Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:02,083 --> 00:00:04,693
Kids, October of 2012kicked off
2
00:00:04,793 --> 00:00:06,126
The Autumn of Breakups.
3
00:00:06,128 --> 00:00:08,929
And Barney, having brokenhis engagement with Quinn,
4
00:00:08,931 --> 00:00:11,715
was slowly tryingto pick himself back up.
5
00:00:11,717 --> 00:00:15,685
Welcome to Bangtoberfest!
6
00:00:15,687 --> 00:00:17,888
Have a Bangtoberfest T-shirt!
7
00:00:17,890 --> 00:00:19,189
I'm back!
8
00:00:19,191 --> 00:00:20,690
Have a Bangtoberfest
T-shirt!
9
00:00:20,692 --> 00:00:22,726
I'm single again!
10
00:00:23,896 --> 00:00:25,062
Sorry about your eye!
11
00:00:25,064 --> 00:00:26,113
I'm available!
12
00:00:27,066 --> 00:00:28,949
"Bangtoberfest:
13
00:00:28,951 --> 00:00:31,535
This Time It's Really
Not Personal."
14
00:00:31,537 --> 00:00:33,320
Barney, you just
went through
15
00:00:33,322 --> 00:00:35,188
some really big emotional stuff.
16
00:00:35,190 --> 00:00:37,207
You need to give yourself
some time to heal.
17
00:00:37,209 --> 00:00:39,910
Robin, I spent
seven grand on merch.
18
00:00:39,912 --> 00:00:41,545
This is happening.
19
00:00:43,965 --> 00:00:44,998
Hey.
20
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:46,366
Hey.
Hi, Marshall.
21
00:00:46,368 --> 00:00:48,585
So, Lily's dad just showed up
22
00:00:48,587 --> 00:00:51,071
two days ago unannounced.
23
00:00:51,073 --> 00:00:52,389
Remember when I
bought all those
24
00:00:52,391 --> 00:00:53,623
Mexican fireworks so I'd never
25
00:00:53,625 --> 00:00:55,058
have to buy
Christmas presents again?
26
00:00:55,060 --> 00:00:57,210
Oh, God, you blew
up the house.
27
00:00:57,212 --> 00:00:58,979
Blew up the house?
28
00:00:58,981 --> 00:01:00,147
Oh, no.
29
00:01:00,149 --> 00:01:01,381
Nothing like that, no.
30
00:01:02,601 --> 00:01:04,317
No, the fireworks
blew up the garage.
31
00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:05,619
The house burned down.
32
00:01:06,237 --> 00:01:07,237
Holy frijoles,
33
00:01:07,239 --> 00:01:08,405
do I smell brownies?
34
00:01:10,225 --> 00:01:12,058
We covered that fire
on the news.
35
00:01:12,060 --> 00:01:16,029
I had no idea "naked man
runs back into inferno
36
00:01:16,031 --> 00:01:18,448
to rescue potato salad"
was Mickey.
37
00:01:19,283 --> 00:01:21,334
My hour's up.
Your turn, Marshall.
38
00:01:21,336 --> 00:01:23,420
Oh, no.
39
00:01:23,422 --> 00:01:26,256
Baby Marvin,
did you just go poo-poo?
40
00:01:26,258 --> 00:01:27,724
Craziest thing.
41
00:01:27,726 --> 00:01:29,893
He just went poo-poo
this very second.
44
00:01:33,465 --> 00:01:35,999
and you just ran out the clock
until it was my problem?
45
00:01:36,001 --> 00:01:37,934
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, right.
46
00:01:37,936 --> 00:01:41,555
What kind of mother lets her son
sit in his own filth
47
00:01:41,557 --> 00:01:44,291
for an extra nine minutes
and 42 seconds?
48
00:01:48,929 --> 00:01:52,482
I got my eye on you, Aldrin.
49
00:01:52,484 --> 00:01:57,103
It's watering right now,
but I got my eye on you.
50
00:01:58,439 --> 00:02:00,273
I can't
believe I have to go
51
00:02:00,275 --> 00:02:03,126
back to work on Monday and
we still haven't found a nanny.
52
00:02:03,128 --> 00:02:05,962
Well, if Grandpa Mickey's there,
couldn't he just...
53
00:02:05,964 --> 00:02:07,380
Are you kidding?
54
00:02:07,382 --> 00:02:09,883
My dad was never there for me
when I was a kid.
55
00:02:09,885 --> 00:02:11,284
And when he was...
56
00:02:13,088 --> 00:02:14,671
What's wrong, Daddy?
57
00:02:14,673 --> 00:02:18,625
Oh, Daddy can't pick a horse
to save his freakin' life.
58
00:02:18,627 --> 00:02:22,312
All I need is
just one lucky number.
59
00:02:22,314 --> 00:02:23,980
Hey, when's your birthday?
60
00:02:24,815 --> 00:02:26,816
Today.
61
00:02:26,818 --> 00:02:29,135
Well...
62
00:02:29,137 --> 00:02:32,138
We've got to find a nanny,
and my dad's definitely not it.
63
00:02:32,140 --> 00:02:35,141
Well, um, and this doesn't
solve your nanny problem,
64
00:02:35,143 --> 00:02:37,327
but if you're in need
of a babysitter,
65
00:02:37,329 --> 00:02:38,612
Nick and I could do it.
66
00:02:38,614 --> 00:02:41,364
We're really clicking
as a couple.
67
00:02:41,366 --> 00:02:44,701
Um, if any couple
is clicking these days,
68
00:02:44,703 --> 00:02:46,253
it's me and Victoria.
69
00:02:47,673 --> 00:02:50,323
Do you think
that you and Victoria
70
00:02:50,325 --> 00:02:52,542
are clicking more than
me and Nick?
71
00:02:52,544 --> 00:02:54,427
Do you think you and Nick are...
72
00:02:54,429 --> 00:02:56,596
Oh, that's precious.
73
00:02:56,598 --> 00:02:59,716
Kids, when you're ina new relationship
74
00:02:59,718 --> 00:03:02,252
and you're competing withyour ex for who's happier,
75
00:03:02,254 --> 00:03:03,503
it can get ugly.
76
00:03:03,505 --> 00:03:06,273
Anyway, I should get going.
77
00:03:06,275 --> 00:03:08,892
I have to go get
a key made for Nick.
78
00:03:08,894 --> 00:03:10,527
For my apartment.
79
00:03:10,529 --> 00:03:11,728
Ha-burn.
80
00:03:11,730 --> 00:03:13,446
Hey, maybe the locksmith
who made the key
81
00:03:13,448 --> 00:03:15,365
I gave to Victoria
will give you a deal.
82
00:03:15,367 --> 00:03:16,650
Oh, wait, he won't remember me.
83
00:03:16,652 --> 00:03:17,784
It was three weeks ago.
84
00:03:17,786 --> 00:03:18,985
Ha-double burn.
85
00:03:18,987 --> 00:03:20,520
Nick signed for a package
when I wasn't there.
86
00:03:20,522 --> 00:03:22,205
Victoria keeps tampons
at my apartment.
87
00:03:22,207 --> 00:03:24,199
Damn it!
88
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:28,200
♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x03 ♪
Nannies
Original Air Date on October 8, 2012
89
00:03:28,201 --> 00:03:32,201
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
90
00:03:37,138 --> 00:03:39,139
The next day,Lily and Marshall's
91
00:03:39,141 --> 00:03:40,724
nanny search hit pay dirt.
92
00:03:40,726 --> 00:03:42,759
Mr. and Mrs. Eriksen,
93
00:03:42,761 --> 00:03:46,563
I promise to create a safe,
nurturing environment
94
00:03:46,565 --> 00:03:49,733
full of learning,
laughter and love.
95
00:03:49,735 --> 00:03:51,101
So that even when
96
00:03:51,103 --> 00:03:52,686
we have to eat lima beans
97
00:03:52,688 --> 00:03:54,571
or we get a boo-boo on our knee,
98
00:03:54,573 --> 00:03:57,890
we know everything
will be just fine.
99
00:03:57,892 --> 00:03:59,659
And do you know why?
100
00:03:59,661 --> 00:04:01,227
Because you're an angel
sent from heaven?
101
00:04:01,229 --> 00:04:03,663
I want to bury my head
in the safety of your bosom.
102
00:04:03,665 --> 00:04:06,249
Because Mrs. Buckminster
is here.
103
00:04:07,235 --> 00:04:09,068
The search is over.
104
00:04:09,070 --> 00:04:12,455
Mrs. Buckminster, we just
need to know your salary.
105
00:04:12,457 --> 00:04:14,240
Oh, delightful!
106
00:04:14,242 --> 00:04:16,876
Well, my weekly fee is...
107
00:04:18,013 --> 00:04:19,412
There, there.
108
00:04:19,414 --> 00:04:23,350
I'm sure you'll find someone
you like just as much.
109
00:04:23,352 --> 00:04:24,351
No, we won't!
110
00:04:24,353 --> 00:04:25,935
Not like you!
111
00:04:27,555 --> 00:04:29,773
Hey, Robin,
can I borrow a stamp?
112
00:04:29,775 --> 00:04:33,426
Oh, wait, this wedding
reply card already has one.
113
00:04:33,428 --> 00:04:34,778
Why, you ask?
114
00:04:34,780 --> 00:04:38,281
Victoria and I
are RSVPing to a wedding...
115
00:04:38,283 --> 00:04:39,733
in Jamaica...
116
00:04:39,735 --> 00:04:41,284
six months from now.
117
00:04:41,286 --> 00:04:42,652
Ha-triple burn.
118
00:04:42,654 --> 00:04:44,371
Oh.
119
00:04:44,373 --> 00:04:45,288
Jamaica.
120
00:04:45,290 --> 00:04:46,573
Yeah.
121
00:04:46,575 --> 00:04:47,741
That's an island, right?
122
00:04:47,743 --> 00:04:50,443
Depends where you're going
with this.
123
00:04:50,445 --> 00:04:53,046
All the way
to the island of Hawaii.
124
00:04:53,048 --> 00:04:54,381
Why, you ask?
125
00:04:54,383 --> 00:04:55,498
Well, I was invited
126
00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:56,783
to spend New Year's there...
127
00:04:56,785 --> 00:04:59,135
last night when I met
Nick's parents.
128
00:04:59,137 --> 00:05:00,954
Ha-aloha burn.
129
00:05:00,956 --> 00:05:02,455
Have you, um,
130
00:05:02,457 --> 00:05:04,724
met Victoria's parents, Ted?
131
00:05:04,726 --> 00:05:08,395
As a matter of fact, I haven't.
132
00:05:08,397 --> 00:05:10,513
Because they're dead.
133
00:05:10,515 --> 00:05:13,266
Are they, Ted?
134
00:05:13,268 --> 00:05:14,901
Are they really dead?
135
00:05:14,903 --> 00:05:17,070
No.
136
00:05:17,072 --> 00:05:18,188
Damn it!
137
00:05:18,190 --> 00:05:21,825
Bangtoberfest is a flop!
138
00:05:21,827 --> 00:05:25,195
I can't think of an
innovative way to bang chicks
139
00:05:25,197 --> 00:05:27,697
that properly honors
my return to the game.
140
00:05:27,699 --> 00:05:30,149
Sure, I've tried
some old reliables.
141
00:05:30,151 --> 00:05:31,835
Ten unpaid parking tickets?
142
00:05:31,837 --> 00:05:37,507
I suppose there is one way
I could... "get you off."
143
00:05:39,326 --> 00:05:40,927
No!
144
00:05:40,929 --> 00:05:44,330
I've used that admittedly
awesome line a thousand times.
145
00:05:44,332 --> 00:05:46,349
You're better than this, Barney!
146
00:05:46,351 --> 00:05:49,469
Well, the evidence
is pretty incriminating, but...
147
00:05:49,471 --> 00:05:54,107
I suppose there is one way
I could "get you off."
148
00:05:54,109 --> 00:05:56,976
Damn it! What?
149
00:05:56,978 --> 00:05:59,229
Bangtoberfest is
about innovation,
150
00:05:59,231 --> 00:06:00,947
about ideas.
151
00:06:00,949 --> 00:06:03,516
Bangtoberfest used to
mean something.
152
00:06:03,518 --> 00:06:04,851
You just
made it up yesterday.
153
00:06:04,853 --> 00:06:05,952
Enough questions.
154
00:06:05,954 --> 00:06:08,037
I need time
to think!
155
00:06:10,190 --> 00:06:11,958
So, how's the nanny search
going, Lil?
156
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:13,159
Lousy.
157
00:06:13,161 --> 00:06:16,062
Mrs. Buckminster
was a spoonful of sugar.
158
00:06:16,064 --> 00:06:18,932
But so far, everyone we can
afford on this Web site
159
00:06:18,934 --> 00:06:22,852
HeyNannyNanny.com
is Scary Poppins.
160
00:06:22,854 --> 00:06:24,771
But Lily and Marshallneeded a nanny,
161
00:06:24,773 --> 00:06:27,140
so they forged aheadwith their search.
162
00:06:27,142 --> 00:06:29,709
So, zero experience
as a nanny?
163
00:06:29,711 --> 00:06:32,879
Right. But in rehab,
I was in charge of the cats.
164
00:06:32,881 --> 00:06:35,665
And only two died,
so I figured...
165
00:06:35,667 --> 00:06:36,800
I'm available.
166
00:06:38,270 --> 00:06:40,236
How do you feel
about spanking?
167
00:06:40,238 --> 00:06:44,040
For eight bucks an hour, you can
do whatever you want to me.
168
00:06:44,042 --> 00:06:45,325
I'm available.
169
00:06:45,327 --> 00:06:46,693
Dad, we know.
170
00:06:46,695 --> 00:06:49,245
I wasn't talking to you.
171
00:06:49,247 --> 00:06:52,115
Finally,they met Julie Jorgensen.
172
00:06:52,117 --> 00:06:55,568
You're from
St. Cloud, Minnesota?
173
00:06:55,570 --> 00:06:56,786
I'm from St. Cloud.
174
00:06:56,788 --> 00:06:59,172
Really? Oh, you must know
my dad, George Jorgensen?
175
00:06:59,174 --> 00:07:00,173
Of course.
176
00:07:00,175 --> 00:07:01,407
George Jorgensen's Organs.
177
00:07:01,409 --> 00:07:02,909
Last year, my brother
joined the business.
178
00:07:02,911 --> 00:07:05,462
Really? Who knew that Morgan
Jorgensen would go into organs?
179
00:07:05,464 --> 00:07:06,579
Anyway, Julie...
180
00:07:06,581 --> 00:07:08,264
Is it still called
George Jorgensen's Organs
181
00:07:08,266 --> 00:07:10,767
or did they change it to
George Jorgensen and Son Organs?
182
00:07:10,769 --> 00:07:13,386
They changed it to George
and Morgan Jorgensen's Organs.
183
00:07:13,388 --> 00:07:14,921
Guess whose idea that was?
184
00:07:14,923 --> 00:07:16,856
Morgan's.
Morgan's.
185
00:07:16,858 --> 00:07:18,424
They just opened a new shop
out of state.
186
00:07:18,426 --> 00:07:19,809
Oh, yeah? Where?
Oregon.
187
00:07:19,811 --> 00:07:20,693
What's that one called?
188
00:07:20,695 --> 00:07:22,495
Piano Town.
189
00:07:23,263 --> 00:07:25,448
Well, you have
experience,
190
00:07:25,450 --> 00:07:28,618
and I think it's safe to say
you have my husband's approval.
191
00:07:28,620 --> 00:07:30,153
What's your salary?
192
00:07:30,155 --> 00:07:31,988
Oh, um, it's right there.
193
00:07:33,324 --> 00:07:36,609
Julie, we would love
for you to be our nanny.
194
00:07:36,611 --> 00:07:38,161
Oh, thank you so much.
195
00:07:38,163 --> 00:07:40,279
Um, I just have
one last interview today,
196
00:07:40,281 --> 00:07:41,948
but to be honest,
I can't imagine
197
00:07:41,950 --> 00:07:43,716
liking anyone more
than I like you guys.
198
00:07:43,718 --> 00:07:45,134
Oh...
199
00:07:45,136 --> 00:07:46,169
Okay, bye.
200
00:07:46,171 --> 00:07:47,170
Bye.
201
00:07:47,172 --> 00:07:48,788
Yay.
202
00:07:50,508 --> 00:07:52,392
Well, she was a total bitch.
203
00:07:53,761 --> 00:07:56,179
That night,Lily and Marshall called Julie
204
00:07:56,181 --> 00:07:57,897
hoping she'd accept the job.
205
00:07:57,899 --> 00:08:00,149
I'm so sorry, I can't.
206
00:08:00,151 --> 00:08:02,769
Don't tell us
you took the other job.
207
00:08:02,771 --> 00:08:04,971
No, I didn't.
I'm not taking any nanny job.
208
00:08:04,973 --> 00:08:06,990
I don't understand.
209
00:08:06,992 --> 00:08:08,107
The most amazing thing happened
210
00:08:08,109 --> 00:08:09,976
at my next interview
after you guys.
211
00:08:09,978 --> 00:08:11,911
I fell in love with a single dad
212
00:08:11,913 --> 00:08:13,947
who turns out to be
a billionaire.
213
00:08:13,949 --> 00:08:16,783
Tomorrow, we're heading off
to Paris in his private jet.
214
00:08:16,785 --> 00:08:20,670
It's gonna be, as he would say,
legend-- wait for it...
215
00:08:20,672 --> 00:08:23,339
Barney!
216
00:08:23,341 --> 00:08:26,659
Ix-nay on the eal-ray ame-nay.
217
00:08:26,661 --> 00:08:28,177
Mr. and Mrs. Eriksen?
218
00:08:28,179 --> 00:08:31,681
You son of a...
219
00:08:31,683 --> 00:08:33,349
itch-bay!
220
00:08:38,237 --> 00:08:41,166
Look, Barney's our friend,
for some reason,
221
00:08:41,266 --> 00:08:43,650
and everything he
told you was a lie.
222
00:08:43,652 --> 00:08:45,235
But the good news is
223
00:08:45,237 --> 00:08:47,270
you're free to
come work for us.
224
00:08:47,272 --> 00:08:49,489
I'm sorry, I can't
nanny for anyone
225
00:08:49,491 --> 00:08:51,658
who's friends with this monster.
226
00:08:57,499 --> 00:08:59,049
Look, I'd offer you guys coffee,
227
00:08:59,051 --> 00:09:00,567
but I have
another nanny interview
228
00:09:00,569 --> 00:09:02,919
in about 15 minutes, so...
229
00:09:02,921 --> 00:09:05,221
Barney, quick question: why are
you interviewing nannies?
230
00:09:05,223 --> 00:09:06,306
Glad you asked!
231
00:09:06,308 --> 00:09:08,291
You guys were all
pressuring me to think of
232
00:09:08,293 --> 00:09:10,677
a revolutionary new way
to get chicks for Bangtoberfest.
233
00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:12,795
And frankly, I was stumped.
234
00:09:12,797 --> 00:09:14,230
Until...
235
00:09:14,232 --> 00:09:16,766
So far, everyone we can
afford on this Web site
236
00:09:16,768 --> 00:09:20,103
HeyNannyNanny.com
is Scary Poppins.
237
00:09:20,105 --> 00:09:21,804
And there it was.
238
00:09:21,806 --> 00:09:25,275
The Big Bro in the skyhad answered my prayers.
239
00:09:25,277 --> 00:09:26,976
Almighty-five.
240
00:09:26,978 --> 00:09:28,161
Ow.
241
00:09:28,163 --> 00:09:30,313
I'd introduce you
to little Baby Edgar,
242
00:09:30,315 --> 00:09:32,832
but one, he's napping,
243
00:09:32,834 --> 00:09:36,202
and two, he doesn't exist.
244
00:09:36,204 --> 00:09:39,005
And these nannies are
really falling for this?
245
00:09:39,007 --> 00:09:42,008
Yeah, these toys don't even
make sense for a baby.
246
00:09:42,010 --> 00:09:45,095
You've got an air rifle,
you got the exact race track
247
00:09:45,097 --> 00:09:47,147
with the double loopty-loop
I had as a kid!
248
00:09:47,149 --> 00:09:50,884
Oh, can I open it, can I
open it, can I open it?
249
00:09:50,886 --> 00:09:52,802
What about Baby Edgar's mom?
250
00:09:52,804 --> 00:09:56,022
Oh, that's a sad story.
251
00:09:56,024 --> 00:09:59,175
And in the end, the
coroner's report confirmed
252
00:09:59,177 --> 00:10:00,977
what I already feared:
253
00:10:00,979 --> 00:10:06,533
the female body cannot withstand
that many consecutive orgasms.
254
00:10:08,685 --> 00:10:11,054
I blame myself.
255
00:10:11,056 --> 00:10:13,873
Okay, does anybody have
six nine-volt batteries?
256
00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:19,629
Once I got the nannies
all sympathetic,
257
00:10:19,631 --> 00:10:22,215
I had to check
their qualifications.
258
00:10:22,217 --> 00:10:24,234
I'd like to see how
you handle bath time.
259
00:10:24,236 --> 00:10:26,686
Follow me
to the tub.
260
00:10:26,688 --> 00:10:28,054
Should I get the baby?
261
00:10:28,056 --> 00:10:30,206
No.
262
00:10:30,208 --> 00:10:32,225
I'm just gonna take
the batteries
263
00:10:32,227 --> 00:10:34,544
out of these smoke detectors.
Cool? Cool.
264
00:10:35,846 --> 00:10:40,433
Once the interview was over,
I went in for the kill.
265
00:10:40,435 --> 00:10:42,352
You're perfect for the job.
266
00:10:42,354 --> 00:10:44,854
So, congratulations,
you're hi...
267
00:10:44,856 --> 00:10:46,022
No.
268
00:10:46,024 --> 00:10:47,741
I can't do this.
269
00:10:47,743 --> 00:10:50,393
I find you very attractive,
270
00:10:50,395 --> 00:10:52,579
and it wouldn't be
appropriate.
271
00:10:55,833 --> 00:10:58,034
It wouldn't be
appropriate.
272
00:11:01,622 --> 00:11:03,757
It wouldn't be appropriate.
273
00:11:05,626 --> 00:11:09,129
I repeat--
it would not be appropriate.
274
00:11:13,634 --> 00:11:17,137
It was like taking candy
from an imaginary baby!
275
00:11:17,139 --> 00:11:19,606
Barney, I just went five months
with no help,
276
00:11:19,608 --> 00:11:22,942
and interviewed 92 nannies
before finding one we liked,
277
00:11:22,944 --> 00:11:24,360
and you ruined everything
278
00:11:24,362 --> 00:11:27,030
the night before
I'm supposed to go back to work?
279
00:11:27,032 --> 00:11:29,866
Thank you for being
the most immature person
280
00:11:29,868 --> 00:11:31,284
I have ever met.
281
00:11:31,286 --> 00:11:32,485
Marshall, let's go.
282
00:11:32,487 --> 00:11:33,503
Five more minutes!
283
00:11:33,505 --> 00:11:36,072
Now.
284
00:11:36,074 --> 00:11:37,807
I'll be right back.
Okay.
285
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,227
Mm.
Mmm.
286
00:11:41,229 --> 00:11:42,445
Mm-hmm. Mmm.
287
00:11:43,915 --> 00:11:45,715
Mmm.
Mm-hmm.
288
00:11:45,717 --> 00:11:47,801
Mmm!
289
00:11:47,803 --> 00:11:49,836
I'll miss you.
290
00:11:52,723 --> 00:11:53,973
Oh! Oh!
291
00:11:55,861 --> 00:11:57,494
Overcompensating a bit?
292
00:11:57,496 --> 00:12:00,513
Why would I need
to overcompensate?
293
00:12:00,515 --> 00:12:02,432
I am...
294
00:12:02,434 --> 00:12:05,301
...deliriously happy
in my perfect relationship.
295
00:12:05,303 --> 00:12:09,405
What about what I just witnessed
not two minutes ago?
296
00:12:09,407 --> 00:12:12,492
How can the Giants
pass on third and one?!
297
00:12:12,494 --> 00:12:14,310
Honey, it's okay.
298
00:12:14,312 --> 00:12:16,880
It's the first quarter, and the
Browns are only up by three...
299
00:12:16,882 --> 00:12:18,832
Robin, I don't want
you to fix this.
300
00:12:18,834 --> 00:12:23,503
I just want
to feel heard.
301
00:12:23,505 --> 00:12:25,455
First of all,
the Giants were smart
302
00:12:25,457 --> 00:12:27,790
not to run
on my Dawg Pound defense.
303
00:12:27,792 --> 00:12:28,825
They suck, Ted.
I know.
304
00:12:28,827 --> 00:12:30,460
And two--
305
00:12:30,462 --> 00:12:33,229
there is no way
that you like being with a guy
306
00:12:33,231 --> 00:12:34,631
who's so emotional and needy.
307
00:12:34,633 --> 00:12:36,883
You want to dance, Mosby?
308
00:12:36,885 --> 00:12:39,219
Let's talk about yesterday.
309
00:12:39,221 --> 00:12:42,605
Hi! You guys,
I'm so sorry I'm so late.
310
00:12:42,607 --> 00:12:45,391
I'm gonna run upstairs,
change, I'll be back
311
00:12:45,393 --> 00:12:47,694
in five minutes.
312
00:12:47,696 --> 00:12:49,979
Take your time, sweetie.
313
00:12:52,750 --> 00:12:54,384
Victoria's a slob!
314
00:12:54,386 --> 00:12:56,452
Well, at least
I'm not dating a girl.
315
00:12:56,454 --> 00:12:58,187
You know what I mean.
316
00:12:58,189 --> 00:12:59,305
Hey, you know what?
317
00:12:59,307 --> 00:13:01,491
I-I really appreciate
how sensitive
318
00:13:01,493 --> 00:13:04,494
and in touch he is with his...
319
00:13:04,496 --> 00:13:06,028
God, who am I kidding?
320
00:13:06,030 --> 00:13:09,866
20 bucks says he is crying
in the ladies' room right now.
321
00:13:09,868 --> 00:13:13,503
Well, at least when
he's finished, he's gonna flush.
322
00:13:15,874 --> 00:13:18,591
So, just as Lily was aboutto call in sick
323
00:13:18,593 --> 00:13:20,426
on her first dayback to work...
324
00:13:26,317 --> 00:13:27,984
Good morning!
325
00:13:27,986 --> 00:13:31,321
Mrs. Buckminster, hold me
and make everything okay!
326
00:13:31,323 --> 00:13:35,108
I mean, uh... what
are you doing here?
327
00:13:35,110 --> 00:13:39,562
A Mr. Stinson called the agency
and offered to pay my salary.
328
00:13:40,781 --> 00:13:42,916
Wow. Really?
329
00:13:42,918 --> 00:13:45,535
It's a nice gesture,
but I'm still pissed.
330
00:13:45,537 --> 00:13:48,070
He also sent along this.
331
00:13:48,072 --> 00:13:50,006
Are the batteries...?
332
00:13:50,008 --> 00:13:53,176
Yes, the batteries
are included, dear.
333
00:13:53,178 --> 00:13:55,378
Yes!
334
00:13:55,380 --> 00:13:57,597
Now, off to
work, you two.
335
00:13:57,599 --> 00:14:00,516
Mr. Marvin and I are going
to get acquainted.
336
00:14:00,518 --> 00:14:02,135
Great.
337
00:14:02,137 --> 00:14:03,937
I can't wait to hand him off
338
00:14:03,939 --> 00:14:05,638
and-and finally get
some freedom.
339
00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:08,141
You deserve it.
Now hand him over.
340
00:14:08,143 --> 00:14:11,027
Hand him over, yup.
341
00:14:11,029 --> 00:14:14,147
I'll just take little Marvin
off your hands then.
342
00:14:14,149 --> 00:14:16,115
Take him off my hands.
343
00:14:16,117 --> 00:14:18,151
There he goes.
344
00:14:18,153 --> 00:14:20,954
Ready to receive him!
345
00:14:20,956 --> 00:14:23,623
I can't give Marvin
to a stranger!
346
00:14:27,545 --> 00:14:30,079
Okay, somebody who's not
in the middle of a race
347
00:14:30,081 --> 00:14:32,632
should probably go talk to her.
348
00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:37,732
I'm sorry Mrs. Buckminster
349
00:14:37,757 --> 00:14:40,405
we've decided we're not going
to use a nanny afterall.
350
00:14:40,430 --> 00:14:41,421
You're fired.
351
00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:42,813
Calm down.
352
00:14:42,838 --> 00:14:45,091
Lily, you're just
nervous about spending
353
00:14:45,116 --> 00:14:46,864
your first day away from Marvin.
354
00:14:46,889 --> 00:14:48,609
That's perfectly normal.
355
00:14:48,634 --> 00:14:51,169
Oh, I am holding
on to you forever.
356
00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:52,937
And when I die and
I become a skeleton
357
00:14:52,962 --> 00:14:54,738
I'll still be holding you.
Yes.
358
00:14:57,350 --> 00:15:01,915
Last night, Nick cried
when I killed a spider.
359
00:15:02,515 --> 00:15:04,902
You should have brought
that spider over to my house
360
00:15:04,942 --> 00:15:06,808
to feast on the ant colony
361
00:15:06,810 --> 00:15:09,961
breeding on Victoria's
unwashed dishes.
362
00:15:09,963 --> 00:15:11,630
Whoa!
363
00:15:11,632 --> 00:15:13,015
Barney, what
happened to you?
364
00:15:13,017 --> 00:15:16,551
It was a nightmare.
365
00:15:16,553 --> 00:15:18,670
I'm walking down the street,minding my own business,
366
00:15:18,672 --> 00:15:20,105
and I see one of the nannies
367
00:15:20,107 --> 00:15:22,006
that I interviewed,and I'm thinking,
368
00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:24,192
"Maybe I can get herbehind a Dumpster
369
00:15:24,194 --> 00:15:25,861
and interview her again."
370
00:15:25,863 --> 00:15:28,363
But then...
371
00:15:29,565 --> 00:15:31,983
And then...
372
00:15:31,985 --> 00:15:33,518
They were everywhere.
373
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:36,238
I was surrounded!
374
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:37,989
Hey. Hi.
375
00:15:37,991 --> 00:15:39,458
Did you
376
00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:41,359
really think
you could get away with this?
377
00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:45,330
As a matter of fact,
I did, yeah.
378
00:15:45,332 --> 00:15:47,449
Time for your nap!
379
00:15:48,835 --> 00:15:50,836
I woke up in a Dumpster
380
00:15:50,838 --> 00:15:52,838
covered in diapers.
381
00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:54,756
And I found a pacifier
382
00:15:54,758 --> 00:15:57,392
somewhere I'm not
willing to discuss.
383
00:15:58,010 --> 00:16:00,062
What is wrong with me?!
384
00:16:00,064 --> 00:16:02,213
You're still
getting over Quinn.
385
00:16:02,215 --> 00:16:05,150
You can't just dive right back
into single Barney mode.
386
00:16:05,152 --> 00:16:06,651
But I can't stop myself!
387
00:16:06,653 --> 00:16:07,903
I'm out of control!
388
00:16:07,905 --> 00:16:09,388
No, I'm not. I'm fine!
389
00:16:09,390 --> 00:16:10,555
Now,
390
00:16:10,557 --> 00:16:11,823
if you'll excuse me,
391
00:16:11,825 --> 00:16:16,078
that blonde at the bar looks
as loose as my rear molars.
392
00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:18,280
Stop me! Don't stop me!
I'm fine. Help!
393
00:16:18,282 --> 00:16:20,499
Being single's great!
394
00:16:23,536 --> 00:16:26,922
You know, Victoria's messiness
395
00:16:26,924 --> 00:16:30,675
just forces me
to grow as a cleaner.
396
00:16:30,677 --> 00:16:33,178
Totally. And without Nick,
397
00:16:33,180 --> 00:16:34,963
who's gonna hem my pants?
398
00:16:34,965 --> 00:16:37,682
To making
these relationships last.
399
00:16:37,684 --> 00:16:42,253
Both relationshipswould implode within the month.
400
00:16:42,255 --> 00:16:43,889
Hey, sweetie.
401
00:16:43,891 --> 00:16:46,391
Hey. Did you guys conk out?
402
00:16:46,393 --> 00:16:48,477
Yeah, I guess we did.
403
00:16:48,479 --> 00:16:49,611
What time is it?
404
00:16:49,613 --> 00:16:50,562
5:00.
405
00:16:50,564 --> 00:16:53,064
Wow. We slept all day!
406
00:16:53,066 --> 00:16:55,317
Quick question. Um,
407
00:16:55,319 --> 00:16:56,234
where's Marvin?
408
00:16:56,236 --> 00:16:58,420
Right here.
409
00:17:10,115 --> 00:17:13,051
Hey, gang.
What's the big whoop?
410
00:17:13,053 --> 00:17:14,252
Marvin!
411
00:17:14,254 --> 00:17:15,720
Dad, what happened?
412
00:17:15,722 --> 00:17:18,840
Well, when I came backthis morning from my jog,
413
00:17:18,842 --> 00:17:20,225
Marshall was gone,
414
00:17:20,227 --> 00:17:22,761
and I couldn't findMrs.What's-her-face.
415
00:17:22,763 --> 00:17:27,983
And you two were sawing logs,so I figured I'd lend a hand.
416
00:17:37,376 --> 00:17:39,477
Then, why did I wake up
417
00:17:39,479 --> 00:17:41,163
holding a monkey?
418
00:17:41,165 --> 00:17:43,532
Well, a little later,
I got kind of hungry.
419
00:17:51,474 --> 00:17:54,342
So I gave him a bath, and put
his diaper rash ointment on,
420
00:17:54,344 --> 00:17:56,194
and fed him strained peas,
not bananas,
421
00:17:56,196 --> 00:17:58,013
'cause he had bananas yesterday,
422
00:17:58,015 --> 00:17:59,231
and I did the laundry,
423
00:17:59,233 --> 00:18:01,132
finished my burrito,
424
00:18:01,134 --> 00:18:02,934
put him down
for his nap at noon,
425
00:18:02,936 --> 00:18:05,387
sterilized the bottles, and then
we just went to the park.
426
00:18:05,389 --> 00:18:06,888
Okay.
427
00:18:06,890 --> 00:18:09,841
Wow. That's incredible.
428
00:18:09,843 --> 00:18:11,893
When did you get so good
with kids?
429
00:18:11,895 --> 00:18:13,912
You know something, honey,
you don't remember this,
430
00:18:13,914 --> 00:18:16,431
but, um, for the first few years
of your life,
431
00:18:16,433 --> 00:18:19,367
your mom worked,
and I was a stay-at-home dad.
432
00:18:19,369 --> 00:18:21,553
I thought Grandma and Grandpa
took care of me.
433
00:18:21,555 --> 00:18:22,654
Well, they visited a lot,
434
00:18:22,656 --> 00:18:24,840
but I was the guy
who took care of you.
435
00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:26,591
You know, America thinks
436
00:18:26,593 --> 00:18:29,077
I ran into that burning house
to get potato salad,
437
00:18:29,079 --> 00:18:31,630
but I actually ran in
to get this photo album.
438
00:18:31,632 --> 00:18:34,549
And potato salad. Sure.
439
00:18:43,843 --> 00:18:47,078
Dad, I never
realized you were...
440
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:50,232
there for me.
441
00:18:50,234 --> 00:18:53,618
How come there are no pictures
of me after I go to preschool?
442
00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:56,588
Well...
443
00:18:56,590 --> 00:18:59,474
Oh. Okay, well,
444
00:18:59,476 --> 00:19:02,694
have fun on your first day
of preschool, Princess.
445
00:19:02,696 --> 00:19:05,013
Okay. Off you go.
446
00:19:05,015 --> 00:19:07,182
There you go.
447
00:19:07,184 --> 00:19:09,117
Ugh!
448
00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:12,037
How am I gonna make it
to 3:00 without her?
449
00:19:15,642 --> 00:19:18,727
"Belmont Race Track?" Hmm.
450
00:19:18,729 --> 00:19:21,429
I guess it couldn't hurt
to go just once.
451
00:19:23,415 --> 00:19:24,766
Six months later,
452
00:19:24,768 --> 00:19:27,302
guess what gambling addict's
thumbs had metal pins in them?
453
00:19:28,472 --> 00:19:31,189
This guy.
454
00:19:32,058 --> 00:19:34,893
Look, honey, I was a jerk
455
00:19:34,895 --> 00:19:37,028
who wasn't there
for most of your childhood,
456
00:19:37,030 --> 00:19:40,231
and I regret that
every single day of my life.
457
00:19:40,233 --> 00:19:42,534
But I promise you,
458
00:19:42,536 --> 00:19:45,403
I'm here now for Marvin...
459
00:19:45,405 --> 00:19:47,572
if you want.
460
00:19:48,407 --> 00:19:50,542
You're hired.
461
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:52,744
♪ I look up to you ♪
462
00:19:52,746 --> 00:19:56,131
♪ You don't look down on me ♪
463
00:19:56,133 --> 00:19:58,216
♪ What do you see in me? ♪
464
00:19:58,218 --> 00:20:01,119
♪ Is it oceans of blue? ♪
465
00:20:01,121 --> 00:20:05,674
♪ How do you
make the colors say ♪
466
00:20:05,676 --> 00:20:08,426
♪ In a thousand crazy ways ♪
467
00:20:08,428 --> 00:20:10,679
♪ That in the end ♪
468
00:20:10,681 --> 00:20:14,849
♪ Most things will be okay... ♪
469
00:20:17,338 --> 00:20:18,893
Ten parking tickets, huh?
470
00:20:19,563 --> 00:20:21,646
I suppose there is a way
I could, uh...
471
00:20:21,648 --> 00:20:23,548
"get you off."
472
00:20:23,550 --> 00:20:26,117
Why did I ever doubt a classic?
473
00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:28,036
Now, now, now.
474
00:20:28,038 --> 00:20:30,772
This is exactly the
sort of behavior
475
00:20:30,774 --> 00:20:33,274
you hired me to put an end to,
Mr. Stinson.
476
00:20:33,276 --> 00:20:35,076
Off with you, dear.
477
00:20:35,078 --> 00:20:36,828
Go make better decisions!
478
00:20:40,082 --> 00:20:42,000
You're right.
479
00:20:42,002 --> 00:20:44,168
Thanks, Mrs. Buckminster.
480
00:20:44,170 --> 00:20:45,370
You're welcome.
481
00:20:45,372 --> 00:20:47,839
And I'm proud of you
for trying to change.
482
00:20:48,318 --> 00:20:49,851
What you're doing
483
00:20:49,853 --> 00:20:51,969
with these young women
484
00:20:51,971 --> 00:20:54,305
is simply not appropriate.
485
00:20:59,770 --> 00:21:01,571
That can never
happen again.
486
00:21:03,913 --> 00:21:06,480
Oh, pish-posh. You said that
five times ago.
487
00:21:06,482 --> 00:21:10,482
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
34426
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof