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00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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00:00:02,928 --> 00:00:04,261
So, how's living alone?
2
00:00:04,477 --> 00:00:05,677
You know, it's interesting.
3
00:00:05,679 --> 00:00:07,812
When I first moved into
my new apartment,
4
00:00:07,814 --> 00:00:09,347
I was nervous.
5
00:00:09,349 --> 00:00:13,234
For the first time in my adultlife, I didn't have a roommate.
6
00:00:13,236 --> 00:00:14,903
But then it hit me:
7
00:00:14,905 --> 00:00:19,174
for the first time in my adultlife, I didn't have a roommate!
8
00:00:22,278 --> 00:00:25,229
If I want to walk around naked,nobody cares.
9
00:00:25,231 --> 00:00:27,081
If I want to leavethe laundry basket
10
00:00:27,083 --> 00:00:31,119
in the middle of the livingroom, nobody stops me.
11
00:00:31,121 --> 00:00:33,171
If I bring home soupfrom the deli
12
00:00:33,173 --> 00:00:36,240
and leave it in the fridgefor two days, nobody eats it.
13
00:00:36,242 --> 00:00:39,177
And if I do somethingcolossally stupid,
14
00:00:39,179 --> 00:00:41,579
nobody ever has to know.
15
00:00:45,367 --> 00:00:46,885
People make fun of the guy
16
00:00:46,887 --> 00:00:49,304
who stays home every night
doing nothing.
17
00:00:49,306 --> 00:00:53,291
But the truth is...
that guy's a genius.
18
00:00:53,293 --> 00:00:56,594
Because let's be honest,sitting around watching TV,
19
00:00:56,596 --> 00:00:59,430
drinking beer and eating ribsalone is what every
20
00:00:59,432 --> 00:01:04,385
red-blooded American wouldrather be doing at all times.
21
00:01:04,387 --> 00:01:08,072
Yeah, but wouldn't it be better
to have someone to share the...
22
00:01:08,074 --> 00:01:11,492
I mean, don't you
get lonely without...
23
00:01:11,494 --> 00:01:13,611
Yeah, that sounds pretty great.
24
00:01:13,973 --> 00:01:17,973
♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x21 ♪
Now We're Even
Original Air Date on April 16, 2012
25
00:01:17,998 --> 00:01:21,998
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
26
00:01:26,458 --> 00:01:27,425
What's the best thing
27
00:01:27,427 --> 00:01:29,978
about dating a stripper,
you ask?
28
00:01:29,980 --> 00:01:30,962
Nope.
29
00:01:30,964 --> 00:01:32,463
Just asked for your drink order.
30
00:01:32,465 --> 00:01:34,182
I'll tell you the best thing
about dating a stripper.
31
00:01:34,184 --> 00:01:35,149
He'll just have a scotch.
32
00:01:35,151 --> 00:01:36,234
Getting to say,
33
00:01:36,236 --> 00:01:38,152
"Hey, I'm dating a stripper."
34
00:01:38,154 --> 00:01:39,654
And I should go.
35
00:01:39,656 --> 00:01:41,406
Time to make the doughnuts.
36
00:01:41,408 --> 00:01:44,192
More like time to make some
dough sitting on some nuts.
37
00:01:44,194 --> 00:01:45,276
She's a stripper.
38
00:01:45,278 --> 00:01:46,277
I'm dating her.
39
00:01:46,279 --> 00:01:47,495
I'm dating a stripper.
Barney wins.
40
00:01:47,497 --> 00:01:48,413
I'll walk you out.
41
00:01:48,415 --> 00:01:50,815
Hey, where are
you going?
44
00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:55,920
Hey, taxi!
45
00:01:56,923 --> 00:01:59,123
My girlfriend's a stripper!
46
00:01:59,125 --> 00:02:02,493
So, Ted, guess where we're
having dinner Friday night.
47
00:02:03,095 --> 00:02:04,178
Chez L'Argent.
48
00:02:04,180 --> 00:02:05,596
I am so excited.
49
00:02:05,598 --> 00:02:07,632
We've been trying forever
to get this reservation.
50
00:02:07,634 --> 00:02:09,517
Can you hold on
for just one second?
51
00:02:09,519 --> 00:02:10,885
What the hell
are you doing?
52
00:02:10,887 --> 00:02:12,053
Nothing.
53
00:02:12,055 --> 00:02:13,972
Did you say
you had to pee?
54
00:02:13,974 --> 00:02:15,473
No.
55
00:02:15,475 --> 00:02:17,308
But yeah, I do have to pee.
56
00:02:17,310 --> 00:02:20,194
Man, this kid better be
real freakin' cute!
57
00:02:22,398 --> 00:02:23,898
What was that all about?
58
00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:25,867
Lily had a sex dream last night.
59
00:02:27,186 --> 00:02:28,653
Sex dream?
Do tell.
60
00:02:28,655 --> 00:02:32,189
I was painting
the baby furniture...
61
00:02:32,191 --> 00:02:35,910
Oh, yeah.
62
00:02:35,912 --> 00:02:39,130
Oh, yeah.
63
00:02:39,132 --> 00:02:41,582
Hurry up,
before Marshall gets home.
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00:02:41,584 --> 00:02:43,751
Oh, oh...
65
00:02:47,556 --> 00:02:49,424
Whoa!
66
00:02:49,426 --> 00:02:50,425
I'm sorry, baby.
67
00:02:50,427 --> 00:02:51,993
Were you asleep?
68
00:02:51,995 --> 00:02:54,479
All pregnant ladies
have crazy sex dreams.
69
00:02:54,481 --> 00:02:57,265
It's just her hormones
going berserk.
70
00:02:57,267 --> 00:02:59,901
So who's responsible for her
rapid thigh movement this time?
71
00:02:59,903 --> 00:03:01,936
Oh, my favorite was when
she banged George Washington.
72
00:03:01,938 --> 00:03:05,389
I liked the three-way with
Bill Cosby and Papa Smurf.
73
00:03:05,391 --> 00:03:07,775
Oh, he smurfed
the smurf out of her.
74
00:03:07,777 --> 00:03:09,577
Yes, while The Cos
smurfed off in the corner.
75
00:03:09,579 --> 00:03:11,529
We all remember.
But here's the thing.
76
00:03:11,531 --> 00:03:14,899
When Lily has dirty dreams
about other people,
77
00:03:14,901 --> 00:03:16,617
she always tells me.
78
00:03:16,619 --> 00:03:17,935
But this time...
79
00:03:17,937 --> 00:03:21,923
Sounds like you
had a crazy dream.
80
00:03:21,925 --> 00:03:24,425
What was it about?
81
00:03:25,894 --> 00:03:30,014
And then her face turned...
82
00:03:30,016 --> 00:03:32,683
vermilion.
83
00:03:32,685 --> 00:03:37,088
Just... you and me...
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00:03:37,090 --> 00:03:40,024
gettin' it on, monogamously.
85
00:03:40,993 --> 00:03:45,696
Monoga-me-oh-my.
86
00:03:45,698 --> 00:03:48,766
Not the rose quartz
of the slightly embarrassed,
87
00:03:48,768 --> 00:03:51,652
or the tomato red
of the mildly abashed,
88
00:03:51,654 --> 00:03:55,406
vermilion, the color
of carnal shame.
89
00:03:56,408 --> 00:03:59,460
Can only mean one thing:
90
00:03:59,462 --> 00:04:01,963
Lily dream-banged
someone we know.
91
00:04:01,965 --> 00:04:04,549
Okay, you caught me
vermilion-handed.
92
00:04:04,551 --> 00:04:07,969
The truth is, I've spent
the last five years
93
00:04:07,971 --> 00:04:10,671
trying to inception
your wife.
94
00:04:10,673 --> 00:04:12,757
That movie only came out
two years ago.
95
00:04:12,759 --> 00:04:14,809
What movie?
96
00:04:14,811 --> 00:04:16,761
You know who I bet it is?
97
00:04:16,763 --> 00:04:18,346
Robin.
98
00:04:18,348 --> 00:04:20,231
Already checked.
99
00:04:20,233 --> 00:04:21,682
Lily and I paid her a visit
100
00:04:21,684 --> 00:04:23,851
at the new World Wide Newsheadquarters.
101
00:04:23,853 --> 00:04:25,820
And I'm so excited,
because I've been trying months
102
00:04:25,822 --> 00:04:26,804
to get this reservation.
103
00:04:26,806 --> 00:04:28,189
Can you hold on
just one second?
104
00:04:28,191 --> 00:04:29,440
What the hell
are you doing?!
105
00:04:29,442 --> 00:04:30,525
Nothing.
106
00:04:30,527 --> 00:04:32,743
Nice photo.
Oh.
107
00:04:32,745 --> 00:04:34,779
Your passport
must be enormous.
108
00:04:34,781 --> 00:04:36,414
(chuckles)
Ugh.
109
00:04:36,416 --> 00:04:39,984
You know, for the record,
I didn't want this.
110
00:04:39,986 --> 00:04:42,286
Didn't want it,
did not approve it.
111
00:04:43,373 --> 00:04:44,839
It's super embarrassing.
112
00:04:44,841 --> 00:04:47,158
Hey, Merle.
113
00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:50,611
So, uh, do you guys
want to come up and see my desk?
114
00:04:50,613 --> 00:04:51,879
Yeah, why not?
115
00:04:51,881 --> 00:04:53,431
Come on.
116
00:04:53,433 --> 00:04:54,932
I.D.?
117
00:04:54,934 --> 00:04:56,834
Oh. Um, that is me.
118
00:04:58,221 --> 00:04:59,336
Ma'am, with all due respect,
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00:04:59,338 --> 00:05:01,639
you're a wee bit older
than that hottie.
120
00:05:02,609 --> 00:05:03,858
For God sakes.
121
00:05:03,860 --> 00:05:07,311
You know, here I am,
on national TV every day,
122
00:05:07,313 --> 00:05:10,781
and still a guy who spends
his whole life sitting next to
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00:05:10,783 --> 00:05:13,151
a giant picture of me
has no idea who I am.
124
00:05:13,153 --> 00:05:15,403
This isn't my whole life;
I'm in a band.
125
00:05:15,405 --> 00:05:16,671
And we're gonna make it.
126
00:05:16,673 --> 00:05:18,906
And, kids, they did make it.
127
00:05:18,908 --> 00:05:21,275
But I'll get to that later.
128
00:05:21,277 --> 00:05:24,045
You know what, I'm probably notgoing to get to that later.
129
00:05:24,047 --> 00:05:27,715
They had one song,it didn't suck, the end.
130
00:05:27,717 --> 00:05:30,251
You always said
it wasn't about being famous.
131
00:05:30,253 --> 00:05:32,703
You just want to do
solid journalism, right?
132
00:05:32,705 --> 00:05:34,305
Yeah, well...
133
00:05:34,307 --> 00:05:36,507
Of course I want
to be famous!
134
00:05:36,509 --> 00:05:37,875
In Canada, I was Robin Sparkles.
135
00:05:37,877 --> 00:05:39,060
I was a cabinhold name.
136
00:05:39,062 --> 00:05:40,161
But here?
137
00:05:40,163 --> 00:05:41,512
Don't need to see
your I.D., Merle.
138
00:05:41,514 --> 00:05:43,181
Everyone knows
who you are.
139
00:05:43,183 --> 00:05:44,482
You're Merle.
140
00:05:44,484 --> 00:05:46,484
He was in one skit
in the Christmas party!
141
00:05:47,854 --> 00:05:50,221
Uh, by the way,
how is Ted doing?
142
00:05:50,223 --> 00:05:52,006
Kids, you rememberwhat happened.
143
00:05:52,008 --> 00:05:54,108
I declared my love,she turned me down,
144
00:05:54,110 --> 00:05:56,827
we both moved out ofthe apartment, and now...
145
00:05:56,829 --> 00:05:59,363
I haven't talked to him
since we... stopped talking.
146
00:06:00,399 --> 00:06:02,533
He's pretty good.
147
00:06:02,535 --> 00:06:03,784
Pretty good?
148
00:06:03,786 --> 00:06:06,153
Last night, you ate
a box of Froot Loops
149
00:06:06,155 --> 00:06:07,255
in your tighty whities.
150
00:06:07,257 --> 00:06:10,258
No, I demolished
a box of Froot Loops,
151
00:06:10,260 --> 00:06:13,010
fully nude.
152
00:06:13,012 --> 00:06:15,429
Yeah, "pretty good" works.
153
00:06:16,581 --> 00:06:17,598
Hey, Barney.
154
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,767
Hey, Lily.
155
00:06:23,222 --> 00:06:25,223
Do you know
what this is about?
156
00:06:25,225 --> 00:06:25,890
Uh-huh.
157
00:06:25,892 --> 00:06:27,108
Do I want to know?
158
00:06:27,809 --> 00:06:29,093
No, sorry, bro.
159
00:06:29,095 --> 00:06:30,311
Damn it!
160
00:06:30,313 --> 00:06:31,762
Okay, time
for my stuff.
161
00:06:31,764 --> 00:06:33,981
Guys, I was sitting
at home last night,
162
00:06:33,983 --> 00:06:36,617
and all of a sudden,
I had a piphany.
163
00:06:36,619 --> 00:06:37,985
And my piphany
was this...
164
00:06:37,987 --> 00:06:39,820
Actually, it's, uh,
it's "epiphany."
165
00:06:39,822 --> 00:06:42,456
No, Ted, this
is the piphany.
166
00:06:42,458 --> 00:06:43,824
And here it is:
167
00:06:43,826 --> 00:06:48,129
Make... every...
night... legendary.
168
00:06:48,131 --> 00:06:49,664
Guys, we've had
169
00:06:49,666 --> 00:06:51,415
some pretty
legendary nights.
170
00:06:51,417 --> 00:06:53,834
But we've also had some nights
that weren't so legendary.
171
00:06:53,836 --> 00:06:57,004
Lookin' at you, The Night Ted
Made Us All Watch Norbit.
172
00:06:57,006 --> 00:06:59,757
Eddie Murphy as a fat lady;
what's the problem?
173
00:06:59,759 --> 00:07:01,392
That was Eddie Murphy?
174
00:07:01,394 --> 00:07:03,394
The non-legendary
nights are done.
175
00:07:03,396 --> 00:07:06,480
From here on in, every
single night of our lives
176
00:07:06,482 --> 00:07:08,632
will be a night
we'll never forget.
177
00:07:08,634 --> 00:07:10,685
Starting tonight.
178
00:07:10,687 --> 00:07:14,638
Who's ready for the longest,
craziest adventure yet?!
179
00:07:15,825 --> 00:07:17,491
Good.
180
00:07:17,493 --> 00:07:19,977
The weak have been
weeded from our herd.
181
00:07:19,979 --> 00:07:21,862
You ready to rock
and roll, Ted?
182
00:07:21,864 --> 00:07:23,147
Yeah, I'm going home, too.
183
00:07:23,149 --> 00:07:24,715
I'm sensing some costumes
coming up here
184
00:07:24,717 --> 00:07:25,866
and I'd rather steer clear.
185
00:07:25,868 --> 00:07:28,235
Ted, 20 years from now,
186
00:07:28,237 --> 00:07:30,421
when you're all alone
and I'm President,
187
00:07:30,423 --> 00:07:31,539
you're not
gonna remember
188
00:07:31,541 --> 00:07:33,541
sitting around your
apartment doing nothing.
189
00:07:33,543 --> 00:07:35,843
What you will remember
is that tonight,
190
00:07:35,845 --> 00:07:38,245
this night...
191
00:07:38,247 --> 00:07:41,482
was The Night We Started
a Mariachi Band!
192
00:07:41,484 --> 00:07:43,351
Uno, dos, tres, quatro!
193
00:07:51,343 --> 00:07:52,843
Okay, you were right.
194
00:07:52,845 --> 00:07:54,028
Memorable night.
195
00:07:54,030 --> 00:07:56,180
That was nothing
compared to mañana, amigo.
196
00:07:56,182 --> 00:07:58,232
Because mañana is gonna be...
197
00:07:58,234 --> 00:08:00,684
The Night We Ate Everything
on the Menu!
198
00:08:03,306 --> 00:08:05,206
A really memorable night.
199
00:08:05,208 --> 00:08:06,357
But tomorrow night...
200
00:08:06,359 --> 00:08:09,477
Is The Night We Brought
a Horse into the Bar!
201
00:08:10,996 --> 00:08:12,963
Okay, but tomorrow...
202
00:08:12,965 --> 00:08:16,651
Is The Night We Bungee Jump
off the Statue of Liberty!
203
00:08:19,638 --> 00:08:21,305
Nope.
204
00:08:21,307 --> 00:08:23,507
That night was the nightof Aunt Lily
205
00:08:23,509 --> 00:08:25,259
and Uncle Marshall'sfancy dinner.
206
00:08:25,261 --> 00:08:28,379
Complete with a fancy limo ride.
207
00:08:28,381 --> 00:08:29,347
Surprise!
208
00:08:29,349 --> 00:08:30,514
Hello!
209
00:08:30,516 --> 00:08:33,167
Hi, Ranjit.
210
00:08:35,654 --> 00:08:37,855
No.
211
00:08:45,314 --> 00:08:47,399
Should I take the
West Side Highway?
212
00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:49,367
Why not, Ranjit?
213
00:08:49,369 --> 00:08:51,503
Don't you always just
take whatever you want,
214
00:08:51,505 --> 00:08:53,405
regardless of
anything but your own
215
00:08:53,407 --> 00:08:56,958
dirty, sick,
twisted appetites?
216
00:08:59,412 --> 00:09:02,497
I'll stay on Broadway.
217
00:09:03,799 --> 00:09:04,999
I.D.?
218
00:09:05,001 --> 00:09:07,302
For God's sakes, open your...
219
00:09:07,304 --> 00:09:09,421
Yeah, that's about right.
220
00:09:09,423 --> 00:09:11,056
I.D.?
221
00:09:11,058 --> 00:09:13,141
Robin had finallylearned the lesson
222
00:09:13,143 --> 00:09:15,226
that nobodygets famous overnight.
223
00:09:15,228 --> 00:09:16,761
But here's the crazy part:
224
00:09:16,763 --> 00:09:18,796
that night, she got famous.
225
00:09:18,798 --> 00:09:19,964
Robin, there you are.
226
00:09:19,966 --> 00:09:21,299
Sandy Rivers!
227
00:09:21,301 --> 00:09:22,434
Star of the show.
228
00:09:22,436 --> 00:09:24,486
What it is, my man.
Yeah.
229
00:09:24,488 --> 00:09:26,154
Robin, I've got
something big for you,
230
00:09:26,156 --> 00:09:27,906
something huge.
231
00:09:27,908 --> 00:09:29,841
And I want you on it.
232
00:09:29,843 --> 00:09:32,977
Sandy, you were
in the harassment video.
233
00:09:32,979 --> 00:09:34,312
You were great in that,
by the way.
234
00:09:34,314 --> 00:09:35,313
Thanks, holmes.
235
00:09:35,315 --> 00:09:36,614
And I like the way
236
00:09:36,616 --> 00:09:38,583
your filthy little mind works,
Robin, but this is real.
237
00:09:38,585 --> 00:09:39,534
Big story's breaking.
238
00:09:39,536 --> 00:09:41,169
Are you afraid of helicopters?
239
00:09:41,171 --> 00:09:42,820
I love helicopters.
240
00:09:42,822 --> 00:09:45,340
What am I covering, a war?
Better!
241
00:09:45,342 --> 00:09:48,777
World Wide Newsbrings you the world.
242
00:09:48,779 --> 00:09:50,762
And now Robin Scherbatskywith traffic.
243
00:09:52,448 --> 00:09:55,666
You don't want to go
bungee jumping, fine.
244
00:09:55,668 --> 00:09:58,669
Tonight's The Night
We Stole a Mummy
245
00:09:58,671 --> 00:10:01,106
from the Natural History Museum!
246
00:10:02,808 --> 00:10:04,342
Yeah, I'm not
doing that.
247
00:10:04,344 --> 00:10:08,780
Then get out your MetroCard,
Ted, because tonight's
248
00:10:08,782 --> 00:10:11,682
The Night We Partied
with the Mole People!
249
00:10:13,319 --> 00:10:16,020
Barney, I have a Stouffer's
lasagna for one in the freezer
250
00:10:16,022 --> 00:10:17,739
that is going to be
unforgettable.
251
00:10:17,741 --> 00:10:19,874
I have a Sanford and Son
on my DVR
252
00:10:19,876 --> 00:10:22,577
that I will take with me
to my grave.
253
00:10:22,579 --> 00:10:25,296
I don't need tonight to be
any more memorable than that.
254
00:10:25,298 --> 00:10:28,216
Okay, Sanford and Son
does sound good.
255
00:10:28,218 --> 00:10:32,053
But if I could just present
a counter argument...
256
00:10:34,507 --> 00:10:36,891
You're locked out, dummy!
257
00:10:36,893 --> 00:10:38,676
Damn it! Barney!
258
00:10:38,678 --> 00:10:40,711
Give me your phone;
I'm calling my super.
259
00:10:40,713 --> 00:10:43,214
The only person we're calling
is everyone we know,
260
00:10:43,216 --> 00:10:46,518
because tonight's The Night
We Tracked Down Phil Collins,
261
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:49,220
Became Best Friends with Him,
and Talked Him into Reuniting
262
00:10:49,222 --> 00:10:51,573
with Peter Gabriel,
So Then We Got to Sing Backup
263
00:10:51,575 --> 00:10:54,476
On The New Genesis Album
and It Was Awesome!
264
00:10:55,561 --> 00:10:57,562
Fine, I'll use the
phone at the bar.
265
00:10:59,949 --> 00:11:02,784
Ranjit, would you please
put up the partition?
266
00:11:02,786 --> 00:11:05,787
Partition going up.
267
00:11:05,789 --> 00:11:07,905
You had a sex dream
about Ranjit!
268
00:11:07,907 --> 00:11:09,407
Hello.
269
00:11:09,409 --> 00:11:10,842
Ranjit!
270
00:11:10,844 --> 00:11:12,410
Sorry.
271
00:11:12,412 --> 00:11:14,412
Okay, yes, I did,
272
00:11:14,414 --> 00:11:17,131
but it didn't
mean anything.
273
00:11:17,133 --> 00:11:19,384
Okay, well, what
happened in this dream?
274
00:11:19,386 --> 00:11:20,751
And I want to
know everything.
275
00:11:20,753 --> 00:11:22,086
Every explicit detail.
276
00:11:22,088 --> 00:11:23,438
Don't leave out any...
277
00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:25,190
Damn it, Ranjit!
278
00:11:25,192 --> 00:11:27,192
Sorry.
279
00:11:28,561 --> 00:11:30,562
Marshall, it was a dream.
280
00:11:30,564 --> 00:11:31,946
Yeah, well, dreams
are just stuff
281
00:11:31,948 --> 00:11:34,232
that you subconsciously
want to happen.
282
00:11:34,234 --> 00:11:35,867
Why do you think
I'm constantly dreaming
283
00:11:35,869 --> 00:11:37,768
about Bigfoot playing
quarterback for the Vikings?
284
00:11:37,770 --> 00:11:41,039
Because you fall asleep
looking at a painting of it.
285
00:11:41,041 --> 00:11:42,540
It soothes me.
286
00:11:42,542 --> 00:11:44,909
Don't try to change the subject.
287
00:11:44,911 --> 00:11:46,828
You sleep-cheated.
288
00:11:46,830 --> 00:11:48,946
You've been
sleep-sleeping around,
289
00:11:48,948 --> 00:11:50,131
and I'm sick of it.
290
00:11:50,133 --> 00:11:51,583
You know,
I have half a mind
291
00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:53,635
to get out and let you
eat all by yourself.
292
00:11:53,637 --> 00:11:55,920
Should I pull over?
293
00:11:55,922 --> 00:11:57,121
Damn it, Ranjit!
294
00:11:57,123 --> 00:11:59,474
Yes, Ranjit.
Pull over.
295
00:11:59,476 --> 00:12:02,810
Pulling over.
296
00:12:02,812 --> 00:12:03,978
You watch, Ted.
297
00:12:03,980 --> 00:12:06,631
Tonight is going
to be legen--
298
00:12:06,633 --> 00:12:08,716
it's the night
we stole a camel...
299
00:12:10,336 --> 00:12:13,855
...which means it'll be
full of drama-- dary.
300
00:12:13,857 --> 00:12:15,823
Dromedary!
301
00:12:15,825 --> 00:12:19,410
I applaud your wordplay,
but your core premise is flawed.
302
00:12:19,412 --> 00:12:21,579
Every night
can't be legendary.
303
00:12:21,581 --> 00:12:25,116
If all nights are legendary,
no nights are legendary.
304
00:12:25,118 --> 00:12:28,403
See, Ted,
that attitude right there,
305
00:12:28,405 --> 00:12:30,104
that's why I'm in the lead.
306
00:12:30,106 --> 00:12:31,456
What do you mean, in the lead?
307
00:12:31,458 --> 00:12:33,324
I'm talking about
the game of life, Ted.
308
00:12:33,326 --> 00:12:34,459
Scoreboard.
309
00:12:34,461 --> 00:12:36,511
Better wardrobe:
75 points.
310
00:12:36,513 --> 00:12:39,047
Apartment on a higher floor:
90 points.
311
00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:41,733
Longer name: 110 points.
312
00:12:41,735 --> 00:12:43,801
Sorry. Did you just make up
this point system?
313
00:12:43,803 --> 00:12:46,070
Made up the point system:
114 points.
314
00:12:46,072 --> 00:12:48,172
And ten points to you
for pointing that out.
315
00:12:48,174 --> 00:12:49,507
Nice job, Ted.
316
00:12:49,509 --> 00:12:51,593
15 points to me
for being gracious enough
317
00:12:51,595 --> 00:12:52,961
to give you those ten points.
318
00:12:52,963 --> 00:12:54,195
But here's the point, Ted.
319
00:12:54,197 --> 00:12:55,363
Every time I go out
320
00:12:55,365 --> 00:12:56,581
and have an awesome night
321
00:12:56,583 --> 00:12:57,715
and you're not there,
322
00:12:57,717 --> 00:12:59,350
that's another 100 points
in my column.
323
00:12:59,352 --> 00:13:01,419
So yeah, I'm in the lead.
324
00:13:01,421 --> 00:13:04,205
Barney, the fact that I
can stay home for a night
325
00:13:04,207 --> 00:13:06,524
shows that I have inner peace
326
00:13:06,526 --> 00:13:08,576
and that I don't feel
the need to keep score.
327
00:13:08,578 --> 00:13:10,244
That's worth like
1,000 points right there,
328
00:13:10,246 --> 00:13:12,914
so at the very
least, we're tied.
329
00:13:12,916 --> 00:13:14,799
We're so not tied.
330
00:13:14,801 --> 00:13:16,234
Although you know
what is tied--
331
00:13:16,236 --> 00:13:18,503
the strap
of my girlfriend's bikini.
332
00:13:18,505 --> 00:13:20,505
Except when it's not,
'cause she's a stripper.
333
00:13:20,507 --> 00:13:22,206
One million points!
Game.
334
00:13:22,208 --> 00:13:23,641
Shh.
335
00:13:23,643 --> 00:13:24,726
It's over.
336
00:13:24,728 --> 00:13:26,694
It's done. It's done.
337
00:13:28,147 --> 00:13:30,047
So what do you do?
338
00:13:30,049 --> 00:13:31,382
You're kidding, right?
339
00:13:31,384 --> 00:13:33,184
I... I'm an on-air reporter.
340
00:13:33,186 --> 00:13:35,486
I just did a report
like five minutes ago.
341
00:13:35,488 --> 00:13:37,221
You sound frustrated.
342
00:13:37,223 --> 00:13:38,556
Yeah, I am.
343
00:13:38,558 --> 00:13:42,560
I'm busting my ass,
and as usual, no recognition.
344
00:13:42,562 --> 00:13:45,663
Robin, I've been
doing this a while,
345
00:13:45,665 --> 00:13:48,166
and if there's one thing
I've learned, it's flarm.
346
00:13:48,168 --> 00:13:50,284
What?
Flarm.
347
00:13:50,286 --> 00:13:52,236
Flarm, flarm, flarm.
348
00:13:52,238 --> 00:13:53,788
Blobbum.
349
00:13:53,790 --> 00:13:55,673
What is wrong with you?
350
00:13:55,675 --> 00:13:57,291
Are you having a stroke?
351
00:13:57,293 --> 00:13:59,076
As a matter of fact, he was.
352
00:13:59,078 --> 00:14:00,795
Oh! Hold on! Wait!
353
00:14:00,797 --> 00:14:02,196
Meanwhile, Lily was in
354
00:14:02,198 --> 00:14:04,382
desperate needof a female friend.
355
00:14:04,384 --> 00:14:06,351
Lily, I have seen this
a million times.
356
00:14:06,353 --> 00:14:08,886
Guys go crazy when there's
a baby on the way.
357
00:14:08,888 --> 00:14:11,255
You should have seen the manager
when his wife got pregnant.
358
00:14:11,257 --> 00:14:14,892
After the second trimester,
he made her stop stripping.
359
00:14:14,894 --> 00:14:17,228
Yeah, you're right.
360
00:14:17,230 --> 00:14:18,780
Now I feel bad.
361
00:14:18,782 --> 00:14:20,264
Our big dinner's been ruined.
362
00:14:20,266 --> 00:14:22,784
Marshall's
probably crying right now.
363
00:14:22,786 --> 00:14:25,536
I had no idea that
food could be this delicious.
364
00:14:25,538 --> 00:14:28,606
Marshall, you are being crazy.
365
00:14:28,608 --> 00:14:30,608
No, no, I can handle it.
366
00:14:30,610 --> 00:14:31,942
If I sell my laptop,
367
00:14:31,944 --> 00:14:34,746
we can get seconds
on those squash blossoms.
368
00:14:34,748 --> 00:14:36,130
I mean about Lily.
369
00:14:36,132 --> 00:14:39,500
Well, you know,
she's being crazy, too.
370
00:14:39,502 --> 00:14:40,618
She's pregnant.
371
00:14:40,620 --> 00:14:42,053
She gets to be crazy.
372
00:14:42,055 --> 00:14:44,055
You have to be the sane one.
373
00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:45,890
So what, I don't get to be
crazy again
374
00:14:45,892 --> 00:14:47,124
until the baby comes?
375
00:14:47,126 --> 00:14:50,261
No. Then it's baby's turn
to be crazy.
376
00:14:50,263 --> 00:14:52,963
When do I get to be crazy again?
377
00:14:52,965 --> 00:14:54,465
Never.
378
00:14:59,405 --> 00:15:01,072
We are totally even.
379
00:15:01,074 --> 00:15:03,191
We absolutely are not even,
and here's why.
380
00:15:03,193 --> 00:15:04,742
I'll grant you
that if you include
381
00:15:04,744 --> 00:15:07,278
the 12 points
for designing the skyscraper,
382
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:09,580
the 83 points for slapping five
with Tommy Lee
383
00:15:09,582 --> 00:15:12,633
and the 9,000 points
for banging Robin before me,
384
00:15:12,635 --> 00:15:15,303
our point totals
would be about neck and neck,
385
00:15:15,305 --> 00:15:17,205
but there's one thing
you're forgetting.
386
00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:18,456
The fact that I don't care?
387
00:15:18,458 --> 00:15:19,807
No.
388
00:15:19,809 --> 00:15:22,310
And you just lost five points
for sass.
389
00:15:22,312 --> 00:15:26,297
Do you remember a conversation
we had about three years ago?
390
00:15:26,299 --> 00:15:28,716
Barney, you're
the king.
391
00:15:28,718 --> 00:15:30,268
Nobody picks up chicks like you.
392
00:15:30,270 --> 00:15:31,519
You're handsome,
393
00:15:31,521 --> 00:15:33,354
debonair,
394
00:15:33,356 --> 00:15:35,440
everything I wish I could be.
395
00:15:35,442 --> 00:15:37,141
I'm starting to think
this never happened.
396
00:15:37,143 --> 00:15:39,160
Let you finish.
397
00:15:39,162 --> 00:15:41,679
You're smooth,
charismatic,
398
00:15:41,681 --> 00:15:42,647
"sauve."
399
00:15:42,649 --> 00:15:44,148
I think you mean "suave."
400
00:15:44,150 --> 00:15:45,383
Aha.
401
00:15:45,385 --> 00:15:47,535
So you do remember.
402
00:15:47,537 --> 00:15:48,820
But there's one thing
403
00:15:48,822 --> 00:15:51,689
even a master ladies' man
like you could never do,
404
00:15:51,691 --> 00:15:53,291
and if you could
ever do it,
405
00:15:53,293 --> 00:15:55,293
it would be worth 500 points.
406
00:15:55,295 --> 00:15:59,080
You have my attention,
my slightly shorter friend.
407
00:15:59,082 --> 00:16:00,665
Here's the challenge.
408
00:16:00,667 --> 00:16:04,819
Get a girl's phone number
while you're wearing a dress.
409
00:16:06,672 --> 00:16:09,390
Challenge...
410
00:16:09,392 --> 00:16:11,092
Accomplished.
411
00:16:11,094 --> 00:16:12,176
That's right.
412
00:16:12,178 --> 00:16:13,845
Last year,
I slapped on a dress,
413
00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:15,713
took a few laps
around this very bar,
414
00:16:15,715 --> 00:16:17,215
and I got this:
415
00:16:17,217 --> 00:16:19,884
the phone number
of one Stephanie McColgan.
416
00:16:19,886 --> 00:16:23,053
Later that night,
I took off my pantyhose,
417
00:16:23,055 --> 00:16:25,740
and gave her panties...
my hose.
418
00:16:25,742 --> 00:16:27,057
That's right, Ted.
419
00:16:27,059 --> 00:16:29,360
I am 500 points ahead.
420
00:16:29,362 --> 00:16:31,329
Until you can get
a girl's digits
421
00:16:31,331 --> 00:16:34,899
while wearing a dress,
you and I will never be even.
422
00:16:34,901 --> 00:16:36,834
You know what? The super's
probably waiting for me,
423
00:16:36,836 --> 00:16:38,619
and I just remembered
there's a spare key
424
00:16:38,621 --> 00:16:40,371
under the doormat, so good night.
Wait, wait.
425
00:16:40,373 --> 00:16:41,739
Ted, don't go.
Barney, I am leaving.
426
00:16:41,741 --> 00:16:43,875
I'm afraid this is just
one of those nights
427
00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:45,510
we're probably going to forget.
428
00:16:45,512 --> 00:16:47,378
I don't think so, dude. Look.
429
00:16:47,380 --> 00:16:48,963
If you're just joining us,
the World Wide News
430
00:16:48,965 --> 00:16:51,582
Eye in the Sky traffic chopper
is out of control over Manhattan
431
00:16:51,584 --> 00:16:53,651
and being piloted
by our own Robin Scherbatsky.
432
00:16:53,653 --> 00:16:55,853
This probably won't end well.
433
00:16:58,608 --> 00:17:01,066
Kids, every now and then,New York has a moment
434
00:17:01,070 --> 00:17:03,187
when every eye in the cityis watching the same thing.
435
00:17:03,889 --> 00:17:06,289
This was one of those moments.
436
00:17:06,291 --> 00:17:09,142
We all watched breathlesslyas the pilot on the ground
437
00:17:09,144 --> 00:17:11,962
told her what to do,and against all odds,
438
00:17:11,964 --> 00:17:15,632
your Aunt Robinlanded that helicopter.
439
00:17:17,052 --> 00:17:19,002
I did it.
440
00:17:19,887 --> 00:17:21,421
I did it!
441
00:17:28,996 --> 00:17:31,097
The pilot survivedand made a full recovery.
442
00:17:31,099 --> 00:17:32,465
And Robin?
443
00:17:32,467 --> 00:17:34,734
It's Robin Scherbatsky,
everybody!
444
00:17:36,938 --> 00:17:38,555
Thank you so much.
445
00:17:39,991 --> 00:17:42,575
Oh, okay...
446
00:17:42,577 --> 00:17:44,077
Robin got famous.
447
00:17:44,079 --> 00:17:46,129
In the next few days,she would...
448
00:17:46,131 --> 00:17:47,831
meet the mayor,
449
00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:49,432
go on Letterman
450
00:17:49,434 --> 00:17:52,485
and even have a deli sandwichnamed after her.
451
00:17:52,487 --> 00:17:54,704
But most importantly,that night,
452
00:17:54,706 --> 00:17:56,489
she got a call, text or e-mail
453
00:17:56,491 --> 00:17:58,708
from almost everyoneshe'd ever met.
454
00:17:58,710 --> 00:18:00,593
Hey, Marshall.
455
00:18:00,595 --> 00:18:02,495
Hey, Lil.
456
00:18:02,497 --> 00:18:04,497
Hey, Barney.
457
00:18:04,499 --> 00:18:06,933
Yes, I know
you're dating a stripper.
458
00:18:06,935 --> 00:18:08,301
Mm-hmm.
459
00:18:08,303 --> 00:18:09,803
Hey, Dad.
460
00:18:09,805 --> 00:18:12,305
You proud of your little girl?
461
00:18:14,892 --> 00:18:17,360
Okay, I'll keep trying.
462
00:18:17,362 --> 00:18:21,197
Babe, I think
I know why you had
463
00:18:21,199 --> 00:18:23,900
that sex dream about Ranjit.
Why?
464
00:18:23,902 --> 00:18:25,201
Think about it.
465
00:18:25,203 --> 00:18:27,203
The way he talks
about his kids.
466
00:18:27,205 --> 00:18:29,188
He's a wonderful father.
467
00:18:29,190 --> 00:18:32,826
Just like Papa Smurf,
Bill Cosby...
468
00:18:32,828 --> 00:18:35,662
George Washington,
the father of our country.
469
00:18:35,664 --> 00:18:38,665
You're attracted
to great dads.
470
00:18:38,667 --> 00:18:40,500
And that's why you love me.
471
00:18:40,502 --> 00:18:44,037
Because I'm going to be
the greatest dad ever.
472
00:18:44,039 --> 00:18:46,556
Sure, that must be it.
473
00:18:46,558 --> 00:18:49,208
Lily decidednot to tell Marshall
474
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:50,810
about her dreaminvolving Frankenstein
475
00:18:50,812 --> 00:18:53,212
and the tea cupfrom Beauty and the Beast.
476
00:18:53,214 --> 00:18:55,298
That one was just for her.
477
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,550
Okay, Barney,
I got to go.
478
00:18:57,552 --> 00:18:58,568
What?
479
00:18:58,570 --> 00:18:59,686
In the middle of
480
00:18:59,688 --> 00:19:01,905
"The Night You Got Locked Out
in Your Pajamas
481
00:19:01,907 --> 00:19:04,057
"and Robin Landed
a Freaking Helicopter
482
00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:06,776
and There's Still Time
to Reunite Genesis?"
483
00:19:06,778 --> 00:19:08,695
Dude, you got your wish.
484
00:19:08,697 --> 00:19:10,730
It's a night
we'll always remember.
485
00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:12,565
Why can't we just go home?
486
00:19:12,567 --> 00:19:14,200
I can't go home, Ted.
Why not?
487
00:19:14,202 --> 00:19:17,370
Because...
I'm dating a stripper.
488
00:19:17,372 --> 00:19:18,972
Yes, I've seen your bus ad.
489
00:19:18,974 --> 00:19:20,690
I get it.
490
00:19:20,692 --> 00:19:22,241
No, you don't.
491
00:19:22,243 --> 00:19:25,595
Every night, between 9:00 p.m.
and 4:00 a.m.,
492
00:19:25,597 --> 00:19:27,213
I'm in hell.
493
00:19:27,215 --> 00:19:29,799
All I can think about
is what Quinn is doing
494
00:19:29,801 --> 00:19:33,019
and where she is doing it
and who she is doing it on.
495
00:19:33,021 --> 00:19:36,439
If I don't do something
to take my mind off of it...
496
00:19:38,926 --> 00:19:41,828
You're lucky that you can just
go sit around the house, Ted.
497
00:19:41,830 --> 00:19:43,947
I don't have that option.
498
00:19:43,949 --> 00:19:46,232
Wow.
499
00:19:46,234 --> 00:19:48,051
You're in love with this girl.
500
00:19:48,053 --> 00:19:50,353
I really am, Ted.
501
00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:52,689
I mean...
502
00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:55,542
she's a stripper.
503
00:19:55,544 --> 00:19:57,210
Later that night...
504
00:20:09,890 --> 00:20:11,357
The next night,
505
00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:14,761
all I wanted to dowas enjoy a night at home.
506
00:20:16,831 --> 00:20:20,283
But there was somethingI had to do.
507
00:20:25,156 --> 00:20:29,242
♪ ♪
508
00:20:33,814 --> 00:20:34,998
It wasn't easy,
509
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,785
but by God,after a long night of trying...
510
00:20:38,787 --> 00:20:40,620
Okay.
511
00:20:40,622 --> 00:20:42,622
Now we're even.
512
00:20:42,624 --> 00:20:44,591
500 points.
513
00:20:44,593 --> 00:20:45,792
Scoreboard.
514
00:20:45,794 --> 00:20:47,093
More than a legendary night
515
00:20:47,095 --> 00:20:48,494
we'd remember forever,
516
00:20:48,496 --> 00:20:52,132
Uncle Barney needed a broto help him forget.
517
00:20:52,134 --> 00:20:54,434
In this case, a bro in a dress.
518
00:20:54,436 --> 00:20:56,803
I'm proud of you.
519
00:20:56,805 --> 00:20:58,638
Are you wearing perfume?
520
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:01,337
It's a unisex fragrance.
It was in Details.
521
00:21:02,050 --> 00:21:04,865
It's nice.
It's perfume.
522
00:21:04,965 --> 00:21:08,965
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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