All language subtitles for Community s03e21 The First Chang Dynasty.eng

A new day has dawn
at Greendale Community College.

Some said we'd never
bounce back

after the unfortunate events
of the Star-Burns wake riot

instigated
by the Greendale Seven.

But today the guilty parties
have been expelled,

enrollment is up,

and tuition is more affordable
than ever.

And the architect
of this modern-day miracle?

Security chief
Benjamin Franklin Chang,

a man who has brought security,
harmony,

and success to what
is fast becoming

the area's
premier community college.

Greendale's never been better.
Thanks, Chang.

You see?
It's not the real Dean.

Of course.

The head of security
at Greendale Community College

has kidnapped the Dean

and replaced him
with a deanel-ganger.

Well, when you say it
that way, it sounds ridiculous.

Yeah, the word we used
was doppel-deaner.

Look, I hate cops.

You have to do something.

Isn't this a felony?

Chang is holding a man
against his will.

The real Dean
never would have expelled us.

He loved us.

Unfortunately,
love is not admissible evidence.

Oh...

♪ Love is not
admissible evidence ♪

I'm working on a cop opera.

Cop-ra!

Police-ical!

Fine.
We'll get some proof.

No, you won't.

If I catch any of you
within 50 feet

of Greendale,
I'll throw you all in jail.

Thanks for the hot water.

Wait, cop-ra!

♪ Give me some more
time in a dream ♪

♪ give me the hope
to run out of steam ♪

♪ somebody said
it can be here ♪

♪ we could be roped up
tied up, dead in a year ♪

♪ I can't count the reasons
I should stay ♪

♪ one by one,
they all just fade away ♪

Sync and corrections by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com

- I'm watching you.
- Move along.

How's the planning going

for my birthday
Chang-stravaganza?

The magician's booked,
and the invitations went out

to the school board
and the budweiser frogs.

Perfect.

Yeah, um, one little snag.

See, we're kind of running out
of money,

what with all the students
dropping out

and the cost of your throne.

It's a prescription throne.

I have back mumps.

Don't look it up.
It's rare.

But you might be right.

We should free up some revenue
for entertainment at the party.

Where's my deanel-Chang-er?

Fire the custodial staff.

Okay. Cool.

Do you think I could get out
a little early?

My wife's getting
her braces off, and I...

- No.
- Okay.

I love how binoculars
make far away things

seem like they're close.

- They're like...
- Telephones for your eyes.

Snagged one of those flyers.

[Gasps]
First Chang kidnaps the Dean,

and now he throws himself
a birthday party?

It's just like Stalin
back in Russia times.

Dance-off?
Sundae bar?

One of those Ed Hardy
street magicians?

What kind of monster would...
Photo booth with props!

Chang's got to be holding
the Dean on campus,

but there's no way we're
gonna get past those guards.

We need somebody on the inside.

I may know a guy.

And the air-conditioning
repair annex won't admit

to any knowledge
of what's going on.

But the fact is,
wherever there is air,

we have eyes.

Gross.

Suffice it to say,

if Chang were holding
your Dean captive,

it'd be pretty foolish
to hold him on campus.

It'd be even more foolish to
hold him in a central air room

in the cafeteria,
which we monitor.

Oh, no, Jeffrey.
Looks like PB and J again.

You win the bet.
[Laughs]

So he's
in the cafeteria building?

Suppose he is.
In the basement.

And suppose you wanted
to get to him.

Suppose you actually managed
to make it

past the guards at the front,

there's 50 more inside,
armed to the teeth

with stun batons
and misplaced sexual aggression.

Let's say you happen
to get past them

and then you get to meet
Chang's number one,

Joshua,

a 4'10", 105-pound bucket
of piss and zit cream.

I cannot express to you how much
I hate this kid.

Now, beyond that dog sneeze
in a pair of reeboks,

you're gonna find
a state-of-the-art

keypad on the basement door.

And just for extra fun,
they change the code every day,

and the only copy is locked up
in Chang's office.

Now, just for a lark,
let's pretend

you actually make it down
to the basement door.

Who is there to greet you?

Another guard and another lock

to which there is only one key.

And where is that key?

Well where is it?

Oh, sorry,
it's very clear in my head.

Key's around Chang's neck.

The point is, you're not getting
down there without our help.

So help us.

We have no horse in this race,

but... there is
one thing we want.

Not a lot of people
get a second chance.

Just you and probably Obama.

Give it some thought.

Great, so according
to Troy's intel,

Greendale is impregnable.

- So what do we do?
- Only one answer.

Elaborate heist?
Elaborate heist?

We'll need disguises.

I do a great swami.

Of course it works
best with a cobra,

but if you guys cut me
a length of garden hose...

Are we all forgetting
that if we get caught

on that campus, we go to jail?

Do you know how long someone
as sarcastic as I am

would last in prison?

Such a long time.

There's got to be
a practical way to do this.

There is another way in.

If I enroll in the AC school,
they'll help us.

We could walk in and out.

It'll mean I'll have
to move out of here

and into AC school housing,

and I won't be able to hang out
with you guys anymore,

or have a relationship,
or use the word

"sensational" for some reason.

Troy, we are not losing you
to save the Dean

or Greendale...
Or anything, ever.

Don't be so dramatic, Troy.
The answer is simple.

We just have to plan
an elaborate heist.

- Yes.
- Great, I'll get my turban.

Everyone except Pierce has
to plan an elaborate heist.

Happy birthday, Ben.
On behalf of the school board.

Shower organizer?
Are you guys psychic?

Well you deserve it.
You have worked wonders here.

Oh, you boners.

Now go party your butts off.

Your butt could use it, Richie.

[Obnoxious laughter]

[Snaps fingers]

Listen up, men.

Keep an extra deep lookout
for the Greendale Seven.

I won't have them ruining
my 25th birthday.

Yes, sir.

By the way,
your cake just arrived.

Shirley will enter first

through the loading dock
disguised as the chef.

From there, she'll head
into the kitchen.

You had time to build
a tiny working water fountain,

and I'm a pinecone?

♪ Chang eats the sun
and drinks the skies ♪

♪ and they both go
with him when he dies ♪

Once in,
she'll unload the goods.

This girl in Chicago
won't stop facebooking me.

Looks like j-swag's
going deep dish.

Then it's time for phase two...

Toilet trouble.

Oh, crap!
Someone call a plumber!

Sounds like
you schnooks got a flood

the size of my wife's
attitude problem.

Whoa, you guys aren't
the usual plumbers.

Oh, Mr. Brand Loyalty
over here.

Okay, okay,
why don't you two slap-arounds

give me your names
for the report

in case Chang wants to know
why his birthday party

turned into the frickin'
Poseidon adventure.

Okay, okay.
Follow me then.

Finally.
Oof baboof with you two.

Here's your problem.

You people gotta
start chewin' your food.

We may have to tap into
the hydraulic flap valve,

so don't be alarmed if things
get a little noisy.

Like my wife's mouth.

If we can break through this
wall and into Chang's office,

then we'll have access
to the basement door codes.

Meanwhile, I'll take care
of cancelling the magician.

Yeah, sorry, Mr. Nightshade,
gig's canceled.

How's it coming
with the guard?

Boys are pathetic.

Two days of facebooking
with this Joshua kid

and he's eating out
of my hands.

"Got a new flavor of lip balm.

Meet me at Chili's
in ten minutes."

Sheep.

Um, I just want to reiterate
that this should be

the only time you seduce
a child over the internet.

I know.

Chili's? Sick!

Hey, bro, you watch my post?

Yeah, whatever. 'Sup.

I'm in.

Cue the abra cadabra.

Is that me
in my swami disguise?

No, Pierce, for the last time,
you're in the getaway van

because your swami act
is notoriously horrible.

"A," that is racist.

"B," swamis can't drive...
they're Indians.

Pierce, just do your part.

Leave the entertainment
to Britta and me.

[Awed gasp]

Ricky Nightshade,
the rock and roll magician.

I'm starting.
I need a volunteer.

I'll kill anyone who raises
their hand.

[Giggles]

Pick a card and look at it.

Strap him!

[Dull thuds]

I'm in.

[Squealing]

Okay,
it was just my head before,

but now I'm really in.

Bingo.

4-1-2-6.

[Lock clicks]

I'm in.
Where's the key?

- I'm in.
- I know.

Well, everybody
else got to say it.

[Squeals and pants]

Is this your card?

Huh?

I don't remember.

[Applause] [Laughs]

Nightshade, nightshade!

Greetings, greetings,
baba ghanoush.

Take me to the birthday boy.

Wait a minute.

Pierce?

[Laughs]
No, not knowing this Pierce.

I... I am a mystical swami.

I come to boogie down,
I'm boogying down.

Hey!

[Crowd gasps]

Jeff, we've been made.

Cover me!

Winger!

No!

Everything all right, Ben?

Peachy keen, Avril Lavigne.

Nathan, tell me
you got eyes on the Dean.

Negative, the pixie has left
the toadstool.

No! Where's my monitor?

Gotcha.

Code Chang.

All units converge
on the south library hallway.

The best part of the plan
is that at a certain point,

it's going to look like
the plan is failing.

But that's when
it's going to turn out that

the failing plan
was all part of the plan.

♪ Chang eats the sun
and drinks the sky ♪

Hey, Johnny Passerby,
this job's getting bigger

than my wife's credit card bill
at Marshalls.

I mean, they got great stuff,
I know that.

Anyway, I'm going to need
your Dean for approval.

Craig.
Is that "a-i" or "i-a"?

I always forget.

[Shouts]

Oof baboof, I spilled
plumber's acid all over yous.

What do I do?
What do I do?

Take off your clothes.

Nathan, tell me you got eyes
on the Dean.

Negative, the pixie has left
the toadstool.

Repeat, the pixie has left
the toadstool.

Jeffrey!

Oh... Hey, Britta.

How the Chang?

I'm contaminated
with plumber's acid,

but it's okay, they're coming
back with a lotion.

[Applauds]

[Rhythmically]
Sar-cas-tic claps.

Pretty clever.

A plan that looked
like it failed,

and then turned out to work.

Too bad your real plan
really failed.

[Chuckles]

What's so funny?

You idiot.

The plan was for the plan
to seem like it was failing.

You think you caught us,

but we've already made it out
with the real Dean.

Ocean's eleven, baby.

Pierce, I'm the real Dean.

Getting caught the first time
was part of the plan.

This time is because we suck.

Shirley, where the hell
did you come from?

- You can't hold us here forever.
- I don't need to, Winger.

I just wouldn't want you
to leave before

the big fireworks show.

Fireworks show?

It's a surprise
for the end of the night

planned by the "Dean."

Only, silly Dean,

he stored all the fireworks
in the records room. Aw.

And when the works
"accidentally" go off

when I hit the final note
on my awesome keytar solo,

they'll burn up
the school's records

and all evidence of my misdeeds.

Chang, you're insane.
You're still into keytar?

We're going to tell the board
what you did!

[Mockingly] We're going
to tell the board what you...

You think they'll believe

the Greendale Seven
and the worst Dean ever

over the guy who just nailed
an awesome solo?

You're going to burn down
the school and kill everyone!

Fire can't go through doors,
stupid.

It's not a ghost.

I know this is a bit
of a long shot,

but I don't suppose any of you
paid my rent?

Thank you, everyone,
for joining in my celebration.

As many of you know,
I ate my twin sister in utero.

So on my birthday,
I try to remember

I'm a winner.

This one's for you, Connie.

[Wicked laughter]

And a-one, a-two,
a Chang, Chang, Chang-four.

[Rapid keytar notes]

We're all going to die.

We have to get out of here.

How?

[Solemn music]

♪ ♪

[Thud]

It's a miracle.

- What?
- [Gasps]

- Yes!
- Let's get out of here!

Come on, come on, come on.

No, Troy, you didn't...

There's no time.
We gotta go.

[Rapid keytar notes]

♪ ♪

Six guards, two on scooters.

Chang started his solo.

Knowing him,
that gives us only nine minutes

to get to the records room.

We'll need a distraction.

You heard the lady.
Take your tops off.

I might have something.

To supplement
Greendale's budget,

I've been renting the school out
for raves on the weekend.

They call it "academania."

It's mostly hard house,
some... some dubstep,

- but totally...
- Perfect.

Troy and Abed,
you make a run for it.

Dean,
I think it's time to party.

[Gasps]
Hmm.

Hey, what the freak?
[Electronic dance music]

What's going on?

- [Screams]
- No! No! No!

- You weigh nothing!
- I can't see them.

They're too many of them.
[Grunting to the melody]

- Oof.
- Baboof.

[Ominous music]

Which wire do I cut?

There's only one.

God, I hope I'm right.

[Playing keytar]

♪ ♪

[Crowd murmuring]

Study group!

You did it!
So we're done, right?

We're done?
Done? Done? Done?

Not done.

You foiled me for the last time.
[Snaps fingers]

[Evil laughter]

So, it ends as it began.

It didn't begin this way.

What the hell's going on
in here?

Hey, fellas.

I just caught
the Greendale Seven

trying to burn down
the school.

I'm a hero.
How about that cake?

He's lying.
He kidnapped the Dean.

Yeah, we gathered that much
when we found these two

slap-fighting in the hallway.

You stole my life!

It is hard out there
for a fake Moby!

Carl, Richie,
let me ex-Chang.

I'm not getting paid,
am I?

Hey!

So a madman
in a Napoleon costume

ran the school into the ground
and almost blew it up?

Yeah.
And on our watch.

What happened to us?

Well, I have
a drinking problem.

We're going to get fired.

Only a matter of time

until everyone finds out
what happened here.

Nobody can sit on something
this big.

I'll sit on it.

When I became Dean,
I made a pledge

to swallow
this school's failures

and spit out degrees
because that's what deans do.

You'd do that for us?

No.

I do it for Greendale.

Aw.

It's great to have you back,
Craig.

It's almost as if you were
never unknowingly gone.

- Yard margs at Skeeper's.
- [Laughs]

Perfect.
I left my credit card there.

Thanks, Craig.

You guys saved me.

I don't know
how I will ever repay you.

You already have.

[Groans]

[Somber music]

Troy,
you don't have to do this.

The AC school has no claim
on your soul.

No, but I do.

A man's only as good
as his word,

or his nod through a camera
to a guy with a button.

[Knocking on door]

It's time.
Say your goodbyes.

Shirley, never change.

Or do, if you want,
I'm not your boss.

Oh, honey.
[Whimpers]

[Sighs]

Never wear a rubber.

Never listen to Pierce.

Whenever you finally finish
that Jigsaw puzzle...

Will you tell me what kind of
boat is at the end of that dock?

This is a lock of my hair.

Creepy.

[Whispering]

All right, let's go.

♪ ♪

[Door closes]

Abed?

What did he say to you?

He said, "I know you hate
when people do this in movies."

Sorry I got emotional.

Troy Barnes.

Welcome home.

I'm really digging
this hard house!

It's quite a groove.

This is my school!

It's called Greendale,

and I'm the Dean
of the entire school.

I mean, I wasn't for a while,
but it's a long story.

You guys, everybody,

you should come by during
the day sometime.

It's totally different.

Really, stop by.
It'll blow your minds.

You can meet my best friend,
Jeffrey.

Sure, I'll take a back rub.
Who's asking?

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0