Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:01,946 --> 00:00:05,795
NARRATOR: Kids, the summer of 2012was the Summer of Love.
2
00:00:05,885 --> 00:00:07,677
Barney and Quinn,
3
00:00:07,777 --> 00:00:09,861
me and Victoria,
4
00:00:09,863 --> 00:00:12,146
Robin and Nick,
5
00:00:12,148 --> 00:00:15,433
Lily, Marshall and Marvin.
6
00:00:15,435 --> 00:00:17,452
Everyone was happy as can be.
7
00:00:17,454 --> 00:00:19,320
(all sigh happily)
8
00:00:19,322 --> 00:00:21,789
Which means there areabsolutely no good stories.
9
00:00:21,791 --> 00:00:23,791
Let's skip ahead...
10
00:00:24,627 --> 00:00:26,544
...to October 2012,
11
00:00:26,546 --> 00:00:28,279
the official kick-off
12
00:00:28,281 --> 00:00:29,464
of what came to be known as
13
00:00:29,466 --> 00:00:31,466
the Autumn of Breakups.
14
00:00:31,468 --> 00:00:34,102
It all started when Barneygot a little friendly advice
15
00:00:34,104 --> 00:00:35,403
from a coworker.
16
00:00:35,405 --> 00:00:37,622
Get a prenup,
or I'll neuter you
17
00:00:37,624 --> 00:00:39,390
before she ever
has a chance!
18
00:00:39,392 --> 00:00:42,226
First of all,
if you have an onion bagel,
19
00:00:42,228 --> 00:00:44,512
you don't need
scallion cream cheese.
20
00:00:44,514 --> 00:00:45,930
(gagging)
21
00:00:45,932 --> 00:00:48,983
Secondly, Quinn
is a great girl.
22
00:00:48,985 --> 00:00:50,234
I trust her.
23
00:00:50,236 --> 00:00:51,969
Oh, Darlene was
a great girl.
24
00:00:51,971 --> 00:00:53,137
I trusted her.
25
00:00:53,139 --> 00:00:55,173
And then she took everything!
26
00:00:55,175 --> 00:00:57,742
My house, my car...
27
00:00:57,744 --> 00:00:59,077
my dog Tugboat.
28
00:00:59,079 --> 00:01:01,979
I even lost out
with the kids.
29
00:01:01,981 --> 00:01:03,498
Full custody!
30
00:01:03,500 --> 00:01:05,667
I got full custody
of those kids!
31
00:01:05,669 --> 00:01:08,319
Your kids are horrible.
32
00:01:08,321 --> 00:01:09,704
The worst.
33
00:01:09,706 --> 00:01:12,490
Barney, I watched as Darlene cut
everything good out of my life
34
00:01:12,492 --> 00:01:15,760
like a deranged surgeon
hacking out organs,
35
00:01:15,762 --> 00:01:17,828
and that's not a metaphor.
36
00:01:17,830 --> 00:01:19,847
She got one of my kidneys.
37
00:01:19,849 --> 00:01:22,050
(musical horror sting)
38
00:01:22,052 --> 00:01:23,968
That's her ringtone.
39
00:01:23,970 --> 00:01:27,305
I have nothing left
to give you, Darlene!
40
00:01:29,556 --> 00:01:33,556
♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x02 ♪
The Pre-Nup
Original Air Date on October 1, 2012
41
00:01:33,581 --> 00:01:37,581
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
44
00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:49,959
Hey, you ready for lunch?
45
00:01:49,961 --> 00:01:51,177
Hey, there she is.
46
00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:53,963
The future
Mrs. Barney Stinson.
47
00:01:53,965 --> 00:01:55,898
You better enjoy signing
your name "Quinn Garvey"
48
00:01:55,900 --> 00:01:58,100
while you still can, right?
49
00:01:58,102 --> 00:01:59,852
Like, I don't know...
50
00:01:59,854 --> 00:02:03,139
here, here, here,
initial here...
51
00:02:03,141 --> 00:02:04,273
What is this?
52
00:02:04,275 --> 00:02:06,976
Oh, this is our prenup.
53
00:02:06,978 --> 00:02:09,094
Black or blue?
Totally up to you.
54
00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:11,230
Um, can I read it first?
55
00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:12,865
Can you believe that?
56
00:02:12,867 --> 00:02:14,600
He wants me to sign a prenup!
57
00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:15,951
Can you believe that?
58
00:02:15,953 --> 00:02:18,788
She wants to read it first!
59
00:02:18,790 --> 00:02:19,822
Just go ahead and sign.
60
00:02:19,824 --> 00:02:21,407
It's all pretty standard.
61
00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:24,243
"In the event of divorce,
62
00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:27,079
"Mr. Stinson is granted
weekly visitation rights
63
00:02:27,081 --> 00:02:29,315
to Ann, Sarah and Molly."
64
00:02:29,317 --> 00:02:31,250
You named our future kids?
65
00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:33,586
That's actually pretty sweet.
66
00:02:33,588 --> 00:02:37,189
Those are Mr. Stinson's names
for your lady parts.
67
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:39,258
It's important for the girls
68
00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:41,627
to maintain a relationship
with their daddy.
69
00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:43,479
(imitates small explosion)
70
00:02:43,481 --> 00:02:45,281
You named her lady parts?
71
00:02:46,149 --> 00:02:48,017
Everyone does that.
72
00:02:48,019 --> 00:02:49,735
So... Lily?
73
00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:51,737
Snap, Crackle, Pop.
74
00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:53,305
(popping sound)
75
00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:55,775
Solid.
Wait.
76
00:02:55,777 --> 00:02:58,277
Is this prenup
in any way legit?
77
00:02:58,279 --> 00:03:00,162
I mean, so far,
it sounds a lot like
78
00:03:00,164 --> 00:03:02,698
that bar napkin document you
make one-night stands sign,
79
00:03:02,700 --> 00:03:03,999
promising not to get clingy.
80
00:03:04,001 --> 00:03:05,951
The Pre-Shtup, patent pending.
81
00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:08,354
God, I come up with
a lot of good stuff!
82
00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:09,822
Anyway, I realize
83
00:03:09,824 --> 00:03:12,424
these aren't just terms
for divorce, so I ask...
84
00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:15,845
Are these rules for how I have
to behave in our marriage?
85
00:03:15,847 --> 00:03:17,463
Rules?
86
00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:19,832
Suggestions.
87
00:03:19,834 --> 00:03:22,134
Rich people and celebrities
put stuff like this
88
00:03:22,136 --> 00:03:23,168
in their prenups all the time.
89
00:03:23,170 --> 00:03:25,971
And those are
the marriages that last.
90
00:03:25,973 --> 00:03:31,177
I have to pay $2,000
every time I gain a pound?
91
00:03:31,179 --> 00:03:33,696
Not every time.
92
00:03:33,698 --> 00:03:35,865
Just if it shows up
at the weekly weigh-in.
93
00:03:36,900 --> 00:03:38,367
See, you can't do that.
94
00:03:38,369 --> 00:03:41,654
"Miss Garvey must invent 12 new
sexual positions per year,
95
00:03:41,656 --> 00:03:43,188
"at least ten of which
96
00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:45,875
involve her doing all
or most of the work."
97
00:03:45,877 --> 00:03:48,160
You definitely can't do that.
Hm-mm.
98
00:03:48,162 --> 00:03:50,913
"Miss Garvey's breasts must be
enhanced every five years
99
00:03:50,915 --> 00:03:55,167
or 50,000 honka-honkas,
whichever comes first."
100
00:03:55,169 --> 00:03:57,253
That's actually not bad.
I'll allow it.
101
00:03:58,054 --> 00:03:59,355
That's repulsive.
102
00:03:59,357 --> 00:04:01,223
And, sidebar:
why do men think
103
00:04:01,225 --> 00:04:03,092
women like to be
honka-honka'd?
104
00:04:03,094 --> 00:04:06,228
What woman wants her breasts
squeezed like a seal horn?
105
00:04:06,230 --> 00:04:08,731
Um... totally.
106
00:04:08,733 --> 00:04:11,934
Lily like-a-like-a
the honka-honka.
107
00:04:13,737 --> 00:04:16,822
"All hair below the neck
must be removed weekly."
108
00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:19,491
Hey, you're gonna be thanking me
for that hair loss
109
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:21,560
during the weigh-in.
110
00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:23,913
"Miss Garvey's parents
may stay at our place
111
00:04:23,915 --> 00:04:25,614
as long as they like."
112
00:04:25,616 --> 00:04:28,117
Well, at least that one's nice.
113
00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:33,339
"Provided they
each arrive in an urn."
114
00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:36,575
"Wives two through eight will
make a weekly chore wheel."
115
00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:38,928
I'm sorry, I borrowed
a few sections
116
00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:41,547
from a prenup I did
for a Saudi Arabian sultan.
117
00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:43,515
I'll cross out
the extra wives stuff.
118
00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:44,767
Unless...
119
00:04:44,769 --> 00:04:46,969
Cross it out.
120
00:04:46,971 --> 00:04:48,971
My God! What the hell
does Barney think
121
00:04:48,973 --> 00:04:51,089
marriage is going
to be like, anyway?
122
00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:53,859
Just a healthy,
modern-day marriage,
123
00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:56,845
based on mutual respect
between two equals.
124
00:04:56,847 --> 00:05:00,566
Ready for your wake-up
lap dance, Master?
125
00:05:00,568 --> 00:05:01,767
Aren't you forgetting something?
126
00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:02,952
(gasps)
127
00:05:02,954 --> 00:05:04,403
Oh, my God, it's 9:00 a.m.
128
00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:08,741
Legally mandated morning
pillow fight time!
129
00:05:08,743 --> 00:05:11,393
(women cheer)
130
00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:13,762
WOMEN: Best husband ever.
131
00:05:13,764 --> 00:05:15,848
Best husband ever.
132
00:05:15,850 --> 00:05:18,000
Best husband ever. Aw.
133
00:05:18,002 --> 00:05:19,585
Best husband e...
134
00:05:19,587 --> 00:05:21,720
Sorry, sorry, we crossed
out the wives
135
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:24,640
two through eight stuff. Unless...
Nope.
136
00:05:24,642 --> 00:05:27,559
Okay.
Don't worry. I crossed it out.
137
00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:29,461
I didn't really cross it out.
138
00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:30,562
I can hear you.
139
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:33,315
I'll cross it out.
140
00:05:33,317 --> 00:05:35,517
I didn't really cross it out.
141
00:05:35,519 --> 00:05:37,353
Hey, hey...
142
00:05:37,355 --> 00:05:39,438
Hey, guys, what's up?
143
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,973
Oh, Quinn's pissed because
Barney wants her
144
00:05:40,975 --> 00:05:42,658
to sign a crazy prenup.
145
00:05:42,660 --> 00:05:44,360
But is it really crazy?
146
00:05:44,362 --> 00:05:46,178
Yes. Well, I'm new to this
but guessing yes.
147
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:48,280
Okay, look.
148
00:05:48,282 --> 00:05:49,665
Did I go...
149
00:05:49,667 --> 00:05:51,834
a speck of sand,
a fairy eyelash,
150
00:05:51,836 --> 00:05:54,319
a unicorn whisper
too far?
151
00:05:54,321 --> 00:05:56,588
Perhaps.
152
00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:58,841
But can you tell me
there's nothing
153
00:05:58,843 --> 00:06:01,660
in any of your relationships
you'd want to change?
154
00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:04,296
No behavior you'd
want to outlaw?
155
00:06:04,298 --> 00:06:06,265
No terms you'd
want to renegotiate?
156
00:06:06,267 --> 00:06:09,668
Look me in the eye
and tell me I'm crazy.
157
00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:10,853
OTHERS:
You're crazy.
158
00:06:10,855 --> 00:06:12,771
NARRATOR:
But a funny thing
159
00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:14,790
happened that night.
160
00:06:14,792 --> 00:06:16,792
(all taking at once)
161
00:06:16,794 --> 00:06:18,861
Look, I'm not saying
he's right, but
162
00:06:18,863 --> 00:06:20,729
Barney does have
a little bit of a point.
163
00:06:20,731 --> 00:06:23,298
MARSHALL: But on this one, he may have
a point. I mean, look...
164
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:25,818
the idea of renegotiating
the terms of the relationship,
165
00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:27,736
that's valid.
166
00:06:27,738 --> 00:06:29,571
NICK: (scoffs):
No.
167
00:06:29,573 --> 00:06:30,990
There isn't anything
about you
168
00:06:30,992 --> 00:06:33,042
that I'd want to change.
169
00:06:33,044 --> 00:06:36,462
Well, okay,
maybe a couple of things.
170
00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:37,696
WOMEN:
Like what?
171
00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:39,548
NARRATOR:
And just like that...
172
00:06:39,550 --> 00:06:42,868
one of these four coupleswould break up
173
00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:46,388
the very next day.
174
00:06:46,390 --> 00:06:48,557
Okay, it wasn't Lilyand Marshall.
175
00:06:48,559 --> 00:06:51,143
One of these three coupleswould break up
176
00:06:51,145 --> 00:06:53,762
the very next day.
177
00:06:58,432 --> 00:07:00,767
What happened?
So last night
178
00:07:00,867 --> 00:07:03,001
Nick was all like,
"Barney has a point
179
00:07:03,003 --> 00:07:05,504
"about renegotiating the terms
of the blah, blah, blah,
180
00:07:05,506 --> 00:07:06,838
blah, blah, blah."
Yeah, and Marshall
181
00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:09,808
was all like, "Uh, I want
to blah, of the blah,
182
00:07:09,810 --> 00:07:11,727
uh, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah."
183
00:07:11,729 --> 00:07:14,329
If I shut my eyes
it's like they're here.
184
00:07:14,331 --> 00:07:15,731
They're just using
Barney's prenup
185
00:07:15,733 --> 00:07:18,016
as a way to complain about us.
186
00:07:18,018 --> 00:07:20,268
I'm just saying, you've
forbidden certain things
187
00:07:20,270 --> 00:07:22,320
that I might like to revisit.
188
00:07:22,322 --> 00:07:25,073
Marshall, you're not going
on a Sasquatch hunt
189
00:07:25,075 --> 00:07:27,659
in Oregon
with a bunch of loonies.
190
00:07:27,661 --> 00:07:29,027
Loonies?
191
00:07:29,029 --> 00:07:32,564
Those brave, bearded men and
women are crypto-zoologists,
192
00:07:32,566 --> 00:07:35,667
and they deserve the respect
that title commands.
193
00:07:35,669 --> 00:07:39,471
But that's not what
I was thinking of.
194
00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:41,790
You're too precious
with the baby.
195
00:07:41,792 --> 00:07:43,375
LILY:
Okay,
196
00:07:43,377 --> 00:07:45,343
when we first came home
with Marvin,
197
00:07:45,345 --> 00:07:47,579
there was a bad moment.
198
00:07:47,581 --> 00:07:49,631
Welcome home, buddy.
199
00:07:51,751 --> 00:07:54,186
(gasps)
(baby giggles)
200
00:07:54,188 --> 00:07:55,904
ROBIN:
Was it reallythat high?
201
00:07:56,756 --> 00:07:58,440
I don't know. I was hormonal.
202
00:07:58,442 --> 00:08:01,810
And suddenly, this primal,
protective mother voice
203
00:08:01,812 --> 00:08:03,111
came out of me.
204
00:08:03,113 --> 00:08:05,530
Actually, it was two voices.
205
00:08:05,532 --> 00:08:09,534
I seriously think one
was coming from my vagina.
206
00:08:09,536 --> 00:08:11,570
(deep, echoing):
Never do that again!
207
00:08:11,572 --> 00:08:14,772
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What is the big deal?
208
00:08:14,774 --> 00:08:17,242
My brothers and my dad
used to roughhouse with me
209
00:08:17,244 --> 00:08:18,693
all the time.
210
00:08:18,695 --> 00:08:20,629
Welcome home,
Marshall.
211
00:08:22,498 --> 00:08:24,666
Hi. Boys...
212
00:08:24,668 --> 00:08:27,586
go long.
213
00:08:27,588 --> 00:08:29,004
(baby giggles)
214
00:08:29,006 --> 00:08:31,640
Stop!
Not in the house.
215
00:08:31,642 --> 00:08:33,191
That's how lamps break.
216
00:08:33,193 --> 00:08:36,328
Now go pass
that baby around outside.
217
00:08:38,514 --> 00:08:40,515
Oh, fumble!
218
00:08:40,517 --> 00:08:42,967
And I turned out
perfectly fine.
219
00:08:42,969 --> 00:08:44,936
Marshall, this morning
you thought a ghost
220
00:08:44,938 --> 00:08:46,521
made your toast.
221
00:08:46,523 --> 00:08:49,107
I didn't put
the bread in.
222
00:08:49,109 --> 00:08:50,859
You didn't put the bread in.
223
00:08:50,861 --> 00:08:53,695
You know what?
I will play with my son
224
00:08:53,697 --> 00:08:55,980
however I see fit.
And you know what else?
225
00:08:55,982 --> 00:08:59,484
You can honka-honka
yourself tonight.
226
00:08:59,486 --> 00:09:01,319
ROBIN:
Barney's prenup
227
00:09:01,321 --> 00:09:03,655
ruined my night, too.
228
00:09:03,657 --> 00:09:05,874
Okay, uh, what behavior
229
00:09:05,876 --> 00:09:07,692
of mine don't you like?
230
00:09:07,694 --> 00:09:10,011
I'm talking about the TV thing.
231
00:09:10,013 --> 00:09:12,180
Okay, the TV thing
is an argument
232
00:09:12,182 --> 00:09:14,783
from, like,
three weeks ago.
233
00:09:14,785 --> 00:09:16,184
Mmm.
234
00:09:16,186 --> 00:09:17,835
(Nick laughs)
235
00:09:17,837 --> 00:09:19,688
(sighs)
236
00:09:19,690 --> 00:09:21,806
Uh...
237
00:09:21,808 --> 00:09:24,175
Oh, I'm sorry.
238
00:09:24,177 --> 00:09:26,027
Didn't realize it
takes 42 inches
239
00:09:26,029 --> 00:09:27,195
to keep you satisfied.
240
00:09:27,197 --> 00:09:28,513
ROBIN:
The TV happened
241
00:09:28,515 --> 00:09:30,448
to be on.
I happened to glance at it.
242
00:09:30,450 --> 00:09:32,567
Does that make me so weird?
No.
243
00:09:32,569 --> 00:09:36,020
Not at all.
Thank you.
244
00:09:36,022 --> 00:09:39,524
I may be a little weird.
245
00:09:39,526 --> 00:09:42,210
Mmm.
246
00:09:42,212 --> 00:09:43,861
(Nick laughs)
247
00:09:43,863 --> 00:09:45,130
Oh, yeah.
248
00:09:45,132 --> 00:09:46,364
ROBIN:
I get...
249
00:09:46,366 --> 00:09:48,884
turned on
watching myself
250
00:09:48,886 --> 00:09:51,970
do the news during sex.
251
00:09:51,972 --> 00:09:54,606
Yeah, that's a little weird.
252
00:09:54,608 --> 00:09:56,808
Look, seeing myself
on TV makes me feel
253
00:09:56,810 --> 00:09:58,393
confident and sexy.
254
00:09:58,395 --> 00:10:00,929
And that is nothing to be
ashamed of, right, sisters?
255
00:10:03,349 --> 00:10:04,933
Never speak of this.
Ever.
256
00:10:04,935 --> 00:10:07,752
Yeah, of course.
Yeah.
257
00:10:07,754 --> 00:10:10,355
There's more.
258
00:10:13,492 --> 00:10:15,577
LILY:
Wait.
259
00:10:15,579 --> 00:10:17,996
So when you're doing the news
live at 7:00,
260
00:10:17,998 --> 00:10:19,864
you wink to future you
261
00:10:19,866 --> 00:10:22,217
watching the rebroadcast
at 11:00?
262
00:10:23,586 --> 00:10:25,787
Maybe.
263
00:10:25,789 --> 00:10:27,589
Never speak of this.
264
00:10:27,591 --> 00:10:28,790
Ever!
265
00:10:28,792 --> 00:10:30,742
You won't believe
266
00:10:30,744 --> 00:10:32,360
what Ted did last night.
267
00:10:32,362 --> 00:10:34,713
You said you were
happy to help him out.
268
00:10:34,715 --> 00:10:36,681
Well, now
I'm changing my mind.
269
00:10:36,683 --> 00:10:38,099
Sorry to interrupt, roomie,
but I am trying
270
00:10:38,101 --> 00:10:39,768
to make sausage.
Where do you keep
271
00:10:39,770 --> 00:10:42,120
your pig intestines?
272
00:10:42,122 --> 00:10:44,272
What's your ex-fiancé
doing at Ted's?
273
00:10:44,274 --> 00:10:47,142
Klaus came to me
a few weeks ago.
274
00:10:47,144 --> 00:10:48,627
Since we broke up,
275
00:10:48,629 --> 00:10:50,612
he lost his job,
he got evicted.
276
00:10:50,614 --> 00:10:52,430
He's miserable.
277
00:10:52,432 --> 00:10:53,982
(sobs):
I'm so sorry.
278
00:10:53,984 --> 00:10:56,067
If I could just take
a quick whore's bath
279
00:10:56,069 --> 00:10:58,770
in your kitchen sink,
then I will skedaddle.
280
00:10:58,772 --> 00:11:00,789
Oh, Klaus, I wish that
there was something
281
00:11:00,791 --> 00:11:02,207
I could do to help.
282
00:11:02,209 --> 00:11:03,375
TED:
There is,
283
00:11:03,377 --> 00:11:06,077
little lady.
I've got a guest room.
284
00:11:06,079 --> 00:11:08,630
You'll stay here
till you're back on your feet.
285
00:11:08,632 --> 00:11:09,998
Are you sure?
286
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,383
This is your apartment.
287
00:11:11,385 --> 00:11:13,535
Shh.
288
00:11:13,537 --> 00:11:14,803
Think of this as our apartment.
289
00:11:14,805 --> 00:11:16,004
ROBIN:
Oh...
290
00:11:16,006 --> 00:11:17,289
Hero Ted.
291
00:11:17,291 --> 00:11:18,657
He loves that move.
292
00:11:18,659 --> 00:11:21,726
Yeah, for about five minutes,
then he gets hero's remorse.
293
00:11:21,728 --> 00:11:23,812
Danke schon, roomie.
294
00:11:23,814 --> 00:11:25,230
I will go get my things.
295
00:11:25,232 --> 00:11:27,632
Das is super-duper-duper.
296
00:11:27,634 --> 00:11:29,184
My ferrets will be so happy.
297
00:11:29,186 --> 00:11:31,987
They have been living
in an airport locker for weeks.
298
00:11:32,605 --> 00:11:33,805
Here comes papa,
children.
299
00:11:33,807 --> 00:11:35,273
(door closes)
VICTORIA: I'll admit,
300
00:11:35,275 --> 00:11:37,742
there have been a
few awkward moments.
301
00:11:37,744 --> 00:11:40,445
(laughing)
You are going to love this.
302
00:11:40,447 --> 00:11:42,163
This is the popular
German situational-comedy,
303
00:11:42,165 --> 00:11:43,331
Strange Compatriots.
304
00:11:43,333 --> 00:11:46,317
(giggles)
Here we come.
305
00:11:46,319 --> 00:11:49,704
Ooh. Here's the thing
about this show, okay?
306
00:11:49,706 --> 00:11:52,123
One of them is very neat
307
00:11:52,125 --> 00:11:55,844
und the other one
is very, very neat.
308
00:11:55,846 --> 00:11:57,345
(laughs)
309
00:11:57,347 --> 00:11:59,330
Oh, Fritz,
kommen sie hier.
310
00:11:59,332 --> 00:12:01,549
Ah, Fritz...
311
00:12:01,551 --> 00:12:04,001
It's time to give Klaus
"das boot."
312
00:12:04,003 --> 00:12:06,271
(Klaus sobbing in distance)
313
00:12:06,273 --> 00:12:08,506
Klaus?
314
00:12:08,508 --> 00:12:10,959
Wait, can-can you hear us
through the wall?
315
00:12:10,961 --> 00:12:12,494
KLAUS:
Yes, I can hear you.
316
00:12:12,496 --> 00:12:15,196
I hear everything.
317
00:12:15,198 --> 00:12:17,048
(quietly):
That's it.
318
00:12:17,050 --> 00:12:19,200
Klaus, get in here!
319
00:12:19,202 --> 00:12:22,186
For God's sake.
320
00:12:22,188 --> 00:12:24,322
I want you out
of my apartment.
321
00:12:24,324 --> 00:12:28,743
You, those ferrets
and all five newborns.
322
00:12:28,745 --> 00:12:30,078
Six and counting.
323
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:31,546
Mama is still going.
324
00:12:31,548 --> 00:12:34,332
It is like a clown car.
325
00:12:34,334 --> 00:12:36,634
Suddenly, it wasn't
our apartment anymore.
326
00:12:36,636 --> 00:12:38,503
I had no say
in the matter.
327
00:12:38,505 --> 00:12:40,422
These guys are unbelievable.
328
00:12:40,424 --> 00:12:42,540
You know what,
I am gonna go home
329
00:12:42,542 --> 00:12:46,344
and watch the news
all by myself.
330
00:12:46,346 --> 00:12:47,562
Wait.
331
00:12:47,564 --> 00:12:49,214
I have an idea.
332
00:12:49,216 --> 00:12:52,484
You know what?
333
00:12:52,486 --> 00:12:54,936
I'm on board
with the whole prenup thing.
334
00:12:54,938 --> 00:12:56,087
That's great.
335
00:12:56,089 --> 00:12:57,822
It's here to protect you,
too, sweetie...
336
00:12:57,824 --> 00:13:01,242
from becoming unappealing to me.
337
00:13:01,244 --> 00:13:03,862
Actually, I made my own prenup
338
00:13:03,864 --> 00:13:05,580
with a little help.
339
00:13:05,582 --> 00:13:07,031
Ladies?
340
00:13:12,070 --> 00:13:13,738
Go ahead and sign.
341
00:13:13,740 --> 00:13:15,006
It's all pretty standard.
342
00:13:15,008 --> 00:13:18,877
This might not be the
best time to ask--
343
00:13:18,879 --> 00:13:20,929
I'm sort of getting
back in the game.
344
00:13:20,931 --> 00:13:22,580
(clears throat)
The redhead with the baby,
345
00:13:22,582 --> 00:13:25,233
what's her situation?
346
00:13:29,785 --> 00:13:32,361
"In the event of divorce,
Miss Garvey shall get
347
00:13:32,461 --> 00:13:35,478
full custody
of Mr. Stinson's suits"?
348
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,063
Why?
349
00:13:37,065 --> 00:13:38,798
What would you do with them?
350
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:42,269
Nothing. I'd just sit around
and watch them go out of style.
351
00:13:42,271 --> 00:13:44,571
That is just sick.
352
00:13:44,573 --> 00:13:45,939
Keep reading.
353
00:13:45,941 --> 00:13:48,224
"Mr. Stinson
is allowed to attend
354
00:13:48,226 --> 00:13:50,727
any function
at the Playboy Mansion."
355
00:13:50,729 --> 00:13:52,112
Well, at least that's nice.
356
00:13:53,197 --> 00:13:56,750
"Provided he arrives in an urn."
357
00:13:58,986 --> 00:14:01,154
Gentlemen, just in time.
358
00:14:01,156 --> 00:14:02,589
What are you bitches doing here?
359
00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:04,374
Lily.
Oh, he's napping.
360
00:14:04,376 --> 00:14:06,075
It's the only time
I get to go blue.
361
00:14:06,077 --> 00:14:08,945
Barney texted us that you
guys were ganging up on him.
362
00:14:08,947 --> 00:14:10,730
MARSHALL:
So we're just here to ensure
363
00:14:10,732 --> 00:14:13,300
he doesn't sign anything
he'll regret.
364
00:14:13,302 --> 00:14:14,851
I'm sorry,
I don't think anyone here
365
00:14:14,853 --> 00:14:16,252
other than me is a lawyer.
366
00:14:16,254 --> 00:14:20,190
A well-paid,
successful lawyer.
367
00:14:21,442 --> 00:14:22,976
I-I'm a lawyer.
368
00:14:22,978 --> 00:14:24,945
Actually, we worked together
for years.
369
00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:26,613
Back off, stretch,
I saw her first.
370
00:14:26,615 --> 00:14:28,148
BARNEY:
Hang on a second.
371
00:14:28,150 --> 00:14:30,784
"A half million dollar fine
372
00:14:30,786 --> 00:14:34,321
"any time Mr. Stinson can't
'rise to the occasion,'
373
00:14:34,323 --> 00:14:37,857
cue sad slide whistle sounds"?
374
00:14:37,859 --> 00:14:39,326
(descending slide whistle)
375
00:14:40,328 --> 00:14:42,612
Hey, what's this
about a shock collar?
376
00:14:42,614 --> 00:14:44,130
Ah, yes, we'll explain.
377
00:14:44,132 --> 00:14:46,333
Miss Garvey has
many attractive friends
378
00:14:46,335 --> 00:14:48,018
who will come to visit.
379
00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:49,641
May I offer you
380
00:14:49,643 --> 00:14:51,777
goat cheese puff
pastries I made, mistress?
381
00:14:51,779 --> 00:14:54,980
As long as you can
do it quietly.
382
00:14:57,734 --> 00:14:59,952
(buzzing)
383
00:15:01,404 --> 00:15:03,605
BARNEY:
Wait, I'm confused.
384
00:15:03,607 --> 00:15:06,575
If it's not around my neck,
then where's the shock collar?
385
00:15:08,194 --> 00:15:10,045
Oh, God.
386
00:15:10,047 --> 00:15:12,864
MEN:
Oh, God.
387
00:15:12,866 --> 00:15:14,633
It's more
of a shock ring, really.
388
00:15:14,635 --> 00:15:16,201
Her idea.
389
00:15:16,203 --> 00:15:19,221
Little missy
is packing a brain, too.
390
00:15:19,223 --> 00:15:20,656
MARSHALL:
Okay, you know what?
391
00:15:20,658 --> 00:15:22,841
Since we're all pitching in,
392
00:15:22,843 --> 00:15:24,343
may I suggest a provision?
393
00:15:24,345 --> 00:15:25,727
In the event
394
00:15:25,729 --> 00:15:29,147
that you have a son,
Mr. Stinson is free
395
00:15:29,149 --> 00:15:31,567
to play with his child
however he sees fit.
396
00:15:31,569 --> 00:15:33,602
How about forbidding
your future husband
397
00:15:33,604 --> 00:15:36,738
from spiking his child
into his crib?
398
00:15:36,740 --> 00:15:38,991
How about a clause protecting
you from having to engage
399
00:15:38,993 --> 00:15:41,910
in a three-way with her
and whatever's on basic cable?
400
00:15:41,912 --> 00:15:45,447
Oh, yeah?
How about forbidding...
401
00:15:45,449 --> 00:15:47,449
I got nothing.
402
00:15:47,451 --> 00:15:50,202
How about a provision barring
any nudist German ex-fiancés
403
00:15:50,204 --> 00:15:52,454
from slapping his strudel up
and down your sofa?
404
00:15:52,456 --> 00:15:54,206
How about pretending
to be a hero,
405
00:15:54,208 --> 00:15:57,759
but then caving the moment
a ferret bite breaks the skin?
406
00:15:57,761 --> 00:15:59,544
The skin of my eyelid.
407
00:15:59,546 --> 00:16:00,912
That's how they kiss.
408
00:16:00,914 --> 00:16:01,964
Are you serious?
409
00:16:01,966 --> 00:16:05,050
(overlapping arguing)
410
00:16:06,719 --> 00:16:09,271
Enough! Enough!
411
00:16:09,273 --> 00:16:10,856
You all have someone
who loves you,
412
00:16:10,858 --> 00:16:12,724
and you're screwing it up,
and over what?
413
00:16:12,726 --> 00:16:14,776
Who has the most power?
414
00:16:14,778 --> 00:16:16,261
That's not love.
415
00:16:16,263 --> 00:16:18,096
Love is trusting
someone enough
416
00:16:18,098 --> 00:16:20,365
to tell them
what's really bothering you.
417
00:16:20,367 --> 00:16:21,599
So that's what we're gonna do.
418
00:16:21,601 --> 00:16:22,951
You, start.
419
00:16:25,989 --> 00:16:28,407
When you got scared
about Marvin,
420
00:16:28,409 --> 00:16:31,043
it felt like
you were saying that
421
00:16:31,045 --> 00:16:33,745
I'm not as good a parent as you.
422
00:16:34,831 --> 00:16:36,214
You're an amazing mom,
423
00:16:36,216 --> 00:16:39,751
and I want to live up to that.
424
00:16:40,553 --> 00:16:43,922
Well, I probably have
trust issues
425
00:16:43,924 --> 00:16:46,124
because my dad
wasn't there for me.
426
00:16:46,126 --> 00:16:50,012
But I know that you'll always
be there to catch Marvin.
427
00:16:51,180 --> 00:16:52,931
You, next.
428
00:16:54,651 --> 00:16:57,703
Having Klaus back in our lives
429
00:16:57,705 --> 00:17:01,590
made me scared we're never
gonna escape the past.
430
00:17:01,592 --> 00:17:03,692
I only wanted to help Klaus
431
00:17:03,694 --> 00:17:07,746
because I feel guilty
about how happy I am with you.
432
00:17:08,731 --> 00:17:10,015
Next.
433
00:17:10,017 --> 00:17:13,168
I find you so sexy,
434
00:17:13,170 --> 00:17:17,356
it just hurt that you don't
feel the same about me.
435
00:17:18,841 --> 00:17:22,711
I get turned on watching myself
do the news during sex.
436
00:17:22,713 --> 00:17:24,179
Oh.
437
00:17:25,448 --> 00:17:27,049
Well, that's cool.
438
00:17:30,553 --> 00:17:32,854
Look at that,
no legal documents needed.
439
00:17:32,856 --> 00:17:34,773
Just honesty and vulnerability.
440
00:17:34,775 --> 00:17:36,007
That's love.
441
00:17:36,009 --> 00:17:38,110
You see, I once loved someone,
442
00:17:38,112 --> 00:17:40,195
only I didn't say it enough.
443
00:17:40,197 --> 00:17:42,731
Now I wish I could
say it every day.
444
00:17:42,733 --> 00:17:44,015
Hell,
445
00:17:44,017 --> 00:17:45,400
I don't care if it's crazy,
446
00:17:45,402 --> 00:17:47,452
I-I'm doing it.
447
00:17:47,454 --> 00:17:49,687
Hello, Darlene?
448
00:17:49,689 --> 00:17:50,822
Put Tugboat on the line.
449
00:17:50,824 --> 00:17:52,991
Hey, buddy.
450
00:17:52,993 --> 00:17:55,544
Hey, it's the man.
451
00:17:56,529 --> 00:17:57,996
NARRATOR:
And for a moment,
452
00:17:57,998 --> 00:18:00,465
all felt right with the world.
453
00:18:00,467 --> 00:18:01,866
But that very night,
454
00:18:01,868 --> 00:18:04,836
the Autumn of Breakupswould claim its first victims.
455
00:18:04,838 --> 00:18:07,422
ROBIN (on TV): ...wish you a very safe
and pleasant evening.
456
00:18:07,424 --> 00:18:09,224
Good night.
457
00:18:09,226 --> 00:18:11,560
Good night.
458
00:18:14,814 --> 00:18:16,881
Good night.
459
00:18:16,883 --> 00:18:18,600
Good night.
460
00:18:18,602 --> 00:18:20,552
KLAUS (distantly):
Gute Nacht.
461
00:18:20,554 --> 00:18:21,553
And you too, my babies.
462
00:18:21,555 --> 00:18:23,488
Oh, danke for the sweet
eye kisses.
463
00:18:23,490 --> 00:18:24,823
(giggles)
Ow.
464
00:18:24,825 --> 00:18:26,491
After you, sir.
465
00:18:26,493 --> 00:18:27,859
Ladies first.
466
00:18:27,861 --> 00:18:28,994
I insist.
467
00:18:28,996 --> 00:18:31,663
(chuckles)
I insist.
468
00:18:31,665 --> 00:18:33,832
I'm not throwing mine out first.
I'm not throwing mine out first.
469
00:18:33,834 --> 00:18:35,951
You've slept
with half the women in New York.
470
00:18:35,953 --> 00:18:37,369
I'm the one who needs a prenup.
471
00:18:37,371 --> 00:18:39,538
You duped me out of
thousands of dollars.
472
00:18:39,540 --> 00:18:40,905
I'm the one who needs a prenup.
473
00:18:40,907 --> 00:18:42,707
I just thought
of some more stuff to add.
474
00:18:42,709 --> 00:18:43,875
I'm not half finished.
475
00:18:50,767 --> 00:18:53,185
(sighs)
Let's dive in.
476
00:18:57,557 --> 00:19:00,475
It should be simpler than this,
shouldn't it?
477
00:19:00,477 --> 00:19:02,194
Yeah.
478
00:19:02,196 --> 00:19:05,096
Maybe it should be.
479
00:19:05,098 --> 00:19:07,833
Barney, do you trust me?
480
00:19:07,835 --> 00:19:10,452
(scoffs)
481
00:19:11,721 --> 00:19:13,955
No.
482
00:19:15,324 --> 00:19:16,858
Do you trust me?
483
00:19:17,710 --> 00:19:20,295
No.
484
00:19:22,882 --> 00:19:25,250
If we really need something
this complicated
485
00:19:25,252 --> 00:19:27,219
to get married...
486
00:19:30,490 --> 00:19:32,974
Yeah.
487
00:19:32,976 --> 00:19:38,263
♪ I was anxious to be found ♪
488
00:19:38,265 --> 00:19:42,350
♪ You can always go home ♪
489
00:19:42,352 --> 00:19:45,937
♪ To the safety of your cloud. ♪
490
00:19:45,939 --> 00:19:48,707
I'm sorry, buddy.
491
00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:50,141
Hey, there's always
492
00:19:50,143 --> 00:19:51,976
wives two through eight.
493
00:19:51,978 --> 00:19:54,279
They sounded pretty hot
in your fantasy.
494
00:19:54,281 --> 00:19:55,864
All but wife seven.
495
00:19:55,866 --> 00:19:57,916
She was just there
'cause her dad was rich.
496
00:19:59,785 --> 00:20:02,170
Actually, I'm okay.
497
00:20:02,172 --> 00:20:04,822
I found out I'll never trust
someone enough to get married,
498
00:20:04,824 --> 00:20:06,575
and that's fine.
499
00:20:07,543 --> 00:20:11,129
My single life is,
and always will be,
500
00:20:11,131 --> 00:20:14,216
legen... wait for it...
501
00:20:16,085 --> 00:20:17,319
...dary!
502
00:20:17,321 --> 00:20:20,689
My wedding
is gonna be legendary.
503
00:20:21,574 --> 00:20:22,891
So, prenup?
504
00:20:22,893 --> 00:20:25,060
Not this time.
505
00:20:25,062 --> 00:20:27,746
Oh, hey you.
Ready for lunch?
506
00:20:27,748 --> 00:20:28,947
Totally.
507
00:20:28,949 --> 00:20:31,116
Mmm.
508
00:20:31,984 --> 00:20:34,152
Thanks.
509
00:20:34,954 --> 00:20:36,121
See, Tugboat?
510
00:20:36,123 --> 00:20:38,240
That's love.
511
00:20:38,580 --> 00:20:40,796
Yeah.
512
00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:45,310
(man speaking German on TV)
513
00:20:45,312 --> 00:20:49,270
Okay, you see, Ludwig has
started to polish the doorknobs,
514
00:20:49,370 --> 00:20:52,805
but Wilhelm has
already completed this chore.
515
00:20:52,807 --> 00:20:54,907
(laughter)
516
00:20:54,909 --> 00:20:56,642
Yeah.
517
00:20:56,644 --> 00:20:59,311
ALL:
Ahh...
518
00:20:59,313 --> 00:21:01,881
You know,
519
00:21:01,883 --> 00:21:03,148
it's big comedy,
520
00:21:03,150 --> 00:21:06,120
but you also really care
about these characters.
521
00:21:06,370 --> 00:21:07,836
LUDWIG: Wilhelm!
(descending slide whistle)
522
00:21:07,838 --> 00:21:11,838
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
36181
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof