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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,956
OK, just need to
take a few details.
2
00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:04,956
Can I start by taking your name?
3
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:06,956
Er, yes, it's Lindsey.
Lindsey Brown.
4
00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:09,956
OK, Lindsey, Lindsey Brown. Is
that your vehicle out there?
5
00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,956
The 2012 Ford Focus with
the faulty brake light?
6
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,956
Erm, yes, I'm getting it
fixed. Good, make sure you do.
7
00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:17,476
Let's start at the beginning.
8
00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:20,996
Well, your Rishi is settling
in very well. Mm-hm.
9
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:23,996
He's made some friends, which,
first time at a new school,
10
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,956
it's never easy.
11
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:26,956
Is he getting good
marks, though?
12
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,956
LINDSEY INHALES
How good is "good"?
13
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:31,636
Good enough to go
to Oxford at 12,
14
00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:33,476
become CEO of a major
international bank
15
00:00:33,480 --> 00:00:35,316
and treat me to a yearly
round-the-world cruise
16
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:36,800
without my husband.
17
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:41,956
He did this lovely
picture of a butterfly.
18
00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:43,960
Mm. That's a start.
19
00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:06,956
Hi. Ah! Now, I never
forget a face. Oh.
20
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:09,956
It's, er, Mr Lapland, isn't it?
21
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:11,956
HE LAUGHS Former trainee.
22
00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:14,956
Yeah, no. Listen, I was wondering
if you could do me a favour.
23
00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:16,156
Not something I do, as a rule.
24
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:18,956
Actually, not something I've
ever done, now I think of it.
25
00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:21,956
OK, look, I know that you're
a rash, impulsive woman.
26
00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:23,956
That's what I love about
you, but inevitably,
27
00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:25,956
there will be a day where you
make a decision you regret.
28
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,956
I regret having you
in the first place.
29
00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:29,316
Now you sound like my mum.
30
00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:31,996
I am not your therapist,
Legland. OK. Erm, right...
31
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:35,156
Look, well, seeing as my parents
have let you have discretion,
32
00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,956
what if was to apologise
for Daz's groin?
33
00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:41,316
You know, maybe kiss it better?
Oh, dear. Have we changed our mind?
34
00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:43,996
Do we suddenly want to stay
and do the nasty "twaining"?
35
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,636
I wouldn't put it that
strongly, but, er, I would say
36
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,476
that I'm prepared to give
it another chance. Hm.
37
00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:51,956
Well, what about the backchat?
The relentless wit and repartee?
38
00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:54,156
I'll let you continue
that, within reason.
39
00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:57,956
Mm. You drive a hard bargain.
No, I drive a Honda Civic.
40
00:01:57,960 --> 00:01:59,956
And we're off. So am I back?
41
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:00,956
Get lost. Is that a yes?
42
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:03,960
Trot on, fuck
pig. Thanks, babe!
43
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,476
All right, mate. How was
your drama group last night?
44
00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:11,956
Yeah, good, man. You know,
we worked on being sad,
45
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:13,956
but as our favourite
animal, so I had... Hang on.
46
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:14,996
What? What you doing here?
47
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,156
Well, this is the way
to the lockers, right?
48
00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:20,956
But you left us, mate, remember?
What, left this place? What?!
49
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,956
Thought you said you
were chucked out.
50
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,956
Ah, that. Yeah, mate, that
was a joke, all right?
51
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,956
Obviously. That's
such a relief!
52
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:30,956
No, I kinda knew you
were winding us up.
53
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:32,956
No, you didn't, Paul.
54
00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:36,000
All right, I didn't, but I wished
really hard that he was, so...
55
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,956
Leggo! You're still with us.
56
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,636
Let me guess,
you've always known.
57
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:44,956
What? Known what?
Dunno. Everything.
58
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:46,960
Stephanie knows everything.
59
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,956
- Hey!
- What was that?
60
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,156
You're not supposed to be here.
61
00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:53,956
Yeah, well, you
sound glad that I am.
62
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:54,956
What? No.
63
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:57,956
What, so that "Hey" was like, "Hey!
Oh, shit, that fucker's back."
64
00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:00,956
No, not exactly. It was just
a... a reaction of surprise.
65
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,956
- OK, let's hear it again.
- Hey.
66
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,476
Oh, come on, it wasn't
quite like that.
67
00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:08,956
Again. FEIGNING
INTEREST: H... Hey.
68
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:09,956
Mm, yeah, better.
69
00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:11,956
How come you're back? Love.
70
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:13,996
I just love the place.
71
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:15,956
They also begged me not to go.
72
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:17,956
They didn't wanna lose
their brightest student.
73
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:19,956
Why would they
lose me? HE SCOFFS
74
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:23,480
I guess, if I was gone, they'd just
assume you'd died of a broken heart.
75
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:34,956
Big announcement today.
Oh, you getting engaged?
76
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,956
Well, not as far as I know. I
think Melanie is referring to
77
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,956
the new Director of
Training announcement.
78
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:42,316
Yeah, I know she is, Bob, because
I'm across that kinda thing,
79
00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:44,956
and I don't need Melanie kicking
me up the arse to remind me.
80
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:48,316
Well, good luck, both of us.
And may the best man win.
81
00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:49,956
I am more man than
he will ever be,
82
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:52,956
and I'm strangely confident
that luck won't come into it
83
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:55,796
now that I've identified
the infiltrator.
84
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:56,956
MELANIE GASPS
Thanks for playing,
85
00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:59,476
and remember, nobody goes home
empty-handed on this show.
86
00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:02,956
Oh, no, hang on. You do. But
did you have a good time?
87
00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:04,796
Oh, yes, I have, thank
you. Yes. Been amazing.
88
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:07,956
No, no, no, don't say that.
What...? I forgot, yes.
89
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:11,476
Have...? Thanks for playing,
Julie. Have you had a good time?
90
00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:14,956
Have you got one single
original thought in your head?
91
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:16,960
Well, I... Have I, Melanie?
92
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:21,956
All right, kiddies.
93
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:24,956
So, today, we're working on
cardio pulmonary resuscitation,
94
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,956
aka C-P-R. Yeah?
95
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:30,956
We're supposed to have a rescue
dummy, but Daz borrowed it.
96
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:31,996
Hasn't brought it
back. Not sure why.
97
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,156
Sex.
98
00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:34,956
So, er, one of each
pair lie on the floor,
99
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:36,956
the other one kneel
next to them, yeah?
100
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:39,156
Now, following
chest compressions,
101
00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:42,636
we wanna begin giving
rescue breaths.
102
00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,956
Now, to ensure that
the airways are open,
103
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:46,956
you wanna tilt the head
back and lift the chin.
104
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:47,996
Go on.
105
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,956
Er, no, no, no. No, that's
wrong. That's wrong, that.
106
00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:52,476
Why is that wrong? Er,
it's... it's wrong.
107
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:53,956
The thing that you
were doing was wrong.
108
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,956
Erm, let's, er...
Somebody else swap in.
109
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,956
I tell you what,
Huggins, up you get.
110
00:04:57,960 --> 00:04:59,956
You swap with Steph... Student
Officer Jackson. All right.
111
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:01,956
I don't... Why
can't I just do it?
112
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:05,156
No, just cos... faulty technique.
All right, down you get.
113
00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:07,956
So, like I said, to ensure
that the airways are open,
114
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,956
you wanna tilt the head
back and lift the chin.
115
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:11,956
Right, head back.
116
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:14,796
OK, now, to make sure
the airways are clear,
117
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:15,956
you wanna blow into
the subject's mouth.
118
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:18,956
Yeah, nah, I'm not sure about this.
My airways are completely clear.
119
00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:21,156
They do sound pretty clear.
I mean, he is talking.
120
00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:22,956
Huggins, give two
rescue breaths,
121
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,960
and watch his chest to
see if it rises. Yeah?
122
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:27,960
Really?
123
00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:32,636
OK. O... OK.
124
00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:33,956
There you go. Just do it.
125
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:34,960
All right. Oh, God.
126
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,960
SQUELCHING
127
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:45,956
Are his airways clear? Yes.
128
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,956
How do you know? I didn't see you
check his chest to see if it rises.
129
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:50,956
Well, I felt them with
my tongue. You what?
130
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,956
Yeah, just, like, put my tongue
down his throat, wiggled it,
131
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:56,956
felt about a little bit, seen
what bits and bobs were in there,
132
00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:58,956
and, no, nothing. No
blockages detected.
133
00:05:58,960 --> 00:05:59,956
You're not supposed
to use your tongue,
134
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:03,636
you just blow down and check
to see if his chest rises.
135
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:06,956
What...? Oh. Oh, I did not
know that. Sorry, mate.
136
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:08,480
All right, you can
get up now, Legland.
137
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:12,316
Legland! GEETA: I
think he's fainted.
138
00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:13,956
No, he's only pissing
about. He's fine.
139
00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:15,956
My God, it's like Sleeping
Beauty in reverse.
140
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:18,960
Would that be, like, manslaughter?
For God's sake, he's...
141
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,636
Leggo?
142
00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:23,996
Leg... Oh, my God. Leggo!
143
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,796
Leggo? HE GASPS
144
00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:28,796
THEY GASP Jesus!
145
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:31,156
I could be. Was I
dead for three days?
146
00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:32,956
SHE BREATHES HEAVILY
147
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,480
Get off.
148
00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:40,956
Right. The panel meets at three.
149
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,996
I'll give you one last chance to
tell me who the traitor is or...
150
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,796
else.
151
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,996
Did Melanie make you say
that? Not to tell you that.
152
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,160
No, and I'm not telling
you who the traitor is.
153
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:53,956
Is it... Is it... Is
it Stephanie Jackson?
154
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:55,956
Why her? I don't know.
Something to do with...
155
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:57,956
It's her hair. No,
you're never gonna guess.
156
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,636
And anyway, even
if you did guess,
157
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:00,956
I wouldn't tell you
if you were right.
158
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:02,956
Is it Legland? Never
liked the cut of his jib.
159
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,956
Legland has just been
spending the last two weeks
160
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:05,956
trying to get out of here.
161
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,956
Does that really strike
you as mole behaviour?
162
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,956
Well, not unless he was
tunnelling, I suppose.
163
00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:13,956
My God, you wouldn't guess it if
it was staring you in the face.
164
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:17,956
Oh, my God, is it you?
Jesus, no, it is not me.
165
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:19,956
Why would I be doing all
of this if it was me?
166
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:23,956
Cos someone's... injected
you with a truth syrup.
167
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:25,160
No.
168
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,636
I don't know. I don't
know. I give up.
169
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,956
You're a police officer, Bob.
You're not supposed to give up.
170
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:33,956
I know. Is it... Is
it the Home Secretary?
171
00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:37,796
Not a student at this college.
Is it... Is it Jason Bourne?
172
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,960
Fictional. Are you sure? Yes.
173
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:44,956
In any case, I've already sent off
the name to the powers that be.
174
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,956
This invaluable intel
will be the clincher
175
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:48,956
for anybody who wants
Cunningham's job.
176
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,956
Well, for your information,
I actually do know who it is.
177
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:53,960
Just said Jason fucking Bourne.
178
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:07,796
Steph.
179
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,796
Bet you're looking forward to that
criminal psychology module, yeah?
180
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:11,956
OK, you're gonna
say I'd be great
181
00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:13,956
at getting inside the head
of a deranged stalker.
182
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,956
I mean, nice idea,
but, er, I wasn't.
183
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:18,956
Yeah. Well, that
was the old Steph.
184
00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,956
Well, maybe the new Steph
fancies a drink later.
185
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,956
Sorry, what? I'm... I'm actually
just getting confused now
186
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:26,956
cos there's old Steph, new Steph,
Steph A, Steph B... I meant you.
187
00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:28,956
Me what? A drink,
you know, in the bar.
188
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:32,956
W-With you there as well?
That's the idea, yeah.
189
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:35,956
I... I don't think
that's a good idea.
190
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:36,956
Wh... Why not?
191
00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:38,956
Because, Mike, you messed
me about all this time.
192
00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:41,156
Why should I trust you?
Because I'm a policeman, yeah?
193
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:43,960
Yeah, you were a policeman
when you messed me about.
194
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:47,636
OK, but just a quick little drink.
What are you so worried about?
195
00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:49,316
Closure. It's open
till half ten.
196
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,956
No, I mean, been
there, done that.
197
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,956
OK, it doesn't have to be that
bar. We can go to the place...
198
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:55,956
Right, OK, yeah. I'll
think about it, OK?
199
00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:57,200
I will... I'll get back to you.
200
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:00,960
Yes!
201
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,960
No, it's all quiet over here.
202
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,956
Out the ordinary? No, nothing.
203
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,956
No, cos listen to this, I talked my
way out of a tricky spot yesterday.
204
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:13,636
Yeah, no-one's
sussing me, I promise.
205
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:14,956
Gotten away with it.
Cheers. DOOR SLAMS OPEN
206
00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:19,796
On the floor! On the floor!
207
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:20,956
What's on the
floor? The floor!
208
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,956
I'm looking, I
can't see anything!
209
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,956
You... get down...
on the floor now!
210
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:26,956
On your knees! On your
knees! Please don't shoot me!
211
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:29,956
Please don't shoot me! Hands
on the back of your head!
212
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,996
Identify yourself.
Straight, I like girls.
213
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:33,956
No, women, I like women.
214
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:35,956
What's your name? Paul.
215
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:38,316
Full name! Paul
Corleone Huggins.
216
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:39,956
Corleone? Yeah.
217
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:41,956
Stay still! Secure the target.
218
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:45,956
OK, I'll be still. So
still, I swear to god.
219
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:49,956
OK, now stand up slowly. Can
I please use the bathroom?
220
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:51,956
What? Well, I think
I need to clean up.
221
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,156
Clean up?
222
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,956
Yes, I think I might
have touched cloth.
223
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:58,956
Move! Oh, he's
not joking, sarge.
224
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:00,996
I really, really
need to use the lav.
225
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,000
The cloth is quite
badly touched.
226
00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:12,956
Thank you, Gavin.
227
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,956
No worries. It was nice
to have a little run-out.
228
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:16,956
It's been a quiet week.
229
00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:18,956
Dismissed.
230
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:21,956
I'm so sorry. Huggins.
231
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:25,316
Paul. Paul, Paul, Paul.
232
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:26,956
Yes, milady. Ma'am.
233
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,956
Ma'am. That's
what could happen.
234
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:30,956
Do you see? It did happen.
235
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:33,956
Well, I know it did, but only as
an example of what could happen.
236
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:35,636
You mean it might happen again?
237
00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:36,956
Ah, now you're getting
the hang of it.
238
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:38,956
I don't understand.
239
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,476
The three words which, no doubt,
will be inscribed on your tombstone,
240
00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,956
which may be slightly
sooner than you'd like.
241
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:44,956
You saying I'm gonna die?
242
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:47,996
We're all gonna die,
Huggins... sooner or later.
243
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,956
I'm just saying you might be tipping
the scales towards the former,
244
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:51,956
if you know what I mean.
245
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:55,956
I don't think I do, no. I
know who you are, Huggins.
246
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:56,956
Well, I'm Huggins.
247
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:58,956
No, I-I-I don't mean
your name, Paul Huggins.
248
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:02,960
I know who you are, I know
who your family are. Oh.
249
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,956
So am I a dead duck?
Oh, no. Far from it.
250
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:12,956
You're just about to fly off to
another lovely little pond, ducky.
251
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:13,956
HE RETCHES Sorry.
252
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:15,996
What? Sorry, I just really
don't like the sound of that.
253
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:17,956
Look, let me just
make this simple.
254
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,956
I am recruiting, and you
are working for us now.
255
00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:22,636
I already was.
No, not like that.
256
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:23,956
As a double prune. What?
257
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,956
A mole within a
mole. Oh! What?
258
00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:28,956
OK, look, and this
may sound redundant,
259
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:29,956
but just try and act dumb.
260
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:31,956
OK, I'll try, but I
can't make any promises.
261
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,956
Of course. So does
everyone else know?
262
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:37,476
What, in here? No, just me. Think
it's probably better that way.
263
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:40,956
I mean, I wouldn't have to, like,
rat on my family now or anything...?
264
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,960
Hush now. Shh.
265
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,956
We don't need to go into
silly detail like that, do we?
266
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:47,956
No, we do not. SHE CHUCKLES
267
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:52,956
Over time, you may need to feed
back intel on criminal activity,
268
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:55,476
but I need you to do something
really important for me right now.
269
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:57,956
OK? WHISPERS: What's that?
270
00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,156
I need you to change
your trousers.
271
00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:01,960
Yes, Madam.
272
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,956
Finished. Bollocks you are.
273
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:14,480
Piece of piss. No.
274
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,956
Daz, you do know that each
column, each row and each grid
275
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,796
has to have the numbers
one to nine, no repeats?
276
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:24,956
HE SNORTS Bullshit.
Life's too short for that.
277
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:25,956
Length of life has
nothing to do with it.
278
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:27,956
What... What have
you been doing?
279
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:31,956
I've just been writing the numbers
I like in the blanks, like eight.
280
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,956
It's a sexy number, is eight.
Reminds me of a woman's body.
281
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,956
And zero-zero,
that's like boobs.
282
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:40,796
It is, yeah, but that's
not how you play it.
283
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:42,796
No, that's not how YOU play.
284
00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:44,956
That's not how any
human beings play it.
285
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:45,956
My way's better. No, it's not.
286
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,956
Yeah, it is. Sudoku porn.
287
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:49,316
Sexy body, pair of boobs,
288
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:51,960
zero-one-zero, a cock and balls.
289
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:56,796
Guys, guys. You're not
gonna believe this, yeah?
290
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,956
I've just been offered a role
for this new TV cop show.
291
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:00,956
My God! Ha-ha!
You're joking me!
292
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:02,956
That's amazing! Yeah, man.
293
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:04,956
I knew that Devon Hansell when
he was a struggling nobody.
294
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:06,956
I always said you
had what it takes.
295
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,796
No, you didn't. No, I didn't.
296
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:10,956
Hello, everyone. It's a
pretty normal day, innit?
297
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,956
Like, nothing life-changing
happening here.
298
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:15,956
Well, no, apart from Dev, he's just
got a part in a new TV cop thing.
299
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,956
God, that is amazing. I mean,
I love police shows so much.
300
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,956
I mean, I've always had a
dream to be a policeman, so...
301
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,156
You realise you're
training to be one?
302
00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:25,956
Yeah, sorry, I just forgot
who I was there for a moment.
303
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:26,956
Who you playing?
304
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:29,956
Er, Victimone. I'm
thinking Italian. Ooh!
305
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:33,636
What does he do? Ep 1,
erm, found in the woods.
306
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:35,956
Oi! Ep 2, I'm in the mortuary.
307
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:38,956
Ep 3, open-casket wake, yeah?
308
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:41,956
Ep 4, I'm buried and then dug
up again for a second autopsy,
309
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,956
and Ep 6... Don't know what
I'm doing episode five.
310
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:46,956
Maybe improv something,
but, yeah. Big role.
311
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,956
"Victimone".
312
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:51,960
Are you sure it
isn't "Victim One"?
313
00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:55,956
It could be, yeah. Right.
314
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,956
Dev, you're not an actual
part. You're a corpse.
315
00:13:57,960 --> 00:13:58,960
All right.
316
00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:06,956
I did not shit myself. What?
317
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:07,960
Who?
318
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:10,956
Sir!
319
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:14,956
I'm stuck. No, no, not
stuck. There we... Ah!
320
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:17,156
Oh, yeah, yes, Melanie?
321
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:19,956
A little bird has just told
me that Superintendent Spry
322
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,956
has not been named as the
new Director of Training.
323
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:24,956
Oh, no! No, no, no!
No, no, it's fantastic.
324
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:25,956
It means it has to be you.
325
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:28,956
Let's just hope she
takes it in good spirit.
326
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:30,956
Can I have the key
to the gun cupboard?
327
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:32,956
Do we have a gun cupboard?
328
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,956
Sorry, not gun, I mean
stationery cupboard.
329
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,960
No, I mean gun cupboard.
330
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:42,956
Have you any, erm, any
news on the top-dog job?
331
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:44,956
I didn't get it. MELANIE GASPS
332
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:49,956
Oh, I'm so sorry. Sad and
sorry, sad, s-sad, sad, sad.
333
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:52,960
Oh, and neither
did Bob. Oh, bum!
334
00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:57,960
If you'll excuse me, I'm just gonna
go and do some special filing.
335
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:01,960
Double bum!
336
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:09,956
Oh, it's always darkest
before the dawn.
337
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,956
Worse things happen
at the seaside.
338
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:14,956
I mean, nobody died...
did... did they?
339
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:18,636
You will if you come out with
any more meaningless cliches.
340
00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:19,960
Well, it's not the end of the...
341
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:21,956
...potato.
342
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:24,956
They gave the job to
somebody else, Bob.
343
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,956
We gave it our best shot.
344
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,956
And I thought we were
both excellent candidates.
345
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:30,956
Clearly, they found
someone fresh and exciting
346
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,156
to lead us into a
wonderful new...
347
00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:35,956
Ah, Bob, Julie.
348
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:38,956
Well, well, it's great
to be back at the helm.
349
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,956
Oh, I'd love a tea, if
you've got a moment. What?
350
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:42,956
HE CHUCKLES Tea. Cup of tea.
351
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:46,956
Chief Superintendent Cunningham,
er, did you forget something?
352
00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:49,636
Well, I forgot how much
I missed the old place.
353
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:52,636
But it's certainly great
to be back in charge.
354
00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:54,956
No? Sorry, in charge of...?
355
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,956
The college. Well,
con... con...
356
00:15:56,960 --> 00:16:01,476
congratulations to...
Which one? This one.
357
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:04,956
But... But you were... You... You...
You were relieved of your position.
358
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:06,956
Reinstated on appeal,
and rightly so.
359
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:10,956
But you fashioned yourself as
Stephen Hawking at a public event.
360
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:13,956
Ah, yes, turns out, leaving
dos are not considered public.
361
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:15,316
Also turns out,
362
00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:18,956
it helps if you play pickleball
with the head of the appeals panel.
363
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,956
Well, as long as it's
consensual, I'm sure that's fine.
364
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:25,956
Plus, cherry on the cake, our
superiors were mightily impressed
365
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:27,956
that I identified the prune
366
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:30,956
that had wormed its way into
the nest down here. What?
367
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:34,956
Sorry, yes, one of my sergeants
passed your information onto...
368
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,956
yours truly. But you,
er... you did tell, er,
369
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,156
the superiors that, er, the
information came from me, yeah?
370
00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:41,956
Did I? Well, probably,
I don't know.
371
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:43,956
Something may have got
lost in translation.
372
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:45,960
Where's that tea got to?
373
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:57,480
I'll get it.
374
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:03,960
Oh, at ease, at ease.
375
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,156
Didn't know you
smoked, ma'am. Mm.
376
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:10,636
Thought now would be a
good time to start. You OK?
377
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:13,956
Yeah. Sometimes, I'm just
sick of the kids, that's all.
378
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:16,956
Home life getting you down, is it?
I meant my classmates in there.
379
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:17,956
Oh, right. Yeah.
380
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:21,956
Well, you are proving to
be a great student, Geeta.
381
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:23,956
You're a great superior
officer, ma'am.
382
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,956
Well, I know, I know.
383
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,956
If only everybody had the
clarity and wisdom to see it.
384
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,956
More fool them. You're a
woman of the world, Geeta.
385
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,956
I am. As am I. I've
walked the streets.
386
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:39,956
Not as a tart, as a warrior,
discovering the realities of life.
387
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:42,956
We live a life burdened with
responsibilities, ma'am.
388
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:45,956
You know, I'm not a
mother like you, Geeta,
389
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,956
but I am mother to
all of those students.
390
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:50,956
Yeah, and it requires
strength... Mm.
391
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:52,956
...and compassion.
Mainly strength.
392
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:54,156
There's an undercurrent
of compassion.
393
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:55,476
Nah, not really.
394
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,796
No, no, there is. I can
see it in your eyes.
395
00:17:57,800 --> 00:17:59,796
Can you? Yeah.
396
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,960
In my eyes? Yeah.
397
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:11,476
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
398
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,956
I was heading for the door, and
I forgot you were in the way.
399
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:14,956
Of course. Oh, ha!
400
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,956
I think I may have accidentally
er, bashed your lips a little bit.
401
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:20,956
Just a bit of a collision.
Bit of a collision.
402
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:21,996
Ha! Well, anyway, good chat.
403
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,956
Yeah, we speak the
same language, ma'am.
404
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:25,960
Ah, au revoir, Geeta. Hola!
405
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:39,956
Erm, Melanie? Ooh!
406
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:44,156
Erm, would you...?
No, Melanie...
407
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:47,796
Oh, I s... Right, I was just
gonna say, er, thank you.
408
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:48,956
Oh, what for?
409
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,956
For supporting me, being on
my side, fighting my corner.
410
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:52,956
Oh, well, it's nothing, really.
411
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:54,956
Er, also, I just wanted
to ask you something.
412
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:56,956
Erm, I've got a, erm...
413
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,476
superintendents' charity
dinner next week,
414
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,956
and... and they've...
they've given me a plus-one.
415
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,956
Oh. Have they?
416
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:07,956
Yes, yes, and as you
know, I'm very much, er,
417
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:11,956
on my own some lonesome, you
know, bit of a Bobby No-Mates,
418
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:15,156
er, so, erm, I was just
wondering if you... Yes.
419
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,956
...would cancel the,
er, the plus-one
420
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:20,956
cos it is probably just
a clerical error. Course.
421
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:21,956
Yeah, thank you. Will do.
422
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:22,956
Thank you, Melanie. Mm-hm.
423
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,956
Oh, now, nearly
forgot. SHE GASPS
424
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,796
If you could deliver
those to Auntie Bridget...
425
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,440
Got the address there. Needs to be
there by the morning. Thank you.
426
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:33,960
- Thank you, Melanie. Good
night. - Good night.
427
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:46,960
I'll catch you lot up.
428
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:50,796
You're sitting in a police car.
429
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:52,796
I've always wanted
to sit in one, so.
430
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:54,320
Can I join you? Mm-hm.
431
00:19:56,960 --> 00:20:00,956
Kebab? See I'm carb-loading ahead
of a dangerous level of drinking.
432
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,156
No, I'm good, thanks.
Suit yourself.
433
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,956
Oh, actually, I'll
have just one bite.
434
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:07,960
OK. Mm.
435
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:13,956
Oh! Oh, I see what
you mean, this is...
436
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,956
Oh, this is nice!
That is really good.
437
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,956
OK, yeah, now you're
enjoying it too much.
438
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:19,960
HE LAUGHS Yeah, a little bit.
439
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:23,800
This is delicious.
440
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:27,960
It's like eating
a massive vagina.
441
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:29,956
Is this, like, a date?
442
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,960
No. Oh.
443
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:36,956
Good because I...
444
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:38,956
I wouldn't want you
getting the wrong idea
445
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:40,956
and getting really
turned on by me.
446
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,960
Don't worry, that is
not happening. HE LAUGHS
447
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:47,000
Actually, erm,
Mike asked me out.
448
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:50,960
Oh. Wow. Yeah.
449
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,636
I should go, right?
450
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:56,636
HE INHALES He's the real
reason you signed up.
451
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:57,960
Suppose he is.
452
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,316
So what you gonna say?
453
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:04,956
Actually, erm... You ready?
454
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:06,956
Yeah.
455
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:08,956
And, er, step out
the vehicle, Legland.
456
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,640
It's not a toy, yeah?
457
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:21,960
Steph!
458
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:32,160
Kebab. ENGINE STARTS
459
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:39,960
Sorry. THEY LAUGH
460
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,960
How do I look? Perfect.
461
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,960
Bit greasy. Yeah.
462
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:04,960
HE SIGHS
463
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:12,160
Hello, sunshine.
464
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,956
Cos I've been a good boy, I'm
out of this playpen for good.
465
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:18,996
HE INHALES, EXHALES
466
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,636
But as a farewell gesture,
467
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:24,960
I am nicking you for littering
His Majesty's tarmac.
468
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:28,956
Your balls still
burning, Peppa Pig?
469
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:30,960
Ha-ha. Ugh!
470
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:33,000
Fuck!
471
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:38,956
Pauly, get in the car!
472
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:41,956
I can't get in. Open the doors!
473
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,636
SIRENS BLARE Come
on, it's locked.
474
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:45,956
Jump in the car.
Wait, pull me in!
475
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:48,796
Pull me in! Just
get in, you knob.
476
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,956
Pull me in, my legs
are gonna fall off!
477
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,636
Er, mate? Mate?
478
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,956
Come on now. Oh, bollocks.
479
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,960
I didn't touch him! Hey,
that was an accident!
480
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:02,960
It was an accident!
481
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:09,960
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