Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:05,005
♪ Upbeat theme playing ♪
2
00:00:06,048 --> 00:00:08,925
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
3
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:12,471
♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da ♪
4
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:19,227
- Son, when you're young
and dating in New York,
5
00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:21,855
friend groups can become
pretty incestuous.
6
00:00:22,648 --> 00:00:24,065
Now, this is kind of a spoiler,
7
00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:26,734
but by the time I turned 40,
8
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:29,946
I had kissed literally
all of my friends.
9
00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:31,489
Oh, Mom.
10
00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:34,992
- Please. Your theater camp
pals were just as horny
11
00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:37,161
and way less hot.
12
00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:39,539
And when things get
weird enough, sometimes,
13
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:42,416
you have to hit
the reset button.
14
00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:45,212
Wait. You
even kissed Aunt Ellen?
15
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:48,841
Did... I... stutter?
16
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,218
- I still can't believe
someone bought my photo.
17
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:53,554
Pinch me, Naomi!
18
00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:55,305
No.
19
00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:58,724
The couple that bought
it wants to have you over
20
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:01,060
to their penthouse for dinner
tonight to hear about the piece.
21
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,688
Oh, my God. Do I
just, like, sell art
22
00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:06,316
and go to penthouses
now? What is my life?
23
00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:09,110
This is how careers
start, Sophie.
24
00:01:09,111 --> 00:01:11,737
The buyers brag to their rich
friends about meeting you.
25
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:14,031
Those rich friends want to
buy your work, and boom.
26
00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:16,409
You're at the Met Gala wearing
a bird's nest as a hat.
27
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,286
Okay, are there actual
birds in the hat?
28
00:01:18,287 --> 00:01:19,662
Of course.
29
00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:21,664
They'll parody it on SNL.
30
00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:25,502
That's gonna be so embarrassing.
31
00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:28,881
- Oh, and they want you to
bring your model to dinner.
32
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,674
Cool. We're in.
33
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:32,675
I'm out!
34
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:36,846
Rich strangers summoning two
unsuspecting fools to their towers?
35
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:39,433
The start of no less than,
like, five horror movies.
36
00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:42,602
- Please. Th-they just
wanna ask us some questions.
37
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,146
- Oh, you mean exactly like
the plot of The Questioning?
38
00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:48,733
- It's gonna be super fun. They
have a really nice penthouse...
39
00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:52,445
- Hm, like Vera Farmiga and
Pablo Schreiber in The Penthouse.
40
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:53,779
You ever heard of a book, bro?
41
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,156
Oh, yeah! Like
you've read a book.
42
00:01:55,157 --> 00:01:56,991
Oh, I own several.
43
00:01:56,992 --> 00:01:57,993
- Uh-huh.
44
00:01:58,911 --> 00:02:00,329
- The point is...
- Mm-hmm?
45
00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:03,040
This could be big for my career.
46
00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:05,625
And friends help each other out.
47
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,294
And that's what we are.
Friends. We're totally friends.
48
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:09,921
- The fact you keep
repeating we're friends
49
00:02:09,922 --> 00:02:11,506
makes me think we're
actually mortal enemies.
50
00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:13,841
- I know that things are
weird between us right now,
51
00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:16,178
but if I have any
points left with you,
52
00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:19,473
I'd like to cash them in.
53
00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:24,978
Fine. Fine. I'll go.
54
00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:29,315
- For safety.
- You're not bringing that.
55
00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,597
- You're right. It would totally
just get used against me.
56
00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:35,446
And I'm pretty sure
that's everything.
57
00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:38,366
- I didn't realize I kept so
much stuff here. What's in this?
58
00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:41,160
Uh, your air fryer
and the cat toys
59
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,247
that you play with when
you're on shrooms.
60
00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:45,957
- Ooh, it's fun when
I'm not on shrooms, too.
61
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,919
- Rachel and I have a reservation
for four at Bar Pacifica,
62
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:51,671
but her friends just
bailed because they got
63
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:54,006
last-minute tickets to
Flubber: The Musical.
64
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:57,051
♪ Just when things
couldn't be bleaker ♪
65
00:02:57,052 --> 00:03:00,638
♪ I made my best
friend in a beaker ♪
66
00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:03,724
♪ Flubber, I love... ♪
67
00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:06,394
- Lin-Manuel Miranda really
needs to learn how to say no.
68
00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:09,313
Wait, you got into Bar Pacifica?
69
00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:10,940
If I find a date, can I come?
70
00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:13,860
- Oh. You're ready to get
back out there, are you?
71
00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:16,363
Very cool? Fun.
72
00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:18,990
- Do you really think you
can get a date by tonight?
73
00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:19,991
Got one!
74
00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:23,495
- Wonderful. You know, I
actually also have that app.
75
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,621
No.
76
00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:27,665
Yeah. As if.
77
00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:28,958
Eh, she'll do.
78
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:29,960
Sweetie, that's my phone.
79
00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:37,216
- Okay. So, in two
weeks, you come see me,
80
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,927
which will cost us...
81
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:42,639
- Everything we have to our name.
- Let's just try miles.
82
00:03:43,182 --> 00:03:45,434
We have enough miles for...
83
00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:48,853
a subscription to Delta's
in-flight magazine.
84
00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:51,063
- Ooh, wait. Is that my boy
Josh Groban? Good for him.
85
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:54,275
Landing the cover of
Sky Magazine. Nice.
86
00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:56,612
- I knew we shouldn't have
spent money on that banner.
87
00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:58,906
Hm...
88
00:03:59,865 --> 00:04:01,782
Hey, lovebirds!
89
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,451
Good news.
90
00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:06,746
I have found a lovely
woman on an app
91
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,080
to go out with tonight.
92
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,041
- Okay!
- Wow!
93
00:04:09,042 --> 00:04:11,042
- Care to come with me
and make it a double?
94
00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:13,127
- Oh.
- Thanks, man, but we're, like,
95
00:04:13,128 --> 00:04:15,630
deep in long-distance
relationship logistics.
96
00:04:15,631 --> 00:04:18,383
I'm not just casually
asking, am I? I am begging.
97
00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:23,054
Please. I am hanging on by an
emotional thread right now,
98
00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:25,807
and a one-on-one dinner with a
complete stranger might break me.
99
00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:28,226
What if she doesn't
ask me any questions?
100
00:04:28,227 --> 00:04:29,977
What if she asks me
too many questions?
101
00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:32,898
What if her answers to my questions
aren't in the form of a question?
102
00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:36,192
- Okay, fine. We'll come.
- Brilliant! Thank you so much.
103
00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:38,233
Oh, my God. Is that Josh
Groban? He looks fantastic.
104
00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:43,616
Hello!
105
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,952
You must be Sophie, the artiste.
106
00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:48,496
- Hm.
- That is me, isn't it?
107
00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:51,249
That would make you
Jesse, the model.
108
00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:53,292
And that would make you...
109
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,503
Warren, the rich guy.
110
00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,757
I am so rich.
111
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:01,760
Please, come in.
112
00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:07,181
And this lovely woman carrying
the tray of bison carpaccio
113
00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:09,475
- is my wife, Megan.
- Welcome.
114
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,728
Let me know if you need
a bib for the blood.
115
00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:16,023
- I'm sorry, is-is that
a-a platter of raw meat?
116
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:19,360
- Yes. The mouth-feel is so...
117
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:22,489
Mm. Wet and sensual.
118
00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:25,616
- Yeah, um, th-that's, uh...
- So interesting!
119
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:27,368
- We'd love to try some.
- I'm good.
120
00:05:27,369 --> 00:05:29,328
Yeah, at trying new
things.
121
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,873
Eat the bison, man.
122
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:36,961
Hm? Hm.
123
00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:39,380
- Oh!
- Wow!
124
00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:41,383
It's...
just like sushi.
125
00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,845
But with more veins.
126
00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:47,723
- Way more veins.
- Mm-hmm.
127
00:05:48,724 --> 00:05:51,101
The chunky bits are
actually cartilage.
128
00:05:52,311 --> 00:05:54,979
You know what? Why
don't I whip up
129
00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:57,231
you menfolk some Manhattans?
130
00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:58,524
Oh!
131
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,109
I better go supervise,
132
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:01,778
make sure she doesn't
screw anything up.
133
00:06:02,613 --> 00:06:03,946
Women.
134
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,707
Ah! Ah!
135
00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:17,960
Ah! This is so much
worse than The Penthouse.
136
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:20,379
This is The Penthouse
Chapter 2: The Penthousening.
137
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,589
Is that even a real movie?
138
00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:24,258
Nikki Hilton was
in it, so... no.
139
00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:27,678
Okay. I know this
is a little odd.
140
00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:30,014
Okay? But, w-we have to be
nice to these people, alright?
141
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:33,059
Because after tonight, I
am gonna be one step closer
142
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:34,477
to owning a bird hat.
143
00:06:34,478 --> 00:06:37,104
- Okay, first of all, there's no
way a hat would stay on a bird.
144
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:40,191
Secondly, we need to
get out of here, okay?
145
00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:43,611
Because Warren and Megan
are clearly cannibals.
146
00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,488
No, they're not.
147
00:06:45,489 --> 00:06:46,989
They're eccentric.
148
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:48,824
Yeah, that's probably
what this guy said
149
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:51,285
right before we got turned
into an amuse-bouche.
150
00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:56,875
- Hi. Here for a
reservation under Charlie.
151
00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:01,546
Hi. I'm Hannah. This
is my husband, Sid.
152
00:07:01,547 --> 00:07:04,841
- You must be Alice?
- Yes. Pleasure.
153
00:07:04,842 --> 00:07:06,602
Do you know if they give
you free bread here?
154
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,054
Probably...
155
00:07:09,513 --> 00:07:11,098
Famous last words.
156
00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:14,892
Hey, so t-tell
us about yourself, Alice.
157
00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:16,269
Like, what do you...
what do you do?
158
00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:18,939
- Oh. Uh, so I run an
airline rewards program.
159
00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:21,524
Hand out miles,
change blackout dates.
160
00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:25,445
I'm basically Wizard of Oz of the
sky. Who's behind the curtain? Me.
161
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,824
I'm sorry. I can't stop
thinking about this bread thing.
162
00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:34,036
- Oh, my God. She's the
answer to all our problems.
163
00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:37,373
She and Charlie start dating.
She becomes part of the crew.
164
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,792
She gives us all those
sweet, sweet miles.
165
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:42,420
Mm. Bam. Love that.
166
00:07:42,421 --> 00:07:43,964
- One problem.
- Hm?
167
00:07:44,715 --> 00:07:47,342
She is... really weird.
168
00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,429
No, she isn't. She's amazing.
169
00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:52,597
You hear me? She's amazing.
170
00:07:52,598 --> 00:07:53,599
Oh.
171
00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:55,642
Okay.
172
00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:57,769
Hey, guys.
173
00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:00,730
What?
174
00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,481
Oh, is this too much?
175
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,275
Oh, what am I talking about?
Of course, it's too much.
176
00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:06,862
No one in this godforsaken
country wears suits.
177
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,905
Look, I think tonight
was a mistake.
178
00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:11,157
I'm not ready, so if you can
just tell her that I'm sorry...
179
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,576
- I am not telling her
sorry. I am telling you
180
00:08:13,577 --> 00:08:15,036
congratulations, Charlie.
181
00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:16,954
'Cause we just met Alice,
182
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:19,208
and she is... wow.
183
00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:21,126
- Really?
- Wow!
184
00:08:21,127 --> 00:08:24,170
Yeah. She is a
triumph of a woman.
185
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:25,588
Ooh!
186
00:08:25,589 --> 00:08:26,590
Oh.
187
00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:29,801
I'm not sharing.
Finders keepers.
188
00:08:33,055 --> 00:08:36,557
- Your photograph spoke to
us on a very deep level.
189
00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:37,601
Oh!
190
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:40,728
What can I say?
That's what I do.
191
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:42,730
Because it featured Jesse.
192
00:08:42,731 --> 00:08:45,816
- What?
- Rolling up your sleeves,
193
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,026
fixing that car.
194
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,778
The way the light
195
00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:51,198
hit your forearms,
it was just so...
196
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:54,408
Hi! Hi.
197
00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:56,452
We just had to
see you in person,
198
00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:58,496
and you do not disappoint.
199
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,375
- You are the perfect
example of the American male.
200
00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:05,086
- To Jesse.
- To Jesse.
201
00:09:05,087 --> 00:09:06,796
And Sophie!
202
00:09:06,797 --> 00:09:07,798
Yay!
203
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:12,427
- Sure. Congratulations on
capturing what it means to be...
204
00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:15,638
a real man.
205
00:09:19,101 --> 00:09:20,935
Hm... Hm... Hm...
206
00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:22,895
So I don't
think they want to eat us.
207
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:24,146
They wanna bang us.
208
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:25,148
Us?
209
00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:27,441
You.
210
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,368
Table for Ellen.
211
00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:38,579
Jinx.
212
00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:40,747
Jinx again.
213
00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:43,583
Triple jinx!
214
00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:45,960
- This is going better than
I could have ever imagined!
215
00:09:45,961 --> 00:09:49,213
Look at us! Three
gals, out on the town.
216
00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:51,048
Just jinxing like
no one's watching.
217
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,508
Oh look! There's my date!
218
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:55,303
- Val's date that night
was completely forgettable.
219
00:09:55,304 --> 00:09:59,098
I don't remember what he looked
like or what his name was.
220
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,600
So, we'll just call him Rando.
221
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:03,269
Everyone, this is Rando.
222
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,604
How long have you
guys been together?
223
00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:07,732
- Ten seconds. I just got out
of a serious relationship,
224
00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,859
but I move on fast
'cause I'm an Aries.
225
00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:12,112
Yeah, right.
226
00:10:12,738 --> 00:10:14,573
- W-what's funny about that?
227
00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:17,742
- Oh. I-I thought
you were kidding.
228
00:10:17,743 --> 00:10:19,663
You don't really believe
in that nonsense, right?
229
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,623
- If by "that nonsense,"
you mean my birth chart,
230
00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:26,668
beautifully drawn by my
psychic Madame Deborah?
231
00:10:27,336 --> 00:10:29,128
Yeah, I do.
232
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,630
Uh,
233
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:33,132
I guess because I'm studying
to be a psychologist,
234
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,219
I just believe in real science.
235
00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:38,387
New topic!
236
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:42,141
Let's all say our favorite
Arnold Schwarzenegger films.
237
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,393
I'll start.
238
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,728
I haven't seen any. Val?
239
00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:48,064
A psychologist, huh?
240
00:10:48,065 --> 00:10:51,442
So, you're what Madame Deborah would
call "a head-shrinking wackjob."
241
00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:55,238
- Hey... Remember when
you guys triple-jinxed?
242
00:10:55,239 --> 00:10:58,200
That was such a
great memory. Huh?
243
00:10:58,951 --> 00:11:00,744
Back at the host stand?
244
00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:02,787
Okay, so I'm gonna sprint home.
245
00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:04,205
No, no, no! You can't leave now.
246
00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:05,998
They're just putting
out dinner.
247
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,291
Just give me one more hour.
248
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:10,044
- Thirty minutes. And afterwards,
you're buying me a slice of pizza.
249
00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:13,048
- Fine.
- And a... small Coke?
250
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:15,216
- Sure.
- Still got it.
251
00:11:15,217 --> 00:11:16,676
- Jesse!
- Uh-huh?
252
00:11:16,677 --> 00:11:17,677
Before we eat,
253
00:11:17,678 --> 00:11:20,304
Megan and I would love to
give you a tour of the house.
254
00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:22,306
- Great. I'd love to see
where you hung my photo,
255
00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:24,267
and maybe point out some
spots where others could go.
256
00:11:24,268 --> 00:11:26,978
- Oh, no talking on this
tour. Except for you, Jesse.
257
00:11:26,979 --> 00:11:28,437
You can speak.
258
00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:31,775
You can say anything. Anything.
259
00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:36,946
Short Line, Chance, Park Place,
260
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:40,700
Luxury Tax, Boardwalk, and
that brings us back to Go.
261
00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:41,951
Wow.
262
00:11:41,952 --> 00:11:44,662
You really memorized the
entire Monopoly board!
263
00:11:44,663 --> 00:11:46,372
Isn't
that cool, Charlie?
264
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:47,874
Yeah, I suppose so.
265
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:49,625
You're like a genius.
266
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,210
Do you have a
photographic memory?
267
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,628
Oh, no.
268
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:55,340
I just, uh, really
made it a priority.
269
00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:59,010
Uh-oh. Anybody see where
the ladies' room is?
270
00:11:59,011 --> 00:12:01,138
These banana daiquiris are
going straight through me.
271
00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:05,016
- You and me both,
girlfriend. I'll go with you.
272
00:12:05,017 --> 00:12:07,394
Boys, order us two
more 'nana daqs.
273
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,275
- I hope we get stalls
right next to each other.
274
00:12:12,316 --> 00:12:14,066
I have to be honest,
275
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,861
I'm not quite seeing what you
and Hannah is seeing in Alice.
276
00:12:16,862 --> 00:12:19,405
Yeah, well, that's
just ridiculous
277
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:22,158
because you guys got so much
in common. You're both...
278
00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:23,327
right-handed.
279
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:25,828
- Actually, I'm left-handed.
280
00:12:25,829 --> 00:12:28,873
Mother forced me to be right-handed
because she said the devil was in me.
281
00:12:28,874 --> 00:12:31,417
Still counts. Garçon!
282
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:32,752
Four banana daiquiris.
283
00:12:32,753 --> 00:12:36,173
And here it is,
Jesse. Your photo.
284
00:12:37,049 --> 00:12:39,258
I record all of my
content in here,
285
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,511
and it makes the
perfect backdrop.
286
00:12:41,512 --> 00:12:43,846
Ooh. What's your content about?
287
00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:46,682
- If I had to boil it
down, I'd say it's about
288
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:50,145
how men in this country
are under attack.
289
00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:55,775
- A-a-and by under
attack, you mean...
290
00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:58,027
There's a war against men.
291
00:12:58,028 --> 00:13:00,071
A men-ocide, if you will.
292
00:13:00,072 --> 00:13:01,697
I subscribe.
293
00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:04,618
I-I mean, I would subscribe if I was
allowed to have a phone.
294
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:13,042
- Have you ever considered
that maybe you hate therapy
295
00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:15,294
because you're scared what
you'd learn about yourself?
296
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:18,005
- Have you ever considered that
you're becoming a therapist
297
00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,841
because you wanna get
paid for lying on a couch?
298
00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:21,050
The patients lie on the couch.
299
00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:23,302
- Oh, like you're never
gonna lie on the couch.
300
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,303
Ellen!
301
00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:25,889
Jinx?
302
00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:29,600
Whose team are you on?
303
00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:31,811
Are you Team Science
with your girlfriend,
304
00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:34,939
or are you Team Star
Magic with Valentina
305
00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:36,941
and her street psychic Deborah?
306
00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:40,362
- It's Madame Deborah,
and she has a tent!
307
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:42,947
Whose side are you on?
308
00:13:42,948 --> 00:13:45,909
Um... Side...
309
00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:51,205
- Who are we kidding? She's
never gonna be able to decide.
310
00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:53,833
Look at this table! She
ordered one of everything.
311
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:56,919
- Oh, I know. I made her
choose a movie last night,
312
00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:00,423
and we ended up watching a YouTube
video on how to decide what to watch.
313
00:14:00,424 --> 00:14:03,552
Classic Ellen.
314
00:14:03,969 --> 00:14:06,596
Yeah! I did do that!
315
00:14:06,597 --> 00:14:07,848
I can't pick for shit!
316
00:14:09,016 --> 00:14:11,810
Quick! What else
don't we like about me?
317
00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:15,439
Alright. Who's hungry?
318
00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:17,690
- Uh, we will be right
in. I'm just gonna take
319
00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:19,483
a quick photo of Jesse
320
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:21,611
with his picture to...
321
00:14:21,612 --> 00:14:23,029
celebrate his manhood.
322
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:25,031
- Right. If she can figure
out how to use the flash,
323
00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:26,866
this... woman.
324
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:29,786
That's a good one...
325
00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:32,830
Oh, my God, oh,
my God, oh, my God.
326
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,333
Google him, google
him, google him.
327
00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:39,588
Ow! Outer
space is hurting my period!
328
00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:42,256
After the break,
329
00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:45,135
is wiping your butt gay?
330
00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:48,514
- That explains the smell.
- Oh.
331
00:14:49,306 --> 00:14:51,349
We really should have
put this together sooner.
332
00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:54,269
- You are the perfect
example of the American male.
333
00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:56,563
Women!
334
00:14:57,064 --> 00:15:00,233
I am a prominent leader in
the Men's Rights movement.
335
00:15:00,234 --> 00:15:01,235
Really?
336
00:15:02,528 --> 00:15:03,903
Okay, the last one was on me.
337
00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:05,696
All I could think about was
how loud my crunching was.
338
00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:08,074
I can't
believe that my photo
339
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:10,409
is the face of the
Men's Rights movement.
340
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:13,246
Okay, well, my face
is the actual face.
341
00:15:13,247 --> 00:15:14,247
So what are we gonna do?
342
00:15:14,248 --> 00:15:16,624
- Okay, the way I see
it, we have two options.
343
00:15:16,625 --> 00:15:19,252
- Okay.
- Option one, we start a podcast
344
00:15:19,253 --> 00:15:21,045
combating Warren's
disinformation,
345
00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:23,965
while also giving our hot
takes on celebrity hairstyles.
346
00:15:23,966 --> 00:15:25,591
Here are mine.
Shawn Mendes, wig.
347
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:26,592
Tom Holland, wig.
348
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:29,596
- Jason Statham.
- Bald cap!
349
00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:31,097
What's option two?
350
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:33,057
- I'm gonna distract
them. You grab my photo.
351
00:15:33,058 --> 00:15:34,934
Okay, I pick that one. Alright?
352
00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:36,175
Do you think I'm wearing a wig?
353
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,063
- I don't know. I've never seen it wet.
- Unbelievable.
354
00:15:40,858 --> 00:15:42,692
She brings her own
toilet seat cover.
355
00:15:42,693 --> 00:15:44,319
Yeah. It's reusable.
356
00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:46,737
How cool is that?
357
00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:49,700
So, Alice...
358
00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:52,202
What do you like to do for fun?
359
00:15:52,703 --> 00:15:54,997
Uh, well, um...
360
00:15:56,248 --> 00:15:57,291
I really like dancing.
361
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:02,754
Oh!
362
00:16:03,422 --> 00:16:06,340
- Okay!
- Oh yeah! Oh, get it, girl!
363
00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:11,220
No, I cannot do this anymore.
364
00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:14,349
I'm sorry. Alice, I'm not
ready to date anyone right now.
365
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:18,145
And, to be honest with
you, even if I was...
366
00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:21,522
I'm not sure that you
and I are a good fit.
367
00:16:21,523 --> 00:16:23,482
- Charlie...
- And I just don't understand
368
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,735
why you want me and
Alice to work so badly.
369
00:16:25,736 --> 00:16:29,197
Oh. Yeah,
uh, he's after my miles.
370
00:16:29,198 --> 00:16:32,367
Yeah, I-I could sense it
the second that we met.
371
00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:34,578
Is that true?
372
00:16:36,330 --> 00:16:38,122
Wow.
373
00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:40,374
Pimping me out for miles.
374
00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:42,085
How do you sleep at night?
375
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:44,296
Yeah. How do you?
376
00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:48,674
Look, it's fine. It happens
to me all the time.
377
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:51,261
Yeah, anyway, at least
tonight wasn't a total waste.
378
00:16:52,304 --> 00:16:53,972
'Cause I met my new best friend.
379
00:16:55,224 --> 00:16:56,725
Yeah, you did.
380
00:16:57,893 --> 00:16:59,560
Bathroom sisters for life.
381
00:16:59,561 --> 00:17:01,605
- Yeah!
- Alice? Let's roll.
382
00:17:02,898 --> 00:17:04,357
Yeah, we will.
383
00:17:04,358 --> 00:17:05,483
You wanna play Yahtzee at mine?
384
00:17:05,484 --> 00:17:07,236
- Yes!
- Thank God, I hope I get a Yahtzee.
385
00:17:10,906 --> 00:17:12,406
Hey, Warren.
386
00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:14,951
You have inspired me.
387
00:17:14,952 --> 00:17:16,161
I have decided
388
00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:19,288
to set aside my silly career
389
00:17:19,289 --> 00:17:22,458
and focus all of my energy
on finding a husband
390
00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:23,752
who can tell me what to do.
391
00:17:24,753 --> 00:17:27,840
- That is the smartest thing
I've ever heard a woman say.
392
00:17:28,632 --> 00:17:31,175
You have got to be the
next guest on my podcast.
393
00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:34,972
Now, of course, all female guests
are required to wear bikinis, but...
394
00:17:35,973 --> 00:17:37,014
you're cool with that, right?
395
00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:40,017
- Absolutely! I would
love to put on a swimsuit
396
00:17:40,018 --> 00:17:41,978
and tell other women
to quit their jobs!
397
00:17:41,979 --> 00:17:44,021
See? You just get it.
398
00:17:44,022 --> 00:17:47,066
And I love that you're
figuring it out this young.
399
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:49,652
Before I met Warren,
I wasted years
400
00:17:49,653 --> 00:17:51,405
as the mayor of Baltimore.
401
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:53,782
What?
402
00:17:54,950 --> 00:17:56,451
You were mayor?
403
00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:58,870
And now, you just...
404
00:17:58,871 --> 00:18:01,581
plate raw meat for
this little bitch?
405
00:18:01,582 --> 00:18:02,582
What?
406
00:18:02,583 --> 00:18:04,500
Sorry, Warren,
but you're a joke.
407
00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:09,046
I mean, men are up to their
thick, hairy necks in rights,
408
00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:12,550
and Jesse is not the
perfect masculine man.
409
00:18:12,551 --> 00:18:16,555
He can't even figure out how to get
that picture off your wall. Look.
410
00:18:18,599 --> 00:18:22,101
- This is so disappointing.
Get that photo out of my house!
411
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,477
I'm trying!
412
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:26,898
And to think we almost
had sex with you.
413
00:18:26,899 --> 00:18:27,899
Both of us?
414
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:29,859
- No!
- No! Just him!
415
00:18:29,860 --> 00:18:31,277
That's what I thought...
416
00:18:35,908 --> 00:18:38,576
- Come on. What else
do I do that's silly?
417
00:18:38,577 --> 00:18:40,328
Ellen, we've been
doing this forever.
418
00:18:40,329 --> 00:18:43,206
- Can we talk about something else?
- No.
419
00:18:43,207 --> 00:18:44,874
This is a thing that we
all enjoy talking about,
420
00:18:44,875 --> 00:18:46,635
and we will do it until
it's time to go home.
421
00:18:48,003 --> 00:18:50,047
Okay, I-I'll do one. Uh...
422
00:18:50,672 --> 00:18:52,381
before, when we were fighting,
423
00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:53,925
my heart was beating so fast,
424
00:18:53,926 --> 00:18:56,135
I thought I was gonna pass out.
425
00:18:58,639 --> 00:19:01,725
Ellen, is that
really how you felt?
426
00:19:03,060 --> 00:19:04,686
- I mean, k-kind of.
427
00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:08,898
- It sounds like you have
some really big feelings
428
00:19:08,899 --> 00:19:11,234
around conflict that
you need to unpack.
429
00:19:11,235 --> 00:19:13,361
Yeah. Seriously, El.
430
00:19:13,362 --> 00:19:16,239
Have you ever considered
talking to a psycholog...
431
00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:21,452
- Ha!
- Okay, fine.
432
00:19:21,453 --> 00:19:24,288
Some people have stuff that
can't be fixed by Madame Deborah.
433
00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:25,581
Thank you.
434
00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:27,500
This is so fun!
435
00:19:27,501 --> 00:19:28,502
Who?
436
00:19:30,546 --> 00:19:32,755
Rachel, Ellen, and Valentina
437
00:19:32,756 --> 00:19:35,425
never hung out as a trio again.
438
00:19:35,843 --> 00:19:38,010
But, on the upside, that night,
439
00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:41,139
Ellen went online and
found herself a therapist.
440
00:19:42,391 --> 00:19:45,686
I'll tell you how I screwed
that up for her another time.
441
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:53,861
Hey. Uh...
442
00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:56,029
Sorry about before.
443
00:19:56,530 --> 00:19:58,865
We acted like selfish jerks.
444
00:19:58,866 --> 00:20:02,035
And to make up for it,
we want you to have this.
445
00:20:03,537 --> 00:20:05,538
It's the perfect
first-date outfit
446
00:20:05,539 --> 00:20:07,832
for when you're actually
ready to get back out there.
447
00:20:07,833 --> 00:20:09,959
- Mm-hmm. Dressy shirts
show that you care,
448
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,628
a pair of jeans so you don't
look like you're trying too hard,
449
00:20:12,629 --> 00:20:15,673
and a pair of tighty-whities because,
brother, I know you can pull it off.
450
00:20:15,674 --> 00:20:17,676
Well, thank you.
451
00:20:18,802 --> 00:20:20,721
Wait, what happened after
you left with Alice?
452
00:20:22,306 --> 00:20:24,850
- I got enough miles
for the next few months.
453
00:20:25,976 --> 00:20:26,976
Don't ask me how.
454
00:20:26,977 --> 00:20:28,519
No, go on. How?
455
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,397
She said don't ask her how!
456
00:20:31,398 --> 00:20:33,524
Did we just eat raw bison
457
00:20:33,525 --> 00:20:36,527
to appease the leader of
the Men's Rights movement?
458
00:20:36,528 --> 00:20:38,905
I'm not ready to
talk about the bison.
459
00:20:38,906 --> 00:20:41,199
Hey, to be fair, we don't
know that he's their leader.
460
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,451
You know, there might be
somebody above him, and then...
461
00:20:43,452 --> 00:20:45,245
maybe you can sell
your photo to that guy.
462
00:20:46,997 --> 00:20:48,956
Okay.
463
00:20:48,957 --> 00:20:51,375
I'm definitely not getting
a bird hat off of tonight.
464
00:20:51,376 --> 00:20:52,669
No.
465
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:56,215
- But we work well
together. As friends.
466
00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:01,010
Yeah,
I-I couldn't agree more.
467
00:21:02,971 --> 00:21:05,598
Hey,
so if-if I had known,
468
00:21:05,599 --> 00:21:07,808
uh, you were gonna
come back that night,
469
00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:09,394
I wouldn't have called Meredith.
470
00:21:10,687 --> 00:21:11,896
The thing is...
471
00:21:11,897 --> 00:21:13,315
Jesse, just stop. It's...
472
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:15,817
I get it.
473
00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:19,112
She's the love of
your life, and...
474
00:21:20,030 --> 00:21:22,282
you've gotta give it a shot.
475
00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:25,244
And that's how we
hit the reset button.
476
00:21:28,789 --> 00:21:29,789
Sort of.
477
00:21:32,459 --> 00:21:34,335
Uh, this is Meredith.
478
00:21:34,336 --> 00:21:36,045
You mind if I take this
before we get on the subway?
479
00:21:36,046 --> 00:21:38,005
No problem. Yeah, I'll wait.
480
00:21:38,006 --> 00:21:39,715
♪ Virginia by The
Head and the Heart ♪
481
00:21:39,716 --> 00:21:42,553
♪ December won't
be so forgiving ♪
482
00:21:45,097 --> 00:21:46,973
♪ I'm haunted by a ghost ♪
483
00:21:46,974 --> 00:21:49,934
♪ Of you and my past colliding ♪
484
00:21:49,935 --> 00:21:51,937
No! No! Wait!
485
00:21:52,563 --> 00:21:55,690
But if you lost the
photo, how did it end up back here?
486
00:21:55,691 --> 00:21:58,693
Ah. A story for
another time, kid.
487
00:21:58,694 --> 00:22:00,863
But trust me, I will get to it.
488
00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:05,157
- Hey.
- Hey. How was your night?
489
00:22:05,158 --> 00:22:06,242
Eh.
490
00:22:06,243 --> 00:22:08,828
I found out I sold my
photo to a hatemonger,
491
00:22:08,829 --> 00:22:10,580
and then a taxi
drove away with it.
492
00:22:10,581 --> 00:22:13,207
So, the usual. How about you?
493
00:22:13,208 --> 00:22:15,335
Same. The usual.
494
00:22:17,838 --> 00:22:19,673
Rando!
495
00:22:23,343 --> 00:22:24,510
Damn!
496
00:22:24,511 --> 00:22:25,762
What is your secret?
497
00:22:26,555 --> 00:22:29,390
How are you able to move
on from Charlie so fast?
498
00:22:29,391 --> 00:22:32,019
I always bounce back
quickly with guys.
499
00:22:32,394 --> 00:22:35,397
- Charlie isn't just a guy.
You were in love with him.
500
00:22:36,857 --> 00:22:39,442
Okay, fine.
501
00:22:39,443 --> 00:22:41,235
The truth is I
realized something.
502
00:22:41,236 --> 00:22:43,196
Charlie and I are
gonna end up together.
503
00:22:43,197 --> 00:22:44,780
- Really?
- Yeah.
504
00:22:44,781 --> 00:22:46,782
I mean, sure, we want
different things right now,
505
00:22:46,783 --> 00:22:48,284
but life is long,
506
00:22:48,285 --> 00:22:51,078
and eventually,
somehow, it'll work out.
507
00:22:51,079 --> 00:22:53,748
- So, you're not worried about
him meeting someone else?
508
00:22:53,749 --> 00:22:55,041
No.
509
00:22:55,042 --> 00:22:57,168
Besides, if I know Charlie,
510
00:22:57,169 --> 00:22:59,588
it's gonna be a long time
before he gets back out there.
511
00:23:01,882 --> 00:23:03,341
But
little did Val know,
512
00:23:03,342 --> 00:23:07,137
someone else was hitting
his own reset button.
513
00:23:08,430 --> 00:23:10,891
♪ But I can feel her heart
beating for me, baby ♪
514
00:23:12,643 --> 00:23:14,645
Hi. I'm Charlie.
515
00:23:15,729 --> 00:23:18,856
♪ Virginia don't sound
like she used to ♪
516
00:23:18,857 --> 00:23:21,735
♪ Virginia don't feel
like she used to ♪
517
00:23:22,402 --> 00:23:25,280
♪ But I can feel her heart
beating for me, baby ♪
518
00:23:26,365 --> 00:23:28,783
♪ I know her heart's
beating for me, yeah ♪
519
00:23:36,542 --> 00:23:39,419
♪ I can feel her heart
beating for me, baby ♪
520
00:23:40,462 --> 00:23:42,840
♪ I know her heart's
beating for me, yeah ♪
521
00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:46,593
♪ Virginia don't sound
like she used to... ♪
38788
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof