All language subtitles for GREEK S01E02_eng

Previously on Greek:

- Rusty Cartwright. I'm a freshman.
- I'm Casey Cartwright.

Tomorrow night, we are gonna host
over a thousand girls for rush.

...daughter of our Senator
is coming here and she's rushing.

Land Rebecca Logan,
and you could be the heir to my throne.

- I'm Dale.
- Nice to meet you.

Gotta be smart to get in
the honors engineering program.

- How'd you know that?
- This is the honors engineering floor.

- I want to rush a fraternity.
- You're not fraternity material.

You can be anyone you want.

I wanna be a Kappa Tau.

- Let's go.
- You're Casey's brother.

- How'd you know?
- I'm her boyfriend.

You know this doesn't mean
I'm gay or anything.

I'm not gay. We were just drunk.

- The reason I broke up with you...
- I dumped you.

- Hey, Crappie.
- The name's "Cappie. "

- I saw Evan with another girl.
- I don't know if I want to hear this.

- They were gonna have sex.
- Casey, I'll make it up to you.

Sweetie, we're even.

Think about it.

Time, weather and...

Was there ever a time when
radio stations actually played music?

Almost makes me wanna listen to NPR.

Ouch!

I said I want to listen to NPR.
Seriously, what is wrong with you?

- Evan stuff?
- Things are great with Evan.

Why wouldn't they be?

I assumed it would take a girl
more than a couple days

to get over the fact her boyfriend
hooked up with one of her pledges

as her younger brother watched.

Look, what happened between Evan and
Rebecca Logan on Rush Night sucked.

A lot. But it's behind us.

- So we're totally fine.
- With what we've gotta do tonight?

- Business as usual.
- This is WGOD.

You're listening to
Inspirational Request...

- Son of a...
- Only on Cyprus, the Gospel.

Heavenly music for life and after.

- You wanna hear an interesting tidbit?
- Absolutely, anything.

All right.

This school in Florida shut down
one of their fraternities

for hazing after one of the pledges
was forced to, uh,

break several laws
against both God and nature

during Cinco de Mayo last year.
These fraternities sure sound like fun.

This isn't hazing. This is just laundry.

That's probably how it started
with that Cinco de Mayo boy.

Can't let a few bad apples
ruin the bunch.

If that were the case no one would
ever join the Catholic church.

Well, that's exactly why I'm Baptist.

Hazing is just the small part.

It's running errands,
helping out around the house.

An occasional prank or two... maybe.

I feel like I'm earning my keep.

- Like I belong.
- Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Speaking of... Physics, 9:00am.

I hope I can sleep tonight.

I'd never force you to do anything you
didn't want to, to prove yourself to me.

Thanks, Dale.

- For tonight could we not...
- Helps me sleep!

This next dedication
goes out to Cyprus-Rhodes

where Dale wants his roommate Rusty

to know he's praying for him
and his blasphemous ways.

Deploy, Spitter! Deploy! Deploy!

Pledge week!

- Extraction complete! Move out, men.
- Yeah!

Shh!

The laundry.

Hello?

You have five minutes to get your ass
to the house or suffer the consequences.

Let's go.

Rebecca Logan.

Hey, guys.

What's up?

We're kidnapping you.

For pledge orientation
and midnight snacks back at the house.

- You guys scared me.
- No reason to be scared.

Ow! Hey!

Oops. Sorry.

Sorry, guys. I was at the student center
across campus.

No problem, Pledge Owens.

I will have to ask you to drop
and give me 20, though.

- Are you serious?
- All of you.

The success of one brother
is success for everyone.

And the failure of one affects us all.

I'm your Pledge Master,
Brother Chambers.

And it is my duty to instill in you
the ideals we honor here:

Self-improvement,
leadership, and dedication.

And part of dedication is punctuality.

The hardcover you'll feel dropping on
your spine is the Omega Chi pledge book.

You will be tested on it.

You know, initiation
is not intended to humiliate.

Its purpose is to take you
from the boys you are now

and challenge you to become real men.

You all have one hour
to melt these blocks of ice.

Oh yeah, there is a catch. Do it naked.

Let's go!

Come on. You heard him.

- Remove your blindfolds.
- Take 'em off.

Greetings.

Four score and seven years ago,
our forefathers who art in heaven,

hallowed be their name,

brought unto this continent
Kappa Tau Gamma.

Yea, though we walk through the valley
of the shadow of death

we fear nothing and neither will you.

As tonight, you all become men.

But not in the way
you might be thinking.

We do not have hookers,
which isn't to say we didn't try.

Regardless, you all have been
brought here before us

to participate
in a ceremonial rite of passage.

It derives from a secret Spartan ritual
known as krypteia...

...where a boy is sent out
into the wild to live off the land,

fight for his life
while protecting his village.

If he wasn't devoured
by these gnarly-looking wolfy things...

...then he returned
to the village a man.

Isn't that the beginning of 300?

We did it first!

You must stay out here all night.
You cannot sleep.

Also, the Spartan boys had to wear
their battle clothes for 24 hours.

- But if they were out for months...
- Silence!

You guys gotta do some gardening,

because the weeds
are getting bad back here.

And to be one with the earth,

which was something else
they did back then.

All right, we'll see you guys
in the morning when you're men.

Be well.

- Hey, I'm Rusty.
- Rusty, right? Yeah. Ben Bennett.

Oh, cool name. So, what's your major?

Undeclared, I guess. Yours?

Polymer Science.

Bummer.

OK, so tomorrow is
our Annual Pledge Scavenger Hunt.

Meet me in the quad.

Then Thursday is
our Big Sis/Little Sis revealing

where you'll learn
who will be your Big Sister.

Let's eat.

These girls are so awesome.
I love every one of them.

Oh, my gosh!
This is the best night ever!

My mom was a ZBZ,
and she's so proud of me.

Oh, you get some food.
We're so happy you're here!

- Except that one. Legacies...
- I didn't understand a word she said.

Like it matters.
I'm still a proud prez.

You handled the whole situation so well.

Look around, someday
this could all be yours.

And here's our crown jewel now.

I'm so excited to be here. I feel like
you all can take such good care of me.

Hey, Casey, why don't you
go show Rebecca her new room?

Fun.

So, here it is.

I wanted to talk to you
about something...

- It's smaller than I'd imagined.
- It's the only room we have left.

We normally can't allow
freshmen to live in the house.

I know that I'm a campus celebrity,

which is weird just because
my dad's a senator, rich and famous,

but please, no special treatment.

- Except for your own room in the house.
- And maybe my own TiVo?

Check out that room. It's huge.

Yeah, um, this is my room.

And speaking of things that are mine,

I found out you sorta had sex
with Evan Chambers?

I did! Rush night. And it was amazing!

OK, please stop talking.
Here's the thing.

Evan Chambers is my boyfriend.

Oh, my God.

How awkward for you.

- Are you guys breaking up?
- Um... no.

Anyway, I just wanted to say
that at Zeta Beta

for a sister to hook up
with another sister's boyfriend,

it's considered bad form.

I had no idea
he was your boyfriend at the time.

Of course.

And I'm just offering some advice,
in the spirit of sisterhood.

Maybe you want to take some time
to get to know a guy

before you hook up with him.
Like, see if he's in a relationship.

Interesting.
That's some pretty great advice.

You must be perfect
to dole out that kind of advice.

- I'm not saying I'm perfect...
- We agree on something.

Because I know that I'm not perfect.

- Let me rephrase...
- No, I get it.

I hooked up with your boyfriend.
And I'm sorry for you about that.

But I'm not going to apologize to you
for doing it.

Can I offer you some sisterly advice?

Maybe you should spend
a little less time on your sisters

and a little more time
on your boyfriend.

- Well. Thanks for the advice.
- No, thank you.

I've learned a lot.

And I was totally chill.

I was like, "You might wanna
be a little more careful."

She was like, "Back off.

And I'm totally happy dressing like
Donna Karan's skanky little sister."

- Wow.
- I know, right? Verbatim almost.

And now I have to live with her.
And be nice to her. And she's evil.

Well, you know, she's not active yet.
We could bounce her out.

You kidding?
Frannie'd never let that happen.

But people leave.
They quit if they're pushed too hard.

- Oh, I like that.
- And sometimes accidents do happen.

- I'm not gonna kill her, Ash.
- No, not kill. Injure.

No, no, this is good. It's easy.

We'll run her ragged and make her quit.

Rebecca Logan must go.

Thought you might need those.
Hey, good job on the weeds.

- Crap.
- It's awesome back here.

- I was the only pledge who fell asleep?
- You got off easy.

Usually when the first person
falls asleep the pledges tend to... Oh!

What happens usually?

That person gets the most sleep.
You got some mud...

- They dye your feet?
- Good one, guys.

Because they care, buddy.
Because they care.

When I mentioned my major one guy
looked at me like I was terminal.

They don't know you.
Just give 'em some time.

Yeah, it's just the first week.
In a month, this'll all be behind me.

Yeah, you betcha.

Atta boy.

You know, we haven't spent
any time together lately.

We're OK, right?

Of course.

We've both been busy.

Well, you do what you gotta do.

You can come tonight
and hang with me at Dobler's.

Done.

Wait. Is that your brother?

Rusty? Are you sleepwalking?

Oh, my God.

Hey, Case. Evan.

People can see you.
People can see you standing near me.

That is typical Kappa Tau crap, man.

What, this? No, this was an accident.
I fell down some stairs.

And cut two holes
in the butt of your jammies?

I was holding scissors.

Hang in there.

First week is the worst.
That's when classes are easiest.

Class! What time is it?

Uh, it's almost 9:00.

What? Oh, my God. I'm screwed.

I gotta go. I'm screwed!

His feet were blue.

- Excuse me.
- Who's that?

Has class started yet?
Why are there so many people?

- You can't sit there.
- This is the only seat.

- I'm sorry. It's saved.
- For who?

That guy. Hey, I saved your seat.

If everyone could take their...

You. This is a university classroom,
not a homeless shelter.

I'm sorry, sir. I'm not homeless.
I'm in a fraternity.

I like you better homeless. Sit.

The brain surgeons at the registrar's
office overbooked this class.

We have 100 seats and 124 students.

But that's not a problem for me.
It's a problem for you.

Ninety problems for you.

Your first problem set,

which I want completed and in my hands
by 9:00am Thursday.

Work in groups, work alone.

Based on the results,
100 of you will stay,

Twenty-four of you
will find something else to do.

Maybe kill some more brain cells
at the frat house.

You have 20 things
on or around campus

that you have to find and take pictures
of with your handy-dandy ZBZ-cams.

Something like a picture
of the football stadium.

Or a picture of you making out
with a football player.

Football player?
I love football players.

I'm going to date
a football player one day.

OK. You have until 7:00pm to complete
your list and haul ass back to Dobler's.

If you do not make it
you will not remain in the running

toward becoming America's
Next Top Zeta Beta. Questions?

No? OK, go!

Wait, I think
I have a joke list or something.

What?

Panther? Middle-aged hooker?
Male faculty member shirtless?

Let me take a look at that.

Oh! But "Two puppies wearing hats".

- The lists were passed out randomly.
- No special treatment, right?

You're just one of the girls now.
They're all doing their own lists.

It might get weird
if we gave you your own room

and then gave you an easier list
because you can't do the one you have.

- I can do it.
- Of course you can.

- You're Rebecca freakin' Logan.
- You can totally do this. Kick ass!

I thought she was going
to quit right then.

She'll never finish the list.

I thought the first week
was supposed to be easy.

Why can't he find a bigger room?
Why do we have to do this?

He's the teacher
and we do as we're told.

But this is ridiculous.

He's testing us on concepts
he hasn't even taught us yet.

I mean, "microscopic and macroscopic
aspects of deformation and fracture?"

I mean, "microscopic and macroscopic
aspects of deformation and fracture?"

No, I've heard of that before.

"Spinodal decomposition
and martensitic reactions"?

That has something to do

with the morphological changes
in... something.

- Hey, why don't we work together?
- 'Cause I don't need to.

"Molecular foundations
of polymer viscoelasticity

pertaining to the Rouse-Bueche Theory

and the Boltzmann
Superposition Principle?"

- We should get started tonight.
- Great!

No, I can't. I can't tonight.

I have to be at the house
every night this week.

Happy failing.

We could just split it up?

I can get my half done
in my spare time.

Amen.

I'm gonna try
to have faith in you, Rusty.

Good luck, man.

I'm not homeless!

Hey, not that I'm not enjoying
your company, Ashleigh,

but when are you done?

'Cause I was thinking
we could grab dinner

and go back to my house.

We still have one girl left.

OK. Who?

Rebecca Logan.

I think I need another Lemon Drop.

Yeah.

- Case, I didn't see you down there.
- Heading out?

Another night of debauchery
with the pledges.

I wanted to talk to you about that.

I don't know exactly
what it is you guys do over there...

You never heard about the goats?

Just go easy on Rusty, OK?

He's new to this, and I wanna make sure
he's not going to be scarred for life.

Did you really come down here
to talk to me about Rusty,

whom, until last week, didn't exist?

My relationship with Rusty
has changed since last week.

Seems like a lot of relationships
changed last week.

Here you go.

- You don't have to buy me a drink.
- I didn't. I put it on your tab.

Hey. What's taking so long over here?

I was just not
buying your girlfriend a drink.

Don't you have your own girlfriend
to not buy drinks for?

It's just not as fun, I guess.

This is ridiculous.

Can we be mature
and just say what we're all thinking?

How the hell
could they cancel Gilmore Girls?

Unclench, Evs. Casey and I
were just talking about pledges.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.
We saw the work you guys did on Rusty.

Let me ask you, what is the point
of that form of hazing?

- Uh, our own amusement?
- Oh, well...

You're doing them a lot of good.

We don't have to train our pledges.
They rock.

Are you implying that your pledges
are better than ours?

You're right, I'm sorry, let me clarify.

Our pledges could
kick your pledges' asses any day.

- Mmm. Is that a challenge?
- Guys, come on.

What kind of competition?

Who's got the most J. Crew V-necks?

- Wait, you might have us there.
- We can kick your ass at anything.

- Really?
- Yeah, we could.

- Oh.
- Excuse us.

- Rebecca's not coming.
- She quit?

She got busted by campus security

for sneaking into
the men's faculty locker room.

Are we in trouble?

OK, guys. Tonight's new
rite of passage will begin shortly.

- We're just waiting on the sensei...
- Stop everything!

Nice kimonos.

Big news!

Our pledges have been challenged
by the nimrods at Omega Chi.

- We're gonna destroy 'em!
- What's the game?

Something fair, something classic...
An old family favorite.

Beer Pong.

Here. Tomorrow night.

What if we have schoolwork to do?

That's impossible. Did you not
hear a word of what I just said?

It's against the Omega Chis!

Besides, it's the first week of school.
It's always easy.

You could probably sit this one out.

I mean, maybe
this isn't your kind of thing.

Do what you gotta do, Rus.

Case, Frannie's calling
an emergency meeting about Rebecca.

Now? You think she knows anything
about the list Rebecca had?

- I guess we're about to find out.
- OK, I'll meet you in there.

- Case, can I talk to you?
- Now's like the absolute worst time.

- Please, just two minutes.
- OK. Go. Hurry.

- I've got this scheduling issue.
- Seriously? Buy a calendar. Done.

But, tonight, the Kappa Taus
are hosting this Beer Pong event.

- I'm not really sure what that is.
- Classy choice, Cappie.

But I also have to finish
this hard problem set

in order to stay in this Physics class.

Easy, drop the class.
And you're welcome.

I can't just drop the class.
It's a prerequisite.

Then skip Beer Pong.
But it's a lot of fun.

I can't skip. I'm just a pledge.

How do you juggle school
and your sorority stuff?

I don't take honors engineering classes.
I really need to go.

That's all you got for me?

You knew joining a fraternity
wasn't gonna be easy.

You're in this super-hard
super-brainiac program

that's gonna take up a lot of time.

But being in a fraternity
takes time, too.

So, you have to make a choice.

Choices are good. Choices make you
pick a path and stay the course.

It's not fair. Why can't I do both?

If you could
you wouldn't be here right now.

This is one reason among many why
guys like you aren't in fraternities.

But the world isn't
black-and-white, remember.

I can be grey. I can be an amalgam.

Why does every conversation we have
turn into a vocab test?

- Forget it.
- Be realistic, Rus.

Be my sister, Case.

Panhellenic called wanting to know how
we're going to handle this situation.

What the hell
am I supposed to tell them?

She's on drugs?

What was she doing in there?

If this were any other girl on campus,
no one would care.

It's just because she's Rebecca Logan.

Maybe it's a good thing
this happened for us now.

What do you mean?

What she brings to this sorority
in notoriety pales in comparison

to all we'll have to do
to manage our reputation.

She lives under a microscope.

We'll have to live under a microscope.

And she's covered in bacteria.

I mean, if she messes up again,

then our name is going to be
right alongside hers.

- It might be best...
- Excuse me.

- May I have a moment of your time?
- Um, this is a closed meeting.

- Officers only.
- This will just take a second.

OK.

I made a huge mistake.

I went way overboard
with the scavenger hunt.

I was just trying
to make you proud, Frannie.

Make me proud? Oh!

You don't have to prove anything to me.
Or anyone here. We all love you.

We have to answer
to Panhellenic and the university.

- It's taken care of.
- Taken care of?

My father became involved.

He spoke with the provost
and a rep at Panhellenic

and suggested it would be
in everyone's best interest

if this all just went away, so it has.

I won't allow my poor judgment
to affect my sisters.

You are amazing.

And for all the trouble
that I've caused you all,

my father has offered us his private jet
for us to use anytime we want it.

Oh, my God! We got a jet! We got a jet!

- Is it a G-5?
- Yes, actually it is. How did you know?

Hey, study buddy. You done yet?

- Just about.
- Where you headed?

Um...

I'm really kinda unfocused
in here, you know?

So I'm going to go, um, to the library.

To work on the problem set.

- For Physics.
- Well, when are you gonna be done?

Because I'm already done.
I finished at about 1:30 this afternoon.

It was tough but I got through it.

And I was able to teach myself a lot of
stuff that's... pretty advanced.

I'll definitely have my half.

Hey, I can come with you and help.

I'm really smart.

I know you are, Dale.
But I... I want to do my part.

You know?

I'll see ya.

Hey, Rusty?

- Yeah?
- Aren't you forgetting something?

Oh...

- Rusty...
- Yeah?

You forgot your backpack.

Oh, right.

Gentlemen.

And Omega Chis.

Welcome to The First Annual
Kappa Tau/Omega Chi Pledge Tourney.

We got nine pledges on each side.

The house with
the highest number of wins... wins.

Any questions?

Um, how do you play?

You know, we could drop one of our guys
to make it an even game.

It's actually a great question, Spitter.

Beer Pong rules and regulations
differ all over the world.

Adhering to the North American
Beer Pong Association regulations,

two players square off
on their respective sides,

each taking a turn hitting
a Ping-Pong ball across the table

with the aim of making their ball land
in one of several cups of beer.

If he, or she, is successful,

then that opponent
must drink that cup of beer.

The player who drinks
all the cups loses.

I personally subscribe to the notion
that everyone wins in this game.

So let's do it. Let the games begin.

Hey.

I guess this is gonna be the drawback
of being in different houses.

Too bad you didn't come to Omega Chi,
but I get it. The whole Evan thing.

There's no reason
we still can't be friends.

Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, just because our houses
are in competition doesn't mean...

- Doesn't mean we have to be. Right?
- Yeah.

- So, what number are?
- I'm nine.

Hey. So... good news.

Everything has been
smoothed over completely.

Great.

There's one thing though.

- Rebecca wants your room.
- How did you break the bad news?

Explain something to me.

Why was Rebecca Logan given
so many hard things to find?

- She wasn't...
- Shirtless faculty member?

- Middle-aged panther?
- The point is...

You're still freaked out about the whole
Evan thing, and you lost control.

You told me that you could handle it,
and you didn't.

Rebecca's getting the room.

Hey, Calvin. What's your number?

Home or cell?

No, I mean your position.
What number did you draw?

Nine.

You wanna grab some beers
after this? Or something?

Beers? Sure.

- All right. Next up, number nine!
- A game point!

Spitter, you're up.

Hey. May the best man win?

Yeah. Best man win.

All right.

Don't choke.

How you feeling? You good?

OK, I want you to relax, all right?

You know, there are
these moments in life

when you are confronted with something
that you think is monumental.

But ten, 20 years down the road,
you'll look back and you'll laugh.

Yeah.

This is not one of those moments.

This is the most important thing that
could ever happen to you or any of us

in this entire world.

- Good luck. Don't lose.
- All right, score's tied.

The winner of this game will determine
which pledges rock and which suck.

This is like Ping-Pong. I was champion
five years in a row in the Eagle Scouts.

Wow! You were in the Eagle Scouts?

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

- Good game, Cal.
- Oh, yeah. The best won man, Cal.

Maybe I should've picked
naked ice melting?

Wait, is that supposed to be
a secret Omega Chi thing?

- Hope you're ready to do pushups.
- Oh, you bet.

- Spitter! Hey, you kicked ass, man!
- It was...

Hell yeah!

Spitter! Spitter! Spitter!

It's 2:00am. I gotta go.
Let me down!

- I'm up!
- You didn't finish?

It's due in ten minutes,
you're nowhere near finished.

- I'll turn in what we have.
- No.

We can't compete with the other kids
because they take this seriously.

I prayed to God.
Why would He forsake me?

OK, this class is a prerequisite
that's only offered in the fall.

If we don't take it now,
we can't take it until next year.

We can't start core classes
for two years.

I can't finish undergrad until 2012.

I can't finish grad school until 2015.

- Dale, I'm sorry.
- No, you've ruined my future.

And my kids' future,
and my grandkids' future.

You disrupted the space-time continuum.
You gotta fix it.

You gotta build a time machine
right now.

Dale, stop. Stop!

I'll fix this. I promise.
Your grandkids will be fine.

I'll fix this.

This beyond sucks.

Is this yours or mine?

Does it matter?
With the space in that little room

all our stuff
is gonna be thrown together anyway.

Oh. Could you give me an ETA
on when you're gonna be out of here?

I'd scheduled some movers
to be here at 4:00,

but guess that's not going to happen.

But don't worry. Take your time
and let me know when this afternoon

you're going to have
all your stuff out of here.

Thanks.

You know, that's it. Screw this.

We gotta talk.

I've tried to be cool about this.

I've tried not to get upset
but this is me upset.

I'm officially very upset.

I know Rebecca's great for us,
our alums love the idea of her,

she gives us a jet, blah-blah-blah.
But I can't take it anymore.

She slept with my boyfriend.

I took him back.
Now, she's stealing my room,

and all I've been is nice to her...

Except for
the shirtless faculty member thing,

which we've discussed
was a mistake and we're past.

I've given you two years of dedication,
and she's given me two weeks of hell.

So you have to choose... Her or me.

Is this what friends do, Casey?
Give each other ultimatums?

I'm sorry, Frannie,
but I don't know what else to do.

OK, let me consider this.

On the one hand, we have you,

who put this entire sorority in danger
by hazing Rebecca.

- I didn't think she'd finish.
- We could've been put on probation.

Or worse, made an example of
and suspended.

You put your petty squabble
with Rebecca before this sorority.

When you say it like that it sounds...

And on the other hand,
I have a senator's daughter and a jet.

Frannie...

Look, the best thing
I can do for you right now

is forget this conversation
ever happened.

Because, trust me,
you don't want me to choose.

Hey, Cap. Can I talk to you?

Sure, what is it? Can you do me a favor
and crouch down on all fours?

- Uh, OK.
- Thank you.

- I have to quit the fraternity.
- Relax, I'm almost done.

No, I mean I really
have to quit, Cappie.

I can't manage Kappa Tau
and engineering.

I was supposed to turn in
this Physics problem set,

but I didn't because of last night.
I missed the deadline.

I messed up my roommate.
We were working together.

He's mad at me,
and he won't even talk to me.

Rusty, school comes first.

I know, so I can have
a successful professional future.

No. So, you won't get kicked out,
and you can stay here forever.

You could've skipped
Beer Pong last night.

I wanted to make
my pledge brothers like me.

- Relax. You belong here.
- Thanks.

- But it's too late.
- It's never too late.

You didn't ask any of us for help.
Now go finish that test.

You're not the first Kappa Tau
who's missed a deadline.

Oh, don't tell me
that's out of order?

Yep. Sorry. Gotta take the stairs.

I have to get to the parking lot.

No can do.
Better go out that door and around.

Let's get this right, guys.
This is Love Tap '23,

Love Tap '23. Break!

K.T. 24.
K.T. 24.

Hike!

Oh, jeez!

Damned frat boys. You almost killed me.
What are your names?

- We're sorry.
- What fraternity?

- But, sir we were just...
- Names!

We're the Omega Chis.
My name is Evan Chambers.

And you're kinda being a pansy
about all this.

Don't look back. Don't look back.

I can't believe this is it.
I'm going to miss this room so much.

- Remember when we first moved in?
- Uh, three weeks ago?

We were just down the hall
last semester.

Yeah. Still, it's sad.

Is that?

- Oh, my God. That's disgusting.
- What is it?

- Who sent it?
- I bet from Rebecca.

Skank monster pulled a Paris.

She looks a little busy
to be filming it herself.

Someone else is holding the camera.

And peeking in on quite a show.

- Evan looks really...
- Ash!

- Sorry. I'll delete it.
- No, wait...

Hey, can I ask you for a favor?

I have a lot of stuff
Frannie wanted me to finish.

Well, when you're done in here
you can get your stuff out of my room.

You mean my room.

I just got an interesting text message.

Weight Watchers going mobile?

Where'd you get that?

More important is where it's going.

I think it'll look great
on the Internet.

- You're blackmailing me?
- No, I'm...

Well, I guess I am.

This is my first time, but this
obviously wasn't your first time.

I took this psych class
freshman year, and I'm willing to bet

you didn't get enough attention
from your dad growing up.

Wanna get his attention now?

Isn't he like a hardcore conservative,
family-values man?

How's it going in here?

I gotta say, I think Rebecca and I
just had a major breakthrough.

- Wouldn't you say?
- We're great.

Oh, oh! Tell Frannie about the room!

I decided, in the spirit of sisterhood,
that I'm going to take the smaller room.

And I haven't told either of you
the best part.

You haven't?

I've decided that
I'm going to be Rebecca's big sis!

Oh, yay! Oh, thank God.

I knew you two would work it out.

- You really want to start this?
- It's already started.

Get your crap outta my room, Little Sis.

- This is pointless.
- Trust me. It's all taken care of.

Am I going to go to jail?

I'm not going to grade these.

Welcome back.

Everyone has a seat
so the problem set served its purpose.

Thirty of you dropped the class
as soon as the tests were distributed.

Is it abusive? Probably.
This isn't a high school.

I'm not here
to coddle you or inspire you.

I'm here to prepare you for reality.

No one's going to help you through life.

So you hazed us?

Let's start with the basics.

The kinetic theory of gases...

It's open.

Hey.

Hey, come on in.

I can't believe you're in my dorm room.

And I can't believe you have
a Confederate flag hanging on your wall.

Where you heading all spiffied up?

Big Brother ceremony
tonight at the house.

How'd your problem set go?

All worked out. I'm gonna do both.

I'm sorry, Rus.

I have some juggling issues of my own.

This world's new for you, too.

Which one?

Us.

I know.

And I've already started.

I can be a ZBZ sister
as well as your sister.

I can be an amalgam.

Like you even know what that is.

"Any blending or mixture of mercury
with another metal or with alloy. "

Like polymer science is that hard.

Thank you.

All right?

Yeah.