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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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00:00:04,060 --> 00:00:05,797
Sorry this is
taking so long.
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00:00:05,798 --> 00:00:08,166
He kicked for everybody else.
3
00:00:08,168 --> 00:00:10,468
It's hard for the little guy
to perform under pressure.
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00:00:10,470 --> 00:00:12,654
Top ten things Marshall
said on his wedding night.
5
00:00:12,656 --> 00:00:13,905
(laughter)
6
00:00:13,907 --> 00:00:15,640
Whoa! It was small, but
I think I felt something.
7
00:00:15,642 --> 00:00:18,142
Top ten things Lily said
on her wedding night.
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00:00:18,144 --> 00:00:20,111
Stop laughing
at it, Lily.
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00:00:20,113 --> 00:00:22,146
ALL: Top ten things Marshall said
on his wedding night!
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Can we please talk
about something
11
00:00:23,333 --> 00:00:24,449
other than my wedding night?
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00:00:24,451 --> 00:00:26,951
Absolutely. Let's talk
about last night.
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00:00:26,953 --> 00:00:29,320
It was a night
like any other.
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00:00:29,322 --> 00:00:31,322
I was just about
to get laid...
15
00:00:31,324 --> 00:00:33,541
Hey, Barney,
I need your help.
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00:00:33,543 --> 00:00:35,176
This hottie I'm talking to
is meeting her friend
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00:00:35,178 --> 00:00:36,628
at a club,
so I need a wingman.
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00:00:36,630 --> 00:00:39,013
Well, just so you know, I'd be
giving up a sure thing here.
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00:00:39,015 --> 00:00:40,098
Hey!
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00:00:40,100 --> 00:00:41,933
Are you not a sure thing?
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00:00:41,935 --> 00:00:44,269
Yeah, I am.
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00:00:45,638 --> 00:00:47,689
This "friend" of yours
better be even hotter
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00:00:47,691 --> 00:00:49,190
and dumber than this one.
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00:00:49,192 --> 00:00:52,677
Wow! You have Enormous
Penis Syndrome?
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00:00:52,679 --> 00:00:54,729
I've never heard of that.
Yeah.
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00:00:54,731 --> 00:00:57,115
That's the problem with E.P.S.:
lack of awareness.
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00:00:57,117 --> 00:00:59,150
That's why I'm
organizing a 10K fun-run.
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Of course, many of us
will need wheelbarrows.
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00:01:02,722 --> 00:01:05,022
You are so brave.
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00:01:05,024 --> 00:01:07,024
And you are so understanding.
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00:01:07,026 --> 00:01:08,993
Most people
just stare at me
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00:01:08,995 --> 00:01:11,963
like I'm some kind of freak
in reinforced underwear.
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Poor, baby.
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00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:15,667
I can't imagine
what you're going through
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00:01:15,669 --> 00:01:17,201
because I never wear underwear.
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(coughs) Jackpot!
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You want to get out of here?
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Oh, I don't know. This is all
moving kind of fast. Okay.
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00:01:22,642 --> 00:01:24,142
Oh, but before we go,
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00:01:24,144 --> 00:01:26,094
I should mention my condition.
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00:01:26,096 --> 00:01:29,597
It's called: I'm Not
a Gullible Dumbass Disorder.
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Okay, just stop.
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You have no chance with me.
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We're just here as backups
for our friends.
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Hey, how did you two meet,
anyway?
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00:01:39,659 --> 00:01:41,576
No, we're not doing
that first date dance
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00:01:41,578 --> 00:01:43,278
where you pretend everything
I say is fascinating,
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00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:45,947
thinking it'll somehow
get you into my pants.
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00:01:45,949 --> 00:01:47,865
What? Guys don't do that!
52
00:01:47,867 --> 00:01:49,918
Goat cheese?
Fascinating!
53
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:52,203
What else
are you allergic to, huh?
54
00:01:53,522 --> 00:01:56,407
You owe me three hours
for last night, Mosby.
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00:01:56,409 --> 00:01:58,042
I'm thinking,
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00:01:58,044 --> 00:02:01,379
laser tag tournament
in Newark this weekend.
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00:02:01,381 --> 00:02:03,414
Ted can pass for
under 18, right?
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00:02:03,416 --> 00:02:04,716
It's a father-son thing.
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00:02:04,718 --> 00:02:06,601
Marshall, we should
get going. Any later,
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00:02:06,603 --> 00:02:08,653
and we'll be riding the Drunk Train.
Oh.
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00:02:08,655 --> 00:02:09,470
The Drunk Train?
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00:02:09,472 --> 00:02:11,022
It's the last train
of the night
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00:02:11,024 --> 00:02:12,507
back to Long Island.
It's a mess.
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00:02:12,509 --> 00:02:13,858
LILY:
Just a bunch of drunk,
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00:02:13,860 --> 00:02:17,295
sloppy idiots, fresh off a
night of partying in the city,
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00:02:17,297 --> 00:02:20,231
just desperate to hook up
with anything that moves.
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00:02:20,233 --> 00:02:21,149
Yeah.
Bye.
68
00:02:21,151 --> 00:02:22,533
MARSHALL:
See you.
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00:02:22,535 --> 00:02:24,786
New plan, Ted.
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00:02:24,788 --> 00:02:26,821
So this father-son thing.
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00:02:26,823 --> 00:02:29,540
You know, a backwards baseball
cap really youngs me down.
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00:02:29,542 --> 00:02:30,625
All aboard!
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(train chugging,
train whistle toots)
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♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x16 ♪
The Drunk Train
Original Air Date on February 13, 2012
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00:02:36,388 --> 00:02:39,888
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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00:02:45,586 --> 00:02:47,938
NARRATOR: For Valentine's weekend,Lily and Marshall invited
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00:02:47,940 --> 00:02:50,274
Kevin and Robin on a couple'sgetaway to Vermont.
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BOTH: Mmm.
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00:02:52,361 --> 00:02:54,778
16 years together,
and still so in love.
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MARSHALL: Mm.
What's your secret?
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00:02:56,264 --> 00:02:58,765
The key to relationships is
understanding the difference
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00:02:58,767 --> 00:03:00,617
between hearing
and listening.
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00:03:00,619 --> 00:03:02,035
It's about respecting
your partner's...
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00:03:02,037 --> 00:03:03,203
Opinions on...
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00:03:03,205 --> 00:03:05,789
Hey, shh, shh, shh.
Kind of on a roll here.
86
00:03:05,791 --> 00:03:08,608
Relationships are
a give and take,
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00:03:08,610 --> 00:03:12,663
and that's why it's important
to never keep score.
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00:03:12,665 --> 00:03:13,647
LILY:
Yeah, like how
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00:03:13,649 --> 00:03:14,881
Barney's holding
these three hours
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00:03:14,883 --> 00:03:15,999
over Ted's head.
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00:03:16,001 --> 00:03:18,218
If they were a couple,
they'd never work.
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00:03:18,220 --> 00:03:21,621
Obviously. Ted's a Taurus,
and Barney is such a Scorpio.
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00:03:21,623 --> 00:03:22,956
Good advice.
Don't keep score.
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00:03:22,958 --> 00:03:24,725
They're not even
close to finished.
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00:03:24,727 --> 00:03:26,014
How do we not keep
score, you ask?
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00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:26,728
Huh. Hm.
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00:03:26,729 --> 00:03:29,558
Sounds like somebody want
to hear some examples, sweetie.
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00:03:29,583 --> 00:03:30,264
Mm-hmm.
99
00:03:30,265 --> 00:03:32,766
I'm just gonna close my
eyes until it's all over.
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00:03:32,768 --> 00:03:34,968
Top ten things Lily said
on her wedding night.
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Solid.
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Here's one.
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00:03:38,073 --> 00:03:40,357
Every time Marshall's
mom comes to visit us,
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we have to put out allthe tacky Minnesota gifts
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00:03:43,696 --> 00:03:46,146
she's bought us over the years.
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00:03:46,148 --> 00:03:48,148
Hi, Mom!
Hi, Mrs. Eriksen!
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00:03:48,150 --> 00:03:50,417
Marshall.
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00:03:51,652 --> 00:03:54,454
Uh-huh. I don't see
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00:03:54,456 --> 00:03:57,758
the gopher-hair tea cozy
I made you.
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(sighs) Guess it wasn't
good enough for Lily.
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00:04:00,346 --> 00:04:02,546
But I'd never hold
that over Marshall,
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because if I did,
he'd owe me big-time.
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00:04:05,167 --> 00:04:07,718
Just like I would never
hold it over you
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00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:11,438
for dragging me to that
experimental theater piece.
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00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:13,874
(woman screaming onstage)
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(sustained, intense screaming)
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Is it... is it
just screaming?
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00:04:23,985 --> 00:04:26,236
But we don't keep score.
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00:04:26,238 --> 00:04:28,354
Gotcha, loud and clear.
Don't keep score.
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00:04:28,356 --> 00:04:30,407
Because if we did, then
Marshall would owe me
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00:04:30,409 --> 00:04:32,042
for killing my
cousin's dog.
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00:04:32,044 --> 00:04:34,194
How did I know
that he would eat my wallet?
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00:04:34,196 --> 00:04:36,413
Why was your wallet filled
with chocolate?!
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00:04:36,415 --> 00:04:38,882
So we're back
to this argument!
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00:04:38,884 --> 00:04:41,034
NARRATOR: That night, Barneyand I found ourselves
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00:04:41,036 --> 00:04:43,536
in a strange,new universe called...
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The Drunk Train.
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00:04:44,873 --> 00:04:46,807
Hey!
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00:04:49,977 --> 00:04:53,814
Where has this heavenly vehicle
been all my life?
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00:04:53,816 --> 00:04:56,349
Can you hear
its inspiring chant, Ted?
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00:04:56,351 --> 00:04:59,986
I think I can get laid,
I think I can get laid.
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00:04:59,988 --> 00:05:02,105
It's-it's The Little Engine
with Wood,
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00:05:02,107 --> 00:05:04,024
The Whore-ient Express.
134
00:05:04,026 --> 00:05:05,391
The Long Island Tail Road!
135
00:05:05,393 --> 00:05:07,411
Oh, I got one.
136
00:05:07,413 --> 00:05:08,912
Thomas the Spank Engine!
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00:05:08,914 --> 00:05:11,331
Ted, that is a children's book.
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00:05:12,116 --> 00:05:13,667
(bottle shattering)
139
00:05:15,069 --> 00:05:17,287
Okay, as fun as this
place is, it's late.
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00:05:17,289 --> 00:05:18,338
So, what's our play?
141
00:05:18,340 --> 00:05:19,756
And don't say, "The
Siamese Twins""
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00:05:19,758 --> 00:05:21,908
We're not stretching out
another one of my jackets.
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00:05:21,910 --> 00:05:23,927
No, dude, this is
the Drunk Train.
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00:05:23,929 --> 00:05:25,128
We don't need a play!
145
00:05:25,130 --> 00:05:27,798
All we have to do is sit back,
play it cool,
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00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:30,467
scope out the hotties,
and by the end of the line,
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00:05:30,469 --> 00:05:33,586
we will totally be
sleeping with someone.
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00:05:33,588 --> 00:05:35,856
(both snoring)
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00:05:35,858 --> 00:05:37,423
(bottle smashing)
150
00:05:39,444 --> 00:05:42,062
You know,
you are so great.
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00:05:42,064 --> 00:05:44,614
You sat there listening
to Marshall and Lily
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00:05:44,616 --> 00:05:47,100
bicker all night,
and you didn't complain once.
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00:05:47,102 --> 00:05:49,369
Well, I am a therapist,
so I do plan on billing them.
154
00:05:49,371 --> 00:05:52,605
I also have a couple powerful
medications that might help.
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00:05:52,607 --> 00:05:53,907
Lily can't take anything;
she's pregnant.
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00:05:53,909 --> 00:05:55,375
I meant for us.
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00:05:55,377 --> 00:05:56,960
If we're getting through
five more meals
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00:05:56,962 --> 00:05:58,628
and a sleigh ride
with those guys,
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00:05:58,630 --> 00:06:00,130
we need to be spaced out
of our gourds.
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00:06:00,132 --> 00:06:02,132
Well, if we are keeping score,
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00:06:02,134 --> 00:06:04,617
I owe you one weekend, mister.
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00:06:04,619 --> 00:06:06,452
I was thinking
a little longer than that.
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00:06:06,454 --> 00:06:08,638
What do you mean?
164
00:06:10,892 --> 00:06:14,227
Robin, will you marry me?
165
00:06:20,723 --> 00:06:22,107
Look, I know this is fast.
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00:06:22,109 --> 00:06:24,309
I'm just excited
to start a life with you.
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00:06:24,311 --> 00:06:25,727
If that's what you want.
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00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:29,281
Wow.
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00:06:29,283 --> 00:06:31,032
Um...
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00:06:31,034 --> 00:06:33,702
I'm-I'm not saying no.
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00:06:33,704 --> 00:06:36,020
I'm-I'm not saying anything.
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00:06:36,022 --> 00:06:39,408
I just, um...
I-I need some time to think.
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00:06:39,410 --> 00:06:40,742
I totally understand.
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00:06:40,744 --> 00:06:42,794
Um, take as much time
as you need.
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00:06:42,796 --> 00:06:46,715
I'll just, uh... I'll just keep
this here until you're ready.
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00:06:46,717 --> 00:06:47,999
(laughs)
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00:06:48,001 --> 00:06:50,168
(sighs)
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00:06:54,474 --> 00:06:56,758
Any chance we could put
that bad boy away for now?
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00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:59,594
It's really just staring
at us, isn't it?
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00:06:59,596 --> 00:07:02,264
(panting):
Ted! Ted! Ted!
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00:07:02,266 --> 00:07:04,599
I thought of some new
great names for the Drunk Train.
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00:07:04,601 --> 00:07:05,817
Slamtrak!
183
00:07:05,819 --> 00:07:06,768
Uh-huh.
184
00:07:06,770 --> 00:07:09,438
The Chatta-Nookie Choo-Choo!
185
00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:12,056
Thomas the Spank Engine!
I said that one yesterday.
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00:07:12,058 --> 00:07:14,075
(in high-pitched voice):
I don't think you did.
187
00:07:14,077 --> 00:07:16,077
Wow. Someone's had some coffee.
188
00:07:16,079 --> 00:07:17,562
Yeah. 18 cups!
189
00:07:17,564 --> 00:07:20,248
There is no way
I'm falling asleep tonight!
190
00:07:20,250 --> 00:07:22,784
That Quinn girl is so wrong.
191
00:07:22,786 --> 00:07:24,786
She said I could never
love anything,
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00:07:24,788 --> 00:07:26,922
but I love this train!
193
00:07:26,924 --> 00:07:29,574
She said you could never
love anything? That's intense.
194
00:07:29,576 --> 00:07:31,960
Oh, you have no idea.
195
00:07:34,247 --> 00:07:35,964
Stop staring.
Not gonna happen.
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00:07:35,966 --> 00:07:39,083
Is there any way we can start
over and get to know each other?
197
00:07:39,085 --> 00:07:42,053
I already know you.
Oh, really?
198
00:07:42,055 --> 00:07:44,856
- You wear a suit all the time.
- Obviously.
199
00:07:44,858 --> 00:07:46,224
You have a stupid rule
about everything.
200
00:07:46,226 --> 00:07:48,059
I pay for the meal,
you handle my deal.
201
00:07:48,061 --> 00:07:49,277
That's just good manners.
202
00:07:49,279 --> 00:07:51,696
But you end most nights
alone at a strip club,
203
00:07:51,698 --> 00:07:53,281
feeling empty inside,
telling yourself
204
00:07:53,283 --> 00:07:57,869
your life is somehow epic
or classic or... legendary.
205
00:07:57,871 --> 00:08:01,456
I never say epic or classic.
206
00:08:01,458 --> 00:08:03,875
(laughs)
Do you practice the dark arts?
207
00:08:05,127 --> 00:08:06,895
No, they did not
forget the potato salad
208
00:08:06,897 --> 00:08:08,964
in your takeout order!
(mimes mind exploding)
209
00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:10,999
Wh-What happened next?!
210
00:08:11,001 --> 00:08:12,617
For the last time, I'm sorry.
211
00:08:12,619 --> 00:08:13,952
It's okay.
212
00:08:13,954 --> 00:08:15,253
Your debt is paid.
213
00:08:15,255 --> 00:08:17,839
You don't have to come
on the Drunk Train anymore.
214
00:08:17,841 --> 00:08:19,508
You're never gonna meet
the one there, anyway.
215
00:08:19,510 --> 00:08:21,760
- Oh, screw the one!
- What?
216
00:08:21,762 --> 00:08:24,346
Every date I've been on lately
has been brutal.
217
00:08:24,348 --> 00:08:26,264
Last week, I went out
with a girl
218
00:08:26,266 --> 00:08:28,266
whose favorite band was Glee.
219
00:08:28,268 --> 00:08:29,634
Plus, it's almost
Valentine's Day,
220
00:08:29,636 --> 00:08:32,470
and I'm alone without
anything close to a girlfriend.
221
00:08:32,472 --> 00:08:35,190
So... all aboard!
222
00:08:35,192 --> 00:08:39,444
I have never been more proud
of you.
223
00:08:39,446 --> 00:08:41,413
Come on.
224
00:08:41,415 --> 00:08:43,648
Ted, tonight is gonna be epic--
225
00:08:43,650 --> 00:08:46,585
wait for it-- dary! Wait.
226
00:08:46,587 --> 00:08:47,702
No, that's not it.
227
00:08:47,704 --> 00:08:50,005
How do I usually say it?
I hate this Quinn girl!
228
00:08:51,891 --> 00:08:54,259
Well,
229
00:08:54,261 --> 00:08:55,961
I propose we order
a bottle of wine.
230
00:08:55,963 --> 00:08:57,846
- (whispers loudly): Propose!
- Not propose. Suggest.
231
00:08:57,848 --> 00:09:00,048
I'm not married to the idea.
Lily, take it.
232
00:09:00,050 --> 00:09:02,217
Why don't we get an appetizer?
233
00:09:02,219 --> 00:09:04,719
How about the...
onion rings?
234
00:09:04,721 --> 00:09:05,687
I mean, diamond rings.
235
00:09:05,689 --> 00:09:07,939
I mean,
diamond circles.
236
00:09:07,941 --> 00:09:09,608
I mean, onion circles.
237
00:09:09,610 --> 00:09:10,775
I know they're fattening,
238
00:09:10,777 --> 00:09:13,194
but I hear this place
has great onion circles.
239
00:09:13,196 --> 00:09:16,681
So, Robin,
about not telling them?
240
00:09:18,401 --> 00:09:21,336
The green salad
looks interesting.
241
00:09:22,905 --> 00:09:24,706
You're so much better
without him.
242
00:09:24,708 --> 00:09:27,409
If you ask me,
Vinnie's a real jerk.
243
00:09:27,411 --> 00:09:29,160
Hey, don't you dare
badmouth Vinnie!
244
00:09:29,162 --> 00:09:30,495
Ow!
245
00:09:30,497 --> 00:09:31,713
So what do you do?
246
00:09:31,715 --> 00:09:33,965
Well, I teach architecture,
and I also...
247
00:09:33,967 --> 00:09:35,216
Oh, big man with a job.
248
00:09:35,218 --> 00:09:36,585
You think yore better than me?
249
00:09:36,587 --> 00:09:37,752
What...
250
00:09:37,754 --> 00:09:38,970
(chuckles)
251
00:09:40,506 --> 00:09:42,507
So... where do you live?
252
00:09:42,509 --> 00:09:43,892
I'm on the
Upper West Side.
253
00:09:43,894 --> 00:09:46,428
Oh, big man.
Living in Manhattan.
254
00:09:46,430 --> 00:09:48,513
What, you think you're
better than me?
255
00:09:48,515 --> 00:09:50,398
Ehhh!
256
00:09:54,236 --> 00:09:56,605
Ehhhh!
257
00:09:56,607 --> 00:09:58,389
You think you're
better than me?!
258
00:09:59,909 --> 00:10:01,493
Well, it's a close one.
259
00:10:01,495 --> 00:10:04,195
Lily made 14 awkward
references to marriage,
260
00:10:04,197 --> 00:10:05,447
and Marshall made an even 60.
261
00:10:05,449 --> 00:10:07,866
I'm so sorry, Kevin.
262
00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:09,534
It's okay. I'm gonna
go to bed, but
263
00:10:09,536 --> 00:10:11,670
you guys think tomorrow we can
stop with all the marriage talk?
264
00:10:11,672 --> 00:10:12,737
I do.
I do.
265
00:10:12,739 --> 00:10:15,073
That's a half a point each.
266
00:10:15,075 --> 00:10:16,374
See you in a minute.
267
00:10:16,376 --> 00:10:18,126
Okay.
268
00:10:18,128 --> 00:10:19,410
(sighs)
So?
269
00:10:19,412 --> 00:10:21,930
Are you any closer to deciding?
Ooh...
270
00:10:21,932 --> 00:10:26,551
Uh... well, there is something
you don't know.
271
00:10:26,553 --> 00:10:28,086
Um...
272
00:10:28,088 --> 00:10:29,304
Can you guys keep a secret?
273
00:10:29,306 --> 00:10:31,556
Yeah.
Well, some of us can.
274
00:10:32,558 --> 00:10:33,775
Well, there's something
275
00:10:33,777 --> 00:10:36,061
I have been keeping
from everyone
276
00:10:36,063 --> 00:10:37,779
for the last couple of months.
277
00:10:38,814 --> 00:10:39,948
Um...
278
00:10:39,950 --> 00:10:42,984
I found out that
I can't have children.
279
00:10:46,906 --> 00:10:48,456
- I'm so sorry.
- Yeah.
280
00:10:48,458 --> 00:10:49,492
Are you okay?
281
00:10:49,517 --> 00:10:50,917
I can't believe
that we didn't know.
282
00:10:50,961 --> 00:10:52,544
No, you know,
I've had some...
283
00:10:52,546 --> 00:10:55,914
time to deal with this
by myself, and...
284
00:10:55,916 --> 00:10:57,082
I'm okay.
285
00:10:57,084 --> 00:10:58,216
For real.
286
00:10:58,218 --> 00:10:59,501
Are you sure?
287
00:10:59,503 --> 00:11:01,636
Yeah. So...
288
00:11:01,638 --> 00:11:03,722
even though I love Kevin
289
00:11:03,724 --> 00:11:06,558
and I... think
I want to say yes,
290
00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:08,593
I can't until I tell him.
291
00:11:08,595 --> 00:11:09,561
But I'm scared
292
00:11:09,563 --> 00:11:10,795
it'll end our relationship.
293
00:11:10,797 --> 00:11:12,097
MARSHALL: You
know what, Robin?
294
00:11:12,099 --> 00:11:15,066
If it's meant to be,
then it won't matter.
295
00:11:15,068 --> 00:11:17,802
Yeah, you just
have to tell him.
296
00:11:19,438 --> 00:11:22,607
(groans) Thank God we had the keys
to Marshall and Lily's place.
297
00:11:22,609 --> 00:11:25,309
Pretty sure I told you that before
you kicked in that side window.
298
00:11:25,311 --> 00:11:30,081
You mean, before the "burglars"
kicked in that side window
299
00:11:30,083 --> 00:11:33,034
and stole all
of Lily's underwear.
300
00:11:33,036 --> 00:11:34,002
(groans)
301
00:11:34,004 --> 00:11:36,504
What the hell happened
on that train?
302
00:11:36,506 --> 00:11:38,506
It was absolute chaos.
303
00:11:38,508 --> 00:11:42,093
Ted, when I was at M.I.T.,
my favorite Einstein quote was:
304
00:11:42,095 --> 00:11:44,679
"God doesn't play dice
with the universe."
305
00:11:44,681 --> 00:11:46,081
You didn't go to M.I.T.
306
00:11:46,083 --> 00:11:48,499
I didn't?
307
00:11:48,501 --> 00:11:52,470
Huh. I actually have no idea
where you went to college.
308
00:11:53,305 --> 00:11:55,273
Who are you?
309
00:11:55,275 --> 00:11:59,561
(chuckles) If we analyze the seemingly
random patterns of the train,
310
00:11:59,563 --> 00:12:02,013
taking into account
standard deviation,
311
00:12:02,015 --> 00:12:04,866
and assuming that
epsilon approaches zero
312
00:12:04,868 --> 00:12:06,868
as angle delta approaches pi,
313
00:12:06,870 --> 00:12:08,903
we can conclude...
314
00:12:08,905 --> 00:12:10,688
(snoring)
315
00:12:10,690 --> 00:12:12,490
Damn it, Ted!
316
00:12:12,492 --> 00:12:15,543
I was about to drop some
sweet word play about logarithms
317
00:12:15,545 --> 00:12:18,213
and getting into a rhythm
with my log.
318
00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:20,799
(snoring)
I'll remember it.
319
00:12:20,801 --> 00:12:23,718
NARRATOR: The next morning, Robinmustered up all her courage
320
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,837
and finally told Kevinher secret.
321
00:12:25,839 --> 00:12:28,923
I know that this is a
lot to process, so...
322
00:12:28,925 --> 00:12:30,975
you take all the
time you need.
323
00:12:30,977 --> 00:12:34,229
And I understand...
Robin...
324
00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:36,631
will you marry me?
325
00:12:36,633 --> 00:12:38,716
Yes.
326
00:12:45,775 --> 00:12:46,617
What are you doing?
327
00:12:46,718 --> 00:12:48,835
The top speed of the Drunk Train
is 73 miles per hour,
328
00:12:48,837 --> 00:12:52,005
and you factor in an aggregate
of 32 boobs per car,
329
00:12:52,007 --> 00:12:54,141
28 of which are motorboatable,
330
00:12:54,143 --> 00:12:56,476
and you divide that...
No, no, no!
331
00:12:56,478 --> 00:12:58,678
This is all wrong!
332
00:12:59,347 --> 00:13:01,714
It should be so simple!
333
00:13:01,716 --> 00:13:04,651
I mean, it's the Drunk Train!
334
00:13:04,653 --> 00:13:08,271
My God...
it's been
335
00:13:08,273 --> 00:13:10,874
right in front of us
the whole time.
336
00:13:27,592 --> 00:13:28,875
"Get drunk""
337
00:13:28,877 --> 00:13:29,876
Yeah.
338
00:13:29,878 --> 00:13:31,244
Of course.
339
00:13:31,246 --> 00:13:33,713
Good circling, Ted.
340
00:13:33,715 --> 00:13:36,216
This ain't my first
word search.
341
00:13:38,853 --> 00:13:41,188
So my Mom's already
picked a date, venue
342
00:13:41,190 --> 00:13:42,689
and caterer for
the wedding.
343
00:13:42,691 --> 00:13:44,524
But nothing's
set in stone.
344
00:13:44,526 --> 00:13:45,859
My great-aunt's gonna sing.
345
00:13:45,861 --> 00:13:47,477
That's happening.
346
00:13:47,479 --> 00:13:49,062
Are you really okay with this?
347
00:13:49,064 --> 00:13:50,730
Yeah, she's actually got
a decent voice.
348
00:13:50,732 --> 00:13:53,567
No, are you... are you okay
349
00:13:53,569 --> 00:13:55,702
with everything
that we talked about?
350
00:13:55,704 --> 00:13:57,904
Of course, Robin, I love you.
351
00:13:57,906 --> 00:14:00,790
Besides, there are other ways
to have kids.
352
00:14:00,792 --> 00:14:02,075
There's adoption, surrogacy...
353
00:14:02,077 --> 00:14:05,745
No, Kevin, it's not just
that I can't have kids,
354
00:14:05,747 --> 00:14:07,814
I don't want kids.
355
00:14:07,816 --> 00:14:10,467
Oh.
356
00:14:10,469 --> 00:14:12,002
Okay.
357
00:14:12,004 --> 00:14:16,256
Knowing that, do you want
to take your proposal back?
358
00:14:16,258 --> 00:14:18,441
Will you marry me?
359
00:14:18,443 --> 00:14:21,628
Oh, you take such good care
of me.
360
00:14:21,630 --> 00:14:23,964
Thanks for loaning me your shoes
361
00:14:23,966 --> 00:14:25,849
for my swollen feet. Ah!
362
00:14:25,851 --> 00:14:27,150
I owe you one.
363
00:14:27,152 --> 00:14:28,652
We have to stop this.
364
00:14:28,654 --> 00:14:29,769
Stop what?
365
00:14:29,771 --> 00:14:31,938
Keeping score.
366
00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:36,243
You're growing a baby,
our baby.
367
00:14:36,245 --> 00:14:39,996
So you're officially ahead
of me for life.
368
00:14:39,998 --> 00:14:42,532
Oh, thanks, sweetie.
369
00:14:42,534 --> 00:14:46,036
Once we're parents,
we have to be a team. Deal?
370
00:14:46,038 --> 00:14:47,854
(baby crying)
It's your turn!
371
00:14:47,856 --> 00:14:50,757
I was on point for six straight
hours yesterday!
372
00:14:50,759 --> 00:14:53,960
Two of those hours
were a nap and you know it!
373
00:14:53,962 --> 00:14:55,762
Let's go to the board!
374
00:14:58,799 --> 00:15:02,035
I hope
it's a soupy deuce, sucka.
375
00:15:02,037 --> 00:15:04,354
(chortles)
376
00:15:04,356 --> 00:15:06,640
Deal. We're a team.
377
00:15:10,144 --> 00:15:13,730
I was all, "Do I look like
I'm from Ronkonkoma?!"
378
00:15:13,732 --> 00:15:15,682
ALL: Oh...!
379
00:15:15,684 --> 00:15:17,150
That's all you gotta say!
380
00:15:17,152 --> 00:15:18,902
Oh, oh, oh, big man
with a briefcase!
381
00:15:18,904 --> 00:15:20,737
What do you think,
you're better than me?!
382
00:15:20,739 --> 00:15:23,206
(all laughing)
383
00:15:23,208 --> 00:15:24,691
Hey, our stop's next.
384
00:15:24,693 --> 00:15:26,042
Do you want to join us?
385
00:15:26,044 --> 00:15:28,628
Yeah, I think we do.
Nah, we're good.
386
00:15:28,630 --> 00:15:30,196
Too skanky.
387
00:15:30,198 --> 00:15:32,082
Too skanky?
Eh...
388
00:15:32,084 --> 00:15:33,383
It's the Drunk Train.
389
00:15:33,385 --> 00:15:35,385
You crossed out
all the stops
390
00:15:35,387 --> 00:15:36,703
and wrote "Vaginaville."
391
00:15:36,705 --> 00:15:38,972
That's not true.
392
00:15:38,974 --> 00:15:41,508
That one says "Boner Gardens."
(snickers)
393
00:15:41,510 --> 00:15:44,043
What's going on?
394
00:15:44,045 --> 00:15:48,281
Wait. Did that Quinn girl shake
your game or something?
395
00:15:48,283 --> 00:15:50,150
Hell no!
396
00:15:50,152 --> 00:15:51,985
At the end of the night...
397
00:15:51,987 --> 00:15:53,269
You know,
I went out tonight
398
00:15:53,271 --> 00:15:56,323
looking for a cheap,
meaningless fling.
399
00:15:56,325 --> 00:15:59,192
But you turned out
to be so special.
400
00:15:59,194 --> 00:16:01,861
I'd hate to ruin this
friendship with sex.
401
00:16:01,863 --> 00:16:05,265
Oh, oh, I am willing
to take that risk.
402
00:16:05,267 --> 00:16:06,750
Good one, Ted.
403
00:16:06,752 --> 00:16:10,086
Anyway, I'm seriously
contemplating purchasing
404
00:16:10,088 --> 00:16:11,204
a new ironing board.
405
00:16:11,206 --> 00:16:13,039
Do you think...?
406
00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:18,962
Okay, I'll give you this: You
stood by your boy all night,
407
00:16:18,964 --> 00:16:21,881
even though you have no chance
of getting with me.
408
00:16:21,883 --> 00:16:23,466
That was pretty cool.
409
00:16:23,468 --> 00:16:26,436
Yeah, you know, in retrospect,
I think that was the moment
410
00:16:26,438 --> 00:16:29,389
you decided to come back
to my place and get nasty.
411
00:16:29,391 --> 00:16:31,424
(laughs) Yeah, right.
412
00:16:31,426 --> 00:16:33,059
Get up. You're on my bra.
413
00:16:33,061 --> 00:16:34,144
Sorry.
414
00:16:34,146 --> 00:16:35,311
(grunts)
415
00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:37,514
Where's your bathroom?
416
00:16:37,516 --> 00:16:39,366
Past the kitchen, down the hall.
417
00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:45,104
See, I feel like
I would remember
418
00:16:45,106 --> 00:16:47,957
you two being naked on your
couch in the middle of the club.
419
00:16:47,959 --> 00:16:51,944
Oh, right. That was later in my
apartment after we got nasty.
420
00:16:51,946 --> 00:16:52,962
My bad.
421
00:16:52,964 --> 00:16:55,298
So, you want to go
to a diner or something?
422
00:16:55,300 --> 00:16:56,499
Wait-wait-wait.
You slept with her?
423
00:16:56,501 --> 00:16:58,051
I know, I know.
424
00:16:58,053 --> 00:16:59,919
I'm late on sending
the pictures.
425
00:16:59,921 --> 00:17:01,554
I've been swamped.
426
00:17:01,556 --> 00:17:03,006
You like Quinn.
I...
427
00:17:03,008 --> 00:17:05,175
That's why you can't stop
"complaining" about her.
428
00:17:05,177 --> 00:17:08,127
That's why you just tanked
our chance with these...
429
00:17:08,129 --> 00:17:10,180
lovely innocent flowers.
430
00:17:10,182 --> 00:17:11,815
I don't even care
where we go,
431
00:17:11,817 --> 00:17:13,983
but I hate doing it
on the ground.
432
00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:16,269
Barney, do you know why
433
00:17:16,271 --> 00:17:18,354
I'm on the Drunk Train
on Valentine's Day?
434
00:17:18,356 --> 00:17:20,857
Because I have nothing
better to do.
435
00:17:20,859 --> 00:17:23,026
No one I can't stop
thinking about.
436
00:17:23,028 --> 00:17:26,012
So if you feel something
for Quinn, go for it.
437
00:17:26,014 --> 00:17:28,865
Because you're wasting
your time here.
438
00:17:28,867 --> 00:17:31,785
We both are.
439
00:17:33,704 --> 00:17:35,755
I don't like Quinn!
440
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:39,509
Kevin, I love you,
441
00:17:39,511 --> 00:17:41,377
but please don't
just be the nice guy
442
00:17:41,379 --> 00:17:43,680
who says the right thing.
443
00:17:43,682 --> 00:17:46,182
Robin, I want to marry you
no matter what.
444
00:17:46,184 --> 00:17:48,635
Assuming you don't turn
into a big fat fattie.
445
00:17:48,637 --> 00:17:49,636
See? Right there.
446
00:17:49,638 --> 00:17:51,354
Don't always say
the right thing.
447
00:17:51,356 --> 00:17:52,972
Look, you just got a truckload
448
00:17:52,974 --> 00:17:54,707
of new information
dumped on you.
449
00:17:54,709 --> 00:17:55,892
Will you marry me?
450
00:17:55,894 --> 00:17:57,694
My feelings on kids
aren't gonna change.
451
00:17:57,696 --> 00:17:58,645
Will you marry me?
452
00:17:58,647 --> 00:17:59,863
Haven't you always wanted kids?
453
00:17:59,865 --> 00:18:01,681
That was before I fell in love
with you.
454
00:18:01,683 --> 00:18:03,015
Well, that's the thing.
455
00:18:03,017 --> 00:18:06,069
Your future always
had kids in it.
456
00:18:06,071 --> 00:18:10,290
That is something huge you
would be giving up for me.
457
00:18:10,292 --> 00:18:15,345
I just don't think I could
ever owe someone that much.
458
00:18:15,347 --> 00:18:19,799
I'm scared that you'll...
wake up in-in a year
459
00:18:19,801 --> 00:18:23,753
or ten or 50, full of regret.
460
00:18:23,755 --> 00:18:28,391
So... I need you
to be sure, okay?
461
00:18:28,393 --> 00:18:33,763
If we get married,
you will never have children.
462
00:18:33,765 --> 00:18:36,616
Are you really okay with that?
463
00:18:41,772 --> 00:18:44,390
Enormous Penis Syndrome?
464
00:18:44,392 --> 00:18:45,575
E.P.S.
465
00:18:45,577 --> 00:18:47,026
It's all about awareness.
466
00:18:47,028 --> 00:18:49,863
That's why we're doing
the fun run, the silent auction,
467
00:18:49,865 --> 00:18:50,914
the three-legged race.
468
00:18:50,916 --> 00:18:53,917
Of course, that's just one guy.
469
00:18:54,902 --> 00:18:57,403
You know what?
470
00:18:57,405 --> 00:18:58,671
I can't do this.
471
00:18:58,673 --> 00:19:00,957
You can let me
out up here.
472
00:19:00,959 --> 00:19:02,759
Why? You got a girlfriend
or something?
473
00:19:04,962 --> 00:19:06,629
Maybe something.
474
00:19:10,684 --> 00:19:14,721
NARRATOR:
Kids, sometimes you realize
475
00:19:14,723 --> 00:19:18,942
the journey you've been taking
has reached its final stop.
476
00:19:18,944 --> 00:19:22,595
So, the question becomes:
477
00:19:22,597 --> 00:19:25,365
Where do you go next?
478
00:19:30,070 --> 00:19:31,571
Hey.
479
00:19:33,307 --> 00:19:34,541
Are you okay?
480
00:19:34,543 --> 00:19:39,111
♪ A year from now,
we'll all be gone ♪
481
00:19:39,113 --> 00:19:44,116
♪ All our friends
will move away ♪
482
00:19:44,118 --> 00:19:49,606
♪ And they're going
to better places ♪
483
00:19:49,608 --> 00:19:54,510
♪ But our friends
will be gone away... ♪
484
00:19:55,563 --> 00:19:58,481
So... he un-proposed.
485
00:19:58,483 --> 00:20:00,183
♪ Nothing is as it has been...
486
00:20:00,185 --> 00:20:02,569
We're over.
487
00:20:02,571 --> 00:20:06,739
And I-I... I-I know
it's for the best.
488
00:20:06,741 --> 00:20:08,575
It's just...
489
00:20:08,577 --> 00:20:12,862
I was finally ready
for something serious.
490
00:20:13,931 --> 00:20:18,251
He seemed like the guy
to take that next step with.
491
00:20:19,236 --> 00:20:22,639
But he couldn't look past this.
492
00:20:23,707 --> 00:20:25,625
I mean, who could?
493
00:20:25,627 --> 00:20:27,226
(sighs)
494
00:20:27,228 --> 00:20:28,962
I could.
495
00:20:30,431 --> 00:20:33,165
I love you, Robin.
496
00:20:40,345 --> 00:20:44,345
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
497
00:20:44,546 --> 00:20:46,735
You've been complaining
about this Barney guy so much,
498
00:20:46,737 --> 00:20:47,986
I'm starting to think
that you like him.
499
00:20:47,988 --> 00:20:49,470
Like his apartment-- check.
500
00:20:49,472 --> 00:20:52,807
Like his moves downtown--
check plus.
501
00:20:52,809 --> 00:20:55,193
But like him? Ugh. Please.
502
00:20:55,195 --> 00:20:57,612
I'm just surprised
he doesn't recognize you.
503
00:20:57,614 --> 00:20:59,647
He practically lives here.
504
00:20:59,649 --> 00:21:01,333
ANNOUNCER:
Gentlemen, give it up for Karma.
505
00:21:01,335 --> 00:21:04,436
(men whooping)
36298
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