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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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00:00:00,663 --> 00:00:02,480
NARRATOR:
Kids, in the fall of 2011,
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00:00:02,482 --> 00:00:04,532
all of my friendswere in relationships.
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00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:06,738
So when Barney's brother James
came to visit,
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00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:09,274
it createda slight logistical problem.
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We're gonna need a bigger booth.
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00:00:13,230 --> 00:00:15,080
I'm gonna go
to the loo.
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I don't actually
have to go,
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I just want a seat
all to myself.
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00:00:21,254 --> 00:00:23,922
So, would anyone care
to ask me where
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00:00:23,924 --> 00:00:25,624
Nora and I are
going tonight?
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00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:27,092
Don't ask him.
It's a trap.
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- Where you going?
- Come on, man, for God's sake!
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Bootytown, Kevin!
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We are finally going
to Bootytown.
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00:00:33,750 --> 00:00:35,934
And that's why
we don't ask him.
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00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:38,971
I'm thinking I'm gonna hop on
the Long Thighland Expressway,
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00:00:38,973 --> 00:00:41,857
stop off for a nibble
in Breastport,
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00:00:41,859 --> 00:00:43,809
and then, with any luck,
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I'll be pulling into
the Pork Authority by midnight.
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Wait. You're finally
going to Bootytown?
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Look, we just don't want
to rush anything, okay?
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00:00:51,368 --> 00:00:54,536
So we decided to wait
until she decides
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00:00:54,538 --> 00:00:56,238
to let me have sex
with her.
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00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:58,273
And that's
gonna be tonight!
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How do you
know for sure?
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Ah, something
she said earlier.
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Guess what, my sweet boy,
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I've got a special treat
for you tonight.
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(electric guitar riff plays)
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Oh, yeah, you're going
to Bootytown.
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Hello again, my darlings.
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00:01:14,891 --> 00:01:16,475
Barney, I hope you're ready
for tonight.
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Because you're gonna have
to use muscles
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you haven't used in years.
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I am?
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Yes.
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And I hope you have
some aspirin at home,
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because your arse is gonna be
killing you tomorrow.
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It is?
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Indeed.
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Because tonight...
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The Pork Authority's
closed.
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Looks like it's Hand
Central Station
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for you, little buddy.
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(Marshall chuckles)
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So that's your special treat?
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Ice skating?
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Of course.
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And after that,
we're gonna shag.
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We're going ice skating,
everybody!
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♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x07 ♪
Noretta
Original Air Date on October 24, 2011
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00:01:54,493 --> 00:01:57,993
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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Ask me what
I think of Nora.
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What do you think of Nora?
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Lovely girl.
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00:02:10,098 --> 00:02:12,015
Ask me what
I really think of her.
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What do you really
think of her?
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00:02:13,335 --> 00:02:15,135
Guys, she's great, seriously.
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00:02:15,137 --> 00:02:16,770
Just drop it.
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Ask me one more time.
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What do you really think?
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Fine! If you really must know,
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I do not like Barney
with that woman!
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Happy?
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What could you possibly
not like about Nora?
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Her hair?
Her mousy little nose?
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00:02:29,952 --> 00:02:32,202
The way she does
everything perfectly?
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00:02:32,204 --> 00:02:34,154
I mean, what's not to like?
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00:02:34,156 --> 00:02:37,908
It's not that I don't like her.
It's just...
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She's our mom.
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What do you mean,
she's your mom?
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Everything about her
is vaguely our mom-like.
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The British accent...
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Hello again, my darlings.
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Mom's obsessedwith Julie Andrews,
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so when we were growing up...
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(British accent):
Hello again, my darlings.
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- Come here, you.
- Hey.
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And the way she hugs him.
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Left hand on the napeof the neck,
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three gentle strokes onthe back with the right?
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Come here, you.
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Trademark Loretta Stinson.
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00:03:03,435 --> 00:03:04,901
But here's the clincher...
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Guess what, my sweet boy.
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00:03:06,188 --> 00:03:08,071
Guess what
my sweet boy.
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00:03:08,073 --> 00:03:10,890
I've got a special treat
for you tonight.
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00:03:10,892 --> 00:03:14,411
I've got a special
treat for you tonight.
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Ice cream!
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(electric guitar riff plays)
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They're coming.
Be cool.
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Forgot my raincoat.
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That makes one of us.
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Well, shall we?
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We shall.
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Ooh, don't wear out
that tongue, Barney.
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Don't wait up.
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I mean, sure, Barney has slept
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00:03:45,444 --> 00:03:48,111
with plenty
of other people's mothers.
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00:03:49,780 --> 00:03:51,197
But now he's gonna sleep
with ours?
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00:03:51,199 --> 00:03:53,566
Psychologically speaking,
it's perfectly normal
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00:03:53,568 --> 00:03:55,752
to wind up with someone
like your parents.
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00:03:55,754 --> 00:03:59,105
Thanks to my mom, I'll probably
wind up with someone
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00:03:59,107 --> 00:04:01,174
who loves my brother
more than me.
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00:04:01,176 --> 00:04:02,442
Well, psychologically
speaking,
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I'm gonna go
throw up now.
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00:04:03,862 --> 00:04:05,962
Oh...
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00:04:05,964 --> 00:04:07,780
Ugh! This baby
is making it
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00:04:07,782 --> 00:04:09,966
so I can't button
my pants anymore.
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00:04:09,968 --> 00:04:12,085
Big whoop.
In 55 years,
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00:04:12,087 --> 00:04:14,471
I don't think my dad
buttoned his pants even once.
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00:04:14,473 --> 00:04:16,089
And somehow, despite
sweet talk like that,
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I don't feel sexy anymore.
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Are you kidding?
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00:04:19,961 --> 00:04:22,479
I mean, you're-you're
even sexier now
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00:04:22,481 --> 00:04:24,314
that you're rounding out.
(gasps)
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I mean, you're even
more sexy simply
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00:04:27,903 --> 00:04:29,653
because there's so
much more of you.
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(gasps)
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I'm never gonna get
in the mood while
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your mammoth Eriksen seed
is muffin-topping
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00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:37,694
the bodiddly out of me.
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00:04:37,696 --> 00:04:40,030
Are you saying,
"No erky-erky
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00:04:40,032 --> 00:04:41,665
until this baby
pops out"?
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00:04:41,667 --> 00:04:44,034
Okay, that's it.
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00:04:44,036 --> 00:04:46,619
I-I am making it my mission
to help you feel sexy again.
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00:04:46,621 --> 00:04:48,705
I don't care how much
more bloated you get.
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00:04:48,707 --> 00:04:50,290
I'll get the
next round!
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00:04:50,292 --> 00:04:52,208
Kevin!
Yay, Kevin, thank you!
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So, Ted, you're cool
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00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:54,678
with Kevin, right?
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00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:56,596
I know he's been
over a lot lately.
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00:04:56,598 --> 00:04:59,665
Oh, yeah, yeah, Kevin's great.
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00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:03,603
I mean, there was, like,
one weird thing the other day...
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00:05:07,992 --> 00:05:09,592
He was just standing
there in his boxers?
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00:05:09,594 --> 00:05:10,593
Yeah.
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00:05:10,595 --> 00:05:12,195
I'll talk to him.
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00:05:13,864 --> 00:05:15,031
Ted...
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be honest.
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You'd bang Lily, right?
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NARRATOR:
So, later that night,
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Barney and Nora went skating.
145
00:05:24,459 --> 00:05:26,826
Hey, kid, you know
how your mom won't
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00:05:26,828 --> 00:05:29,045
let you have ice cream
till after dinner?
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00:05:29,047 --> 00:05:32,332
But then the waiting
kind of makes it taste better?
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00:05:32,334 --> 00:05:34,384
Well, I've been waiting
two months
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00:05:34,386 --> 00:05:36,836
for that bowl
of ice cream.
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00:05:36,838 --> 00:05:40,206
And tonight,
I'm gonna have sex with it.
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00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:47,180
Look, Barney,
one foot!
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Oh!
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00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:50,683
NARRATOR:
Now, kids, for most guys,
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00:05:50,685 --> 00:05:53,903
this would have meantthe end of the date.
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00:05:53,905 --> 00:05:57,574
But your Uncle Barneyis not most guys.
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00:05:57,576 --> 00:05:59,559
I can turn this around.
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00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:07,109
Well, I'm impressed
that you know
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a 24-hour dentist.
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00:06:08,245 --> 00:06:09,661
Oh, yeah.
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00:06:09,663 --> 00:06:11,246
He can also give you tattoos,
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00:06:11,248 --> 00:06:13,331
do your taxes
and alter a suit.
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00:06:13,333 --> 00:06:15,667
But I wouldn't trust him
with a suit 'cause...
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00:06:15,669 --> 00:06:17,786
(glugging)
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00:06:17,788 --> 00:06:20,171
Speaking of drinking,
you want to...?
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00:06:20,173 --> 00:06:21,423
No, Barney.
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Tonight's been
a disaster.
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I think we should just
call it a night.
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No! Come on, Nora,
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your tooth can't be that bad.
Let me see.
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W-Which is the fake one again?
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(chuckles)
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You look beautiful.
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Mmm.
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All right, maybe I could go
for one more drink.
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Great.
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(electric guitar riff plays)
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It's funny.
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00:06:48,819 --> 00:06:51,620
Sometimes the most
romantic moments
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can just creep up on you...
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00:06:53,373 --> 00:06:55,040
(gasping)
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00:06:56,108 --> 00:06:58,126
(whimpering)
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00:06:58,744 --> 00:07:00,111
(rat squeals)
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00:07:00,113 --> 00:07:01,579
(gasps)
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I can turn this around.
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00:07:05,135 --> 00:07:06,751
Hey, um,
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00:07:06,753 --> 00:07:09,421
should've mentioned this before,
but, um, Ted and I prefer
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00:07:09,423 --> 00:07:11,122
that our guests remain
fully clothed in
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00:07:11,124 --> 00:07:13,458
the public areas
of the apartment.
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00:07:13,460 --> 00:07:14,792
Been some complaints.
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00:07:14,794 --> 00:07:16,761
Did Ted say something?
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00:07:16,763 --> 00:07:18,063
Oh, th-there's been
some complaints.
192
00:07:18,065 --> 00:07:19,464
Not pointing any fingers
or anything,
193
00:07:19,466 --> 00:07:21,933
but let's just keep
those pants on, okay? Good talk.
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00:07:21,935 --> 00:07:23,801
Well, if Ted said that,
195
00:07:23,803 --> 00:07:27,305
I've got something to complain
about, too: Ted's nuts.
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00:07:27,307 --> 00:07:30,525
Okay, yes, Ted is a little
neurotic, but I wouldn't say...
197
00:07:30,527 --> 00:07:33,862
No, no, no, I mean Ted's nuts.
198
00:07:35,314 --> 00:07:36,865
Hi.
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00:07:36,867 --> 00:07:39,701
Hey.
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00:07:39,703 --> 00:07:41,786
(sighs)
201
00:07:47,677 --> 00:07:49,427
(sighs)
202
00:07:51,714 --> 00:07:53,682
So what? It's his apartment.
203
00:07:53,684 --> 00:07:55,884
You're taking his side?
204
00:07:55,886 --> 00:07:57,635
Wait, this isn't
one of those classic
205
00:07:57,637 --> 00:07:59,337
"You still have feelings
for your ex-boyfriend,
206
00:07:59,339 --> 00:08:00,939
"who's oddly also your roommate,
207
00:08:00,941 --> 00:08:02,140
"which for the record
I'm totally cool with,
208
00:08:02,142 --> 00:08:03,841
"even though everybody
tells me I've walked
209
00:08:03,843 --> 00:08:05,443
into a bear trap" things, is it?
210
00:08:05,445 --> 00:08:07,729
No, I just, I feel bad.
211
00:08:07,731 --> 00:08:10,014
Ted's going through
some stuff right now.
212
00:08:11,183 --> 00:08:13,401
You eyeballing his deal
is the most action
213
00:08:13,403 --> 00:08:14,786
he's gotten in months.
214
00:08:14,788 --> 00:08:17,072
I'll be nice to him.
215
00:08:18,157 --> 00:08:20,408
So, I was trying
to think of how
216
00:08:20,410 --> 00:08:23,378
to best express
how sexy you are to me.
217
00:08:23,380 --> 00:08:24,996
A song? A poem?
218
00:08:24,998 --> 00:08:27,832
And then it hit me:
a board game!
219
00:08:27,834 --> 00:08:29,634
You just get women.
220
00:08:29,636 --> 00:08:31,035
No, no, no, you'll like this.
221
00:08:31,037 --> 00:08:34,556
We answer risqué questions
and perform spicy dares
222
00:08:34,558 --> 00:08:37,258
to slowly move up
your shapely legs.
223
00:08:37,260 --> 00:08:39,511
I call it Chutes and Lilies.
224
00:08:39,513 --> 00:08:41,513
I would've guessed Monopo-Lily.
225
00:08:41,515 --> 00:08:43,064
Yeah, that would've been better.
226
00:08:43,066 --> 00:08:44,048
Okay, game play.
227
00:08:44,050 --> 00:08:46,217
Roll the die to see
who goes first,
228
00:08:46,219 --> 00:08:49,237
forfeit a turn on a pass--
intended for two-to-six players.
229
00:08:49,239 --> 00:08:52,056
NARRATOR: As Marshall explained the many
rules of Chutes and Lilies,
230
00:08:52,058 --> 00:08:54,909
Lily thought backto what Kevin said in the bar.
231
00:08:54,911 --> 00:08:57,829
It's perfectly normal to wind up
with someone like your parents.
232
00:08:57,831 --> 00:09:00,448
And then she thought ofthe only other man she knew
233
00:09:00,450 --> 00:09:02,317
who loved board gamesthat much.
234
00:09:02,319 --> 00:09:04,002
I brought Diseases!
235
00:09:04,004 --> 00:09:05,286
Marshgammon.
236
00:09:05,288 --> 00:09:06,871
Dog Fight Promoter!
237
00:09:06,873 --> 00:09:08,623
Lilial Pursuit.
238
00:09:12,128 --> 00:09:14,429
And that's how you play
the game.
239
00:09:14,431 --> 00:09:15,547
Oh, wait.
240
00:09:15,549 --> 00:09:17,465
I forgot to tell you
what happens
241
00:09:17,467 --> 00:09:19,634
if I land on "community chest."
242
00:09:19,636 --> 00:09:20,935
Honk-honk.
243
00:09:20,937 --> 00:09:22,520
(laughs)
244
00:09:22,522 --> 00:09:24,055
(groans)
245
00:09:24,057 --> 00:09:25,423
I just want to go home,
246
00:09:25,425 --> 00:09:27,592
take a long bath
and go to bed.
247
00:09:27,594 --> 00:09:28,610
No!
248
00:09:28,612 --> 00:09:30,928
I mean, come on.
249
00:09:31,781 --> 00:09:33,615
My place is so much closer.
250
00:09:33,617 --> 00:09:35,233
I'll-I'll draw you a bath,
251
00:09:35,235 --> 00:09:38,769
pour you some champagne,
we can forget all about this.
252
00:09:38,771 --> 00:09:42,073
All right,
that sounds good.
253
00:09:42,075 --> 00:09:44,275
(electric guitar riff plays)
254
00:09:45,127 --> 00:09:46,494
(sighs)
255
00:09:46,496 --> 00:09:47,712
That bath was
wonderful.
256
00:09:47,714 --> 00:09:49,080
- Thank you.
- Of course.
257
00:09:49,082 --> 00:09:51,132
What do you say we go
out on the balcony,
258
00:09:51,134 --> 00:09:52,167
get some fresh air?
259
00:09:52,169 --> 00:09:54,135
Ooh, that sounds lovely.
260
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:58,223
What a beautiful view.
261
00:09:58,225 --> 00:10:01,142
I couldn't agree more.
262
00:10:04,630 --> 00:10:06,731
MAN:
Good-bye, cruel world!
263
00:10:06,733 --> 00:10:08,099
Oh, my God!
264
00:10:08,101 --> 00:10:10,235
I can turn this around.
265
00:10:10,237 --> 00:10:11,152
Shh.
266
00:10:11,154 --> 00:10:13,071
(thud)
Ooh!
267
00:10:13,073 --> 00:10:15,990
Ooh! Date night.
268
00:10:15,992 --> 00:10:19,360
You know what? I'll just,
just watch this in my room.
269
00:10:19,362 --> 00:10:21,863
Already had dinner in there,
why not a movie?
270
00:10:21,865 --> 00:10:23,948
You should join us.
271
00:10:23,950 --> 00:10:26,217
Yeah, join us.
272
00:10:26,219 --> 00:10:28,536
No! No, no, no, no, no.
Three's a crowd.
273
00:10:28,538 --> 00:10:30,955
Besides, you guys wouldn't
want to watch this anyway.
274
00:10:30,957 --> 00:10:32,040
Try us.
275
00:10:32,042 --> 00:10:33,258
Well, have you seen Die Hard?
276
00:10:33,260 --> 00:10:34,926
Um, yes.
277
00:10:34,928 --> 00:10:36,327
Okay, the guy who played Argyle
278
00:10:36,329 --> 00:10:39,797
produced this documentary
about coin collecting.
279
00:10:41,717 --> 00:10:45,637
Now, I know my sexy
little lady can't resist
280
00:10:45,639 --> 00:10:48,223
a bubble bath,
especially one
281
00:10:48,225 --> 00:10:50,141
with rose petals.
282
00:10:50,143 --> 00:10:52,777
Oh, thanks, baby.
283
00:10:52,779 --> 00:10:53,778
(chuckles)
284
00:10:53,780 --> 00:10:57,398
(shudders)
285
00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:58,633
How about a sensual backrub?
286
00:10:58,635 --> 00:11:00,869
(shudders)
287
00:11:00,871 --> 00:11:02,019
Mm.
288
00:11:02,021 --> 00:11:03,288
- Oh.
- What's the matter, Lilypad?
289
00:11:03,290 --> 00:11:05,073
You love my backrubs.
290
00:11:05,075 --> 00:11:08,409
Ah. I-I do... very much.
291
00:11:08,411 --> 00:11:11,862
Good, because I got you
a brand-
292
00:11:11,864 --> 00:11:13,581
new...
293
00:11:13,583 --> 00:11:15,166
loofah!
294
00:11:15,168 --> 00:11:17,335
(crying)
295
00:11:19,972 --> 00:11:21,973
Oh, yeah!
296
00:11:21,975 --> 00:11:24,475
Rubs... oh, yeah!
297
00:11:24,477 --> 00:11:27,729
Trying to watch the coin
documentary over here.
298
00:11:27,731 --> 00:11:31,382
Hey, Ted, ever figure out who
you're taking to that concert?
299
00:11:31,384 --> 00:11:32,650
No.
300
00:11:32,652 --> 00:11:34,235
- You want to go?
- (whispers): Sure.
301
00:11:34,237 --> 00:11:35,703
- Really?
- Awesome!
302
00:11:35,705 --> 00:11:36,938
It's a date!
303
00:11:36,940 --> 00:11:39,407
NARRATOR: Now, Kevin,as a trained psychologist,
304
00:11:39,409 --> 00:11:42,043
knew the appropriate wayto voice his displeasure.
305
00:11:42,045 --> 00:11:44,445
I think we need
to calmly discuss
306
00:11:44,447 --> 00:11:47,115
the relationship dynamics
at play here.
307
00:11:47,117 --> 00:11:49,617
I'm uncomfortable
with how close you two are
308
00:11:49,619 --> 00:11:53,121
as roommates, given your
particular romantic history.
309
00:11:53,123 --> 00:11:55,290
NARRATOR: Instead, he tooka different approach.
310
00:11:55,292 --> 00:11:57,074
Aw, hell no!
311
00:11:57,076 --> 00:11:59,093
If you can go on a date
with my girlfriend,
312
00:11:59,095 --> 00:12:01,429
I don't have to wear pants
in your apartment!
313
00:12:02,264 --> 00:12:04,265
I can't wait till
this baby comes out
314
00:12:04,267 --> 00:12:06,351
so we can get started
on another one.
315
00:12:06,353 --> 00:12:08,136
Then again,
316
00:12:08,138 --> 00:12:09,470
why wait?
Ew, wait...
317
00:12:09,472 --> 00:12:10,921
Get off of me!
318
00:12:10,923 --> 00:12:11,889
Damn it!
319
00:12:11,891 --> 00:12:13,191
Ever since Kevin said
320
00:12:13,193 --> 00:12:15,326
it's normal to wind up
with your parents,
321
00:12:15,328 --> 00:12:18,062
I... I keep picturing yo
as my dad.
322
00:12:18,064 --> 00:12:21,265
Lily, that theory is crazy-town.
323
00:12:21,267 --> 00:12:22,200
How do you know?
324
00:12:22,202 --> 00:12:24,402
Because my mother is
six-foot-three,
325
00:12:24,404 --> 00:12:26,454
she buys her clothes
at the drugstore,
326
00:12:26,456 --> 00:12:29,123
and she prefers
to trap her own dinner.
327
00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:31,743
I love you more than anything,
328
00:12:31,745 --> 00:12:33,244
and you're nothing like her.
329
00:12:33,246 --> 00:12:35,330
Aw.
330
00:12:35,332 --> 00:12:37,799
Now, that's how
you turn a girl on.
331
00:12:37,801 --> 00:12:39,384
- Mm...
- Mm...
332
00:12:39,386 --> 00:12:42,303
NARRATOR: But then Marshallreally started thinking
333
00:12:42,305 --> 00:12:44,055
about Kevin's theory.
334
00:12:45,457 --> 00:12:47,558
Midnight snack.
335
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:49,344
Midnight snack.
336
00:12:49,346 --> 00:12:50,395
Mmm.
337
00:12:50,397 --> 00:12:53,181
Oh, yeah.
338
00:12:53,183 --> 00:12:57,402
Oh, yeah...!
339
00:12:58,237 --> 00:13:00,938
I am gonna rock...
340
00:13:00,940 --> 00:13:02,357
your...
341
00:13:02,359 --> 00:13:04,575
world.
342
00:13:07,363 --> 00:13:09,614
Yay.
343
00:13:09,616 --> 00:13:11,582
If it's any consolation,
344
00:13:11,584 --> 00:13:15,953
the, uh... the guy stole my
Wall Street Journal once.
345
00:13:15,955 --> 00:13:20,675
So... guess the world's kind
of a better place without...
346
00:13:20,677 --> 00:13:24,495
Oh, God, this
night's ruined.
347
00:13:24,497 --> 00:13:26,264
Oh, come here, you.
348
00:13:30,102 --> 00:13:32,720
Yes, it's been
a very tough night,
349
00:13:32,722 --> 00:13:35,773
but I still think
we can turn this around.
350
00:13:35,775 --> 00:13:37,392
Really?
351
00:13:37,394 --> 00:13:38,643
Why not?
352
00:13:38,645 --> 00:13:41,112
No sense in letting things
get us down.
353
00:13:41,947 --> 00:13:43,948
How does that song
go again?
354
00:13:43,950 --> 00:13:48,903
♪ Raindrops on roses
and whiskers on kittens ♪
355
00:13:48,905 --> 00:13:52,824
♪ Bright copper kettles
and warm woolen mittens ♪
356
00:13:52,826 --> 00:13:57,528
♪ Brown paper packages tied up
with strings ♪
357
00:13:57,530 --> 00:14:01,866
♪ These are a few
of my favorite things ♪
358
00:14:01,868 --> 00:14:04,001
♪ When the dog bites ♪
359
00:14:04,003 --> 00:14:06,054
♪ When the bee stings ♪
360
00:14:06,056 --> 00:14:10,258
♪ When I'm feeling sad ♪
361
00:14:10,260 --> 00:14:13,761
♪ I simply remember
my favorite things ♪
362
00:14:13,763 --> 00:14:16,881
LORETTA:
♪ And then I don't feel ♪
363
00:14:16,883 --> 00:14:20,818
♪ So bad. ♪
364
00:14:22,053 --> 00:14:23,938
(sobbing softly)
365
00:14:23,940 --> 00:14:26,157
Mommy, no.
366
00:14:30,195 --> 00:14:33,423
I want to thank you,
baby, for reminding me of
367
00:14:33,424 --> 00:14:35,491
what a vivacious woman I am.
368
00:14:35,493 --> 00:14:36,492
Yeah.
369
00:14:36,494 --> 00:14:38,744
No, uh, no need really.
370
00:14:38,746 --> 00:14:41,764
Whoa, but I've been
such a naughty girl.
371
00:14:41,766 --> 00:14:44,517
Maybe I need a spanking.
372
00:14:44,519 --> 00:14:47,219
Great. We'll...
373
00:14:47,221 --> 00:14:50,156
we'll just skip
the board games
374
00:14:50,158 --> 00:14:55,277
and get right down to me
making love to you.
375
00:14:55,279 --> 00:14:57,446
Oh...
376
00:14:57,448 --> 00:14:58,781
Okay, good, 'cause
377
00:14:58,783 --> 00:15:04,286
I'm gonna ride you
like an unbroken stallion.
378
00:15:04,288 --> 00:15:07,006
Okay.
379
00:15:07,008 --> 00:15:09,675
Giddyup, cowgirl.
380
00:15:14,548 --> 00:15:16,132
No, I can't go
through with this!
381
00:15:16,134 --> 00:15:17,249
Thank God, me neither!
382
00:15:17,251 --> 00:15:18,417
You're too much
like my dad.
383
00:15:18,419 --> 00:15:19,885
You're too much
like my dad.
384
00:15:19,887 --> 00:15:22,054
Your dad?!
385
00:15:22,056 --> 00:15:25,090
Okay, dropping trou--
bad idea.
386
00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:26,776
We're moving on from that.
387
00:15:26,778 --> 00:15:28,444
This guy is a snake.
388
00:15:28,446 --> 00:15:30,146
What?! No.
389
00:15:30,148 --> 00:15:31,647
Ted? He's a nice guy.
390
00:15:31,649 --> 00:15:33,449
A really, really nice guy.
391
00:15:33,451 --> 00:15:35,701
You should be more like him.
392
00:15:35,703 --> 00:15:37,420
Mom, right on schedule.
393
00:15:37,422 --> 00:15:39,455
- What?
- Nothing.
394
00:15:39,457 --> 00:15:40,956
I'm just saying,
you think he's so fragile,
395
00:15:40,958 --> 00:15:42,875
and yet...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, fragile?
396
00:15:42,877 --> 00:15:43,993
You think I'm fragile?
397
00:15:43,995 --> 00:15:46,078
Yeah, fragile like a fox.
398
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:47,296
First, he tries
399
00:15:47,298 --> 00:15:49,448
scaring me off
with his little peep show.
400
00:15:49,450 --> 00:15:50,883
Then he crashes our movie.
401
00:15:50,885 --> 00:15:54,303
Now, he's got tickets to
some super romantic concert.
402
00:15:54,305 --> 00:15:55,805
It's Weird Al Yankovic.
403
00:15:55,807 --> 00:15:59,625
Okay. But still, who's the first
person he asked to go with him?
404
00:15:59,627 --> 00:16:01,010
My girlfriend.
405
00:16:01,012 --> 00:16:02,628
(laughs)
Oh, man. Okay.
406
00:16:02,630 --> 00:16:05,130
You think I'm the first
person Ted asked?
407
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,265
(laughs)
408
00:16:06,267 --> 00:16:08,901
Ted, am I the first person
you asked?
409
00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:11,437
Marshall...!
410
00:16:11,439 --> 00:16:12,938
You, me, Weird Al.
411
00:16:12,940 --> 00:16:13,889
No thanks, Ted.
412
00:16:13,891 --> 00:16:14,990
Barney...!
413
00:16:14,992 --> 00:16:16,609
I got two tickets
to Weird Al Yan...
414
00:16:16,611 --> 00:16:17,643
(phone beeps off)
415
00:16:17,645 --> 00:16:18,694
Barney?
416
00:16:18,696 --> 00:16:20,579
Lily...!
417
00:16:20,581 --> 00:16:23,249
Come on! You'll be
the hottest girl there!
418
00:16:23,251 --> 00:16:25,201
Okay, you'll be
the only girl there.
419
00:16:25,203 --> 00:16:25,835
(phone beeps off)
420
00:16:25,837 --> 00:16:27,703
Stuart...!
421
00:16:27,705 --> 00:16:29,789
Claudia...!
422
00:16:29,791 --> 00:16:31,006
Brad...!
423
00:16:31,008 --> 00:16:33,175
Nat-alie...!
424
00:16:33,177 --> 00:16:35,344
Trudy...!
425
00:16:35,346 --> 00:16:37,296
Ranjit...!
426
00:16:37,298 --> 00:16:39,832
Carl the bartender...!
427
00:16:39,834 --> 00:16:42,518
Dude from my bodega...!
428
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:45,104
Steam cleaning coupon guy...!
429
00:16:45,106 --> 00:16:47,206
Mom...!
430
00:16:47,208 --> 00:16:48,858
Please? I'll fly you out.
431
00:16:48,860 --> 00:16:50,860
I don't think so.
432
00:16:50,862 --> 00:16:52,177
I'm sorry, sweet pea.
433
00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:54,096
Is Clint there?
434
00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:57,533
No.
435
00:16:58,335 --> 00:17:00,903
Wow. You really
are pretty fragile.
436
00:17:00,905 --> 00:17:05,357
Look, I'm trying to explain
to you guys that I'm...
437
00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:07,877
Well, how do you
expect me to feel?!
438
00:17:07,879 --> 00:17:09,161
I mean, all I want
439
00:17:09,163 --> 00:17:11,997
is for someone to go
to a Weird Al concert with me,
440
00:17:11,999 --> 00:17:14,500
and I'm stuck going
with my roommate.
441
00:17:14,502 --> 00:17:17,136
Yeah, I might have to
rain-check you there, buddy.
442
00:17:17,138 --> 00:17:18,871
I'm not a Weird Al fan.
443
00:17:18,873 --> 00:17:21,223
He's just a rip-off
of Peculiar Jacques.
444
00:17:21,225 --> 00:17:23,609
(accordion playing "O Canada")
445
00:17:23,611 --> 00:17:24,844
(boing)
446
00:17:24,846 --> 00:17:27,213
Guess I'm going to
this concert alone.
447
00:17:27,215 --> 00:17:28,981
I'll be that weird guy.
448
00:17:28,983 --> 00:17:31,734
I mean, that
other weird guy.
449
00:17:31,736 --> 00:17:33,936
You know, there is one guy
you didn't ask yet.
450
00:17:33,938 --> 00:17:36,655
Someone who happens to be
the biggest Weird Al fan
451
00:17:36,657 --> 00:17:38,440
in the whole world.
452
00:17:38,442 --> 00:17:41,360
Kevin...?
453
00:17:41,362 --> 00:17:43,028
Ted...!
454
00:17:43,030 --> 00:17:46,064
Oh! Oh, you are gonna flip
when you see our tickets.
455
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:47,616
They're in the shape
of an accordion.
456
00:17:47,618 --> 00:17:48,951
(falsetto):
What?!
457
00:17:51,121 --> 00:17:54,173
So, uh, you
like Weird Al?
458
00:17:54,175 --> 00:17:55,708
Not in the slightest.
459
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:03,048
No, dude, I'm the biggest
Weird Al fan.
460
00:18:03,050 --> 00:18:04,683
I know,
I'm agreeing with you.
461
00:18:04,685 --> 00:18:08,137
Do you know that I gave him the
idea for "Like a Surgeon." Yeah.
462
00:18:08,139 --> 00:18:10,723
Yeah. I wrote him a fan letter,
and then a few months later...
463
00:18:10,725 --> 00:18:13,158
ALL: Bam!
Top of the charts!
464
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,110
You guys can eat it.
465
00:18:15,112 --> 00:18:17,696
Just... eat it.
466
00:18:17,698 --> 00:18:18,697
- Hey.
- Hey.
467
00:18:18,699 --> 00:18:20,199
How'd it go with Nora?
468
00:18:20,201 --> 00:18:21,483
Well, among other things,
469
00:18:21,485 --> 00:18:23,786
I realized
Nora's a lot like my mom.
470
00:18:23,788 --> 00:18:26,155
I'll bet that
ruined things, huh?
471
00:18:26,157 --> 00:18:27,623
(electric guitar riff plays)
472
00:18:27,625 --> 00:18:30,876
Come on. Barney Stinson
always turns it around.
473
00:18:30,878 --> 00:18:32,444
- How?
- Simple.
474
00:18:32,446 --> 00:18:36,682
I turned...
it... around.
475
00:18:36,684 --> 00:18:39,284
OTHERS: Oh...
Uh-huh? Uh-huh?
476
00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:42,805
So the mom thing wasn't
a total deal breaker, huh?
477
00:18:42,807 --> 00:18:43,873
No!
478
00:18:43,875 --> 00:18:46,058
Guys, my mom is
the best person I know.
479
00:18:46,060 --> 00:18:50,479
If Nora's even the tiniest bit
like her, I'm a lucky guy.
480
00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:53,649
Hey, you know what?
481
00:18:53,651 --> 00:18:56,485
I'm a real lucky guy.
482
00:18:56,487 --> 00:18:58,687
'Cause I married my dad.
483
00:18:58,689 --> 00:19:00,189
Aw.
484
00:19:00,191 --> 00:19:04,326
So, uh, you want
to go get luckier?
485
00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:08,030
Bye, guys.
486
00:19:08,032 --> 00:19:09,665
See ya.
487
00:19:11,534 --> 00:19:13,085
So, what should
we do now?
488
00:19:13,087 --> 00:19:14,620
"We" should do nothing.
489
00:19:14,622 --> 00:19:17,957
You guys get out of here,
go watch your movie.
490
00:19:17,959 --> 00:19:19,375
I'm fine. Really.
491
00:19:19,377 --> 00:19:21,043
- You sure?
- Yeah.
492
00:19:21,045 --> 00:19:23,095
Thanks, buddy.
493
00:19:26,016 --> 00:19:29,101
Uh, hey... hey, Kevin.
494
00:19:29,103 --> 00:19:31,053
I think I'm a clone now.
495
00:19:31,055 --> 00:19:33,138
(laughs)
496
00:19:34,557 --> 00:19:36,325
I'm sorry.
497
00:19:36,327 --> 00:19:37,943
Were you just quoting Weird Al?
498
00:19:37,945 --> 00:19:39,778
I was indeed.
499
00:19:39,780 --> 00:19:42,197
I'm a huge Weird Al fan.
500
00:19:42,199 --> 00:19:45,034
Well, then I need
to buy you a drink.
501
00:19:45,036 --> 00:19:47,286
I'll have a glass of champagne,
sweet pea.
502
00:19:47,288 --> 00:19:49,622
One glass of champa--
503
00:19:49,624 --> 00:19:50,906
Sweet pea?
504
00:19:50,908 --> 00:19:55,127
Sure. Meeting
a fellow Weird Al fan?
505
00:19:55,129 --> 00:19:57,296
That's cause
for celebration.
506
00:19:58,748 --> 00:20:01,917
Bottle of bubbly,
coming right up!
507
00:20:01,919 --> 00:20:03,535
(chuckles)
508
00:20:20,789 --> 00:20:21,618
(sighs)
509
00:20:21,619 --> 00:20:23,087
"Dear Mr. Yankovic,
510
00:20:23,213 --> 00:20:25,263
"my name is Ted Mosby...
511
00:20:25,265 --> 00:20:27,298
"eight years old...
512
00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:29,417
'Eat It' changed my life..."
513
00:20:29,419 --> 00:20:30,434
Blah, blah, blah.
514
00:20:30,436 --> 00:20:31,886
Uhp. Here we go.
515
00:20:31,888 --> 00:20:35,422
"I have some ideas
for new songs you could do."
516
00:20:35,424 --> 00:20:38,759
Why can't they just
leave me alone?!
517
00:20:38,761 --> 00:20:41,612
"Wake Me Up Before You Pogo."
518
00:20:41,614 --> 00:20:44,816
Spend a whole afternoon
on that one?
519
00:20:44,818 --> 00:20:46,934
"Like a Surgeon."
520
00:20:46,936 --> 00:20:48,503
(scoffs)
521
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:55,409
♪ I finally made it
through med school ♪
522
00:20:55,411 --> 00:21:00,248
♪ Somehow I made it through,
ooh... ♪
523
00:21:00,250 --> 00:21:01,549
Vinny!
524
00:21:01,551 --> 00:21:02,562
Start recording!
525
00:21:02,563 --> 00:21:06,563
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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