All language subtitles for Get.Smart.1965.S01E24.REMASTERED.DVDRip.XviD-FQM

( clicking )

Hello, this is
86 calling control.
This is 86 calling control.

Come in, control.

Hello, control?
This is maxwell smart.

No, smart.

"S" as in splendid,

"M as in marvelous,
"A" as in--

That's right, smart.

Hello.
Who?

I-I don't get you.

Maybe you'd better
Spell it.

"C" as in charlie,

"H" as in harry,
"I" as in chief.

Oh, chief,
This is smart.

Uh, "S" as in
Splendid...

Okay, go ahead, chief.

max, I want you to
report to headquarters,
pick up a suitcase,

and meet me
at the airport.

Right, chief.
Uh, where am I going?

to the airport.

I know that, chief,
But where are you sending me?

to the airport!

Why don't we start
From the beginning.You want
Me to go to headquarters--

max, report to
professor parker.

he'll give you a suitcase
that's been made up especially
as a cover

for you to act
as a passenger.

Right, chief.
I'm on my way.

and, max, make sure
you're not followed.
if kaos gets on your trail--

Don't worry, chief.
I'm perfectly capable of
Taking care of myself.

( gunshot )

( groans )

( tires screech )

- this your car?
- yes, sir.

Next time put a nickel
In the meter.

Sorry about this,
Officer.

But you see,
I was in kind of
A hurry.

Yeah yeah.
That's what
They all say.

See, these two
Kaos agents were
After me.

That's no excuse
For carelessness.

They were trying
To kill me.

Look, we all got
Our problems, mister.

Just be more careful
Next time.

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

Don't thank me.
I'm just trying
To do my job.

( theme music playing )

All right, miss,
You can go.

Listen carefully, max.
We only have a couple
Of minutes.

Chief, you'd better
Check through
My suitcase.

- there are a lot of people
Looking over this way.
- all right.

In just a few minutes a kaos
Agent will be getting off
That plane that just landed.

He'll be carrying
A suitcase like this.

I want you to switch
Suitcases while 99
Distracts the kaos man.

Then I'll take
Some photographs
Of the contents,

And we'll switch
The suitcases
Back again.

- do you have any questions?
- my duty is to obey
Orders, chief,

Not to ask questions.

- good.
- why are we
Doing this, chief?

In the past few days,
A steady flow of kaos men

Have been coming into
This country from europe,
South america, everywhere.

They're all wearing
Dark suits and carrying
Suitcases like this.

Well, maybe it's
A convention.

Max, we want to
Get a look into
One of the suitcases

Without their knowledge.

That's a good plan, chief,
Except for one thing--

How do we know who
The real kaos agent is?

After all, there'll be
A lot of men in dark suits
With suitcases on that plane.

Agent 44 is somewhere
In the airport.

He'll identify
The kaos man.

- you're not doing
Your job, chief.
- what are you talking about?

Well, a good customs
Inspector would have
Looked in my socks.

They're looking,
Chief.

Incidentally, chief,
Right after I talked to you

I was attacked by a couple
Of kaos agents.

Yes, I know.
We picked them up
A few minutes ago.

Do you think there's any
Connection with that attempt
On my life and this case?

We don't know. We won't
Be able to talk to them till
They leave the hospital.

One of them was
A very careless driver.

All set, sir.

Chief, you forgot to
Check for a false bottom
Or secret compartments.

- there's no false
Bottom in this.
- they're looking.

All right.

There you are, sir.
All set.

"All set."
Sure, it's easy
For you to say all set

After you've messed
And torn and ripped
Everything in my suitcase!

You customs inspectors
Are all alike!

No wonder guys like me
Don't like to travel.

Hope I'm not
Out of line, chief.

- max!
- just doing a little
Acting, chief.

Incidentally, you did
A nice job yourself.

By the way, chief,
Where's agent 44?

right here.

- agent 44?
- that's right.
Inspect me.

That's the kaos man--
The one with the hat.

- may I see your bag, sir?
- I have diplomatic immunity.

These are my
Credentials.

Thank you, sir.
I'll look at them
Over here.

- excuse me, sir.
Were you on flight 32?
- yes, I was.

Oh, good. We're taking
A little survey of our
Passengers to make sure

Everyone's satisfied
And I wonder if you'd mind
Answering a few questions.

- well, I...
- I'd really appreciate it
So much if you would.

- yes, all right.
- good.

Well, here's the list,
And this is a list of the food
And wine that we have.

If you'd just check off the
Things that you'd like to have
When you travel with us again...

- yes.
- and down here we have

Our imported
Or domestic wine.

- look, max.
- what is it, chief?

Some sort of metal something.
Put it down.I'll take
A couple pictures of it.

Quick, put it back
And take it back
To him.

- your papers seem
To be in order, sir.
- I know they are.

I shall complain
To my government about
This intolerable treatment.

- I said,
Take the suitcase back!
- I can't, chief.

My tie is stuck
In the suitcase
And the locks are jammed.

- well, cut it off!
- are you kidding?
This is a $6 tie!

Max, he's
About to leave.
Now, hurry up.

Come on.

- will that be all, miss?
- there's one other thing
I wanted to ask you about.

I'm sorry,
But I must be
Leaving now.

What are you doing
Down there?

Uh, would you believe,
A jolson medley?

- drop it!
- don't move
Or smart gets it.

That's right.
Don't move or
Smart gets it.

- you're coming with us!
- no!

( people chattering )

Well, what is it,
Parker?

I don't know.
It's some metal alloy.

Machine-tooled,
Hand-finished.

I'd say from these grooves
And this beveled edge that
It fits into something.

- then you mean it could be
Part of some larger machine.
- that's right.

Well, parker,
What are these numbers
Here on the side?

- one, two, seven.
- maybe that's a part number.

Then each kaos agent
Is bringing in a part

Of some larger object,

Some machine or weapon,

And that is part number 127.
Max, bring in that kaos agent.

- we'll see if we can get
Anything else out of him.
- right, chief.

Parker, take that back
And see if you can find
Anything else about it.

Okay.

I don't think we'll get
Anything out of that
Kaos agent, chief.

We've got to, 99.
We must find out

Where those men
Are assembling and what
That machine is.

You will get nothing
Out of me, mr. Smart.

Kaos trains its men well.
I can take threats,
Torture, starvation.

- how about you?
- well, I can take
Threats and starvation.

Torture I'm not
Too crazy about.

You might as well tell us
Everything you know.

We'll get it out of you
Sooner or later.

I will tell you
Nothing.

You don't have to
Tell us anything.

You see, I've figured it
All out by a matter
Of simple deduction.

- really?
- yes.

You see, there are
Several hundred
Kaos agents,

Each carrying
A numbered part

To a certain
Location.

Now, when you put
This machine together

Each one of you will
Leave the country

Carrying an empty
Suitcase.

All 300 of you.

338.

Good work, max!

You still do not know
One vital piece of information--

That is where we are
All assembling.

That's where you're wrong.

Judging by your time of your
Arrival, the points of entry
Of the other kaos agents

And your methods of
Transportation,
I would say

That your meeting place
Would be in...

- littleton, new hampshire.
- you're dead wrong.

Well, it may not be right
In littleton, new hampshire,
But it's right outside of it.

And I am telling you
That littleton, new hampshire,

Is no place near
Blue mist mountain.

Blue mist mountain.

I think I've
Done it again.

I remember that from
A security briefing, chief.

That's right next to
The p.D.Q. Missile base.

- that's a top-secret base,
Isn't it, chief?
- right.

We've got to get up
There and find out what
Those kaos men are doing.

Oh, I could just
Kill myself.

99, go down to operations
And get three tickets

On this afternoon's flight
To blue mist mountain.

Uh, chief, if we wait
Until monday we can
Fly at half fare.

- this afternoon, 99.
- right, chief.

See anything, chief?

Yes, their cabin
Is right down there
About half a mile.

Let me take a look.

Ah, yes.
I see it.

- oh, wait a minute, chief.
- what?

One of the kaos agents
Is coming out of
The cabin now.

Does he have
A suitcase
With him?

No.
Take a look, 99.

I wonder how many
Of the 338 kaos agents
Have delivered their parts.

We have part 127,
And that's our key to
Get in and look around.

- are you ready, max?
- all ready, chief.

- 99.
- right, max.

Now remember, max,
You're a kaos agent.

Find out all you can,
But don't arouse
Their suspicions

And report back
To me immediately.

- right, chief.
- before you go, would you
Let me have your shoe phone?

I want to call the general
And see if he's moved
The troops up.

Thank you.

Hello, general crawford,
This is the chief.

Have you got
Your men deployed?
Good.

Don't move them in
Any further than three miles.

We want to catch them
Off-guard.

If you want to check back
With me, the number here...

Max, what's the number
On your shoe phone--
The private number?

- 306, chief.
- the number is 306.

Right.
Over and out.

Now, remember, max,
Be careful.

These men will not
Hesitate to kill you.

Right, chief.

- 99?
- yes, max?

Just in case something happens
And I don't make it back,

Take care of the chief.

Right, max.

- oh, and 99?
- yes, max?

- look after fang.
- I will, max.

And the plants in my
Apartment should be watered
About once a week--

Max!

Where's 127?
What if he doesn't
Get here?

He'll be here.
He has to be.

( knock at door )

Who is it?

Max:
kaos agent 127
reporting.

Give me this.

This is it--
The last piece.

What took you so long, 127?
You were supposed to
Be here an hour ago.

Uh... Well, I think
I was being followed.

Followed?
That doesn't
Give us much time.

We'll set it for...
Midnight.

Midnight tonight?

Uh, I mean,
Isn't that a little early?

You, out!

You've got 10 minutes
To get out of the area
Before this thing goes off.

- ( phone rings )
- what was that?

- uh...
- ( ringing continues )

Uh, must be your phone.

- we haven't got a phone.
- how about your alarm clock?

There's no
Alarm clock here.

Oh. Well,

I guess it was
A wrong number.

But we told you
We don't have a phone.

Well, you'd better get one.
As long as you've got
The ringing,

- you might as well have
The phone, right?
- right.

Chief, the bomb is set
To go off at midnight.

They gave me 10 minutes
To get out of the area.

- midnight?
That's in seven minutes.
- what about the other parts?

Mine was the last part.
127, that's the one
They were waiting for.

- that's it!
Of course!
- what?

A nuclear explosion
Here on the site

Of one of our
Government's missile bases.

The rest of the world will
Think the united states has
Exploded a nuclear device

And broken
The test ban.

Kaos must have
Been paid to do this.
We've got to stop them.

- ( phone ringing )
- that must be the general.

Oh. Yes, he called
Me while I was over
At the kaos cabin.

This is the chief.
No, general, move
Your troops back.

We've got to get them
Out of the area.

There's no time to explain.
Max, draw a picture
Of the cabin fast.

We're going in
Ourselves, general.

We've only got
Six minutes.
Over and out.

We have got to find
That bomb ourselves
And deactivate it.

Let me see the map.

There's a door here,
Chief, and a door here.

- and then there's
A window over here.
- what are those three things?

This is me
And this is you
And this is 99.

- not this cabin, max!
That cabin!
- oh, that cabin.

Never mind, max.
There just isn't time.
How many doors does it have?

Well, there's an east door
And a west door.

Okay, you take the east
Door and break in, I'll take
The west door and break in.

- 99, you come through
The window.
- right.

When I give the signal
Of three whistles,

- we'll all burst in, right?
- right.

- right?
- right.

It's set to go off
In four minutes.

Come on.
The helicopter's ready to
Pick us up at the clearing.

( three whistles )

- what is that?
- I don't know.

You take that door,
You take that door.

- ( gunshots )
- ( both groan )

- max, what happened?
- I don't know, 99,

- but at least we got
Two of them.
- how?

Well, I don't know.
The chief was going that way

And I was...
I think they
Shot each other.

- ( gunshots )
- where's the chief?

I don't know.
He went past me so fast,

I didn't even have
A chance to say hello.

- oh, hello, chief.
- chief!

- what happened?
- it's just a flesh wound,
But he got away.

- I'll get him.
- no! Wait wait.

Somewhere in this room
There's a bomb that's gonna
Explode in three minutes.

- we've got to find it.
- three minutes?

Well, that doesn't
Give us too much
Time, chief--

Just about 30 seconds
To find it.

- what are the other two
And a half minutes for?
- running.

Max, we couldn't
Have time to leave
The area.

We've got to
Find the bomb.

Maybe professor parker
Might know where
It could be hidden.

- contact him immediately.
- right, chief.

This is 86 calling control.
This is 86 calling control.

Come in, control.

Uh, put me through
To professor parker.

Parker, this is 86.

Hello, 86.
Where are you?

We're in a cabin
On top of blue mist
Mountain.

Blue mist mountain?

Yes. It's really
Lovely up here, parker.
Nice pine trees--

- max!
- sorry about that, chief.

Listen, parker, one of
The kaos agents escaped,

But he left a bomb here
That's set to go off
At midnight.

- what does it look like?
- well, frankly, that's why
We called you, parker.

- we don't know where it is.
- you don't know where it is?

Well, we thought you might
Have some idea of how it
Could be camouflaged.

Describe everything
In the room.

Let's see, professor.

It's a typical
Early-american home:

Couch, chair,
Sofa, tables,

Tv set, and a hidden
Atomic bomb.

Wait a minute, max.
Don't say anything.
Don't move.

- ( ticking )
- do you hear
Something ticking?

Yes, I do, chief.
And from the frequency
Of the noise and its volume

And from the fact
That you're standing
Right next to it,

I would say
It was this clock.

- open the face
Of the clock.
- right, chief.

The face doesn't
Open, chief.

Wait a minute.
There's a catch here.

You know something, chief?
I've got a feeling this is
No ordinary clock.

- max, we only have
Two and a half minutes.
- hello, 86.

- hello. Do you see it?
- yes, professor. It's built
Into the wall.

- find a screwdriver.
- a screwdriver.
Right, professor.

Uh, chief, did I
Lend you my screwdriver?

- no!
- I don't have
A screwdriver, professor.

Well, what do you have
That you can use?

What do I have?
Hold this, chief.
Uh, uh...

Wait a minute.
Ah.

I have a dime.
That's better than
A screwdriver.

You can't make a phone call
With a screwdriver.

Two minutes, max!

Okay okay, now there should
Be a door to the casing.

- open it!
- right.

- one minute, 50 seconds.
- go to it, max.

Remove the flange
From the plutonium strip.

Do you know what
I'm talking about?

Yes, I'm familiar
With the word remove.

Smart, the uranium
Or plutonium

Should be in the form
Of a ball

About the size
Of a softball.

Reach in with your hand
And feel around.

- reach in with
My bare hand?
- yes!

It'll be on the end of
What looks like a long
Steel gun barrel.

Do I have time to
Put my gloves on?

- hurry up, smart!
- one minute, max!

do you see the control box
connected to the barrel?

Uh, I think so.

You have to loosen the screw
On top of the box.

- I can do that with my dime.
- quickly, max!

45 seconds, max.
Now, relax.

Don't get excited.
( gasps ) 40 seconds!

I'm turning
The gold-tipped screw.

no! no, no, no!
that's the trigger!

- that's the trigger.
- I know.

Smart, you have to loosen

The hexagonal bolt right next
To the gold-tipped screw

Without touching
Anything else.

20 seconds, max!

how did you
make out, smart?

- I dropped my dime.
- smart...

Well, if it's at all
Loose, use your fingers.
Turn it, smart!

turn it!

How much time
Do I have, 99?
Don't tell me.

- eight seconds.
- ( whirring )

oh! Oh, oh,
you've ignited the mass!

- it's going off!
- ( beeping )

That's not the half of it.
My tie is caught in this thing!

( beeping accelerates,
Winds down )

I don't know how
You did it, max,
But you...

Just saved the east coast.
Maybe the whole world.

- that was a close one.
- you don't know how close
It was, chief.

I was thinking of wearing
My bow tie today.

This is so different
From ours, I...

I'm really not
Sure about this.

- it's gonna take
A little time.
- fine.

Found this one wandering
In the woods, chief.
This is the last of 'em.

- well, chief, now we've
Captured all the kaos agents.
- good.

Just think, chief--
338 of 'em.

Boy, that's really gonna
Put a dent in the kaos
Training program.

Excuse me, smart.
When you tried to
Deactivate this,

Which way did you turn
That plutonium screw?

I'm not quite sure,
Professor parker. Why?

Well, if you turned it
To the left it doesn't matter,

But if you turned it to
The right you've destroyed

The safety device.
It can be reactivated by-by--

By anything.

( quietly )
Even a loud noise.

( groans)

Could the loud noise
Be a gunshot?

( beeping quickly )

It'll go off...

In a minute
And a half.

What do we do,
Professor?

Don't worry, chief.
This is right
Up my alley.

- professor,
Your tie, please.
- what?

( theme music playing )