All language subtitles for [SubtitleTools.com] iguana-scrt.720p

[wind blowing ]

[wind continues blowing ]

MAN: Hey!

- SECOND MAN: Man.
- Hey! Hey!

[grunts]

Yaah!

[yells]

[ Gasps ]

[ Wails 1 God!

[wails, sobs]

[yells] Damn it!

[ Screams ]

[wind blowing ]

[wind continues blowing ]

[car radio playing indistinctly]

MAN, on radio:
J' Evil women and whiskey J'

J' Will surely drive me to my grave J'

J' Evil women and whiskey J'

J' Will surely drive me to my grave J'

J' Where I go J'

J' Trouble seems to follow J'

J' Wherever I go J'

J' Trouble seems to follow J'

[ engine revs ]

[engine clunks]

- Shit.
- [ music stops]

[steam hissing ]

[ Mitch yawns ]
What's going on?

CARTER:
I don't know, man.

Think it just died.

[sighs]

Holy shit.

[grunting]

Come on.

CARTER:
Oh, my God.

What is it?

It's like angel-hair pasta
in here, brother.

Um...

here. Try it now.

[engine grinding]

Anything?

Nothing.

[ Mitch sighs]

Ow.

Okay.

CARTER:
Oh, this is terrible.

MITCH: All right.

So...

Um...

[ both laughing ]

Why do we even bother
to pop the hood?

I thought I heard something.

Yeah, well, unless there's
a flashing neon sign

that says,
"Here's your problem,"

what the hell do we know?

- [sizzles ]
- Fuck, that's hot.

Careful.

[beep]

What you got?

I got no service.
What about you?

I hardly get service in the city,
let alone the desert.

Yeah, I got nothing, man.

MITCH: Where the hell
are we, anyway?

Uh...let me see.

Okay.

We, um--
We passed this dot...

about an hour ago.

I think we're in here someplace.

- That's like 60 miles back.
- Wow.

It's like a hundred miles to the next dot.

What the hell are you doing
driving us through the middle of nowhere'?

We're taking the scenic route,
remember?

Yeah, by scenic, I was thinking--

I don't know,
more trees, mountains, people,

dots a lot closer together.

By scenic, I meant rarely seen.

[Carter inhales deeply]

I'm gonna get you a dictionary
when we get back.

Okay.

Holy shit,
it's hot out here, man.

It's gotta be, like, 115 degrees.

- I know.
- Not even noon!

No wonder the truck died.
Something probably melted.

Have we even seen any cars'?

Ow. No,
but, uh, it's a road, right?

I mean, someone'll be along soon.

Well, we got about 20 jelly beans
and 6 ounces of melted ice.

That should last us 10 minutes.

Oh, good.

- It's pretty.
- Yeah. It's beautiful.

Ohh!

[ Mitch laughs ]

Ohh!

[ 989s, spits ]

What flavor is this?

- Bacon and margarita.
- Oh, my God!

I saved those two just for you.

[laughs]

Tastes like that cake you made
with the onions.

Remember that shit?

Yeah, I remember.

I think that brings your total
of veiled references

to things I did with Karen
up to three,

so feel free to stop, please.

You ever think about her,
man? Ever?

I probably think about her

about as much
as she thinks about me.

Well, she thinks about you
a lot, dude.

I ran into her last week,
and, uh,

you were all she can talk about.

She said she was floored to hear
you had a wife and kid.

Yeah, well, it floors me
sometimes, too.

- [Mitch grunts]
- You all right?

Unh. Yeah.

Don't overexert yourself.

I can't believe you got us
out of roaming.

- Huh?
- I've never been out of roaming.

That even possible?

Where are you going?
What are you doing?

I'm gonna go up here and see
if I can get a signal.

No! Let's sit, and let's wait
a few minutes, man.

Well, why?

[sighs] I don't know.

We'll hang,
and we'll wait for a car.

You sit and wait.
I'm gonna go up and check.

Ah, shit.

You remember last time
when we drove cross-country

and we went, like,
200 miles out of the way

because we were so into
whatever we were talking about?

Yeah, and now neither one of us
can remember what it was.

Might have been when, uh--

Might have been when you claimed
that art can reach a point

where its quality became fact
rather than opinion.

That sounds like a couple hours
of my life I'd like to have back.

Or it might have been better defense,
'85 Bears or Steel Curtain?

Ah, that's hardly debatable.

- Bears.
- Yeah.

Well, there hasn't been
much of that this time.

What?
Pointless conversation?

Any conversation.

How are things in high finance'?

Ah, put it this way--

there's this motivational poster
in my office

with, like, this eagle
soaring out of the sky and shit.

Yeah.

I'll spend some days just staring at it,

trying to decide whether or not
I'm more suicidal or homicidal that day.

Nice!

So quit.

Quit? And do what?

Remember that thing
when you were in second grade,

where you, like, drew a picture

of--of what you wanted to be
when you were adult, you know?

I heard that that's the truest
reflection of what you really want.

Like, if you're doing
what you drew back then,

then you're probably
really happy.

Yeah?
And what'd you draw?

Me?

I think I drew a fat, unemployed writer,
so I'm killing it.

[ Both laugh I

[wind blowing ]

[ Cell phone beeps ]

Come on.

[ Beeps I

Nothing.

[ Crutches clattering ]

[wind blowing ]

So Joanne didn't like
your music, huh?

We just have different tastes.
More likely, she has taste.

Well, I liked it.

- Karen liked it.
- Would you stop that?

Look, man,
Joanne didn't like your music,

and she made you get rid
of your guitars.

- I'm just trying to get up to speed here.
- No, she didn't make me do anything.

It became clear that I wasn't gonna
have a lot of chances to play,

so I got rid of the stuff.

You know, she's not a music critic.
She's a receptionist.

She's my wife, Carter,
my wife.

- I'm just saying.
- I know exactly what you're saying,

and I'm telling you to stop.

[ Both panting 1

CARTER: Davey said
he saw you guys at the store,

but you just kind of
walked right on by.

Yeah?
Well, tell him I say hello.

Why don't you tell him?

You live less than, like,
10 miles away from the guy.

Yeah, we're pretty busy.

Well, he thinks that your wife hates him.

- No.
- Does she?

She's just not much
on gatherings, that's all.

What about your parents' house?

There's never less than
a hundred people there.

Ah, we don't visit very often.

[ Iaughs] Okay.

Uh, so no Davey, no family.

Sounds like the list of people
she does like is kind of short.

- I hope you're on it, buddy.
- Seriously, would you knock it off?

[Carter laughs]

You don't even know her.

You're right, man.
I don't know her.

Every time I come to visit you guys,
you're too busy.

I'm surprised she let you get away
to do this thing with me.

Here we go! Here we go!

Oh, thank God.
Come on. Here we go.

Wait a minute.

Oh, shit. Wait. Wait.
Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!

God damn it!

Augh! Ow!

- [groans] God damn it!
- Dude, are you okay?

[ Both grunt]

Hold up!

CARTER: Hold On!

Shit! Hold on!

CARTER: Wait. Wait!

Hey! Wait!

Hey!

Hold on!

Hey!

Yo.

[grunting ]
Whoa. Whoa.

- Hey.
- Car trouble?

Yeah. We, uh--
We broke down a few minutes ago.

Well, I-I'm not much good on cars.
I'll give you a lift into town.

That would be great.
Thank you so much.

- Just let me grab my bag.
- Hey!

- Look, a ride.
- Wait! Wait!

Sorry.

Hold on. We don't need it.

What do you mean
we don't need it?

Sorry, sir.

Nothing to worry about, son.

L-I'm harmless.
- No, it's not--

[laughs] No. I, uh--

No, it's all right.

It's not that.
It's just that the--

The truck, it's not broken.

What do you mean
it's not broken?

It's--
I took a wire out.

It's not a big deal.

- What are you talk--
- Um...

One second.

What are you talking about'?

I thought that we were gonna have
some good conversations

like the last time, you know?

But instead I got
cellphones and freeways

and motels
and fucking sports radio.

And, uh, I mean,
I tried to get off the beaten path.

You just decided to go to sleep,

so I thought this would give us
a chance to catch up.

Thank you, sir.

Are you out of your f--

- You sure everything's all right?
- Yes. Oh, yeah.

I--I am definitely sure.

Okay.

- Ta-da.
- All right, thank you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!

Put it in.

It's no big deal, man.

Put it in!
I want to see it start.

It's just a wire.

Sorry about this.
Just give us a second.

It's just a wire, man.

- Look.
- Okay.

Here.

[whistling a tune]

[engine starts]

CARTER: Happy?

You boys good?

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Thank you.

Thank you so much.
I appreciate it.

Have a good day.

CARTER: Sorry.
Thank you for stopping.

Are you insane?!

Huh?

You stage a breakdown
in the middle of the desert

so that we can talk?

Yeah, and we've had our longest
conversation in the whole trip.

I guess that's a coincidence.

I could have broken my neck
falling down that goddamn hill.

I told you not to go up there.

We could have had
a perfectly good talk

- sitting right here...
- Talk?!

But you had to go up
and climb a fricking mountain.

That was not a talk.

That was you stopping us
a hundred miles from nowhere

so that you could spend
a few uninterrupted minutes

bashing my wife and job!

[turns off engine]

What kind of a ring was it'?

What?

The engagement ring.
What kind was it?

What do you mean,
what kind?

Was it a diamond?

Why does that matter?

Why won't you answer?

Fine. I got her a diamond.
So what?

"So what?" So you just forgot
all about the gumball doctrine?

The gumball doc--

Oh, my God.
You gotta be kidding me.

Has nothing happened to you
in the last 10 years?

So you do remember?

Yeah, I remember it as something
cooked up by a couple of losers

who had nothing better to do
on a Friday night.

Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.
I didn't cook it up.

You did. You're the one.

You're the one that said

that you would never buy
an engagement ring

that didn't come
from a gumball machine.

You're the one that said
the poorest people on the planet

are hacking off
each others' limbs

to give you something
to spend two months' salary on.

Look, just because you took
some conversation we had

over beer and macaroni
and decided to make it your religion

doesn't mean the rest of the world
gives a shit.

Okay, fine.
So you gave up on diamonds.

Okay. Who gives a shit, man'?

You gave up on your music,
your friends and your family,

and for what, the rebound girl'?

- Come on.
- The rebound girl?

- Yes.
- Really?

Yes, the rebound girl.

I was there.

I saw you and Karen together.

You were insane for the girl.

And--And when she left,
you know--

[scoffs ] You were messed up.
Okay? People get that.

But four months later,
and you're engaged to the secretary?

Listen, take a step back,
and see that for what it is.

- I fell in love.
- You panicked.

Why do you insist on listening

to the words
you're putting into my mouth

rather than the ones
I'm actually saying?

You got a goddamn dog.

- So what?
- You're allergic!

Take a pill.

What's the dog's name?

Sun--Fuck you.

No.

No, "Fuck You"--

No, "Fuck You,"
I would believe.

"Fuck You"
is exactly the kind of name

that you would name a dog.

No, but your dog's name
is Sunshine.

[laughs]

Fucking Sunshine.

Are you gonna look at me
with a straight face

and tell me that your opinion
was actually considered

in the decision that resulted
in an animal you're allergic to

being named after a Care Bear?

Oh, my God, you're right.
I didn't get to name the dog.

My life is a sham.

No, no, let me just get
this straight, okay?

J-Just for me.

So the love of your life leaves.
Okay?

And, um, less than a year later,
you're married to a secretary

who loves dogs
and hates your fucking music.

I think it's reasonable at that point
to have some doubts, right?

I think it's reasonable
to email your good friend Carter.

You remember that?
"Hey, what the fuck, man?

What am I getting into?
Did I make a mistake?"

And before I can hit reply,
you buy a fucking house!

That's great! I understand.
Right. Okay, fine.

You're focused on the--

You want to focus on
fucking square footage,

rather than the fact
that you have nothing in common.

That's okay. You--
It's marriage counseling by HG I V.

I get it, man. I get it.

And now, you know,
after all this home improvement,

you realize, you know,

you haven't improved
a goddamn thing.

And now you got no distractions.

"What am I gonna do?
Oh, yeah, I forgot."

It's the next chapter
in the off-the-shelf life plan

you got from Home Depot!

Right. Procreate!

That's the job that's never finished.

"Keep my face down.

"Keep my nose to the grindstone.

Just focus on the kid."

And maybe you can go
the rest of your life

ignoring the fact
that you fucked up, man.

You made a colossal mistake,

and you married, literally,
the first chick to come along.

- What--Hey, hey. Come on. Come on.
- Fucking--

I'm not saying anything
you don't know already.

Just swallow your pride,
and you'll see how true it is.

You ever talk about my family
like that again,

I will kick the shit out of you.
You hear me?

Okay. All right.

Listen, I'm sure that Cole is great.

I'm sure he's the best thing
to ever happen to you,

but he's not a substitute
for loving your wife.

Joanne was right.

You're nothing but a piece of shit.

Okay.

- That's okay.
- Get in!

I'll get in when I'm--

I'll get in when I'm
good and fucking ready.

That's when I'll get in.

So it's you and Joanne
against the whole world.

That's all right. That's okay.

You know, you're so scared
to admit that you made a mistake,

that you just keep on making it
over and over and over again.

But that's fine.

That's fine. You want to keep on
believing your own bullshit,

we'll get you home,

get you back to your perfect little life

and your "motivational posters,“

and you can tune back out and--

and try to forget
all about the fact

that your life is
a complete shit hole.

Then maybe, maybe
you can call me in 20 years

when you've fucking lost your hair
and you've come to your senses.

I don't think we'll be talking
much anymore.

Whatever.

[engine grinding]

[engine clunks]

Stupid motherfucker.

It probably just came loose, man.

Are you insane!

- Calm down!
- Why are you--Calm down'?

You want me to calm down'?!

You go fucking around
with the electrical system

in a 30-year-old
piece-of-shit truck

in the middle of the desert
with no food and no water,

and I'm supposed to calm down!

I didn't fuck around with it.
I disabled it, briefly.

You should be thankful
that I'm willing to go to these...

- Thankful! I should be thankful?!
- lengths to try to help you.

Who the fuck are you to be giving me
some sort of life intervention, huh?

You're unemployed!
You're homeless!

Yes, and you hate your job,

and you have a house that's apparently
too small for a guitar!

This is so typical.
This is so typical.

You're constantly
doing something for you

and then saying
that it's for everybody else.

- [engine grinding]
- You don't like my wife,

we don't get to hang out anymore,

so you want me to get divorced,

right, for my own good...

- Yeah.
- because I can do better?

But it's all bullshit.

You want me to find
somebody you like better.

It's for your own good.

Fuck. Fuck. Shit.
[ sighs ]

I got a good job.
I make good money.

I have a house, a family,
and it kills you,

because you're a 30-year-old failure
who lives in his car.

- Right.
- So you turn your anger on everybody else

to try to make us feel like
our achievements aren't worth a shit

because we didn't draw a picture of
ourselves doing them in the second grade.

You actually think that if I quit,

took up music,
and actually made it,

that you'd be happy for me?

- Mm.
- Fuck that.

You would be just as blind with jealousy
then as you are now.

You'd probably--I don't know--

- run me over with your car-slash-house...
- Probably.

And then tell me that it was
for my own good, right?

Yeah.

This is not about me.

You don't give a shit about me.

This is all about you

and how everybody else
can accommodate your failure.

Hey, I'm not a failure, okay?

I could have everything you have
and more,

but I decided long ago
that it would be better to follow my dream

rather than try to buy enough shit
from fucking Pottery Barn

to be comfortable
with the idea of being

a meaningless, lever-pulling,
button-pushing cog!

- I was a day away from--
- From law school.

No, no.
We all know the story.

Fuck! Augh!

You took a test.
You blew it away.

You had your choice of schools,

but walked away
for the sake of art, right?

Right?

I followed my dream
instead of a paycheck.

Yeah. No, no, no, no, no.
Enh! wrong.

You're a scared
and insecure little freak

- who couldn't get anywhere with writing
- [engine grinding]

And so desperately needed
somebody to approve of you,

to say that you were
still intelligent,

- still capable...
- Come on.

That you took a fricking test.

[engine won't turn over]

You know what you should do?

You should tattoo that test score
on your forehead.

That way, when somebody says,
"Wait a second. You live in your car?“

You can say, "Yeah, but look.
I chose to be a loser, so it's okay."

[ scoffs, then spits ]

You think you've got the rest of us
pegged, right?

You got the rest of us pegged,

and it's your job to make sure
we all face reality?

The reality is your writing sucks.

You're not gonna be famous.
You're not gonna sell a book.

You are wasting your time.

You're the one that needs
to face facts, pal.

But every time those facts
get too close,

you just hop in your car,
and you run off.

Well, here are the facts.

A 30-year-old loser
living in his car

is about the last person
that I'm gonna be looking to

for advice on how to fix my life.

So unless you want
to put out a book of don'ts

based on all the ways
you screwed up,

which is the only thing
you're ever likely to publish,

you should probably
just shut the fuck up.

[ Breathing hard ]

Are you done?

[engine grinding]

[Clunk]

Fuck!

[yells]

[ Groans ]

CARTER: Shit. Shit.

[coughs]

Shit. Sh...

[steam hissing ]

[wind blowing ]

CARTER:
Someone'll come along.

MITCH:
You make me sick.

[ Soundtrack music playing ]

[wind blowing ]

[ Breathing heavily]

[grunting]

[grunts]

[ Panting ]

Hot enough for ya?

They say the nights kill more people
than the days.

CARTER: Okay.

I'm so thirsty.
My tongue feels like a two-by-four.

Here.

Eh...

Finish it.

MITCH: How long can you go
without water?

Two days?

I don't know.
It doesn't matter.

I'm going for help in the morning.

Oh, 60 miles is a pretty long walk.

That's only if I don't see a car.

I think I saw some cones
on the way in, man.

I don't know.

Hey, I know it--

I know it doesn't really change
anything, but, uh...

I'm sorry.

It was definitely
not your brightest idea.

I mean I'm sorry
about what I said.

Are you sure you don't want
to apologize for getting us stuck'?

I'm not freezing to death
because you insulted my wife.

I'm sorry about
the whole goddamn thing.

You really think my writing sucks?

It's--it's not bad.
It's just...

all--all your characters
get, like, cancer and die.

Don't all get cancer and die.

In that one thing, I'm pretty sure
about 75% of the people die--

That was about
an oncologist.

Yeah, and that other one
with the woman who was high

and her baby crawled
out the window.

I mean, it was good writing,
but...

kind of made me want
to kill myself.

Look, that shit really happens,
all right'?

It's just hard to get the message out
if nobody reads the book.

The idea that I "might not have it,"
it's--it's not news.

[sighs] It's just that...

you go your whole life
with everyone

yelling at you to follow your dream
and to never give up,

but to be honest,
if everyone followed their dreams,

we'd be a planet of pro athletes and--
and astronauts.

[ Iaughs ] You know,
there's gotta be someone there

to clean the toilets, am I right'?

It's like you said, you know.

Sometimes it's better to go after
something you care about

than to be handed something
that you don't, right?

Really?

What if my lifelong dream was
to be point guard for the Lakers?

Would you tell me
to keep chasing that?

- No.
- Exactly.

Because "Never give up"

looks a hell of a lot better
on a coffee mug

than it does in real life.

Because failing...

daily failing,
it's--it's just--

it's a lonely...

miserable business.

[wind howling]

Look man, if I thought you should quit,
I would say so.

But sometimes, you know,
inside all that other stuff,

sometimes...

you'll say something
in just a few words

that I realize
I've been thinking for years.

And that's not just you
reading my mind.

That's you reading a part of it

that I never would have
known how to express.

Now, that's not just some fat kid
with no jump shot. That's--

There's something there.

Some of the things
you put out there, man...

I think a lot more of them stick
than you realize.

[sighs]

I cheated on Joanne.

- Are you kidding me?
- No.

Six months ago
at this conference.

Just--

[sighs heavily]
just sort of happened.

We're freezing our asses
off in the middle of the desert.

You think you're gonna get away with,
"it just sort of happened?"

It was just--

It was this woman--

girl, really, 21, 22,

somebody's intern.

[wind continues blowing ]

Long brown hair,
these long, skinny legs,

and she had this huge smile.

And she walks up to me,
she introduces herself,

asks what firm I'm with,
blah, blah, blah. And I said, like,

"Listen, if--if you're looking for a job,
I'm the wrong guy,"

and she goes, "No, I just think
you look interesting."

And she says,
"Would you like to have dinner?“

And I realize that I've had my hands
in my pockets this whole time,

- so she has no idea that I'm even married.
- Mmmmm.

And suddenly I get this feeling,
you know,

like I told you I get
with books and movies,

like I--I finally had
a chance to escape,

to be somebody else for a while.

So I go back up to my room,

and suddenly I feel
this wave of guilt,

like the spell breaks,

and I start thinking this is crazy.

Then all of a sudden,

my phone rings,
and it's Joanne.

And I answer, and I say,

"I'm so glad you called,"
because I was.

"I miss you, and I wish
you were here right now."

And she says, "Well, I wish
I were there right now, too,

"because the disposal's
broken again.

"Do you want me
to call a repairman,

"or do you want to try and fix it?

"Oh, and did you ever talk
to our neighbor

"about whether or not
they stole our recycling bin?

Because it's getting a little
awkward walking with--"

And she goes on like this
for, like, five minutes.

[Carter laughs]

[sighs]

So when I hung up,

I practically ran to the elevator.

And Annie--
her name was Annie--

we have this whole dinner,

and you know
what we talked about?

College football.

- Mm.
- College football.

No car insurance,
no day care,

no gossip about other parents
I don't even know.

Just simple, effortless conversation.
I've never--

The first one
that I've had in a long time.

Scale of 1 to 10?

10.

Plus the fact that she was 21,

makes her, like,
an eleventy-zillion.

Hello!

Don't get me wrong.
Joanne is very attractive.

And this is gonna
sound shallow, but...

pregnancy is bad for a body.

You know,
sometimes I'll catch myself

staring at her thighs or belly,

and I'll be like...

whatever happened to the woman
I married, you know'?

You do realize you're the one
who made her like that.

I know. That's why I feel
like an asshole even saying this.

I feel like an asshole
even thinking it.

And don't get me wrong.
Cole is the best thing

that's ever happened to me.
It's just...

He's the worst thing
that ever happened to our sex life.

I used to look at Joanne
and just want to jump her,

but now I look at her,
and sometimes--

And this is embarrassing,
but sometimes

I have trouble...

getting ready for her.

And Annie?

[ Scoffs] I could be ready
just thinking about her.

I was ready
when she asked my name.

I guess when you get married,

you're supposed to say
that the relationship

goes beyond tight thighs
and a skinny waist

and that, when all that goes,
the rest of it will sustain you.

Well, it just isn't phrased that way.

But if--if it was, would you
still have married her?

Yeah, of course, but...

you just don't realize
how much you'll miss things,

you know, little things,
like kissing.

Y-You don't kiss Joanne anymore?

Yeah, we kiss all the time,

but it's a habit.
It's like a handshake.

You don't even think about it.

But when Annie kissed me...

- [ head pounds ]
- fuck.

It was like the hairs on the back
of my neck stood up.

It's hard to say, but there's more
in that first kiss with someone new

than there is in the whole shebang
after four years.

That's how everything was.

It was just exciting,
you know, touching her,

taking her clothes off
for the first time.

And then the--the rest of the weekend
at--at the conference,

I'd be sitting in some stupid speech,

and all I could think about
was those tiny, little legs

and those little black panties,

and I just--I felt like
I was going fucking crazy.

[sighs]

So then, at lunch, I found her...

and we blew off
the rest of the conference,

just blew it off.

Did it four times on Sunday...

once an hour before
we went to the airport.

Now, you have to understand,

if Joanne and I do it
four times a month,

it's a fucking miracle.

But it's like I knew that it was
gonna disappear forever,

and I just--
I couldn't get enough.

And did it disappear forever?

Yeah, we email sometimes, but...

nothing serious.

But every time I see her name
in my inbox,

it's like my heart doubles up, man.

Are you gonna see her again?

Why? That would just ruin it,
you know?

Everything I felt for Annie,
I used to feel for Joanne.

So, what, I just run off with this gorgeous
little football fan. Then what?

Next thing you know, talking to Annie
is like talking to Joanne,

kissing Annie
is like kissing Joanne. it's--

That's just what marriage does.

You asked if I ever mention
the music to Joanne.

Well, I have.

- Hmm.
-I do.

It's like clockwork.

Every couple of months,
I'll wake up,

freaked out that my life
is meaningless.

She'll try on some clothes,
have a breakdown,

swear she's gonna lose 20 pounds,
swears off food.

I swear that I'm gonna turn in
my tie for a guitar strap.

We both say, "Good for you, honey.
I'm with you,"

not believing a single fucking word
the other person's saying.

That's the problem
with marriage. You--

You can't do it
without learning to lie

to the one person
you're supposed to trust.

- Can I ask you something?
- What?

And I don't--I don't mean
to upset you.

Um...

if it's so bad,
why don't you get out?

Let me see your keys.

I told you, I tried a million times.

Just--Just let me see 'em.

It's not gonna work, brother.

That's it?

- Two keys?
- Yeah, why?

[ Multiple keys clatter]

- Jesus.
- Yeah.

It's like you mugged a locksmith.

Yeah, I know. It's, uh--

Okay, there's my--
my house keys.

I QQt my gym locker.

I've got my toolshed.

I've got my boat keys.

I don't know what the hell
that one's for...

- Jesus.
- or that one.

I mean, it's like--
You know when people say

they're gonna put down roots?
Well...

[jingling keys]
that's what it looks like.

CARTER: Shit.

MITCH: You know
what I always wanted?

What?

Mohawk, fucking Mohawk,

just like that dude from--
from "Taxi Driver."

Travis Bickle? The nutcase?

- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

But I could never do it.

Why not?

Well, because my parents
would have killed me.

Then when I got to college,
I was working.

Then I was working as soon as
I got out of college.

Then of course I got married
and had a kid, so...

So?

So you don't see many
responsible parents

or functioning members of society
with Mohawks.

So?

So forget about doing something
crazy and life-altering

like quitting my job
or leaving my wife.

I can't even get a haircut anymore
without thinking about the keys,

and the keys,
they don't like Mohawks.

Well, how long do you have to
listen to the keys exactly?

U-Until you retire?
Until Cole goes to college?

Oh, I'll probably be bald by then.

Exactly.

You know, I used to have something
on my key chain,

but it kept falling off.

Do you know what this is?

This is a multi-tool.

And do you know what
one of the tools is?

Shing.

Mohawk?

Dude, put away the multi-tool.
It's not happening.

- Why not?
- Because

I just told you two pounds of why.

So what, man?
Nobody's here.

We're freezing our asses off
in the middle of the desert.

There's not a soul to stop you.

- Whoa.
- Mohawk!

It's not something
that I think Cole needs to see,

is his old man with a Mohawk.

So what?
You'll, man, you'll--you'll--

you'll prove to him that--
that it's good to be your own man.

What about Joanne?

Joanne's probably as bored
with you as you are of her.

You're probably one Mohawk away
from fucking like rabbits.

Okay, well...

Mohawk! Mo--

Come on.
Just say fuck it, man.

Fuck it. Fuck the keys.

Do it for you.

MITCH:
Oh, God, you don't--

You're pulling on it.

CARTER:
Just re--Just relax.

Don't be a pussy.

[sighs]

There we go.

Whee. [ laughs]

That's looking good, man.

Here we go.

-[yemng]
- [yells]

Ow!

CARTER: Yeah, that's
gonna leave a mark.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Is it straight?

It's fairly straight.

Yeah? Does it look like Travis Bickle?

Heh. You look pretty crazy.

[laughs]

- What do you think?
- Oh, no.

Do you love it?

[ Both laugh I

Yes.

Oh, my God.

I'll give you 100 bucks

if you let me come to work
with you on Monday.

You don't have $100.

I know! I'll sell something.

You gonna sell a book?

Something of value,

- like my kidney, maybe.
- God.

Oh, my God. This look is never
gonna make it to work.

Oh, come on, man.
This is new Mitch coming through.

Oh, my--I can't believe
how many times you cut me.

The lacerations will fade,

but the memories will last us
a lifetime.

Oh, we can't say nothing
happened on this trip, huh?

[ Sighs 1 God.

Yeah.

What?

Have you ever been this thirsty'?

No.

[sipping ]

Really?

It tastes like water.

Gimme.

Yeah, tastes like water.

[ Spits ]

It's blue and soapy.

Yeah, well, it's washer fluid.

What do you expect?

[ Gags 1

That's horrible.

I don't...

I don't want any more.

All right.

- I don't like it.
- Well...

I-I'm gonna save mine
for tomorrow,

in case I have to go for a walk.

Yeah, well,
we should pro--

We should probably
get some sleep...

- Yeah.
- In case you do, huh?

Yeah.

[ Snoring I

[wind blowing ]

[ Mitch vomits]

[ Coughing, gagging]

[vomits ]

[ Snoring I

Holy shit.

[ Horn honks]

Hold on. Hello.

Hello? Hi. Oh, God.

Thank you. Wait.

Hi. Hi.

Hold on. Hi. Hi.

How--How are you?
It's so good to see you.

We had--Ow.

Okay, don't go anywhere.

Um, we had a...

problem last night.

It's so good to see you.
I'm sorry. Um...

Oh, my God. We had a bit of an issue
with the engine.

- [vomits ]
- I guess I tampered with it,

or--I didn't really dismantle it.

It's fine. It's all good, but, uh,

God, we were here all night,

all day and all night last night.

Maybe you have food or water
or something?

Just--Just anything?
A ride, you know?

We--We'll...

Wait! No!

Where are you going?
Wait! Wait! Wait!

What the fuck are you doing?!

I--I thought she was gonna
take us with her.

She was!

Until you scared the shit
out of her!

You couldn't wait one minute
to get into the car, man?

Come on!

I don't--I don't know.

I thought she--
I thought that--

You look like a goddamn
fucking horror movie extra!

[ Sobs ]

Let's remember why I look like this.

This--This was your idea!

What am I afraid of? What can it hurt?
Well, there you go.

That is exactly why you can't have
a Mohawk in the real world.

I gave you a haircut,
not a lobotomy.

I don't feel well.

Ahh.

Maybe it has something
to do with the fact

that I spent a day in the oven
and the night in the freezer

with nothing but fucking washer fluid
in my system!

I told you not to drink that shit, man.

- Oh!
- It tasted like soap!

Okay, so this is all my fault.

I got us stuck in the desert.

Well, you certainly got us stuck
for another 20 hours.

Hey, do me a favor.

If you see any more cars coming,

try not to be such a fucking moron!

This is exactly what happens

when you let a homeless person
cut your hair!

[ Mocking laugh ]

[coughs]

Don't worry.
I'm gonna call Joanne for you.

I'll tell her you're just fine,
you'll be home soon,

but you won't be able to get it up

- looking at her fat fucking thighs...
- Hey!

Unless you think about
your girlfriend Annie.

Hey, You better keep
your mouth shut!

[coughs]
Then maybe she'll give you

that divorce you're
so scared to ask for.

Then you can give those keys
you love so much to Cole's new dad!

Hey!

You fucker.

Aah!

Oh, shit.

H9)'-

You son of a bitch.

H9)'-

- Come here.
- Hey!

- Come here!
- Hey! Hey!

[ Both grunting ]

You son of a--

[ groans, gasps ]

You--

You just broke my nose!

Fucking--

Yaah!

Damn it.

"Yam

[yelling]

Aah!

Come on!

Aah! Oh, my eye!
Time-out!

- Are you all right?
- [wailing]

[yelling]

Damn it! [yelling 1

[yelling stops]

[ Mitch groaning]

I think you broke my nose.

Now I'm going to have two casts
and a fucking Mohawk.

[ Spits ]

Hey, quit fucking around,
and get up.

Come on. Get up!

Carter.

Carter?

H9)'-

H9)'-

Get up!

Get up!

Q__

H9)'-

Hey! Come on.

Come on.

Carter.

Oh, shit.

Oh, man.

I'm so sorry.

Carter, come on, buddy.
Wake up.

Wake up.

Wake up.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Carter, come on, buddy.
Get up.

Get up.

Get up!

Get up!

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

[sobbing]
Oh, my God.

L-|-Hey...

Ah, fuck.

What the--

It's gonna be okay, buddy.

It's gonna be okay.

You know,
I was thinking about it,

it's really funny.

We should have
thought about it sooner.

[laughs]

We scared that old lady, man.

We scared her.
[ laughing ]

I mean, look at me, right?

I'd be scared of me.
I'm--I look fucking crazy.

But that's okay.
That's good. That's very good,

because she probably
went straight to town

and told somebody
about it, right'?

She probably went to the first house
or store or whatever

and was like,
"Ohh, you gotta help me.

"Some crazy guy with a crazy haircut
tried to get in my car."

But I wasn't trying to get in her car.

I was just--
I was just feeling it, you know.

I was just trying to make sure
it wasn't one of those, what, mirages,

like in the cartoons, you know'?

But that's okay. That's good.

That's very good, because
she probably told somebody,

and they're gonna come out here
and check it out.

They're probably
sending somebody right now.

They're probably--

They're probably sending the police.

The police are probably
coming right now.

[wind blowing ]

Carter.

Carter, hey,
I think the police are coming.

Carter, I need you
to wake up, buddy.

I need you to wake up!

Carter!

The police are coming.

The police are coming!

I need you to help me make them
understand how this happened.

Carter, come on!

Come on!

Hello!

Do you hear me?

'Cause if you don't help me explain,
they're not gonna understand, Carter.

Come on!

Come on!

You remember my keys?

Do you remember my keys?

I got a lot of things to worry about.

Come on, buddy. Wake up.

Wake up!

[ Sobbing ]

Fucking--I am sorry.

[grunting]

[ Carter groans]

Carter?

- [coughs ]
- Carter?

Carter.

Holy shit!

Holy shit! You're alive!

You're alive!

Carter! Oh. Okay.

J-Just wait here.

Just--You're okay.

You're okay.
You're okay. You're okay.

Everything's gonna be okay.
All right?

What's happening?

What's happening?
You scared the shit out of me!

That's what's happening.
[ laughs ]

Ow, my head.

- Ohh. Oh, my God.
- Quit it.

I can't believe it.

I have the worst headache
I've ever had in my life.

Okay. All right, well, just--

Just stay right there, okay?

We'll get you taken care of.

Oh shit. Oh, fuck.

Um...

is this all mine?

Yeah. Yeah, mostly.

Ohh.

Jesus.

What the fuck happened
to you, man?

You.

Wow.

[ Chuckles ]

[coughs]

Okay, just--
Keep breathing.

- Breathe in.
- [deep breathing ]

Breathe in. Breathe in.

- Okay.
- There you go.

All right.
Good job. Good job.

I hope I don't look as bad
as you do.

Let's just say we're tied.

Let's just...

Um...

what the fuck happened
to my hand?

Oh.

Uh, it...

looks broken.

Yeah. It looks really broken.

Yeah.

[ Groans ]

Look, I'm just--

Look, it d--
it doesn't matter, okay?

I'm just happy
that you're alive and okay.

W-What the fuck happened here?

W-We were arguing.
You don't remember?

[groans ]
No. it really hurts to think, actually.

Well, then don't. Just--
Just sit here. Rest.

It doesn't matter anyway.
It's over.

[ Gasping I

Oh, my God.
It's almost dark.

Yeah.

And nobody's come?

No. I hoped that lady
was going to send somebody,

but she, uh...

[ groans, laughs]

Just take it easy.
I-I'll keep lookout.

Oh, watch out.

Oh, God.

Maybe I just need to--

No, no. You stay.
Just stay--

I just need to sit up
for a second.

What the hell is that?

Uh...

Well, it...

What the fuck is that?!

You don't understand.
I thought you were--

- What the fuck is that?!
- Listen. Listen.

- Stay back!
- Listen.

Get away from me!

Come on, Carter.
I thought you were dead.

I thought you were--

Stay back!

L--l didn't feel a pulse.

I checked your--
And there was no pulse.

I didn't know what to do.

Aah!

So you were just gonna
fucking bury me

- in a hole?!
- No, no. It's not like that.

- Listen.
- Are you fucking crazy?!

We were fighting,
and you pulled a knife on me!

You broke my fucking nose!

- You get the fuck back!
- You bit my fucking cast!

What was I supposed to do?
Come on. Just--

You tried to fucking kill me!

I wasn't trying to kill you,
buddy. Just--

Where you going?
What are you--

- Stay the fuck back!
- Okay! Okay, okay. Listen--

I'll kill you.

I didn't know.

I panicked. I panicked, okay?

I panicked.
I didn't know what to do.

I wasn't feeling all right.

- I thought you were dead.
- You thought I was gonna do it.

Didn't you? Didn't you?!

You thought--
You thought I was gonna do it,

I was gonna fuck up your--
your perfect little life,

and so you were just gonna--
gonna bury me,

bury me out here
in the middle of nowhere.

[wails]

Your stupid, loner, novelist friend...

- No.
- who no one would ever miss.

Hey, hey.
Hey. I didn't.

You stay the fuck away from me!

All right.
Where you going?

- Get back!
- Where are you going?

- I'll kill you!
- Okay, I'm--I'm sorry.

Don't follow me.

Hey. I'm--
Please don't go!

Carter.

[clinking ]

[ Gasping I

[ scraping I

Carter?

Carter?

Quit fucking around, man.

You're freaking me out.

[grunts]

- Ah, fuck!
- [ horn honking]

Get out of here!

[ Stops honking ]

[shuddeflng]

[wind blowing ]

[ Footsteps ]

[ Panting ]

CARTER:
Hey, Mitchell.

I'm not well.

It'd be so fucking easy.

I just pull this
right across your throat,

and I cover you in this hole,
Mitchell,

and leave you in this godforsaken
hellhole forever.

You'd have to be
out of your mind.

No. That happened
a while ago...

and I still can't do it.

Why are you in the hole?

Because it's warmer.

[truck engine]

[sighs]

[ Softly]
We're in here.

You--
Do you hear something?

[sighs heavily]

[flies buzzing ]

I would have done things
differently.

I'd have made changes.

Yeah. Me, too.

You know, It wasn't
that bad of an idea.

It's just we--

We just didn't do it right.

[sighs]

Well...

next time.

There's gotta be something.

Carter.

Carter.

Carter. Carter.

Can you walk?

Look.

I found another dot.

That might not even be a town.

Well, then, what is it?

It might just be a dot.

Y-You can't have a dot

if there's nothing there,
can you?

I don't know.

Okay, look,
the sun set over there,

so that's west,
so we got--

"Never eat shredded wheat."

Okay, so it's--

I-it's southwest,

so we--we gotta go that way.

What if we get lost?

Or eaten or--

or something?

Okay, no, w-we use the sun

to make sure that we stay
in a straight line.

Okay?
I figure in this condition,

we could probably go, like,
a mile an hour, okay?

That's one day to get there.

We should just stay
near the road,

and then s-someone
will come for us.

Okay, we haven't seen a car
since that lady.

And what if you're right?
What if--

What if this road was closed down
like you said?

I can't--
I can't keep doing this.

I can't do it.

Look, if we're gonna go out...

if we're not gonna make it,

I want to go out trying,
all right?

Okay.

You go.

What?

You go. I can't.

Shut the fuck up.
I'm not going without you.

I'll be fine.

No, you're not fine.

You're lying in a fucking hole.
Come on!

We got three hours
until the heat rolls in.

You can do it.
This is our best shot.

I won't make it.

Yes, you will, Carter.

You remember the Grand Canyon?
Remember that?

When you tied the rope to me
and you pulled me up?

- Mitchell.
- Do you remember that?

I lost a lot of blood, okay?

You go.

- Come on. Get up.
- [ sobs ]

Get up!

Come on. Get up!

Ow!

- Come on.
- Wait. Wait.

Wait.

Fuck you.

Come on.

- Help me up.
- Come on.

[ Groans ]

I'll carry your ass.

[ Both grunting ]

Come on.

[ Carter screams ]

Come on.

[ Both grunting ]

Come here.

- Hey.
- What?

Hey. I hear something.

[ Radio playing music]

MITCH: Hey!

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey!

[ Rock music blaring ]

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

J' Tell her that I loved her J'

J' And lived with no regret J'

J' Oh, Laura J'

J' You just look away J'

J' Just look away... J'

No! Hey!

Hey! Hey!

[groaning]

J' Oh, Laura J'

J' You just look away J'

J' Just look away J'

J' Oh, nothing J'

J' Will get you to stay J'

Forward or backward?

[wind blowing ]

[distant coyote bark]

[ Growls ]

[growling]

[grunts]

[yelling]

Hmm.

Hey. HEY-

Got you something.

I got you something.

[ Panting ]

[ Snorts ]

[ Gasping I

Hey. HEY-

I found something.

Heh.

I saw something.

See?

Look. They go to the town,
probably.

Oh, my God.

[ Soundtrack music playing ]

[ Groans ]

Jesus.

Come on.

We good?

Yeah. Let's go.

After you.

- All right.
- Let's just--

Is it heavy?

Yeah.

Heh.

[cellphone rings]

[ Ring]

[ Ring]

[ Ring]

[ Ring]

- Answer it.
- Hello.

Hello. Hello!

[ Both laughing ]

[ Iaughter fades]

[faint siren echoing ]

[ Soundtrack music,
no dialogue]

[Sunshine barks]

Ah, you remember Uncle Carter?
Huh?

CARTER: Hey, doggie.

Ha ha. Hey, what's up?

How are you, man?

Oh, I'm good.

- Remember Uncle Carter?
- Real good.

Hey, Cole.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Low five.
[ laughs]

This is everything.

Yeah? That's it, huh?

Yeah.

Are you sure about this?

- Hey, Cole.
- Yes?

Why don't you show Uncle Carter
his new room, huh?

- Yes.
- Yes?

Good boy, Cole.

- All right. Let's do it.
- All right.

- Thanks.
- You got it.

So is this it?

This is it.

All right.

[ Soundtrack music playing ]

[ Soundtrack music continues,
no dialogue]

All right, buddy, let's go.

[grunts]

There you go.

You ready?

Are you sure you're okay with this?

Are you kidding me, man?
It's the least I can do.

Besides, it'll give me a chance
to knock out a big chunk.

Yeah.

I'm proud of you, man.

Well, it's just flowing
from me now.

[laughs]

How long is it gonna take you guys
to circumnavigate the world?

Uh, you know,

we're gonna stay with the parents
for a couple days,

and I'm still not entirely sure
we're gonna get through that,

but if we do,
the tickets are open-ended,

so we'll just pick a continent
and stay until we get bored

or, you know,
run out of money.

You know,
she's--she's not...

what I thought, you know?

I mean...

I never really knew.

Yeah, well, she said
the same thing about you.

Yeah.

All right, come here, you.

- All right, man.
- See you.

- Be good.
- All right.

- Be safe.
- All right.

All right.

[ Gasping I

[beep]

[ Line rings]

[ Ring]

CARTER: Hello.

H9)'-

I wake you?

No, I just--I'm finishing
some stuff up.

What's going on?

Eh, you know,

I just wanted someone to talk to.

I'm feeling...

weird.

Has it occurred to you that maybe
you need some sleep?

[Sighs] I guess...

I thought that I was past the point

where I really believed that people
could change, you know?

At least, the point
where I thought that I could.

Sounds like
a pleasant surprise, no?

MITCH: Yeah. Absolutely,

but I'm just not sure I believe it.

CARTER: Believe what?

MITCH: That I'm really doing this.

CARTER: Well, what exactly
is the alternative?

Well, this is gonna sound
a little crazy.

MITCH: Imagine that. You called me
in the middle of the night

with something
that sounds a little crazy?

Part of me believes that...

we never made it out of that desert...

that we're just lying there,
overcome...

and this is just all part
of our imagination.

I told you this was gonna
sound crazy, but--

MITCH: And you didn't sell it short.

A-Are you telling me
that you're not at all suspicious

that things have gone so smoothly?

CARTER: Suspicious? No.

I'm stunned, I'm impressed,

but I'm not suspicious.

MITCH: Well, maybe you should be.

I mean, think about it.

Things may be just a little
too good to be true,

you know what I mean?

CARTER: Believe me,
if I was making this up,

there'd be a lot more lottery winning
and supermodeling.

Well, at least convince me
that it's probable,

you know, that life really can
turn on a dime,

that you really can...

I don't know, reinvent yourself.

CARTER: Which is harder to believe,

that things are finally going the way
you always wanted them to

or that the only way
it could be this good

is if it's all in your head?

MITCH: I don't know.
You don't have an opinion on that?

CARTER: Well, I don't know about you,
but this better be reality for me,

because if we're still out
in the middle of the desert somewhere,

I just finished an imaginary book.

MITCH: Wow, that's--
That's really, really fast.

So tell me how it ends.

CARTER:
Well, that's the funny thi--

[ static clicks ]

Carter?

Carter?

- Piece of shit.
- [cellphone clatters]

[ Rings ]

[ Ring]

[ Ring]

[ Ring]

[ Ring]

[ Ting echoes]

[ Ring]

[ Ring]

[wind blowing ]

[wind continues blowing ]

[ Instrumental playing ]

[vocalizing ]