Original subtitles

Adult Frankie: A lot of big, things happened in 1991...

the Soviet Union collapsed,

pee wee Herman was arrested, for something I do every day...

see you later...

and I tried to learn the guitar.

[Discordant chords play] [Off-key] More than words

Is all you have to do to make it real

[Mumbling] To, uh, have the whole thing.

Did you need something,

Huh? Yeah.

Maybe music, isn't your thing.

I could get better,

what if I'm, like, the next Slash?

Statistically, most guitarists end up

penniless and addicted to heroin.

Look, you're great at... lots of other things.

Like what?

Well, like, uh, baseball...

and, um...

Let me borrow this.

Morning, sweetie.

Morning.

Da, da, da-la-da

Da, da, da-la,

Da, da, da-la-da

The story of my li-i-i-fe

My school's homecoming dance was a week away.

I was nervous about asking Heather Blumeyer.

Dad didn't give a crap.

Honey, Heather would have, to be blind

to say no to you,

you know what? She still would say "yes,"

because you smell great, and your...

and your face feels handsome.

Mom...

I get what you're doing.

I'm begging you... please stop.

No, I'm on a roll.

Jack, you asked out plenty of girls before we got married.

Granted, they were all hideous skanks.

Give him some tips.

Walk up to her and ask her.

It's not that easy.

Then don't ask her.

I bet she's gonna ask you because you're so hot.

Sounds like you could go to homecoming with your mom.

Obviously, he's joking.

But if we did, we would have an amazing time.

[Chuckles] Kill me,

Gold and silver shine

I thought you were going into the pool.

I changed my mind.

There's something gross floating in it.

Hey, Rach. This baby's a 2-seater.

Ugh!

What's that on your hand, it's a stamp

from the concert we told her not to go to.

My dad always steamrolled me,

but with Rachel, it was a fair fight.

All right.

[Sighs] No car for the next month.

Fine. Doug will drive me around.

- And no TV. - Fine. I'll just get smarter.

And no...

Fine.

Fine, fine.

Fine. Fine.

Fine,

[Chuckles]

Oh, I will defeat her.

Mom didn't laugh for long

because thanks to her study group,

law school was bleeding into weekends.

Okay, so our test will definitely cover

personal jurisdiction.

Ohh. Oh, are you two together?

Yeah, he's my man. [Chuckles] Aw.

I'm so glad to hear that because I don't have

a lot in common with the single students.

You know, they just... they just seem to...

okay, and now you're making out.

[Moans]

I'm not sure this is the most appropriate place for that.

I need some adult friends.

I need to find a good punishment for Rachel.

Okay, me first.

Whenever I'm at home, I'm with kids.

I go to law school, more stupid kids.

Why do you need friends?

I don't ever want to be around anyone but you.

Mm-hmm, and our children.

I stand by my original statement.

All right, look.

Now that we fixed your stuff,

here's what I'm thinking about Rachel's punishment.

In the war, the Vietcong used to...

Yeah, I'm gonna stop you right there.

With Rachel, all you need to do

is find something, she really hates.

Has anyone ever told you you could be a model?

Yes! Now get away from me.

[Pixies' "Here Comes Your Man", playing]

It's been you all along, hasn't it?

Outside, there's a boxcar waiting

Who's excited about having Rachel take over

carpool duties for the week?

I am.

Yep. And, George, I'm gonna, have to ask you

to always sit shotgun.

- You can count on me, sir. - No.

- I know I can, - Frank: Dad, seriously?

Five days of watching George perv on my sister?

Five days?

Are you nerds still going to school on Fridays?

Please don't make me do this.

He stares at me with his mouth open.

Jack: You know, Rachel,

there are times we have to do things

we don't want to do.

But sometimes we get to make people do things

they don't want to do,

and it's those times that make life worth living.

Have a nice ride, [Engine turns over]

Here comes your man

- Answer me this. - Hmm?

What car are you using to get to work today?

Because I need mine to get to class.

Am I not a man? Do I not have legs?

You're gonna run to work?

Bye-bye.

[Smooches]

Here comes your man

I'll see you around 7:00,

good luck.

[School bell rings]

In high school, your best chance to ask someone out

is the two minutes between classes.

And people were pairing up left and right.

Do you want to go to homecoming with me?

Totally. [Chuckles] [Chuckles]

I needed to find Heather A.S.A.P.

Jackpot!

[Clatters]

Crap, it's Chad...

the world's most obvious narc.

Hey, Frankie...

You know where I can score some reefer?

Damn it, Chad!

I know. I want to smoke it!

[School bell rings]

Unfortunately, I didn't see Heather again

until the end of the day.

Heather!

- Hey. - Hi.

Can I ask you something?

Yeah, of course.

Um...

Okay, here's the thing.

Hey, is that your dad?

Oh, my God. What's happening?

[Panting]

Hi, Dr. Dunlevy.

Hey, Frankie's friend.

Did you need something?

Too winded to run the last couple of miles.

[Panting]

I thought I'd hitch a ride home with you and Rach.

Mind if I hit that?

Well, my ride's here.

Were you gonna ask me something?

Suddenly, it just didn't see, like the right time.

[Gulps] Do you know what they're serving for lunch tomorrow?

I think it's turkey potpie.

Nice.

That the girl?

Yes.

Oh! Swing and a miss.

[Inhales deeply]

You know what? This drink energized me.

I think I can make it.

Patient prescribed 50 milligrams of mercaptopurine. [Clicks]

What were you thinking?!

[Backpack thuds]

You want to turn down the volume and try that again?

You ran up like a crazy person

just as I was gonna ask Heather to homecoming.

It was the perfect time.

Perfect time? This is not a shuttle launch,

there's nothing to be scared of.

You do know that fear is just an evolutionary response

designed to keep you safe, from predators

and not 16-year-old girls.

Yay! Let's have a long conversation

about how I'm dumb with girls because of science.

Well, it's actually, a short one.

It's all about adolescent hormones.

Now, I'm assuming that you get erections all the time

for no apparent reason, am I right?

Ding, ding, ding.

Couldn't have been more right about that.

Just run, honey.

Remember I was saying that I wanted to make

new grown-up friends?

Well, I made one today at the supermarket.

Mm.

Her name is Gail. She has a great smile.

We both love gnocchi and Cary Grant movies.

Honey, that's not a friend,

a friend is someone, you call

after you wake up covered, in someone else's blood.

Well, I think Gail would be great in that situation.

I told her and her husband

that we'd have dinner with them tomorrow night.

[Sighs] You're gonna love him.

He also treats cancer.

What kind?

Uh, all kinds...

cat, dog, horse. He's a vet.

You are not a doctor if your job used to be done,

by a shotgun.

Trust me, Jack.

You're gonna love the... Donkenhoffer... stursens.

You don't even know, their name, do you,

don't care. We're gonna have fun.

Why didn't you get out in front with Frankie and Mikey?

Because my class is closer to the parking lot.

After I get out, you need to wait at least,

30 seconds, okay?

[Car door opens]

- Hi, Rachel. - Hi!

Thanks for the ride, baby girl.

'Sup, playas?

If you're looking for Heather, you're not gonna find her.

Why not?

Her and her friend, are skipping school,

and going to Peach Lake.

I heard some guys, talking about it

while I was flushing an M-80 down the toilet.

Well, I don't know, dude. I've never ditched before.

I'm not really much of a rule-breaker.

[Loud bang, water spraying]

Yeah, me either.

Look, you want to talk to Heather?

Don't be a wuss. George is gonna cover for us.

- John Donovan, - Young Man: Here!

Frankie Dunlevy?

George: [High-pitched voice] Here!

- Honey. - Hmm?

What do you think about this blazer

for dinner with, uh, Gail and the dog doctor?

Hold it up a little bit.

Yeah, no.

I don't think it's gonna go well with the, uh, sweat pants

and that couch I'm gonna be sitting on over there.

I'm not going.

Okay, except that you are.

Look, when you were stuck, all day in the house

with the kids, I went to all these hell nights

because you needed it.

But now I'm on dumb-dumb patrol,

and I don't need it.

So what are you saying?

I don't have to do that, anymore.

- Really? - Yeah.

All right. Late for work, gotta go.

See ya. [Smooches]

I will defeat him.

Hey.

Anyone got any marijuana cigarettes we can blaze?

Chad, are you wearing, a wedding ring?

What? No.

Whoa, check it out. The rope's still up.

If you can swing off of it and land in the lake,

you're a legend.

Mike Vessallo was the last person to try it.

Landed on the rocks.

That guy's a badass.

Eats through a tube now, bro.

Frankie?

Hey, Heather.

What are you doing here?

Um, just skipping class, 'cause, you know,

it's... it's kinda my thing.

[Chuckles]

Actually, Frankie came down here for something else.

Dude.

I should have just asked her to the dance

right then and there. But instead,

I went with a slightly less-terrifying option.

[House of Pain's "Jump Around" playing]

Dude, what the hell am I doing?

Going out on top, bro.

There are moments in life when legends are made.

[All cheering]

This was not one of them.

[Grunts]

Aah! Uhh!

[Chuckles] Brutal.

Here comes the principal, run!

Battle me, that's a sin

I won't tear the sack up

Punk, you'd bette, back up

Try and play the role, and the whole crew will act up

- [Telephone ringing] - Yeah, I'll keep you updated, Gord.

I mean, Principal McMullen,

[Chuckles]

I'm in deep trouble for all the drugs I've been doing.

[Rings]

And I got more rhymes than there's cops

At a "dunkin' donuts" shop

Mr. Dunlevy, one of your parents is here to pick you up.

Oh, God, please be mom.

I came to get down

[Panting] Howdy, Chief.

Jump around

I was suspended a day for the rope incident

and it was going to suck.

Mom...

Please don't make me go to work with him.

[Quietly] Frankie, I'm sorry,

but I have classes all day.

Besides, suspension's, not supposed to be fun.

[Rustling]

I'll do anything.

I'll take you to homecoming.

I'm no one's backup, Frankie.

[Rustles] Okay, let's hit it!

[Thuds]

- All right. - Okay.

- Here we go. - Okay. Okay. Okay. [Cup thuds]

- Bye. - Bye, honey.

Bye, baby.

[Young M.C.'s "Bust A Move" playing]

Why aren't we getting, in the car?

It's a bad day to wear jeans, chief.

Try to keep up.

Could care less about the five you're blowin'

- Theater gets dark justto start the show

- Really,

- then ya spot a fine woman sittin'in your row

- [Pager beeping]

She's dressed in yellow, she says, "hello"

- Just got a call, chief. Double-time it! - Ugh!

- And what comes next? Hey,bust a move

- [Grunting]

You want it

Get out...

Both of you.

Baby, you got it

just bust a move

you want it

Thanks again, baby girl.

[Tires screech]

Uh-oh.

You better cover your nads.

Enough with the "baby girls" and "sweethearts."

Do you know why I'm even driving you?

Because my dad wanted to punish me.

He knows I think you're weird, creepy,

and you smell like pickles.

[Light laughter]

Actually, that's me. I had pickles this morning.

[Scoff]

Hey, honey, please tell me you remembered

to record that 3-hour "Nova" special on black holes.

Oh, I did,

but I decided not to do it.

What... what, why... why? Well, I just realized

that I was only watching the stupid shows

because you enjoyed them after a day of work.

But, like you said, our roles have changed.

So... I don't have to do that anymore.

Oh, okay, okay.

Do I have to remind you, Joanne, this is a special.

It-it's never gonna be on the air again.

Well, I don't care, 'cause I think space sucks.

I think it's boring and it sucks.

- Bye. - [Click, dial tone]

[Bangs door]

What the hell took you so long?

This... is so stupid. [Receiver clicks]

We own two cars.

You know, I think you've lost the privilege

of using the word "stupid," when you decided

to skip class and risk breaking your neck

all because you couldn't ask a girl to a dance. So...

I would have already asked her

if you hadn't shown up in front of my school,

and taken the world's, weirdest water break.

Who does that?

So if not for me, this would have been a layup.

Oh, my goodness. Well...

I apologize for getting in the way

of you and your giant balls.

Here's the phone. Give her a call.

Ask her out now.

Or I'll be back in four hours.

Here's a magazine. Read it.

It's got photos of naked women.

They've all got tumors.

Uh!

Don't leave this office.

[Magazine thuds]

I was sick of my dad not giving a crap

about my problems.

So I ignored him and left his office,

'cause I do what I want.

[Monitor beeping steadily] Frankie, I need your help.

[Man chokes]

Frankie, I need your help. I'm short on nurses.

Get in here. I'm losing him.

W-w-what do you want me to do?

I need you to apply direct pressure right here.

Here?

Aah! [Screams

[Laughing]

That's what you get for leaving my office.

Okay, so the elements of false imprisonment are...

I hope Zack and I get married.

But I don't know. Right now, we're having a ton of sex,

and it's really romantic.

Well, how can it not be, in a men's room?

I'm sorry. Continue.

I think we're both worried

that it's not gonna stay that way forever.

Well, it's not. It gets better.

For real?

Yes, because eventually, you stop worrying

about whether you're gonna make it.

You just know.

And no disagreement, about money, faith,

or [Sighs] going to a lovely dinner

with someone who treat, cat cancer

is gonna jeopardize that.

Because at the end of the day, you know your partner's

gonna step up and put, your happiness first.

You guys will be fine. You've been together, what..

A year?

Two and a half weeks.

Okay, I'm done with you.

I'm sorry to do that to you, Frankie,

but I needed a good laugh.

That's the best medicine. Right, doc?

No, penicillin is.

In your case, it's chemotherapy.

When am I gonna be finished with all of this, Jack?

All right, here's the deal...

if tomorrow's tests look good, you're done.

All right.

You're not the only pretty girl at the dance.

I'll see you in a bit. You stay here.

So... Who you taking to the dance?

He told you about that?

I was getting a catheter put in.

It seemed like a welcome distraction.

I didn't even know my dad thought about that stuff.

You got a girl in mind?

Well, actually, there's a...

I don't know why I opened up to him in that moment.

Maybe it was because he asked.

He's like, yeah, give me your...

stupid energy drink.

Either way...

It was just nice to have somebody to talk to about it.

I know I was harsh on George,

but he was asking for it,

I mean, he was acting, like we were dating.

So you think people believe that?

Ew! No! Of course not. I'm me.

But all that crap you said to him,

that's gonna follow him around school.

You know, because you're you.

[Plastic bag rustles]

Are you gonna be a bitch about me eating pickles in here?

Test results for the patient Carl Powell

show an aggressive resurgence, of malignant cells

in the prostate and surrounding tissue...

You talking about Carl?

[Click] Yeah,

Is he okay?

He's not responding, to treatment.

But he... he will, right?

Yeah, because that's how it usually works...

treatment fails, and the patient gets better.

The, uh, likelihood of stopping the spread

is less than 2%. [Click]

I'd seen that look on my dad's face many times.

But this was the first time, I knew what it meant...

he was hurting.

Dealing with people living and dying all day

made my girl problems not seem that important.

I guess I just wanted to cheer him up.

- What are you doing? - Nothing.

[Sighs] I'm sorry, I got in trouble

and you had to leave work, to come get me.

Ah, you're 15.

I'm 16.

Really? You're gonna bust my chops about that right now?

Look...

You're a kid.

You're supposed to do stupid stuff.

I'm supposed to tell you why it's stupid

and make sure you don't do it again.

I'm not gonna bug you about, this Heather stuff anymore.

Who's Heather?

I'm kidding.

- Listen... - [Pen thuds]

My hallways are littered with people

regretting the things they wish they had done.

So do me this one favor...

next time you know you want something,

stop thinking about it and just do it

before it's too late.

[Blind Melon's "No Rain" playing]

[Clears throat]

Sometimes in life, you have to step out of your comfort zone.

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

That may involve swallowing, your pride for a moment.

Maybe I should just...

So you're not gonna call me, George?

Hmm? Is that your move?

[Scoffs] I knew you were a player.

I'm so hitting that.

No, you're not.

Is just pour some tea for two

And speak my point of view...

Sorry to hear about Carl.

- Yeah. - It's not sane

Or realizing the help you wanted

was yours to give.

I was thinking tonight we could watch

the "Nova" tapes?

Well, I actually thought we'd go out with your friends.

When you wake

You know I like to keep my...

But the hardest part is taking that first leap.

Heather, hey!

Um... will you be my date to homecoming?

Oh...

That's so sweet of you to ask.

But I can't.

What?

Someone else already asked me.

You know I'll have it made

Ohh-ohh-ohh-ohh

I'll have it made

Ohh-ohh-ohh-ohh

I'll have it made

Ohh-ohh-ohh-ohh

[Off-key] More than words

Is all you have to do to make it

- No. - Real

Then you [Voice cracks] wouldn't

Then you [Voice cracks] wouldn't

Then you [Voice cracks] wouldn't have to say

That you love

- No. - Me

'Cause I'd already

- No. - I'll take it,

know

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