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1
00:00:02,901 --> 00:00:06,367
Man's voice:
gentlemen, today I haveour communique
2
00:00:06,367 --> 00:00:08,134
from kaos international.
3
00:00:08,134 --> 00:00:12,034
We are ordered
To stifle the heartbeat
4
00:00:12,034 --> 00:00:15,600
Of the central military
Complex of the united states.
5
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:18,034
The pentagon?
6
00:00:18,034 --> 00:00:21,567
we'll receive detailsof the plan at ournext meeting.
7
00:00:21,567 --> 00:00:24,300
If we are to succeed,
We must have someone guide us;
8
00:00:24,300 --> 00:00:26,333
Someone who knows
The building
9
00:00:26,333 --> 00:00:29,300
And who has
Total access to it,
Top clearance.
10
00:00:29,300 --> 00:00:31,200
I know such a man.
11
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,068
He's a control agent.
12
00:00:33,068 --> 00:00:34,534
maxwell smart.
13
00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:36,967
do you think we canrecruit maxwell smart?
14
00:00:36,967 --> 00:00:38,901
for a price.
15
00:00:38,901 --> 00:00:43,267
If not for money,
There is always
The lovely natasha.
16
00:00:43,267 --> 00:00:45,467
You're talking foolishly,
Gentlemen.
17
00:00:45,467 --> 00:00:48,967
Maxwell smart is
A dedicated loyal agent.
18
00:00:48,967 --> 00:00:51,500
but he's also stupid.
19
00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:54,767
Stop!
Nobody say anything.
20
00:00:54,767 --> 00:00:57,367
Give me that.
21
00:00:57,367 --> 00:00:59,734
Where did this glass
With the ice cube come from?
22
00:00:59,734 --> 00:01:01,068
It was here
When we came in.
23
00:01:01,068 --> 00:01:02,534
That's it, they found it.
24
00:01:02,534 --> 00:01:06,101
Fools!
Don't you see?
25
00:01:06,101 --> 00:01:08,667
The ice in this glass
Has melted.
26
00:01:08,667 --> 00:01:10,600
Look at this ice cube.
27
00:01:14,034 --> 00:01:16,734
Germanium crystal...
28
00:01:16,734 --> 00:01:19,068
With a transmitting
Device inside.
29
00:01:21,101 --> 00:01:23,367
( gasps )
30
00:01:23,367 --> 00:01:25,134
Oh.
31
00:01:25,134 --> 00:01:28,168
I can't stand it
When they break
Those things.
32
00:01:28,168 --> 00:01:31,567
You know, 99,
I really feel sorry
For professor parker.
33
00:01:31,567 --> 00:01:33,934
He spent so much time
Working on that device.
34
00:01:33,934 --> 00:01:36,200
- the ice cube transmitter?
- yes.
35
00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:39,634
For the last six months
He's tested it in every
Known fluid.
36
00:01:39,634 --> 00:01:41,333
That's how he got
His reputation.
37
00:01:41,333 --> 00:01:44,034
- as a perfectionist?
- no, as a drunk.
38
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,333
( theme music playing )
39
00:02:46,168 --> 00:02:48,834
Watch it.
Watch it take off.
40
00:02:48,834 --> 00:02:50,901
- the fly, I know.
- yeah, oh, there he goes.
41
00:02:50,901 --> 00:02:53,034
It's beautiful,
Absolutely beautiful.
42
00:02:53,034 --> 00:02:55,500
Oh, round
And round he goes
43
00:02:55,500 --> 00:02:57,967
And now a perfect
Landing.
44
00:02:57,967 --> 00:03:00,434
That's incredible,
Professor.
How did you do it?
45
00:03:00,434 --> 00:03:02,300
How did I do it?
46
00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:05,767
Two and a half years
Of nerve-racking
Micro-miniature fabrication
47
00:03:05,767 --> 00:03:08,467
And $400,000 worth
Of research and equipment.
48
00:03:08,467 --> 00:03:12,333
Did you see those
Two tiny antenna?
49
00:03:12,333 --> 00:03:14,467
- mm-hmm.
- well, the left is a receiver;
50
00:03:14,467 --> 00:03:16,567
The right, a transmitter.
51
00:03:16,567 --> 00:03:18,701
Notice the left eye--
52
00:03:18,701 --> 00:03:21,600
The world's smallest
Radar tracking dish.
53
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,434
- wow.
- a network of 7,000
54
00:03:24,434 --> 00:03:26,934
Exquisitely delicate
Wafer circuits.
55
00:03:26,934 --> 00:03:29,001
That's marvelous.
56
00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:32,367
Uh, sorry about your
Ice cube, professor.
57
00:03:32,367 --> 00:03:34,534
Forget the ice cube, max,
Take a look at this.
58
00:03:34,534 --> 00:03:36,534
Oh please,
Don't tell them
What it is.
59
00:03:36,534 --> 00:03:38,634
I would like mr. Smart
To look at your desk
60
00:03:38,634 --> 00:03:41,667
And see if he can
Detect which item is
The listening device.
61
00:03:41,667 --> 00:03:44,134
Parker, I don't think
You should do that.
62
00:03:44,134 --> 00:03:47,767
Don't be ridiculous,
Chief, that's a great idea.
63
00:03:47,767 --> 00:03:51,701
If he can fool my keen eyes,
The security of kaos
Is doomed.
64
00:03:51,701 --> 00:03:54,567
Excuse me, 99.
65
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:57,333
Now let's see.
66
00:03:57,333 --> 00:03:59,434
Well, I don't think
It's this magazine.
67
00:03:59,434 --> 00:04:02,233
It's a little obvious
And clumsy.
68
00:04:02,233 --> 00:04:04,801
Uh...
69
00:04:04,801 --> 00:04:07,267
I don't think
It's this paperweight
70
00:04:07,267 --> 00:04:08,967
Or the cigarette
Lighter.
71
00:04:08,967 --> 00:04:12,767
What about that, uh--
That fly?
72
00:04:12,767 --> 00:04:14,834
Huh?Oh.
73
00:04:14,834 --> 00:04:16,934
Got it.
74
00:04:21,233 --> 00:04:23,901
Look, chief,
Maybe the professor
Can build another fly
75
00:04:23,901 --> 00:04:26,168
Or a mosquito or a ladybug
Or something like that.
76
00:04:26,168 --> 00:04:27,767
There is
Not enough time.
77
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:30,600
Max, you're going
To have to personally
Infiltrate kaos.
78
00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:34,233
That's out of the question.
You heard what they said
On the recording.
79
00:04:34,233 --> 00:04:37,801
- I'm too loyal, too dedicated.
- that's what they think
Of you now.
80
00:04:37,801 --> 00:04:41,500
But you are going
To gamble away your next
Six months' salary
81
00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:43,333
And become a stumbling,
82
00:04:43,333 --> 00:04:45,867
Bumbling, drunken bum.
83
00:04:45,867 --> 00:04:48,068
- is that an order, chief?
- that's an order.
84
00:04:48,068 --> 00:04:50,600
I'll see that
Word gets out on
The grapevine tonight
85
00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:53,068
- that you'll be gambling.
- where, chief?
86
00:04:53,068 --> 00:04:55,333
There's an illegal
Gambling casino
87
00:04:55,333 --> 00:04:57,534
That kaos men have been
Known to frequent.
88
00:04:57,534 --> 00:04:58,734
Phase one.
89
00:04:58,734 --> 00:05:00,667
Here's a couple
Of thousand dollars.
90
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:04,333
Bet heavily,
Lose it and make sure
That they see you.
91
00:05:04,333 --> 00:05:07,233
Well, that shouldn't be
Too difficult, chief.
92
00:05:07,233 --> 00:05:09,101
Oh, there's one thing, max.
93
00:05:09,101 --> 00:05:12,101
I'll be the only one
Who knows you'll be
A double agent.
94
00:05:12,101 --> 00:05:14,101
Right, chief.
95
00:05:14,101 --> 00:05:16,068
You mean
We can't tell 99?
96
00:05:16,068 --> 00:05:18,967
Max, kaos will be watching
Your friends closely.
97
00:05:18,967 --> 00:05:22,400
You must convince them
More than anyone else
That you've gone bad.
98
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:24,200
Now, max, remember,
99
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:27,834
Acting as a double agent
Is the most dangerous game
In the world.
100
00:05:27,834 --> 00:05:30,600
These men are killers.
They'll stop at nothing.
101
00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:34,134
You'll be living
In constant danger
Every moment.
102
00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:37,101
And...
103
00:05:37,101 --> 00:05:39,200
Loving it.
104
00:05:49,667 --> 00:05:54,200
Our information was correct.
Maxwell smart just entered.
105
00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:57,801
26-black, I got it!
I got it!Whoo-hoo!
106
00:05:57,801 --> 00:06:00,967
Look at that purdy green lettuce
Rolling right on back home.
107
00:06:00,967 --> 00:06:02,500
( cackles )
108
00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:05,500
You know, I've been betting
26-black since tuesday morning
109
00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:08,233
And that little old wagon wheel
Finally come up with it.
110
00:06:08,233 --> 00:06:11,168
Whoo-hoo!
You know, mister,
I don't know who you are,
111
00:06:11,168 --> 00:06:15,001
But before you showed up
I must have lost a couple
Of thousand-barrel oil wells.
112
00:06:15,001 --> 00:06:17,267
Now you just stay right here
Because you and me
113
00:06:17,267 --> 00:06:19,834
Are gonna bust this
Little game wide open!
114
00:06:19,834 --> 00:06:22,734
- well, thank you,
But I had other plans.
- no no no.
115
00:06:22,734 --> 00:06:25,068
I ain't gonna hold you,
I ain't gonna hold you.
116
00:06:25,068 --> 00:06:28,467
Why, you can't hold back
A bona fide angel of luck,
Now can you?
117
00:06:28,467 --> 00:06:30,001
( laughs )
118
00:06:30,001 --> 00:06:33,367
Hold on, boy, hold on.
Why, y'all didn't
Think I was gonna
119
00:06:33,367 --> 00:06:36,667
Let you walk away unrewarded,
Now did you, huh?
120
00:06:36,667 --> 00:06:38,168
- I can't--
- ah-hh!
121
00:06:38,168 --> 00:06:40,834
If you don't, I just
Might get very angry.
122
00:06:46,267 --> 00:06:49,634
- jacks full.
- beats me.
123
00:06:49,634 --> 00:06:51,400
Yeah.
124
00:06:54,534 --> 00:06:56,434
( groans )
125
00:06:56,434 --> 00:06:58,500
mind if I sit in?
126
00:06:58,500 --> 00:06:59,801
table stakes.
127
00:06:59,801 --> 00:07:02,767
That's the only
Game I play.
128
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:08,834
500.
129
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,333
Another thousand.
130
00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:52,434
Fresh deck, please.
131
00:08:20,001 --> 00:08:22,333
I open.500.
132
00:08:22,333 --> 00:08:24,901
- I call.
- I'm in.
133
00:08:24,901 --> 00:08:27,068
I call.
134
00:08:27,068 --> 00:08:28,834
Give me one.
135
00:08:30,467 --> 00:08:32,300
Two.
136
00:08:33,901 --> 00:08:36,168
Three.
137
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,600
I'll take four.
138
00:08:46,734 --> 00:08:49,233
500.
139
00:08:49,233 --> 00:08:51,634
- I'm out.
- I'm out.
140
00:08:54,233 --> 00:08:56,934
I call your 500
141
00:08:56,934 --> 00:09:00,667
And I raise you 500.
142
00:09:03,634 --> 00:09:05,867
I see you.
What do you got?
143
00:09:05,867 --> 00:09:07,400
Well, gentlemen,
144
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:11,300
That cleans me.
145
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:13,168
Four aces, you win.
146
00:09:14,701 --> 00:09:16,500
That beats me.
147
00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:21,001
Well, gentlemen,
That's all for me.
148
00:09:21,001 --> 00:09:22,801
I'm too lucky
In this game.
149
00:09:22,801 --> 00:09:25,467
Dealer:
here you go, $4,000.
150
00:09:31,168 --> 00:09:33,101
Thank you.
151
00:09:44,467 --> 00:09:46,801
Are you certain
The kaos agent was
Watching you?
152
00:09:46,801 --> 00:09:48,500
Everybody was
Watching me, chief.
153
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:50,068
And he didn't
Approach you?
154
00:09:50,068 --> 00:09:53,168
I'm telling you, chief,
Nobody from kaos is going
To approach me.
155
00:09:53,168 --> 00:09:55,233
I've got too good
A reputation
To live down.
156
00:09:55,233 --> 00:09:57,233
Not anymore, max.
157
00:09:57,233 --> 00:10:00,467
We've shown them
That you're a gambler.
Now we move into phase two:
158
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:02,967
Physical degradation.
You'll become an alcoholic.
159
00:10:02,967 --> 00:10:04,434
Right, chief.
160
00:10:04,434 --> 00:10:06,801
- an alcoholic?
- mm-hmm.
161
00:10:06,801 --> 00:10:09,500
Well, will they take
A heavy drinker?
162
00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:11,101
Max, take good
Care of this.
163
00:10:11,101 --> 00:10:14,534
The tailor
Charges a fortune
To rip it up like that.
164
00:10:14,534 --> 00:10:17,867
I got a dry cleaner
That'll do this
For nothing.
165
00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:21,101
Here, max,
You'll need
Some of these.
166
00:10:21,101 --> 00:10:22,367
Oh, aspirin, good.
167
00:10:22,367 --> 00:10:24,867
Probably need a lot of aspirin
With all that drinking.
168
00:10:24,867 --> 00:10:27,034
No, max, not aspirin.
They are absorbo pills.
169
00:10:27,034 --> 00:10:29,200
Keep one in your mouth
While you're drinking.
170
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:31,300
It'll absorb
All the alcohol
Out of the liquor.
171
00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:34,068
Say, that's wonderful, chief.
Then I'll act drunk,
172
00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:37,333
I'll look drunk,
I'll even smell drunk,
But I'll be stone sober.
173
00:10:37,333 --> 00:10:41,068
That's right, max.
Not one drop of alcohol
Will reach your stomach.
174
00:10:41,068 --> 00:10:43,068
- unless--
- unless what, chief?
175
00:10:43,068 --> 00:10:46,333
Well, just don't swallow
One of the absorbo pills.
176
00:10:46,333 --> 00:10:48,600
If you do,
Your stomach fluids
Will release
177
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:50,634
The alcohol from
The pill all at once.
178
00:10:50,634 --> 00:10:52,434
I'll remember that, chief.
179
00:10:52,434 --> 00:10:55,068
Now you do your drinking
In chez charles--
180
00:10:55,068 --> 00:10:56,333
That's a skid-row bar.
181
00:10:56,333 --> 00:10:59,267
We'll make sure kaos
Gets wind of where
You are.
182
00:10:59,267 --> 00:11:01,367
- right, chief.
- ( knocks on door )
183
00:11:01,367 --> 00:11:03,967
Put this away,
Will you?
184
00:11:03,967 --> 00:11:05,834
come in.
185
00:11:05,834 --> 00:11:08,901
There you are, max, I've been
Looking all over for you.
186
00:11:08,901 --> 00:11:11,233
Uh, I--
I've been busy.
187
00:11:11,233 --> 00:11:14,034
Oh, that's okay.
Come on, you've gotta
Get home and change
188
00:11:14,034 --> 00:11:16,400
- or we'll be late
For the concert.
- the concert?
189
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:19,667
Oh, tonight's saturday night,
That's right.That's when
We go to the--
190
00:11:23,134 --> 00:11:25,767
Sorry, 99, I can't
Make it tonight.
I'm busy.
191
00:11:25,767 --> 00:11:28,667
Oh... You're
On assignment.
192
00:11:28,667 --> 00:11:30,934
Well, not exactly.
193
00:11:30,934 --> 00:11:33,567
You're acting
Very strangely, max.
194
00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:36,701
Look, 99, why don't you
Just forget about me
For a few days?
195
00:11:36,701 --> 00:11:39,168
Max, I couldn't
Forget about you.
196
00:11:39,168 --> 00:11:41,333
Not even
For a few minutes.
197
00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:44,500
- I'm sorry, 99.
- is it another girl, max?
198
00:11:46,734 --> 00:11:50,134
- sort of.
- oh, okay, um...
199
00:11:50,134 --> 00:11:52,534
I guess, I'll see you
In the morning then.
200
00:11:52,534 --> 00:11:55,400
- good night, chief.
- good night, 99.
201
00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:01,034
Max, until your mission
Is a success,
202
00:12:01,034 --> 00:12:03,500
She'll learn to do
Without you.
203
00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:06,701
Yeah, chief,
But what if my mission
Is a failure?
204
00:12:06,701 --> 00:12:09,367
We'll all learn
To do without you.
205
00:12:28,134 --> 00:12:30,834
Alex, he's here all right.
206
00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:33,200
Drinking like it's
Going out of style.
207
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:40,034
Throat lozenges,
Sore throat.
208
00:12:40,034 --> 00:12:41,233
Oh.
209
00:12:44,168 --> 00:12:47,168
- bartender?
- yeah.
210
00:12:47,168 --> 00:12:50,634
- give me a b&b.
- b&b?
211
00:12:50,634 --> 00:12:52,901
Bourbon and bourbon.
212
00:13:06,467 --> 00:13:07,767
Hey, mac,
213
00:13:07,767 --> 00:13:09,901
You're gonna have to get
That dog out of here.
214
00:13:09,901 --> 00:13:12,267
- what dog?
- that dog.
215
00:13:15,168 --> 00:13:18,901
Fang, what are you doing here?
You want to spoil everything?
216
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,068
All right, doggy,
Get out of here.
217
00:13:22,068 --> 00:13:25,068
Get lost.I don't want
You hanging around me.
218
00:13:25,068 --> 00:13:27,233
Can't you see
I've turned rotten?
219
00:13:27,233 --> 00:13:29,168
( whimpers )
220
00:13:29,168 --> 00:13:32,101
Okay, if you want the truth,
You're not my pal anymore.
221
00:13:32,101 --> 00:13:34,400
I don't like you.
222
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,267
You've got
A sweaty tongue.
223
00:13:38,467 --> 00:13:41,967
And... Doggy odor.
224
00:13:41,967 --> 00:13:44,168
( growling )
225
00:13:44,168 --> 00:13:48,333
That's more like it.
Now just growl yourself
Right out the door.
226
00:13:48,333 --> 00:13:51,034
Good work, fang,
You found him.
227
00:13:51,034 --> 00:13:53,400
Max, what are you
Doing in this place?
228
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:56,667
What does it
Look like I'm doing?
I'm getting drunk.
229
00:13:56,667 --> 00:13:58,500
That's not
Like you, max.
230
00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:01,233
"That's not like you, max."
Okay, what is like me?
231
00:14:01,233 --> 00:14:03,600
Max!
232
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,834
We've meant so much
To each other.
233
00:14:05,834 --> 00:14:07,168
Look, will you
Do me a favor?
234
00:14:07,168 --> 00:14:11,333
Just leave me alone.
Get out of my life.
235
00:14:11,333 --> 00:14:13,667
Max, I think
I can help you.
236
00:14:13,667 --> 00:14:17,600
It's that fly, isn't it,
The $400,000 one?
237
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:19,801
Fill her up, bartender.
238
00:14:19,801 --> 00:14:22,600
We can work out something.
I've saved a little money.
239
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,634
Look, I don't
Want your money.
240
00:14:24,634 --> 00:14:27,001
We can pay it off
$10 a week.
241
00:14:27,001 --> 00:14:28,867
$10 a week?
242
00:14:28,867 --> 00:14:31,734
You know how long
That would take?
243
00:14:31,734 --> 00:14:33,667
900 years.
244
00:14:33,667 --> 00:14:36,500
Sorry, but I've got
Other plans.
245
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,934
Max, please let me
Take you home.
246
00:14:38,934 --> 00:14:40,934
Look, can't you get it
Through your head?
247
00:14:40,934 --> 00:14:42,801
I don't want to go home.
I like it here.
248
00:14:42,801 --> 00:14:45,667
I don't believe that.
249
00:14:45,667 --> 00:14:47,901
Okay, then maybe
You'll believe this--
250
00:14:47,901 --> 00:14:50,534
I've never liked you,
Not even from the beginning.
251
00:14:50,534 --> 00:14:52,367
You're too...
252
00:14:52,367 --> 00:14:54,934
Statuesque.
253
00:14:54,934 --> 00:14:58,134
Besides, I don't like
The things you stand for:
254
00:14:58,134 --> 00:15:01,200
Integrity,
Loyalty, decency.
255
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,667
Okay, max,
I'm leaving.
256
00:15:03,667 --> 00:15:06,467
But only because
You want me to.
257
00:15:06,467 --> 00:15:09,534
I'm just not convinced
That you're what you're
Pretending to be.
258
00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:12,801
Come on, fang,
Come on.
259
00:15:15,967 --> 00:15:19,001
Smart is deteriorating
Rapidly.
260
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:21,168
He just dismissed
His dog and his girl.
261
00:15:21,168 --> 00:15:25,101
( phone ringing )
262
00:15:25,101 --> 00:15:28,567
Pardon me, I know this is
Going to sound silly,
263
00:15:28,567 --> 00:15:32,267
But is it possible that
Your shoe is ringing?
264
00:15:32,267 --> 00:15:35,134
My shoe?
265
00:15:35,134 --> 00:15:38,233
You've been drinking
Too much of this
Cheap booze, soldier.
266
00:15:53,934 --> 00:15:56,068
Listen, I'm sorry
I talked to you so mean,
267
00:15:56,068 --> 00:15:58,434
But I can't explain now.
268
00:15:58,434 --> 00:16:01,001
Oh, chief.
I thought it was 99.
269
00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:02,801
Have they made contact
With you yet?
270
00:16:02,801 --> 00:16:06,400
No, chief, uh-- they're
Watching me very closely.
271
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,701
But I think they're
Finding it hard to believe.
272
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:11,367
That means we'll have
To put phase three into effect.
273
00:16:11,367 --> 00:16:13,333
- right, chief.
- ( phone rings )
274
00:16:13,333 --> 00:16:16,101
Can you hold on
A second, chief?
275
00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:19,333
Hello, uh, I'm sorry,
But I'm using the phone booth.
276
00:16:19,333 --> 00:16:22,467
Could you call back later?
277
00:16:22,467 --> 00:16:24,867
Okay, chief,
Phase three it is.
278
00:16:24,867 --> 00:16:27,001
Uh, chief,
Just one thing...
279
00:16:27,001 --> 00:16:28,834
What is phase three?
280
00:16:28,834 --> 00:16:31,801
That's where I come into the bar
And pick a fight with you,
281
00:16:31,801 --> 00:16:34,534
- and you beat me up.
- beat you up?
282
00:16:34,534 --> 00:16:36,467
I couldn't do that, chief.
283
00:16:36,467 --> 00:16:38,367
There's nothing to it.
284
00:16:38,367 --> 00:16:42,233
We planted a case of whiskey
In harmless breakaway bottles
Down there.
285
00:16:42,233 --> 00:16:44,001
It's called "Old soldier."
286
00:16:44,001 --> 00:16:46,134
All you have to do
Is break one over my head.
287
00:16:46,134 --> 00:16:49,001
"Old soldier"
Over the head.
288
00:16:49,001 --> 00:16:52,333
Well, okay, chief,
If you think it's necessary.
289
00:16:52,333 --> 00:16:54,600
But I want you to know
I won't be enjoying it.
290
00:17:02,367 --> 00:17:04,367
Smart?
291
00:17:04,367 --> 00:17:06,333
What do you want?
292
00:17:06,333 --> 00:17:08,200
A few answers.
293
00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:11,034
Sorry, but I don't think
I'm gonna like the questions.
294
00:17:11,034 --> 00:17:14,068
We're missing $68,000.
295
00:17:14,068 --> 00:17:16,834
That's tough.
Have you looked behind
The sofa cushions?
296
00:17:16,834 --> 00:17:19,233
beside myself,you're the only one
297
00:17:19,233 --> 00:17:21,534
Who had access
To the safe.
298
00:17:23,701 --> 00:17:25,467
Just what are
You getting at?
299
00:17:25,467 --> 00:17:27,734
I'm making
A citizen's arrest.
300
00:17:34,767 --> 00:17:37,367
I don't think
He was looking.
You'd better hit me again.
301
00:17:37,367 --> 00:17:40,400
Bartender, give me another
Bottle of "Old soldier."
302
00:17:46,367 --> 00:17:48,767
Give me another drink.
Put a little more ice.
303
00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:51,001
He missed it again.
Quick, get another bottle.
304
00:17:51,001 --> 00:17:53,101
Wait a minute, chief,
I've got a better idea.
305
00:17:53,101 --> 00:17:54,600
We've got to get
His attention.
306
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,400
Let's go down
To the other end
Of the bar.
307
00:18:01,901 --> 00:18:04,233
Bartender, give me
A bottle of champagne.
308
00:18:07,801 --> 00:18:10,168
Now look, chief,
I'm gonna take this bottle
309
00:18:10,168 --> 00:18:11,934
And crash it over
The end of the bar.
310
00:18:11,934 --> 00:18:14,168
Then I'll threaten you
With the jagged edges.
311
00:18:14,168 --> 00:18:16,434
that'll get his attention.
312
00:18:18,233 --> 00:18:21,434
All right, I'm telling
You for the last time,
Get out of here!
313
00:18:23,767 --> 00:18:27,034
- is he looking?
- he must be.
314
00:18:34,434 --> 00:18:37,500
( coughs )
Chief?
315
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:38,701
( muffled )
Yeah?
316
00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:41,367
I think I swallowed
My absorbo pill.
317
00:18:41,367 --> 00:18:42,467
What?
318
00:18:44,934 --> 00:18:46,267
You know something, chief?
319
00:18:46,267 --> 00:18:48,934
They're not half bad.
320
00:18:56,001 --> 00:18:57,333
Then what happened?
321
00:18:57,333 --> 00:19:01,068
He hit him with another bottle
While I was ordering a drink.
322
00:19:01,068 --> 00:19:04,467
I hope he hasn't gotten
Too violent for us to use.
323
00:19:04,467 --> 00:19:06,667
Wake him up.
324
00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:09,867
Wake up!
Come on, wake up.
325
00:19:09,867 --> 00:19:12,101
- you're among friends.
- now, mr. Smart,
326
00:19:12,101 --> 00:19:14,934
I always knew
That deep down inside
327
00:19:14,934 --> 00:19:16,267
You were a rat.
328
00:19:16,267 --> 00:19:19,801
Oh, thank you
For your confidence.
329
00:19:21,467 --> 00:19:23,667
No!
330
00:19:23,667 --> 00:19:27,333
Well, it looks like
Your little girlfriend
Followed you here.
331
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:29,667
Yeah, we caught her
Snooping around outside.
332
00:19:29,667 --> 00:19:31,567
What are we
Gonna do with her?
333
00:19:31,567 --> 00:19:33,701
How about giving her
A severe reprimand?
334
00:19:33,701 --> 00:19:35,434
She'll have
To be disposed of.
335
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:40,767
Uh, how about a stern warning
To keep off the premises?
336
00:19:40,767 --> 00:19:42,500
Who's gonna do it?
337
00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:46,333
Well, I think it's
Only just that mr. Smart
338
00:19:46,333 --> 00:19:48,068
have that honor.
339
00:19:49,667 --> 00:19:52,867
Would you go for a severe
Reprimand and a stern warning?
340
00:19:52,867 --> 00:19:55,068
You don't seem
To be very anxious
341
00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:57,068
To carry out
This assignment.
342
00:19:57,068 --> 00:20:00,634
That's where you're wrong.
I'm very anxious to carry out
This assignment.
343
00:20:00,634 --> 00:20:04,467
It's just that I can't work
With a lot of people looking
Over my shoulder.
344
00:20:04,467 --> 00:20:08,634
After all, executions are a kind
Of a personal thing with me.
345
00:20:08,634 --> 00:20:12,200
I think all of you gentlemen
Had better leave the room.
346
00:20:18,534 --> 00:20:21,034
How long is this
Going to take?
347
00:20:21,034 --> 00:20:23,734
I'll call you
When it's over.
348
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,701
Oh, max,
I knew you hadn't
Turned rotten.
349
00:20:29,701 --> 00:20:32,400
You just had to find out
The rest of their plan.
350
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:35,434
It's too late for that now.
I've got to get you
Out of here.
351
00:20:35,434 --> 00:20:38,834
I don't know how I'm
Gonna do it.There's only
One door and no window.
352
00:20:38,834 --> 00:20:40,434
- that's it!
- of course that's it.
353
00:20:40,434 --> 00:20:42,467
- what's it?
- there must be
A ventilator.
354
00:20:42,467 --> 00:20:43,567
Look!
355
00:20:51,901 --> 00:20:54,101
Max, the noise!
They'll get suspicious.
356
00:20:54,101 --> 00:20:56,267
You're right.
We need something
To cover it.
357
00:20:56,267 --> 00:20:57,801
- I know.
- what?
358
00:20:57,801 --> 00:21:00,400
If they hear screams,
They'll think I'm working
You over.
359
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,233
- right.
- I'd better use
My phono-watch.
360
00:21:02,233 --> 00:21:03,333
Oh.
361
00:21:06,801 --> 00:21:09,233
Give me that scream record
From your charm bracelet.
362
00:21:09,233 --> 00:21:10,367
Here it is.
363
00:21:17,834 --> 00:21:19,767
( woman laughing hysterically )
364
00:21:22,300 --> 00:21:24,434
Must be the flip side.
365
00:21:30,967 --> 00:21:34,367
( woman screaming )ah! No! No!
366
00:21:34,367 --> 00:21:35,967
- that's it.
- good.
367
00:21:35,967 --> 00:21:38,068
- ( clattering )
- max, someone's coming.
368
00:21:38,068 --> 00:21:39,767
We'd better take them
At the door.
369
00:21:39,767 --> 00:21:42,233
- we'll never get
Through this anyway.
- right.
370
00:21:44,267 --> 00:21:46,068
What's going on?
Hey!No!
371
00:21:46,068 --> 00:21:48,801
No no no no, don't!
I'm not a kaos agent!
372
00:21:48,801 --> 00:21:51,001
- are you a double agent?
- ( gasps ) yeah.
373
00:21:51,001 --> 00:21:53,534
- so is he.
- 99, he's lying.
374
00:21:53,534 --> 00:21:56,200
- no, I'm not!
- "The geese fly high."
375
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:58,233
"The frost is on the grass."
376
00:21:58,233 --> 00:22:00,701
- max!
- he is.
377
00:22:00,701 --> 00:22:02,934
- sorry about that, fella.
- ooh.Ooh.
378
00:22:02,934 --> 00:22:04,801
I didn't mean
To hit you so hard.
379
00:22:04,801 --> 00:22:07,801
- I think you
Fractured my skull.
- it'll heal, it'll heal.
380
00:22:07,801 --> 00:22:09,934
Ow!
381
00:22:09,934 --> 00:22:12,200
Don't shoot!Uh--
"The geese fly high."
382
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,300
"The frost is
On the grass."
383
00:22:14,300 --> 00:22:15,667
( screams )
Max!
384
00:22:17,101 --> 00:22:21,367
- "The geese fly high."
- "The frost is on the grass."
385
00:22:21,367 --> 00:22:23,101
"The geese fly--"
Uh!
386
00:22:23,101 --> 00:22:25,600
All:
"The frost is on the grass."
387
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:27,300
Just a minute.
Who are you guys?
388
00:22:27,300 --> 00:22:29,333
C.I.A.
389
00:22:29,333 --> 00:22:31,134
Naval intelligence.
390
00:22:31,134 --> 00:22:32,333
F.B.I.
391
00:22:32,333 --> 00:22:33,834
Scotland yard, here.
392
00:22:33,834 --> 00:22:37,634
You're--
Scotland yard?
393
00:22:37,634 --> 00:22:40,333
You're brown?
I'm adam.
394
00:22:40,333 --> 00:22:43,333
Well, 99, I can't wait
To tell the chief
About this.
395
00:22:43,333 --> 00:22:45,500
We're really in line
For congratulations.
396
00:22:45,500 --> 00:22:47,834
We've just broken
The sinister arm
Of kaos
397
00:22:47,834 --> 00:22:50,134
That's threatened
The nation's capital.
398
00:22:50,134 --> 00:22:52,300
But, max, what about
When the chief finds out
399
00:22:52,300 --> 00:22:56,267
That we've just wounded
Four of our own government's
Top agents?
400
00:22:56,267 --> 00:22:59,634
Well, we don't have
To tell the chief
Everything.
401
00:23:10,534 --> 00:23:12,967
Apparently the real kaos man
Who started the group
402
00:23:12,967 --> 00:23:15,534
Died several years ago, chief,
And was never replaced.
403
00:23:15,534 --> 00:23:18,200
You've done a good job, max,
And I understand most of them
404
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,300
Will be out of the hospital
Within the month.
405
00:23:20,300 --> 00:23:22,034
Sorry about that,
Chief.
406
00:23:22,034 --> 00:23:25,500
- all in the line of work, max.
- what about the electronic fly?
407
00:23:25,500 --> 00:23:28,967
Oh, parker has come up
With a new listening device
Even cleverer than the fly.
408
00:23:28,967 --> 00:23:30,701
- are you ready, parker?
- yes, chief.
409
00:23:30,701 --> 00:23:32,600
See, if you can pick
This one out, smart.
410
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:34,701
And please be a little
More careful this time.
411
00:23:34,701 --> 00:23:38,400
- right, professor.
- it's among these objects
On the desk.
412
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:41,333
Well, let's see.
413
00:23:41,333 --> 00:23:43,300
It's not
The cigarette lighter,
Right?
414
00:23:43,300 --> 00:23:45,300
Right.
415
00:23:45,300 --> 00:23:47,734
And, uh...
416
00:23:47,734 --> 00:23:49,434
It's not
The magazine, right?
417
00:23:49,434 --> 00:23:52,467
Correct.
418
00:23:52,467 --> 00:23:54,767
A fly.
You've built another fly.
419
00:23:54,767 --> 00:23:57,367
No, smart,
That's a real fly.
420
00:23:58,667 --> 00:24:00,734
- ( fly buzzing )
- oh.
421
00:24:00,734 --> 00:24:02,400
Are you sure
It's a fly?
422
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:04,967
Absolutely.
423
00:24:04,967 --> 00:24:07,400
Well then
I can kill it.
424
00:24:11,367 --> 00:24:14,967
I have a strange feeling
It's the light bulb.
425
00:24:20,001 --> 00:24:21,934
( theme music playing )32132
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