Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:02,309 --> 00:00:05,597
Kids, it's no secret your
Uncle Barney is a bit of a dog,
2
00:00:05,944 --> 00:00:08,445
and even though he loved me,I think he always wanted
3
00:00:08,447 --> 00:00:10,330
a wingman who wasa bit of a dog, too...
4
00:00:10,332 --> 00:00:12,666
(chuckles)
5
00:00:17,421 --> 00:00:20,123
And in the fall of 2012...
6
00:00:21,742 --> 00:00:23,760
...he found one.
7
00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:25,128
Respect.
8
00:00:25,130 --> 00:00:26,930
(barks)
9
00:00:35,306 --> 00:00:39,306
♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x05 ♪
The Autumn of Breakups
Original Air Date on November 5, 2012
10
00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:43,307
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
11
00:00:44,448 --> 00:00:48,368
Hey, guys, thanks again
for a great night last night.
12
00:00:48,370 --> 00:00:50,370
I say again,
13
00:00:50,372 --> 00:00:52,405
great night.
14
00:00:52,407 --> 00:00:57,110
Ted, honey, it was
not a great night.
15
00:00:57,112 --> 00:00:58,161
MARSHALL:
Ted,
16
00:00:58,163 --> 00:01:01,381
Lily and I noticed
some things last night.
17
00:01:01,383 --> 00:01:02,833
Hey, Ted, can you
pass me a cracker?
18
00:01:02,835 --> 00:01:03,783
Yeah.
It's the least
19
00:01:03,785 --> 00:01:04,885
you can do,
considering I left
20
00:01:04,887 --> 00:01:06,286
a guy at the
altar for you.
21
00:01:06,288 --> 00:01:09,005
(laughing):
Right, right?
22
00:01:11,058 --> 00:01:13,660
Oh, come on, that was a joke.
23
00:01:13,662 --> 00:01:17,463
Women over 30 don't joke
when it comes to commitment.
24
00:01:17,465 --> 00:01:19,966
Victoria is happy
we're taking things slow.
25
00:01:19,968 --> 00:01:21,184
(both laugh)
26
00:01:21,186 --> 00:01:23,570
Oh, oh, honeysweetiebaby,
27
00:01:23,572 --> 00:01:24,721
no 32-year-old woman
28
00:01:24,723 --> 00:01:26,606
is happy taking things slow.
29
00:01:26,608 --> 00:01:27,774
Mm.
30
00:01:27,776 --> 00:01:30,110
Trust me, Victoria has got
friends from high school
31
00:01:30,112 --> 00:01:31,528
posting pictures
of second babies on Facebook.
32
00:01:31,530 --> 00:01:32,579
Mm-hmm.
33
00:01:32,581 --> 00:01:33,697
And you think
girlfriend's
34
00:01:33,699 --> 00:01:35,782
all like, "Oh,
let's just bone a bunch
35
00:01:35,784 --> 00:01:37,984
so I'm another year older
and still single"?
36
00:01:37,986 --> 00:01:40,804
Bitch, please.
Mm.
37
00:01:41,622 --> 00:01:43,924
Guys, I've got a new bro--
38
00:01:43,926 --> 00:01:47,327
a bro that puts
all other bros to shame.
39
00:01:47,329 --> 00:01:48,661
The bitches love him.
40
00:01:48,663 --> 00:01:50,213
(snickers)
41
00:01:50,215 --> 00:01:51,047
He buries bones
42
00:01:51,049 --> 00:01:51,998
all day.
43
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,266
(snickering):
Whoo!
44
00:01:54,835 --> 00:01:56,353
No one chases
tail like him.
45
00:01:56,355 --> 00:01:58,638
(snickers)
46
00:01:58,640 --> 00:01:59,773
Why aren't you
guys laughing?
47
00:01:59,775 --> 00:02:01,841
Oh, wait, I probably
should have led with this:
48
00:02:01,843 --> 00:02:02,993
he's a dog.
49
00:02:03,828 --> 00:02:05,111
I've named him
50
00:02:05,113 --> 00:02:07,314
Brover.
51
00:02:07,316 --> 00:02:08,198
I'll go...
52
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:10,233
(snickers)
...fetch him.
53
00:02:10,235 --> 00:02:11,985
(laughs)
54
00:02:11,987 --> 00:02:14,204
Okay, I'm worried about Barney.
55
00:02:14,206 --> 00:02:18,408
That breakup with Quinn messed
him up more than he let on.
56
00:02:18,410 --> 00:02:19,743
I think he's lonely.
57
00:02:19,745 --> 00:02:21,544
Dude seems fine to me.
58
00:02:22,413 --> 00:02:24,631
I love you so much, Brover.
59
00:02:24,633 --> 00:02:27,968
(laughing)
60
00:02:29,086 --> 00:02:31,471
Seriously, based on last night,
61
00:02:31,473 --> 00:02:34,324
you and Victoria
are headed for trouble.
62
00:02:34,326 --> 00:02:36,593
So I got this kind of
interesting job offer
63
00:02:36,595 --> 00:02:38,544
to run a bakery in Denver.
64
00:02:38,546 --> 00:02:41,231
(laughing): But that's too crazy,
though, right?
65
00:02:41,233 --> 00:02:42,232
Right?
66
00:02:42,234 --> 00:02:43,600
Uh, yeah.
67
00:02:43,602 --> 00:02:46,102
The high altitude would affect
the density of the pastries.
68
00:02:46,104 --> 00:02:47,053
(laughing):
I mean,
69
00:02:47,055 --> 00:02:48,738
talk about half-baked.
70
00:02:48,740 --> 00:02:52,042
Man, this is
a great night.
71
00:02:52,044 --> 00:02:55,278
That was Victoria asking you
to move to Denver with her.
72
00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:56,496
What?
73
00:02:56,498 --> 00:02:58,748
Then, why wouldn't
she just come right out
74
00:02:58,750 --> 00:03:00,116
and say what she wants?
75
00:03:00,118 --> 00:03:01,534
Men.
76
00:03:01,536 --> 00:03:03,736
It's like, if there weren't
pickle jars to open
77
00:03:03,738 --> 00:03:05,088
and spiders
to kill
78
00:03:05,090 --> 00:03:07,457
and computers to back up,
what would be their point?
79
00:03:07,459 --> 00:03:09,676
Mm-hmm.
80
00:03:11,095 --> 00:03:14,431
Okay, when did Marshall become
a slightly more feminine you?
81
00:03:14,433 --> 00:03:17,767
Look, Ted, it gets exhausting
constantly giving people
82
00:03:17,769 --> 00:03:21,021
advice they haven't asked for,
so I'm training Marshall.
83
00:03:21,739 --> 00:03:23,890
My goal is
to eventually say things
84
00:03:23,892 --> 00:03:26,893
that are so sassy
and wise,
85
00:03:26,895 --> 00:03:29,312
that there is
no possible response
86
00:03:29,314 --> 00:03:32,532
other than "mm"
or "mm-hmm."
87
00:03:32,791 --> 00:03:34,566
And if this is a place where
we can share our dreams--
88
00:03:34,569 --> 00:03:36,286
I like to think
that it is--
89
00:03:36,288 --> 00:03:40,457
I hope someday
to earn a...
90
00:03:40,459 --> 00:03:42,625
"testify."
91
00:03:42,627 --> 00:03:43,543
Look,
92
00:03:43,545 --> 00:03:45,211
Victoria and I are
five months in
93
00:03:45,213 --> 00:03:46,963
and we're
right where we should be.
94
00:03:46,965 --> 00:03:48,915
All right, we-we're cosigning
birthday cards,
95
00:03:48,917 --> 00:03:51,001
w-we got toothbrushes
at each other's places,
96
00:03:51,003 --> 00:03:52,419
foreplay's out the window.
97
00:03:52,421 --> 00:03:54,988
I'm in, I'm out,
I'm sleeping, it's great.
98
00:03:54,990 --> 00:03:56,423
It's more than
five months.
99
00:03:56,425 --> 00:03:59,259
You guys dated before;
that time counts.
100
00:03:59,261 --> 00:04:01,294
The clock doesn't
reset to zero.
101
00:04:01,296 --> 00:04:03,229
It un-pauses from
where you left off.
102
00:04:03,231 --> 00:04:04,180
No way,
103
00:04:04,182 --> 00:04:06,599
no way, the clock resets.
104
00:04:06,601 --> 00:04:08,485
(both laugh)
Wait,
105
00:04:08,487 --> 00:04:09,569
so this is what you guys do?
106
00:04:09,571 --> 00:04:10,904
You invite other couples
over for dinner
107
00:04:10,906 --> 00:04:12,822
to judge them and feel superior?
108
00:04:12,824 --> 00:04:14,307
Oh, grow up, Ted,
109
00:04:14,309 --> 00:04:18,661
that's why any couple
invites anyone over ever.
110
00:04:18,663 --> 00:04:21,664
Two Scotches, both neat,
111
00:04:21,666 --> 00:04:24,000
and if you've got some, uh,
nuts, this guy lost a couple.
112
00:04:24,002 --> 00:04:26,036
Ha-ha.
113
00:04:26,038 --> 00:04:28,121
Take the hit, just take the hit.
114
00:04:28,123 --> 00:04:29,506
Okay, this is
115
00:04:29,508 --> 00:04:31,207
a cry for help.
116
00:04:31,209 --> 00:04:33,460
Can we invite Barney over
for dinner tonight?
117
00:04:33,462 --> 00:04:35,462
But I was going to make you
a special meal to celebrate
118
00:04:35,464 --> 00:04:38,164
my show getting nominated
for a Local Area Media Award.
119
00:04:38,166 --> 00:04:39,749
NARRATOR:
Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention,
120
00:04:39,751 --> 00:04:42,619
Nick hada cable access cooking show.
121
00:04:42,621 --> 00:04:44,521
ANNOUNCER:
Chef Nick Podarutti uses
122
00:04:44,523 --> 00:04:48,007
all fresh,locally grown ingredients,
123
00:04:48,009 --> 00:04:49,726
but don't think for a second
124
00:04:49,728 --> 00:04:53,012
that means he's not a bad boy.
125
00:04:53,014 --> 00:04:55,565
She runs on corn.
126
00:04:57,435 --> 00:04:59,569
♪ Nick the Bad Boy
127
00:04:59,571 --> 00:05:05,075
♪ Chef...
128
00:05:05,077 --> 00:05:06,576
I'm gonna invite him over
for dinner.
129
00:05:06,578 --> 00:05:11,631
Okay, fine, but you'd better
make sure he has a ticket.
130
00:05:11,633 --> 00:05:16,002
'Cause it's all aboard
the Chow-Chow Train!
131
00:05:16,004 --> 00:05:19,422
Honey, I know
it's hard coming up
132
00:05:19,424 --> 00:05:21,558
with a signature
cooking catchphrase,
133
00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:23,676
but I don't think that's it.
134
00:05:23,678 --> 00:05:26,262
I know, but how do you compete
with "Bam!"?
135
00:05:26,264 --> 00:05:28,481
It just says it all.
136
00:05:30,050 --> 00:05:31,551
Hey, you.
137
00:05:31,553 --> 00:05:34,720
Hey, can I ask you
something?
138
00:05:34,722 --> 00:05:36,973
Um, Lily and Marshall think
139
00:05:36,975 --> 00:05:39,742
I'm missing all these hints
you're dropping
140
00:05:39,744 --> 00:05:41,828
that you want
a deeper commitment.
141
00:05:41,830 --> 00:05:44,247
I mean, you'd just come
right out and tell me, right?
142
00:05:44,249 --> 00:05:45,565
Totally.
143
00:05:45,567 --> 00:05:47,951
I-I think I can be a little
bit more direct than that.
144
00:05:47,953 --> 00:05:49,902
Thank you.
145
00:05:49,904 --> 00:05:53,506
Oh, hey, I was cleaning
my apartment today
146
00:05:53,508 --> 00:05:56,409
and I dug this up.
147
00:05:56,411 --> 00:05:57,377
Should I keep
148
00:05:57,379 --> 00:05:59,179
this wedding dress,
or do you think
149
00:05:59,181 --> 00:06:01,965
I'll never, ever need it again?
150
00:06:06,015 --> 00:06:08,366
So Lily and Marshall
were right?
151
00:06:08,466 --> 00:06:09,599
Of course they're right.
152
00:06:09,601 --> 00:06:11,768
When a girl jumps in your
car in a wedding dress,
153
00:06:11,770 --> 00:06:13,119
you can't act
surprised to find out
154
00:06:13,121 --> 00:06:14,387
she wants to get married.
155
00:06:14,389 --> 00:06:15,354
Besides,
156
00:06:15,356 --> 00:06:17,473
we dated before, and
that time counts.
157
00:06:17,475 --> 00:06:19,142
We just hit pause
on the clock.
158
00:06:19,144 --> 00:06:20,509
See, a lot
of really smart people
159
00:06:20,511 --> 00:06:22,111
would argue the clock resets.
160
00:06:22,113 --> 00:06:24,480
It un-pauses,
everybody knows that.
161
00:06:24,482 --> 00:06:25,681
You know, Barney's
a little late.
162
00:06:25,683 --> 00:06:26,899
I hope he's okay.
163
00:06:26,901 --> 00:06:28,184
Ah, he's fine, and
I still don't think
164
00:06:28,186 --> 00:06:29,535
he's crying out for help.
165
00:06:29,537 --> 00:06:31,971
Well...
(knocking)
166
00:06:33,523 --> 00:06:35,324
(sighs)
167
00:06:35,326 --> 00:06:37,326
Sorry we're late.
168
00:06:37,328 --> 00:06:38,745
We just came from the tailor.
169
00:06:38,747 --> 00:06:41,247
Brover couldn't settle on a tie,
so I just bought them all.
170
00:06:41,249 --> 00:06:43,249
You say no to that face.
171
00:06:43,917 --> 00:06:45,885
(laughs)
172
00:06:46,887 --> 00:06:49,138
There's a reason
that you're not
173
00:06:49,140 --> 00:06:51,407
a hundred percent in
this with me, Ted.
174
00:06:51,409 --> 00:06:54,060
Something's holding us back.
175
00:06:54,062 --> 00:06:55,228
Well, what is it?
176
00:06:55,230 --> 00:06:56,512
I think we've established
I'm not great
177
00:06:56,514 --> 00:07:00,733
at picking up on clues--
well, in this situation.
178
00:07:00,735 --> 00:07:03,936
As a kid, I was known
as a bit of a detective.
179
00:07:03,938 --> 00:07:05,188
In fact,
when my friend's retainer
180
00:07:05,190 --> 00:07:06,322
went missing,
181
00:07:06,324 --> 00:07:08,608
the Mosby Boys were put
on the case, and it was...
182
00:07:08,610 --> 00:07:10,326
The retainer was
in the garbage.
183
00:07:10,328 --> 00:07:12,278
The Mosby Boys were
you, your sister,
184
00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:15,081
and a neighborhood squirrel
you thought you had tamed.
185
00:07:15,083 --> 00:07:18,067
I can't believe Squirrel-lock
Holmes turned on us like that.
186
00:07:18,069 --> 00:07:19,836
Eight weeks of training
down the drain.
187
00:07:19,838 --> 00:07:21,871
You know how I
know that, Ted?
188
00:07:21,873 --> 00:07:24,090
Because we covered it in the
"getting to know you" part
189
00:07:24,092 --> 00:07:26,408
of the relationship
six years ago.
190
00:07:27,127 --> 00:07:29,411
Six years.
191
00:07:31,414 --> 00:07:35,084
Then...
what's holding us back?
192
00:07:36,220 --> 00:07:38,354
Call in the
Mosby Boys, Ted,
193
00:07:38,356 --> 00:07:40,923
let me know if they
crack the case.
194
00:07:45,813 --> 00:07:47,563
Guys,
195
00:07:47,565 --> 00:07:50,867
Brover is not only
the best bro I've ever had,
196
00:07:50,869 --> 00:07:53,936
he's amazing with the ladies.
197
00:07:53,938 --> 00:07:55,604
I'm sorry, don't you think
it's a little pathetic
198
00:07:55,606 --> 00:07:57,373
to use a dog to pick up chicks?
199
00:07:57,375 --> 00:08:00,993
Sir, wingmanship is
a two-way street.
200
00:08:00,995 --> 00:08:04,330
If Brover meets a cutie,I'll take the hit
201
00:08:04,332 --> 00:08:07,783
and chat upthe chubby lady friend.
202
00:08:11,505 --> 00:08:14,173
Sometimes I'll be the jerk...
(barks)
203
00:08:14,175 --> 00:08:16,893
...so Brover can swoop inand be the hero.
204
00:08:17,895 --> 00:08:19,979
And like any good wingman,
205
00:08:19,981 --> 00:08:23,099
I gather as much intelas I can right up front.
206
00:08:23,101 --> 00:08:23,983
How old's your dog?
207
00:08:23,985 --> 00:08:25,184
She's five.
Oh.
208
00:08:26,386 --> 00:08:27,520
What's that in dog years?
209
00:08:27,522 --> 00:08:28,838
Like, 35.
210
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:31,641
We're done here.
211
00:08:31,643 --> 00:08:32,842
Well, you were right.
212
00:08:32,844 --> 00:08:34,744
Victoria says something's
holding us back,
213
00:08:34,746 --> 00:08:36,979
and I don't have
any idea what it is.
214
00:08:36,981 --> 00:08:38,748
Any brilliant insights, Oprah?
215
00:08:38,750 --> 00:08:39,982
Steadman?
216
00:08:39,984 --> 00:08:42,151
Um, try Gayle.
(scoffs)
217
00:08:43,420 --> 00:08:46,488
Marshall, I want you
to take this one.
218
00:08:46,490 --> 00:08:47,690
You're ready.
219
00:08:47,692 --> 00:08:49,542
Oh, I don't know.
220
00:08:51,211 --> 00:08:53,846
Although I do hear this little
voice in the back of my head
221
00:08:53,848 --> 00:08:55,581
trying to tell
me something.
222
00:08:55,583 --> 00:08:57,934
(gasps)
That's your inner goddess.
223
00:08:57,936 --> 00:09:00,903
Listen to her,
channel her.
224
00:09:00,905 --> 00:09:03,501
(in Southern belle voice):
If Victoria quenches your
225
00:09:03,502 --> 00:09:05,602
thirst like a tall glass
226
00:09:05,610 --> 00:09:09,061
of sweet tea on
a hot July day...
227
00:09:09,063 --> 00:09:10,279
Marshall, why is she Southern?
228
00:09:10,281 --> 00:09:11,447
Don't let him break
the connection.
229
00:09:11,449 --> 00:09:12,682
...well,
you got to make
230
00:09:12,684 --> 00:09:14,367
an honest woman
out of her.
231
00:09:14,369 --> 00:09:15,351
Okay, I'm leaving.
232
00:09:15,353 --> 00:09:17,203
But, but,
233
00:09:17,205 --> 00:09:20,957
if not, well,
then, sugar...
234
00:09:21,909 --> 00:09:23,626
...you got to let
that nightingale
235
00:09:23,628 --> 00:09:27,914
spread her
wings and soar
236
00:09:27,916 --> 00:09:29,198
to her own
237
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:31,751
beautiful tomorrow.
238
00:09:31,753 --> 00:09:33,920
Testify.
239
00:09:35,422 --> 00:09:37,056
You guys are the worst.
240
00:09:44,731 --> 00:09:47,550
Where am I?
241
00:09:47,552 --> 00:09:48,768
(phone rings)
242
00:09:48,770 --> 00:09:50,319
Sorry.
243
00:09:50,321 --> 00:09:52,571
Uh, go for Barney.
244
00:09:53,824 --> 00:09:56,192
Uh-huh.
245
00:09:56,194 --> 00:09:58,744
I see.
246
00:09:58,746 --> 00:10:01,563
Totally understood.
247
00:10:01,565 --> 00:10:03,382
I'll do that.
248
00:10:03,384 --> 00:10:04,533
Great.
249
00:10:04,535 --> 00:10:05,551
Thank you.
250
00:10:05,553 --> 00:10:07,286
(chuckles)
251
00:10:07,288 --> 00:10:08,788
That was Brover's owner.
252
00:10:08,790 --> 00:10:09,889
I guess,
while she was
253
00:10:09,891 --> 00:10:12,408
out of town, he ran
away from his kennel,
254
00:10:12,410 --> 00:10:15,661
and now that she's back,
I have to return him.
255
00:10:16,296 --> 00:10:18,247
Oh, Barney, I'm so sorry.
256
00:10:18,249 --> 00:10:19,382
Oh, it's all good.
257
00:10:19,384 --> 00:10:22,251
Um, excuse me for one moment.
258
00:10:35,899 --> 00:10:37,900
Hey,
259
00:10:37,902 --> 00:10:39,235
Barney.
260
00:10:39,237 --> 00:10:40,436
(sobbing)
261
00:10:40,438 --> 00:10:43,489
No, no.
No, no!
262
00:10:46,126 --> 00:10:48,828
Oh.
263
00:10:50,547 --> 00:10:52,748
Wha...
264
00:10:55,285 --> 00:10:56,452
Victoria.
265
00:10:59,006 --> 00:11:01,891
Will you marry me?
266
00:11:01,893 --> 00:11:03,559
Yes, of course.
267
00:11:03,561 --> 00:11:04,810
(sighs)
268
00:11:08,932 --> 00:11:10,816
There's just one thing.
269
00:11:10,818 --> 00:11:12,885
Anything. You name it.
270
00:11:12,887 --> 00:11:16,238
You can't be friends with Robin.
271
00:11:21,927 --> 00:11:23,291
You won't marry me
272
00:11:23,293 --> 00:11:24,743
if I'm still friends with Robin?
273
00:11:25,474 --> 00:11:26,240
Wait. She's
274
00:11:26,241 --> 00:11:28,375
the thing that's been
holding us back?
275
00:11:28,377 --> 00:11:30,777
There-There's just too much
history there.
276
00:11:30,779 --> 00:11:32,913
I mean, Robin's the reason
that we broke up
277
00:11:32,915 --> 00:11:35,449
the first time around.
Robin's our roadblock.
278
00:11:35,451 --> 00:11:37,267
Robin's the deep, dark pit
279
00:11:37,269 --> 00:11:39,353
where our relationship
goes to die.
280
00:11:39,355 --> 00:11:42,739
But nicest girl in the world.
Salt of the earth.
281
00:11:42,741 --> 00:11:44,241
But she's with Nick now.
282
00:11:44,243 --> 00:11:46,026
I mean, sure,
his cooking show is lousy
283
00:11:46,028 --> 00:11:48,428
with awkward
catchphrase attempts.
284
00:11:48,430 --> 00:11:51,615
Oh, my gosh,
who's ready to nosh?
285
00:11:51,617 --> 00:11:53,483
Who's popping a chub
for some grub?
286
00:11:53,485 --> 00:11:56,436
(audience gasps)
287
00:11:56,438 --> 00:11:58,005
I offer my deepest apologies
288
00:11:58,007 --> 00:12:00,874
to anyone who was offended
by my "popping a chub" remark.
289
00:12:00,876 --> 00:12:02,909
I can and will do better.
290
00:12:02,911 --> 00:12:04,544
Won't happen again.
291
00:12:04,546 --> 00:12:06,797
And now who's ready
to eat my meat?
292
00:12:06,799 --> 00:12:07,881
(audience gasps)
293
00:12:07,883 --> 00:12:10,150
Oh, come on.
294
00:12:10,152 --> 00:12:12,335
But Robin's happy with Nick,
295
00:12:12,337 --> 00:12:14,688
and I'm happy with you.
296
00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:15,689
Look, I,
297
00:12:15,691 --> 00:12:17,641
I just asked you to be my wife.
298
00:12:17,643 --> 00:12:20,861
Isn't that proof there's nothing
between me and Robin?
299
00:12:20,863 --> 00:12:22,279
Well, maybe today there isn't,
300
00:12:22,281 --> 00:12:23,980
but what about tomorrow?
301
00:12:23,982 --> 00:12:26,733
Or next week
or 15 years from now?
302
00:12:26,735 --> 00:12:27,818
I'll always
303
00:12:27,820 --> 00:12:29,369
be wondering.
304
00:12:29,371 --> 00:12:30,570
I never wanted
305
00:12:30,572 --> 00:12:33,490
to be that girl who says
306
00:12:33,492 --> 00:12:35,075
it's Robin or it's me,
307
00:12:35,077 --> 00:12:38,412
but, well...
308
00:12:38,414 --> 00:12:41,164
It's Robin or it's you.
309
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:44,968
You've been
a hell of a wingman.
310
00:12:44,970 --> 00:12:47,254
And even though I think
it's kind of gross
311
00:12:47,256 --> 00:12:49,089
when you
pleasure yourself orally,
312
00:12:49,091 --> 00:12:50,257
don't ever think
313
00:12:50,259 --> 00:12:52,893
that means I'm not impressed.
314
00:12:54,262 --> 00:12:56,480
Hey...
315
00:12:56,482 --> 00:12:58,181
do you think that Barney's
gonna be okay
316
00:12:58,183 --> 00:12:59,316
bringing Brover back?
317
00:12:59,318 --> 00:13:00,684
Yeah, he'll be fine.
318
00:13:00,686 --> 00:13:02,218
(crying):
It's not just the ability
319
00:13:02,220 --> 00:13:04,053
to go to town on yourself,
320
00:13:04,055 --> 00:13:07,107
but you do it with
such joie de vivre.
321
00:13:08,242 --> 00:13:11,111
I really think
that I should go with him.
322
00:13:11,113 --> 00:13:12,829
No, but you got
to eat these crêpes
323
00:13:12,831 --> 00:13:14,281
as soon as
they're flambéed.
324
00:13:14,283 --> 00:13:17,084
They're gonna be
bon appe-sweet!
325
00:13:17,086 --> 00:13:18,835
No.
Damn.
326
00:13:18,837 --> 00:13:20,120
We'll work on it
when I get back.
327
00:13:20,122 --> 00:13:21,455
No, I get it.
You know,
328
00:13:21,457 --> 00:13:23,006
I only spent all night
working on these,
329
00:13:23,008 --> 00:13:24,624
but, hey, Barney's
more important.
330
00:13:24,626 --> 00:13:27,177
Nick...
It's fine. Go.
331
00:13:28,212 --> 00:13:30,180
Anyway, let's not make
a big deal of it.
332
00:13:30,182 --> 00:13:32,081
We hung out for a few days,
333
00:13:32,083 --> 00:13:33,383
had some fun...
334
00:13:33,385 --> 00:13:35,552
No big woof.
335
00:13:35,554 --> 00:13:37,254
(barks)
336
00:13:37,256 --> 00:13:40,089
(sobbing): I don't know who I am
without you.
337
00:13:42,927 --> 00:13:44,177
This is crazy.
338
00:13:44,179 --> 00:13:46,279
Victoria is being
completely unreasonable
339
00:13:46,281 --> 00:13:47,614
about Robin,
340
00:13:47,616 --> 00:13:49,766
and my snap sister
is gonna back me up.
341
00:13:49,768 --> 00:13:51,201
(snaps fingers)
342
00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:55,438
I say again...
(snaps fingers)
343
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:58,942
I kind of see Victoria's point.
344
00:13:58,944 --> 00:14:00,360
Come again for Ms. Fudge?
345
00:14:00,362 --> 00:14:02,846
Ted and Robin have
so much history.
346
00:14:02,848 --> 00:14:05,882
Exactly. History.
Ancient history.
347
00:14:05,884 --> 00:14:09,452
Ted, you said "I love you"
to her earlier this year.
348
00:14:09,454 --> 00:14:10,637
I'm not saying
349
00:14:10,639 --> 00:14:13,607
this is fair, but I get it.
350
00:14:14,509 --> 00:14:15,959
I didn't get that at all.
351
00:14:15,961 --> 00:14:19,429
How could my inner goddess
be so far off?
352
00:14:19,431 --> 00:14:20,730
Oh, you'll get there, honey.
353
00:14:20,732 --> 00:14:22,866
Oprah wasn't built in a day.
354
00:14:22,868 --> 00:14:26,670
Uh-oh.
What?
355
00:14:26,672 --> 00:14:29,990
I kind of went rogue.
356
00:14:29,992 --> 00:14:32,125
Look, if you really want
to have a baby,
357
00:14:32,127 --> 00:14:34,143
just stop taking the pill.
358
00:14:34,145 --> 00:14:35,946
You guys slept together
at spring break
359
00:14:35,948 --> 00:14:37,480
three years ago.
360
00:14:38,099 --> 00:14:40,116
That means something.
361
00:14:40,118 --> 00:14:41,818
Loves show tunes,
362
00:14:41,820 --> 00:14:43,587
total shopaholic,
363
00:14:43,589 --> 00:14:45,622
not always pestering you
for sex?
364
00:14:46,424 --> 00:14:48,324
Um, Clifford
sounds like a keeper.
365
00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:52,429
Marshall, all of that advice
was terrible.
366
00:14:52,431 --> 00:14:53,630
Not as terrible as you saying
367
00:14:53,632 --> 00:14:55,498
that Ted and Robin
should stop being friends.
368
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:58,518
I'm not saying they should.
It would be horrible.
369
00:14:58,520 --> 00:14:59,502
But if Ted
370
00:14:59,504 --> 00:15:02,205
really wants to be
with Victoria...
371
00:15:02,207 --> 00:15:05,258
Ted, tell her
372
00:15:05,260 --> 00:15:07,627
that you're not gonna
stop being friends with Robin.
373
00:15:07,629 --> 00:15:09,062
(sighs)
374
00:15:09,064 --> 00:15:11,948
I can't imagine
life without Robin.
375
00:15:13,201 --> 00:15:15,068
But she'll never be
in love with me.
376
00:15:15,070 --> 00:15:16,236
She'll never be
377
00:15:16,238 --> 00:15:17,888
my wife.
378
00:15:17,890 --> 00:15:19,022
She'll never be
379
00:15:19,024 --> 00:15:21,725
the person I grow old with.
380
00:15:21,727 --> 00:15:24,461
Victoria...
381
00:15:24,463 --> 00:15:26,713
Victoria could be.
382
00:15:27,932 --> 00:15:30,884
Are you saying what
I think you're saying?
383
00:15:40,544 --> 00:15:42,729
You ready to say good-bye?
384
00:15:44,649 --> 00:15:46,616
Thanks for coming with me.
385
00:15:46,618 --> 00:15:48,485
Oh, well,
you did the same for me
386
00:15:48,487 --> 00:15:51,404
back when I had to give away
all my dogs. Remember?
387
00:15:51,406 --> 00:15:54,190
Oh, yeah, we drove
to your aunt's farm upstate.
388
00:15:54,192 --> 00:15:55,659
She was awesome.
389
00:15:55,661 --> 00:15:56,776
Yeah.
I love how she
390
00:15:56,778 --> 00:15:57,994
was this wise, old, chilled out,
391
00:15:57,996 --> 00:16:00,347
lesbian farmer.
(laughs)
392
00:16:00,349 --> 00:16:02,866
No, no, no.
She's not a lesbian.
393
00:16:02,868 --> 00:16:04,384
Nor does she farm them.
394
00:16:04,386 --> 00:16:05,685
No, that woman
she lives with,
395
00:16:05,687 --> 00:16:08,088
that's just
her special friend Maureen.
396
00:16:08,090 --> 00:16:10,540
They've lived together for...
397
00:16:10,542 --> 00:16:12,776
Oh.
398
00:16:14,328 --> 00:16:17,747
(groaning):
Oh, this is gonna be tough.
399
00:16:17,749 --> 00:16:20,634
Brover really was
the best wingman ever.
400
00:16:27,141 --> 00:16:28,892
Oh, my God.
401
00:16:28,894 --> 00:16:31,211
Thank you so much for bringing
402
00:16:31,213 --> 00:16:34,197
Mr. Sprinkles back.
Mr. Sprinkles...
403
00:16:34,199 --> 00:16:36,316
is a great name for a dog.
404
00:16:36,318 --> 00:16:38,285
Mommy missed you so much.
405
00:16:38,287 --> 00:16:39,602
Yes, she did.
406
00:16:39,604 --> 00:16:42,605
Did this nice couple
take care of you?
407
00:16:42,607 --> 00:16:44,908
(both stammering)
408
00:16:44,910 --> 00:16:46,710
That's a laugh. Ha.
409
00:16:46,712 --> 00:16:48,444
(laughs):
Big bro.
410
00:16:49,263 --> 00:16:51,114
I got to split.
Yeah, I got to,
411
00:16:51,116 --> 00:16:53,049
I got to head back
to the farm...
412
00:16:53,051 --> 00:16:56,386
where I live with my
special friend Maureen.
413
00:16:56,388 --> 00:16:57,637
Whom I now realize
414
00:16:57,639 --> 00:16:59,756
is my lesbian
life partner.
415
00:16:59,758 --> 00:17:02,458
Surprise.
416
00:17:03,227 --> 00:17:06,179
Okay. All right.
417
00:17:06,181 --> 00:17:07,347
So...
418
00:17:07,349 --> 00:17:09,182
would you like a drink?
419
00:17:12,787 --> 00:17:15,438
Best wingman ever.
420
00:17:19,860 --> 00:17:21,945
Hey.
421
00:17:21,947 --> 00:17:23,430
What's all this?
422
00:17:23,432 --> 00:17:25,481
I thought you were
mad at me.
423
00:17:25,483 --> 00:17:27,117
I was...
424
00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:28,418
but then I realized
425
00:17:28,420 --> 00:17:31,388
I just have to accept
that you have close guy friends.
426
00:17:31,390 --> 00:17:33,456
I mean, I don't want it
becoming a habit
427
00:17:33,458 --> 00:17:35,442
that they steal you away from me
in the middle of the night.
428
00:17:35,444 --> 00:17:37,043
But...
(electronic chime)
429
00:17:37,045 --> 00:17:38,828
Oh, sorry.
430
00:17:40,348 --> 00:17:42,132
Oh, Ted needs to see me.
431
00:17:42,134 --> 00:17:44,117
Oh, for the love of God, woman.
Oh, it's not
432
00:17:44,119 --> 00:17:46,553
what you think.
He just wants to have sex.
433
00:17:46,555 --> 00:17:48,555
Kidding.
434
00:17:48,557 --> 00:17:50,273
Just a little hand stuff.
435
00:17:50,275 --> 00:17:51,725
Ha. Kidding again.
436
00:17:51,727 --> 00:17:55,178
Ted's more of a boob man.
I seriously can't stop.
437
00:17:55,180 --> 00:17:57,814
What does he want?
Um...
438
00:17:57,816 --> 00:17:59,566
I don't know,
but he says it's urgent.
439
00:18:00,284 --> 00:18:02,018
I'm so sorry.
440
00:18:02,020 --> 00:18:04,821
Just one more little
steal-away.
441
00:18:04,823 --> 00:18:07,023
Just as long
as he gives you back.
442
00:18:08,626 --> 00:18:10,026
Thanks.
443
00:18:26,994 --> 00:18:29,079
So...
444
00:18:29,081 --> 00:18:30,897
are you okay?
445
00:18:30,899 --> 00:18:32,599
What is this big, urgent thing
446
00:18:32,601 --> 00:18:34,851
that couldn't wait
till tomorrow?
447
00:18:36,487 --> 00:18:38,521
There's something
I have to tell you.
448
00:18:38,523 --> 00:18:40,890
Um...
449
00:18:40,892 --> 00:18:42,776
I've thought about this a ton,
450
00:18:42,778 --> 00:18:45,829
and, um...
451
00:18:45,831 --> 00:18:48,231
I was hoping it wouldn't
come to this,
452
00:18:48,233 --> 00:18:50,450
but...
453
00:18:53,838 --> 00:18:57,573
I'm not in love with Robin, um,
454
00:18:57,575 --> 00:19:01,410
but she's like family to me,
and, uh...
455
00:19:01,412 --> 00:19:03,412
I can't end that.
456
00:19:03,414 --> 00:19:06,015
So...
457
00:19:06,017 --> 00:19:08,718
can you accept that?
458
00:19:17,812 --> 00:19:21,648
I really hope
you get her some day.
459
00:19:36,464 --> 00:19:37,747
Hey, guys.
460
00:19:37,749 --> 00:19:38,932
Hey.
Hey.
461
00:19:38,934 --> 00:19:41,417
So, last night
462
00:19:41,419 --> 00:19:45,288
Ted calls me out to the bar
to talk about something urgent.
463
00:19:45,290 --> 00:19:47,290
Guess what it was.
464
00:19:47,292 --> 00:19:48,308
He wants to write
465
00:19:48,310 --> 00:19:51,478
a series of young adult
mystery novels
466
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:54,397
called The Mosby Boys.
467
00:19:54,399 --> 00:19:56,799
Why did you need
to tell me that?
468
00:19:56,801 --> 00:19:59,135
You work in the media.
You know people.
469
00:19:59,137 --> 00:20:01,271
Okay, well, first of all,
lose the Mosby nerds
470
00:20:01,273 --> 00:20:03,273
and focus on
that crime-solving squirrel.
471
00:20:03,275 --> 00:20:04,407
That guy is gold.
Yeah.
472
00:20:04,409 --> 00:20:05,358
And secondly, next time
473
00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:07,143
you have a big idea
late at night,
474
00:20:07,145 --> 00:20:08,912
please bug
your girlfriend about it.
475
00:20:08,914 --> 00:20:10,780
Uh, actually...
476
00:20:10,782 --> 00:20:12,966
Victoria and I broke up.
477
00:20:12,968 --> 00:20:14,834
Oh, my God.
478
00:20:14,836 --> 00:20:17,287
Why, what,
what happened?
479
00:20:17,289 --> 00:20:20,206
We just, you know,
wanted different things.
480
00:20:23,711 --> 00:20:25,445
I'm so sorry, buddy.
481
00:20:25,447 --> 00:20:27,463
But, bright side...
482
00:20:27,465 --> 00:20:29,632
Robin is gonna be so touched
483
00:20:29,634 --> 00:20:31,434
when she hears you ended
things with Victoria
484
00:20:31,436 --> 00:20:32,468
because of her.
485
00:20:32,470 --> 00:20:33,803
She can never know.
486
00:20:33,805 --> 00:20:36,773
Promise me
Robin will never find out.
487
00:20:36,775 --> 00:20:38,224
I don't understand.
488
00:20:38,226 --> 00:20:39,192
Promise.
489
00:20:39,194 --> 00:20:42,145
Promise.
Promise.
490
00:20:42,147 --> 00:20:43,796
NARRATOR:
Of course,
491
00:20:43,798 --> 00:20:45,398
Robin did find out.
492
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:47,867
But we'll get to that.
493
00:21:00,476 --> 00:21:03,612
(barks)
494
00:21:03,614 --> 00:21:05,547
So you do have balls?
495
00:21:05,549 --> 00:21:07,347
(barks)
496
00:21:07,348 --> 00:21:09,105
Run!
497
00:21:09,205 --> 00:21:14,205
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
33983
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof