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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,960 The following programme contains strong language and adult humour. 2 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,920 Have you seen this geezer? Glen Campbell. 3 00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:13,680 He works here. Are you gonna introduce me? 4 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,760 (BOTH SCREAM) He's my brother! I was wondering 5 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:18,600 if we might have that chat today about the assistant manager-Shh. 6 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:20,760 Why would you do this? I wanted to get your attention. 7 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:23,360 By kidnapping my boss? Hundred days and thy shall be wed. 8 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:26,360 Why are you...?I got sent home from work. There was a gas leak. 9 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,600 I just wanna ask you a question! What do you want to ask? 10 00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:31,240 - You got Steve's number? - Steve? Steve! Your Uncle Steve! 11 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,920 You can stay at mine! Promise me there's nothing dodgy going on. 12 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:35,920 I'm gone! So call 'em off! 13 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:37,880 (CLOCK BEEPS STEADILY) (SNORING) 14 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:43,120 ♪ JARVIS COCKER: Aline ♪ 15 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:59,040 (SINGING IN FRENCH) 16 00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:19,000 (SINGING CONTINUES) 17 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:33,480 (SINGING CONTINUES) 18 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,240 (SINGING STOPS ABRUPTLY) 19 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:37,680 Fifty years. You what? 20 00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:41,360 That's how long it takes for this to biodegrade. 21 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:43,760 Oh, piss off. Ugh. 22 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:49,320 (GRIMACES) 23 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,160 Not on my street, son. 24 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:54,840 Go on. (ENGINE STARTS) 25 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:58,080 (TYRES SCREECH) 26 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:00,160 (MUSIC RESUMES) 27 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:05,440 Oh, God! 28 00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:10,840 (VIA RADIO): # ..people on the narrow-mind streets. ♪ 29 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:14,040 PRESENTER: "That Was Try A Little Kindness..."Morning! 30 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:17,480 Did you sleep well? 31 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:19,960 Nah. Oh, right. 32 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:22,640 Oh, my God! Toast there for ya. 33 00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:26,160 Erm, OK, great, thank you. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) 34 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:29,800 Erm, are you... Are you having- Breakfast of champions. 35 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:32,040 (RADIO CHATTER) (DOOR CLOSES) 36 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:35,200 Morning, love. Morning. 37 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:37,800 He seems nice. 38 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:41,600 - Well, did you talk? - Er, no, but he's not massively chatty, is he? 39 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:43,960 Is that your dressing gown? Yup. 40 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:48,040 Oh, God, I'm sorry, Glen, I'm really trying, but this is a lot. 41 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:50,160 I-I k-know... I know love, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. 42 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:51,960 (SIGHS) You know how I feel about secrets. 43 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:55,600 There's this massive one in the garden. What's he even staring at? 44 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,640 I don't care who you are, nobody's that deep. 45 00:02:57,640 --> 00:03:00,280 Well, I'm just worrying about Ian, - love. - Why? 46 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:03,400 Well, because that's your promotion, - what if he's upset him? - Well, yeah. 47 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,560 You know we've got a wedding to pay - for. - Yeah, hmm. 48 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,960 I think we need to take some action. - Mm. - I think we need 49 00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:10,680 to do something for Ian, really - nice, take him out for dinner. - Yes. 50 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:13,360 Butter him up a bit. We'll take him to the... Regency... Regency. 51 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,400 We'll show him the... - BOTH: Wantons. - Exactly. 52 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,840 So, ask him today if he can do it. Yeah, yeah. Alright. 53 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:20,280 Because, love, what I don't want is for it to come between us. 54 00:03:21,640 --> 00:03:24,320 (STUTTERS) Why would it? Because we've been, you know... 55 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:27,440 We have been having a bit of a difficult time recently.(MUMBLES) 56 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:31,240 No, because he... I think he's just, like, depressed. 57 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:34,400 Well my mum was depressed, Glen. And we couldn't get her off the sofa 58 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,880 for weeks, love. And then one day, I realised, 59 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:40,600 "Hmm, no, Mum's not depressed. Mum just really likes Bargain Hunt." 60 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:44,760 Cheers! Hi! (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) 61 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:48,160 Hmm. (OLD TUNE PLAYS ON RADIO) 62 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:53,200 Morning! You sleep alright? 63 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,240 That cunt's got 'em all on your borders. 64 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:57,840 Oh? Ah, well. Never mind. Oi! 65 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,720 Morning, Roger! Hi. 66 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:04,920 - The fuck was that? - Tell me. Alright? Why you're really here. 67 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:08,800 - You in some kind of trouble? - I told ya. I'm looking for Steve Drummond. 68 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:10,680 (LAWNMOWER WHIRRS NEARBY) 69 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:13,840 Looks like he runs a tanning place. 70 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:15,680 Fucking hell. Steve Diamond? 71 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:17,560 No wonder I couldn't find the cunt. 72 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:21,000 Alright, well, reckon I'll pop over there. 73 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,200 What, for a tan? Behave. 74 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,440 I'm not asking for cancer. (LIGHTER CLICKS) 75 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:29,080 He might not be there, Lee. I don't think he's wiping down the beds. 76 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,080 Well, they'll know where he is, won't they? 77 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:33,640 Don't worry. I'll be out your hair by tonight. 78 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,840 Well, then... 79 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:38,280 that's it. There's no other reason... Like what? 80 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,880 Right, then. (CLEARS THROAT) (SNIFFLES) Well, it's, er... 81 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:44,960 It's been nice. Yeah... 82 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:47,120 Yeah. Erm... (CLEARS THROAT) We'll be off to work. 83 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,920 Post the keys through the letter box-Will do, and I'll be off. 84 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,360 Alright. - - Great.Great. - Great. - Great. 85 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:58,000 Look, Lee, I just think that... 86 00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:04,840 That's hers. Yeah, I didn't know you had it. 87 00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:08,400 Yeah, it's not... It's not for using. 88 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:10,120 It's a fucking egg cup, Glen. Yeah, 89 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:13,520 you can't ash in that. She ash-ed in it. 90 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:16,440 I'd just really... rather you didn't. 91 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:19,680 ♪ YMA SUMAC: Jungla ♪ ♪ Bam Babubam bubambam 92 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:24,040 ♪ Bam Babubam bubambam... ♪ 93 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:27,240 Don't... Let it go. 94 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:29,040 Hey, let it go. (STRAINING) 95 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:32,600 Let it go. Just fucking... Can you stop...? 96 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:40,320 Well done. 97 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:43,000 (INHALES SHARPLY) That was mother's, you prawn. 98 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,920 ♪ MANNY CORCHADO & HIS ORCHESTRA (FEAT. TITO JIMENEZ): Pow Wow ♪ 99 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:51,960 (SINGERS VOCALISING) 100 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:09,520 (DOOR SENSOR CHIMES) Oi. Outside! 101 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:12,720 (DOOR SENSOR CHIMES) 102 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:14,560 (TRAFFIC HUMS) 103 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:18,920 What you get sent out for? Only one child in at a time. 104 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:23,280 (INHALES SHARPLY) I feel ya. (EXHALES SHARPLY) 105 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,320 Good boy. 106 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:42,400 The tanning shop over the road is - closed. - Seems that way, don't it? 107 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:45,480 Only, I'm looking for Steve. Steve don't work the shop. 108 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:47,400 Got an office nearby. 109 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,880 Nearby? Where? You gonna buy something or what? 110 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:52,720 I'd love to. 111 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:09,520 As you were. 112 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:13,880 Just that, my darling. 113 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:21,120 So, this office, where is it? It's right next door. Darling. 114 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:22,920 (SCOFFS) 115 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:26,160 (VOMITING) 116 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:28,120 Oi! You... Ugh! 117 00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:31,040 Kids, eh?! 118 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:35,680 Lovely little thing, in't ya, eh? 119 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:45,120 Hi, Catherine. 120 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:47,920 Yeah, so if you could just have those numbers on my desk 121 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:50,920 by the end of play then that'd be... 122 00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:00,640 Kirsty! Jen, hi! 123 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:04,080 Hello. Mm, how's things? 124 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:06,880 Yeah. Great! Really, 125 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:09,320 yeah, yeah. How are you? 126 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:11,120 Mm. (CLICKS TONGUE) Look... 127 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:13,200 about your suspension... 128 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:16,600 Obviously, people talk. 129 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:19,120 I mean, a lot of stuff did go missing. (LAUGHS) 130 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:21,800 I just hope you're OK. 131 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:25,320 Thanks, Jen, thank you. 132 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:28,160 Erm... And look, er, 133 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:31,960 if by "people" you mean Linda... 134 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:34,600 then yeah, pinch of salt. 135 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:37,560 Because she said some pretty crazy things about you 136 00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:40,680 crying in the ladies loo every lunch time. So... 137 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:43,520 Yeah... (LIPSTICK CLATTERS) 138 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:51,080 Look after yourself, Kirsty. 139 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,800 (SCOFFS) 140 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:23,000 (DOOR OPENS) 141 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:35,720 Glen? (URINATING) 142 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:38,760 Oh, hi, Ian. I wanted a word about last night. 143 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:42,240 Right. Yes, erm, OK Ian... Ian, I-I can't apologise enough. 144 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:44,600 I mean- - What for? - Well, 145 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:46,760 because Lee sort of... 146 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:49,040 kidnapped you? No, no, no, no, no, 147 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:52,560 Glen, water under the bridge that. No, 148 00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:55,120 the thing is, I-I just needed to ask, 149 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:57,360 did he mention me, at all? (URINATING STOPS) 150 00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:59,400 Hmm? Afterwards? 151 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,120 Um... 152 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:05,000 No. No worries. Just wondered. (URINATING RESUMES) 153 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,200 Well, erm, actually, Ian, there was something 154 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,160 that I wanted to ask- This might surprise you, 155 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:12,360 but I don't have many strong male friendships. 156 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:16,520 OK...Sheila's always been my main emotional outlet. 157 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:19,120 (ZIP ZIPS) Well, of course, yeah. 158 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:21,120 (URINAL FLUSHES) 159 00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:24,440 Mm. 160 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,440 But it feels like that's changing. 161 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,440 Well, yeah, er... So... So, 162 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:33,720 t-there was something I wanted to ask you, actually. 163 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,600 (WATER RUNNING) Er, Kirsty and I were talking 164 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:38,560 and saying how funny it is we never see each other outside of work. 165 00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:42,520 - Fine. - Er, yeah. And... And... And so, I was wondering if, er, 166 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:45,040 if you might like to join us, for, er, for... 167 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:48,840 for, join us for dinner.(DRYER WHIRRS) There's a Chinese we like. 168 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:51,280 They know us there, the... the Regency. 169 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,160 (DRYER STOPS) Er, just off of junction 12. 170 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,480 And erm, yeah, well... 171 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:57,640 And actually, we're free tonight. 172 00:10:57,640 --> 00:10:59,600 If, er... 173 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,480 Will Lee be there? 174 00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:05,840 Absolutely! Alright, then. 175 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:19,720 (LAUGHS) Your dick pills, Glen. 176 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:22,800 Thank you... Brian. 177 00:11:32,686 --> 00:11:34,800 Lee! Hi. It's Glen, er, 178 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,680 listen, mad idea, but i-i-i-if you're still around if you haven't, 179 00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:39,840 you know, left yet, then we... we were thinking, erm, 180 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:42,000 "Let's take Lee out for dinner?" Proper send-off, 181 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,080 that sort of thing! We're actually going to... 182 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:46,720 to The Re... Regency... "..if... if you could join us. 183 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:48,920 "you know, table's booked for seven, so really hope 184 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:51,000 "that we will see you there." 185 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,400 (PHONE BEEPS) AUTOMATED VOICE: "Message deleted." 186 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,440 You can go through now. 187 00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:57,440 Cheers, my darling. 188 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:01,280 (SUN BED HUMS) (TIMER TICKING) 189 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:03,200 (GENTLE SONG PLAYS IN ROOM) 190 00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:12,000 (TIMER DINGS) (GROANS) 191 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:15,200 (GROANS) (SUN BED CREAKS) 192 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:18,440 Fuck me. The mahogany Nosferatu. 193 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:22,680 (LAUGHS) That's a bit of a freaky outfit, innit? 194 00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:25,560 Speak for yourself. (BOTH LAUGH) 195 00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:28,200 Look at you. Oh!(LAUGHS) 196 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:30,560 BOTH: Oh. 197 00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:33,480 Well, well, well... Lee Campbell. 198 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:35,680 What brings you all - the way out here? - Well, 199 00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:38,120 I saw your little flyer, and I thought, 200 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,840 "Fuck me! My dad's old mate, Steve Drummond." 201 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,320 It's Diamond now. Diamond, yeah. Thought I'd slip over, 202 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:45,800 come see how the years have treated - ya. - You mean, you sat 203 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,960 in that reception for all this time, 204 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:51,680 just wanna have a pow-wow with me about how well life's treating me? 205 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:54,360 Alright, clever bollocks. Alright, you got me! 206 00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:57,160 I got a business opportunity - to run by you. - Heey! 207 00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:59,720 Always a move, ain't there? 208 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:03,440 - Go on then, hit me. - Well, the haulage business is thriving, 209 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:06,760 I wanna expand. New trade routes in Spain. 210 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,440 it's a good time for it, Steve. 211 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:13,520 I'm looking for investment partners. Hmm, what we talking? 212 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:16,600 Twenty, twenty-five... 213 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:19,760 What, bags? That's a lump, ain't it? 214 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,720 Fuck me! It's a sound investment, Steve. 215 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:25,560 Well, I hope you're not gonna take my cash 216 00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:29,720 and fuck off to Marbella and start a new life, eh, Lee? 217 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,000 (BOTH LAUGH) 218 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,520 No! (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 219 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:38,480 (SLURPS) I'll be honest, 220 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,560 I'm flattered that you thought of me, Lee. 221 00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:42,640 I knew I could rely on you. (MUFFLED LAUGH) 222 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:45,520 Why? Cos I've done so well - for myself? - Yes! 223 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:48,520 And also because, my old man, he did look after ya. 224 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:50,880 And he also said you was there for him. 225 00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:53,840 Whenever he needed ya, he said you was as solid as a rock!(LAUGHS) 226 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:57,080 Is that what he said?! (LAUGHS) 227 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,000 Well, I tell you what Lee. How about this...? 228 00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,440 Suck my big, ginger cock. 229 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:09,960 - What? - You heard. You see, your old man was a prick. 230 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:12,640 And I, for one, am fucking glad that he's croaked it. 231 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:16,680 (LAUGHS) Fucking hell! Steve. Mate... 232 00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:19,240 Oh, well, there's the thing, you see, Lee. 233 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:22,120 I'm not your fucking mate. 234 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:24,160 A toxic manipulator. 235 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:26,000 That's what your old man was. 236 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,120 Hold up a minute. So, 237 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:32,600 when I heard the great fucking Lee Campbell was in my reception, 238 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:35,520 I thought, "What's that slippery prick want, eh?" 239 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:38,440 See I don't know if you know, I'm a bit of a boat now, Lee, 240 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:41,800 one of the chaps, so I made a few phone calls. 241 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:44,280 Turns out someone's been a naughty boy, 242 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:47,760 - ain't they? - Who've you been talking - to? - Does "Bunny" ring a bell? 243 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:49,720 No. 244 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:52,440 Look at you. Come crawling to me! 245 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:55,640 What would your old fucking man say to that, eh?! 246 00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:59,480 You fuck-(LAUGHS) Oh, what you gonna do Lee? You gonna hit me, are ya?! 247 00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:01,800 Go on, then. No, Steve, I'm not gonna hit ya 248 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:05,000 - cos you're fucking ancient. - You know the only one regret I have, Lee? 249 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:08,720 That I never give your fucking old man a good hiding 250 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,680 when he was a-fucking live! 251 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:14,520 (LAUGHS) Yeah, we're done here. I'll, er, see you later on Steve. 252 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:18,080 (DOOR RATTLES) But then I thought, "Hold on, 253 00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:20,640 "we've got the next best thing, haven't we?" 254 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:25,040 What is this? A wind up? (LAUGHS) 255 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:30,120 Nah. I'm fucking trained, my old son. 256 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:31,960 Give me the fucking keys, Steve. 257 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:34,600 Krav Maga. Krav fucking what? 258 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:38,480 I say bring it, cunt! Bring it! 259 00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:42,080 Right, so, how... how... how... how are we doing this? 260 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:44,760 We're gonna bring up examples of your leadership capabilities. 261 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:48,080 - Hmm. Great. - OK?Great. Yeah, w-which particular examples? 262 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:51,280 Just leave it to me, alright? You just say something about neighbours, 263 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:53,720 and then I'm gonna do the rest. OK? 264 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,520 Right. Great, neighbours, yes. 265 00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:58,080 So, how exactly do you want me to...(DOOR OPENS) There he is! 266 00:15:58,080 --> 00:15:59,960 (LAUGHS) Here we are! Hiya. 267 00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:02,760 Ian, I was just saying to Kirsty how you live out by the golf course. 268 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:04,720 Lovely area. 269 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:08,720 - Mm. - Lovely. Really, all that lovely, erm... 270 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:11,160 grass. 271 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:14,720 A-A-And the community there, must be, you know, all the people... 272 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:17,080 Yeah. ...who live there... Sorry, 273 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:19,640 sorry, could I? Oh, er, yeah. 274 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:21,600 (CHAIR SCRAPES) 275 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:25,240 (DOOR CLOSES) 276 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:27,200 (DINNERS CHATTER) 277 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:30,440 When's Lee getting here? 278 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:32,640 Erm... 279 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:36,840 ♪ SHIRLY BASSEY: This Is My Life ♪ ♪ This Is My Life... 280 00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:38,920 (BOTH GRUNTING) 281 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:46,360 Don't be put off by, erm, er, 282 00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:49,400 cos the food is really, er, yeah, and you... 283 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:52,040 You've gotta try the wontons. - Doesn't he, Glen? - Those wontons! 284 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,400 Oh, my God.(LAUGHS) Do not get him started on the wontons! 285 00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:56,800 See they're crispy, but they're also very, very mois... 286 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:58,560 (TOILET FLUSHES) 287 00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:09,080 ♪ ..my life... 288 00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:11,040 Just give me the fucking keys. 289 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:13,360 You're nothing. (FABRIC RIPS) 290 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,120 Yes! 291 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,640 Just give me the fucking key. 292 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:26,880 (BOTH GRUNTING) 293 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,480 Mmm. - Mmm. - Yummy. 294 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:34,920 Mmm. He's not coming, is he? 295 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:41,640 - H-He wanted to. - He really wanted to. - He did want to. - Yeah. 296 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,040 "I can't believe I'm not gonna get to go to dinner with Ian." 297 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:46,160 That's what he said to us. "I'm livid," he said. 298 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:49,720 "I'm actually livid," you know. Yeah, he... he... he couldn't make it. 299 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:55,640 (GROANING) 300 00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:58,760 Come back here you fucking... 301 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:02,320 Ugh. Fuck. 302 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:06,360 Come back here. You're no big man, Lee Campbell. You're nothing. 303 00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:08,360 Do you hear me? Nothing! Fucking lunatic! 304 00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:10,800 (CONTINUES SHOUTING) 305 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:12,600 Fuck! 306 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:18,800 Sorry. 307 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,720 Just really wanted him to come. 308 00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:25,320 Ah, well. Yes. Ha ha. 309 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:28,000 Next time, I'm sure, you know. Mm. 310 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,200 But you know, since you're here- He's here! 311 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:35,680 Glen, I really need to talk to you. 312 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:38,320 You came! I didn't know if you'd still be here. 313 00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:40,480 Thank you. Thank you so much. 314 00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:42,760 No, no, no, I-I-I'm not planning on- Lee, 315 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:46,240 erm, we were just talking with Ian about neighbours, actually. 316 00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:51,720 (GLASS SMASHING NEARBY) 317 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:55,880 (INHALES SHARPLY) 318 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:59,120 Go on, then. Sit down, you fucker! Oh...(LAUGHS)(Laughs) Eh? 319 00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:03,320 Can't have you slags mullering all the prawn crackers, eh, can we? 320 00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:07,160 Lee! Sit here, eh? Next to me. Alright. 321 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,120 Go on, what were you talking about, neighbours? 322 00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:11,280 It's funny you should say that, yeah, 323 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:14,280 because recently Glen, and he'll hate me saying this, 324 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:16,960 but he... he got everyone together, all of our neighbours 325 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:19,040 to join on a group litter pick! 326 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:22,080 And there was a bit of reluctance, wasn't there, at first? 327 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:25,840 But he banded everybody together, Ian and he really, he got it done, 328 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:29,080 you see, and we actually ended up with getting a new, erm, 329 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,800 - a dog poo bin. - Dog poo bin. On the grassy verges. Grassy verges 330 00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:35,280 So, that, you know... And if that's not an example, I think, 331 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,280 of real leadership... (TOILET FLUSHES) 332 00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:40,240 ...erm, capabilities, then... (DOOR OPENS) 333 00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:44,360 Sorry. (CHAIR SCRAPES) 334 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:49,680 Hold on a minute. 335 00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:54,280 They've whacked you right - by the khazis? - It's fine! 336 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,520 - You told me they know you here? - It's fine, Lee, it's absolutely fi... 337 00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:59,600 Are we OK over here? - Yeah. - Yes, thank you... 338 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:02,560 Yeah.(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Tell him you want another table. 339 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:04,840 No, no, Lee, no. Something wrong with this one? 340 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:06,600 Yeah, no, it's lovely. Really lovely. 341 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:09,400 What I'm really looking forward to is old Poirot here 342 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:12,200 dropping his guts five foot from my head. 343 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:16,160 I mean, if there were, you know, another table... 344 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:19,040 That's not going to be possible, - I'm afraid. - Hmm. Really? 345 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:21,000 Cos I can see one there. - Stop it. - Can you see it? 346 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:24,040 - Go on, have a little look. - Stop it, Lee. It's fine, honestly, it's fine. 347 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:26,840 - Enjoy your meal. - Will do. Thank you. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) 348 00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:30,880 Thank you. - Yeah. - Mm. 349 00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:35,960 (UTENSIL CLATTERS) Get your plates. 350 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:39,800 - No. - What's happening? Oh, no, Ian? Ian? OK, yup. Get your plate. 351 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:43,040 Oi, hold up. What are you doing? 352 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:45,120 This table's reserved. We're moving or leaving. 353 00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:48,240 But if we're leaving, we're not - fucking paying. - No, Lee! Stop it! 354 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:50,840 Stop it! What we won't do is stand here 355 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:53,240 and be treated like utter shit cunts! 356 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:57,360 (WHISPERS): Sorry. (VELCRO RIPS) 357 00:20:57,360 --> 00:20:59,880 Glen, put your wallet away 358 00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:01,960 or I'll stick it up his arsehole Velcro side first. 359 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:04,040 Ricky! Oh... 360 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:07,040 Ricky. (LAUGHS) 361 00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:09,720 Anytime you want, son. Lee, I'd rather just pay! 362 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,360 For fuck's sake, listen to yourself! 363 00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:15,040 What is wrong with you tonight? There is nothing wrong with me. 364 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:18,400 When are you gonna stop letting people treat you like fucking shit?! 365 00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:20,360 Where's the Old Angry Beaver? 366 00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:27,200 50% off. Or we walk. 367 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:29,920 That's not going to happen. 368 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:32,400 Yeah, that's my offer, mate. Take it or leave it. 369 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:34,320 You heard him. 370 00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:40,480 Thirty and extra prawn crackers. 371 00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:42,880 Forty and we don't leave you the worst TripAdvisor rating 372 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:44,960 you've ever seen in your goddamn life.(CHUCKLES) 373 00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:01,840 Suck that! (ALL GASP) Dickwad. 374 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:07,880 (WHISPERS): No. - No? No. - No. 375 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,680 (SIREN CHIRPS) Ugh! 376 00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:11,680 (POLICE RADIO CHATTER) - Ian! - Be careful. 377 00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:14,200 They're only keeping you overnight! - Don't worry. - He'll be OK. 378 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:16,440 Oh, he, er... 379 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:18,400 Asked me to give you these. (KEYS JINGLE) 380 00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:22,000 Wants you to cover for him tomorrow as acting assistant manager. 381 00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:26,720 Ian! Cheers, Ian! 382 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:28,560 Thanks. 383 00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:31,040 Congratulations, big man. (LAUGHS) 384 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,680 Look, Kirst! Assistant manager! (LAUGHS) 385 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:35,520 Kirsty! 386 00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:51,280 (CAR DOORS CLOSING) 387 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:54,160 (PEOPLE CHATTER AND LAUGH) Oh, here. 388 00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,480 I, erm... 389 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,240 You fixed it. 390 00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:05,480 (LAUGHS) So, er, what do you want to tell me? 391 00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:07,920 (SNIFFLES) When you got here, 392 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,360 you said you need to tell me - something. - Yes, so what it is- 393 00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:14,000 Listen, right, you're my brother. So, you know, 394 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:16,680 if I can help you then... (EXHALES SHARPLY) 395 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:19,880 Thank you because-Just not... Just not money, obviously. 396 00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:21,920 You know cos, er, 397 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:24,200 every penny we've got goes to the wedding fund! So... 398 00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:26,160 Yeah! Core... 399 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:29,600 It's not that though, is it? Don't be so stupid! 400 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:34,320 Course it ain't. I was gonna ask you if I could stay for a few more days 401 00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:37,040 because... I feel like we're reconnecting. 402 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:39,800 I'm gone. Ha ha! (CROWD GASP) 403 00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:43,320 Liberty! Liberty and freedom! OFFICER: Hey, stop! 404 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:45,480 OFFICER 2: Sir, stop, or I will - TASER you. - Oh, shit! 405 00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:47,840 Oh, shit! Is that a TASER? (TASER CRACKLES) IAN: Argh! 406 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,120 Oh, my God... (CROWD GASP AND MURMUR) 407 00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:52,680 Yeah, it's, er- Shall we, er...?BOTH: Yeah! 408 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,840 ♪ BETTY CHUNG: Bang Bang ♪ 409 00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:56,920 (SINGING IN MANDARIN) 410 00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:08,320 ♪ Bang bang... (SINGING IN MANDARIN) 411 00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:10,920 ♪ Bang bang... (SINGS IN MANDARIN) 412 00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:13,960 ♪ Bang bang... (SINGING IN MANDARIN) 413 00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:15,560 ♪ Bang bang... ♪ 414 00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:18,680 (SINGING IN MANDARIN) 415 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:24,680 (MUSIC ENDS) 416 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:28,160 Subtitles by Sky Access Services www.skyaccessibility.sky 32859

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