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1
00:00:03,475 --> 00:00:08,119
(Heather) As Jean-Paul Sartre
said, "We are our choices."
2
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,507
And this woman's choices are nuts.
3
00:00:10,508 --> 00:00:14,065
- I mean, she is seriously bonker balls.
- Heather, we don't use terms like that
4
00:00:14,066 --> 00:00:15,665
in abnormal psychology.
5
00:00:16,363 --> 00:00:20,019
I'm sorry, "bonker balls"
isn't in the DSM-5 yet? Okay.
6
00:00:20,247 --> 00:00:22,084
Because that's what she is.
7
00:00:22,152 --> 00:00:25,726
I mean, you kind of have to,
like, see it to believe it.
8
00:00:26,039 --> 00:00:28,740
I don't even know where
the hell she came from.
9
00:00:29,083 --> 00:00:32,133
(Rebecca)
I was working
hard at a New York job
10
00:00:32,134 --> 00:00:33,721
Making dough but it made me blue
11
00:00:33,722 --> 00:00:37,108
One day I was crying a lot
and so I decide to move to
12
00:00:37,109 --> 00:00:38,666
West Covina, California
13
00:00:38,668 --> 00:00:40,052
Brand-new pals and new career
14
00:00:40,053 --> 00:00:41,744
It happens to be where Josh lives
15
00:00:41,745 --> 00:00:44,027
But that's not why I'm here
16
00:00:44,028 --> 00:00:46,692
-
She's the crazy ex-girlfriend
- What? No, I'm not.
17
00:00:46,693 --> 00:00:49,185
-
She's the crazy ex-girlfriend
- That's a sexist term.
18
00:00:49,186 --> 00:00:51,034
-
She's the crazy ex-girlfriend
- Can you guys
19
00:00:51,035 --> 00:00:52,242
stop singing for just a second?
20
00:00:52,243 --> 00:00:54,369
She's so broken inside
21
00:00:54,370 --> 00:00:56,336
The situation's a lot
more nuanced than that.
22
00:00:56,337 --> 00:00:59,453
-
C-R-A-Z-Y
- Okay, we get it!
23
00:00:59,454 --> 00:01:01,142
-
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.
- Sync/corrections PetaG - www.addic7ed.com
24
00:01:01,172 --> 00:01:03,639
Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, how
do I stop?! How do I stop?!
25
00:01:03,641 --> 00:01:05,165
- Oh, oh, oh!
- Okay.
26
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:06,934
Oh, thank you for stopping me.
27
00:01:07,094 --> 00:01:09,261
Okay, now, you know that
YouTube tutorial we watched,
28
00:01:09,263 --> 00:01:12,608
Tonyhawkfan49 said if you want to
stop, you lean back on your tail.
29
00:01:12,609 --> 00:01:14,561
Yeah. That's only useful
advice if you're riding a dog.
30
00:01:14,562 --> 00:01:16,879
That's true. Okay, how long
do we have to risk bodily harm?
31
00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:20,456
I thought you said Josh hit the skate park
with his nephew, every Saturday morning.
32
00:01:20,457 --> 00:01:22,396
Yeah, you know they might. I
just thought it might be fun
33
00:01:22,397 --> 00:01:25,388
to run into him. But I want to
learn how to skate regardless.
34
00:01:25,389 --> 00:01:27,181
I want to shred some concrete.
35
00:01:27,615 --> 00:01:29,422
And now that Valencia says
36
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,506
that it's cool for me and
Josh to hang out, you know,
37
00:01:31,507 --> 00:01:34,893
I thought I would learn, so he and I
could, like, chill and skate and hang.
38
00:01:34,894 --> 00:01:36,766
All right, well, when
are you guys gonna chill,
39
00:01:36,767 --> 00:01:39,096
skate and hang out next?
I mean, do you have a plan?
40
00:01:39,098 --> 00:01:42,504
No, he hasn't contacted
me, per se, but, you know...
41
00:01:42,505 --> 00:01:45,923
(laughing) That's what he
does. He pops up, disappears.
42
00:01:45,924 --> 00:01:48,143
- Pops up, diappears. It's hilarious.
- (phone chimes)
43
00:01:48,144 --> 00:01:49,713
Oh! Maybe this is him right now.
44
00:01:50,139 --> 00:01:54,066
Oh, no. it's... it's not him.
But it-it's, uh... it's Instagram.
45
00:01:55,178 --> 00:01:57,904
A vacation in wine country. How lovely.
46
00:01:57,905 --> 00:02:01,309
Oh, good God. The boobs, the abs, the hair.
47
00:02:01,310 --> 00:02:03,192
- I know.
- Even her wrists are pretty.
48
00:02:03,576 --> 00:02:05,795
No. She never even had an awkward phase.
49
00:02:05,796 --> 00:02:09,741
And believe me, I've checked all of her
Facebook albums. There are 180 of them.
50
00:02:09,742 --> 00:02:12,866
Oh, okay. Well, you stop looking
at that, 'cause that's not healthy.
51
00:02:12,867 --> 00:02:14,067
- (phone ringing)
- _
52
00:02:14,079 --> 00:02:16,396
Ugh! This is the fifth
time she's called today.
53
00:02:16,397 --> 00:02:18,533
- I really should pick this up. No, don't.
- No, no, no. You know what,
54
00:02:18,534 --> 00:02:20,765
you should not pick this up 'cause
the last thing you need right now
55
00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:22,888
is a conversation with a
pathalogical narcissist.
56
00:02:22,889 --> 00:02:24,959
Okay, you don't know her.
And if I don't answer,
57
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,728
She's gonna keep calling me. She's
like a stalker I used to live inside of.
58
00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:30,956
- Okay. Just give me the... phone.
- Oh. Oh! Ninja!
59
00:02:30,957 --> 00:02:33,033
(both sigh)
60
00:02:33,917 --> 00:02:35,718
Hi, Mom! What's up?
61
00:02:36,137 --> 00:02:37,578
Put me on video chat or whatever
62
00:02:37,579 --> 00:02:39,605
you call it. I want to see your face.
63
00:02:39,606 --> 00:02:41,765
- No, I can hear your face.
- Just do it.
64
00:02:43,245 --> 00:02:45,295
I have exciting news.
65
00:02:45,297 --> 00:02:48,082
Wait, are you calling me
from Dr. Weinstein's office?
66
00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:50,010
Yes. I'm just waiting for my pap.
67
00:02:50,549 --> 00:02:52,890
Hey, little Becca, how are you?
68
00:02:53,207 --> 00:02:54,849
UTI's under control?
69
00:02:54,876 --> 00:02:57,687
(Naomi) Anyway, I wanted to
tell you that I was reading
70
00:02:57,688 --> 00:03:02,398
the Sunday Styles, and I saw that
Audra Levine just got married...
71
00:03:02,589 --> 00:03:04,765
and to a hedge fund manager.
72
00:03:04,766 --> 00:03:05,972
Good for Audra Levine.
73
00:03:05,973 --> 00:03:08,612
Also, she got the
promotion you didn't take.
74
00:03:08,613 --> 00:03:10,848
Remember? The one you were too good for?
75
00:03:10,849 --> 00:03:14,416
So now basically she has
the life you could have had,
76
00:03:14,623 --> 00:03:16,076
Almost had,
77
00:03:16,278 --> 00:03:20,025
but ruined with all
your ridiculous choices.
78
00:03:20,316 --> 00:03:23,796
Okay. So nice talking to you, Mom.
79
00:03:23,797 --> 00:03:25,129
I'm hanging up now.
80
00:03:25,131 --> 00:03:27,423
But thanks for the salt in the wound.
81
00:03:27,424 --> 00:03:29,527
At least it's kosher salt!
82
00:03:30,116 --> 00:03:31,316
He delivered you.
83
00:03:32,183 --> 00:03:33,807
Okay, screw your mom.
84
00:03:34,022 --> 00:03:35,444
Screw Audra Levine.
85
00:03:35,445 --> 00:03:36,982
Okay, you are doing just fine.
86
00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:39,648
No, I-I'm gonna go. I'm
gonna call you later, okay?
87
00:03:39,649 --> 00:03:42,078
No, no, no, no. Let's do
something to cheer you up.
88
00:03:42,079 --> 00:03:43,792
Look, I have to pick
up Brendan from therapy,
89
00:03:43,793 --> 00:03:46,093
- but it's-it's right near the Dress Barn.
- No.
90
00:03:46,094 --> 00:03:47,580
Right near the dress barn
91
00:03:47,581 --> 00:03:49,483
- Come on, you love the Dress Barn.
- No. I'm goinna go.
92
00:03:49,484 --> 00:03:50,844
I'm gonna go.
93
00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:54,194
Hey, don't skate sad!
94
00:03:54,393 --> 00:03:55,702
Or maybe at all!
95
00:04:03,009 --> 00:04:05,946
Subject is approaching
and appears dejected.
96
00:04:05,947 --> 00:04:08,621
And possibly undergoing cranial remolding.
97
00:04:09,496 --> 00:04:10,706
Hey, Heath.
98
00:04:11,434 --> 00:04:12,700
Name's Heather.
99
00:04:12,926 --> 00:04:14,628
But... so, how are you?
100
00:04:14,791 --> 00:04:16,723
And feel free to use specific words
101
00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:19,335
Like "despondent" or "hopeless", or,
102
00:04:19,336 --> 00:04:22,281
on a scale from one to ten,
rate your suicidal thoughts.
103
00:04:22,779 --> 00:04:25,491
Uh, I'm having the worst day, dude.
104
00:04:25,754 --> 00:04:29,109
So, anyway, I've decided to eat
my feelings, and it turns out...
105
00:04:29,110 --> 00:04:32,899
my feelings are pork rinds, whoopie pies,
106
00:04:32,931 --> 00:04:35,996
mac and cheese. Yeah, I'm going
full-on Cathy cartoon.
107
00:04:35,997 --> 00:04:37,467
Can you not do that?
108
00:04:37,630 --> 00:04:38,996
Because we share a wall,
109
00:04:38,997 --> 00:04:41,478
and I don't want to hear
you barf-crying later.
110
00:04:41,479 --> 00:04:42,967
What do you suggest I
do? I mean, what do you do
111
00:04:42,985 --> 00:04:45,798
when you're feeling this bad?
And don't say get a tattoo
112
00:04:45,799 --> 00:04:47,625
or piercing, because I'm afraid of needles.
113
00:04:47,625 --> 00:04:49,282
And... needles.
114
00:04:51,876 --> 00:04:53,076
Oh.
115
00:04:54,029 --> 00:04:55,662
I know what we're doing.
116
00:04:55,822 --> 00:04:57,972
Not hot. Gross.
117
00:04:58,345 --> 00:04:59,962
Smoking. Naked.
118
00:04:59,963 --> 00:05:01,259
Guy with a tiger?
119
00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:02,759
No. Come on.
120
00:05:02,797 --> 00:05:03,997
I have standards.
121
00:05:03,998 --> 00:05:06,073
Cartoon pic. Dead.
122
00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:09,030
Weird choice. Oh, my
god, is he actually dead?
123
00:05:09,032 --> 00:05:12,033
- I think so.
- Yeah, I mean, I did Tinder in New York.
124
00:05:12,035 --> 00:05:15,353
And I got to say, I went on
some, like, skeevy-ass dates.
125
00:05:15,354 --> 00:05:16,554
Well, you shouldn't use it for dates.
126
00:05:16,572 --> 00:05:17,988
You should use it for sex.
127
00:05:18,192 --> 00:05:21,732
You're looking for someone to, like,
pound the bad feelings out of you.
128
00:05:21,911 --> 00:05:24,545
Oh. Okay.
129
00:05:24,727 --> 00:05:25,934
Yeah, hot.
130
00:05:25,934 --> 00:05:27,226
- Okay, so this guy can
- Yeah.
131
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:28,794
meet you at a bar in 20 minutes.
132
00:05:29,618 --> 00:05:31,580
- That's fast!
- Mm-hmm.
133
00:05:31,583 --> 00:05:35,006
- Technology. Yeah.
- Oh, my god. Okay.
134
00:05:35,007 --> 00:05:36,323
- Tell him yes. Yeah.
- Okay.
135
00:05:36,324 --> 00:05:37,667
- Mm-hm
- What's his last name? It doesn't matter.
136
00:05:37,668 --> 00:05:40,494
Okay, can you come with
me, because I'm scared.
137
00:05:40,823 --> 00:05:42,464
Mm... okay.
138
00:05:42,465 --> 00:05:43,893
I'm gonna go put on a thong.
139
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,627
or maybe I won't wear any underwear,
140
00:05:46,628 --> 00:05:49,707
and that way he'll... (sniffing)
he'll just, smell my pheromones.
141
00:05:49,708 --> 00:05:51,683
Like a lion. Right?
142
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:53,660
- Yeah, I would do a thong.
- Okay.
143
00:06:01,159 --> 00:06:02,359
There he is.
144
00:06:02,422 --> 00:06:03,622
Go for it.
145
00:06:08,363 --> 00:06:11,585
Hi... Jason? I'm Rebecca.
146
00:06:11,794 --> 00:06:13,819
- Hi.
- Oh, what are those?
147
00:06:13,885 --> 00:06:15,333
Oh, carpel tunnel.
148
00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:16,957
Oh. Desk job?
149
00:06:16,958 --> 00:06:20,219
Nah. Call of Duty: Black Ops 3. You
should check out my YouTube channel.
150
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:22,363
So, uh, what's your beer of choice?
151
00:06:26,205 --> 00:06:28,516
Is this okay? Do you
consent to this activity?
152
00:06:28,583 --> 00:06:30,021
- Yeah.
- Come on.
153
00:06:30,308 --> 00:06:31,508
Great.
154
00:06:37,354 --> 00:06:39,156
Subject demonstrates lack of judgment
155
00:06:39,158 --> 00:06:41,528
combined with poor impulse control.
156
00:06:42,727 --> 00:06:43,992
Do you want to get weird?
157
00:06:44,589 --> 00:06:50,274
158
00:06:50,275 --> 00:06:51,475
My ball.
159
00:06:54,464 --> 00:06:55,730
Leave it.
160
00:06:56,525 --> 00:07:04,525
161
00:07:05,922 --> 00:07:08,323
Steppin' in the club,
all those eyes on me
162
00:07:08,325 --> 00:07:10,474
But there's only one pair that I see
163
00:07:10,475 --> 00:07:13,227
He got a tight-ass bod, big brown eyes
164
00:07:13,228 --> 00:07:15,529
Come on, cutie, get between my thighs
165
00:07:15,530 --> 00:07:17,181
'Cause I...
166
00:07:17,912 --> 00:07:21,096
I don't even know your name
167
00:07:21,097 --> 00:07:23,533
- It's, uh, Jason, remember?
- Shh. Don't tell me, don't tell me.
168
00:07:25,096 --> 00:07:30,133
Why don't we just
call each other "baby"?
169
00:07:30,642 --> 00:07:32,436
It'll be simpler
170
00:07:32,437 --> 00:07:34,725
Hey, sexy stranger,
come back to my place
171
00:07:34,726 --> 00:07:37,153
And I hope you're not a murderer
172
00:07:37,154 --> 00:07:39,619
Kiss me, baby, all over the place
173
00:07:39,620 --> 00:07:41,957
And please don't be a murderer
174
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:44,328
Please don't be a murderer
175
00:07:44,329 --> 00:07:46,622
Pl-pl-please don't be a murderer
176
00:07:46,768 --> 00:07:49,005
I'm sorry, I'll stop talking
'bout the murderer thing
177
00:07:49,006 --> 00:07:51,396
Let me get back to
playin' with your thing
178
00:07:51,397 --> 00:07:54,007
You got a beautiful
ass, strong-ass arms
179
00:07:54,008 --> 00:07:56,473
Is that a gun? Oh, thank
God, it's just your penis
180
00:07:56,474 --> 00:07:58,023
Have...
181
00:07:58,785 --> 00:08:01,867
You been tested for STDs?
182
00:08:01,868 --> 00:08:04,253
-
STDs
-
Tell me, please
183
00:08:04,254 --> 00:08:05,962
STDs
184
00:08:05,963 --> 00:08:07,724
Then...
185
00:08:08,175 --> 00:08:10,883
Waited the three-month window and got
186
00:08:10,884 --> 00:08:13,154
Tested again? Just makin' sure
187
00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:15,821
Most people don't
know about the window
188
00:08:15,822 --> 00:08:17,848
Hey, sexy stranger,
let's go to my place
189
00:08:17,849 --> 00:08:20,378
And please don't harvest my kidney
190
00:08:20,472 --> 00:08:22,622
Don't give me that incredulous face
191
00:08:22,623 --> 00:08:25,090
I saw a movie like that on Lifetime
192
00:08:25,276 --> 00:08:27,061
Uh, your balls smell weird
193
00:08:27,062 --> 00:08:29,317
Your balls smell so
much worse than I feared
194
00:08:29,318 --> 00:08:31,952
You haven't aired out
those balls in hours
195
00:08:31,953 --> 00:08:34,785
Please go wash your balls
in the shower, the bathroom
196
00:08:34,786 --> 00:08:36,765
-
Is right down the hall, okay?
-
Okay
197
00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:38,759
Please don't steal anything on the way
198
00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:39,676
Don't steal
199
00:08:39,677 --> 00:08:41,724
Hey, sexy stranger, I'll be right back
200
00:08:41,725 --> 00:08:44,215
I just forgot to do the dishes
201
00:08:44,415 --> 00:08:46,617
Keep yourself horny,
stay in the mood.
202
00:08:46,618 --> 00:08:49,079
I promise I'll be back. Okay,
see you in a second. Bye.
203
00:08:51,683 --> 00:08:53,078
(sputters)
204
00:08:56,043 --> 00:08:57,269
(Jason) Hello?
205
00:08:57,523 --> 00:08:59,282
So, we doing this or what?
206
00:08:59,425 --> 00:09:00,872
Yeah! I'll be right back!
207
00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:02,746
Uh, stay naked!
208
00:09:02,747 --> 00:09:04,253
What? What am I doing?
209
00:09:04,407 --> 00:09:07,520
(Woman) Do you feel disgusted and uneasy
210
00:09:07,925 --> 00:09:11,035
with your current butter? Ask yourself,
211
00:09:11,303 --> 00:09:13,898
are you making healthy choices?
212
00:09:14,472 --> 00:09:17,523
It's never too late to get the life
213
00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:20,356
and the butter you deserve.
214
00:09:20,450 --> 00:09:21,418
What are you doing?
215
00:09:21,419 --> 00:09:23,072
(TV Man) Welcome back... thank
you for stickin' with us....
216
00:09:23,073 --> 00:09:26,126
Oh, I get it. You want to
watch TV while we're doing it.
217
00:09:26,127 --> 00:09:28,205
That's hot. That actually
helps me last longer.
218
00:09:28,206 --> 00:09:29,406
Good idea.
219
00:09:32,578 --> 00:09:34,439
Hey. Hey.
220
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:35,817
Listen, um,
221
00:09:36,129 --> 00:09:38,267
you're a really great guy,
222
00:09:38,570 --> 00:09:40,108
and I really
223
00:09:40,109 --> 00:09:43,403
admire your commitment to the
health of your wrist tendons.
224
00:09:43,635 --> 00:09:45,717
I'm talking about the balls.
The balls that you have.
225
00:09:45,718 --> 00:09:47,065
- Oh.
- But...
226
00:09:47,998 --> 00:09:49,558
I got to say no.
227
00:09:49,924 --> 00:09:52,424
Yeah. It's not you, it's not you. You're...
228
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:55,644
fine. In-in another context,
you'd be great. But...
229
00:09:55,910 --> 00:09:59,111
I think that it's time for me to
start making healthier choices.
230
00:09:59,589 --> 00:10:00,807
And...
231
00:10:00,922 --> 00:10:03,422
you're not a healthy choice.
232
00:10:04,019 --> 00:10:06,749
So... get out of my house?
233
00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:08,068
(chuckles)
234
00:10:08,069 --> 00:10:09,802
Get out of my house.
235
00:10:13,364 --> 00:10:14,666
(exhales)
236
00:10:18,956 --> 00:10:20,657
(slurping)
237
00:10:20,659 --> 00:10:21,921
Mmm.
238
00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:24,928
The hell is that?
239
00:10:24,930 --> 00:10:27,283
Oh, this? I have decided
240
00:10:27,512 --> 00:10:28,997
to turn over a whole new leaf.
241
00:10:28,999 --> 00:10:31,372
Is that what that is? Really?
It's, like, leaf juice?
242
00:10:31,373 --> 00:10:34,963
You put, like, leaves in a
juicer and you... made that?
243
00:10:34,964 --> 00:10:37,765
No. So, I have come to the decision
244
00:10:37,766 --> 00:10:39,646
that I need to be making healthier choices,
245
00:10:39,647 --> 00:10:41,977
- Mm-hmm.
- so I stayed up all night last night
246
00:10:41,979 --> 00:10:43,579
and I did some research.
247
00:10:43,581 --> 00:10:46,581
And now I'm into, like, all the good stuff.
248
00:10:46,583 --> 00:10:50,675
We're talking, like,
Kabbalah, bee pollen, colonics.
249
00:10:50,676 --> 00:10:52,393
- Oh... Mm.
- Mm-hmm. Let's see. I learned
250
00:10:52,394 --> 00:10:54,926
a ton about Buddhism. Uh-huh.
251
00:10:54,991 --> 00:10:56,833
And, oh, I'm a vegan now.
252
00:10:58,534 --> 00:11:01,063
Oh, uh, uh... (chuckles)
253
00:11:02,166 --> 00:11:04,715
- Are those the s'mores ones? (sniffing)
- Ugh.
254
00:11:04,716 --> 00:11:06,432
Mmm.
255
00:11:06,434 --> 00:11:08,212
Oh, just eat it.
256
00:11:08,213 --> 00:11:10,806
Life is too short. You're being ridiculous.
257
00:11:10,807 --> 00:11:12,030
- No...
- No, I know.
258
00:11:12,031 --> 00:11:14,306
I have turned over enough leaves in my life
259
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:15,942
for a whole forest.
260
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,177
Eat the donut.
261
00:11:18,179 --> 00:11:19,412
- No!
- Eat it.
262
00:11:19,414 --> 00:11:21,074
No, you eat the donut.
263
00:11:21,075 --> 00:11:22,884
I made a deal with myself.
264
00:11:23,696 --> 00:11:25,584
- _
- (Chris) We made a deal.
265
00:11:25,586 --> 00:11:28,296
You were gonna ask out Rebecca
and I was gonna ask out Olivia.
266
00:11:28,633 --> 00:11:31,841
And I held up my end of
the bargain, like a man.
267
00:11:31,842 --> 00:11:33,734
And how did that work out?
268
00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:35,510
Well, she didn't really answer.
269
00:11:35,511 --> 00:11:38,415
She just made this,
like, choking-laugh sound.
270
00:11:38,919 --> 00:11:40,798
I think she has asthma.
271
00:11:41,683 --> 00:11:44,168
But at least I had the
guts to ask a girl out.
272
00:11:44,170 --> 00:11:45,469
What's your deal with Rebecca?
273
00:11:45,471 --> 00:11:47,204
Either do it or don't do it.
274
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,840
Man, you're like a broken record.
275
00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:51,592
Dude, I don't even know what a record is.
276
00:11:52,538 --> 00:11:54,114
You don't understand.
277
00:11:54,115 --> 00:11:55,512
You're too young.
278
00:11:55,893 --> 00:11:59,093
I like Rebecca but I don't... like Rebecca.
279
00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:02,742
I have very positive feelings
of attraction towards her
280
00:12:02,743 --> 00:12:05,597
but I also kinda want
to punch her in the arm.
281
00:12:05,598 --> 00:12:07,524
You just described fifth grade.
282
00:12:07,526 --> 00:12:09,536
She likes someone else, okay?
283
00:12:10,137 --> 00:12:11,761
I know that for a fact.
284
00:12:11,763 --> 00:12:13,047
I mean, I know it...
285
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:15,019
I don't-I don't know it.
286
00:12:15,421 --> 00:12:16,899
- (Chris) What?
- (Greg) Never mind.
287
00:12:17,099 --> 00:12:18,300
Hey.
288
00:12:18,301 --> 00:12:20,566
Chan-man. Saw those, uh, pics
289
00:12:20,567 --> 00:12:21,972
on Instagram.
290
00:12:21,973 --> 00:12:24,106
Looked like outtakes from a porn shoot.
291
00:12:24,108 --> 00:12:25,608
(laughs) Thanks.
292
00:12:25,610 --> 00:12:26,995
So the trip was good?
293
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,349
Yeah, but I maxed out my credit card.
294
00:12:29,943 --> 00:12:32,764
If I don't get a job soon, I'll have
to work at my dad's radiology lab
295
00:12:32,765 --> 00:12:35,538
which is like all cancer, all the time.
296
00:12:35,987 --> 00:12:38,131
I gotta do something else.
I mean, I'll take anything.
297
00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:40,093
Hey, I can ask Kevin if we're hiring here.
298
00:12:40,094 --> 00:12:41,322
Oh, God, no.
299
00:12:41,324 --> 00:12:42,624
Are you kidding me?
300
00:12:42,626 --> 00:12:44,158
I'm haven't completely given up.
301
00:12:44,487 --> 00:12:45,693
Nice.
302
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:48,413
You may need to take a
trip to your happy place.
303
00:12:48,414 --> 00:12:50,060
Are you guys talking about drugs?
304
00:12:50,061 --> 00:12:51,331
Because drugs are bad.
305
00:12:51,333 --> 00:12:53,169
My cousin tried bath salts
306
00:12:53,170 --> 00:12:54,864
and she ate off her own lips.
307
00:12:54,865 --> 00:12:58,166
No. When he's sad, Josh
likes to go to the Aloha
308
00:12:58,167 --> 00:12:59,993
Tech Center over on South Cameron.
309
00:12:59,994 --> 00:13:01,194
Me, too.
310
00:13:01,195 --> 00:13:03,056
Yeah, I like to check out the latest tech,
311
00:13:03,057 --> 00:13:05,289
and play a few new video games
312
00:13:05,290 --> 00:13:06,998
and somehow everything is okay.
313
00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:09,533
My life goes back into high-def.
314
00:13:11,384 --> 00:13:13,138
Look who's about to come in.
315
00:13:15,789 --> 00:13:17,759
You gonna do it? You gonna ask her out?
316
00:13:17,850 --> 00:13:20,102
Wait, you're going to ask out Rebecca?
317
00:13:20,482 --> 00:13:21,956
(Chris) Nah, he's not gonna do it.
318
00:13:21,957 --> 00:13:23,416
You know how he gets.
319
00:13:25,598 --> 00:13:26,798
Do it, Serrano.
320
00:13:29,481 --> 00:13:31,327
Hi, Josh.
321
00:13:31,328 --> 00:13:33,596
How was your Temecula vacay?
322
00:13:33,674 --> 00:13:35,340
Perfection, all around.
323
00:13:35,906 --> 00:13:37,345
Wonderful.
324
00:13:37,510 --> 00:13:39,156
The pictures on Instagram
325
00:13:39,157 --> 00:13:40,993
accurately represented that fact.
326
00:13:40,994 --> 00:13:42,337
(Greg in Irish accent)
What are you drinking,
327
00:13:42,338 --> 00:13:43,786
leprechaun blood?
328
00:13:46,818 --> 00:13:49,002
No. Um, I'm actually
329
00:13:49,003 --> 00:13:51,369
- a vegan now. Yeah.
- Really?
330
00:13:51,370 --> 00:13:54,557
Since four days ago when I saw
you house a cheeseburger pizza?
331
00:13:54,609 --> 00:13:56,076
That was the old me.
332
00:13:56,325 --> 00:13:58,728
The new me is making healthier choices.
333
00:13:58,730 --> 00:14:01,064
You sound like that
weird butter commercial.
334
00:14:02,096 --> 00:14:03,426
- Thank you.
- Hm.
335
00:14:03,427 --> 00:14:05,614
Mmm, this juice is really starting to work,
336
00:14:05,810 --> 00:14:08,000
so I'm going to hit the ladies.
337
00:14:08,652 --> 00:14:10,591
Room. Hit the ladies' room.
338
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,762
I'm not a football player. (laughs)
339
00:14:14,210 --> 00:14:15,417
Do you hear that?
340
00:14:15,418 --> 00:14:17,412
Healthy choices... that's you.
341
00:14:19,082 --> 00:14:20,504
That one was a false alarm.
342
00:14:20,505 --> 00:14:24,023
Hey, can I talk to you over here for a sec?
343
00:14:24,024 --> 00:14:25,448
- Yeah, can't we just talk over here?
- Nah,
344
00:14:25,449 --> 00:14:26,748
let's leave the children out of this.
345
00:14:26,749 --> 00:14:29,276
So, um, healthy choices.
346
00:14:29,277 --> 00:14:32,008
- Yeah.
- That applies to your dating life, too,
347
00:14:32,201 --> 00:14:34,583
- don't you think?
- Yeah, like, I think I really need
348
00:14:34,584 --> 00:14:37,120
to be with, like, an older
guy, maybe like a professor,
349
00:14:37,121 --> 00:14:38,321
or maybe like...
350
00:14:39,281 --> 00:14:40,493
(quietly) Oh.
351
00:14:41,697 --> 00:14:42,897
Wait.
352
00:14:43,272 --> 00:14:45,258
Are you... are you really doing this?
353
00:14:45,373 --> 00:14:48,041
- Yeah. So, I still like you,
- Yeah, okay.
354
00:14:48,043 --> 00:14:49,428
and I know I shouldn't.
355
00:14:49,429 --> 00:14:50,717
I don't want to.
356
00:14:50,718 --> 00:14:52,490
You're not that nice
to me and you're weird.
357
00:14:52,491 --> 00:14:55,532
And I tell myself to
stop thinking about you,
358
00:14:55,533 --> 00:14:57,718
but every time you show up,
359
00:14:57,720 --> 00:15:00,960
it's like boom, feelings.
360
00:15:00,961 --> 00:15:02,612
And I know also
361
00:15:02,613 --> 00:15:04,223
that you have feelings for Josh...
362
00:15:04,224 --> 00:15:05,424
- No, I don't have feelings...
- No, no, no, no, no.
363
00:15:05,426 --> 00:15:07,004
- No, I-I don't, I don't have feelings...
- No, no, shh.
364
00:15:07,005 --> 00:15:09,301
- Just listen. Just-just listen.
- for Josh?
365
00:15:09,989 --> 00:15:11,197
Okay.
366
00:15:15,804 --> 00:15:18,269
When we're together
367
00:15:18,729 --> 00:15:21,388
I feel so grand
368
00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:25,033
My heart goes tippety-tap-tap-tap
369
00:15:25,848 --> 00:15:28,042
When I hold your hand
370
00:15:28,043 --> 00:15:30,977
But I know there's another guy
371
00:15:30,978 --> 00:15:33,845
You fancy more
372
00:15:34,189 --> 00:15:36,853
So even though
373
00:15:36,854 --> 00:15:40,798
I'm not the one you adore
374
00:15:40,842 --> 00:15:43,930
Why... not
375
00:15:43,931 --> 00:15:46,109
- (snaps fingers)
-
Settle for me
376
00:15:46,233 --> 00:15:49,047
Darling, just settle for me
377
00:15:49,390 --> 00:15:52,117
I think you'll have to agree
378
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:55,483
We make quite a pair
379
00:15:57,036 --> 00:16:02,437
I know I'm only second
place in this game
380
00:16:02,438 --> 00:16:05,776
But like 2% milk or seitan beef
381
00:16:05,777 --> 00:16:08,487
I almost taste the same
382
00:16:08,740 --> 00:16:10,572
- (clattering)
-
So won't you
383
00:16:10,573 --> 00:16:12,140
Settle for me
384
00:16:12,392 --> 00:16:15,428
Come on and settle for me
385
00:16:15,429 --> 00:16:17,184
Say yes or no
386
00:16:17,185 --> 00:16:21,179
Before I choke on all
this swallowed pride
387
00:16:21,904 --> 00:16:25,182
I have no problem being
picked out from the bottom
388
00:16:25,183 --> 00:16:28,253
If he's your broken condom, I'm plan B
389
00:16:28,489 --> 00:16:31,361
So lower those expectations
390
00:16:31,362 --> 00:16:32,885
And settle for me
391
00:16:33,154 --> 00:16:34,753
Am I okay with this?
392
00:16:34,754 --> 00:16:35,954
Totally
393
00:16:36,213 --> 00:16:38,228
Oh, sweet, a gown.
394
00:16:38,229 --> 00:16:39,929
Settle for me
395
00:16:40,211 --> 00:16:42,976
Babycakes, just settle for me
396
00:16:43,058 --> 00:16:45,992
Schmoopy pie, I'm begging you, please
397
00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:49,922
Can't you see the light?
398
00:16:50,007 --> 00:16:53,080
Sugar jugs, I'm so bereft
399
00:16:53,234 --> 00:16:56,327
Demeaning terms are
all that I have left
400
00:16:56,328 --> 00:16:58,739
Of my masculinity
401
00:16:58,740 --> 00:17:00,990
So settle for me
402
00:17:01,957 --> 00:17:03,979
So twirly.
403
00:17:03,980 --> 00:17:05,579
404
00:17:05,874 --> 00:17:07,856
Little girl
405
00:17:07,857 --> 00:17:10,708
Don't make me feel like a little girl
406
00:17:11,953 --> 00:17:13,670
Exposed and raw
407
00:17:13,910 --> 00:17:16,829
Whose boobs can't even
fill a training bra
408
00:17:17,941 --> 00:17:19,777
Let's pretend I didn't say that
409
00:17:19,778 --> 00:17:21,161
Settle for me
410
00:17:21,162 --> 00:17:22,920
It's a practical proposal
411
00:17:22,921 --> 00:17:25,599
-
Settle for me
-
It makes a certain sense
412
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:27,182
He's a fantasy
413
00:17:27,351 --> 00:17:30,522
But hey, let's think this through
414
00:17:31,754 --> 00:17:33,522
Yes, Josh is a dream
415
00:17:33,661 --> 00:17:35,089
But I'm right here
416
00:17:35,227 --> 00:17:37,866
In flesh and blood and self-hate
417
00:17:38,162 --> 00:17:39,605
(Both)
Settle for me
418
00:17:39,606 --> 00:17:42,574
In a sad way, darling, it's fate
419
00:17:42,575 --> 00:17:44,808
420
00:18:07,062 --> 00:18:08,869
You're like Rocky V to Rocky
421
00:18:08,870 --> 00:18:10,620
Solange to Beyonc?
422
00:18:10,621 --> 00:18:13,243
Not asking to be your fianc?
423
00:18:13,244 --> 00:18:15,210
But if tonight, or tomorrow
424
00:18:15,211 --> 00:18:16,710
If you happen to be free
425
00:18:16,890 --> 00:18:23,120
Maybe, just maybe, settle for me...
426
00:18:23,121 --> 00:18:24,321
(song ends)
427
00:18:24,446 --> 00:18:25,879
So what'll it be?
428
00:18:26,872 --> 00:18:28,075
Can you hurry up and decide?
429
00:18:28,076 --> 00:18:29,803
A dip is kinda supposed
to be a quick thing.
430
00:18:30,833 --> 00:18:34,958
Uh...
431
00:18:36,914 --> 00:18:40,158
_
432
00:18:41,433 --> 00:18:43,601
(Hawaiian music playing)
433
00:18:50,312 --> 00:18:52,144
Aloha.
434
00:18:52,145 --> 00:18:53,491
Would you like some pok??
435
00:18:53,492 --> 00:18:55,635
Are you kidding? I would love some pok?.
436
00:18:58,364 --> 00:19:00,038
Mm. Anything new today?
437
00:19:00,259 --> 00:19:03,040
We got Murder Rampage III:
438
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:04,607
A Quest for Chaos.
439
00:19:04,609 --> 00:19:07,265
The DPS is out of control.
440
00:19:07,266 --> 00:19:10,038
Really? God, I love this place.
441
00:19:10,988 --> 00:19:14,069
_
442
00:19:19,290 --> 00:19:22,136
Hey, I wanted to talk to
you about the Caswick case.
443
00:19:22,137 --> 00:19:24,193
What the hell is this?
444
00:19:24,195 --> 00:19:26,972
Well, I was reading that sitting
is like the new smoking...
445
00:19:26,973 --> 00:19:29,153
I know... you should be
walking ten miles a day,
446
00:19:29,154 --> 00:19:30,678
so I got this treadmill desk
447
00:19:30,805 --> 00:19:33,938
but then I realized I
couldn't really do work on it.
448
00:19:34,247 --> 00:19:36,072
Um, and also I hate walking.
449
00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:39,894
So that-that-that was what,
that was like a $2,000 mistake?
450
00:19:39,895 --> 00:19:42,176
- Ugh!
- Let me save you from making another one.
451
00:19:42,178 --> 00:19:44,000
Don't go out with Greg.
452
00:19:44,001 --> 00:19:46,013
Can you stop telling me what to do. Okay?
453
00:19:46,015 --> 00:19:48,282
I'm... I haven't decided what
I'm going to do about Greg.
454
00:19:48,284 --> 00:19:50,740
All I'm saying is, if you go
out with Josh's best friend,
455
00:19:50,753 --> 00:19:52,194
you activate the bro code
456
00:19:52,195 --> 00:19:54,954
and then you muddy up
the long play for Josh.
457
00:19:54,956 --> 00:19:57,691
What I do with Greg has
nothing to do with...
458
00:19:57,693 --> 00:19:59,125
- Josh.
- Exactly.
459
00:19:59,127 --> 00:20:01,328
No, actually, Josh is
actually right out here.
460
00:20:02,398 --> 00:20:03,598
- Great, send him in.
- Oh.
461
00:20:03,599 --> 00:20:05,089
It's for business. I told him to come.
462
00:20:05,090 --> 00:20:06,601
Uh, okay.
463
00:20:10,261 --> 00:20:12,629
This is the greatest thing
I've ever experienced.
464
00:20:12,631 --> 00:20:15,817
What do you log on this thing,
like, ten, 20 miles a day?
465
00:20:16,405 --> 00:20:18,493
Yeah, in that area.
466
00:20:18,494 --> 00:20:19,697
So what can I help you with?
467
00:20:19,698 --> 00:20:21,037
Oh, I need you to look at this.
468
00:20:21,584 --> 00:20:23,896
So, I'm applying to the
place I most want to work
469
00:20:23,897 --> 00:20:26,664
like, in the whole world but
I'm no good at job applications.
470
00:20:26,665 --> 00:20:27,932
So confusing.
471
00:20:27,933 --> 00:20:30,324
There's like a blank space
for an essay or something?
472
00:20:30,325 --> 00:20:33,544
- Like, what do I write there?
- Ooh. Let's take a look-see at this.
473
00:20:33,545 --> 00:20:35,512
For the Aloha Tech Center.
474
00:20:35,513 --> 00:20:38,109
Oh, that's like the Hawaiian
place with the TVs, right?
475
00:20:38,549 --> 00:20:41,652
Yeah, you know what. Let me make
take care of the essay. I got it.
476
00:20:41,979 --> 00:20:43,413
Oh, so I never heard,
477
00:20:43,414 --> 00:20:45,168
what's happening with you and Serrano?
478
00:20:45,169 --> 00:20:46,392
You gonna go out with him?
479
00:20:46,393 --> 00:20:49,658
Oh, um, I'm still thinking about it.
480
00:20:49,659 --> 00:20:53,453
Tell you what, you're helping
me with my job application,
481
00:20:53,553 --> 00:20:54,926
I'll help you with your love life.
482
00:20:54,927 --> 00:20:56,761
(laughing) Are you like a love doctor?
483
00:20:57,471 --> 00:20:59,683
And this puppy is...
484
00:21:00,165 --> 00:21:01,403
ready to ship.
485
00:21:01,893 --> 00:21:03,203
- Thanks.
- So, um,
486
00:21:03,204 --> 00:21:05,432
you mentioned, uh, helping
me with my love life.
487
00:21:05,433 --> 00:21:07,785
Oh. Well, that's easy
one. I think you should...
488
00:21:07,786 --> 00:21:10,071
Hold out for something more magical, right?
489
00:21:10,185 --> 00:21:12,748
I should just wait for
that special someone?
490
00:21:12,749 --> 00:21:14,816
No, I-I think you should say yes.
491
00:21:14,957 --> 00:21:16,757
Oh. Oh, okay.
492
00:21:16,759 --> 00:21:18,402
You... okay. You do?
493
00:21:18,403 --> 00:21:20,776
Why not? Greg's the
coolest. I say, go for it.
494
00:21:20,777 --> 00:21:22,992
So... so you think I
should-I should date Greg?
495
00:21:23,509 --> 00:21:24,712
I think I just said that.
496
00:21:24,713 --> 00:21:27,666
You just, you don't think there's like
any reason that I shouldn't?
497
00:21:28,625 --> 00:21:31,717
Any... reason at all?
498
00:21:31,718 --> 00:21:34,557
Not that I can think of.
499
00:21:34,602 --> 00:21:36,510
Nope. Nothing. Well, I should run.
500
00:21:36,511 --> 00:21:38,584
Um, I gotta get this in to Aloha.
501
00:21:38,712 --> 00:21:39,919
Thank you so much.
502
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,054
Oh, thank... Good luck!
503
00:21:44,149 --> 00:21:46,076
(sighs) Okay.
504
00:21:46,077 --> 00:21:47,284
Healthy choices.
505
00:21:47,285 --> 00:21:48,496
Hmm.
506
00:21:48,989 --> 00:21:50,532
(touch-tones beeping)
507
00:21:52,529 --> 00:21:54,234
Hello, Greg? Yes.
508
00:21:54,835 --> 00:21:56,038
(sighs)
509
00:21:56,039 --> 00:21:57,239
(Woman) Make an effort,
510
00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:58,587
make a decision.
511
00:21:58,588 --> 00:22:00,939
Your future is in your hands
512
00:22:00,950 --> 00:22:03,152
and on the edge of your knife.
513
00:22:03,153 --> 00:22:05,420
514
00:22:11,609 --> 00:22:13,643
Everything okay with the...
515
00:22:13,645 --> 00:22:15,740
application there, sir? (chuckles quietly)
516
00:22:15,741 --> 00:22:18,059
I don't know. I think you're overqualified.
517
00:22:18,416 --> 00:22:20,016
(sputters, laughs)
518
00:22:20,018 --> 00:22:21,218
What?
519
00:22:21,486 --> 00:22:23,887
No. Like... wh-what? What do you mean?
520
00:22:23,888 --> 00:22:26,755
This essay you wrote at the
end of your application, it's...
521
00:22:26,958 --> 00:22:28,263
quite a piece of writing.
522
00:22:28,264 --> 00:22:29,485
And that's bad?
523
00:22:29,486 --> 00:22:31,853
Well, it's just so
intellectual and overthought.
524
00:22:32,096 --> 00:22:33,993
You reference Kafka in it.
525
00:22:33,994 --> 00:22:36,177
It's, like, what, did you
go to Harvard or something?
526
00:22:36,178 --> 00:22:38,937
No, no. I-I-I went... I went to Northridge.
527
00:22:38,938 --> 00:22:41,171
A-And barely. Like, I never went to class.
528
00:22:41,172 --> 00:22:44,740
I just mean that at no point
do you even mention electronics
529
00:22:44,741 --> 00:22:47,345
or being into electronics, and
this is an electronics store,
530
00:22:47,346 --> 00:22:49,559
so that would be huge.
531
00:22:49,946 --> 00:22:51,278
So, I don't know, maybe,
532
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:54,072
uh, maybe you should
work in a place that's...
533
00:22:54,122 --> 00:22:55,972
sells books instead of gear.
534
00:22:55,973 --> 00:22:58,589
Guess that would be a... library.
535
00:22:58,590 --> 00:23:00,026
No...
536
00:23:00,027 --> 00:23:01,493
Hey, look, bro...
537
00:23:02,053 --> 00:23:05,926
Aloha is just a... really
laid-back store, okay?
538
00:23:05,927 --> 00:23:08,312
And our employees are just chill.
539
00:23:08,533 --> 00:23:10,951
So... someone who gets this upset
540
00:23:10,952 --> 00:23:13,225
about Harper Lee and...
541
00:23:13,381 --> 00:23:17,104
you know, whether the book
was a prequel or first draft
542
00:23:17,105 --> 00:23:18,529
does not sound chill.
543
00:23:18,530 --> 00:23:21,920
No, no. I-I'm chill. I'm, like,
I'm, like, so chill!
544
00:23:22,009 --> 00:23:23,820
Uh, you know, the whole Harper Lee thing,
545
00:23:23,821 --> 00:23:27,123
that was just 'cause I love her
husband... you know, Bruce Lee.
546
00:23:27,298 --> 00:23:28,498
I just think...
547
00:23:28,747 --> 00:23:32,900
based on this essay, you're
not gonna be very happy here.
548
00:23:38,772 --> 00:23:40,169
Ta-da!
549
00:23:40,582 --> 00:23:42,332
The West Covina Taco Festival.
550
00:23:42,333 --> 00:23:45,767
The second best thing to do
in this town besides leave.
551
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,713
I saw fliers for this at City Hall.
552
00:23:48,714 --> 00:23:50,476
This is so cool. But
what if it rains again?
553
00:23:50,477 --> 00:23:53,308
With my luck, it probably will,
because when I plan an outdoor date,
554
00:23:53,309 --> 00:23:57,344
it's the one rainy day in the
middle of a five-year drought.
555
00:23:59,270 --> 00:24:01,451
So, Gregory...
556
00:24:02,852 --> 00:24:04,847
we are on a date.
557
00:24:05,134 --> 00:24:07,800
- Yes, we are.
- Yes. Okay.
558
00:24:09,319 --> 00:24:13,322
Let's engage in some date... conversation.
559
00:24:13,324 --> 00:24:14,601
Okay.
560
00:24:15,617 --> 00:24:18,484
Who is your favorite president?
561
00:24:18,662 --> 00:24:20,676
Mine is Rutherford B. Hayes,
562
00:24:20,769 --> 00:24:22,371
for obvious reasons.
563
00:24:23,879 --> 00:24:25,647
Have you been on a date before?
564
00:24:25,648 --> 00:24:29,062
I have. I'm just... I'm
just trying to be mature
565
00:24:29,063 --> 00:24:30,838
and responsible... Pork!
566
00:24:31,634 --> 00:24:33,087
That took a turn.
567
00:24:33,094 --> 00:24:34,353
You want one?
568
00:24:35,611 --> 00:24:37,227
No. No.
569
00:24:37,346 --> 00:24:40,313
Uh-uh. Don't try to trick
me, because I'm a vegan.
570
00:24:40,315 --> 00:24:43,509
- This week you are. Okay.
- For forever I am.
571
00:24:43,510 --> 00:24:45,972
So... I will have...
572
00:24:46,261 --> 00:24:48,028
mmm, the cauliflower tacos.
573
00:24:48,029 --> 00:24:49,820
(groans) Ooh. You are
really sticking to this.
574
00:24:49,821 --> 00:24:51,467
Yep. I'm trying to fight my base urges.
575
00:24:51,468 --> 00:24:53,733
(sighs) Just what a guy
wants to hear on a date.
576
00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:57,919
- Wow.
- Mmm!
577
00:24:58,547 --> 00:25:01,203
Wait. This is actually really good.
578
00:25:01,354 --> 00:25:02,603
- Oh, no, no.
- Try some.
579
00:25:02,604 --> 00:25:04,997
I don't do cauliflower...
they're like albino broccoli.
580
00:25:04,998 --> 00:25:06,955
- Try me, Greg. Try me.
- Okay. Okay.
581
00:25:06,956 --> 00:25:08,192
They can't talk.
582
00:25:10,768 --> 00:25:14,081
You know what? This is
pretty... disgusting.
583
00:25:14,370 --> 00:25:16,376
- Mm.
- Mm, garbage can.
584
00:25:16,377 --> 00:25:17,508
So funny.
585
00:25:17,598 --> 00:25:19,765
(thunder rumbling) Hmm, let's see,
586
00:25:19,767 --> 00:25:22,015
little known facts about me.
587
00:25:22,903 --> 00:25:24,769
Uh... (laughs) oh, okay.
588
00:25:24,771 --> 00:25:27,315
So, once a week I Google trivia
589
00:25:27,316 --> 00:25:29,774
about the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire.
590
00:25:29,775 --> 00:25:31,343
Shut up. I love that fire.
591
00:25:31,344 --> 00:25:32,775
That's, like, my favorite fire.
592
00:25:32,776 --> 00:25:34,881
(laughing) No. Stop messing
with me. I know it's weird.
593
00:25:34,882 --> 00:25:36,474
Why is it weird to be obsessed
594
00:25:36,475 --> 00:25:39,152
with the flash point that
single-handedly ignited labor reform
595
00:25:39,153 --> 00:25:40,382
in the U.S.?
596
00:25:41,819 --> 00:25:44,109
Speaking of flash point, you're
blowing my mind right now.
597
00:25:45,456 --> 00:25:46,674
Stick around.
598
00:25:47,249 --> 00:25:49,993
Every year after my dad my left,
599
00:25:49,994 --> 00:25:53,234
on his birthday I... I'd send him, like,
600
00:25:53,235 --> 00:25:55,718
(laughs) like, a handmade card
601
00:25:55,934 --> 00:25:59,725
with these terrible, like,
terrible stick-figure drawings
602
00:25:59,726 --> 00:26:01,547
and a ton of glitter.
603
00:26:02,406 --> 00:26:06,020
And every year, I would never hear back.
604
00:26:06,144 --> 00:26:07,624
Your dad's an idiot.
605
00:26:08,746 --> 00:26:11,879
I mean... to be fair,
glitter gets everywhere.
606
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:14,714
Well, it sounded like he was a
crappy father... he deserved glitter.
607
00:26:14,715 --> 00:26:16,276
I'd throw glitter at him right now.
608
00:26:16,277 --> 00:26:17,751
Is there a glitter stand here somewhere?
609
00:26:17,752 --> 00:26:19,175
Can we get some glitter over here?
610
00:26:19,176 --> 00:26:21,321
I don't want to talk about it anymore, Dad.
611
00:26:21,322 --> 00:26:24,727
So you didn't get the
job... thank goodness.
612
00:26:24,872 --> 00:26:28,210
It's a silly place, with
the shirts and the...
613
00:26:28,211 --> 00:26:29,733
and the raw fish.
614
00:26:30,096 --> 00:26:33,050
This place is the right choice for you.
615
00:26:33,188 --> 00:26:34,961
The most healthy thing.
616
00:26:35,251 --> 00:26:39,195
Now, put on all these layers
so you don't get cancer.
617
00:26:39,435 --> 00:26:40,635
Hmm?
618
00:26:40,823 --> 00:26:44,633
Ay, ay, ay, ay
619
00:26:44,740 --> 00:26:48,168
Canta y no llores
620
00:26:48,209 --> 00:26:50,720
-
Porque cantando se alegran
- (grunts)
621
00:26:50,721 --> 00:26:53,031
-
Cielito lindo
- Ha-ha!
622
00:26:53,093 --> 00:26:55,845
Los corazones
623
00:26:55,912 --> 00:26:59,634
Ay, ay, ay, ay
624
00:26:59,773 --> 00:27:03,141
Canta y no llores
625
00:27:03,387 --> 00:27:05,054
Porque cantando
626
00:27:05,056 --> 00:27:06,387
Se alegran
627
00:27:06,389 --> 00:27:09,110
Cielito lindo...
628
00:27:09,111 --> 00:27:10,311
(music pauses)
629
00:27:10,312 --> 00:27:14,110
Los corazo... nes...
630
00:27:14,111 --> 00:27:17,114
(trumpets play closing phrase)
631
00:27:17,115 --> 00:27:18,708
(people cheering)
632
00:27:19,037 --> 00:27:20,237
All right.
633
00:27:20,238 --> 00:27:22,895
Okay, everybody, the final round
634
00:27:22,896 --> 00:27:24,821
of the guacamole contest will begin
635
00:27:24,822 --> 00:27:27,789
- in one minute in the gazebo!
- Oh...!
636
00:27:27,790 --> 00:27:29,423
Ooh, guacamole!
637
00:27:29,424 --> 00:27:32,425
Uh, we could go, or we could go...
638
00:27:32,848 --> 00:27:34,314
someplace else.
639
00:27:35,216 --> 00:27:36,692
Maybe your place?
640
00:27:37,228 --> 00:27:39,207
Um, no, uh, my place...
641
00:27:39,388 --> 00:27:40,588
my place sounds great.
642
00:27:40,589 --> 00:27:41,789
Great.
643
00:27:43,277 --> 00:27:46,025
But let's go to the
guacamole contest first.
644
00:27:46,027 --> 00:27:48,956
Just for, like, five
minutes, 'cause I want to see
645
00:27:48,957 --> 00:27:50,837
who has the best guacamole.
646
00:27:52,143 --> 00:27:53,825
- Please?
- Sure. Yeah.
647
00:27:53,826 --> 00:27:55,931
- You won't regret it. We're gonna get
-
I won't regret it.
648
00:27:55,932 --> 00:28:00,165
- that tum-tum full of guacamole.
-
I... love avocados!
649
00:28:00,166 --> 00:28:03,880
(Man over speakers) You've been voting
all day, and we are down to two finalists.
650
00:28:03,881 --> 00:28:06,114
Local West Covina favorite,
651
00:28:06,115 --> 00:28:07,888
La Cocina...!
652
00:28:07,889 --> 00:28:09,922
(whooping, cheering)
653
00:28:10,083 --> 00:28:12,525
And all the way from Echo Park,
654
00:28:12,526 --> 00:28:15,658
also known as the Brooklyn
of Southern California...
655
00:28:15,659 --> 00:28:19,708
Echo Parko Tacos...!
656
00:28:19,709 --> 00:28:21,425
(people jeering)
657
00:28:21,726 --> 00:28:25,395
Grab some guac, have a
taste, and place your votes.
658
00:28:25,397 --> 00:28:28,329
Okay, so I'll hit the hipsters,
you hit the abuela.
659
00:28:28,330 --> 00:28:29,556
- Deal.
- Great.
660
00:28:30,132 --> 00:28:31,398
Hey, is this vegan?
661
00:28:31,399 --> 00:28:32,767
Yeah. Certified organic.
662
00:28:32,768 --> 00:28:35,468
No GMOs. Avocados are even cruelty-free.
663
00:28:35,469 --> 00:28:37,736
Okay. Save the avocados.
664
00:28:37,737 --> 00:28:39,103
So you're a vegan?
665
00:28:39,104 --> 00:28:40,734
I'm a vegan, too. Of course.
666
00:28:40,735 --> 00:28:42,389
Cool. Yeah, I just realized it's, like,
667
00:28:42,390 --> 00:28:43,998
- a lifestyle choice, you know?
- Yeah.
668
00:28:43,999 --> 00:28:47,242
It's... it's really changed
the way I do everything
669
00:28:47,243 --> 00:28:49,209
in the last... two days.
670
00:28:49,411 --> 00:28:52,386
Although, truth be told, when I walk
around this festival, all I want to do
671
00:28:52,387 --> 00:28:55,039
is just sink my teeth into
animal flesh, you know?
672
00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:56,462
(chuckles) I feel you.
673
00:28:56,463 --> 00:28:58,419
I could really go for
some Burger King right now.
674
00:28:58,420 --> 00:29:00,086
- Yeah.
- But don't tell anyone, all right?
675
00:29:00,087 --> 00:29:02,213
- That's gonna be our little secret.
- Okay.
676
00:29:03,622 --> 00:29:06,117
- (Greg) Okay, you ready?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm so excited.
677
00:29:07,401 --> 00:29:09,114
Mmm, mmm, mmm...
678
00:29:09,115 --> 00:29:10,315
(drumming)
679
00:29:10,316 --> 00:29:12,482
Okay, I've got to say...
680
00:29:13,734 --> 00:29:15,467
...the Echo Park one is better.
681
00:29:15,468 --> 00:29:17,680
- The hipster one? Are you crazy?
- Yeah.
682
00:29:17,681 --> 00:29:19,521
Abuela's one is so much better.
683
00:29:19,522 --> 00:29:20,996
The hipster one tastes like...
684
00:29:21,517 --> 00:29:23,728
- soy candles and indie bands.
- No.
685
00:29:23,729 --> 00:29:26,841
Scoff if you want, but the
hipster one is more authentic.
686
00:29:26,842 --> 00:29:29,875
What?! How could guys with man buns
687
00:29:29,876 --> 00:29:31,922
- know what is authentic?
- Okay,
688
00:29:31,923 --> 00:29:34,445
so Abuela's clearly had sour cream in it,
689
00:29:34,446 --> 00:29:37,990
and anybody will tell you
that's not authentic Mexican guacamole.
690
00:29:37,991 --> 00:29:40,253
This is hilarious.
You're suddenly an expert
691
00:29:40,254 --> 00:29:41,500
on authentic cuisine?
692
00:29:41,502 --> 00:29:43,402
Is this like your authentic veganism?
693
00:29:44,363 --> 00:29:46,459
- What's that supposed to mean?
- It's very funny. It's cute,
694
00:29:46,460 --> 00:29:47,856
- the vegan thing.
- It's cute?
695
00:29:47,857 --> 00:29:49,839
- Thank you.
- It's cute. It's like how...
696
00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:51,442
you became Buddhist...
697
00:29:51,443 --> 00:29:52,755
like, yesterday.
698
00:29:53,165 --> 00:29:55,559
Okay, you're... being really mean.
699
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:57,508
- You're making fun of me. I don't like it.
- Hey, what's wrong?
700
00:29:57,627 --> 00:29:59,528
No, nothing is wrong.
I just liked it better
701
00:29:59,529 --> 00:30:01,252
when you were being a nice person.
702
00:30:01,253 --> 00:30:03,961
I'm just teasing you. You
can be a bit of a hypocrite.
703
00:30:04,081 --> 00:30:05,343
I mean, it's... you have to admit,
704
00:30:05,344 --> 00:30:08,963
you're not exactly, in general,
like, steeped in honesty.
705
00:30:09,296 --> 00:30:11,519
You moved to California to be by the beach?
706
00:30:12,367 --> 00:30:14,348
Obviously, something happened in New York,
707
00:30:14,349 --> 00:30:16,138
you had a bit of a nervous breakdown...
708
00:30:16,139 --> 00:30:17,672
Okay. Okay.
709
00:30:17,964 --> 00:30:20,298
Okay, as long as we're being super honest,
710
00:30:20,411 --> 00:30:21,974
let's talk about when you asked me out
711
00:30:21,986 --> 00:30:25,029
and your whole "Settle for me" vibe.
712
00:30:25,051 --> 00:30:26,988
Like, it's weird and sad.
713
00:30:27,264 --> 00:30:29,572
Okay, well, that's not
quite how I remembered it.
714
00:30:29,730 --> 00:30:33,475
But the truth is, I-I don't
want you to settle for me. I...
715
00:30:34,450 --> 00:30:35,806
(sighs)
716
00:30:35,807 --> 00:30:37,222
We get each other.
717
00:30:37,655 --> 00:30:39,226
And we get along.
718
00:30:40,523 --> 00:30:42,955
Look, I'm sorry I teased
you... I-I will stop.
719
00:30:42,956 --> 00:30:45,821
Let's just go back to
having a good time, okay?
720
00:30:47,163 --> 00:30:49,139
Yeah, okay. Okay.
721
00:30:49,603 --> 00:30:50,879
I...
722
00:30:51,380 --> 00:30:53,734
totally overreacted, too, so...
723
00:30:54,032 --> 00:30:56,309
- Okay, then.
- (sighs) Okay.
724
00:30:57,648 --> 00:31:01,697
(exhales) Oh, wow, we just, like,
really worked through something there...
725
00:31:02,438 --> 00:31:04,012
like adults.
726
00:31:04,824 --> 00:31:06,757
Like we're normal.
727
00:31:07,166 --> 00:31:08,645
Some may say healthy.
728
00:31:08,741 --> 00:31:11,216
Actually, I have to use
the bathroom really quickly,
729
00:31:11,217 --> 00:31:13,044
so I'm gonna go to one of those...
730
00:31:13,045 --> 00:31:15,012
(whispers) sexy Porta Potties.
731
00:31:17,707 --> 00:31:19,441
(Woman in distance) Oh, come on!
732
00:31:24,548 --> 00:31:26,845
Settle for him
733
00:31:27,685 --> 00:31:29,418
Why not just
734
00:31:29,420 --> 00:31:31,662
Settle for him
735
00:31:32,158 --> 00:31:34,729
He's a nice, smart guy
736
00:31:34,893 --> 00:31:36,692
And he and I
737
00:31:36,694 --> 00:31:39,082
Do get along...
738
00:31:39,083 --> 00:31:40,734
- Well, kind of.
- (knocking)
739
00:31:40,735 --> 00:31:42,439
- (Man) Hey!
- Just a minute.
740
00:31:43,344 --> 00:31:45,267
As soon as I'm done peeing
741
00:31:45,269 --> 00:31:47,281
It's time to start being
742
00:31:47,282 --> 00:31:49,214
A bit more realistic
743
00:31:49,215 --> 00:31:50,702
Than I've been...
744
00:31:50,703 --> 00:31:52,374
You can't monopolize the bathroom
745
00:31:52,376 --> 00:31:53,927
at a taco festival!
746
00:31:54,008 --> 00:31:56,874
Maybe it's time to grow up
747
00:31:56,875 --> 00:31:58,141
And
748
00:31:58,267 --> 00:32:00,366
Just settle for...
749
00:32:00,367 --> 00:32:03,069
- (pounding) Come on!
- All right, already!
750
00:32:18,900 --> 00:32:21,802
(sighs)
751
00:32:24,505 --> 00:32:26,739
(sighs)
752
00:32:32,049 --> 00:32:33,669
(sighs)
753
00:32:37,663 --> 00:32:38,863
(gasps)
754
00:32:40,891 --> 00:32:42,091
Hey.
755
00:32:44,024 --> 00:32:45,690
Mmm.
756
00:32:46,061 --> 00:32:47,261
(chuckles)
757
00:32:47,262 --> 00:32:48,726
Okay, you caught me.
758
00:32:49,529 --> 00:32:52,072
Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me.
759
00:32:54,931 --> 00:32:56,133
(phone chimes)
760
00:32:57,633 --> 00:33:00,049
_
761
00:33:00,050 --> 00:33:01,321
Are you kidding me?
762
00:33:08,758 --> 00:33:10,784
So, what should I do
763
00:33:10,785 --> 00:33:13,122
with the two condoms that you made me wear?
764
00:33:13,888 --> 00:33:15,677
Uh, trash can's in the bathroom.
765
00:33:15,924 --> 00:33:17,124
Cool.
766
00:33:18,727 --> 00:33:21,676
Hey, by the way, you finished, right?
767
00:33:22,714 --> 00:33:24,135
Yeah, I finished a bunch.
768
00:33:24,465 --> 00:33:25,883
You're welcome.
769
00:33:28,501 --> 00:33:29,737
(groans)
770
00:33:31,332 --> 00:33:32,855
So, I'll call you?
771
00:33:33,404 --> 00:33:34,998
That's... that's okay.
772
00:33:34,999 --> 00:33:37,630
- Text?
- Uh...
773
00:33:37,631 --> 00:33:39,307
Find you on Facebook?
774
00:33:40,336 --> 00:33:41,776
Take a hint, dude.
775
00:33:41,778 --> 00:33:43,199
LinkedIn it is.
776
00:33:43,646 --> 00:33:44,946
(sighs)
777
00:33:44,948 --> 00:33:46,314
(door opens)
778
00:33:46,316 --> 00:33:48,783
(groans, door closes)
779
00:33:50,503 --> 00:33:51,706
(knocking)
780
00:33:51,707 --> 00:33:54,174
Ah, dude, nobody is on LinkedIn.
781
00:33:54,175 --> 00:33:57,409
- Okay...?
- What the hell is going on?
782
00:33:58,268 --> 00:34:00,618
Oh... Oh...
783
00:34:03,109 --> 00:34:04,507
(whimpering)
784
00:34:05,384 --> 00:34:07,465
A dude just left your apartment!
785
00:34:08,208 --> 00:34:10,024
You took some guy home
786
00:34:10,025 --> 00:34:11,357
from our date and
787
00:34:11,358 --> 00:34:13,691
slept with him? What is wrong with you?
788
00:34:13,693 --> 00:34:16,604
Sorry. I-I-I... I-I don't
know... I don't know.
789
00:34:16,605 --> 00:34:18,129
- I-I...
- I don't understand.
790
00:34:18,131 --> 00:34:19,531
No, see, that's-that's it.
791
00:34:19,533 --> 00:34:22,166
You don't understand. Like, I'm not...
792
00:34:22,685 --> 00:34:23,890
I'm not an adult.
793
00:34:23,891 --> 00:34:25,720
Like what we were doing
back at the taco festival.
794
00:34:25,721 --> 00:34:27,461
Like, being, like, all adulty.
795
00:34:27,912 --> 00:34:30,244
That's just not me, okay? Like,
796
00:34:30,245 --> 00:34:33,934
I take advice from butter commercials.
797
00:34:34,887 --> 00:34:36,466
- This makes no sense.
- I know,
798
00:34:36,467 --> 00:34:38,804
because I make no sense. I make no sense.
799
00:34:38,805 --> 00:34:40,626
And you shouldn't waste time on me.
800
00:34:40,627 --> 00:34:41,827
Can't you see that?
801
00:34:44,310 --> 00:34:46,202
No, all I can see...
802
00:34:46,903 --> 00:34:48,706
is what this night could have been.
803
00:34:50,627 --> 00:34:52,069
(sighs)
804
00:34:55,267 --> 00:34:57,204
(door closes)
805
00:35:09,512 --> 00:35:11,546
(footsteps approaching)
806
00:35:12,254 --> 00:35:13,982
What's up, neighbor?
807
00:35:14,135 --> 00:35:15,369
Come in.
808
00:35:15,370 --> 00:35:17,551
How's it going? You feeling better?
809
00:35:18,657 --> 00:35:20,321
You're out of material for your paper?
810
00:35:21,427 --> 00:35:22,923
- I'm sorry.
- No.
811
00:35:22,925 --> 00:35:24,421
It's cool. I know you're
writing a paper on me.
812
00:35:24,422 --> 00:35:25,676
You told me that, remember?
813
00:35:26,363 --> 00:35:28,596
I feel kind of bad now.
814
00:35:28,598 --> 00:35:30,230
Do you ever have one of those days
815
00:35:30,232 --> 00:35:34,200
where you've done something
so horrible, it feels like
816
00:35:34,201 --> 00:35:36,738
you did it in a dream, and you...
817
00:35:36,739 --> 00:35:38,689
you just want to wake up, and...
818
00:35:39,343 --> 00:35:41,641
you want it to be all okay,
but there's no waking up
819
00:35:41,643 --> 00:35:44,344
because you did it for realsies?
820
00:35:45,805 --> 00:35:48,544
If you want to grab your
laptop and take all this down,
821
00:35:48,649 --> 00:35:50,282
it's pretty fresh right now.
822
00:35:52,084 --> 00:35:55,267
You know what? Just... you.
823
00:35:56,756 --> 00:35:59,477
You get some rest... kiddo.
824
00:36:03,557 --> 00:36:05,463
I'm older than you.
825
00:36:09,885 --> 00:36:12,416
_
826
00:36:18,234 --> 00:36:19,456
(phone chimes)
827
00:36:21,775 --> 00:36:24,593
_
828
00:36:28,655 --> 00:36:29,868
What's it say?
829
00:36:29,869 --> 00:36:32,603
I can't tell you. The
doctor gives you the results.
830
00:36:32,604 --> 00:36:35,560
Please, you know what it says.
831
00:36:35,561 --> 00:36:37,593
I-I can't wait any longer.
832
00:36:37,595 --> 00:36:39,861
All right, just-just tell me what it says.
833
00:36:40,587 --> 00:36:41,787
Well...
834
00:36:43,343 --> 00:36:45,114
I guess I can tell you...
835
00:36:45,146 --> 00:36:46,351
Thanks.
836
00:36:46,352 --> 00:36:48,714
- It's...
- (Phone ringing)
837
00:36:49,537 --> 00:36:50,806
Yello.
838
00:36:51,071 --> 00:36:52,938
Hi. I just saw Instagram.
839
00:36:52,940 --> 00:36:55,573
You're at the radiology lab? What happened?
840
00:36:55,575 --> 00:36:59,058
Well, I got an interview at the Aloha
Tech Center, like you said I would,
841
00:36:59,059 --> 00:37:00,976
but there was a problem
with my application.
842
00:37:01,249 --> 00:37:03,734
What?! Cal State Northridge isn't bad.
843
00:37:03,735 --> 00:37:05,668
Yeah, no, it's not that.
844
00:37:05,669 --> 00:37:07,402
They-they just thought
845
00:37:07,403 --> 00:37:10,462
my additional information
was... a little...
846
00:37:11,213 --> 00:37:12,477
A little what?
847
00:37:12,884 --> 00:37:15,830
They just thought it was a bit pretentious.
848
00:37:16,255 --> 00:37:17,558
Pretentious?
849
00:37:17,559 --> 00:37:19,829
Yeah. They asked me if I went to Harvard,
850
00:37:19,831 --> 00:37:21,726
and, like, not in a good way.
851
00:37:21,727 --> 00:37:23,693
What other way is there?!
852
00:37:30,074 --> 00:37:31,691
(Rebecca) That Harper Lee analogy
853
00:37:31,692 --> 00:37:34,627
was actually very well
thought-out and trenchant.
854
00:37:35,018 --> 00:37:36,967
And you have the nerve to sit here
855
00:37:36,968 --> 00:37:40,800
and not hire this man to
hand out leis and sell VCRs?!
856
00:37:40,801 --> 00:37:43,053
VCRs? Lady, there's no such thing.
857
00:37:43,153 --> 00:37:44,688
Could you step outside?
858
00:37:44,689 --> 00:37:46,240
- (quietly) I'm sorry.
- No, I will not step outside.
859
00:37:46,241 --> 00:37:48,491
Listen to me. I have to tell
you something very important.
860
00:37:48,758 --> 00:37:50,324
I have an IQ of 164.
861
00:37:50,325 --> 00:37:52,356
On the entire SAT, I
got two questions wrong,
862
00:37:52,357 --> 00:37:55,763
and in subsequent years, those questions
were stricken for being misleading, but
863
00:37:57,371 --> 00:38:00,458
I know... nothing about life.
864
00:38:00,989 --> 00:38:02,995
Yeah. No.
865
00:38:03,304 --> 00:38:04,893
Truly nothing.
866
00:38:05,540 --> 00:38:07,442
Like... (laughs)
867
00:38:07,443 --> 00:38:10,713
I make awful decisions.
868
00:38:10,908 --> 00:38:13,996
Like, really. No, like,
really awful decisions.
869
00:38:14,738 --> 00:38:16,352
I mean, I know what you're thinking.
870
00:38:16,353 --> 00:38:18,214
You're thinking, "Well,
are you Audra Levine?"
871
00:38:18,215 --> 00:38:19,868
And the answer is, Alex, no.
872
00:38:19,869 --> 00:38:21,531
I'm not Audra Levine, and I
873
00:38:21,532 --> 00:38:23,852
never will be Audra Levine, okay?
874
00:38:24,887 --> 00:38:26,093
But...
875
00:38:26,488 --> 00:38:28,250
I do know one thing.
876
00:38:28,590 --> 00:38:31,019
(inhales and exhales
loudly through her nose)
877
00:38:31,148 --> 00:38:33,841
And... is that
878
00:38:33,842 --> 00:38:36,083
Josh Chan loves you.
879
00:38:37,687 --> 00:38:42,291
And, God, that makes you
the luckiest person...
880
00:38:42,292 --> 00:38:45,526
store... in the world.
881
00:38:46,953 --> 00:38:50,926
And hiring him would be the
best decision you've ever made.
882
00:38:51,292 --> 00:38:53,525
(inhales and exhales loudly)
883
00:38:57,189 --> 00:38:59,164
- Oh, I can't believe it.
- Neither can I.
884
00:38:59,804 --> 00:39:01,810
I'm gonna be able to spend
my whole day eating pok?
885
00:39:01,811 --> 00:39:04,879
and talking about 4K TVs,
and it's all because of you.
886
00:39:05,149 --> 00:39:06,844
Thank you so much.
887
00:39:06,845 --> 00:39:08,773
You're, like, so cool.
888
00:39:09,379 --> 00:39:12,080
Oh, thank you, but really?
889
00:39:12,487 --> 00:39:15,587
I mean, did you see me back
there? I'm kind of a mess.
890
00:39:15,588 --> 00:39:17,022
Are you kidding me?
891
00:39:17,023 --> 00:39:20,020
You're, like, the smartest,
most badass girl I know.
892
00:39:20,021 --> 00:39:21,845
You crushed it in there!
893
00:39:21,846 --> 00:39:25,437
But I, like, ruined your application.
894
00:39:25,439 --> 00:39:27,276
Ah, it's... it was my fault.
895
00:39:27,277 --> 00:39:28,739
I handed it in without reading it.
896
00:39:28,741 --> 00:39:31,851
But then, last night, I sat
down and actually read it.
897
00:39:31,852 --> 00:39:34,006
And the parts I understood were great.
898
00:39:34,007 --> 00:39:36,639
(both laughing)
899
00:39:40,069 --> 00:39:42,489
I'm so glad you moved here, Becks.
900
00:39:51,347 --> 00:39:53,025
- (Paula) Okay.
- (Rebecca) Oh, my gosh.
901
00:39:53,026 --> 00:39:54,424
- Here we go.
- Okay.
902
00:39:56,188 --> 00:39:57,398
Mmm!
903
00:39:57,399 --> 00:40:00,001
(Both) Mmm! Mmm!
904
00:40:00,002 --> 00:40:01,897
(laughs) Oh!
905
00:40:02,514 --> 00:40:04,645
Oh, my God, it's so good.
906
00:40:04,646 --> 00:40:06,565
- I know.
- It's so wrong.
907
00:40:06,566 --> 00:40:08,874
- Mm-hmm.
- But it's so right.
908
00:40:08,875 --> 00:40:12,240
Yeah. Hey, what happened to
your, um, healthy choices?
909
00:40:12,241 --> 00:40:14,259
Led to the unhealthiest
decision I ever made.
910
00:40:14,260 --> 00:40:15,592
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah. Mm.
911
00:40:15,593 --> 00:40:17,633
- That was dumb.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
912
00:40:17,634 --> 00:40:19,033
- (laughing)
- (Phone plays tune)
913
00:40:19,034 --> 00:40:21,267
Mm. Oh, that's my mom.
914
00:40:21,268 --> 00:40:22,927
- Mm.
- Ignore.
915
00:40:22,928 --> 00:40:24,934
(gasps) Now, that was
916
00:40:24,935 --> 00:40:26,636
a healthy choice, Cookie.
917
00:40:26,637 --> 00:40:28,279
- Mm.
- Cheers.
918
00:40:29,315 --> 00:40:31,256
(Heather) So, in conclusion,
919
00:40:31,257 --> 00:40:34,225
my preliminary diagnosis of the subject
920
00:40:34,226 --> 00:40:37,581
is that she requires further study.
921
00:40:37,672 --> 00:40:39,087
Seems to me like she doesn't fit in
922
00:40:39,088 --> 00:40:41,143
to any of the categories
of your little book.
923
00:40:41,216 --> 00:40:42,504
(Man) Ms. Davis, she sounds like
924
00:40:42,505 --> 00:40:45,337
she's suffering from a number
of classifiable disorders.
925
00:40:45,338 --> 00:40:47,178
Well, I'm sure she is.
926
00:40:47,366 --> 00:40:50,420
But you know what? I
don't want to label her.
927
00:40:51,317 --> 00:40:53,284
I just want to be her friend.
928
00:40:56,241 --> 00:40:58,091
This class blows. I quit.
929
00:40:58,748 --> 00:41:00,625
I knew I should have taken coding.
930
00:41:01,871 --> 00:41:02,634
_
931
00:41:02,635 --> 00:41:04,843
"Do you feel disgusted and uneasy
932
00:41:04,844 --> 00:41:06,673
with your current butter?"
933
00:41:06,842 --> 00:41:10,404
"Make an effort, make a
decision, don't make mistakes"?
934
00:41:10,405 --> 00:41:13,539
Gary, you've been coming up with
some really intense copy lately.
935
00:41:13,540 --> 00:41:15,130
Don't get me wrong.
936
00:41:15,131 --> 00:41:17,712
The butter is flying
off the shelves, but...
937
00:41:18,755 --> 00:41:20,268
is everything okay?
938
00:41:23,061 --> 00:41:26,344
I left my wife for a prostitute. (crying)
939
00:41:29,197 --> 00:41:34,197
Sync & corrections by PetaG
- www.addic7ed.com -
940
00:41:34,247 --> 00:41:38,797
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