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1
00:00:02,582 --> 00:00:03,310
Joanne: Honey.
2
00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:04,570
Honey!
3
00:00:04,580 --> 00:00:06,410
[Blower shuts off]
4
00:00:06,420 --> 00:00:08,440
I thought you were gonna tell
Frankie to clean his room.
5
00:00:08,450 --> 00:00:10,480
- I did.
- Well, it's a pigsty.
6
00:00:10,490 --> 00:00:12,250
I'll take care of it.
7
00:00:12,260 --> 00:00:13,290
[Blower runs]
8
00:00:18,830 --> 00:00:22,000
Hey! I'm trying to get ready for a date.
9
00:00:25,610 --> 00:00:28,260
Now, if all this stuff isn't
picked up in two minutes,
10
00:00:28,270 --> 00:00:30,100
it's going in the wood chipper.
11
00:00:30,110 --> 00:00:32,400
My hair is loving that
thing. Can I borrow it?
12
00:00:32,410 --> 00:00:33,980
Right after I do the dishes.
13
00:00:38,650 --> 00:00:43,450
Da, da, da-la-da
14
00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:47,490
Da, da, da-la
15
00:00:48,460 --> 00:00:51,920
Da, da, da-la-da
16
00:00:51,930 --> 00:00:58,630
The story of my life
17
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,330
[Cypress Hill's "Insane
in The Brain" plays]
18
00:01:00,340 --> 00:01:01,860
The trick is to open your throat
19
00:01:01,870 --> 00:01:03,670
and breathe through your nose.
20
00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:06,300
Adult Frankie: You might be
wondering why we were doing this.
21
00:01:06,310 --> 00:01:08,270
It's because yesterday...
22
00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:09,370
This happened.
23
00:01:09,380 --> 00:01:10,910
Hey, Dunlevy.
24
00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:12,910
We're having a varsity party tonight.
25
00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:14,480
Bros only.
26
00:01:14,490 --> 00:01:16,880
No chicks or anything lame like that.
27
00:01:16,890 --> 00:01:18,980
Yeah, that sounds awesome.
28
00:01:18,990 --> 00:01:21,080
Well, be ready for some frosty brews.
29
00:01:21,090 --> 00:01:22,720
- Yeah, man.
- Yeah! Frosty brews.
30
00:01:22,730 --> 00:01:24,450
- Yeah!
- George: Let's do it. Let's go, dude.
31
00:01:24,460 --> 00:01:26,220
Yeah, give me brews now. [Chuckles]
32
00:01:26,230 --> 00:01:28,930
Yeah, we had neverdrank before...
33
00:01:28,940 --> 00:01:30,930
Which is whywe were practice drinking,
34
00:01:30,940 --> 00:01:32,500
which is as stupidas it sounds.
35
00:01:32,510 --> 00:01:35,000
Dude, if I pound this,
I'm gonna get messed up.
36
00:01:35,010 --> 00:01:36,870
What are you, a muffin? It's apple juice.
37
00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:38,400
Do you know how much sugar's in this stuff?
38
00:01:38,410 --> 00:01:40,370
Bottoms up, bitch.
39
00:01:40,380 --> 00:01:41,800
Insane in the membrane,
insane in the brain
40
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:44,140
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
41
00:01:44,150 --> 00:01:45,540
Chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug!
42
00:01:45,550 --> 00:01:46,510
Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.
Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.
43
00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:48,140
[Gags]
44
00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:50,550
You know I use that to
put oil in my car, right?
45
00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:51,659
[Belches]
46
00:01:51,660 --> 00:01:52,959
Are you drinking?
47
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,029
No, no, no no no. It-it's apple juice.
48
00:01:55,030 --> 00:01:57,370
Okay, well, then I got
no follow-up questions.
49
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:02,960
I think they were practice drinking.
50
00:02:02,970 --> 00:02:05,260
And then after practice
drinking comes real drinking.
51
00:02:05,270 --> 00:02:07,700
And then, the next thing you
know, he's your Uncle Kenny.
52
00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:09,030
Boy, you piss yourself at two weddings...
53
00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,670
that's all they remember you for.
54
00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:11,770
I got to nip this in the bud.
55
00:02:11,780 --> 00:02:13,510
Can I do a one-person intervention?
56
00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:15,410
What am I talking about? Of course I can.
57
00:02:15,420 --> 00:02:16,940
Joanne, settle down.
58
00:02:16,950 --> 00:02:20,110
I know exactly what to say to him.
59
00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:23,680
Alcohol...
60
00:02:23,690 --> 00:02:26,450
May be the greatest gift God
ever bestowed upon mankind.
61
00:02:26,460 --> 00:02:29,390
Makes conversations more interesting,
62
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:31,290
people more attractive.
63
00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:32,590
Oh, like wigs.
64
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:34,660
It can also ruin your life,
65
00:02:34,670 --> 00:02:36,530
which is why you're not ready for it.
66
00:02:36,540 --> 00:02:38,200
There's a picture of you upstairs,
67
00:02:38,210 --> 00:02:39,700
holding a beer when you're 18.
68
00:02:39,710 --> 00:02:42,800
Yeah, I was also in the Navy,
fighting for our country,
69
00:02:42,810 --> 00:02:44,270
so I'll tell you what.
70
00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:46,470
You enlist and lose a couple
buddies to a land mine,
71
00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:48,510
and feel free to knock a few back.
72
00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:50,340
Okay, I get it. We're
not going to the party.
73
00:02:50,350 --> 00:02:52,680
If I stopped you from attending
every party with alcohol,
74
00:02:52,690 --> 00:02:54,910
you wouldn't be leaving this
house for the next four years,
75
00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:58,820
and... I can't have that.
76
00:02:58,830 --> 00:03:01,530
So, you can go.
77
00:03:01,540 --> 00:03:03,830
Really? Thanks, dad.
78
00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:06,770
Stop. Not so fast. We're not done.
79
00:03:06,780 --> 00:03:09,110
Don't worry. We won't do anything stupid.
80
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,880
History suggests otherwise. Follow me.
81
00:03:15,060 --> 00:03:18,050
Mom, I just want to tell
you how proud I am of you
82
00:03:18,060 --> 00:03:20,980
for going back to law school,
even though you're really old.
83
00:03:20,990 --> 00:03:22,320
And I'm proud of you
84
00:03:22,330 --> 00:03:24,120
for getting slightly better at compliments.
85
00:03:24,130 --> 00:03:25,090
Oh.
86
00:03:25,100 --> 00:03:26,960
So, I've been thinking.
87
00:03:26,970 --> 00:03:30,090
You know how I can drive now
and I'm almost in college
88
00:03:30,100 --> 00:03:31,660
and grown-ups hit on me.
89
00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,930
I didn't know about that last one.
90
00:03:33,940 --> 00:03:35,300
Well, it happens.
91
00:03:35,310 --> 00:03:38,140
Anyway, you've always felt
that I was mature, right?
92
00:03:38,150 --> 00:03:39,500
Yes.
93
00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:43,210
And you believe that women
should be empowered, right?
94
00:03:43,220 --> 00:03:44,910
You're damn right they should.
95
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:47,380
Then it's settled. I'll go on the pill.
96
00:03:47,390 --> 00:03:48,290
Great talk. Thanks, mom. Bye.
97
00:03:52,930 --> 00:03:54,430
Ooh.
98
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,220
When can we stop spinning?!
99
00:03:58,230 --> 00:04:01,430
Jack: In a minute.
100
00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:06,660
You see, alcohol degrades
judgment and motor skills.
101
00:04:06,670 --> 00:04:08,970
Now stop.
102
00:04:08,980 --> 00:04:12,840
So, even when you see danger,
you can't always avoid it.
103
00:04:12,850 --> 00:04:14,870
- Ow!
-
stand in the place where you live
104
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,814
-
Now face north
- You will call from that party,
105
00:04:16,815 --> 00:04:18,419
checking in by 9:00.
106
00:04:18,420 --> 00:04:19,940
-
Think about direction
- Ohh!
107
00:04:19,950 --> 00:04:21,040
- Ohh!
-
wonder why you haven't before
108
00:04:21,050 --> 00:04:24,620
You will not drink any alcohol,
109
00:04:24,630 --> 00:04:27,990
or the consequences will be severe.
110
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,250
Ohh!
111
00:04:29,260 --> 00:04:30,920
- Ow!
- Aah!
112
00:04:30,930 --> 00:04:33,420
Yeah, okay. You've proven
your point. You can stop.
113
00:04:33,430 --> 00:04:36,660
Yeah, I know I can, but I
rented this thing for an hour.
114
00:04:36,670 --> 00:04:38,430
- Oh!
- Aah!
115
00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:41,770
Oh, would you look at that. Curve balls.
116
00:04:41,780 --> 00:04:43,330
Ow!
117
00:04:43,340 --> 00:04:45,000
We were on our way to a
party with varsity bros.
118
00:04:45,010 --> 00:04:46,470
Preparation was key.
119
00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:49,840
I heard when Jimmy Ortega
was a freshman, he passed out
120
00:04:49,850 --> 00:04:52,180
and they drew a bunch of
penises on his forehead.
121
00:04:52,190 --> 00:04:54,180
[Laughs] That would suck for you, dude.
122
00:04:54,190 --> 00:04:57,050
I could fit 1,000 chubbers on
that five-head of yours. [Laughs]
123
00:04:57,060 --> 00:04:58,250
Well, I'd rather have a big five-head
124
00:04:58,260 --> 00:04:59,420
than look like a garden gnome.
125
00:04:59,430 --> 00:05:01,920
Oh, snap. You do.
126
00:05:01,930 --> 00:05:03,490
[Both laugh]
127
00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:05,970
Mikey loved giving us
crap but hated getting it.
128
00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:10,630
And we knew when to stop.
129
00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:12,960
Hey, guys, we should be
psyched right now, you know.
130
00:05:12,970 --> 00:05:14,800
We're going to an all-bros varsity party.
131
00:05:14,810 --> 00:05:16,100
What could be cooler than that?
132
00:05:16,110 --> 00:05:19,270
If there was girls there.
133
00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:22,840
Dude, you so don't get it.
134
00:05:22,850 --> 00:05:25,140
Our daughter's making a huge mistake.
135
00:05:25,150 --> 00:05:26,410
Is this about bangs?
136
00:05:26,420 --> 00:05:28,710
'Cause I can't have
that conversation again.
137
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:30,180
No. She wants to go on the pill.
138
00:05:30,190 --> 00:05:32,120
The pill. The pill.
139
00:05:32,130 --> 00:05:33,150
I know what the pill is.
140
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,090
She's not ready to have sex.
141
00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:37,650
She's 17. How old were you
when you lost your virginity?
142
00:05:37,660 --> 00:05:40,090
16, but it was different.
He had a motorcycle.
143
00:05:40,100 --> 00:05:41,430
[Stammers]
144
00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:44,090
Look, I don't want Rachel
having sex, either, but...
145
00:05:44,100 --> 00:05:46,230
You can't stop your kids
146
00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:48,800
from doing what they're going to do.
147
00:05:48,810 --> 00:05:50,570
You have to trust them.
148
00:05:50,580 --> 00:05:52,000
Wrong. Bad instincts.
149
00:05:52,010 --> 00:05:55,010
We have to protect them
from themselves, okay?
150
00:05:55,020 --> 00:05:56,670
It's a scary place out there.
151
00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:58,340
What are you talking about, "out there"?
152
00:05:58,350 --> 00:06:00,780
We don't live on the
edge of a haunted forest.
153
00:06:00,790 --> 00:06:02,650
You're overreacting.
154
00:06:02,660 --> 00:06:03,810
Oh, okay, okay.
155
00:06:03,820 --> 00:06:04,950
Well, then, let's just get Rachel
156
00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:06,180
a pay-by-the-hour hotel room
157
00:06:06,190 --> 00:06:07,950
and send Frankie to that alcohol party.
158
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:09,650
He is at that party.
159
00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:12,220
What?! You said you were handling it.
160
00:06:12,230 --> 00:06:14,190
I talked to them. I made it clear.
161
00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:17,690
Check in at 9:00. Do not drink.
162
00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:19,130
[Indistinct conversations]
163
00:06:19,140 --> 00:06:21,100
Hey. What's up, fresh meat?
164
00:06:21,110 --> 00:06:22,830
You guys want to kick it here...
165
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,900
You got to chug.
166
00:06:24,910 --> 00:06:27,740
Ohh, okay. So, you told them not to drink.
167
00:06:27,750 --> 00:06:29,010
Phew!
168
00:06:29,020 --> 00:06:31,240
I am gonna sleep like a baby tonight.
169
00:06:31,250 --> 00:06:33,780
Joanne, I gave them my trust
170
00:06:33,790 --> 00:06:36,820
they will not disappoint me.
171
00:06:44,590 --> 00:06:47,320
Huh. Honey, what time do you have?
172
00:06:47,330 --> 00:06:49,160
Um, yeah, hmm.
173
00:06:49,170 --> 00:06:51,020
- It's so strange, 'cause I have 9:15.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
174
00:06:51,030 --> 00:06:52,754
I could have sworn the boys were supposed
175
00:06:52,755 --> 00:06:54,750
- to call at 9:00.
- Yeah, mm-hmm.
176
00:06:54,770 --> 00:06:57,760
Admit you're doubting your
decision to just trust them.
177
00:06:57,770 --> 00:06:59,030
I... I'm not because
they are going to call.
178
00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:00,970
- Okay. Good.
- Mmmm.
179
00:07:00,980 --> 00:07:02,570
But we weren't going to call.
180
00:07:02,580 --> 00:07:04,800
Because accordingto our watch, it was...
181
00:07:04,810 --> 00:07:08,040
Booze o'clock!
182
00:07:08,050 --> 00:07:10,610
That night, we found out
what kind of drunks we were.
183
00:07:10,620 --> 00:07:12,580
I was the light-bulb drunk.
184
00:07:12,590 --> 00:07:14,650
I got an idea.
185
00:07:14,660 --> 00:07:17,550
We could pool our money
together and buy a helicopter.
186
00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,290
Then we could report the news.
187
00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:21,350
[Imitates explosion]
188
00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:24,860
George was whateverkind of drunk this was.
189
00:07:24,870 --> 00:07:26,160
Back again
190
00:07:26,170 --> 00:07:27,560
Adult Frankie: Big surprise...
191
00:07:27,570 --> 00:07:29,730
dancing was frowned
upon at all bro parties.
192
00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:31,730
[Clattering]
193
00:07:31,740 --> 00:07:34,630
And Mikey was"the one who got away" drunk.
194
00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:36,840
I never should have let Leila get away.
195
00:07:36,850 --> 00:07:38,100
I loved her.
196
00:07:38,110 --> 00:07:40,410
You dated her for like a week in 5th grade,
197
00:07:40,420 --> 00:07:42,610
and she gave everyone lice.
198
00:07:42,620 --> 00:07:44,080
That's a lie!
199
00:07:44,090 --> 00:07:46,710
Okay. Dude, relax.
200
00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:49,020
Don't tell me to relax!
201
00:07:50,390 --> 00:07:51,580
What the hell?
202
00:07:51,590 --> 00:07:54,820
Did you just disrespect the pad, bro?
203
00:07:54,830 --> 00:07:56,790
Boyz II Men, b-boyz II Men
204
00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:58,530
Boyz, boyz, boyz, boyz
205
00:07:58,540 --> 00:08:01,190
Boyz II Men, a-b-c-b-b-d
206
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:02,130
Mm-hmm
207
00:08:02,140 --> 00:08:03,460
What are you guys watching?
208
00:08:03,470 --> 00:08:05,600
- "Back to the future"?
- No.
209
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,430
Funny thing about time
machines. They're not real.
210
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:08,970
[Chuckles]
211
00:08:08,980 --> 00:08:11,500
So, if you do something in
life that you really regret,
212
00:08:11,510 --> 00:08:12,940
you can't take it back.
213
00:08:12,950 --> 00:08:14,810
Are you talking about having Frankie?
214
00:08:14,820 --> 00:08:16,180
What? No.
215
00:08:16,190 --> 00:08:18,580
You know, having sex is a very big step.
216
00:08:18,590 --> 00:08:19,810
Whoa.
217
00:08:19,820 --> 00:08:22,150
- Are we gonna have sex?
- Shut up, Doug.
218
00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:24,650
Mom, I do not want to be
talking about this right now.
219
00:08:24,660 --> 00:08:27,620
'Cause there's a lot more to the
act than just taking the pill.
220
00:08:27,630 --> 00:08:29,660
You know, there's a huge
emotional component.
221
00:08:29,670 --> 00:08:32,930
Like what if you don't
like it but Doug does?
222
00:08:32,940 --> 00:08:35,560
Or what if you do like it and Doug doesn't?
223
00:08:35,570 --> 00:08:36,570
Please, Doug would like it.
224
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:41,070
Doug, stop nodding.
225
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:42,640
Joanne, may I have a
moment with you, please?
226
00:08:42,650 --> 00:08:45,040
Oh, sure. Okay.
227
00:08:45,050 --> 00:08:47,340
I'll be right back.
228
00:08:47,350 --> 00:08:49,280
Until then, I'll leave you with this.
229
00:08:49,290 --> 00:08:52,020
AIDS.
230
00:08:55,560 --> 00:08:57,450
What are you doing in there?
231
00:08:57,460 --> 00:08:59,690
Dropping mom bombs.
232
00:08:59,700 --> 00:09:01,830
I can't let her go through with this.
233
00:09:01,930 --> 00:09:03,120
Bad instinct.
234
00:09:03,130 --> 00:09:04,860
You can't smother them on stuff like that.
235
00:09:04,870 --> 00:09:06,090
Kids need space.
236
00:09:06,100 --> 00:09:07,960
Yeah, space, like the
space you gave Frankie,
237
00:09:07,970 --> 00:09:09,930
who, by the way, still hasn't called.
238
00:09:09,940 --> 00:09:12,200
[Telephone rings]
239
00:09:12,210 --> 00:09:14,900
I'm sorry. Uh, the phone was ringing.
240
00:09:14,910 --> 00:09:16,500
Let me just answer that, and
then I'll help you tackle
241
00:09:16,510 --> 00:09:18,940
that Rachel problem you're
having so much trouble with.
242
00:09:18,950 --> 00:09:21,010
Where the hell are you?
243
00:09:21,020 --> 00:09:25,150
Uh, sorry, Heather. No, Frankie's not here.
244
00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:26,310
Bye, now.
245
00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:27,910
[Receiver clicks]
246
00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:31,620
[Tone Loc's "Funky Cold Medina" plays]
247
00:09:31,630 --> 00:09:32,800
Not worried.
248
00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:39,890
Hi. Fellas.
249
00:09:39,900 --> 00:09:43,260
-
All right, dig it
- I'm looking for three guys about your age.
250
00:09:43,270 --> 00:09:45,370
Cold cooling at a bar
251
00:09:45,380 --> 00:09:46,830
Is it us?
252
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:49,740
No, junkies. Focus here.
253
00:09:49,750 --> 00:09:51,640
They're at a party in this area
254
00:09:51,650 --> 00:09:52,940
being thrown by baseball players.
255
00:09:52,950 --> 00:09:54,310
You know where that might be?
256
00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:55,340
The girls are all around
257
00:09:55,350 --> 00:09:58,240
I heard something over there.
258
00:09:58,250 --> 00:09:59,410
Great. You're pointing at a bush.
259
00:09:59,420 --> 00:10:00,880
All right, you should know
260
00:10:00,890 --> 00:10:02,950
that marijuana causes low
sperm count and man boobs.
261
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:04,380
Have fun with that.
262
00:10:04,390 --> 00:10:05,850
- [Tires squeal]
-
at the other end of the bar
263
00:10:05,860 --> 00:10:07,720
Having drinks with
some no-name chump
264
00:10:07,730 --> 00:10:09,460
When they know that I'm the star
265
00:10:09,470 --> 00:10:11,760
Okay, guys, hold up.
266
00:10:11,770 --> 00:10:13,230
Before we go in, do you think
my dad's gonna be able to tell
267
00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:15,360
that we've been drinking?
268
00:10:15,370 --> 00:10:16,760
I asked the guy, "why you so
fly?" He said, "funky cold medina"
269
00:10:16,770 --> 00:10:18,470
No. We're good.
270
00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:20,400
We should do something
about our breath, though,
271
00:10:20,410 --> 00:10:21,840
so, uh...
272
00:10:21,850 --> 00:10:24,600
Chew these pine needles.
273
00:10:24,610 --> 00:10:26,240
Whoa, there's a chair.
274
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:28,210
Funky cold medina
275
00:10:28,220 --> 00:10:31,640
Who cares if your dad
catches us? Don't be a bitch.
276
00:10:31,650 --> 00:10:33,580
Oh, I'm a bitch?
277
00:10:33,590 --> 00:10:37,280
You're the one that got us just
kicked out of a great all-bro party
278
00:10:37,290 --> 00:10:40,890
because you can't get
over some stupid girl.
279
00:10:40,900 --> 00:10:42,720
There's the sign.Abort. Abort.
280
00:10:42,730 --> 00:10:44,020
It's better than any alcohol
281
00:10:44,030 --> 00:10:46,730
Let's just go in, and we'll play it cool.
282
00:10:46,740 --> 00:10:48,730
A couple of sips
of this love potion
283
00:10:48,740 --> 00:10:50,900
-
And she'll be on your lap
- [Exhales sharply]
284
00:10:50,910 --> 00:10:51,900
[Clatter]
285
00:10:51,910 --> 00:10:54,970
[Snoring]
286
00:10:54,980 --> 00:10:57,340
Joanne: So, where were you?
287
00:10:57,350 --> 00:10:58,440
Jack: Out.
288
00:10:58,450 --> 00:11:00,040
Were you looking for the boys?
289
00:11:00,050 --> 00:11:02,924
- No, I went out for some milk.
- Oh.
290
00:11:02,925 --> 00:11:04,219
Where is it?
291
00:11:04,220 --> 00:11:07,220
- I pounded it in the car.
- Weird.
292
00:11:07,230 --> 00:11:09,990
Well, you'll be glad to know that I
had a great conversation with Rachel,
293
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,920
and I think I kept her
from rushing into things.
294
00:11:11,930 --> 00:11:13,520
- Did you?
- Yes.
295
00:11:13,530 --> 00:11:16,890
Because Doug's car is missing
and Rachel's not here. Weird.
296
00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:20,000
She's right there, reading the
literature that I gave her.
297
00:11:20,010 --> 00:11:21,730
Right where?
298
00:11:21,740 --> 00:11:22,800
I took a shot as a contestant
on the "love connection"
299
00:11:22,810 --> 00:11:23,770
Damn it, Rachel!
300
00:11:23,780 --> 00:11:25,530
Now, I am not saying
301
00:11:25,540 --> 00:11:27,570
that her running off
with her horny boyfriend
302
00:11:27,580 --> 00:11:29,470
is a direct result of
you ignoring my advice
303
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:30,870
to give her space.
304
00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:34,080
I'm implying it with... with this look.
305
00:11:34,090 --> 00:11:36,880
-
What I'll be getting
- Mm-hmm.
306
00:11:36,890 --> 00:11:39,680
-
Instead she started talking 'bout plans for our wedding
- Hey.
307
00:11:39,690 --> 00:11:43,220
Good evening, Dunlevys. You both look well.
308
00:11:43,230 --> 00:11:44,990
- [Belches]
-
That's why I found you don't play around
309
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,890
No, go on... you were saying something
310
00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:48,160
- about how to handle our children?
-
with the funky cold medina
311
00:11:48,170 --> 00:11:51,970
You know what I'm saying?
312
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:57,170
Frankie, look at me. Look at me.
313
00:11:57,180 --> 00:11:58,970
- Look at me.
- Ouch!
314
00:11:58,980 --> 00:12:00,340
How much have you had to drink,
315
00:12:00,350 --> 00:12:02,640
and why does it smell
like Christmas in here?
316
00:12:02,650 --> 00:12:06,010
A lot of stuff happened tonight, Joanne.
317
00:12:06,020 --> 00:12:08,180
Okay, you know something?
318
00:12:08,190 --> 00:12:11,050
If I were you, I wouldn't speak
for the next couple of weeks.
319
00:12:11,060 --> 00:12:12,150
Where's George?
320
00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:13,500
He's sleeping on the lounge chair.
321
00:12:16,900 --> 00:12:19,260
Oh.
322
00:12:19,270 --> 00:12:20,790
- Hmm.
- Joanne: Okay, this is great.
323
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:22,400
The wheels have officially come off.
324
00:12:22,410 --> 00:12:23,930
Our son's a booze bag,
325
00:12:23,940 --> 00:12:25,830
our daughter's off with her
boyfriend, doing God knows what,
326
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:27,900
and we've lost someone's child!
327
00:12:27,910 --> 00:12:29,840
George's parents don't know that, though.
328
00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:32,210
Joanne, I will handle this.
329
00:12:32,220 --> 00:12:36,680
Stay here, wait for
Rachel, and r-remain calm.
330
00:12:36,690 --> 00:12:38,080
Mm-hmm.
331
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:39,590
Yeah, mom wasn't really
the "remain calm" type.
332
00:12:42,290 --> 00:12:44,520
Uh, hey, excuse me.
333
00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:46,590
Where do people your age park and have sex?
334
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,020
Hey, weren't you just a dude?
335
00:12:49,030 --> 00:12:51,520
[Chuckles] Damn it, stoners!
336
00:12:51,530 --> 00:12:53,230
You should know marijuana
is a federal crime,
337
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,590
so if you're gonna get arrested,
338
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:56,910
don't let it be for that
cheap-ass skunk weed.
339
00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:02,970
Looks like he fell out of this lawn chair.
340
00:13:02,980 --> 00:13:05,440
He clearly had a struggle with the hose,
341
00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:09,840
knocking over one of my
potted plants, tracking dirt.
342
00:13:09,850 --> 00:13:11,480
He leapt over here,
343
00:13:11,490 --> 00:13:14,080
and then here, and here, and
then here, and then here.
344
00:13:14,090 --> 00:13:15,750
It's as if he was dancing.
345
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:16,980
[Laughs]
346
00:13:16,990 --> 00:13:20,190
For sure. The kid's got rad moves.
347
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:23,760
Yuk it up there, buddy boy.
348
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:26,060
The only reason I haven't
torn you a new one
349
00:13:26,070 --> 00:13:30,400
is because I have to
find your friend first.
350
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:33,470
Dad, I know you're mad
that we drank, but...
351
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,700
yeah, but I'm more pissed
because you made me look wrong
352
00:13:35,710 --> 00:13:37,500
in front of my wife.
353
00:13:37,510 --> 00:13:42,380
And for that, hell shall
reign down upon you.
354
00:13:47,790 --> 00:13:49,520
Where the hell have you been?
355
00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:53,490
Lay it on me.
356
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,120
Have you and Doug already done it?
357
00:13:55,130 --> 00:13:57,420
[Grunts] Why can't you be a normal mom
358
00:13:57,430 --> 00:13:59,390
and just make me Mac
and cheese or something?
359
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:00,690
Mm-hmm.
360
00:14:00,700 --> 00:14:02,260
Mac and cheese is for girls who wait!
361
00:14:02,270 --> 00:14:03,830
[Grunts]
362
00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:05,200
Hey, Mrs. Dunlevy. We were...
363
00:14:05,210 --> 00:14:06,770
Listen up, Doug.
364
00:14:06,780 --> 00:14:09,340
I go to law school now,
so I know all the laws.
365
00:14:09,350 --> 00:14:12,070
So watch it, or I'm
gonna send you to a place
366
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:13,150
where you are the girlfriend.
367
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:18,140
God, I'm so grounded, dude.
368
00:14:18,150 --> 00:14:19,810
I'm never gonna see Heather again.
369
00:14:19,820 --> 00:14:22,480
[Mocking] Oh, I'm never gonna see Heather.
370
00:14:22,490 --> 00:14:23,980
You're so whipped, bro.
371
00:14:23,990 --> 00:14:25,920
At least I have a girlfriend.
372
00:14:25,930 --> 00:14:27,720
Watch yourself, dude.
373
00:14:27,730 --> 00:14:31,060
Maybe it was the booze
talking, or I was just fed up,
374
00:14:31,070 --> 00:14:33,860
but I decided to just blow
right through that sign.
375
00:14:33,870 --> 00:14:35,260
Or what?
376
00:14:35,270 --> 00:14:37,370
You and Leila lice-head are gonna...
377
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,600
[both grunting]
378
00:14:41,610 --> 00:14:43,100
Get off me.
379
00:14:43,110 --> 00:14:45,200
No, you stupid ape!
380
00:14:45,210 --> 00:14:46,710
- Really?
- No.
381
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,210
All right, come on. Enough. Enough.
382
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:50,780
Knock it off. Get up. Get up.
383
00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:53,080
[Sighs]
384
00:14:53,090 --> 00:14:54,480
I leave you alone for two seconds,
385
00:14:54,490 --> 00:14:56,720
and all hell breaks loose?
386
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:58,990
[Leaves rustling]
387
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:02,100
And we found George.
388
00:15:04,630 --> 00:15:09,830
[Laughing] Hey, Dr. Dunlevy.
389
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:12,210
Want an apple?
390
00:15:18,150 --> 00:15:23,250
The next morning, I just
wanted to sleep forever.
391
00:15:23,260 --> 00:15:25,320
Rise and shine, vomit squad!
392
00:15:25,330 --> 00:15:26,580
[All groaning]
393
00:15:26,590 --> 00:15:28,190
Now, I don't know about you guys,
394
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:31,920
but I am feeling really pumped
up about America this morning.
395
00:15:31,930 --> 00:15:33,220
[ "Stars and Stripes Forever"plays]
396
00:15:33,230 --> 00:15:34,430
- [All groan]
- Oh, yeah.
397
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:36,430
Huh?
398
00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:39,530
That's the way you start
a day! Am I right?!
399
00:15:39,540 --> 00:15:42,900
Huh?! Right?!
400
00:15:42,910 --> 00:15:44,540
So, let's go!
401
00:15:44,550 --> 00:15:46,050
Let's start the day right, huh?!
402
00:15:51,390 --> 00:15:53,380
So, this is how it's gonna go down.
403
00:15:53,390 --> 00:15:55,680
You three are gonna clean
this place top to bottom
404
00:15:55,690 --> 00:15:58,080
so it no longer stinks like
something died in here.
405
00:15:58,090 --> 00:16:00,480
First step, find out what died in here.
406
00:16:00,490 --> 00:16:02,450
We're sorry.
407
00:16:02,460 --> 00:16:04,990
We promise we'll never drink again.
408
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,460
Your promises don't mean anything.
409
00:16:07,470 --> 00:16:10,130
From now on, there will be no more trusting
410
00:16:10,140 --> 00:16:12,330
you'll make the right decisions.
411
00:16:12,340 --> 00:16:16,230
I am gonna be on your ass like
the stink off a dead raccoon,
412
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:17,600
which, by the way,
413
00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:19,070
is what I'm guessing
you're gonna find in here.
414
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:21,570
There were actually two.
415
00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:24,510
One had eaten the other.
416
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,280
Seeing my dadchange his approach with us
417
00:16:27,290 --> 00:16:29,690
inspired my momto rethink hers.
418
00:16:31,830 --> 00:16:34,550
So, are you going to
interrogate me about last night?
419
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,290
Actually, no.
420
00:16:36,300 --> 00:16:39,390
I trust you'll tell me what
happened if you want to.
421
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,330
Good.
422
00:16:41,340 --> 00:16:45,760
And I'm sorry if I went
a little crazy on Doug.
423
00:16:45,770 --> 00:16:46,930
Yeah.
424
00:16:46,940 --> 00:16:48,500
He called me crying,
425
00:16:48,510 --> 00:16:51,030
and I had to pretend I wasn't
grossed out by his emotions.
426
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:53,370
Oh, you really are your father's daughter.
427
00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:55,510
Anyway, I've given it some thought,
428
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,310
and if you still want to go on the pill,
429
00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,240
we can do that.
430
00:16:59,250 --> 00:17:02,480
Just so you know...
431
00:17:02,490 --> 00:17:04,620
Doug and I didn't have sex last night.
432
00:17:05,660 --> 00:17:07,650
I decided I'm not ready.
433
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:08,730
Yes!
434
00:17:10,060 --> 00:17:12,690
And I respect your decision.
435
00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:14,400
But I still want to go on the pill.
436
00:17:15,570 --> 00:17:18,060
Because I want clearer
skin and bigger boobs.
437
00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:19,260
Don't we all?
438
00:17:19,270 --> 00:17:21,070
Hmm.
439
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:25,270
You guys looking for that dead raccoon?
440
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:26,470
No.
441
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:27,770
Why not?
442
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:29,910
Why would we want to find a dead raccoon?
443
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:32,040
[Sighs] Whatever.
444
00:17:32,050 --> 00:17:34,550
Dude, can I crash here tonight?
445
00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:38,550
You punched me in the face last
night because I ragged on you
446
00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:41,490
even though you rag on us all the time.
447
00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:44,150
You know what? Forget it. I'm out of here.
448
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:45,820
Good, 'cause I don't want a friend
449
00:17:45,830 --> 00:17:47,160
who thinks he can be a tool to us
450
00:17:47,170 --> 00:17:48,560
and we can't say anything
back just 'cause...
451
00:17:48,570 --> 00:17:49,960
my dad left, all right?
452
00:17:49,970 --> 00:17:51,900
What?
453
00:17:51,910 --> 00:17:55,070
He's done it before, but...
454
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:58,240
I don't think he's coming back this time.
455
00:17:58,250 --> 00:18:00,240
- [4 Non Blondes' "What's
Up?" plays] - Dude.
456
00:18:00,250 --> 00:18:03,970
Right then, I realized why
Mikey wouldn't take our crap.
457
00:18:03,980 --> 00:18:05,640
He was alreadyup to his neck in it.
458
00:18:05,650 --> 00:18:08,990
If either of you try to hug
me, I'm going to punch you.
459
00:18:10,220 --> 00:18:12,020
I'll risk it.
460
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:19,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
461
00:18:21,170 --> 00:18:24,290
Okay, from the constant
sound of dry heaving
462
00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:28,170
coming from that garage, I think
our little punishment worked.
463
00:18:28,180 --> 00:18:30,600
I still think my first idea was better.
464
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,140
Jack, there is no world
465
00:18:32,150 --> 00:18:34,040
where I am ever going to let
you dangle our son off a bridge.
466
00:18:34,050 --> 00:18:36,610
Trust me. Fear of death
is a powerful motivator.
467
00:18:36,620 --> 00:18:39,540
Well, I did take some of your advice...
468
00:18:39,550 --> 00:18:41,015
Oh? And gave Rachel a little more space,
469
00:18:41,016 --> 00:18:41,459
- and guess what.
- Oh. Hmm?
470
00:18:41,460 --> 00:18:42,979
It kind of worked.
- and guess what. - Oh. Hmm?
471
00:18:42,980 --> 00:18:44,450
It kind of worked.
472
00:18:44,460 --> 00:18:47,109
Of course it did, and you're welcome.
473
00:18:47,110 --> 00:18:49,289
Do you want to tell me?
Something that you did
474
00:18:49,290 --> 00:18:52,010
that was inspired by me?
475
00:18:52,020 --> 00:18:55,990
I bought face wash, and
I see a real difference.
476
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,850
Jack, just admit you think
I was a little right, too.
477
00:18:58,860 --> 00:19:01,390
I would love to because it would
mean the end of this conversation,
478
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,630
but I-I-I just can't.
479
00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:05,590
[Laughing] Come on. Why not?
480
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,330
I heard you tell the kids
that you were gonna be
481
00:19:07,340 --> 00:19:09,370
- on their asses from now on.
- Yeah.
482
00:19:09,380 --> 00:19:10,830
That's, like, my signature move.
483
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:13,470
Yeah. I said it, but it's impossible.
484
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:17,810
There's no way we can know what
they're doing 100% of the time.
485
00:19:17,820 --> 00:19:21,010
We would have to quit our
jobs, buy a surveillance van.
486
00:19:21,020 --> 00:19:23,380
Is that an option?
487
00:19:23,390 --> 00:19:25,550
I don't want to be around
our kids 24 hours a day.
488
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:27,720
I'd rather wait until I die to go to hell.
489
00:19:27,730 --> 00:19:29,080
But how do you sleep at night,
490
00:19:29,090 --> 00:19:30,920
knowing we can't make sure they're safe?
491
00:19:30,930 --> 00:19:35,390
Easy. I knock back three fingers
of bourbon before I hit the hay,
492
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:37,430
and I rest easy,
493
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:39,360
knowing that you've spent
17 years raising those two,
494
00:19:39,370 --> 00:19:41,100
and they're good kids.
495
00:19:41,110 --> 00:19:43,200
[Breathes deeply] Hmm.
496
00:19:43,210 --> 00:19:45,370
That's very sweet of you,
497
00:19:45,380 --> 00:19:48,000
but sometimes I'm not sure I did enough.
498
00:19:48,010 --> 00:19:49,940
Hey, um...
499
00:19:49,950 --> 00:19:53,340
Can Mikey stay over?
500
00:19:53,350 --> 00:19:55,480
Fine, but no leaving the premises.
501
00:19:55,490 --> 00:19:57,950
Okay.
502
00:19:57,960 --> 00:19:59,280
Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh
503
00:19:59,290 --> 00:20:00,920
You need anything else?
504
00:20:00,930 --> 00:20:02,380
No.
505
00:20:02,390 --> 00:20:05,890
Um, I just wanted to tell
you guys that I love you.
506
00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:08,520
And, uh, I'm glad you're around.
507
00:20:08,530 --> 00:20:10,230
Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh
508
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:13,000
I take it back.
509
00:20:13,010 --> 00:20:14,700
I'm awesome.
510
00:20:14,710 --> 00:20:17,230
Are you about to cry?
511
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:19,870
I am such a good mom.
512
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:21,270
Ew, is mom crying?
513
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:22,870
Unfortunately, yeah.
514
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:25,840
I will not let your black
hearts ruin this moment for me.
515
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:29,550
-
For a destination
- [Sighs]
516
00:20:36,430 --> 00:20:38,850
What the...
517
00:20:38,860 --> 00:20:41,260
Going someplace?
518
00:20:41,270 --> 00:20:43,800
We were just gonna go
take a swim in the pool.
519
00:20:45,140 --> 00:20:47,800
I said no leaving the premises.
520
00:20:47,810 --> 00:20:50,070
I thought you were gonna return that thing.
521
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,200
Hmm, yeah. I would have missed it too much.
522
00:20:52,210 --> 00:20:54,600
Go back to your room.
523
00:20:54,610 --> 00:20:58,040
Oh! Ohh!
524
00:20:58,050 --> 00:20:59,310
[Clattering]
525
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:00,689
[High-pitched voice] What the hell?
526
00:21:00,690 --> 00:21:06,690
?Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17?
?www.addic7ed.com?
527
00:21:07,305 --> 00:21:13,797
Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player
528
00:21:13,847 --> 00:21:18,397
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