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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,565 --> 00:00:05,367 (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS OVER TV) 2 00:00:05,368 --> 00:00:07,404 - What?! No! - No, no, no! No, come on! 3 00:00:07,404 --> 00:00:09,242 They didn't even tell us who murdered the queen! 4 00:00:09,243 --> 00:00:10,384 Ugh. 5 00:00:10,741 --> 00:00:12,050 You know what? It's all good. 6 00:00:12,051 --> 00:00:13,852 The next episode starts in ten seconds. 7 00:00:13,853 --> 00:00:15,253 Yes. (CHUCKLES) 8 00:00:15,254 --> 00:00:16,939 (SIGHS) 9 00:00:16,940 --> 00:00:18,908 You know, should we watch this next episode, 10 00:00:18,909 --> 00:00:21,710 or should we do what we normally do on Saturday nights? 11 00:00:22,846 --> 00:00:25,248 Unload the dishwasher? 12 00:00:25,249 --> 00:00:27,917 Why would I use my sexy voice for that? 13 00:00:27,918 --> 00:00:31,087 I'm talking about, you know... (GRUNTS) 14 00:00:31,088 --> 00:00:33,522 Oh. Ooh. (LAUGHS) 15 00:00:33,523 --> 00:00:34,624 Yeah, let's do that. 16 00:00:34,625 --> 00:00:37,793 All right. (CHUCKLES) 17 00:00:37,794 --> 00:00:39,395 (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS OVER TV) 18 00:00:39,396 --> 00:00:42,298 Or we could just watch one more episode. 19 00:00:42,299 --> 00:00:44,567 Ah. God, I love you. 20 00:00:44,568 --> 00:00:46,402 I love you, too. 21 00:00:46,403 --> 00:00:49,405 (SIGHS) Nope. We should just do it now, 22 00:00:49,406 --> 00:00:51,674 - or it's never gonna happen. - Totally agree. Totally agree. 23 00:00:51,675 --> 00:00:54,677 You know what? I'm gonna go, uh, wolf down 24 00:00:54,678 --> 00:00:57,445 a piece of that garlic bread so it's not just on your breath. 25 00:01:00,417 --> 00:01:03,386 Maybe take a bite of a deviled egg, too. 26 00:01:03,387 --> 00:01:05,588 JAMES CORDEN (OVER TV): ...is calling it quits... 27 00:01:05,589 --> 00:01:08,557 Wait, Jake, look, they're talking about your client on TV. 28 00:01:08,558 --> 00:01:12,662 Big news today, multi-platinum Australian singer Cooper James 29 00:01:12,663 --> 00:01:15,998 has split with his movie star flame Sierra Quinn. 30 00:01:15,999 --> 00:01:18,668 - (AUDIENCE GROANS) - I know. It's such a shame 31 00:01:18,669 --> 00:01:21,002 because we all thought that relationship 32 00:01:21,004 --> 00:01:24,340 could have lasted well into next week. 33 00:01:24,341 --> 00:01:26,342 Is this gonna affect you? 34 00:01:26,343 --> 00:01:27,610 No, I'm just Cooper's accountant. 35 00:01:27,611 --> 00:01:29,945 You know what we need is some tunes. 36 00:01:29,946 --> 00:01:32,848 Alexa! Play "Jake's New Sex Mix." 37 00:01:32,849 --> 00:01:35,418 ALEXA: Playing BBC News at Six. 38 00:01:35,419 --> 00:01:37,586 NEWSWOMAN: Every day, 12-year-old Ekemma 39 00:01:37,587 --> 00:01:40,122 must walk through her violence-soaked village, 40 00:01:40,123 --> 00:01:43,793 avoiding the same rebels who raped and murdered her mother. 41 00:01:43,794 --> 00:01:45,261 Shut up, Alexa! 42 00:01:45,262 --> 00:01:46,629 (DOORBELL RINGING RAPIDLY) 43 00:01:46,630 --> 00:01:48,196 Who could that be? (MUTTERS) 44 00:01:51,301 --> 00:01:53,169 Hi. Is this Jake's house? 45 00:01:53,170 --> 00:01:55,071 Ooh. 46 00:01:55,072 --> 00:01:56,405 That's Cooper James. 47 00:01:56,406 --> 00:01:58,507 Why-why is, why is Cooper James at our door? 48 00:01:58,508 --> 00:02:00,909 Um... uh... 49 00:02:02,312 --> 00:02:05,181 Cooper James, hi. It is so nice to meet you. 50 00:02:05,182 --> 00:02:06,816 - You must be Claire. - Hi. 51 00:02:06,817 --> 00:02:09,785 Ooh, another one. Oh. (LAUGHS) A third. 52 00:02:09,786 --> 00:02:12,054 I should've taken a Dramamine. 53 00:02:12,055 --> 00:02:14,590 Sorry. Sorry to barge in on you like this, Jake, 54 00:02:14,591 --> 00:02:16,325 but I'm having a bit of an emergency. 55 00:02:16,326 --> 00:02:17,660 Ooh, an accounting emergency. 56 00:02:17,661 --> 00:02:20,062 I've been waiting my whole life for this. 57 00:02:20,063 --> 00:02:22,331 No, the, uh... the paparazzi are after me since this breakup, 58 00:02:22,332 --> 00:02:24,600 and I need a safe place to hide, so I thought, 59 00:02:24,601 --> 00:02:25,901 who is an ordinary guy 60 00:02:25,902 --> 00:02:27,837 living an ordinary life in a totally ordinary place... 61 00:02:27,838 --> 00:02:30,272 Feel free to stop saying "ordinary." 62 00:02:30,273 --> 00:02:32,875 I, uh... Is it at all possible that I crash here 63 00:02:32,876 --> 00:02:34,110 till this all dies down? 64 00:02:34,111 --> 00:02:36,979 - Oh, uh... - Oh. Uh... (LAUGHS) 65 00:02:36,980 --> 00:02:38,414 Wait, I wasn't interrupting anything, was I? 66 00:02:38,415 --> 00:02:39,949 - No. - No. 67 00:02:39,950 --> 00:02:41,951 No, we were just sitting watching TV. 68 00:02:41,952 --> 00:02:43,986 - Yeah, just TV and... - And eating Chex Mix. 69 00:02:43,987 --> 00:02:46,389 ALEXA: Playing "Jake's Sex Mix." 70 00:02:46,390 --> 00:02:49,023 ("PONY" BY GINUWINE PLAYING) 71 00:02:56,500 --> 00:03:00,936 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com. 72 00:03:03,757 --> 00:03:06,292 So, I talked to Cooper's manager, and, uh, 73 00:03:06,293 --> 00:03:08,594 Wayne thinks this will all blow over in a couple of weeks. 74 00:03:08,595 --> 00:03:10,963 Jake, we're not cool enough 75 00:03:10,964 --> 00:03:13,132 to host a guy like Cooper for that long. 76 00:03:13,133 --> 00:03:15,735 Look at the reminders popping up on his phone. 77 00:03:15,736 --> 00:03:17,303 Okay? 78 00:03:17,304 --> 00:03:19,539 "Studio session with Rihanna." 79 00:03:19,540 --> 00:03:20,973 (GASPS) 80 00:03:20,974 --> 00:03:22,742 "Dinner at The Met. 81 00:03:22,743 --> 00:03:25,277 Get fitted for a wax sculpture." 82 00:03:26,647 --> 00:03:30,183 We have scented candles, and this kid is becoming a candle. 83 00:03:30,184 --> 00:03:31,751 Claire-bear. (CHUCKLES) 84 00:03:31,752 --> 00:03:34,587 My nickname in college was "Dr. Dunk." Okay? 85 00:03:34,588 --> 00:03:39,659 You once got pulled up on stage by Sir Dave Matthews. 86 00:03:39,660 --> 00:03:41,661 It's not like we're new to the game. 87 00:03:41,662 --> 00:03:43,262 I don't think anyone calls it "the game" anymore. 88 00:03:43,263 --> 00:03:45,331 Trust me, babe, the key to handling famous people 89 00:03:45,332 --> 00:03:46,932 is just to not try that hard. 90 00:03:47,835 --> 00:03:51,337 Coop-burger! 91 00:03:51,338 --> 00:03:53,506 How'd you schnooze? 92 00:03:53,507 --> 00:03:55,274 Great. Hey, I hope you don't mind, 93 00:03:55,275 --> 00:03:56,576 but I didn't bring any, uh, clothes, 94 00:03:56,577 --> 00:03:58,677 so I just grabbed a couple things from your closet. 95 00:03:59,913 --> 00:04:02,915 Those are from my closet. 96 00:04:02,916 --> 00:04:06,919 And they look amazing on you. 97 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:08,354 (LAUGHING): They do. 98 00:04:08,355 --> 00:04:11,324 So, uh, do you guys mind if I hang out with you today? 99 00:04:11,325 --> 00:04:13,959 Aren't you going fly-fishing with Jaden Smith? 100 00:04:15,496 --> 00:04:17,663 I'm just loving how simple things are here. 101 00:04:17,664 --> 00:04:20,066 Life with Sierra was always so fancy, but... 102 00:04:20,067 --> 00:04:22,101 you guys literally put an "eat" sign on the wall 103 00:04:22,102 --> 00:04:23,935 'cause that's what you do in a kitchen. 104 00:04:25,072 --> 00:04:28,574 Yeah, picked that bad boy up from Costco. 105 00:04:28,575 --> 00:04:30,915 It's a private store, but, uh, I can get you on the list. 106 00:04:32,179 --> 00:04:35,081 Yeah. Yeah, being here is reminding me so much of my life 107 00:04:35,082 --> 00:04:36,349 before all this craziness. 108 00:04:36,350 --> 00:04:37,416 You know, when I was in Australia, 109 00:04:37,417 --> 00:04:38,417 living with my parents. 110 00:04:38,418 --> 00:04:41,988 - (LAUGHING): Parents. - (LAUGHS) 111 00:04:41,989 --> 00:04:44,724 - Oh. - Oh. 112 00:04:44,725 --> 00:04:45,992 CLAIRE: You're not kidding. 113 00:04:45,993 --> 00:04:48,761 Um, we're only, like, ten years older than you. 114 00:04:48,762 --> 00:04:50,163 Don't mind her, dude. 115 00:04:50,164 --> 00:04:51,329 She's new to the game. 116 00:04:52,666 --> 00:04:54,233 What game? 117 00:04:54,234 --> 00:04:56,335 Hey, man, you want to goose some 'stree with me? 118 00:04:56,336 --> 00:04:58,738 Some 'stree. You want to goose it? 119 00:04:58,739 --> 00:05:02,507 He's-he's offering you a pastry in a very weird voice. 120 00:05:03,577 --> 00:05:06,378 You are so lucky you get to eat whatever you want. 121 00:05:07,681 --> 00:05:09,415 - Oh, my God. - Right? 122 00:05:09,416 --> 00:05:11,651 - Oh, my God. - Yup. 123 00:05:11,652 --> 00:05:13,519 Claire! 124 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:16,689 This is the best thing ever. 125 00:05:16,690 --> 00:05:18,424 What would someone call this? 126 00:05:18,425 --> 00:05:21,993 Someone would call that a Toaster Strudel. 127 00:05:23,030 --> 00:05:25,464 - You've got to give me the recipe. - Oh. 128 00:05:25,465 --> 00:05:30,002 Oh, it's easy: you just put it in a toaster, and you hit down. 129 00:05:30,003 --> 00:05:32,839 Amazing. So, uh, what are you up to? 130 00:05:32,840 --> 00:05:35,808 Oh, I'm just syncing up Jake and my work calendars for the week. 131 00:05:35,809 --> 00:05:38,177 I, uh, design restaurants and bars. 132 00:05:38,178 --> 00:05:39,946 That's so cool. Any places I would know? 133 00:05:39,947 --> 00:05:43,449 Oh, uh, well, the last place was this French restaurant 134 00:05:43,450 --> 00:05:44,917 called Le Jardin Bleu. 135 00:05:44,918 --> 00:05:46,618 Are you serious? 136 00:05:48,121 --> 00:05:50,922 That is literally my favorite restaurant. 137 00:05:51,859 --> 00:05:53,426 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 138 00:05:53,427 --> 00:05:56,361 Yeah, yeah, I eat there every time I'm in Morocco. 139 00:05:57,731 --> 00:05:59,298 Oh. (CHUCKLES) 140 00:05:59,299 --> 00:06:04,003 Um, well, I designed the one that is in the Best Buy Mall, 141 00:06:04,004 --> 00:06:09,175 um, just north of Oxnard. 142 00:06:09,176 --> 00:06:12,478 Well, I can't wait to try it someday. 143 00:06:12,479 --> 00:06:15,147 What's "Saturday night course work"? 144 00:06:15,148 --> 00:06:18,284 (GROANS) 145 00:06:18,285 --> 00:06:21,921 - What? - What's "Saturday night course work"? 146 00:06:21,922 --> 00:06:23,121 What's what-what-what-what? 147 00:06:24,091 --> 00:06:26,492 "Saturday night course work." 148 00:06:26,493 --> 00:06:28,794 (SIGHS) All right, look, man. 149 00:06:28,795 --> 00:06:30,533 So, my assistant has access to our calendar, right? 150 00:06:30,534 --> 00:06:31,163 Mm-hmm. 151 00:06:31,164 --> 00:06:34,734 So "course" is short for "intercourse." 152 00:06:34,735 --> 00:06:36,435 What? 153 00:06:36,436 --> 00:06:38,838 - Intercourse. (CHUCKLES) - What? 154 00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:41,807 Making sex! 155 00:06:41,808 --> 00:06:43,576 Yeah, we put it in the calendar so we don't go 156 00:06:43,577 --> 00:06:44,677 more than a week without having it. 157 00:06:44,678 --> 00:06:45,811 - Ah. - Yeah. 158 00:06:45,812 --> 00:06:47,280 Well, I guess I can relate. 159 00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:48,581 Yeah, with Sierra, we often had to schedule breaks 160 00:06:48,582 --> 00:06:52,084 - in our sex life... - Right. 161 00:06:52,085 --> 00:06:53,351 ...because we were having so much of it. 162 00:06:53,352 --> 00:06:54,153 Right, right. 163 00:06:54,154 --> 00:06:56,322 And, um, I developed a condition 164 00:06:56,323 --> 00:06:58,457 my doctors identified as "stud pole." 165 00:06:58,458 --> 00:07:00,660 Mm. "Stud pole." 166 00:07:00,661 --> 00:07:02,528 Or, as I like to call it, "college." 167 00:07:02,529 --> 00:07:04,230 (LAUGHS) 168 00:07:04,231 --> 00:07:06,632 Okay. He dated one girl the whole time, 169 00:07:06,633 --> 00:07:08,733 and you're looking at her. 170 00:07:09,770 --> 00:07:11,671 Hey, I was, uh, actually gonna sneak away 171 00:07:11,672 --> 00:07:14,073 to a private club tonight if you guys wanted to join? 172 00:07:14,074 --> 00:07:15,284 - Oh. - Ooh. 173 00:07:15,285 --> 00:07:17,810 But I... ooh, no, I see you've got a couples massage booked today. 174 00:07:17,811 --> 00:07:19,812 Oh, no. That's, uh... I think you misread that. 175 00:07:19,813 --> 00:07:21,480 That's "couples message." 176 00:07:21,481 --> 00:07:23,182 Yeah, um... (LAUGHS) 177 00:07:23,183 --> 00:07:25,551 Jake and I are kind of famous with our friends for recording 178 00:07:25,552 --> 00:07:27,453 silly outgoing messages on our landline. 179 00:07:27,454 --> 00:07:31,190 Yeah, we absolutely crushed our last one. 180 00:07:31,191 --> 00:07:33,292 - Hit him with a taste, C-Train. - No, I don't think... 181 00:07:33,293 --> 00:07:36,462 - Come on, girl. - Hey, when you get 182 00:07:36,463 --> 00:07:40,433 To the end of the tone 183 00:07:40,434 --> 00:07:44,236 Please leave a message 184 00:07:44,237 --> 00:07:49,742 We'll get back to you, we'll get back to you 185 00:07:49,743 --> 00:07:52,511 Hey, girl 186 00:07:52,512 --> 00:07:56,449 I'm so sad to miss your sweet, sweet voice, but, uh 187 00:07:56,450 --> 00:07:59,518 Why don't you lay down a smooth track with your deets 188 00:07:59,519 --> 00:08:03,589 And, uh, I'll get back 189 00:08:03,590 --> 00:08:04,724 BOTH: A'ight? 190 00:08:04,725 --> 00:08:06,826 (BOTH LAUGH) 191 00:08:06,827 --> 00:08:09,095 It's so g... It's so great. 192 00:08:09,096 --> 00:08:10,796 I can't... 193 00:08:10,797 --> 00:08:12,631 (LAUGHTER FADING) 194 00:08:12,632 --> 00:08:15,634 - Ah... (CLEARS THROAT) - Ah... 195 00:08:15,635 --> 00:08:19,305 Cooper, we would love to come out with you tonight. 196 00:08:19,306 --> 00:08:22,675 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 197 00:08:22,676 --> 00:08:24,677 Whoa. 198 00:08:24,678 --> 00:08:27,045 Oh, my God. 199 00:08:28,081 --> 00:08:30,248 This place is incredible. 200 00:08:31,251 --> 00:08:33,986 Guys, this is my security guard, Nightmare. 201 00:08:33,987 --> 00:08:35,488 Ha-ha! Nightmare. 202 00:08:35,489 --> 00:08:37,490 What up, player? (CHUCKLES) 203 00:08:37,491 --> 00:08:39,592 Yeah. 204 00:08:39,593 --> 00:08:41,594 Okay, Jake, are we too lame to be here? 205 00:08:41,595 --> 00:08:43,528 No. 206 00:08:47,934 --> 00:08:49,335 Yes! 207 00:08:49,336 --> 00:08:51,937 How am I doing? 208 00:08:51,938 --> 00:08:54,272 Uh, maybe try using your upper body, too. 209 00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:57,476 It's lovely you're having fun. 210 00:08:57,477 --> 00:08:58,877 Shots! 211 00:09:01,515 --> 00:09:02,848 Ooh. 212 00:09:02,849 --> 00:09:06,185 Yeah! Yeah! 213 00:09:06,186 --> 00:09:07,953 Best Sunday night ever! 214 00:09:07,954 --> 00:09:09,320 Yeah! Yeah! 215 00:09:10,390 --> 00:09:13,726 (RETCHES, COUGHS) 216 00:09:13,727 --> 00:09:16,528 Nightmare! 217 00:09:20,233 --> 00:09:23,168 Next time. 218 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,641 Jake? 219 00:09:28,642 --> 00:09:30,176 Jake! 220 00:09:30,177 --> 00:09:33,646 Yeah, I'll slam another Bud Light Lime. 221 00:09:33,647 --> 00:09:37,316 What happened last night? 222 00:09:37,317 --> 00:09:41,052 Well, I know we came home to get it on... 223 00:09:42,489 --> 00:09:44,657 ...uh, but you wanted to grab a quick snack, 224 00:09:44,658 --> 00:09:48,294 and I went upstairs to change into a sexier outfit. 225 00:09:48,295 --> 00:09:49,628 And then did we get it on? 226 00:09:49,629 --> 00:09:52,697 - I don't think so. - Oh. 227 00:09:53,733 --> 00:09:56,135 Ugh, I am so hungover. 228 00:09:56,136 --> 00:09:58,437 There is no way that I could go to work today. 229 00:09:58,438 --> 00:10:02,341 And I am so sore from all that dancing. 230 00:10:02,342 --> 00:10:03,809 Holy crap, it's Rylie Connors. 231 00:10:03,810 --> 00:10:06,579 Ugh, yeah, it's just some fluff piece. 232 00:10:06,580 --> 00:10:09,682 But man, look at her butt. I just want to bite it. 233 00:10:09,683 --> 00:10:12,485 (GROWLING NOISES) 234 00:10:12,486 --> 00:10:17,623 Hi. This is my friend Rylie. 235 00:10:17,624 --> 00:10:19,725 Rylie, this is, uh, Jake and Claire Davis. 236 00:10:19,726 --> 00:10:22,261 You have a very nice home, Mr. and Mrs. Davis. 237 00:10:22,262 --> 00:10:23,629 (LAUGHS) "Mrs. Davis"? 238 00:10:23,630 --> 00:10:25,029 (LAUGHS) What do you think... 239 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:32,170 Rylie! Rylie, I mean, come on. Girl child. 240 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:35,808 Jake and I are just like you guys. 241 00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:39,244 We're young and fun and... full of beans. 242 00:10:40,413 --> 00:10:42,248 "Mr. Davis" makes me sound like some sort of 243 00:10:42,249 --> 00:10:44,283 old man, which I am not. 244 00:10:44,284 --> 00:10:46,252 (GROANS) 245 00:10:46,253 --> 00:10:49,421 (STRAINED): Oh, I got it. I got it. 246 00:10:49,422 --> 00:10:50,756 Last night was so crazy. 247 00:10:50,757 --> 00:10:53,492 Um, are you... are you not hungover? 248 00:10:53,493 --> 00:10:54,593 Oh, I just decided years ago 249 00:10:54,594 --> 00:10:56,128 to never let alcohol make me hungover. 250 00:10:56,129 --> 00:10:57,662 Dude, same. 251 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,800 Uh, Claire-bear, could you do me a quick slice 252 00:11:01,801 --> 00:11:03,002 and tilt this baby back up? 253 00:11:03,003 --> 00:11:05,069 Thank you. (CHUCKLES) 254 00:11:06,006 --> 00:11:07,339 Anyway, we've been out all night, 255 00:11:07,340 --> 00:11:09,008 so, uh, we're gonna go to bed. 256 00:11:09,009 --> 00:11:10,576 Good night, Mr. and Mrs. Davis. 257 00:11:10,577 --> 00:11:11,810 CLAIRE: Okay. 258 00:11:11,811 --> 00:11:14,914 We're barely older than you. 259 00:11:14,915 --> 00:11:16,916 Baby, you passed out in your cereal. 260 00:11:16,917 --> 00:11:18,449 (GROANS) 261 00:11:21,188 --> 00:11:23,489 (ALARM BEEPING) 262 00:11:23,490 --> 00:11:25,658 Look, someone secretly took photos of me 263 00:11:25,659 --> 00:11:27,293 dancing with Cooper at that nightclub. 264 00:11:27,294 --> 00:11:29,762 (EXHALES) "Cooper James seems to have traded in 265 00:11:29,763 --> 00:11:31,797 "his 19-year-old Lamborghini Sierra 266 00:11:31,798 --> 00:11:34,600 for what appears to be a 40-year-old cargo van." 267 00:11:34,601 --> 00:11:37,970 What the hell? They cropped me out of the picture. 268 00:11:37,971 --> 00:11:39,438 Our phones are blowing up. 269 00:11:39,439 --> 00:11:41,473 Everyone we know thinks I'm having an affair with Cooper. 270 00:11:41,474 --> 00:11:43,842 - (PHONE VIBRATING) - Oh, here's one from my dad. 271 00:11:43,843 --> 00:11:46,946 "I told you, if you stopped working out, you'd lose her." 272 00:11:46,947 --> 00:11:48,180 (MUTTERS) 273 00:11:48,181 --> 00:11:49,582 Jake, this is so embarrassing. 274 00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:51,984 Now my boss knows that I lied about being sick, 275 00:11:51,985 --> 00:11:54,119 and everyone else thinks that I'm an adulterer. 276 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:55,921 Do you think you're overreacting just a little? 277 00:11:55,922 --> 00:11:57,556 (CRYING): I don't think so. 278 00:11:57,557 --> 00:11:59,959 Look at this e-mail I just got from our pastor. 279 00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:01,560 "Can you get me concert tickets, 280 00:12:01,561 --> 00:12:04,896 or was this a 'hit it and quit it' situation?" 281 00:12:08,568 --> 00:12:10,069 Aw, look. 282 00:12:10,070 --> 00:12:12,338 Us Weekly is calling Cooper's mystery girl 283 00:12:12,339 --> 00:12:15,773 "an inspiration to bland women everywhere." 284 00:12:17,177 --> 00:12:18,510 Claire! Claire! Claire! 285 00:12:18,511 --> 00:12:19,645 - GERALD: Jake! Jake! - BONNIE: Jake! 286 00:12:19,646 --> 00:12:22,281 Mom, Dad, what-what are you doing here? 287 00:12:22,282 --> 00:12:24,116 I was making smoothies for us this morning, 288 00:12:24,117 --> 00:12:27,386 and I realized I didn't have enough vodka, so... 289 00:12:27,387 --> 00:12:29,622 so I ran out to the store 290 00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:32,625 to get another case, and I see this. 291 00:12:32,626 --> 00:12:34,627 My daughter cheating on her husband 292 00:12:34,628 --> 00:12:37,062 with the singer of my favorite workout music. 293 00:12:37,063 --> 00:12:38,664 How could you do this? 294 00:12:38,665 --> 00:12:42,166 Claire, you've ruined Zumba for me. 295 00:12:43,270 --> 00:12:45,804 Jake, I hate that this has happened to you. 296 00:12:45,805 --> 00:12:46,972 Look, you're a good guy, and I think 297 00:12:46,973 --> 00:12:49,275 I speak for both Bonnie and me when I say 298 00:12:49,276 --> 00:12:51,076 take care and good luck. 299 00:12:51,077 --> 00:12:52,645 Thanks for everything. 300 00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:54,013 CLAIRE: Okay, guys, stop. 301 00:12:54,014 --> 00:12:55,814 I am not having an affair with Cooper. 302 00:12:55,815 --> 00:12:58,817 He is Jake's client, and he is just staying with us. 303 00:12:58,818 --> 00:13:00,219 - Morning, guys. - Oh! 304 00:13:00,220 --> 00:13:03,555 - Hey. H-Hey. Whoa. - (SCREAMING) 305 00:13:03,556 --> 00:13:05,591 CLAIRE: Okay. 306 00:13:05,592 --> 00:13:08,594 Cooper, I'm sorry. These are my parents. 307 00:13:08,595 --> 00:13:10,663 Okay. It's so lovely to meet you. 308 00:13:10,664 --> 00:13:13,766 Oh. Oh, that's... oh. Ha! Ho, ho! 309 00:13:13,767 --> 00:13:16,168 How about one in the middle? Balance it out. 310 00:13:16,169 --> 00:13:18,404 Hey, why don't we park ourselves in the living room 311 00:13:18,405 --> 00:13:20,272 and get to know each other over a glass of lemonade? 312 00:13:20,273 --> 00:13:23,075 No. This our home. You can't just loiter here all day. 313 00:13:23,076 --> 00:13:24,977 Ooh! (SOFT LAUGHTER) 314 00:13:24,978 --> 00:13:27,146 Now, who has a lemon? 315 00:13:27,147 --> 00:13:29,214 All right, I know you guys are doctors and everything, 316 00:13:29,215 --> 00:13:31,216 but is it possible that you're drinking too much? 317 00:13:31,217 --> 00:13:33,951 (BABBLING GIBBERISH) 318 00:13:35,155 --> 00:13:37,990 Jake, everyone knows that you can't be an alcoholic 319 00:13:37,991 --> 00:13:39,224 if you're retired. 320 00:13:39,225 --> 00:13:40,325 Oh. 321 00:13:42,262 --> 00:13:44,830 (WHIMPERS): Oh. Jake. 322 00:13:44,831 --> 00:13:46,832 I am tired and hungover, 323 00:13:46,833 --> 00:13:50,402 and I am currently the most famous cougar on the planet. 324 00:13:50,403 --> 00:13:53,939 And now my parents are going to never stop coming over. 325 00:13:53,940 --> 00:13:55,374 Yeah, you're right. This is too much. 326 00:13:55,375 --> 00:13:57,775 We have to find a way to get Cooper out of our house. 327 00:14:01,915 --> 00:14:04,746 Hey, congratulations, Jake. (CHUCKLES) 328 00:14:04,747 --> 00:14:06,456 If you're gonna get cheated on, at least it's with 329 00:14:06,457 --> 00:14:08,125 a celebrity you can brag about. 330 00:14:08,126 --> 00:14:10,260 How may I help you, Wayne? 331 00:14:10,261 --> 00:14:13,096 I booked Cooper and Sierra a lucrative photo spread 332 00:14:13,097 --> 00:14:14,731 in Liquid Magazine. 333 00:14:14,732 --> 00:14:17,334 Sierra loves the idea, but Cooper's not answering my calls. 334 00:14:17,335 --> 00:14:19,403 I'm his manager, Jake. He should be taking my calls. 335 00:14:19,404 --> 00:14:21,638 Well, yeah, but I think he's trying to, you know, 336 00:14:21,639 --> 00:14:23,574 take a break from all that craziness, you know? 337 00:14:23,575 --> 00:14:26,476 Sure. But I'm just gonna text you Sierra's number 338 00:14:26,477 --> 00:14:27,911 while you think about this. 339 00:14:27,912 --> 00:14:29,780 As soon as he moves back in with her, 340 00:14:29,781 --> 00:14:32,449 you'll get your house back to start repairing things 341 00:14:32,450 --> 00:14:34,251 with the lady Us Weekly is calling 342 00:14:34,252 --> 00:14:37,720 "the hottest regular woman in greater Encino." 343 00:14:42,293 --> 00:14:44,895 344 00:14:44,896 --> 00:14:46,063 (DOORBELL RINGS) 345 00:14:46,064 --> 00:14:47,997 Oh, who could that be? 346 00:14:51,269 --> 00:14:54,136 Sierra Quinn. What a surprise. 347 00:14:55,206 --> 00:14:57,407 You must be Jake and Chloe. 348 00:14:57,408 --> 00:14:59,142 Well, uh, my name's Claire. 349 00:14:59,143 --> 00:15:00,711 Pass. 350 00:15:00,712 --> 00:15:03,614 Sierra, what-what are you doing here? 351 00:15:03,615 --> 00:15:05,115 I just came to say 352 00:15:05,116 --> 00:15:07,283 that I'm willing to let pylons be pylons. 353 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,787 We're too big a brand to let some old lady 354 00:15:10,788 --> 00:15:12,422 with her original teeth come between us. 355 00:15:12,423 --> 00:15:14,424 No offense, Corky. 356 00:15:14,425 --> 00:15:17,594 That's not even close to "Claire." 357 00:15:17,595 --> 00:15:20,797 I don't know, every time we have the smallest argument, 358 00:15:20,798 --> 00:15:22,065 you get so dramatic. 359 00:15:22,066 --> 00:15:25,401 You saying that makes me want to kill myself. 360 00:15:26,404 --> 00:15:28,472 Jake, are we sure that this is a good idea? 361 00:15:28,473 --> 00:15:31,475 'Cause this girl seems pretty... horrendous. 362 00:15:31,476 --> 00:15:33,410 No... 363 00:15:33,411 --> 00:15:35,445 It's just that these two have taught me that passion 364 00:15:35,446 --> 00:15:37,706 doesn't have to be the driving force in a relationship. 365 00:15:39,384 --> 00:15:42,786 Sometimes it's better to have a pal that you can sleep next to, 366 00:15:42,787 --> 00:15:44,521 like two old friends sharing a hotel room 367 00:15:44,522 --> 00:15:45,889 that accidentally came with one bed. 368 00:15:45,890 --> 00:15:47,357 - Nah. - Okay! 369 00:15:47,358 --> 00:15:48,759 Obviously, 370 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:51,061 you two have some stuff to figure out, 371 00:15:51,062 --> 00:15:54,563 but it would be a shame to give up on something this good. 372 00:15:55,733 --> 00:15:57,633 That old lady does have a point. 373 00:15:58,803 --> 00:16:00,637 That's nice, but... 374 00:16:00,638 --> 00:16:02,906 I'm kind of enjoying my life here. 375 00:16:02,907 --> 00:16:05,976 Yeah, I-I'm sure, but obviously this can't be permanent. 376 00:16:05,977 --> 00:16:08,512 You know, I mean, you're way too young and cool 377 00:16:08,513 --> 00:16:10,681 to be sitting around on a couch eating popcorn 378 00:16:10,682 --> 00:16:12,115 with some lame married couple. 379 00:16:12,116 --> 00:16:14,518 (GIVES A SILLY LAUGH) 380 00:16:14,519 --> 00:16:17,020 - JAKE: That's us. - CLAIRE: Yeah. 381 00:16:17,021 --> 00:16:18,789 Yeah, y-you're probably right. 382 00:16:18,790 --> 00:16:22,392 Um, I guess we can give it another try. 383 00:16:22,393 --> 00:16:26,295 Oh, my God! I am over the moose with excitement. 384 00:16:29,867 --> 00:16:31,401 I guess I'll see you next tax season, then. 385 00:16:31,402 --> 00:16:32,802 Hey, you can account on that. 386 00:16:34,972 --> 00:16:37,774 Bye, Cooper. You know, it's been fun. 387 00:16:37,775 --> 00:16:39,076 Oh, you know what, 388 00:16:39,077 --> 00:16:41,445 you take these Toaster Strudel for the road, okay? 389 00:16:41,446 --> 00:16:43,447 - Yeah. Yeah. - Cool. All right. 390 00:16:43,448 --> 00:16:46,448 Uh, hey, uh, thanks for everything. 391 00:16:47,885 --> 00:16:50,253 It was so nice to meet you, Jake. 392 00:16:50,254 --> 00:16:51,787 Bye, Clug. 393 00:16:53,524 --> 00:16:56,525 Clug? That's not even a name! 394 00:16:57,929 --> 00:17:00,397 395 00:17:00,398 --> 00:17:02,933 Cheers. To having our house back. 396 00:17:02,934 --> 00:17:04,267 It's been a week since Cooper left. 397 00:17:04,268 --> 00:17:06,269 Do you think our boy's doing okay? 398 00:17:06,270 --> 00:17:07,771 Cooper is a human dolphin. 399 00:17:07,772 --> 00:17:09,239 He's happy everywhere. 400 00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:12,509 That's true. It was pretty fun having him here, though. 401 00:17:12,510 --> 00:17:16,046 And it had been forever since we'd gone out dancing. 402 00:17:16,047 --> 00:17:19,716 Oh, what is going on in here? 403 00:17:19,717 --> 00:17:21,685 BONNIE: Jake, Claire! 404 00:17:21,686 --> 00:17:22,786 Oh, damn, Jake! 405 00:17:22,787 --> 00:17:24,755 How could you two be getting it on 406 00:17:24,756 --> 00:17:26,256 at a time like this? 407 00:17:26,257 --> 00:17:29,559 You two, you kicked that sweet boy out of your home, 408 00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:32,763 and I want you to see just how sad you've made him. 409 00:17:32,764 --> 00:17:34,331 REPORTER: Cooper, Sierra. 410 00:17:34,332 --> 00:17:36,266 REPORTER 2: Are you excited to be back together? 411 00:17:36,267 --> 00:17:37,267 Well, we... 412 00:17:37,268 --> 00:17:38,902 I'll tell you what I told Cooper earlier. 413 00:17:38,903 --> 00:17:40,704 He's very happy. 414 00:17:40,705 --> 00:17:43,507 Wow, I don't think I've ever seen Cooper not smiling. 415 00:17:43,508 --> 00:17:44,908 He's miserable. 416 00:17:44,909 --> 00:17:46,777 And do you see what restaurant he's coming out of? 417 00:17:46,778 --> 00:17:48,945 Oh, my God. 418 00:17:48,946 --> 00:17:51,114 Is that Le Jardin Bleu? 419 00:17:51,115 --> 00:17:53,784 No way. He told me he was gonna go, 420 00:17:53,785 --> 00:17:55,685 but I thought he was just saying that. 421 00:17:55,686 --> 00:17:58,121 Turns out he's just a sweet guy. 422 00:17:58,122 --> 00:18:00,757 I mean, it's nice and all, but this is the life 423 00:18:00,758 --> 00:18:02,893 - he's supposed to be leading. - CLAIRE: Ugh. 424 00:18:02,894 --> 00:18:04,427 We never should have sent him back to her. 425 00:18:04,428 --> 00:18:05,695 JAKE: Yeah, right, but... 426 00:18:05,696 --> 00:18:07,597 what's the alternative, have him come live with us? 427 00:18:07,598 --> 00:18:10,066 I don't know, I mean, he needs someone looking out for him, 428 00:18:10,067 --> 00:18:11,735 and he sure as heck isn't getting it 429 00:18:11,736 --> 00:18:13,102 from anyone else in his life. 430 00:18:14,338 --> 00:18:16,873 You're right. 431 00:18:16,874 --> 00:18:19,042 Come on, Claire, let's go get our boy. 432 00:18:19,043 --> 00:18:20,811 - BONNIE: Oh, yay. - GERALD: Yes. 433 00:18:20,812 --> 00:18:22,912 434 00:18:24,582 --> 00:18:26,449 Oh, man, this is so good, man. 435 00:18:26,450 --> 00:18:28,552 Ouais. Ouais. 436 00:18:28,553 --> 00:18:30,120 C'est tr?s magnifique. 437 00:18:30,121 --> 00:18:31,454 C'est tr?s magnifique, Cooper. 438 00:18:31,455 --> 00:18:33,790 How much longer are we thinking? 439 00:18:33,791 --> 00:18:35,858 I can feel my heartbeat in my face. 440 00:18:38,362 --> 00:18:41,131 What on earth is going on in here? 441 00:18:41,132 --> 00:18:42,132 Hey, guys. 442 00:18:42,133 --> 00:18:44,301 Uh, hey, uh, Cooper. 443 00:18:44,302 --> 00:18:46,469 We need... we need to talk to you. 444 00:18:46,470 --> 00:18:48,304 Ugh. Clug. 445 00:18:49,340 --> 00:18:51,074 Let's take a five. 446 00:18:51,075 --> 00:18:53,009 Let's go. 447 00:18:53,010 --> 00:18:54,411 So good to see you guys. 448 00:18:54,412 --> 00:18:59,115 Wait, it is you guys, right? I-I'm starting to hallucinate. 449 00:18:59,116 --> 00:19:02,285 Uh, can somebody get him down from there, please? 450 00:19:02,286 --> 00:19:05,255 Um, so, Cooper, 451 00:19:05,256 --> 00:19:07,023 we've been thinking that... that maybe you were 452 00:19:07,024 --> 00:19:09,192 a little too hasty in leaving our house. 453 00:19:09,193 --> 00:19:11,962 And I know we just started getting to know you, 454 00:19:11,963 --> 00:19:13,430 but I feel like it's long enough 455 00:19:13,431 --> 00:19:15,632 to know that all th... all this 456 00:19:15,633 --> 00:19:18,368 just, uh... just isn't you, man. 457 00:19:18,369 --> 00:19:22,072 Yeah, and-and even though we said it would be weird 458 00:19:22,073 --> 00:19:25,108 for you to live with a lame married couple like us... 459 00:19:25,109 --> 00:19:26,409 We do think you belong in a place 460 00:19:26,410 --> 00:19:29,179 where you could be an ordinary guy 461 00:19:29,180 --> 00:19:32,382 living an ordinary life with two ordinary people 462 00:19:32,383 --> 00:19:33,750 that really care about you. 463 00:19:33,751 --> 00:19:35,819 Um, who unhooked you? 464 00:19:35,820 --> 00:19:37,686 We're not done here. 465 00:19:38,623 --> 00:19:40,457 Yeah, I-I think we are. 466 00:19:40,458 --> 00:19:43,193 Look, Sierra, you're incredible, but... 467 00:19:43,194 --> 00:19:44,761 being around Jake and Claire this week, 468 00:19:44,762 --> 00:19:47,631 it's made me want something different. 469 00:19:47,632 --> 00:19:49,900 So does that mean you're gonna come live with us for a bit? 470 00:19:49,901 --> 00:19:52,202 Yeah. Yeah, I am. 471 00:19:52,203 --> 00:19:54,170 All right! 472 00:19:54,171 --> 00:19:56,506 I can't believe you're doing this to me. 473 00:19:56,507 --> 00:19:59,441 Alexa, play breakup mix. 474 00:20:03,915 --> 00:20:05,916 (SOMBER PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) 475 00:20:05,917 --> 00:20:08,351 476 00:20:08,352 --> 00:20:09,853 Is there anything else I can... 477 00:20:09,854 --> 00:20:11,954 That'll be all, Alexa. 478 00:20:14,525 --> 00:20:16,092 - Let's get you home, buddy. - (LAUGHS) 479 00:20:16,093 --> 00:20:17,912 You want to grab some clothes? 480 00:20:17,912 --> 00:20:19,896 - Ah, I look better in your stuff anyway. - Oh. 481 00:20:19,897 --> 00:20:21,698 Oh. Okay, bye, Alexa. 482 00:20:21,699 --> 00:20:23,298 My name is Suzanne. 483 00:20:25,540 --> 00:20:27,944 All right. Saturday night. 484 00:20:27,945 --> 00:20:29,412 - Should we do this? - Yes. 485 00:20:29,413 --> 00:20:31,481 Okay, so I was thinking we'd try a little 486 00:20:31,482 --> 00:20:32,916 Garth Brooks country. 487 00:20:32,917 --> 00:20:34,251 Okay. Easy. 488 00:20:34,252 --> 00:20:35,652 - Yeah? - Yeah. 489 00:20:35,653 --> 00:20:37,453 Okay. 490 00:20:39,156 --> 00:20:43,393 Oh, we get calls from all kinds of places 491 00:20:43,394 --> 00:20:45,228 Keep your message short 492 00:20:45,229 --> 00:20:47,497 We'll get back to you 493 00:20:47,498 --> 00:20:50,267 Oh, we get calls 494 00:20:50,268 --> 00:20:53,904 From all kinds of places. 495 00:20:53,905 --> 00:20:55,438 Hey, girl. 496 00:20:55,439 --> 00:20:59,476 Sorry I missed the buttery tones of your sweet, sweet voice, 497 00:20:59,477 --> 00:21:03,780 but, uh, please leave a message, and we'll get back. 498 00:21:03,781 --> 00:21:05,849 A'ight? 499 00:21:05,850 --> 00:21:08,417 ALL: Bye! 500 00:21:09,402 --> 00:21:15,502 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com. 501 00:21:15,552 --> 00:21:20,102 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 36866

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