Original subtitles

(fireworks crackling) (gentle orchestral music)

(slow organ music)

(rhythmic jazz music)

(Christmas bell music)

(suspenseful jazz music) (footsteps tapping)

(man groans)

(tires squeal)

(man groans)

(slow suspenseful music)

(dog barks)

(suspenseful music)

- Don't do it.

(suspenseful music)

(gun clicks)

Go on, stop torturing me.

Shoot.

(suspenseful music)

Go on, get it over with!

(intense suspenseful music)

- Do him.

- I can't.

- Gun got jammed?

- No, I just, I can't.

I can't force myself to, you know.

- That's some hitman you got there.

Where'd you get him, Craigslist?

- What's with you, dude?

Second season and you still got icing problems?

- Icing?

- He doesn't even know what icing is.

(chuckles)

This guy kills me.

(chuckling) - Oh.

You mean this kind of icing.

- That's a good one.

(laughing)

- He's funny American guy.

(laughing)

(dramatic music) (laughing)

(gun fires)

(dog barks)

(train rumbles)

(thuds)

(helicopter whirs)

(siren wails)

(gasps)

(siren wails)

- Hey, sweetie, I can't talk right now.

I'm at work.

Uh, yeah, it was an emergency.

- Cops will be here any minute.

- What?

No, no, one of my associates said the copies will be here

any minute, on my desk.

Well, yeah, there's lots of emergencies in accounting.

Well, uh, if you must know, there's, um,

certain, uh, ambiguities in the law

regarding expired products.

(crunching)

- Watch out! - Sorry!

No, not you, not you, I,

no, what, I, of course,

how could I possibly forget the nutmeg?

(tape ripping)

Listen, just go, go back to sleep, okay?

Bye.

- You kidding me? - What?

What?

I'm sorry, okay?

She just called to remind me to buy the nutmeg.

- Not that!

That's fine and that's cool.

I mean, I can't keep bumping off people for ya.

- What?

I thought you said you were doin' it for stress relief!

- I already did for Sweetface, Fred, and this damn show.

- And don't forget Gebbles last Friday.

- [Hitman] That guy, too.

- [Pedestrian] Taxi!

- Merry Christmas!

- [Hitman] Merry Christmas.

- [Accountant] Happy Holidays!

- [Hitman] What do you think will happen

if Gunther got wind of it?

- I mean, he's not gonna just throw me

in the polar bear pin like he did the Italian guy.

Would he?

- Nice surprise for Geno, huh?

- Sure was.

(tires squeal)

What if I asked you to keep sticking your neck out for me,

and not tell the boss, you know,

till I get the hang of this thing?

- [Hitman] Meaning we are such battle comrades?

- I mean bosom buddies.

We are, aren't we?

We've been icing together for two seasons.

- Such a joke, should be bonding like brothers,

like blood brothers.

- [Accountant] It is, it is bonding.

- [Hitman] Let me tell you something.

The Middle Ages, in the Middle Ages Spartan warriors

shared everything, even wives.

- Wives?

- [Hitman] Yes.

- What do you mean by bonding?

- And you never even invited me for dinner.

- The opportunity never really presented itself.

You want me to invite you to dinner, don't you?

- That's a good start.

- It's not so simple.

To be perfectly honest, my wife, she's not your biggest fan.

- What is the matter with her?

- You know women, they can be so dramatic sometimes.

- She don't like me?

I like her.

She's one foxy cat.

- Huh, you know, personally, you know, I like you very much.

(thuds)

He's just gonna stay here like that?

- Sweeper is good for it.

Stiffs, Monday and Thursday.

You must have brought her up wrong.

- Wait a sec, I'm the victim here.

I mean, do you, do you have any idea what it's like

to live with her, huh?

Maybe you and I could go to a movie together or something.

- Do I look like a queen?

- Right, bad idea, why invite gossip?

- Yeah, keep off the crew nowadays.

(dramatic music)

(playful orchestral music)

(Christmas music)

* Underneath the mistletoe

* Locked inside your arms

* What a sweet world this is

* Underneath

(lighter clicks)

(laid-back Christmas music)

* I am the one you're searching for

* Saving my love for you

* If you wish on a falling star

* Why not believe in me

* I am the one you're searching for

* Saving my love for you

- No panic.

It's just dinner.

What could possibly go wrong?

(sharp whacking)

(cheerful Christmas music)

- Cookie?

- Still trying to lose weight, remember?

- Ah.

That's what you were doing.

Manning up at the YMCA again.

- Well, still haven't given up on the manning up part.

- No kidding.

- I got you somethin'.

Open up.

- It's not the best time right now.

- Right.

Ah, it can wait.

I mean, it's not really Christmas or anything.

It's, you know, a gift, and who opens presents on Christmas?

- Not there!

Not there.

Not there!

(present thuds) (cheerful Christmas music)

Put the nutmeg in

where the spices are. (whizzing)

You didn't buy the nutmeg, did you?

(laughs)

- Of course I bought the nutmeg.

I almost did.

- Every day, every day, Toby!

What are you doing in this freaking job that you don't even

have time - You wanna talk about my job?

- To just go down. - We can talk about my job.

- I don't,

and Joe's open til 10.

- We have to talk, actually.

- And this time don't leave any tips.

You don't have to leave tips at a grocery store.

- Do you remember my friend, sort of friend,

Fakir, Alexei, Al Fakir?

- The big Pollack who tried to rape me at the Christmas do

last year?

- He did, when?

- When you went to get the champagne glasses.

- Oh.

- You didn't know?

- Well do you think I would've let him

invite himself to dinner if I had

known? - What?

- Right.

I better call it off. (doorbell rings)

Too late.

- Tell me that's not him.

- It's me!

(jazzy Christmas music)

(sighs)

Nice to see you madame.

* Santa is coming

* I love this time of the year

* I'll set the tree by the mantle

* You wrap the presents, my dear

- What a surprise.

* Let's make the dishes

* Everyone wishes

(chuckles)

(timer dings)

* Church bells ring

* Snowflakes fall

* Children singing Deck the Halls

(thuds)

- Spaghetti Bolognese, you didn't tell me your wife

is a ninja.

- No, it was right on the tip of my tongue.

- To tell the truth, it's not quite Bolognese.

- No, it's minced soy with onions pretending to be meat.

- And tomato garlic infusion.

- Which is pretending to be sauce.

- Will be better still if we had some nutmeg.

- [Toby] But even without it, it's still quite tasty.

- Toby got converted--

- To vegetarianism.

- Veganism, dear.

- Of course, dear.

- And is delighted.

- So thrilled.

- No suffering for animals anymore, I like that.

(silverware clatters) When I was a kid, I once ate

every Italian dish.

You have to get to know me better.

After all, we've been icing with your hubby

for two seasons now.

- Icing?

- Alexei works in the storage department freezers.

- Cool job.

- I'm gonna go get the champagne glasses.

- No, no, no, I'll get them.

You stay here and have fun.

- Yeah.

She's a foxy cat, I tell you.

- What, you can't smoke it, you can't smoke in here!

You want her to kill you?

- Kill me?

(spits) That's funny, you're a funny American guy.

- What is that?

- What?

- Is that a gun?

- How is the hair, funny guy?

- In my home, you can't bring a gun into my home!

- You are really a vegetarian or something?

- No, I am a pacifist, okay?

Even I don't bring a gun into my home.

- You're kidding?

- No, I leave it out front.

- Okay, you don't mix family stuff with business.

I respect that.

- Give it to me now!

- I have heard about this phenomenem, phenomena, it's like

some of the things - Is it loaded?

- Here in New York, apparently it's called swinging,

and I don't mean jazz.

- This is the safety switch.

- Remember our chat earlier?

- The safety's off on this!

- About the duty Spartans being such

good comrades? - You know what happens

if you don't have the safety on?

People could get hurt! - And they even swap wives.

- Jammed.

- What do you feel about our swapping wives tonight?

(gun fires) (cork pops)

(thuds)

* At this wonderful time of the year

- I'm sorry.

Lexie?

(chuckles) That's a good joke.

You a funny Polish guy.

Al?

What was it you said about swapping,

swapping wives tonight? (doorbell rings)

(dramatic music)

- More guests?

- [Woman] Hello, hi!

- Kamila, his wife.

- You invited her, too?

- For the record, I didn't invite anybody.

- My big man already there?

- Yes, he-- - No, he isn't!

- What are you doing?

- Oh, he probably doesn't want her to come in.

- Why?

- Because he doesn't like her, he never did.

He, he's sort of hiding from her.

- But it's his wife.

- Okay, you know the marriage was her idea.

Vladivostok, it's kinda like Vegas, you know?

Quick job and he was plastered,

been unhappy ever since. - [Kamila] Let me in!

- Well that explains a lot.

- He's not here!

It's just my wife and I, and she is a bit cold,

has a bit of a cold, actually.

(door clicks)

(playful dramatic music)

- Your door was open.

(chuckles)

- This is a nonsmoking house.

- It's a very nice house.

(smooth jazz music)

So he is not here, huh?

Lucky I beat him to it.

He hates it when I'm late.

Now, I've got something on him

and something quite hidden.

- I really don't think he's gonna need anything now.

- Oh, yes!

He does!

How is this?

You like my hole?

Used to be Alexei wouldn't even look at them but now.

All of your, raises testosterone levels.

It's scientifically proven.

Gins and juice, caramelized Spanish flies,

tribulus terrestris,

hell of a kick for every man.

Extracts from blue and blackberries,

powdered el arginee

A fried octopus, they're chocolate strawberries!

(gasps) (dramatic orchestral music)

(chuckles)

And I thought you were new to this.

Don't think I'm not prepared.

I'm ready for everything.

Have you ever tried that, dearie?

Imported from Warsaw, 100 grand stuff,

worth every zloty.

I don't ever swing without taking at least one.

Only has to drink a lot, lots of fluids, dearie, lots.

You got a blender, dear?

- Upstairs.

- [Both] What?

- The blender is upstairs

in the kitchenette.

- The kitchenette?

- Yeah, the little kitchen that's upstairs.

- Since when do we have a little kitchenette

that's upstairs?

- Since we've been remodeling, remember?

The lady wants her blender, let her get her blender!

- [Kamila] Store this!

- [Toby] The kitchenette, it's upstairs, you'll find it!

(playful dramatic jazz music)

(door thuds)

- What is going on here?

What's that?

What's that?

What's that?

- So many questions.

- You should know that I don't eat seafood!

- Well, sweetie, things could be a little bit worse

than you think.

- They are worse than I think!

What on earth, strawberries!

- Okay, you know what, well some people are worse off

than that.

Yeah, like him for example.

(tense orchestral music)

Don't ask, it was an accident.

I'll explain later.

First, we have to get rid of that.

(playful dramatic jazz music)

And this!

(playful dramatic jazz music)

(grunts)

I'm gonna hide him, and you divert her attention.

(sighs)

(thuds)

That's a great idea.

(playful dramatic jazz music)

- I didn't find the kitchenette,

but there is bourbon to wash the pills

(clattering)

down.

- This is a nonsmoking house.

(laid-back jazz music)

- Sorry about the lipstick.

And everything is gonna be just

(dramatic music)

perfect.

- Can you believe it?

She suddenly just, just like that,

I don't even know what to do.

I really don't know what to do.

- Dear.

(dramatic jazz music)

Dear?

(dramatic jazz music)

What's your dear's name?

(grunting)

- Melanie.

* Melanie dear

(playful dramatic jazz music)

* Beautiful Melanie (thuds)

(speaks foreign language)

(fast playfully dramatic jazz music)

She's cold.

Oh, not so bad.

(fast playfully dramatic jazz music)

(clattering)

One, two, three, four five,

(clattering)

(playfully dramatic jazz music)

She's alive!

- Thank heavens.

I think you saved her life.

(slow horn music)

- He's dead!

- So, are we starting?

- A corpse, a real corpse!

We need to - Shh, ssh!

- We need to call the police! - Ssh, ssh, ssh!

- We need to call the police! - Ssh, ssh, ssh!

- We need to call the police!

- Without Alexei?

He misses foreplay once or twice,

that sure won't kill him.

(zipping)

(upbeat jazz music)

May I cut in?

My turn!

- [Man] What's happening here?

(gasps)

(thuds)

- I'm against that.

I'm against everything that's happening in this house.

We didn't hear the doorbell.

- The door was unlocked. - We're looking for

Alexei Fakir.

- [Both] He's not here!

- We saw him come in.

- With flowers. - And wine.

- Come in here?

- No, he didn't.

- Yes, yes, he came in--

- And almost immediately left out the back door.

- So he's comin' back?

- He's never coming back.

- Of course he's coming back.

Okay, that is such a strong word, never.

- You have to confess!

- [Toby] It was an accident!

- Confess what?

- Nothing much,

she kissed your husband when he came in

before he left out the back door.

You see, gentlemen, everything's completely fine.

(dramatic jazz music)

Ah!

Like I said, everything's completely fine.

(clattering) Why don't I just have him

give you a call when he comes back to life.

I mean, when he comes back to see his wife.

I have a bit of a cold.

You know, could even be a virus.

- Take a look.

(gasps and coughs)

- It might even be contagious.

- Alexei Fakir was a murder witness--

- Early in the morning.

- [Cops] We're looking for the guy with the gun.

(crunching) - I haven't seen anything!

I haven't.

I'm just an accountant.

- That's what they all say.

- A little search won't hurt.

- [Cops] Might even do some good.

- You know what would do some good, gentlemen?

Is if you had a search warrant.

Do you?

(door squeaks and thuds)

I'm a stickler for the law!

(playfully dramatic jazz music)

- One more thing.

- Yes?

(playfully dramatic music)

If you'll excuse me, I have a bit of tidying up to do.

(playfully dramatic music)

- We'll be back.

(clattering and crunching)

(jingling)

(muffled yelling)

- [Melanie] Oh, what's wrong with you?

(muffled talking)

No.

(muffled talking)

- She told me to get out.

And what's all this nonsense about calling the cops?

- No, no, it's just where she comes from

swinging is illegal.

- Swinging?

- Really, where do you come from?

- America.

- England.

- They're so repressive.

It's okay, relax, get ready, take a shower.

(door thuds)

No panic, I have a plan.

- We're taking him to the police, right?

- No, he wouldn't like that.

He's never liked 'em.

He used to confuse 'em with the KGB.

It's a childhood trauma thing.

(playfully dramatic jazz music)

Just a second.

(playfully dramatic jazz music)

(shower curtain scraping)

(trunk door thuds)

(engine rumbles) (water rushes)

(engine revs)

- I'm ready!

- Don't you think I'm entitled to some?

- Explanation?

Yes.

First we need to make sure that no one's here.

(playfully dramatic jazz music)

(lock clatters)

Ladies first.

(dramatic orchestral music)

(squeaking)

(dramatic orchestral music)

(squeaking) (clattering)

(dramatic orchestral music)

(gasps)

(dramatic orchestral music)

(screams) (clattering)

- Ssh!

(yells) Ssh!

Ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh, okay.

Ssh, ssh, ssh, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe.

Okay, just, just, just think of it,

just think of it as, as a sort of waiting room.

Okay?

Yeah, that's what it is, it's a waiting room

for people in no hurry to get anywhere.

I mean, the good thing is they're not gonna kills us.

(screams)

Oh my God!

Oh God!

They're gonna kill us!

(yells)

Oh my God, no panic, there's too much excitement!

I'm hallucinating!

- Let me outta here.

- You're not really here.

- You know him?

- No, of course, that's just a corpse.

- I'm alive.

- He says he's alive!

- He only thinks he's alive!

(yells) - I said, I'm alive.

- It's a dream, a very bad realistic dream.

Wake up, Toby, wake up!

Wake up, Toby, wake up!

- Wake up! (fleshy thud)

Have ya gone nuts?

- That's it.

Of course, (chuckles) I've gone nuts.

I mean, that explains everything.

I'm insane, oh thank the lord!

Thank the lord!

(gun fires)

(thuds)

(gasps)

- Tell me this is a hallucination too.

- This is no hallucination.

(gasping and coughing)

- What about this?

- Just blanks.

- You mean?

- Did they give you these bullets to not kill

when you shoot them?

- Fakir put them in your gun.

- I know what blanks are.

- You what?

- You had to be convinced I was dead.

Gunder wanted me dead.

- Who's Gunder?

- How do I know?

- Your boss.

- Oh, that Gunder.

He didn't know Fakir was workin' for us.

- Working for?

- Us, TCRS, what is the matter?

- Gunder imports and sales vodka.

- TCRS?

- He agreed to set a trap for Gunder

in exchange for immunity.

- What is going on here?

- Soon after you left me here,

two Chinese thugs came in here with three corpses,

so I had to make out for dead.

They poured concrete all over the corpses.

Of course they had a little leftover,

and with the recession they didn't want to put any to waste,

so they used the rest on me.

It hardened pretty quickly, so I got stuck here for good.

- So that's why you brought Fakir here.

- You brought Fakir here?

- You wanted to put him into a concrete filled barrel.

(laughs)

- I don't think you two have met.

This is Melanie, my wife, Mel.

Funny girl.

(chuckles)

(doors clanging)

- Where is he?

- Uh, he's in the-- - In the car.

- The car.

- I have to talk to him.

- You know that could be really difficult.

- He's not able to speak to anybody.

- Why, is he dead?

- No.

No.

(playfully dramatic orchestral music)

Give me Fakir's keys.

- His what?

- Just please, I put it in your coat, give it to me.

We can't have any witnesses, give them to me.

- What are you, what are you doing?

- [Toby] You know I just can't do this.

(gun clicks)

(playfully dramatic orchestral music)

(engine rumbles)

- Bastard must have seen me coming and split.

- Impossible, he's de--

- Definitely splitting.

- Son of a bitch is playing both sides.

- Always the slippery one.

- [TCRS Man] Where did he go?

- Home.

- Why home?

- Because he's a homely kind of fellow.

- Why would he go home while we're setting a trap

for Gunder?

- Did I say his home?

- [TCRS Man] Whose home then?

- Mine.

- [TCRS Man] Why yours?

- It's obvious.

Okay, because, 'cause,

beca--

- Because his wife's there.

- Because his wife's there.

- In a lacy bra and butt floss.

(dramatic orchestral music)

(engine rumbles)

- [Boy] Dad!

What a break.

The car was waitin' and just askin' to be jacked.

(thuds)

Hand brakes shot to hell and left in a rattle

skipping 80 like a devil on the fourth of July,

but with some tunin' up it won't make us any poorer.

And to think that we was crappy

like a three-month-old's diapers.

(dramatic orchestral music)

- [Dad] Look, son, the driver's license.

Toby Childers.

(upbeat pop music) (singing in foreign language)

- [Boy] Dad!

- [Dad] Sir, your phone.

- [Boy] Dad, he's a stiff.

- [Dad] Manners, Steven, manners.

- He's not answering.

I'll drive ya home.

Fakir left me a car down by the river.

- You know, actually, we'd like to take a walk.

It's a beautiful night, this fresh air.

- It's on the other side of the city.

- Okay, you know the traffic can be murder.

But it does lighten up this time of night.

(lightly dramatic music)

Chances of me buying into your no meat tonight

are rapidly slipping away.

- That's the least of your problems!

- [Toby] You wait here.

I'm gonna tell Fakir to come out.

- Fakir!

- Of course you're welcome to come

in too. - Where are ya, man?

Fakir!

Fakir!

(feet stomping)

(door squeaks)

There's nobody here!

(gasps)

(footsteps thud)

Who is that?

- Yes, who is that?

- Let me introduce myself.

Keating's the name, Edward Keating,

Hospital Supplies Limited,

and, uh, you are Tobias Childers,

I presume. - Okay, we gotta start lockin'

the front door.

- What's going on here?

- Hi,

tiger.

You look like that guy from the movies.

- [TCRS Man] Do I?

Raises testosterone levels,

hell of a kick for every man.

- Okay, you know what, I am sorry,

but we are not in the habit of letting solicitors

into our home.

- You see, I was in the neighborhood and thought I could

interest you.

- We're not interested, actually.

- In an expired person in the trunk.

- That's interesting. - Very interesting.

- Expired what?

- In the trunk of a car there lies an expired--

- Product, yes, of course, Mr. Keating, of course.

He's the expired products sales person that I requested.

- What's going on here?

- Simply put, I'm in the business of selling a body.

- Body parts for used cars.

- That's one way of saying it, or you could also say

there is a dead--

- Deadly problem with my car, I know!

I need to get it fixed.

- But our car was stolen.

- Get out!

By Fakir, I beg you please don't help.

Oh!

- Maybe I can help.

I know a thing or two about keeping a motor running.

- Oh, yes.

You really look like that guy from the movies.

- Just bigger and better.

- [Toby] You can't just!

- Oh, yeah. - Get out of my house!

- Will the amount of 100 thousand dollars

be satisfactory for you?

- [Toby] For what?

- You know, for the delivery of the, uh.

- Parts, parts yes!

You know what, sweetie, this party is getting bigger,

and you, why don't you take Kamila upstairs

and show her how to make one of your wonderful

vegan appetizer dishes in the kitchenette?

- [Melanie] We have no kitchenette upstairs!

- It is, it's upstairs next to that other room!

- That is one foxy cat.

- Okay, you know what?

That Fakir's wife.

- Polish chicks dig me.

- You know what, stay away from her!

You are working undercover!

(playfully dramatic jazz music)

Get out!

I will just say that extortion

gets you two to five years or more.

- Homicide gets you 25 or more.

- That was an accident!

- Think of my fee as a kind of a speeding ticket.

- Okay,

I'm a pacifist! - Now unfortunately,

I have to insist on cash, not wire transfer.

- Oh yeah, do you prefer also? - I put money on you

for keeping cash in the house, in a safe, perhaps.

- Okay, I am calling the police!

- I wouldn't trouble yourself.

If I fail to receive the aforementioned remuneration

before midnight, I'll contact them myself.

They are speeding ticket experts.

- By midnight!

- Darling?

- [Toby] What, you ready?

- Who's ready?

- [Toby] The vegan appetizer dishes!

- No, you have guest though.

- Well, tell 'em I'm not here!

- They know you're here.

- [Edward] What, are they palm readers?

- I'll be right back!

(door thuds and clicks)

Suck a likable guy!

An old friend, not really my friend.

So, we have guests?

(dramatic orchestral music)

Oh, Mr. Gunder.

(dramatic orchestral music)

Welcome.

It's a pleasure to see you.

Thanks for driving out here.

Make yourself at home!

(clattering)

(groaning)

- You knocked, sir?

- No.

- Oh, my mistake.

(groans)

(clattering)

(gasps)

(groaning)

(dramatic orchestral music)

- How'd that get there?

(groaning)

(clattering)

(groaning)

- Would you like something to drink, gentlemen?

- I'm fine.

- Thank you, no, madame.

- Well, I could use a drink.

- Shut up.

(groaning)

I got one question for you.

Where is Alexei?

- Alexei?

- Where is Alexei Fakir?

- I don't know anything, I'm just an accountant.

- Please, forgive me if I intrude, but I was just.

- Help.

- Don't bother, I'll wait.

(crunching)

(lightly dramatic jazz music)

(clattering)

- I know you invited Fakir for dinner, he told me.

And his wife, too. (doorbell rings)

I apologize for all this knocking you around,

but I'm pretty violent.

That's how I was brought up.

I had a very stern and cold father.

I have to contact Fakir, it's important.

I lost the keys to my apartment,

and Al has the spare ones.

I can't get in.

- Fakir has your apartment keys?

- Not so loud!

He was only keeping them for me.

- Really, why?

(smooth jazz music)

Oh boy.

I see.

Your secret's safe with me.

- What secret?

- I see nothing, I'm just an accountant.

- [Melanie] You've got more guests.

- [Toby] Tell them I'm not here.

- [Melanie] They know you're here.

- What are they, palm readers?

- Shut up!

Tell them you have a business meeting.

- Tell them I have a business meeting.

- I really think you should go and see them,

really.

- I really think I should go.

You know what, just, I'll be back in a second.

(thuds)

(groaning and gasping)

- You started?

- No, uh, just a a little foreplay.

(gasping)

- Oh, my favorite part!

- Oh, no, you should get the condiments first.

(gasping and groaning)

- The kitchen downstairs.

- No, the kitchenette is upstairs.

(gasping and groaning)

(light dramatic jazz music)

- Where's Fakir?

- You know-- - What's Gunder doing here?

- Everything is just gonna be fine, just get back in there!

(light dramatic jazz music)

May I help you, gentlemen?

- We've got more information on--

- The shootin' victim.

- You ever seen this man?

- [Toby] No.

- You sure?

Look and think.

- No, no!

(chuckles) No, okay, I haven't, and I'm sure,

and I'm, I'm actually mad.

I'm mad as hell to see the police

breaking citizen's rights like that.

Okay, I am an accountant, and I know the law,

and I have a right to have that right to have that warrant!

So where is it?

- It's being processed.

- As we speak.

- You know what?

Until it is, I suggest that you just process yourselves

out my front door.

- [Cop] Your behavior is abso--

- Hey, you know what?

I am a stickler for the law!

- What's with the cops.

This is an investigation to the TCR.

- Ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh.

Ssh, ssh. - The TCRS!

- Ssh, ssh, get in there!

(thuds)

(clattering)

(light dramatic jazz music)

- [TCRS Man] Damn cops trying to steal my investigation.

(banging)

Open this door!

(banging)

Childers!

Open this door! (banging)

I'm not gonna let 'em do this! (yelling)

(banging)

(upbeat music)

- I found the kitchenette!

- Really?

- Little grapes and stuff.

This music rocks, we start, okay?

I have a Santa Claus costume at home, you know?

Well, maybe next time.

We starting?

- Not yet!

How 'bout a shower?

- But I've already taken a shower.

- We, no, we can never be too clean, can we?

(door thuds)

- Oh, you're back.

(door thuds)

(upbeat jazz music) (coughing and groaning)

- We'll meet there to finalize the transaction.

See you at midnight, sir.

Oh, go left at the tree of skulls.

- Tree of skulls?

(gagging and groaning) (upbeat jazzy Christmas music)

Please, make yourself at home.

(upbeat Christmas music)

I'm gonna need your help!

- No way!

- What?

- I'm not taking one more step, Toby,

til you tell me what's going on.

- What's going, what do you mean?

What's going on?

(upbeat Christmas music) (groaning)

(gasping)

Okay, if you really wanna know!

But right now I don't think it's the best time

for you to be satisfying your woman's curiosity.

Okay, it's easy, I'm not an accountant.

My profession is killing people.

- What?

- My profession is killing!

- [TCRS Man] Open this door! (banging)

- Killing people.

- What, for money?

- Commission mostly, (banging)

but great benefits.

(upbeat Christmas music)

(clattering)

- You're telling me you're a mobster?

- [Toby] Do you know how hard it is to get a job

these days?

- I'm ready.

Does the word recession mean anything to you?

Unemployment, banks going down,

oil going up!

I was Mr. Gunder's accountant.

I still sometimes collect the invoices,

do the paperwork, make tax deductions, but you know what?

To get ahead in these tough times,

you gotta get in bed with the competition and say,

I thought I was gonna help 'em with that, you know?

Tax deductions, loopholes, or somethin'.

Turns out he was talking about something else.

- Why didn't you tell me?

- Why didn't I tell you?

Why didn't I tell you?

Do you remember that time we were talking about

having a baby, like last week?

And you said, "I can't have a baby with you,

"because you would make a terrible father."

- What's that got to do with you killing people?

- You remember that time when you made me go to

that holistic sweat lodge in Orlando,

and you said I have a long way to go to becoming a man?

Well, that really stung by the way.

- [Melanie] So?

- So?

So?

So I didn't want to get fired from another job

and have you think I was just some loser accountant, too.

(gentle orchestral music)

- Wait.

How many people have you killed?

- None.

You know what, there's a first time for everything.

(groaning)

Ow! (window thuds)

I gotta be at the cemetery at midnight.

(bells ring)

But I've got a plan.

A, I sneak out without attracting any attention.

B, I take your car.

C, I go to the cemetery.

D, I calmly pretend to have the ransom money.

E, I ice the kidnapper. (gun fires)

(groans)

F, I get Fakir's body back.

G, I give Mr. Gunder back his keys.

- I knew I could count on you, boy.

- Thank you, sir.

Which I found in Fakir's pocket.

- And then what?

- And then, well, then I, okay,

no tricky questions, please.

- I wish you'd think this through.

- Okay, don't worry.

If I was good at anything when I was a kid,

it was climbing down trees.

What could possibly go wrong?

(window thuds)

(yells)

(clattering)

(cat howls)

(thuds)

(playful jazz music)

(gasps)

(playful jazz music)

- He's running away.

- He's running away.

- He is running away.

(playfully dramatic orchestral music)

(gasps)

(banging)

- [TCRS Man] Childers!

(banging) Childers, open this door!

(clatters)

(playfully dramatic orchestral music)

(engine rumbles)

(banging)

(playfully dramatic orchestral music)

(engine rumbles) (upbeat music)

(singing in foreign language)

(banging)

(thuds)

(clatters)

(door thuds)

(creaking)

(thuds)

(engine rumbles) (Christmas music)

(upbeat music) (singing in foreign language)

(Christmas music)

(panting)

(smooth jazz music)

(dramatic orchestral music)

- Oh, no.

(crow caws) (eerie orchestral music)

(gasping)

(tires squeal)

- No panic, no panic.

(engine rumbles)

(playfully dramatic orchestral music)

(panting)

(playfully dramatic orchestral music)

(horn beeps)

(smooth jazz music)

(dramatic orchestral music)

Left at the tree of skulls.

(crow caws)

(dramatic orchestral music)

(eerie orchestral music)

(crow caws) (yells)

(yells)

(dramatic orchestral music)

- Hello?

Is anybody here?

Hello?

Is anybody here?

(eerie dramatic music)

(gun clicks)

- Have you got the money?

- [Toby] You brought the body?

- Of course I have.

- I have, too.

- [Edward] Show it to me.

- Show me yours first.

(whistles)

(gun clicks)

So, where is he?

(dramatic eerie orchestral music)

(thuds)

(gentle jazz music)

(eerie dramatic orchestral music)

(rattling)

- I told you to come alone!

- He's just helpin' out.

Such a good child.

Your corpse in immaculate condition.

- What is this?

- That's the latest in medical bed, sir.

(light dramatic orchestral music)

- [Boy] Help!

(dramatic music)

- This is a complete lack of respect

for the dearly departed.

- On the contrary, it's very comfortable,

soft, springy, with cushions under the head,

but at the same time big and solid.

You could fit four people on here,

and if you're interested, I can tell you that right now

it can be purchased for a fraction of the original cost,

which is--

- What the hell's going on here?

- I told you to stay at my home.

- I told you to come alone.

- I told you not to drink so much.

- [Man] What?

(light dramatic music)

(crunching) (yelling)

(screaming) (crunching)

(intense dramatic music)

(screams)

- Are you trying to screw everything up, huh?

I came here to get Fakir.

- What's he doing in a graveyard?

- What do people normally do at a graveyard?

(screaming)

- I ain't got no cat!

- What?

- What?

- You burned all the cats, no more cats!

- Don't need any cats!

- Cat, cat, ah!

- I can make you a rabbit.

Still good for a sacrifice, right?

Almost a cat, right?

- A rabbit, I'll bring you a rabbit!

Just,

just don't,

just don't open any more graves!

- Hold him!

(shouts)

- Okay, I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you.

Do I really have to spell it out?

He's,

he's just, he's having an affair.

- An affair?

- Yeah, he's quite the ladies man.

How do you think he got his nickname?

- Fuh-kir

(smooth jazz music)

Right.

(dramatic organ music)

- Alexei.

(dramatic organ music)

- What's Keating doing here?

- Didn't I tell you?

- [TCRS Man] No.

- Oh, must've slipped my mind.

He's,

he's a,

he's a love interest.

- Whose love interest?

- What do you think?

Fakir's love interest.

- Fakir is?

- Do you believe it?

I mean, what's the world coming to?

(dramatic somber orchestral music)

- [Kamila] Alexei?

(dramatic music)

- Oh, you made it.

- Sure I have.

- He said you wouldn't be able to make it.

- Who said so?

- [Child] Al.

- Al.

You're quite intimate, aren't you?

He'd better well make it!

I didn't take the oysters with me.

- Oysters?

- Where is he?

- Al!

- And what's with the gurney?

- Oh, that's actually a custom fit ergonomic

medical bed, which you won't believe,

but you can have it for a fraction of its original cost,

which is--

- Who's the man on it?

- There's no man on it.

- Yes, there is.

- It's not a man.

- [TCRS Man] Who is it then?

- It's, uh, he's, he's a woman.

It's actually, it's a woman on the bed,

the gurney, the medical bed.

- [TCRS Man] What's she doing here?

- Just lying around, I guess.

- Why?

- I can't tell you.

- Damn it, I said why!

- Okay, okay, 'kay, 'kay, okay, okay, I'm just

g-g-g-getting it.

There, there.

(dramatic music)

(dramatic organ music)

- Well this is nothing but an old invoice.

(thuds)

It's an old invoice.

- Oh, sorry, sorry.

It's the wrong thing.

That.

- Ah,

your library card.

- I'm sorry, I don't have any other ideas.

(thuds)

I really am a pacifist.

I think it's time to start panicking now.

(playfully dramatic orchestral music)

- Sorry, ssh! (yells)

It's me!

- Okay, I have seen less people at Woodstock.

- Don't do anything stupid.

Now give me that gun.

- No, but, I have to--

- You don't have to do anything!

You haven't killed one yet, and I won't let you do it.

Now give me that gun!

- Ah, you know what?

I need to be more assertive in this marriage.

- At least once in your life you could do something for me!

(crow caws)

- Al, the organ player's here.

- No, no, no, no, I don't do organ players any more.

Secretaries and dentists neither.

We talk about teacher.

- No teachers tonight, tomorrow.

- You've got another thing tomorrow?

- It's pretty much the same thing.

- But you're welcome to stay and watch,

just no interruptions.

- Once in my life, once, once in my life!

You know, what about the Sunday vegan dinners

at your parents' that you made me go to?

- Oh, don't start that again.

I've had it, I've totally had it!

- That's it!

I've had enough.

- You've had enough, you know what?

It's me who's had enough, okay?

Do you think I'm havin' the time of my life?

Do you think I even mildly enjoy pan roasted tofu

in a hazelnut foam with an avocado mousse?

- You have a problem with my cooking?

- Do you have a problem with yourself?

- I'm having a problem with you!

- You have a problem with me?

You have a problem with me?

- Maybe I can get this part of me of party last week,

but what I see here, it just sick!

- There's no understanding!

No empathy, no care on your part.

- And you know what else in the bedroom--

- Department, a complete lack of interest!

- On whose part?

- I have no need to criticize myself in that area.

- Ah, maybe you should ask my opinion on that one, mister!

- Mister?

- Yes. - Okay, listen, lady!

I've been asking your opinion all my married life

and three years before that, and I'm tired of it!

Okay, I am gonna tell you what I think,

and there is a four letter word to describe you,

and, you know what, it's called cold!

- Cold!

- C-O-L-D, cold! - Me, cold?

- Yeah, you're cold, okay, and don't act like

you don't know what it means.

- You're like that one popsicle that's been in the freezer

for so long it just loses all its flavor.

- Oh?

- Maybe you need some more of that wonderful

marriage counseling you love so much.

- You know what, I thought that might be beneficial!

You know that it might actually help us.

- So we wouldn't need to spend our nights jumping

from one devastated marriage to another

eating caramelized Spanish flies, ginger juice,

and strawberries.

- And don't act like you weren't into it,

you and your copious note taking.

- Oh, I wasn't taking notes.

I was actually thinking up new recipes.

I was pretending to be interested.

I agreed to do it for you, I didn't need it.

- That's funny.

That's so funny.

- It's not funny anymore.

- No, it's hilarious.

- Look at me, I'm normal, healthy woman.

A loving--

- And supporting wife, I don't understand how you can--

- Treat me the way you do.

- I treat you with respect!

- I don't want respect, Toby, I'm a woman for God sake!

I want--

- Romance?

- Why not, among other things. - Ah, yeah?

Is that what you were cookin' up with that chap

with the fake English accent

and the blinding white false teeth?

- How could you even tell me that

at that alien invasion party,

Princess Leia in bikini could tear your own murder me dress

like Scarlett Johansson, huh?

And this grin granny was hitting on you.

- He was just a cooking class friend.

- Oh, yeah, what kind of guy with any sense of manliness

attends a cooking class?

Okay, you know what, I saw how you were staring at him

all night, laughing at his ridiculous jokes.

- I was, because yours really aren't funny, Toby.

- Oh, actually mine are killingly funny.

I'm a funny American guy!

- Okay, make me laugh.

Tell me a joke for once in your life.

- So,

I,

I,

you know, don't change the subject on me!

- And tonight you wanted to leave me all alone

back at that accountant's and got everyone

to come over here secretly.

Don't deny it.

Don't.

I got your secret letter.

Cemetery at midnight.

It's all here.

The party's over.

Go home.

How old are you, anyway?

You should be cramming for exams,

not looking for a bit of--

- But this is for school.

The Shakespeare National Contest.

- Heard about it?

Starts tomorrow.

- We're practicing in the cemetery to soak up the ambiance.

- Shakespeare was all about blood and guts.

(mask clatters)

- Who the hell are you?

- I'm Hecate.

- I'm the witch.

- I'm Macbeth.

- I'm King Duncan.

- Please, ma'am, don't send us home.

- [Kid] Yes, please.

- This is really important. - Oh, please.

- Please.

- Come on, pretty please. - Please, please.

- [All Kids] Please, please.

- Please don't send us home.

It starts tomorrow. - Please.

- We really need to practice, please.

- [All Kids] Please.

(dramatic orchestral music)

- Do you even remember the last time you kissed me?

- Oh, it's really hard to kiss a walking set of binders,

sharpened pencils, and chronologically arranged invoices

all rolled into one!

- That might be the cruelest thing you've ever said to me.

You know, I am done with this conversation.

- I'm just starting!

(dramatic music)

- Women, okay, whoever invented women?

If that's even his real name.

(soft talking) (dramatic music)

Is it really that bad that I'm organized?

That, you know, I like to keep my shoes

in a neat little row,

or that I like to color coordinate my socks?

(soft talking) (dramatic music)

Or that maybe I just prefer

the original number two sharpened pencils?

- All right, that's enough.

Where's the money?

- Where's my car?

- I beg your pardon?

- Yeah, you stole my body and my car.

Okay, the body's right here, so where's my car?

- We take the car as a bonus!

- What are you, nuts?

I need that car.

I use that car every day to go to work.

You know what, if I don't get that car, in this traffic,

it could be murder.

- Are you attemptin' to be humorous?

I thought you were a serious client.

I'm cancellin' the transaction.

Son, take the expired persona and go!

We'll deliver the unfortunate cadaver

to the proper authorities with your documents.

(suspenseful orchestral music)

(clicking)

(gun fires)

(groans)

(playfully dramatic music)

(yells)

- You killed him!

- You actually killed him?

- You whacked Dad!

(clicking)

(fleshy thud)

Murderers!

(dramatic orchestral music)

(groaning)

- Toby!

(groaning and grunting)

(yelling)

(playfully dramatic orchestral music)

Toby!

(grunting)

(panting)

(yelling) (playfully dramatic music)

- [Toby] Gimme that, give, give, give it!

(yelling) (dramatic music)

(panting)

- [Man With Beard] Veronica!

Wake the parson!

- Get lost, Eddie, there is no wine left.

The reverend had guests.

- Do your best to wake him up.

The satanists are back!

(exciting dramatic music)

(yelling) (grunting)

(exciting dramatic music)

(groaning)

(panting) (dramatic orchestral music)

- Oh, shit.

(exciting dramatic music) (yelling)

(gun fires)

(exciting dramatic music)

- You ruined the tree of skulls!

(dramatic orchestral music)

(yells)

(thuds)

(playfully dramatic orchestral music)

(sirens wail)

(thuds) (groans)

(sirens wail)

- [Cop] The cemetery is surrounded.

Everybody stay where you are.

Police orders.

(sirens wail) Nobody move!

- [Cop] This way, this way, over here, over here!

(dogs bark) (gasps)

- [Cop] I said move, move, get out of the way, man!

(helicopter whirs)

- [Cop] Come on, go, go, go!

(groans)

(police radio chatter)

- [Cop] Do not move!

(police radio chatter)

- The fuzz, here!

Oh God!

- [Cop] Hey, hey, get back here!

- [Cop] Move!

(exciting dramatic music)

- [Cop] Here's another one!

- [Cop] Don't move, in the hat!

Get your hands up.

- [Cop] Show me your hands!

Now, your hands!

- This way, this way. - Sonia!

- [Cop] Keep it moving, keep it moving.

- [Cop] Devil worshipers, we got 'em all over New York

these days.

- [Cop] Don't look them in the eyes!

- [Kid] Look, man, it's just Shakespeare.

You know, he wrote poems and stuff.

(exciting dramatic music)

(groaning and gasping)

- [Cop] Oi, stop, I see you!

- The gun!

- [Cop] I said, I see you.

- The gun!

- What?

- Fakir's gun, where is it?

- [Cop] Yes, you.

- Get rid of it.

Get rid of it!

(grunts)

(suspenseful music)

- [Cop] You're surrounded.

- Oh, no, I forgot to wipe the prints off of it!

- [Cop] Police!

Get down, hands up!

- [Melanie] No!

(dramatic orchestral music)

(water splashes)

(dogs bark)

(crying) - [Cop] Cut it out, ma'am.

(yells) Or I will handcuff you,

and you're not gonna like it!

- [Man] Oh, yes, she will!

Don't reach into your pockets!

- [Cop] Go, go.

- [Cops] Janet, what's the status?

- Well, well, well. - Clear!

- What a surprise.

- [Cop] Who have we here?

- All right, nobody move!

(dogs bark)

(police radio chatter)

TCRS.

- [Cop] What?

- TCRS?

- And I'm taking back this investigation.

- The dead guy.

- What's the idea showin' up alive?

- That's a good question.

How can I show up alive

when this Miraslav Gunder, nickname Gunder,

sentenced me to death yesterday

by ordering one of his thugs to shoot me dead.

- [Both] Yeah, how?

- Well, I guess I'm just another victim

of the merciless Polish vodka trade industry.

According to our statistics

96 lives were lost in the last two years.

79 of those lives at the hand of that man Gunder!

- Can you prove this?

- No, but I can prove something else

from the very accounting records of Mr. Gunder,

who specializes bringing to America

the world famous Polish vodka,

Sokolova.

- Wait a minute.

Who did you say you are? - Who did you say you are sir?

- TCRS!

- TCR what?

- Hell if I know.

- [Cop] Feds, maybe?

- Tax Consultancy Reconciliation Services Limited.

- Ah.

- Last year,

Mr. Gunder purchased 22,500 bottles of Sokolova Gold

premium label, of which 21,300 bottles were distributed

at a price of $36.

16,154 bottles were sold.

That makes a grand total of $581,544.

He only paid $28,226 in excise tax,

instead of the $40,708 that was required.

- Which means Gunder did not pay excise tax

on 4,953 bottles of Sokolova.

That being said, gentlemen,

I order you in the name of TCRS to arrest that man

for tax fraud against the United States of America

in the amount of $12,482.

- [Cop] Damn.

- [Cop] 12,000?

- Not bad.

- That's how they got Capone.

- Wa-Wait a second.

I'm sure my accountant will be able explain everything.

- Me?

- What did I hire you for?

- Well, to be perfectly honest you actually hired me--

- Get to it!

- Okay, okay.

- You know I'm not good with numbers.

- But I am, Gunder.

I've checked it all out.

You're finished.

- Did you check article 43.16

of the Goods and Services Tax Act?

- Excuse me?

- For donations for nonprofit organizations.

- Oh, that's got nothing to do with it.

- Actually it does, 'cause you're claim ignores the fact

that 4,953 bottles of Sokolova were donated by Mr. Gunder

to several nonprofit organizations,

including, uh, two police stations.

- [Cop] Oh, I remember that.

- One US Customs Enforcement Agency,

the mayor's office.

- Yeah.

- One Polish bathhouse,

and an undisclosed clinic that Mr. Gunder

was operated on for a severe case of hemorrhoids.

(muffled chuckling)

- That's irrelevant.

Donations are not exempt from tax

according to article five of the US taxation code.

- You're right.

- In the name of TCRS, I order you--

- But did you check article 10 of that same code?

In the case of donations, the taxable base

is actually the price of the given goods

that are bought and not sold,

and, therefore, since every bottle of Sokolova

wholesales for $23 that would be, uh,

for 4,953 bottles.

You carry the one,

$113,919, and of course if you add the 7% excise tax

that would make it, uh,

$7,974

and 33 cents.

And this exact amount was paid in full April 22nd

as is in line with this attached documentation.

- Impossible.

That's impossible!

- Okay, it's, it's actually quite possible

and very, very, very accountable.

- I knew I could count on you, boy.

- [Cop] He's innocent, I guess.

- Thank you, sir.

- Am I free to go, officers?

- Boss, I think you're free to go.

Back to playing with the bodies.

- Playing with the bodies?

- Yeah, it's just Mr. Gunder's secret private initiative.

It's purely entertainment purposes.

No one gets hurt.

- What's the idea now?

- Sir, this is a free country.

Everybody has the right to spend their nights

they way they want to.

- Unless other participants aren't willin' and able.

- You got that right.

- I don't know what, what he's talking about.

- Okay, please, officers, he just tells me

it's just an innocent graveyard party.

- Don't listen to him.

He's just stupid accountant.

I'm a businessman.

- No, he's not!

I saw him digging up graves.

- Really?

- [Man] Did he say graves?

- Yeah, yeah, of course.

You have to dig up the bodies

before you can dress up the bodies.

- Engaging corpses in night games

of a highly dubious nature.

- Especially in a cemetery.

- Is illegal in this country.

Hands behind your back.

(playfully dramatic orchestral music)

- [Cop] Watch it!

(yelling)

- [Cop] He's got a gun

- [Cop] He's got a gun!

- Drop the gun now! - Freeze!

(gun fires)

- [Cop] Man down!

- [Man] Run away, run away!

Out of the jaws of hell! - Freeze!

(guns fire)

(playfully dramatic music)

(guns fire) (exciting dramatic music)

- [Cop] Heading northeast on foot.

- [Cop] Stop, stop right now!

Drop the gun, Gunder!

I will shoot! (gun fires)

- [Cop] Let's do it, guys, go, go, go, go!

Come on, come on!

(gasping)

(suspenseful music)

(gun fires)

(splashing)

(grunts)

- You're under arrest!

You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say or do can and will be used against you

in the court of law. - Somebody call the ambulance!

- You have the right to an attorney.

If you cannot afford one,

the state will provide one for you.

Do you understand these rights?

- [Cop] We need a medic.

- [Cop] Do you?

- [Gunder] Yes!

- Toby.

- Poor bastard.

(gentle orchestral music)

- No.

No.

(somber orchestral music)

(splashing) (gasping)

(gentle orchestral music)

Oh!

Don't ever do that to me again.

- I don't really plan to.

(gasps)

Gentlemen, save him!

He saved my life!

He shielded me with his body!

- Who?

- [Toby] Fakir!

- Who's Fakir?

- Alexei Fakir.

(crow caws) (dramatic music)

- Let's go, keep it movin'.

- Oh, yeah.

- [Cop] Move it.

- He's dead?

Like, real dead, cold-stone,

seriously? - Well, I'm no expert,

but he looks pretty dead to me, lady.

- I did nothing.

I even wired my tax deceleration.

- I told you Shakespeare's bad luck.

My brother flunked English when they asked him

about that depressed Danish guy.

- [Cop] Shut up.

(gentle orchestral music)

- So his villa is mine?

And the apartment in St. Bart?

And the ranch in Wyoming?

(crying)

- [Cop] Hey, you got a pack of smokes there, Charlie?

(gentle orchestral music)

- [Man] Hey, wait for me!

- Congratulations, never thought I'd meet an accountant

with such brains.

How'd you like a nice, comfy, well-paid job with TCRS?

- I'm fine with that.

As long as you will work as an accountant

and not a hitman.

(gentle orchestral music)

- It's a promise.

- All right then.

Call you tomorrow.

Merry Christmas.

- [Man] Cowards die many times before their death.

The valiant never taste of death but once.

- [Man] Go on, shut that Shakespeare!

- So, about our conversation?

(smacking) Oh!

- That's for all the lies.

(gentle orchestral music)

And that's for not dying on me.

- Sorry to disturb.

- Ah!

I thought you were--

- Dead!

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I should be.

Gunder shot me.

- Oh.

Luckily he missed.

- No, he didn't.

Got me straight in the kisser.

Weird, isn't it?

The gun had blanks in it.

- Ah.

- Now how could Gunder have killed Fakir with blanks?

- I don't really know.

(gasps)

(crow caws)

I really don't know about these things,

'cause I'm an accountant, you know?

You know what I think is there's probably a big promotion

in it for you, you know, for putting away Gunder.

Oh no!

(gasps)

You know what, it'd be a shame to waste it!

It really would.

Really would.

- Just pray that the gun which really shot Fakir

won't be found.

Yeah?

(playfully dramatic music)

(gasps)

(clanking)

(playfully dramatic music)

- Shootin' angels.

What'll they come up with next?

(smooth rhythmic music)

* One little taste and then I might

* Follow you to heaven

* One little taste and you're my tiger

* You got me burning

* Now I'm gonna let you show me

* Everything you want from me

* 'Cause you're my tiger

* Yeah, you're the tiger I need

* One little taste can take me where

* I'm falling into heaven

* One little taste and you're my tiger

* You got me yearning

* Never have I felt a love like this

* Now I linger for your touch

* 'Cause you're my tiger

* Yeah, you're the tiger I need

* All you have to do is lead me there

* And I'll go all the way

* It won't take much just a little touch

* I'm ready now to play

* One little taste

* One little rush

* Just a little bit of heaven

* One little taste is not too much

* To keep me burning up

* Take my hand and lead me there

* Some place I have never known

* 'Cause you're my tiger

* Yeah, you're the tiger I need

* Oh, yeah

* You just have to take me there

* I love tonight, tiger

* Yeah, you're my tiger

* You're the tiger I need

* I want you

* Oh, yeah

* You're the tiger I need

(upbeat exciting orchestral music)

(dramatic eerie orchestral music)

(upbeat exciting orchestral music)