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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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NARRATOR: Kids,in the spring of 2012,
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your Uncle Barney went offthe grid for a couple weeks.
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So I was relievedwhen I got a text
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asking me to come overto his place.
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Glad to hear from you, buddy.
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I was worried something
bad happened...
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...to you.
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Welcome, brother.
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What is this?
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Ted Evelyn Mosby,
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you are about to be
sworn to secrecy
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through the sacred vows
of a Bro Oath,
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or "Broath."
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Please, put on
your "brobe."
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Yeah, I'm not putting on
the "brobe."
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Ted, just...
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just... Okay?
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(Gregorian chant over stereo):
♪ Broooo... ♪
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Wait, are they chanting "bro"?
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♪ Bro... ♪
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I got some local monks
to record this.
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Yeah! I got a monk guy.
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Cool, right?
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It actually is, yeah.
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I'll burn it for you.
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Just remind me after The Broath.
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Anyway, Ted Evelyn Mosby,
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this ritual forever binds you
to keep a solemn secret...
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Which is?
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I really like this Quinn girl!
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We've been spending
tons of time together,
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and I want the gang to meet her.
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but I'm afraid they're
gonna disapprove because,
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well, you know.
NARRATOR: I did know. You see,
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Quinn was a stripper...
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who had swindled Barney out ofquite a bit of cash.
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We're inviting everyone
to dinner at Quinn's,
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and I want them to
keep an open mind,
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which brings us to The Broath.
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Place your hand
on The Bro Code.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah...
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"I, Ted "Why Did I Ever Tell You
My Middle Name" Mosby..."
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...solemnly swear not to
tell our friends
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that Quinn is
a stripper.
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"...solemnly swear not
to tell our friends
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that Quinn is a stripper" who
duped you out of lots of money.
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You're only supposed
to repeat after me.
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"You're only supposed
to repeat after me."
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- Stop it.
- Stop it.
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Silence!
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Look, I know that things
started out sketchy
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with me and Quinn, but
I really like her, so please.
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Do you,
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Ted Middle-Name-Omitted Mosby,
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swear to uphold this Broath?
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I do.
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Barney's dating a stripper
who's gonna steal all his money!
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♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x19 ♪
The Broath
Original Air Date on March 19, 2012
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== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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Okay, time to go to
Quinn's. Now remember,
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I told you nothing, okay?
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Barney really wants
us all to like her.
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But how can we?
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Quinn totally duped Barney,
and he couldn't even see it.
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Well, apparently, the sex
is mind-blowing.
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Ha, I've been there.
Yeah.
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I was once with this chick
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who answered the door wearing
nothing but, uh, whipped cream,
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a dog collar
and a hot pink thong.
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LILY: Marshall,
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you can't tell sex stories
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about "this chick," because
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everyone knows it's me.
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I'm the only woman
you've ever been with.
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It's not fair, the guys are
always telling their sex stories
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and I can top
every one of them.
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Baby, you're like 20 slutty
chicks all rolled into one.
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Sweet talk is not going
to change my mind.
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Let's focus.
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Tonight, we want to make sure
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that Quinn is not
out to scam Barney.
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So, when we walk back
through that door
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three hours from now,
we should all be able
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to answer one
simple question:
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Do we trust this girl?
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Well, for one thing,
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she seems kind of controlling.
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Is it okay if I put out
the hummus, bunny face?
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No, save it for dessert.
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Idiot.
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(all laughing)
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(snaps fingers)
(chuckles) Uh, ah...
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More red wine, beauty-swan?
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She drinks a lot.
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Is it okay if I
go pee, sugar lamb?
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No!
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You just went three hours ago.
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You're right, baby bear!
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(moans)
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Yes, so Barney's whipped;
it doesn't mean
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that Quinn is a con artist.
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Well, maybe we could've gotten
a better read on her
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if two people
hadn't gone off topic.
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By the way, Quinn,
your apartment is amazing.
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Oh, yeah, it's beautiful.
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I'm actually moving out soon.
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If you know anyone
looking for a sublet,
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this place is rent-controlled.
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You would not believe
what I pay.
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NARRATOR: Kids,things have been tense
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between Robin and I for weeks.
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Ever since she moved out,
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and I gave the apartmentto Marshall and Lily,
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I'd been crashingin university housing.
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It's 10:00,
damn it.
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Ned, Martin and Millie,
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people are trying to sleep!
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Hey, you were young
like us once, right?
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I was never like you guys.
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NARRATOR: And Robin was stayingwith her coworker, Patrice.
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You seem so down today, Robin.
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I made you cookies.
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Damn it, Patrice,
stop smothering me!
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NARRATOR: So, when Quinn saidher apartment was available...
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ROBIN/TED:
It's mine! It's mine! It's mine!
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Dibs! Dibs! Dibs!
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We got off topic?
What about Marshall?
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Hey, I was just
going along with
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whoever suggested
we play that game.
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Hey, let's play a game!
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Uh, craziest
sex-in-public story; I'll start.
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I was once with this chick
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who loved to get freaky
in elevators.
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Doors would close;
suddenly,
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she's panting on all fours
like a dog in heat.
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(panting)
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Marshall, stop.
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I never said that it was you.
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Okay, so anyway, last August,
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I go bareback
with this same slut.
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She get's pregnant;
bitch is even hornier.
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Oh, yeah? I was once
with this dude
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who I caught eating
a sandwich during sex.
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Big ol' meatball
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falls out, lands on my back,
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rolls on to the elevator floor.
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Hmm. Disgusting, right?
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What, I never said it was you.
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Yeah, sorry we didn't stay
as laser-focused as you guys.
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Hey, at least I got
some evidence.
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Look what I found
in Quinn's bedroom.
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Barney's taking her to Hawaii.
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Lily, you snooped
through her stuff?
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No. It's like
the first thing you see
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when you jimmy open her desk
drawer with a letter opener
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her grandfather left her,
according to her diary.
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ROBIN: First-class tickets,
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a four-star hotel--
this cost Barney a fortune.
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Yeah, this proves that Quinn is
totally using him for his money.
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You know what Lily, enough.
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Guys, even if you're right
about Quinn, this is Barney.
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He'll come to his senses.
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I give this whole thing
a week, two weeks, tops.
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And now, we have
an announcement.
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Can I tell them?
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No.
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We're moving in together
We're m...
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Congrats! That's great.
So happy for you.
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We gotta end this.
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All: Yup.
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NARRATOR:
Kids, as you'll recall,
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our gang had a subtle wayof letting someone know
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they were making a mistake.
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Where have you been?
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Oh, worth it. Hang on.
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Hey.
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You know we would've
hated ourselves, right?
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So,
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did Robin tell you the incredibly
devious thing she did today?
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Me?!
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Hey, so I just happened
to be in the neighborhood
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00:07:06,909 --> 00:07:09,693
and I thought, "Man, Quinn
is in such great shape,
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she must love fruit."
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(chuckles)
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So, unrelated,
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how's the search for
a sub-letter going?
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This is such a
weird coincidence!
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Robin also "just happened"
to be in the neighborhood
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with a bottle of wine
and her credit scores.
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(cork pops)
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I can't believe you two.
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What do you care about more,
protecting your friend
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from getting hurt or scoring
this girl's apartment?
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There's a working fireplace!
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00:07:39,975 --> 00:07:42,726
Patrice is ironing
my pants all wrong!
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You guys should be ashamed.
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Speaking of shame,
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00:07:46,365 --> 00:07:48,932
I was once with this chick
who liked to do hand stuff
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underneath a jacket
while we were all
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00:07:50,652 --> 00:07:52,452
sitting around our
favorite booth at MacLaren's.
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Gross.
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We share appetizers.
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Okay, well, I was once
with a dude
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00:07:58,210 --> 00:08:00,777
who couldn't even fantasize
about a three-way.
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00:08:00,779 --> 00:08:03,080
He was all,
"Ew, she's your best friend."
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00:08:03,082 --> 00:08:04,047
What now?
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00:08:04,049 --> 00:08:05,465
I was once with a
chick who wanted
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00:08:05,467 --> 00:08:08,552
to get it on during a school
production of PeterPan.
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00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:10,604
Well, I...
Wait, that wasn't me.
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00:08:11,889 --> 00:08:13,890
So, back to Patrice
and this ironing issue...
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I thought I was the first girl
you ever did anything with.
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Anything serious.
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00:08:18,013 --> 00:08:19,563
Please don't tell me that
you're jealous of me getting
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00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:22,816
to second base in tenth grade
with Jenna Cristalli.
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00:08:22,818 --> 00:08:26,103
Don't say that whore's name
in front of our baby.
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00:08:27,071 --> 00:08:28,488
What's going on?
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00:08:29,690 --> 00:08:32,325
Barney, this in an intervention.
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00:08:32,327 --> 00:08:34,310
(clears throat)
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A "Quinntervention."
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00:08:36,148 --> 00:08:40,316
You and Quinn are moving really
fast, and we don't trust her.
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00:08:40,318 --> 00:08:42,352
We're just looking out
for your best interests.
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00:08:42,354 --> 00:08:45,255
(clears throat)
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00:08:45,257 --> 00:08:47,858
"Quinn-terests."
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00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:50,093
I don't understand. Wh...
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00:08:50,095 --> 00:08:51,845
Wait a sec.
228
00:08:51,847 --> 00:08:54,264
Ted Evelyn Mosby...
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00:08:54,266 --> 00:08:56,883
you broke The Broath.
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00:08:56,885 --> 00:08:58,468
How dare you?!
231
00:08:58,470 --> 00:09:02,806
A Broath is the most sacred bond
between-- okay, yeah, I did.
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00:09:02,808 --> 00:09:05,675
Are you aware that
breaking a Broath
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00:09:05,677 --> 00:09:09,479
can have deadly,
even fatal repercussions?
234
00:09:09,481 --> 00:09:11,515
Have you studied history, Ted?
235
00:09:11,517 --> 00:09:13,183
Extensively.
But I'm a little shaky
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00:09:13,185 --> 00:09:14,517
on fake history, so...
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00:09:14,519 --> 00:09:16,399
The tragic cost of
a broken Broath
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00:09:16,424 --> 00:09:17,038
Uh-huh.
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00:09:17,039 --> 00:09:20,874
dates back to
Ancient Bro-man times...
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00:09:22,794 --> 00:09:24,795
Hey, Bro-tus,
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00:09:24,797 --> 00:09:27,214
you'd tell me if,
like, a bunch of dudes
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00:09:27,216 --> 00:09:29,633
were conspiring to
assassinate me, right?
243
00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:33,053
Um, totally, Caesar.
244
00:09:33,055 --> 00:09:35,472
Paranoid much?
(wry chuckle)
245
00:09:35,474 --> 00:09:37,707
Just to be sure,
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00:09:37,709 --> 00:09:40,060
can you swear
a Broath to me?
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00:09:40,062 --> 00:09:42,345
Sure. I swear.
248
00:09:42,347 --> 00:09:44,714
Thanks.
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00:09:44,716 --> 00:09:46,933
You've always got my back.
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00:09:46,935 --> 00:09:48,101
(clicks tongue)
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00:09:48,103 --> 00:09:51,538
(whistling)
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00:09:51,540 --> 00:09:53,740
(ninjas grunting)
253
00:09:56,327 --> 00:09:57,894
(grunting)
254
00:10:07,288 --> 00:10:10,540
Et tu, Bro-te?
255
00:10:10,542 --> 00:10:11,574
(grunts)
256
00:10:11,576 --> 00:10:13,260
(gasps and groans)
257
00:10:14,662 --> 00:10:17,430
And then he banged,
like, a hundred chicks
258
00:10:17,432 --> 00:10:19,599
and invented a salad.
259
00:10:19,601 --> 00:10:21,084
True story.
260
00:10:21,086 --> 00:10:24,187
Well, Quinn lied to you;
she manipulated you.
261
00:10:24,189 --> 00:10:25,856
What if she's just using you?
262
00:10:25,858 --> 00:10:27,274
She's not just using me.
263
00:10:27,276 --> 00:10:29,092
What about the expensive
trip to Hawaii?
264
00:10:29,094 --> 00:10:31,695
What expensive trip to Hawaii?
265
00:10:31,697 --> 00:10:34,030
The one I got for you.
266
00:10:35,049 --> 00:10:37,117
That was supposed to be
a surprise for Barney.
267
00:10:37,119 --> 00:10:39,569
He asked me to meet him here.
268
00:10:39,571 --> 00:10:41,938
What's going on, you guys?
269
00:10:41,940 --> 00:10:43,790
Tell her.
270
00:10:44,876 --> 00:10:47,110
(scoffs) Fine,
I'll fill her in.
271
00:10:47,112 --> 00:10:49,246
And I am so angry,
272
00:10:49,248 --> 00:10:52,415
I'm not even gonna make a joke
about "filling her in."
273
00:10:52,417 --> 00:10:54,801
Which I did three times
last night, self-five.
274
00:10:54,803 --> 00:10:57,470
My friends think
you're wrong for me,
275
00:10:57,472 --> 00:10:59,422
so they're having
an intervention.
276
00:10:59,424 --> 00:11:01,975
(clears throat)
277
00:11:01,977 --> 00:11:04,427
A "Quinntervention."
278
00:11:04,429 --> 00:11:06,096
I don't understand.
279
00:11:06,098 --> 00:11:08,848
Well, see, your name
is Quinn, and so...
280
00:11:08,850 --> 00:11:10,517
I'll explain.
281
00:11:10,519 --> 00:11:14,738
I made Ted promise not to tell
them what you do, but he did,
282
00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:16,439
and now they don't trust you.
283
00:11:16,441 --> 00:11:19,943
Wow, that really hurts.
284
00:11:19,945 --> 00:11:21,127
But what's even worse
285
00:11:21,129 --> 00:11:24,314
is that you felt
the need to lie about me.
286
00:11:24,316 --> 00:11:26,616
I'm not ashamed of
who I am, Barney,
287
00:11:26,618 --> 00:11:28,651
but you clearly are.
288
00:11:28,653 --> 00:11:29,836
I'm not ashamed of you.
289
00:11:29,838 --> 00:11:32,088
I just didn't want them
to judge you without...
290
00:11:32,090 --> 00:11:33,924
Maybe we are moving too fast.
291
00:11:33,926 --> 00:11:35,992
What? What is that
supposed to mean?
292
00:11:35,994 --> 00:11:37,961
I don't think I can do this.
293
00:11:37,963 --> 00:11:41,348
Wait, are you ending things
just like that?
294
00:11:41,350 --> 00:11:44,634
If you walk out that door,
you prove them right.
295
00:11:44,636 --> 00:11:46,519
You prove that you're just
some heartless stripper
296
00:11:46,521 --> 00:11:48,788
who never gave a damn about me
in the...
297
00:11:51,008 --> 00:11:53,343
Don't call me.
298
00:11:54,478 --> 00:11:55,812
(door slams)
299
00:11:55,814 --> 00:11:59,849
Wow. That
was intense.
300
00:11:59,851 --> 00:12:02,018
(clears throat)
301
00:12:07,273 --> 00:12:09,758
We just destroyed
what could have been
302
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:12,611
a once-in-a-lifetime shot
at happiness.
303
00:12:12,613 --> 00:12:14,913
I know. I feel guilty, too.
304
00:12:14,915 --> 00:12:17,449
Fireplace, balcony,
305
00:12:17,451 --> 00:12:18,984
hardwood floors...
306
00:12:19,886 --> 00:12:20,919
Okay, I'll just say it:
307
00:12:20,921 --> 00:12:22,521
After everything that
happened between us,
308
00:12:22,523 --> 00:12:23,572
I can't believe
you wouldn't
309
00:12:23,574 --> 00:12:26,024
back down and let me
have Quinn's place.
310
00:12:26,026 --> 00:12:29,027
Ted, can I talk to you
out in the hall?
311
00:12:30,062 --> 00:12:33,415
Has it ever occurred to you
312
00:12:33,417 --> 00:12:36,368
that the last few weeks haven't
been easy for me either?
313
00:12:36,370 --> 00:12:40,005
In the span of one day,
my engagement fell apart,
314
00:12:40,007 --> 00:12:42,758
I lost my best friend,
then I lost my apartment.
315
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:45,060
And-and now I'm about
to lose my job.
316
00:12:45,062 --> 00:12:46,094
What do you mean?
317
00:12:46,096 --> 00:12:47,245
(sighs)
318
00:12:47,247 --> 00:12:50,399
I-I've been completely
distracted at work.
319
00:12:50,401 --> 00:12:53,802
And now my boss wants to see me
Friday at 5:00,
320
00:12:53,804 --> 00:12:57,022
which, around the office,
is known as "fire o'clock."
321
00:12:57,024 --> 00:12:58,807
I had no idea.
322
00:12:58,809 --> 00:13:00,075
How could you?
323
00:13:00,077 --> 00:13:03,395
The one person I want to talk
to most barely looks me
324
00:13:03,397 --> 00:13:05,998
in the eye anymore,
much less returns my calls.
325
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:09,451
Ted, I know it took guts
to tell me you love me.
326
00:13:09,453 --> 00:13:13,271
And I-I know how much it hurt
that I didn't say it back,
327
00:13:13,273 --> 00:13:14,873
but...
328
00:13:14,875 --> 00:13:18,810
Damn it, th-this sucks
for me, too.
329
00:13:18,812 --> 00:13:21,546
And I-I miss you.
330
00:13:22,648 --> 00:13:27,953
Is there any way we can just...
go back to normal?
331
00:13:27,955 --> 00:13:33,392
I don't think
I can do normal anymore.
332
00:13:33,394 --> 00:13:35,127
(door opens)
333
00:13:35,129 --> 00:13:38,764
Barney still
isn't answering.
334
00:13:38,766 --> 00:13:41,633
We gotta go find him
and apologize.
335
00:13:41,635 --> 00:13:44,302
(knocking, door opens)
336
00:13:44,304 --> 00:13:47,823
Oh. I thought you were Quinn.
337
00:13:47,825 --> 00:13:50,075
Barney, we're so sorry.
338
00:13:50,077 --> 00:13:52,143
We never should've
meddled like that.
339
00:13:52,145 --> 00:13:53,912
Can you forgive us?
I don't know.
340
00:13:53,914 --> 00:13:55,697
You had no right to do that.
341
00:13:55,699 --> 00:13:57,499
How can we make it
up to you, buddy?
342
00:13:57,501 --> 00:13:59,534
(Gregorian chant playing)
343
00:13:59,536 --> 00:14:03,288
I, one of Barney's
best friends...
344
00:14:03,290 --> 00:14:06,124
OTHERS: "I, one of Barney's
best friends..."
345
00:14:06,126 --> 00:14:09,878
...promise never to interfere
with his personal life again...
346
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:14,116
"...promise never to interfere
with his personal life again..."
347
00:14:14,118 --> 00:14:17,719
...unless it's an issue of
health, national security,
348
00:14:17,721 --> 00:14:19,521
or he's about to get up
on a fattie.
349
00:14:19,523 --> 00:14:24,008
"...unless it's an issue of
health, national security,
350
00:14:24,010 --> 00:14:27,011
or he's about to
get up on a fattie."
351
00:14:27,013 --> 00:14:31,400
And now, to seal
this sacred vow,
352
00:14:31,402 --> 00:14:33,201
the two ladies will kiss.
Barney...
353
00:14:33,203 --> 00:14:36,020
The two ladies will kiss!
354
00:14:39,742 --> 00:14:41,293
Mmm.
355
00:14:42,528 --> 00:14:43,862
Lil...
(chuckling)
356
00:14:43,864 --> 00:14:45,414
Okay.
357
00:14:45,416 --> 00:14:46,698
And now the gentlemen.
358
00:14:46,700 --> 00:14:47,966
Dude...
359
00:14:47,968 --> 00:14:50,335
And now the gentlemen!
360
00:14:50,337 --> 00:14:54,723
Let's just...
This is silly.
361
00:14:56,642 --> 00:14:58,977
Don't-don't touch
my face.
362
00:15:02,648 --> 00:15:03,882
I was going to say,
363
00:15:03,884 --> 00:15:05,550
"And now the gentlemen
bump fists."
364
00:15:05,552 --> 00:15:07,352
How long you been holding
back that one?
365
00:15:07,354 --> 00:15:10,605
QUINN: Hot stuff, fellas.
366
00:15:10,607 --> 00:15:12,641
Did I see a little tongue
in there?
367
00:15:13,526 --> 00:15:15,243
I don't understand.
368
00:15:15,245 --> 00:15:16,495
Well, if these two
369
00:15:16,497 --> 00:15:18,580
will keep their sweaty paws
off each other
370
00:15:18,582 --> 00:15:19,831
for half a second, I'll explain.
371
00:15:19,833 --> 00:15:21,733
It all started
a couple days ago...
372
00:15:21,735 --> 00:15:23,401
I want you to meet
my friends.
373
00:15:23,403 --> 00:15:25,003
Should I be nervous?
374
00:15:25,005 --> 00:15:26,922
Is it like bringing me home
to meet your parents?
375
00:15:26,924 --> 00:15:28,039
No, no, no.
376
00:15:28,041 --> 00:15:29,574
Much more stressful than that.
377
00:15:29,576 --> 00:15:32,010
You see, my friends, while
awesome, can be presumptuous,
378
00:15:32,012 --> 00:15:34,346
meddlesome and
downright destructive.
379
00:15:34,348 --> 00:15:36,765
When they learn what
you do and how we met,
380
00:15:36,767 --> 00:15:38,216
they'll probably try
to break us up.
381
00:15:38,218 --> 00:15:40,435
So let's have
some fun with them.
382
00:15:40,437 --> 00:15:41,920
Mess with their heads.
383
00:15:41,922 --> 00:15:45,056
Are you saying...
evil plan?
384
00:15:45,058 --> 00:15:46,691
Hells to the yes.
385
00:15:46,693 --> 00:15:48,894
My God, you're hot.
386
00:15:48,896 --> 00:15:49,928
Wait for it.
387
00:15:49,930 --> 00:15:51,613
Here's what we do.
388
00:15:51,615 --> 00:15:54,950
BARNEY: I'll make Ted swear not to tellanyone what he knows about you,
389
00:15:54,952 --> 00:15:56,601
and he'll cave immediately.
390
00:15:56,603 --> 00:15:58,687
Barney's dating a stripper
who's gonna steal all his money!
391
00:15:58,689 --> 00:15:59,688
Next, we invite everyone over.
392
00:15:59,690 --> 00:16:01,323
I'll keep saying stuff like:
393
00:16:01,325 --> 00:16:03,291
Is it okay if I put out
the hummus, bunny face?
394
00:16:03,293 --> 00:16:04,793
QUINN: And I'll be the bossybitch who says:
395
00:16:04,795 --> 00:16:07,329
No, save it for dessert, idiot.
396
00:16:07,331 --> 00:16:08,613
BARNEY: Nice.
397
00:16:08,615 --> 00:16:09,998
And, finally, we'll announce...
398
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,566
We're moving in together!
399
00:16:11,568 --> 00:16:12,918
I've got an idea.
400
00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:14,586
Let's get your friends
Ted and Robin
401
00:16:14,588 --> 00:16:15,887
fighting over my apartment.
402
00:16:15,889 --> 00:16:17,956
Wait, what does that have
to do with you and me?
403
00:16:17,958 --> 00:16:19,474
Nothing. I just
worship chaos.
404
00:16:19,476 --> 00:16:21,309
I can't handle how hot
you are right now.
405
00:16:21,311 --> 00:16:23,512
Wait for it.
Next,
406
00:16:23,514 --> 00:16:26,181
BARNEY: they'll try to talk meinto dumping you.
407
00:16:26,183 --> 00:16:27,465
QUINN: And I'll walk in on it.
408
00:16:27,467 --> 00:16:28,400
BARNEY:
Then we pretend to break up.
409
00:16:28,402 --> 00:16:30,018
And when they crawl back,
410
00:16:30,020 --> 00:16:31,386
begging for forgiveness...
411
00:16:31,388 --> 00:16:33,522
I'll be the bigger manand let them off the hook.
412
00:16:33,524 --> 00:16:35,991
QUINN: Or make the monkeysdance for you.
413
00:16:35,993 --> 00:16:37,943
BARNEY: God, you're smart!
414
00:16:37,945 --> 00:16:40,412
It's gonna be legen...
415
00:16:40,414 --> 00:16:43,198
I'm not waiting for
it anymore. Mmm...
416
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,350
...dary.
417
00:16:46,669 --> 00:16:48,987
My God, you two are...
418
00:16:48,989 --> 00:16:50,505
Perfect together.
419
00:16:50,507 --> 00:16:52,457
So you're not really moving in?
420
00:16:52,459 --> 00:16:54,009
Well, it started
out as a joke,
421
00:16:54,011 --> 00:16:55,794
but the more we
talked about it...
422
00:16:55,796 --> 00:16:57,345
The more excited we got.
423
00:16:57,347 --> 00:16:59,664
So, yeah, we are.
424
00:16:59,666 --> 00:17:02,767
You have anything
to say about that?
425
00:17:02,769 --> 00:17:05,687
So happy for you.
Congratulations.
426
00:17:07,607 --> 00:17:08,773
Thank you.
427
00:17:08,775 --> 00:17:10,275
Thank you.
428
00:17:11,060 --> 00:17:13,144
You two realize this means
429
00:17:13,146 --> 00:17:15,463
my apartment really is
up for grabs, right?
430
00:17:16,866 --> 00:17:18,817
I'm sure I'll find
something else.
431
00:17:18,819 --> 00:17:20,485
- Me, too.
- Yeah.
432
00:17:20,487 --> 00:17:24,122
NARRATOR: And that's the storyof how we met Quinn.
433
00:17:24,124 --> 00:17:28,126
TED: That Friday, I met Robin to seehow it went at "fire o'clock."
434
00:17:28,128 --> 00:17:31,362
They promoted me
to on-air talent.
435
00:17:31,364 --> 00:17:33,364
I'm gonna be
Sandy Rivers' new co-host.
436
00:17:33,366 --> 00:17:34,699
Oh, my God!
437
00:17:34,701 --> 00:17:35,867
How'd that happen?
438
00:17:35,869 --> 00:17:36,918
Remember New Year's Eve?
439
00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:39,370
When I filled in for Sandy,it turns out
440
00:17:39,372 --> 00:17:41,706
the C.E.O.
of World Wide News liked me.
441
00:17:41,708 --> 00:17:43,207
He said I have "moxie."
442
00:17:43,209 --> 00:17:45,010
So he's a 1940s gangster?
443
00:17:45,012 --> 00:17:46,377
(laughing): Apparently.
444
00:17:46,379 --> 00:17:49,213
And I got a big raise,
445
00:17:49,215 --> 00:17:52,651
so I'm taking this apartment
on Central Park West,
446
00:17:52,653 --> 00:17:53,735
which means...
447
00:17:53,737 --> 00:17:55,103
Quinn's apartment.
448
00:17:55,105 --> 00:17:56,504
I already told her
you'd take it.
449
00:17:56,506 --> 00:18:00,075
Wow. Thanks.
450
00:18:00,077 --> 00:18:01,076
Yeah.
451
00:18:01,078 --> 00:18:02,393
Hey, and congrats.
452
00:18:02,395 --> 00:18:04,145
You deserve it all.
453
00:18:05,231 --> 00:18:09,734
You know, I've been
thinking about it, and...
454
00:18:09,736 --> 00:18:11,252
I can do normal.
455
00:18:11,254 --> 00:18:13,288
To back to normal.
456
00:18:13,290 --> 00:18:14,122
To back to normal.
457
00:18:14,124 --> 00:18:15,290
(clink)
458
00:18:22,548 --> 00:18:26,084
Uh... I-I should get going.
Yeah.
459
00:18:26,086 --> 00:18:27,519
You've got a lot to do.
Totally.
460
00:18:27,521 --> 00:18:28,920
So...
Um, see you soon.
461
00:18:28,922 --> 00:18:29,754
See you soon.
462
00:18:29,756 --> 00:18:31,255
Yeah.
463
00:18:31,257 --> 00:18:33,558
NARRATOR: We wouldn't see each otherfor a long time.
464
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:36,594
But I'll get to that.
465
00:18:36,596 --> 00:18:38,396
Listen, um...
466
00:18:38,398 --> 00:18:41,099
about me getting to second base
in tenth grade
467
00:18:41,101 --> 00:18:42,433
with Jenna Cristalli...
468
00:18:42,435 --> 00:18:43,952
I don't know what you're
talking about.
469
00:18:43,954 --> 00:18:46,454
I've already forgotten
about that dumb hobag.
470
00:18:46,456 --> 00:18:50,274
Yeah, um, it didn't happen while
we were watching Peter Pan.
471
00:18:50,276 --> 00:18:54,278
It happened while I was
playing Peter Pan.
472
00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:57,549
Here's a photo
from the day I was cast.
473
00:18:57,551 --> 00:18:59,784
That's me in the middle.
474
00:18:59,786 --> 00:19:01,786
But then I had my growth spurt.
475
00:19:01,788 --> 00:19:05,140
By opening night, I was too big
for the flying harness,
476
00:19:05,142 --> 00:19:07,308
and, well...
477
00:19:08,978 --> 00:19:13,765
I fell hands-first
right onto Jenna Cristalli.
478
00:19:13,767 --> 00:19:16,851
The tissues in her bra saved me
two broken wrists.
479
00:19:16,853 --> 00:19:18,269
I'm sorry. I just, I just wanted
480
00:19:18,271 --> 00:19:20,739
to have one cool
sex story that wasn't you.
481
00:19:20,741 --> 00:19:24,025
Okay. Next time you tell it,
you were in your dad's car,
482
00:19:24,027 --> 00:19:27,162
which you stole to go
to a Metallica concert,
483
00:19:27,164 --> 00:19:31,332
and you got to third base
with that slut.
484
00:19:33,202 --> 00:19:35,954
I was once with this chick...
485
00:19:35,956 --> 00:19:39,741
who is just
the best wife ever.
486
00:19:43,212 --> 00:19:45,513
Thank you for being so cool
about what I do.
487
00:19:45,515 --> 00:19:47,549
A lot of guys would be
weird or jealous.
488
00:19:47,551 --> 00:19:48,683
Are you kidding?
489
00:19:48,685 --> 00:19:51,002
Who am I to judge
anyone? I'm the devil!
490
00:19:55,224 --> 00:19:56,524
I mean, if you ever
491
00:19:56,526 --> 00:19:58,509
wanted to stop stripping,
I'd support it.
492
00:19:58,511 --> 00:20:00,979
- If you wanted... to.
- Uh-huh.
493
00:20:00,981 --> 00:20:03,114
So, you are jealous?
494
00:20:03,116 --> 00:20:05,200
What? No, no, not at all.
495
00:20:05,202 --> 00:20:07,202
I'm just saying,
if you ever wanted to hang up
496
00:20:07,204 --> 00:20:09,904
the ol' G-string,
I'd completely understand.
497
00:20:09,906 --> 00:20:12,791
Nah, I like taking my clothes
off for money.
498
00:20:12,793 --> 00:20:13,825
Great.
499
00:20:13,827 --> 00:20:16,244
Let me... let me finish.
500
00:20:16,246 --> 00:20:20,865
Hypothetically,
what would make you stop?
501
00:20:20,867 --> 00:20:23,134
Hypothetically...
502
00:20:23,136 --> 00:20:28,206
I would stop stripping
if I ever got married.
503
00:20:28,208 --> 00:20:29,474
Good night.
504
00:20:36,334 --> 00:20:39,119
And then we agreed
to "go back to normal."
505
00:20:40,499 --> 00:20:46,169
But I'm starting to wonder if we
can ever really just be friends.
506
00:20:46,171 --> 00:20:51,591
Anyway, that's the story of me
and Robin, 2005 to the present.
507
00:20:51,593 --> 00:20:52,926
What do you think?
508
00:20:52,928 --> 00:20:55,045
I think your stories
are way too long.
509
00:20:55,047 --> 00:20:59,482
I feel bad
for his future kids, dude.
510
00:20:59,484 --> 00:21:04,487
Hey, my kids are gonna
love my stories.
511
00:21:04,489 --> 00:21:08,408
They're gonna... yeah, they're
gonna love my stories.
512
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:12,433
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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