo DiCaprio, I'm shallow.
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00:05:23,822 --> 00:05:26,156
But somehow it's okay
for Robin to date a guy
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00:05:26,158 --> 00:05:28,224
who can't be trusted
around outlets.
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00:05:28,226 --> 00:05:29,526
Dump him!
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00:05:29,528 --> 00:05:31,828
Okay, that is ridiculous.
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00:05:31,830 --> 00:05:34,564
Is Nick a genius? No.
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00:05:34,566 --> 00:05:35,532
But does he have
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00:05:35,534 --> 00:05:37,567
average intelligence?
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00:05:37,569 --> 00:05:38,618
No.
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00:05:38,620 --> 00:05:39,903
But he is
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00:05:39,905 --> 00:05:41,671
a human being, with a heart!
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00:05:41,673 --> 00:05:45,125
And you're afraid if I dump
him, it'll throw off his game.
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00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:47,294
Robin, he got 36 points
and 17 rebounds last week.
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00:05:47,296 --> 00:05:49,596
And that was with his shoes
on the wrong feet.
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00:05:49,598 --> 00:05:51,014
(sighs)
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00:05:51,016 --> 00:05:54,851
Well, you're probably
all wondering
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00:05:54,853 --> 00:05:56,937
how the T-Squares' practice
went today.
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00:05:56,939 --> 00:05:58,271
The T-What?
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00:05:58,273 --> 00:06:00,423
We played up here.
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00:06:00,425 --> 00:06:03,110
Basketball,
people don't realize,
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00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:05,428
is all geometry,
physics and engineering.
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00:06:05,430 --> 00:06:07,614
If you think
like an architect,
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00:06:07,616 --> 00:06:11,151
you could win a thousand games
without ever touching a ball.
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00:06:11,153 --> 00:06:13,954
What happened
to your ball?
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00:06:13,956 --> 00:06:15,622
Some kids from the Hebrew school
next door took it
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and wouldn't give it back.
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(chuckles):
Oh.
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00:06:17,275 --> 00:06:18,241
Oy.
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00:06:18,243 --> 00:06:19,459
Hey.
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00:06:19,461 --> 00:06:20,944
Hey.
Hey. Oh, thanks.
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00:06:20,946 --> 00:06:22,879
How'd the breakup
with Nick go?
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00:06:22,881 --> 00:06:24,498
Well...
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00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:26,416
So, I went to this
fortune teller today
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00:06:26,418 --> 00:06:28,635
and she said there was
a curse on me.
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00:06:28,637 --> 00:06:31,555
Did she sell you something
to ward off the curse?
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00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:34,257
It's like you're
a fortune teller, too.
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00:06:34,259 --> 00:06:35,959
(sighs)
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00:06:35,961 --> 00:06:38,145
Nick, um...
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00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:39,596
I think we need to talk.
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00:06:39,598 --> 00:06:40,630
Yeah.
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00:06:40,632 --> 00:06:42,799
Uh... it's just...
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00:06:42,801 --> 00:06:45,635
Whoa, these are hard.
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00:06:45,637 --> 00:06:47,604
Anyway, this $500 bracelet
will ward off evil
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till the end
of the week, so...
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00:06:49,241 --> 00:06:50,807
Do you think that
you could do,
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00:06:50,809 --> 00:06:52,976
uh, sit-ups or something
while you talk?
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00:06:52,978 --> 00:06:54,244
Yeah.
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00:06:54,246 --> 00:06:55,278
(chuckles)
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00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:57,247
Anyway, this fortune teller,
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00:06:57,249 --> 00:07:00,200
she was able to tell me all
sorts of stuff about my future,
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00:07:00,202 --> 00:07:05,956
just from my credit cards
and my social security number,
199
00:07:05,958 --> 00:07:07,307
I knew you'd cave.
200
00:07:07,309 --> 00:07:08,625
Which is why I came up with
201
00:07:08,627 --> 00:07:10,260
a little extra
incentive
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00:07:10,262 --> 00:07:11,545
to break up with Nick.
203
00:07:11,547 --> 00:07:14,764
End it by 8:00 p.m. tonight
or this invite goes live.
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00:07:14,766 --> 00:07:16,716
(festive music playing
over computer)
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00:07:16,718 --> 00:07:18,602
"Robin and Patrice's
206
00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:20,770
BFF Fun Day?!"
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00:07:20,772 --> 00:07:23,356
NARRATOR: Kids, Patrice wasa coworker of Robin's
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00:07:23,358 --> 00:07:26,276
who'd become sort ofobsessed with her.
209
00:07:26,278 --> 00:07:28,195
Robin had managed, until now,
210
00:07:28,197 --> 00:07:32,015
to keep Patriceat arms length.
211
00:07:32,017 --> 00:07:34,284
But if Patrice were invitedto something called
212
00:07:34,286 --> 00:07:37,020
Robin and Patrice'sBFF Fun Day,
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00:07:37,022 --> 00:07:39,306
she'd latch onto Robinand never let go.
214
00:07:39,308 --> 00:07:41,208
Why would
you do that?
215
00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:42,459
Delete that right now!
216
00:07:42,461 --> 00:07:44,544
No! If I don't give you
a little push,
217
00:07:44,546 --> 00:07:47,196
you'll let this drag on
until Nick can have sex again,
218
00:07:47,198 --> 00:07:50,500
and then you'll be right back
to procrastinating on all fours.
219
00:07:50,502 --> 00:07:53,253
I hate to admit it, but the
man in the suit has a point.
220
00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:54,971
Ugh!
221
00:07:54,973 --> 00:07:57,206
Fine, but the playoffs
are coming up soon,
222
00:07:57,208 --> 00:07:59,643
and I can't have this
guy an emotional wreck.
223
00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:02,479
If you do dump him, at
least let him down easy.
224
00:08:02,481 --> 00:08:04,547
Yeah, take him
to a nice restaurant.
225
00:08:04,549 --> 00:08:05,815
Preferably a dessert place.
226
00:08:05,817 --> 00:08:07,851
That way, you won't have to
sit through a whole meal
227
00:08:07,853 --> 00:08:08,768
before you get to...
228
00:08:08,770 --> 00:08:10,219
Splitsville.
Exactly.
229
00:08:10,221 --> 00:08:11,438
No, Splitsville.
230
00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:12,772
It's a dessert place
right around the corner.
231
00:08:12,774 --> 00:08:16,076
It's sort of the placeto end a relationship.
232
00:08:21,398 --> 00:08:22,782
Uh, Nick, listen.
233
00:08:22,784 --> 00:08:25,735
You are awesome
234
00:08:25,737 --> 00:08:30,457
and totally sweet,
but we're just not...
235
00:08:30,459 --> 00:08:31,791
(sighs)
236
00:08:31,793 --> 00:08:33,877
You know where I'm going
with this, right?
237
00:08:33,879 --> 00:08:36,412
No. No clue.
238
00:08:36,414 --> 00:08:39,916
Okay, um...
239
00:08:39,918 --> 00:08:42,802
I don't know if we should
keep seeing each other.
240
00:08:42,804 --> 00:08:45,505
You want to start turning
off the lights during sex?
241
00:08:45,507 --> 00:08:47,090
No. God, no.
242
00:08:47,092 --> 00:08:48,942
No! No.
243
00:08:48,944 --> 00:08:53,613
I am just worried that, as
a couple, we're not working out.
244
00:08:53,615 --> 00:08:56,099
You want to start
going to the gym together?
245
00:08:56,101 --> 00:08:57,767
Okay, no, Nick,
here is the deal.
246
00:08:57,769 --> 00:08:58,735
Okay...
247
00:08:58,737 --> 00:08:59,769
(cell phone rings)
248
00:08:59,771 --> 00:09:01,237
Sorry, babe. I got to take this.
249
00:09:01,239 --> 00:09:02,305
Excuse me.
250
00:09:02,307 --> 00:09:04,624
Hello.
251
00:09:04,626 --> 00:09:06,076
Hey, what's up?
252
00:09:07,878 --> 00:09:10,130
You...
253
00:09:10,132 --> 00:09:11,798
What? I...
254
00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:12,966
I don't understand.
255
00:09:13,968 --> 00:09:15,118
But you...
256
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:16,419
Okay, um, you know what?
257
00:09:16,421 --> 00:09:18,588
I'm sorry, I-I have to go.
258
00:09:20,791 --> 00:09:22,092
What happened?
259
00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:25,178
(sobs):
I...
260
00:09:25,180 --> 00:09:27,296
I, um...
261
00:09:27,298 --> 00:09:30,066
Uh, I'm sorry,
I can't talk about this.
262
00:09:30,068 --> 00:09:31,351
(sniffles)
263
00:09:31,353 --> 00:09:33,636
(exhales heavily)
264
00:09:33,638 --> 00:09:34,604
Anyway,
265
00:09:34,606 --> 00:09:37,607
what were you going to say?
266
00:09:37,609 --> 00:09:40,410
Uh...
267
00:09:40,412 --> 00:09:45,031
I was gonna say,
order whatever else you want.
268
00:09:45,033 --> 00:09:46,533
It's on me.
269
00:09:46,535 --> 00:09:48,752
Well, thanks,
but I think I'd just rather
270
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:50,653
eat it out of a bowl.
271
00:09:54,498 --> 00:09:55,898
Well, no doubt
you're all wondering
272
00:09:55,913 --> 00:09:57,479
how the T-Square's
first game went.
273
00:09:57,481 --> 00:09:58,531
What Squares?
274
00:09:58,533 --> 00:10:00,116
TED: Picture a well-
oiled machine.
275
00:10:00,118 --> 00:10:01,917
Your sewing machine?
276
00:10:01,919 --> 00:10:03,953
There were two seconds
left on the clock.
277
00:10:03,955 --> 00:10:06,956
Aboubakar was all over me.
278
00:10:06,958 --> 00:10:09,508
And that's when all my yearsof architectural training
279
00:10:09,510 --> 00:10:11,177
came to my aid.
280
00:10:11,179 --> 00:10:14,847
I saw the space in a waymy opponents never would.
281
00:10:29,146 --> 00:10:30,312
(buzzer sounds)
282
00:10:30,314 --> 00:10:31,397
Yes!
283
00:10:31,399 --> 00:10:34,183
I told you guys
I'd make one of these!
284
00:10:34,185 --> 00:10:36,118
Turns out, those two
points were taken away
285
00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:38,520
because apparently the
ball went "out of bounds."
286
00:10:38,522 --> 00:10:39,572
But don't worry,
287
00:10:39,574 --> 00:10:42,024
I'm appealing
to the league office.
288
00:10:42,026 --> 00:10:45,311
This Aboubakar-- I'm assuming
you showered with the guy?
289
00:10:45,313 --> 00:10:47,079
Paint me a word picture.
290
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,031
(cell phone rings)
291
00:10:49,033 --> 00:10:50,166
Hello.
292
00:10:50,168 --> 00:10:51,467
Lil, is Barney there?
293
00:10:51,469 --> 00:10:52,551
He's not answering his phone.
294
00:10:52,553 --> 00:10:54,387
Mm, he's a little busy
right now.
295
00:10:54,389 --> 00:10:55,537
It's Robin.
296
00:10:55,539 --> 00:10:57,473
37... 38...
297
00:10:57,475 --> 00:10:59,175
Put her on speaker. 39...
298
00:10:59,177 --> 00:11:01,043
When did you start being
able to do stuff like this?
299
00:11:01,045 --> 00:11:02,878
A few months ago,
you had to catch your breath
300
00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:03,879
after making a sandwich.
301
00:11:03,881 --> 00:11:05,380
Barney, delete the Robin
302
00:11:05,382 --> 00:11:08,317
and Patrice's BFF Fun Day
invite!
303
00:11:08,319 --> 00:11:10,102
Did you break up with Nick yet?
304
00:11:10,104 --> 00:11:11,487
I can't!
He just got some horrible call.
305
00:11:11,489 --> 00:11:13,722
I think a family member might
have died or something.
306
00:11:13,724 --> 00:11:15,024
Oh!
Yes! Yes!
307
00:11:15,026 --> 00:11:16,742
Yes! Yes! Yes!
308
00:11:16,744 --> 00:11:19,862
I mean, good that Robin
can't dump him.
309
00:11:19,864 --> 00:11:21,396
The death part,
less good.
310
00:11:21,398 --> 00:11:23,582
Robin, if you dump Nick,
311
00:11:23,584 --> 00:11:26,452
he could get mad and
tear your blouse off.
312
00:11:26,454 --> 00:11:28,370
And then he bites
you on the neck,
313
00:11:28,372 --> 00:11:30,239
not super hard,
just on the brink
314
00:11:30,241 --> 00:11:31,340
between pleasure
and pain.
315
00:11:31,342 --> 00:11:32,958
And then that Danish slut
Nadia
316
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,844
bursts in...
317
00:11:34,846 --> 00:11:37,579
You can't wait.
His groin will heal
318
00:11:37,581 --> 00:11:39,581
and then before you know it,
you'll be marrying a man
319
00:11:39,583 --> 00:11:42,268
who once ate
a vanilla-scented candle!
320
00:11:42,270 --> 00:11:43,469
That was on me.
321
00:11:43,471 --> 00:11:46,122
I shouldn't have left it
in the kitchen.
322
00:11:46,124 --> 00:11:48,824
Though, it was lit.
Man, he dumb.
323
00:11:48,826 --> 00:11:50,392
The invite goes live
in five minutes.
324
00:11:50,394 --> 00:11:51,560
What?!
325
00:11:51,562 --> 00:11:53,646
It goes out automatically
unless I stop it,
326
00:11:53,648 --> 00:11:55,815
and that only happens
if I hear you dump Nick
327
00:11:55,817 --> 00:11:57,616
on speakerphone
before then.
328
00:11:57,618 --> 00:11:59,318
Fine.
329
00:12:02,438 --> 00:12:05,941
Hey, Nick. I'm
sorry about that.
330
00:12:05,943 --> 00:12:07,893
Um, listen,
331
00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:09,411
there's something I need
332
00:12:09,413 --> 00:12:10,746
to talk to you about.
333
00:12:10,748 --> 00:12:13,833
No, Robin, I'm sorry.
I'm like half here.
334
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:15,951
That phone call, it just...
335
00:12:15,953 --> 00:12:18,804
I got some really bad news.
336
00:12:19,806 --> 00:12:22,174
My doctor did an MRI...
337
00:12:22,176 --> 00:12:23,926
and...
338
00:12:26,012 --> 00:12:29,598
Oh... Oh, God.
What, what is it?
339
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:32,735
My groin injury is worse
than they thought.
340
00:12:32,737 --> 00:12:34,803
I can't play basketball
for weeks.
341
00:12:34,805 --> 00:12:37,990
Thank God. I thought he was
dying or something.
342
00:12:37,992 --> 00:12:41,310
How many weeks?
How many weeks?!
343
00:12:41,312 --> 00:12:43,245
Please tell me
it's not a tear
344
00:12:43,247 --> 00:12:44,613
in the iliolumbar ligament.
345
00:12:44,615 --> 00:12:46,749
It's a tear in the
"libioflumflar linament."
346
00:12:46,751 --> 00:12:49,585
If it's a small tear,
he can still make playoffs.
347
00:12:49,587 --> 00:12:50,586
It's a big tear.
348
00:12:50,588 --> 00:12:52,171
He better not be out
for the season.
349
00:12:52,173 --> 00:12:54,340
I'm out for the season.
Damn it!
350
00:12:54,342 --> 00:12:57,359
They're going up against The
Number Crunchers without me.
351
00:12:57,361 --> 00:13:00,379
It's an after-work basketball
league for lawyers
352
00:13:00,381 --> 00:13:03,182
and accountants
and architects who sew.
353
00:13:03,184 --> 00:13:05,634
I mean, who takes it
that seriously?
354
00:13:05,636 --> 00:13:10,306
No...!
355
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:13,659
I just hate
letting Coach Eriksen down.
356
00:13:13,661 --> 00:13:18,781
I would follow that man
through the gates of hell!
357
00:13:18,783 --> 00:13:20,166
Winning.
358
00:13:20,168 --> 00:13:24,353
What do we win when we beat
those Number Crunchers
359
00:13:24,355 --> 00:13:26,121
a few short weeks hence?
360
00:13:26,123 --> 00:13:27,540
A game? Sure.
361
00:13:28,225 --> 00:13:30,125
A trophy? Sort of.
362
00:13:30,127 --> 00:13:32,461
We win a $25 gift card
to Bennigan's,
363
00:13:32,463 --> 00:13:34,997
but what is it
that we really win?
364
00:13:34,999 --> 00:13:36,165
The game!
365
00:13:36,167 --> 00:13:37,750
Yes, I said that Nick.
366
00:13:37,752 --> 00:13:39,034
Right.
367
00:13:39,036 --> 00:13:41,203
But we also win
368
00:13:41,205 --> 00:13:42,671
the right to walk tall.
369
00:13:42,673 --> 00:13:43,806
Oh!
370
00:13:43,808 --> 00:13:46,375
The right to call ourselves
champions.
371
00:13:46,377 --> 00:13:47,743
Yeah.
So we are gonna
372
00:13:47,745 --> 00:13:49,261
go out and we are
373
00:13:49,263 --> 00:13:50,679
gonna wipe the floor
with those accountants!
374
00:13:50,681 --> 00:13:53,716
And afterwards,
we will feast like kings
375
00:13:53,718 --> 00:13:56,719
on Southwest Fajitas
and Cajun shrimp!
376
00:13:56,721 --> 00:14:01,390
And that check, that check will
be marginally less expensive!
377
00:14:01,392 --> 00:14:03,108
Yeah! Yeah!
378
00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:06,579
Now, they're probably gonna have
to pay full price for that meal.
379
00:14:06,581 --> 00:14:08,080
(sighs)
380
00:14:08,082 --> 00:14:12,234
Nick, you are so sweet,
but I just...
381
00:14:12,236 --> 00:14:13,568
Good news is
382
00:14:13,570 --> 00:14:16,088
it doesn't really matter
if it takes my groin pull
383
00:14:16,090 --> 00:14:17,756
a little longer to heal,
384
00:14:17,758 --> 00:14:20,575
so I may as well start
having sex again.
385
00:14:20,577 --> 00:14:21,961
Listening.
386
00:14:21,963 --> 00:14:23,012
Sickening.
387
00:14:23,014 --> 00:14:24,179
Exiting.
388
00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:30,386
Nick...
Huh?
389
00:14:30,388 --> 00:14:32,221
I just...
390
00:14:32,223 --> 00:14:34,556
Ah... I...
391
00:14:34,558 --> 00:14:36,709
Hmm?
Um...
392
00:14:36,711 --> 00:14:38,110
Mm-hmm?
393
00:14:38,112 --> 00:14:39,261
Oh...
394
00:14:39,263 --> 00:14:43,098
What do you think?
(moans)
395
00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:45,234
I think I am suddenly
in the mood
396
00:14:45,236 --> 00:14:47,102
for something hot.
397
00:14:47,104 --> 00:14:49,438
I see. Sounds like I should
order some cappuccinos.
398
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:52,207
Don't talk till
tomorrow morning.
399
00:14:52,209 --> 00:14:53,993
She can't go home
with you, Nick.
400
00:14:53,995 --> 00:14:56,462
Barney?
Why not?
401
00:14:56,464 --> 00:14:59,748
Because Robin and I are in love.
402
00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:06,812
Barney, what are
you doing here?
403
00:15:07,038 --> 00:15:08,037
Taking care of something
404
00:15:08,039 --> 00:15:09,238
you clearly can't do
on your own.
405
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:10,256
I'm sorry,
406
00:15:10,258 --> 00:15:11,957
but you and Robin are done.
407
00:15:11,959 --> 00:15:13,459
What? Robin, what is this?
408
00:15:13,461 --> 00:15:15,411
Barney, look, I-I know
what you're doing, okay?
409
00:15:15,413 --> 00:15:16,578
Please stop.
410
00:15:16,580 --> 00:15:18,414
Robin doesn't want
to hurt your feelings
411
00:15:18,416 --> 00:15:19,882
because you're a nice guy,
412
00:15:19,884 --> 00:15:21,050
but she thinks
413
00:15:21,052 --> 00:15:22,351
you're stupid and she hates you.
414
00:15:22,353 --> 00:15:23,302
You're welcome.
415
00:15:23,304 --> 00:15:24,553
Stop doing this.
416
00:15:24,555 --> 00:15:26,088
I love her, Nick.
417
00:15:26,090 --> 00:15:27,523
Look, he doesn't
love me.
418
00:15:27,525 --> 00:15:29,442
He's just saying this because...
419
00:15:29,444 --> 00:15:30,609
I love everything about her,
420
00:15:30,611 --> 00:15:32,528
and I'm not a guy
who says that lightly.
421
00:15:32,530 --> 00:15:34,980
I'm a guy who has faked love
his entire life.
422
00:15:34,982 --> 00:15:36,598
I thought love
was just something
423
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:37,817
idiots thought they felt,
424
00:15:37,819 --> 00:15:40,069
but this woman has
a hold on my heart
425
00:15:40,071 --> 00:15:42,288
that I could not break
if I wanted to,
426
00:15:42,290 --> 00:15:43,989
and there
have been times
427
00:15:43,991 --> 00:15:45,574
that I wanted to.
428
00:15:45,576 --> 00:15:50,379
It has been overwhelming
and humbling
429
00:15:50,381 --> 00:15:54,800
and even painful at times,
but I could not stop loving her
430
00:15:54,802 --> 00:15:57,052
any more
than I could stop breathing.
431
00:15:58,338 --> 00:16:02,341
I am hopelessly, irretrievably
in love with her.
432
00:16:03,427 --> 00:16:06,328
More than she knows.
433
00:16:10,767 --> 00:16:12,017
Robin,
434
00:16:12,019 --> 00:16:13,569
is this true?
435
00:16:14,804 --> 00:16:16,989
You heard him.
436
00:16:18,525 --> 00:16:20,810
(voice breaking): Oh, wow, it feels
like I have
437
00:16:20,812 --> 00:16:24,196
a pulled groin muscle
in my heart.
438
00:16:24,198 --> 00:16:25,948
Nick, I-I'm so sorry.
439
00:16:25,950 --> 00:16:28,200
(sobbing) I just
think that maybe...
440
00:16:28,202 --> 00:16:30,002
(sobbing):
Pardon me.
441
00:16:30,004 --> 00:16:32,838
But did you just also get
your heart broken?
442
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:35,458
Yes.
(sobbing): I just got
443
00:16:35,460 --> 00:16:39,011
my heart broken, too!
444
00:16:39,013 --> 00:16:41,163
Well, do the...
the two of you...
445
00:16:41,932 --> 00:16:43,682
...want to come back
to my place?
446
00:16:43,684 --> 00:16:46,802
Yes.
Yes. Come on.
447
00:16:48,472 --> 00:16:52,107
NARRATOR: Thus concludedthe Autumn of Breakups,
448
00:16:52,109 --> 00:16:53,509
Wow.
449
00:16:53,511 --> 00:16:55,194
Crazy, right?
LILY: Yeah,
450
00:16:55,196 --> 00:16:57,196
you know what would be
really crazy?
451
00:16:57,198 --> 00:16:58,364
If all of 'em
452
00:16:58,366 --> 00:17:03,352
got it on-- Barney, Robin, Nick,
and those two women,
453
00:17:03,354 --> 00:17:06,155
and you just know
Nadia's watching in the corner
454
00:17:06,157 --> 00:17:07,857
with her pet snake.
455
00:17:07,859 --> 00:17:09,742
Okay, why aren't
you two having sex?
456
00:17:09,744 --> 00:17:11,126
What?
457
00:17:11,128 --> 00:17:12,628
Excuse me?
458
00:17:12,630 --> 00:17:14,997
Lily has been slobbering
over Robin's sex life
459
00:17:14,999 --> 00:17:18,300
like a cartoon hobo watching
a pie cool on a windowsill,
460
00:17:18,302 --> 00:17:19,668
and you--
461
00:17:19,670 --> 00:17:22,137
the only other time you've ever
exercised this seriously
462
00:17:22,139 --> 00:17:24,206
was when Lily had mono
freshman year
463
00:17:24,208 --> 00:17:25,724
and I caught you doing
one-armed push-ups
464
00:17:25,726 --> 00:17:28,043
with your genitals
over a bowl of ice.
465
00:17:28,045 --> 00:17:29,144
So, when did
466
00:17:29,146 --> 00:17:31,981
you stop doing it and why?
467
00:17:32,732 --> 00:17:34,817
It was, you know,
468
00:17:34,819 --> 00:17:37,436
before Marvin was born.
469
00:17:37,438 --> 00:17:39,021
What?
Th-That's insane.
470
00:17:39,023 --> 00:17:41,524
Well, you have to wait a while
after having a kid,
471
00:17:41,526 --> 00:17:44,693
and, and then you're exhausted
from being up all night.
472
00:17:44,695 --> 00:17:48,497
And then this uncanny
phenomenon began.
473
00:17:51,501 --> 00:17:53,502
(Marvin crying over monitor)
474
00:17:53,504 --> 00:17:55,704
(crying stops)
475
00:17:57,740 --> 00:17:59,708
(crying resumes)
476
00:17:59,710 --> 00:18:01,894
(crying stops)
477
00:18:02,846 --> 00:18:06,415
(staccato crying)
478
00:18:09,986 --> 00:18:11,120
Wow,
479
00:18:11,122 --> 00:18:12,688
you guys got to fix this.
480
00:18:12,690 --> 00:18:14,523
It's not that easy.
481
00:18:14,525 --> 00:18:16,892
(Marvin crying)
482
00:18:16,894 --> 00:18:18,894
Ted, having a kid
483
00:18:18,896 --> 00:18:20,396
changes things.
484
00:18:20,398 --> 00:18:24,483
You don't have the time
or energy, you're never alone.
485
00:18:24,485 --> 00:18:26,619
Come here.
486
00:18:26,621 --> 00:18:28,537
What are you doing?
487
00:18:28,539 --> 00:18:30,122
Taking Marvin
for a walk
488
00:18:30,124 --> 00:18:32,774
so you guys can
have some privacy.
489
00:18:32,776 --> 00:18:34,710
Oh, Ted, come on,
490
00:18:34,712 --> 00:18:36,528
that's, that's just not
the way that it works.
491
00:18:36,530 --> 00:18:38,714
Yeah, it's not
like we can have sex on cue.
492
00:18:38,716 --> 00:18:40,749
Yeah, I'll give you
guys plenty of time.
493
00:18:40,751 --> 00:18:42,334
Maybe I'll even
494
00:18:42,336 --> 00:18:43,969
swing by the gym, show Marvin
495
00:18:43,971 --> 00:18:46,005
where his Uncle Ted
made "the shot."
496
00:18:46,007 --> 00:18:47,590
If I'm late,
497
00:18:47,592 --> 00:18:49,758
it's 'cause I've been delayed
by autograph seekers.
498
00:18:51,561 --> 00:18:53,646
Oh, forgot Marvin's diaper bag.
499
00:18:53,648 --> 00:18:54,647
Yowza!
500
00:18:54,649 --> 00:18:56,949
Okay.
501
00:18:56,951 --> 00:18:59,818
And the Oscar for Best
Fake Romantic Speech
502
00:18:59,820 --> 00:19:01,803
goes to Barney Stinson.
503
00:19:01,805 --> 00:19:04,473
I'd like to thank all
the ladies over the years
504
00:19:04,475 --> 00:19:06,475
with whom I've practiced
fake romantic speeches
505
00:19:06,477 --> 00:19:08,243
and, of course,
Robin Scherbatsky
506
00:19:08,245 --> 00:19:10,329
for being so
hypnotized by hog
507
00:19:10,331 --> 00:19:12,364
that she needed me
to come and save her.
508
00:19:12,366 --> 00:19:14,667
You know what?
I didn't need your help.
509
00:19:14,669 --> 00:19:18,671
You were this close to ripping
off his misbuttoned shirt
510
00:19:18,673 --> 00:19:22,091
and pulling down his
inside-out underpants.
511
00:19:22,093 --> 00:19:25,210
I'll give you this,
you were pretty convincing.
512
00:19:25,212 --> 00:19:27,963
Hey, tricking good-looking
idiots is kind of my thing.
513
00:19:27,965 --> 00:19:30,182
No.
(chuckles)
514
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:35,137
I mean, you were
really convincing.
515
00:19:38,191 --> 00:19:39,224
Please.
516
00:19:39,226 --> 00:19:40,809
I was bro-ing you out.
517
00:19:41,622 --> 00:19:43,756
I'm just glad
he bought it so quick.
518
00:19:43,758 --> 00:19:48,160
Any longer, I'd have had
to kiss you.
519
00:19:50,597 --> 00:19:52,765
(phone rings)
520
00:19:52,767 --> 00:19:54,934
(sighs)
521
00:19:54,936 --> 00:19:56,135
Hello.
522
00:19:56,137 --> 00:19:58,103
PATRICE: Whoo, oh, my God,
Robin, BFF Fun Day!
523
00:19:58,105 --> 00:19:59,555
That's the most
amazing thing ever.
524
00:19:59,557 --> 00:20:02,575
Like, you totally read my mind...
Hey, Patrice.
525
00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:04,860
Oh, you got the
invite, great.
526
00:20:04,862 --> 00:20:06,829
Uh, yeah, uh, let
me call you back.
527
00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:08,541
This is so fantastic,
I can't even catch my breath.
528
00:20:08,566 --> 00:20:09,399
Mm-hmm, yeah.
529
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,817
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
530
00:20:11,819 --> 00:20:13,152
You know
what I forgot to do?
531
00:20:13,154 --> 00:20:15,020
("Signed, Sealed, Delivered"
by Stevie Wonder playing)
532
00:20:15,022 --> 00:20:19,909
♪ Like a fool,
I went and stayed too long ♪
533
00:20:19,911 --> 00:20:22,711
♪ Now I'm wondering
if your love's still strong ♪
534
00:20:22,713 --> 00:20:25,714
♪ Ooh, baby, here I am
535
00:20:25,716 --> 00:20:29,668
♪ Signed, sealed, delivered,
I'm yours. ♪
536
00:20:31,890 --> 00:20:32,974
Hey, T-Squares.
537
00:20:33,455 --> 00:20:35,388
Well, bad news.
538
00:20:35,390 --> 00:20:37,407
Heard back
from the league office.
539
00:20:37,409 --> 00:20:40,243
My shot is not going to count.
540
00:20:40,245 --> 00:20:42,529
But onwards and upwards, right?
(chuckles)
541
00:20:42,531 --> 00:20:43,847
What do you cats want
542
00:20:43,849 --> 00:20:45,698
to rap about, huh?
543
00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:48,434
Listen, Coach... you're great.
544
00:20:48,436 --> 00:20:52,422
And we all really
want to stay friends.
545
00:20:55,092 --> 00:20:57,076
I can change, I can...
546
00:20:57,078 --> 00:20:58,695
Come on, we, we had
some good times.
547
00:20:59,934 --> 00:21:01,200
Things have been
weird lately and...
548
00:21:03,190 --> 00:21:04,656
Is there another
architect? Just tell me.
549
00:21:04,658 --> 00:21:09,658
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
38654
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