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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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In May of 2012,Marshall and Lily
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00:00:03,009 --> 00:00:04,843
hosted a baby showerin the apartment.
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All their friends were there.
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So of course I made sureto show up exactly...
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...three hours late.
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- Oh, no! Am I late?
- Little bit.
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Ah, I'm sorry, I would've gotten
here earlier; it's just, um...
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- You didn't want to see Robin.
- I didn't want to see Robin.
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I know, it's childish.
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She's not here, is she?
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00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:24,963
Actually...
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Oh, no! Am I early?
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Little bit.
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Whoa, she got you
the red stroller?
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Looks like I just blew her
out of the water.
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00:00:40,463 --> 00:00:42,964
Anyway, he left
before the party started.
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Ah, I'm really sorry, I...
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I just think it's
best if Robin and I
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don't see each
other for a while.
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Ted, it's fine;
I'm a child of divorce.
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You guys keep fighting
all you want,
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as long as the expensive gifts
keep coming.
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Uh, so
how was the shower?
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00:00:57,230 --> 00:00:58,479
It was good,
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00:00:58,481 --> 00:01:00,181
although there was
one weird moment
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with Barney's new
stripper girlfriend.
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50 laps a day?
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Oh, my goodness, young lady.
That is a lot.
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Oh, is it?
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Is it a lot, Grandma Lois?
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Yes, my girlfriend
gets naked
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and sits on guys' laps
for money.
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And, yes, sometimes it's as
many as 50 laps in one day.
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00:01:19,869 --> 00:01:23,288
And maybe society
considers what she does
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to be "disgusting,"
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or "slutty,"
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or verging on "prostitution,"
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or actual "prostitution."
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But you know what,
I accept her.
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And if you can't do the same,
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well, then shame on you.
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you.
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We were, um, talking
about swimming.
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How I sometimes swim
50 laps a day.
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Well,
it's great cardio.
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Lois, can I top off
your champagne?
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♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x22 ♪
Good Crazy
Original Air Date on April 30, 2012
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== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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You know, it's funny,
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you tell the average guy
you're dating a stripper,
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he thinks it's awesome.
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00:02:20,978 --> 00:02:23,478
Heck, you tell your mom,
she high-fives you so fast,
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she doesn't even
take off her oven mitts.
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But if they had any idea
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how difficult it is:
the jealousy,
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the insecurity,
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those high-fives would be
high-fives of condolence.
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00:02:37,044 --> 00:02:40,963
Barney, condolence high-fives
are not a thing.
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They're a thing.
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I'm afraid we're gonna
have to let you go.
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Up top.
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Ah, listen to me
and my boring couples' problems.
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How are you?
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How's the single life?
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I wouldn't know.
After this whole Robin thing,
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for the time being,
I'm laying low.
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Laying low as in
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sleeping with a really
short chick?
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You guys doing 39?
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I mean, I'm not seeing anyone.
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I'm just, you know, trying
to get Robin out of my head.
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You need a palate cleanser.
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Barney, please,
don't try to set me up
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with Quinn's stripper friends.
Oh, I wouldn't dream of it.
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Why not, how many hints
do I have to drop?!
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00:03:17,735 --> 00:03:20,886
No, I'm thinking of something
much more traditional.
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Online dating.
Yeah, no thanks.
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Come on, Ted! It's 2012.
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What do you expect,
to meet some cute travel agent
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when you're reading a newspaper
at a bookstore?
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None of those things
exist anymore.
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Barney, I will never, ever,
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ever, try online dating.
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That nightI tried online dating.
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And kids, the first girl
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beautiful, smart, funny, hugefan of prewar architecture,
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favorite poet Neruda,favorite movie Ghostbusters,
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and she didn't hate Cleveland.
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She's perfect.
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So I sent her an email,
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inviting her to mini golf.
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- Hello.
- Mini golf?
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Mini golf? Who takes
a first date to mini golf?
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I'm coming over!
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00:04:11,221 --> 00:04:13,939
Oh, Ted-Ted-Ted-
Teddy-Ted-Ted.
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Who buzzed you in?
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00:04:14,645 --> 00:04:16,645
Did you really think you
could start dating online,
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00:04:16,727 --> 00:04:17,776
and I wouldn't find out?
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00:04:17,778 --> 00:04:21,280
But with thi-this
girl, sh-she was...
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Me. She was me, Ted.
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00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:26,068
The photo was just of some girl
I knew you'd never seen before,
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00:04:26,070 --> 00:04:28,454
a very famous sports anchor
on ESPN.
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Barney, I don't need you to
help me find a girl online.
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Exactly because I've
already done it!
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Three girls in fact.
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00:04:36,330 --> 00:04:38,580
I scoured the dating sites
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00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:40,749
using my own personal
logarithms,
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00:04:40,751 --> 00:04:43,085
factoring in a broad
spectrum of variables,
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00:04:43,087 --> 00:04:45,587
filtering out undesirable
high-risk negatives,
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00:04:45,589 --> 00:04:48,307
guaranteeing a success
rate of 83...
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You picked the girls
that showed the most boob.
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My methods get results.
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Go out with
these three girls,
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and your palate is going
to be so cleansed,
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you will see
your reflection in it.
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And when you do,
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00:05:00,071 --> 00:05:02,905
you can fix the hair, because...
Have you seen yourself?
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00:05:02,907 --> 00:05:05,274
No, but you know
what I have seen,
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00:05:05,276 --> 00:05:07,910
your stripper
girlfriend's cans. Wow.
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00:05:07,912 --> 00:05:09,027
Wow.
Wow, wow.
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00:05:09,029 --> 00:05:10,996
That was going way
too far, wasn't it?
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I'm sorry.
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00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:14,583
My condolences.
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00:05:15,702 --> 00:05:17,086
Come on.
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00:05:18,654 --> 00:05:22,657
Man, Marshall's really
stressing out about this baby.
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00:05:22,659 --> 00:05:24,126
He's reading every book,
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watching breast-feeding
documentaries.
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00:05:26,297 --> 00:05:29,515
I woke up the other day,
he had swaddled me.
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Sure, it was the best night's
sleep I had had in months,
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00:05:33,003 --> 00:05:34,520
but still...
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00:05:34,522 --> 00:05:36,221
You know
what his latest thing is?
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00:05:39,527 --> 00:05:41,527
What the hell is that?
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00:05:46,283 --> 00:05:48,901
Marshall,
what is that?
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00:05:48,903 --> 00:05:51,487
I rigged this alarm
to go off every three hours.
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I'm training myself for the
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00:05:53,524 --> 00:05:56,191
sporadic sleep patterns
of early parenthood.
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00:05:56,193 --> 00:05:57,242
Now, if you'll excuse me,
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I have a practice-baby
to soothe.
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00:06:03,533 --> 00:06:05,000
You got to talk to him.
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00:06:05,002 --> 00:06:07,002
Yeah, I'll talk
to him tonight.
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00:06:07,004 --> 00:06:08,804
Maybe tomorrow morning.
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00:06:08,806 --> 00:06:09,871
One last swaddle?
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00:06:09,873 --> 00:06:10,973
It's just so cozy.
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00:06:10,975 --> 00:06:13,559
It's like sleeping
in a warm burrito.
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00:06:13,561 --> 00:06:15,561
Meanwhile,Barney was about to have
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a stripper's boyfriend'sworst nightmare.
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Karma?
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00:06:18,849 --> 00:06:20,382
Oh, my gosh,
I didn't recognize you
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00:06:20,384 --> 00:06:21,883
without your legs
behind your head.
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00:06:21,885 --> 00:06:24,069
Darryl, I didn't
recognize you
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00:06:24,071 --> 00:06:25,437
without your
creepy trench coat.
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How are you?
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00:06:26,524 --> 00:06:28,407
Great, you working tomorrow?
You know it.
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00:06:28,409 --> 00:06:30,108
Great. I'll be there
with bells on.
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And by bells,
I mean super thin sweatpants.
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Gross.
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00:06:35,115 --> 00:06:37,866
He's actually a nice guy.
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00:06:37,868 --> 00:06:39,234
She's so busy
as deputy mayor,
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00:06:39,236 --> 00:06:41,086
but I always get a card
on my birthday.
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00:06:41,088 --> 00:06:44,289
Quinn, I love the fact
that you're a stripper,
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00:06:44,291 --> 00:06:46,792
but I hate the fact
that you're a stripper.
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Barney, I like my job.
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And I do not need
to be rescued.
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So, don't be that guy.
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You're right, you're right.
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I got it.
Forget I said anything.
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Hmm.
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00:06:59,557 --> 00:07:01,190
I'll see you
tonight, Karma.
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00:07:01,192 --> 00:07:02,891
You got it,
Dirty Larry.
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You have to quit your job!
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00:07:05,029 --> 00:07:06,478
That night, I went out
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00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,530
with the first girlBarney picked for me.
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00:07:08,532 --> 00:07:09,898
There was just one problem.
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00:07:09,900 --> 00:07:11,817
Your name is Robin?
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00:07:11,819 --> 00:07:13,785
Yeah, with a Y.
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00:07:13,787 --> 00:07:16,405
Oh, Yobin.
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00:07:16,407 --> 00:07:18,156
No, Robin.
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00:07:18,158 --> 00:07:21,276
I go by ScotchAndGunLover
in my online profile,
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00:07:21,278 --> 00:07:23,128
'cause those are
my two favorite things.
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Well, next to Canada,
my home and native land.
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00:07:26,283 --> 00:07:29,051
Oh. Canada.
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00:07:29,053 --> 00:07:31,003
And just like that,
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00:07:31,005 --> 00:07:33,555
Robyn became Robin.
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00:07:33,557 --> 00:07:36,091
How's it going, Ted?
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00:07:38,782 --> 00:07:42,382
Oh, good. Hey, look,
mommy's back from the bar!
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00:07:42,829 --> 00:07:44,795
Now I can finally take a shower.
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This diaper smells.
I don't want to know.
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00:07:50,336 --> 00:07:52,420
Okay, Marshall,
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00:07:52,422 --> 00:07:54,722
sit down; we need to talk.
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00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:58,876
Look, I know
you mean well,
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00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:01,395
but we have five weeks
till the due date.
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00:08:01,397 --> 00:08:04,182
Can't we use this
time to just relax?
195
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:06,217
We'll figure out
how all this stuff
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00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:08,052
works after
the baby comes.
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00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:09,770
After the baby comes?
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00:08:09,772 --> 00:08:11,555
Yeah, we'll learn
on the job.
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00:08:11,557 --> 00:08:13,858
Learn on the j... Huh.
200
00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:16,194
Wow, you know, Lily,
201
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:18,946
maybe the crisis here isn't that
I'm not ready to be a dad;
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00:08:18,948 --> 00:08:21,199
maybe it's that
you're not ready to be a mom!
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00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:22,399
Excuse me?!
Yeah.
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00:08:22,401 --> 00:08:23,901
With that,an argument began,
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00:08:23,903 --> 00:08:26,587
the details of which are still
hotly debated to this day.
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00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:29,207
For instance, Uncle Marshallswears he never said:
207
00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:31,654
I'm the only one making
sacrifices for this baby!
208
00:08:31,655 --> 00:08:32,125
What?!
209
00:08:32,128 --> 00:08:34,462
And he claims he neveractually uttered the words:
210
00:08:34,464 --> 00:08:36,247
It's like you don't even know
that you're pregnant!
211
00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:38,716
While Lily insiststhis part was exaggerated:
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00:08:38,718 --> 00:08:40,618
Baby's are easy; you just
213
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:42,720
watch them be cute
and feed them spaghetti!
214
00:08:42,722 --> 00:08:45,640
But everyone agreesthis is how the argument ended:
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00:08:45,642 --> 00:08:48,359
Marshall, what I need now
is some peace, some quiet,
216
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,144
and now that it's out there,
some spaghetti.
217
00:08:50,146 --> 00:08:53,364
Now, please help me off
the couch so I can storm out.
218
00:08:55,433 --> 00:08:57,201
Huh!
219
00:09:00,205 --> 00:09:03,074
The next day,I filled Barney in on my date.
220
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:05,442
Oh, Yobin.
221
00:09:05,444 --> 00:09:06,944
No, Robin.
222
00:09:06,946 --> 00:09:08,746
And for the rest of the night,
223
00:09:08,748 --> 00:09:11,882
every time I looked at her,
I just saw Robin's face.
224
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:14,418
Well, I should hope so.
No, our Robin.
225
00:09:14,420 --> 00:09:15,786
Robin with an I.
226
00:09:15,788 --> 00:09:17,888
Uh, our Robin has
two eyes, my friend.
227
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:20,141
But that's good. You're
forgetting what she looks like.
228
00:09:20,976 --> 00:09:23,427
I'm sorry, that must
have been tough.
229
00:09:23,429 --> 00:09:25,680
If anyone knows what
that feels like, it's me.
230
00:09:25,682 --> 00:09:27,682
My condolences.
231
00:09:30,969 --> 00:09:33,237
Okay. Moving on.
232
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:36,240
perfect palate cleanser.
233
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:37,575
Nothing like Robin.
234
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:38,809
How nothing?
235
00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:41,412
I gaze out into the world
and all I see
236
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,982
is an icy place
where dreams die.
237
00:09:46,652 --> 00:09:48,869
Ooh, lasagna.
238
00:09:48,871 --> 00:09:51,339
How's it going, Ted?
239
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:53,341
What? No. What? Wh-Why?
240
00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:55,459
Remember, I made lasagna
that one time.
241
00:09:55,461 --> 00:09:56,794
That's all it takes?
242
00:09:56,796 --> 00:09:59,297
It wasn't even lasagna;
you took your botched kugle
243
00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:00,848
and poured tomato sauce on it.
244
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:03,551
I didn't say
it was good lasagna.
245
00:10:03,553 --> 00:10:06,203
By the way, what are you doing
with this girl?
246
00:10:06,205 --> 00:10:08,639
With tattoos all up
and down her arms and...
247
00:10:08,641 --> 00:10:12,526
everywhere else.
Hello... good gravy.
248
00:10:12,528 --> 00:10:14,945
Does that dragons tail go
all the way down to her...
249
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:17,681
Ohh, yes, it does.
250
00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:19,734
Well, what do you want me
to do, Robin?
251
00:10:19,736 --> 00:10:21,535
I have to get over you somehow,
252
00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:23,187
and if this is what it takes...
253
00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:25,139
Are you okay?
254
00:10:26,524 --> 00:10:28,159
Yeah. Why?
255
00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:30,661
You kind of spaced out there.
256
00:10:30,663 --> 00:10:32,496
Weirdo.
257
00:10:33,582 --> 00:10:35,249
"So, in summation,
258
00:10:35,251 --> 00:10:36,634
I'm very, very sorry."
259
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,803
"I guess I just wanted
you all to myself,
260
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:41,505
"and then I thought of all the
creepy guys groping at your...
261
00:10:41,507 --> 00:10:42,807
"Okay, I'm getting mad again,
262
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,208
"so I'm going to
stop writing now.
263
00:10:44,210 --> 00:10:47,812
Please enjoy these chocolates,
may contain peanuts."
264
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:48,996
Kiss and make up?
265
00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:55,052
Have sex up against the window
and make up? -
266
00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:57,355
You do have a great view.
267
00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:59,273
Well, funny you
should mention that.
268
00:10:59,275 --> 00:11:00,358
It's your view.
269
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,693
Come again for Big Fudge?
270
00:11:02,695 --> 00:11:04,678
Congratulations. You're hired.
271
00:11:05,563 --> 00:11:06,697
You are Goliath National Bank's
272
00:11:06,699 --> 00:11:09,500
newest executive
strategy coordinator.
273
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:12,336
What is an executive
strategy coordinator?
274
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:14,422
It's three
corporate-sounding words
275
00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:16,674
which, when added together,
equal a fake job
276
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:19,126
for which you get
a real paycheck
277
00:11:19,128 --> 00:11:21,745
in the amount of exactly
what you'd make stripping.
278
00:11:21,747 --> 00:11:23,747
Plus dental. You're welcs.
279
00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:25,850
Now, about that
up-against-the-window sex...
280
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,635
Dude, I don't want
to work for a bank.
281
00:11:27,637 --> 00:11:28,519
Why not?
282
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,504
Because I have standards.
283
00:11:30,506 --> 00:11:31,856
You people are whores.
284
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:34,091
The things you're willing
to do just for some money,
285
00:11:34,093 --> 00:11:35,592
it's shameful.
286
00:11:35,594 --> 00:11:37,928
You work in a strip club.
287
00:11:37,930 --> 00:11:39,864
Yeah, and I like it.
288
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,432
And I'm good at it.
289
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:42,483
Barney,
290
00:11:42,485 --> 00:11:45,236
if I took this job,
you would own me.
291
00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:46,954
I would be willingly
stepping into a cage,
292
00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:48,622
which is something I don't do.
293
00:11:48,624 --> 00:11:51,325
Except on Thursdays, when it's
cage night at the Lusty Leopard,
294
00:11:51,327 --> 00:11:52,493
but that's a cardboard cage,
295
00:11:52,495 --> 00:11:54,795
and I can get out of it
any time I want.
296
00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:55,996
You can?
297
00:11:55,998 --> 00:11:58,249
Wow, thanks
for ruining cage night.
298
00:11:58,783 --> 00:12:00,134
- Come on, Quinn.
- No.
299
00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:00,835
I wouldn't...
Nope.
300
00:12:00,837 --> 00:12:02,970
Don't.
301
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:05,122
I think I have
some thinking to do.
302
00:12:05,957 --> 00:12:08,058
I...
303
00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:09,226
Mr. Stinson?
304
00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:10,978
Does this mean
I get to keep my job?
305
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:14,215
Yeah, Herm, you can stay.
306
00:12:14,217 --> 00:12:15,900
Hey, baby, listen.
307
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:17,968
I'm-I'm sorry I flipped out.
308
00:12:17,970 --> 00:12:19,236
Oh, that's okay.
309
00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:21,522
To be fair, maybe I'm at fault
310
00:12:21,524 --> 00:12:23,307
for loving our child too much,
311
00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:25,659
although that is the definition
of parenting, so...
312
00:12:25,661 --> 00:12:26,810
All right, good make up.
313
00:12:26,812 --> 00:12:28,412
Hey, listen, I went online,
314
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,531
and I found
this Baby Boot Camp thing
315
00:12:30,533 --> 00:12:33,250
that they're doing at a hotel
in Paramus this weekend.
316
00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:34,502
Baby Boot Camp?
317
00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:35,753
That sounds great.
318
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,037
Yeah, it's a two-day event...
319
00:12:37,039 --> 00:12:38,155
We're going.
320
00:12:38,157 --> 00:12:39,790
...and there's lots
of seminars and classes.
321
00:12:39,792 --> 00:12:41,175
You've already made the sale.
322
00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:42,510
Anyway, I signed us up.
323
00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:43,928
Not even listening anymore;
mentally packing.
324
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:46,163
I'm trying to figure out
the best way to get to Paramus
325
00:12:46,165 --> 00:12:47,348
without hitting any tolls.
326
00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:48,665
This is gonna be great.
327
00:12:50,051 --> 00:12:52,002
And that was the last time
328
00:12:52,004 --> 00:12:54,772
I'll ever go out with a guy
with a mustache.
329
00:12:55,975 --> 00:12:57,224
This is good.
330
00:12:57,226 --> 00:12:59,727
This is nice, not thinkingabout you-know-who.
331
00:12:59,729 --> 00:13:01,645
Just having a good time
332
00:13:01,647 --> 00:13:03,731
and thanking God I didn't grow
that mustache.
333
00:13:03,733 --> 00:13:05,182
And you,
334
00:13:05,184 --> 00:13:07,518
you're so polite.
335
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:11,205
My ex-fiancé, Wayne,
he had no manners.
336
00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:12,740
Wayne had no manners.
337
00:13:12,742 --> 00:13:14,575
Wayne... manners...
338
00:13:14,577 --> 00:13:17,912
Wayne Manor,home of Bruce Wayne,
339
00:13:17,914 --> 00:13:19,730
better known as Batman,
340
00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:22,299
mentor to Dick Grayson,his orphan ward
341
00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:24,502
who at night would donthe colorful vestments
342
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:26,420
of the Boy Wonder, aka...
343
00:13:26,422 --> 00:13:28,172
Robin.
344
00:13:28,174 --> 00:13:31,509
Holy long walk for a short drink
of water, Ted.
345
00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:32,510
Stop this.
346
00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:34,512
I need you out of my life
for real.
347
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:36,063
- You don't mean that.
- Yes, I do.
348
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:37,064
No, you don't.
349
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:38,882
Look how much is changing
right now.
350
00:13:38,884 --> 00:13:41,185
Marshall and Lily
are having a baby.
351
00:13:41,187 --> 00:13:42,886
Barney's shacking up
with a girl.
352
00:13:42,888 --> 00:13:44,021
With your whole world
353
00:13:44,023 --> 00:13:45,489
turning upside down,
354
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:46,907
isn't a friendship like this one
355
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:50,361
something you want to hold on to
as tightly as possible?
356
00:13:52,330 --> 00:13:56,000
And every time I look at you,
it hurts.
357
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:58,502
...and that's the story
of my only lesbian experience.
358
00:13:58,504 --> 00:13:59,954
I'm sorry
359
00:13:59,956 --> 00:14:01,922
for going into so much detail.
360
00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:04,375
I'll never tell
that story again.
361
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:06,076
Anyway, how's your meal?
362
00:14:06,078 --> 00:14:08,412
Holly, listen,
I should probably tell you,
363
00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:12,099
um, I'm kind of getting
over someone right now.
364
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:14,552
I am so glad you said that.
365
00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:17,087
I guess I'm still
getting over Wayne.
366
00:14:17,089 --> 00:14:18,939
It's been really hard.
367
00:14:19,708 --> 00:14:21,725
Can I interest you
in some sorbet?
368
00:14:21,727 --> 00:14:24,228
You two look like you could both
use a palate cleanser.
369
00:14:30,403 --> 00:14:31,936
How's your palate, Ted?
370
00:14:31,938 --> 00:14:34,121
Pretty cleansed.
371
00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:38,909
You know, at this seminar,
372
00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:40,961
there's gonna be the
one guy who's, like,
373
00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:43,631
Mr. Parenting Expert, keeps
interrupting the speakers
374
00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:45,449
with his own "important facts."
375
00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:47,635
And you're gonna be sitting
right next to him,
376
00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:50,137
so get ready for that.
377
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:52,673
Baby, you've been a little
sleep deprived lately.
378
00:14:52,675 --> 00:14:54,725
Why don't you let me drive?
379
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:57,628
You know what, that's
not such a bad idea.
380
00:14:57,630 --> 00:14:59,796
I mean, the last thing we want
381
00:14:59,798 --> 00:15:03,233
is for me to get
behind the wheel and just...
382
00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:14,945
Oh, baby, you smell good.
383
00:15:14,947 --> 00:15:17,414
When we get to that hotel,
384
00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:20,000
I'm gonna wear
your pregnant belly like a hat.
385
00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:21,619
You'll have to buy me
386
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:23,170
a couple of
cocktails first.
387
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:24,821
Bar-Barney!
388
00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:26,490
Where are we?
389
00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:29,510
Atlantic City, baby!
390
00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:31,679
Well, in 14 miles.
391
00:15:34,744 --> 00:15:36,548
What the hell is going on?
392
00:15:36,648 --> 00:15:37,880
And where is Lily?
393
00:15:37,882 --> 00:15:40,383
And what did you do
to the practice baby?
394
00:15:40,385 --> 00:15:42,718
And is there any left?
395
00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:45,238
Lily was worried about you.
396
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:47,690
She thought you needed
to unwind, so...
397
00:15:47,692 --> 00:15:50,893
I mean, the last thing
we want is for me to
398
00:15:50,895 --> 00:15:53,329
get behind the wheel
and just...
399
00:15:57,785 --> 00:15:59,786
She made reservationsfor two deluxe rooms,
400
00:15:59,788 --> 00:16:01,237
massages, and dinnerat the Palm,
401
00:16:01,239 --> 00:16:04,207
and in return,I made her cookies.
402
00:16:06,677 --> 00:16:09,912
So, there's no Baby Boot Camp
at the Paramus Waldorf?
403
00:16:11,548 --> 00:16:13,266
Is there even a Paramus Waldorf?
404
00:16:13,268 --> 00:16:14,717
Bro...
405
00:16:14,719 --> 00:16:17,220
I am so mad at Lily right now.
406
00:16:17,222 --> 00:16:20,807
She knew you would be;
that's why she packed this.
407
00:16:20,809 --> 00:16:23,142
Aw.
408
00:16:23,144 --> 00:16:25,561
My mad-at-Lily shirt.
409
00:16:25,563 --> 00:16:28,264
I had this made for me
410
00:16:28,266 --> 00:16:30,283
and my high school
girlfriend, Steph.
411
00:16:30,285 --> 00:16:32,485
In reality,
"Marshall and Steph 4-eva"
412
00:16:32,487 --> 00:16:33,569
turned out to be
413
00:16:33,571 --> 00:16:35,405
"Marshall and Steph
for two days
414
00:16:35,407 --> 00:16:38,941
until Steph's boyfriend
got out of juvie a week early."
415
00:16:38,943 --> 00:16:41,610
Drives Lily crazy
when I wear it.
416
00:16:42,379 --> 00:16:45,081
I hope she's miserable
without me.
417
00:16:49,303 --> 00:16:51,387
Hey, Ted,
how's tricks?
418
00:16:51,389 --> 00:16:52,755
Tricks are pretty good, Lou.
419
00:16:52,757 --> 00:16:55,958
Had some girl trouble
earlier in the week, but, uh,
420
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:58,060
I got a feeling from here on
out, things are gonna be A...
421
00:16:58,062 --> 00:17:00,563
O-Oh, you son of a bitch.
422
00:17:00,565 --> 00:17:02,932
Hello.
423
00:17:04,903 --> 00:17:06,269
Lily's right.
424
00:17:06,271 --> 00:17:07,603
I've been acting crazy.
425
00:17:07,605 --> 00:17:08,738
No, it's okay, bro.
426
00:17:08,740 --> 00:17:11,407
I mean, yeah,
you've been a little crazy,
427
00:17:11,409 --> 00:17:12,808
but it comes from love.
428
00:17:12,810 --> 00:17:14,911
It's the same kind of crazy
that makes a man
429
00:17:14,913 --> 00:17:18,164
offer his stripper girlfriend
over half a million dollars
430
00:17:18,166 --> 00:17:19,415
of government bailout money,
431
00:17:19,417 --> 00:17:21,200
not to rub up
on other guys' junk.
432
00:17:21,202 --> 00:17:22,651
It's good crazy.
433
00:17:27,925 --> 00:17:29,592
I hope Lily's okay.
Okay,
434
00:17:29,594 --> 00:17:30,826
you know, that's it, bro.
435
00:17:30,828 --> 00:17:32,661
We're both turning off
our phones for one hour.
436
00:17:32,663 --> 00:17:33,763
Motion denied.
437
00:17:33,765 --> 00:17:36,682
Okay, you leave me no choice.
438
00:17:36,684 --> 00:17:40,520
you give me one hour
of phone-free bro time,
439
00:17:40,522 --> 00:17:43,306
during which we,
and by we I mean you,
440
00:17:43,308 --> 00:17:46,309
get magnificently,
mythologically drunk.
441
00:17:46,311 --> 00:17:50,012
I'm talking needing-subtitles-
when-you-speak drunk.
442
00:17:50,014 --> 00:17:52,515
If you can give me that,
443
00:17:52,517 --> 00:17:55,651
I will wear this.
444
00:17:55,653 --> 00:17:56,736
The ducky tie?
445
00:17:56,738 --> 00:17:58,120
I thought you threw
that thing away.
446
00:17:58,122 --> 00:17:59,572
I did.
447
00:17:59,574 --> 00:18:01,524
It came back.
448
00:18:01,526 --> 00:18:03,192
All right, Barney,
449
00:18:03,194 --> 00:18:05,044
you got yourself a deal.
450
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,083
Um, excuse me, miss.
451
00:18:11,085 --> 00:18:12,418
Um, when you get a chance,
452
00:18:12,420 --> 00:18:16,389
could you bring over a hundred
shots of tequila, please?
453
00:18:16,391 --> 00:18:17,990
I'll have the same.
454
00:18:22,546 --> 00:18:23,779
Why are you still here?
455
00:18:23,781 --> 00:18:25,398
Why do you think I'm still here?
456
00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:28,234
I guess because I'm
in love with you.
457
00:18:28,236 --> 00:18:31,554
Why else would I be seeing
your face everywhere I look?
458
00:18:31,556 --> 00:18:33,222
Because you feel bad.
459
00:18:33,224 --> 00:18:35,241
Of course I feel bad.
460
00:18:35,243 --> 00:18:37,059
I told you I love you,
461
00:18:37,061 --> 00:18:40,696
which is apparently the worst
thing you can say to someone.
462
00:18:40,698 --> 00:18:42,365
That's not why you feel bad.
463
00:18:42,367 --> 00:18:44,784
You feel bad because
after you said it,
464
00:18:44,786 --> 00:18:46,435
you let me go away.
465
00:18:47,538 --> 00:18:48,671
I know our relationship
466
00:18:48,673 --> 00:18:50,923
isn't exactly
what you want it to be,
467
00:18:50,925 --> 00:18:52,925
and I know I
may not love you
468
00:18:52,927 --> 00:18:56,913
the way you love me,
but I do love you.
469
00:18:58,482 --> 00:19:00,766
Isn't that worth hanging on to?
470
00:19:04,889 --> 00:19:08,391
I miss you.
471
00:19:08,393 --> 00:19:10,876
So go get me back.
472
00:19:17,468 --> 00:19:19,268
Robin?
473
00:19:19,270 --> 00:19:20,453
Ted.
474
00:19:20,455 --> 00:19:21,704
It's good to really see you.
475
00:19:21,706 --> 00:19:23,322
It's really good to see you.
476
00:19:23,324 --> 00:19:24,624
Look, I think we need to talk.
477
00:19:24,626 --> 00:19:26,993
Uh, me, too,
but now's not a good time.
478
00:19:26,995 --> 00:19:27,827
Why not?
479
00:19:27,829 --> 00:19:29,912
I am proud of you, bro.
480
00:19:29,914 --> 00:19:32,331
You turned off your phone
for one hour,
481
00:19:32,333 --> 00:19:33,749
and you got so drunk...
482
00:19:38,455 --> 00:19:40,423
Exactly.
483
00:19:41,224 --> 00:19:42,258
Hey,.
484
00:19:42,260 --> 00:19:43,593
Yes, Marshall?
485
00:19:46,180 --> 00:19:47,913
Well, I don't see why not.
486
00:19:50,017 --> 00:19:53,753
Whoa! I've got
17 new voicemails.
487
00:19:53,755 --> 00:19:55,104
Barney, it's Lily.
488
00:19:55,106 --> 00:19:57,406
You guys need to get back
to New York right away.
489
00:19:57,408 --> 00:19:58,474
I'm in labor.
490
00:20:00,811 --> 00:20:02,478
All hail Beercules!
491
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:03,946
Yeah!
492
00:20:13,118 --> 00:20:16,353
All right, Barney,
you got yourself a deal.
493
00:20:20,592 --> 00:20:22,826
Hey, you've reached Marshall.
494
00:20:22,828 --> 00:20:24,377
Please leave a message.
495
00:20:24,379 --> 00:20:26,446
Hey, baby, it's me.
496
00:20:26,448 --> 00:20:27,981
I think I'm in labor.
497
00:20:27,983 --> 00:20:31,801
We should do this
every weekend.
498
00:20:31,803 --> 00:20:34,020
Okay, this is real.
499
00:20:34,022 --> 00:20:35,188
It's not a false alarm.
500
00:20:35,190 --> 00:20:36,439
This is real; I'm in labor.
501
00:20:36,441 --> 00:20:38,775
I kind of need you
to call me back now.
502
00:20:38,777 --> 00:20:40,860
How does somebody so little
503
00:20:40,862 --> 00:20:44,597
have such strong fingers?
504
00:20:44,599 --> 00:20:45,865
Call me!
505
00:20:45,867 --> 00:20:48,785
He is the manager
of the Paramus Waldorf.
506
00:20:48,787 --> 00:20:52,539
You come to Paramus,
we will hook you up.
507
00:20:52,541 --> 00:20:54,491
If you're trying
to get back at me,
508
00:20:54,493 --> 00:20:58,398
you have chosen a wildly
inappropriate way of doing so!
509
00:20:58,949 --> 00:21:02,393
Oh, yeah... Oh, yeah.
510
00:21:02,394 --> 00:21:06,394
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
36595
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