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00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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00:00:00,669 --> 00:00:03,723
- Dad, we need to talk.
- Is it about the bees?
2
00:00:03,726 --> 00:00:05,693
Bees?
We're throwing
3
00:00:05,695 --> 00:00:07,373
a housewarming party
in two weeks.
4
00:00:07,398 --> 00:00:08,196
Oh.
5
00:00:08,197 --> 00:00:09,613
It's gonna be friends,
neighbors...
6
00:00:09,615 --> 00:00:11,115
Did he say...
did he say "bees"?
7
00:00:11,117 --> 00:00:14,535
Yeah. Marshall's been working
very long hours lately,
8
00:00:14,537 --> 00:00:17,571
so I have been planning
this whole party by myself,
9
00:00:17,573 --> 00:00:20,424
and everything's in place:
the food, the wine.
10
00:00:20,426 --> 00:00:23,577
I even found a rare
Gouda on the Internet.
11
00:00:23,579 --> 00:00:24,762
Oh.
12
00:00:24,764 --> 00:00:25,963
Getting back
to these bees...
13
00:00:25,965 --> 00:00:28,015
Bottom line: this party
is very important to me,
14
00:00:28,017 --> 00:00:32,519
so I can only assume--
and I say this with love--
15
00:00:32,521 --> 00:00:33,921
you're gonna ruin it.
16
00:00:33,923 --> 00:00:36,840
Lily, I promise I won't ruin
your party.
17
00:00:36,842 --> 00:00:38,592
I'll be charming and convivial.
18
00:00:38,594 --> 00:00:39,944
A regular Burt Reynolds.
19
00:00:39,946 --> 00:00:41,645
You have absolutely nothing
to worry about.
20
00:00:41,647 --> 00:00:43,747
Tell us about the bees!
21
00:00:43,749 --> 00:00:45,950
Well, all right,
since you asked.
22
00:00:45,952 --> 00:00:47,284
I'm starting up a business
23
00:00:47,286 --> 00:00:49,987
cultivating all-organic,
artisanal honey.
24
00:00:49,989 --> 00:00:52,790
That's right,
I'm a job creator.
25
00:00:52,792 --> 00:00:55,125
Oh.
So this party...
26
00:00:55,127 --> 00:00:56,961
Oh, Lily, wait.
Um, if you don't mind,
27
00:00:56,963 --> 00:00:59,413
I just,
I have one follow-up.
28
00:00:59,415 --> 00:01:02,216
Where are you doing
this exactly?
29
00:01:02,218 --> 00:01:05,135
Downstairs-- there's 10,000 bees
in the basement.
30
00:01:07,250 --> 00:01:11,250
♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x14 ♪
The Burning Beekeeper
Original Air Date on February 6, 2012
31
00:01:11,275 --> 00:01:15,275
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
32
00:01:19,901 --> 00:01:22,186
TED: Why would you even say
that?! It's the most ridic...
33
00:01:22,188 --> 00:01:24,188
BOTH:
Happy housewarming!
34
00:01:24,190 --> 00:01:25,973
Hey, guys.
35
00:01:25,975 --> 00:01:27,140
Robin here has spent
36
00:01:27,142 --> 00:01:29,243
all day learning
how to make kugel.
37
00:01:29,245 --> 00:01:31,028
Couldn't figure it out--
this is from Zabar's.
38
00:01:31,030 --> 00:01:32,696
Can we heat it up
in your oven?
39
00:01:32,698 --> 00:01:35,366
Faster than heating it up
in the refrigerator.
40
00:01:35,368 --> 00:01:36,483
(chuckles)
41
00:01:36,485 --> 00:01:37,501
I've had a few cocktails.
44
00:01:42,324 --> 00:01:44,091
and you might find yourselfworrying
45
00:01:44,093 --> 00:01:45,876
if something's gonna go wrong.
46
00:01:45,878 --> 00:01:47,828
Well, don't.
47
00:01:47,830 --> 00:01:51,465
What you should worry aboutis everything going wrong.
48
00:01:51,467 --> 00:01:55,302
And what's really scaryis how quickly that can happen.
49
00:01:55,304 --> 00:01:57,104
At Lily and Marshall'shousewarming party
50
00:01:57,106 --> 00:02:00,641
for instance,it only took five minutes.
51
00:02:00,643 --> 00:02:03,794
Now, a lot happenedin those five minutes.
52
00:02:03,796 --> 00:02:07,781
You know what? I'm gonna takethis room by room.
53
00:02:07,783 --> 00:02:09,850
We'll start in the living room.
54
00:02:12,871 --> 00:02:14,488
Oh, no,
that's not what you want.
55
00:02:14,490 --> 00:02:16,657
- What?
- Oh, nothing. So, you think
56
00:02:16,659 --> 00:02:17,825
this is going pretty well?
57
00:02:17,827 --> 00:02:19,126
Baby, are you kidding?
58
00:02:19,128 --> 00:02:21,361
You single-handedly pulled off
the party of the year.
59
00:02:21,363 --> 00:02:24,081
Oh, stop it.
I used both hands.
60
00:02:24,083 --> 00:02:25,532
So, what can I do to help?
61
00:02:25,534 --> 00:02:28,552
Honey, this is your first night
off in however long.
62
00:02:28,554 --> 00:02:31,422
You just relax and keep knocking
back those cocktails.
63
00:02:31,424 --> 00:02:32,923
Mr. Cootes.
64
00:02:32,925 --> 00:02:35,976
Hey, isn't it nice
to finally have a night off?
65
00:02:35,978 --> 00:02:38,095
It is.
But tonight is not that night.
66
00:02:38,097 --> 00:02:40,213
We're going back to the office
in 45 minutes.
67
00:02:40,215 --> 00:02:42,215
But, sir, this is
our housewarming party.
68
00:02:42,217 --> 00:02:44,718
You know,
Mother Earth is also having
69
00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:47,104
a "housewarming" party, too,
70
00:02:47,106 --> 00:02:51,108
only hers ends with humankind
at the bottom of a rising ocean,
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00:02:51,110 --> 00:02:53,944
passing through the digestive
tract of a stingray.
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00:02:54,829 --> 00:02:56,580
By the way,
it's a lovely home.
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00:02:56,582 --> 00:03:00,617
Mr. Cootes,
I know you're a vegan, so I, uh,
74
00:03:00,619 --> 00:03:03,954
I got some vegan spring rolls
for you over there.
75
00:03:03,956 --> 00:03:06,090
Oh, nummies!
76
00:03:07,542 --> 00:03:08,959
You're going
back to work?
77
00:03:08,961 --> 00:03:11,845
Sheez, Marshall,
you are as busy as a...
78
00:03:11,847 --> 00:03:15,432
Oh, gosh,
what are you as busy as?
79
00:03:15,434 --> 00:03:16,633
Please don't talk about
the bees.
80
00:03:16,635 --> 00:03:18,018
I was gonna say Nicolas Cage.
81
00:03:18,020 --> 00:03:20,304
That guy is in everything.
82
00:03:20,306 --> 00:03:22,422
Let's just put on some music.
83
00:03:24,476 --> 00:03:26,527
♪
84
00:03:26,529 --> 00:03:28,362
I'll, uh, I'll bring out
the Gouda,
85
00:03:28,364 --> 00:03:30,764
we'll open a couple bottles
of wine...
86
00:03:30,766 --> 00:03:32,232
that are in the basement.
87
00:03:32,234 --> 00:03:34,251
All right, I'll get
my beekeeper's suit.
88
00:03:34,253 --> 00:03:35,903
You should be happy
about the bees.
89
00:03:35,905 --> 00:03:37,437
They're keeping
the mice at bay.
90
00:03:37,439 --> 00:03:38,438
We have mice?
91
00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:39,957
Not with all these bees
92
00:03:39,959 --> 00:03:41,208
flying around, we don't.
93
00:03:41,210 --> 00:03:43,160
You're welcome.
94
00:03:44,295 --> 00:03:46,663
Ted, baby Gouda's
coming out. Look alive.
95
00:03:51,219 --> 00:03:52,419
Are you a vegan?
96
00:03:52,421 --> 00:03:53,837
What?
97
00:03:53,839 --> 00:03:55,339
Ooh-ee!
98
00:03:55,341 --> 00:03:58,092
Kitchen, now.
99
00:03:58,094 --> 00:04:01,345
I can't believe that he's
making us go to work tonight.
100
00:04:01,347 --> 00:04:04,982
Are... you... a... vegan?
101
00:04:04,984 --> 00:04:06,934
Um, no.
102
00:04:06,936 --> 00:04:09,436
Uh-huh.
And when you were shoveling
103
00:04:09,438 --> 00:04:12,356
the spring rolls down your
gullet, did you happen to notice
104
00:04:12,358 --> 00:04:14,992
a little sign next
to the plate marked "Vegan"?
105
00:04:14,994 --> 00:04:16,643
I think there's
been some mistake.
106
00:04:16,645 --> 00:04:19,813
You could have had anything
on that table!
107
00:04:19,815 --> 00:04:21,532
Anything at all!
108
00:04:22,283 --> 00:04:25,085
Mini pizzas,
bacon-wrapped figs,
109
00:04:25,087 --> 00:04:26,453
pigs in blankets.
110
00:04:26,455 --> 00:04:28,338
There was even talk
of an inbound Gouda!
111
00:04:28,340 --> 00:04:30,958
But no, no, you had to have
the one thing
112
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,627
that someone with my dietary
preferences can eat.
113
00:04:33,629 --> 00:04:35,629
Look, I didn't eat
the spring rolls.
114
00:04:35,631 --> 00:04:37,464
Liar!
115
00:04:37,466 --> 00:04:40,484
Your breath reeks of shredded
carrots and deceit!
116
00:04:42,220 --> 00:04:47,174
Okay, okay, maybe I did eat
your precious spring rolls.
117
00:04:47,176 --> 00:04:48,275
Oh...
118
00:04:48,277 --> 00:04:50,844
What are you gonna do
about it, hippie?
119
00:04:50,846 --> 00:04:53,063
(woman screams)
120
00:04:53,065 --> 00:04:55,699
It's fine.
Everything's fine.
121
00:04:55,701 --> 00:04:58,152
Young man,
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00:04:58,154 --> 00:05:01,238
are you suggesting
fisticuffs...
123
00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:03,356
as in with our fists?
124
00:05:03,358 --> 00:05:06,043
And feet--
I'm a kicker.
125
00:05:06,045 --> 00:05:09,296
Well, well, looks like
I just started eating
126
00:05:09,298 --> 00:05:11,165
white meat again.
127
00:05:11,167 --> 00:05:15,669
I will bite and scratch
you like a wolverine.
128
00:05:15,671 --> 00:05:17,704
May I warn you,
129
00:05:17,706 --> 00:05:20,974
I have been in
a fight before.
130
00:05:20,976 --> 00:05:23,227
So have I... sort of.
131
00:05:23,229 --> 00:05:25,395
Oh, God.
132
00:05:26,481 --> 00:05:28,515
Mr. Cootes. Hi.
133
00:05:28,517 --> 00:05:31,218
Did you see that we had
hummus and veggies?
134
00:05:31,220 --> 00:05:33,320
There's hummus and veggies?
135
00:05:33,322 --> 00:05:34,554
Over there.
136
00:05:34,556 --> 00:05:37,057
Hey, I'm not gonna let that guy
push me around.
137
00:05:37,059 --> 00:05:40,444
I believe it was Sun Tzu
who wrote, "Never give up.
138
00:05:40,446 --> 00:05:41,411
Never surrender."
139
00:05:41,413 --> 00:05:42,946
Shut up, Ted.
Okay.
140
00:05:42,948 --> 00:05:47,918
For God's sake, Lily,
you're pregnant.
141
00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:51,922
For God's sake, Te
Lily's pregnant.
142
00:05:53,574 --> 00:05:54,791
(groans)
143
00:05:54,793 --> 00:05:56,193
Oh, man.
144
00:05:56,195 --> 00:05:57,911
Sorry about that.
145
00:05:57,913 --> 00:05:59,763
I don't need
this right now, Ted.
146
00:05:59,765 --> 00:06:01,682
I shouldn't do this.
147
00:06:01,684 --> 00:06:02,916
- I shouldn't do this.
- What?
148
00:06:02,918 --> 00:06:06,103
This is a bad idea.
This is a bad idea!
149
00:06:06,105 --> 00:06:08,939
- What is?
- I should just go. I should just go!
150
00:06:08,941 --> 00:06:11,642
Okay, okay, just tell me
what is going on.
151
00:06:11,644 --> 00:06:14,228
I love my penis, Robin.
152
00:06:14,230 --> 00:06:16,530
Oh, Barney, you promised.
153
00:06:16,532 --> 00:06:19,032
I do! I love it!
154
00:06:19,034 --> 00:06:21,235
If I could kiss it, I would.
155
00:06:21,237 --> 00:06:23,954
I'd be lying if I told you
I hadn't tried.
156
00:06:23,956 --> 00:06:26,123
I'm not comfortable
with this conversation.
157
00:06:26,125 --> 00:06:29,943
Oh, come on, Robin, it's my
penis we're talking about.
158
00:06:29,945 --> 00:06:32,162
- You've seen her-- she's magnificent.
- She?
159
00:06:32,164 --> 00:06:35,132
Every penis is a girl, Robin.
Everyone knows that.
160
00:06:35,134 --> 00:06:40,220
Like... ships and lake monsters.
161
00:06:40,222 --> 00:06:42,289
And Gouda!
162
00:06:42,291 --> 00:06:43,974
She's a beauta.
163
00:06:43,976 --> 00:06:45,225
Oh, Gouda.
164
00:06:45,227 --> 00:06:47,460
Well, I'll be back.
165
00:06:47,462 --> 00:06:49,462
Most of me, anyway.
166
00:06:50,315 --> 00:06:51,932
- Don't eat that.
- What?
167
00:06:51,934 --> 00:06:53,934
Whoops! Oh, it's ruined.
168
00:06:53,936 --> 00:06:56,353
It's not ruined.
Ten second rule.
169
00:06:56,355 --> 00:06:59,239
Eight, nine, ten,
and it's ruined.
170
00:06:59,241 --> 00:07:01,158
This whole party's
ruined.
171
00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:04,144
I got a basement
full of bees,
172
00:07:04,146 --> 00:07:06,496
and Ted almost got into a fight
with Mr. Cootes.
173
00:07:06,498 --> 00:07:08,165
Lily, look around.
174
00:07:08,167 --> 00:07:09,816
Everyone's having
an amazing time.
175
00:07:09,818 --> 00:07:11,018
It's a great party.
176
00:07:11,020 --> 00:07:14,838
Okay, maybe it's not
a total disaster.
177
00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:16,540
(Mickey screaming)
178
00:07:19,661 --> 00:07:21,528
What the hell was that?!
179
00:07:26,426 --> 00:07:27,927
(screaming)
180
00:07:28,597 --> 00:07:30,730
NARRATOR: So that's what happenedin the living room.
181
00:07:31,975 --> 00:07:35,110
Now I'm gonna tell you whathappened in the dining room.
182
00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:38,524
Oh, no, that's not
what you want.
183
00:07:39,877 --> 00:07:42,429
Man, I can't believe
these are vegan.
184
00:07:42,431 --> 00:07:43,663
I've had, like, 20 of 'em.
185
00:07:43,665 --> 00:07:45,915
I should get the name
of this caterer.
186
00:07:45,917 --> 00:07:48,385
It's my kitten's
Bat Mitzvah next week.
187
00:07:48,387 --> 00:07:50,837
She's finally
becoming a cat.
188
00:07:50,839 --> 00:07:52,872
Oh, God, you are crazy.
189
00:07:52,874 --> 00:07:54,974
About cats.
190
00:07:54,976 --> 00:07:58,544
Cats are so honest and real
with their affections.
191
00:07:58,546 --> 00:07:59,763
Ever since my divorce,
192
00:07:59,765 --> 00:08:01,564
it's just been one liar
after another.
193
00:08:01,566 --> 00:08:04,884
That's why it's so refreshing
to meet someone honest like you,
194
00:08:04,886 --> 00:08:07,720
Special Agent Gary Powers.
195
00:08:07,722 --> 00:08:09,105
Listen...
196
00:08:09,107 --> 00:08:12,776
I think we can agree
there's something here.
197
00:08:12,778 --> 00:08:14,861
Something big...
198
00:08:14,863 --> 00:08:18,865
that looks
and probably feels real.
199
00:08:19,417 --> 00:08:21,251
Maybe...
200
00:08:21,253 --> 00:08:22,952
we can go back
to your place.
201
00:08:22,954 --> 00:08:25,905
I can't ask you to delay
intercepting those asteroids.
202
00:08:25,907 --> 00:08:28,258
I do need to intercept
those asteroids.
203
00:08:28,260 --> 00:08:30,126
I think we need
to have sex right now.
204
00:08:31,245 --> 00:08:34,247
Meet me in the upstairs guest
bedroom in two minutes.
205
00:08:34,249 --> 00:08:35,965
(both chuckle)
206
00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:39,602
I'm just looking
for the vegan spring rolls.
207
00:08:39,604 --> 00:08:40,970
Last one, sorry.
208
00:08:40,972 --> 00:08:42,388
Two minutes.
209
00:08:42,390 --> 00:08:44,808
How can they all be gone?
The party just started.
210
00:08:44,810 --> 00:08:45,942
I know, right?
211
00:08:45,944 --> 00:08:48,278
Let's just put on
some music.
212
00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:50,596
♪
213
00:08:50,598 --> 00:08:52,232
I'll, uh, I'll bring out
the Gouda,
214
00:08:52,234 --> 00:08:54,433
we'll open a couple of bottles
of wine...
215
00:08:54,435 --> 00:08:56,035
that are in the basement.
216
00:08:56,037 --> 00:08:57,370
Some jerk was just here.
217
00:08:57,372 --> 00:08:58,705
And he was all, like,
218
00:08:58,707 --> 00:09:00,240
"I can't believe
these are vegan.
219
00:09:00,242 --> 00:09:01,407
I've had, like, 20 of 'em."
220
00:09:01,409 --> 00:09:04,627
Point me into the direction
of this scoundrel.
221
00:09:04,629 --> 00:09:07,380
Um... it was
that guy.
222
00:09:07,382 --> 00:09:10,233
Ted, baby Gouda's
coming out. Look alive.
223
00:09:11,118 --> 00:09:15,221
Lily, these spring rolls...
ooh-ee!
224
00:09:15,223 --> 00:09:17,590
Kitchen, now.
225
00:09:17,592 --> 00:09:20,727
I can't believe that he's
making us go to work tonight.
226
00:09:20,729 --> 00:09:22,595
I mean, I think it's time
that somebody took him aside
227
00:09:22,597 --> 00:09:24,764
and told him this is not
how you treat your staff.
228
00:09:24,766 --> 00:09:28,017
Well, I'm sort of busy
with the party right now.
229
00:09:28,019 --> 00:09:30,136
Fine. I'll do it myself.
But he's gonna scream at me,
230
00:09:30,138 --> 00:09:31,821
and you know that I can't
stand up to screaming.
231
00:09:31,823 --> 00:09:34,140
Just go talk to him!
I think I should go talk to him.
232
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:38,161
Barney...
Ah, Lily,
233
00:09:38,163 --> 00:09:40,363
Ted ate all of the spring rolls.
234
00:09:40,365 --> 00:09:42,582
You could have had
anything on that table!
235
00:09:42,584 --> 00:09:46,085
Mini pizzas,
bacon-wrapped figs,
236
00:09:46,087 --> 00:09:47,120
pigs in blankets.
237
00:09:47,122 --> 00:09:50,156
There was even talk
of an inbound Gouda!
238
00:09:50,158 --> 00:09:52,158
Robin. Okay, listen,
I need your help.
239
00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:54,294
I'm about to get in
a screaming match with my boss,
240
00:09:54,296 --> 00:09:55,828
and I'm not good at getting
screamed at,
241
00:09:55,830 --> 00:09:57,347
so I need you to warm me up.
242
00:09:57,349 --> 00:09:59,132
How?
I want you to scream at me.
243
00:09:59,134 --> 00:10:01,351
You know, like you do
to strangers on the street
244
00:10:01,353 --> 00:10:02,769
at the slightest provocation.
245
00:10:02,771 --> 00:10:04,137
I don't do that.
246
00:10:04,139 --> 00:10:05,772
Come on, lay some of that
classic Scherbatsky
247
00:10:05,774 --> 00:10:07,273
mean son of a bitch on me.
248
00:10:07,275 --> 00:10:09,809
Treat me like I'm a Girl Scout
trying to sell you cookies.
249
00:10:09,811 --> 00:10:11,895
Four dollars a box
and you're out of Thin Mints?!
250
00:10:11,897 --> 00:10:15,315
You green little...!
I don't do that!
251
00:10:15,317 --> 00:10:16,816
Come on, scream at me.
252
00:10:16,818 --> 00:10:19,068
(woman screams)
Like that.
253
00:10:19,070 --> 00:10:20,286
It's fine.
Everything's fine.
254
00:10:20,288 --> 00:10:22,622
Marshall, there is plenty
of stuff
255
00:10:22,624 --> 00:10:24,574
that I don't get mad about,
256
00:10:24,576 --> 00:10:26,859
like the fact that you're
serving pigs in blankets
257
00:10:26,861 --> 00:10:28,694
without hot mustard.
258
00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:31,664
I'm not the type of person
to be driven crazy by a host
259
00:10:31,666 --> 00:10:34,050
who refuses to provide
delicious hot mustard
260
00:10:34,052 --> 00:10:35,969
in which to dip
my pigs in blankets!
261
00:10:35,971 --> 00:10:38,037
I'm the type of girl who...
keeps her cool.
262
00:10:38,039 --> 00:10:40,006
Who keeps her cool.
263
00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:44,043
Wait. Whoa, baby,
are you okay?
264
00:10:44,045 --> 00:10:46,212
Of course.
This party is great.
265
00:10:46,214 --> 00:10:49,699
I am handling this.
Oh, God.
266
00:10:52,069 --> 00:10:54,103
No...
267
00:10:54,105 --> 00:10:55,355
Hummus and veggies?
268
00:10:55,357 --> 00:10:58,074
I'm looking for
hummus and veggies.
269
00:10:58,076 --> 00:11:00,743
Robin, can I talk to you about
something very dear to me?
270
00:11:00,745 --> 00:11:02,612
Promise me this isn't
about your penis.
271
00:11:02,614 --> 00:11:05,014
I promise it isn't
about my penis.
272
00:11:05,016 --> 00:11:06,499
I'm sorry.
273
00:11:08,953 --> 00:11:11,688
Excuse me, sir, could I talk
to you in the kitchen?
274
00:11:17,795 --> 00:11:19,178
Sorry about that.
275
00:11:19,180 --> 00:11:20,797
I don't need this
right now, Ted.
276
00:11:20,799 --> 00:11:23,216
I swear, if there's
one more crisis...
277
00:11:23,218 --> 00:11:25,101
Well, the bees
escaped their enclosure,
278
00:11:25,103 --> 00:11:27,804
but no reason
to "bee" concerned.
279
00:11:27,806 --> 00:11:29,856
(laughs)
280
00:11:29,858 --> 00:11:31,691
No, there is,
we're in big trouble.
281
00:11:31,693 --> 00:11:33,309
What is that smell?
282
00:11:33,311 --> 00:11:35,594
Oh, I doused my suit
with kerosene.
283
00:11:35,596 --> 00:11:37,263
All beekeepers do this.
284
00:11:37,265 --> 00:11:39,482
Dad, just take off
the suit right now.
285
00:11:39,484 --> 00:11:40,283
All right, fine.
286
00:11:40,285 --> 00:11:42,101
Every 30 seconds,
287
00:11:42,103 --> 00:11:44,287
there's another crisis
that needs to be dealt with
288
00:11:44,289 --> 00:11:45,955
and I have
to deal with it.
289
00:11:45,957 --> 00:11:48,708
This is... Oh, God.
290
00:11:48,710 --> 00:11:50,326
This is parenthood, isn't it?
291
00:11:50,328 --> 00:11:51,577
So they say.
292
00:11:51,579 --> 00:11:53,162
Okay, it's official.
293
00:11:53,164 --> 00:11:55,548
I thought I could do it,
but I can't.
294
00:11:55,550 --> 00:11:57,083
No, Marshall's always at work.
295
00:11:57,085 --> 00:11:58,551
He's got to go back tonight.
296
00:11:58,553 --> 00:12:00,503
And I don't know
if I can handle a life
297
00:12:00,505 --> 00:12:02,805
that's just one crisis
after another.
298
00:12:02,807 --> 00:12:05,124
Lily, listen to me. I'm gonna
give you a little piece of...
299
00:12:05,126 --> 00:12:06,476
Gouda!
300
00:12:06,478 --> 00:12:07,460
God.
301
00:12:07,462 --> 00:12:09,312
Crisis?
Crisis.
302
00:12:10,648 --> 00:12:12,815
- Don't eat that. Whoops!
- What?
303
00:12:12,817 --> 00:12:14,150
Gouda's out, Ted.
Don't sleep on the Gouda.
304
00:12:14,152 --> 00:12:15,351
Wouldn't dream of it.
305
00:12:15,353 --> 00:12:17,136
So Lily told me you have to go
back to work tonight?
306
00:12:17,138 --> 00:12:18,855
No, I don't have to go
back to work tonight.
307
00:12:18,857 --> 00:12:20,273
Mr. Cootes and I
came to an understanding.
308
00:12:20,275 --> 00:12:21,658
But, hey, what's going on
with Robin?
309
00:12:21,660 --> 00:12:23,609
I called her
a mean son of a bitch
310
00:12:23,611 --> 00:12:24,810
and she took it all weird.
311
00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:26,446
- She did?
- Yeah.
312
00:12:26,448 --> 00:12:27,630
Crazy, right?
313
00:12:28,165 --> 00:12:29,365
Hey, buddy.
314
00:12:29,367 --> 00:12:31,034
Best housewarming
party ever.
315
00:12:31,036 --> 00:12:33,486
Everybody's abuzz.
316
00:12:33,488 --> 00:12:34,987
Abuzz.
317
00:12:34,989 --> 00:12:36,539
Oh, good one, Mickey.
318
00:12:36,541 --> 00:12:37,840
But, hey, you're right.
319
00:12:37,842 --> 00:12:39,826
Great party.
320
00:12:39,828 --> 00:12:42,945
(man screaming)
321
00:12:46,684 --> 00:12:49,886
What the hell
was that?!
322
00:12:51,694 --> 00:12:53,262
(man screaming)
323
00:12:53,666 --> 00:12:55,749
NARRATOR: And that's what happenedin the dining room.
324
00:12:57,326 --> 00:13:00,494
Now I'm gonna tell youwhat happened in the kitchen.
325
00:13:01,474 --> 00:13:04,493
Oh, no, that's not
what you want.
326
00:13:04,495 --> 00:13:06,929
BARNEY: Man, I can't believe
these are vegan.
327
00:13:06,931 --> 00:13:08,130
Back to our fight?
328
00:13:08,132 --> 00:13:09,581
Back to our fight.
329
00:13:09,583 --> 00:13:11,900
I cannot believe you screamed
at that woman at Zabar's.
330
00:13:11,902 --> 00:13:13,268
She was trying to cut in line.
331
00:13:13,270 --> 00:13:14,753
She was gonna get
the last kugel.
332
00:13:14,755 --> 00:13:15,971
She was 90 years old.
333
00:13:15,973 --> 00:13:18,107
It was probably gonna be
her last kugel.
334
00:13:18,109 --> 00:13:19,942
Sometimes in life,
you have to be assertive
335
00:13:19,944 --> 00:13:21,259
and stand up for yourself.
336
00:13:21,261 --> 00:13:22,594
You called her a whore.
337
00:13:22,596 --> 00:13:24,062
Who wears that much makeup?!
338
00:13:24,064 --> 00:13:25,030
Old ladies!
339
00:13:25,032 --> 00:13:27,149
Who take money for sex. Exactly.
340
00:13:28,201 --> 00:13:29,535
Look, I'm sorry.
341
00:13:29,537 --> 00:13:32,270
If I would've left things
in your dainty, lily-white,
342
00:13:32,272 --> 00:13:34,156
never-ripped-
an-old-lady's-wig-off hands,
343
00:13:34,158 --> 00:13:36,208
we would be kugel-free
right now.
344
00:13:36,210 --> 00:13:37,876
Oh, so, what, I'm too nice?
345
00:13:37,878 --> 00:13:39,461
You never stand up for yourself.
346
00:13:39,463 --> 00:13:41,914
Remember that sixth grader
who kept stealing your lunch?
347
00:13:41,916 --> 00:13:44,750
High school was
a tough time for me, okay?
348
00:13:44,752 --> 00:13:46,335
And that girl was muscular.
349
00:13:46,337 --> 00:13:48,003
Forearms like Popeye.
350
00:13:48,005 --> 00:13:49,638
How do you even know about that?
351
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:51,924
Marshall told me.
He also said that
352
00:13:51,926 --> 00:13:53,342
you had your mom stop making
353
00:13:53,344 --> 00:13:54,893
peanut butter
and jelly sandwiches
354
00:13:54,895 --> 00:13:56,628
because of that girl's
nut allergy.
355
00:13:56,630 --> 00:13:58,347
I didn't want to add
to her health problems.
356
00:13:58,349 --> 00:13:59,648
She was already in a wheelchair.
357
00:13:59,650 --> 00:14:01,299
Okay, so what?
358
00:14:01,301 --> 00:14:04,135
I would rather be nice
than be like you,
359
00:14:04,137 --> 00:14:05,821
always getting in fights
about stuff
360
00:14:05,823 --> 00:14:07,272
that's not even worth
fighting about.
361
00:14:07,274 --> 00:14:08,473
Disagree.
362
00:14:08,475 --> 00:14:10,993
It's like Sun Tzu wrote
in The Art of War,
363
00:14:10,995 --> 00:14:13,028
"Never give up.
Never surrender."
364
00:14:13,030 --> 00:14:14,830
That was Tim Allen
in Galaxy Quest.
365
00:14:14,832 --> 00:14:15,981
Whatever, dude.
366
00:14:15,983 --> 00:14:18,000
Your problem is any time
you're faced with
367
00:14:18,002 --> 00:14:20,035
the least bit of confrontation,
you run away.
368
00:14:20,037 --> 00:14:22,604
Oh, I run away
from confrontation?
369
00:14:26,459 --> 00:14:28,794
Ted, baby Gouda's
coming out.
370
00:14:28,796 --> 00:14:30,145
Look alive.
371
00:14:31,614 --> 00:14:33,182
Whoops.
Son of a...!
372
00:14:33,184 --> 00:14:34,833
I'm sorry.
(clears throat)
373
00:14:34,835 --> 00:14:36,552
Maybe that was my fault.
374
00:14:36,554 --> 00:14:37,719
You think?
375
00:14:37,721 --> 00:14:39,104
You're right in my snack track.
376
00:14:39,106 --> 00:14:41,557
Hey, nice
beekeeper suit.
377
00:14:41,559 --> 00:14:44,676
Do you know that, uh,
most bees are left-handed?
378
00:14:44,678 --> 00:14:47,145
Did you know bees hate
the smell of kerosene?
379
00:14:47,147 --> 00:14:48,814
I knew that.
Geez, what do you think,
380
00:14:48,816 --> 00:14:50,732
this is my first day
as a beekeeper?
381
00:14:51,651 --> 00:14:53,402
Nice. Oh.
382
00:14:53,404 --> 00:14:56,071
(bees buzzing) Is that true about
bees and kerosene?
383
00:14:56,073 --> 00:14:57,689
I don't know.
384
00:14:57,691 --> 00:14:59,074
Barney...
385
00:14:59,076 --> 00:15:00,075
Ah, Lily,
386
00:15:00,077 --> 00:15:02,244
Ted ate all of the spring rolls.
387
00:15:02,246 --> 00:15:04,079
Barney, that woman
you were talking to,
388
00:15:04,081 --> 00:15:05,047
our neighbor Geraldine,
389
00:15:05,049 --> 00:15:06,648
some guy
slept with her
390
00:15:06,650 --> 00:15:09,751
and didn't call her,
so she hunted him down
391
00:15:09,753 --> 00:15:14,556
and cut off a certain part of
his anatomy with a cheese knife.
392
00:15:14,558 --> 00:15:15,340
(gasps)
393
00:15:15,342 --> 00:15:17,009
So, whatever you do,
394
00:15:17,011 --> 00:15:18,510
don't sleep with her.
395
00:15:18,512 --> 00:15:22,347
It's funny, she is,
um, waiting for me
396
00:15:22,349 --> 00:15:24,149
in the guest bedroom right now.
397
00:15:24,151 --> 00:15:26,051
Oh, God! Oh, God!
398
00:15:26,053 --> 00:15:28,570
That was the idea,
but now forget it!
399
00:15:28,572 --> 00:15:29,855
Barney, this is a disaster.
400
00:15:29,857 --> 00:15:32,241
I swear, if there
is one... (gasps)
401
00:15:33,109 --> 00:15:34,392
It's fine. Everything's fine.
402
00:15:34,394 --> 00:15:35,911
Hey, ten second
rule, right?
403
00:15:35,913 --> 00:15:37,946
(Lily screams)
404
00:15:37,948 --> 00:15:40,365
It's fine.
Everything's fine.
405
00:15:40,367 --> 00:15:42,868
Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!
406
00:15:42,870 --> 00:15:45,420
I know you're pregnant, but
you need a glass of wine.
407
00:15:45,422 --> 00:15:47,238
I got that cheese off
the Internet.
408
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:48,674
I know you got it
off the Internet.
409
00:15:48,676 --> 00:15:50,008
Why does that
make it impressive?
410
00:15:50,010 --> 00:15:52,094
You know what else you can find
on the Internet?
411
00:15:52,096 --> 00:15:53,795
Zoo animals masturbating.
412
00:15:54,547 --> 00:15:55,597
There's one of a walrus.
413
00:15:55,599 --> 00:15:56,748
(chuckles)
He's...
414
00:15:56,750 --> 00:15:58,934
Oh.
415
00:16:03,056 --> 00:16:04,773
(groans)
416
00:16:04,775 --> 00:16:06,291
(mutters)
417
00:16:06,293 --> 00:16:07,759
(gasps)
418
00:16:07,761 --> 00:16:09,761
(panting)
419
00:16:11,030 --> 00:16:12,981
No...
420
00:16:12,983 --> 00:16:14,700
(bees buzzing)
421
00:16:14,702 --> 00:16:16,068
(panting)
422
00:16:16,070 --> 00:16:18,203
Excuse me, sir, could I talk
to you in the kitchen?
423
00:16:22,859 --> 00:16:24,543
(sighs)
424
00:16:24,545 --> 00:16:26,378
(clears throat)
425
00:16:26,380 --> 00:16:30,782
Mr. Cootes, I am not
going back to work tonight.
426
00:16:30,784 --> 00:16:32,668
Oh, no, she didn't
just say that.
427
00:16:32,670 --> 00:16:33,635
(laughs)
428
00:16:33,637 --> 00:16:35,253
Mickey, could we just
have a minute?
429
00:16:35,255 --> 00:16:37,673
Oh, yeah. Sure.
430
00:16:39,142 --> 00:16:42,894
Marshall, look, I know
when you started with this firm,
431
00:16:42,896 --> 00:16:44,596
it was all fun and games.
432
00:16:44,598 --> 00:16:48,400
The office chair races
were particularly spirited.
433
00:16:48,402 --> 00:16:51,737
Until, of course,
Gail went down the stairs.
434
00:16:51,739 --> 00:16:53,405
But for one brief moment,
435
00:16:53,407 --> 00:16:55,941
boy, did she fly.
436
00:16:55,943 --> 00:16:57,776
(sighs)
437
00:16:57,778 --> 00:17:00,028
I'm not here, I'm not here.
438
00:17:00,030 --> 00:17:02,364
Mr. Cootes, you're working
yourself to death.
439
00:17:02,366 --> 00:17:04,816
Just cut loose a little.
440
00:17:04,818 --> 00:17:07,285
Have a beer, find a hobby.
441
00:17:07,287 --> 00:17:09,171
Look, son, it's very simple.
442
00:17:09,173 --> 00:17:11,990
Um, Mother Earth
doesn't get a night off.
443
00:17:11,992 --> 00:17:13,208
Neither do you.
444
00:17:13,210 --> 00:17:14,593
Well, then I quit.
445
00:17:18,147 --> 00:17:20,932
And I don't know
if I can handle a life
446
00:17:20,934 --> 00:17:22,851
that's just one crisis
after another.
447
00:17:22,853 --> 00:17:25,137
Lily, listen to me. I'm gonna
give you a little piece of...
448
00:17:25,139 --> 00:17:26,471
Gouda!
449
00:17:26,473 --> 00:17:27,439
Maybe he's right.
450
00:17:27,441 --> 00:17:29,725
Maybe I do
need a hobby.
451
00:17:29,727 --> 00:17:31,360
Well, hey,
how about beekeeping?
452
00:17:31,362 --> 00:17:34,446
Me? No. I-I don't know the
first thing about bees.
453
00:17:34,448 --> 00:17:36,732
You want to know a secret?
454
00:17:36,734 --> 00:17:38,100
Neither do I.
455
00:17:38,102 --> 00:17:40,452
It's not a secret.
456
00:17:41,371 --> 00:17:42,487
Let me try this thing on.
457
00:17:42,489 --> 00:17:43,872
I'm gonna give you
some privacy.
458
00:17:43,874 --> 00:17:45,707
All right, thank you.
459
00:17:45,709 --> 00:17:46,958
Okay.
460
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:48,410
Hey, buddy.
461
00:17:48,412 --> 00:17:50,245
Best housewarming
party ever.
462
00:17:50,247 --> 00:17:51,963
Everybody's abuzz.
463
00:17:51,965 --> 00:17:54,449
(bees buzzing,
timer beeping)
464
00:17:54,451 --> 00:17:57,052
Okay, maybe it's not
a total disaster.
465
00:17:57,054 --> 00:17:58,220
Great party.
466
00:17:58,222 --> 00:18:01,022
(screaming)
467
00:18:01,874 --> 00:18:04,059
(screaming continues)
468
00:18:10,382 --> 00:18:12,484
Oh, my God. Oh!
469
00:18:12,486 --> 00:18:13,735
Oh, Mr. Cootes!
470
00:18:13,737 --> 00:18:15,103
Mr. Cootes, are you okay?!
471
00:18:15,105 --> 00:18:18,490
That was amazing!
472
00:18:18,492 --> 00:18:19,691
Did you see me?!
473
00:18:19,693 --> 00:18:22,077
I flew through the air
like a human fireball
474
00:18:22,079 --> 00:18:23,361
and didn't get a scratch.
475
00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:24,913
Eat your heart out, Gail!
476
00:18:24,915 --> 00:18:25,897
(laughs)
477
00:18:25,899 --> 00:18:28,399
God, I feel so alive!
478
00:18:28,401 --> 00:18:30,001
I want to drink a beer.
479
00:18:30,003 --> 00:18:31,119
Oh, yeah.
480
00:18:31,121 --> 00:18:32,671
Okay, one beer, coming right up.
481
00:18:32,673 --> 00:18:35,424
Oh, and, uh, Marshall,
482
00:18:35,426 --> 00:18:39,077
I think we'll take
the night off tonight, okay?
483
00:18:39,079 --> 00:18:40,846
Sounds good, yeah.
484
00:18:40,848 --> 00:18:42,964
But I'll see you Monday?
485
00:18:42,966 --> 00:18:45,217
Of course.
486
00:18:45,219 --> 00:18:46,218
Yeah.
487
00:18:46,220 --> 00:18:47,886
(sighs)
488
00:18:47,888 --> 00:18:51,556
You know, Robin, I've
been thinking about it.
489
00:18:51,558 --> 00:18:54,192
Guess it's kind of nice
you're such a badass.
490
00:18:54,194 --> 00:18:57,863
It's pretty badass
you're so nice, Ted.
491
00:18:59,765 --> 00:19:04,319
Was I supposed to close
the basement door?
492
00:19:04,321 --> 00:19:06,154
(bees buzzing)
493
00:19:06,156 --> 00:19:10,156
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
494
00:19:15,373 --> 00:19:17,373
God, this feels
so right!
495
00:19:17,375 --> 00:19:18,791
(chuckles)
We're so great together.
496
00:19:18,793 --> 00:19:21,260
I want to spend every minute
of every day with you.
497
00:19:21,262 --> 00:19:23,129
I never let you out of
my sight for one second.
498
00:19:23,131 --> 00:19:24,797
Not one second, not
one second. I don't!
499
00:19:24,799 --> 00:19:27,099
(chuckles)
Oh, God!
500
00:19:27,101 --> 00:19:28,300
My last lover was not like this.
501
00:19:28,302 --> 00:19:29,802
He was the worst!
502
00:19:29,804 --> 00:19:32,938
Do you know, he didn't even
come to my cat's bris.
503
00:19:32,940 --> 00:19:34,557
I mean, what?
504
00:19:34,559 --> 00:19:35,925
Well, we showed him.
505
00:19:35,927 --> 00:19:37,143
Yes, we did.
506
00:19:37,145 --> 00:19:40,262
Let's just say, the
punishment fit the crime.
507
00:19:40,264 --> 00:19:41,730
I can't wait to
tell everybody
508
00:19:41,732 --> 00:19:43,282
that we're boyfriend and girlfriend!
(bees buzzing)
509
00:19:43,284 --> 00:19:44,433
Let's do it tonight.
510
00:19:44,435 --> 00:19:45,785
No, it's Lily and
Marshall's party.
511
00:19:45,787 --> 00:19:47,102
We'll wait.
512
00:19:47,104 --> 00:19:50,239
We can do it at Mittens
and Mr. Pepper's wedding.
513
00:19:50,241 --> 00:19:51,773
(bees buzzing)
Or maybe something...
514
00:19:51,775 --> 00:19:54,477
(screaming)
36464
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