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REBECCA: Previously on
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...
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00:00:03,845 --> 00:00:05,484
Whoever this Josh Chan is,
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00:00:05,508 --> 00:00:07,140
you are... you're obsessed with him.
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REBECCA: So, you're saying that I moved
here from New York
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00:00:08,853 --> 00:00:10,882
and I left behind a job
that would have paid me
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00:00:10,907 --> 00:00:13,045
$545,000 a year for a guy
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I dated for two months when
I was 16 at a summer camp.
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Here's what happened. I was in New York.
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I ran into Josh.
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He made me feel warm inside,
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00:00:19,470 --> 00:00:20,789
like glitter was exploding inside me.
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00:00:20,814 --> 00:00:23,182
Then I moved here. I did
not move here because of Josh
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00:00:23,207 --> 00:00:25,367
because that would be
crazy and I am not crazy.
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I'm so happy that you're in town
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and I don't think you're crazy at all.
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I love him so much.
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- Do you love her?
- No.
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REBECCA: Greg, listen to me.
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You're not second choice.
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I promise. (moans)
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PAULA: He is Josh's best friend, okay,
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and if you sleep with Josh's
best friend, that ruins
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any possibility for when you
finally come to your senses
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00:00:43,242 --> 00:00:44,909
and realize that you are meant for Josh.
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00:00:44,934 --> 00:00:46,100
You're sleeping with Rebecca?
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All the time. A lot.
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00:00:47,164 --> 00:00:49,031
It's Greg? It's Greg?!
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You're sleeping with Greg?!
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I care about you... a lot.
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We have fun together, but let's not,
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00:00:54,157 --> 00:00:55,556
like, plan out our future.
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Wait, what?
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JOSH: Rebecca,
Valencia and I are done.
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Come with me.
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No matter what I do, I feel you with me.
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REBECCA: Can I tell you something?
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I moved here for you.
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This is our moment, Josh Chan.
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I'm so excited that our
love story can finally begin.
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(sighs)
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_
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Did you mean what you said?
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You moved here for me?
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Okay.
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00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:40,716
Yes.
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Yes, yes, I did and I
know it sounds weird,
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but... allow me... okay.
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00:01:46,609 --> 00:01:47,781
You have to understand.
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When I ran into you in New York,
I was at a very low moment.
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And, I mean, I don't know, if
I'd run into Reuben Fishwell...
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00:01:56,571 --> 00:01:58,404
Remember that guy from camp
with the chapped lips?...
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00:01:58,406 --> 00:02:00,974
If I'd run into him, I-I-I don't know,
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00:02:00,976 --> 00:02:02,375
I might have followed him to Michigan
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00:02:02,377 --> 00:02:04,406
and-and started a lip balm company.
55
00:02:05,624 --> 00:02:08,437
Okay, but what did
you mean when you said,
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�Our love story can finally begin�?
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Um, our what?
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00:02:15,724 --> 00:02:17,765
Our... our love story?
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I didn't say that, you said that.
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00:02:20,161 --> 00:02:21,312
Wh-What?
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00:02:21,337 --> 00:02:23,326
Josh, I think you need to
take a moment and figure out
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00:02:23,351 --> 00:02:25,932
why you're so fixated
on every little thing
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00:02:25,934 --> 00:02:27,033
I supposedly said
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'cause it feels like
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you're an emotional stenographer
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00:02:29,337 --> 00:02:30,270
right now.
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00:02:30,272 --> 00:02:31,871
You definitely said, �Our... �
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00:02:31,873 --> 00:02:33,139
Okay, so let's recap
the events of tonight.
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00:02:33,141 --> 00:02:34,607
So, you show up at Jayma's wedding
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00:02:34,609 --> 00:02:36,676
looking all Danny Zuko
in a leather jacket
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00:02:36,678 --> 00:02:38,878
that literally came out of space,
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00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:40,813
clutching my old camp
letter to your heart,
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saying you can't stop
thinking about me.
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Okay, right, but then...
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00:02:43,418 --> 00:02:44,617
The more I think about this, actually,
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00:02:44,619 --> 00:02:46,265
I get more uncomfortable.
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00:02:46,290 --> 00:02:48,298
So, let's just stop
talking about it, okay?
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00:02:48,323 --> 00:02:49,522
Like, 'cause we've had sex once,
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00:02:49,524 --> 00:02:50,990
and you're talking about love
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00:02:50,992 --> 00:02:52,925
and I just think we
need to pop the brakes.
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00:02:54,430 --> 00:02:55,563
Actually, can you take me home?
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God, I'm so cold.
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00:02:57,866 --> 00:02:59,132
O-O-Okay, okay.
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I-I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
85
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It's okay.
86
00:03:03,505 --> 00:03:05,109
Look, I'll let you off the hook
87
00:03:05,862 --> 00:03:08,108
just because you did
me so good back there.
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00:03:08,410 --> 00:03:09,709
(lightly chuckles) I don't know.
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00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:10,601
Do you want to get some, like,
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00:03:10,626 --> 00:03:12,422
fast food and I'll try to forget
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00:03:12,447 --> 00:03:14,847
about all the crazy
stuff you just said, wow.
92
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:17,950
Uh... yeah... uh... hmm.
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Okay.
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00:03:21,505 --> 00:03:22,757
(exhales)
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00:03:24,059 --> 00:03:26,626
I'm just a girl in love
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00:03:26,628 --> 00:03:28,294
La-la-la,
lovey-dove
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00:03:28,296 --> 00:03:31,092
I can't be held
responsible for my actions
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She's an ingenue
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00:03:32,534 --> 00:03:34,600
I have no underlying
issues to address
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00:03:34,602 --> 00:03:37,136
I'm certifiably cute
and adorably obsessed
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00:03:37,138 --> 00:03:38,938
They say love makes you crazy
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00:03:38,940 --> 00:03:41,240
Therefore, you
can't call her crazy
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'Cause when you call her crazy
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You're just calling her in love.
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Blam!
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-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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- Wow, that was awesome.
- _
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- Thank you, Rebecca.
- Mm-hmm.
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You're really good at that.
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Oh, you flatter me, my lord.
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(both laugh)
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Here you go.
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00:04:02,764 --> 00:04:04,197
Oh, thank you.
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(chuckles)
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Oh! But, serious, it's my pleasure.
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You've had such a rough day.
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Inventory's so stressful.
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Mm... actually...
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mm... it's not that big a deal.
120
00:04:13,508 --> 00:04:15,074
We split it up. We chunk it.
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Oh, thanks again for
letting me crash here
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while I'm in between places.
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00:04:19,781 --> 00:04:21,317
Oh, my gosh, of course.
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It's the least I could do.
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00:04:22,639 --> 00:04:23,850
You gave up your apartment to Valencia
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after you guys broke up
like a real gentleman.
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(chuckles)
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00:04:30,139 --> 00:04:34,178
Well, I-I guess it's
time to hit the couch.
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00:04:35,140 --> 00:04:37,173
Oh. Yeah. Uh, yeah.
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00:04:37,198 --> 00:04:38,357
Right.
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00:04:38,382 --> 00:04:41,033
Um, hey, but you know
what, if-if you just
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wanted to snuggle
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in the bed and sleep
with me tonight, y-you could.
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00:04:46,408 --> 00:04:48,107
Uh, I think this is best.
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00:04:48,109 --> 00:04:50,209
Keeps things simpler
between us, you know?
136
00:04:50,897 --> 00:04:52,979
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you're right.
- Yeah.
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00:04:52,981 --> 00:04:55,114
Okay.
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00:04:55,116 --> 00:04:56,949
Yeah.
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00:04:56,951 --> 00:04:59,852
(groans)
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00:04:59,854 --> 00:05:01,921
PAULA: He's still
sleeping on the couch?!
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00:05:01,923 --> 00:05:03,122
It's been three weeks!
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00:05:03,124 --> 00:05:04,490
Well, exactly, our relationship is new.
143
00:05:04,492 --> 00:05:06,325
Yeah, okay, but he's
not sleeping in your bed
144
00:05:06,327 --> 00:05:07,760
and he's-he's not telling
anyone you're together.
145
00:05:07,762 --> 00:05:09,162
Of course he's not telling anyone.
146
00:05:09,164 --> 00:05:10,263
I'm not telling anyone we're together.
147
00:05:10,265 --> 00:05:11,264
Bah-bah-bah-bah,
cookie.
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00:05:11,266 --> 00:05:13,232
Okay, you-you have to admit it.
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00:05:13,234 --> 00:05:14,801
I mean, you just, you really screwed
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00:05:14,803 --> 00:05:16,102
things up with Josh.
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00:05:16,104 --> 00:05:17,603
I mean, the second that you told him
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you moved here for
him, I mean, you know...
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00:05:18,873 --> 00:05:20,673
(imitates explosion) Game over.
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00:05:20,675 --> 00:05:23,176
No, no, no, no. You keep saying
that, but I fixed it that night.
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00:05:23,178 --> 00:05:25,344
I fixed it on the way
home with Josh, remember?
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00:05:25,346 --> 00:05:26,813
Can you take me home?
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God, I'm so cold.
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00:05:28,450 --> 00:05:29,682
O-O-Okay,
okay.
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00:05:29,684 --> 00:05:31,717
I-I-I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
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00:05:31,719 --> 00:05:32,919
REBECCA: You see what I did there?
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00:05:32,921 --> 00:05:34,220
I made Josh
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feel like he was the one
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00:05:35,990 --> 00:05:37,623
pushing me into a commitment.
164
00:05:37,625 --> 00:05:39,192
I mean, it was a brilliant argument.
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00:05:39,194 --> 00:05:40,159
It was better than
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Sullivan v. the State
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00:05:41,262 --> 00:05:42,459
of New York City, in which
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00:05:42,484 --> 00:05:45,786
I proved that black mold
actually raises SAT scores.
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00:05:46,318 --> 00:05:50,131
Brilliant rhetoric, but
if it had actually worked,
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00:05:50,238 --> 00:05:52,840
he'd be sleeping in your
bed right now and he's not.
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00:05:52,865 --> 00:05:54,340
Honey, he's just there for the sex.
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00:05:54,342 --> 00:05:55,475
He's exploiting you.
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00:05:55,477 --> 00:05:57,343
He's... he's effsploiting you.
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00:05:57,345 --> 00:05:58,478
(gasps)
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00:05:58,480 --> 00:05:59,979
He's effsplo... oh, that's real...
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00:05:59,981 --> 00:06:01,214
that's really good. I
just came up with that.
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00:06:01,216 --> 00:06:02,982
I should monetize that.
Should I buy an �url�?
178
00:06:02,984 --> 00:06:04,183
No, it's
�U-R-L.�
179
00:06:04,185 --> 00:06:06,052
- And is it jif or gif?
- Nobody knows.
180
00:06:06,054 --> 00:06:08,254
And, Paula, he's not effsploiting me.
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00:06:08,256 --> 00:06:11,657
If anything, he's, um... respeffing me.
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00:06:11,659 --> 00:06:13,993
Yes. He's respeffing the hell out of me.
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00:06:13,995 --> 00:06:14,961
Face it, Rebecca.
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00:06:14,963 --> 00:06:16,116
What you've got with Josh
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00:06:16,141 --> 00:06:17,440
is an Airbnb with benefits.
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00:06:17,465 --> 00:06:18,898
You are so wrong. You don't even know
187
00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:20,566
what happened this morning. Okay, so...
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00:06:20,568 --> 00:06:21,734
I was getting dressed.
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00:06:21,736 --> 00:06:23,436
Joshy walks in. Hey, babe.
190
00:06:23,438 --> 00:06:25,905
Hey, Ba... duh... there.
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00:06:25,907 --> 00:06:28,574
Uh, um, got to hustle
or I'll be late for work.
192
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:30,606
You seen my socks?
193
00:06:30,631 --> 00:06:32,845
The-the good ones that wick moisture?
194
00:06:32,990 --> 00:06:34,881
I have not.
195
00:06:34,883 --> 00:06:36,022
Ugh!
196
00:06:36,279 --> 00:06:39,385
I don't want to put my gi
in with my dirty clothes.
197
00:06:39,387 --> 00:06:42,084
It's disrespectful to the practice.
198
00:06:42,109 --> 00:06:45,134
Hey, um... this just
popped into my nogs...
199
00:06:45,159 --> 00:06:47,660
Why don't you leave a few things here?
200
00:06:47,662 --> 00:06:49,462
You shouldn't have to
keep everything in your car
201
00:06:49,464 --> 00:06:50,451
like a vagrant.
202
00:06:50,476 --> 00:06:52,723
And I live two blocks from the dojo.
203
00:06:52,748 --> 00:06:54,100
Just... at least keep
your karate stuff here.
204
00:06:54,102 --> 00:06:55,167
It just makes sense.
205
00:06:55,169 --> 00:06:56,602
You're already doing a lot.
206
00:06:57,482 --> 00:06:58,905
I... I don't want to take up any space.
207
00:06:58,907 --> 00:07:00,273
I mean... are you sure?
208
00:07:00,275 --> 00:07:01,507
You will not take up space.
209
00:07:01,509 --> 00:07:02,708
I have plenty of room.
210
00:07:02,710 --> 00:07:04,577
Just put it in one of my drawers.
211
00:07:04,881 --> 00:07:07,013
- Come on.
- Okay, cool.
212
00:07:07,015 --> 00:07:08,936
Yeah.
213
00:07:12,253 --> 00:07:14,647
Is that Greg's sweatshirt?
214
00:07:15,709 --> 00:07:18,291
Greg said he wanted
to go to Emory, right?
215
00:07:18,293 --> 00:07:20,493
No... no, no, no, that's not Greg's.
216
00:07:20,495 --> 00:07:22,695
That's... that's my friend Emory's.
217
00:07:22,912 --> 00:07:24,348
It's funny. It's a joke.
218
00:07:24,373 --> 00:07:26,311
She has a sweatshirt
that says Rebecca on it.
219
00:07:27,467 --> 00:07:29,001
Okay, yeah, that's Greg's,
220
00:07:29,026 --> 00:07:30,914
- but it's fine, forget Greg.
- (groans)
221
00:07:30,939 --> 00:07:32,238
Man, Greg.
222
00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:35,041
I haven't seen him since
you and I started...
223
00:07:35,043 --> 00:07:36,576
(under breath): you know, it's like...
224
00:07:36,578 --> 00:07:39,278
Uh, mm, I know... you know what?
225
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:40,446
- (sighs)
- (chuckles)
226
00:07:40,448 --> 00:07:41,547
Greg's doing great.
227
00:07:41,549 --> 00:07:43,382
I've barely heard from him.
228
00:07:43,384 --> 00:07:46,248
So... he is fine.
229
00:07:46,273 --> 00:07:48,331
Uh... Greg is not fine.
230
00:07:48,356 --> 00:07:50,823
Oh, yes, he is. I
showed you the one text
231
00:07:50,825 --> 00:07:52,358
I've gotten from him in, what, a month.
232
00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:53,426
- No, please, no.
- Let's read it.
233
00:07:53,428 --> 00:07:54,460
Not again.
234
00:07:54,462 --> 00:07:56,062
�Hey, Bunch, sorry
about Jayma's wedding.
235
00:07:56,064 --> 00:07:57,296
�I ducked up.
236
00:07:57,298 --> 00:07:58,270
�This morning
237
00:07:58,295 --> 00:07:59,265
�I found out my mom
238
00:07:59,267 --> 00:08:00,533
�had some bad plastic surgery,
239
00:08:00,535 --> 00:08:02,234
�so I got to go to
L.A. for a few weeks
240
00:08:02,236 --> 00:08:03,869
�and help her take care of the kids.
241
00:08:03,871 --> 00:08:05,471
See you when I get back.�
242
00:08:05,982 --> 00:08:07,073
And that's it.
243
00:08:07,075 --> 00:08:08,441
Radio silence
244
00:08:08,443 --> 00:08:10,076
for the rest of the
month. So, you and Josh
245
00:08:10,078 --> 00:08:11,644
needn't worry about Greg.
246
00:08:11,646 --> 00:08:13,848
I am clearly out of his
life and that's cool.
247
00:08:13,873 --> 00:08:14,714
I'm over it.
248
00:08:14,716 --> 00:08:16,282
Yeah, are you? Are you really?
249
00:08:16,284 --> 00:08:17,817
Because when you went
to the wedding with Greg,
250
00:08:17,819 --> 00:08:19,485
you were, like, in love with him.
251
00:08:19,487 --> 00:08:21,287
I mean, was I? I don't
think I was in love with him.
252
00:08:21,289 --> 00:08:23,556
- You are ping - ponging around.
- No, I'm not.
253
00:08:23,558 --> 00:08:26,692
Yes, you are, and it is
not good for you... or me.
254
00:08:26,967 --> 00:08:28,361
I mean, do you remember when I found out
255
00:08:28,363 --> 00:08:29,829
you were sleeping with
Greg, in the hospital?
256
00:08:29,831 --> 00:08:31,263
I screamed at you so hard,
257
00:08:31,265 --> 00:08:32,431
I strained my groin.
258
00:08:33,678 --> 00:08:34,867
Do you not want the plain hummus?
259
00:08:34,869 --> 00:08:36,135
- Ugh, no.
- Who eats plain hummus?
260
00:08:36,137 --> 00:08:37,403
- All right, look...
- What's wrong, Paula?
261
00:08:37,405 --> 00:08:38,404
It's like you don't even
262
00:08:38,406 --> 00:08:39,646
believe in me and Josh anymore.
263
00:08:41,740 --> 00:08:43,242
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. You don't?
264
00:08:43,795 --> 00:08:47,387
I used to think that you
two had destiny on your side.
265
00:08:47,412 --> 00:08:48,381
I really did.
266
00:08:48,383 --> 00:08:49,682
- Paula!
- I mean, I hate to say it,
267
00:08:49,684 --> 00:08:51,183
but I just... I don't think
268
00:08:51,185 --> 00:08:52,218
Josh cares about you
269
00:08:52,220 --> 00:08:53,352
the way you want him to.
270
00:08:53,354 --> 00:08:55,154
I thought you were a great romance
271
00:08:55,156 --> 00:08:57,156
and, you know what, maybe I was wrong.
272
00:08:57,158 --> 00:08:58,124
What?! Paula!
273
00:08:58,126 --> 00:08:59,158
- Okay.
- I... can't... !
274
00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:00,292
How can you say that?!
275
00:09:00,294 --> 00:09:01,360
- Oh... Okay. I...
- How can you say that?!
276
00:09:01,362 --> 00:09:02,428
- Just...
- No, he loves me!
277
00:09:02,430 --> 00:09:03,663
He loves me!
278
00:09:03,850 --> 00:09:05,064
Listen.
279
00:09:05,066 --> 00:09:06,298
Let me tell you something,
280
00:09:06,300 --> 00:09:08,300
when we make love... the way he looks
281
00:09:08,302 --> 00:09:10,136
into my eyes without blinking,
282
00:09:10,138 --> 00:09:12,505
the way he-he holds me in his arms.
283
00:09:12,507 --> 00:09:13,639
I know it.
284
00:09:13,641 --> 00:09:15,074
I know he feels the same way.
285
00:09:15,076 --> 00:09:16,342
And, hello, this morning
286
00:09:16,344 --> 00:09:18,744
he-he made a massive commitment to me.
287
00:09:18,746 --> 00:09:20,146
Oh! What?
288
00:09:20,148 --> 00:09:21,580
It's the drawer, Paula, the drawer.
289
00:09:21,582 --> 00:09:24,150
I mean, don't you see
what the drawer means?
290
00:09:24,152 --> 00:09:25,361
Yes. I do.
291
00:09:25,670 --> 00:09:27,443
It means you're ducking a homeless man.
292
00:09:28,662 --> 00:09:29,755
No. You're wrong.
293
00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:31,257
Because he loves me.
294
00:09:31,259 --> 00:09:32,792
How do you know? I
mean, besides the sex.
295
00:09:32,794 --> 00:09:36,232
What evidence do you have that he cares?
296
00:09:40,896 --> 00:09:42,451
REBECCA: How do I know he loves me?
297
00:09:43,537 --> 00:09:44,904
It's the little things.
298
00:09:45,306 --> 00:09:46,939
Little compliments here and there
299
00:09:46,941 --> 00:09:49,141
that I secretly stockpile
in my woman brain.
300
00:09:49,795 --> 00:09:51,777
I can live for days off a single...
301
00:09:51,779 --> 00:09:52,990
You really listen to me.
302
00:09:54,545 --> 00:09:56,684
REBECCA: I'm like a sexy fashion cactus,
303
00:09:56,709 --> 00:09:59,618
living from compliment to
compliment, hint to hint,
304
00:10:00,146 --> 00:10:02,787
storing them in my body
through long periods of drought.
305
00:10:03,693 --> 00:10:06,392
I may look dry, but if you cut me open,
306
00:10:06,764 --> 00:10:08,761
you'll find only water inside.
307
00:10:09,670 --> 00:10:11,430
Incidentally, that's also a useful fact
308
00:10:11,432 --> 00:10:13,084
for how to survive in the desert.
309
00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:15,888
But how do I know he loves me?
310
00:10:16,701 --> 00:10:18,648
I guess the only way to prove it...
311
00:10:19,162 --> 00:10:20,998
is with abstract symbolism.
312
00:10:21,876 --> 00:10:25,277
313
00:10:28,483 --> 00:10:30,816
Those jeans are cute.
Want some of my smoothie?
314
00:10:30,818 --> 00:10:34,153
Wait, you should put this
pillow under your knees first.
315
00:10:34,155 --> 00:10:37,990
He gives me love kernels
316
00:10:37,992 --> 00:10:41,127
Each little crumb
another tasty clue
317
00:10:41,129 --> 00:10:43,325
Love kernels
318
00:10:43,350 --> 00:10:45,831
'Cause if you read between
the lines, he's saying
319
00:10:45,833 --> 00:10:47,800
I love you
320
00:10:47,802 --> 00:10:50,369
Love kernels
321
00:10:50,371 --> 00:10:51,871
Save those kernels up
322
00:10:51,873 --> 00:10:54,206
To make a bowl of popcorn
323
00:10:54,208 --> 00:10:57,243
Love kernels
324
00:10:57,245 --> 00:11:00,404
A handful is the
proper serving anyway
325
00:11:01,215 --> 00:11:02,882
I know when you say
326
00:11:02,884 --> 00:11:04,383
REBECCA: I want to go
to Colorado sometime.
327
00:11:04,385 --> 00:11:05,618
It means you're thinking 'bout
328
00:11:05,620 --> 00:11:06,986
The future with me
329
00:11:06,988 --> 00:11:09,488
I know a 3:00 a.m. text means
330
00:11:09,490 --> 00:11:10,890
I was in your dreams
331
00:11:10,892 --> 00:11:13,225
Before you woke up to pee
332
00:11:13,227 --> 00:11:15,561
It's a 3:00 a.m. subtext
333
00:11:15,563 --> 00:11:17,163
And I know you care
334
00:11:17,165 --> 00:11:19,431
When you say �I'm
going to a movie tonight
335
00:11:19,433 --> 00:11:21,867
My friend bailed, wanna come?�
336
00:11:21,869 --> 00:11:25,271
It means I'm the most
important person in his life
337
00:11:25,273 --> 00:11:27,940
Next to his friend
338
00:11:27,942 --> 00:11:29,508
But he's been his friend
since he was, like, five,
339
00:11:29,510 --> 00:11:30,816
so that's saying a lot.
340
00:11:33,129 --> 00:11:34,213
Okay, rude.
341
00:11:34,215 --> 00:11:35,815
I'd do anything for those
342
00:11:35,817 --> 00:11:38,043
Love droplets
343
00:11:38,653 --> 00:11:40,686
Like a hamster in a cage
344
00:11:40,688 --> 00:11:41,954
Slurp, slurp
345
00:11:41,956 --> 00:11:44,757
Love droplets
346
00:11:44,759 --> 00:11:48,227
Each a letter on a page
in the novel of our love
347
00:11:48,229 --> 00:11:51,497
Love droplets
348
00:11:51,499 --> 00:11:53,232
Falling down from the sky
349
00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:57,781
And when I mix it in
with the tears I cry
350
00:11:57,806 --> 00:12:00,973
It makes a full glass of water
351
00:12:00,975 --> 00:12:04,176
God, I'm thirsty
after all that popcorn
352
00:12:05,413 --> 00:12:07,079
I'll be patient
353
00:12:07,081 --> 00:12:09,014
Until the droplets become
354
00:12:09,284 --> 00:12:11,952
A river that needs a dam
355
00:12:11,977 --> 00:12:13,719
I'll be patient
356
00:12:13,721 --> 00:12:15,554
Until the kernels rain down
357
00:12:15,556 --> 00:12:17,957
Like candy on Shaquille O'Neal
358
00:12:17,959 --> 00:12:19,592
In the movie Kazaam
359
00:12:19,594 --> 00:12:22,661
Whatever you got,
baby, I'll take it, baby
360
00:12:22,663 --> 00:12:25,698
- What are you up to today?
-
I'll take it
361
00:12:25,700 --> 00:12:27,633
Your house smells like lemon.
362
00:12:27,635 --> 00:12:29,235
I'll take it
363
00:12:29,237 --> 00:12:30,769
Where's my phone?
364
00:12:30,771 --> 00:12:31,871
It's a stretch
365
00:12:31,873 --> 00:12:32,972
But I'll take that, too.
366
00:12:32,974 --> 00:12:36,909
I'll take all your love kernels
367
00:12:36,911 --> 00:12:39,979
This video ate up
our production budget
368
00:12:39,981 --> 00:12:43,415
Love kernels
369
00:12:43,417 --> 00:12:46,485
We used up literally every cent
370
00:12:46,487 --> 00:12:49,251
Love kernels
371
00:12:50,091 --> 00:12:52,691
Darryl is now played
by a broom on a stand
372
00:12:52,693 --> 00:12:56,395
But like your love kernels
373
00:12:56,397 --> 00:12:59,548
We'll do our best
with what we have.
374
00:13:00,301 --> 00:13:01,901
Oh!
375
00:13:01,903 --> 00:13:03,903
Ow!
376
00:13:11,126 --> 00:13:13,927
377
00:13:18,337 --> 00:13:19,770
I mean, you should see
378
00:13:19,772 --> 00:13:21,134
how Rebecca has messed everything up.
379
00:13:21,159 --> 00:13:23,492
(chuckling): Yeah. �I
moved here for you.�
380
00:13:23,517 --> 00:13:25,184
There's no recovering from that.
381
00:13:25,209 --> 00:13:28,622
That's what I said. But,
you know, she's a child,
382
00:13:28,647 --> 00:13:31,148
and, I mean, it is
obvious she has no idea
383
00:13:31,150 --> 00:13:32,449
- what she's doing without me.
- Hmm.
384
00:13:32,451 --> 00:13:34,051
I mean, he's sleeping on her couch!
385
00:13:34,053 --> 00:13:36,820
You mean the one she
sold for $35 to a stranger
386
00:13:36,822 --> 00:13:38,126
who defiled it with his seed?
387
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:41,291
Yes. And ironically, it's a pull-out.
388
00:13:41,293 --> 00:13:42,993
Which she's not telling
him, because she wants him
389
00:13:42,995 --> 00:13:44,928
to sleep in her bed... Oh,
my God, what am I doing?
390
00:13:44,930 --> 00:13:46,212
Why are we talking about this again?
391
00:13:46,237 --> 00:13:48,365
You know I am trying to wean myself
392
00:13:48,367 --> 00:13:50,009
off of the Rebecca madness.
393
00:13:50,102 --> 00:13:51,329
And you're doing great.
394
00:13:51,354 --> 00:13:54,021
No, I'm not. It's like I need a harness.
395
00:13:54,306 --> 00:13:56,048
Oh, by the way, that
came in the mail today.
396
00:13:56,301 --> 00:13:57,801
God, I love Amazon Prime.
397
00:13:57,951 --> 00:13:59,417
You know, it's like I-I want to give up
398
00:13:59,442 --> 00:14:00,975
on Rebecca's scheming, I do...
399
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,599
but it's just, it... every morning
400
00:14:02,681 --> 00:14:06,696
I still wake up with an
emptiness and a longing,
401
00:14:06,852 --> 00:14:08,652
and... I mean, at first
I thought it was because
402
00:14:08,654 --> 00:14:09,946
you and I weren't boning, but...
403
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:12,158
- we bone all the time now.
- Yeah,
404
00:14:12,183 --> 00:14:14,383
and we just got that harness, so...
405
00:14:14,526 --> 00:14:15,798
things are going up a level...
406
00:14:15,823 --> 00:14:17,504
Oh, yes, Daddy! (chuckles)
407
00:14:17,529 --> 00:14:19,863
Oh! I just...
408
00:14:19,865 --> 00:14:21,907
You know, there's just still
something missing in my life.
409
00:14:22,091 --> 00:14:23,958
I just... and I don't know what it is.
410
00:14:23,983 --> 00:14:25,949
Brendan's been gone for three days.
411
00:14:25,974 --> 00:14:27,541
(gasps) Maybe it's that.
412
00:14:27,740 --> 00:14:29,940
- (door opens)
- BRENDAN: I'm back, Mom!
413
00:14:29,942 --> 00:14:32,142
No. No, definitely not that.
414
00:14:32,144 --> 00:14:35,245
415
00:14:40,753 --> 00:14:42,953
Dude, Rebecca and I are
keeping things casual.
416
00:14:42,955 --> 00:14:44,187
I swear it.
417
00:14:44,189 --> 00:14:45,204
- Really?
- Yes.
418
00:14:45,229 --> 00:14:47,062
Do you leave stuff at her house?
419
00:14:47,226 --> 00:14:48,692
- Dude.
- Okay, I...
420
00:14:48,694 --> 00:14:50,399
I leave just, like, one thing.
421
00:14:50,424 --> 00:14:52,267
She lives very close to the dojo.
422
00:14:52,398 --> 00:14:54,464
Oh, man, she's trapping
you. I mean, stuff is weird
423
00:14:54,466 --> 00:14:56,009
with this girl. She was just with Greg.
424
00:14:56,034 --> 00:14:58,234
- Yeah, but that's over.
- Does he know that?
425
00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:00,170
Not yet.
426
00:15:00,172 --> 00:15:03,360
Dude, okay. It'll be fine.
I'll tell Greg, I promise
427
00:15:03,385 --> 00:15:05,532
Look, I have to live somewhere.
428
00:15:05,711 --> 00:15:08,278
I can't afford a brand-new
apartment. I have to save up.
429
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:09,746
I-I can't go back
430
00:15:09,748 --> 00:15:11,720
and live with my mom
like I'm a little kid.
431
00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:13,001
Hmm.
432
00:15:13,384 --> 00:15:15,399
Oh, sorry, you live with your mom.
433
00:15:15,424 --> 00:15:17,868
No, I don't live with my mom.
I live with my best friend.
434
00:15:19,158 --> 00:15:20,624
Yeah...
435
00:15:20,626 --> 00:15:21,758
So, is Rebecca
436
00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:23,157
like your girlfriend?
437
00:15:23,182 --> 00:15:25,349
No! I don't know.
438
00:15:25,374 --> 00:15:27,807
I care about her. We're close.
439
00:15:28,657 --> 00:15:31,168
I can talk to her in a way I
can't talk to other people...
440
00:15:31,170 --> 00:15:32,235
Hmm.
441
00:15:32,237 --> 00:15:35,274
(scoffs) But... she is a little...
442
00:15:35,299 --> 00:15:38,067
- Crazy.
- I don't know if I would say that.
443
00:15:38,092 --> 00:15:39,458
You want to sleep with
crazy, that's fine.
444
00:15:39,483 --> 00:15:40,649
Sex with crazy's great...
445
00:15:40,674 --> 00:15:42,607
Is it great, by the way? How great?
446
00:15:44,431 --> 00:15:45,782
It's unbelievable.
447
00:15:45,784 --> 00:15:47,451
- (chuckles)
- Yeah?
448
00:15:47,453 --> 00:15:48,743
Like, what kind of stuff?
449
00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:50,272
Like off the menu?
450
00:15:50,665 --> 00:15:53,751
You ever hear of a
Mississippi Love Slide?
451
00:15:53,776 --> 00:15:54,808
No.
452
00:15:55,327 --> 00:15:56,760
What's that?
453
00:15:56,762 --> 00:15:58,495
Okay, you're gross. You need to grow up.
454
00:15:58,497 --> 00:16:00,056
What? You're the one
that needs to grow up.
455
00:16:00,081 --> 00:16:03,290
You grow up! Your mom makes
lunches for you, like, every day.
456
00:16:03,315 --> 00:16:05,282
That's only because they
don't sell crust-less bread
457
00:16:05,307 --> 00:16:06,639
at the supermarket, bitch.
458
00:16:06,671 --> 00:16:08,071
Look, I heard what you said,
459
00:16:08,096 --> 00:16:09,996
but Rebecca and I know what we're doing.
460
00:16:10,021 --> 00:16:11,120
We're adults.
461
00:16:11,145 --> 00:16:13,470
And she's definitely not crazy.
462
00:16:13,690 --> 00:16:15,757
So, I went shopping for...
just a few accessories
463
00:16:15,782 --> 00:16:17,329
- for your drawer.
- (sighs)
464
00:16:17,354 --> 00:16:19,220
Um... Are you ready?
465
00:16:19,328 --> 00:16:22,463
- Are you ready?
- Okay. Yeah... (nervously chuckles)
466
00:16:23,881 --> 00:16:25,814
(�The Entertainer�
plays softly) (squeals)
467
00:16:28,393 --> 00:16:30,694
I know. It's a lot. Okay. Let
me give you the grand tour.
468
00:16:30,696 --> 00:16:31,862
Okay. So, over here, you can charge
469
00:16:31,864 --> 00:16:33,363
all of your devices. We got
470
00:16:33,365 --> 00:16:36,032
HDMI, USB, and this is
a personal safe. Now,
471
00:16:36,034 --> 00:16:37,467
you set the code. I don't know the code.
472
00:16:37,469 --> 00:16:38,535
So you have complete
privacy. Wa-Wait. Wait...
473
00:16:38,537 --> 00:16:40,688
What's that song?
474
00:16:41,135 --> 00:16:42,399
Do you like it?
475
00:16:43,118 --> 00:16:44,040
Oh, it's, uh...
476
00:16:44,042 --> 00:16:45,813
it's Scott Joplin's �The Entertainer.�
477
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,111
Wait. It's like,
478
00:16:48,113 --> 00:16:49,780
Where can I put my clothes
479
00:16:49,782 --> 00:16:52,716
(gasps)
They're in
my own special drawer
480
00:16:52,718 --> 00:16:53,884
Now I can
481
00:16:53,886 --> 00:16:56,079
Stay at Rebecca's house
482
00:16:56,104 --> 00:16:58,972
And still have all of
my stuff neatly folded
483
00:16:59,091 --> 00:17:01,558
Socks, underwear and more...
484
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:03,827
Th-That's great. That... yeah.
That... That-that's great.
485
00:17:03,829 --> 00:17:05,629
Yeah? Um, and-and
you're going to do this
486
00:17:05,631 --> 00:17:07,946
to... all the drawers?
487
00:17:07,973 --> 00:17:09,539
Uh, yes. Yes, yes.
488
00:17:09,588 --> 00:17:11,588
This was, uh... this gave me the idea.
489
00:17:11,613 --> 00:17:14,281
So I'm gonna put Scott
Joplin in... every drawer.
490
00:17:14,306 --> 00:17:15,472
Uh, in fact,
491
00:17:15,474 --> 00:17:16,907
this drawer is gonna be...
492
00:17:16,909 --> 00:17:18,173
�Maple Leaf Rag.�
493
00:17:18,796 --> 00:17:20,163
It's like, um...
494
00:17:20,188 --> 00:17:23,180
Here are the bras
that got too small
495
00:17:23,182 --> 00:17:25,749
I went on a bad birth control
496
00:17:25,751 --> 00:17:27,317
My boobs got so big
497
00:17:27,319 --> 00:17:29,286
I'm waiting for someone
with smaller boobs
498
00:17:29,288 --> 00:17:31,822
To show up, so I can
give them all my old bras
499
00:17:31,824 --> 00:17:33,824
Ah, Ba-Ba-Ba,
da-da-da-da.
500
00:17:33,826 --> 00:17:36,681
So... are you, like, nuts
about your drawer, or what?
501
00:17:36,774 --> 00:17:38,739
Oh... It's great! Uh, you know,
502
00:17:38,788 --> 00:17:41,524
it-it's just when I said
drawer, I-I pictured...
503
00:17:42,037 --> 00:17:43,970
just a drawer.
504
00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:45,860
Right.
505
00:17:46,805 --> 00:17:48,338
But...
506
00:17:48,340 --> 00:17:52,075
would �just a drawer� have... this?
507
00:17:53,478 --> 00:17:56,017
Oh, man, you got them?
508
00:17:56,751 --> 00:17:59,349
Yeah. It's, um...
509
00:17:59,351 --> 00:18:01,306
It's Amazon Prime, two-day delivery.
510
00:18:01,453 --> 00:18:04,120
(handcuffs land on bed)
511
00:18:05,557 --> 00:18:07,357
(groans)
512
00:18:07,359 --> 00:18:08,892
- (grunts)
- Whee!
513
00:18:08,894 --> 00:18:11,161
Yay! (laughs)
514
00:18:11,163 --> 00:18:13,813
(sighing)
515
00:18:34,329 --> 00:18:35,886
GREG: Hey, dickweed.
516
00:18:35,888 --> 00:18:37,235
Aah!
517
00:18:39,774 --> 00:18:41,691
(grunts) Greg? What... ?
518
00:18:41,693 --> 00:18:44,032
What are you doing here?
519
00:18:44,057 --> 00:18:45,323
Visiting my girlfriend.
520
00:18:46,001 --> 00:18:47,497
Girlfriend?
521
00:18:47,499 --> 00:18:50,767
Dude, Rebecca and I never
broke up, you know that.
522
00:18:50,769 --> 00:18:52,435
Well, if anyone else had to screw her,
523
00:18:52,437 --> 00:18:54,204
it might as well be my best friend.
524
00:18:54,206 --> 00:18:57,040
Okay, I-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
525
00:18:57,042 --> 00:19:00,462
She... she said you guys
were over and it was okay.
526
00:19:00,487 --> 00:19:01,845
- Shh.
- (sputtering)
527
00:19:01,847 --> 00:19:03,470
She... she says so many things.
528
00:19:03,495 --> 00:19:05,661
She-she has me so confused.
529
00:19:05,686 --> 00:19:07,953
Whatever. You're dead to me.
530
00:19:08,392 --> 00:19:10,287
Tell Rebecca's friend Emory
531
00:19:10,289 --> 00:19:11,860
she's never getting her sweatshirt back.
532
00:19:12,224 --> 00:19:13,259
Where are you going?
533
00:19:13,284 --> 00:19:15,084
Back to my tree branch.
534
00:19:15,673 --> 00:19:16,923
Your what?
535
00:19:16,948 --> 00:19:18,540
You heard me.
536
00:19:19,958 --> 00:19:22,192
Ca-caw!
537
00:19:22,701 --> 00:19:24,501
(�The Entertainer� playing)
538
00:19:24,503 --> 00:19:26,829
Josh, it was just a
dream. Greg's not a falcon.
539
00:19:26,862 --> 00:19:28,061
Okay. How do you know?
540
00:19:28,294 --> 00:19:30,427
You haven't seen him in a month.
541
00:19:30,843 --> 00:19:33,571
- What?
- I can't see you anymore, Rebecca.
542
00:19:34,331 --> 00:19:36,598
- I can't even look at you.
- Josh, Josh, um,
543
00:19:36,649 --> 00:19:38,648
I'm sorry, are you sure
you're freaking out about Greg?
544
00:19:38,650 --> 00:19:40,337
'Cause it seems like you're
just freaking out about us.
545
00:19:40,362 --> 00:19:42,629
No. It's about what's
right and what's wrong.
546
00:19:42,654 --> 00:19:44,888
It's about ethics and morals and Jesus
547
00:19:44,890 --> 00:19:45,977
and birds of prey.
548
00:19:46,092 --> 00:19:48,563
Can't you see? Until this
is cleared up with Greg...
549
00:19:48,746 --> 00:19:49,745
(closes drawer, music stops)
550
00:19:50,028 --> 00:19:52,032
... you and I are on pause.
551
00:19:52,455 --> 00:19:53,751
What? No. Josh, come... no!
552
00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:56,944
Wait, Josh! (groaning): Greg!
553
00:19:57,845 --> 00:20:00,036
Hi, so sorry to bother you...
554
00:20:00,038 --> 00:20:02,767
But is this Greg Serrano's mom, Shauna?
555
00:20:03,041 --> 00:20:04,708
Listen, I know this is a difficult time,
556
00:20:04,710 --> 00:20:06,176
you're probably still recovering,
557
00:20:06,178 --> 00:20:07,844
and your face is...
(chuckles) just a mess,
558
00:20:07,846 --> 00:20:10,415
but I need to speak to your son Greg...
559
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:12,540
I'm sorry... Your face is fine?
560
00:20:13,841 --> 00:20:15,368
You haven't seen Greg in how long?
561
00:20:16,388 --> 00:20:17,634
Oh. Who the hell am I?
562
00:20:18,023 --> 00:20:19,756
Okay, well, I've had sex with your son,
563
00:20:19,758 --> 00:20:21,602
and I really need to tell
him that I'm dating a...
564
00:20:21,627 --> 00:20:23,071
Hello? Hello?
565
00:20:23,929 --> 00:20:25,845
That's not a nice
word to say to someone.
566
00:20:26,098 --> 00:20:27,649
(sighs) Okay.
567
00:20:27,674 --> 00:20:29,206
I know you know where Greg is.
568
00:20:29,362 --> 00:20:31,262
And if you don't tell me right now,
569
00:20:31,342 --> 00:20:32,875
I will physically harm you.
570
00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:34,352
Without a moment's hesitation.
571
00:20:34,911 --> 00:20:36,110
Just so you know,
572
00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:37,829
I got all that on voice memo.
573
00:20:38,138 --> 00:20:40,470
I record all conversations with adults.
574
00:20:40,495 --> 00:20:42,028
Oh. Very smart.
575
00:20:42,206 --> 00:20:43,572
(sighs) Come on, Chris.
576
00:20:43,715 --> 00:20:46,082
I know how tight you and Greg are.
577
00:20:46,084 --> 00:20:47,884
I mean, you set up
that fake Tinder profile
578
00:20:47,886 --> 00:20:48,767
just to mess with people.
579
00:20:48,792 --> 00:20:51,292
Oh, yeah. Sheila Boobson.
580
00:20:51,317 --> 00:20:52,602
- Yeah. Ew.
- Listen...
581
00:20:52,627 --> 00:20:53,859
I don't know where he is.
582
00:20:54,074 --> 00:20:55,307
But even if I did,
583
00:20:55,332 --> 00:20:56,865
I can't spill my boy's secrets.
584
00:20:56,890 --> 00:20:59,868
He's part of my squad,
my crew, my wolf pack.
585
00:20:59,976 --> 00:21:02,943
He's my boy, my peeps,
my ride-or-die bitch.
586
00:21:03,101 --> 00:21:05,635
Wow. Greg has some weird friendships.
587
00:21:05,637 --> 00:21:06,770
Kevin...
588
00:21:06,772 --> 00:21:08,505
So, here's the thing.
589
00:21:08,507 --> 00:21:09,852
I really need to find him.
590
00:21:10,074 --> 00:21:11,473
It's really important,
591
00:21:11,498 --> 00:21:13,532
so please just tell me where he is?
592
00:21:13,557 --> 00:21:15,090
Look, I can't tell you where he is,
593
00:21:15,115 --> 00:21:17,017
but I can say he's fine.
594
00:21:17,042 --> 00:21:18,704
He's fine? What does that mean?
595
00:21:19,430 --> 00:21:22,665
You know what? You're
clearly no help, so, yeah.
596
00:21:22,972 --> 00:21:24,405
Patrons can't be back here.
597
00:21:24,430 --> 00:21:26,196
It's, like, a health code violation.
598
00:21:26,221 --> 00:21:28,788
You're painting your
toenails on top of potatoes.
599
00:21:29,868 --> 00:21:32,595
Yeah, they're gonna be peeled.
600
00:21:33,821 --> 00:21:35,681
Okay, Heather,
601
00:21:35,706 --> 00:21:37,272
I need to find Greg.
602
00:21:37,297 --> 00:21:39,197
And I know you know where he is.
603
00:21:39,222 --> 00:21:40,688
Oh, I really don't.
604
00:21:40,713 --> 00:21:42,280
All I know is it's
awesome he's not around
605
00:21:42,305 --> 00:21:43,571
'cause I get all his shifts
606
00:21:43,596 --> 00:21:45,485
and now I can finally buy that kayak.
607
00:21:46,566 --> 00:21:48,032
What? I'm outdoorsy.
608
00:21:48,318 --> 00:21:50,283
Oh, God, you're useless, too.
609
00:21:51,519 --> 00:21:53,026
(groans)
610
00:21:53,051 --> 00:21:55,618
God, I really didn't
want to have to do this.
611
00:21:55,620 --> 00:21:57,042
(knocks on door)
612
00:21:57,873 --> 00:22:00,106
Buon giorno, Marco, come stai?
613
00:22:00,358 --> 00:22:02,325
Oh, man, this crazy bitch.
614
00:22:02,327 --> 00:22:04,682
Wow, that was barely under your breath.
615
00:22:05,059 --> 00:22:07,274
Um, I brought you some hummus.
616
00:22:07,276 --> 00:22:08,508
Oh.
617
00:22:08,682 --> 00:22:11,010
It's plain. Who eats plain hummus?
618
00:22:11,035 --> 00:22:13,237
Okay, look, Marco, I know
you don't know me that well...
619
00:22:13,262 --> 00:22:15,268
But I know your type. You
mess with people's lives
620
00:22:15,293 --> 00:22:17,260
and then pass it off as quirky.
621
00:22:17,709 --> 00:22:19,709
Excuse me, I do not do... whoa!
622
00:22:19,711 --> 00:22:22,331
(giggles) Silly me.
623
00:22:22,747 --> 00:22:25,299
Listen, I am looking for Greg.
624
00:22:25,324 --> 00:22:27,940
Uh, we had... a thing
625
00:22:27,965 --> 00:22:29,503
and I haven't heard back from him.
626
00:22:29,528 --> 00:22:30,694
What does that tell you?
627
00:22:30,719 --> 00:22:31,884
Maybe he needs a little break from you
628
00:22:31,909 --> 00:22:33,542
and your
woo-woo-woo.
629
00:22:33,917 --> 00:22:36,245
(soft chuckle) Okay.
630
00:22:36,270 --> 00:22:38,604
I can see I'm not gonna
get anywhere with you.
631
00:22:38,797 --> 00:22:40,130
No, no, you're not.
632
00:22:40,674 --> 00:22:42,499
- (exhales) Okay, good day, sir.
- Okay.
633
00:22:42,501 --> 00:22:45,869
- Hey, hey. I'll take that back.
- You said you didn't like plain.
634
00:22:45,871 --> 00:22:48,260
- No, I'll add red peppers myself.
- That's weird.
635
00:22:52,741 --> 00:22:53,831
Ay.
636
00:22:54,646 --> 00:22:56,312
(softly): Yeah.
637
00:22:57,088 --> 00:22:59,049
Thanks for covering for me, Dad.
638
00:22:59,159 --> 00:23:01,193
Oh, hey, look, any time.
639
00:23:03,355 --> 00:23:05,155
You know, sometime soon
you're gonna have to
640
00:23:05,157 --> 00:23:06,167
tell everyone the truth.
641
00:23:06,192 --> 00:23:08,588
Even this, uh, crazy chick.
642
00:23:10,378 --> 00:23:11,660
I know.
643
00:23:26,636 --> 00:23:27,853
(door opens and shuts)
644
00:23:28,964 --> 00:23:31,131
(whistling)
645
00:23:32,792 --> 00:23:34,792
(popping)
646
00:23:34,817 --> 00:23:36,783
The-the safe is under the desk.
647
00:23:36,808 --> 00:23:38,500
The code is 2738.
648
00:23:38,525 --> 00:23:39,591
JOSH: What?
649
00:23:39,954 --> 00:23:41,920
(rustling)
650
00:23:41,945 --> 00:23:43,121
What the...
651
00:23:43,350 --> 00:23:45,840
Dude, what the hell?
652
00:23:46,130 --> 00:23:47,362
You scared the crap out of me.
653
00:23:47,364 --> 00:23:48,668
What are you doing in here?
654
00:23:48,693 --> 00:23:51,160
Um, I kind of slept here.
655
00:23:51,713 --> 00:23:53,846
Or at least I tried to.
656
00:23:53,871 --> 00:23:55,618
I don't have a place to live.
657
00:23:56,238 --> 00:23:58,171
Is it cool if I crash
here for a few days?
658
00:23:58,313 --> 00:24:00,301
You always say how
Aloha's a chill place.
659
00:24:00,395 --> 00:24:02,094
Bro, this is your workplace.
660
00:24:02,096 --> 00:24:04,518
It's just so unprofesh.
661
00:24:04,544 --> 00:24:06,043
You got to get your life together, okay?
662
00:24:06,045 --> 00:24:08,779
- Grow up.
- Dude, I'm grown up.
663
00:24:08,781 --> 00:24:10,481
(popping, Josh chuckles)
664
00:24:10,483 --> 00:24:13,629
Sorry, one of those was a fart.
665
00:24:13,786 --> 00:24:16,401
Dude, I'm, like, a
year younger than you,
666
00:24:16,426 --> 00:24:19,213
and I've got a house and two kids,
667
00:24:19,238 --> 00:24:21,158
and you're sleeping
on packing materials.
668
00:24:21,332 --> 00:24:23,651
Well, I was staying on a friend's couch,
669
00:24:23,676 --> 00:24:25,129
but I can't do that anymore.
670
00:24:25,131 --> 00:24:26,864
Hector lives with his mom,
671
00:24:26,866 --> 00:24:29,167
White Josh is with his
boyfriend all the time,
672
00:24:29,192 --> 00:24:31,569
- Beans' house was condemned.
- I don't know who those people are.
673
00:24:31,571 --> 00:24:34,988
So my only choices are staying
here or living with my parents.
674
00:24:35,013 --> 00:24:38,620
Dude, you got to figure it out
because you can't stay here.
675
00:24:38,645 --> 00:24:40,692
(sighs)
676
00:24:46,653 --> 00:24:49,020
I don't know what to do
because, if I don't find Greg,
677
00:24:49,022 --> 00:24:50,354
I won't be able to confess everything
678
00:24:50,356 --> 00:24:52,056
about me and Josh and get
his unconditional blessing,
679
00:24:52,058 --> 00:24:53,925
and then I'm-I'm just
gonna lose everything.
680
00:24:53,927 --> 00:24:55,493
Including the Scott Joplin drawer.
681
00:24:56,098 --> 00:24:57,872
- The what?
- (sighs)
682
00:24:58,099 --> 00:25:00,268
It's the drawer
that I gave to Josh.
683
00:25:00,293 --> 00:25:01,999
Never mind. Paula, okay,
684
00:25:02,001 --> 00:25:04,101
I need your help because
I need to find Greg
685
00:25:04,103 --> 00:25:05,269
and I don't know how,
686
00:25:05,271 --> 00:25:06,671
(whispers): but I know you do.
687
00:25:08,541 --> 00:25:10,107
Please, please, please, please.
688
00:25:10,109 --> 00:25:11,709
You're so good at this stuff.
689
00:25:11,874 --> 00:25:13,863
You're so good at it.
690
00:25:14,643 --> 00:25:16,348
It would be so easy for you.
691
00:25:19,018 --> 00:25:21,934
Uh, is your foot on my crotch?
692
00:25:22,004 --> 00:25:24,088
I'm sorry, I forgot what
I was trying to do here.
693
00:25:24,090 --> 00:25:25,379
Paula, um...
694
00:25:26,020 --> 00:25:28,292
I'm desperate, okay?
695
00:25:28,294 --> 00:25:31,228
Really, I-I need, I need to find Greg.
696
00:25:31,230 --> 00:25:34,298
Oh, honey, honey, honey,
honey, I told you...
697
00:25:35,598 --> 00:25:37,134
Oh, my God, this is a workplace.
698
00:25:37,136 --> 00:25:39,136
Okay? No sleeves, no service.
699
00:25:39,393 --> 00:25:40,321
Shh!
700
00:25:40,346 --> 00:25:41,739
Thank you for bringing
me lunch, Joshua.
701
00:25:41,741 --> 00:25:45,604
And before you leave, I've
got a little something for you.
702
00:25:46,136 --> 00:25:47,745
- Oh.
- Boom.
703
00:25:48,011 --> 00:25:49,657
That's great. It'll make things easier.
704
00:25:49,682 --> 00:25:50,658
Mm-hmm.
705
00:25:51,151 --> 00:25:53,484
Sorry, you're giving him a
key to your apartment? What?
706
00:25:53,486 --> 00:25:56,230
That's right, I gave this
man the key to my heart,
707
00:25:56,620 --> 00:26:00,142
and now I'm giving him the
key to my �ap-heart-ment�"
708
00:26:00,167 --> 00:26:01,803
Mmm. (laughs)
709
00:26:01,828 --> 00:26:03,094
(continues laughing)
710
00:26:03,096 --> 00:26:05,329
But he doesn't have a drawer, right?
711
00:26:05,573 --> 00:26:08,165
What, a drawer? No,
because he's got a dresser.
712
00:26:08,167 --> 00:26:09,967
WHITE JOSH: Just for the essentials.
713
00:26:09,969 --> 00:26:12,503
- Protein powder, glutamine, socks.
- Mm-hmm.
714
00:26:13,035 --> 00:26:15,142
- I want that.
- You want broccoli?
715
00:26:15,167 --> 00:26:18,209
No, no, I want, I want a, I want a key.
716
00:26:18,464 --> 00:26:19,610
I want a dresser.
717
00:26:20,128 --> 00:26:21,412
And I can have it all, Paula.
718
00:26:21,414 --> 00:26:23,917
All I need to do is just find Greg.
719
00:26:24,717 --> 00:26:26,117
Don't do those...
720
00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:28,786
No Bambi eyes, you
know I can't. I can't.
721
00:26:29,057 --> 00:26:31,622
Not... no, stop it.
722
00:26:31,624 --> 00:26:33,657
Oh, God, it's so tempting,
it's like a box full of donuts
723
00:26:33,659 --> 00:26:35,192
under my face.
724
00:26:35,194 --> 00:26:37,862
- Eat the donut, Paula.
- (groans)
725
00:26:37,864 --> 00:26:39,030
Eat it. Eat it. I...
726
00:26:39,032 --> 00:26:40,998
- No. No. No.
- Eat it. Eat it.
727
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:42,833
- Eat it. Eat it.
- No. No.
728
00:26:42,835 --> 00:26:45,292
- Eat it.
- Maybe.
729
00:26:51,307 --> 00:26:54,259
REBECCA: Paula, thank you so
much for helping me find Greg.
730
00:26:54,284 --> 00:26:56,217
I know it makes you feel
dirty and hate yourself,
731
00:26:56,219 --> 00:26:57,852
but I really need it.
732
00:26:57,854 --> 00:26:59,654
Mmm. Yeah-huh. Yeah.
733
00:26:59,656 --> 00:27:01,456
All right. Yay.
734
00:27:01,458 --> 00:27:04,159
PAULA: All we have to do is
take the IP address of his phone,
735
00:27:04,161 --> 00:27:05,831
which I have,
736
00:27:06,329 --> 00:27:08,062
and then I triangulate
the cell tower records,
737
00:27:08,064 --> 00:27:11,299
which are way easier to
access than they should be.
738
00:27:11,301 --> 00:27:13,201
Yeah, I mean, Snowden was a hero.
739
00:27:13,487 --> 00:27:15,870
PAULA: And voila.
740
00:27:15,872 --> 00:27:18,206
All of Greg's comings and
goings for the last month.
741
00:27:18,208 --> 00:27:19,503
Wow.
742
00:27:20,362 --> 00:27:23,144
- This is insane, you're so good.
- Thank you.
743
00:27:23,146 --> 00:27:25,280
- You're so good.
- I know.
744
00:27:25,282 --> 00:27:26,815
Mmm.
745
00:27:26,817 --> 00:27:28,316
It's really sexy. Okay.
746
00:27:28,318 --> 00:27:30,151
Uh, let's see, so it looks
like Greg has been going
747
00:27:30,153 --> 00:27:32,954
from his house to a location
on East Cameron every day.
748
00:27:32,956 --> 00:27:34,189
Yeah.
749
00:27:34,191 --> 00:27:35,857
Okay, hold on, it is...
750
00:27:35,859 --> 00:27:37,192
locking down on a place.
751
00:27:37,194 --> 00:27:38,793
What could that be?
What's on East Cameron?
752
00:27:38,795 --> 00:27:41,162
- Okay, like, literally everything.
- Oh.
753
00:27:41,164 --> 00:27:42,923
- (computer chimes)
- There it is. Hey.
754
00:27:42,948 --> 00:27:44,332
- Okay. Got it?
- All right. Okay. All right.
755
00:27:44,334 --> 00:27:46,367
- Come on. Let's go.
- No. Nope.
756
00:27:46,369 --> 00:27:48,136
I... you know, oh, I
have so much work to do,
757
00:27:48,138 --> 00:27:50,004
- and I just, I don't know...
- Hey, Paula?
758
00:27:50,006 --> 00:27:52,378
You're cervix deep
in this now, let's go.
759
00:28:00,536 --> 00:28:02,196
I'm so glad we didn't change your room
760
00:28:02,221 --> 00:28:04,452
- so it's ready for you.
- Yeah.
761
00:28:04,477 --> 00:28:06,845
(chuckles) Your father
wanted to make your room
762
00:28:06,870 --> 00:28:09,123
into an indoor sauna, (chuckles)
763
00:28:09,125 --> 00:28:10,725
but I said, �What if he comes back?�
764
00:28:10,870 --> 00:28:12,736
It's just temporary, Mom.
765
00:28:12,761 --> 00:28:14,395
I just need time to save up some money.
766
00:28:14,397 --> 00:28:18,099
A few months, a few years.
767
00:28:18,101 --> 00:28:21,001
I'm just happy you're coming home.
768
00:28:21,026 --> 00:28:22,587
I can make those
769
00:28:22,612 --> 00:28:25,189
grilled cheese sandwiches you
like with the crusts cut off.
770
00:28:25,214 --> 00:28:26,370
I'm an adult.
771
00:28:26,395 --> 00:28:28,062
I eat crusts now.
772
00:28:28,087 --> 00:28:30,795
Of course you do, sweetie.
773
00:28:30,820 --> 00:28:32,820
Oh!
774
00:28:40,346 --> 00:28:42,495
- Where are we? What is this place?
- Uh-oh.
775
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:44,831
I smell cigarettes and burnt coffee.
776
00:28:44,856 --> 00:28:46,128
You know what that means.
777
00:28:47,311 --> 00:28:48,844
Alcoholics.
778
00:28:49,541 --> 00:28:50,643
But...
779
00:28:50,668 --> 00:28:52,128
Greg's not an alcoholic.
780
00:28:54,331 --> 00:28:55,397
I drink anywhere.
781
00:28:55,399 --> 00:28:57,098
Tacos and tequila.
782
00:28:57,100 --> 00:28:59,751
But I do my study drinking... here.
783
00:28:59,776 --> 00:29:01,784
We're way too sober for this wedding.
How about I get us some shots?
784
00:29:01,809 --> 00:29:04,206
Oh, I don't leave when
there's whiskey left.
785
00:29:04,208 --> 00:29:05,941
I need to take... I need to take a nap.
786
00:29:05,943 --> 00:29:07,075
WHITE JOSH: Ah, yes,
787
00:29:07,077 --> 00:29:09,244
the classic Serrano pass-out.
788
00:29:09,246 --> 00:29:10,645
Oh.
789
00:29:10,647 --> 00:29:12,247
Yeah, I called that one.
790
00:29:12,845 --> 00:29:14,446
Look, there he is, there he is.
791
00:29:14,628 --> 00:29:15,951
Hi, I'm Greg.
792
00:29:15,953 --> 00:29:17,252
Oh. (shushing)
793
00:29:17,254 --> 00:29:18,453
He's gonna say something.
794
00:29:18,634 --> 00:29:21,549
So I'm here because one night
795
00:29:21,901 --> 00:29:24,206
I had ten cocktails at a wedding.
796
00:29:25,034 --> 00:29:26,394
As one does.
797
00:29:26,822 --> 00:29:29,361
And then I passed out in my own vomit.
798
00:29:30,198 --> 00:29:31,596
As one does.
799
00:29:32,401 --> 00:29:35,403
The next morning I got in
my car and a cop stopped me,
800
00:29:35,636 --> 00:29:37,305
uh, as they do, when you're weaving.
801
00:29:37,393 --> 00:29:38,924
And, um...
802
00:29:39,870 --> 00:29:43,111
Turns out, I was still legally
drunk from the night before
803
00:29:43,315 --> 00:29:45,180
and I got arrested, as,
804
00:29:45,182 --> 00:29:48,706
again, one does, um...
805
00:29:49,706 --> 00:29:53,659
The judge sentenced me to come
here every day for a month.
806
00:29:54,862 --> 00:29:57,259
(sighs) My plan was to
knock out these meetings,
807
00:29:57,261 --> 00:29:59,040
get my court card signed,
808
00:29:59,065 --> 00:30:00,908
and go back to being as angry as I could
809
00:30:00,933 --> 00:30:02,699
with just about anyone I could think of.
810
00:30:02,701 --> 00:30:05,745
My mom, my dad, my job, West Covina,
811
00:30:05,967 --> 00:30:08,768
- men who wear skinny jeans.
- MAN: Yeah!
812
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:10,046
Thank you, Frank.
813
00:30:10,142 --> 00:30:11,708
But that whole time,
814
00:30:11,710 --> 00:30:14,261
there was one person
I was really angry at.
815
00:30:14,286 --> 00:30:16,253
That's me, it's me,
he's talking about me.
816
00:30:16,870 --> 00:30:17,800
Myself.
817
00:30:17,895 --> 00:30:19,511
Oh, it's him, it's him,
that's better, it's him.
818
00:30:19,536 --> 00:30:21,323
- Yeah, way better.
- GREG: I'm responsible
819
00:30:21,348 --> 00:30:22,747
for not only what happened that night,
820
00:30:22,772 --> 00:30:24,872
but for the whole mess that was my life
821
00:30:24,897 --> 00:30:26,190
up to that night.
822
00:30:27,342 --> 00:30:28,815
And now I see...
823
00:30:30,409 --> 00:30:32,839
I needed to face something
that I'd always known.
824
00:30:34,627 --> 00:30:36,227
That I'm an alcoholic.
825
00:30:38,409 --> 00:30:39,569
And I've known that
826
00:30:39,571 --> 00:30:42,120
since I had my first drink.
My first sip felt like I...
827
00:30:42,145 --> 00:30:45,480
I don't know, like glitter
was exploding inside of me.
828
00:30:46,636 --> 00:30:47,721
(Greg sighs)
829
00:30:47,746 --> 00:30:50,128
(clears throat) That's
how alcohol affects me.
830
00:30:51,301 --> 00:30:53,368
So here I am, facing that reality.
831
00:30:53,730 --> 00:30:55,946
And, uh, now that I
have, the funny thing is,
832
00:30:55,971 --> 00:30:57,440
I'm not as angry anymore.
833
00:30:58,439 --> 00:31:01,323
At anyone, really, including myself.
834
00:31:02,055 --> 00:31:03,955
I mean, the guys who still
wear the skinny jeans...
835
00:31:03,980 --> 00:31:05,279
I mean, enough already.
836
00:31:05,304 --> 00:31:06,737
- FRANK: Yeah!
- Yeah, amen, Frank.
837
00:31:06,762 --> 00:31:09,262
Um, anyway, thank you all for listening.
838
00:31:09,529 --> 00:31:12,190
And thanks for putting up
with me these past few weeks.
839
00:31:12,215 --> 00:31:15,249
When I just thought you
were a bunch of sad losers.
840
00:31:15,274 --> 00:31:17,607
But now I know that I
am... uh.. We're not...
841
00:31:17,609 --> 00:31:18,878
(quietly): you know what I'm saying.
842
00:31:18,903 --> 00:31:22,386
Also, I am so sorry for
the glitter metaphor.
843
00:31:22,411 --> 00:31:24,712
I don't know where that came from.
844
00:31:24,737 --> 00:31:26,403
Uh, but it felt right.
845
00:31:26,963 --> 00:31:28,550
(softly): So...
846
00:31:30,886 --> 00:31:32,159
So...
847
00:31:32,554 --> 00:31:36,088
is now a bad time to
tell him about Josh?
848
00:31:40,936 --> 00:31:43,105
- (mutters): I don't know.
- Really?
849
00:31:48,019 --> 00:31:52,166
God, I felt so bad at
that meeting tonight.
850
00:31:52,191 --> 00:31:54,191
Yeah, tough break for Greg.
851
00:31:54,193 --> 00:31:55,559
(scoffs) I don't care about that guy.
852
00:31:55,561 --> 00:31:56,994
I always knew he was a boozer.
853
00:31:56,996 --> 00:31:59,530
No, I feel bad because
I realized something.
854
00:31:59,902 --> 00:32:01,815
That glitter feeling?
I know that feeling.
855
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:04,933
I feel it every time
I do those bad things
856
00:32:04,958 --> 00:32:06,324
to help Rebecca.
857
00:32:09,077 --> 00:32:10,620
Oh, it's like my drug.
858
00:32:11,146 --> 00:32:13,013
It's like I-I swear it
off, and then tonight
859
00:32:13,015 --> 00:32:15,348
she just... pulls me back in.
860
00:32:15,350 --> 00:32:18,118
It's like I did another fistful of blow.
861
00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:20,221
I'm addicted to her life.
862
00:32:20,721 --> 00:32:23,857
It's like the high I get
from those vampire novels,
863
00:32:23,859 --> 00:32:25,292
or The Bachelor,
864
00:32:25,317 --> 00:32:28,128
or when I write a really
great legal brief at work.
865
00:32:28,130 --> 00:32:29,529
So why don't you do more of those?
866
00:32:29,675 --> 00:32:32,499
Fill the void with something
you're good at and like.
867
00:32:32,737 --> 00:32:34,534
Write more briefs or something.
868
00:32:34,536 --> 00:32:36,167
Well... I mean, that's...
869
00:32:36,192 --> 00:32:37,743
that's not how it works, Scott.
870
00:32:37,768 --> 00:32:39,290
I mean, I can't just, you know,
871
00:32:39,315 --> 00:32:42,042
go around writing random
legal papers for fun.
872
00:32:42,044 --> 00:32:43,276
All right.
873
00:32:44,786 --> 00:32:46,419
You'll figure something out.
874
00:32:50,939 --> 00:32:51,878
REBECCA: Paula...
875
00:32:52,261 --> 00:32:54,654
Paula, come back to me. I need you.
876
00:32:54,656 --> 00:32:55,889
I don't know what to do.
877
00:32:55,891 --> 00:32:57,991
'Cause I can't tell Greg
about me and Josh because...
878
00:32:57,993 --> 00:32:59,726
(scoffs) poor guy, that's
the last thing he needs.
879
00:32:59,728 --> 00:33:00,961
He'll probably start drinking again.
880
00:33:00,963 --> 00:33:02,662
But I was thinking what if there's a way
881
00:33:02,664 --> 00:33:04,264
for Greg to find out about me and Josh,
882
00:33:04,266 --> 00:33:06,099
without me being the bad
guy and having to tell him.
883
00:33:06,101 --> 00:33:07,601
- Rebecca...
- Wait, wait, wait! Wait, wait, wait!
884
00:33:07,603 --> 00:33:08,802
Wait, wait, wait!
Wait, wait, wait! Wait.
885
00:33:08,804 --> 00:33:10,670
Okay, so I have an idea.
Now, this is the bad pitch.
886
00:33:10,672 --> 00:33:13,073
Something like this. It's
fine, don't worry about it.
887
00:33:13,075 --> 00:33:16,276
So, we arrange, somehow,
maybe through the radio,
888
00:33:16,278 --> 00:33:17,944
for Josh and Greg to win a sweepstakes.
889
00:33:17,946 --> 00:33:20,447
Maybe they win, like,
$10,000 and a trip to Belize.
890
00:33:20,449 --> 00:33:23,126
So they're on the beach,
and a skywriter plane
891
00:33:23,151 --> 00:33:24,642
flies over them, and it spells out
892
00:33:24,667 --> 00:33:26,052
�Josh and Rebecca are in love.�
893
00:33:26,054 --> 00:33:28,054
Now, by this point, let's
say it's, like, ten days in,
894
00:33:28,056 --> 00:33:29,756
Josh and Greg are in great moods.
895
00:33:29,758 --> 00:33:31,329
They've been playing with monkeys,
896
00:33:31,354 --> 00:33:32,926
going to cat hotels,
drinking Mai tais...
897
00:33:32,928 --> 00:33:33,994
Greg can't drink Mai tais.
898
00:33:33,996 --> 00:33:35,161
Drinking virgin Mai tais.
899
00:33:35,163 --> 00:33:36,529
And Greg is gonna see the banner
900
00:33:36,531 --> 00:33:38,431
with tears in his eyes,
turn to Josh and say,
901
00:33:38,433 --> 00:33:40,901
�Oh, my gosh, I
suddenly know your truth,
902
00:33:40,903 --> 00:33:42,669
and you know mine...
Embrace me, brother.�
903
00:33:42,671 --> 00:33:44,437
Now, as they're hugging,
I come down on a parachute
904
00:33:44,439 --> 00:33:46,142
and I go, �What are
you guys doing here?
905
00:33:46,167 --> 00:33:48,362
Did you win a contest? I won a contest!
906
00:33:48,710 --> 00:33:50,643
First draft. All thoughts are welcome.
907
00:33:51,948 --> 00:33:53,480
Perfect.
908
00:33:53,482 --> 00:33:54,781
Do it.
909
00:33:57,480 --> 00:33:59,167
No, you're joking. What?
910
00:33:59,893 --> 00:34:01,655
I've given this a lot of thought,
911
00:34:01,875 --> 00:34:03,875
and I have made a decision.
912
00:34:05,526 --> 00:34:08,361
I can give advice and I can listen,
913
00:34:08,363 --> 00:34:11,642
but I cannot do any more
immoral or illegal things.
914
00:34:11,667 --> 00:34:13,733
No more schemes. It is not good for me.
915
00:34:13,758 --> 00:34:15,479
And if you are really my friend,
916
00:34:15,504 --> 00:34:17,932
then you will accept it.
917
00:34:18,473 --> 00:34:19,940
Wow, um...
918
00:34:21,439 --> 00:34:22,870
okay.
919
00:34:24,346 --> 00:34:25,545
So you agree?
920
00:34:25,547 --> 00:34:28,682
Uh... yeah. I mean, I guess I agree.
921
00:34:29,307 --> 00:34:31,728
Great! Okay!
922
00:34:31,753 --> 00:34:33,453
Uh, I just need you to sign something.
923
00:34:33,455 --> 00:34:35,488
- Mrs. H?
- Oh, hello.
924
00:34:36,496 --> 00:34:37,728
- What's this?
- Okay,
925
00:34:37,753 --> 00:34:39,659
this is just a simple contract
926
00:34:39,661 --> 00:34:40,860
laying out the terms of our friendship.
927
00:34:40,862 --> 00:34:42,095
It stipulates that my services
928
00:34:42,097 --> 00:34:43,229
as a friend are limited
929
00:34:43,231 --> 00:34:44,264
to consultation and support,
930
00:34:44,266 --> 00:34:45,298
and excludes shenanigans.
931
00:34:45,300 --> 00:34:46,299
So you just need to sign
932
00:34:46,301 --> 00:34:49,134
here, here, and... here.
933
00:34:49,159 --> 00:34:51,440
Initial there, there, and there.
934
00:34:52,759 --> 00:34:53,991
Paula, this isn't fair. This is not what
935
00:34:54,016 --> 00:34:55,282
best friends do to each other.
936
00:34:55,307 --> 00:34:57,298
They don't make each other sign
937
00:34:57,323 --> 00:34:58,970
legally binding contracts.
938
00:34:58,995 --> 00:35:01,065
Do... do you not trust me?
939
00:35:01,550 --> 00:35:04,011
Honey, of course I trust you.
940
00:35:05,406 --> 00:35:07,330
I don't trust myself.
941
00:35:17,909 --> 00:35:20,214
Wow, this is really well done.
942
00:35:20,729 --> 00:35:22,302
I did it myself. You like it?
943
00:35:22,304 --> 00:35:24,637
I mean, no, I hate it, but...
944
00:35:24,747 --> 00:35:26,547
Paula, it's excellent work.
945
00:35:28,269 --> 00:35:29,802
Are you sure you want me to sign this?
946
00:35:33,815 --> 00:35:34,979
(sighs)
947
00:35:35,004 --> 00:35:36,776
For friendship.
948
00:35:42,858 --> 00:35:44,324
Whew!
949
00:35:47,927 --> 00:35:49,526
Thank you.
950
00:36:00,089 --> 00:36:02,609
Dude, you are gonna love
living with your parents.
951
00:36:02,611 --> 00:36:04,544
I mean, everyone says the best part
952
00:36:04,546 --> 00:36:06,246
is the laundry, but I
don't care about that.
953
00:36:06,248 --> 00:36:08,948
Real talk, if I have a nightmare,
954
00:36:09,082 --> 00:36:10,448
I don't have to tough it out.
955
00:36:10,612 --> 00:36:11,618
You hear what I'm saying?
956
00:36:12,003 --> 00:36:13,136
Sounds great.
957
00:36:14,289 --> 00:36:15,555
You're doing the right thing, man.
958
00:36:16,237 --> 00:36:18,380
Maybe one of these nights we
can both take our moms out.
959
00:36:18,405 --> 00:36:20,080
Double date!
960
00:36:29,764 --> 00:36:31,797
(sighs)
961
00:36:33,442 --> 00:36:36,443
(�The Entertainer� playing)
962
00:36:36,956 --> 00:36:40,613
When your fella no
longer wants a drawer
963
00:36:40,615 --> 00:36:44,384
And you don't want to
hurt your alcoholic friend
964
00:36:44,565 --> 00:36:47,761
God it's so hard
to sing a sad song
965
00:36:48,023 --> 00:36:51,758
With a melody that makes
you want to Charleston.
966
00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:53,827
967
00:36:53,969 --> 00:36:56,269
(doorbell rings)
968
00:37:01,112 --> 00:37:02,612
Hi.
969
00:37:09,650 --> 00:37:11,317
Uh, what are you doing here?
970
00:37:12,009 --> 00:37:14,852
I am looking for those socks.
971
00:37:15,923 --> 00:37:17,452
They're... pricey.
972
00:37:17,477 --> 00:37:19,058
The ones that wick moisture.
973
00:37:20,087 --> 00:37:22,930
Right. Right. 'Cause your
feet are sweaty.
974
00:37:22,955 --> 00:37:24,821
- Yeah.
- Um...
975
00:37:25,214 --> 00:37:26,280
Yeah, let's look for 'em.
976
00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:28,800
Great, great.
977
00:37:29,736 --> 00:37:31,369
Actually, I'm really glad you're here.
978
00:37:31,394 --> 00:37:34,028
I've been wanting to talk
to you about something.
979
00:37:34,287 --> 00:37:35,787
About socks? (chuckles)
980
00:37:35,812 --> 00:37:36,454
No.
981
00:37:36,565 --> 00:37:37,876
Um...
982
00:37:39,290 --> 00:37:41,557
I think you were right
about the Greg thing.
983
00:37:41,559 --> 00:37:43,649
It's just, I have this, um...
984
00:37:44,129 --> 00:37:48,464
intuition that he's not
in a good place right now.
985
00:37:49,179 --> 00:37:50,742
So I agree with you.
986
00:37:50,902 --> 00:37:52,635
You're, um, very smart and wise,
987
00:37:52,637 --> 00:37:54,548
as usual.
988
00:37:56,408 --> 00:37:59,075
Until we make things okay with Greg,
989
00:37:59,077 --> 00:38:01,177
I do not think we should interact
990
00:38:01,179 --> 00:38:02,774
in a romantic way.
991
00:38:03,877 --> 00:38:05,510
Oh, God, I am so glad I came over
992
00:38:05,535 --> 00:38:07,251
and we are on the same page.
993
00:38:07,945 --> 00:38:09,860
I feel the exact same way.
994
00:38:10,438 --> 00:38:12,070
I'm so relieved.
995
00:38:12,095 --> 00:38:14,624
I mean, this is the best
I've felt in a long time.
996
00:38:14,626 --> 00:38:17,727
Yeah, I'm-I'm glad that
we're practicing self-control.
997
00:38:17,729 --> 00:38:19,395
Me, too. We're super mature.
998
00:38:19,397 --> 00:38:20,930
- Yeah.
- Yeah!
999
00:38:20,932 --> 00:38:23,266
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah.
1000
00:38:23,268 --> 00:38:24,867
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1001
00:38:24,869 --> 00:38:26,869
- Yeah.
- Yeah...
1002
00:38:26,871 --> 00:38:29,505
1003
00:38:33,978 --> 00:38:36,279
We should definitely
not have sex right now
1004
00:38:36,281 --> 00:38:39,115
We should definitely
not have sex right now
1005
00:38:39,117 --> 00:38:44,020
It would complicate
the situation
1006
00:38:44,022 --> 00:38:46,422
It's the adult thing to
not have sex right now
1007
00:38:46,424 --> 00:38:49,258
We have the common sense
not to have sex right now
1008
00:38:49,260 --> 00:38:50,693
I need time to reflect
1009
00:38:50,695 --> 00:38:53,463
And I'm in a really weird place
1010
00:38:53,465 --> 00:38:56,098
1011
00:38:59,070 --> 00:39:02,038
It feels so good to
be having sex right now
1012
00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:04,574
It's so good to be
having sex right now
1013
00:39:04,576 --> 00:39:06,943
BOTH:
What makes it
so good is we just said
1014
00:39:06,945 --> 00:39:09,712
We shouldn't be
having sex right now
1015
00:39:09,714 --> 00:39:12,014
But now we can't stop
having sex right now
1016
00:39:12,016 --> 00:39:15,184
I mean, it would be
weirder to stop having sex
1017
00:39:15,186 --> 00:39:18,988
Such a good point, we
might as well just finish
1018
00:39:18,990 --> 00:39:21,657
1019
00:39:29,601 --> 00:39:32,401
We should definitely
not have sex again
1020
00:39:32,403 --> 00:39:35,538
We should definitely
not have sex again
1021
00:39:35,540 --> 00:39:39,709
What are we, bonobos in a tree?
1022
00:39:39,711 --> 00:39:42,812
There's no reason
to have sex again
1023
00:39:42,814 --> 00:39:45,448
But I'll be ready
to go again in ten
1024
00:39:45,450 --> 00:39:48,184
Okay, what if we say this
is the last sex night?
1025
00:39:48,186 --> 00:39:50,820
It's like in movies when
robbers do one last heist
1026
00:39:50,822 --> 00:39:53,189
Tonight will be
our last sex heist
1027
00:39:53,191 --> 00:39:58,761
But then again, those
movies always get a sequel.
1028
00:39:58,763 --> 00:40:00,930
(song ends)
1029
00:40:01,483 --> 00:40:03,199
- Yeah, I don't...
- I don't... (mutters)
1030
00:40:03,201 --> 00:40:05,768
(both moaning)
1031
00:40:06,534 --> 00:40:09,616
_
1032
00:40:40,605 --> 00:40:42,905
(speaking indistinctly)
1033
00:40:42,907 --> 00:40:45,608
1034
00:40:56,688 --> 00:40:58,888
- This?
- Yeah, this.
1035
00:40:58,890 --> 00:41:01,524
1036
00:41:15,907 --> 00:41:18,541
1037
00:41:21,940 --> 00:41:24,068
_
1038
00:41:30,396 --> 00:41:33,553
_
1039
00:41:41,889 --> 00:41:42,921
DIRECTOR: And cut!
1040
00:41:42,923 --> 00:41:44,089
REBECCA: Great job!
1041
00:41:44,091 --> 00:41:46,925
Everyone, so good. Great take.
1042
00:41:46,927 --> 00:41:49,595
So, what's this for
again? Is it for TV, film?
1043
00:41:49,597 --> 00:41:51,762
Oh. No, no, this is just in my head.
1044
00:41:51,787 --> 00:41:52,931
What do you mean, in your head?
1045
00:41:52,933 --> 00:41:55,434
This is all fake. Yeah, this is, um...
1046
00:41:55,436 --> 00:41:58,139
It's like an emotional
thesis statement for myself.
1047
00:41:58,164 --> 00:41:59,631
None of you exist.
1048
00:42:00,107 --> 00:42:01,173
But that can't be true.
1049
00:42:01,175 --> 00:42:02,775
I have feelings, I have memories.
1050
00:42:03,131 --> 00:42:05,511
No, you don't. I just have
an active fantasy life.
1051
00:42:05,513 --> 00:42:07,613
I created you, and I can destroy you.
1052
00:42:07,904 --> 00:42:09,403
Okay, let's run it again.
1053
00:42:09,428 --> 00:42:11,628
Do I exist?
1054
00:42:12,685 --> 00:42:14,086
Anyone else have any questions?
1055
00:42:14,392 --> 00:42:17,493
Okay, from the top. Thanks. Bye.
1056
00:42:17,517 --> 00:42:22,318
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
1057
00:42:22,368 --> 00:42:26,918
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
75716
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