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1
00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:07,503
Leo, Sagittarius and Aries.
2
00:00:07,574 --> 00:00:10,168
Very good.
Now the water signs?
3
00:00:10,243 --> 00:00:14,942
Pisces, Scorpio-
Abby, look, policemen.
4
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,506
And what do we say to policemen?
5
00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:19,677
I have a Fourth Amendment right...
6
00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:23,780
prohibiting you from conducting
an unreasonable search.
7
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:26,121
Yeah. Give me some skin.
8
00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:30,958
I cannot believe
we're taking the train.
9
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,431
Fine. We'll stand in the rain
and watch cabs go by.
10
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:36,492
- This is fun.
- No, it's not.
11
00:00:36,569 --> 00:00:39,868
It's public transportation.
Don't touch anything. Everything's dirty.
12
00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:43,507
Don't stare at strangers.
They'll want money.
13
00:00:53,420 --> 00:00:56,412
What did your father just tell you?
14
00:00:56,489 --> 00:00:58,616
Don't, don't, don't, don't.
15
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:10,101
Gregory, really.
Come here.
16
00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:01,711
Schmuck.
17
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,323
When areyou gonna stop mopin'?
18
00:02:10,396 --> 00:02:12,557
I just can't stop thinking
about that girl on the train.
19
00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:15,465
I'm an idiot. I should have gone after her.
I should have talked to her.
20
00:02:15,535 --> 00:02:17,469
No, no, no, you shouldn't have,
and I'll tell you why.
21
00:02:17,537 --> 00:02:20,335
You would have gone over,
you would have said somethin' nice like...
22
00:02:20,406 --> 00:02:22,897
"You were lookin' at me.
I knowyou want me."
23
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:26,241
Next thing you know, you're rollin' around
on the floor with a face full of pepper spray.
24
00:02:28,515 --> 00:02:31,348
- Good talkin' toya, Pete.
- Hey, anytime. I'm here for you, man.
25
00:02:34,521 --> 00:02:37,046
Well, hello.
What took you so long?
26
00:02:55,775 --> 00:02:59,176
Well, uh- H-How-
27
00:02:59,245 --> 00:03:01,372
Ho-o-ow did I find you?
28
00:03:04,150 --> 00:03:06,084
Yeah.
29
00:03:06,152 --> 00:03:10,020
"Greg Montgomery, Assistant U.S. Attorney,
files mob indictment."
30
00:03:10,089 --> 00:03:13,058
See, that's you right next to the guy
with the coat over his head.
31
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:15,287
This is amazing.
32
00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:19,593
I know.
Is this a wild universe or what?
33
00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:23,932
- Yeah.
- Dharma. Dharma Finkelstein.
34
00:03:24,003 --> 00:03:26,403
- Dharma Finkelstein?
- Yeah, I know.
35
00:03:26,472 --> 00:03:30,101
My dad was Jewish,
but he wished he was the Dalai Lama.
36
00:03:30,176 --> 00:03:32,804
- Let's go!
- Where are we going?
37
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:34,813
We have to get
to know each other.
38
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:36,815
I mean, we obviously know each other
on a spiritual level...
39
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,985
otherwise we wouldn't be here.
40
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:43,887
But on a practical level,
we have a lot of catching up to do.
41
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:47,017
- You lost me.
- I know, but that was another lifetime...
42
00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:49,653
and I promise I won't
let it happen again.
43
00:03:50,997 --> 00:03:53,431
[ Sighs ]
Doyou like organ music?
44
00:03:53,499 --> 00:03:56,468
- Organ music?
- [Organ: "Charge!"]
45
00:04:00,139 --> 00:04:02,573
I gotta admit, he's pretty good.
46
00:04:02,642 --> 00:04:06,305
I know. Wait till he does
the Mexican Hat Dance. He rocks.
47
00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:08,313
I wouldn't have pegged you
for a baseball fan.
48
00:04:08,381 --> 00:04:12,784
No, I'm not. I just love
to listen to organ music and scream.
49
00:04:12,852 --> 00:04:16,720
You can scream anything you want at a baseball
game, and it doesn't even have to make sense?
50
00:04:16,789 --> 00:04:19,087
- No.
- Yep. Watch this.
51
00:04:19,158 --> 00:04:23,322
Come on, big guy,
drive your coffee table to Idaho.
52
00:04:23,396 --> 00:04:25,330
Whoo!
53
00:04:25,398 --> 00:04:28,390
- Try it. It's fun.
- No, that's okay.
54
00:04:28,468 --> 00:04:33,371
Whoo! Nectarine time!
Comb your frog!
55
00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:36,734
- Hey, Gidget, shut up.
- Excuse me?
56
00:04:36,809 --> 00:04:38,606
- I'm not talking toyou.
- You are now.
57
00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:40,578
Oh, yeah?
Who the hell areyou?
58
00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:43,810
Greg Montgomery,Justice Department.
You have two options.
59
00:04:43,883 --> 00:04:46,647
Eitheryou can apologize to the lady,
or we'll take a little ride over to Customs...
60
00:04:46,719 --> 00:04:50,951
- and have a chat about
these Cuban cigars of yours.
- Oh, man.
61
00:04:53,393 --> 00:04:56,294
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
62
00:04:59,198 --> 00:05:02,065
God, that's so sweet.
63
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:07,266
Nobody has ever intimidated
someone for me before.
64
00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:09,467
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
65
00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:12,067
- You deserve a reward.
- What'd you have in mind?
66
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,238
Do you like blueberry pie?
67
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,248
- Sure.
- Come on.
68
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,910
[ Organ ]
69
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,749
- But the Giants are winning.
- Who?
70
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,494
You know, they have pie
in San Francisco.
71
00:05:29,562 --> 00:05:33,658
Mmm. Not this pie.
72
00:05:37,804 --> 00:05:40,295
You're right.
It's the best pie I've ever had in my life.
73
00:05:40,373 --> 00:05:42,307
How did you find this place?
74
00:05:42,375 --> 00:05:46,175
Oh, my family lived in Reno
for a couple years till my dad fixed the van.
75
00:05:47,747 --> 00:05:49,612
Where was I?
76
00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:53,743
- In a Navajo sweat lodge
with a guy named Gunther.
- Oh, right.
77
00:05:55,421 --> 00:05:57,912
So this old medicine man
walks up to us...
78
00:05:57,990 --> 00:06:01,187
and says, "If you look into the eyes
of your soul mate...
79
00:06:01,260 --> 00:06:04,923
you'll be able to see
all the generations you'll create."
80
00:06:04,997 --> 00:06:07,591
- Isn't that wild?
- Yeah.
81
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:10,033
Yeah.
82
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:16,064
So then I look into Gunther's eyes,
and I can't even see next Thursday.
83
00:06:17,176 --> 00:06:19,076
Isn't that wild?
84
00:06:19,145 --> 00:06:21,079
Yeah.
85
00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:23,047
Yeah.
86
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,985
So what do we do now?
87
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,248
I don't know.
What do you usually do?
88
00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:34,726
Me? Well, I definitely
don't fly to Reno for pie.
89
00:06:34,794 --> 00:06:39,322
I mean, I'd usually exchange phone numbers
with you. We'd start dating.
90
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:42,835
Things would go pretty well at first,
until I started calling you too much...
91
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:45,200
then you'd get annoyed
and start screening your calls.
92
00:06:45,271 --> 00:06:47,205
So I call you really late
'cause I know you'll be home.
93
00:06:47,273 --> 00:06:49,571
You pick up. I panic, hang up.
You star-69 me.
94
00:06:49,642 --> 00:06:53,544
I'm too embarrassed to ever talk
to you again, so we break up.
95
00:06:53,613 --> 00:06:56,605
[ Screams ]
96
00:06:56,682 --> 00:06:59,549
Let's not do that.
97
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:04,214
Believe me, I do not want to do that,
especially with you.
98
00:07:04,290 --> 00:07:09,853
God, I wish there was some way
we could just skip the dating part.
99
00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:11,453
Why can't we?
100
00:07:13,466 --> 00:07:15,832
[ Organ: "Bridal Chorus"]
101
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,572
[ "Charge!" ]
102
00:07:23,643 --> 00:07:25,577
Honey, it's our song!
103
00:07:33,419 --> 00:07:36,115
- That was incredible.
- Mmm, I know.
104
00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:40,958
I'm glad we waited
till after we were married.
105
00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:45,758
We're married.
I can't believe it.
106
00:07:48,267 --> 00:07:50,292
- Are we nuts?
- Yeah.
107
00:07:50,369 --> 00:07:53,770
But think of the great story
we'll be able to tell our children.
108
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,604
Oh, good, you wanna
have children?
109
00:07:56,676 --> 00:07:59,076
Yeah, unless
you wanna have them.
110
00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:07,884
We should probably
get some sleep.
111
00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:12,050
Yeah. What time is it?
112
00:08:16,128 --> 00:08:19,256
- 8:00 a.m.
- Oh, the pie shop just opened.
113
00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:23,730
I'll jump in the shower.
Wanna join me?
114
00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:27,364
Honey, I've been joining you
for the last eight hours.
115
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:30,671
[Phone Ringing]
116
00:08:32,411 --> 00:08:35,346
- Hello.
- [Phone Ringing]
117
00:08:36,382 --> 00:08:39,510
- [Rings ]
- [ Grunts ]
118
00:08:40,753 --> 00:08:42,687
[Rings ]
119
00:08:44,423 --> 00:08:47,119
- [ Rings ]
- [ Grunts ]
120
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:49,388
Greg's pants.
121
00:08:51,764 --> 00:08:53,857
He's not in them right now.
122
00:08:58,638 --> 00:09:01,903
This is- This is Dharma.
Who's this?
123
00:09:01,974 --> 00:09:04,169
Oh, hello, Gregory's mother.
124
00:09:05,578 --> 00:09:09,446
No, he's in the shower right now.
May I take a message?
125
00:09:09,515 --> 00:09:12,541
Lunch at your place, 1:00.
126
00:09:12,618 --> 00:09:14,609
We'll be there.
127
00:09:14,687 --> 00:09:17,178
Me and Greg.
128
00:09:17,256 --> 00:09:20,350
Oh, actually, can we make it 2:00,
'cause we're in Nevada?
129
00:09:23,596 --> 00:09:25,928
Okay, good. Okay, good-bye,
Gregory's mother.
130
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:29,234
- Honey, what's taking you so long.
- [Water Running]
131
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:31,236
- I was talking to your mother.
- [ Water Stops]
132
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:33,465
What?
133
00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:37,104
Hurry up. We have to be at
your parents' house by 2:00.
134
00:09:38,377 --> 00:09:40,971
What?
135
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,571
[ Whirring ]
136
00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:49,680
All right. I just gotta change my clothes,
and we're outta here.
137
00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:52,918
- Hi, Jane.
- Hey, Dharma.
138
00:09:52,992 --> 00:09:56,291
- What's going on?
- Breakin' up with Ivan.
139
00:09:58,164 --> 00:10:00,325
Is that his motorcycle?
140
00:10:00,399 --> 00:10:03,766
It used to be.
Now it's garbage.
141
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:07,334
Well, I got some news too.
142
00:10:07,406 --> 00:10:09,567
- Yeah, what?
- I got married.
143
00:10:09,642 --> 00:10:12,873
- Shut up.
- No, you shut up.
144
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:16,642
- Shut up.
- No, you shut up.
145
00:10:16,716 --> 00:10:19,514
This is my husband, Greg.
146
00:10:19,585 --> 00:10:22,179
This is incredible.
Congratulations!
147
00:10:22,254 --> 00:10:23,744
- Thanks.
- Cool.
148
00:10:23,823 --> 00:10:26,223
If you cause my friend
any emotional pain whatsoever...
149
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,556
I'll punish you in ways
you can't even imagine.
150
00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:32,163
Okay.
151
00:10:32,231 --> 00:10:35,826
Okay. I gotta finish this
before Ivan wakes up.
152
00:10:35,901 --> 00:10:38,165
- Nice meetin' you, Greg.
- Pleasure.
153
00:10:41,540 --> 00:10:46,773
Oh, it's the boys!
Hello, boys.
154
00:10:46,846 --> 00:10:49,007
Greg, I want you
to meet my dog, Stinky.
155
00:10:49,081 --> 00:10:53,142
And this is Stinky's dog, Nunzio.
156
00:10:56,756 --> 00:10:58,849
Stinky has his own dog?
157
00:10:58,924 --> 00:11:01,688
Yes. It was his
bar mitzvah present.
158
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:06,588
Well, what do you think?
159
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,896
I've never seen anything like it.
160
00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:11,766
Good! That's what
I was goin' for.
161
00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:14,635
Ah, Dharma, there's a naked woman
in your apartment.
162
00:11:16,075 --> 00:11:18,009
Abby, I have someone
I want you to meet.
163
00:11:18,077 --> 00:11:20,637
What? Oh, I'm sorry..
164
00:11:20,713 --> 00:11:22,647
She always takes her clothes off
when she paints.
165
00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:25,946
- Is she your roommate?
- No, it's my mother.
166
00:11:27,386 --> 00:11:29,616
The naked woman is your mother.
167
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:32,556
Do you have any Tums?
168
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:35,594
- Hi, honey.
- Hi. How's the mural coming?
169
00:11:35,661 --> 00:11:38,789
Oh, boy. Well, I had a lot of trouble
with the face of God...
170
00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:43,358
so on your wall Adam and Eve
are created by Janice Joplin.
171
00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:47,005
Cool. Guess what?
172
00:11:47,073 --> 00:11:48,438
- What?
- I got married.
173
00:11:48,507 --> 00:11:50,441
- Shut up.
- No, you shut up!
174
00:11:50,509 --> 00:11:55,139
Wow, Dharma! Oh, sweetie!
[ Gasps ]
175
00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:57,614
Abby, I want you
to meet my husband, Greg.
176
00:11:57,683 --> 00:12:00,243
God, I love saying that.
177
00:12:00,319 --> 00:12:04,346
Greg.
Oh, wow, congratulations!
178
00:12:04,423 --> 00:12:07,290
Thank you. I'm going
to take very good care of your daughter.
179
00:12:08,627 --> 00:12:10,891
- Give me your hand.
- Oh, I love this part.
180
00:12:10,963 --> 00:12:13,659
- What?
- Give me your hand. Okay.
181
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:16,668
Long life line.
That's good.
182
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:20,001
What am I doing?
You two probably wanna have sex.
183
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:24,733
Oh, actually, we were just on our way
to Greg's parents.
184
00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:28,371
- I don't know, honey, do we have time?
- Um-
185
00:12:28,447 --> 00:12:31,746
Hey, Abby, if you're not coming back,
I'm gonna eat the apple.
186
00:12:31,817 --> 00:12:33,751
Hello!
187
00:12:36,388 --> 00:12:38,754
Let me guess.
That's your father.
188
00:12:38,824 --> 00:12:41,816
Yeah, he's posing for Adam.
189
00:12:41,894 --> 00:12:45,352
Listen, Dharma,
when Larry comes back out...
190
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:48,594
Iet's say the two of you
are living together, okay?
191
00:12:48,667 --> 00:12:50,965
It's not you, Greg, it's Larry.
He's opposed to marriage.
192
00:12:51,036 --> 00:12:55,473
He hates that natural love
has been co-opted by the fascist state.
193
00:12:55,541 --> 00:12:58,237
- Hey, pumpkin.
- [Dharma ] Hi, Larry..
194
00:12:58,310 --> 00:13:01,802
- I'm doin' Adam.
- I heard.
195
00:13:01,881 --> 00:13:05,317
Larry, this is Greg.
196
00:13:05,384 --> 00:13:08,581
Yeah, and they are about to have sex,
so we should probably leave.
197
00:13:08,654 --> 00:13:10,588
Dig it.
198
00:13:13,092 --> 00:13:15,754
- He's cute, don't you think?
- I smell a lawyer.
199
00:13:16,896 --> 00:13:19,592
- My parents.
- Oh, I'll change. Okay.
200
00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:24,301
Don't think you can
change that much.
201
00:13:27,674 --> 00:13:29,608
- Finkelstein?
- Mm-hmm.
202
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:34,875
- Edward, what's the name of our Jewish friends?
- The Gottliebs, dear.
203
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:39,044
Right, the Gottliebs.
Do you know them?
204
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:42,887
Uh, no. Actually,
I wasn't raised Jewish.
205
00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:45,516
My dad started his own church though,
but no one really came.
206
00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:47,526
Well, except the I.R.S.
207
00:13:49,796 --> 00:13:53,232
- So, how long have you two been dating?
- Actually, we're not dating.
208
00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:56,700
- Oh.
- We're married.
209
00:13:56,769 --> 00:13:58,703
- Pardon?
- He said they're-
210
00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:00,796
I heard him.
211
00:14:00,873 --> 00:14:05,936
I know it's a big surprise,
but I need you to trust me on this.
212
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:09,971
I love this woman,
and I've never been happier in my life.
213
00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:15,748
So do you guys just hate me?
214
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:20,121
Dharma, please,
let me handle this.
215
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:23,458
Mom, Dad, you've gotta believe me.
I did the right thing here.
216
00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:26,498
- Oh, my God, she's pregnant.
- She's not pregnant.
217
00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,693
I just met her yesterday.
218
00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:32,363
Consuela, bourbon grande,
porfavor.
219
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:35,607
Greg, can I see you
in the study for a moment?
220
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:39,509
No. Anything you wanna say to me,
you can say in front of Dharma.
221
00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:43,481
All right. Quite frankly,
your mother and I would be lying...
222
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:45,813
if we didn't say we're
very concerned about this.
223
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,547
Now, I don't mean
to offend you, Karma.
224
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:50,589
- Dharma.
- Whatever.
225
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:53,525
All right, Dharma.
226
00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:57,529
You're not exactly the type of girl
we imagined our son settling down with.
227
00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,588
How can you say that?
You don't know anything about her.
228
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:01,827
Fair enough.
229
00:15:02,969 --> 00:15:06,496
Dharma, tell us about yourself.
230
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,301
Well, I train dogs
during the day...
231
00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:13,311
and then I teach yoga at night.
232
00:15:13,379 --> 00:15:15,313
That's enough.
233
00:15:17,283 --> 00:15:20,775
Forget about what you imagined.
What about me being in love?
234
00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:24,220
- This is not about love.
- How can marriage not be about love?
235
00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:27,020
I don't know.
Ask your father.
236
00:15:28,294 --> 00:15:30,262
Wow, you guys aren't in love?
237
00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:32,798
This is not about our marriage.
238
00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:37,029
Well, it should be. I mean, I don't know
you two very well either...
239
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:40,368
but, um, when's the last time
you guys had sex?
240
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,305
Okay.
241
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,309
- That's enough.
- I'm just trying to help.
242
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:46,538
Honey, I know.
It's just that, uh-
243
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:51,072
For now, why don't we have our lunch
and talk about this another time?
244
00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:53,414
- Excellent suggestion.
- Splendid.
245
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:57,217
- The salmon's delicious.
- [Edward] Yes, it is.
246
00:15:57,290 --> 00:16:00,885
- Is this the same sauce she usually makes?
- I believe it is, yes.
247
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:07,424
Oh, Bunny got her own golf cart.
248
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:11,163
- [Edward] Gas or electric?
- You know, you guys should try doing it outside.
249
00:16:11,237 --> 00:16:12,795
- Dharma.
- No, I'm serious.
250
00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:16,808
In a big field
where you could get caught.
251
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,605
Well, that didn't go
very well, did it?
252
00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,617
No, it was great.
253
00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:29,781
Especially where you suggested my mother
buy a shower massage and learn to fly solo.
254
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:34,588
Come on, Greg,
they're in separate bedrooms.
255
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:38,187
Dharma, be reasonable. You can't just
say whatever you think, whenever you want.
256
00:16:38,264 --> 00:16:40,198
- Why not?
- Why not?
257
00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:42,700
What happens when we're out to dinner with,
I don't know, the attorney general?
258
00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:44,896
Areyou going to sit there
and rave about high colonics?
259
00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:48,702
I'm telling you, Greg,
it would change your father's life.
260
00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:52,211
Damn it, Dharma, if you're not willing
to play the game even a little...
261
00:16:52,278 --> 00:16:54,337
- we've got a major problem.
- Don't yell at me!
262
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:56,382
I'm not yelling.
I'm just trying to make you understand.
263
00:16:56,449 --> 00:17:00,249
Understand what?
That you married me because of who I am...
264
00:17:00,319 --> 00:17:03,083
and now you want me to change
into a totally different person?
265
00:17:03,156 --> 00:17:04,714
- Yes.
- Yes?
266
00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:07,351
I mean no.
Only part of the time.
267
00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:11,488
Well, I can't do that,
because that is totally dishonest.
268
00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:13,657
- You can't go around being honest all the time.
- Yeah, you can.
269
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:16,566
- Oh, really?
- Yeah, maybe you should try it sometime.
270
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:19,628
Fine. You want honesty?
I think you're being a child.
271
00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:23,742
- A child?
- Yes.
272
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:26,608
You're completely unwilling to compromise.
You're like a three-year-old.
273
00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:29,443
Oh-
[ Raspberry]
274
00:17:29,515 --> 00:17:31,540
- Let me out.
- I'm not letting you out.
275
00:17:31,617 --> 00:17:34,177
- I said, let me out.
- Fine. Get out.
276
00:17:34,253 --> 00:17:36,653
You're really kicking me out?
277
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:38,986
- We're here.
- Oh.
278
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,117
You're sleepin' on the couch
tonight, buddy.
279
00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:43,719
I got news for you,
I'm sleepin' at my place.
280
00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:45,661
- Good.
- Fine.
281
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:50,902
- Don't call me.
- You don't have a phone!
282
00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:01,573
I was so sure she was the one.
283
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:04,115
Of course you were, dear.
284
00:18:04,183 --> 00:18:06,481
I know this is diffiicult for you.
285
00:18:06,552 --> 00:18:09,885
Did she sign
a prenuptial agreement?
286
00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:12,618
Thanks for your support.
287
00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:16,492
Sorry. Sorry.
Do you think she'd sign one now?
288
00:18:16,562 --> 00:18:19,292
- Mother!
- Edward.
289
00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:22,596
I'll call Gottlieb.
290
00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:25,865
Mother, you don't understand.
I love her.
291
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:27,872
Gregory, if you care
about this girl...
292
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:30,374
-you will end this marriage now.
- How can you say that?
293
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:34,812
Darling, I know free spirits like her.
I went to Vassar.
294
00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:38,817
And believe me, after a few years
of hanging on your arm...
295
00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:42,946
at political dinners with this fake smile
plastered on her face...
296
00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:45,889
all she will be good for
is crawling into a bottle of chardonnay...
297
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:51,897
with a Neiman Marcus catalog
and a bottle of Valium the size of your head.
298
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,956
Or so one imagines.
299
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:05,743
- [ Sighs ]
- I was just so sure he was the one.
300
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:08,837
I know, darlin'.
Maybe someday he will be.
301
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:11,543
That's what reincarnation is for.
302
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:16,846
I can't believe
my daughter got married.
303
00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:19,221
And to a fed!
304
00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:22,455
- Calm down, Larry.
- This is your fault, Abby.
305
00:19:22,528 --> 00:19:26,464
"Let her get an Easy-Bake Oven.
What harm will it do?"
306
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:31,102
I'm the one who made
the decision, Larry.
307
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:33,263
I'm an adult now.
308
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:36,001
I know, baby.
309
00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:38,908
But I don't want to see you living
in a house with a fence...
310
00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:41,742
and a car that you drive kids
to soccer practice in.
311
00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:44,647
Come on.
We raised you better than that.
312
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,920
- Where are you going?
- I'm going out for ice cream.
313
00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:52,014
You just had
a whole bag of pretzels.
314
00:19:52,091 --> 00:19:55,185
That was salty.
I need sweet.
315
00:19:56,929 --> 00:20:01,127
Oh, maybe I should
compromise more.
316
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:04,067
You must have had to
compromise a lot for Larry.
317
00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:07,367
Well, not really.
318
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,374
Not anything
I had to stickwith.
319
00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:13,276
Your father blew out
his short-term memory back in 1972.
320
00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:17,373
[ Exhales ]
321
00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:19,384
[ Exhales ]
322
00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:21,784
I just wish I knew what to do.
323
00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:24,084
Oh, sweetie.
324
00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:26,283
Dharma, you know what?
325
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:29,692
It's your life, darlin',
and I can't tell you how to live it.
326
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:33,960
But I do know one thing.
It's really important to be with somebody...
327
00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:37,400
- who accepts you the way that you are.
- Yeah.
328
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,638
- Ice cream.
- Right.
329
00:20:43,876 --> 00:20:45,810
I'm better off, right?
330
00:20:45,878 --> 00:20:48,608
Oh, absolutely. If you're gonna be
putting up with that kind of craziness...
331
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:50,615
you better be
damn sure she's the one.
332
00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:55,086
Yeah, you're right.
But how do you know when it's "the one"?
333
00:20:55,154 --> 00:20:57,418
You got me.
334
00:20:57,490 --> 00:20:59,549
I met this girl once,
same thing...
335
00:20:59,625 --> 00:21:01,559
Iove at first sight,
head over heels.
336
00:21:01,627 --> 00:21:04,357
I'm thinking I'm spending
the rest of my life with this babe, right?
337
00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:07,524
Twenty-four hours later,
I'm in Sacramento chained to a radiator...
338
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,068
and she's trying
to cut out my kidney.
339
00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:14,906
Good talking to ya, Pete.
340
00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:18,671
Anytime.
I'm here for ya, man.
341
00:21:18,744 --> 00:21:20,769
- Doyou wanna trash his car?
- No.
342
00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:22,780
- Push him off a cliff?
-Jane!
343
00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:26,716
- Come on. What do you wanna do?
- I don't know.
344
00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:28,720
I really don't know.
345
00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:30,722
So, I guess you'll
just have to do it your way.
346
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:33,520
Just be patient and let the universe
tell you what to do.
347
00:21:38,164 --> 00:21:40,792
Oh, my God,
I think it just did. Greg!
348
00:21:40,866 --> 00:21:43,494
Greg! Greg! Greg!
349
00:21:43,569 --> 00:21:46,231
- Greg!
- I can be Greg.
350
00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:49,331
Or Paul? Bill?
351
00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:10,261
[ Sighs ]
352
00:22:11,931 --> 00:22:14,525
What took you so long?
353
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:17,592
- Shut up.
- No, you shut up.
354
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:22,535
[Baseball Stadium Organ ]
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