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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,960 The following programme contains strong language and adult humour. 2 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:13,560 You know how I feel about secrets. There's this big one in the garden. 3 00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:16,080 - Your dick pills, Glen. - When are you gonna stop letting people 4 00:00:16,080 --> 00:00:18,560 treat you like shit. Dickwad! 5 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:22,880 He, er, wants you to cover for him tomorrow as acting assistant manager. 6 00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:25,640 - Cheers, Ian! - Someone's been a naughty boy, ain't they? 7 00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:28,640 Promise me there's nothing dodgy - going on. - Who you been talking to? 8 00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:30,520 I'm gone, so call 'em off! 9 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:33,000 Does the name Bunny ring a bell? 10 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:35,840 (ROUSING MUSIC) 11 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,040 I'm the man. 12 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:45,360 I'm the man! 13 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:49,640 I'm the fucking... ..manager for today, with Ian off sick. 14 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:51,760 So, I thought, "Hey, why not shake things up a bit?" 15 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,680 Agh, mine's stale Glen, can I swap it? 16 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:57,440 I want your suggestions. What can we do better? Throw it out there, 17 00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:59,440 whatever you wanna say. This one's shit and all. 18 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:02,800 Let's make this a more engaged workplace environment. 19 00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:04,840 And maybe, just maybe, 20 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:07,400 we'll sell a few more quality flooring systems along the way! 21 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,360 Bullshit. Sorry? 22 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:12,760 You're manager now? Just like that? 23 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:16,880 Er, well, no, acting assistant manager-Bullshit! 24 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:19,280 Eugh! I know what's going on here! 25 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:21,200 Fuck me, there's custard in this? 26 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:23,840 You think I'm dumb? You think I'm a dumb fool? 27 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:28,120 Oh, no... I heard you! Chatting up Ian in the bogs! 28 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:31,880 No, no, Bri-Brian that's not what happened. It's not li-Rat! 29 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:34,640 Rat tactics! What?! 30 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:37,080 Chill out, grandad! Shush, you! 31 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:39,280 Oh, OK, let's make this- Did he... Did he just shush me? 32 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:42,000 Simmer down. (LAUGHS) Don't shush me, fucking liquorice breath! 33 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,880 OK, not that sort of language- Who even eats liquorice? 34 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:47,320 Shits from the past. Like you! Aysha, Aysha I've got this! 35 00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:49,800 I'm on your side, dickhead. Go, and open up, 36 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:51,960 it's nearly nine. Now, go! Or what, Glen? 37 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:53,720 You gonna throw noodles at me? 38 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:56,560 What? Yes, bruv. I've seen the video! 39 00:01:56,560 --> 00:02:01,200 Ian's not gotten sick. Ian's gotten criminally insane. Look! 40 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:04,320 (VIDEO LOOPS) IAN: "Suck that! Suck that." 41 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:07,720 Yes, bruv! You and Ian, is it? Cheeky little date night? 42 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:10,480 I bloody knew it! 43 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:12,240 Erm... 44 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:14,640 ♪ EDWIN STARR: Time ♪ 45 00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:20,080 ♪ Well, well, well, well, well. ♪ 46 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:25,720 (TAPPING NEARBY) 47 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:34,400 (TAPPING CONTINUES) 48 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:44,320 (MOANS) Oh, no. 49 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,280 (FUNKY MUSIC) 50 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:55,360 - Oh. - Oh, sorry, won't be a minute. I don't mind if you don't. 51 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:57,280 (WATER RUNNING) OK... 52 00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:03,280 (TOILET FLUSHES) 53 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:06,080 Suits me, dunnit? Er, yeah, erm... 54 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:08,240 Oh, sorry. (LAUGHS)(LAUGHS AWKWARDLY) 55 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:11,360 Er, so, no work today, no? 56 00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:16,560 No. I've got a day off today, so I'm taking my Mum out, 57 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:19,120 bit of retail therapy! - How lovely. - Mm. 58 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:22,040 That's good of you that is, - using up your holiday. - Yeah, well, 59 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:24,480 she's helping us with the wedding fund so... 60 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,840 It's mental the amount people spend nowadays. Huh? 61 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,920 Fifteen, twenty grand, some of 'em. 62 00:03:28,920 --> 00:03:30,760 Well, it's our big day, so... Course it is. 63 00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:33,520 And you want everything - to be just right. - Yeah. 64 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:38,200 Glen was saying you might be staying with us for a couple of days? 65 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:43,040 Only... if it's alright with you. 66 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:48,200 Oh, yeah, absolutely, brilliant. Yeah, great. 67 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,840 Do you know, I might just... I'm gonna give you some space, 68 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:53,520 OK, thank you. Oh! (LAUGHS) 69 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,440 No! No! No! I'm not working my butthole off... Please... 70 00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:59,200 Brian, Brian... Ugh... all day just to make you look good! 71 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:01,960 Fire him, Glen. Who cares? 72 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,480 The man's a fucking incel. You hear that?! 73 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:06,240 Abuse! Right there! 74 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:08,200 I've taken this from her - for too long! - Shush man, 75 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,160 you don't know shit about shit. Look, Brian, 76 00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:12,600 m-m-m-maybe we could just talk this through, yeah? 77 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:16,520 M-m-m-m-m-maybe... it's time I pulled the trigger. 78 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:19,840 - No. - Let's see what HR has to say about this. 79 00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:22,040 Please, Brian. Not... Brian no, no, 80 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:24,200 Come on, man. Helen. 81 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:28,160 Get your fleece. We're leaving. 82 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,040 Are those two shagging? Huh. 83 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:36,080 Brian? Br-Brian... 84 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:39,320 No, don't, Brian... 85 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:42,400 B-Brian... And to think, Glen, 86 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:45,280 I wasn't going to tell anyone about your dick pills. 87 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:50,200 Mic drop. 88 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:52,040 (CLICKING CONTINUES) 89 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:58,160 (SWISHING WATER) - - Don't do that. - Hmm? - Don't rinse. 90 00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:01,080 Keep the fluoride in, - good for the enamel and that. - Erm... 91 00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:03,640 Oh, well, I didn't know that. 92 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:05,880 Right, thanks. So, when is the big day? 93 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:09,440 Erm, so it's just over three months away now. 94 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:13,160 So, will you...? Will you be joining - us? - Well, obviously, 95 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:15,320 if I can, you know, but, erm... 96 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:17,520 Yeah, no, well it'll be brilliant to have you there. 97 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:21,120 I mean, like I say, I, you know... Yeah, of course, hey. 98 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,920 (TAP CREAKS) Oh, do you know what, Lee? 99 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:28,480 Erm, do you know what I just don't quite understand, is, erm-Uh-oh. 100 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:31,400 (WATER DRIPPING) 101 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:34,200 Mm... Glen been neglecting his manly duties? 102 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:37,920 Sorry? Not keeping his end up? 103 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,760 Your tap. Needs a washer. 104 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:46,560 - Yeah. - It's been like that - for a while, ain't it? - Yeah. 105 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:50,040 Yeah. - For God's sake, Glen. - I know. 106 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:52,520 (GROANS) (TAP CREAKS) 107 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,600 (STRAINS) (SIGHS) 108 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:56,360 I'll slip out today, 109 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:58,400 go get you one. Brilliant. 110 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:02,320 Make myself useful while I'm here. Yeah, that'd be great, thank you. 111 00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:06,040 He's put in a formal complaint. 112 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:08,680 Harassment, discrimination and unfair promotion. 113 00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:12,120 It's... I'm fucked. 114 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:14,840 Let it go, bruv, Brian's a poosio. 115 00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:17,000 Man's like a Tik Tok lesbian. (CLICKS TONGUE) 116 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,040 Aysha... 117 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:21,040 don't take this the wrong way, but... 118 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,160 are you never worried, like, you might get fired? 119 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:24,920 Only cos, like, I'm not being funny, 120 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:27,840 but you are... You're sort of quite bad at your job, aren't you? 121 00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:31,040 Mate. You gotta let that energy go. 122 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:34,360 It's just like, fate or whatever, you know? Like 'YOLO' and that. 123 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:38,480 (CLICKS TONGUE) (SIGHS) Also, my family own the company. 124 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:42,480 What? World of Carpets, yeah. 125 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:44,560 Fourteen stores across the Southeast. 126 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:47,760 We're like... minted. Don't tell no one, though. 127 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:51,760 - Alright. - And I won't tell no one about your... Yeah? 128 00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:54,760 Alright? Yeah, yeah. 129 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:56,960 Christ, like, it's nearly one o'clock. 130 00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,320 How's not one person come through those doors? 131 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:01,480 (GASPS) Wait, 132 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:03,920 I knew there was something. I knew it! 133 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:05,680 (LAUGHS) What? 134 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:08,400 Cos you asked me to unlock them, didn't you?! 135 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,280 (LAUGHS) 136 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:15,880 Fuck! (DOOR RATTLES) 137 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:18,000 (LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY) 138 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:20,680 (HULA HOOPS CRUNCH) 139 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:22,520 (EASY-GOING MUSIC) 140 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,720 What, mate, don't take them all! (SCOFFS) 141 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:40,520 Oi? I only want... 142 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:42,320 one pack. 143 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:44,800 Chill out, bruh, it's not that deep. 144 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,560 (SCOFFS) 145 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,320 (LAUGHS) 146 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:52,760 (SNIFFLES) Believe me, Ron, I'm looking. 147 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:54,640 Lee fucking Campbell. 148 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:58,000 When I find him, I'll fucking... 149 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:01,000 It's like... It's like... It's like... 150 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,720 looking for a cunt in a haystack. 151 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:09,200 I was standing there first, and you saw me. 152 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:11,560 They'll have more in the back! I couldn't give a fuck 153 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:14,000 what's in the back. It's about the fucking principle. 154 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,200 Fuck off, you fucking nonce! 155 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:19,800 I know, Ron, I know. 156 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,080 I heard what you said, I know, I'm fucking... 157 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:26,960 My eyes are peeled, yes... 158 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:29,200 (TRANQUIL MUSIC) 159 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:38,520 Just taking a little break. Just - picking up a few things, yeah? - Oi! 160 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:42,960 Hang on a sec, shut up, will ya? 161 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:46,760 Shush!(PA CHIMES) MAN: (VIA PA): "Gavin to wood flooring." 162 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:49,840 "Gavin to wood flooring, please." Ron, 163 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:52,000 you are not gonna believe this! 164 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:08,040 Ugh! (WHISTLES JOVIALLY) 165 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:09,800 Here you are. 166 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,840 (COIN CLINKS) Keep the change, my darling. 167 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:14,840 You're 5p short. (WHISTLING CONTINUES) 168 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:22,840 It's him, Ron. It's actually fucking him! 169 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:25,200 He's here in Loughton. Yeah. 170 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:30,640 Looks like we're gonna have to find this brother of his. 171 00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:47,320 Bloody swines! Tried to turn me away. 172 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:50,000 You can't use the loos unless you make a purchase. 173 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:53,760 Fucking Nazis! I mean, I said, "It's Costa Coffee love, 174 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:57,120 - "not Dachau!"Mother! - He backed down when I pointed out I'm on my stick. 175 00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:00,440 I do need it, Kirsty. My symptoms come and go. 176 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:03,720 Now... (CLEARS THROAT) Right, I need some "eyeshadder". 177 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:06,680 I've had my colours done, turns out I'm fucking "winter"! 178 00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:08,840 Right, I'll wait here. You what? 179 00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:12,000 I'll wait here. I'll wait here. I just wanna look at... 180 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,280 things. Oh, right. OK. 181 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,760 I'll just ask some rando shall I, what suits me best? Don't worry, 182 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:20,400 cos I've only lumped you half my fucking life savings 183 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:23,440 for your wedding, but no, you wait there, why not(?) 184 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,760 What do ya think? Yeah. 185 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:35,400 - Yeah? - It's nice, yeah. I want a second opinion. 186 00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:38,440 - No! Come on. - Honestly! What the shit has crawled up your arse and died! 187 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:41,520 Oh, right. That again. 188 00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:44,760 - - What? - No. It's your business. - No. What are you, erm...?No, no, no. 189 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:47,560 Just as long as you sort it out - before your wedding. - No... (SCOFFS) 190 00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:49,480 OK, it has nothing to do with- No. 191 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:52,240 Everything's really good, actually. Yeah, we're really... 192 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:55,720 Yeah, Glen's, erm, actually up for promotion at the moment, so... 193 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:58,480 Least one of yous working, aye? Look, I've said it before, 194 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:00,360 I'll say it again. Fucking and feeding, 195 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:03,520 that's all men need. You keep that - up, you're laughing. - Hmm. 196 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:06,320 That's where it went wrong with your dad. Always with a Fray Bentos 197 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:09,800 but when it come to intercourse- We are nothing like you and Dad! OK? 198 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:12,160 - Oh? - No, actually, yeah, Glen, if anything... 199 00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:16,120 (EXHALES SHARPLY) ..my God, he wants it too much, so... Bully for you. 200 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:18,760 Right, Matalan. 201 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:20,840 They'll try and give you grief about not being able 202 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:23,320 to return underwear, but say I've been on martinlewis.com, 203 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,040 I know my rights. Mm-hmm. 204 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:30,680 (DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES) 205 00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:33,240 Alright, love! Fuck. Sorry. 206 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:36,200 Hiya, love, hiya. What? 207 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,600 What? Y-You're... 208 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,520 You're doing a face. What? I'm not. 209 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:43,960 You are a bit. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Am I? 210 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:46,680 Oh, erm... 211 00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:49,080 (SIGHS) OK, well, 212 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:52,640 I was gonna wait to talk to you about this, but, erm... 213 00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:55,520 Yeah, I've just... I found these, so... 214 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,840 Erm, and I-I'm not cross, not at all, no. 215 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:02,760 I just... We'd said no secrets, hadn't we? 216 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:05,200 So... - I don't need 'em. So... What? - Er, 217 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:07,200 just in case, but you know I don't need em, so- 218 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,200 Yeah, but I'd like to talk to you about it, Glen. 219 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:11,640 It's fine, Kirsty. Can you just- OK, no, but can you, 220 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:14,360 because we did used to didn't we? Like, quite often. 221 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:16,840 It's nothing, if you just- Do you not fancy me anymore? 222 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:19,400 I love you to bits, Kirst. But you don't... 223 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,440 Course! I... Kirst... Kirsty! 224 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:24,200 I'm actually, just gonna, because... Yeah, no. Well, don't... 225 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,720 What I'm saying is... You don't need to throw them in the bin, 226 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:29,280 - Glen. - The thing is, I don't need them Kirst! So...(DOOR OPENS) 227 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,920 Alright? - Hiya! - Alright? 228 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:33,960 Got the washer for your tap. 229 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:36,560 Oh, brilliant, brilliant! 230 00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:39,680 - Cup of tea? - Yeah. - - Yes, please. - Lovely. - Thank you! 231 00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:43,000 (CUPS CLINK) What don't you need? 232 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,040 Hmm? 233 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:48,080 You were just saying. Erm... 234 00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:50,360 Right, yes, er, we... we... we... we... 235 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:52,760 we were just talking about- About Orthopaedic insoles. 236 00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:55,520 - - Orthopaedic insoles. - Yeah. - Yeah, I don't need em. So... (LAUGHS) 237 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:58,560 Right. - Yes. - Congratulations. 238 00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:00,960 (LAUGHS) Mm. Thank you, yeah, cos I... I bought some. 239 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:03,080 For the dance. - For the wedding dance, yeah. - Yeah, 240 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:04,880 we've been practising for months! Yeah. 241 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:07,680 And I often get a twinge on the- - On the pas de bourree. - Yeah, 242 00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:10,560 yes so I bought some, yeah. (CLEARS THROAT) But I, erm... 243 00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:13,440 I... I don't need them, actually. (CUP CLINKS) 244 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:15,480 So... You sure? 245 00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:19,600 Yeah, I'm... I'm... I'm feeling much better so, erm... 246 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:24,480 ...maybe later let's, erm... have a bash at the paso doble. 247 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:28,040 Tea for ya. Oh, aha!(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) 248 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:30,920 - Thank you. - Now, go and put your trotters up. I'll fix your tap. 249 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,920 Go on. Ah... Yeah. 250 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:36,240 (WHISPERS): Why is he wearing my shorts? 251 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:49,040 ♪ JOAO GILBERTO: Bim Bom ♪ 252 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:51,360 ♪ Bim bom bim bim bom bim bim 253 00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:55,040 ♪ Bim bom bim bim bom bom... ♪ 254 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:02,880 Sorry, I do just keep thinking about Ian. 255 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:05,720 Right. 256 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,920 Just... Just, like, if-if, you know, he's not there tomorrow, 257 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:14,200 then am I manager still? Is he manager-Glen! 258 00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:17,440 Shall we... Pasa doble? 259 00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,560 Yeah. - Yeah? - Yes.(CHUCKLES) 260 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:24,920 I might just actually just... 261 00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:28,840 Er, do you mind if I, erm, just b--b-brush my teeth. 262 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:31,160 Mm-hmm. (DOOR OPENS) 263 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:32,880 Yep. (DOOR SLAMS) 264 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,840 (OWL HOOTS) 265 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:41,600 (CAR DRIVES PAST AT SPEED) (DOG BARKS) 266 00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:47,320 (LIGHTER CLICKS) 267 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:02,160 WOMAN: "You are a tower of strength. 268 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:07,840 "A volcano of masculine energy. 269 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:12,960 Won't be a minute, Kirst! "Your penis is..." 270 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:14,880 (WATER RUNNING) 271 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:34,240 (WATER RUNNING) "You are a totem of virility. 272 00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:37,600 "Your penis is a mighty redwood." 273 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:40,520 Coming, I'll be right there. Mm-hmm. 274 00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,760 "You are strong, 275 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,760 "magnificent. 276 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:07,920 "You are a totem of virility. 277 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:12,320 "A volcano of masculine energy... 278 00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:16,640 "a tower of strength."Agh! (VIA LOUDSPEAKER): "Your penis 279 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:18,800 is a mighty redwood. 280 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:20,600 "You are st..." 281 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:24,240 How long? 282 00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:28,560 Right. 283 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:32,280 (SIGHS) Get your fucking shoes on. 284 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:34,320 (DOOR SLAMS) 285 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:36,760 (CAR ENGINE STARTS) (ENGINE REVS) 286 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:39,200 Glen? (CAR DEPARTS) 287 00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:42,520 Glen? 288 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,840 Wait... Wait! 289 00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:52,320 We cannot be here! 290 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:55,120 I'm not even supposed to be bloody- Shut your fucking mouth 291 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:57,080 and get your clothes off. What? 292 00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:59,280 Get your clobber off... (TORCH THUDS SOFTLY) 293 00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:01,120 ...down to your pants. 294 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,080 OK. No. 295 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:06,080 That is actually... Argh! I want it off. 296 00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:08,520 Get off. Get off me. 297 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:11,560 Argh. Alright! Alright! 298 00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:15,240 Just fucking tell me what we're - supposed to be doing. - I know you. 299 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:18,320 Now, you might have the world fooled with your old man trousers 300 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:21,560 and your tidy little borders but you can't fool me, son, I'm your brother. 301 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:24,840 There's a mad cunt inside you, 302 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:27,800 and we gotta get him out. So, we're gonna fight. 303 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:30,480 Man to man, skin to skin. 304 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:33,360 Because that Glen, that's what you need. 305 00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:36,560 What?! No, I don't need that... 306 00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:39,400 - Argh! - You wanna get hard? Get off me! Ugh! 307 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:42,240 Get off! (GROANING) Off! 308 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:45,200 Come on, mate, let's get you hard! Argh. 309 00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:47,640 Huh? Who is it?! 310 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:49,920 Reveal yourself! 311 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:53,880 I can't fucking believe this! 312 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:03,040 (SIREN WAILS OUTSIDE) 313 00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:07,680 So, it's fight club? It's not fight club. 314 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:10,320 - Yes, it's fight club. - It sounds a lot like-It's not fight club. 315 00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,440 It's fight club. Ian, why are you here? 316 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:15,680 I got booked by the rozzers, Glen! Why didn't you just go home? 317 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:19,480 Sheila takes a dim view of... I thought it best I stay away. 318 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:21,240 So, after everyone left today, 319 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:23,320 I set up camp over by the shagpiles, 320 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,520 haven't looked back! So, Lee... 321 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,920 fight club. Where do I sign up? 322 00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:30,520 Mm. 323 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:46,920 (PAGES CRINKLE) 324 00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:52,160 (EXHALES HEAVILY) 325 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,920 Now you got some issues, but this ain't about you 326 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:11,680 This is about you. 327 00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:15,800 So, are we gonna have a tear up or - what? - No, no, no. I'm leaving. 328 00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:19,040 I'm sorry. Yeah, but I-I've... I've got work tomorrow, 329 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:21,560 actually. A-A-A-And they're not "old man" trousers, 330 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,960 they're dri-fit chinos, they're breathable activewear. 331 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,840 Ooh, you getting annoyed are ya? I am, actually! 332 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,800 Yeah, I'm... I'm getting... frigged off! 333 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:32,560 Well, fucking show me, then! I won't, Lee! I shan't be drawn! 334 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:36,600 Oh, he shan't be drawn, Ian. I will. I'll be drawn. 335 00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:39,120 Take your weight off my chinos. 336 00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:41,440 No, no, I think Glen does need to run home to Kirsty. 337 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:44,080 I reckon she'd rather be on - her own tonight. - You are creasing 338 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:47,360 - the hem, Lee! - That way she can invite in the pizza boy. 339 00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:50,040 Cos she's gotta get a bit of cock - from somewhere ain't she? - Fu... 340 00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:53,400 Oh! There he is! I knew he was in there, 341 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:57,520 - the Old Angry Beaver. - Yeah (PANTING) I've got the plums son. 342 00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:00,840 Ruddy big ones! 343 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:04,360 Come on then, you nutty bollocks! Let's fucking have it! 344 00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:07,600 (YELLS) Argh! 345 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:10,560 Yes! Oh yes! 346 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:44,520 Oh, well, Ian, looks like it's just me and you... 347 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,360 My little brother wants to tap out. 348 00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:49,880 You know my mother, she swore she never smoked 349 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:53,160 when she was pregnant with him but I think it's open for debate. 350 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,720 Some of my earliest memories were plumes of smoke 351 00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:59,000 coming underneath the pantry door while I was watching Button Moon! 352 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,200 So, think it's safe to say 353 00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:05,040 that that old girl was lying through her fucking-(GRUNTS)(GROANS) 354 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,480 That woman was a saint! 355 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:10,520 So, you won't throw a punch at me, 356 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,520 but you'll whack me with a fucking pipe? 357 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,400 It's a D40 inner tube! 358 00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:18,240 Ugh!(GROANS) Yes! Come on! Yes Glen! Come on! 359 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:20,880 Yes! Let it out! 360 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:23,120 I'm not letting anything out! 361 00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:25,040 Yeah. I'm a... Argh. 362 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:28,120 Sorry, Ian, sorry! Oh, God. There's... There's blood! 363 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,640 (WHIMPERS) I knew there was a bit of Dad inside you! 364 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:33,680 First... First aid! FUCK YOU, LEE! 365 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:36,000 (YELLS) Oh! 366 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:46,920 (GROANS) Feels good that dunnit, Glen, huh? 367 00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:49,720 All that aggression running through - ya! - It's not... 368 00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:52,400 (LAUGHS) I'm not... Ugh! 369 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:55,000 Yes, alright. Yes, it fucking does. 370 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,520 Yeah. Cos who are ya? I'm... 371 00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:59,520 I'm... - Who are ya!? - Ugh! 372 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:02,520 I'm the angry fucking beaver! 373 00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:04,760 Yeah! (LAUGHS) 374 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:07,600 (GRUNTS) (YELLS) 375 00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:09,600 (GROANING) 376 00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:14,720 - Yes! You use that energy. - Yeah. And you take it into the world, 377 00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:17,000 and you go and get whatever you - fucking want! - Yeah! 378 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:19,440 Do you understand me? - Yes! - How do you feel? 379 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:21,200 I feel... I feel livid. 380 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:24,080 - What about? - About Roger next door parking on our drive. 381 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:26,320 What else? A-And... And... fruity vapes! 382 00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:28,720 And? And people calling me "big man" 383 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:32,600 and... and teenagers playing their music without earphones, like, 384 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,840 I don't wanna hear Cardi B saying the N word, 385 00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:37,720 I'm in Holland and fucking Barrett! - Yeah! - Yeah! 386 00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:39,840 And... And there's you! - What? - Yeah! 387 00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:42,680 - You! - I'm trying to help ya! No! You're not! 388 00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:45,200 We both know you're not here to reconnect, Lee! 389 00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:47,680 Mum knew it. "Don't rely on him," she said. 390 00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:50,520 "Cos he won't be there for you when you need him!"What, she said that? 391 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:52,960 Yeah. Now, here you are, eh? In my house, 392 00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:55,480 eating my fucking Muller Fruit Corners! 393 00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:58,080 Easy! Easy! Why are you really here? Huh? 394 00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:02,720 Why are you here, Lee? Eh? Why are you here?! 395 00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:04,760 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 396 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:08,000 It's bad, Glen. It's really fucking bad. 397 00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:14,440 Uh cleaning? 398 00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:20,040 ♪ JOAO GILBERTO: Bim Bom ♪ ♪ Bim bom bim bim bom bom 399 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:23,400 ♪ Bim bom bim bim bom bim bim 400 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:28,000 ♪ Bim bom bim bim bom bom 401 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:31,760 ♪ Bim bom bim bim bom bim bim 402 00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:35,880 (SINGING IN BRAZILIAN PORTUGESE) 403 00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:45,920 ♪ Bim bom bim bim bom bom. ♪ 404 00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:50,000 Subtitles by Sky Access Services www.skyaccessibility.sky 32044

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