Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:04,960
'The following programme contains
strong language and adult humour.'
2
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:12,040
WOMAN: That right?
MAN: I think so.
3
00:00:12,040 --> 00:00:13,520
Uh-huh?
Yeah.
4
00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:14,880
Yeah? Yeah?
Mm.
5
00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:16,160
Yeah.
Yeah?
6
00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:17,920
Ooh, yeah.
Yeah?
7
00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:19,360
Yeah.
Yeah?
8
00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:22,080
Mmm.
Yeah?
9
00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:23,440
Yeah.
Yeah?
10
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:24,920
Yeah.
11
00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:29,680
(BELT BUCKLE RATTLES)
12
00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:38,840
Sorry, love.
Oh, don't say sorry, Glen.
13
00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:41,000
Sorry.
No, don't say sorry.
14
00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:44,400
(CLEARS THROAT)
Just... You know, because you
15
00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:46,680
just thought you might
like it in public.
16
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,480
So...
Yeah, I don't...
17
00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:51,760
I think I wasn't picturing, like...
round the back of Halfords?
18
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,200
(SCOOTER WHIRS)
19
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:55,280
No, well, OK, yeah.
20
00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:59,400
It has been, erm... It has been
quite a while, hasn't it, now?
21
00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:02,040
Has it?
22
00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:04,840
Yeah. It's not been
since Center Parcs, Glen.
23
00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:06,320
Right.
24
00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:09,960
Yeah, no, that... that is quite a...
Mmm.
25
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:11,440
I think, you know what it is?
26
00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:13,360
It's probably just stress, you know.
Yeah.
27
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:15,640
Trying to get the promotion,
all that sort of... Yeah.
28
00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:17,080
It's a blip!
It's a blip!
29
00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:20,400
It's a blip, yeah. It is, isn't it?
Yeah. Yeah.
30
00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:24,920
Mm.
31
00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,840
I should probably get to work.
32
00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:29,360
Yeah. Yes.
33
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:32,360
Hey. 100 days...
34
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:34,360
and I shall thee wed.
35
00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:43,160
Pop your penis away, Glen.
Oh!
36
00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:46,440
Alright. Love you.
Love you! Yeah.
37
00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:55,080
(BRASSY MUSIC)
38
00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:04,800
Hi, there. Welcome to World Of
Carpets at Loughton Retail Village!
39
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:07,440
My name's Glen.
How can I be helping you today?
40
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:09,800
Well... I erm...
41
00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:12,480
WE er... erm...
Say no more!
42
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,400
Let me show you around.
43
00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:18,280
Sandstone, three-pile,
two-blend twist.
44
00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:20,280
Durable, luxurious and -
don't pass it around -
45
00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:22,240
but I'M getting it
for my high-traffic areas.
46
00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:24,760
My absolute top of the pops.
What do we think?
47
00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:28,320
Erm, maybe we'll go
and think about it.
48
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:34,520
(MUSIC BLARES FROM CAR STEREO)
49
00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:42,240
I get it.
50
00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:43,480
Sorry?
51
00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:46,480
It's a bloody carpet.
And, Christ, it's expensive.
52
00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:49,760
The whole house metreage, then with
underlay and installation it's...
53
00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:51,360
Honestly?
54
00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:54,880
You can't get what you're wanting.
Not for your budget.
55
00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,640
But what you can do... is this...
56
00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:01,920
Berber low-pile. In your hallway,
looks just like natural fibres.
57
00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:05,600
Pay that bit more for a quality
underlay and it'll feel as good too.
58
00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:08,400
I won't tell if you won't.
59
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:12,400
(ENGINE REVS)
(MUSIC BLARES)
60
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:16,480
STEREO: 'I know a man
that can make you disappear
in seven different countries.'
61
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,720
Ah, Ian, Ian! Hi, I was wondering-
Big Man!
62
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:26,520
Yeah. Uh, I was-
Ah, the old kneel 'n feel, eh? Nice.
63
00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:29,160
Yeah. I was wondering
if we might have that chat today,
64
00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:32,120
about the assistant manager-
Er, da-da-da, sh-shh.
65
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,800
(MIMICS GUNSHOT)
(PRETENDS TO GROAN)
66
00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:40,600
(MIMICS RAPID GUNFIRE)
Ah-ah-ah.
67
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:41,840
Yeah...
68
00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:45,760
(MUSIC BLARES)
69
00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:55,400
(HISS)
70
00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:02,400
Have you seen this geezer?
71
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:06,240
Glen... Campbell.
72
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:08,960
Like the country singer.
73
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,840
He works here.
74
00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:16,880
I just want a "yes" or "no".
That's all I want, my darling.
75
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:21,280
I'm on work experience.
76
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:26,240
I'll get the manager.
77
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:29,720
- Right!
- Oh!
Let's take a look at these prices.
78
00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:32,640
(CHUCKLES) I think
you might be pleasantly surp-
79
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,000
It's like candyfloss.
80
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,040
(LIVELY MUSIC)
81
00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:41,600
Should be here soon...
82
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,680
Where d'you get this? I want one.
Hi, there. Can I help?
83
00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:48,120
Yes. Have you seen him?
84
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:50,400
Oops!
Sorry?
85
00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:52,960
Verboten!
What?
86
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:56,720
Gonna have to ask you to finish
that outside. Company policy.
87
00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:59,200
Get a lot of pissheads in here,
do ya?
88
00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:01,600
Getting off their nut
over by the lino?
89
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:04,840
Right. Very good. Now-
90
00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:07,480
See, for all he knows, I've come
in here to buy his whole stock
91
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:09,600
and he's straight in
with the fucking regulations.
92
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:12,800
Right, that's quite enough!
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
93
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:15,040
Yeah, well, asking me is ONE thing
but making me
94
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:17,160
is another thing altogether,
you bald cunt.
95
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:23,720
(GASPS)
96
00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:27,400
(WHISPERS) Fuck.
Are you alright?
97
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:30,680
Erm... Erm, yeah. (CHUCKLES)
98
00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:34,280
I'll actually just...
just leave you in...
99
00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:37,000
Brian's very capable hands.
100
00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:42,960
Ooh!
Sorry.
101
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:45,880
Leave this store immediately.
Don't touch me.
102
00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:49,520
Come along! Ahh!
103
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:51,280
(GROANS)
104
00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:56,600
Have you seen him?
105
00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,120
(CHOKES)
106
00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:01,840
Fuck.
107
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:06,680
(GROANS)
108
00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:10,520
(GROANS)
109
00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:17,280
(TYRES SCREECH)
110
00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:27,880
Hi, Roger!
111
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,520
Fuuu-
(SCREAMS)
112
00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:49,720
What are you doing here?
113
00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:52,680
I came back to get my sandwiches.
Why are you...
114
00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,480
Well, I mean, I got erm...
115
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,640
I got sent home from work, didn't I?
116
00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:58,200
For the day.
What? Why?
117
00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:00,520
Because there was a gas leak.
What, in the whole-
118
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,480
Yeah. In the whole office. Yeah.
119
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,960
And Linda...
Linda's actually fainted.
120
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,280
So...
Oh, bloody hell.
121
00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:08,720
Yeah. Get in then, you swine!
122
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:11,400
Yeah, alright, yeah.
Get in here!
123
00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:14,760
Have you seen?
Direct debits have gone in.
124
00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:16,480
Oh, my God! 15 grand!
125
00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:18,120
We're only 2K off!
126
00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:20,640
Dream wedding, here we come.
Kirsty, not in the bed.
127
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:24,400
Mum's gonna be so pleased.
She can get that poached salmon
she's been banging on about.
128
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,240
Yeah, erm, right, erm, sorry-
129
00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:28,000
Actually, Glen,
it definitely IS her.
130
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,720
Ever since we've given her a key,
we've been going through ham
131
00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:33,120
at an unprecedented rate.
Yeah. I DID think so-
132
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,160
Hang on. You took them.
Hmm?
133
00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:38,080
This morning. You took them.
I put them in your rucksack?
134
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:41,040
Right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
But I just... I wanted more.
135
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:42,840
More sandwiches?
136
00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,600
OK, well, that's
an awful lot of gluten, Glen.
137
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,080
Hey, hey! So what we should do
is celebrate, shouldn't we?
138
00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:51,520
Celebrate what?
Celebrate the wedding fund.
139
00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:53,960
You know, yeah, tonight,
maybe get a takeaway,
140
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:55,520
splash out a bit.
Alright.
141
00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:58,200
Yeah, maybe get your favourite -
Tastes Of The World.
142
00:07:58,200 --> 00:07:59,800
What?! Even though it's a...
143
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:03,280
♪ Logistical nightmaaaare?
♪ Logistical nightmaaaare ♪
144
00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:04,480
Aw, yeah!
145
00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:09,160
And then maybe after, we can,
like... make an evening of it.
146
00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:14,160
What? Yeah. Yeah!
(CHUCKLES)
147
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,160
So, Linda actually fainted-
Or we could...
148
00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:20,000
Hm? What?
Y'know. Now.
149
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,240
You mean...?
Only if you wanted to.
150
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,600
No. Yeah, yeah. Yeah!
Yeah?
151
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,480
Sorry, I mean, I WAS just here
to get my ham sandwiches but-Yeah.
152
00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:29,640
About five minutes?
Er ten... ten minutes, yeah.
153
00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:30,960
Yeah. OK.
154
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:33,360
Mm.
Yep.
155
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:38,040
Kirst, what's in this water?
156
00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:40,760
Oh, no. Oh, no. No.
What?
157
00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:42,280
I'm so sorry!
What is it?!
158
00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:44,400
No, I didn't mean
for you to drink it, did I?
159
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,400
What is it?
I didn't mean for you to drink it.
160
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:49,280
OK, because this morning I woke up
and I was really phlegmy-
161
00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,800
Oh, my God, Kirsty!
I know. I know.
162
00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:54,120
I'm so sorry!
I didn't mean for you to drink it-
163
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,200
I can feel it going down!
I'm so sorry.
164
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,880
It's sliding down my gullet, Kirst-
Alright, alright!
165
00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:01,360
Calm down, knobhead.
I'll make you a cup of tea.
166
00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:02,920
Take the taste away.
167
00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,240
Oh...
168
00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:06,680
(KIRSTY SCREAMS)
169
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,160
Kirst?
170
00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:10,200
(SPAGHETTI-WESTERN-STYLE MUSIC)
171
00:09:18,528 --> 00:09:21,520
I'm calling the police!
No, no, don't do that, love.
172
00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:23,640
Tell her.
Tell me what, Glen?
173
00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:26,880
'Scuse me for not standing.
My sciatica was killing me.
174
00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:28,680
Cos I've been
on my trotters all day,
175
00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:31,560
looking for a certain little twat
with a nutty haircut.
176
00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:33,360
Oh, my God! Does he mean YOU?
177
00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:35,640
Why's he saying that?
Any chance of a nice cup of tea?
178
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:38,800
Kirsty, no, no.
What? What's happening? Is it drugs?
179
00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:40,760
It's drugs, isn't it? It's drugs!
180
00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:43,200
Leave off! I don't think crackheads
come in beige, do you?
181
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,640
Are you gonna introduce me or what?
No!
182
00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:47,200
Agh!
No!
183
00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:49,600
Kirsty, fetch the pepper spray!
What the fuck is that?
184
00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:52,400
Go on, get it, Kirsty! Get it!
I'm getting it!
185
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,400
Are you gonna plunge me
with the objet d'art?
186
00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:56,520
Sorry. I'm sorry, Lee.
But you cannot be here-
187
00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:59,200
It's a bit late for that. Listen-
No, no. I don't want to listen.
188
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:03,360
I just wanna ask you-
No! Now get out of my fucking house!
189
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:06,680
Oh, for fuck's sake!
I just want to talk to you, Glen!
190
00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:08,640
(GASPS)
191
00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:10,640
You know each other?
192
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:13,040
No, not really, no.
Oh, "not really"?
193
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,400
We... We used to...
"We used to"?
194
00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:17,640
Not, not, not, not any more, actually.
195
00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:20,920
Jesus Christ, you really ARE a turd.
196
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:24,480
Spray him, Glen!
I can't get the top off.
197
00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:26,120
Fuck me!
198
00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:30,040
Oh, shit!
Oh, shit!
199
00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:34,240
Canvey Island Holiday Park, '94.
200
00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:36,320
(GASPS)
No, no, take your time.
201
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:38,000
Take your time.
Come on, Glen!
202
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,320
I'm trying! I'm trying!
(LID POPS OFF)
203
00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:42,280
Ahhh!
204
00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:45,080
Yeah, alright.
I know where I'm not wanted.
205
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:49,720
Nice to meet you, my darling.
You keep a lovely home.
206
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:51,800
What?
207
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,840
That's enough from you, thanks.
Get out!
208
00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:56,800
Oh, dear.
And don't come here again!
209
00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:58,560
Yeah, that's it!
210
00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:04,200
...and don't pass it on,
but I'm getting it myself
on my high-traffic areas.
211
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,600
My absolute pop of the top...
Pop of the...
212
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:09,280
Pop of the... Pop... Pop...
Glen, mate!
213
00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:11,880
You see what happened this morning
with that geezer and Ian?
214
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:13,960
I'm a bit busy, Aysha.
215
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:16,520
Honestly, fuck my life,
the one time I'm doing work
216
00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:18,120
and I miss him getting shanked up.
217
00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:20,160
RINGTONE: # My neck, my back
Who's this now?
218
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,320
♪ Lick my pussy... ♪
Yo!
219
00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,360
I'm... I'm really sorry.
220
00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:27,920
OK. Let's talk underlay-
Da-fuck?!
221
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:30,440
Bro, we was literally
just talking about you!
222
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,640
Yeah, he's here. Yeah, one sec.
223
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:34,840
Ian, innit.
224
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,160
Hello?
225
00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,920
'Glen! You need
to come immediately.'
226
00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:42,560
What? Where?
227
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:44,440
Ian? Ian, what's going on?
228
00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:47,080
'Oh, God! I'm sorry.
I... I don't know! I don't know!
229
00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:48,320
I can't do this! I-'
230
00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:50,120
LEE: 'For fuck's sake,
just give me the phone!
231
00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:52,720
Give it here.'
Lovin' your gilet.
232
00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:56,800
'Dagenham, by the water,
where he died.
233
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,840
You know the spot.'
234
00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:01,000
(SPAGHETTI-WESTERN-STYLE MUSIC)
235
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:19,400
No! Stop! Wait! Wait!
236
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,680
No! No! Stop!
237
00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:23,720
Don't do it!
238
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,800
Do what?
Well...
239
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:27,360
Ki... Kill him?
240
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:29,120
Kill him?
241
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:31,440
I've just given him
a cheese twist and a flapjack.
242
00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:40,160
Hello, Glen.
243
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:43,600
Oh, my God, you bound him?
244
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:46,360
Well, he did struggle initially.
Only initially.
245
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:48,880
Ian, I am so sorry. Ian...
But we've been getting on.
246
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:50,720
And it turns out
he's a lovely fella.
247
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:52,840
Thank you!
Christ, it's double layered!
248
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,720
He's been opening up
about his marriage.
249
00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:57,560
Sheila and me are going through
a bit of a rough patch.
250
00:12:57,560 --> 00:13:00,480
Yeah, which YOU'D know,
if you'd bothered to ask.
251
00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:03,240
Is he drunk?
252
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:07,640
Just to grease the wheels.
My wheels are... fuckin' greasy!
253
00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:09,080
Oh, my God.
254
00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:10,720
Why would you do this?
255
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:13,280
I just wanted to get your attention.
My attention?
256
00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:16,240
By kidnapping my boss?!
Do you think that's reasonable?
257
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:17,960
Think that's normal?
Here we go, look.
258
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:20,800
Old Panickin' Skywalker.
I told you, didn't I?
259
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,320
(LAUGHS)
260
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:25,080
Right. Well, everyone's having
a lovely time here.
261
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:26,600
So I'll just be off.
Oh, Glen.
262
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,840
Glen, don't be like that. Glen!
263
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:35,360
Glen! Glen, look you're getting
all mud on your trotters! Look!
264
00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:37,600
I just want to ask you a question!
265
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:39,520
No!
What?
266
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:42,320
I don't want to hear your question.
I refuse.
267
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,320
Why?
Because...
268
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:46,560
No.
269
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:48,960
No, no. I've got a nice life now.
270
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:51,720
And I won't have it dragged down
into whatever bloody...
271
00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:54,800
After eight years, what gives you
the bloody right to come here-
272
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,640
For fuck's sake, I'm your brother!
273
00:13:57,640 --> 00:13:59,640
No way!
274
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:00,960
Some brother!
275
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,880
Well, YOU'RE the one
who fucked off to Essex!
276
00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:06,840
How dare you!
277
00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:08,760
I was...
278
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:12,680
I stayed for her, yeah, while you
were off doing fuck knows what!
279
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:14,800
Oh, here we go!
Yeah. Every day.
280
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:17,040
Feeding her and getting
her tablets all...
281
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:20,360
You didn't even have the decency-
Fine!
282
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,120
Forget it.
283
00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:26,320
Hang on.
284
00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:34,400
Sorry, Ian. I'm sorry
you had to hear all that.
285
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:37,280
Not a problem.
I do sort of need a wee, though.
286
00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:39,480
Come on, then. What is it?
What do you want to ask me?
287
00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:41,560
Don't worry.
You said you didn't want to hear it.
288
00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:44,280
I DO. I DO want to hear it.
And Ian does, too, don't you?
289
00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:46,880
Well, actually, my bladder-
What is it? Come on.
290
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:49,400
You've come all this way.
You've gone to all this trouble.
291
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,400
You've brought me
to the spot where Dad died.
292
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:54,760
It's obviously important to you.
Come on, ask me a question!
293
00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,440
You got Steve's number?
294
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,000
Steve?
Steve.
295
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,320
Steve?!
Steve. Your Uncle Steve.
296
00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:07,640
Except not by blood.
But, you know, Steve Drummond.
297
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,840
You just want...
Well, he's your god-dad, ain't he?
298
00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:14,800
You know, I just thought
you'd know where he is.
299
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:16,840
Lost touch with him.
I miss the cunt.
300
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:21,120
But I thought, erm...
(CLEARS THROAT)
301
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:23,840
No, no, I don't have it.
302
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,400
Right.
303
00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:27,680
Fuck.
304
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:31,360
Well. You, er...
You look after yourself.
305
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:34,280
And if you do hear from him,
you WILL let me know, won't ya?
306
00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:37,440
- Sure. Yeah.
- While you're here,
you better get Ian out.
307
00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:39,520
Ooh, thank you.
308
00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:44,040
Ian, I'm so sorry about this.
Let's get you out...
309
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:47,240
Hang on. What's all this?
Leave that alone, Glen.
310
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,480
No...
Leave it alone. Leave it-
311
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:53,000
Why have you got...?
Oh, my God! Are you living in here?
312
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:56,040
It's just temporary, right,
until I sort meself out.
313
00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:59,600
Hang on... Hang on.
Oh, my... You brought Dad?!
314
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:01,480
Put him back.
Why would you bring Dad?
315
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:04,080
Put him back where he was!
Why have you brought dad, Lee?
316
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,280
Doesn't matter why-
Why would you bring dad, Lee?
317
00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:08,720
Put him back.
Why have you brought- No! No! No!
318
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:11,760
I'm not gonna ask you again!
Alright! Alright! Alright!
319
00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:14,440
You can't sleep here.
You can stay at mine.
320
00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,240
What?
Yeah, a couple of nights.
321
00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:19,680
Get yourself sorted.
Find Steve, whatever.
322
00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:20,840
You sure?
323
00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:23,680
If you promise me
there's nothing dodgy going on.
324
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:26,320
Oh, fuck off!
No, no, no, I mean it! Promise.
325
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:28,200
Yeah, alright, I promise.
Oh, thank God.
326
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:30,040
No.
327
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:33,000
I want you to swear on Dad... that
there's nothing bad why you're here.
328
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,680
I won't be doing that
because that's fucking ridiculous!
329
00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:37,760
No, swear on Dad, Lee.
Fuck off, Glen!
330
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:40,320
Swear on Dad!
No, because I'm not 12!
331
00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:42,680
Swear on Dad!
Those are the ashes of my father!
332
00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:44,160
Swear on Dad, Lee!
No!
333
00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:47,000
Swear on Dad!
No, I won't swear on him! No!
334
00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:51,480
Swear on Dad! Swear on Dad, Lee!
335
00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:53,560
(MUFFLED YELLING)
336
00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:55,280
God.
Swear on Dad!
337
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,160
Swear on Dad!
338
00:16:57,160 --> 00:17:00,080
Argh! Swear on Dad!
339
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:01,920
(THEY GROAN)
340
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:03,920
Fucking little prick!
341
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:05,480
(GROANING)
342
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,000
Fucking mug! (GROANS)
343
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,240
Alright! ALRIGHT!
344
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:14,680
I swear.
On Dad. Say it!
345
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:16,840
Alright! I fucking swear on Dad!
346
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:19,360
Fucking hell!
347
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:23,000
(SLAPS HARD)
Argh!
348
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,840
That's for being a silly bitch.
349
00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:30,440
(SPLASH)
You fucking...
350
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:33,680
♪ Everybody's Talkin'
351
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:36,680
(LEE SPLASHES)
352
00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:40,400
I'll be right with you.
353
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:42,920
(URINATES)
I didn't know I had so much in me.
354
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:47,280
Nice gaff you've got, though, Ian.
Yeah, thank you.
355
00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,520
What am I gonna say to Kirsty?
356
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,200
Who'd you say I was after I left?
357
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:56,720
I said, erm... (CLEARS THROAT)
358
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:02,080
...you'd worked for
Dad's haulage company, and...
359
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:05,720
you'd lost your way and fallen into
a spiral of addiction, and...
360
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,720
- And?
- Well, yeah, I had to think
on my feet, didn't I?
361
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:11,880
What did you say?
I panicked, alright?
362
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:15,160
What did you say, Glen?
You worked in prostitution!
363
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,800
Fucking hell!
364
00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:18,960
Cheers!
365
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:22,360
I didn't think you'd be
coming back, did I, so...
366
00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:24,760
And it's "sex worker", Glen.
367
00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:26,560
Get your terms right.
368
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:29,120
Alright, I've got it.
369
00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:31,280
We'll pick up a takeaway -
get her favourite.
370
00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:32,560
What's her favourite?
371
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,080
Spring rolls, lamb bhuna
and a side of popcorn chicken.
372
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:38,000
It's a logistical nightmare
but it'll do the trick.
373
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:41,200
Sheila! Shove your throw cushions
up your arse!
374
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,040
Just charm her.
375
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:45,280
Say something nice about her fringe.
376
00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,600
Her fringe?
It's always the fringe.
377
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:51,240
You know, just say it
like it "really frames her face".
378
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,000
Something like that.
379
00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:59,560
No, sorry.
She's YOUR fiancee. You know best.
380
00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:03,280
You're a top man, Glen.
You're a bigger man than ME.
381
00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:05,320
Not literally, obviously.
382
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:10,200
Probably cos Mum smoked
while she was pregnant.
Fucking what?
383
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,920
(LAUGHS WHEEZILY) There he is.
Fuck off!
384
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,840
The old Angry Beaver.
385
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:19,240
Ah, you don't change, you, do ya?
Fuck you!
386
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:24,360
MAN: Oi! Get away from my bin!
Fuck you, Phil!
387
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,600
Wazzock!
388
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,400
(CLATTERING)
(IAN GROANS)
389
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:30,920
Shall we...
390
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:33,120
No. Let's go.
(BOTH GROAN)
391
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:35,360
Sheila!
392
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:39,160
♪ A promise I make,
a promise I make
393
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:40,880
♪ Starting to take,
starting to take ♪
394
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,360
Alright, love! Sorry I'm so late.
♪ Babe... ♪
395
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:47,400
Look who's back in town.
My bloody...
396
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:50,400
♪ Rhinestone Cowboy ♪
397
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:54,160
(MUSIC OFF)
She has had a few drink, OK,
398
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:55,960
while she's been waiting for you.
399
00:19:55,960 --> 00:20:00,000
A little couple of glasses
of vino di rosso de tinto ma bebe.
400
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,160
(LAUGHS)
401
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:03,680
Yeah. Ha-ha. Sorry, Kirst,
there's something I need to-
402
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:06,480
What is that?
Tastes Of The World, innit.
403
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,400
Eee...
404
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,000
You got my favourite!
405
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:13,040
Even though it's a...
♪ logistical nightmaaaaare ♪
406
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:18,200
Yeah, there's something I need to-
Cos you gotta get the poppadoms!
407
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,000
Kirsty, if I could-
(GASPS)
408
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,280
No! No!
409
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:24,880
Alright?
Glen! What the fu-
410
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,400
It's not, erm... He's, er-
Why is he here?
411
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,800
This is Lee.
Nice to meet ya.
412
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:33,040
He's gonna be staying
with us for a bit.
413
00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:36,600
Are you fucking insane?!
414
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:39,680
He broke into our home!
What are you thinking?!
415
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:43,880
It's only for tonight.
Glen, you said he was a sex worker.
416
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:47,360
Told ya.
417
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:51,760
Kirsty, erm-
Oh, right! Oh, no!
418
00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:53,960
Oh, is it... Are you two-
Christ! No! no!
419
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:55,920
No, it's not that!
Fucking joking!
420
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,600
Oh, my God...
Kirsty!
421
00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:00,440
Kirsty, Kirsty, Kirsty-
No! You get back!
422
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:03,280
You get back!
Listen to me. Kirsty, listen to me!
423
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:05,760
Kirsty! Kirsty! He's my brother!
424
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:11,360
(LAUGHS) OK.
425
00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:15,080
OK, sure. Yeah, sure he is.
426
00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:17,840
Because, you famously have
absolutely no family
427
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:21,640
and he looks... oh, literally
nothing like you, Glen.
428
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:23,960
Oh, no, it's totally plausible
that he's your bro-
429
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:26,200
(PLAYS SPOONS)
Remember?
430
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:30,800
What's he doing?
431
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:34,520
Canvey Island Talent Show, 1994.
432
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:36,120
Oh.
433
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:41,160
What...?
434
00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:44,080
You got the tunes?
435
00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:47,360
You got the spoons?
436
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:52,640
Can somebody please tell me
what the fuck is going on?
437
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,040
♪ M PEOPLE: Moving On Up
438
00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:57,800
Right?
439
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:04,040
(SPOONS CLACK RHYTHMICALLY)
440
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:09,360
♪ Cos I'm movin' on up
441
00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:11,480
♪ You're movin' on out
442
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:13,360
♪ Movin' on up
443
00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:15,240
♪ Nothin' can stop me
444
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:16,760
♪ Movin' on up
445
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:18,840
♪ You're movin' on out
446
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:20,720
♪ Time to break free
447
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:22,640
♪ Nothin' can stop me
448
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:23,800
♪ Movin'
449
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:25,920
♪ Movin'
450
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:27,920
♪ Movin'
451
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:30,560
♪ Nothin' can stop me
452
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:32,040
(SAXOPHONE SOLO)
453
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:39,160
(MUSIC ENDS)
454
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:45,960
What the fuck?
455
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:51,320
Oh, my God.
456
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:55,200
I better get Dad on the radiator.
Yeah.
457
00:22:59,360 --> 00:23:02,800
I'm... I'm so sorry, Kirsty, but...
458
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:07,080
♪ I got the poppadoms! ♪
459
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:09,120
(PHONE BUZZES)
460
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,440
Fuck you. D'you hear me?
461
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:21,680
I'm gone. So call them off.
462
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:24,680
It's over.
463
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:28,040
♪ Yes, I'm comin' down...
464
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:40,400
I keep meaning to say, love,
your, er...
465
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,360
your fringe...
466
00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:44,080
really frames your face.
467
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,440
(CLEARS THROAT)
468
00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:49,880
♪ I'm comin' down,
down, down, down, down!
469
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:52,280
♪ Comin' down with a heartache
470
00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:59,920
♪ I ain't sick but I got a fever
471
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:03,720
♪ Blood pressure's running high
472
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,640
♪ Pulse ain't right,
I can't sleep at night
473
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:10,600
♪ And here's the reason why
474
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:13,440
♪ I'm comin' down,
down, down, down, down!
475
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:15,320
♪ Comin' down with a heartache ♪
476
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:18,800
Subtitles by Sky Access Services
www.skyaccessibility.sky
34931
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof