Original subtitles

Don't touch it!

It's not an it.

It's a him.

His portrait is on the wall.

Our pal, Wallace Smith,

Sovereign Protector, 1959-1962.

Larry must have known him back in the day.

His mom took over for Wallace.

You don't think Larry knew about all this?

If he did, he sure as hell never told me about it.

This guy was trying to make gold.

And what's...

What's the "True" Lodge?

I don't know.

Larry mentioned it once.

-Well, try him again. -I did. He's still not picking up.

What?

The Scout breakfast.

There he is!

You look terrible.

Thanks.

Don't worry about it. None of us got any sleep.

Blaise gave us a "supplement" and we walked on the beach.

I can't remember the last time I stayed up until the sunrise.

Last night was the craziest shit I've ever seen.

I need to show you guys something.

Et in Arcadia ego.

What did you say?

I said,

"This is the craziest shit I've ever seen!"

Right now, 100 degrees in Bakersfield,

108 out in Palm Desert,

78 in Santa Barbara,

79 in San Diego,

and 79 degrees in Long Beach.

Looks like we've got a beautiful Sunday ahead.

-Now, get out there and enjoy it! -Thanks, Kelly.

We'll give it our best. Here is Blake with a look at sports.

Dated 17th July, 1962.

"To my fellow Lynx,

I, Wallace Smith,

have completed the Magnum Opus.

Like our founder, Harwood Fritz Merrill,

I have aligned the stars and built a bridge to the True Lodge."

The True Lodge?

Eventually, he gets to the part

where he decides to drink a bottle of formaldehyde.

And that's how he turned into a mummy?

No, that killed him.

The body's preserved because he hermetically sealed this room.

We're standing in a time capsule.

Finally, "I've sold my Plymouth

and donated my tap-and-die set

to the metal shop

at Long Beach Millikan High School.

I cannot use these where I'm going."

A freaking mummy.

Actually, it's not a mummy.

It's a reliquum corpus.

The body that remains

after the soul moves on.

Hello?

-It's Scott. -Who's up there?

Shit.

So, he killed himself.

Yeah... No. I mean, I don't think that's what he thought he was doing.

Total nutcase.

All right, I'll call it in.

No, you can't! We have to take an inventory.

Everything he did in this room he did with a purpose.

This is an alchemical text.

Are you kidding me?

There is a procedure.

LBPD, they make a report, and then the coroner comes,

and they take the body.

-Shouldn't we call Larry? -I've been trying.

Hey, hey!

I'm the only one qualified to handle this.

Besides, Larry said to call only if it was an emergency.

I think finding a mummy qualifies.

Reliquum corpus.

Mummy, corpse. Who cares?

I care!

I care.

I found him.

I was supposed to find him.

You know, my oath is sealed, my path is waiting.

Let me by, man.

Dud, calm down.

OK. OK.

-Easy. Easy. -Close your mouth.

OK. All right.

-Easy. -It's in your mouth.

You're OK. All right. You're OK.

-You're OK. -No.

No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not. Go, go, go!

Your squire lost his mind.

-We've got to get this out of here. -Hey, listen.

A hundred Scouts are about to arrive.

We can't have a coroner wheeling a body out in front of them.

The dude's been here since Kennedy.

A few more hours makes no difference.

OK. I've made a decision.

Blaise, do whatever you want to do.

I will take care of the breakfast.

After that, this situation will be legally processed

with the utmost discretion.

Now, come on,

we can't have the Lodge's name associated with this loony stuff.

So, until then,

not a word about the mummy.

It's not a mummy!

-Not here. -Talk to me.

I'm sorry about yesterday. I didn't know what to do.

-I thought I scared you off. -What?

No. Ernie, God, no.

The perfect Saturday.

I know.

I was disappointed, too.

It's not just being disappointed.

It's about time.

I'm running out of Saturdays,

and I want to spend the rest of them with you.

Is that an ultimatum?

I'm just telling you how I feel.

If that's an ultimatum...

so be it.

Ernie...

There's a lot I want to tell you.

I'm sorry.

It's all too much right now.

Scott...

My job...

I think we need a break.

I got some of it in my mouth.

Or him.

I got Wallace in my mouth.

Jesus.

Connie...

Hey. Hey!

We got a major problem, people.

There's no pancake mix.

Now, last time I checked, we had tons of boxes.

Ernie, you knew the breakfast was coming up.

You are "in charge."

Why didn't you stock up?

I forgot.

You... need to go to Smart and Final,

right now.

OK.

I'll be back in a flash.

Thank you.

Hey. Hey!

You know what we should do? We should go get Larry.

And he can tell us about Wallace Smith, about the True Lodge--

But the pancake mix.

OK, good idea. I'll stop by his house.

-Yeah, OK. -What are you doing?

I'm coming with you. It's my path.

Let me handle this. You just help out here.

Ernie.

Stone put the gun to Pavel's head.

"Tell me the truth, you Magyar son of a bitch!"

Buckle up, man. It's gonna be a wild ride.

Where is it?

There's no belt on that side.

What is it about the light on Sundays?

It's brighter, but... more empty.

Sundays are haunted.

I can't give you tables.

Please, I need to work. It's not even noon and I'm going bonkers.

Why?

Because I have an incredible work ethic.

I'm what America's all about, OK?

So, just give me some tables.

Liz, we're staffed.

It would be unfair to everybody else.

Fine.

If I can't work...

I'll enjoy the Sunday Spirits Special.

-Why are you double-clutching? -To match the revs of the gears.

Hey, can you get...

Hands-free, it's the law.

-Hello? -Oh, hey.

Gloria.

Where are you? You were supposed to come in today.

I totally forgot. I just...

-Something came up and-- -You said you were coming in today.

I know. Look, something crazy happened.

OK, listen. Last night at our Lodge,

we found a dead body in a secret room.

Sorry, I had to say it.

What?

Yeah.

-I feel like you're making fun of me. -No!

No, no.

You need to come in.

OK, yeah. Yeah, I will. I will. As soon as I can.

I just got to... run an errand.

Hello?

Your relationship with your temp boss seems a little intense.

Yeah. Well, the Orbis shutdown really screwed her up.

You know, her job is to terminate people.

You know, I think she just...

She just wants someone to talk to, you know?

-So does everybody. -Yeah.

Turn up there.

Careful!

Calm down.

What?

Had a lot of wild times here, I bet, huh?

No. I've only been here once.

Years ago. Larry practically lives at the Lodge.

What?

Who are you?

I'm the occupant.

Is Larry home?

No.

Man, Larry hasn't lived here in a long time.

I might have a forwarding address, though.

I mean, his Playboys and National Geographics

were being misdelivered here for a while.

That would be great.

Pardon my... progress.

Larry didn't tell you that he moved?

Here it is.

This is my installation.

I'm showing at the Zero Gallery in Costa Mesa.

So this is art.

OK.

So, what are the spikes for?

Oh, that's a...

That's a witch's collar.

It helps to push the witch out far enough so they can't touch you.

Because of the spikes.

-Yeah, exactly. -Yeah.

Anyway, there you go.

Is that...?

Trappist, my ass.

Liz. Hi.

You know, I keep thinking about the fact that, on your day off...

you came into work.

-Yep. -Yeah.

So, if I can, maybe I can put on my "Mr. Insight" hat for just a minute.

I feel like maybe you're uncomfortable

being alone with yourself.

That's so true, Jeremy. Thank you.

Have you considered therapy or...?

Right, you're worried about the stigma, aren't you?

Some pathetic crybaby who can't handle life.

That's what I used to think, anyway, but then--

The stigma is I can't afford it, OK?

Vodka tonic.

Might want to take it easy on that stuff.

Right, it's your day off. Sorry.

Sorry. I'm just nervous.

The new Corporate guy is coming today.

Why are you nervous?

Because he's young and good-looking

and he's got some kind of advanced degree in management.

Screw that guy. You're a good manager.

Just do your thing.

Thanks, Liz.

I'm glad you're here.

Yeah, I really feel like you bring out the best in me.

Blaise. Yeah?

Ernie, Scott wants an ETA on the pancake mix.

Tell him to send someone else.

We're dealing with more important stuff.

Any news on Wallace Smith?

Still dead.

So, I found an old minutes book.

The last meeting he presided over was July of '62,

then they had a going-away party for him.

He told everybody he was moving to Montana.

I don't think anyone in the Lodge knew what he did.

OK.

See you when we get back.

I think someone is following us.

-What? -Yeah.

Black SUV.

I saw it earlier.

Who would be following us? Come on.

I don't know.

When did they stop making these things?

Fontaine!

Hey. Vance. Been a while.

What's your sorry ass doing on a Sunday?

Nothing.

Yeah, me, too.

Hey, nice sled.

Who's your chauffeur?

I'm... I'm Dud. How's it going?

Yeah. I'm part of Ernie's Lodge.

Still doing that Dungeons & Dragons shit?

-Yeah. -No.

No, there's not a gaming component to it, is there?

Me and this fool went to high school.

Oh, nice!

-That's great. -I heard Connie Clark's back in town.

Have you seen her?

-No. -What?

Call that girl up, man.

I hear she's still looking good!

We got to go.

-That was weird. Why did you...? -Got to go.

All right. Hey, let's hang sometime!

I'll call you.

So... why did you tell him you hadn't seen Connie?

-Can we just get to Larry's place? -OK. All right.

Look.

-There it is. -What?

-The black SUV. -What? No.

Nothing there. I don't see anything.

Shit!

What? There was a...

-There was a seal! -A seal?

There was a seal in the road!

There was a... There was a seal!

What are you doing?

There was a seal. There was a seal, right here.

-It was... -Get out of the road.

You're gonna get yourself killed.

-Are you OK? -Why would he...

Why would he do it? Why would he...

What did he know that we don't?

Maybe he swam up the San Gabriel River.

He locked himself in a room

and he drank formaldehyde.

When that snake bit me,

there was this moment before I passed out

where I could feel the venom.

I could feel the venom going up my leg.

I could feel the death inside of me.

I could feel it.

It wasn't like my life flashed before my eyes or anything.

All I remember is looking up...

and all I could feel was just the darkness...

that was just...

waiting for me down below.

You know? And...

I just forgot who I was.

I forgot, and I was just...

a thing.

A thing that was gonna die.

And it...

And it didn't matter.

I think about my dad and if that's how he felt...

at the end.

There's this darkness and it's just still waiting there.

But you're here.

Yeah. Yeah.

That's something.

Yeah.

You survived for a reason.

Yeah.

-So that I could find the Lodge. -Well, there's lots of reasons.

Right. Yeah, but...

You know, I feel that...

we're connected in ways that we don't even know yet.

You know?

Well, maybe.

Sorry. OK. To Larry's.

No rush. No rush. No rush. We've been up all night.

Let's get something to eat, recharge.

-Yeah. -Yeah. OK?

Yeah, that's good.

OK.

You seriously did not have to drive all the way down to see me.

Heck, I don't care about you.

I was just looking for an excuse to hang out in beautiful San Diego.

Right.

-So, how's the paralegal game? -It's steady.

We'll never run out of lawsuits.

I'm good at it, you know?

-I'm the hammer of justice. -I bet.

You are on your way to the top, sweetheart.

Oh, man!

-Poor guy. -No.

Birds are idiots.

So, what's up?

I don't know, the usual.

Work, et cetera.

I'm trying to take out a little loan for the shop,

just to get us through until the summer business kicks in.

-Kind of a lean time of year. -I'm sure.

-Everyone's got a tarp on their pool. -Yeah.

Of course, the banks are being extra cautious now after the recession.

I think they're over-correcting, but...

they've been giving me the runaround, so...

Well, anything I can do to help...

Well, I mean, actually, if you could co-sign the loan,

that would really grease the wheels.

I've been in business for 30 years. It's a pretty safe bet, so...

Just until the summer business starts.

OK. No problem.

Send me over the stuff.

Will do.

Thank you.

Hey, now for something really important, OK?

What are you watching these days? I mean, I need a new TV show.

Anybody eating?

Did you get...?

Hey, did you... You guys get food yet?

The pancake line's backed up, but it's fine.

This is ridiculous.

-Where's Big Ben? -It's fine, it's fine.

Hey, Scott used to be a Scout.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Some of the best times of my life.

And helped prepare me for a career in law enforcement.

A police officer!

That's pretty cool, huh?

Long Beach P.D. I bet you have some crazy stories.

Oh, sure.

Well... actually, I'm Harbor Patrol.

You know?

But I am responsible for...

I mean, you know, the amount of cargo that comes through...

There's some serious potential, you know, for--

-Scott's our first line of defense. -That's... That's right.

You know what? Hey.

I protect Long Beach from terror.

Yeah. Guys, he's not feeling it.

We're gonna go. Come on, buddy.

Oh, come on! Look at this.

My dad started off digging pools,

and then he cleaned them.

Then he opened up the shop.

Knowledge from the bottom up.

You can't fake it.

Yeah, so, you know, once I raise enough capital...

Right. So, are you going in with your sister or something?

No. No, my dad always wanted my sister to do her own thing.

She's way too smart for the pool biz, you know?

What does she do?

Had a bunch of jobs. Now she works at Shamroxx.

I knew it.

-I knew it! -Ernie.

You've been following me!

-What? -I'm all paid up!

What do you want from me?

That's you in the black SUV.

I drive a scooter. It's red.

Hey, how do you know Herm?

He works for my bookie.

No. No, he's the sign-spinner guy for Burt.

Who's Burt?

This is a trip!

The voice on the other end of the phone.

We've been talking to each other for over a decade.

See? Told you we were connected.

So... what do you want?

Nothing.

Now I know my bookie. That's all.

I'm gonna get that back.

See...

here's the thing, Burt.

You're operating a criminal enterprise.

And, as I see it,

you have two options.

I call the police and you go to jail.

You cancel my loan...

and you give me my dad's watch back.

And, also, Ernie's flat-screen.

This is about justice.

Your loan meets the requirements

of the relevant sections of the California Finance Lenders law,

Section 2200.

And if you say anything about my book...

Herman will cave your face in

and turn you into a worse cripple than you already are.

Scott needs help downstairs.

OK.

Well... we have a library now.

Pretty cool.

So many first editions.

What the hell was he doing?

I think it all has to do with Harwood Fritz Merrill...

and the legend that he's buried in a crypt under Lodge 1 in London

with the alchemical scrolls he found in the desert.

I think our guy was trying to duplicate that.

Of course. Why wouldn't he? It's always been my plan.

I know it's crazy, but also...

What?

I feel like the Lodge is waking up.

OK, pancake time.

Time to go rescue Scott.

She's just gonna keep calling.

Just answer it.

It feels like Larry is trying to disappear.

It reminds me of Drysdale.

What?

My old cat.

He walked out into the yard one day and just curled up under a bush.

He was looking for someplace to...

You know.

So, you think that Larry's getting ready to check out?

I mean, Wallace Smith did sell his Plymouth.

Maybe this is something

that Sovereign Protectors got to do before they die.

Is it... Is it part of the Mysteries?

I hope not.

What's that?

-Oh, no! -What... What's going on?

-Are you out of gas? -Yeah. Yeah, I'm out of gas.

-You're out of gas? -Yeah.

Does this happen often?

No. No, not really.

I don't get it.

Is it...

Is it advertising something?

The future.

OK.

Yeah, I was straight-edge for a long time,

but when I turned 14, I decided to embrace a Dionysian lifestyle.

-What is it? -It's tequila and Kool-Aid.

A friendship drink for joyful times.

Isn't that basically a Tequila Sunrise?

No, it's bigger.

And red.

Thanks for coming.

-See you next time. -Bye. Thank you.

-Bye. -See you. Bye.

Have you seen my son?

Hey, why did you do that?

What the hell?

I know the Lodge could be better.

But Larry's so cheap and lazy

and set in his own ways.

A few years ago, we really got into it, and I almost quit.

But Larry, man...

He's got a little con man in him.

He said something to me.

He said, "Ernie, stick around.

The Lodge is gonna give you a gift.

I promise."

Did it?

Yeah, it did.

You're talking about Connie.

What? No!

Yeah.

-Shit. -Yeah.

I've got a little feminine intuition.

Listen, you can't tell anybody.

Anybody.

A lot of people would be hurt.

It's a mess, OK?

And I don't ever want to talk about this again.

Once Connie's parents found out,

we tried to keep it on the down-low,

but that didn't work.

They made her transfer to Lakewood.

I graduated and she went off to college,

and we didn't see each other for 40 years.

And then, one day,

she just walks into the Lodge...

with Scott.

Scott!

-Hey-- -He's not coming in.

Hello?

That was a little unnecessary, right?

You're not going over there. Stop pretending you are.

It's not fair to keep someone's hopes up.

You want anything from inside?

Diet Dr Pepper.

Bottle, preferably.

Don't worry. If we wanted to kill you, you'd be dead.

Stop it, Leo!

Mr. Fontaine, after you left our planning meeting at Kaplan,

well, we got to talking,

and we regret the curt manner we may have used when we asked you to leave.

Please accept this with our heartfelt apology.

We thought it was important to tell you face-to-face.

The relationships with the guys who make this industry run...

it's paramount.

Thanks. No problem. And I'm sorry for crashing your meeting.

Let me ask you, did you see or hear anything in the meeting

that interested you?

Well, it looked like a big mixed-use deal.

A little retail, a little residential.

-I just saw one of your billboards. -Yeah.

Mixed-use is a solid bet.

Once you're ready to spec, I'm the man who gets the price.

Captain will be completely satisfied,

guaranteed.

Do you actually know Captain?

Well, sure, I...

Actually... no.

I've never met the dude.

Yeah, he's a tough guy to pin down.

-OK. -Yeah.

Great. Let's head back.

Thank you for your time. We love getting to know the players in town.

Oh, yeah. This is for you.

There are blood orange-infused chocolate truffles in there.

You ever had that?

Yeah, at Taste of Long Beach last summer.

Yeah.

Prepare for an education in pain!

Then you're about to get a PhD, guera!

Deus lo volt!

-Yeah! -Guys!

Corporate!

Rematch.

Did I ever think that we would find a reliquum corpus in our Lodge?

Well, the answer to that, Melissa,

is no!

-Well, do you mean the mummy? -I mean the reliquum corpus.

That's why I said... I'm sorry.

I'm just getting pretty tired of people saying,

"It's a mummy!"

Regardless,

it does raise the question...

Oh, this is a nightmare.

...Harwood Fritz Merrill.

For those of you who are unfamiliar, that's the founder of our order,

back in 1866.

So... these guys followed you around all day.

-Then they abducted you. -I was not abducted.

I got into their car of my own free will.

All right. OK. And then they gave you a gift basket.

And...

And that's normal for the plumbing industry or...?

These are high-level developers.

They need relationships with guys who make the industry run.

It's... It's paramount.

This is Larry's place?

We've driven all day, and we're a block away from the Lodge.

What?

Larry owns an oil well?

I've driven by this place for years and never gave it a second thought.

-It's awfully quiet. -Yeah.

You don't think that he's...?

You know.

Larry?

Coming in.

This place is great.

All right.

So... where next?

We're done.

What's the point in looking for someone who doesn't want to be found?

I want to know what Wallace Smith meant by the True Lodge.

What if it's code for... eternal life?

All I know is that dude must have really hated his life on this side.

Otherwise, you don't drink formaldehyde.

"The Magnum Opus."

Why would anyone want to live forever?

I just want to live for real,

for a little while, right here.

People always go looking for unicorns

when we've got... rhinos.

Rhinos?

A rhinoceros is a fascinating animal.

All this beautiful stuff, right here in front of us.

Screw unicorns, man.

What's the use of living forever...

if you're all alone on a Sunday?

Sean.

You... You bailed on me.

I...

A local fraternal order has given new meaning

to the phrase "pyramid scheme"

after an unexpected and gruesome find today.

Members discovered a sealed-off room and, within it,

the preserved body of a man that had been there since 1962.

It's a mummy!

Police have ruled out foul play, and the results--

Oh, hey.

I'm back.

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