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1
00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:18,914
(Whistling)
2
00:00:18,916 --> 00:00:21,350
Hey! You have any change?
3
00:00:21,352 --> 00:00:23,018
Oh, sorry. I only have 20s.
4
00:00:23,531 --> 00:00:25,078
I got them from working.
5
00:00:25,690 --> 00:00:27,556
(Whistling)
6
00:00:27,558 --> 00:00:29,758
Rebecca: How cute were we at summer camp?
7
00:00:29,783 --> 00:00:32,960
Look, oh, there's us in the
Camp Canyon Grove lunch line.
8
00:00:33,148 --> 00:00:34,163
Oh. So cute!
9
00:00:35,227 --> 00:00:36,734
There's you lifting weights.
10
00:00:36,759 --> 00:00:37,757
Supes cute.
11
00:00:37,782 --> 00:00:40,082
There's you flexing. Cute, cute, cute.
12
00:00:41,031 --> 00:00:44,100
Oh, this is you in the camp chapel.
13
00:00:44,437 --> 00:00:46,749
Remember? You were the
only one who went in there.
14
00:00:46,835 --> 00:00:48,281
Yeah, I know it's not cool
15
00:00:48,306 --> 00:00:49,976
to believe in God and stuff, but I do.
16
00:00:50,809 --> 00:00:52,453
Oh, my God. That's, like... that's insane.
17
00:00:52,478 --> 00:00:53,765
I believe in God, too.
18
00:00:54,351 --> 00:00:55,551
What are the odds?
19
00:00:56,148 --> 00:00:57,710
I think a lot of people believe in...
20
00:00:57,735 --> 00:00:58,820
Man: Hey, man.
21
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:00,539
Josh: What's wrong?
22
00:01:01,288 --> 00:01:03,375
Sorry, it's... Greg's over there,
23
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:07,085
and I haven't really seen
him since our... our date.
24
00:01:07,261 --> 00:01:08,661
You took some guy home
25
00:01:08,686 --> 00:01:10,052
from our date
26
00:01:10,077 --> 00:01:12,610
and slept with him?
What is wrong with you?!
27
00:01:12,635 --> 00:01:14,168
(Sighs)
28
00:01:14,193 --> 00:01:15,392
Hi!
29
00:01:15,417 --> 00:01:16,717
(Laughing)
30
00:01:16,742 --> 00:01:19,015
- How are you?
- I'm good.
31
00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:21,074
I'd ask how you are, but I already know.
32
00:01:21,099 --> 00:01:22,198
You're terrible.
33
00:01:22,578 --> 00:01:24,181
W-what?
34
00:01:24,183 --> 00:01:25,583
She's horrible.
35
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:27,751
What are you talking
about? What did she do?
36
00:01:27,753 --> 00:01:30,221
(Laughing) What didn't she do?
37
00:01:30,223 --> 00:01:31,755
Um, Greg, what are you doing?
38
00:01:31,757 --> 00:01:34,024
Don't say anything. What are...? What?
39
00:01:34,026 --> 00:01:36,160
It's nothing. Uh, uh,
oh, oh, no, don't worry.
40
00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:39,230
I won't tell him anything.
Why? Because I'm not terrible.
41
00:01:39,232 --> 00:01:43,567
O-okay, maybe you had a bad
date, but Rebecca is awesome.
42
00:01:43,569 --> 00:01:44,635
She just moved here
43
00:01:44,637 --> 00:01:45,936
and already she's done
44
00:01:45,938 --> 00:01:47,204
so much for everybody.
45
00:01:47,206 --> 00:01:48,339
No, I can't argue with that.
46
00:01:48,341 --> 00:01:51,000
She has done so, so much.
47
00:01:51,452 --> 00:01:54,353
What's this? Oh, no, no, no,
no. It's nothing! It's nothing!
48
00:01:54,378 --> 00:01:57,112
Pictures from your little summer
camp fling, which you lied to me
49
00:01:57,137 --> 00:01:58,336
and everyone else about.
50
00:01:58,361 --> 00:02:00,395
Dude, you're being a
little harsh to Rebecca.
51
00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:01,752
Okay? Are you gonna defend her?
52
00:02:01,787 --> 00:02:03,287
You're just as bad, Chan.
53
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:04,655
Look at you.
54
00:02:04,657 --> 00:02:06,123
Cuddling up over Boba when you know
55
00:02:06,125 --> 00:02:07,825
your girlfriend would
not be cool with that.
56
00:02:07,827 --> 00:02:09,193
There's a word for that. What is it?
57
00:02:09,195 --> 00:02:10,594
Oh, yeah. Terrible.
58
00:02:10,968 --> 00:02:12,263
Man: Number 31!
59
00:02:12,265 --> 00:02:13,430
That's me.
60
00:02:13,479 --> 00:02:15,947
Bye, liars and terrible people.
61
00:02:18,170 --> 00:02:19,403
That was ridiculous.
62
00:02:19,405 --> 00:02:21,005
He is ridiculous.
63
00:02:21,664 --> 00:02:23,908
Who just marches up to people
and tells them they're terrible?
64
00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:25,542
- I know, right?
- That's insane!
65
00:02:25,544 --> 00:02:26,911
No one has ever said anything
66
00:02:26,913 --> 00:02:28,648
like that to me before in my life!
67
00:02:29,039 --> 00:02:30,614
Yeah, me neither.
68
00:02:31,179 --> 00:02:33,951
Naomi: You're selfish
and dramatic and weird.
69
00:02:33,953 --> 00:02:35,920
You drove your father out of this house.
70
00:02:35,922 --> 00:02:37,288
You're terrible!
71
00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:39,723
Yeah. I mean, yeah, that's a...
72
00:02:39,725 --> 00:02:41,592
That's a bad thing to say to somebody.
73
00:02:41,594 --> 00:02:42,914
That would scar you.
74
00:02:42,971 --> 00:02:45,938
There is nothing wrong
with us. Especially not you.
75
00:02:45,963 --> 00:02:48,773
You're great! You're awesome.
76
00:03:01,789 --> 00:03:03,080
- I should go.
- Well, I should probably go.
77
00:03:03,082 --> 00:03:05,582
- Oh, yeah, let's go.
- Yeah, here you go. Yeah.
78
00:03:05,584 --> 00:03:07,468
Okay. Okay, yup.
79
00:03:07,493 --> 00:03:08,726
I don't care what he says.
80
00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:11,655
I am a good person. I'm a great person.
81
00:03:11,657 --> 00:03:13,424
I do good things all the time, like...
82
00:03:14,203 --> 00:03:15,828
Hi. Here.
83
00:03:16,775 --> 00:03:18,241
Yes. (Inhale deeply through her nose)
84
00:03:18,431 --> 00:03:21,117
And is there anything else
that I can do for you today?
85
00:03:23,195 --> 00:03:24,768
Rebecca: So I did something
86
00:03:24,770 --> 00:03:26,303
that wasn't great.
87
00:03:26,305 --> 00:03:28,205
I mean, yeah, I'm not proud of it,
88
00:03:28,207 --> 00:03:30,908
especially since I came to
this city for a new start.
89
00:03:30,910 --> 00:03:32,643
I guess I messed that up.
90
00:03:32,645 --> 00:03:35,779
But what I did wasn't, like,
Hitler level or anything.
91
00:03:36,070 --> 00:03:37,648
This is a really nice car.
92
00:03:37,650 --> 00:03:40,017
Oh, thanks! It's a 2015 Hyundai Sonata.
93
00:03:40,019 --> 00:03:42,386
It has 185 horsepower,
17-inch alloy wheels,
94
00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:43,854
a four-cylinder engine, heated seats,
95
00:03:43,856 --> 00:03:45,648
and a hands-free smart trunk.
96
00:03:49,046 --> 00:03:51,695
Greg is so wrong about me.
97
00:03:51,992 --> 00:03:54,698
I'll show him. You just watch.
98
00:03:54,700 --> 00:03:56,234
Yeah, you can let me out here.
99
00:03:56,602 --> 00:03:58,068
What's your damage?
100
00:03:58,070 --> 00:03:59,937
(Engine revving)
101
00:03:59,939 --> 00:04:02,773
I was working hard
at a New York job
102
00:04:02,775 --> 00:04:04,675
making dough but it made me blue
103
00:04:04,677 --> 00:04:06,343
one day I was crying a lot
104
00:04:06,345 --> 00:04:07,544
and so I decided to move
105
00:04:07,546 --> 00:04:09,246
to west Covina, California
106
00:04:09,248 --> 00:04:10,481
brand-new pals and new career
107
00:04:10,483 --> 00:04:12,916
it happens to be where Josh lives
108
00:04:12,918 --> 00:04:15,252
but that's not why I'm here
109
00:04:15,254 --> 00:04:17,421
she's the crazy ex-girlfriend
what? No, I'm not.
110
00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:19,289
She's the crazy ex-girlfriend
111
00:04:19,291 --> 00:04:20,324
That's a sexist term.
112
00:04:20,326 --> 00:04:21,825
She's the crazy ex-girlfriend
113
00:04:21,827 --> 00:04:22,993
Can you guys stop
singing for just a second?
114
00:04:22,995 --> 00:04:25,696
She's so broken inside
115
00:04:25,698 --> 00:04:27,097
The situation's a lot
more nuanced than that.
116
00:04:27,099 --> 00:04:29,266
C-r-a-z-y
117
00:04:29,268 --> 00:04:30,511
Okay! We get it!
118
00:04:30,536 --> 00:04:31,890
Crazy ex-girlfriend.
119
00:04:31,914 --> 00:04:34,578
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
120
00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:38,275
(Drumming rapidly on desk)
121
00:04:40,179 --> 00:04:41,412
Hey. (Clears throat)
122
00:04:41,414 --> 00:04:43,280
(Drumming rapidly with his hands)
123
00:04:43,562 --> 00:04:45,449
Hey, would you mind...
124
00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:46,483
Turning that down?
125
00:04:46,485 --> 00:04:47,818
Has to be loud.
126
00:04:47,820 --> 00:04:50,120
If I can't hear the bass, my rhythm's off.
127
00:04:50,122 --> 00:04:51,755
(Laughter)
128
00:04:52,242 --> 00:04:53,157
Hello?!
129
00:04:53,159 --> 00:04:55,859
Oh, hello. I'm sorry, Pamela.
130
00:04:55,861 --> 00:04:57,127
Paula.
131
00:04:57,129 --> 00:04:59,963
Oh, well... I apologized to Pamela,
132
00:04:59,965 --> 00:05:01,832
so I guess I'm not sorry.
133
00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:04,201
(Laughter)
134
00:05:05,281 --> 00:05:06,036
Hey.
135
00:05:06,038 --> 00:05:07,604
Hey, Pam-spray,
136
00:05:07,606 --> 00:05:10,507
did you rewrite my brief
for the Caswick case?
137
00:05:10,509 --> 00:05:12,543
Yeah, three days ago.
138
00:05:12,545 --> 00:05:14,044
It's on your desk.
139
00:05:14,046 --> 00:05:17,448
Oh, then I spilled some
coffee on that bad boy.
140
00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:19,683
Can you hop on your Pamster
wheel and print me up
141
00:05:19,685 --> 00:05:20,918
another one?
142
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,387
Nope. You're rude.
143
00:05:23,389 --> 00:05:24,988
And you're Pam.
144
00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:26,657
(Laughing)
145
00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:29,093
Ooh! (Laughter)
146
00:05:29,095 --> 00:05:30,894
Oh, Karen, did you file those briefs?
147
00:05:30,896 --> 00:05:33,797
No, I'm sorry, my snake is
sick, and I just can't focus
148
00:05:33,799 --> 00:05:34,998
whenever my snake is sick.
149
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,366
Also, my internet is down,
150
00:05:36,368 --> 00:05:38,502
so I can't post about
it on my YouTube channel.
151
00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:40,370
So I was gonna tweet about it instead,
152
00:05:40,372 --> 00:05:42,473
but then my account got hacked again, so...
153
00:05:42,475 --> 00:05:45,843
Okay, Karen, Karen, you told
me all of this this morning,
154
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:47,978
and you're my case assistant, and I just...
155
00:05:47,980 --> 00:05:49,947
I really need you to focus.
156
00:05:49,949 --> 00:05:53,016
I need to go. My electrolytes are low.
157
00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:57,685
(Whispering): These
people are such garbage.
158
00:05:57,710 --> 00:05:58,689
(Elevator bell dings)
159
00:05:59,164 --> 00:06:00,757
Okay, no big deal,
160
00:06:00,759 --> 00:06:03,494
but I got lattes for the entire office.
161
00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:05,896
That's right, more than three bucks!
162
00:06:05,898 --> 00:06:08,198
And everyone's name is
written correctly on the cup.
163
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,968
Also, I brought donuts for everybody.
164
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:12,903
And I'm not talking
about the plain ones, no,
165
00:06:12,905 --> 00:06:14,605
they got all the goop on them.
166
00:06:14,607 --> 00:06:16,507
So come get it.
167
00:06:16,509 --> 00:06:18,742
Oh, Karen. I saw that flyer last week.
168
00:06:18,744 --> 00:06:21,178
Are you still crowdfunding for
Long John Slither's fang cancer?
169
00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:22,880
Yeah, I just found out
170
00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:24,214
- it's terminal.
- Oh, my God.
171
00:06:24,216 --> 00:06:25,916
We're gonna fight this, okay?
172
00:06:25,918 --> 00:06:27,384
I pledge $1,000
173
00:06:27,386 --> 00:06:29,119
to help your sick snake.
174
00:06:29,121 --> 00:06:30,621
- Oh, thank... thank you.
- Yes.
175
00:06:30,623 --> 00:06:32,156
He's in so much pain.
176
00:06:33,031 --> 00:06:34,158
Paula: So...
177
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,193
Clearly, you're still on this
178
00:06:36,195 --> 00:06:37,261
"I'm a good person" thing.
179
00:06:37,263 --> 00:06:39,663
I mean, Greg really got to me this morning.
180
00:06:39,665 --> 00:06:41,198
Oh, come on!
181
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,667
You are not a terrible person.
182
00:06:43,669 --> 00:06:46,403
Greg is just a whiny little bitch.
183
00:06:46,405 --> 00:06:47,037
Yeah.
184
00:06:47,039 --> 00:06:48,071
And sexy.
185
00:06:48,073 --> 00:06:48,939
He should be
186
00:06:48,941 --> 00:06:50,541
a-a search term on porn sites.
187
00:06:50,543 --> 00:06:51,441
Okay.
188
00:06:51,443 --> 00:06:52,576
But who cares what he thinks?
189
00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:53,977
Well, I care what he thinks,
190
00:06:53,979 --> 00:06:55,982
because I care what me thinks
191
00:06:55,984 --> 00:06:58,392
and me wants me to be a good person.
192
00:06:58,417 --> 00:06:59,883
Am I a good person?
193
00:06:59,885 --> 00:07:01,952
Being a good person is overrated.
194
00:07:01,954 --> 00:07:03,887
I mean, who cares about that?
195
00:07:04,033 --> 00:07:04,865
Darryl!
196
00:07:04,890 --> 00:07:05,773
Darryl, Darryl, Darryl.
197
00:07:05,798 --> 00:07:06,797
Just the man I wanted to see.
198
00:07:06,822 --> 00:07:08,188
Are you still selling chocolate bars
199
00:07:08,213 --> 00:07:09,737
for your daughter's baseball team?
200
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:11,228
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay, great.
201
00:07:11,230 --> 00:07:13,530
I'm gonna buy all of the chocolate bars.
202
00:07:13,532 --> 00:07:14,218
All.
203
00:07:14,243 --> 00:07:15,275
All!
204
00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:16,445
Yeah.
205
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:18,270
Now, you might be thinking, "what?
206
00:07:18,295 --> 00:07:19,594
"Rebecca, that's too nice.
207
00:07:19,619 --> 00:07:20,785
It's too good."
208
00:07:20,914 --> 00:07:22,998
Well, that's who I am, people.
209
00:07:23,023 --> 00:07:23,967
My goodness
210
00:07:23,992 --> 00:07:26,076
in "on fleek," as the Internet says.
211
00:07:26,078 --> 00:07:28,545
Oh! But, Darryl, what's wrong?
212
00:07:28,547 --> 00:07:30,814
(Sighs) Shut the door.
213
00:07:30,816 --> 00:07:32,249
If anyone needs me,
214
00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:34,351
I'll be in here helping Darryl.
215
00:07:34,353 --> 00:07:35,453
We're all clear?
216
00:07:35,478 --> 00:07:36,677
Great.
217
00:07:38,507 --> 00:07:39,890
What's wrong, buddy?
218
00:07:39,892 --> 00:07:41,358
It's my stupid wife Stacey.
219
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:42,826
She's trying to get primary
custody of my daughter.
220
00:07:43,585 --> 00:07:45,028
Jiminy Christmas.
221
00:07:45,030 --> 00:07:46,695
I'm the primary parent.
222
00:07:46,899 --> 00:07:49,046
I spend way more time with
Madison than she does.
223
00:07:49,071 --> 00:07:49,770
I mean...
224
00:07:49,892 --> 00:07:51,425
She's just jealous.
225
00:07:51,469 --> 00:07:53,257
I mean, what if I lose Madison?
226
00:07:54,073 --> 00:07:56,207
Oh, I'm in my own private hell.
227
00:07:58,244 --> 00:08:01,845
Well, it doesn't have to
be private anymore, Darryl.
228
00:08:01,847 --> 00:08:02,846
Come on.
229
00:08:02,848 --> 00:08:04,414
Everybody...
230
00:08:04,416 --> 00:08:05,482
I have an announcement to make.
231
00:08:05,484 --> 00:08:06,483
Gather around, it's very exciting.
232
00:08:06,882 --> 00:08:08,151
As we all know,
233
00:08:08,153 --> 00:08:10,020
our boss, Darryl Whitefeather,
234
00:08:10,022 --> 00:08:12,256
has been going through
a very terrible divorce.
235
00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:13,724
Yeah, you know, the "private" part
236
00:08:13,726 --> 00:08:15,626
- wasn't the part I wanted to change.
- Okay. Yeah.
237
00:08:15,628 --> 00:08:17,804
So I have decided to represent him
238
00:08:18,097 --> 00:08:19,963
in his divorce case.
239
00:08:19,965 --> 00:08:21,965
What? You're gonna represent me?
240
00:08:21,967 --> 00:08:23,433
Oh, my gosh, that's all I ever wanted!
241
00:08:23,435 --> 00:08:25,102
I mean, you said "no" so many times...
242
00:08:25,104 --> 00:08:27,070
Bup-bup-bup,
bup-bup-bup. (Chuckles)
243
00:08:27,072 --> 00:08:29,039
No, I mean, I asked
yesterday and you said, "no!"
244
00:08:29,041 --> 00:08:30,507
Bup-bup-bup-bup! I
was thinking about it.
245
00:08:30,509 --> 00:08:31,808
Okay. It's just that, you
know, you said "never..."
246
00:08:31,810 --> 00:08:33,410
So, daddy, you ready to get to work?
247
00:08:33,412 --> 00:08:34,911
- Mm-hmm! You bet.
- Come on.
248
00:08:34,913 --> 00:08:37,447
'Cause Darryl and I need
to focus so hard on the case
249
00:08:37,449 --> 00:08:39,483
we will be out of the
office for the next few days.
250
00:08:39,485 --> 00:08:40,757
Um, where are we going?
251
00:08:40,782 --> 00:08:42,460
- It doesn't matter. Okay?
- No.
252
00:08:42,485 --> 00:08:43,929
Hey. Wait a minute.
253
00:08:43,954 --> 00:08:45,122
W-what about the Caswick case?
254
00:08:45,124 --> 00:08:46,290
We need your help.
255
00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:47,924
What are we supposed to do?
256
00:08:47,926 --> 00:08:49,726
Maybe actually do your job.
257
00:08:49,728 --> 00:08:50,560
Hmm.
258
00:08:50,562 --> 00:08:51,561
You can't go.
259
00:08:51,563 --> 00:08:52,796
I need approvals.
260
00:08:52,798 --> 00:08:55,265
Well, Paula knows the
office, like, inside and out.
261
00:08:55,267 --> 00:08:57,167
She can handle it all.
262
00:08:57,169 --> 00:08:58,602
Paula's not a lawyer.
263
00:08:58,604 --> 00:08:59,803
She's a paralegal.
264
00:08:59,805 --> 00:09:02,706
You mean she can handle
the filing and the coffee.
265
00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:03,740
(Tim chuckles)
266
00:09:03,742 --> 00:09:05,342
No, Tim.
267
00:09:05,344 --> 00:09:06,710
I mean she can supervise everything,
268
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:08,023
including the cases.
269
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,346
Yeah, Paula's in charge.
270
00:09:09,348 --> 00:09:10,380
Cool, Darryl?
271
00:09:10,382 --> 00:09:11,601
Yeah. Sure.
272
00:09:11,626 --> 00:09:13,626
Great. Knock 'em dead.
273
00:09:17,378 --> 00:09:19,545
(Sighs)
274
00:09:39,937 --> 00:09:41,478
Ow.
275
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:42,828
A shard got in my eye.
276
00:09:42,853 --> 00:09:43,742
I need some eyewash!
277
00:09:43,767 --> 00:09:44,966
Karen!
278
00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:47,217
You passive-aggressive,
279
00:09:47,219 --> 00:09:49,281
miserable piece of garbage.
280
00:09:49,306 --> 00:09:52,585
Shut your garbage face!
281
00:09:53,625 --> 00:09:55,559
(Giggles)
282
00:09:55,561 --> 00:09:56,927
You heard what they said.
283
00:09:58,564 --> 00:10:00,007
I'm in charge now.
284
00:10:01,238 --> 00:10:05,473
And we are going to get some
friggin' work done around here!
285
00:10:05,537 --> 00:10:07,938
Do you hear me?
286
00:10:09,559 --> 00:10:10,726
Now go.
287
00:10:14,384 --> 00:10:16,551
(Indistinct chatter)
288
00:10:17,758 --> 00:10:19,959
(Cheering)
289
00:10:23,222 --> 00:10:24,821
Um, why are we here?
290
00:10:24,823 --> 00:10:27,557
Uh, they have great coffee and free wi-fi.
291
00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:29,140
Um, so does our office.
292
00:10:29,205 --> 00:10:30,104
Hi.
293
00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:31,795
Hi. Yeah.
294
00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:32,863
We'd like two coffees over here.
295
00:10:32,865 --> 00:10:34,231
And you know what? Just keep it coming,
296
00:10:34,233 --> 00:10:35,932
'cause I'm gonna be doing a lot of helping.
297
00:10:35,934 --> 00:10:37,000
Thanks.
298
00:10:37,002 --> 00:10:38,502
I like your shirt.
299
00:10:38,504 --> 00:10:39,870
(Sighs)
300
00:10:39,872 --> 00:10:42,305
So, Darryl, let's talk
about this arbitration,
301
00:10:42,307 --> 00:10:44,441
where I'll save your daughter.
302
00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:45,776
Darryl: Save her?
303
00:10:45,778 --> 00:10:47,611
Is she in danger? I mean,
did something happen?
304
00:10:47,613 --> 00:10:49,012
No, no, Darryl, that's why I'm here,
305
00:10:49,014 --> 00:10:51,314
is to protect you from your
evil wife's machinations.
306
00:10:51,316 --> 00:10:52,649
Okay, look, the truth is, I just want
307
00:10:52,651 --> 00:10:53,717
whatever's best for Madison.
308
00:10:53,719 --> 00:10:55,185
I mean, I just want us all to get along.
309
00:10:55,187 --> 00:10:56,640
Hey, chief, just a sec.
310
00:10:59,519 --> 00:11:00,318
Hey.
311
00:11:00,343 --> 00:11:02,159
Hey, can we get some waters
312
00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:04,494
and a breakfast burrito just for me?
313
00:11:04,496 --> 00:11:06,129
I'm sorry if we're loud over there.
314
00:11:06,131 --> 00:11:07,597
I'm just helping out a friend;
315
00:11:07,599 --> 00:11:09,166
a little pro bones work as I like to say.
316
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:10,634
(Whispers): It's Darryl and his divorce.
317
00:11:10,636 --> 00:11:12,369
- He has a kid, right?
- Yeah, that's why I'm help...
318
00:11:12,371 --> 00:11:13,718
Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.
319
00:11:13,743 --> 00:11:16,744
I don't know what you're up
to, but this is about a family.
320
00:11:16,769 --> 00:11:18,068
This isn't about you.
321
00:11:18,243 --> 00:11:19,443
No, I'm aware.
322
00:11:19,445 --> 00:11:21,778
I mean, as a child of
divorce, I understand that...
323
00:11:21,780 --> 00:11:23,914
Oh, spare me, please.
324
00:11:25,796 --> 00:11:27,517
Do you forgive me yet?
325
00:11:28,445 --> 00:11:30,798
Josh: Forgive me,
father, for I have sinned.
326
00:11:31,382 --> 00:11:33,790
I haven't been to
confession in three years.
327
00:11:33,792 --> 00:11:35,792
Priest: Hmm, my son.
328
00:11:35,794 --> 00:11:37,427
You must repent
329
00:11:37,429 --> 00:11:40,507
and do 5,000 hail Marys.
330
00:11:41,062 --> 00:11:42,299
That's so many.
331
00:11:42,301 --> 00:11:45,068
And, uh, 400...
332
00:11:45,070 --> 00:11:46,303
Keg stands, dude!
333
00:11:46,305 --> 00:11:47,370
It's me, bro!
334
00:11:47,372 --> 00:11:49,906
Father Brah, no way!
335
00:11:49,908 --> 00:11:51,274
Yeah, I got promoted.
336
00:11:51,276 --> 00:11:53,076
I can finally do confession now.
337
00:11:53,078 --> 00:11:54,511
That's amazing, Father Brah.
338
00:11:54,513 --> 00:11:55,645
Thanks, man, I've been meaning to say
339
00:11:55,647 --> 00:11:57,581
thank you so much for the nickname.
340
00:11:57,583 --> 00:11:58,849
Oh, yeah, glad you like it.
341
00:11:58,851 --> 00:12:00,784
It was super easy to come up with.
342
00:12:00,786 --> 00:12:02,953
Father Joseph, father Bro-seph,
343
00:12:02,955 --> 00:12:04,654
Father bro, Father
Brah... Bam! Psh!
344
00:12:05,328 --> 00:12:07,491
I mean, attendance has
shot through the roof
345
00:12:07,493 --> 00:12:08,792
- since you did that, man.
- Nice!
346
00:12:08,794 --> 00:12:11,261
Now, what's up, man? What can I do for you?
347
00:12:11,263 --> 00:12:13,163
So, I've been with Valencia for, like,
348
00:12:13,165 --> 00:12:15,131
forever and I know we're
meant to be together.
349
00:12:15,133 --> 00:12:16,967
But someone recently said something to me.
350
00:12:16,969 --> 00:12:18,201
I don't want to say who.
351
00:12:18,203 --> 00:12:19,336
Greg.
352
00:12:19,338 --> 00:12:21,004
- It was Greg, mm-hmm.
- He said something to me
353
00:12:21,006 --> 00:12:23,707
that on one level I didn't think was true.
354
00:12:23,709 --> 00:12:25,609
But on another level it is true.
355
00:12:25,611 --> 00:12:28,411
So there are, like, two things
going in in my brain right now.
356
00:12:28,413 --> 00:12:30,085
Two things are a lot for one brain.
357
00:12:30,437 --> 00:12:31,921
Okay, so let's simplify.
358
00:12:32,671 --> 00:12:35,218
What's really bothering you?
359
00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:39,122
Just tell me straight
up from your heart, dude.
360
00:12:41,339 --> 00:12:44,328
I think I might be attracted
to someone besides Valencia.
361
00:12:48,328 --> 00:12:49,327
Don't get me wrong.
362
00:12:49,329 --> 00:12:50,857
I still love Valencia.
363
00:12:50,882 --> 00:12:52,983
But there is another girl.
364
00:12:53,008 --> 00:12:54,775
Yeah, I hear you, J-town, I mean,
365
00:12:54,777 --> 00:12:56,410
look, let...
Tell you what.
366
00:12:56,412 --> 00:12:58,843
Let's take this to a higher court.
367
00:13:01,664 --> 00:13:04,684
So, you're saying that one
day, you want to marry Valencia,
368
00:13:04,687 --> 00:13:06,453
have kidlings and, like,
369
00:13:06,455 --> 00:13:07,821
live happily ever after.
370
00:13:07,823 --> 00:13:09,423
Right, so then, when I find myself
371
00:13:09,425 --> 00:13:11,125
thinking about this other girl...
372
00:13:11,127 --> 00:13:12,893
- That's a foul, dude.
- I know, I feel terrible!
373
00:13:12,895 --> 00:13:14,661
No, I mean, like, like, watch your elbows.
374
00:13:14,663 --> 00:13:17,231
Oh. So, I think about Rebecca's smile,
375
00:13:17,233 --> 00:13:20,300
you know, her hair, her boobs, her butt,
376
00:13:20,302 --> 00:13:22,169
her... boobs.
377
00:13:22,171 --> 00:13:23,904
Well, it's natural to
have those feelings, dawg.
378
00:13:23,906 --> 00:13:25,606
(Both grunt)
379
00:13:26,578 --> 00:13:29,777
But it's not just that
Rebecca makes me feel great.
380
00:13:30,257 --> 00:13:33,914
You know, she believes in me
in a way that nobody else does.
381
00:13:34,187 --> 00:13:35,851
Well, that's... major.
382
00:13:36,619 --> 00:13:38,118
And that's not all.
383
00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,554
I do other things that are sinful.
384
00:13:40,953 --> 00:13:43,290
I've had premarital sex.
385
00:13:43,292 --> 00:13:45,092
Lots of it. And sometimes I watch
386
00:13:45,094 --> 00:13:48,061
adult content and I take care of myself.
387
00:13:48,063 --> 00:13:50,864
And I don't mean in the
vitamin/exercising kind of way.
388
00:13:50,866 --> 00:13:52,099
Okay, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.
389
00:13:52,101 --> 00:13:53,382
Look, dude.
390
00:13:53,407 --> 00:13:55,374
The way I see
it... you're lucky.
391
00:13:55,718 --> 00:13:58,405
No, man, this moral crisis you're having?
392
00:13:58,407 --> 00:13:59,840
It's a chance to look within.
393
00:13:59,842 --> 00:14:03,477
Like, God is personally inviting
you to take stock of your life.
394
00:14:03,479 --> 00:14:05,979
So, here's an assignment, okay?
395
00:14:05,981 --> 00:14:08,015
For, like, the next 24 hours,
396
00:14:08,017 --> 00:14:10,050
what I want you to do is
write down all the thoughts
397
00:14:10,052 --> 00:14:11,585
that you think are sinful.
398
00:14:12,656 --> 00:14:13,687
Okay.
399
00:14:13,689 --> 00:14:15,460
God is challenging you, man.
400
00:14:15,984 --> 00:14:17,468
It's an opportunity.
401
00:14:17,805 --> 00:14:20,873
- Just like this is an opportunity.
- Oh, come on.
402
00:14:20,898 --> 00:14:23,007
Oh, nothing but net!
403
00:14:23,032 --> 00:14:24,820
And Christ!
404
00:14:25,434 --> 00:14:29,203
Oh-oh, oh-oh,
oh-oh, oh-oh...
405
00:14:30,164 --> 00:14:33,173
Darryl: Oh, Madison, she
was such a fussy baby.
406
00:14:33,175 --> 00:14:34,608
I mean, she would cry all night long.
407
00:14:34,610 --> 00:14:37,110
I mean, these ear-piercing
screams, but you know what?
408
00:14:37,453 --> 00:14:38,312
Are you listening to me?
409
00:14:38,314 --> 00:14:39,680
Yeah, sorry, I-I am.
410
00:14:39,682 --> 00:14:41,548
Anyway, she had this first grade teacher,
411
00:14:41,550 --> 00:14:43,517
- who was an amazing listener...
- Hey! Hey!
412
00:14:43,519 --> 00:14:45,285
Uh... do you know where Greg went?
413
00:14:45,287 --> 00:14:46,420
He went home.
414
00:14:46,422 --> 00:14:47,254
Wait, how'd I miss him?
415
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,022
He went through the back door?
416
00:14:49,024 --> 00:14:49,976
Wait.
417
00:14:50,008 --> 00:14:51,474
I know you...
You're that lady
418
00:14:51,499 --> 00:14:53,037
on the dartboard in the storage room.
419
00:14:53,062 --> 00:14:53,827
Oh.
420
00:14:53,829 --> 00:14:54,895
(Laughing)
421
00:14:54,897 --> 00:14:56,296
That's how we kid.
422
00:14:56,298 --> 00:14:57,531
Me and Greg, yeah.
423
00:14:57,533 --> 00:14:58,999
We make a joke about the other person
424
00:14:59,001 --> 00:15:01,034
in another room that the
other person will never see,
425
00:15:01,036 --> 00:15:03,537
and then we never tell
the other person about it.
426
00:15:03,539 --> 00:15:05,138
It's so funny.
427
00:15:05,140 --> 00:15:06,306
Oh, give him my regards.
428
00:15:06,308 --> 00:15:07,546
Nice meeting you.
429
00:15:07,571 --> 00:15:08,648
Uh-huh.
430
00:15:10,976 --> 00:15:12,079
Okay.
431
00:15:12,081 --> 00:15:13,714
You know, I'm...
432
00:15:13,716 --> 00:15:15,816
- I think I got to call it a day.
- Oh...
433
00:15:15,818 --> 00:15:17,584
I got to go home and think about this case.
434
00:15:17,586 --> 00:15:19,253
I just don't know if
there's enough evidence here
435
00:15:19,255 --> 00:15:20,888
to redo the custody arrangements.
436
00:15:20,890 --> 00:15:22,322
Oh, but you have to come up with something.
437
00:15:22,324 --> 00:15:23,590
Wait!
438
00:15:23,592 --> 00:15:25,336
Rebecca, look.
439
00:15:25,361 --> 00:15:28,414
I need you to understand
this is not just another case.
440
00:15:28,473 --> 00:15:30,674
And this is not just a favor
you're doing for your boss.
441
00:15:30,699 --> 00:15:32,266
This means everything to me.
442
00:15:32,562 --> 00:15:34,201
Madison is my sun and my moon.
443
00:15:34,203 --> 00:15:37,337
She is the candle in the
window that guides me home.
444
00:15:37,339 --> 00:15:38,939
She's the cream in my coffee!
445
00:15:38,941 --> 00:15:40,674
Okay, dude, I got to stop you, sorry.
446
00:15:40,676 --> 00:15:42,843
Uh, maybe it's because my
father's an abandoning coward.
447
00:15:42,845 --> 00:15:44,645
Could be that, but I feel like
448
00:15:44,647 --> 00:15:46,113
you should dial back
449
00:15:46,115 --> 00:15:49,046
the whole daddy-daughter love thing.
450
00:15:49,390 --> 00:15:52,152
It sounds a little like... Amber Alert.
451
00:15:52,154 --> 00:15:54,288
What?! What are you talking about?
452
00:15:54,290 --> 00:15:55,856
A father's love for a daughter
453
00:15:55,858 --> 00:15:57,591
is one of the purest loves on earth!
454
00:15:57,593 --> 00:15:58,992
Oh, no.
455
00:15:59,453 --> 00:16:02,429
I just wish I could explain
how I feel about her.
456
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:04,796
I'm gonna try.
457
00:16:05,367 --> 00:16:07,534
(Country music playing)
458
00:16:12,408 --> 00:16:15,142
Daddy's little girl
459
00:16:15,144 --> 00:16:17,577
princess of my world
460
00:16:17,579 --> 00:16:21,081
I never knew a beauty
like this before
461
00:16:21,083 --> 00:16:24,117
so clever and cute
462
00:16:24,119 --> 00:16:26,353
an angel with an attitude
463
00:16:26,355 --> 00:16:29,423
I want her all mine all of the time
464
00:16:29,425 --> 00:16:34,494
I know songs like
this can come off weird
465
00:16:36,231 --> 00:16:37,831
but there's nothing weird
466
00:16:37,833 --> 00:16:42,269
about helping daddy trim his beard
467
00:16:43,605 --> 00:16:45,172
dads do that
468
00:16:45,174 --> 00:16:47,941
'cause I love my daughter
469
00:16:47,943 --> 00:16:50,510
but not in a creepy way
470
00:16:50,512 --> 00:16:54,414
no, I realize father-daughter
love comes off that way
471
00:16:54,416 --> 00:16:56,650
I just love my daughter
472
00:16:56,652 --> 00:16:59,820
but again, not in a creepy way
473
00:16:59,822 --> 00:17:04,591
the father-daughter dates
surrounded by adorable girls
474
00:17:04,593 --> 00:17:07,894
but there's only
one that's got my eye
475
00:17:07,896 --> 00:17:10,464
her feet on my shoes
476
00:17:10,466 --> 00:17:11,898
her hands on my hips
477
00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:15,502
yeah, it's a weird visual
now that I think of it
478
00:17:15,504 --> 00:17:20,340
I know lines like that
can skeeve people out
479
00:17:22,211 --> 00:17:25,012
but when it comes to tickling
480
00:17:25,014 --> 00:17:26,513
(Whoops)
481
00:17:26,515 --> 00:17:28,582
She about to get it now
482
00:17:28,584 --> 00:17:31,852
I'm very careful where
I tickle my daughter
483
00:17:31,854 --> 00:17:34,321
never inappropriately
484
00:17:34,323 --> 00:17:36,390
I can see how that came out
485
00:17:36,392 --> 00:17:38,525
a bit confusingly
486
00:17:38,527 --> 00:17:40,427
I just love my daughter
487
00:17:40,429 --> 00:17:43,797
but seriously, not in a creepy way
488
00:17:43,799 --> 00:17:45,999
one day she'll fall in love
489
00:17:46,001 --> 00:17:47,601
and I'll give her away
490
00:17:47,603 --> 00:17:49,836
not like I ever had her
491
00:17:49,838 --> 00:17:52,072
what a weird thing to say
492
00:17:52,074 --> 00:17:54,074
I can see it now
493
00:17:54,076 --> 00:17:55,942
she'll look just like her mom
494
00:17:55,944 --> 00:17:58,178
granted, I did have
sex with her mom
495
00:17:58,180 --> 00:18:02,115
oh, but this is different,
'cause I love my daughter
496
00:18:02,117 --> 00:18:04,785
but not in a love-love way
497
00:18:04,787 --> 00:18:07,320
did you get what I...
(Groans)
498
00:18:07,322 --> 00:18:09,156
What I mean to say is
499
00:18:09,158 --> 00:18:10,791
I'll just stop talking
500
00:18:10,793 --> 00:18:13,060
having a daughter
501
00:18:13,062 --> 00:18:17,284
is weird.
502
00:18:18,154 --> 00:18:19,243
You know what?
503
00:18:19,450 --> 00:18:21,068
That was actually kind of moving.
504
00:18:21,435 --> 00:18:22,469
Really?
505
00:18:22,471 --> 00:18:24,171
Yes.
506
00:18:24,173 --> 00:18:25,983
And it gave me a brilliant idea.
507
00:18:26,357 --> 00:18:28,036
Is Madison home from school yet?
508
00:18:28,744 --> 00:18:30,110
Don't look so sad.
509
00:18:30,112 --> 00:18:32,312
You will get your
pho... thank you.
510
00:18:32,314 --> 00:18:34,314
You'll get them back at
the end of the workday,
511
00:18:34,316 --> 00:18:36,216
which may be midnight.
512
00:18:36,218 --> 00:18:38,085
I got to go... some
bitch wants my phone.
513
00:18:38,087 --> 00:18:39,920
Oh, my God, I'm gonna strangle you.
514
00:18:39,922 --> 00:18:41,288
Put it in. Put it in. Put it in the box!
515
00:18:41,290 --> 00:18:42,522
Thank you.
516
00:18:47,096 --> 00:18:48,695
This is my gumball machine!
517
00:18:48,697 --> 00:18:50,430
It is not your gumball machine!
518
00:18:50,432 --> 00:18:52,499
- It is everybody's gumball machine.
- No!
519
00:18:52,501 --> 00:18:56,103
You are not Don Draper!
520
00:19:00,482 --> 00:19:02,776
Darryl is so damn disorganized.
521
00:19:02,778 --> 00:19:06,346
Some of the papers in here are so old.
522
00:19:06,794 --> 00:19:07,981
Oh, good news.
523
00:19:07,983 --> 00:19:10,117
I found a coupon from Blockbuster.
524
00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:12,452
The Color Purple is now
available on laser-disc.
525
00:19:19,536 --> 00:19:21,044
Okay, that's strange.
526
00:19:21,069 --> 00:19:22,639
Paula, Paula?
527
00:19:22,664 --> 00:19:24,431
I have a weird tampon thing happening.
528
00:19:24,433 --> 00:19:26,982
Bup, bup, bup! Karen, shut it down.
529
00:19:48,396 --> 00:19:50,104
Oh, Tim.
530
00:19:50,562 --> 00:19:51,786
Oh.
531
00:19:53,075 --> 00:19:54,227
Hi, Paula.
532
00:19:54,229 --> 00:19:56,163
So now you know my name.
533
00:19:56,165 --> 00:19:57,931
Interesting.
534
00:19:57,933 --> 00:19:59,399
Listen, I'm sorry about...
535
00:19:59,401 --> 00:20:02,012
Bup, bup, bup, bup. Did you say "about"
536
00:20:02,037 --> 00:20:05,639
or "a-boot"?
537
00:20:05,841 --> 00:20:07,541
That's right, Timster.
538
00:20:07,543 --> 00:20:09,209
I know the truth.
539
00:20:09,211 --> 00:20:10,977
Please, you can't tell anyone.
540
00:20:10,979 --> 00:20:12,279
Don't tell anyone what?
541
00:20:12,281 --> 00:20:14,281
That you're not an American citizen?
542
00:20:14,283 --> 00:20:16,516
That you've been working
in this country illegally
543
00:20:16,518 --> 00:20:19,853
on an expired visa, because
you're really Canadian?
544
00:20:19,855 --> 00:20:21,388
Paula, please, I need this job.
545
00:20:21,390 --> 00:20:23,811
I alienated everyone
in my firm in Winnipeg.
546
00:20:23,836 --> 00:20:25,903
- Shocking.
- I came out to L.A. for a convention.
547
00:20:25,928 --> 00:20:28,261
I met Darryl at a strip club.
548
00:20:28,263 --> 00:20:29,529
We would never speak of again.
549
00:20:29,531 --> 00:20:31,898
I gave him some fake
documents and he never noticed!
550
00:20:31,900 --> 00:20:33,200
You know what?
551
00:20:33,202 --> 00:20:35,168
I saw through that phony
work permit right away.
552
00:20:35,170 --> 00:20:36,803
I've been at the firm ever since,
553
00:20:36,805 --> 00:20:37,938
watching my long Os
554
00:20:37,940 --> 00:20:39,506
and pretending not to like hockey.
555
00:20:39,508 --> 00:20:40,907
It's been so difficult.
556
00:20:40,909 --> 00:20:43,376
Yeah, no, it sounds harrowing.
557
00:20:43,378 --> 00:20:45,575
Look, I know you hate me.
558
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:46,888
And now you got a reason to get rid of me.
559
00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,713
But I am begging you.
560
00:20:49,651 --> 00:20:51,099
Paula, what are you gonna do?
561
00:20:51,158 --> 00:20:52,868
I don't know.
562
00:20:53,121 --> 00:20:55,288
Because I'm gonna have to talk to Pamela,
563
00:20:55,290 --> 00:20:57,872
and she is a real bitch.
564
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:07,033
This one is Snail-y Minaj.
565
00:21:07,035 --> 00:21:10,070
This one is Snail-or Swift.
566
00:21:10,072 --> 00:21:11,864
And this one is Snail-y Rae Jepsen.
567
00:21:11,889 --> 00:21:13,188
(Chuckles)
568
00:21:13,375 --> 00:21:15,041
Maybe you should name one escargot.
569
00:21:17,045 --> 00:21:18,278
I'm sorry.
570
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:19,346
That was... it was a...
571
00:21:19,348 --> 00:21:20,834
(Chuckling): It was a joke, get it?
572
00:21:20,859 --> 00:21:23,208
You're here to talk
about my parents, right?
573
00:21:23,233 --> 00:21:26,063
Rebecca, you know what,
I'm-I'm not too sure about this.
574
00:21:26,088 --> 00:21:27,187
Look, honey, I just don't want to put you
575
00:21:27,189 --> 00:21:28,255
in the middle of this whole thing...
576
00:21:28,257 --> 00:21:29,389
You know, Madison,
577
00:21:29,391 --> 00:21:32,146
I think we can tell
the judge what you want.
578
00:21:32,171 --> 00:21:34,794
Oh, that's easy... I
want to live with my dad.
579
00:21:36,482 --> 00:21:38,832
"I want to live with Madison's dad.
580
00:21:38,834 --> 00:21:40,800
He's the best."
581
00:21:40,802 --> 00:21:42,135
Well, thank you, Iggy A-snail-ya.
582
00:21:42,137 --> 00:21:43,239
I appreciate that.
583
00:21:43,312 --> 00:21:47,716
So, Madison, I'm here to
help you get what you want.
584
00:21:47,743 --> 00:21:50,919
So if there's anything you could think of
585
00:21:50,944 --> 00:21:53,364
that would help me win this case...
586
00:21:53,433 --> 00:21:55,500
- Well, let me see.
- Yeah, uh-huh.
587
00:21:55,525 --> 00:21:57,091
- You know what, this is a mistake.
- It's fine. No, shh.
588
00:21:57,219 --> 00:21:58,716
Madison: (Gasps) Oh.
589
00:21:58,741 --> 00:22:01,221
Well, sometimes my mom
leaves me home by myself,
590
00:22:01,223 --> 00:22:03,189
and I went on her iPad
to see where she was,
591
00:22:03,191 --> 00:22:06,536
and turns out she goes
to a motel with her boss.
592
00:22:14,046 --> 00:22:15,521
That's something, right?
593
00:22:19,888 --> 00:22:21,857
Oh, come on, Tim's a dick.
594
00:22:22,287 --> 00:22:24,113
We can finally get rid of him,
595
00:22:24,138 --> 00:22:25,684
send him back to the land
596
00:22:25,709 --> 00:22:27,442
of universal health care and nice people.
597
00:22:28,490 --> 00:22:29,599
I know.
598
00:22:29,624 --> 00:22:31,419
He's got kids, and they're cute.
599
00:22:31,896 --> 00:22:33,380
They're probably jerks, too.
600
00:22:33,492 --> 00:22:36,026
Like, little Justin Bieber jerks.
601
00:22:36,333 --> 00:22:37,310
You know it's true.
602
00:22:37,335 --> 00:22:39,871
Wow, this place is so quiet and tidy.
603
00:22:39,896 --> 00:22:40,864
What'd you do?
604
00:22:40,889 --> 00:22:42,122
She broke our spirit.
605
00:22:42,733 --> 00:22:43,966
Great.
606
00:22:46,443 --> 00:22:48,243
Paula: Okay, you're not gonna believe
607
00:22:48,245 --> 00:22:49,578
what has been happening around here.
608
00:22:49,580 --> 00:22:52,514
First of all, Karen has been
hoarding all the calcium chews.
609
00:22:52,516 --> 00:22:54,182
Okay, Paula, I really want
to hear about all this,
610
00:22:54,184 --> 00:22:55,550
but I actually got to get to the courthouse.
611
00:22:55,552 --> 00:22:57,519
I scheduled an emergency
hearing for Darryl today.
612
00:22:57,521 --> 00:22:58,453
A hearing already?
613
00:22:58,455 --> 00:22:59,655
Yeah. Wow.
614
00:22:59,657 --> 00:23:01,657
Yeah, I'm gonna bust this case wide open.
615
00:23:01,659 --> 00:23:04,359
And when I do...
Suck it, Greg.
616
00:23:04,361 --> 00:23:06,461
(Grunts rhythmically)
617
00:23:07,564 --> 00:23:09,531
Greg's gonna suck it,
Greg's gonna suck it
618
00:23:09,533 --> 00:23:11,133
Greg's gonna suck
it... ah, yeah!
619
00:23:11,818 --> 00:23:13,735
Your honor, what is the emergency?
620
00:23:13,737 --> 00:23:14,770
I have a business trip to the Caymans.
621
00:23:14,772 --> 00:23:16,772
My plane is leaving today.
622
00:23:16,774 --> 00:23:18,779
Your honor, may we begin?
623
00:23:19,810 --> 00:23:22,411
What's up, YouTubers?
624
00:23:22,413 --> 00:23:25,180
It's episode three of
The Snailysitters Club.
625
00:23:25,182 --> 00:23:26,548
She has a YouTube channel?
626
00:23:26,550 --> 00:23:27,582
I know, right?
627
00:23:27,584 --> 00:23:29,251
Everybody has a YouTube channel.
628
00:23:29,253 --> 00:23:31,219
Even weird Karen from my office.
629
00:23:31,221 --> 00:23:33,622
So tonight, just like last Friday,
630
00:23:33,624 --> 00:23:36,224
my mom is with her boss at the motel,
631
00:23:36,249 --> 00:23:38,804
and I'm with the best
babysitters in the world...
632
00:23:38,829 --> 00:23:41,240
My snails, holla!
633
00:23:41,849 --> 00:23:44,333
This week is super exciting
634
00:23:44,335 --> 00:23:47,536
'cause me and my snails
are gonna make s'mores
635
00:23:47,538 --> 00:23:50,672
on the gas stove. (Chuckles)
636
00:23:50,674 --> 00:23:52,007
Left alone.
637
00:23:52,009 --> 00:23:54,009
Gas stove.
638
00:23:54,011 --> 00:23:55,857
Some mores.
639
00:23:55,882 --> 00:23:57,782
Your honor, she is very mature.
640
00:23:58,232 --> 00:24:00,177
And I was only gone for a couple minutes.
641
00:24:00,651 --> 00:24:01,950
Half hour at the most.
642
00:24:01,952 --> 00:24:03,685
How long were you sleeping with him? Hmm?
643
00:24:03,687 --> 00:24:06,188
You worked there for five years.
644
00:24:07,235 --> 00:24:09,068
The whole five years?
645
00:24:09,497 --> 00:24:12,036
Yeah, but he doesn't talk
about his feelings all the time.
646
00:24:12,510 --> 00:24:14,710
And he doesn't cry at cat food commercials.
647
00:24:14,735 --> 00:24:17,060
Your honor, the evidence
of neglect is irrefutable.
648
00:24:17,267 --> 00:24:19,001
Ms. Bunch, I have to agree with you.
649
00:24:19,003 --> 00:24:20,302
Mr. Whitefeather,
650
00:24:20,304 --> 00:24:21,370
I'm granting you
651
00:24:21,372 --> 00:24:22,738
temporary full custody of your daughter.
652
00:24:22,740 --> 00:24:23,669
(Whispering): Yes.
653
00:24:23,694 --> 00:24:26,986
Mrs. Whitefeather, you will
have supervised visitation
654
00:24:27,011 --> 00:24:29,311
until the custody arrangements
are fully finalized.
655
00:24:29,313 --> 00:24:30,786
Supervi...
656
00:24:32,316 --> 00:24:33,435
Great.
657
00:24:33,784 --> 00:24:35,084
Thank you so much
658
00:24:35,109 --> 00:24:36,708
for your attention in
this matter, your honor.
659
00:24:37,090 --> 00:24:38,723
Justice has indeed
660
00:24:38,889 --> 00:24:39,888
been served.
661
00:24:39,913 --> 00:24:41,490
You are a good person.
662
00:24:41,779 --> 00:24:43,825
He is a good person.
663
00:24:43,827 --> 00:24:46,928
We are good person.
664
00:24:46,930 --> 00:24:49,464
665
00:24:57,508 --> 00:25:00,809
I'm a good person, yes, it's true
666
00:25:00,811 --> 00:25:03,845
I'm a good person...
Better than you
667
00:25:03,847 --> 00:25:06,615
I'm a good person, can't you see?
668
00:25:06,617 --> 00:25:09,751
Doctors without borders
don't have nothing on me
669
00:25:09,753 --> 00:25:12,788
I'm a good person,
and if you ask why
670
00:25:12,790 --> 00:25:15,724
I'll spit my good
right into your eye
671
00:25:15,726 --> 00:25:18,527
everywhere I go,
I spread such bliss
672
00:25:18,529 --> 00:25:20,462
and if you don't think so
673
00:25:20,464 --> 00:25:24,066
you can kiss... my ass...
Which is made of good
674
00:25:24,068 --> 00:25:25,867
(Feedback sounds)
675
00:25:25,869 --> 00:25:27,235
Hey, that mic cost $300!
676
00:25:27,237 --> 00:25:30,806
Didn't you know that
I'm a good person?
677
00:25:30,808 --> 00:25:32,874
I'm pure angel through and through
678
00:25:32,876 --> 00:25:36,111
doesn't it show that
I'm a good person?
679
00:25:36,113 --> 00:25:39,014
So much gooder than you and you
680
00:25:39,016 --> 00:25:40,849
and you and you and you
681
00:25:40,851 --> 00:25:43,452
I'm a good person, that's my thing
682
00:25:43,454 --> 00:25:46,354
my nickname is mother
Teresa Luther king
683
00:25:46,356 --> 00:25:49,524
I'm a good person...
Get it straight
684
00:25:49,526 --> 00:25:52,894
and when I say good, I
really mean great, the best
685
00:25:52,896 --> 00:25:54,763
humble and blessed
686
00:25:54,765 --> 00:25:56,131
news flash, douche bags
687
00:25:56,133 --> 00:25:57,732
I'm a good person
688
00:25:57,734 --> 00:26:00,802
do what I can for you all the time
689
00:26:00,804 --> 00:26:03,705
that's how I am,
'cause I'm a good person
690
00:26:03,707 --> 00:26:05,841
I always find time to be kind
691
00:26:05,843 --> 00:26:07,509
(Choking): Choking.
692
00:26:07,511 --> 00:26:09,411
Sorry, so busy.
693
00:26:09,413 --> 00:26:12,681
I'm a good, such a
good, real good person
694
00:26:12,683 --> 00:26:14,850
I'm a good person
through and through
695
00:26:14,852 --> 00:26:17,953
I'm a good, such a
good, real good person
696
00:26:17,955 --> 00:26:20,355
let me hear you say it, too
697
00:26:20,357 --> 00:26:21,323
Say it.
698
00:26:21,325 --> 00:26:23,391
Say it or I'll kill your husband.
699
00:26:23,393 --> 00:26:24,860
I'll do it, I'll gut him like a fish.
700
00:26:24,862 --> 00:26:27,062
(Angrily): You're a good
person. Aw, thank you.
701
00:26:27,064 --> 00:26:30,465
I'm a good, such a
good, real good person
702
00:26:30,467 --> 00:26:33,502
I'm a good person, yes, it's true
703
00:26:33,504 --> 00:26:36,438
I'm a good, such a
good, real good person
704
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:38,394
I'm a good person, get it?
705
00:26:38,419 --> 00:26:40,385
Screw you.
706
00:26:40,410 --> 00:26:41,488
(Sighs)
707
00:26:41,513 --> 00:26:42,933
Let's celebrate.
708
00:26:45,182 --> 00:26:46,481
- Darryl?
- Mm-hmm?
709
00:26:46,483 --> 00:26:48,183
What's wrong? We got what we wanted.
710
00:26:48,185 --> 00:26:49,451
Oh, look at Madison.
711
00:26:49,453 --> 00:26:51,386
- She's so happy.
- Darryl: I know. It's great.
712
00:26:51,388 --> 00:26:54,089
I just... my whole life was a lie,
713
00:26:54,091 --> 00:26:55,490
but (Chuckles) I'll get used to that.
714
00:26:55,492 --> 00:26:56,491
Yeah, you will!
715
00:26:56,493 --> 00:26:57,959
Yeah! That's the spirit.
716
00:26:58,795 --> 00:27:00,629
Barkeep.
717
00:27:00,631 --> 00:27:02,081
Your finest champagne.
718
00:27:02,740 --> 00:27:05,408
And, ooh, let's see, a mint
chocolate chip ice cream
719
00:27:05,433 --> 00:27:06,732
for the young lady.
720
00:27:07,417 --> 00:27:09,204
Sorry, (Chuckles) Context...
721
00:27:09,206 --> 00:27:12,541
May I present to you a family reunited.
722
00:27:12,543 --> 00:27:13,575
What do you suggest?
723
00:27:14,406 --> 00:27:16,906
I got Darryl temporary custody.
724
00:27:17,621 --> 00:27:18,480
Okay.
725
00:27:18,482 --> 00:27:19,527
So?
726
00:27:19,883 --> 00:27:23,985
Well, "so"... (Chuckles) You said
that I was a terrible person.
727
00:27:23,987 --> 00:27:27,136
But clearly now I'm not.
728
00:27:27,224 --> 00:27:30,808
You're... never mind.
729
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:33,621
What do you mean, "never mind"?
730
00:27:33,964 --> 00:27:35,574
What do you mean, "never mind"?
731
00:27:37,100 --> 00:27:38,366
Rebecca: Son of a...
732
00:27:38,368 --> 00:27:39,401
Hey!
733
00:27:39,403 --> 00:27:41,803
My God, I don't understand you.
734
00:27:41,805 --> 00:27:43,672
What are you doing? You can't come in here.
735
00:27:43,674 --> 00:27:46,007
Oh, just listen to me... I'm out
there trying to help somebody,
736
00:27:46,009 --> 00:27:47,342
and all I ask is for your forgiveness,
737
00:27:47,344 --> 00:27:48,410
and you won't even give it to me.
738
00:27:48,412 --> 00:27:49,347
Why?
739
00:27:51,410 --> 00:27:52,527
Wow.
740
00:27:53,050 --> 00:27:55,383
Either you truly hate me or
you're super good at darts.
741
00:27:55,816 --> 00:27:56,785
Why do you care what I think?
742
00:27:56,787 --> 00:27:58,086
I'm not your priest.
743
00:27:58,088 --> 00:28:00,088
I just care, okay?
744
00:28:00,090 --> 00:28:02,390
Look, I know... I know that I messed up.
745
00:28:02,392 --> 00:28:05,026
And I know that it was, like, so wrong
746
00:28:05,028 --> 00:28:06,761
to sleep with another guy on our date.
747
00:28:06,763 --> 00:28:08,396
I made a mistake.
748
00:28:08,398 --> 00:28:11,433
And so please just forgive
me, because I'm imperfect.
749
00:28:11,435 --> 00:28:12,634
Why is that so hard?
750
00:28:12,636 --> 00:28:13,969
Rebecca, let me be clear here.
751
00:28:13,971 --> 00:28:15,270
Unless you
can Un-have-sex
752
00:28:15,272 --> 00:28:17,005
with that guy you ditched
me for on our date,
753
00:28:17,007 --> 00:28:18,273
I don't care what you do.
754
00:28:18,275 --> 00:28:20,108
You could save the world, Avengers-style.
755
00:28:20,110 --> 00:28:21,486
So this is about sex.
756
00:28:21,777 --> 00:28:22,877
Why didn't you say so?
757
00:28:22,879 --> 00:28:24,480
That's an easy thing to rectify.
758
00:28:24,787 --> 00:28:26,271
Let's do it, let's do it. It's safe...
I'm on the ring.
759
00:28:26,296 --> 00:28:27,283
What are you...? No.
760
00:28:27,308 --> 00:28:28,717
Yeah, let's get these puppies
out of the cage. Stop it, stop it.
761
00:28:28,719 --> 00:28:29,794
Let these puppies
out of their crate.
762
00:28:29,819 --> 00:28:31,152
Stop it, what is...
what is wrong with you?
763
00:28:31,154 --> 00:28:32,787
I-I'm supposed to forget what happened
764
00:28:32,789 --> 00:28:36,157
because you took a case and
got some guy temporary custody?
765
00:28:38,777 --> 00:28:39,928
"Temporary."
766
00:28:39,930 --> 00:28:40,962
I get it.
767
00:28:40,964 --> 00:28:41,930
What?
768
00:28:41,932 --> 00:28:43,265
I get it, I get it.
769
00:28:43,267 --> 00:28:44,633
Yeah, uh-huh, yeah.
770
00:28:45,371 --> 00:28:47,097
I don't get it. What?
771
00:28:47,122 --> 00:28:49,748
Okay, so new plan.
772
00:28:49,773 --> 00:28:52,474
I'm not gonna get you temporary custody.
773
00:28:52,476 --> 00:28:55,176
Instead, how would you like it
774
00:28:55,178 --> 00:28:57,441
if I got you permanent custody?
775
00:28:57,443 --> 00:28:58,371
What? Wait.
776
00:28:58,396 --> 00:29:00,259
Yep, that's right. Mmm.
777
00:29:00,284 --> 00:29:02,317
(Slurred): I'm gonna get
you permanent custody.
778
00:29:02,319 --> 00:29:03,618
I'm gonna do it right now.
779
00:29:03,620 --> 00:29:04,953
(Speaks indistinctly)
780
00:29:04,955 --> 00:29:07,188
I missed that part.
781
00:29:07,190 --> 00:29:09,157
Sorry, that was cryptic, let me explain.
782
00:29:09,159 --> 00:29:12,193
I'm gonna go to the bank, withdraw $10,000,
783
00:29:12,195 --> 00:29:14,129
and plant it in your wife's suitcase,
784
00:29:14,131 --> 00:29:15,363
because it's illegal to take
785
00:29:15,365 --> 00:29:16,698
that amount of money over the border.
786
00:29:16,700 --> 00:29:18,133
So when she tries to fly
to the Cayman Islands,
787
00:29:18,135 --> 00:29:19,034
they'll find it and arrest her,
788
00:29:19,036 --> 00:29:20,135
and you'll get permanent custody.
789
00:29:20,137 --> 00:29:21,369
That's all cleared up.
790
00:29:21,371 --> 00:29:22,871
Okay, I'm gonna go to the bank. Bye!
791
00:29:23,224 --> 00:29:24,683
Oh, she's bananas.
792
00:30:00,152 --> 00:30:01,751
What the hell are you doing?!
793
00:30:07,410 --> 00:30:08,291
What up?
794
00:30:08,316 --> 00:30:09,726
'Sup?
795
00:30:09,728 --> 00:30:10,960
- You got a game?
- Yeah.
796
00:30:10,962 --> 00:30:13,096
Interfaith League, playing
The Chosen Ones today.
797
00:30:13,098 --> 00:30:15,231
Cantor Goldstein's got this killer move.
798
00:30:15,233 --> 00:30:17,097
He calls it the torah,
'cause you can't touch it.
799
00:30:17,535 --> 00:30:19,752
Uh, here-here's my list of sins.
800
00:30:19,777 --> 00:30:21,041
Uh, I printed it out.
801
00:30:21,066 --> 00:30:22,839
You did it,
man... good on you.
802
00:30:22,841 --> 00:30:24,541
All right.
803
00:30:25,355 --> 00:30:27,877
Okay, so you went to the mall
and you saw a sexy mannequin
804
00:30:27,879 --> 00:30:30,246
and you wanted to have sex with it.
805
00:30:30,248 --> 00:30:32,749
And then you saw another sexy mannequin
806
00:30:32,751 --> 00:30:35,318
and you wanted to have
sex with that one, too.
807
00:30:35,980 --> 00:30:37,921
And then you saw a sexy girl at the mall
808
00:30:37,923 --> 00:30:41,658
and you wanted her to watch you have sex
809
00:30:41,793 --> 00:30:43,893
with two sexy mannequins.
810
00:30:45,564 --> 00:30:48,231
According to this list, you
thought about Rebecca a lot.
811
00:30:48,233 --> 00:30:49,730
Like, a lot a lot.
812
00:30:50,652 --> 00:30:51,935
And all day yesterday,
813
00:30:51,937 --> 00:30:54,604
did you act on any of
these sinful thoughts?
814
00:30:54,606 --> 00:30:55,714
No.
815
00:30:56,508 --> 00:30:58,775
Bro-heem, you're good.
816
00:30:59,261 --> 00:31:02,238
What matters is what you
do, not what you think.
817
00:31:02,481 --> 00:31:06,216
What God cares about are our actions.
818
00:31:06,597 --> 00:31:07,972
That's all.
819
00:31:08,550 --> 00:31:12,285
So you admire Rebecca for
her brains and her beauty.
820
00:31:12,706 --> 00:31:13,800
I understand that.
821
00:31:14,167 --> 00:31:15,527
What's important is...
822
00:31:16,088 --> 00:31:18,655
What are you gonna do about these feelings?
823
00:31:25,136 --> 00:31:26,102
What happened?
824
00:31:26,104 --> 00:31:27,170
Is there something wrong with Madison?
825
00:31:27,172 --> 00:31:28,137
Is that why you're here?
826
00:31:29,308 --> 00:31:30,106
No.
827
00:31:30,108 --> 00:31:33,011
You know what? I'm here for justice.
828
00:31:33,778 --> 00:31:34,932
Okay.
829
00:31:34,957 --> 00:31:37,424
I don't know what that
means, but please stop.
830
00:31:37,449 --> 00:31:38,848
You've taken my daughter away.
831
00:31:38,850 --> 00:31:39,916
Isn't that enough?
832
00:31:39,918 --> 00:31:41,199
I haven't taken your daughter away.
833
00:31:41,224 --> 00:31:42,371
You abandoned your daughter.
834
00:31:42,396 --> 00:31:44,949
You left her in a house
with nothing but snails?
835
00:31:44,974 --> 00:31:46,839
I mean, who does
that? Bup-bup-bup!
836
00:31:47,017 --> 00:31:48,464
You have some nerve.
837
00:31:48,515 --> 00:31:49,980
So I made some bad mistakes,
838
00:31:50,005 --> 00:31:52,081
but I do want what's best for my daughter.
839
00:31:52,397 --> 00:31:54,269
I mean, I love her so much.
840
00:31:54,294 --> 00:31:55,927
Do you have any idea how hard it is
841
00:31:55,952 --> 00:31:57,933
to know that your child
prefers their father?
842
00:31:57,958 --> 00:31:59,691
Well, no, I don't have kids, personally.
843
00:31:59,716 --> 00:32:01,482
- Shocking.
- But...
844
00:32:02,121 --> 00:32:03,740
I mean, it-it sounds hard.
845
00:32:03,742 --> 00:32:05,074
It all sounds hard.
846
00:32:05,076 --> 00:32:06,809
What would you know about
what I've been through?
847
00:32:06,811 --> 00:32:08,652
You're just some soulless lawyer.
848
00:32:08,847 --> 00:32:10,636
Oh, yeah, I saw you pump your fist
849
00:32:10,661 --> 00:32:12,715
when the judge gave my daughter away.
850
00:32:13,183 --> 00:32:14,817
How dare you?
851
00:32:14,819 --> 00:32:16,980
Why in the world would
you even take on this case?
852
00:32:17,005 --> 00:32:19,039
What's wrong with you?
853
00:32:19,242 --> 00:32:20,472
I...
854
00:32:22,097 --> 00:32:24,360
What is wrong with me?
855
00:32:24,362 --> 00:32:26,896
Off the top of my head,
I'd say low self-esteem,
856
00:32:26,898 --> 00:32:28,231
a lack of maternal affection
857
00:32:28,233 --> 00:32:30,533
and a genetic predisposition
for anxiety and depression.
858
00:32:30,535 --> 00:32:31,581
(Sighs)
859
00:32:31,606 --> 00:32:34,173
I did not think that was
where you were gonna go.
860
00:32:34,439 --> 00:32:35,605
God...
861
00:32:36,797 --> 00:32:39,300
Because of that lack
862
00:32:39,421 --> 00:32:41,388
of any parental validation,
863
00:32:41,413 --> 00:32:45,003
I always seek outside
validation from others.
864
00:32:45,497 --> 00:32:48,131
And somehow I've made Greg
865
00:32:48,156 --> 00:32:50,371
my new moral arbiter in this town.
866
00:32:52,351 --> 00:32:53,317
Okay.
867
00:32:53,342 --> 00:32:54,441
You know what?
868
00:32:54,825 --> 00:32:56,391
I can fix this.
869
00:32:56,542 --> 00:32:57,644
We can fix this.
870
00:32:57,669 --> 00:32:59,602
Come with me. Come with me.
871
00:33:00,026 --> 00:33:01,746
Who the hell is Greg?
872
00:33:08,121 --> 00:33:09,386
Do you know what?
873
00:33:09,388 --> 00:33:11,363
You have the softest hair.
874
00:33:11,824 --> 00:33:13,023
What do you want me to say, people?
875
00:33:13,025 --> 00:33:14,558
That she doesn't have the softest hair?
876
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:16,327
And I don't watch her at
night when she's sleeping?
877
00:33:16,329 --> 00:33:17,394
'Cause I do.
878
00:33:17,599 --> 00:33:18,964
She's a little angel.
879
00:33:19,425 --> 00:33:20,097
Right?
880
00:33:20,099 --> 00:33:21,832
- That's my girl.
- (Madison giggles)
881
00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:23,834
Mommy! You came to my game!
882
00:33:23,836 --> 00:33:25,936
I decided to postpone my trip.
883
00:33:26,058 --> 00:33:28,572
- Oh.
- You're with the crazy lady.
884
00:33:28,613 --> 00:33:30,386
- Hey...
- Rebecca: Well, okay.
885
00:33:30,411 --> 00:33:31,876
Crazy is a pejorative term
886
00:33:31,878 --> 00:33:32,977
and it's an over-generalization
887
00:33:32,979 --> 00:33:34,445
of a number of disorders... what?
888
00:33:34,706 --> 00:33:36,947
That was so funny, when you pretended
889
00:33:36,949 --> 00:33:39,817
like you were gonna put
money in my mom's suitcase.
890
00:33:39,819 --> 00:33:40,985
Bup-bup-bup-bup-bup.
891
00:33:40,987 --> 00:33:41,986
Okay. So, Darryl...
892
00:33:41,988 --> 00:33:42,920
- Hmm?
- Stacey and I
893
00:33:42,922 --> 00:33:45,623
had a talk and we agree
894
00:33:45,625 --> 00:33:47,424
that we can settle this
custody arrangement together.
895
00:33:47,426 --> 00:33:48,926
Stacey: Yeah.
896
00:33:48,928 --> 00:33:50,961
We don't want to damage
Madison with our disagreements.
897
00:33:50,963 --> 00:33:52,763
That can lead to a whole lot of problems.
898
00:33:52,765 --> 00:33:54,198
Ask Rebecca.
899
00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:56,143
Yeah. But don't ask me.
900
00:33:56,168 --> 00:33:57,035
Seriously, don't.
901
00:33:57,060 --> 00:33:58,144
You don't want the whole spiel.
902
00:33:58,169 --> 00:33:59,339
So, yes,
903
00:33:59,364 --> 00:34:00,564
I believe that we can come up with
904
00:34:00,589 --> 00:34:02,050
a fair and equitable arrangement
905
00:34:02,075 --> 00:34:03,741
without involving a judge.
906
00:34:04,550 --> 00:34:05,542
Does that sound good?
907
00:34:06,394 --> 00:34:07,363
Sounds great.
908
00:34:07,470 --> 00:34:08,769
Great.
909
00:34:09,138 --> 00:34:12,440
Stacey, thank you so
much for understanding.
910
00:34:13,401 --> 00:34:14,800
Can I have my cash back now?
911
00:34:14,825 --> 00:34:16,392
(Whispering): I already bought a hot tub.
912
00:34:16,417 --> 00:34:18,016
No...
913
00:34:18,041 --> 00:34:20,108
Now, uh, let's go watch your game, guys.
914
00:34:20,133 --> 00:34:21,599
- Yeah!
- Sure.
915
00:34:21,624 --> 00:34:23,170
There we go.
916
00:34:23,195 --> 00:34:25,128
(Giggles)
Bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup.
917
00:34:25,130 --> 00:34:26,730
There you go.
918
00:34:27,004 --> 00:34:28,441
She had flyaways.
919
00:34:28,466 --> 00:34:30,132
Can't have her walking around like that.
920
00:34:32,136 --> 00:34:33,837
Rebecca: I guess I just realized
921
00:34:33,839 --> 00:34:35,589
family is important.
922
00:34:35,614 --> 00:34:37,147
I was letting my own self-interest
923
00:34:37,172 --> 00:34:38,269
get in the way of that.
924
00:34:39,230 --> 00:34:41,464
So Stacey and I worked out
what's best for Madison,
925
00:34:41,489 --> 00:34:43,652
and, you know, at the end of the day,
926
00:34:43,677 --> 00:34:45,121
I just feel really good about it.
927
00:34:45,146 --> 00:34:47,769
Yeah, you're a good little munchkin.
928
00:34:48,037 --> 00:34:48,894
Thanks.
929
00:34:48,919 --> 00:34:50,456
All right, I'll talk to you later.
930
00:35:00,453 --> 00:35:01,619
Tim!
931
00:35:02,583 --> 00:35:03,933
Get in here!
932
00:35:11,300 --> 00:35:12,399
I've made a decision.
933
00:35:12,815 --> 00:35:13,902
(Sighs)
934
00:35:15,481 --> 00:35:17,636
Just... give me a couple hours
935
00:35:17,661 --> 00:35:19,294
to tell my family, okay?
936
00:35:19,319 --> 00:35:22,463
You know, I want to turn you in so much,
937
00:35:22,488 --> 00:35:24,221
because you are
938
00:35:24,223 --> 00:35:26,292
an actual piece of garbage.
939
00:35:26,319 --> 00:35:27,785
But here's the thing:
940
00:35:27,810 --> 00:35:29,261
Your family looks sweet,
941
00:35:29,286 --> 00:35:31,686
and I have no problem ruining your life,
942
00:35:31,790 --> 00:35:33,490
but their lives...
943
00:35:33,547 --> 00:35:36,048
Oh, my God, Paula, are...
944
00:35:36,144 --> 00:35:38,678
Are you not gonna turn
me in to the federales?
945
00:35:38,703 --> 00:35:40,035
Don't pretend you have the plight
946
00:35:40,060 --> 00:35:42,503
of an actual immigrant, dickweed.
947
00:35:42,862 --> 00:35:44,294
I'm sorry.
948
00:35:44,319 --> 00:35:46,214
I'll change, I promise.
949
00:35:46,239 --> 00:35:47,027
Yeah, I doubt it.
950
00:35:47,052 --> 00:35:48,485
That's like asking Karen
951
00:35:48,510 --> 00:35:51,074
to not talk about tampons.
952
00:35:51,116 --> 00:35:52,464
Actually, I just switched
953
00:35:52,489 --> 00:35:53,613
to those new menstrual cups,
954
00:35:53,638 --> 00:35:55,090
which I can't figure out.
955
00:35:55,115 --> 00:35:56,614
Who wants to help me?
956
00:36:01,583 --> 00:36:03,050
I hate her.
957
00:36:04,563 --> 00:36:07,564
958
00:36:10,362 --> 00:36:11,528
What?
959
00:36:13,715 --> 00:36:15,948
I think his kids are cute, okay?
960
00:36:15,950 --> 00:36:17,550
They remind me of my kids in good times,
961
00:36:17,552 --> 00:36:18,613
when they were young...
962
00:36:18,638 --> 00:36:20,037
You know, before they could talk
963
00:36:20,288 --> 00:36:22,288
and steal money from my purse.
964
00:36:23,458 --> 00:36:25,847
I haven't gone soft.
965
00:36:25,872 --> 00:36:27,104
Stop saying that.
966
00:36:27,129 --> 00:36:29,230
("You're a good person" begins)
967
00:36:30,066 --> 00:36:33,676
_
968
00:36:33,701 --> 00:36:35,334
Stop it.
969
00:36:35,358 --> 00:36:38,769
_
970
00:36:38,794 --> 00:36:41,156
Don't get mushy, you're making me blush.
971
00:36:41,181 --> 00:36:45,109
_
972
00:36:45,134 --> 00:36:47,067
Remember, don't tell anyone.
973
00:36:47,092 --> 00:36:49,059
Then it's not really a good deed.
974
00:36:49,286 --> 00:36:51,286
_
975
00:36:54,122 --> 00:36:56,155
You always know what to say.
976
00:36:57,559 --> 00:36:59,825
977
00:37:12,714 --> 00:37:14,881
(Indistinct chatter)
978
00:37:22,496 --> 00:37:23,636
I'm sorry.
979
00:37:25,410 --> 00:37:26,951
I'm really sorry.
980
00:37:28,246 --> 00:37:29,834
I don't want your forgiveness, I'm just...
981
00:37:29,859 --> 00:37:31,175
I'm really sorry.
982
00:37:33,559 --> 00:37:35,959
I got stuck on, like,
983
00:37:35,961 --> 00:37:37,828
wanting you to say I was a good person,
984
00:37:38,613 --> 00:37:40,308
because if you believed it,
985
00:37:40,631 --> 00:37:42,897
then somehow I could believe it, too.
986
00:37:44,761 --> 00:37:46,428
I can't say you're a good person,
987
00:37:46,878 --> 00:37:48,980
but I saw what you did for Darryl today,
988
00:37:49,176 --> 00:37:51,363
so I can say you're a good friend.
989
00:37:52,945 --> 00:37:55,011
Not to me... like,
definitely not to me...
990
00:37:55,013 --> 00:37:58,277
But to other people that aren't me.
991
00:38:02,953 --> 00:38:06,321
So now that we're kind of talking again...
992
00:38:06,980 --> 00:38:08,225
(Exhales)
993
00:38:08,227 --> 00:38:10,260
Do you think I could get a free beer?
994
00:38:10,262 --> 00:38:11,728
Because I'm down $10,000...
995
00:38:11,730 --> 00:38:12,972
Uh-uh. No.
996
00:38:15,372 --> 00:38:16,402
That's fair.
997
00:38:21,607 --> 00:38:23,974
Rebecca: Wait, you settled
the Caswick case?
998
00:38:23,976 --> 00:38:25,308
I know!
999
00:38:25,310 --> 00:38:26,643
That was Cas-quick.
1000
00:38:26,645 --> 00:38:28,044
(Chuckles)
1001
00:38:28,316 --> 00:38:29,379
Oh.
1002
00:38:29,381 --> 00:38:31,915
Well, somebody got a new stapler. Hmm!
1003
00:38:31,917 --> 00:38:34,651
Wait. Seriously, Paula, this is amazing.
1004
00:38:34,653 --> 00:38:36,052
Like, how did you do it?
1005
00:38:36,054 --> 00:38:37,254
Jim: Uh, I think you mean
1006
00:38:37,256 --> 00:38:40,213
how did Pamela do it? Eh?
1007
00:38:40,238 --> 00:38:42,492
Dude, it's Paula,
1008
00:38:42,494 --> 00:38:44,371
and that joke is super old.
1009
00:38:45,456 --> 00:38:46,667
Oh, okay.
1010
00:38:47,261 --> 00:38:50,634
See, Jim's like, "oh, duh, okay." "Duh..."
1011
00:38:50,636 --> 00:38:52,269
Oh... oh, he has no friends.
1012
00:38:52,271 --> 00:38:53,637
Oh, look how sad he is.
1013
00:38:53,639 --> 00:38:54,638
Oh, he's so sad.
1014
00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:57,769
Oh, he's crying like a little baby.
1015
00:38:57,794 --> 00:38:59,427
Oh...
1016
00:39:00,253 --> 00:39:01,535
Now go wash my car, Tim.
1017
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:03,260
Okay.
1018
00:39:07,486 --> 00:39:09,719
Well, I don't know what
you did, but I'm impressed.
1019
00:39:09,721 --> 00:39:11,321
Thank you.
1020
00:39:11,323 --> 00:39:13,323
- So, let's get to work.
- All right.
1021
00:39:13,325 --> 00:39:14,491
(Phone chimes)
1022
00:39:17,905 --> 00:39:20,285
Right when I get back, in a few minutes.
1023
00:39:22,636 --> 00:39:24,301
Say hi to Josh for me.
1024
00:39:24,303 --> 00:39:25,435
It's not... I didn't move here...
1025
00:39:25,437 --> 00:39:27,003
Uh...
1026
00:39:27,363 --> 00:39:28,738
Hey.
1027
00:39:28,740 --> 00:39:29,873
Hi, you texted?
1028
00:39:29,875 --> 00:39:31,374
Yeah, I-I just, uh...
1029
00:39:31,376 --> 00:39:32,576
I wanted to talk to you.
1030
00:39:32,578 --> 00:39:34,344
About what Greg said.
1031
00:39:34,346 --> 00:39:35,378
It really got me thinking.
1032
00:39:35,380 --> 00:39:37,547
- Yeah.
- About me and you.
1033
00:39:37,549 --> 00:39:39,149
And what's going on between us.
1034
00:39:40,619 --> 00:39:42,650
Oh... oh.
1035
00:39:42,675 --> 00:39:43,597
Um...
1036
00:39:44,246 --> 00:39:45,922
Oh, 'cause... uh-huh.
1037
00:39:45,924 --> 00:39:47,057
Do tell?
1038
00:39:47,059 --> 00:39:50,594
Rebecca, I've really looked within
1039
00:39:50,596 --> 00:39:52,863
and thought about everything and...
1040
00:39:52,865 --> 00:39:54,331
I've made my choice.
1041
00:39:55,300 --> 00:39:56,933
O-okay.
1042
00:39:57,308 --> 00:39:58,542
I want you to know,
1043
00:39:59,605 --> 00:40:01,104
I am attracted to you.
1044
00:40:01,769 --> 00:40:02,973
Very,
1045
00:40:02,975 --> 00:40:04,908
very attracted to you.
1046
00:40:04,910 --> 00:40:06,109
(Echoing): Attracted to
you... attracted to you...
1047
00:40:06,111 --> 00:40:07,143
But the thing is...
1048
00:40:07,144 --> 00:40:09,074
I love Valencia.
1049
00:40:09,722 --> 00:40:11,081
I plan on staying committed to her.
1050
00:40:11,083 --> 00:40:13,206
Attracted to you, attracted to you...
1051
00:40:13,585 --> 00:40:15,118
- Rebecca, are you listening to me?
- Yeah!
1052
00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:16,620
Uh-huh.
Mm-hmm.
1053
00:40:16,622 --> 00:40:18,488
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah.
1054
00:40:18,490 --> 00:40:19,556
Yeah. Uh-huh.
1055
00:40:19,558 --> 00:40:21,391
Yep. Mm-hmm.
1056
00:40:21,393 --> 00:40:22,592
Joyce!
1057
00:40:22,594 --> 00:40:23,894
(Giggles)
1058
00:40:23,896 --> 00:40:24,964
You are never gonna believe
1059
00:40:24,989 --> 00:40:26,253
what Josh just said to me.
1060
00:40:26,828 --> 00:40:28,961
(Shrieking, laughing)
1061
00:40:37,376 --> 00:40:40,777
Hey, guys. Um, welcome to
"getting real with Karen."
1062
00:40:40,779 --> 00:40:42,445
This week's review:
1063
00:40:42,447 --> 00:40:46,583
The Beaver Dam Menstrual Cup by Lady Works.
1064
00:40:46,585 --> 00:40:52,777
My review, in short? My
cup runneth over. Not good.
1065
00:40:52,802 --> 00:40:58,105
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
1066
00:40:58,155 --> 00:41:02,705
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